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Brilliant as usuall

Thank you. My husband left 10 months ago. Saying he doesn’t love me. He says him and the worker are just friends but I think they are together/in limerance.

It’s tough because even after the acceptance or grief stage, you come to realize the thought of the person will always give you that gut punch. I romanticized everything for a long time and lied to myself because I couldn’t honestly accept that I was being delusional. Like rationally sure I’m not an idiot but the hope ? And “signs” damn. I like couldn’t accept it. I would totally think of them to self soothe in the hard moments too. Ridiculous. The band aid is off, I’m very self aware now. But I’m realizing I’m gonna have a hard time not thinking of them at all, even if it’s less over the years. Another issue is when I confessed my feelings to the person they didn’t reciprocate, it was more of a hookup to them. And I kinda lashed out and went crazy. So I also live with the guilt of how I acted and how I treated them. The Lord gave me the opportunity to see them and have closure in person (I was blocked) and it went well… it was fine but it just cemented how truly mentally ill I was for like, years. It sounds so dumb but I’m still adjusting to my life knowing this fantasy won’t happen. And the combination of not being with them and also living with the guilt of how I acted makes me want to die pretty much. It’s very apparent if I don’t move on and truly let go and forgive myself for how I acted (it was bad I was on drugs and very very manic when rejected) I am totally gonna end up in a psych ward. No hate I been there before lol. But on the bad days it’s all I think about, him and how it ended. It’s embarrassing to be suicidal over a guy who doesn’t care about me at all. But it’s very much all encompassing. The past month has been really tough and if I didn’t have a relationship with God and love my mom I probably would have tried something. I’m getting off the ledge now but I honestly don’t go any full day without thinking about ending it and I hope it’s not like this forever. Another shitty part is limerence takes up a lot of brain power and is an escape… and now I’m judging myself and my place in life even harder because I assumed everything would be okay when we’d be together. That isn’t happening, my happy ending isn’t there and I’m still at a minimum wage job with no degree. Lol. It’s been tough. I want to follow some dreams and enjoy life with my family. Sometimes it honestly feels like I can never run away from the thoughts of him though and it’s clear it’s an obsession. Them being there in unison with me knowing I’m insane makes me want to off myself. But then that would be so depressing ! Fuck! haha.. ha. … :(

IAmIn Limerance, aged 80 when it happened. Two years later still struggling

The Power of Good-Bye by Madonna is a good song accompaniment to any limerent video. Pls play after 😊

My husband divorced me after 22 years for my sister in law who he says is his soul mate, the person he was meant to be with. She is a narcissist so she is totally encouraging him telling him she loves him. He is flying her all over the world, taking her on all the trips we have been on over our marriage. He was diagnosed with limerance but says he doesn’t agree with the doctor.

English Translation of "Un bel di, vedremo" (most famous aria from Madam Butterfly) One good day, we will see Arising a strand of smoke Over the far horizon on the sea And then the ship appears And then the ship is white It enters into the port, it rumbles its salute Do you see it? He is coming! I don't go down to meet him, not I. I stay upon the edge of the hill And I wait a long time but I do not grow weary of the long wait A man, a little speck Climbing the hill. Who is it? Who is it? And as he arrives What will he say? What will he say? He will call Butterfly from the distance I without answering Stay hidden A little to tease him, A little as to not die. At the first meeting, And then a little troubled He will call, he will call "Little one, dear wife Blossom of orange" The names he called me at his last coming. All this will happen, I promise you this Hold back your fears - I with secure faith wait for him. 😢

Does anyone know the story of Madame Butterfly? Was she a limerent like us?

I guess I just to have to let my h divorce me... there is nothing I can do 🤷🏼‍♀️

Another great video.

Can someone elaborate point 6 to me🙏? Limerence would fade if you were in a secure relationship. I am in the understanding that limerence does not set secure relationships? It would fade after aprox 3 y then..

First of all: well done to the writer for the letter and being brave enough to have it shared publicly. Second: I imagine it can be really tough to just find another job depending on the job but he seems to understand in his case it MUST be done. I had to do the same with a new hobby I really love and I had to take a downgrade in terms of location and available hours but staying in contact with LO just wasn't an option. Third: I hope Fenna and/or the couple's counselor is helping the wife understand what limerence is and that it has nothing to do with her. It has to be devastating for her too. Good luck my guy and all the other limerents out there. P.S: Fenna, have you thought about a forum or Discord channel where we can all constantly chat and help each other?

Thank you Fenna. I am going to avoid LO at work by avoiding them as much as possible. 😢

I feel for that guy, I can't imagine the mess I'd be if I saw my LO all day.

I think that's pretty insightful of the writer to see the parallels between the LO and their mother. A lot of people wouldn't be able to see that. It's crazy how much is linked to childhood, trying to reenact, rewrite the story...

Love the flaxen hair and the blue eyeshadow. No swearing. Nice. Love this video. Garden after the wall. Got it.

Great letter proving once again no one is safe from limeremce. The ol coworker get ya real bad.

Do you believe Fenna that we have some sort of brain defect those of us that have experienced limerence? I am like is this something from childhood that we just want to be super loved? Did you ever both hope to never see LO again and wish to see and speak? It’s like purgatory. Thank you again!

Until your videos, I never knew there was a term for it. I cannot thank you enough Fenna. It’s been 5 years dealing for me with Limerence. It’s getting better as I have not had contact in 6 months. Like you, I wish this never happened but the scary part is that it is always lurking and I am afraid that when the LO reaches out it will all come back. Does it ever truly go away? Thank you again.

Thank you Fenna. I needed this one today I was honest today

Limerence is a made-up term: by some psychologist woman way back in the '60s. Psychologists have been spouting that as the gospel ever since. It's just a made-up word. Rather than focus on why your spouse left you for someone that they feel a powerful attraction for, The focus should be on what you're doing that allowed that powerful attraction to fall out of your relationship. We only focus on affairs and cheating. And people play the victim. But marriage is two people working on all the aspects that keep their marriage alive. An affair is an outward symptom of an unmet need. These psychologist need to stop with this limerence term. Nobody is guaranteed everlasting love a wedding ring doesn't guarantee that. People love until they don't A wedding ring doesn't prevent somebody against falling in love with somebody else feeling passion from somebody else. Maybe before marriage the two people need to sit down and talk about their prospective marriage in open and straightforward terms. Do what would happen if scenarios and how you can have solutions to those problems that will inevitably come up in a marriage. And this psychologist need to stop cry talking. Ugh.

limerence is a made up word by a psychologist from the 60s. What she is describing is no different than married couples being in love at first and then as the marriage progresses they do things to each other to fall out of love. And before you know it, one of them cheats because they've lost whatever it was they had at the beginning that limerence. Nothing new to see here folks. Stop feeling guilty if you fall for somebody.

Thx for realism. I think the lake image might be the most potent I have ever heard. Deal breaker to pondering -

Wait - what did you say - it detects danger. Ok. I felt that finally. I get there and know I don’t fit - so I come home. It’s dumb

It’s me. I know better. I will adjust as you say. It’s not worth it and you’re right

You’re good

So what happens if you just jump in with both feet into a relationship with your LO? wouldn't you at least get about three years of awesomeness? I mean, three years is a lot.

The best sensible advice I've heard so far. Make a plan and write down in detail what kind of person and relationship you want and stick strictly to it. When you have an episode of limerence and you are tempted to go with the flow and deviate from the plan, this can be a sign. If you deviate from the plan and values you have established for yourself and a healthy future relationship, it's limerence.

You have described perfectly what happened to me! Mine was so dramatic. I haven't known what caused it until now. Thank you SO much! I am never going there again!!!❤🎉😅

Those are very informative and critical information regarding this topic! 👍👍👍

You are so right!!!

Yes, falling in love with a severely avoidant man was 5 years of hell. It is crazy making and traumatized me very much. 6 months no contact now and I can have absolutely no contact with him. It is so triggering it throws me into mental distress. He breadcrumbs me. I block everything. When something does gets through I delete it and don’t answer. I ask myself Why I can’t send a note to leave me alone. in writing this, I realize I that I have asked him before to leave me alone, but he always gets back to me. I have been in no contact before for six months and he got back to me, so no wonder I’m really adamant this time. I never want this misery again. This is seriously dangerous to my life. I packed up all his gifts and taking them to the thrift store. I don’t even want to give them to friends. I never want to see them again. I have trouble even date new people now. You are so right about this.

Limerence cost me thousands l was scammed and ruined my marriage

I agree that during limerence we lose our logic etc but important thing right here is to learn from this experience, learn to control your emotions and never do it again. When I was limerent I was totally out of control with my emotions 😢 but it pushed me to look inside myself and do something about it. My limerent episode taught me a lot about myself so when I look back I don't just feel bad about the whole situation, I came out stronger 💪

That's what my friend said to me 😭 IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT FOR WANTING TO FALL IN LOVE 😭😭😭

Lie me re... is two sides with good on top two see as if love was a way to be. Those return again AN C a new E

I’ve been really struggling. We’ve been married for 3 years and together for 7. I know there’s a lot of things I could’ve done to keep this from happening. I know where I was responsible in all of this and I am focused on my own growth. With that being genuinely stated, I thought my wife was just checked out. She withdrew very quickly a few years ago and I made changes to be more present. Ie I changed my career. Since then, she’s been trying to fight her way out of the marriage, and I never really could grasp exactly what the problem was. I see more clearly now how I am responsible for this, but it also came to light after the lo came to light, that she had met him over a year ago. I’ll be very honest, it’s a pain beyond comprehension and at first, I was a total mess. But the more time that passes, the more research I do, the more growth and self reflection I do, the more I look in the mirror, the more I’m realizing this isn’t all my fault. I’m realizing that I was painted very poorly and the lo is only antagonizing that. I cry for her now, not for me. Because I see what’s going to happen and I don’t know if I’m still going to be standing for the marriage. I love her to pieces but it’s literally a punch in the gut every time I see her. On her phone. Sneaking away. Spending nights out. It’s more than anyone should have to handle. But I guess that’s where I take the power back and I grow where I need to. I see now how much damage this does. I had to sit and listen to my daughter crying this morning when she realized her mom is lying to her. It’s a rough mess and boundaries are being set

Thank you for the info. Much appreciated.

Theres no way id tell anyone

I'm ADHD my doctor is useless my 5 phyciarists were useless so when it comes to limerence I wouldn't even bother with the poorly trained health so called proffesionals thankfully I found you

Today I said no to my LO. LO requested more financial support. What LO asked for was a ridiculous amount. For something that should cost much less. As LO is showing true colors. Thank you Fenna for your guidance. As now i realize this is a fantasy.

This is why I avoid dating, ugh 😕 I kind of don't trust myself to take things slow. I had a relationship where both of us went 0-100 and that was a mess. Healing attachment wounds is hard work! Why do I feel like this will take me a lifetime to master 🙃

Limerence is love as it was commonly experienced in the modern generations following those of arranged marriages. Dorothy Tennov, who coined the term, is worth reading. Those of us who experience it cannot fathom the way others are so casual & rational about love & vice versa. Nowadays folks go out shopping for "love" with a list as advised by dating coaches. We limerents, on the other hand, are captivated suddenly, beautifully, & unwittingly. Sometimes it's a go & folks couple up. Sometimes not. So how is that pathological? It's a matter of chance. It's inexplicable. Why would such a thing happen? There is no answer. Limerence is not a disease. It's love old fashioned. It's what was called "love sick" in olden days. if what you feel was reciprocated, the world would consider you blessed. As it is, you're cursed. So be it. Dont let amyone convince you you're crazy. it's craZy times we're living in when folks care no more for each other than they care for their cars, & they call it love. Burrrr Sounds like the old world arranged marriages that were based in practicality rather than feeling. i wouldn't trade. Would you? Is love pathological bc it isnt reciprocated? Bc it's based in feeling? bc it persists against our will? No! We are blessed with a rare capacity. I wish you the objects of your desire. If they only knew what they are missing! Let's hope our next love will work out.

😂😂😂