How To Deal With the Withdrawal in Limerence
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 มิ.ย. 2024
- I offer personal counseling with a scheduled appointment , please check:
followingfenna.com
Together we will make a plan how to beat limerence.
Hello there!
My name is Fenna van den Berg, I am a certified coach and counselor. I have worked in the mental health field for over 25 years.
Having been through episodes of Limerence, I have "earned my stripes" to help others with their recovery. I understand the obsession and suffering of Limerence. My passion is being able to share with you, and all limerents, a guided-way forward on your journey of healing. We do this through discovering and practicing self-love and compassion. As someone who has suffered through limerence, I have developed effective coaching for people with limerence. My Coaching has helped countless have a more purposeful life, and I want to help you. We will work together, so that you may have a life more in line with your values and integrity.
Together, we are blossoming a community of friendly people with the same debilitating feelings and experiences of Limerence. Here, we share with, support, and nurture each other in giving love to ourselves, perhaps for the first time.
When you’re ready to end your pain and suffering from seeking the "Other," I’m here to guide you in recognizing your true lovable self, with compassionate teaching, counseling and also private coaching.
For my help, please contact me: fenna@followingfenna.com or on followingfenna.com
Oh man, listening to this just makes me see so much of what my ex-wife did. Choosing the short-term (her alcoholic LO who threatened our son) over a long-term relationship with our son. So much like a drug addiction. Nothing mattered to her, but getting her high off of him. LO was the same with her, but he also was dealing with his alcoholism. He even told her he'd always choose alcohol over her, but she thought she was going to fix him because their love 'is fire that can't burn out....' lol, these were adults using language like that.
She is off of him now, but every so often she thinks she can have contact with him, and then it throws her into a deep depression, even just a little contact. I have tried to get her to watch some of your videos, and she has, but she is convinced that it's not really describing her. I hope she can figure it out. The saddest thing in my life is that our oldest son hasn't had contact with her for 2 years.
You know, I hear stories like this exactly the same a lot! Normally loving mom's who get estranged with their kids because they ' choose an alcoholic LO . And you can't really push the idea of limerence on them, they have to mentalise ( meaning start to realise they are limerent ) it's good you mentioned it though.
This video is really packed with information, you could write a book!
Thank you Tre
You have described perfectly what happened to me! Mine was so dramatic. I haven't known what caused it until now. Thank you SO much! I am never going there again!!!❤🎉😅
I recently had a video counseling session with Fenna. I was really skeptical going in but am glad I did. It really helps to talk about these things with someone who understands what you are going through. Thank you Fenna! I'm doing much better since our talk and feel like I'm coming out of my limerent state. No contact is critical.
I'm sooooo happy to read this, thank you. 😊
My limerence is a slow cooking mild case where it's always there and every day I think of them, but I get on with my daily chores and get things done by myself. The highs are not as high and the lows are not crippling or depressing like they can be when you first come crashing down. I will not be contacting them because I've already done that and we are on decent terms and I have positivity about them and myself as well. That is a good place to end it on I think. They did not reply to my last email anyway. F them.
Yes! F them!!
You’re right it’s a fine place. Mine is the same.
Fenna helped me so much. With my addiction with my painful limerence.
I highly recommend her TH-cams and personal therapy session. It has turned my life around for a long term positive feeling.
Thank you soooo much :) it was a pleasure to talk to you
Excellent! As always. Thank you, Fenna! ❤
Thank YOU Dana
Huge thank you Fenna. Im in NC your videos are so supportive getting me through this time
Thank you Fenn. I needed this today
So little is known about limerence and how we should approach it, thank you Fenna.
You are very welcome
Been there. Thank you for the video. Best thing to do is run the opposite way and never look back. Get involved with a hobby or something that clearly takes your mind off of that person. You are 1K right Fenna - forever is the right recommendation. And it seems to never go away. I’ll add get some sunshine while recovering. And lots of exercise!
Absolutely right!!!
I have not yet been able to break free of the grip of this thing. I may need to leave my workplace to get true ‘no contact’. It’s become too hard to focus on work as well. I tried doing other activities to produce dopamine. I lost 12 kilos going to the gym ( that felt good). But here I am back looking for her around the office and feeling anxious when she not around. We are not (and have never been) a couple, but that didn’t stop me becoming addicted to her. She’s bee great ... could have got me fired for some kind of harassment but, chose not to do that. However, I need to make it all stop by leaving. This will most probably mean retiring two years earlier than planned. Yes, a 64 year old pining for a 32 year old. Just a tad pathetic!
Hope you can be kind to yourself and patient, because you are working hard.
Do it ! Then enjoy your retirement doing healthy activities or volunteer work or something where you will meet like minded people for friendships and who knows what may come from that. You are just living in a fantasy at the moment and yes you are right it is a bit pathetic, have some dignity and leave. Rip that plaster off! You will get over it.
@@user-fr2eq3hq9n Thanks ... only remaining issue is that my LO also lives in my neighborhood and I can run into her at Doctors surgery, shopping centre etc. Of all the people to be addicted to in my company, I had to pick the one who lives, literally, around the corner from me. lol
I don't think anyone understands why some people touch us so deeply. Age, as far as I know, isn't a factor in the equation. Our hearts don't seem to acknowledge these cultural norms.
It does help to not have to see the one we want & cannot have. My heart is a w you.. Hard to tell what is worse...seeing them or not. What a f"*_&# choice!!!!!
Ugh, sorry to hear about this. I relate, just with the ages switched. I keep repeating to myself what that person's role is- kind of sets a boundary in my mind. Don't know if this would help for you, just something I practice when I see them.
Thanks for the concise reminder.
Went thru all this a year ago, just starting No Contact with a different girl this week so I need the reinforcement.
Good luck A !!!
Thank you so much for this. Still - after so many rejections by my LO I’m still in no contact yet hoping that my no contact will somehow make them miss me . The hope doesn’t go no matter what narrative I tell myself. I’ll be in no contact as you say Fenna but my reason behind it secretly is hoping for them to miss me in my absence and I daydream how they would be immensely missing me . Which is not the case I know but the hope just doesn’t stop.
I have watched All your videos and watch as soon as you upload new content
You are a god sent pack of right information if only I could get rid of hope.
Also - I’m eagerly waiting for your video you had mentioned a while ago about why sexless marriages lead to limerence also
yes! Hope springs eternal... Hope is hopeless... 😉
Whatever the motivation! As long as you stay in nc! ( we all secretly hope lo will miss us and contacts us, that's normal)
I already made the video on the sexless marriage, it's out there.
@@followingfenna yes thank you 🩷 ya I had seen that video but I thought you will make one about that shriveled up eggplant pic you posted why we don’t choose that - about that issue leading to limerence specifically. But the other video was informative as well. Thank you 🩷
Don't give up, it all fades with enough NC
Yeah! Get out of LIMERINCE Prison!
it really feels like a prison
Thanks ... only remaining issue is that my LO also lives in my neighborhood and I can run into her at Doctors surgery, shopping centre etc. Of all the people to be addicted to in my company, I had to pick the one who lives, literally, around the corner from me. lol
Reply
It's easier said than done. I've been like this for 16 months
Yes, it's awful. I get it. Mine is 8 going on 9 years and I work with them. I would love to go N.C. but that's impossible. I struggle with it constantly.
I really enjoy how detailed you have been in discussing limerence. Is there an approximate timeline to the stages or phases? I’ve read elsewhere that the limerant cycle is typically 2 years. So I’m just curious! Thanks!
It depends if you are in contact or not, grief can last a few years, limerence when in contact can stay for decades.
❤ TY Fenna for trying to help us. TY for offering your hand to help us climb out of this hell.
I wholly reject the idea of addiction. This is a matter too complex to be explained by the know nothing's in bio psych. They know nothing of the soul or imagination from which feeling emanates. (Is there a bio explanation for feeling....
Stupid psycho babble....as if it ever helped, explained, or understood anything.... Back to your chains, limerents. It's a kinder destiny than what the docs have in store for you!
:)
I just slipped up after a month but only texted him a beautiful song.
We slip up, and go again :) ❤️
Thank you again
You are very welcome
Lie me re... is two sides with good on top two see as if love was a way to be. Those return again AN C a new E
Hi guys please help me, what do you do when you see your limerent object? Do you approach?
You avoid LO as much as possible, you avoid them like the plague always and every day. Stay far far far away.
Limerence cost me thousands l was scammed and ruined my marriage
I am so so sorry. Are you okay now?
Many of us have spent foolishly - she’s right - we have to start now.
What if it is a pretty good relationship?!?!
Of course you decide what is good enough for you.
No one can tell you if its good enough or not.