The Huge Role Unsafety Has in Limerence
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.ค. 2024
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Together we will make a plan how to beat limerence.
Hello there!
My name is Fenna van den Berg, I am a certified coach and counselor. I have worked in the mental health field for over 25 years.
Having been through episodes of Limerence, I have "earned my stripes" to help others with their recovery. I understand the obsession and suffering of Limerence. My passion is being able to share with you, and all limerents, a guided-way forward on your journey of healing. We do this through discovering and practicing self-love and compassion. As someone who has suffered through limerence, I have developed effective coaching for people with limerence. My Coaching has helped countless have a more purposeful life, and I want to help you. We will work together, so that you may have a life more in line with your values and integrity.
Together, we are blossoming a community of friendly people with the same debilitating feelings and experiences of Limerence. Here, we share with, support, and nurture each other in giving love to ourselves, perhaps for the first time.
When you’re ready to end your pain and suffering from seeking the "Other," I’m here to guide you in recognizing your true lovable self, with compassionate teaching, counseling and also private coaching.
For my help, please contact me: fenna@followingfenna.com or on followingfenna.com
Followingfenna.com for my help in your limerence
Thanks for expressing the emotional pain of Limerence. Clip May 2024. Limerence feels like idealisation of a parent who is not emotionally available due to substance addictions.
Added to my "Fenna favorites"! I listen to them over and over again. Thank you, Fenna! 🎯🙏💘
Thank YOU Dana
“That’s why I am here!” I love this expression. Thank you Fenna
Very welcome 🙏
It’s just emotional addiction. I lost my husband suddenly and during the time of grief I met a man online. We talked and laughed all the time. He brought me joy and made my days better. I knew it wasn’t going to work because he lived in another country but I still enjoyed feeling the relief from my problems and grief. I ended things with him eventually and now I long for him to come back so I can feel that relief again. Dopamine is one helluva drug.
Your brain creates chemicals of happiness and sadness. A love object is more limerence. A relationship/friendship involves real interaction and, not a made up monologue. Both limerence and reality fuel different chemical reactions. Monitor, thy self and see what is working for you and against you.
Helluva drug indeed!
@@roberttorres6552 yes I think you are right!
Limerence could be related to unmet childhood needs manifesting in adults. Love object fill this unmet need. Rush of brain chemicals fuels need of love object. Emotional deregulation "towards" and "away" from love object. Love object is safe, cos, it is nearly unattainable. Other addictions can manifest to fill the sense of loneliness. Self-care and self love and other techniques can be very helpful.
Fenna, your videos are very helpful to me and the fact you have also experienced this limerance yourself
Im struggling with no contact early days
I fell so hard for an unavailable person, at first cloud 9 now hell ! I go between disliking him and full on 'love'
And doesnt help my friends and family dont take it seriously they think is a cute crush or something when it is really so painful and occupying me with fantasys etc
Good luck to all fellow limerants we can beat it and recover this is my hope
Thank you my cat Romie, you are right, its hell.
Keep going in NC it gets better !! 💪
Probably the best video you've done Fenna....From start to finish....Every single word spot on. I will save this video. I will need to watch and listen and take note for a while.
Haha well you are going to be busy at least :).
Thx for realism. I think the lake image might be the most potent I have ever heard. Deal breaker to pondering -
it's true about 'hope' its what keeps me going...constantly hanging on for him...hoping his situation will change
Another great video Fenna, thank you 😊 this is bang on point with my experience. My contact with the LO was almost all via WhatsApp. I spent so much time waiting to hear that ping on my phone, that when it happened it just immediately had the power to make me feel on a high. When I actually read the message, most of the time I ended up disappointed and with a feeling of emptiness, but the sense of anticipation when the message arrived was so powerful. Now I’m no longer in contact with her, and I haven’t had any messages from her for more than 2 months. When I’m out and about, I often hear that ‘ping’ sound when other people are getting WhatsApp messages. It is really triggering and I hate hearing it. I’ve changed the sound settings on my phone so it never makes that sound again. A few times when things were really bad, I’d hear ‘phantom’ pings and be convinced they were real. I didn’t know anything about limerence and trauma bonding before that relationship, but there’s so much great information on TH-cam, like this channel, I now understand a lot better 👍
Oh yeah, the ' ping' .
I even wanted to get the ping on my phone from Lo when I was watching a movie cuddling with LO in real life, see how strong this addiction is.
@@followingfenna Yes! I experienced exactly that too, and thought to myself how bizarre it was. She was there with me, sitting next to me, in real life, and I suddenly had this compulsion to check my phone to see if she'd texted. I think at that moment I realised the person I was obsessing over was not the same person as the one sitting in front of me. I'm glad I my phone doesn't make that sound anymore.
Hope clings- Faith lets go...❤
Wow, nailed that one Fenna!
Thank you Demsey :)
Best explanation of limerence I’ve ever heard, thank you
Love 💕 this video. You are so amazing.
Thank you so much . I'm just staring at my dark roots Lol
Thank you for your help!
You are very welcome 🙏 🤗
An insightful common-sense tutorial. Great information Fenna, Cheers! 😊
Thanks again Mike the viking, cheers 🍻
@@followingfenna Thanks Fenna. Have you ever done a geographical study regarding the percentile of limerence that exists within certain demographics of a particular society? I am sure that there are indicators regarding this information. For example, Eastern culture/s vs Western culture/s who suffer from this condition. Thanks once again Fenna, Cheers! 😊
@@followingfenna Go, Vikings! Great presentation. Thank you. You are beautiful. …from America
@@TraciDoering-hw8hu Why, thank you kindly. Take care and be safe TraciDoering, Cheers!😊
Thank you for explaining this so well. I am determined to never feel limerence again.
Hurray! That's such a healthy resolution
Hope is Dope😅liefs uit Hilversum❤
Hope is wack haha groetjes terug
Thanks Fenna great video 😊
Thank you again Froggy 💓 for taking the time to comment
I didn’t get it… are you saying that limerence is likely to occur if a person feels unsafe in their primary relationship? Or are you saying that limerence itself makes one feel unsafe? And also, what does “unsafe” mean? Physical or emotional? I love your videos - you bring fresh perspectives to my understanding of limerence. I haven’t heard anyone else talk about this aspect of unsafteg before and would love some clarity on this point. Thanks! ❤
Limerence starts when there is limited acces / unpredictable or obstacles with the other ( our limerent object, not our primary relationship ) these factors are perceived as not being able to connect enough to not get anxious.
Our nervoussystem is anxious in limerence.
Their is no shame in admitting limerence. Also, be careful to not see it as a pathology. It can happen even in seemingly normal garden variety people. What triggers limerence can be a whole host of reasons. But, finding a way out of a love object, to finding real freindship/relationship could be helpful. Limerence can happen to an a-lister or the common person just like any addiction can affect a person.
Absolutely no shame in being in limerence, everybody wants to love and be loved
You are soo pretty, Fenna! And your way of talking is hilarious.
Well thank you for the nice comment, that made my day
Maybe it's the hour of night, but I'm struggling to turn this into a plan of action to help myself snap out of it. Oy.
You can't snap out of it, it's a slow process. One day at a time
@@followingfenna Yeah, that's how it's been. I'm making progress, but it is *slow*.