Mixed Messages in Relationships Drive Me Crazy!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ต.ค. 2024
- I offer personal counseling with a scheduled appointment or on an "emergency" basis.
For my help, please contact me: fennavdberg@hotmail.com
Hello there!
My name is Fenna van den Berg, I am a certified coach and counselor. I have worked in the mental health field for over 25 years.
Having been through episodes of Limerence, I have "earned my stripes" to help others with their recovery. I understand the obsession and suffering of Limerence. My passion is being able to share with you, and all limerents, a guided-way forward on your journey of healing. We do this through discovering and practicing self-love and compassion. As someone who has suffered through limerence, I have developed effective coaching for people with limerence. My Coaching has helped countless have a more purposeful life, and I want to help you. We will work together, so that you may have a life more in line with your values and integrity.
Together, we are blossoming a community of friendly people with the same debilitating feelings and experiences of Limerence. Here, we share with, support, and nurture each other in giving love to ourselves, perhaps for the first time.
When you’re ready to end your pain and suffering from seeking the "Other," I’m here to guide you in recognizing your true lovable self, with compassionate teaching, counseling and also private coaching.
For my help, please contact me: fennavdberg@hotmail.com
The phrase " you've picked the wrong person" comes from Alan Robarge, the best relationship educator out there.
@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma
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www.youtube.com/@followingfenna/community
This makes a lot of sense. The experience of getting little crumbs of affection as a child makes you feel perpetually starved. Of course, what child doesn’t hope to get something they need from their parent? We totally depend on them. We feel so unsafe. As an adult, we try to correct the situation, but choose avoidant people like our parent, which throws us back into the same old painful situation.
Very well said ! Thank you
Thank you for saying that we are not our attachment styles. Being Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant), I have a lot of shame around it. I hate that I push people away when I feel they are getting too close. It's made me stop trying to have relationships for a long time. I think I won't be good for the person. However, I can at least identify the behavior now. I can choose to push through and stick it out in the relationship.
I love that you have started talking about attachment styles! So much good info in this video. Yes, it all begins with self-awareness. I can do my part to reduce the mixed messages I am sending. Let's be real, ain't nobody got time for mixed messages! 😅
What do you think has caused this? Some of the nicest people dint have faith in themselves?
Yep, I definitely need to work on having faith in myself, believing that I am worth getting to know. The cause for me: abandonment in early childhood. @@mickboyce386
Thank you Fenna. Yes, clarity is what I hear you saying. I applied this recently and it helped me a lot. I appreciate you very much.
Thank you D!
@@followingfenna you're welcome my friend.
Love your lectures...beautiful woman...ambivalent (biv..like "give "...am- bye- valent...is so cute but sounds like a chemistry term....Dr Wayne
I wish id seen your videos sooner ! Starting to understand why I react the way I do, so insightful thank you x
I'm happy you found me :)
Very helpful. Thank you!!
You are very welcome :)
Hello Fenna! Do you have a video on accepting the loss?
Thank you!
And I will be sure to look through and play your videos. 🙏 God bless!
I have a video on giving up on them, and on grief. Both are relevant for dealing with the " loss" .
What about if you are getting mixed messages from your FA spouse who is in limerence with someone else? He says he is thinking about d but is also thinking about being willing to go to a marriage helper course about marriage & affairs etc... as far as i know he is still having the affair & is in limerence 17 months (that i know of)
btw: Dr. Joe Beam also confirms that counselors, therapists and psychologists are still surprisingly ignorant about limerence and limerent affairs. And it is not because there is no research.
So choose wisely (on the site of Marriage Helper you will find some support what you could be looking for - in their opinion).
So the experts are lagging behind at least 20 - 30 years while youtubers like Fenna * are suprised to get run over by inquiries by people who want to understand their condition, or that of their straying partner. She said she started her channel with the intention to provide content about self compassion, burnout.
And a bit of limerence since she is a recovered limerent.
Nope, she got so many request for THAT content, that she changed her plans.
* even though she is a mental health coach with 20 or 25 years experience, she is not engaged in training counselors, not teaching at an university or doing research on the issue of limerence.
I know that Marriage Helper have some online courses (I saw an offer for 27 USD at the moment, kind of Black Friday). I am binge watching free content, so i skipped that offer (for now). if you are in the U.S. you could attend an in-person workshop. And in the U.S. they have a network of marriage coaches that are trained according to their principles.
Since the pandemic they got a lot of the material and courses online, before I think most was in person. But there are plenty of free resources, lots of podcasts resp. youtube vids, the homepage, a pdf you can download (I got it today). So choose wisely.
They also offer a strategy / good advice how to get the cheating partner onboard (with the training or in-person workshops).
People in limerence are confused, so that's where the mixed messages come from. You need to take care of yourself because they most likely can't.