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As an adhd mom, I know it is my responsibility to manage my own rage and responsibilities and not take every rejection so personally (which leads to more rage!). It happens over and over again and adhd feels like such a cop out. Is it my family’s responsibility to walk on egg shells around me? Should I be medicated every day? I know I’m supposed to exercise everyday to help manage some of this, but I don’t. It feels like every time I rage that the solution is just to learn to better control my emotions. From where I stand, it looks like emotional regulation just happens naturally and I just never developed it since I didn’t really have enough socializing or interpersonal hardship with peers growing up to develop a more robust capacity to self regulate. A lonely childhood is also a hallmark of adhd unfortunately.

I don't know about my mother, but just from the picture alone I know my ex-wife did. She was always doing laundry, she just never finished the laundry. I always had clothes for work and I also have ADHD so it wasn't a problem. I just found the picture funny because there was always a pile of clean clothes in our bedroom.

Hi Retu, it's bedn a while I commented on your videos. I just became an autistic dad.

Thanks for the honest vulnerable sharing. Just today I picked on my son who was having a disregulated day when I repeated something a few times that I knew he was having a strong negative reaction toward. It was pretty childish of me even though I’m overwhelmed a lot. But they are too. Sometimes I’m doing better now that I understand my autism and their conditions, but I still do things wrong anyway sometimes. I guess we can’t be perfect and can just keep doing our best and seeking help from others and from any spiritual sources we believe in. At the same time quality time and effort makes a big difference. Thanks for that reminder. I did play some card games with my son in the evening and I know he appreciated that. If they see our love regularly I’m sure they can forgive some of our mistakes. I don’t really have memories I can readily surface of quality time with my dad. Family vacations and whatnot sure, but not like time specifically with him on an ongoing basis that I can remember. There is an exception that when I was a teen he’d take me to visit some families in our church, but I don’t recall much else. I do resent him a lot for his uncontrolled responses to things and his inability to emotionally support my mom. If we had quality time memories throughout my childhood years I think I’d have connected with him better. Oh well. I think at least I’m doing better but I suspect his autism or whatever mix of conditions he has are more intense than mine and if I had his exact mix I’m not sure I’d do any better. Examples of what I do is I’m a scout leader with my kids and help them work on their requirements, I take them to their karate and gymnastics, I talk to them individually at home, and I take them to various fun places like museums etc. This summer I’ve been doing multiple per week but it can get draining and I’ve started to sometimes sit in the car alone while they do their karate while other times I watch the whole time. It just depends. I wish I could always handle things but I can’t. Sometimes I need hours of alone time before and after I do those things. Anyway you get it I’m sure.

Thanks for sharing. I relate. Now that I did the work to know I’m autistic this year, I already know my dad is too. His autism is very authority and criticism averse to the point that we can’t give him feedback basically ever without him losing it. It is like mind blowing to see my family in a whole new light. Now I can try better with my kids and accommodate myself and even be a little less judgmental of my dad. I can tell now that one kid has ADHD and another has autism. It also seems so clear in hindsight that my dad and I have it. I remember times people pointed out autistic traits to me and even flat out asked if I have autism in my family, and I disregarded it as my just happening to have those traits. My dad even was employed with a psychiatric unit as a young adult (1970s) but our family didn’t inherit any better knowledge of mental health because he came away from it feeling very anti medication and anti therapist. They knew something was off about him but apparently he wasn’t diagnosed. Even though a brother was diagnosed ADD when we were kids they had a bad experience with his medication making him zone out so we were a family with a distrust of the system. I was homeschooled and worked from home most of my career so far so mine was relatively accommodated most of my life. That’s part of why I’m just realizing it is more than personality quirks so much later. Sorry you’ve had a hard time with your dad but you’re certainly not alone. By the way one thing that started me on autistic burnout so I felt a need to inspect my physical and mental health this year was being let go when I asked for accommodations but didn’t know why I needed them. The employer declined because they said then everyone would expect accommodations. Maybe if I could have known and said I was autistic it would have gone better. I don’t know. But that was just one stressor. Being a parent is very tough. Things got more complicated when one kid got suspended several days from kindergarten. My kids are showing anxiety and meltdowns at school. It’s harder to cope with my two kids because they are constant triggers for me and even this year after realizing what’s happening I can still go from fine to a strong emotional response internally with just a single high pitched yell for no logical reason. I’ve confirmed with my wife these things don’t really bother her in the extreme way they do for me. Even understanding what is going on it remains hard. I do tons of stuff with my kids and make memories but it has to be planned and controlled a certain way. And I have to be ready to walk away and leave them with their mom or pull the car over any time to avoid getting to meltdown.

This is such a helpful and comforting video ❤

I was so unsure what my mom’s issue was for a long time… but there was definitely an issue 👀 now I’m certain she’s ADHD. Rejection Sensitivity ✅ bad investments (falling for scams really) ✅ impulsive ✅ the best example is when she bought a timeshare in the Bahamas while we were on vacation, randomly, out of the blue. I didn’t realize how to best support her, but now I have a much better understanding 🙏🏾🙏🏾

This is so important to recognize and to seriously adress. I did gentle parenting from birth to 2 and a half but at that point my kid was still not sleeping through the night and her father had become an alcohalic who yelled at both of us all the time. We left about 6 months later but i had so much anger that i screamed at my daughter until she cried for spilling yogurt on the rug, after i had told her to eat at the table multiple times. I yelled at her and then told her she would have to save up her money and buy a new carpet for the property owner. I told my therapist about it. And ive been working on it for the past several months. Im catching myself first and doing the repair work now but she is on gaurd. Now when she can tell my voice changes and im mad she tells me she wants to kiss me. I dont deserve such an amazing kid and i am determined to be the parent she deserves. Thank you for bringing this topic up😢

Thank you for your videos! I’m also a late diagnosed AuDHD and only became aware of my brain type because my children were diagnosed. I moved back to my home town two years ago and I became aware of how neurodiverse my parents are. There is a lot of trauma associated with my childhood and your videos really help with my healing. Thank you!

I don't particularly think my mom was ADHD but i think i am. I tried to get a diagnosis online but they recommended a full psych evaluation because there could b other stuff going on too, at first i thought ok yeah great but now i feel stupid, i didn't realize how expensive that is. It's a complete barrier at least for the time being and i can't easily picture it seeming doable any time soon either, very disappointing

❤

Love that you are tackling issues society likes to "sweep under the rug" as they say. Would love to collaborate with you in the future (maybe next year 😅) once I have a channel. My kids and I are autistic, adhd, PDA etc. I'm currently doing a charity livestream for mental health this week (1st time streaming) which has been fun info dumping neurodiversity info. My schedule is on Twitch username lookautistic if you are interested.

Its a great idea but would there be any point in me also talking about my neurodivergent perspective if I can't really offer any solutions to mental health issues? I do procrastination all the time with most things and nothing seems to be fixing it since around 7 years ago. Also, I very rarely work (although I usually volunteer once a week) and I rather hate where I live. Though, I could do a good job at being brutally honest with regards to issues affecting vulnerable people including myself but I feel I'd come across too strong for it since I have a massive hatred towards people in power who get away with hurting vulnerable people and the environment.

So much to learn at 66

I'm the mom. Well, the Nana now..I'm looking for videos about adhd in kids. All my kids are adhd. My boys were diagnosed by school, but my daughter wasnt, of course, she was masking very well and i was only dx in my 40s. Now my granddaughter is 6, i see all the signs, but her father refuses to see them. I keep telling them its a genetic condition, to no avail. So in looking for videos i found yours. And it's been very healing. Thank you.

ADHD is more of environmental and familial factors. To anyone watching this,Don't label yourself. ADHD will become a norm due to internet , social media , and lifestyle ( hustle culture) We having more neurodivergents nowadays is part of human evolution.

Just cane across your channel. Ive been feeling the same. Im constantly late no matter i tell myself i will try harder... i just can't make it on time. Ive also beaten myself up many times for "being lazy" I now understand where it comes from. I now want to know how i can get better given my condition. What tips do u have for me. Especially when it comes to organizing and keeping routine. I have 5 kids and neurodivergent in adults is not well-known in my country. Its just summarized as being lazy and not knowing how to manage time or money. I'm literally so glad to have come across your channel

Unfortunately, a mom with undiagnosed ADHD will be demonstrating how not to "manage" ADHD, which is difficult for kids who also have ADHD. It's usually genetic.

Ty! The algorithm sent me this video and some of what you said, specifically, confirmed what I thought about my husband.

You are so amazing. Thank you for making this video

I have ADD and I don't relate to all of this. I am disorganized but I crave organization on such a deep level. It is so sad to feel horrible about yourself because you just can't keep on top of things. Personally I am not particularly moody or impulsive. I have to add that most people I have met that have ADHD are social and just so welcoming and they want to connect with others. I kind of think that is a superpower. I use that, I work with the elderly in a fairly busy workspace with allot of people and yeah that is perfect for me. I am very lucky that my workplace is well organized so I am able to just be my absolute best. I think the hack is to know how YOU work and what you need to thrive. For me that is organization and if I have to pay someone to come in and help me it is just SO worth it. I love working with ergo therapists they are WAY more practical in how they tackle those types of issues. I don't need to talk about feelings what I need is a way to function better in my everyday life and by having help with creating routines and organization I am able to thrive. For me medication just took that spark out of my eyes and that social connection that I value SO much when I interact with others. Plus my normal emotions are that I am pretty chill and happy. The medication just made me depressed, moody and lonely. I don't want to add a ton of mood stabilizing drugs on top of adhd medication so the conclusion was that the ADHD medication is simply NOT worth it for me. I like being myself. Being neurologically a little different doesn't mean we are worse then or that our specific condition doesn't bring allot of good things with it as well.

My father was probably ADHD, my mother is likely Autistc which makes sense since I'm AuDHD. We were never sure if we were gonna have mellow dad or angry dad. His moods would change instantly. My mother has elevated black and white rigid thinking to an art form. Growing up in a rust belt town of NJ Hillbillies was no picnic either. Also my parents were older and had old fashioned authoritarian parenting ideas. You ate what you were given or went hungry. Meltdowns were spoiled bratty behavior and not tolerated. It is difficult to revisit all this stuff after diagnosis when you already thought you dealt with it years ago. ❤ Thanks for opening a forum for us.

I’m pretty sure I have some form of ADHD but I still try to have patience and time for my child

This had me giggling. I was diagnosed ADHD as a kid. Spent my life figuring out tricks to make things work better. Now as a mom, I had to level up! Cloths out night before, pack lunches night before, leave five minutes early (which ends up to be right on time), set reminders for parties (since living in parallel universes made us miss a couple), working daily to help them learn how to organize (since no one taught me) etc etc. Biggest thing was therapy before having kids; which helped emotion regulation and letting go of ego (not taking things personally). My biggest motivation for being a great mom is that my kids KNOW I love them, and that they feel it consistently. But this is so spot on!!

It was being a single mother of two young children not ADHD.

Aaackkk!!! Please recall that the absolute best things in life come BECAUSE of the bounty of an ADHD (or other ND) brain. The brain is not the problem: society and imposed norms are the problem.

When my girls were small and would make a lot of noise, I just put cotton balls in my ears.

Trouble is that a lot of these symptoms can be signs of borderline personality disorder or other mental health issues.

This is all so true. I'm a late diagnosed ADHD parent of neurodivergent kids. What's interesting is that this is the first time I've considered that my mother probably had ADHD too 😂

Jesus christ, me and my son both have ADHD and I struggled with all these things but fully got myself diagnosed at 23 and my son at 8. So we've always grown up understanding each others short comings, and supporting each other when we see our ADHD is being disruptive in the home. God, I'm so grateful. It wasn't just me or just him. Not sure if that's weird, but yeah. We've got a great relationship and even share adhd memes with each other, lol.

I think there’s another side to this- I’d like to hear more about why neurodivergent parents are great! I know I’m a great mother, I’m not at all worried about negatively impacting my children, because although sometimes I get overwhelmed or shutdown or avoid situations I know I’d struggle with, the positive massively outweighs those things. Examples: I’m really considerate of their needs for one thing, I’m a guide to help them figure out accommodations for themselves, in a way that no one helped me as a child. I have a lot of alternative ideas about what a good life looks like, we live very intentionally, appreciating all the small pleasures, we live at the pace that suits us, we home educate (and yes, they have got plenty of friends that we see very often). Giving them a great experience of childhood is my chief special interest!! I’m really creative and fun, I haven’t lost that childlike joy. This isn’t supposed to be bragging, but merely some examples of why having an AuDHD parent can be wonderful 🩵

This made me cry.. i dont know if i have ADHD or not but can certainty relate to some of the symproms.. disorganisation in mornings, inability to focus when there are too many tasks. I organise but to a certain degree. Cant organise completely

Is the the meaning of procrastinating? You sound anxious. I only at the beginning of the video. Judt finished the video. Glad you found some help in your perceptions beong projected on your son. I appreciate your emotions being shown. I hope you find being able to express them on video shifts your awareness to them. I could not express myself over my life and found when i did i experienced a shift in my awareness. My anger found a release . Good luck

SO VALID. This is EXACTLY the feeling being late identified and having undiagnosed family members.... I feel like my role in the UNIVERSE is to break generational patterns and NOT raise my kid the same! "You're FINE! BE GOOD! (or else...)" is medical gaslighting to a neurodivergent child presenting VALID special needs... Ignoring the kid's life experiences only complicates the unpacking in adulthood when it's EVEN HEAVIER DAILY DUTIES (as we know)! Much Love NDM! Thanks for the vid! <3

Just found your channel a couple of weeks ago. I am a senior that only recently found about being on a spectrum. It was great to find this about myself although being much older now I cannot find the endurance needed to implement remedies. I find connection with you when your emotions arise in your talks . With all these years of therapy I had the therapists never appeared to understand my emotions. Thank you

Yeah uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. I think it's basically my worst fear that I'm not a good mom, that I'm doing damage to my kids. I know things that have happened r very bad, like things I have said, and my daughter will probably remember, maybe not my son, maybe they won't remember but they'll probably remember some stuff. I so often say things impulsively, I don't really filter, the idea of trying to filter what I say feels threatening in fact because I think if I tried to b more in control of it I would just b so in my head I'd completely stop being authentic, almost say nothing. People seem to often encourage really thinking things through before u say it but that's too much for me. I'm really feeling very anxious lately. Some stuff from my past is sort of affecting me, about my parents. I don't know how to handle it. I've been writing a lot, which is definitely good but idk, things r really hard right now.

Hi I'm a neurodivergent mum to two neurodivergent kids I wanted so much to say thankyou for talking about the things most neurodivergents seem afraid to talk about I've been waiting so long for someone to really address the issues experienced my neurodivergent parents, autism advocacy communities rarely address these topics. Many will feel uncomfortable with what you have to say, but know that there are those of us who feel truly seen and heard by your words. Please don't stop talking about these issues even if it makes other people feel uncomfortable sometimes people need to hear the things that make them uncomfortable.

Did I have ADHD; Or did I have too much responsibility and little support/inconsistent support from the other parent?

My family all have undiagnosed ADHD and myself I feel such a failure and so guilty for not being the best mum for my children

When I had issues growing up - I was calmed down by my mom who would say "I was just like you, your grandpa is even worse", then my daughter had issues too. Turns out our whole family tree has ADHD! My grandpa was extremely talented in several art-fields and math but also a hoarder and sometimes dysfunctional. And we all are very talented, so everyone around us would go about any issue of ours "Yeah, that's expected from creative people" "They're this messy family of artists and musicians", I am the first person to ever even hear the term ADHD...

Your mom said autism traits exist in the general population.

This may help with my relationship with my children

Bless your heart and give grace. Mom’s are falling asleep because we are tired as hell. While the kids sleep in until 8 am Mom (and dads) are up at 4 trying to workout, pack lunches and get a head start on a work project so they can get off early to pick up the kids to drive them to tutors and soccer and band and finish homework and cook. They are not going to bed until late because they need to get the kids ready for bed and read those bedtime stories (can not focus because I have been up since 4 am and I still need to clean the kitchen so I am not a bad mom). Sorry got off track must be my ADHD. Maybe the mom is crying or being emotional because that is how she feel and everyone think parents are not human and not allowed to say being a parent is hard work. Maybe out of the blue she threw the family in the car to take a trip to the beach without planning it out because it’s hard to find the perfect time because life is busy and sometime you just have to drop life to go have fun instead of planning it all out…..let’s just go do it. Maybe there is a pile of laundry and dishes on the sink but did I go to work to make money to take care of my kids, are my kids need met before my own……yes absolutely ….everyday all day. But I completely understand your need for routine because you are on the spectrum, my son is on the spectrum. And the ONE thing that I made sure he did not have on purpose was a routine…..because that is not how the world works. To survive my kiddo needed to be able to adjust. At age 3 he was non verbal. He is now a college graduate living on his own and is able to adjust as life dictates. Parents do not have ADHD. We have love and trying to do our best and because it’s not perfect and in order and not completely done all the time does not mean there is something wrong and we need medicine and a label. We need Grace and a Nap.

Ur th first Person to KNOW what I Am talking ablut & th first to Truly empathize. Im sure You can imagine th challengez of mating w a PDAer.. Thx for seeing Me. Alwayz learning & doing My best to Be My best Aloha

My keiki'z Dad iz so PDA Autistic - I Am so greatful for leaening of Otherz experiencez.. I brought up th concept to Him about 3 yearz ago & He waz like... ooooh! Yeeea... & had this wave of relief. Of course accepting th label iz tranzient, az Hiz nature to rebel iz inherent it seemz.. Mahalo

I'm the mother. Why are you talking so loud at me. Lol

Thank you for your excellent video! I totally understand why you felt the way you did in relation to your Dad's reaction when you told him you're autistic etc as my Dad reacted in a very similar way when I told him I'm autistic and, guess what? I think he may be autistic too!

You're welcome. Helped my kids understand either, because I apologised and explained it in a child friendly way

Huh, I am a parent who was asleep on the third paragraph of bedtime story. But, I was so sleep deprived then, it's crazy I was able to even open the book.

i love your channel