I don't feel the need to control other people but I definitely have PDA. When I can no longer cope I either cry, or freeze and become mute, depending on the situation I suppose. I loathe being told what to do (even when someone says 'take a seat' my inner thought is 'if I want to sit I will thank you - I'm not an idiot') I also loathe being told what to think - or that 'this is the way it is get used to it' I want to immediately say, well shout, that it doesn't have to be like that! I can't stand a full calendar of appointments. My favourite times are when no one wants anything from me and everything I'm doing is because I want to. Thank you for sharing :D
We are an ADHD household. PDA potential over here. Working in consideration of the concept. I normally place it as a suggestion and allow the self to address the need. Seeking consent instead of making demands.
Thanks for sharing your way that PDA is for you. That's really helpful to me and to others. It helps me understand my son more... He's only 5 now but I every little bit of information helps.
Seeking consent... that's a nice way to put it. It's hard to please everyone though... and it's often me, as the mother and wife who is bending over backwards and forgoing my own needs to make it work for the rest of the ADHD'ers in my family. This is where boundaries are becoming more and more important. That's my current project now. Learning my own boundaries.
Especially when it comes to adults that have PDA. Telling them will only encourage them to take on the task to completion instead of taking a break or handing the task over to another even if they have to push themselves to get it done. So have to be supportive and allow themselves to take a break or attend to self-care. (Edit: Through suggestions and asking consent in taking over for them.) Also on the people pleasing. Boundaries are important and loved ones may have pulled this on you also. You are supporting me if you take care of yourself too. (Edit 2: Think my first freeze and flight moment was as a child. We would sometimes walk to the flea market and sometimes used a short cut. A cousin wanted to use that path after someone placed a sign that said no trespassing sign there. My cousin didn't understand me and I ran away when he tried to make me take that path. Had an overwhelming feeling to not use it, Faye.)
Autistic, ADHD, DPA, highly sensative, empath, post menopause, raised by a covert narcissistic adoptive mother! Still alive but so much cleaning up to do. Either fight or freeze.
I found it interesting when you said it was hard for an autistic person to eat without a distraction. I struggle with that a lot and people tell me that I should be more mindful when I eat and not do two things at once, but I really feel like I need to do something while I’m eating. Whether that is drawing, playing a game on my phone, throwing the dog toys, etc. I didn’t know that was an autistic thing and I’m gonna go see if I can find some more videos that could talk about that so thanks.
The fun thing is that I now have professionals pushing me to get some space from my probably PDA son and family, and now I can’t even enjoy my time away anymore nor recharge, because now I feel threatened by it 🙄
I’ve always thought that I must not have PDA because I was an insanely obedient child and as a young adult I stayed in toxic situations, obeying my ab*ser. But through therapy I’ve learned that there’s fight, flight, freeze AND fawn. I’ve ALWAYS fawned. (I’m an autistic woman, so that’s kind of a thing.) I can’t stop myself from appealing to the toxic person to protect myself, even when I know better. Can the fawn response be a part of PDA? I feel like it probably isn’t? I’m not relating to many of the things in this video, but the phrase “desire for autonomy” really resonates because I would CONSTANTLY fight for my autonomy by trying to reason with the person controlling me by trying to teach them why they should stop. I also really struggle with external demands, because although I always try my best to meet them (like at work and stuff) I also feel an insane amount of frustration and rage when I have to do something my boss wants me to do instead of what I want to do.
Oh my goodness... I hadn't put that together, but I've always been an absolute fawner with toxic people... (I've always described it as being like a sweet/cute puppy so I wouldn't get kicked.) I only just put this together... Thanks for your comment!
omg. i wrote a whole tiny poem about being one before i even learned about this PDA thing, lol. and aaaaa lmao, they (psychiatrists) still claim me to have cyclothymia which i believe it to be adhd,
I’m stripping away things that tell about me until all that is left is all me I don’t need things. I don’t need an apartment a corner a bed. I’m ok to have nightly sleeping arrangements. I am stripping myself off all clothes and things - what is left are devices for communication, all is left are the things on me not to get cold. Not too cold not too hot, just enough to exist. books on the shelf are not relevant either Knickknacks are hard to taker care of Then Goes my furniture, walls and a roof until nothing Is left there only myself and my cats. I don’t need all those things They are over excessive I don’t need things to be telling you about me I don’t need to paint a picture I don’t need pretty pictures I’m like god that says don’t make an image of me
And what if it's causing the ptsd? Or cptsd? How would you be able to tell? Is it the projectile vomiting only? Or is there other things linked to this? We need ways to relay this to typical people who don't seem to deal with these things and look at them from the outside looking in.
I'm wondering how to help my PDA middleschooler with her academics. she literally doesn't do school work unless she knows there's a huge consequence.. then she only does bare minimum. advice?
Could it be that you're just judgmental? Because that seems to be what I've been called. I'm not sure the difference between being judgmental or just being pda?
Or neurotic? Because it seems like the world thinks that about people doing things the way that you're describing. Not saying they're right by the way just saying how do you weed this out?
I don't feel the need to control other people but I definitely have PDA. When I can no longer cope I either cry, or freeze and become mute, depending on the situation I suppose. I loathe being told what to do (even when someone says 'take a seat' my inner thought is 'if I want to sit I will thank you - I'm not an idiot') I also loathe being told what to think - or that 'this is the way it is get used to it' I want to immediately say, well shout, that it doesn't have to be like that! I can't stand a full calendar of appointments. My favourite times are when no one wants anything from me and everything I'm doing is because I want to. Thank you for sharing :D
We are an ADHD household. PDA potential over here. Working in consideration of the concept. I normally place it as a suggestion and allow the self to address the need. Seeking consent instead of making demands.
Thanks for sharing your way that PDA is for you. That's really helpful to me and to others. It helps me understand my son more... He's only 5 now but I every little bit of information helps.
Seeking consent... that's a nice way to put it. It's hard to please everyone though... and it's often me, as the mother and wife who is bending over backwards and forgoing my own needs to make it work for the rest of the ADHD'ers in my family. This is where boundaries are becoming more and more important. That's my current project now. Learning my own boundaries.
Especially when it comes to adults that have PDA. Telling them will only encourage them to take on the task to completion instead of taking a break or handing the task over to another even if they have to push themselves to get it done. So have to be supportive and allow themselves to take a break or attend to self-care. (Edit: Through suggestions and asking consent in taking over for them.) Also on the people pleasing. Boundaries are important and loved ones may have pulled this on you also. You are supporting me if you take care of yourself too. (Edit 2: Think my first freeze and flight moment was as a child. We would sometimes walk to the flea market and sometimes used a short cut. A cousin wanted to use that path after someone placed a sign that said no trespassing sign there. My cousin didn't understand me and I ran away when he tried to make me take that path. Had an overwhelming feeling to not use it, Faye.)
I can totally relate to this.
Autistic, ADHD, DPA, highly sensative, empath, post menopause, raised by a covert narcissistic adoptive mother! Still alive but so much cleaning up to do. Either fight or freeze.
I found it interesting when you said it was hard for an autistic person to eat without a distraction. I struggle with that a lot and people tell me that I should be more mindful when I eat and not do two things at once, but I really feel like I need to do something while I’m eating. Whether that is drawing, playing a game on my phone, throwing the dog toys, etc. I didn’t know that was an autistic thing and I’m gonna go see if I can find some more videos that could talk about that so thanks.
Yep, PDA here checking in! Never knew this was a thing until I saw your videos. Much love,.
I’m glad it helped
I tried to run away from my parent's house when I was 8. I discovered my autism at 51.
That's interesting because now that I read your comment, I remember that I tried to run away at age 5 when there was suddenly a new babysitter. Hmm...
This is too accurate - literally everything you said 🫣😊
So glad you feel it!
Love this! thank you!
You're so welcome!
0:43 i see social hierarchies all too well, i simply strive for dismantling them to make our society a welcoming home for all 🥰
thank you, didn't know this existed, its very precise
I'm glad that you can relate...
The fun thing is that I now have professionals pushing me to get some space from my probably PDA son and family, and now I can’t even enjoy my time away anymore nor recharge, because now I feel threatened by it 🙄
I’ve always thought that I must not have PDA because I was an insanely obedient child and as a young adult I stayed in toxic situations, obeying my ab*ser. But through therapy I’ve learned that there’s fight, flight, freeze AND fawn. I’ve ALWAYS fawned. (I’m an autistic woman, so that’s kind of a thing.) I can’t stop myself from appealing to the toxic person to protect myself, even when I know better. Can the fawn response be a part of PDA? I feel like it probably isn’t?
I’m not relating to many of the things in this video, but the phrase “desire for autonomy” really resonates because I would CONSTANTLY fight for my autonomy by trying to reason with the person controlling me by trying to teach them why they should stop. I also really struggle with external demands, because although I always try my best to meet them (like at work and stuff) I also feel an insane amount of frustration and rage when I have to do something my boss wants me to do instead of what I want to do.
Oh my goodness... I hadn't put that together, but I've always been an absolute fawner with toxic people... (I've always described it as being like a sweet/cute puppy so I wouldn't get kicked.) I only just put this together... Thanks for your comment!
I’m often a FAWNER too… learning to slowly stop people pleasing
Literally wearing a jumper with the slogan "labels are for clothes" lol
I need that jumper! 😍
No!! Don’t put labels on clothes either please 🙏
@ 😂 I think I get the joke.
omg. i wrote a whole tiny poem about being one before i even learned about this PDA thing, lol. and aaaaa lmao, they (psychiatrists) still claim me to have cyclothymia which i believe it to be adhd,
I’m stripping away things that tell about me
until all that is left
is all me I don’t need things.
I don’t need an apartment a corner a bed.
I’m ok to have nightly sleeping arrangements.
I am stripping myself off all clothes and things -
what is left are devices for communication,
all is left are the things on me not to get cold.
Not too cold not too hot, just enough to exist.
books on the shelf are not relevant either
Knickknacks are hard to taker care of
Then
Goes my furniture, walls and a roof until nothing
Is left there only myself and my cats.
I don’t need all those things
They are over excessive
I don’t need things to be telling you about me
I don’t need to paint a picture
I don’t need pretty pictures
I’m like god that says don’t make an image of me
Felt this
Thanks for adding your input to this conversation.
You're a natural on camera, Ritu!
Hey! Thanks Helmi =)
Keep it up girl ❤️
Thank for sticking with my channel 🫶🏽
@@NeurodivergentMom your welcome 👍
And what if it's causing the ptsd? Or cptsd? How would you be able to tell? Is it the projectile vomiting only? Or is there other things linked to this? We need ways to relay this to typical people who don't seem to deal with these things and look at them from the outside looking in.
I'm wondering how to help my PDA middleschooler with her academics. she literally doesn't do school work unless she knows there's a huge consequence.. then she only does bare minimum. advice?
❤
🌸
Pathological just means it’s an illness and not a mood.
Sensitivity ?
Could it be that you're just judgmental? Because that seems to be what I've been called. I'm not sure the difference between being judgmental or just being pda?
Or neurotic? Because it seems like the world thinks that about people doing things the way that you're describing. Not saying they're right by the way just saying how do you weed this out?