Note: being undiagnosed autistic does not excuse someone from hurtful behaviour. And being autistic and being abusive does not negate each other. A parent may have been autistic AND abusive.
I think about this often. Both my parents are passed away, but I’m so often drawn to stories from my childhood where I can see the neurodivergence clearly now. Thanks so much for sharing your stories with us ❤❤❤
I relate so much to that literal thinking. There will always be disagreements but it's nice to know why we are like that. I look at myself from a few years ago and i can imagine myself getting in an argument about what choices i was making, i have lots of small regrets for example it could be buying something that i later regret but i geuss that's just growing up. It's nice knowing if i ever have children and i end up having an argument, i can remember that sometimes my brain is too black and white thinking and then i can reevaluate my mind. I also have a problem where if something doesn't work for me i will think it wont work for someone else and then I'll try save people from doing that thing, i guess it's still good to tell people your experiences but alot of the time they think im just a hater than that winds me up. Sorry i talk too much 😂 just feels good to get things off my chest
I had a bad high masking autistic father. he was emotionally unavailable. he never told us he loved us or that he was proud of us. he was unfaithful to my mom multiple times. he would only play with us by pretending to be a monster and it appeared that he enjoyed being frightening. he was a pomposterous, punitive authoritarian who taught me how to ride a bike, but that's about it. I lost respect for him. knowing he was autustic just buys him a little leeway, but not enough for me to excuse his behavior. your dad controls you with his disapproval. you give him a lot of grace. hope he can work on himself and be a better parent to you.
It’s very interesting that you said my dad controls me with his disapproval. What made you say that? Because I’ve had a feeling this is true but you just said it in a straight up fact way. I believe you are right. I’d like to be free from this kind of control. I feel like my ability to be successful is still somehow connected to him.
@@NeurodivergentMom I said it straight up because I wish someone told me the truth like that. when you said your dad looked at you with disgust when you were wearing a revealing outfit, I was taken back to the days when my dad would look at me with disapproval. we are wired to be very attuned to our parents. a huff, a hard stare, any small movement or gesture they make can activate our nervous systems. did I answer your question?
I got my autism from my dad. He and my brother are both undiagnosed. There are many tjings from growing up that i did not understand why he allowed them to happen. When i asked his answer was - it is all water under the bridge. He had so many strange sayings that made no sense. I have found it in my heart to forgive him but i went no contact for many years in my 20s. My daughters father is undiagnosed autistic and i really wish he could come to terms w it and learn to help himself and set a better example and have better relationship w her.
Note: being undiagnosed autistic does not excuse someone from hurtful behaviour. And being autistic and being abusive does not negate each other. A parent may have been autistic AND abusive.
I think about this often. Both my parents are passed away, but I’m so often drawn to stories from my childhood where I can see the neurodivergence clearly now. Thanks so much for sharing your stories with us ❤❤❤
I relate so much to that literal thinking. There will always be disagreements but it's nice to know why we are like that. I look at myself from a few years ago and i can imagine myself getting in an argument about what choices i was making, i have lots of small regrets for example it could be buying something that i later regret but i geuss that's just growing up. It's nice knowing if i ever have children and i end up having an argument, i can remember that sometimes my brain is too black and white thinking and then i can reevaluate my mind. I also have a problem where if something doesn't work for me i will think it wont work for someone else and then I'll try save people from doing that thing, i guess it's still good to tell people your experiences but alot of the time they think im just a hater than that winds me up. Sorry i talk too much 😂 just feels good to get things off my chest
I had a bad high masking autistic father. he was emotionally unavailable. he never told us he loved us or that he was proud of us. he was unfaithful to my mom multiple times. he would only play with us by pretending to be a monster and it appeared that he enjoyed being frightening. he was a pomposterous, punitive authoritarian who taught me how to ride a bike, but that's about it. I lost respect for him. knowing he was autustic just buys him a little leeway, but not enough for me to excuse his behavior. your dad controls you with his disapproval. you give him a lot of grace. hope he can work on himself and be a better parent to you.
It’s very interesting that you said my dad controls me with his disapproval. What made you say that? Because I’ve had a feeling this is true but you just said it in a straight up fact way. I believe you are right. I’d like to be free from this kind of control. I feel like my ability to be successful is still somehow connected to him.
Thanks for your comment 🙏🏾
@@NeurodivergentMom I said it straight up because I wish someone told me the truth like that. when you said your dad looked at you with disgust when you were wearing a revealing outfit, I was taken back to the days when my dad would look at me with disapproval. we are wired to be very attuned to our parents. a huff, a hard stare, any small movement or gesture they make can activate our nervous systems. did I answer your question?
@@tracirex yes thank you
These videos are so helpful for neurodivergent people like us. ❤
🙏 Please also make a video on ALEXITHYMIA in Autistic people.
I got my autism from my dad. He and my brother are both undiagnosed. There are many tjings from growing up that i did not understand why he allowed them to happen. When i asked his answer was - it is all water under the bridge. He had so many strange sayings that made no sense. I have found it in my heart to forgive him but i went no contact for many years in my 20s. My daughters father is undiagnosed autistic and i really wish he could come to terms w it and learn to help himself and set a better example and have better relationship w her.
Dealing with undiagnosed family members can be SO hard because often they are the most NARROW MINDED and INTOLERANT of other people's neurodivergence.
@@NeurodivergentMom right!