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Proposal for next guest on the show: And Blomberg, founder of language learning app THINKIN. I was at his talk at SXSW and it was an absolute blast listening to his story. Although they are a quite young startup, here’s why I believe he’s a great fit for the show: - Alongside Speak and Elsa.Speak, THINKIN is leading the current disruption in the $40bn online language learning market. - While Speak is backed by OpenAI, THINKIN just got acquired by Netflix. - THINKIN makes a pretty bold move by choosing to not be on mobile. - Their app is popular among Hollywood stars including Selena Gomez, and also used by German Bundesliga football teams to help their international players learn the language. - They were recently mentioned on The Tim Ferriss Show. - They went through two startup accelerators. And Blomberg talked really spicy about those at SXSW.
I'd love to hear your take on all the details coming out about your past... and the fact that many things in your story don't line up as you have told them over the years. Are you going to address that?? I know you are aware of the article... but will you address the specific things they say you've lied about?
I love how Dr Amen said 20mins of quality time doing something the child loves...that's like finding the child's love language and using that time to show them they are loved. My dad did this so well and I am eternally grateful.
I was only able to see my father every other weekend since being four years old and my dad spent the time that he had with us all on us, talking playing, walking, hiking biking whatever we could do together we did it together and we had the best relationship a daughter could ever ask for, and I learned so much from him, and my own parenting of my three children and I’m forever grateful for him for doing that❤️❤️
I hang out with my gson who is 10 and has autism. I'm never on my phone. We run around, watch tv, play video games and go on hikes. He'll walk with me and just hug me. He is constantly asking me questions about life. It is the most amazing time I have with him.
@@abigailpierce4079 thank you. I can't even clean when he's at my house and watching tv. He'll call me and say, Shishi, look. Lol. I wish parents would spend quality time with their kids. I think I would see less issues at the psych hospital I workbat.
This interview is pure gold! Imagine if all parents were given this knowledge and the tools to be great parents. How much better our communities would be, how much generational trauma would be avoided. Crime rates would plummet.
I will practice the 20 minute more often with my daughter she's 3 and I notice she spends more time playing with her dad than with me and its always because he takes the time to play what she likes and even if I feel like I have a lot on my plate I will try to find those 20 minutes to play with her.
That is great! Try to do that every day, Even if it is before bedtime! It is nessesary to build that bond, as she grows… When you will look back, nothing will be more important than your relationship with your child/children ❤️ good luck! It will bring you both so much happiness, love and joy!
Even 10 minutes of child led play is absolutely amazing for children. Behaviour, connection, emotional safety. I learnt this in the Incredible Years parenting programme. It's amazing. 10 minutes no distraction.
In our house we (mom and dad) tell our two children that they are part of our team and we want to help everyone on our team to do well and make better choices so we will have a better life together. We thank them and say I love you many times a day. We ask them for age appropriate help and give some positive feedback. We treat them the way we wished we had been treated when we were growing and failing. We (mom and dad) both of us experienced ridicule when we made mistakes even over minor things, and we both recall being ignored or berated by peers, parents, teachers, and bosses. We learned early on what kind of people and parents we never wanted to become. Fast forward to our late 30s and early 40s we are parents to two young humans whose lives, their minds and thoughts and emotional development and capacity for empathy we cherish and care for and will protect at all costs.
My dad would take us on long car rides on the weekend just to go for a long ride and be in the same space together and I understand now why he did it. He would play games with us like asking us questions in regards to math he’d give us a scenario of kids how many kids getting on the bus at one stop and then the other and then we have to solve the problem and my dad was always, loving, but firm and just always there for us ready to listen when we needed him and those are some of my biggest memories as a child growing up just being in the car together
That is just beautiful! I do this with my son, sometimes just being in the car together, bonding, laughing, snacking, stopping somewhere beautiful 😊, doing the 20 question quiz together etc… such simple things, but so meaningful for our connection! Thank you ❤️
That's awesome I will try to do this with my 4 and 5 year old. I didn't have my dad growing up so this almost made me tear up but made me realize how much I can do for my kids ❤
My God… I loved two specific suggestions that I never knew how to put into words for my adult children who are now parents so they could help instill qualities they have but I didn’t know how my husband and I cultivated those traits. 1. Self esteem has closest correlation to hard work ethic ( our toddlers began chores at 2.5, had to have paying jobs at 14 on weekend, had to work full time summer jobs in high school) 2. Don’t help with home work, relay to child the potential consequences of them not doing it then allow them to experience them good or bad. 3. Also love love love the difference between saying to a child that’s doing a task like alphabet flash cards “ you’re so smart!” And instead say “ what a hard worker you are” so they inculcate hard work habits that pull them through tasks they’re not good at later on. Pure Gold
Oh this conversation is magical. This is required listening for all parents today. I’m sharing with every young parent in my life. 20 minutes a day with your child, uninterrupted, no cellphone, no distractions where you give no directions, no commands and ask no questions. This is golden. I needed this reminder Jay Shetty. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I literally can’t lol. If somebody could tell me how to not be adhd and on my phone be side children are incredibly boring… Not saying this negatively but even with ppl my brains like… I’m under stimulated let’s find out how plausibly a gas giant could host aquatic life. And I do try to pretend I’m interested… but he knows… he goes *your face looks bored* And he’s a brilliant, smart, empathetic, loving kid. But I can barely focus on anything with undivided attention
I just stumbled across this video somehow and I had no idea how wrong I’ve been when it comes to parenting. It’s like this doctor was talking directly too me. I’m going to have to watch this multiple more times until I grasp everything he is saying. Thank you for this video.
This is beautiful. I am in a similar boat. I have a 22 month old and I haven't been able to decide on what type of a parent I want to be. Other than that, I know I hope they get my strong sense of self and intuition, and I hope I am the parent they will come to and discuss everything with. I want to be that parent that they actually will go to for advice before making major decisions.
The games I played with my kids since they were kids 1. Story and f tickle 2. Hide and seek 3. Reading big picture books they like 4. Blocks 5. Garden time ( they loved swing so much that I used to stand there and talk while they are on swing) 6. Dancing together Etc etc Now they are above 5 year and I play 1. Snakes and ladder 2. Making lemon juice and lemon tea they like 3. Colouring with them 4. Tickle game Sharing just for reference… All kids have different choices
As a child my most elevated moments were when my aunt took my hand and danced with me. I felt extremely special and loved. No one ever took any time with ever. No birthdays, no celebrations for me or my accomplishments. Thanks for the list. With my son I played Chinese checkers and read books at bed time every night until he read better than me and he read the books to me. ❤
Me who hates playing… I’m always kinda envious of parents who enjoy play. I hate it to my core… I have so much to do in a day and it feel wasteful. I want to, but I just find myself redirecting to learning or reading or researching something. Which makes me feel more guilty because my 5 year old does homework religiously and i feel it’s because it’s the only time my adhd brain is engaged
Both of my parents exhibit traits of sociopathic narcissism, making them deeply abusive individuals who seek to control every aspect of my life. After much reflection and self-preservation, I have made the decision to sever ties with them. I no longer engage in communication with them and have chosen to distance myself entirely. It's a necessary step for my well-being and personal growth. Thanx Jay and thank you Dr.Daniel.
Sad…. I see this trend more and more…. Sometimes you do have to distance yourself but ideally come around again stronger and wiser to rebuild the relationship. Our parents did their best and loved us in the best way they could…. If they meant well I would honor that… somehow
Why would you sever ties with them? If you're mature now you should be the one helping them understand how things that they've done hurt you and try to rebuild your relationship with them. They raised you, you have no idea how hard it is for parents to raise their kids. Don't be fooled by modern ideology that teach you how to be selfish. Unless your parents are hurting you physically or mentally there is no reason for you to turn your back to them. Without them, there would be no you
Honestly, this book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ gave me the encouragement I needed to stay strong in raising my kids with Christian values, it’s comforting to know Im not alone on this journey
@@KeemzOpenDoorsDropping a link without any personal reflection is pure laziness. True Christian values come from the teachings of Jesus Christ, not the Catholic Church. If anyone, whether they are an individual or organisation, isn't following the teachings of Christ, they are sinning. If you reject Jesus because of the Catholic Church or anyone else who aren't faithfully following Christ, that's on you, not them.
My parents were amazing ❤ When I was a torrential teenager, one parent would take me for a long drive. We'd sit there, maybe make small talk, but eventually I would open up and talk about what was bothering me or on my mind, and it was my parents' way of reaching me & supporting me during a difficult phase in life. It helped in so many ways, and now I really strive to provide the same stability and nurturing for my two kiddos ❤🥹
I disagree with Dr Amen on the "never tell your kids they're smart" point. I was never told that I was smart or intelligent until I reached my mid-20's, and I heard it from my Supervisor at work. I can't overstate how big of a confidence boost this was for me. When my stepdaughter get's down on herself and tells me "I can't do this, I don't know how", I get her to say "I haven't figured out how to do this yet" instead. I tell her the only difference between her not knowing something, and knowing it, is time and effort.. you have the intelligence to learn it, you just have to put it in the work.
Very few adults and almost none of my teachers had ever praised me as “smart”. Instead I heard wordings like “hardworking”, “dedicated”, “well-behaved” all the time… Have to admit it’s discouraging, but I just comfort myself they learn modern pedagogy too well🙃
Does he actually state : don't tell them they're not smart. Period. Or did he say something along the lines of don't tell your kid they're smart at something they're not smart at? You don't need to tell your kids they're dumb for sure, but the whole fake compliments is bs. "Smart" is a nothing word. Be specific and authentic. That's what builds confidence.
There's a lot of gold in here but telling a kid don't brush your teeth and your teeth are going to fall out later on in life. As an example. Do that five times and really paint the picture guess what they're still not going to brush their teeth. Taking them to the dentist and having a single tooth drilled. On the way home tell them, it's cool you just can get tooth drillings twice a year because you don't enjoy brushing your teeth. This works. My kids now scrub their teeth for 2 minutes twice a day LOL on their own. They need to feel and experience the actions of bad decision making. They need to close that car door on their hand. Etc.
@@agirlisnoone5953he said not to praise them as ‘smart’ because if there is something that isn’t easy to learn, they may then question whether they really are smart.
My son is about to turn 3 and he's my entire world. I would do absolutely anything to keep him safe and protect him. With that being said, I agree 100% with everything Dr. Amen is saying. We have to think about the longevity of our parenting decisions. Allowing your child to forget his hw over and over again by bringing it to him will save him in the moment, but what damage is that doing to him long term? He learns no lessons when you bring it. He becomes that much wiser and stronger when you allow him to suffer the consequences of the mistake.
Keep devices away as long as possible. And don’t let anyone but you have a say so . I let my kids father get my son a cell even tho I said no, I let my parents buy him video games even tho I said no , and it messed him up . Struggled in school and creeps and explicit content being sent to him . Thankfully I caught it in time and realized my wrong in the way this played out also . But hearing this podcast reassured me that setting that boundary and explaining to his dad and my parents that it was in his best interest not to have any tech till he was 18 or out my house , only now they listen after seeing the negative side effects. Don’t let that happen
@@alexandriasimental4096 I’m sorry you had to learn the hard way with that. Luckily, my husband and I both are very firm with the no tech rule. It was discussed before our son was born. If family try to offer him a video to watch on their cell phone, I kindly move it away and let them know he doesn’t need it. It sometimes creates awkward tension, but that’s nothing compared to the long term damage they can cause.
I found this video on my suggestions to watch this morning, after just having an awful morning with my 2 year old. After texting my husband when I got to work, I literally said, we need to figure out something different to do with J. Kicking and screaming and just being mean. I know that what she is doing is because she can't communicate how she is feeling. She's a great talker, but can't always find the words. I'm always in a rush and trying to get everyone ready for work and school. This video just calmed my heart and eased my guilty conscience of being upset and angry when she wasn't cooperating or listening. I ordered the book before the end. Gosh knows I need help with my 5 step kids too. ❤ Thank you!!
Hugs for you sweet mama! I’m pregnant with number 5 and they’re all my own. So hard! But I can’t imagine working while raising and loving 5 kids that aren’t my own. What a cross and blessing you have! You are amazing for caring so much about your kiddos as well as your step children!
It seems no matter what as parents we will never be perceived as doing enough. As humans we come here to learn and grow and grow. Parents are 20yrs older and the things they know are different from their children. Most born with generational trauma, trauma in the womb, raised in trauma all to have to filter it out and go on a journey to find who they are outside of all their “traumas” who they are… There’s no sheet code, in this dense dark world. I did ALLL THE THINGS! and it still wasn’t enough. We need to change society back to 1 income households. So, ppl can better keep up on all the new things, to hear all the whispers, volunteer at the school. Just slow down… Women are working pregnant and stressed, sending children into daycares (strangers) to pay them money so they can go make money to contribute to household expenses. Jesus come! ❤
I actually agree with everything you said. My wife and I came together with a very progressive view on the non-traditional values, but have been fortunate to find ourselves in VERY traditional roles. This has allowed her to be with our children as a SAHM. It’s not easy. It is emotionally taxing in a way that her going to work would not be. I believe it would be good for our future generations to be more connected to their families, but there is a trend in the modern family to disconnect and be - quite honestly - selfish.
Here I am thinking I’m completely f*ing this up (parenting) just to hear I’m actually doing it right 🤯 we need to work on bonding more as a family unit.
Jay Shetty is the GOAT interviewer! He asks questions that the audience wants an answer to and didn't even know we wanted. (And he likely already knows the answer to most)
i think im a great dad at least in my heart and the willingness to be with my children and play with them and teaching them, what i sorely lack is this kind of knowledge
I loved all of it except for the 20 minute a day thing. That's simply not enough time to reach the level of connection he's talking about. If you only devote 20 minutes a day to anything you won't ever become the best at it.
Who is thankful for seeing Dr Daniel Amen back on the podcast this 2024!? Another greatness parental conversation l have heard especially when my own are out of town for myself to do better work in this week! Keep the consistency going Jay, since so much of your audience is resnosating to your work
This is a timely indeed topic. I am a Sri Lankan PhD scholar. Sometimes I feel very bad about me and about my child. I have this guilt cycle. What I have learnt in my journey is this. For us to become more balanced and more a better parent is not an individual task. It has a wholistic approach. Partners, care givers, work environment stress, economic stabilty so on etc all have to come in good combination. Sometimes we may know what is actually going on, we know the methods too. But we fail in practicing them sometimes
As an adult born in the 80s, people being in their phones at dinner reminds me of eating with a TV on in my childhood. When we had one TV in the living room we talked while we ate in the dining room. Then we got a TV in the dining room and didn’t talk. But my parents didn’t like each other sometimes although they had amongst the best relationship of the people we knew. Then it was tv trays in the living room and stopped using the dining room except holidays. Video games, TV, and phones are a symptom of people avoiding something else I think 😅
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This 20 mins a day play is golden. I do notice a huge difference in my children after I play with them uninterrupted and most importantly play what they find amusing. After our short play my daughters listen to me and obeys the rules. They look at me adoringly. It is truly amazing!!!
Watching/listening to this with my 4yr old while we are eating breakfast and she's making some statements like shes processes what she's hearing and I'm proud of how far we have come in the past 4 yrs that she's having complexed convention with me on what shes listening to 😊🙏 what a blessing to live in this time where we can educate ourselves. ❤
I have twin girls and from a very young age I used to give them a choice after explaining to them about the pros and cons of their options and allowed them to choose. They were always responsible for their own choices good or bad and they always chose the right ones almost every time.
I never yell at my kids, never smack, always try to be emotionally regulated but show them that it's ok to be sad or cry .. problem is, I didn't grow up with boundaries. No rules, no love or care. I don't know how to create boundaries .. it makes me feel like they will hate me. I know, from looking around, that all kids need and do better in life with them.. I just don't know how to go about it. This video has made me realise I need to get help to learn. Thank you.
20 mins of quality time doing something the child loves. That's like finding child's love language and using that time that they are loved. 20 mins of no command, directions or judgement. Listen and try to find the feeling behind it. Dont try to pour your wisdom on them. If you look weird, you'll hang out with weird people. Mentally strong kids don't believe everything they think.! They should Always question their vulnerable thoughts. If You blame other people for your life, then you become a victim and powerless. Just be curious rather than being furious.! If you have the expectation, they'll do it the first time, like catheline(child's name) you have to take the trash out within next 30 mins and if she doesn't the say sweetheart you can take the trash out now or face the consequences. I love her, she knows it but if she's not disciplined has to face the consequences. Stop threatening them and then not following through.! Because you teach them, you've to tell them and bit angry 😡 in order for them to do what's you asked them to do.! Earlier you start better for them. If you're not spending time with kids their friends will take this place and they might not be right advice or right ear 👂🏾 for them.! Being on social media, creates Toxic level of self absorption. Who's looking at me? Who am I looking at.? Who am I following? Self absorbed people are never happy.! Everybody's not doing it(being on social media) I love you so much that I'm gonna protect you. All studies shows that saying this makes kids more vulnerable. Continually pressing on the pleasure centres in your brain and more and more you press on them they become numb. And you need more and more excitement, stimulation in order to fell anything.! Divorce is not good but staying in a chronically unhappy, conflicted negative relationship is worst.! Best thing you can do to your child is love your spouse. If you are divorced, be really careful not to talk bad about spouse. That child is half you and half them.! So if you're talking bad about their mother,they feel bad about themselves. It increases the cortisol level in their body and makes them more likely to be sick. Focus on what you like in others. It doesn't mean they've ADHD, it just may mean their nervous system is not fully myelinated. When you're born, there's not much myeline in brain(white fatty substance). Myelinated neurons work 10 to 100 times faster than unmyelinated one.! When we're 2 month's old our occipital lobe in the back becomes myelinated and when at the age of 25 it finishes slowly till the frontal lobe. And so expecting child to act like an adult is bad. But you can teach them the techniques of self soothing, like take a big breath and exhale as slowly as you can.
I’m not a parent and never spend time with children but I still found this eye opening. It’s sad how many of these problems are normalised in our society. They’re simple mistakes but cause such devastating long term mental health issues. Children are the future.
Omg, I've been saying this for at least 34 years! "Don't send children to be raised by strangers. Yes, attachment. But also..The children FAR outnumber the adults, the ignorant & undeveloped end up influencing & raising one another. The blind leading the blind." This is why after being in child dev't & care & experiencing "parents", I stayed at home & educated my kids myself.
Few say that, when they grow up in diverse environment, they learn real lessons.. If they are with parents, they just become mom2.0 or dad 2.o versions.. where parents might be/not be the ideal ones.. Very confusing concept..
Just because they're being raised at home, doesn't mean that they're secluded from the world. A good dynamic would be stay at home while also getting out in the real world with diversity.@@Pravinamadoori
@@marcicampbell3309depends on the personality. I’m a stay at home mom who utilized daycare 2x a week for socialization. I’m not social. Unless I drink, it’s exhausting and draining. I noticed when my kid was around me all day… he showed massive traits of high social anxiety, stranger avoidance, (part is natural my youngest in pure extrovert and that makes me wanna stay home more)… but once he adjusted to daycare (took a few months), he came out of his shell. Now he’s in kindergarten and thriving. More than I could provide. I provided the knowledge… he’s doing work well above his grade level… but I couldn’t provide the social. Or structure
😢 very good information, 25 years too late. I had kids at a young age and did not know these things- actually did not even have time to think about these things bc I was a stressed young mother and was busy trying to keep them fed. The results you speak of- are true.
I had my kids not so young and I’m in the same boat, no one teach this or maybe I should say some now are teaching us trough this channels because we have seen the results we have now…
I am a devastated parent of teens... listening to this I feel so disheartened, wish this was on my radar when my kids were little. I have always given them and still do - a lot of time, effort and love. I have never been too hard on them or pressured them to be high achievers (mistake??). But as teens they have not turned out that great I don't think. One has ADHD (which is obviously not her fault etc, and it's not a problem in itself) and is very challenging, engaging in risky behaviour that of course I don't condone and am heart broken about. She takes any criticism extremely personally and just wants to run away from home every time things get challenging. The other one is a very anxious with depressive episodes, has engaged in self harm and other things that are completely incomprehensible to me. Let me also say that my marriage is absolutely great, nothing but love and affection, and no arguments. I also feel like Instagram and Tik Tok have been the other two parents in this family. I am honestly at a loss and feel like I have failed to prepare them for life.
It might help to to take social media away. The pressures of this world are extreme and it is not all your fault. You can only do your best and whatever direction your children decide to go from that is their decision, because they have free agency. But since they are still young, definitely think about taking away social media, especially tik tok. It's been known that that App in particular has been responsible for harming the young ones due to the algorithm targeting them in negative ways.
@JessMichael150 thank you for your kind words. I have tried to shield them both from social media for the longest time. Of course they find their way to it one way or another. They are 18 and 19 now, not much I can do. I just wanted a simple life and thought that love was enough. I hope that one day they are able to live peacefully and accept themselves. In the meantime I can't help feeling disappointed and desperately worried for them 😞
Yes, this would be ideal. However they need to agree to do it as they are legally considered adults. They both drive, they have casual jobs, they attend school / university. They also must have access to technology for their education. There is no realistic way for me to stop them from having sugar or carbs as they are grown up, have their own money and social lives. The only thing that keeps me going is that they might wake up one day and start behaving reasonably. In the meantime I'll just have to deal with my sadness :(
Once when my daughter was around 18/19 while she was unhinged screaming about every little time I upset her in her life and in the middle of her meltdown I said to her, what do you want from me? What do I have to do for you? I do not want to have this kind of relationship with you. She instantly stopped freaking out, she had no real answer to that and our relationship is the best it has ever been since. That one question changed everything.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
My parents and others told me how smart I was my whole life and I continue to tell myself that no matter what. I disagree saying that is wrong. Maybe say youre working so hard as well. My subconscious has programmed myself to constantly say im smart and it encourages the hell out of me to learn and grow. Maybe its just my definition of smart.
I have meet some people who need that constant praises to keep emotional balance because their parents say that to them all the time. Maybe your situation is different but based on my experience empty praises make people emotional dependents and lazy thinker. I have a 5 year old boy, I do not say empty “you are smart”. I rather say encouraging words like “You did it. See it was not that hard”. I say “It is okay to make mistake. It is part of learning” because he is a perfectionist. My dad said to me once, “Math is so easy”. All my college years, I never study math. I didn’t even do homework. I only come in for exam. My friend hate me because I get A with little effort. A parent’s words can be very life changing to a child so I am choosing my words carefully to my son. I don’t need him to feel smart. I need him to achieve his highest potential and mentally strong.
Perhaps we can say, “you work smart” bc I don’t want them to be stuck on working “hard” it’s good to work hard but there is also other ways like working creatively and smart as well..
I agree. I was told the opposite. "You need to work harder for everything. You're average." When I was an adult I found an IQ test from kindergarten. I was 2 points away from gifted. Never had any schooling before kindergarten and grew up poor with a single mom. Still had such a high IQ that they labeled me as "adhd" bc they wanted to hold me back. I always tell my son how smart he is, and he makes straight A's and thinks everything is easy to learn. He's at the top of his class.
Great episode. I was the middle child. The responsible one. I didn’t matter so I had to do everything myself. My siblings were always catered to. I wasn’t. It made me stronger.
My father used to rear me when i did bad things as a kid. In those days it was already frowned upon to do so. He would say to me “I rather see you cry now as a kid and learn a lesson than to see you cry as a man in jail to learn that same lesson”. Stop thinking your hurting you kid by touching them up, we all need tough love too.
I work at a psych hospital and the focus for treatment is always the adolescent. I always give them a list of YT channels, books etc for the parents. They appreciate it bc they don't know what to do.
Amazing interview and information… Didn’t know this before. ..but I start reading together with my son for 30 minutes a day…. my son did not like it at first … I told him this is one way for us to bond…now he knows after dinner and after his piano practice..we read . We also eat together without any phone on sight.
Thank you for this Dr. Amen. I felt physically sick having to withdraw my help to my college student. I vented to my friends but to my son he sees me as the stone cold Marine. It’s hard as a single parent to balance the masculine and feminine line. I’m holding firm with him but in private it sucks.
I'm going through a very similar situation. My children are teens, and I'm a single father. It's incredibly hard trying to find the right amount of balance.
@@adb2490I have realized that those 20 mins daily are magical for my kiddos...sometimes they want more time and i cant always give it to them, so i cherish the time that we do have...
I believe the very first and last rule to raising a child is Love, unconditional love, love your kid how God loves him or her! Kids are all individuals, if you just live by love you won’t have to teach they will ask to learn, I still tie my 10 year olds shoe laces, he struggles yet in school he is gifted! His mom was a boxer, i used to gang bang, yet I don’t teach him to be tough, I just love him, the toughness will come, I’m a hard worker, he offers to help without asking! Love them unconditionally and allow them to love themselves unconditionally!
Ty tee for the advice, my kid will tie his own shoes when I’m not around and he will eventually get it right and I help him meanwhile, I have no problem with his flaws because his talents are far beyond and his love and self love is as well, and his heart is completely open to God Out of respect to you I explain myself and I will continue to tie his shoes
Essentially what he described is coaching kids. Coaching, if done well, is incredibly empowering and only through coaching we can grow mentally healthy, independently thinking human beings.
When my kids were in elementary school, they were responsible for making their own lunch and making sure they took it to school.Each one of them forgot their lunch once. When I took them their lunch, I told them that if I had to ever bring it again, I was bringing bread and water. I never had to do that because they knew I meant it!
@@rustyshackelford3109 You're right, bringing a child bread and water to eat for lunch is child abuse. Right up there with teaching them how to be self sufficient and responsible.
I considered explaining this to my dad but stopped my self. Not sure if it’s a good or negative thing but ultimately I know I need to correct it from my part as a mother. This video was very revelatory and I hope to honor my self and work on my ego and allow the management of my child in a healthy way. That self attack was just wow. I can’t control the processing of my father and I have realize that it’s not a reflection of my self nor my responsibility but what is, is being to be present and balance my ego for my self and break the cycle. I need this book please.
Love Dr. Amen! Great advice. And I agree, being present with your children is of utmost importance! And having them learn from their own mistakes (with support) is helpful for them in the long run.
Our dad is a physician now in late 60s but when we were growing up he would play with us for 1 hour daily no matter what ! That’s where we learned passively that we cannot disappoint this man !
First time I’ve sat through Jays podcast only because my wife has told me about Dr Amen did it interest me but really enjoyed this, Jay has a natural ability to ask great questions and dig deeper, will be tuning in for more.
Such powerful messages from dr Amen, especially about parents who talk to much because their own anxiety & how important it is to just stop and listen to children. Thank yo both!
Whew this is so good! People really have no boundaries with their children and then I have to have the conversations with my child because these awful untamed kids running around making other kids life miserable.
Exactly like teaching your kids not to bully and be kind to 1 another no matter what kind of shoes and clothes they have on or the color of their skin.
I like what this Dr teaches. Some things I think are his particular personal preferences… I personally know how hard it is to survive in this world and economy and if my adult children ever needed to come home for a time. I would welcome them and I don’t see that as entitlement. We are family and we are there for one another. I also think it’s important they’ve exhausted everything they could to keep that independence before coming home.
What works for my family and parenting doesn’t necessarily mean that will work for others and vice versa. Please just be the parent your child needs. Love them, be there for them and build bond. Don’t get too attached to your child because kids are gift from God. We don’t own them, they’re gift that can be taken anytime.
Like I got only one daughter. When she got married I experienced empty nest sickness for about a month. It was so difficult. I was sick . Couldn't eat sleep do anything yet there was nothing wrong with me when I saw a doctor 😅.
The difficulty is for those of us who really have done all the things--not perfectly, of course--but when we have listened to all the advice, allowed the natural consequences, loved unconditionally, limited screentime, spent quality time with them, showed up for them when they need us, without making ourselves too available, allowed them to make their own decisions and stood with them through their mistakes, but the brain is not working right! So, we provide them with counseling, medical intervention, alternative health practitioners and methods, etc. and still, to seemingly no avail! Is there hope?
Unfortunately, often the internet, tiktok etc parents them too. Also their peers and other influences. Hang in there, take heart in knowing ypu did your best.
I want to teach them to not take themselves too seriously and to not follow anyone else’s advice since everyone is fallible and flawed and what makes sense to one person won’t always make sense for another person. I want them to always know it is their choice and then should feel confident in their choices and accept the experience if things don’t always work out the way they hoped. Hope for the best but expect to keep learning all their lives.
My daughter loves special time. It really means the world to her. It's just she and so I thought we had quality time every day but completely multitasking. We play whatever she wants and just hang out. Uninterrupted
Jay, can I please just say that you are SUCH a brilliant interviewer! I am so impressed and I noticed that in all of your interviews, you are a great listener and ask sooo relevant and crucial questions, so thank you for that! ❤ keep up the amazing work🙏
He’s a prick look at what’s been published on the guardian about him. You should also watch his interview with Jada Smith that was a terrible interview.
Im 30, my girls are 5 and 8, i tried this and it works..but then down the line i stopped because of stress and lifes frustrations.. Hoping to get back so my girls are strong
After hearing about the Ruby Franke case recently, where many have lambasted her for the incident where she wouldn't bring her child food to school because they forgot it... it's easy to see how creating boundaries/enforcing consequences can be taken to the extreme. I do agree that there should be consequences yet by the same token, if the child has adhd and forgets because its beyond their capacity- it would only reinforce feelings of failure. I see this as A highlighted difference between "loving control" and into the hostile arena. Fascinating interview! Much to think on how my own militant upbringing has shaped my mind!
Good point! I find parents who take it to the extreme don't understand why they are doing things. Like my parents were strict, believed they should be feared and shouldn't be friends to their kids. They were mean for no reason, said NO when ever I asked anything and were my worst bully's. I was a lonely and very anxious kid but as an adult they expect me to be their best friend and give them all my attention. I believe they meant well but they followed a parenting style without using critical thinking. Edit: Ruby on the other hand is just plain awful
That was the only thing I didn't like about this whole video. We all forget things sometimes. I wouldn't be able to say "oh oh! My kid forgot his/her food, he/she can go hungry to learn not to forget it next time" and no I don't care how old said kid is, I will bring the food in a heartbeat!
The 'Always tell the truth' rule can be incredibly damaging in later life, in a society where doing so will make them really unpopular, and even potentially endanger them in certain situations. One possible blind spot but I loved this conversation, thank you.
I really like Dr. Amen's commentary on how to reflect when things go wrong or we have a bad day etc. 'Be curious instead of being furious'. I'm going to take that advice & see how it can affect my life.
@@je5107 faith noun noun: faith 1. complete trust or confidence in someone or something. "this restores one's faith in politicians" Similar: trust belief confidence conviction credence reliance dependence optimism hopefulness hope expectation Opposite: mistrust 2.strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof. "bereaved people who have shown supreme faith"
@@je5107 well as that was the point of the post you were replying too. Maybe you need a remedial reading class. They may have a spot at your local elementary perhaps you should school check it out.
@@je5107 well that’s one of the qualities I put in the post your were responding to. The answer is there. Perhaps you require a remedial reading and comprehension course. There may be one at your local elementary school you should consider enrollment.
49:00 staying in a chronically unhappy, conflicted, negative relationship is WORST EVER. Im glad that i can handle that, eventhough frustated a lot. Btw im married now and having 3YO boy, i really work hard to not get into that relationship. Keep reminding myself that everyone isnt perfect. If you have something that you don’t like in relationship, please talk and discuss about it in good way.
My son's were 3-Sport Athletes, so we were busy with coaching, being a team parent, taxi'in the boys around for games and practices. Our weekends were games or tournaments. In high-school, they had practice everyday. It was difficult for them to work due to team commitments. They didn't start working until after graduating hs and that was only the summer in between school. They played college ball too. I did the best I could, but when they forgot homework, I would bring it to them. They didn't do it often.... I was always prepared for if they didn't have a coat or whatever. They're in their 20's now, still young and figuring things out.
With the emphasis that you seemed to have placed on athletics, are they athletes today in their adult lives? And do you feel like the athletics protected them from the freedom that might have led other kids to things like recreational drugs and partying? Just curious as a younger mom and as a non-athlete
@@MrsGarcia_xI have two kids that swim competitively and we were in a similar situation where it's school, practice twice 6 day a week only to shave splits of a second off their swim times. I did all the other stuff, cleaning their rooms , homework, emptying the laundry basket and taking the dogs for a walk was their only chores. They are both at University now... doing very well the competitive nature of being apart of swim club made them more deciplined than their peers. They also understand the meaning of working towards a goal and managing outcomes, visualizing. I will add that we are a close knit family we play alot of board games together (we traveled alot) we have movie,pizza,sushi game,breakfast for dinner nights often. But most importantly we are honest with one another and we always show up .
I help out my kid when she messes up, bring her lunch if she forgot it or music instrument…she needs to know I care for her and when she is old enough she will at some point be responsible for herself, but while she is young she needs to feel that care. That’s the most important!
I agree… we can’t expect young children to have adult responsibility on an everyday basis. It’s okay to help them find interest in responsibility and when they take the responsibility then scaffold that.
I came to know Christ in jail in 2013 by reading a book, "Overcoming spiritual blindness" by James P. Gills MD. The veil was taken off my eyes. Heaven came through for me in my finances too, getting $25,000 monthly. I can support God's work and give back to my community. God is absolutely more than enough!
I was hesitant to listen to this episode and to my surprise there is so much useful information. My kids are young adults and I find myself trying to deepen our relationship. I agree with Jay when he expands on the concept of win or learn. Am working on softening my voice and creative listening instead of critical listening.
I was taught to sit in mindfulness meditation around 5yoa by my mum. I think Jay's suggestions were great about being mindful in an activity. I think whilst bearing in mind little childrens' brains aren't myelinated like adults', repeated activity will encourage those connections and myelinated neuronal pathways.
my kids forget their lunch/Jackets maybe once or twice a quarter.. i take it to them. I want them to learn to have compassion and help others where there’s a genuine need.
LOVE Dr. Amen!! Love the 20 min. a day with your child, it really makes a world of difference. Question for Dr. Amen: If a child is developmentally delayed is that a brain issue that can be helped/fixed? Is a brain scan helpful?
Oh, you mean the Brain Experts! They're a group of scientists and researchers who study the brain and how it works. They're super smart and have made some amazing discoveries about how our brains function.
My wife says I am the best father because I spend so much time with my children. I have a 6 yr old who since 2 has been a strong willed resistent child. She begins the day seeking attention. I have to give her at least 20 devoted minutes playing exactly what she wants to feel peace to move on. As parents we are very busy with work and kids. Fighting off being on tablets or youtube and fostering high quality activitives and growing experiences.
While I understand not wanting to solve your child’s problems etc. But as I listen to you say “don’t bring their homework if they forget it. Don’t bring them a sweater or their lunch if they forget”…all I can hear is that video of Ruby Franke espousing this same sentiment. I don’t want my child to become an entitled kid with no sense of responsibility but parents can take what you are saying and run the absolute wrong way with it. I don’t agree that refusing to bring forgotten homework or a forgotten lunch is going to rob your child of agency and resilience. Depending on your child it may reinforce their ability to trust and connect with their parent. Which you also say is vital. Every kid is different. You can’t blanket apply a lot of these concepts. Every kid is different.
The last thing said “ love is setting boundaries “ , so true, always seen boundaries as part of education. He was talking also about learning from mistakes and from consequences, but what about teaching children right from wrong? Also about teaching them to analyse and think? For example when you read a story to a child do you explain the meaning to them ? Because I think this makes the difference between mediocre and intelligent people or adults.
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What is something you learned from Dr. Amen?
I’d like to invite you to join this community and subscribe to the channel. By hitting the 'Subscribe' button, you're not just becoming a subscriber - you're choosing to make a positive difference in your life.
Will you have Dr Amen on to discuss PANS and PANDAS?
Proposal for next guest on the show: And Blomberg, founder of language learning app THINKIN.
I was at his talk at SXSW and it was an absolute blast listening to his story. Although they are a quite young startup, here’s why I believe he’s a great fit for the show:
- Alongside Speak and Elsa.Speak, THINKIN is leading the current disruption in the $40bn online language learning market.
- While Speak is backed by OpenAI, THINKIN just got acquired by Netflix.
- THINKIN makes a pretty bold move by choosing to not be on mobile.
- Their app is popular among Hollywood stars including Selena Gomez, and also used by German Bundesliga football teams to help their international players learn the language.
- They were recently mentioned on The Tim Ferriss Show.
- They went through two startup accelerators. And Blomberg talked really spicy about those at SXSW.
Idea for next guest: And Blomberg from THINKIN. He gave a great talk at SXSW and they just got acquired by Netflix.
I'd love to hear your take on all the details coming out about your past... and the fact that many things in your story don't line up as you have told them over the years. Are you going to address that?? I know you are aware of the article... but will you address the specific things they say you've lied about?
It would be great if you could do a podcast with Ronaldo
I love how Dr Amen said 20mins of quality time doing something the child loves...that's like finding the child's love language and using that time to show them they are loved. My dad did this so well and I am eternally grateful.
❤❤❤
I was only able to see my father every other weekend since being four years old and my dad spent the time that he had with us all on us, talking playing, walking, hiking biking whatever we could do together we did it together and we had the best relationship a daughter could ever ask for, and I learned so much from him, and my own parenting of my three children and I’m forever grateful for him for doing that❤️❤️
I have been following him for awhile and this has helped me so much as parent! When kids feel respected they will give it back much more often. ❤️
I guess I need to learn to play video games. 😁
@@sweetbeautyblu9921 Same here…😅
I hang out with my gson who is 10 and has autism. I'm never on my phone. We run around, watch tv, play video games and go on hikes. He'll walk with me and just hug me. He is constantly asking me questions about life. It is the most amazing time I have with him.
I love that 😍 you're a good Gmom...
@@abigailpierce4079 thank you. I can't even clean when he's at my house and watching tv. He'll call me and say, Shishi, look. Lol. I wish parents would spend quality time with their kids. I think I would see less issues at the psych hospital I workbat.
You are wonderful
You make my heart smile ❤😊 thank you for being his best friend and parent
You are such a bright light in his life. So precious ❤
This interview is pure gold! Imagine if all parents were given this knowledge and the tools to be great parents. How much better our communities would be, how much generational trauma would be avoided. Crime rates would plummet.
You are absolutely correct that a great majority of society's issues start in the home. You'll never hear a politician talk about this.
I will practice the 20 minute more often with my daughter she's 3 and I notice she spends more time playing with her dad than with me and its always because he takes the time to play what she likes and even if I feel like I have a lot on my plate I will try to find those 20 minutes to play with her.
That is great! Try to do that every day, Even if it is before bedtime! It is nessesary to build that bond, as she grows… When you will look back, nothing will be more important than your relationship with your child/children ❤️ good luck! It will bring you both so much happiness, love and joy!
I'm like you. I'll try too.
My son doesn't even acknowledge his mother anymore despite her sharing the same address. Please step it up for all of your sake
Even 10 minutes of child led play is absolutely amazing for children. Behaviour, connection, emotional safety.
I learnt this in the Incredible Years parenting programme.
It's amazing. 10 minutes no distraction.
I read about this 20 min a day for each child. The parenting book is called listen by patty wipfler . Such a good read imo
In our house we (mom and dad) tell our two children that they are part of our team and we want to help everyone on our team to do well and make better choices so we will have a better life together. We thank them and say I love you many times a day. We ask them for age appropriate help and give some positive feedback. We treat them the way we wished we had been treated when we were growing and failing. We (mom and dad) both of us experienced ridicule when we made mistakes even over minor things, and we both recall being ignored or berated by peers, parents, teachers, and bosses. We learned early on what kind of people and parents we never wanted to become. Fast forward to our late 30s and early 40s we are parents to two young humans whose lives, their minds and thoughts and emotional development and capacity for empathy we cherish and care for and will protect at all costs.
"God gave us parents until our frontal lobes developed"
This is such a great reminder for boundries ❤
You mean, once a child developed his 9r her ftomtal lobe, the paents should stop parenting their child??
South East Asians are laughing.
That sounds like an excuse for Gen Z kids...
My dad would take us on long car rides on the weekend just to go for a long ride and be in the same space together and I understand now why he did it. He would play games with us like asking us questions in regards to math he’d give us a scenario of kids how many kids getting on the bus at one stop and then the other and then we have to solve the problem and my dad was always, loving, but firm and just always there for us ready to listen when we needed him and those are some of my biggest memories as a child growing up just being in the car together
That is just beautiful! I do this with my son, sometimes just being in the car together, bonding, laughing, snacking, stopping somewhere beautiful 😊, doing the 20 question quiz together etc… such simple things, but so meaningful for our connection! Thank you ❤️
That's awesome I will try to do this with my 4 and 5 year old. I didn't have my dad growing up so this almost made me tear up but made me realize how much I can do for my kids ❤
My God… I loved two specific suggestions that I never knew how to put into words for my adult children who are now parents so they could help instill qualities they have but I didn’t know how my husband and I cultivated those traits. 1. Self esteem has closest correlation to hard work ethic ( our toddlers began chores at 2.5, had to have paying jobs at 14 on weekend, had to work full time summer jobs in high school)
2. Don’t help with home work, relay to child the potential consequences of them not doing it then allow them to experience them good or bad.
3. Also love love love the difference between saying to a child that’s doing a task like alphabet flash cards “ you’re so smart!” And instead say “ what a hard worker you are” so they inculcate hard work habits that pull them through tasks they’re not good at later on. Pure Gold
Thanks for sharing this. I'm good to try this
Thanks a lot for this. I have a one year old and I am so scared. I am learning so much stuff so that I do anything wrong. ❤
@@gayathrigovindiyer2971 don’t be afraid, be glad and thankful.
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Oh this conversation is magical. This is required listening for all parents today. I’m sharing with every young parent in my life. 20 minutes a day with your child, uninterrupted, no cellphone, no distractions where you give no directions, no commands and ask no questions. This is golden. I needed this reminder Jay Shetty. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I literally can’t lol. If somebody could tell me how to not be adhd and on my phone be side children are incredibly boring…
Not saying this negatively but even with ppl my brains like… I’m under stimulated let’s find out how plausibly a gas giant could host aquatic life.
And I do try to pretend I’m interested… but he knows… he goes *your face looks bored*
And he’s a brilliant, smart, empathetic, loving kid. But I can barely focus on anything with undivided attention
Going on hikes and camping trips really helps bond with the kiddos, no phone service , with a new adventure for all. 🔥 show
Love that!!!
I downloaded stuff on my phone for camping. But we def still do it.
I just stumbled across this video somehow and I had no idea how wrong I’ve been when it comes to parenting. It’s like this doctor was talking directly too me. I’m going to have to watch this multiple more times until I grasp everything he is saying. Thank you for this video.
It's beautiful that you are trying to be a BETTER parent
That says a lot
This is beautiful. I am in a similar boat. I have a 22 month old and I haven't been able to decide on what type of a parent I want to be. Other than that, I know I hope they get my strong sense of self and intuition, and I hope I am the parent they will come to and discuss everything with. I want to be that parent that they actually will go to for advice before making major decisions.
I feel the same way.
Me too.
Second time I'm watching this in the same week!
The games I played with my kids since they were kids
1. Story and f tickle
2. Hide and seek
3. Reading big picture books they like
4. Blocks
5. Garden time ( they loved swing so much that I used to stand there and talk while they are on swing)
6. Dancing together
Etc etc
Now they are above 5 year and I play
1. Snakes and ladder
2. Making lemon juice and lemon tea they like
3. Colouring with them
4. Tickle game
Sharing just for reference… All kids have different choices
As a child my most elevated moments were when my aunt took my hand and danced with me. I felt extremely special and loved. No one ever took any time with ever. No birthdays, no celebrations for me or my accomplishments.
Thanks for the list.
With my son I played Chinese checkers and read books at bed time every night until he read better than me and he read the books to me. ❤
Me who hates playing…
I’m always kinda envious of parents who enjoy play. I hate it to my core… I have so much to do in a day and it feel wasteful. I want to, but I just find myself redirecting to learning or reading or researching something.
Which makes me feel more guilty because my 5 year old does homework religiously and i feel it’s because it’s the only time my adhd brain is engaged
Both of my parents exhibit traits of sociopathic narcissism, making them deeply abusive individuals who seek to control every aspect of my life. After much reflection and self-preservation, I have made the decision to sever ties with them. I no longer engage in communication with them and have chosen to distance myself entirely. It's a necessary step for my well-being and personal growth. Thanx Jay and thank you Dr.Daniel.
I know thats not easy bc I had to do the same. Good for you @luniz-vy4iq I hope your journey turns out amazing as you build your life for yourself
Sad…. I see this trend more and more…. Sometimes you do have to distance yourself but ideally come around again stronger and wiser to rebuild the relationship. Our parents did their best and loved us in the best way they could…. If they meant well I would honor that… somehow
Good game plan, I agree. @@truthbetold2146
Set boundaries but don’t write them off. Goes both ways.
Why would you sever ties with them? If you're mature now you should be the one helping them understand how things that they've done hurt you and try to rebuild your relationship with them. They raised you, you have no idea how hard it is for parents to raise their kids. Don't be fooled by modern ideology that teach you how to be selfish. Unless your parents are hurting you physically or mentally there is no reason for you to turn your back to them. Without them, there would be no you
Honestly, this book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’ gave me the encouragement I needed to stay strong in raising my kids with Christian values, it’s comforting to know Im not alone on this journey
What are Christian values?
Start with the 10 commandments. Then with the book of Mathew and John 😉, Ask God Jesus Holy Spirit to help u understand his word deeply 🙏
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catholic_Church_sexual_abuse_cases
@@KeemzOpenDoorsDropping a link without any personal reflection is pure laziness. True Christian values come from the teachings of Jesus Christ, not the Catholic Church. If anyone, whether they are an individual or organisation, isn't following the teachings of Christ, they are sinning. If you reject Jesus because of the Catholic Church or anyone else who aren't faithfully following Christ, that's on you, not them.
To be fair it doesn't take "true Christian values" to raise good children it's up to each parent
My parents were amazing ❤ When I was a torrential teenager, one parent would take me for a long drive. We'd sit there, maybe make small talk, but eventually I would open up and talk about what was bothering me or on my mind, and it was my parents' way of reaching me & supporting me during a difficult phase in life. It helped in so many ways, and now I really strive to provide the same stability and nurturing for my two kiddos ❤🥹
That won't be possible if ur name is bobo baggins though .
I disagree with Dr Amen on the "never tell your kids they're smart" point. I was never told that I was smart or intelligent until I reached my mid-20's, and I heard it from my Supervisor at work. I can't overstate how big of a confidence boost this was for me.
When my stepdaughter get's down on herself and tells me "I can't do this, I don't know how", I get her to say "I haven't figured out how to do this yet" instead. I tell her the only difference between her not knowing something, and knowing it, is time and effort.. you have the intelligence to learn it, you just have to put it in the work.
Very few adults and almost none of my teachers had ever praised me as “smart”. Instead I heard wordings like “hardworking”, “dedicated”, “well-behaved” all the time… Have to admit it’s discouraging, but I just comfort myself they learn modern pedagogy too well🙃
I am going to use this thank you
Does he actually state : don't tell them they're not smart. Period.
Or did he say something along the lines of don't tell your kid they're smart at something they're not smart at? You don't need to tell your kids they're dumb for sure, but the whole fake compliments is bs. "Smart" is a nothing word. Be specific and authentic. That's what builds confidence.
There's a lot of gold in here but telling a kid don't brush your teeth and your teeth are going to fall out later on in life. As an example. Do that five times and really paint the picture guess what they're still not going to brush their teeth.
Taking them to the dentist and having a single tooth drilled. On the way home tell them, it's cool you just can get tooth drillings twice a year because you don't enjoy brushing your teeth. This works.
My kids now scrub their teeth for 2 minutes twice a day LOL on their own.
They need to feel and experience the actions of bad decision making. They need to close that car door on their hand. Etc.
@@agirlisnoone5953he said not to praise them as ‘smart’ because if there is something that isn’t easy to learn, they may then question whether they really are smart.
My son is about to turn 3 and he's my entire world. I would do absolutely anything to keep him safe and protect him. With that being said, I agree 100% with everything Dr. Amen is saying. We have to think about the longevity of our parenting decisions. Allowing your child to forget his hw over and over again by bringing it to him will save him in the moment, but what damage is that doing to him long term? He learns no lessons when you bring it. He becomes that much wiser and stronger when you allow him to suffer the consequences of the mistake.
Keep devices away as long as possible. And don’t let anyone but you have a say so . I let my kids father get my son a cell even tho I said no, I let my parents buy him video games even tho I said no , and it messed him up . Struggled in school and creeps and explicit content being sent to him . Thankfully I caught it in time and realized my wrong in the way this played out also . But hearing this podcast reassured me that setting that boundary and explaining to his dad and my parents that it was in his best interest not to have any tech till he was 18 or out my house , only now they listen after seeing the negative side effects. Don’t let that happen
@@alexandriasimental4096 I’m sorry you had to learn the hard way with that. Luckily, my husband and I both are very firm with the no tech rule. It was discussed before our son was born. If family try to offer him a video to watch on their cell phone, I kindly move it away and let them know he doesn’t need it. It sometimes creates awkward tension, but that’s nothing compared to the long term damage they can cause.
I found this video on my suggestions to watch this morning, after just having an awful morning with my 2 year old. After texting my husband when I got to work, I literally said, we need to figure out something different to do with J. Kicking and screaming and just being mean. I know that what she is doing is because she can't communicate how she is feeling. She's a great talker, but can't always find the words. I'm always in a rush and trying to get everyone ready for work and school. This video just calmed my heart and eased my guilty conscience of being upset and angry when she wasn't cooperating or listening. I ordered the book before the end. Gosh knows I need help with my 5 step kids too. ❤ Thank you!!
Hugs for you sweet mama! I’m pregnant with number 5 and they’re all my own. So hard! But I can’t imagine working while raising and loving 5 kids that aren’t my own. What a cross and blessing you have! You are amazing for caring so much about your kiddos as well as your step children!
@@MommaBirdd Thank you so much 🥰
Glad you found this. There is so much support now for parents I trust you’ll find the way.
Sounds like you’re doing the best that you can. The fact that you took the time to watch this video shows that you’re a great parent!
What's the book name?
It seems no matter what as parents we will never be perceived as doing enough.
As humans we come here to learn and grow and grow.
Parents are 20yrs older and the things they know are different from their children.
Most born with generational trauma, trauma in the womb, raised in trauma all to have to filter it out and go on a journey to find who they are outside of all their “traumas” who they are…
There’s no sheet code, in this dense dark world.
I did ALLL THE THINGS! and it still wasn’t enough.
We need to change society back to 1 income households.
So, ppl can better keep up on all the new things, to hear all the whispers, volunteer at the school.
Just slow down…
Women are working pregnant and stressed, sending children into daycares (strangers) to pay them money so they can go make money to contribute to household expenses.
Jesus come! ❤
I actually agree with everything you said. My wife and I came together with a very progressive view on the non-traditional values, but have been fortunate to find ourselves in VERY traditional roles.
This has allowed her to be with our children as a SAHM. It’s not easy. It is emotionally taxing in a way that her going to work would not be.
I believe it would be good for our future generations to be more connected to their families, but there is a trend in the modern family to disconnect and be - quite honestly - selfish.
Just bought the book. As a parent, we need all the help we can get to raise kids with these new challenges of today’s society ❤
What is the name of the book
How to raise mentally strong children
Here I am thinking I’m completely f*ing this up (parenting) just to hear I’m actually doing it right 🤯 we need to work on bonding more as a family unit.
I love his definition of love. It’s not giving them what they want. It’s doing what’s best for them
I like this guy. It took a second to get into it but he grew on me.
“20 min undivided attention” beautiful
Jay Shetty is the GOAT interviewer! He asks questions that the audience wants an answer to and didn't even know we wanted. (And he likely already knows the answer to most)
Irony is he's also a GOAT liar..😂
i think im a great dad at least in my heart and the willingness to be with my children and play with them and teaching them,
what i sorely lack is this kind of knowledge
😊 28:30
I love that Jay holds himself back & allows the guest to speak - even though Jay clearly always has awesome insights on the subject at-hand.
This is literally GOLD for parents! Thank you both
Thank you for watching!
I loved all of it except for the 20 minute a day thing. That's simply not enough time to reach the level of connection he's talking about. If you only devote 20 minutes a day to anything you won't ever become the best at it.
Who is thankful for seeing Dr Daniel Amen back on the podcast this 2024!? Another greatness parental conversation l have heard especially when my own are out of town for myself to do better work in this week! Keep the consistency going Jay, since so much of your audience is resnosating to your work
Iam from worldwide
This is a timely indeed topic. I am a Sri Lankan PhD scholar. Sometimes I feel very bad about me and about my child. I have this guilt cycle. What I have learnt in my journey is this. For us to become more balanced and more a better parent is not an individual task. It has a wholistic approach. Partners, care givers, work environment stress, economic stabilty so on etc all have to come in good combination. Sometimes we may know what is actually going on, we know the methods too. But we fail in practicing them sometimes
Nope, being a good parent is on us, individually
As an adult born in the 80s, people being in their phones at dinner reminds me of eating with a TV on in my childhood. When we had one TV in the living room we talked while we ate in the dining room. Then we got a TV in the dining room and didn’t talk. But my parents didn’t like each other sometimes although they had amongst the best relationship of the people we knew. Then it was tv trays in the living room and stopped using the dining room except holidays. Video games, TV, and phones are a symptom of people avoiding something else I think 😅
Hi !
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We’re on our cellphones with the tv on at dinner lol
This 20 mins a day play is golden. I do notice a huge difference in my children after I play with them uninterrupted and most importantly play what they find amusing. After our short play my daughters listen to me and obeys the rules. They look at me adoringly. It is truly amazing!!!
Watching/listening to this with my 4yr old while we are eating breakfast and she's making some statements like shes processes what she's hearing and I'm proud of how far we have come in the past 4 yrs that she's having complexed convention with me on what shes listening to 😊🙏 what a blessing to live in this time where we can educate ourselves. ❤
I have twin girls and from a very young age I used to give them a choice after explaining to them about the pros and cons of their options and allowed them to choose. They were always responsible for their own choices good or bad and they always chose the right ones almost every time.
I have twin girls too can you give examples?
I never yell at my kids, never smack, always try to be emotionally regulated but show them that it's ok to be sad or cry .. problem is, I didn't grow up with boundaries. No rules, no love or care. I don't know how to create boundaries .. it makes me feel like they will hate me. I know, from looking around, that all kids need and do better in life with them.. I just don't know how to go about it. This video has made me realise I need to get help to learn. Thank you.
You could watch the interview with Aliza Pressman Xx
20 mins of quality time doing something the child loves. That's like finding child's love language and using that time that they are loved.
20 mins of no command, directions or judgement.
Listen and try to find the feeling behind it. Dont try to pour your wisdom on them.
If you look weird, you'll hang out with weird people.
Mentally strong kids don't believe everything they think.!
They should Always question their vulnerable thoughts.
If You blame other people for your life, then you become a victim and powerless.
Just be curious rather than being furious.!
If you have the expectation, they'll do it the first time, like catheline(child's name) you have to take the trash out within next 30 mins and if she doesn't the say sweetheart you can take the trash out now or face the consequences.
I love her, she knows it but if she's not disciplined has to face the consequences.
Stop threatening them and then not following through.!
Because you teach them, you've to tell them and bit angry 😡 in order for them to do what's you asked them to do.!
Earlier you start better for them.
If you're not spending time with kids their friends will take this place and they might not be right advice or right ear 👂🏾 for them.!
Being on social media, creates
Toxic level of self absorption.
Who's looking at me?
Who am I looking at.?
Who am I following?
Self absorbed people are never happy.!
Everybody's not doing it(being on social media)
I love you so much that I'm gonna protect you. All studies shows that saying this makes kids more vulnerable.
Continually pressing on the pleasure centres in your brain and more and more you press on them they become numb.
And you need more and more excitement, stimulation in order to fell anything.!
Divorce is not good but staying in a chronically unhappy, conflicted negative relationship is worst.!
Best thing you can do to your child is love your spouse.
If you are divorced, be really careful not to talk bad about spouse.
That child is half you and half them.!
So if you're talking bad about their mother,they feel bad about themselves.
It increases the cortisol level in their body and makes them more likely to be sick.
Focus on what you like in others.
It doesn't mean they've ADHD, it just may mean their nervous system is not fully myelinated.
When you're born, there's not much myeline in brain(white fatty substance).
Myelinated neurons work 10 to 100 times faster than unmyelinated one.!
When we're 2 month's old our occipital lobe in the back becomes myelinated and when at the age of 25 it finishes slowly till the frontal lobe.
And so expecting child to act like an adult is bad. But you can teach them the techniques of self soothing, like take a big breath and exhale as slowly as you can.
Thank you!!!
great summaries!
I’m not a parent and never spend time with children but I still found this eye opening.
It’s sad how many of these problems are normalised in our society. They’re simple mistakes but cause such devastating long term mental health issues.
Children are the future.
My son is 3 and I am so thankful I saw this now. A lot of gems to take on my parenting journey. Thank you 🙏🏽
"Be curious, rather than be furious." 😮
This is good... Thanks for sharing, I will try to remember
This is profound to me ❤
Omg, I've been saying this for at least 34 years! "Don't send children to be raised by strangers. Yes, attachment. But also..The children FAR outnumber the adults, the ignorant & undeveloped end up influencing & raising one another. The blind leading the blind."
This is why after being in child dev't & care & experiencing "parents", I stayed at home & educated my kids myself.
Few say that, when they grow up in diverse environment, they learn real lessons..
If they are with parents, they just become mom2.0 or dad 2.o versions.. where parents might be/not be the ideal ones..
Very confusing concept..
I am also super super confused.
Just because they're being raised at home, doesn't mean that they're secluded from the world. A good dynamic would be stay at home while also getting out in the real world with diversity.@@Pravinamadoori
@@marcicampbell3309depends on the personality. I’m a stay at home mom who utilized daycare 2x a week for socialization. I’m not social. Unless I drink, it’s exhausting and draining. I noticed when my kid was around me all day… he showed massive traits of high social anxiety, stranger avoidance, (part is natural my youngest in pure extrovert and that makes me wanna stay home more)… but once he adjusted to daycare (took a few months), he came out of his shell. Now he’s in kindergarten and thriving. More than I could provide.
I provided the knowledge… he’s doing work well above his grade level… but I couldn’t provide the social. Or structure
Awesome! “Home”-educated kids go places and they can have actual meaningful conversations with adults
😢 very good information, 25 years too late. I had kids at a young age and did not know these things- actually did not even have time to think about these things bc I was a stressed young mother and was busy trying to keep them fed. The results you speak of- are true.
I had my kids not so young and I’m in the same boat, no one teach this or maybe I should say some now are teaching us trough this channels because we have seen the results we have now…
I am a devastated parent of teens... listening to this I feel so disheartened, wish this was on my radar when my kids were little. I have always given them and still do - a lot of time, effort and love. I have never been too hard on them or pressured them to be high achievers (mistake??). But as teens they have not turned out that great I don't think. One has ADHD (which is obviously not her fault etc, and it's not a problem in itself) and is very challenging, engaging in risky behaviour that of course I don't condone and am heart broken about. She takes any criticism extremely personally and just wants to run away from home every time things get challenging. The other one is a very anxious with depressive episodes, has engaged in self harm and other things that are completely incomprehensible to me. Let me also say that my marriage is absolutely great, nothing but love and affection, and no arguments. I also feel like Instagram and Tik Tok have been the other two parents in this family. I am honestly at a loss and feel like I have failed to prepare them for life.
It might help to to take social media away. The pressures of this world are extreme and it is not all your fault. You can only do your best and whatever direction your children decide to go from that is their decision, because they have free agency. But since they are still young, definitely think about taking away social media, especially tik tok. It's been known that that App in particular has been responsible for harming the young ones due to the algorithm targeting them in negative ways.
@JessMichael150 thank you for your kind words. I have tried to shield them both from social media for the longest time. Of course they find their way to it one way or another. They are 18 and 19 now, not much I can do. I just wanted a simple life and thought that love was enough. I hope that one day they are able to live peacefully and accept themselves. In the meantime I can't help feeling disappointed and desperately worried for them 😞
Better late than never . Cut out all sugar and carbs from the diet and no tech
Yes, this would be ideal. However they need to agree to do it as they are legally considered adults. They both drive, they have casual jobs, they attend school / university. They also must have access to technology for their education. There is no realistic way for me to stop them from having sugar or carbs as they are grown up, have their own money and social lives. The only thing that keeps me going is that they might wake up one day and start behaving reasonably. In the meantime I'll just have to deal with my sadness :(
@@clockworkpink My mom deals with it too. She has me and my older sister, but it's still hard. You're in my thoughts. ♥️
Once when my daughter was around 18/19 while she was unhinged screaming about every little time I upset her in her life and in the middle of her meltdown I said to her, what do you want from me? What do I have to do for you? I do not want to have this kind of relationship with you. She instantly stopped freaking out, she had no real answer to that and our relationship is the best it has ever been since. That one question changed everything.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
My parents and others told me how smart I was my whole life and I continue to tell myself that no matter what. I disagree saying that is wrong. Maybe say youre working so hard as well. My subconscious has programmed myself to constantly say im smart and it encourages the hell out of me to learn and grow. Maybe its just my definition of smart.
I have meet some people who need that constant praises to keep emotional balance because their parents say that to them all the time. Maybe your situation is different but based on my experience empty praises make people emotional dependents and lazy thinker. I have a 5 year old boy, I do not say empty “you are smart”. I rather say encouraging words like “You did it. See it was not that hard”. I say “It is okay to make mistake. It is part of learning” because he is a perfectionist.
My dad said to me once, “Math is so easy”. All my college years, I never study math. I didn’t even do homework. I only come in for exam. My friend hate me because I get A with little effort. A parent’s words can be very life changing to a child so I am choosing my words carefully to my son. I don’t need him to feel smart. I need him to achieve his highest potential and mentally strong.
Ty for sharing this .. perhaps it’s not that bad .. I’m always telling my kids that their smart / intelligent..
I was a few minutes in and had to stop the video to get the book!! Got it!!!!
Perhaps we can say, “you work smart” bc I don’t want them to be stuck on working “hard” it’s good to work hard but there is also other ways like working creatively and smart as well..
I agree. I was told the opposite. "You need to work harder for everything. You're average." When I was an adult I found an IQ test from kindergarten. I was 2 points away from gifted. Never had any schooling before kindergarten and grew up poor with a single mom. Still had such a high IQ that they labeled me as "adhd" bc they wanted to hold me back.
I always tell my son how smart he is, and he makes straight A's and thinks everything is easy to learn. He's at the top of his class.
Great episode. I was the middle child. The responsible one. I didn’t matter so I had to do everything myself. My siblings were always catered to. I wasn’t. It made me stronger.
Great point. How did this impact you negatively if you mind sharing?
Did it make you bitter too?
I love Dr. Amen!! He helped us find out our son is autistic and adhd. Glad we figured out what was going on with my son and he has done well. 😊
My father used to rear me when i did bad things as a kid. In those days it was already frowned upon to do so. He would say to me “I rather see you cry now as a kid and learn a lesson than to see you cry as a man in jail to learn that same lesson”. Stop thinking your hurting you kid by touching them up, we all need tough love too.
I work at a psych hospital and the focus for treatment is always the adolescent. I always give them a list of YT channels, books etc for the parents. They appreciate it bc they don't know what to do.
Amazing interview and information… Didn’t know this before. ..but I start reading together with my son for 30 minutes a day…. my son did not like it at first … I told him this is one way for us to bond…now he knows after dinner and after his piano practice..we read . We also eat together without any phone on sight.
Remember you don't ask questions, you don't command. You do what they want in those 30mins. Listen to them.
Thank you for this Dr. Amen. I felt physically sick having to withdraw my help to my college student. I vented to my friends but to my son he sees me as the stone cold Marine. It’s hard as a single parent to balance the masculine and feminine line. I’m holding firm with him but in private it sucks.
Keep doing what you know is right Mom! ❤
I'm going through a very similar situation. My children are teens, and I'm a single father. It's incredibly hard trying to find the right amount of balance.
@@adb2490I have realized that those 20 mins daily are magical for my kiddos...sometimes they want more time and i cant always give it to them, so i cherish the time that we do have...
@@adb2490 vent to friends or here, social media apps. It’s getting easier as days go by.
Same here, s. father of 3 teens, oh, it is the deep end. Hang in there, we are giving it ago. We won't give up.
I believe the very first and last rule to raising a child is Love, unconditional love, love your kid how God loves him or her! Kids are all individuals, if you just live by love you won’t have to teach they will ask to learn, I still tie my 10 year olds shoe laces, he struggles yet in school he is gifted! His mom was a boxer, i used to gang bang, yet I don’t teach him to be tough, I just love him, the toughness will come, I’m a hard worker, he offers to help without asking! Love them unconditionally and allow them to love themselves unconditionally!
Good for you man. I’m a father as well. My son is two. I just love the kid.
Oh I love this! You've got it so right🙌🏻
Let ypur 10 year old tie his own shoes.
Ty tee for the advice, my kid will tie his own shoes when I’m not around and he will eventually get it right and I help him meanwhile, I have no problem with his flaws because his talents are far beyond and his love and self love is as well, and his heart is completely open to God
Out of respect to you I explain myself and I will continue to tie his shoes
@@CocoCastaneda-r9j No flaws were insinuated.
Essentially what he described is coaching kids. Coaching, if done well, is incredibly empowering and only through coaching we can grow mentally healthy, independently thinking human beings.
I call it “special time” as well. It’s so amazing! It can be getting a bagel together, walking the dog. It can big or small.
This is so important AND IT'S MISSING FROM ALMOST ALL NEW AGE PARENTS. I see it EVERY DAY as a teacher
If I had one wish in life it would be able to visit dr Amens clinic for my brain 😮
When my kids were in elementary school, they were responsible for making their own lunch and making sure they took it to school.Each one of them forgot their lunch once. When I took them their lunch, I told them that if I had to ever bring it again, I was bringing bread and water. I never had to do that because they knew I meant it!
😮
Hello Ruby Franke
@@rustyshackelford3109 You're right, bringing a child bread and water to eat for lunch is child abuse. Right up there with teaching them how to be self sufficient and responsible.
Awesome..!!
@@rustyshackelford3109lmao
I considered explaining this to my dad but stopped my self. Not sure if it’s a good or negative thing but ultimately I know I need to correct it from my part as a mother. This video was very revelatory and I hope to honor my self and work on my ego and allow the management of my child in a healthy way. That self attack was just wow. I can’t control the processing of my father and I have realize that it’s not a reflection of my self nor my responsibility but what is, is being to be present and balance my ego for my self and break the cycle. I need this book please.
Love Dr. Amen! Great advice. And I agree, being present with your children is of utmost importance! And having them learn from their own mistakes (with support) is helpful for them in the long run.
❤❤❤
Our dad is a physician now in late 60s but when we were growing up he would play with us for 1 hour daily no matter what ! That’s where we learned passively that we cannot disappoint this man !
Not coddling. This is so important, and needs to be taught to all parents!
Where does he say this?
At the beginning don’t save them and solve their problems
You're absolutely right
First time I’ve sat through Jays podcast only because my wife has told me about Dr Amen did it interest me but really enjoyed this, Jay has a natural ability to ask great questions and dig deeper, will be tuning in for more.
What a way to break generational patterns. Thank you so much from this single momma of a 3 yo boy. We are learning and winning everyday ❤
I LOVE “Love & Logic”!!!! Used it but my ex HATED IT AND SABOTAGED my every effort, but I forged through and did the best I could.
Such powerful messages from dr Amen, especially about parents who talk to much because their own anxiety & how important it is to just stop and listen to children. Thank yo both!
I like Jay how clearly you articulate your thoughts, how patient and kind you are towards the guests.
Whew this is so good! People really have no boundaries with their children and then I have to have the conversations with my child because these awful untamed kids running around making other kids life miserable.
20:20 this part was sketch. This guy is too high control. His kids are adults. Let them live their life and go to college wherever they want!
Exactly like teaching your kids not to bully and be kind to 1 another no matter what kind of shoes and clothes they have on or the color of their skin.
I like what this Dr teaches. Some things I think are his particular personal preferences… I personally know how hard it is to survive in this world and economy and if my adult children ever needed to come home for a time. I would welcome them and I don’t see that as entitlement. We are family and we are there for one another. I also think it’s important they’ve exhausted everything they could to keep that independence before coming home.
How do you get comfortable seeing your child be uncomfortable is an amazing question.
I love that the underlying intention of all these discussions is healing & growth. It’s a great affirmation to contemplate as the conversations go on.
What works for my family and parenting doesn’t necessarily mean that will work for others and vice versa. Please just be the parent your child needs. Love them, be there for them and build bond. Don’t get too attached to your child because kids are gift from God. We don’t own them, they’re gift that can be taken anytime.
Like I got only one daughter. When she got married I experienced empty nest sickness for about a month. It was so difficult. I was sick . Couldn't eat sleep do anything yet there was nothing wrong with me when I saw a doctor 😅.
@nuriagizani3075 Hos bless you . And fill the emptyness with his presence
Yes and they need to become autonomous adults and go live their lives.
The difficulty is for those of us who really have done all the things--not perfectly, of course--but when we have listened to all the advice, allowed the natural consequences, loved unconditionally, limited screentime, spent quality time with them, showed up for them when they need us, without making ourselves too available, allowed them to make their own decisions and stood with them through their mistakes, but the brain is not working right! So, we provide them with counseling, medical intervention, alternative health practitioners and methods, etc. and still, to seemingly no avail! Is there hope?
Absolutely! Maybe you can glean some hope from knowing you’ve done everything you can do and you observe them to see what they are applying 🙏🏾
Is this around 14-24?
For boys it about independence by example
Can’t live through your kids anymore
Unfortunately, often the internet, tiktok etc parents them too. Also their peers and other influences. Hang in there, take heart in knowing ypu did your best.
I want to teach them to not take themselves too seriously and to not follow anyone else’s advice since everyone is fallible and flawed and what makes sense to one person won’t always make sense for another person. I want them to always know it is their choice and then should feel confident in their choices and accept the experience if things don’t always work out the way they hoped. Hope for the best but expect to keep learning all their lives.
My daughter loves special time. It really means the world to her. It's just she and so I thought we had quality time every day but completely multitasking. We play whatever she wants and just hang out. Uninterrupted
Legit running to get this book and I dont even have children. Learned so much from this podcast!
Yes, you develop these tools, as well as your kids, not just them and expect things to become better!
Jay, can I please just say that you are SUCH a brilliant interviewer! I am so impressed and I noticed that in all of your interviews, you are a great listener and ask sooo relevant and crucial questions, so thank you for that! ❤ keep up the amazing work🙏
Yes he is a good fraud too
He’s a prick look at what’s been published on the guardian about him. You should also watch his interview with Jada Smith that was a terrible interview.
@@kelloggole5458how so
Im 30, my girls are 5 and 8, i tried this and it works..but then down the line i stopped because of stress and lifes frustrations.. Hoping to get back so my girls are strong
After hearing about the Ruby Franke case recently, where many have lambasted her for the incident where she wouldn't bring her child food to school because they forgot it... it's easy to see how creating boundaries/enforcing consequences can be taken to the extreme. I do agree that there should be consequences yet by the same token, if the child has adhd and forgets because its beyond their capacity- it would only reinforce feelings of failure.
I see this as A highlighted difference between "loving control" and into the hostile arena. Fascinating interview! Much to think on how my own militant upbringing has shaped my mind!
I’m really disappointed that no one of these experts talks about the importance of inclusion, not every child is typical.
I think he was talking about kids in general, I don’t think it’s targeted towards the ones with special needs
Good point! I find parents who take it to the extreme don't understand why they are doing things. Like my parents were strict, believed they should be feared and shouldn't be friends to their kids. They were mean for no reason, said NO when ever I asked anything and were my worst bully's. I was a lonely and very anxious kid but as an adult they expect me to be their best friend and give them all my attention. I believe they meant well but they followed a parenting style without using critical thinking.
Edit: Ruby on the other hand is just plain awful
That was the only thing I didn't like about this whole video. We all forget things sometimes. I wouldn't be able to say "oh oh! My kid forgot his/her food, he/she can go hungry to learn not to forget it next time" and no I don't care how old said kid is, I will bring the food in a heartbeat!
The 'Always tell the truth' rule can be incredibly damaging in later life, in a society where doing so will make them really unpopular, and even potentially endanger them in certain situations. One possible blind spot but I loved this conversation, thank you.
To teach them agency and free thinking; "Figure it out with appropriate support", is my favorite takeaway.
❤
I really like Dr. Amen's commentary on how to reflect when things go wrong or we have a bad day etc.
'Be curious instead of being furious'.
I'm going to take that advice & see how it can affect my life.
You know what helps a child’s self esteem most? An emphasis on education, morals, family, and faith.
Faith in what
@@je5107
faith
noun
noun: faith
1. complete trust or confidence in someone or something.
"this restores one's faith in politicians"
Similar:
trust
belief
confidence
conviction
credence
reliance
dependence
optimism
hopefulness
hope
expectation
Opposite:
mistrust
2.strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.
"bereaved people who have shown supreme faith"
@@rayp7135 lol. I didn’t ask for a definition.
@@je5107 well as that was the point of the post you were replying too. Maybe you need a remedial reading class. They may have a spot at your local elementary perhaps you should school check it out.
@@je5107 well that’s one of the qualities I put in the post your were responding to. The answer is there. Perhaps you require a remedial reading and comprehension course. There may be one at your local elementary school you should consider enrollment.
After listening I realized how bad I was as a parent. I always thinking how can I connect with my son. Now I share this video to my friends and kids.
My first takeaway is the 20 minutes bit. I'm excited to integrate that today and notice the all the effects.
Same here! I am so terrible about being on my phone, and barely present at times for my 22 month old. I really am ashamed of it.
How did it go for you? I found that I was actually so much more relaxed when I did this.
@@snow5962that’s okay. Can always start today!
49:00 staying in a chronically unhappy, conflicted, negative relationship is WORST EVER. Im glad that i can handle that, eventhough frustated a lot. Btw im married now and having 3YO boy, i really work hard to not get into that relationship. Keep reminding myself that everyone isnt perfect. If you have something that you don’t like in relationship, please talk and discuss about it in good way.
My son's were 3-Sport Athletes, so we were busy with coaching, being a team parent, taxi'in the boys around for games and practices. Our weekends were games or tournaments. In high-school, they had practice everyday. It was difficult for them to work due to team commitments. They didn't start working until after graduating hs and that was only the summer in between school. They played college ball too.
I did the best I could, but when they forgot homework, I would bring it to them. They didn't do it often.... I was always prepared for if they didn't have a coat or whatever. They're in their 20's now, still young and figuring things out.
With the emphasis that you seemed to have placed on athletics, are they athletes today in their adult lives? And do you feel like the athletics protected them from the freedom that might have led other kids to things like recreational drugs and partying? Just curious as a younger mom and as a non-athlete
@@MrsGarcia_xI have two kids that swim competitively and we were in a similar situation where it's school, practice twice 6 day a week only to shave splits of a second off their swim times. I did all the other stuff, cleaning their rooms , homework, emptying the laundry basket and taking the dogs for a walk was their only chores. They are both at University now... doing very well the competitive nature of being apart of swim club made them more deciplined than their peers. They also understand the meaning of working towards a goal and managing outcomes, visualizing. I will add that we are a close knit family we play alot of board games together (we traveled alot) we have movie,pizza,sushi game,breakfast for dinner nights often. But most importantly we are honest with one another and we always show up .
I learned a lot about raising kids in this video. I’ve followed these two for a few years and together they are awesome.
I help out my kid when she messes up, bring her lunch if she forgot it or music instrument…she needs to know I care for her and when she is old enough she will at some point be responsible for herself, but while she is young she needs to feel that care. That’s the most important!
I agree… we can’t expect young children to have adult responsibility on an everyday basis. It’s okay to help them find interest in responsibility and when they take the responsibility then scaffold that.
One of the best hours I have spent in many years. Timing was perfect and moved me to go purchase the book. Thank you both.
I came to know Christ in jail in 2013 by reading a book, "Overcoming spiritual blindness" by James P. Gills MD. The veil was taken off my eyes. Heaven came through for me in my finances too, getting $25,000 monthly. I can support God's work and give back to my community. God is absolutely more than enough!
Sure, the investment-advisor that guides me is..
Mrs Cathie Wood
Praise Jesus❤ 🙌
Her services is the best, I got a brand new Lambo last week and paid off my mortgage loan thanks to her wonderful services!
0:01 Make a note regarding your interest in investing
I was hesitant to listen to this episode and to my surprise there is so much useful information. My kids are young adults and I find myself trying to deepen our relationship. I agree with Jay when he expands on the concept of win or learn. Am working on softening my voice and creative listening instead of critical listening.
Thank you so much for bringing this wonderful conversation to your podcast. Us, parents need all the help we can get!!
I was taught to sit in mindfulness meditation around 5yoa by my mum. I think Jay's suggestions were great about being mindful in an activity. I think whilst bearing in mind little childrens' brains aren't myelinated like adults', repeated activity will encourage those connections and myelinated neuronal pathways.
my kids forget their lunch/Jackets maybe once or twice a quarter.. i take it to them. I want them to learn to have compassion and help others where there’s a genuine need.
Raising bitches
Maybe better to have them help others that have genuine needs not due to their own lack of responsibility for their actions.
@@scoro1773 ppl do what has been done to them. So....
@@scoro1773 Took the words right out of my mouth
Try to forget a lunch/jacket and see if they bring it to you. That's how you know if it tought them compression or entitlement
LOVE Dr. Amen!! Love the 20 min. a day with your child, it really makes a world of difference.
Question for Dr. Amen: If a child is developmentally delayed is that a brain issue that can be helped/fixed? Is a brain scan helpful?
Oh, you mean the Brain Experts! They're a group of scientists and researchers who study the brain and how it works. They're super smart and have made some amazing discoveries about how our brains function.
My wife says I am the best father because I spend so much time with my children.
I have a 6 yr old who since 2 has been a strong willed resistent child. She begins the day seeking attention. I have to give her at least 20 devoted minutes playing exactly what she wants to feel peace to move on. As parents we are very busy with work and kids. Fighting off being on tablets or youtube and fostering high quality activitives and growing experiences.
While I understand not wanting to solve your child’s problems etc. But as I listen to you say “don’t bring their homework if they forget it. Don’t bring them a sweater or their lunch if they forget”…all I can hear is that video of Ruby Franke espousing this same sentiment. I don’t want my child to become an entitled kid with no sense of responsibility but parents can take what you are saying and run the absolute wrong way with it. I don’t agree that refusing to bring forgotten homework or a forgotten lunch is going to rob your child of agency and resilience. Depending on your child it may reinforce their ability to trust and connect with their parent. Which you also say is vital. Every kid is different. You can’t blanket apply a lot of these concepts. Every kid is different.
The last thing said “ love is setting boundaries “ , so true, always seen boundaries as part of education. He was talking also about learning from mistakes and from consequences, but what about teaching children right from wrong? Also about teaching them to analyse and think? For example when you read a story to a child do you explain the meaning to them ? Because I think this makes the difference between mediocre and intelligent people or adults.