Dr. Daniel Amen's Secret to Getting Your Kids to Listen to You
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 เม.ย. 2024
- It seems so simple, but this one activity is crucial to forming strong bonds with your kids, which in turn makes them much more eager to listen to you and participate in your family. This clip, taken from Dr. Daniel Amen's television special "Raising Mentally Strong Kids", outlines the details and instructions for this special activity, which if practiced regularly, will radically transform your relationship with your children.
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We had 6 kids. My wife made a schedule of MY TIME with each of them, each night. The 7th night was for her.
No one is born knowing how to be a parent. It is appreciated to have individuals like dr Amen dedicated to work, research and share his findings. I am not the perfect mom, but definitely his work is helping me to get better as a mother.
Spot on! No parenting manual anywhere. I find this helpful,I have shared with other parents.❤
Thank you for being here!
Wow! Amazing.
Amen 🙏🏽
Basic truths but so easy to forget. Thanks for the reminder!😅
I wish I could rewind my time with my kids!!
How old are your kids? It is never too late.
Never too late!
Me to
Do the things now. What good does it do you to spend today regretting yesterday? Make today good.
@@hubibi33 very well said.
Thanks Dr Amen. This is a simple rule to follow.
You're absolutely right. The hard part though is when you have 4 kids ... 20 minutes of uninterrupted 1:1 special time for all 4 is hard to achieve
I have 4 and you're right. But if you come from a place of unconditional love and an absolute resolve to connect. Your heart will find the will to do it and your intelligence will work for you to make it happen.
@@Prodigalpro i try my best, definitely. But right now my oldest just turned 6 two weeks ago and my youngest is 6 months and i breastfeed so of course the littlest takes most of my energy. Either way, we live in a 1 bedroom house and im a stay at home mom, and my husband works 12 hour shifts 4x a week, so definitely we spend A LOT of time together. But sometimes my husband feels left out and often i feel like im not adequately distributing my time with the kids. Its hard. Mom guilt sucks.
My husband guilted me all the time- “ I had no energy left for him etc”. I had 4 kids, did all the housework. I had to return to work as a teacher after 15 years, increasing my guilt. If 67 year old me could give young me advice.. .refuse to accept guilt. His family ran their relationships on guilt. It is how they got what they wanted . His dad did absolutely no house work or help with kids.( just like my dad) I was so grateful for any help , the little help I received that I took on the guilt and tried to be superwoman and do all, be all for my family.After, 15 years into the marriage and many marriage books, I finally learned to say - “you want more time for us… help me with the housework & child responsibilities and things I think are important.”
He never found housework important-- but he started helping. I refused to live and walk in guilt any longer. I think many books helped, but Boundaries stands out as a real Christian book that helped me learn to not feel that I had to sacrifice myself totally and walk in guilt to make my family happy.
Our 4 kids are grown, God serving, resilient, responsible adults who all help their spouses. They have close relationships with us and each other and we get to enjoy our grandkids. So WONDERFUL!! Read Boundaries by Henry Cloud.
@@KateTheMama yes ma'am I understand. Love is the main thing that helps us press through. God bless your family.
When Fadime, the daughter of Muhammad (peace be upon him) came home, our Prophet showed her his seat , let her seat tjere ,kissed her by the hand, and valued her. He Did this 1400 years ago, he would visit the child whose pet bird died and sit there and chat with him.
The last prophet Muhammad .When we want to learn something, we look at what he did in his life time .He is our guide❤️.Just few things he did from million . just like drop from oceon❤️
We Muslims❤️
I am so much enjoying listening to his biography by Yasser Qadhi
@@TheConservativeHippieI love his Sira by Yasir Qadhi. I have listened to 23 videos (2 or 3 times each) so far and I can't get enough of it.
How old was aisha when he married her?
How old were the girls of early Europeans when they married? Did they choose? Did the women have their own rights? Or were they owned by their father first and then their husbands? @@HelloCurve111
Just subscribed because this video tells me I will find great help here to be a better custodian of God's precious treasure committed to me.
From what I've seen when there's a connection there's respect and they seem to care more about their behavior and they care about your opinion.
I wish I could go back and do a redo with my now grown sons. Grandparents get it right after making many mistakes.
never too late!
Say that to them! It may help heal wounds or trauma they've experienced.
Thank you for this great advice!
I want to spend more time with my kids and actively listen to them
You got this!
Great lessons. This video appeared on perfect time in my life. Thank you doctor! 🙏
X2
Perfect!
I needed this lesson today. Thank you Dr!
I have a 3 year old and this is wonderful.
like button hit.. i don't agree with everything Daniel says but, the experience and knowledge is of an extremely high standard and this man has done so much for the promotion of neurology / electronegativity in the brain etc... Big respect for you!
Thanks!
Your videos are very good
The sense of irony of ignoring your kids to watch a video of listening your kids.
Screen time when kids sleep:)
I'm taking a shit and educating myself, the irony is I'm smelling it longer to reply to this comment
Active listening is essential but harder than it seems...
I was just going to said that 😊
Enjoy our kids.
Some of my best memories are playing Barbie and Construction Zone Trucks with my kids in the yard. Or setting up the sprinklers to spin around for running through in the summertime or slip & slides or crafting and coloring with them and just reaponding to whatever comes up.
Love the point here about these days everybody is talking at each other rather than with one another. It makes the world feel so cold and hard.
So those moments of Barbie or Excavation time to build the racetrack for the hot wheels is amazing.
Thanks Dr. Amen. You've really had a profound impact on my own brain health - and this video struck a chord with me as well. I'll incorporate this with my son, makes a lot of sense to me.
So happy to hear this!
Mother of six - this will help our family thank you 😊
So glad.
Too many kids
How will you manage 20 minutes per child?
@@RevealedFilms Your a kid
@@sophisticatedsteph3447 that a great question 🙋🏻♀️
Thank you Dr! First time seeing your video 📹 already subscribed and shared your vedio started from husband then to friends
Thank you for this!
This is what I attempt to do.. but anymore my son has become so combative & argumentative.. I struggle immensely to not be reactive despite my best efforts. 😔We used to be close, special time used to bring great connection. Now all he wants is screens & talks back & I feel like I’m failing & he pushes me away more & more.
I feel the same, my daughter is 14 and we the same issues as you which is sad 😢
Screens are the root of all evil.
Mine are still young, oldest is 9.5 yo, so I can still control screen time.
When I cut screen time they become happy playful children again.
@@shaymashiach3320 I feel that sentiment.. but reality is they need the knowledge & skills to navigate the world, which has become very tech driven whether we like it or not.. plus all their friends are online bc I’m apparently the only parent that doesn’t let my kids sit in front of screens for hours. So I try to emphasize *balance* without them feeling deprived bc then they get obsessed. And they have to do their other stuff chores, outside time, learning time etc before screen time. But they are obsessed & addicted despite all these efforts so idk anymore 🤷🏻♀️ it’s so frustrating
Disable the phone and put in a land line maybe?
@@sexywarriorwomen she doesn’t have a phone only an ipad and it has screen time and downtime 😔 i will try to do one to one outings i used to do it when she was younger
Thank you so much for this!
Thank you dear Daniel ❤
Brilliant, as always 👌🏼
Thank you for the wonderful reminders! God bless you and your family!
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻
Thank you!! Wonderful video. ❤❤
Great advice
Thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏻❤
Thank you, it’s great advice.
Thanks a million😊
Thank you so much sir.
Thanks so much
That was just very good.
This goes for marriages too. Thank you so much.
This is so accurate and is great advice. I do this with my younger 2 kids but have such a hard time doing it with my older daughter.
Thank you for this information Dr.Amen 🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾❤️
Thanks!
Worth hearing....
Lead by example so that you naturally influence on a daily basis which also leads to lesser nagging required. Teach them through your action not nagging. Walk the walk then talk the talk.
This is valuable instruction, thank you.
Thanks!
Thanks
Definitely will listen more which i already do as my 2 twin boy's nearly 5 are chatter boxes 😅.. i always try and acknowledge what they say but again being busy mum and giving me time can make children unhappy and not listening
But you grew up really well with that father.
I love him
Your children will listen to you if you are truth yourself!!
Love u Dr. Amen I rly wish I cld come to ur clinics! I struggle w/untreated ADD, n other learning disabilities. But I was extremely intelligent so in school many of us were overlooked. I struggle to this day to manage my disorders. They affect everything from time management, to verbal communication, and emotional wellbeing. I remember ur PBS specials from the 90’s. I’d love to have my brain scanned and get an actual eval. I’m wondering if it’s possible to get checked for autism bc we are on the higher end of the spectrum!!
Tysm for sharing your wisdom with us! ❤
Love it, love it, love it. I already started to apply (it is not easy but I am optimist😊). Thank you sooo much.
Awesome!
Appreciate and want more of your guideline....
This is seems to be more practical!
Yep parents have to slow down and really try active listening and responding. Our children would really take away so much from it
My job was scheduled around my daughter’s schedules all her life. I always believed Time is love. I always have an active listen and comfort her, I supported her in every way. Unfortunately, when she turned 26, she moved out and cut me off. What did I done wrong?
I left as is. Now she turns into religion. I wanted her to see you, but she didn’t care for.
You did well, you did not do anything wrong, and she probably needs time to figure out her identity outside you. Once she is done with the discovery phase, she'll connect again. Hopefully,it's a true religion.❤
Yes, you did well. One counselor told me there is not one thing we say or do that guarantees that our children will want a relationship with us as grown adults. That allowed me to rid the idea of being a “perfect” mom.
Dr. Amen, even after active listening the teenage child is too stubborn and does not change their mind, then what should the parents do? How do we set the boundary?
I’d be very curious to hear his answer on this.
Respond not React- Tell your child calmly that you understand why they want it that way , however you have these boundaries for a good reason and explain the reasons and the consequences of not having it with examples if possible.
When the child is treated with love and empathy with respect for their choices without judging, it will have a positive effect on the child and the child will surely be bound to think about your decision trying to understand it, even if they disagree.
When this approach is followed over a period of time, the child will start to respect and thereby trust the parent more , leading to.a more healthy positive relationship with less conflicts and more acceptance.
If there is no built up bond with the child since tender age it will not happen. One should not expect to be listened to if they did not listen.
Can I do this now that my 2 children are 35/36 or is it too late?😢 Relationship with son is great but my daughter has psychological problems/ we love each other but she is distant...problems communicating and she avoids me often. I KNOW I have have problems active listening😢. I would like to rewind time. EXCELLENT ADVICE THANK YOU
It’s never too late. All human beings crave attachment at any age. Connect at any age
❤
What if you have 4 kids? Do you give them 20 minutes each or together ?
So, being that I totally screwed up with my first who is now 18 and just graduated high school, what do I do? I didn’t take the time I should have as I do with almost 10 yr old. Two different relationships.
Is it 20 min per kid a day or all kids combinrd?
Both parents need to ensure the other parent is able to do this special time. I found in my marriage, that I facilitated my ex husbands special time with our children. Even now. He lives in a different state and gets the kids occasionally and every time he does it’s just this “special time,” because he has no real responsibility to their raising. I’m the on call parent. I’m so busy meeting needs that it’s so difficult to find the time to spend individually with my kids.
My daughter always asks me to draw( she draws soon she get up until time going to bed) so whenever she ask me i drop what im doing and draw with her.
I have 3 little and i have one on one time with each of them.
How do you manage to have one on one time with each other ?
I have three, too and it's a complex equation...
@@saoundenerval9995 when Dad's day off, I take them out for an hour at a time. I have 8 year old and 4 year old twins, so I try to balance between them.
How to get this started when you ask them to spend time if they dont want to 😢
Can you do another one about your wife
No!
We can change our wives. We cannot change our kids.
The connection has to stay in place though.
My mother had a great connection with us when we were little, as we got older though we could tell she didn’t really want to be around us anymore.
Probably a narcissist when she couldn’t control the kids because they become more of their own
I saw this with my husband and each child when they turn 11-12 he wasn’t the same
How about if you have multiple kids - can you a play a (card) game with all of them together for 20/30 minutes - is that enough ‘special’ time?
With multiple kids, work, school - 20 mins per day for each becomes difficult. But if it’s not the same as individual - I’ll have to work much harder than I guess.
I allocate 20 minutes for each (3), sometimes I ask them what they want to do, and then write it down and work in a time, other times it is spontaneous, during the weekdays it is hard to get the time, but they have learned to respect each others time. Definitely worth the effort though.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:00 *📜 Wpływ wartości i relacji rodzinnych na dzieci*
- Nurturing bonds with children fosters healthy influence.
- Quality time and active listening are essential for building strong relationships.
- Spending dedicated, undirected time with children is crucial for connection.
01:30 *🕰️ Wartość specjalnego czasu i jego wpływ na relacje rodzic-dziecko*
- Specjalny czas, czyli 20 minut dziennie bez poleceń czy pytań, wzmacnia więzi.
- Koncentracja na obecności i aktywnym słuchaniu dziecka buduje zaufanie.
- Przykłady skuteczności specjalnego czasu w poprawie relacji rodzic-dziecko.
04:06 *👂 Aktywne słuchanie jako klucz do budowania relacji*
- Aktywne słuchanie polega na powtarzaniu słów dziecka i skupianiu się na jego emocjach.
- Pozwala to na otwartą komunikację i zwiększa zrozumienie między rodzicami a dziećmi.
- Unikanie narzucania własnych opinii i zainteresowanie uczuciami dziecka wzmacnia więzi rodzinne.
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I wish i have an "option" not to work two jobs to keep a roof over my children head. They are 3 and 1 years old. My heart is already breaking because i can see them grow without me in their lives. One, it will be high school the college or university and friends. Daddy will be in the shadows 😢
I don’t know you know nothing about you but pray that god can help you. Ask him for help for guidance and build a relationship with him.
He will help you so that one job is enough and so that you can spend that time you need with your kids🙏
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🇱🇷🇱🇷🇱🇷👏👏👏
Hard when you have autistic non verbal grandsons.
Buy them sweets😅😅😅
In our country, if the kid stubborn, we use ROTAN. And then they will learn lah... 😂😂😂
Or remain Child-Free by choice and you won’t have to worry about it.
Animals are not tutored like this. They just give their offsprings what is necessary despite personal hardships.
But humans can't do it, unless they honestly want to.
This is so true, thank you for phrasing it so precisely!
2:25 special time, 20 minutes with no questions
You guys need to learn it from Asian moms. They are pros in this case. Their weapon of choice were a wooden stick, electrical wire and thier sandals.
There’s nothing hard about raising kids, I had my kids coming with me to nice restaurants when they were 3 years old and they would sit there nice and well behaved, not moving or making noise. Everything can be taught, manners and discipline. And you start when they are 3 years old, not when they are teenagers. Both my kids are professionals and successful now. I never had an issue in the years.
Spare the rod, spoil the child.
Lot's of doodoo. You can actively listen, without allowing your kid to cheat at a game, or allow blue hair.
This guy🙄
Step one. Don't have kids 😅
But it’s good to learn