The Keys To Raising Resilient Children | Erica Komisar
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ส.ค. 2024
- "We have over the past 75 years prioritized adult’s desires rather than focusing on the needs of children. Society wants an external fix for the mental health epidemic in children ….but the truth is that we are responsible for this crisis, and only we can undo it."
Erica Komisar's challenge to parents is clear: "They need to take responsibility for their children’s mental health challenges rather than blaming outside forces."
As mental health problems in our children and young people grow at an alarming rate, and our health services are pushed beyond their limit, Erica calls us to look beyond a "quick fix answer" and address the issue at it's root.
Children need their parents.
In Erica's words: "children are our future" - and we will not resign them to a future of fragility, but one of strength.
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Erica Komisar is a clinical social worker, author, psychoanalyst, psychological consultant and parent guidance expert who has been in private practice in New York City for over 30 years.
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![5 Things Successful People Do Before 8AM [FULL MESSAGE] | Terri Savelle Foy](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/z0D6sgPnPh0/mqdefault.jpg)
For lack of timestamps, here is my attempt:
7:00 - 1 children are born neurologically fragile not resilient
10:27 - 2 children need their parents' presence physically and emotionally as much as possible throughout childhood not just 0 to 3
11:01 - 3 children need mentally healthy parents
11:06 - 4 children need stability and community
13:01 - 5 children need a childhood where technology use is regulated
Thank you Erica Komisar for speaking up against your own profession:
13:43 parents play the most important role they need to take responsibility for their children's mental health
18:45 Psychiatry should be a last resort when a child is showing signs of anxiety depression ADHD or behavioral problems unless there is a severe crisis
A correction: CS Lewis never said that “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” Dr. John Trainer did.
Thank you👌
Thank you!!🙏🏽
Thank you! Very kind of you to help others like this. Great summary.
Absolutey this is cultural. In Canada when meeting new people I was asked 'what do you do?' I said I take care of my children, people said 'oh' and left me alone.
I now live in México and when meeting new people, most don't even ask, or if they do they ask about the children. It is assumed that caring for children is what women do. It's amazing and validating! Mother's are very respected in this society.
That's amazing... Where I live, I had many people look down on me for choosing to stay home with my child and not working full time
'caring for children is what women do'. Please watch your words and you will see why women are going to the extreme opposite of not having/not caring for children at all now. Please try to acknowledge the fact that men women both can be parents and at the same time they both are people who have other aspects of life as well. It was because of this absolute denial of a woman's existence beyond motherhood that women have started to see motherhood as a bondage now.
Thats awesome!
Same here. I live in the US and when I say I'm a stay at home mom, people look at me like something is wrong with me. I have a masters degree as a speech-language pathologist and chose to stay home.
We have much to learn from nations that still value children and parenthood
I wish all parents would listen to this speech. I work in a daycare facility for children aged 18 to 36 months.
Most of the time, two caretakers watch over up to 13 children. I frequently witness children emotionally struggling, biting, and hitting. If I were allowed to give our parents one piece of advice, it would be: Keep your children at home as long as possible.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Same. I’ve seen daycare life and as much as I appreciate child carers, no better human can take care of your baby (considering you are a good mom) except you. It’s so sad to see these kids being dropped off early in an institution like they are actually pets.
Thank you for sharing. I recently went to see a daycare center, and saw exactly that, 15-20 children 1,5-3years of age with two or three teachers, these kids looked bored and apathetic, the toys they had there, my 18 month old daughter already knew how to play with those, so besides feeling abandoned she would be bored, I already could see what would happen if I enrolled her there, and I felt so sad seeing those kids... I just couldn't go through with it
@@iamrochelljoynot only that, there's a new trend now saying that only people with education degrees are qualified to know how to raise kids, meaning parents are viewed by the institution as no longer qualified to raise their own kids
I have a dilema now, kept son 3 years at home, sent him to pre-k no problem. Kept my daughter almost 3 years too and she stuggles with opening up and being social. She talks a bunch at home, but did not open up a LITTLE at school until almost 7months in, not sure if just her personality or she a COVID baby (too much inside, did not see many people), so it is now hard for her to socialize. But it makes me still wonder if with my 3rd child I should find a balance and try to do both, or just assume it is just my daughter's personality and keeping at home is still best 🤔
My children will need to thank this lady. After listening to her interview, I became a stay at home mum. Both my kids will have me at home till they turn 5yrs old. Thank you!
Well done !
👏👏👏👏
The right choice!
I'm proud to say that my 2 children never used childcare apart from their grandparents. I have always worked part time. We struggled financially but thought it was important to be there for our children. However, we have been very lucky, not everyone has the option.
@@ellenoneill7853 yep not everyone have an option to not put kids in child care. I would love to have that possibility
Why are you proud? You got help.
Children are the most important work!!
So glad we made do with one salary. Our 4 children are amazing. I have 11 amazing grandchildren now. Funny thing is we have no debts (just bought a brand car with cash) , a wonderful home and take great holidays. Many that put careers first have debts and broken marriages. We've been married 52 years now. And yes, even way back then, stay at home Moms were looked down on. I'm proud of my life. Children are a blessing not an inconvenience. Give them, not a job, the best of your life, not the leftovers. Don't let the last part of your life, be a regret for lost time with your husband and children. You think you're important?? There's so many people who could do your job better than you. BUT NOBODY can love and care for your child better than you 💞
Thank you I needed to hear this right now
Thank you! I needed to read this today, appreciate the comments as I struggle with owning my business for the last 7 years as a female entrepreneur and having my toddler son who I know needs my time
At around 18.30 mark she says one very important thing- being physically & emotionally present. I come from a generation where parents were physically present but not emotionally. One entire generation now suffering through mental health crisis.
@@pallavi6752 this is so true and like someone else said above, purely staying with our children is not enough, there’s a lot in the how we do it. What we do with them. How we play and interact with them.
AMEN !!
“Our children’s are not a distraction for most important work. They are the most important work.” 👏👏👏
So glad the speaker put emphasis on needing both parents for different reasons. I wish more individuals would understand this logic.
I love every word. Proud of our family that we have stayed 3 years with our son and going to stay 3 years with our twins. Kids' needs are our priority and I'm happy we respect them.
❤
These messages tear my heart into pieces 😢. My kids started sleeping in school at the age of 4 after me and their dad seperated and their dad refused to help us with life. I had to drop them to boarding schools coz my mum is too old and weak to care for them. I'm working as a house maid in another country for my kids well being and education. It kills me that I can't give them a parental life 😭. I always feel so bad to hear them say " mummy please come back", but I worry about their future too. I always tell myself "it's okay stay strong", but it's really not okay, It's every day mental pain. But I thank GOD that I can work and provide for their needs as I pray for the path to living with them again as i also work hard for, that time to come. Dear parents, if you have got a chance to be in your kids life, please don't ignore it, it's treasure for them and you ❤.
May you be reunited with your kids.
I am very sorry for you. It must break your heart ❤. Yes you can provide financially but they need more emotional care at the moment. Maybe you can bring them to you where you are working as a house helper? God will provide for their studies and future, all they need now is YOU
J, ll 8@@arp5843
Wow, incredible speech. For years I said I didn’t want kids, I’d only have them if I could afford a full time nanny. I fell into the narrative that children are a distraction and honestly I was afraid to mess them up mentally. About 8 months ago, after waking up from the feminist programming, I realized my deep desire for wanting my own kids. I can’t wait to have my own and stay at home the first years to care for them. Thank you for giving us such simple advice on how we can raise healthy children. I’m very grateful for this speech, thank you.
Love her honesty and it's hard to argue with what she says, even if it's uncomfortable. She's the first person I've heard brave enough to highlight the connection between daycare for young children and mental health in later life, so glad someone is raising this and challenging the 'norm's' of modern society. So happy she mentions the importance of play in childhood, but wished she'd snuck in something about the importance of getting outside into nature for supporting mental health too! 😃
I think this presentation gets to the core of the problem of children and mental health. We've crossed a line into hyper individualism and, in doing so, de-prioritised our children. An inconvenient truth to be sure, but one we have a deep moral obligation not to ignore.
The video made me cry.. I'm a stay at home mum with so much guilt brewing inside me.. Thank you for saving me from that guilt and confirming that I'm doing the right thing
I've heard this woman speak before. I always feel like I'm the exception to the study. I stayed at home with my daughter till she went to school and slept in the same room with her till she was 6 years old. We don't have any screens or video games in our house. She comes from a two parent house with parents who love each other. We follow consistent routines. I feel like i did everything this woman said we should be doing and yet my daughter is still very anxious and has severe ADHD. Conversely, when I had my son, I was going to follow the same path but at 2.5 year, he was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. The first thing they told us to do was to put him in daycare and get exposed to other kids his age. We saw so much improvement in his communication and interaction with us once he went to daycare. He also loved going to daycare. He didn't start talking till he was 4.5 but the improvement was seen after he went to daycare. He was also more confident when he started school and does not have the same issues that my daughter has with separation. I do believe that this women speaks truth and that data doesn't lie but you also have to know your child. My daughter was just inherently anxious and I doubt that anything I did, would have prevented that. She may have been worse if she would have gone. Conversely, my son may have never learned to talk if he hadn't gone to daycare. I say know your child and do what is best for them, regardless of what the "data" says.
Glad to hear your kids are doing better😊something your story highlights is that just being with our kids isn’t all that it takes. When I see that you slept in the same room with your daughter for so long, that’s a key indicator…the fact that your kid wasn’t exposed to other kids his age until he went to school is interesting bc school isn’t needed for socialization…this shows me that research has to be put into HOW to stay at home with our kids and allow them independence and socialization otherwise keeping them at home can be more detrimental than putting them in school
I have seen the same thing happen with another friend who co slept. The child has so much anxiety and cannot function at age 11. I have 5 children and stayed home with them except for my first who was left with my mother. I went out every single day with our children, we would go to playgroup, library story time and playgrounds. There was so much socialisation!
@@AS-rw9vr exactly. So much to learn and it does take sacrifice and a lot of time and effort to educate ourselves and put into practice what we learn, but it’s all worth it in the end for those precious kids bc they didn’t ask to be here!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. Data doesn’t lie but humans are not algorithms. Social connection and attachment are fostered in multiple ways. I think she has a very limited and unrealistic perspective on what the actual issue is. Not to mention, not all parents can provide better care for their child than daycare could. Childcare is a specialized skill.
“My son may have never learnt to talk if he hadn’t gone to daycare” - seems an odd statement . Regarding your comments RE adhd and autism- autism in particular can occur during brain changes in utero.. these conditions also can be a result of trauma from a previous generation (epigenetics). So it’s nothing you did wrong, it would have happened anyway, but any positive things you did with your children would have helped them in any case.
An incredible chat. Very well done. As a mother, once I had my first child, I felt an immediate pull towards being rooted at home with my child. I left work multiple times a day to breastfeed and ensured that I'd be home by 13:30 daily. When my son was born two years later, I sold my company. Both my children are securely attached. I hope all mommies are given the choice to he home or to be home as much as possible. Thank God for the blessing of family, may He guide us all.
I agree,❤
I also a stay st home mom til my baby is , 1,7 months.. in Spain. Coz in a place where i am now, they are required to go to school at 1,7 months old.. i have no choice 😢
This was amazing! I cried watching this. as a full time mama and homeschooling parent, I have always felt and known what this doctor so eloquently explained. My family told me I should be working when our first son was 3 months old! . I cherish this extremely important role of motherhood, and feel so honoured to be a parent. I want to share this speech with as many ppl as possible . where we live, most ppl put their one year old child in an institution, and pretend it is normal .... what is normal, is to raise your babies, and bond with them. and love the greatest responsibility you will ever have!
Great speech! I am a mother of two kids, age 4 and 1. I returned to work when my oldest child was 4 months old. Thankfully, the work was remote and I was able to breastfeed her for 17 months. She was placed to a daycare at the age of 2 years and 10 months and it was pretty devastating for her. I was laid off while 5 months pregnant with my second child. After that I have been staying with my children, while working part time on a flexible schedule. Nothing can be more important than being with them. I am grateful for the opportunity to stay with them, although motherhood is definitely challenging, but most rewarding experience. My earnest respect to the speaker as, in my opinion, she truly pointed to a very deep problem that we as a society have. Thank you for this video!
Great speech! I was lucky that I could make a choice to be a stay home mother until my child turned 7 years old. I was back to full time job and got home until 7pm. During the two years, I noticed the changes on my child’s behavior development. I got another job, and I can get off at 4pm and have more time spend with my child after school. Also, I can have couples weeks stay with my child during the summer break. Few days ago, my child told me that, “mom, I love this summer, we can have mom and child’s days, you haven’t stayed with me like that for two years, I was waiting.” I was so touched when I heard it. I am sure I have made a good choice. My child’s behavior is better and calm.
Absolutely 100% agree with all of this. Heartbreaking that we’ve lost our ability to attune to our kids. There’s definitely a trend within our culture to almost dehumanise children. Maybe that’s too strong of a word but I see so many comedians joke about how much they hate their kids..unfortunately subconsciously people take these messages in and suddenly it’s normal to denegrate children. There are many examples of narcissism within our society that harm our kids.
Thank you for your lecture. Though, I have something to add. I have one son and I love him more than my life, he is 8 today and goes to school, he started daycare when he was 1,5 NOT because me and my husband wanted to put him in institution but because we both had to come back to work to support ourselves and pay bills. Though my son was in daycare from a very early age he is today an amazing, happy young man.
In my opinion it's really possible to have a happy family and work. This depends very much from a family, and daycare today is on a very high level with well educated teams. Children learn a lot and have a good time. I have seen many examples of children who stay with their mums home doing nothing more than watching TH-cam and playing video games. We can't generalize in this case. Loving, stable parents will almost always raise happy children, even in difficult circumstances.
I haven't even gotten halfway & I have tears in my eyes. My ex left when I was 3 mos pregnant, I worked on a stressful hospital floor until I was told I had to give birth bc of pre-eclampsia. My angel just turned 2 & I have been struggling travel nursing, moving cross country to be near family. Now I am at a crossroads if I should buy a larger home w/a mortgage or pay cash for a small one so I can be home with her. You wouldn't believe the pressure to buy bigger, saying I'll regret going small. It is rare for anyone to encourage me to work less to be home with my daughter. I feel like all she has experienced is a stressed momma & I want that to change. Thank you for your video, it will encourage me to not get locked into a mortgage.
Really powerful speech. The only missing piece of the puzzle that isn’t covered here is the impact of poor nutrition on metabolism which plays a huge role in mental health and the remarkable increase we are seeing in neurodiverse individuals who are often prone to anxiety. Processed foods and especially sugars I believe, are at the heart of these increasing numbers due to the impact poor metabolism has on egg and sperm quality.
Back to basics all round is the remedy!
Breastfeeding too
There is good evidence for the correlation between ultra-processed foods & mental illness. Also, on the remedial side take Hardy Nutritionals, for example, which has a broad-spectrum vitamin-mineral supplement with multiple positive double-blind RCTs in ADHD & depression. All this strongly implies a physiological side to the mental health epidemic in addition to the social and psychological aspects.
I watch every interview with her I can find and I am looking forward to reading her book „Being there“ this month.
I always felt what was right when it comes to caring for children. But it is an immeasurable help to be backed up by science and such a wonderful woman who speaks up against the narrative.
You always have to defend yourself if you want to stay home with your child and not thrive for a career.
Children are not a distraction from more Important work. They are the most important work.
I'm a stay home mom❤ totally agree with every word
I had my daughter when I was doing my PhD, I didn’t stay home, but brought her to a daycare on-site of the university since she was 10 months. The ratio was maximum 1:4. My daughter was well cared. She stayed there 7 hours a day for 5 days per week. My daughter is 13 now, a strong and independent girl but still quite attached to me particularly at night. I agree with the speaker’s point of view, but for mothers who really want to work, choose the daycare wisely.
Getting the child to 13 is the easiest part, especially when it comes to girls, Good luck!
I'm sorry but the research shows that no matter the quality or country the daycare is in, daycare is bad for small children. Cortisol peaks in the morning, but not for infants in daycare. For infants in daycare, it rises through the day. School will always be there. The years emotional wiring is laid down in children are short. Btw, a 13 should be less attached to a parent at night and perfectly happy to put themselves to bed
Your daughter will miss out on those 35 hours weekly of bond time with you, the thing is will she feel the same for you when she’s busy with her own stuff and ambition and stick you in a nursing home where others can care for you? I think we want at such vulnerable times to have family and familiar faces around us.
@@yahaira1048not everyone can stay home. Majority of the women would love to stay home but not in this economy when jobs are on the line and needs have to be met. When you don’t have immediate family around you to help
That is why you plan ahead before you conceive to live somewhere small and affordable or near family or friends. You must plan ahead to stay home. You must be aware even before conception
This woman is amazing thank you for speaking up for our children!
Not only children, people of ALL ages need strong familial and communal bonds for Mental, Emotional and Physical health. We thought we invented our way out of this via technological advancements and we are now paying the price for our arrogance.
❤❤❤❤
Save the children!
Great speech, love every word. Thanks much.
Staying at home 3 years with my second son. I love every minute with my kids.😊❤❤❤❤❤
Children need a village, parents lost the village support
Totally. Staying at home with parents as much as possible is also problematic. there has to be village components, which isn't as easy as it sounds for SAHP
If the village is good and healthy people live in it, yes. If those folks are verbally abusive and toxic like many extended families, then what for? God keep our babies away from toxic environments
Give her an award and all the accolades!
I 100% agree with all of it. I was so privileged to be able to stay home with my son until he was 4 and nursed him until he was ready to stop. I see so many nanny’s and day cares where I live and my heart always goes out to the little ones I see on their walks or out and about. I feel their pain and it breaks my heart. Families in my neighborhood have baby after baby and as soon as they are able they send the baby to day care. I want to shake the parents and say wake up! And they are rich people too!
Faith base community, it is so important. It offers than another community that can count on.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. 😭 Coming from a secure, family-first environment myself, I can only value and appreciate it more. Thank you for such a clear, concise, unapologetic encouragement!
Oh my God !!! My heart and mind got struck by all the info and truth this lady said.
It gives me the courage to continue becoming better for my daughter and regardless of having to work, be always present in her life ❤
Brilliant n brave in today's society! As a muslim I am so happy that islam teaches the same, children are the most important for parents,n mothers are specifically highly regarded for their duties.
Wow!! Just wow!!!!!!!!! Make this video REQUIRED for every current parent and future to watch!!! Every word and fact is true!!!!! Share this everywhere!!!!
The elephant in the room is the adults have left
The statistics are staggering. A crisis that needs attention. Let's not fail our children and the future. Make a difference and volunteer to help. Thank you for sharing. 6:52
This is so touching and so true. Something I totally agree with and feel we should really address. Indeed the onour is upon us to nurture our kids
Truth talk👏👏👏
Wish the culture will turn around, and government will deeply and intensely take action.
Children are our future, they are our legacy. What does it say for us if we have left a destructive wake of emotionally unstable generation after us.
Que bello que alguien dedique su vida a una causa tan noble! Hablar y defender a los más vulnerables ❤
Nadie trae un manual de cómo ser padre, pero eso no puede ser excusa, para el trabajo más importante de nuestra vida ❤❤❤
El que no vive para servir, no sirve para vivir
Always always,
Family is the strong foundation.
Yes strong and healthy government.
Thank you for bringing attention to this issue. I have been telling my husband for years that women work so hard to be equal to men and the children are suffering as a result. Also, most households have two working parents so time spent outside the home has risen as well as housing. People are only paying more for housing, cars etc. to have their kids raised by daycare or a stranger.
Becoming resilient parents ourselves is the first step to raising resilent children
Thank you for caring about our children and putting this vulnerable generation first.
Fantastic video, this should be broadcasted on all possible mediums. Thank you !
Excellent speech and the correct perspective on parenting. My concern is that few therapists and other mental health professionals share this perspective and are therefore likely to do more harm than good.
Exactly
They wouldn’t. They’re in business because of it.
So many agree and realize the importance for children’s mental and emotional health - let’s start talking about what the government has to start helping make this change happen !!
Awesome!! She speaks the truth!!
Thank you for this, epic truth and oh so sad x
wow !!!! This is what I have always felt and never had the words for it. Thank you for this
Such inspiring talk confirming actually what every cell in a mother's body and soul keeps signalling.
Well said! The premise of this talk goes back to healthy parents.
This was amazing! If I ever get asked to preach a sermon on the importance of families, parents, and children, I'm stealing this!
Thank you for your work,well said.we need more people to hear and then truly understand what you're saying
“Mental health care has become symptom relief.”
-18:40 min mark
“We have to reorient ourselves to treating families rather than just silencing children’s pain.”
-19:30 min mark
This is amazing! Such truth in this I love this womans honesty!
And yet we have made costs of living so big that Many cant afford to have Kids or to have clear mind for them and their growing constantly fighting for The family living. Most important thing in our live is Time... and we Workers sell it cheap due to constans inflation cycles.
Everyone can afford kids. You find a way.
@@MsChitterchat BS. Its the same saying like you dont have a flat so find a way... its true you dont need money to impregnate women but you need great amount to rise a kid in a full family that will add to society. Making a kid and being on social money is not being responsible
Exactly
My in-laws built on to their house for us. Yes, it is difficult, but you might be able to think outside the box to make your children a priority. This way we and our children will have a larger family to support us emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, and developmentally.
The irony with this complaint is that when women joined the workforce, the price of labor went down because the amount of workers nearly doubled. If women would leave the workforce, men would be able to demand higher salaries and be able to support their families.
I love this talk. Such a better society we would have if we put children's needs first in this way.
Health insurance is my families main issue. I could work from home but I carry my and my child’s insurance. My husband always seems to have a job that is not offering insurance or will not cover all of us. He has an MBA and these are 6 figure jobs. So I know other people are in similar situations.
I wonder if health share programs would be an option for you guys? Or paying out of pocket for medical expenses and learning more about health so that you are less helpless and dependant on a doctor.
If that is what your family need, He should get a better benefit job.
Excellent presentation! Thanks for sharing this information for parents.
I love my daughter and to spend time with her, but it has also been very beneficial for everyone (including our daughter) that she started daycare in her first year of life. It’s a small, very cozy and caring setting, and the daycare workers are affectionate and offer a real bond with the children. She has always been very happy to go there and when I ask her in the morning if she wants to get dressed for daycare, she gets really excited. She gets way more exposure to fun activities and attention in the daycare than if I was at home with her for three years (!) all alone. I’ve seen parents being completely exhausted from being responsible for a child 24/7 and sometimes not being as emotionally healthy and available as they could be if they had the chance to get a break from child minding during working hours. While I support fully the message of offering children a strong emotional bond and that this is crucial for their development, this doesn’t always mean they have to be with family. Adding other caretakers into the mix who are well selected can be very beneficial.
It seems to be also a very cultural discussion. In Germany where I come from women are more or less expected to stay home for 1 year and then they end up often with only part time work because daycares and kindergartens close early afternoon. In Belgium where I live the system is totally different. Practically all women work full time and daycare is a totally normal part of life for families. It’s also important what happens at home before and after daycare… does the child get a real loving connection at home and can replenish? We are both working from home and have only a few minutes drive to daycare which means we can start our day more flexibly and adapt more to her sleep cycle. Relaxed and happy parents = relaxed and happy children
Indeed in the community I am now, they look down on mothering, as if its the lowest form of service
Well stated!
One problem is, the wrong people are having children!
Western world glorifies women's independence and keep telling young girls to be independent financially and to keep working and working so they can buy everything they think they need to survive untill they have kids of their own and are forced to believe they still have to send their kids to childcare because they still need to work and make more money. The older and more mature I get the more I realise I should dig deeper into my own culture and religion whose lifestyle is much more healthy mentally and emotionally and physically.
We need a cultural shift and no more band aids! Thank you 👏
Thank you for speaking out❤
This says everything I have ever felt. I was the breadwinner in our home for my first 2 kids and had to work. I felt guilt and remorse every single day but could not leave my job. My sons now struggle with anxiety and the oldest with depression. They are 9 and 6. What can I do to help reverse this? We now have a 1 year old too and I am so blessed to be able to work from home part time and be with him.
Thank you!
The most important topic! 🙌 Admirations
Nervous system regulation and co regulation somatic work is key yet - I have a single child, and I can confidently say that I do not want any more children. The abuse from her father has left me exhausted, and witnessing the amount of pain my daughter has endured has solidified my decision. Children require your full attention and care, and it's important to let them grow up without being burdened by the pressures and challenges of life that often distance us from nature. My little baby is everything to me, but I know my limitations and I refuse to spread myself too thin by having more children. I also struggle with insomnia, which has greatly affected my ability to function and made my life incredibly challenging. Despite these difficulties, I am determined to provide the best possible life for my one child, rather than dividing my love and attention among multiple children who may not receive the same level of care and guidance. I don't agree with those who choose to have abortions, but I believe it would be better for them to consider sterilization as a means of preventing unwanted pregnancies rather than resorting to late-term abortions.
We shouldn't be able to live on one income, but we mostly do, because it's important to both of us to have me home. It's worth living on a very tight budget.
I love this woman speach and believe in the same. I know how important is that mother stay with her child for the fitst 3 years. And how important is self-development of parents, therapy is essential is they want to rise healthy children.
16:03 Its no understatement. My neighborhood is mostly parents of young children, and even though the kids are frequently playing with each other and the parents get together formally and informally when we can, there is a strong feeling of isolation.
And we have it better than most, I know!
I wish if i could like it 1000 times.
In Pakistan, most mothers are not in workforce, they care for their children and fathers are bread winners. Most women around 99% breast feed children. It creates a strong and healthy bond with children and fortunately Alhamdulillah we have very very low suicide rate in our youth. And yes we are faith based community, that contributes too.
A lot of great stuff in this. But also a little exclusive to certain family situations. Thanks for the talk.
“if we don’t model it as parents, it won’t happen”
Doesnt matter the age.
The moment they are born they need to know and understand love.
The moment thay are aware that they are wanted and loved the more they will understand that its ok to go to daycare, its ok to go to school, its ok that parents are not infront of you all the time to care for you because they have to work.
But, and this is a strong but.
Choose a good daycare and good school for your kids. That is their second home and you need to see the type of culture that place has to make sure that the teachers care about your kids.
Also consider the teacher to kid ratio. You dont want stressed teachers. They are humans too. They get tired. If they are too tired to care for your kid then your kid will feel it.
I have a 23 month and her daycare is amazing. The ratio is 4 kid to 1 teacher. My kid is a healthy loving child who likes to hug and give flying kisses to her teachers when we leave. She is also the same loving kid when dropped off there where she willingly goes to the teacher. The times she is stressed and sick, we make she stays home because we dont want to burden her and her teachers.
There is nothing wrong with daycare.
But if you are a parent who just simply wants to drop them off and not even research a good school. Not love them at all at home. Dont take care of them at all.
Then daycare or not, that kid is fucked.
Thank you good work.
This is very true.
Wow...where do I start...
This is such an insightful take on this subject ..
May this hit every corner of the world. .
This talk kills me because I begged my husband not to work and to stay with our kids at home to give them their emotional and physical needs. I ended up getting depression and my kids were subsequently affected. 😢
Yes! Yes! Yes!
What about parents who need two income and have no in- built support? I don’t think all daycares are bad. Such a narrow view!
Erica has so much figured out here. I, too, am hopeful that parents will listen up and make vitally necessary changes.
Unfortunately, I feel she points us to far too heavy a reliance upon counseling and the government. 😢
Perfect! ❤
Love this, but it is sad that people need to be told...
Y'all just jump to timestamp 6: 50.... That is where she starts explaining everything.
Thank me later
I admit that the more I watch this video the odder it appears to me. There's something that strikes me as totally disingenuous when a messenger starts talking about "effects" and completely leaves out "cause." In fact, talking about the effects without talking about the "cause" is no different than giving us half-truths and half the story. Sometime ago I learned that human society is all about "cause and effect"-we can't ever scape the effects that are brought about the cause. Erica Komisar delivers the message that "we've glorified work outside the home, economic success, high achievement, while negating the unique role that mothers and fathers play in their childrens' mental health." Ms. Komisar also says that "63% of women and 50% of men have no desire to have a child" and that instead there's a clear desire to "maintain personal independence." She also delivers the message that "narcissism" is on the rise and that "having children is seen as a burden or impeachment on their time-their me time." Well, these are all personal attitudes and opinions that have been motivated and reinforced over time-in other words, these are the effects but what about the "cause?" As always, big problems always have small beginnings, and this one is no exception. Unlikely as it may seem, to fully understand the "mental health crisis in children" we actually have to look at "what" has been causing young women of childbearing ages to adopt the attitudes and opinions that makes them avoidant of maternal instinct and motherly purpose. It seems quite clear to me that the "cause" behind all of these effects began some 60+ years ago when "feminist doctrine" went into overdrive and simultaneously started to be exported through-out the western world. That's right folks, this massive problem isn't caused by poor air quality, lack of clean water, access to housing, nor political changes in the White House. This big old great mess is all owed to feminist-ideology that teaches young women to avoid the timely reproductive-purpose of women-kind for a trade-off in favor of financial independence, professional success, meaningless responsibilities, and a sudo sense of self-worth that is predicated on other people telling them how great they are. But like I said, cause and effect, you can't talk about one without talking about the other. Just think for a minute what the mental health of our children would be like if the "cause" motivating and reinforcing the "effects" shaping young womens' attitudes and opinions instead praised and valued them for taking pride in nurturing marriages that last, caring and protecting their children, building stable family lives where parents and children help and encourage each other to perform the best that they can without leaving a trail of ideological casualties in their wake. Our children are indeed our future, but what kind of a future will our society experience if our children just won't be equipped with the mental resilience that will one day enable them to build safe societies that can be made prosperous and rewarding for all? ReneB, Florida.
I think she is dealing with what’s in front of us vs. the past that cannot be undone. I have seen her address those causes on other events she has done with some other lady who I forget her name.
@@maureenm8046 Thank you Maureen for your comment but I would like to share with you something I learned way back when I was attending community college. When I was learning Algebra, I was taught that an incomplete problem has no solution and that we can't solve these kinds of problem unless more information is added to the original problem. Feminist doctrine isn't a thing of the past and great numbers of young women continue to fall victim to this alternative-lifestyle that continues to teach them to prioritize making money, having power, and doing whatever they want without the lest of concern for their maternal-instinct nor being part of creating families that endure the test of time.
Excellent 👌🏽
Yes yes yes! Oh how often I am being looked at strange because my 3-year-old has not been in kindergarten or daycare and he will still continue to have mum at home as mummy has a 11-year-old to mother and this way both sweet boys are at home❤❤ but always out and about doing things and never seeing screens
I use daycare when I need to go to an appointment or clean my house. I use it once a week for a few hours. I have no family nearby. So what should someone like me do?
I don't think that amount of hours cause any harm in your circumstances 🙏
How can we reverse the damage that we have caused our children when they were younger who are now teenagers and the damage is showing now. I know what steps to take to heal my own depression and struggles and am in the progress, but how will I be able to help them heal when they don't even think there is anything wrong. Left them at childcare at a very young age, then with husband (who didn't even know what he was doing) when they got home.
I only recently found out I had and still have depression and ADD and also back then I had just moved from Europe to another side of the globe which all impacted my mental health. Now am on my journey to healing
🎉#truth 💯
*Women need to have more part time, entrepreneurial and work from home options* - FLEXIBILITY IS THE KEY