I've felt this one person for 8 years is the ONE he has always been respectful and enjoy each other's company. Though he never has crossed the line towards a relationship not just friendship. Our time is more memorable than with anyone else and he is the only man to never try to get in my pants etc. Just genuinely enjoys my company. What do I do. Keep the hope up and maybe he's not ready or letgo
what about having autisme, and have neen daignosed but that ot did'nt make sense towards how to get work social, but what the daihsnosed just told me, he not good with words better with hands. how can i do that into relationship or dating?
I recently quit therapy, because it wasn't getting me anywhere. This conversation was more valuable than the hundreds of dollars that I wasted on my therapist.
@@madisonhicks7072 You're right. It was a bad fit. I feel the same way about dating though. I exude a lot of energy. But it's exhausting and disappointing. At this point I just do inner work and spent my time working on creative projects, and helping other people work on their creative projects. I think life is too short to spend energy on frustrating things.
Hey try the Emotion code !! I see talking about your problems does not work. ❤ This is a therapy identifying the issue and removing it from your brain and body
I was 28 when I had my first relationship and it ended when I was 30. I gave myself a year to heal before dating again at 32. Thriving now in a great relationship after doing the work on myself. You are not behind. Work on yourself, you are more than your biological age.
"Before you come to couples therapy, I want each of you to come in and say: if you were to be the best selves in this relationship, what would you need to change?" 1:03:08 Thank you for this question
I was much older, but I was always so so happy to be free, so I never missed anything. Time is only a concept in my opinion and there is no must in these things....hope you can feel that too!
"Criticism is not a funny way of making a joke and if you have to put someone down to be funny than it's probably not someone you want to be in a relationship with"
Agreed however if you point the criticism to yourself or make it outrageous it can create at ease laughter. It world because you will not point humor at yourself that will offend or damage you
Ended the relationship with my boyfriend a month ago, still dealing with grief and all that but hearing that last thing about people who say “oh I was kidding, it was a joke”; just re assured me I took the healthiest decision. He used to say exactly that: “oh I was just kidding”, after saying something hurtful. And indeed, it does cause a lot of hurt and harm. 💔
@@AyalaMarianaI’m currently dating a guy (not official) and notice he’ll tease/criticizes in jokingly way and I don’t know if I like or understand it yet.
I don’t watch this podcast often, but every time I’ve watched it’s been insightful. “Love doesn’t cover for lack of understanding “ is so very true, and it works not only for partners but also for a parent-child relationship.
"You don't have to bring up every thought that crosses your mind." I'm def guilty of this sometimes. Thanks for explaining that focusing on values/value should be a guiding principle in what we do bring up.
My mom has symptoms of BPD. My childhood was miserable. All my exes also have been diagnosed with BPD. I am working so hard to heal and recognize this.
My dad is a narcissist. I’ve dated an avoidant and a super violent guy! I’m so tired of dating and it feels like I can’t find a way to break this gross cycle
@@stephanieh5478 learning to recognize the signs is hard and love can blind us as well. Love bombing is common use of abusive men so it's hard not to fall in love, but then you see the truth. I personally am afraid of getting into that kind of situation again so I agree on the giving up.
My son is 30 and not dating. He's works on his health and fitness, career and spends a good amount of time with family . He is happy being the cool uncle.
I just want to quickly say… I am beyond grateful to have access to this. This podcast has helped me tremendously and I can’t help but to share my gratitude.
I dont usually click on relationship videos. Maybe because I'm scared of relationships and I'm scared of what I'll hear that I'm doing wrong. But I tell myself its because I dont want to be given the wrong advice on something that would come naturally. 30 minutes in, I'm glad I clicked on the video. there are things I can work on but I feel empowered instead of shamed
I think on the part where we want our partner to read between the lines and know our needs is bc we are still subconsciously looking for that unconditional parental support that we needed growing up. When you’re a baby, you expect your needs to be understood and fulfilled and when that doesn’t happen from an attuned parent I think you go through life still looking for that attuned parent to know you & fulfill your needs as if you were still a child who can’t communicate.
That makes a lot of sense-it's like we're subconsciously hoping our partner will step into that role of unconditional, intuitive support we didn't get as kids, even if we don't ask for it directly.
Sometimes people have to leave the ones they love because the person they love are using and /or abusing them . When you finally build the strength to leave as safely as possible , it's scary and heartbreaking and necessary all at the same time .
You have obviously never had to walk away from someone you loved deeply because they wouldn’t treat you correctly. I’m glad you’ve never felt that pain. Sometimes you can love someone so deeply & they aren’t able to love you in the capacity that you need. It’s sad & heartbreaking but it doesn’t mean you didn’t love them it just means you had to love yourself more in order to no longer accept bad behaviour that you didn’t deserve.
"Don't take it too deeply when someone says about how they met because it would be filtered through how they feel about each other now " Thank youuuuu 16:15 ❤❤❤
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didn't go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isn't always Rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is, to have me, we compliment each other
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain, sister. after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.
I just wanted to make a note on every sentence, but the most powerful one for me was about love. Love is saying, I am taking the time to understand your operating instructions🔥❤️
This video is soooo spot on and people just dont take the time to focus on who we are and the good that we are versus a feeling of immediate lust and then discarded because there is no immediate reaction. Take the time to see their true character and values.
Finally, someone who not only is sensible but is totally honest, and communicates clearly, and is assertive! I would love to be in a relationship with someone with so much sense and honesty in their head, and who communicates that clearly, and takes an assertive tone! How totally easier would the relationship be?! Seriously! I'm not saying I have a crush on this interviewee, or have feelings for her, or am in love with her, but I really love her approach! The most practical I've ever seen! The most sensible I've ever heard! There's one thing I'm not certain of, and that is If people really are being abused. It's hard to know, hard to tell, and somewhat concerning, because between the abuser and the abused, there's either dishonest communication or an actual abuser. It's hard to know which is which, and I'm thankful that I don't live in a place where narcissism accusations seem to be more prevalent.
Going through a separation with kids and I know he isn’t my person simply because I’m watching this video and I don’t feel as if me sharing this info will help him want to put aside our challenges and refocus on the right questions to ask ourselves as individuals …. All in all I married the wrong person out of lust and familiarity
So glad you brought up "under valuing" and "over valuing" thoughts. People often confuse those two and forget to keep things balanced and end up cutting people off
I've gotta give my husband credit, he's open and honest, communicates what he needs and I'm ashamed to say I'm the one that doesn't listen 😞 I hear him and know what he's asking/needing, I just am selfish and don't follow through. I def think I could benefit from therapy not just for myself but for both of us bc I know it would help us so much.
@Bodangers thanks! I mean, I already know what he's saying. I'm terrible with my time management/being on time or similar, like if I say I'm going to do x y and z and then be there, in his mind it should take this long and then I take 4 hours 😐 and it's been like that for years so he sees it as I just don't care. And I can't argue with that bc I can see why he feels like I don't make time with him a priority. It's hard to explain but we don't have a very traditional or conventional marriage. It's not like we both wake up and go to work all day and come home at the end of the night and have dinner and spend time together and go to sleep. I work 3 to 11:00 and I have a really emotionally and physically demanding job and I'm tired a lot and on my days off I just want to kind of chill and I also really value my time alone or personal space I guess. And we don't have the most conventional living situation, we lived with his family for a while and then a couple years ago when my father passed away I kind of started bouncing back and forth between my mother's house and his and I feel more comfortable at my mom's house as far as things like personal Care and those types of things etc.... I'm giving way too much detail but in reality long story short, the best way to say it probably would be his love language is quality time and I definitely need to make more of an effort to show him and start prioritizing time with him because I know he's tired of repeating himself but I definitely do want to look into therapy and I've said it for a very long time because we do communicate very well but at the same time there are certain things that we just do not seem to be able to figure out together and I've told him many times before that I think an outside perspective of someone who does not know either one of us personally would really help us communicate and work on things because we do love each other and we do want it to work but we both have our own issues that we need to work on and figure out I feel like also but that's the point of therapy I guess 😂
I feel validated especially the boundary part. It's my first time to take a note from a podcast because I wanted to be reminded that setting boundary is not just about what you need from them to do but it is much with what YOU DO about it.
The trouble with couple's therapists, and even individual therapists is that they aren't adept at spotting toxic relationships all the time. And the default is that it takes two to make relationship dynamics. This can lead to making a person in a narcissistically abusive relationship internalizing some blame and trying to work harder to appease their partner to stay in a relationship that is slowly killing them.
Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
what about if your past relationships made you a person that has very hard time to accapte new trust from some one that is'nt totaly honest. like me, i as guy did have hard time being honest to my ex. because a was afraid she wouldn't accapte me for being autistic, getting guided be people that help me to know how to take care of meself. it felt that i couldnt tell her everything, so i told her bitz, but then again i did lie because she asked me after the talk, was that everything is there more, were i said, that it, even there was more but i was holding back because i was afraid if she would not accapted me, with getting help from people that guide me in to this. it felt like i was not a adult even that i was 35 at that time and now 36, and me ex left me 3 months ago for not being honest and not meself. but her past relationship were some very broken trust issue on to her. with her mom and her past ex. so she wanted all the answers right from the start. even that she was also hidding history from her parents that she felt was more painful to tell right away.
💯!! This made me really take a look at myself and my husband. He's fully open about his needs/wants and I'm the one that doesn't listen/hear/understand etc....making me really consider therapy 😂
I’m 27 and I find it difficult to meet someone, especially because since my last relationship my mental health really deteriorated. It’s a lot better know but when I’m in a situation where I might like someone my feelings and thoughts get overrun by my anxiety because of triggers that were created in the past and my judgment on the person I now like or the situation is being manipulated by my anxiety I feel like I can’t trust my own intuition because of the anxiety. I will say that since my last relationship even tho it really showed me how fragile my mind is it made me more aware of the work I need to do on my self to rebuild my self esteem and to also know more about who I am and what I want in a relationship. Something that I find difficult is liking someone but their life situation is so different. For example: I like someone who’s 23 and we are both travelling Australia ( not travelling together ) but because I’m almost 5 years older than her that’s my first issue, she drinks ( not frequently btw ) but I don’t drink, but also she might not stay in Australia for another year where as I am. The answer clearly is don’t pursue anything with her but what if I did pursue and she decides to change her plans? The what if is what makes it difficult. Another issue about finding a partner is the cost of living like Going out and doing activities, going on dates, going on vacation,etc.. . All things I’d like to do with someone yet struggle to afford. Yes I know there’s free things you can do together like going for a walk, going to the beach, etc… but there’s more to life than just a walk or hike and going to the beach. It’s not that I’m doing it to try and impress the other person by buying them dinner or booking a trip together it’s simply that I want to experience those activities with them but can’t because I can’t afford it. Different experiences bring out different sides of people so if all I do is go on walks or hikes or just do free things won’t help me see different sides of the person I like compared to if I could have different experiences then I’d be able to see different sides of them and how they act. I finally understand the importance of communication in a relationship but yet to have the opportunity to truly communicate with another intimate partner as I’m single but I’m very eager to see just how different of a relationship will be when I communicate truthfully with how I feel and what I want.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
The future tripping is about being in the presence. What’s happening now is what it’s gonna look like in the future. So true… I really needed a reminder of that. Thank you for this podcast!
Omg, this was so perfect to receive in my spirit, and where i am at this point in my life, I am definitely listening to this the next 30 days. This was awesome and sooooo deep on so many levels. This is going to help elevate me on a different level.
Another fantastic interview. I love these ideas and mindsets. I've been ghosted now 3 times with in this past 2 years and wondered why this has increased. I read a book about gaslighting that I just couldn't finish as it seemed like very rare situations. I always ask my self this question when things go wrong in a connection, what I am doing to attract this into my life, and does this behavior need to change and then I do the work from there. Love this information you are sharing in this podcast, thank you SO much! 🙂
Very great podcast with much wisdom for single people. I am very fortunate that I have a husband that loved me so much & was very patient with me. He helped me & showed me what true love really is….
Wow great conversation thanks for sharing I’m 34. I notice in myself a deep need to feel loved. I recently had an experience where after a few dates I felt compelled to tell someone how I felt about them. It really threw me they said it they felt I was love bombing. The rejection blind sided me and illuminated a deep fear of rejection after what I thought was a genuine connection. Your conversation has helped me analyse what my part in all this was, did I subconsciously attach meaning to something that wasn’t there because I fear rejection? Did I get carried away because my brain was hijacked by the highs of dating? What are my blind spots? Was I being self serving perusing this person? I’m trying to remain curious and analyse my own part in all of this.
I LIVE to understand. I’m so glad I got to watch this, because I would want the person I’m trying to get to know (or in a relationship with) to stay CURIOUS. To ask questions to genuinely understand me and how I operate. I’ve never felt more seen and understood in my entire life. Lol! 🙏🏽✨🙌🏽
Really loved this conversation! There’s a lot that I learnt I very much agree, we are all so quick to cut people out of our lives but the better approach is to put a boundary and work on trying to understand each other
Im 29 I'm finally stronger enough or fed up enough to be alone. Im wasting my life. Five years down the drain.. Honestly ill be sad but this birthday ill also be proud!
Giving into social norms and expectations are the downfall of ALL GREATNESS. When people live for others, they ingnore their talents, gifts and purpose of being alive. We need people to step into their power and bring forth their gifts, we need them NOW MORE THAN EVER.
Great topic, dating is almost inexistent in this era😊 Understanding the world around us is a cupcake meanwhile, opening ourselves to taking life in bits is a great idea....one step at a time...
Being in a long term relationship you learn as well as being single , the greatest lesson is reflection , what we look for in others or need in others we first must learn to validate ourselves , their name isnt on your grave unless its a shared grave , so you need a break ,take one , you need validated then learn yourself no one else can say who you are or arent nor should you believe anyone saying such , know yourself within otherwise youll never have healthy dialect in any relationship . Everyone will say how great you are but you need to know the difference between face value and truth , truth is we're all dealing with something or been through some stuff , if you cant suffer yourself youll hate another as well .
Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
Sometimes boundaries is just not going to your in-laws anymore because they won’t listen 👂 so you don’t spend time going over at all because there very toxic and won’t change and they come from the Ego mindset they don’t change. So sometimes it’s better to just let go of those toxic individuals
Hi Jay, can you please do an episode/talk at some point about a chiropractic experience gone wrong, and the pain and consequences one has to live with in that case, and what it can be done??? Thank you. I am in Canada. Love your podcast! ❤
Love this discussion ! Thank you so much for all these advices.. There so much to learn on how treat our self and others better. I will keep in mind, the fact that we all have our own way of functioning, so we need to be willing to learn and understand our partner/ friend’s mode of functioning.. love is a verb.. how can I be more loving ? Also, am I respecting my own boundaries? Last but not least, helping others to open up by creating a safe place.. it’s important to validate their feeling, letting them the space to feel their emotion.. Thank you ! I’m looking forward to see Lorie Gottlieb back to your channel !
Thank you so much! This is one of the best interviews and podcasts I've ever watched! So much wisdom, so much depth, and it answered so many of my unanswered questions! I will definitely come back and rewatch it, to better remember and have it ingrained in my brain: what is healthy and what is not? What is a boundary, how to set and respect it? And so much more. I've struggled with many of these issues discussed today!
I was just broken up with a woman who is separated from her husband and we were together for 9 months. I met her kids and parents and last week she said she wants to continue with marriage therapy with husband and help herself and the kids. I am devastated from it.
So good, those terminologoes are thrown around like it's free. Sometimes it's our own poor communication that lead to the other not knowing or aware of our needs. Self awareness and self reflection then look at the other person. Love how you mentioned how do we feel after interacting with the other person❤
37m - yes, context is so important! But in a relationship, striving to stay ahead of the curve, its advantageous to communicate prospective interruptions to set plans and how that may impact logistics *PRIOR to showing up late and creating the setting for the person on receiving end to the partner arriving late, a heads up or offering reasonable notice so the person who manages to arrive on time, isn’t left unseen or offended for prioritizing the agreed plans and arriving on time…
I`m a viewer from Germany. Thank you both so much for this very interesting conversation! As a 50 year old single mom of two boys(teenager) I had come to realize over time that I grew up in very unhealthy relationship dynamics within my family. Of course my ex-husband had the same upbringing, so we navigated the ship blindly and into the wrong direction. We broke up 5 years ago. I'm constantly improving my Mom-skills to help my boys grow into healthy human beings, but just thinking of a new relationship and all the work that comes with it makes me feel exhausted. How can I overcome this?
Respect and companionship are what I think are important. No one wants to marry someone that is not their best friend because then they’re just a roommate you tolerate and don’t really want around.
If someone is not proposing you after a year you have expressed that you want to have a family, there are 2 choises: 1. The other does not accepting you totally / would prefer an other person, but at the moment there is no ohter choise 2. Is not able to commit. Which is better? Run! (You have to force yourself, but otherwise you remain trapped)
44:00 I think it's important for people to realize that annoyance is a internal decision that holds Clues to your feelings it is often not coming from the action that annoys you but from the feeling about the one who's annoying you what kind of like when someone tickles you either laugh or get upset it is a subconscious decision often linked to trust it is happening inside of you
Another purposeful podcast & constant learning! Hope more coming true parental encouragement & asking for requests to anything! Keep up the great work Jay 💪
Did we miss a question you wanted answered? Let us know 👇
I've felt this one person for 8 years is the ONE he has always been respectful and enjoy each other's company. Though he never has crossed the line towards a relationship not just friendship. Our time is more memorable than with anyone else and he is the only man to never try to get in my pants etc. Just genuinely enjoys my company. What do I do. Keep the hope up and maybe he's not ready or letgo
Tell him!!!!!!!@@yotagerlie
Omg- 28 and “behind” pssh !
How do I stay true to my principles without putting to much pressure on my partner, to meet my standards?
what about having autisme, and have neen daignosed but that ot did'nt make sense towards how to get work social, but what the daihsnosed just told me, he not good with words better with hands. how can i do that into relationship or dating?
I recently quit therapy, because it wasn't getting me anywhere. This conversation was more valuable than the hundreds of dollars that I wasted on my therapist.
Therapists aren't a one size fits all. It's like dating, you gotta find the one best for YOU 🌼
@@madisonhicks7072true. In this metaphor the therapist is the partner that is always perfect
@@madisonhicks7072 You're right. It was a bad fit. I feel the same way about dating though. I exude a lot of energy. But it's exhausting and disappointing. At this point I just do inner work and spent my time working on creative projects, and helping other people work on their creative projects. I think life is too short to spend energy on frustrating things.
Hey try the Emotion code !! I see talking about your problems does not work. ❤ This is a therapy identifying the issue and removing it from your brain and body
@@Sarah-bx6xr I'll look into it. Thx!
I was 28 when I had my first relationship and it ended when I was 30. I gave myself a year to heal before dating again at 32. Thriving now in a great relationship after doing the work on myself. You are not behind. Work on yourself, you are more than your biological age.
thank you, i honest;y needed this.
"Before you come to couples therapy, I want each of you to come in and say: if you were to be the best selves in this relationship, what would you need to change?" 1:03:08 Thank you for this question
thx🙏
The way I’m 28, worried, and single.. I needed this
Girl I’m worried too ☹️
Same!
I was much older, but I was always so so happy to be free, so I never missed anything. Time is only a concept in my opinion and there is no must in these things....hope you can feel that too!
Don’t worry at least you’re not 35 like me! 😢 I’d LOVE to be 28 again I’d feel so free now I know what I know xx
Try 35 and single
"Criticism is not a funny way of making a joke and if you have to put someone down to be funny than it's probably not someone you want to be in a relationship with"
Agreed however if you point the criticism to yourself or make it outrageous it can create at ease laughter. It world because you will not point humor at yourself that will offend or damage you
I’m sitting here in my office/living room just bawling out as this was almost exactly the last conversation I had with my spouse.
Ended the relationship with my boyfriend a month ago, still dealing with grief and all that but hearing that last thing about people who say “oh I was kidding, it was a joke”; just re assured me I took the healthiest decision. He used to say exactly that: “oh I was just kidding”, after saying something hurtful. And indeed, it does cause a lot of hurt and harm. 💔
@@AyalaMarianaI’m currently dating a guy (not official) and notice he’ll tease/criticizes in jokingly way and I don’t know if I like or understand it yet.
I don’t watch this podcast often, but every time I’ve watched it’s been insightful. “Love doesn’t cover for lack of understanding “ is so very true, and it works not only for partners but also for a parent-child relationship.
I sent this to my parents
"You don't have to bring up every thought that crosses your mind." I'm def guilty of this sometimes. Thanks for explaining that focusing on values/value should be a guiding principle in what we do bring up.
My mom has symptoms of BPD. My childhood was miserable. All my exes also have been diagnosed with BPD. I am working so hard to heal and recognize this.
Well done for recognising the pattern , you will heal and attract a healthy partner ❤
My dad is a narcissist.
I’ve dated an avoidant and a super violent guy! I’m so tired of dating and it feels like I can’t find a way to break this gross cycle
@@stephanieh5478 learning to recognize the signs is hard and love can blind us as well. Love bombing is common use of abusive men so it's hard not to fall in love, but then you see the truth. I personally am afraid of getting into that kind of situation again so I agree on the giving up.
My son is 30 and not dating.
He's works on his health and fitness, career and spends a good amount of time with family . He is happy being the cool uncle.
My 30 yr old son is doing same thing and same age
I am 31 and doing the same thing 🙏🏼
Great priorities~ will attract the same!
Please introduce your son to me. Thank you 😂
Or me! Thankssss hahaha
I found my person at 33, after a few failed relationships. Doing the work is so important, then you will notice straight away who’s also done the work
❤❤❤
What’s doing the work?! Like, how did you start “doing the work”
I just want to quickly say… I am beyond grateful to have access to this. This podcast has helped me tremendously and I can’t help but to share my gratitude.
I dont usually click on relationship videos. Maybe because I'm scared of relationships and I'm scared of what I'll hear that I'm doing wrong. But I tell myself its because I dont want to be given the wrong advice on something that would come naturally. 30 minutes in, I'm glad I clicked on the video. there are things I can work on but I feel empowered instead of shamed
I think on the part where we want our partner to read between the lines and know our needs is bc we are still subconsciously looking for that unconditional parental support that we needed growing up. When you’re a baby, you expect your needs to be understood and fulfilled and when that doesn’t happen from an attuned parent I think you go through life still looking for that attuned parent to know you & fulfill your needs as if you were still a child who can’t communicate.
wowww this is an incredible insight, thank you
wow, so relatable.
That makes a lot of sense-it's like we're subconsciously hoping our partner will step into that role of unconditional, intuitive support we didn't get as kids, even if we don't ask for it directly.
I resonate with this ❤
People don’t abandon the ones they love. They abandon the ones they use.
Sometimes people have to leave the ones they love because the person they love are using and /or abusing them . When you finally build the strength to leave as safely as possible , it's scary and heartbreaking and necessary all at the same time .
I felt this..
Love this ❤
I don't think it's that black and white
You have obviously never had to walk away from someone you loved deeply because they wouldn’t treat you correctly. I’m glad you’ve never felt that pain. Sometimes you can love someone so deeply & they aren’t able to love you in the capacity that you need. It’s sad & heartbreaking but it doesn’t mean you didn’t love them it just means you had to love yourself more in order to no longer accept bad behaviour that you didn’t deserve.
"Don't take it too deeply when someone says about how they met because it would be filtered through how they feel about each other now "
Thank youuuuu 16:15 ❤❤❤
Unless the person is Hohest and Self-aware.
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didn't go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isn't always Rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is, to have me, we compliment each other
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain, sister. after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I just wanted to make a note on every sentence, but the most powerful one for me was about love. Love is saying, I am taking the time to understand your operating instructions🔥❤️
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This video is soooo spot on and people just dont take the time to focus on who we are and the good that we are versus a feeling of immediate lust and then discarded because there is no immediate reaction. Take the time to see their true character and values.
Finally, someone who not only is sensible but is totally honest, and communicates clearly, and is assertive! I would love to be in a relationship with someone with so much sense and honesty in their head, and who communicates that clearly, and takes an assertive tone! How totally easier would the relationship be?! Seriously!
I'm not saying I have a crush on this interviewee, or have feelings for her, or am in love with her, but I really love her approach! The most practical I've ever seen! The most sensible I've ever heard!
There's one thing I'm not certain of, and that is If people really are being abused. It's hard to know, hard to tell, and somewhat concerning, because between the abuser and the abused, there's either dishonest communication or an actual abuser. It's hard to know which is which, and I'm thankful that I don't live in a place where narcissism accusations seem to be more prevalent.
I agree
Going through a separation with kids and I know he isn’t my person simply because I’m watching this video and I don’t feel as if me sharing this info will help him want to put aside our challenges and refocus on the right questions to ask ourselves as individuals …. All in all I married the wrong person out of lust and familiarity
So glad you brought up "under valuing" and "over valuing" thoughts. People often confuse those two and forget to keep things balanced and end up cutting people off
Great convo! It’s awesome that you’re in a place to have celebs on, but these types of convos are so much more relatable! Thanks J
I love how emphasized and clear she talks....
I've gotta give my husband credit, he's open and honest, communicates what he needs and I'm ashamed to say I'm the one that doesn't listen 😞 I hear him and know what he's asking/needing, I just am selfish and don't follow through. I def think I could benefit from therapy not just for myself but for both of us bc I know it would help us so much.
Ask him questions about what he us saying to better understand
@Bodangers thanks! I mean, I already know what he's saying. I'm terrible with my time management/being on time or similar, like if I say I'm going to do x y and z and then be there, in his mind it should take this long and then I take 4 hours 😐 and it's been like that for years so he sees it as I just don't care. And I can't argue with that bc I can see why he feels like I don't make time with him a priority. It's hard to explain but we don't have a very traditional or conventional marriage. It's not like we both wake up and go to work all day and come home at the end of the night and have dinner and spend time together and go to sleep. I work 3 to 11:00 and I have a really emotionally and physically demanding job and I'm tired a lot and on my days off I just want to kind of chill and I also really value my time alone or personal space I guess. And we don't have the most conventional living situation, we lived with his family for a while and then a couple years ago when my father passed away I kind of started bouncing back and forth between my mother's house and his and I feel more comfortable at my mom's house as far as things like personal Care and those types of things etc.... I'm giving way too much detail but in reality long story short, the best way to say it probably would be his love language is quality time and I definitely need to make more of an effort to show him and start prioritizing time with him because I know he's tired of repeating himself but I definitely do want to look into therapy and I've said it for a very long time because we do communicate very well but at the same time there are certain things that we just do not seem to be able to figure out together and I've told him many times before that I think an outside perspective of someone who does not know either one of us personally would really help us communicate and work on things because we do love each other and we do want it to work but we both have our own issues that we need to work on and figure out I feel like also but that's the point of therapy I guess 😂
Almost 31, failed at my first relationship and we had a son together. He is with his mom and her partner, and I am alone. This opens so many things
I feel validated especially the boundary part. It's my first time to take a note from a podcast because I wanted to be reminded that setting boundary is not just about what you need from them to do but it is much with what YOU DO about it.
A wealth of knowledge in this episode and the wisdom just rolls off her like it’s nothing. Amazing
Dziękujemy.👏
The trouble with couple's therapists, and even individual therapists is that they aren't adept at spotting toxic relationships all the time. And the default is that it takes two to make relationship dynamics. This can lead to making a person in a narcissistically abusive relationship internalizing some blame and trying to work harder to appease their partner to stay in a relationship that is slowly killing them.
I'm sure the majority of therapists can spot a narcissist because many narcs go to get validation
Absolutely true; I know and have experienced what you are saying. 👌🤗
My life in a nutshell
Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
In a relationship, you have to have trust and honesty
YES!
what about if your past relationships made you a person that has very hard time to accapte new trust from some one that is'nt totaly honest. like me, i as guy did have hard time being honest to my ex. because a was afraid she wouldn't accapte me for being autistic, getting guided be people that help me to know how to take care of meself. it felt that i couldnt tell her everything, so i told her bitz, but then again i did lie because she asked me after the talk, was that everything is there more, were i said, that it, even there was more but i was holding back because i was afraid if she would not accapted me, with getting help from people that guide me in to this. it felt like i was not a adult even that i was 35 at that time and now 36, and me ex left me 3 months ago for not being honest and not meself.
but her past relationship were some very broken trust issue on to her. with her mom and her past ex. so she wanted all the answers right from the start.
even that she was also hidding history from her parents that she felt was more painful to tell right away.
This is a phenomenal interview. This can even go for married couples who have been together for a very long time like myself. Thank you
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💯!! This made me really take a look at myself and my husband. He's fully open about his needs/wants and I'm the one that doesn't listen/hear/understand etc....making me really consider therapy 😂
I’m 27 and I find it difficult to meet someone, especially because since my last relationship my mental health really deteriorated. It’s a lot better know but when I’m in a situation where I might like someone my feelings and thoughts get overrun by my anxiety because of triggers that were created in the past and my judgment on the person I now like or the situation is being manipulated by my anxiety I feel like I can’t trust my own intuition because of the anxiety. I will say that since my last relationship even tho it really showed me how fragile my mind is it made me more aware of the work I need to do on my self to rebuild my self esteem and to also know more about who I am and what I want in a relationship. Something that I find difficult is liking someone but their life situation is so different. For example: I like someone who’s 23 and we are both travelling Australia ( not travelling together ) but because I’m almost 5 years older than her that’s my first issue, she drinks ( not frequently btw ) but I don’t drink, but also she might not stay in Australia for another year where as I am. The answer clearly is don’t pursue anything with her but what if I did pursue and she decides to change her plans? The what if is what makes it difficult. Another issue about finding a partner is the cost of living like Going out and doing activities, going on dates, going on vacation,etc.. . All things I’d like to do with someone yet struggle to afford. Yes I know there’s free things you can do together like going for a walk, going to the beach, etc… but there’s more to life than just a walk or hike and going to the beach. It’s not that I’m doing it to try and impress the other person by buying them dinner or booking a trip together it’s simply that I want to experience those activities with them but can’t because I can’t afford it. Different experiences bring out different sides of people so if all I do is go on walks or hikes or just do free things won’t help me see different sides of the person I like compared to if I could have different experiences then I’d be able to see different sides of them and how they act.
I finally understand the importance of communication in a relationship but yet to have the opportunity to truly communicate with another intimate partner as I’m single but I’m very eager to see just how different of a relationship will be when I communicate truthfully with how I feel and what I want.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
The future tripping is about being in the presence. What’s happening now is what it’s gonna look like in the future. So true… I really needed a reminder of that. Thank you for this podcast!
Omg, this was so perfect to receive in my spirit, and where i am at this point in my life, I am definitely listening to this the next 30 days. This was awesome and sooooo deep on so many levels. This is going to help elevate me on a different level.
Another fantastic interview. I love these ideas and mindsets. I've been ghosted now 3 times with in this past 2 years and wondered why this has increased. I read a book about gaslighting that I just couldn't finish as it seemed like very rare situations. I always ask my self this question when things go wrong in a connection, what I am doing to attract this into my life, and does this behavior need to change and then I do the work from there. Love this information you are sharing in this podcast, thank you SO much! 🙂
I am 30 , single and have same problems ( wish you all the best guys ❤
Same things 28
"Emotionally generous",that got me as it is my downfall in relationships.
This episode made me feel good about doing what’s best for me in my relationship & how I’ve worked on myself
Thank you for the realness in this conversation. It's okay to grow with each other 💓
Very great podcast with much wisdom for single people. I am very fortunate that I have a husband that loved me so much & was very patient with me. He helped me & showed me what true love really is….
One of the best videos I saw this month
This was an amazing episode/conversation that I didn't want to end, but I'm glad there's another conversation from you guys to check out
YES! 🙌
An amazing interview I not only learned about my partner but received so much insight about myself
Wow great conversation thanks for sharing
I’m 34. I notice in myself a deep need to feel loved.
I recently had an experience where after a few dates I felt compelled to tell someone how I felt about them. It really threw me they said it they felt I was love bombing. The rejection blind sided me and illuminated a deep fear of rejection after what I thought was a genuine connection. Your conversation has helped me analyse what my part in all this was, did I subconsciously attach meaning to something that wasn’t there because I fear rejection? Did I get carried away because my brain was hijacked by the highs of dating? What are my blind spots? Was I being self serving perusing this person? I’m trying to remain curious and analyse my own part in all of this.
Yes introspection is also what I took away, how am I contributing to the results. ❤
I LIVE to understand. I’m so glad I got to watch this, because I would want the person I’m trying to get to know (or in a relationship with) to stay CURIOUS. To ask questions to genuinely understand me and how I operate. I’ve never felt more seen and understood in my entire life. Lol! 🙏🏽✨🙌🏽
this conversation is so profound.
Thank you Jay and Lori for such insightful pointers in relationships.
Really loved this conversation! There’s a lot that I learnt
I very much agree, we are all so quick to cut people out of our lives but the better approach is to put a boundary and work on trying to understand each other
One of the best conversations I’ve heard IN MY LIFE. Thank you.
Im 29 I'm finally stronger enough or fed up enough to be alone.
Im wasting my life.
Five years down the drain..
Honestly ill be sad but this birthday ill also be proud!
I really love Jay's energy. And as a psychotherapist myself I agree with Lori 💯. Thank you for this video
Giving into social norms and expectations are the downfall of ALL GREATNESS. When people live for others, they ingnore their talents, gifts and purpose of being alive. We need people to step into their power and bring forth their gifts, we need them NOW MORE THAN EVER.
Great topic, dating is almost inexistent in this era😊 Understanding the world around us is a cupcake meanwhile, opening ourselves to taking life in bits is a great idea....one step at a time...
Being in a long term relationship you learn as well as being single , the greatest lesson is reflection , what we look for in others or need in others we first must learn to validate ourselves , their name isnt on your grave unless its a shared grave , so you need a break ,take one , you need validated then learn yourself no one else can say who you are or arent nor should you believe anyone saying such , know yourself within otherwise youll never have healthy dialect in any relationship . Everyone will say how great you are but you need to know the difference between face value and truth , truth is we're all dealing with something or been through some stuff , if you cant suffer yourself youll hate another as well .
So much insight into a lot of what I went through in my past relationship. Thank you ❤
Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?
Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.
He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable
I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
The day people truly understand what exactly love is, is the day we'll all be happily married🕊️💞
A PHENOMENAL EPISODE!! WOW 😱
“You are exactly where you need to be if you are not doing the work, if you are not doing the work you’re going to be behind”
She said... you are exactly where you need to be if you are doing the work (...) But yeah the quite Stück with me as well
Lori is amazing. You should read her book Maybe You Should Talk To Someone
The desire to be understood is SO real. That’s all I wanted from my ex husband… unfortunately, he was more concerned with being right though. 😅
It was an amazing conversation, it was so meaningful and so deep, it was just to the point ! ❤
How do you feel about yourself meaning how do you experience yourself around them. Great perspective
This conversation was so theratipic ... thanx
Sometimes boundaries is just not going to your in-laws anymore because they won’t listen 👂 so you don’t spend time going over at all because there very toxic and won’t change and they come from the Ego mindset they don’t change. So sometimes it’s better to just let go of those toxic individuals
👏👏
Wow, you answered every question I didn't know I wanted to ask 🙏
Hi Jay, can you please do an episode/talk at some point about a chiropractic experience gone wrong, and the pain and consequences one has to live with in that case, and what it can be done??? Thank you. I am in Canada. Love your podcast! ❤
So insightful! Thank you both and the team so much!!
Love this discussion ! Thank you so much for all these advices..
There so much to learn on how treat our self and others better. I will keep in mind, the fact that we all have our own way of functioning, so we need to be willing to learn and understand our partner/ friend’s mode of functioning..
love is a verb.. how can I be more loving ?
Also, am I respecting my own boundaries?
Last but not least, helping others to open up by creating a safe place.. it’s important to validate their feeling, letting them the space to feel their emotion..
Thank you !
I’m looking forward to see Lorie Gottlieb back to your channel !
Thank you so much! This is one of the best interviews and podcasts I've ever watched! So much wisdom, so much depth, and it answered so many of my unanswered questions! I will definitely come back and rewatch it, to better remember and have it ingrained in my brain: what is healthy and what is not? What is a boundary, how to set and respect it? And so much more. I've struggled with many of these issues discussed today!
I was just broken up with a woman who is separated from her husband and we were together for 9 months. I met her kids and parents and last week she said she wants to continue with marriage therapy with husband and help herself and the kids. I am devastated from it.
So good, those terminologoes are thrown around like it's free. Sometimes it's our own poor communication that lead to the other not knowing or aware of our needs. Self awareness and self reflection then look at the other person. Love how you mentioned how do we feel after interacting with the other person❤
They totally explained how beautiful and the mystery of LOVE
37m - yes, context is so important! But in a relationship, striving to stay ahead of the curve, its advantageous to communicate prospective interruptions to set plans and how that may impact logistics *PRIOR to showing up late and creating the setting for the person on receiving end to the partner arriving late, a heads up or offering reasonable notice so the person who manages to arrive on time, isn’t left unseen or offended for prioritizing the agreed plans and arriving on time…
I`m a viewer from Germany. Thank you both so much for this very interesting conversation! As a 50 year old single mom of two boys(teenager) I had come to realize over time that I grew up in very unhealthy relationship dynamics within my family. Of course my ex-husband had the same upbringing, so we navigated the ship blindly and into the wrong direction. We broke up 5 years ago. I'm constantly improving my Mom-skills to help my boys grow into healthy human beings, but just thinking of a new relationship and all the work that comes with it makes me feel exhausted. How can I overcome this?
I feel you, I'm 53 and had some similar experiences. Hang in there.
Wow 💯💯 oh you look familiar come closer! So very true!!! Literally every single relationship I’ve been In.
This is SUCH a good episode
This was such a good interview. Thank you so much!!!
This was really good interview
Thank you guys ❤
Respect and companionship are what I think are important. No one wants to marry someone that is not their best friend because then they’re just a roommate you tolerate and don’t really want around.
If someone is not proposing you after a year you have expressed that you want to have a family, there are 2 choises:
1. The other does not accepting you totally / would prefer an other person, but at the moment there is no ohter choise
2. Is not able to commit.
Which is better? Run! (You have to force yourself, but otherwise you remain trapped)
Love must calming giving each other peace of mind and heart if not not love
Love Lori Gottlieb. Such wisdom ❤
lori's interviews are my faves
God bless you for making contents like this Jay. You have no idea how helpful you’ve been
I NEVER ! BEEN TO THERAPY ITS NOT EVEN IN MY COUNTRY
44:00 I think it's important for people to realize that annoyance is a internal decision that holds Clues to your feelings it is often not coming from the action that annoys you but from the feeling about the one who's annoying you what kind of like when someone tickles you either laugh or get upset it is a subconscious decision often linked to trust it is happening inside of you
Cement analogy is SO PROFOUND.
How about if you feel behind and are dating in your 40's as a man?
Keep forging ahead with the work and connecting :)
This woman is excellent
This was soo good love this soo much 💗 ❤
Such an excellent interview! So informative! Thank you for sharing such valuable content. 😊🤗
One more approve, everything happens for a reason! I needed this video now in my life
Thank you so much for this podcast❤❤❤
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Another purposeful podcast & constant learning! Hope more coming true parental encouragement & asking for requests to anything! Keep up the great work Jay 💪
“How can we be loving, what is love: love is saying, I am taking the time to understand your operating instructions.”
i came here to improve my english thank so much jey 🙏
This just reminded me of something! This book called “The Art of Seductive Power by Juliet Arden”. My confidence shifted in a whole new way.
Scam. Beware
Scam😂! They commented to every videos
WHY is this same comment posted on various videos?
Will never read anything by juliet arden if I keep seeing these scam comments on random videos
thank you you saved my 15 dollar😅@@rm8385
Yea this is a scam. Nice try diddy
Amazing 😍🎉❤ thank you for this conversation 🙏