Most Savage Comebacks To An Insult People Have Ever Heard (r/AskReddit)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 พ.ย. 2020
- AskReddit People Share The Greatest Comeback To An Insult They've Ever Heard.
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Thanks for watching guys ;)
“You’re adopted”
“At least my parents want me”
that ones kinda old now
@@leftythebear6646 yeah.
why'd you scroll down this far to see the rest?
@@Jerry-cg9ni yes
@@Jerry-cg9ni mhm
@@leftythebear6646 Yeah atleast it managed to grow old unlike antivax kids.
One of my friends: "people learn from mistakes"
Me: "that's why you don't have any siblings"
Still proud of that one
Your friend are just trying to motivate you and you're roasting them? Isn't that kinda mean of you?
@@ayietheaverage5886 it was a joke.... And they weren't talking to me, it was to someone else....
...(and if you have siblings, as a reply) obviously, not all of them.
@@gojjiraclay he logged at it tho, he even handshakes me cause he said it was funny
@@alexanderweikert I thought it was funny😂
My favorite is the Fast and Furious line:
Roman: better hide the baby oil
Hobbs: you better hide that big ass forehead
Fun fact, The Baby oil line was because it was Dwayne Johnson who was a pro wrestler
Another fun fact it was unscripted.
Actualy both lines where improvised. That's why ludacris spit out his beer.
Sometimes shooting from the hip lands the best shots.
Ah yes, ✨ Nerris ✨
Overheard in eighth grade:
"You sound like a little kid."
"That's the difference between us. Wif me, it's because of my shpeech impediment. Wif you, it's the content of your shpeech."
That is actually so adorable awwww
@@sarastraveling
😐
"Your mom" was the ol'reliable back in the day
One of my favorite 'Yo Mama' jokes still is one I heard on DBZ Abridged (SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY):
"Man, you couldn't hit the bright side of a barn!"
"I'm sorry, guess I was too busy hitting the bright side of your mother-"
@@36moshpit7 lol damn DBZ abridged haven’t heard of that in a long time I miss them.
I replied by in the day: "wha boit her"?
@@eljuniorcen2675 Yeah, me too. I was hoping they'd adapt the Buu Arc, but I can see why they stopped. Did you check out their DBZ Abridged Shorts? They're pretty good.
your mother
once had a girl say “are you gay?!” in a rude way, as an insult.
i replied with “you wish, but even if i was, my type isn’t idiots.” and she lost her shit lmao
LOL
yeah ok sure
goddamn that’s an R.I.P
Grew up on a reservation. I was 9 and we were listening to an elder speak about something and I was pulling up grass out of boredom. Speaker said I was disrespecting the Creator and as punishment I had to eat the grass I yanked up. I retorted that I didn’t see her eat grass clippings after mowing the lawn.... ended up eating the grass anyway. 😂
Sounds terrible, these type of people shouldnt be around children
Lol I grew up on the Res too and I relate so hard to this. 🤣🤣🤣
this is funny but also horrible what they did to you :c
uhhh what religion is this
That's not hygienic at all- though I'd probably do it if I was asked when I was younger because I liked eating grass (don't question younger me please)
"Congratulations!"
You were able to *B O T T O M T E X T*
So simple yet so effective... love it
Oh shit gottem
I didn't get it
@@ainternet_userisnteveryone524 r/woosh
"Shut up rookie, I've been doing this before you were born."
"Good thing I finally came along to do it properly then."
, 🤣🤣🤣🤣
My younger brother walks into my classroom just to say hi and give me a hug because it's the first time we both saw each other as middle schoolers. My teacher was not happy and glared at him, so he waved and smiled at the teacher thinking he'd just leave at that point. The teacher responds to this with "Sorry, I don't associate with retards." My brother responds with " Huh, guess you don't go to your family reunions then." Biggest mic drop I'll ever witness.
That was heavy.🏋️
If that's somehow not fake then the teacher should be fired. I'm pretty sure this is fake, a teacher doesn't say retard
@@cogscientist1177 I cant prove it, but I wouldn't put this much effort into lying on the comment section of a reddit story video lol If I were hungry for attention and likes I'd be elsewhere.
Bro your younger brother is a chad
_"Boy when she was with you she was like Santa Claus, _*_SHE ONLY CAME ONCE A YEAR"_*
Hahahahaha.
👍,,,, I like;
Oh I must of left my comeback in my mother's azz 😂 😎
...but at least that was honest and lasted 364 days, contrary to the hundreds of fakings when she was with you.
@@MothaLuva sheesh, I can't even be mad tho lol, on the bright side you can't say this to me cuz I've never had a GF.
@@_JustAnotherKid__ Lucky you...
“Jellyfish have lived millions of years without a brain.”
“A ray of hope for my BBC colleagues.”
Ouch. I love that, but ouch
Something for Jeremy Clarkson :p
I can do one better; "don't think you could get that lucky"😁
Well actually the scientists that said that had no brains as jellyfish have brains and eyes. Recently discovered information. You got to get out of that 1980 science a lot of adults can't drop.
@@brsproductions6117 cool.
When I was 14 my parents and I were in the kitchen and I bent over to pick up something just as my cousin walked in. He said, "What are you trying to do? Smell your butt?" I said, "No just trying to see from your point of view." He shut up immediately. Dad laughed. Mom, who was strictly conservative was mad.
Decades ago I was exiting a city bus terminal in downtown Denver. A woman with numerous physical problems (arms only a couple of inches long, etc.) riding an electric scooter was about to enter the door I just exited. I turned around to grab the door and hold it open for her. Full discloser: I do this any time a lady is entering a door that I am near, always have and always will. This time the woman barked at me quite rudely, saying that i only held the door open for her because I thought she was handicapped and she didn't need no damn man holding a door open for her, she was quite capable of doing it herself. I answered back: "I didn't hold the door open for you because I thought you were handicapped, I held it open for you because I mistakenly thought you were a lady."
Savaaaage!
Nice dude
If encounter involved a rude feminist who was not handicapped (other than being a rude feminist),
the reply is "...not because you're a woman, I held the door because of your advanced age."
@@amerlin388 HOLY SH!X YES
I'm actually a feminist myself (I'm not a gender extremest I swear) and I always open the door for anyone behind me, because I like making people happy :)
hope u don't mind me stealing your comeback if anyone decides to act as an a-hole
@@mozzarellasticksss Recently I was exiting a hospital elevator and held the door open for a man who was clearly heading to the elevators. I was 59 and he was maybe 10 years older. He said, "I appreciate it young man." I grinned and said, "I appreciate being called a young man." We both had fun laugh.
I know this isn’t great, but it’s the best I’ve personally heard.
*To someone’s girlfriend*
“You know he’s not good for you. I could give you a much better time.”
“Gosh, your ego’s so bloated it’s put your mother to shame.”
Noice
Dam I want to like but 69 likes
@@gamboi1257 someone ruined it before i got here so i guess you can now
…coulda kept this one, chief.
A little girl (9 years old or so) walking by my house had a colorful umbrella, quite similar to the patterns you would see on carnival tents, and a group of what I can only describe as "popular girls" was giggling and one said: "Hey, did you get lost on your way home to the circus?"
This must have been going on for a while for the little girl, because she didn't even hesitate: "No. Did you get lost on your way home to the kennel?" The silence was amazing.
My comeback comes Only when I'm in the shower and I starts fuming about why didn't I said that when he said that
So like Archimedes' Eureka moment, except useless?
@@36moshpit7 i think the french has a turn of phrase that depicts that moment.
@@InvaderTak176 Eureka is 'interjection' in French, right?
So if I happened to be a France-based courtroom lawyer prone to verbalizing sudden and frequent case breakthroughs/epiphanies in court, I'd have a rough time? Asking for a friend.
I’m sure there is a German word for that
@@36moshpit7
I'm having flashbacks...
From me, some guy said “you sound like a hamster!” And I replied “at least I don’t look like one.”
Damn son! Gotta make some Thanksgiving dinner out of him
I read the insult part like a hamster who spoke English would. Wrong part, I guess.
I was on my porch at a house we rented a couple years ago. Lots of kids in the neighborhood. All friendly, really good kids. They were allowed to play in our yard and some came over to play with my dog most days. One kid, probably about fifteen, called another kid, probably thirteen, a p****. The second kid shrugged and said “you are what you eat”. That shook me to the core. I still haven’t recovered.
Girl in high school said she had heard im a dead lay.without missing a beat,i deadpan said not according to your man last night....
OOOoOoOOOUUUU
what to do if someone tries to call you gay as an insult:
if they are the same gender: some variation of, "hah, you wish i was"
if they are the opposite gender: some variation of, "looking at you right now, im considering it"
and if you are gay and someone is trying to insult you by calling you straight or something, you just get to flip it around
Best comeback was when my sister asked if she looked okay and my dog immediately threw up. (She'd just been jokingly calling our dog ugly; he has a smushy face)
Your dog's on something else.
Wow, that timing is amazing - almost like something from a sitcom.
I’m sorry, I’m literally crying laughing. I’m going to hell for laughing like a maniac!
This happened in elementary school. There was a girl complaining about having to do a project that involved writing about friends, another girl got sick of it and said, "Shut up, you just can't do the project because you don't have friends to write about."
"Son: dad you never make good jokes"
"Dad: I made you"
"Son: Exactly my point"
that sounds like a weird double hit where both son and dad are insulted lol
@@absolutenothing7094 I don't know if its worse being a good joke or being a bad joke.
It hurt itself in confusion
If someone says to you 'your adopted' just say 'at least my parents didn't get a apology letter from the abortion clenic'
“At least they wanted me”
I crawled out of the bucket at the abortions clinic
@@ashj_2088 I had to fight my way out.
@@idontevenknowanymore3852 "Mistakes can happen"
That's easy to comeback: "They did but you had been given away already"
this group of boys at my school was making fun of me, and one said
“ohh you know I’m an angel,”
I replied
“yeah. Lucifer.” and walked away. I know it’s not that good, but I was very proud.
Another time this girl was bullying me and threatening to fight me. I then repeated a line from one of my favorite John Cusack films “You keep barking, but when are you gonna to bite, little dog?”
The whole class erupted into chaos lol
You just UTTERLY OBLIDERATED HER FIGHTING SPIRIT! Also, I do not mean that in a bad way.
Hate to steal your thunder, but that's a line from Reservoir Dogs. Said to Mr. White (Harvey Keitel) by Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen).
17:53
I WAS AT THAT SHOW!!!!
That guy was in my row!
You do NOT heckle Jimmy Carr without expecting repercussions
I'd be tempted to do it just to see how badly he could roast me.
3rd grade. Guy in my class comes into school wearing a poncho that apparently his mom had brought back with her from vacation when she was a young girl. Girl in the hall sees him wearing it and tells him "Your mother's a Native American!", as if that were an insult.
Guy shoots back at her with Tiger's line from "Fievel Goes West": "Your mother was never housebroken!"
It wasn't until much later in life that I realized he had low-key called her mother a bitch.
My favorite comeback is when I say "F*ck you" to a guy and they hit back with. "Any time anywhere."
"Right here, right now drop them and whip it out" that usually shuts them up
But what if it doesn't......Run like hell!!!
Yeah, but on the other hand now I have a clear target for a kick 😂😂
One guy that shaved his head right before drill ripping into me.
My reply: At least I don't look like a confused thumb.
Hey that's from jin roh wolf brigade
History teacher was disgusted with her class & told them, "when I was your age I could name you all of our president's", a kid yells out, "but, back then there were only a few".
My senior english high school teacher often asked students to read aloud because he normally 'does not have his glasses' in class. One time in particular, he used the excuse "my glasses are upside down," so I responded "well maybe you're upside down." My classmates immediately laughed after responding "oohhh!" My teacher admitted that it was a clever comeback.🤣
I swear I hate when they call you up they like zZGrimz would you like to read out loud
I just reply with
I'm the quiet kid I don't read out loud.
The whole class laughed for a few seconds then settles down. And a kid offered to read in my place. 🥱 Ez
@@ZayK-WithDaDraco nice
My Friend: Oh you’re Bi? That’s cool. Just don’t get a crush on me or anything.
Me: You can barely get a straight girl to talk to you.
Lmao
they got nuked by a roast that was a big
OOOOOOOOHH HEADSHOT! cause that is probably sticking with them for a while entered the brain and wont leave
You should have said
Bitch you bi
Bi yourself
“Oh sorry I don’t talk to dogs, I’m a cat person”
Hazbin Hotel. Nice.
@@explodingtomahawks7589 no, Helluva Boss. I'm extremely disappointed in u
@@explodingtomahawks7589 Helluva Boss*
@@FutureMP31B It was a long night thanks.
Now this is what i was searching for
I was at WDW with my wife and a group of friends. My wife was married to another guy before me ( divorced and remarried to me). When we met Dopey and Snow White- One of the guys asked "Gee Allison, aren't you married to Dopey?" I replied "Yup and then she divorced him! Hey! Isn't he a friend of yours?" The guy in the Dopey suit laughed at that one.
son: dad you dont know how to make jokes
dad: i made you
son: jokes are supposed to be funny
Dad: And you're not
"Because you'd be in jail."
Timeless.
Please explain.
@@ainternet_userisnteveryone524 Donald Trump Vs Hilary Clinton
I despise Trump but that was hilarious
@@bullymaguire1087 He might not be the best president but damn I guess anyone can have a chad moment
I was in high school and this jock asked me (in front of his jock buddies) "How come I always see you with girls? Are you gay or something?" so i replied "How come I always see you with guys? Are you gay or something?" and he turns red as his friends laugh at him.
George Bernard Shaw gave two tickets to opening night of his latest play to Winston Churchill, saying "bring a friend, if you have one."
Churchill gave them back and said "I have plans that night, but I'll take two tickets to the second night, if there is one."
Maaan, my grandma is 63 and she still gets my ass good sometimes😂🤣 she's honestly funny af and her comebacks are👌
Give us some stories.
Okay, cool, now where's the funny bits?
1:26 damn, Stephen Hawking isn't just intelligent, he's got some spice hidden in his sleeves too... No wonder life had to nerf him so hard
Not an insult, but at school it was found out that a boy had a crush on a girl. Obviously, these immature 9 grade kids started making jokes about them becoming a couple, so her friends started defending her. So I, since waste seperation is very common in Germany, said out of nowhere: "Like residual waste and plastic waste"
Still super proud of this one :)
So basically a European way of saying, never gonna happen?
I went to see a friend's band once at a small venue with a bar. A guy in the front row started heckling.
Vocalist - Why don't you stand up and say that?
Guy - had dwarfism and was already standing up.
RIP!!
Playing a game with some friends and one said
"Do I look stupid to you"
And my friend without a second of delay said
"Is that rhetorical?"
Last day of school the bully walks up to random kid and says "IM GOING TO HIT YOU SO HARD!" My friend "I'm not gay." Bully gets ready to punch. Random kid smashes his head into bully's fist like 10 times. The bully got in trouble for hitting him. all the school cheered him on. He was my hero
Of course everyone cheers him
4:07, not gonna lie that took a minute to register.
I don't get it
@@Salt_discriminater He said he doesn’t like girls.
He’s a man.
He said he’s gay.
A female member of Parliament said to Sir Winston Churchill, “If I were your wife, I would put poison in your tea.” Churchill responded, “If you were my wife I would drink it!”
In class: getting our tests back.
Some dude: You have a double chin
Me: This double chin just doubled your test score
My score wasn't quite double - something like 41 to 28 - but cmon, I couldn't resist
OOOOoOO
Me and a friend were walking out of the mall through the parking lot and several girls were calling us to come over there to them. We ignored them, figuring they were up to no good. After a minute one of them yelled “are y’all gay”? My friend fired back with, “are you skinny”? She was like, “you ain’t gotta be so mean about it”.
"i dont have time for dumb people"
"i do though"
Friend: i have 2X your IQ
Me: I manager to score -1
Friends IQ= -2
Where funny?
@@MouldMadeMind his friend has less iq.
One that I heard was maybe you should go outside and plant a tree to make up for the oxygen you waste.
Edit: I should put who said it. The guy who said it is EasySwishSniper.
I make up for it by increasimg carbon, thus creatimg more oxygen!
@@elock1277 lmfao 😂
One of the best comebacks ever
On reddit is a picture of a post someone made that said absolute garbage. Someone else came by and said something like this in response but it sounded way more professional:
(Username of the guy that said garbage), there are over 3 billion trees in this world. Over half of them are in the rainforest in Australia. Everyday these trees produce oxygen for everybody to breath it in an extreme hard progress. One of the trees produces the oxygen you are breathing. Now do me favor and fly to Australia. Search for this tree and apologize to it for wasting its hard produced oxygen by saying such bullshit!
Its a real shame he took down his channel. What Happened?
Me walking through the cafeteria minding my own business.
Guy sitting with his friends:Look at that guy,he sure is ugly.
Me stops,turns around and looks him in the eye:Wait,do I remind you of your mother?his friends laugh and he now wants to get physical.
A burn I told to someone back in high school was this -- keep in mind, in this particular class we had an activity where we essentially played trash basketball in order to get extra credit for our groups --, so, I failed to make the crushed wad of paper into the trash can and a dude said aloud, "The objective is to make it into the trashcan" and my immediate remark was, "And your objective is to graduate high school." Everyone and even the teacher was like, "Fuck man you got roasted" lol.
° This one boy in middle school went out of his way to tell me that he hates me. I asked: "Then why are you talking to me?" Never talked to me again 😹 except the one time we were paired up for a group assignment 😏
° This one time in college, I was accused of cheating on a trivia game. I was the only one who knew the answer; "In the movie 'Hercules,' what clouds is Pegasus made from?" I acted out that part of the movie at the front of the room to prove I didn't just look at my phone for the answer 😼 Everyone shut up after that.
"Have you ever heard of a joke?"
"Yeah your career."
I was eating a pop tart in class one day and this guy goes, “What flavor? Estrogen?”
Later he got moved to the other side of the room for covid reasons and was basically marooned, to which I reply, “Hey man it’s okay, ya want some estrogen?”
hold up.. he had covid and was allowed to get into a school building? what the fk
Friend: you're ugly
Me: I'm a human not a mirror
"frick you"
"you wish"
took a sec for it to sink in for them.
Loud, snotty girls found in any food court: "What are you looking at, old man?!"
Old man: "A-cups, big hair, and big teeth!"
17:20
But imagine
Son: exactly
I was walking with my boyfriend, my arm around his shoulder. Two little brats called out to us.
Girl 1: "you two look ugly together!"
Me, in my brilliant moment of thought, said, "Look in a mirror!"
To this day, this is my best and one of my few only good comebacks ever-
@@miralemon6184 even god laugh
@@furi0usfan0050 lol-
Detention teacher: man it's a party in here * talking about how many people are in detention*
Me: yeah enjoy it cause it's the only party you'll ever be invited to
my teacher: are you being smart with me
me: so that means you cant comprehend my level of intelligence
Customer at work:
“Why do you still wear a mask if you’re vaccinated?”
Me:
“So I can hide my snicker looking your face.”
When I was a little kid I was going to the bathroom at the store, and my dad had to go to the bathroom too. Well because I'm a little kid I had to use the toilet that was closer to the ground, and my dad decided to pick on me and say "yeah that's right, you have to use the little kid toilet!" And my immediate reply was "nah, this toilet is for people who hang lower."
🤣👌
Yayuhhhh!!
I'm sorry but goddamn these ppl be savage
Winston Churchill : "Don't send food back to India."
India British Governor : "But there is a famine and people are dying!!"
Winston Churchill : "Why hasn't Gandhi died yet?"
(True story look up bengal famine)
That exchange makes me sad
Based
I think I've told this b4 :
My best friend was a fan of this band and we all heard from the other grade level that the we both like that they were the most popular thing nowadays as an example. My other friend who was hater and reminder for y'all my best friend is very Positive. We heard that because the wall is wood and movable. The word 'uncircumcised' was used to target the band. My best friend and my other friend had this commotion in the middle of a quiz.
Friend 1: As if they're circumcised.
Best friend : Why? Are you even circumcised?
Every single one kid there heard it since her voice was loud. Luckily the teacher wasn't there. Me and my other best friend just literally laughed silently.
This guy told me to go to hell.
I said no cause then I would be meeting you there anyways.
The one girl at the park was dying while her friends where telling her to shut up.
Man ego was slapped with that one🤪
One time some boy was messing with me about liking cats, and said " cats are stupid" i saw his shirt and without thinking, said " then why are you wearing a Garfield shirt?" I could have said something more savage like " oh, like u but less extreme?" But it was a good roast nonetheless.
Some guy I worked with in the back room of a store who didn’t like another coworker, or any of us for that matter, but my coworker really got under this a-holes skin for some reason.
I guess he must have not liked the quiet guy that kept to himself. As he kept a string of insults going with little to no tea from the coworker.
His “supreme intellect” figured out what was the most devastating insult he could hurl at the guy and called him a pussy.
He deadpanned back, “you are what you eat.”
Holy shit, imagine that “I’m gonna end this mans whole career” meme reaction from the rest of us who heard.
two first graders where fighting in the seat next to me while i was playing a game on my phone, they had hit me and others and i got fed up, and the next time they bumped into me i snapped and started yelling at them, and quote "if you don't stop fighting and we get in a crash you will both fly out the window and die" i was a 5th grader at the time, it was on the school bus, and it was completely silent the rest of the ride to school, teacher and bus driver said nothing, they where probably glade i shut everyone up, our bus had the most and loudest kids. it was my best moment in 5th and i told my parents about it when i got home.
That was the exact moment the english teacher said "DAYUM".
Mine isn't anything special, apart from it being a comeback to a comeback. This former friend of mine was bragging about how they stole some cheap food item from a supermarket, to which I said something to the effect of "So you did something kids are known to do, well done...", to which they replied with the not-so-original "Go fuck yourself", I just instantly reply with, "Well, you're not offering, so I obviously have to, don't I?"
Luckily I no longer have contact with that person, as looking back on it, they always seemed shady.
Anyone who boast about stealing is in fact, shady.
@@elock1277 yeah
My ex boyfriend said something a bit insulting (imo) and the next second i yawned (it was late and I was tired) so I just said "see that? I'm tired of your bullshit" :3
Whenever somebody farts my dad says "your voice has changed but your breath still smells the same" 😂
I have a similar story, in my middle school biology class there was this really annoying weeb kid that everyone disliked. One day, annoying weeb kid whom I will call “Jeremy” says something really stupid. Sadly, I don’t remember what it was exactly but then “Daniel” responds with something that made the entire class laugh. Even the teacher was cracking up as she was trying to lecture Daniel for saying something like a rude comeback. It was beautiful.
You do realize the entire point of someone to read this is to have the entertaining part.
"I'm a banshee!"
"Banshees are supposed to be beautiful."
Ouch
10:24 My reply is usually "Absolutely Nothing!"
Best comeback I've ver heard came from me, and it was the only reply to the yo mama jokes that I have ever needed back in school.
"You had best pray she didn't hear that."
...I'm autistic, some teachers mistakenly thought that word meant that they could verbally kick teenage me around as they pleased without anyone ever knowing, and to keep a few long stories short: My mother is everything BUT a martyr mom. I rest my case.
Dbag: nice shirt champ, my dad has the same one.
Me: your dad must be a tight ass cause I got this shirt for $10 at lowes.
Dbag: *lowers eyes in complete submission*
Funniest comeback I ever heard..
" I pulled a groin muscle"
"Oh yeah, whos?"
This girl called dolce said to me “Corona virus touch.” And I said “no wonder who started it.” I still feel proud of that one
My brother told my blind one legged greatgrandfather who was 103 at the time (he made it to 104 rip mayne❤) "u got sumn in the mail today..... deez nuts" WITHOUT HESITATION big daddy says "well put em in your mouth for me"🙌🤣
.
So my mom was driving and some guy switched lanes right in front of her, she said "son of a bitch" in which I replied "yeah, I guess I am but you don't have to be so hard on yourself"
'You have to respect someone before you care about there opinion' is one I use on the regular
Me to the 93 that disliked:
"Ah yes, the numbskulls!"
Moral of the story: don't mess with granny's, they will just demolish you
Kid that liked to push me around kept calling me "pork chop" said it a few times and I had enough and said. "Isn't it rude to insult your own kind?" Don't know what I thought that would do, but it did the trick he just stood there slacked jawed in aw. It felt good.
Once when I was in the locker room one guy started talking shit about lacrosse because I played it and we didn't like each other very much. He was one of those rich spoiled boys and he played golf. When he said "Don't you play lacrosse with a net for catching butterflies?" I replied: " Lacrosse was invented by noble indians, while golf was invented by a couple of drunk Scots."
Had guy get pissed at me and tried to hit me with a broom. I asked him, "what are you gonna do with that, teach me flying lessons?".
He dropped the broom, had a giggle, then we did our own separate things.
Kid 1: “Ur mum gay”
Kid 2: “Ur dad lesbian”
Mom was talking with a religious elder and got on the topic of family. She later called at me from across the parking lot and said that she had told the elder that all her kids were nuts. My response? “Yeah, but they all come from the same tree!” Her mouth dropped open and the elder was struggling to keep from busting out laughing.
Me when I was a freshman: (eating lunch while wearing a Star Wars shirt)
Some guy with a Markiplier shirt on: Nice Star Trek shirt, there.
Me, without missing a beat: Nice JackScepticEye shirt.
Him: ...Touche. I’ll see myself out now.
At school we watched a music video and someone said "That's just weird K-pop." and, without missing a beat, the teacher goes, "You're just weird K-pop." That teacher was great.
this was at got talent:
Judge: people work really hard on their dreams, but that doesn't work for anybody
without losing a beat, the musician said:
THAT'S WHY YOU USE AUTOTUNE AND I DONT
7:40 wow! I was in the middle of typing this one out when it popped up in the video! I never would have thought that one would have been here! I read it in an old book of quips made by famous people written back in the 60s. I use to get really bored at my grandparents house. 😆
Friend of mine got into a shouting match with a guy across a busy road for some reason. Random dude- "I'd have been your dad but the dog beat me over the fence!" My buddy - "Good!"
Lol them Grandma's be savage af