Most Badass Accidental Comebacks Ever Said (r/AskReddit)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 เม.ย. 2021
- AskReddit People Share What's The Most Badass Accidental Comeback Ever Said?
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Thanks for watching guys ;)
![คุณอาเรียโต๊ะข้างๆ พูดรัสเซียหวานใส่ซะหัวใจจะวาย ตอนที่ 2 [ซับไทย] 【Ani-One Thailand】](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kbbfYakMY8k/mqdefault.jpg)
I had a teacher in middle school give me shit for using a pencil because, 'adults use pens.'
I told him "Yeah, but adults still make mistakes. They're just too stubborn to admit it."
this needed recognition, heres your W fam
Holy hell my guy. Absolutely f*cking genius
Your genius almost generates gravity
Fucking hell I'm using this. That's brilliant.
My respect for you: 📈📈📈
My dad: "This ship is full of idiots" Me without missing a beat "And you are our captain". He gave me death glare lol.
@Burger Cat Thank you xD
If I said that to my dad he probably would have thrown me overboard
@@take1835 Worth it!
Freaking smooth I bet felt dumb lol
Jesus christ apply cold water to burned area XD
My dad was bragging about how he'd never hit me. I was walking past, and called out "liar."
He noticed me and cried out "shut up or i'll hit you!"
I said "There, the truth."
I was in trouble, but still felt so satisfyingly right.
What was the reaction of the person he was bragging to???
@Astriclxud Sure, this was decades ago.
@@IraRamba Laughed it off. Grownups sadly forget what it is like to be a kid. I made a promise to never forget, and I'd like to think I've kept it
@@M4gl4d Remind your father from time to time
@@DepressedCrow "Hey dad"
"yeah?"
"Liar."
"A table would be nice!"
"Actually, people usually sit in chairs here"
*sometimes his genius...its almost frightening*
IN??? DO THEY JUST TURN ON NOCLIP?
In chairs? I’m petty sure people sit on chairs.
I have obsessive traits, this is the opposite of "genius" to me lol, it's just a great opportunity to be pedantic towards an illiterate person in a funny way.
If I was completely "lost" in my disorder or had Asperger's or something, I'd _literally_ think he wanted to sit on a table.
@@mishagaming1075 🤣🤣
I got fired by a boss who wasn’t from my state. I said “do you have my final check?” “No” “then I’m not fired” and I went back to work. Got my final check 3 days later and accepted that I was fired. That’s not how my state law works but he didn’t know that
LMAO
Lmao
Lmao
Lmao
Big hecking oof...
My math teacher came up to me and said that my calculator was small and useless. I said “You are too.” Lol, best one yet.
Instructions unclear
I have been suspended
Why does your teacher care what calculator you use?
Nice comeback but I feel like this is untrue 😐
@@kuyakaru9557 usually at least for us a scientific calculator is ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED.if you bring a regular calculator- holy shit- the teacher will blow a FUSE and you will fail your test lol
@@kuyakaru9557 scientific calculators aren't for science though :/
@@kuyakaru9557 Why’d I make it up? To give more context, I was going to French and just happened to have a calculator in my pocket, and decided to tell him, lol.
Got into a heated argument with a teacher over them not accommodating my additional needs, their excuse was that "I didn't look autistic enough" I responded "how do you expect autistic people to look it isn't a catalogue where you can pick or choose"
True I'm autistic and my brother is getting tested for autism, kinda surprised my sister hasn't gotten tested
Dang. You showed them.
Aside from that.. those people actually exist? I have autism(and have good control over my autism) and never in my life I had someone tell me or someone else I "didn't look autistic enough".
I had some teachers who didn't understand enough about autism but never thought I didn't have it because of the way I looked
High-Functioning aspie here….Yeah that’s a common problem. It can screw up your self image. Especially if you’re at that impressionable age. But accept and embrace the fact that you think differently than everyone else and have to go about things differently than most.
Take any advantage you can, those types of authority figure don’t care about what’s in your interest. They care about making their lives more convenient.
(This is very hypocritical coming from me as it’s something that I have difficulty doing, But keep moving forward )
"You don't look autistic."
Ouch. That brought back some uncomfortable feelings.
I've been told to my face that I was faking it and that I should be ashamed of myself.
@@ShadowDemon_4 Virtual Hugs from me! 🤗
Before I met my current girlfriend, someone was hitting on her and said "are those space pants? Cause that ass is out of this world." She replied with "no, but it's out of your league."
I heard this story and laughed so hard for a solid 10 minutes
Damn bro 😂
he will never recover from this burn
deeeeyyyym
Emotional damage
DAMN.
“I swallowed a penny once, it tasted horrible.”
“Hey! Your finally worth something!”
holy shit that burns lmao
That’s a fat L there.
"And you are still worth nothing"
Hey s/he was worth something before swallowing the penny. Hearts go for a million, livers about $500,000, and kidneys go for $200,000 each.
@@tectec7065 it's only worth if its outside the flesh
Was in class once and a kid looked super tired. Their friend asked what was wrong, and the kid responded “I’m feeling kinda depressed”
The teacher, without even looking up from their phone, responded: “kid this is middle school, even the teachers are depressed”
Teacher knows whats up
Has a point I'd imagine.
What was the class reaction?
Jupiter, I found you again! What a weird coincidence!
@@venezolanoanimatios5863
We all just nodded and continued our day
One time at my old school this girl made a statement that it was illegal to be hotter than her.
My response to her remark was: “I guess we’re all going to jail then!”
After I said that she was pissed and tried choking me lmao 😂
Girls who say that crap need to be bought down.
💀 How did you respond?
@@markmuller1559 It says in the comment- 😐
@@nishikigoi. I meant how did they respond to getting choked by the girl
@@markmuller1559 Sorry for the 1 month late reply! But when she choked me, I was caught of guard, mainly from how bad her choking skills were (considering at the time she did self defence class as well as karate). I yelled at a friend close by to help me, and he proceeded to throw a basketball at the girl’s back, which made her loosen her grip around my neck.
A couple years ago my class had a subtitute teacher she knew how to speak japanese and decided to teach us some just for fun, and said something along the lines of "in japan you basically say sorry/excuse me for everything" so then someone else said "so you just apologize for existing?" and everyone started laughing.
Later when we were all getting computers from like a computer cabinet (because we didn't have our own computers and had to share with the rest of the school) i was getting mine and another guy was going to get his from the same cabinet and said to me "Sorry for existing" and i replied without thinking; "It's okay, we all make mistakes"
he should tell the story to his kids but say it happened recently
Dam☠️☠️
Thats great and super funny.
great story 😂
unfortunately it is possible for japanese people to apologize for existing (workplace harassment or in their words "power harassment")
A bit similar in the not thinking badass answer( it's a bit of Hungarian): We were shopping (it was October) and my mom told my dad for fun: You melon!(I can only translate it like this), and I thought she was talking about the few watermelons left at Tesco, and I replied: In which Lőrinc pissed( talking about that the melon is really not good for eating in October, and 29th of September is the name day of Lőrinc). Needless to say, dad wasn't happy😂 I was an autistic 14 y/o then.
I was at my girlfriends parents house reading about Zelda Breath of The Wild on my phone. Her Dad asked what Zelda was, I said “Its a video game. You really don’t know what Zelda is?”. He aggressively says “No, because I’ve seen a [FEMALE V-WORD]” I looked at my girlfriend, then back at him and said “So have I.” He never responded.
Ahhhhhhh ha ha ha ha
so how did he not kill you for saying that? like if i said that to a potential parent in law-
@@twentyonetortas5921 I guess he was just stunned that I was able to throw his insult back at him. We’re cool now though
@@TylerTheDefiler oh sweet. any advice on not making SO's parents hate you? (asking in case if i have to meet someone's parents in the future yknow)
@@twentyonetortas5921 If you eat them after you get some of your energy back
I was divorcing my abusive wife, we ended up in court. In front of the judge, her counsel - trying to get me to admit to doing something I hadn't done - asked me why I didn't check if she was ok after I punched her. Off the cuff, I answered truthfully: I didn't check on her because at that point I had yet to be informed that she had been punched. The judge snickered and the matter wasn't brought up again.
10/10 m8
Nice
Underrated mate
dam bro, must've felt good.
I'm glad you got away from her. Nobody deserves to be abused.
I had a 2 week "work trial" as i applied for an apprenticeship (welder) , ive known nobody there, the higher-ups in the company were not distinguishable from the regular workers (same clothes etc). I was talking to a industial mechanic while leaning against a wall, one dude walked passed us, looked at me and said something along the lines of "how about you stand up straight?" answered "its earthquake season, better lean on something solid". He shook his head, smirking.
The mechanic looked at me in shock "that was the manager", i got the apprenticeship 2 days later and am still working there.
I mean, it’s got you the job 😂. Man thought that someone that good at ending a conversation probably is a good hand to keep.
I was on vacation with my family about ten years ago. The power had gone out in our condo, and so I had to keep the bathroom door open so I could see what I was doing. A loud thunderclap hit right above the condo we were staying in, and once the sound died out, I called out from the bathroom "sorry!". My parents and my sisters cracked up. Probably one of the best examples of my occasional quick wit.
Plot twist: ur thor the god of thunder but ur parents and sister didn’t know tht
SHAZAM!
Thunder shit
That's the kind of joke I would've made
Not sure it counts as a "Badass Comeback", but it was one night when my parents and I were eating dinner and the news was on TV, and they were talking about a couple that had been dancing for 7 years or something (this happened well over 20 years ago, so I may not be remembering this precisely), and without even thinking I immediately blurted out: "Their legs must be really tired." My parents immediately cracked up. XD
My mom's BF. He cheated on his wife to be with my mom.
He doesn't like me. Once when yelling at me he told me that I "have no respect for anyone around me" because I'm often up on my PC late at night, and sometimes I'm too loud vocally. I retorted with "yeah, you'd know about respect considering your wife and kids" on a whim. He definitely hates me now.
Wait WHAT, fr tho? Do ur mom and the wife know that he's cheating? He sounds kinda toxic if u ask me.. be careful bro, I might be too paranoid but I saw a lot of similar case to this one(btw nice comeback tho, take care)
@@hiimlonelyaf2930 everyone is aware, yeah.
That guy hates you because he knows he aint never recovering from those 3rd degree burns you left on his sorry ass.
My face the entire time reading this 😬😬
Ooooooooh you got him good dude 💀😭
To my ex-husband during a fight: "I wonder what it is I hate about myself so much to think you're the best I can do."
Dam... That is some hardcore reality check right there for the EX Hubby lol
aw shit man this is just depressing
Holy shit he killed you
I don't know how I could survive that
@@demomoon1552 He lived. I left.
Poor dude
Way back in the day, a high school of friend of mine got a B in her math exam and was kinda bummed about it, but her mom tried to cheer her up by saying "you're doing like 200x better than I did when I was your age!" but then her dad comes in and said "yeah, but what's 200 times 0?"
LMAO
TURN DOWN FOR WHAT
A girl tried to trip me in gym one time when we were doing stretches saying I was "doing it wrong" she was not very thin so I said to my friend loud enough that she could hear it that at least I can actually see the foot I was reaching for. She was also in my English class and we were writing about what we look for in a person we date and I said a good personality and before I could finish the rest of the list she ask "so you'd date me" and off the cuff I replied "I said a good personality"
“STOP! She’s already dead!” 😭😂
Bro you literally put her 12 feet in the ground with those absolute gems of roasts
you know how boys pull the pigtails of the girls they like? i think she was trying the same thing my guy. yes if she was interested being a bitch is the exact opposite way of going about it...
My mom: "Are you being smart with me?"
Me: "Would you prefer it if I was dumb with you?"
...So I got grounded, uh-
🤣🤣🤣
I'd get my ass beat for that one XD
Another "favourite" with parents. Parent: why is all the stuff on the floor?
Me: gravity.
Or
Parent: are you talking back to me?
Me: that tends to be how conversation works
@@lukassmith795 I'd use that but I value my life
You got off lucky, lol!
A really loud kinda annoying girl in the class was bickering with a guy about how she gets enough exercise and I said “yeah, from running your mouth” and it got a good reaction from people, and the girl actually said she found it funny later, and that is my one claim to coolness
Yes, Just, yes.
[In the background]: actually
Me: I SAID YES
I have a girl like that in my class and will argue about ANYTHING. No one really likes her, she's the cause of a lot of drama at my school.
@@teaandcoffee195 tell us more
@@teaandcoffee195 Better call Ben Shapiro
@@teaandcoffee195 cool profile girl where is it from?
I was at my best friend's wedding dinner. The newlywed's daughter was sitting to my right asking questions that typical 7 year old would ask which I was happy to entertain to give them some child free time. His sister in law, who I said nothing to all day as we didn't get along, was seated to my left and apparently took exception to this so she spouts loudly that I have a tiny man part (in the middle of busy restaurant). She and I never dated or did anything so there was no way she was speaking from experience. Without flinching, I looked her dead in the face and said "all this from someone who couldn't get laid at a prison with a fist full of paroles." The whole table bursts out laughing and she runs off crying like she was the victim.
Probably not my best one but definitely one of the more memorable.
One of my memorable ones was when one of my friends was talking about his girlfriend in a mobile game he was playing(bitlife u might have heard of it)so i said”your girlfriend must be from another nation. Your imagi-nation” he wasn’t best pleased
@@ultragamer8816 That's a good one!
incredible!
I got in trouble for truancy in 6th grade. Somebody was asking me for help with something and another kid said "why are you asking him for help he missed half the year." I just said "and im still smarter than you." And everybody in the room including the teacher burst out laughing.
Today I learned: *”A good way of shutting someone up is to remind them of their own mortality. They’ll be too busy having a small existential crisis and fearing the absolute inevitability of death to continue talking.”*
How would I do so?
@@greyson2344 Idk, I guess just try to organically work it into whatever situation or conversation you’re in (someone insulting you, someone saying that wish you were dead, etc.)
@@greyson2344 Unless they set you up for it, its probably hard to do it naturally. Though some variation of the line 'well in 100 years we'll both be dead so does it really matter?' could probably be inserted into a lot of situations without being too out of left field.
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m planning on living forever. Miss me with that sad shit.
@@spindash64 immortality is a curse. You have to watch all your friends and loved ones die while you just sit there and watch the world destroy itself
I was playing uno and someone said “if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist” and I then said “I can’t see your brain”
Edit: why are you people still interested in this? I forgot it existed until today
I believe that's known in the industry as the "uno reverse" card.
@@ihmesekoilua yep
Ive heard this so many times, but the fact that u were playing uno makes it so much better.
@@stephensingh6404 ye
That’s more murderd by words than badass but still great
My family tells me "I didn't teach you like this, you're so useless"
After a year of this happening I got the courage and said "Well because you didn't teach me shit"
I don't regret it.
I was part of a group doing CPR on a woman who had collapsed, and one of the people said, "I don't think there's much point in going on", and there came this angry roar, *"WE WILL CONTINUE UNTIL THE AMBULANCE GETS HERE!",* and it was only because I felt my throat vibrating that I believed it was my own voice.
"Im McChokin" has to be one of the best things you can say whilst on the verge of death in a mcdonalds
Every time I see McChokin I start dying of laughter, especially since the comments after it were pure gold!
@@murasakirin8998 😂
"Someone got McMad"
what time was McChokin?
@@guidinglight9082 “Just like Joe McMama”
I was being harrassed at school once, and being verbally assaulted by a guy who looked like he benched mt. Dew cans. I suddenly had a violent sneezing fit that shut him up, and without missing a beat, i stared him dead in the eye and said "sorry, i'm allergic to your bullshit." One of his friends just laughed at the absurdity of the situation, and i just walked away while he tried so hard not to laugh at my comeback.
I’ve used that one too! Got it from I-robot
You win 🤣
😂😂😂
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!
*This should be posted in Reddit and given credit on TH-cam.*
Me and my friend (who's name will not be discussed) were shooting dart guns at each other in the 6th grade, and without thinking I just manually said, "I never thought it would end like this, you were like a brother to me.", then my friend went with the flow and just said, "I'm sorry, my friend, it has to be this way.". At that point we both went into scream-laugh mode.
At my previous job, there was a girl who kept saying I was her boyfriend, which I constantly told her no. One day, in front of basically the whole staff, I told her "You have a split personality and one of them is confused"
I was breaking up with my girlfriend and she wouldn't accept it. She asked, "after all that I give to you, do you really want to break up?" I responded with, "What have you given me other than headaches and head?" And... well... my friends recite that line to me every now and then lol. This was back in high school and she confronted me while I was eating lunch with the boys.
This comment wins
Hahaha omg, Good one 😂👍
F
that’s funny as fuck
I can’t stop laughing 🤣
Teacher lined up my whole class in front of 2 other classes to recite some dumb made-up company descriptions.
We were having the time of our life, fucking around until the teacher snapped.
"What the f*ck is wrong with all of you? It's like I'm in a damn zoo!"
My comeback, the line I will remember for the rest of my days, was "Which side of the glass are you on?"
Best write-up I had ever gotten in highschool.
How come this ain’t getting likes? That is °999 degree burn!
💀💀
Did not see that coming…
😂😂 sick
@@whengaming9999 lol I see you everywhere
I had a moment during a D&D stream, where my character, who has gold scales and usually covers them with dirt (her "clever" way of thinking to hide her identity) met a similar race character (we are part dragon, but not Dragonborn, Homebrew race of the world) with black scales. Having only ever seen gold scaled people, she asked how her managed to get his scales so dark. He responds with something along the lines of "Have you tried being born with scales?" (I can't remember the exact wording from the player) and in an ingenious moment that probably will never happen again, I go "Well..yeah...they came out like this"... and the call broke out into laughter.
I felt so very proud in that moment XD
21:30 I find this one incredibly funny because something like this has happened to me except I had a hell of a reply.
So, for context, my aunt took me in for family guardianship when I was in infancy and I’ve seen her as my mother my entire life. One time my friend yelled “you’re adopted!” At me and I just said back “no, more inherited. Instead of buying me from a garage sale it’s more like I’m a family heirloom that’s been being passed around for years.” And we cracked the fuck up. That’s still an inside joke between us.
i have this friend at work, and occasionally we'll pretend to not like each other and be on the verge of fighting. She asked me once if we had a problem with all the bravado her 4'9 self could muster. Before I could think of anything better I responded with "If we had a problem all your stuff would be on the high shelf"
She should have come back with "No one is taller then the last man standing."
As a short person, ouch.
@@deusexmagica4659 great cheesy action movie line but i don't think it fits too well in this situation
To quote Dragon Ball Z Abridged Goku; "That's Disney evil!"
If someone said that to me, I would actually laugh
"You're always on your phone."
"And you're always on my nerves."
Somewhere Groucho Marx is smiling!
I need to remember this one for next time my brother says this. It's either this or showing him his xbox playtime
:grabs the switch: watchu say?
Nice burn mate.
Too good
"You always argue that you're right."
"No, I only argue when I know I'm right."
For me someone called me ugly and I said "funny how you talk to yourself so much you forget you are having a conversation"
I remembered this and was like, Ayo what
I got called into an office at my last job. Before I entered, I said "I came into this world screaming and covered in someone else's blood, and that's exactly how I'm leaving." I got a crap ton of dirty looks.
sure...
Even if it's false that's a good one
r/thathappened
@@crimsonify6245 really?
@@halcyon4485 no
I was annoying my older sister, as you do, and she got really pissed and growled, "You're skating on thin ice" And with out missing a beat, i said "I can't even skate on normal ice so I think I'm doing quite well."
i'm so stealing this if the situation ever comes up lol thanks for the laugh :)
@@masquerademage same
This comment: exist
The boys: O U R C O M M E N T
Btw I'm pikeing this
Nice! Now I am stealing this
😂😂💅✨😩
My mom went through a bunch of medication in the past few years for different diseases an done of those made her appetite go away, so she always had a lot of food left on her plate when she was finished. My dad and me always "fought" who was allowed to eat the leftovers and usually he would win. We came up with super ridiculous reasons, when he suddenly went "I know your mom longer than you do" and he thought he was winning this. Instead, I answered "You might know her for longer than I do, but I know her for my entire life already."
A couple of people I went to high school with were talking crap about my brother, who graduated the year before. I said, "You shouldn't say anything to someone behind their back that you aren't willing to say to their face." He replied, "you think I'm afraid of your brother?" My response, "No, you're not smart enough to be."
During Christmas Eve a few years ago, my mother decided to have my brother and his family over for dinner. We got Italian food for the night. While I ate my spaghetti, my brother turns to me and says with his face stuffed, "Josh, you're 22 years old and you don't know how Spaghetti properly?" Without missing a beat, I stare at my brother and replied, "Jon, you're 42 years old and you still talk with your mouth full?" His wife couldn't stop laughing for about 15 minutes. He knows I nailed him.
Why are you 20 years apart tho?
@@Average_Cashier_Worker lol
Your brother could be your dad.
@ThatRandomLady 22 siblings?!
hi josh are you ready for Josh's battle?
When he said "*open bracket underscore closed bracket*" i felt that
So cool O_O
Reminds me of in the army when we had just spent 3 days with minimal/no sleep and the lieutenant came up to me asking if I'm tired, I just responded "that's just the way my face looks" and he just burst out laughing
I once laughed like a super villain after my mom told a joke. We looked at each other in silence before she asked me wtf was that.
I laughed like a villain as well after winning a board game I was playing with my family. I didn't even intend to. Weird stuff.
@@szfulop1816 Nothing like a cackle to show your superiority.
Mood
"I can't promise you I can stop him from fighting, but I can promise you I won't let him lose."
That one was epic imo.
*Girls gossiping about some girl and some boy(who was bullying me at the time) being a potential couple
Her friends defending her: They just don't match, they can't be put together
Me, kind of the quiet kid: Like Plastic waste and residual waste
Ohhhhhh
I got bullied in my 2nd and 3rd grade but i don‘t really remember anything about it
@@dyno9415 I got bullied all the way from primary school, then moved for secondary school and got bullied till about 9th grade, and that's where I did that
MAN DOWN MAN FUCKING DOWN
So you're a insult sniper that's nice
In school there was the one teacher who everyone hated since she was just a terrible angry person in general.
Me and my friends were standing outside her class waiting for her to arrive (she was late) and a friend was talking shit about her and I saw her turn the corner and I tried to warn them saying "She's here guys"
"SHE can also hear you" so she confronted me in front of the other students and said "you know, if you were my son I would be very disappointed in you" and turned around to leave. For some reason what came out of my mouth was "If I were your son I'D be disappointed". Got in a bit of trouble for that but it was worth it.
Ok so a few weeks ago, my social studies teacher said something (I don’t remember what) and asked what he was missing. Only one girl named Randi raised her hand and when the teacher called on him, she said “The hair on your head.” Everyone cracked up and even the teacher thought it was funny and it became an inside joke to everyone.
It's not that much of a good roast, but it's probably the only time I actually tried to defend myself in an argument.
Person A: Stop it, I know that you always talk behind my back with your friend and laugh at me whenever I'm around.
Me (confused af, because that never happened): We never talked about you, and whenever we laugh when you're around it's because we make jokes about stuff that we like.
Person A: (not saying anything, most likely trying to play victim)
Me (my nerdy side, taking action): Have you ever heard about the Imaginary Audience? In psychology, it reffers to a state in which people believe that everything they say or do it's observed by other people and heavily judged.
A (suddenly irritated): So what, that means that you think I'm crazy?
Me (this time, my salty side took action): No, that means you're a self-centered paranoid idiot.
Surprisingly, after that, A apologised.
Why did the song Happy from despicable me come on in my head and instead of happy it said sassy
@@xxblack_adrenalinexx7347 dunno, maybe because it was a pretty ridiculous situation.
@@xxblack_adrenalinexx7347 I need that parody rn
Damn that Imaginary Audience thing is an eye opener
@@sheepisfortheweak6164 So is the "Making up complete bullshit for likes in a comment section"
My sister complaining to me about something stupid and I thought heard a cat whining really loud outside and I just had a brainfart and said in a genuine confused tone "Wait...Do you hear something whining?" and she got so upset and my other siblings thought I was talking about her and found it hilarious.
I was in an argument with my mum once and she said: “DON’T TALK BACK TO ME!” And so I replied “Well isn’t that how CONVERSATIONS work?” And I got grounded.
“I bet you wish you could come to my party.” The girl who picked on me in 6th grade said this when she made it known I was the only one who didn’t get an invite. I said the only thing that came to mind because I was reading a book, “I would if I ever thought about you. I don’t think about you to care.”
Dunno why it came to mind, never had this thought, it took a lot for me to speak as a kid, i still hate talking. But that little sentence really pissed her off and she started saying her usual insults. My teacher told me it was a mean thing to say, but was glad I said it. And that became my motto; If I ever thought of you I would care about whatever you say.
I'm using this if dats ok wit u
Do you mind if I borrowed this? For dnd purposes.
How tf was the teacher on her side
@@aprammus9580 It’s how the stereotypical teacher/school facilities are, they turn a blind eye when kids get bullied but when someone fights back they bring in the principal and parents
@@tehe5743 Can confirm. Luckily the kids picking on me straightened their act after my mother had a talk with their parents. I wouldn't say we exactly became freinds after that, but we were a lot friendlier with each other later on in life.
I was drawing a dragon in my class once when the teacher was talking, and he saw me, stopped and said "is that a unicorn James, is that what we do now" and without skipping a beat I turned smiled and said "I could put your face on it and make it look pretty". The whole class died and never forgot it.
fuuuuck, thats hard on the teacher, you straight up and went and decimated his entire career, i would hate to be him at that moment
@@lunsine lol he was mad about that. But he knew I was only messin
Well, you threw in a compliment too...his face would make it pretty...so...
That's unfortunate that the class died though...
/j
@@Joltemon I felt that
There was this one co-worker of mine, who was friends with my brother, this co-worker, we'll call him Jim, claimed he was a really good pitcher for a baseball team, my brother said "oh yeah? Prove it" Jim decided to grab a flower pot and tried to throw it at me, it was maybe a couple of feet to the right of me, so I just shouted "nice throw baseball player" had everyone dying of laughter as I normally don't do that haha.
I had an argument with my mom once and she told me i was retarted and i said "yeah thats because im your child" my sister spat out the water she was drinking
This is more funny than BA, but still..
At my old job, there was a girl (I’ll call her Jazz) who worked there, left for three months and came back to work again; we had a work meeting that was really chill, and our boss asked us what our Zodiac sign was,
And although it’s not important to me, I replied that I’m Scorpio, and also said “Jazz over here is a Cancer”
Jazz looked and me and jokingly said “hey, are you saying I’m a cancer?” As in the illness.
And without thought or skipping a beat I said “well you did go into remission for three months and came back”
You better believe her and her husband (who also joined us there at the meeting for some reason) laughed so hard. She told me I should be a comedian, but I doubt I’ll ever come up with something that noteworthy ever again.
I mean, I still have basic jokes that are good here and there, but it’s just not the same 😂
This is such an underrated comment
@@Skywalker8510 aww thank you for your kind comment!
@@Gracejkay you are yes
You kinda eloquent & yeah I'm liking this comment
Beautiful.
"If you can't look intimidating, look crazy" Lol actually good advice in a lot of situations. You'd be surprised how many strangers can be dissuaded from messing with you if you just channel the energy of a honey badger; "I may go down but I'm taking everything you hold dear down with me"
Not sure I've got crazy down, but my "inner mother" seems to project loud and clear when males around me are acting like naughty boys.
Used to be an assistant manager at a 25 screen movie house. One night when I'm up to my ears in my own work, I'm called to stop a projector on my side and go down to deal with a pair of unruly men in that theater. "I have starts..." Showtimes to be started on time, that is. Well they told me to not worry about my starts, they'd cover those for me. Annoyed, I shut down the projector and turn up the lights for that theater.
As I'm walking at a hall-eating pace, I acquire SIX male ushers and managers who follow in my wake. In my head, I'm thinking, 'WTF, they clearly have enough people to deal with this, why tell me to do it?' So I'm irritated by the time I reach the theater. My following of male employees linger close at hand, backup if I need it, I suppose, but out of sight of the two men who are still in the egging each other into a physical fight. I frown at them. At 5'9", I'm not the tallest or most physically imposing woman, but I wasn't planning on backing down. I have their sullen attention. "Everyone else came here to watch a movie. You can watch a movie, or you can fight. If you're gonna fight, you need to take it outside, so everyone else can watch the movie. If you leave, your tickets will not be honored or refunded." I had no idea if the Floor manager, a male, would or not, but he was one of the ones who trailed me there, so... "Are you going to watch a movie or fight?" I didn't mention that going outside to fight or staying in to fight meant that they would have the cops called on them. Duh, right?
Still glaring at them like the naughty boys they were acting like, I watched them give each other sullen looks as they deflated and decided that they wanted to use the tickets they'd spent so much money on, and returned to their seats.
They must have behaved well enough after that. No one called me back down, nor were there panicked calls for assistance in that theater.
Honey badger don't care
I'll admit this also worked for me!
I am very petite, 5,2'', 108 pounds. I have two laughs, a more average giggle and a somewhat villainous cackle which is incongruous with my outward size. It's too deep, and tends to come out when I laugh at something I think I shouldn't be.
Well, I also don't really take the safe advice all the time and take walks by myself, sometimes even at night.
I love night walks.
I was taking one of these night walks when this guy- homeless, drunk, high, I have no idea- comes up to me, and I can tell just by the hungry look on his face that I am in for a very scary conversation at the least. Probably something worse. He's walking funny, and cutting me off from the rest of the sidewalk, trying to herd me into an alley. I'm obviously terrified and indignantly angry that this random guy thinks he's going to treat me this way and I know I'm not big enough to take him in a fair fight, and doubt I could run from this tall guy who is so close to me.
I decide I'll scare the shit out of him and the only thing I can think of to do is responding in a way he won't expect to how a petite lone woman would react to this situation. Despite being terrified and angry, I start trying to imitate a crazy laugh. At first it's entirely forced and fake, sort of stilted because I wasn't really sure what this guy would do, but the comedy of the situation and how potentially dire it is hits me, and I start laughing for real. Like straight up White from Bleach type snickering, building to a full on laugh, head thrown back and all. Throaty and entirely genuine. And this guy freezes, I feel like he stops breathing. And sensing he's not sure how to respond to this madwoman cackling at him, I lunge at the guy. I didn't really have a plan, but I was livid. When I used to go to martial arts training, I remember that the larger fighters never wanted to spar with me, because I could get under their guard and punch them repeatedly until they retreated or gave up. So maybe that was my muscle memory intending to attack this guy's solar plexus, I don't know, I just wanted to make his mind up.
This guy leaped away from me like a cat with a scalded tail, and just turned and fled down the street the way he came. He said nothing, didn't even vocalize, his lips were clenched together in surprise, from what I could see, and his eyes were huge, and then he was gone.
I imagine this random crazy dude probably thought I was the hidden master of the School of Fucking Batshit. The extreme behavioral shift from a normal woman walking alone at night like a perfect fucking moron, to some cackling mad woman, lunging out at random and suddenly trying to crouch incredibly low (in tight jeans, so I probably looked really strange since they weren't all that stretchy), must have been surprising.
I don't recommend everyone jump at their attackers or even laugh, but I got very lucky, because I somehow managed to genuinely crack myself up in the process of getting jumped. 😆
@@maggiem6209 As someone who relates to your situation of multiple laughs including a weird one associated with weird situations which then becomes a real laugh due the comical irony of the situation, I'm so proud of seeing the weird laugh being put to good use
@@cchastant8251 used to manage a bar a few years back, and we had a lot of various staff, and i can tell you that out 1.9M 125kg beast of a man bouncer, were nowhere near as effective at getting rowdy men to behave or leave as our 1.5m 60kg blonde barback, she would just be all sweet and nice and all of a sudden explote with the fury of a thousand suns. it scared most men shitless, so whenever i saw people starting to beef, i would call in my tiny powderkeg support to fix the problem.
17:01 *boss music begins. Health bar appears*
During my freshman year of high school, I had PE teacher who was rumoured to be a pedophile.
He was explaining the rules of capture the flag and was like “for example, if I get tagged, I go to the jail”, he was talking about the circle that counts as a jail in the game.
I said “you won’t have to worry about getting tagged, because you’re going to jail regardless of that”. Those who understood was I was referring to started laughing, he pretended to not hear what I said. 💀
There was this group of mean girls at my school, one day they came to me and just started trash talked me. One of them said "You know you are nothing compared to me, I have everything while you have nothing; Then I straight up said "Well I have something called a parent".
Was I called to the principle for making her cry? Yes, yes I did.
Did I go over the line? I think so.
Was it worth it? As much as her plastic surgeries costs.
👏
. . . This was faker than her supposed plastic surgery.
@@Jaimyoutubing You don't know that, and the last bit could have been a joke
I thought you were gonna say, “Yeah, but I don’t exactly want STDs . . .”
Martyrdom: Drop a live grenade when killed
Someone was arguing with me about math homework and then I said “Brackets are like your mom, we do her first.”
I was really proud of That moment
That.....is.......is......uh.........well its not cool but its something...good job?
But then they say their mom is dead
Ain't gonna forget THAT
Today I learned that protogens can't do humor
This comment is good enough to where even I'm somehow proud of it for reading it.
21:38 "I'm mcchoking" caught me off guard. I am back from the 7 minute laughing fit. 😂😂😂
For context, I was a quiet kid, always kept things to myself and avoided taking part in any conflict. One day, I was probably around 10 or 11 years old, a friend of mine, his two younger sisters and me were playing table tennis in a public park. A group of older boys came by our table and told us to leave because there was no other table left for them, at which point my friend and his sisters start saying that we're not leaving and they can go f**k off. All kind of names are being thrown from both sides while I stay silent, until the older one looks at me and says "I like this one, not talking s**t like these losers". I walked towards him, he was quite taller than me, looked him in the eyes and said "I don't talk to idiots", walked back to the table and went on playing.
He kicked me in the back and then they left. He hit me good but the pure satisfaction I felt from what I had said gave me the strength to not show any sign of pain before they had left sight of us.
Im 13 and adopted, some kid was all like "Your birth mom never loved you!" and I clap back with the most out of character comeback for me and say " my mom picked me, your mom got stuck with your dumba*s, so either leave me alone or feel the effects of being put up for adoption." He didn't talk to me for the next year of school
... The exact line is in the video.... ;-;
@@blank6179 its quite common
@@blank6179 agree with guy above, it's by far the most common comeback in any scenario, easiest to blend in with other kinds of insults and an effective one to those who haven't heard it.
@@randomguynolonger727yearsa9 what i meant to say was that this person could first put the time of the video where this line was said and could have said "The same thing happened to me" or whatever
I'm twelve and also adopted, and this just reminds me of how my adoptive parents' last name is Foster. Yep. So my friend told me that my name on her phone is Foster Child. Because that's what my mom calls all her kids(not just the adopted ones). I was like," DUDE I'M ADOPTED😂😂😂" she basically accidentally roasted me😂😂😂
Me and my friend were casually talking and this girl came up to us, she was trying to insult us but was failing miserably.
My friend said "whatever man let's go". Without skipping a beat i replied "It's fine, Dogs don't irritate me when they bark."
Damn the look on her face was priceless
What was she even saying
@@St0pLookingAtMyProfile like he said she failed miserably they probably don't understand what was she saying😹
@@zu1200 Makes a lot of sense
I visited my sister who had recently moved in with her boyfriend and she was telling him he still had to go clean something since it was their cleaning day (I can't remember what it was). He was being lazy and a bit bitchy about it and in a joking manner asked me why I wouldn't do it. I looked at him with deadpan eyes and said "I didn't know I was paying rent." He kind of stumbled for a second and tried to come up with a witty reply but couldn't and my sister just had this impressed look and laughed at him. I know it's not really badass in comparison to the other stuff here but it was hella satisfying.
I don't know if it is badass or just me not caring, but I had a coworker who was asking me to do something for her (can't remember what). She was trying to be cutesy and funny, and without missing a beat I said no I would do whatever it was. She then asked "don't you love me", and without missing a beat I responded "no, I only love 5 people in this world." The best part was that the coworker sitting between us head snapped up in my direction, shocked that I would say that. Then because I started laughing so hard my sister (at one point all of my sisters worked at this place) stood up to see why I was laughing. When I explained that I just said I only loved 5 people in this world she said, "that sounds about right." Our coworkers were shocked, but I still laugh about the whole thing.
When I was 19 my mom had brought me to the grocery store and she was helping me carry the bags in. I ended up dropping a bag and said "b*tch!" and without missing a beat she says "don't call me any of your relations". It was so unexpected that I ended up kneeling on the ground laughing hysterically.
damn
she really spilled the beans out in the open lol
And then everyone clapped and you got 40 items for free because it was so funny.
@@dr33murr_ you have an aesthetic powerpuff girl blowing bubble gum, please take a seat. it wasn't even them being cool, it was their mum
@@nienel Somebody is mad
My ex got an A+ on a test (which never happens) and he was bragging about it so loudly, so of course without missing a single beat I told him "oh wow an A+? Did you cheat on that, too?"
He quit talking about it the whole day after that :)
And...we know why that thought popped straight into your head.
@@Kayenne54 :)
Good :)
probably should’ve just let him be happy though
that's smooth
Once I got cornered by two guys in the locker room blocking me from leaving they were trying to start a fight with me. They were both short and I ended up telling them to move out of the way. I told them I'm starting to have neck pains from looking down. My neck was actaully killing me that day but everyone thought I was roasting them.
In 7th grade I once forgot to do my weekend math homework and when the teacher came to collect it I said, "darn it, looks like I forgot my homework again. Maybe you shouldn't make kids work on a day where they're supposed to be enjoying their freedom and being kids."
When I was a kid I recall some girls coming up to me when I was playing around in the dirt. It was second grade but my mom had thought me some fun words since she use to read my sister and I the dictionary.
In a matter of fact way, one of the girls said, " you're ugly. "
And I quickly responded, " and your ignorant. " and looked over my shoulder, all three of them seemed dumbfounded and the one that said that to me asked, " whats that mean?"
I replied with " my point proven. " needless to say they never bothered me again, and walked away without anything else to really say.
you're a legend
Me and my friends are playing tennis together, and we have one friend who is way better than us. Once, me and my friends talked (without the friend that is better than us hearing) and came up with a plan that we should set him up with a girl so he wont be as focused on tennis and we could beat him. Without thinking at all i said "theres only one issue with this plan, who in the right mind would want to be his girlfriend?" And everyone started laughing, while at first i didnt even understand why.
Props 👏👏
Imagine him being gay-
@@yeahihatemyself14 lol😅
The one where he said " I'm McChocking" got me dying laughing
It’s always so annoying when you think of a good comeback after an argument 😭😭😭
"... my dad is at the head of the table, you're the asshole." If this had been my child I would have died with pride.
Fax. Best son
About a month ago my high school teacher told me I have no respect for adults. In the heat of the moment I responded “I only respect those that are worth my respect.” It was funny since I’m the friend to usually suck up to a teacher to get what I want. My brother was in my class at the time and I could hear him snickering
Love the story. And your pfp
Very true. Respect is _earned,_ never given.
My psychotic aunt was shit-faced and yelled at my grandmother for getting a dog, she wouldn’t leave so I threatened to call the police, she screamed that she knew the police. My immediate response was “why, because you get arrested for harassment so often?”
My old teacher told us a story, when he used to teach 7th grade there was this girl who was the most entitled pick me girl ever. She acted like she knew everything and when he was talking one time about stuff and she said something that made her act like she was so cool and amazing and he responded 'yeah cause you're so ghetto and sh.t' and the entire class just stopped and he said that she shut up the rest of the year
I asked someone once who was being rude what it was like going through life with no one liking them. They responded "that's you not me". And without missing a beat and with a straight face said "So a lot of blame shifting and denial? Good to know." Didn't think about the impact until much latter.
"Better to be alone than in bad company."
I remember a paper aeroplane being thrown in my maths class and the first thing my teacher did was explain why the paper aeroplane someone made sucks. I think it was something “ Whoever threw this can’t even make a good one”
I take it you’re British person- or Canadian? Australian? I don’t know, dialects confuse me. I’m sorry but as an American seeing aeroplane and maths catches me a little off guard.
@@thatonecubchoo1541 Yes, I am British
To quote another teacher about flying paper, "I said whoever threw that paper, your mom's a hoe!"
@@Darth_Supaku I would've been very disappointed if I hadn't seen someone reply with this!
@@krisweaver226 there's a video on youtube dude
When I was 13 or 14 I was being bullied by this boy and I just was ignoring him as he kept yelling at me, he finally said: “You’re not gonna say anything?!” and I said “If you’re wanting my comeback you’ll have to check your mom’s face.” Then he punched me in the nose, but it was worth it.
My parents and grandma went to the casino a couple months back, and while they were there, I was somehow brought into the conversation. My grandma was telling my mom how she wasn't very fond of me having a nose piercing, especially when I did it myself without permission. (I'm fourteen and my mom told me a couple years back that she would be okay if I got facial piercings in the future as long as they could be removed and put back in safely.) My mom basically told my grandma that she was okay with as long as it didn't affect me as a person and it did take some time for her to get used to it. My grandma eventually dropped the subject, but never fully let it go. Once my parents got home, my mom told me about this. Without missing a beat, I straight up blurted out, "Well, at least I'm not smoking cigarettes, like a certain someone." I was referring to my grandma since she had done that, along with other "non-age appropriate" things, at the age of thirteen. My family got a kick out of it, so I think it was a pretty good comeback.
Math Teacher my senior year knew my mom, and openly reprimanded me for stupid things.
One day I told the loud and obnoxious kids to shut up because I couldn’t focus on my work (slow learner).
Math Teacher threatened to call my mom for saying “shut up”. I proceeded to get up, walk towards his desk, pull out my cell and call my mom on speaker.
Listening to him try to dodge the call was one of the most satisfying thing in my high school career.
He never got on to me again.
'you can't divorce me, you'll go to hell!'
*CALL ME BY YOUR NAME INTENSIFIES*
Lmaooo
Why would you go to live with them after the divorce?
I had a friend who used to get bullied nonstop by this one girl at school. One day during lunch, the bully came up to us and started talking sh!t about her shoes. My friend was silent as the girl rambled on about how "ugly" her shoes were because she was so used to dealing with her bullsh!t. I hated seeing her being treated that way and I was sick of it. This is very unlike me because I'm usually so quiet and introverted, but without missing a beat I said, "Well at least she can change her shoes, what are you going to do about your face?"
Never had to deal with that girl's crap ever again.
Ran into a group of girls dressed up as grandmas on Halloween while trick or treating with my friends. One of the girls said "Grand daughter is that you?" Playing along I said "Yes it is." She said "Oh good to see you." I then said "Yeah I know, your so old you probably don't even recognize me." Felt bad after saying that and apologized. Got a good laugh out of her and my friends though.
I remember in middle school I got cornered by my bullies, they were these two guys who played football and thought that because I was on the smaller side that I'd be easy pickings. Mostly right except for this day when they both got up in my face and said "You're about to get fucked up new kid" (it was like the 3rd day of me being there). Without missing a beat I said "Damn, didn't know today was the orgy." and they went dead silent before backing up and calling me a bunch of and then called me the F slur. I somehow kept the ball rolling and said "Dude your boyfriend is right there, don't use those words!" Got my face kicked in at PE the next day but it was totally worth it.
lmao youre a legend
Creep em out a lil more and piss yourself a little to really sell it
Asserting dominance
i will write you down in the history of books
Definitely worth it.
Once in collage we were randomly talking about dogs with the teacher and he said "I like boxers, they're so dumb and happy". About five minutes later, and having talked about many different breeds, he finishes with "I like boxers, they're like me" and I hear myself say "What, dumb and happy?" The look on his face was priceless.
His answer to that was "Where tf did you get air from? You just sit there all quiet and look innocent and then you come with this?! Just you wait, I'll get my revenge!"
He did get his revenge a couple of hours later, lmao.
What was the revenge?
@@battledroid673 He needed to demonstrate what to do if one had forgotten to do a certain step, and I had missed that step. He shone up like a freaking sun when he realized the opportunity, said "now, NOW you're gonna get back for rotten cheese!" and spent the next minute to overly exaggerated woe over my very common mistake, lol. He was a pretty cool teacher, easy to joke around with.
🤣
The ABSOLUTE best one, bar none, is at 21:50. Absolutely McLarious!!!!!!
“I don’t need you to tell me where I’ve been”
It was like straight out of a historical drama like Reign. My witnesses were visibly enjoying the moment.
my nephew tried to call me ugly. my response was "even on my worst days, i still look far better than you."
I was pregnant (4 months but showing a lot); guy said "Wow you're getting fat!" and I pointed at his beer belly and said, "Maybe, but in 5 months I'll have lost this, what's your excuse?"...
This was a classmate, but it started because I'd accidentally gotten the class bully a detention.
The next day she was in the front of the room before class started talking about how I was so mean for getting her in trouble (even though I hadt't lied to the teacher about what she did, so clearly she deserved it), and then she said "Chickadee is such a bully", and this kid I wasn't even friends with stood up in the middle of the room and said "Shut the fuck up, [insert her name]. *You're* the bully."
That was my last semester at that school for other reasons, but she sat down and didn't bother me the rest of the time I was there. I still think about that moment all the time like eight years later. That kid didn't have to do that, but everyone in the room was thinking it, and he was the only one with the guts to say it. Even my friends sat there and took it in silence with me
This sounds like something similar to what I did in high school in a social studies or self study class, there was this classmate we had who was such a nasty person, I think it was guy though but idk it’s been awhile, they had gotten some of my classmates in trouble for literally nothing that had anything to do with them. I was fed up with that persons shit and pretty much said something similar, weirdest similarity was there was a girl in that class who left that semester, it was freshman year.
@@VainSick imagine the both of you were in the same class and you happen to meet here.
I was a third grade teacher and I had my annual development discussion with my boss, i.e the principal. The next lesson started and I came a little late to the classroom which the students noticed immediately. I apologized and told the kids that I was having "A Talk" with the principal (jokingly stating that I was in trouble). The kids understood the joke and one kid asked me "What did you do? Did you throw snowballs?" It was a perfect joke with the kids.
The most badass thing I ever did was when my mom was trying to provoke me into hitting her so she could use it as amo against my father was she said "if I hit her I'd go to hell" and I said "wow it can get worse I thought I was already there btch!"
Junior year in high school, some shitty freshman tried to 'bully' me (I weighed about 90 pounds at the time, so I looked much like his fellow freshmen) during lunch. I ignored him for most of it, until he threw a bag of chips in my face. Without even looking at him, I said "hey, thanks, I was still hungry", popped the bag open, and started eating.
He said "wait, you can't do that, those are mine!"
"I mean, if you threw them at me, obviously you didn't want them."
He stopped doing anything to me shortly after that.
I do the same thing. If someone waves food in front of my face tauntingly, I just snap forward and chomp it haha. My sister lost a cookie and a chicken nugget to it hahaha.
it's free real estate
@@FaalDovah I took a whole corn dog from my friend when he did that to me after I read your comment
@@The_Guy_Who_Asked72 Yassss good job. Bet they reconsidered future actions hahaa
What a bozo