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This is why I need to step away from situations to make clear-headed decisions. Because whatever I am during a social situation, I'm not myself. I don't feel like I can stand up for myself or I have my best interest in mind whenever I'm with others. It's also why I fear I'll be taken advantage of, because it's honestly so easy. You just have to bombard me with a lot of things cognitively or sensory wise in a sort of time and I'll just be a fried shell of myself not even knowing what I'm doing. I feel drunk when I'm not drunk. I don't even think that's purely masking anymore because it feels so out of my control. When I think of masking, I think of people pleasing and putting yourself aside for others... but that's not what's happening. I feel like if an allistic person was asked "do you wanna do this or that", they could quickly check with themselves in the moment and decide. I can't. I need more time, I need more details, I need more understanding. And then when I put myself in a situation and feel it's a bad decision, I have no idea how to get out.

If I had a dime for every late diagnosed autistic adult who is no contact with their biological family…I’d be able to go get my morning coffee. I wonder why that is.

Not related, but your accent is fascinating. I’m hearing a native french speaker living in London?

I used to think I was one of those autistics that knew who I was and what my needs were when I was alone and only struggled with it around other people… but I realized there was still quite a bit of myself I’d thrown into the “useless” category and stopped listening to, whether I was alone or not. I’ve known I’m autistic for 4.5 years, and I’m still getting to know myself.

Wow this all really hits home. I’ve been doing IFS therapy, and on Monday I spent my therapy hour getting to know my “suppressor,” a protector part of my self that essentially turns on and off my awareness to me and my needs and preferences and personality, depending on the situation I’m in. Their choices are not something I make consciously. I just do have a blank mask in front of unfamiliar people, that was built a long time ago and I don’t know how to choose not to use that skill. And that suppression is tiresome. I think it contributed significantly to my depression growing up. I reading Devon Price’s Unmasking Autism a long time ago, maybe I should read it again…

Ugh the horror 😱

Hi! Tell me, how can I contact you for cooperation? I can't find your email anywhere

Omg what a nightmare before Christmas! Wishing you a Merry Christmas though, dear Paune ❤🎉😊

Oh no.... merry Christmas?

Sending warmth this holiday season. I relate so so much to what you shared. I woke up with a migraine that sent me into an emotional breakdown over how severely being forced to mask even in seemingly subtle ways has impacted my life. I've been spending casual time with my partner's family which is generally more tolerable and pleasant than most other socializing, but even the little things like managing my resting sad/bitch face absolutely destroys me physically and emotionally. People used to tell me I looked upset or tired when I was little and this was a form of very unwanted attention, so I guess I almost unknowingly developed a constant habit of maintaining overly joyful/enthusiastic reactions so that people would not inquire about why I wasn't feeling the way they expected me to feel. What's so frustrating is that I WAS upset and tired MUCH of the time, partly from childhood neglect, partly from my peers' subtle ways of forcing me into social submission, partly from undiagnosed autism and constant overstimulation... but I had no words to articulate what I was feeling and the people that were asking me why I looked tired and upset were often the same ones making me feel exhausted and upset, so it did not feel like anyone would have wanted the truth even if I had the words for it. I am doing my best to unmask now that I am an adult and understand more of what is going on, but even one evening of smiling and trying to say the right things easily sends me into an episode of prolonged debilitating pain and tension and triggers all the feelings of unworthiness and rejection I have felt from masking my whole life. Likewise, I am very very lucky to have a wonderful caring partner, the only person who has ever understood me in genuine ways. I am very lucky to have the support I have now, but it is quite a journey to unmask. Your videos are a support as well, so thank you for contributing to the growing conversation about these kinds of struggles. When I have to turn all the lights off and hermit all day to recover, these videos often bring me peace and warmth. We are not alone.

So good to see u. I also like wrapping presents, that's how u make xmas magic

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Payne, i feel you but i, m extremely distracted by you flickering christmas lights😂

Like you, I think I can unmask when alone, unless there is something that I am not realising about myself. But it seems that it might be useful to spend some more time on self analysis to see what else I can unmask around others. I already don't do eye contact, I tend to look at a person's mouth instead, always been this way. I have no idea how well this mask works or not though. I'm also trying to unmask my appearance/clothing choices as well. Happy Holidays! I'm hopeful with you that your visit will go well.

Dear Paune, I'm going to share my experience in case it helps you plan. One year, while sitll burned out, my in-laws decided to visit us for a week. I really did not feel ready, but I didn't find out about it until a month before, and it seemed best to just get it overwith. I had been making some progress from resting during burnout - but after their visit, I was set back by several months. We have the kind of house where it's hard to get away from each other, and these two had no concept of privacy, they just were all over the house (one upstairs talking *literally* non-stop and the other downstairs watching really boring TV shows). Just a few hours into their visit, due to the verbal barrage from the non-stop talker, I hit a wall and had to go lie down - I didn't get up for 18 hours! The last couple of hours I just layed there in bed, listening to the non-stop talker and dreading going back out. But I then I got out there, and managed to be social the rest of their visit. The bitterest part for me was my set back - I also have an autoimmune disease, and the stress of that visit set the progress I had achieved in my physical health back by several months. I found that so frustrating - and thankfully, my partner acknowledged it, and from then on, he visited them on the holidays on his own so that I could just stay home and be alone rather than deal with that stress again. Now, several years later, I think I may finally be up to visiting them next year - but we would stay in a hotel, so that we can both get away. I don't say any of this to stress you out - I just say it by way of explanation that I would recommend you plan out your getaway plan for any time you need during your in-laws visit, so that your progress will not suffer the type of setbacks that mine did. Perhaps the biggest unmasking would be simply to insist upon alone time at any point and for any amount of time. My in-laws, when they saw me sleep for 18 hours straight, finally started to understand that I actually *do* in fact have an illness. Best wishes for the holidays! My energy was up enough this year that I am actually enjoying our Christmas tree and thinking of bigger decorating plans for next year 🙂

Listening to this while doing my own wrapping. I hope the holiday season isn’t too stressful for you!

Merry Christmas Paune and all the best for 2025. Suzanne

Hmm you gave me a lot to think about! I was lucky to be part of a family that valued authenticity, so i haven't been pushed too much to mask. I was also very much on my own growing up, so did not socialize much. However i do think i have parts of myself i have hidden from myself. I think wrapping presents is hard due to my probable dyspraxia i am quite clumsy and my wrapping is very messy. Otherwise i would love wrapping presents. Nowadays i just buy a gift bag instead 😂 I'm glad you are accommodating yourself 😊 i will be spending christmas with my best friend and feel i can be myself there more than at home, however i will need to mask a lot when his big family comes by. So i am planning to leave whenever i feel tired. 😅

This video helped me so much thank you ❤

This is so, SO relatable! I have periods where I'm BURNT OUT and periods where I'm not so burnt out and think its starting to pass, and then I'm just right back in it...but no periods where I'm actually not burnt or burning out :')

Delayed processing at it's finest. I am so sorry. 😭🫣💕💕💕

That was a very regulating video, as someone who's used to watching fast snappy things with music. I appreciate you just sitting there and chatting quietly. And I agree with many things. We need to find ways to actively regulate ourselves because rest is not hitting the spot a lot of the time.

Your impression of a female being reliant on her man made me LITERALLY spit out my drink. 😂

Same here . I’m 41. People tend to just come and go . They are also out of sight, out of mind. Lockdown proved that once and for all. I hope it gets better for you ❤

lol that’s awesome. Do you ever post that info online for other players? I always wondered who made things like stardew valley wiki

I can relate to so much of what you've shared in this video. I’m from a French-speaking province in Canada, and it’s been a long and complicated journey to get an AUDHD diagnosis. As a kid, I was diagnosed with anxiety and social phobia, and later with ADD (without the H). What’s been especially frustrating is how the diagnostic process for ASD felt like being stuck in a “grey area.” Specialists would recognize that I clearly have many ASD traits but wouldn’t officially diagnose me because I don’t fit the stereotypical criteria. They often focused on how I’m able to express myself eloquently, which didn’t align with their expectations of how ASD typically presents. Instead, they labeled me as HPI, which feels strange because most of my difficulties are limiting me, and the HPI label doesn’t feel like it reflects those limits-especially my sensory challenges. During burnout phases, my ASD-related difficulties become so much more intense, making it even harder to function. The ADD also adds another layer, as it often feels like I can’t make proper use of my “high intelligence.” It’s frustrating to be boxed into a label that doesn’t truly capture my struggles. Thank you for making this video-it’s comforting to see others sharing similar experiences.

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28:31 you partner’s ADHD might be worse because his routine and structure got ripped away from him. It’s really hard to self impose structure with ADHD. I kind of need school or work or my mom (as a kid) to establish a schedule, and then I figure out how to fit life around that schedule. Without it, I’m a bit of a floundering mess. Especially with the stresses of income and job searching on top of that, it makes sense he’s not feeling great.

“High intellectual potential” sounds like what Americans call being “gifted”. Does it have a similar implication for IQ, or no?

Heeyy! You’re almost to ONE THOUSAND SUBS.😊

Hi! Yes i relate to the thinking that i was anxious where tips to avoid anxiety didn't really work because it wasn't really worried thoughts but rather sensory overwhelm. I didn't have physical symptoms though, I'm sorry you struggle with that. I will be spending Christmas alone at home. I hope you have happy holidays and happy channel birthday! 😊

I'm so sorry to leave comments all the time but I can't help it lol I am catching up on your content dear and I just want to say, I too have moved about 2 times A YEAR since I divorced my husband in 2015...one time we moved very far with our goats of all creatures!! I am so tired of moving and now we have landed somewhere finally I think we will stay for a few years till we can put a down payment on a home. I refuse to keep moving now. It is borderline madness. Your channel needs more views because you are so eloquent in your ability to talk about these heady concepts and connect with the viewers. You deserve success and to feel good in your own skin. I am so glad I found you and your channel. Happy Holidays! Don't let them stress you out too much. This is not why Jesus was born and died on the cross, we all need to remember that. Cathy🙏

Beautiful tree. I love white flocked trees like that. How do you keep the crazy kitties off of it?! I can't even have a tree because mine two are brothers, just turned two and like to jump on, chase, and eat everything they see. I'm bummed though. I am sitting here in burnout and could cry and laugh at how much I relate to your video ❤.. Like the delayed processing we have to deal with and being diagnosed so late it is just a ridiculous thing to think of sometimes i just have to laugh. In my case, I'm older than you so I have decades of things I'm trying to think about from this new perspective. I was just diagnosed this past Spring so not even a year into this new journey. I am delayed at being angry too because it is not my nature to be, I always blame myself for everything. Its all the masking we do just to make it through the day I cannot see unlearning that as it is a survival technique that is completely ingrained in me at this point. Anyway, I'm praddling on here now 😊 OH cute pj's btw are those seals? I live in pj's lol 😂

I was prescribed an inhaler growing up because I would have the same shortness of breath! But it wasn't like any asthma the people around me had. That is so incredibly interesting. It's blowing my mind. Now, I get some shortness of breath, but mostly a racing heart, like my heart will feel like it's beating out of my chest..but all day long. Now, I'm going to research how to accommodating overstimulation vs. anxiety, because I am quite sure that's what's going on! Thank you so much for this.