Hi, i think meltdowns and shutdowns are very vague concepts that can look and be experienced in such different ways. I think i would have dismissed them as panic attacks before since for me i often just cry uncontrollably for hours. So i guess i have probably had more meltdowns/shutdowns than panic attacks, but i don't know. I have not had many meltdowns in my life, and they weren't physically violent, but i have said some mean stuff. I think i have way more shutdowns, and often start crying and then i cannot speak much. Which leads to misunderstandings. I had 2 shutdowns with my ex best friend, which led to my friend cutting me off because he thought i was trying to manipulate his emotions. So yeah 😔 I'm sorry that you were disciplined and shamed for your meltdowns 😞
(Late, recently diagnosed.) Since 16:44 I’ve been accused of using it as an excuse, my meltdowns are mocked and used as a reason to make me into a monster. If I cry too loudly my door gets banged on, mocking, emotional abuse, I didn’t even see. Down to down right cruel. I totally relate with you, not knowing for so long, embarrassing, shaming, and frustration. I have to find my tribe clearly. 🤞 My 🫶 & ☮️ to all who read this- You are enough.
I enjoy the way you discuss these things very much! It really helps me, the way you explain everything. Your partner sounds wonderful. I had a meltdown last week - still kind of reverberating as the situation is not yet resolved. I may have to stop attending an activity because it is too difficult for me socially and emotionally in certain ways (the after effects can be too much) - but on the other hand it involves my special interest. So it is a difficult decision. I may just stop going for one month, then see how I feel after the break. Meltdowns just aren’t worth it.
The shame associated with Meltdowns is huge. I don't think others (Family members/friends/therapists) realise the amount of control needed to stop one once underway. I've also had my share of throwing and breaking things, and the loss of control associated with such Meltdowns. Once you reach that point of overwhelm (which of course is hidden until that point to the outsider), 0-10 (or 0-100) is reached in an instant. The masking is perhaps what was never accounted for during marriage counselling. 0-9.9 was masking all the way. That final 0.1 was perhaps the amount of time I had to control the situation, and if anything got in the way (like a spouse saying we had to talk about it, blocking the exit, saying don't be so childish by running away), well then it was all over.
43:14 when you have a trauma response and project like that, where you think someone will behave like a past abuser, is it clear to you afterwards once you’ve calmed down that that wasn’t a reasonable assumption to make about him, or do you need to talk through it? Like, you said you weren’t ready to discuss it, but would it have been helpful to hear your father in law say, “I promise, I will never attack you physically or hit you.” My partner has responses like that to me sometimes, and I can’t tell if I’m supposed to address it with them afterwards, or just understand that wasn’t to do with me and let it be.
It didn’t take me long to realise it was a projection; it was quite obvious to me somehow. My father-in-law did say something along the lines of “I wasn’t going to hit you” but I knew it without him having to say it. We’re all different though; this will depend on the type of trauma and how aware of it the person is I guess 🤷🏻♀️
Hi, i think meltdowns and shutdowns are very vague concepts that can look and be experienced in such different ways. I think i would have dismissed them as panic attacks before since for me i often just cry uncontrollably for hours. So i guess i have probably had more meltdowns/shutdowns than panic attacks, but i don't know. I have not had many meltdowns in my life, and they weren't physically violent, but i have said some mean stuff. I think i have way more shutdowns, and often start crying and then i cannot speak much. Which leads to misunderstandings. I had 2 shutdowns with my ex best friend, which led to my friend cutting me off because he thought i was trying to manipulate his emotions. So yeah 😔 I'm sorry that you were disciplined and shamed for your meltdowns 😞
omg, your cat's meow sounds like "hello"
(Late, recently diagnosed.) Since 16:44 I’ve been accused of using it as an excuse, my meltdowns are mocked and used as a reason to make me into a monster. If I cry too loudly my door gets banged on, mocking, emotional abuse, I didn’t even see. Down to down right cruel.
I totally relate with you, not knowing for so long, embarrassing, shaming, and frustration. I have to find my tribe clearly. 🤞
My 🫶 & ☮️ to all who read this- You are enough.
I enjoy the way you discuss these things very much! It really helps me, the way you explain everything. Your partner sounds wonderful. I had a meltdown last week - still kind of reverberating as the situation is not yet resolved. I may have to stop attending an activity because it is too difficult for me socially and emotionally in certain ways (the after effects can be too much) - but on the other hand it involves my special interest. So it is a difficult decision. I may just stop going for one month, then see how I feel after the break. Meltdowns just aren’t worth it.
The shame associated with Meltdowns is huge. I don't think others (Family members/friends/therapists) realise the amount of control needed to stop one once underway. I've also had my share of throwing and breaking things, and the loss of control associated with such Meltdowns. Once you reach that point of overwhelm (which of course is hidden until that point to the outsider), 0-10 (or 0-100) is reached in an instant. The masking is perhaps what was never accounted for during marriage counselling. 0-9.9 was masking all the way. That final 0.1 was perhaps the amount of time I had to control the situation, and if anything got in the way (like a spouse saying we had to talk about it, blocking the exit, saying don't be so childish by running away), well then it was all over.
43:14 when you have a trauma response and project like that, where you think someone will behave like a past abuser, is it clear to you afterwards once you’ve calmed down that that wasn’t a reasonable assumption to make about him, or do you need to talk through it? Like, you said you weren’t ready to discuss it, but would it have been helpful to hear your father in law say, “I promise, I will never attack you physically or hit you.”
My partner has responses like that to me sometimes, and I can’t tell if I’m supposed to address it with them afterwards, or just understand that wasn’t to do with me and let it be.
It didn’t take me long to realise it was a projection; it was quite obvious to me somehow. My father-in-law did say something along the lines of “I wasn’t going to hit you” but I knew it without him having to say it. We’re all different though; this will depend on the type of trauma and how aware of it the person is I guess 🤷🏻♀️
Looks like i get meltdowns as sou described in the video.