Dear Paune, I'm going to share my experience in case it helps you plan. One year, while sitll burned out, my in-laws decided to visit us for a week. I really did not feel ready, but I didn't find out about it until a month before, and it seemed best to just get it overwith. I had been making some progress from resting during burnout - but after their visit, I was set back by several months. We have the kind of house where it's hard to get away from each other, and these two had no concept of privacy, they just were all over the house (one upstairs talking *literally* non-stop and the other downstairs watching really boring TV shows). Just a few hours into their visit, due to the verbal barrage from the non-stop talker, I hit a wall and had to go lie down - I didn't get up for 18 hours! The last couple of hours I just layed there in bed, listening to the non-stop talker and dreading going back out. But I then I got out there, and managed to be social the rest of their visit. The bitterest part for me was my set back - I also have an autoimmune disease, and the stress of that visit set the progress I had achieved in my physical health back by several months. I found that so frustrating - and thankfully, my partner acknowledged it, and from then on, he visited them on the holidays on his own so that I could just stay home and be alone rather than deal with that stress again. Now, several years later, I think I may finally be up to visiting them next year - but we would stay in a hotel, so that we can both get away. I don't say any of this to stress you out - I just say it by way of explanation that I would recommend you plan out your getaway plan for any time you need during your in-laws visit, so that your progress will not suffer the type of setbacks that mine did. Perhaps the biggest unmasking would be simply to insist upon alone time at any point and for any amount of time. My in-laws, when they saw me sleep for 18 hours straight, finally started to understand that I actually *do* in fact have an illness. Best wishes for the holidays! My energy was up enough this year that I am actually enjoying our Christmas tree and thinking of bigger decorating plans for next year 🙂
I’m sorry you experienced this. Thankfully I’ll have the whole first floor to myself to retreat to whenever I need to and for as long as I need. My in-laws are very different from yours haha, they know all about my burnout and respect boundaries; they know I’ll need lots of rest and are actually insisting I don’t push myself to do anything I don’t have the energy to do. And of course my partner is my biggest supporter ♥️
Sending warmth this holiday season. I relate so so much to what you shared. I woke up with a migraine that sent me into an emotional breakdown over how severely being forced to mask even in seemingly subtle ways has impacted my life. I've been spending casual time with my partner's family which is generally more tolerable and pleasant than most other socializing, but even the little things like managing my resting sad/bitch face absolutely destroys me physically and emotionally. People used to tell me I looked upset or tired when I was little and this was a form of very unwanted attention, so I guess I almost unknowingly developed a constant habit of maintaining overly joyful/enthusiastic reactions so that people would not inquire about why I wasn't feeling the way they expected me to feel. What's so frustrating is that I WAS upset and tired MUCH of the time, partly from childhood neglect, partly from my peers' subtle ways of forcing me into social submission, partly from undiagnosed autism and constant overstimulation... but I had no words to articulate what I was feeling and the people that were asking me why I looked tired and upset were often the same ones making me feel exhausted and upset, so it did not feel like anyone would have wanted the truth even if I had the words for it. I am doing my best to unmask now that I am an adult and understand more of what is going on, but even one evening of smiling and trying to say the right things easily sends me into an episode of prolonged debilitating pain and tension and triggers all the feelings of unworthiness and rejection I have felt from masking my whole life. Likewise, I am very very lucky to have a wonderful caring partner, the only person who has ever understood me in genuine ways. I am very lucky to have the support I have now, but it is quite a journey to unmask. Your videos are a support as well, so thank you for contributing to the growing conversation about these kinds of struggles. When I have to turn all the lights off and hermit all day to recover, these videos often bring me peace and warmth. We are not alone.
Hmm you gave me a lot to think about! I was lucky to be part of a family that valued authenticity, so i haven't been pushed too much to mask. I was also very much on my own growing up, so did not socialize much. However i do think i have parts of myself i have hidden from myself. I think wrapping presents is hard due to my probable dyspraxia i am quite clumsy and my wrapping is very messy. Otherwise i would love wrapping presents. Nowadays i just buy a gift bag instead 😂 I'm glad you are accommodating yourself 😊 i will be spending christmas with my best friend and feel i can be myself there more than at home, however i will need to mask a lot when his big family comes by. So i am planning to leave whenever i feel tired. 😅
Like you, I think I can unmask when alone, unless there is something that I am not realising about myself. But it seems that it might be useful to spend some more time on self analysis to see what else I can unmask around others. I already don't do eye contact, I tend to look at a person's mouth instead, always been this way. I have no idea how well this mask works or not though. I'm also trying to unmask my appearance/clothing choices as well. Happy Holidays! I'm hopeful with you that your visit will go well.
This is why I need to step away from situations to make clear-headed decisions. Because whatever I am during a social situation, I'm not myself. I don't feel like I can stand up for myself or I have my best interest in mind whenever I'm with others. It's also why I fear I'll be taken advantage of, because it's honestly so easy. You just have to bombard me with a lot of things cognitively or sensory wise in a sort of time and I'll just be a fried shell of myself not even knowing what I'm doing. I feel drunk when I'm not drunk. I don't even think that's purely masking anymore because it feels so out of my control. When I think of masking, I think of people pleasing and putting yourself aside for others... but that's not what's happening. I feel like if an allistic person was asked "do you wanna do this or that", they could quickly check with themselves in the moment and decide. I can't. I need more time, I need more details, I need more understanding. And then when I put myself in a situation and feel it's a bad decision, I have no idea how to get out.
Wow this all really hits home. I’ve been doing IFS therapy, and on Monday I spent my therapy hour getting to know my “suppressor,” a protector part of my self that essentially turns on and off my awareness to me and my needs and preferences and personality, depending on the situation I’m in. Their choices are not something I make consciously. I just do have a blank mask in front of unfamiliar people, that was built a long time ago and I don’t know how to choose not to use that skill. And that suppression is tiresome. I think it contributed significantly to my depression growing up. I reading Devon Price’s Unmasking Autism a long time ago, maybe I should read it again…
I used to think I was one of those autistics that knew who I was and what my needs were when I was alone and only struggled with it around other people… but I realized there was still quite a bit of myself I’d thrown into the “useless” category and stopped listening to, whether I was alone or not. I’ve known I’m autistic for 4.5 years, and I’m still getting to know myself.
Dear Paune, I'm going to share my experience in case it helps you plan. One year, while sitll burned out, my in-laws decided to visit us for a week. I really did not feel ready, but I didn't find out about it until a month before, and it seemed best to just get it overwith. I had been making some progress from resting during burnout - but after their visit, I was set back by several months. We have the kind of house where it's hard to get away from each other, and these two had no concept of privacy, they just were all over the house (one upstairs talking *literally* non-stop and the other downstairs watching really boring TV shows). Just a few hours into their visit, due to the verbal barrage from the non-stop talker, I hit a wall and had to go lie down - I didn't get up for 18 hours! The last couple of hours I just layed there in bed, listening to the non-stop talker and dreading going back out. But I then I got out there, and managed to be social the rest of their visit. The bitterest part for me was my set back - I also have an autoimmune disease, and the stress of that visit set the progress I had achieved in my physical health back by several months. I found that so frustrating - and thankfully, my partner acknowledged it, and from then on, he visited them on the holidays on his own so that I could just stay home and be alone rather than deal with that stress again. Now, several years later, I think I may finally be up to visiting them next year - but we would stay in a hotel, so that we can both get away. I don't say any of this to stress you out - I just say it by way of explanation that I would recommend you plan out your getaway plan for any time you need during your in-laws visit, so that your progress will not suffer the type of setbacks that mine did. Perhaps the biggest unmasking would be simply to insist upon alone time at any point and for any amount of time. My in-laws, when they saw me sleep for 18 hours straight, finally started to understand that I actually *do* in fact have an illness. Best wishes for the holidays! My energy was up enough this year that I am actually enjoying our Christmas tree and thinking of bigger decorating plans for next year 🙂
I’m sorry you experienced this. Thankfully I’ll have the whole first floor to myself to retreat to whenever I need to and for as long as I need. My in-laws are very different from yours haha, they know all about my burnout and respect boundaries; they know I’ll need lots of rest and are actually insisting I don’t push myself to do anything I don’t have the energy to do. And of course my partner is my biggest supporter ♥️
Sending warmth this holiday season. I relate so so much to what you shared. I woke up with a migraine that sent me into an emotional breakdown over how severely being forced to mask even in seemingly subtle ways has impacted my life. I've been spending casual time with my partner's family which is generally more tolerable and pleasant than most other socializing, but even the little things like managing my resting sad/bitch face absolutely destroys me physically and emotionally. People used to tell me I looked upset or tired when I was little and this was a form of very unwanted attention, so I guess I almost unknowingly developed a constant habit of maintaining overly joyful/enthusiastic reactions so that people would not inquire about why I wasn't feeling the way they expected me to feel. What's so frustrating is that I WAS upset and tired MUCH of the time, partly from childhood neglect, partly from my peers' subtle ways of forcing me into social submission, partly from undiagnosed autism and constant overstimulation... but I had no words to articulate what I was feeling and the people that were asking me why I looked tired and upset were often the same ones making me feel exhausted and upset, so it did not feel like anyone would have wanted the truth even if I had the words for it. I am doing my best to unmask now that I am an adult and understand more of what is going on, but even one evening of smiling and trying to say the right things easily sends me into an episode of prolonged debilitating pain and tension and triggers all the feelings of unworthiness and rejection I have felt from masking my whole life. Likewise, I am very very lucky to have a wonderful caring partner, the only person who has ever understood me in genuine ways. I am very lucky to have the support I have now, but it is quite a journey to unmask. Your videos are a support as well, so thank you for contributing to the growing conversation about these kinds of struggles. When I have to turn all the lights off and hermit all day to recover, these videos often bring me peace and warmth. We are not alone.
Wow, thanks for such a relatable comment ♥️ Merry Christmas!
Hmm you gave me a lot to think about! I was lucky to be part of a family that valued authenticity, so i haven't been pushed too much to mask. I was also very much on my own growing up, so did not socialize much. However i do think i have parts of myself i have hidden from myself.
I think wrapping presents is hard due to my probable dyspraxia i am quite clumsy and my wrapping is very messy. Otherwise i would love wrapping presents. Nowadays i just buy a gift bag instead 😂
I'm glad you are accommodating yourself 😊 i will be spending christmas with my best friend and feel i can be myself there more than at home, however i will need to mask a lot when his big family comes by. So i am planning to leave whenever i feel tired. 😅
Sounds like a good plan 👍 happy holidays!
Like you, I think I can unmask when alone, unless there is something that I am not realising about myself. But it seems that it might be useful to spend some more time on self analysis to see what else I can unmask around others. I already don't do eye contact, I tend to look at a person's mouth instead, always been this way. I have no idea how well this mask works or not though. I'm also trying to unmask my appearance/clothing choices as well.
Happy Holidays! I'm hopeful with you that your visit will go well.
Happy holidays 😊
Listening to this while doing my own wrapping. I hope the holiday season isn’t too stressful for you!
Aaaw that’s wholesome ♥️ trying to make it as little stressful as possible! Happy holidays 😊
So good to see u. I also like wrapping presents, that's how u make xmas magic
Merry Christmas Paune and all the best for 2025. Suzanne
Merry Christmas Suzanne ♥️
💚
This is why I need to step away from situations to make clear-headed decisions. Because whatever I am during a social situation, I'm not myself. I don't feel like I can stand up for myself or I have my best interest in mind whenever I'm with others. It's also why I fear I'll be taken advantage of, because it's honestly so easy. You just have to bombard me with a lot of things cognitively or sensory wise in a sort of time and I'll just be a fried shell of myself not even knowing what I'm doing. I feel drunk when I'm not drunk. I don't even think that's purely masking anymore because it feels so out of my control. When I think of masking, I think of people pleasing and putting yourself aside for others... but that's not what's happening. I feel like if an allistic person was asked "do you wanna do this or that", they could quickly check with themselves in the moment and decide. I can't. I need more time, I need more details, I need more understanding. And then when I put myself in a situation and feel it's a bad decision, I have no idea how to get out.
Payne, i feel you but i, m extremely distracted by you flickering christmas lights😂
Sorry about that; as I said in my previous video, feel free to look away from the screen! It’s only for a short time anyway 😊
@ i, m glad you’re enjoying it😉
Wow this all really hits home. I’ve been doing IFS therapy, and on Monday I spent my therapy hour getting to know my “suppressor,” a protector part of my self that essentially turns on and off my awareness to me and my needs and preferences and personality, depending on the situation I’m in. Their choices are not something I make consciously. I just do have a blank mask in front of unfamiliar people, that was built a long time ago and I don’t know how to choose not to use that skill. And that suppression is tiresome. I think it contributed significantly to my depression growing up.
I reading Devon Price’s Unmasking Autism a long time ago, maybe I should read it again…
I used to think I was one of those autistics that knew who I was and what my needs were when I was alone and only struggled with it around other people… but I realized there was still quite a bit of myself I’d thrown into the “useless” category and stopped listening to, whether I was alone or not. I’ve known I’m autistic for 4.5 years, and I’m still getting to know myself.
Hi! Tell me, how can I contact you for cooperation? I can't find your email anywhere
I don’t have an email address set up for my channel sorry x
@@paunesjourney It's a pity! Perhaps there is another way to contact you?