I feel the same way, Paune. Like I've been in burnout for most of my adult life. For more than 20 years. I feel like I failed the transition to adulthood. I relate to all these things you're saying, so much.
I'm 76. Self-diagnosed at 75! Masked my whole life. Treated for anxiety and depression. No therapist ever mentioned possibility that I was autistic. I am constantly overwhelmed, in a state of burnout all the time. I just wish I could be neurotypical. Thanks for sharing your story. I totally identify.
I’ve had very bad social anxiety for as long as I can remember and was never given any kind of help for it, so I have never been officially diagnosed with anything except depression. I self-medicated with various things until I started shutting down around 29. It has been a steady decline since then. I’ll be 44 next month… I’ve thought it was depression all this time but your video has helped me realize this is most likely burnout. I’ve only recently been learning about masking and sensory issues, which I’ve always dealt with but just never knew anything about. Thank you for talking about this and I hope that you are able to get back to doing the things in life that bring you happiness.
I'm with you there. Ever since a car accident in 2009 resulting major head trauma, combined with other major medical issues, cptsd, unhappy work enviromnents, bad relationships and loss which led to being burnout since. *I hope things get better for you, dear. And anyone else feeling similar. Hugs.*
Thank you for this! I’ve been confused whether I’m in burnout or not. Everything I would come by would be the severe “can’t even get out of bed, can’t work, etc”. Since I still work, I always decided well I guess I’m not in burnout. But the fact that every ounce of my energy is spent keeping my job (because I have no other choice), every other area of my life is in shreds. This video helped me confirm that I really am in burnout.
I'm in my 40's and I need to work full time or else I will have nowhere to live, but I am so afraid that I won't be able to continue at some point. Summer here can get over 35 Celsius and winter can get below -35 Celsius... on top of not having stability and my things and my routines. Being homeless is so terrifying that I somehow manage to cope and continue.
This is so, SO relatable! I have periods where I'm BURNT OUT and periods where I'm not so burnt out and think its starting to pass, and then I'm just right back in it...but no periods where I'm actually not burnt or burning out :')
I for one am not tired of your videos about autistic burnout, it helps me to process things. I'm pretty sure that I'm deep into burnout and if I am then it's been going on since I was 25 at least (31 now), though I had periods prior to that which may have also been burnout 🤷♀ I won't let myself go too far down that rabbit hole yet though, as I'm still trying to work through getting my thoughts together for an assessment. I get so exhausted after doing so little that it's taking more time than I would like. If what I'm going through is burnout the scariest part for me was feeling the cognitive decline, to the point where I was beginning to consider early-onset dementia. Not sure if I already said that in a previous comment on one of your videos, I know I said it somewhere. The words that came out of my mouth while I was getting my 5 counseling sessions on the NHS a few years ago sounded far less intelligent though, the only way I could describe it at the time was stupid like "I feel more stupid than I ever have before". Gorgeous cat 😻 he came to complain to the camera that he's not in the garden 🤣 Sorry you had such a hard time with uni, I attempted to resit my GCSEs in my local college but it was way too similar to high school for me and I did not have a good experience with that. Never tried going to an actual uni and distance learning didn't work for me. It's absolutely awful that you had such an experience while ringing a hotline, they should have shown you more compassion since that is what they are there for. Saved by the strike for sure, I would have also been terrified of doing a presentation in that situation. You couldn't even get me to stand in the front of the class in high school 😶🌫 I don't mind hearing about your life, watching your videos is slowly building my confidence to where I can hopefully do the same thing (at somepont) ❤ All I could manage is sitting in front of the camera and talking right now, you probably even edit more than I would have the energy for.
My first Burnout was most likely triggered by being married to a Narcissist. Having a child worsened the situation significantly. I did not know at the time I was Autistic, so I just kept on pushing myself. Friends and Family would say marriage is difficult, it needs work. I suspect they didn't understand the amount of work I was going through in order to sustain it. This burnout (which had probably lasted about 5 years), quickly eased when I packed a suitcase and walked out. I felt better than I had in a very long time (and the suicidal ideations disappeared within a month or so) and at the same time I felt worse (crying constantly, but the sadness was the first emotion that I had also felt in a long time, before that I was just numb or angry) for walking out on my Wife and Son. They were better off without me there (yet still there if you know what I mean). I think it also depends on your 'capacity'. I believe that when you're younger you have a lot more capacity. When you get older, and there are more stressors in life (like cancer, intersex conditions, anaphylaxis, etc. not being specific lol) I think capacity is significantly reduced and you can never really get it back. All you can do is minimise sensory stressors etc. Did the cat open the door? My cat used to open the door lol, and it was a twist knob! Totally get the 22:30 thing. I have very little in common with my Son, and my Psychologist said to just get familiar with one of the things. She too couldn't understand why I was unable to do so. I just cannot learn it. I think the main thing might be that I do not have the capacity for it, because if I do learn about Soccer, there's only one way I know how and can, and that would be too learn everything about it. I already have special interests in my life that take up all of my time (and that is also my job). To learn about soccer would mean to drop everything else and deep dive.
I was 50 this year, and until recently I used to feel that I was 10 years behind my peers with regards to a career progression etc. I self-diagnosed at 49 being AuDHD, and I've taken a step back from doing anything extra for the past 3 months. I recently was poorly sick and was able to sleep for 12 hours a day for a few weeks. Now I'm getting back to health I'm staying awake until I feel exhausted (normally 2am right now), and then I'm up at 7am to get kids ready for school. This level of sleep is something I've never done but I feel much better for it. I am now conscious of needing to manage my senses inputs and the environment I am in. I carry noise cancelling headphones all the time. I reduce multi-tasking to 2 tasks at once (or less). I keep my time interacting in a multi-person space to a minimum. If you can, take time out and just sleep if you feel you need to. Don't try and push through it, as that doesn't help long term.
If you're concerned about noise... you could try getting Waves Clarity. Both the noise reduction and the de-reverb. They really make a difference, and they're easy to use. I'm playing around with them, and for one thing, the difference it makes on the room tone is night and day.
Hmm interesting, but sounds like an exhausting decade 😢 but you have done so much and been so strong! i got into UCL but ended up not going there. My brother has done the commute from france to Switzerland every week, he had to drop out and change to my home town uni. When it comes to burnout and depression i personally have a hard time telling the difference. I have not been doing well since age 15 with dips here and there, so it is hard to know what my normal capacity is. It was only when i had a "neurotypical burnout" at work 2 years ago that i think it got worse than usual for a period of several months. To be honest i really internalized the whole career=worth and then my studies and then job became my entire identity and life. If i lost my job i would feel literally incapable of doing anything else. It is getting better as i try to develop my life outside of work. I'm sorry the hotlines did not help, i also find them quite unhelpful a lot of the time even though sometimes it is the only thing left. Btw i did your historical cat choose your own adventure! I became a leader among cats 😸 i loved how all the endings seemed positive 😊 Ps sorry for such a long comment talking about myself, just wanted to say what i relate to. But i want to say that you have been through so much more than i have, and i don't want to seem like I'm diminishing your struggles 🙈
Omg don’t apologise! I love your long comments where you share more about your life 😊 we’re here to learn from each other! I never could have gone through medical school myself… sounds like an awful lot to go through as an autistic person 😵 I can’t believe you took the time to play my game 😍 glad you enjoyed it 🥰
Another fascinating video! Thank you for sharing your experiences with such honesty. I’m in my 40s and was professionally diagnosed with AuDHD about a month ago. I very much identify with your discomfort surrounding the idea of sensory issues. I sometimes enjoy loud music, and never noticed issues with bright lights. However, I’ve also always been “odd.” I hear the sound of electrical outlets in situations where others don’t and find overtones from certain musical instruments (like the vibraphone) unsettling. Once I started wearing sunglasses outside, I realized I’m much calmer when I do, as is the case with wearing my Loops in loud environments. My comfort range, temperature-wise, is very small, and I can’t focus if I’m too hot or cold. I sleep much better with a sleep mask or blackout shades and my Loops in my ears. These things have always been true, but I never realized how much they impacted my state of mind and ability for my brain to function… Awareness of this, and my diagnosis in general, is helping me learn to take care of myself to become the best version of me (which is not going to be the same thing as the best version of someone neurotypical, but I am becoming more OK about that over time).
I really resonate with a lot of what you’re saying, especially with when I was younger and even my mom suspected I may have autism (she didn’t get me tested though) because I didn’t mask and my regular childhood friends (who are still my friends today) were neurodivergent. I struggle socially especially, and it’s affecting my current work situation greatly. But I don’t feel that I stim or really need to. I don’t have much sensory issues. So I want to get officially diagnosed by a psychologist. My current therapist (no.4) is the only one who has indicated that I may have autism. And just like many other female late diagnosed autistics, this is one of my special interests currently, especially autistic burnout because I may be in the midst of it. I really hope I find a job that I can at least tolerate. I am the breadwinner in my partnership currently; my fiancé is working but he’s in grocery, and we graduated with the same degree (B.S chemical engineering). I feel it’s so freaking unfair. I also relate to your toxic family relationship-I’m dealing with that now and I am not going entirely no-contact but I am low contact because talking with them makes me so freaking stressed out 😂😭. Also your name is beautiful!
Also I’m sure you know that already but you absolutely don’t need all 4 of the section B criteria in the DSM-5 for an autism diagnosis (as long as you have all three of the section A criteria of course); you can be autistic even if you don’t really have stims or sensory sensitivities as long as you have special interests and rigid thinking/struggles with change/a strong need for routine 😊 hope that helps!
I’m from Romania, living in America and I find going back to Romania super overwhelming because I’m autistic and the constant hustle and bustle of city life. I lived in Bucharest for the first 5 years of my life. I have been back nearly every year since childhood but I definitely enjoy being in America more because we are in a mountain area where we don’t have a lot of traffic or a lot of interactions with people. I relate to the burnout. It took me a long time to figure out that i was in burnout for a very very long time. It’s only after like 11 years that i have now gotten into a better place where burnout is not as severe as it was, and it’s all because i have stopped pushing myself all the freaking time. I started to focus more on myself and my well being. Being chronically ill also has « forced » me to slow down.
Romanian burnt out autistic here too. I live in the UK in a quiet area, but city life is a sensory nightmare. Back in Romania when I went to uni the buildings were old and we sat in lectures in natural light, whereas here doing my PhD every damn room has 70 lightbulbs that for some reason everyone needs? At the same time, I don't like going back to Romania because the awareness is so much less about sensory issues and Romanian airport staff are quick to make me take off my headphones when they are literally my disability aid.
@@attentivechair3248this totally makes sense. I totally feel this. I find that romanians aren’t very “friendly” towards people who are different. I felt super judged and overwhelmed when i visited this past summer. I vowed i wasn’t gonna go back any time soon because it was too much and i was having meltdowns every night. My burn out was so much worse during this trip, and the constant stares and all was just too much for me.
@@camiioan822 yes exactly. I appreciate the more "direct" manner of speech of Romanians as an autist, but at the same time that means it's a constant barrage of unsolicited judgement and opinions and people feel entitled to control your behaviour if it's divergent in some way that offends their societal views. Life is too short.
I feel the same way, Paune. Like I've been in burnout for most of my adult life. For more than 20 years. I feel like I failed the transition to adulthood. I relate to all these things you're saying, so much.
I'm 76. Self-diagnosed at 75! Masked my whole life. Treated for anxiety and depression. No therapist ever mentioned possibility that I was autistic. I am constantly overwhelmed, in a state of burnout all the time. I just wish I could be neurotypical. Thanks for sharing your story. I totally identify.
I’ve had very bad social anxiety for as long as I can remember and was never given any kind of help for it, so I have never been officially diagnosed with anything except depression. I self-medicated with various things until I started shutting down around 29. It has been a steady decline since then. I’ll be 44 next month… I’ve thought it was depression all this time but your video has helped me realize this is most likely burnout. I’ve only recently been learning about masking and sensory issues, which I’ve always dealt with but just never knew anything about. Thank you for talking about this and I hope that you are able to get back to doing the things in life that bring you happiness.
I’m glad you’re finally able to understand what you’re going through ♥️
I'm with you there. Ever since a car accident in 2009 resulting major head trauma, combined with other major medical issues, cptsd, unhappy work enviromnents, bad relationships and loss which led to being burnout since.
*I hope things get better for you, dear. And anyone else feeling similar. Hugs.*
Thank you for this! I’ve been confused whether I’m in burnout or not. Everything I would come by would be the severe “can’t even get out of bed, can’t work, etc”. Since I still work, I always decided well I guess I’m not in burnout. But the fact that every ounce of my energy is spent keeping my job (because I have no other choice), every other area of my life is in shreds. This video helped me confirm that I really am in burnout.
Glad it was helpful!
I'm in my 40's and I need to work full time or else I will have nowhere to live, but I am so afraid that I won't be able to continue at some point. Summer here can get over 35 Celsius and winter can get below -35 Celsius... on top of not having stability and my things and my routines. Being homeless is so terrifying that I somehow manage to cope and continue.
This is so, SO relatable! I have periods where I'm BURNT OUT and periods where I'm not so burnt out and think its starting to pass, and then I'm just right back in it...but no periods where I'm actually not burnt or burning out :')
I’m so glad you found this video relatable! I hope we’ll find a way to break the cycle of burnout once and for all ♥️
I for one am not tired of your videos about autistic burnout, it helps me to process things. I'm pretty sure that I'm deep into burnout and if I am then it's been going on since I was 25 at least (31 now), though I had periods prior to that which may have also been burnout 🤷♀ I won't let myself go too far down that rabbit hole yet though, as I'm still trying to work through getting my thoughts together for an assessment. I get so exhausted after doing so little that it's taking more time than I would like.
If what I'm going through is burnout the scariest part for me was feeling the cognitive decline, to the point where I was beginning to consider early-onset dementia. Not sure if I already said that in a previous comment on one of your videos, I know I said it somewhere. The words that came out of my mouth while I was getting my 5 counseling sessions on the NHS a few years ago sounded far less intelligent though, the only way I could describe it at the time was stupid like "I feel more stupid than I ever have before".
Gorgeous cat 😻 he came to complain to the camera that he's not in the garden 🤣
Sorry you had such a hard time with uni, I attempted to resit my GCSEs in my local college but it was way too similar to high school for me and I did not have a good experience with that. Never tried going to an actual uni and distance learning didn't work for me. It's absolutely awful that you had such an experience while ringing a hotline, they should have shown you more compassion since that is what they are there for.
Saved by the strike for sure, I would have also been terrified of doing a presentation in that situation. You couldn't even get me to stand in the front of the class in high school 😶🌫 I don't mind hearing about your life, watching your videos is slowly building my confidence to where I can hopefully do the same thing (at somepont) ❤ All I could manage is sitting in front of the camera and talking right now, you probably even edit more than I would have the energy for.
My first Burnout was most likely triggered by being married to a Narcissist. Having a child worsened the situation significantly. I did not know at the time I was Autistic, so I just kept on pushing myself. Friends and Family would say marriage is difficult, it needs work. I suspect they didn't understand the amount of work I was going through in order to sustain it. This burnout (which had probably lasted about 5 years), quickly eased when I packed a suitcase and walked out. I felt better than I had in a very long time (and the suicidal ideations disappeared within a month or so) and at the same time I felt worse (crying constantly, but the sadness was the first emotion that I had also felt in a long time, before that I was just numb or angry) for walking out on my Wife and Son. They were better off without me there (yet still there if you know what I mean).
I think it also depends on your 'capacity'. I believe that when you're younger you have a lot more capacity. When you get older, and there are more stressors in life (like cancer, intersex conditions, anaphylaxis, etc. not being specific lol) I think capacity is significantly reduced and you can never really get it back. All you can do is minimise sensory stressors etc.
Did the cat open the door? My cat used to open the door lol, and it was a twist knob! Totally get the 22:30 thing. I have very little in common with my Son, and my Psychologist said to just get familiar with one of the things. She too couldn't understand why I was unable to do so. I just cannot learn it. I think the main thing might be that I do not have the capacity for it, because if I do learn about Soccer, there's only one way I know how and can, and that would be too learn everything about it. I already have special interests in my life that take up all of my time (and that is also my job). To learn about soccer would mean to drop everything else and deep dive.
Yes he did open the door 😂
Your story is very interesting! Thank you for sharing. 😊
I was 50 this year, and until recently I used to feel that I was 10 years behind my peers with regards to a career progression etc. I self-diagnosed at 49 being AuDHD, and I've taken a step back from doing anything extra for the past 3 months. I recently was poorly sick and was able to sleep for 12 hours a day for a few weeks. Now I'm getting back to health I'm staying awake until I feel exhausted (normally 2am right now), and then I'm up at 7am to get kids ready for school. This level of sleep is something I've never done but I feel much better for it. I am now conscious of needing to manage my senses inputs and the environment I am in. I carry noise cancelling headphones all the time. I reduce multi-tasking to 2 tasks at once (or less). I keep my time interacting in a multi-person space to a minimum. If you can, take time out and just sleep if you feel you need to. Don't try and push through it, as that doesn't help long term.
If you're concerned about noise... you could try getting Waves Clarity. Both the noise reduction and the de-reverb. They really make a difference, and they're easy to use. I'm playing around with them, and for one thing, the difference it makes on the room tone is night and day.
This video helped me so much thank you ❤
I'm so glad!
Hmm interesting, but sounds like an exhausting decade 😢 but you have done so much and been so strong!
i got into UCL but ended up not going there. My brother has done the commute from france to Switzerland every week, he had to drop out and change to my home town uni.
When it comes to burnout and depression i personally have a hard time telling the difference. I have not been doing well since age 15 with dips here and there, so it is hard to know what my normal capacity is. It was only when i had a "neurotypical burnout" at work 2 years ago that i think it got worse than usual for a period of several months.
To be honest i really internalized the whole career=worth and then my studies and then job became my entire identity and life. If i lost my job i would feel literally incapable of doing anything else. It is getting better as i try to develop my life outside of work.
I'm sorry the hotlines did not help, i also find them quite unhelpful a lot of the time even though sometimes it is the only thing left.
Btw i did your historical cat choose your own adventure! I became a leader among cats 😸 i loved how all the endings seemed positive 😊
Ps sorry for such a long comment talking about myself, just wanted to say what i relate to. But i want to say that you have been through so much more than i have, and i don't want to seem like I'm diminishing your struggles 🙈
Omg don’t apologise! I love your long comments where you share more about your life 😊 we’re here to learn from each other! I never could have gone through medical school myself… sounds like an awful lot to go through as an autistic person 😵 I can’t believe you took the time to play my game 😍 glad you enjoyed it 🥰
Another fascinating video! Thank you for sharing your experiences with such honesty.
I’m in my 40s and was professionally diagnosed with AuDHD about a month ago. I very much identify with your discomfort surrounding the idea of sensory issues. I sometimes enjoy loud music, and never noticed issues with bright lights. However, I’ve also always been “odd.” I hear the sound of electrical outlets in situations where others don’t and find overtones from certain musical instruments (like the vibraphone) unsettling. Once I started wearing sunglasses outside, I realized I’m much calmer when I do, as is the case with wearing my Loops in loud environments. My comfort range, temperature-wise, is very small, and I can’t focus if I’m too hot or cold. I sleep much better with a sleep mask or blackout shades and my Loops in my ears. These things have always been true, but I never realized how much they impacted my state of mind and ability for my brain to function… Awareness of this, and my diagnosis in general, is helping me learn to take care of myself to become the best version of me (which is not going to be the same thing as the best version of someone neurotypical, but I am becoming more OK about that over time).
So happy for you 🥰
10:48 that cat is straight up talking.
I really resonate with a lot of what you’re saying, especially with when I was younger and even my mom suspected I may have autism (she didn’t get me tested though) because I didn’t mask and my regular childhood friends (who are still my friends today) were neurodivergent. I struggle socially especially, and it’s affecting my current work situation greatly. But I don’t feel that I stim or really need to. I don’t have much sensory issues. So I want to get officially diagnosed by a psychologist. My current therapist (no.4) is the only one who has indicated that I may have autism. And just like many other female late diagnosed autistics, this is one of my special interests currently, especially autistic burnout because I may be in the midst of it. I really hope I find a job that I can at least tolerate. I am the breadwinner in my partnership currently; my fiancé is working but he’s in grocery, and we graduated with the same degree (B.S chemical engineering). I feel it’s so freaking unfair.
I also relate to your toxic family relationship-I’m dealing with that now and I am not going entirely no-contact but I am low contact because talking with them makes me so freaking stressed out 😂😭.
Also your name is beautiful!
Thanks, it’s a nickname I was given in high school 😊
Also I’m sure you know that already but you absolutely don’t need all 4 of the section B criteria in the DSM-5 for an autism diagnosis (as long as you have all three of the section A criteria of course); you can be autistic even if you don’t really have stims or sensory sensitivities as long as you have special interests and rigid thinking/struggles with change/a strong need for routine 😊 hope that helps!
Same
Omg your cat ❤😂
He’s the star of the video 🥰
@paunesjourney you both are wonderful ❤️ so sorry you're in burnout for so long I can relate so much, it's horrible, truly. Oh and love your hair!
@@animal_person_ aww thank you ☺️
I’m from Romania, living in America and I find going back to Romania super overwhelming because I’m autistic and the constant hustle and bustle of city life. I lived in Bucharest for the first 5 years of my life. I have been back nearly every year since childhood but I definitely enjoy being in America more because we are in a mountain area where we don’t have a lot of traffic or a lot of interactions with people. I relate to the burnout. It took me a long time to figure out that i was in burnout for a very very long time. It’s only after like 11 years that i have now gotten into a better place where burnout is not as severe as it was, and it’s all because i have stopped pushing myself all the freaking time. I started to focus more on myself and my well being. Being chronically ill also has « forced » me to slow down.
Romanian burnt out autistic here too. I live in the UK in a quiet area, but city life is a sensory nightmare. Back in Romania when I went to uni the buildings were old and we sat in lectures in natural light, whereas here doing my PhD every damn room has 70 lightbulbs that for some reason everyone needs? At the same time, I don't like going back to Romania because the awareness is so much less about sensory issues and Romanian airport staff are quick to make me take off my headphones when they are literally my disability aid.
@@attentivechair3248this totally makes sense. I totally feel this. I find that romanians aren’t very “friendly” towards people who are different. I felt super judged and overwhelmed when i visited this past summer. I vowed i wasn’t gonna go back any time soon because it was too much and i was having meltdowns every night. My burn out was so much worse during this trip, and the constant stares and all was just too much for me.
@@camiioan822 yes exactly. I appreciate the more "direct" manner of speech of Romanians as an autist, but at the same time that means it's a constant barrage of unsolicited judgement and opinions and people feel entitled to control your behaviour if it's divergent in some way that offends their societal views. Life is too short.