Why Being a Woman on Twitch is a Hard Job | Salari
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ค. 2024
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Male entitlement has, and possibly always will be a problem. It's especially problematic when it comes to their interactions with women, and how they expect them to react to male attention. This real life issue has made its way on to the internet, and on Twitch in particular, male entitlement has been allowed to breed and flourish, regardless of any measures the site puts in place to prevent the mistreatment and harassment of women.
This video explores the conditions which have allowed men to behave in such a way, why they choose to do so, how it affects the women they target, and what can be done to stop it.
Thank you so very much to MaryMaybe, Nezba, and Tayraeiscray for their involvement in this project. Without their input, this absolutely would not be what it is. Please, go support them and their work! 💜
MaryMaybe: linktr.ee/MaryMaybe
Nezba: linktr.ee/Nezba
Tayraeiscray: / tayraeiscray
If you're a content creator/artist and want a ride on the Boost Bus, then please email me at salarivideo@gmail.com with the subject: Boost
Please be sure to include a brief bio about yourself, what you want promoting (including links to your work - if it's art then please ensure it's hi-res so it can be used in videos), along with your pronouns. I won't be able to reply to emails due to the volume, but rest assured I will read them and over time compile a list. Lastly, please do not send more than one email. 🚌
How to tell when you're making someone uncomfortable - instructional flowchart PDF: bit.ly/3ph5fhe
Intro 0:00
Sponsor 4:58
1 "you're not like other women" 7:51
2 "you'd be prettier if you smiled more" 17:29
Boost Bus 24:37
3. "how's your day going, beautiful?" 25:25
Conclusion "can't you take a compliment?" 35:25
#twitch
#women
Being a woman, getting told that you're 'lucky' to receive the attention of harrassment, is like telling someone who's in an abusive relationship that they're lucky they at least have a boyfriend.
That is an apt analogy
@@asharsyed1370 A great Supplement to this video
is surely 'Pick up Artistry - A Measured Response' as well as
the Abuse-Coverage and Trope-Coverage of 'Pop Culture Detective'.
Another analogy is the minimum wage worker who's lucky to have a job. We can and should find every way we can to empathize with victims without diminishing their experiences.
That's like telling an incel that they should be glad they got bullied as a whatever-year-old (coincidentally it sounds like it's incels who told you the whole harassment thing).
@@MrTaxiRob Nice. And absolutely. ✊️
Waiting impatiently for that Salari onlyfans
Whudup sigmafier! Keep being awesome mann!
You go first then I'll do it. Pinky swear
🤣
PLEASE???
Damn. More like F.D. Objectifier Amirite???
... I'll show myself out
When I was a teenager I got so many rape and murder threats when I just silently beat men in video games, I was just playing the damn game! So I started using male avatars and bought a voice-changer. Sexist male behavior made me hate video games for a while. I tried to stream only once with my bf and roommate and someone said "Why are you sitting there playing videogames? You should both be fucking that girl." They only spoke directly to the two males with me and spoke *about* me like I was a brainless object. I still dream of being a streamer but it's terrifying, I already have enough constant reminders of how many men hate women. I'm hoping that starting off with Animal Crossing would attract a respectful viewer base.
Dont let those comments they make have so much power over you; use it as fuel to do whatever you want DESPITE whatever they have to say. They purposefully make comments like that to bring women down, I see it all the time in different spaces where women are outnumbered by men. They'll just start talking to the other men, completely ignore the woman as if she wasnt there while also talking about her. They do it to make women feel insignificant and less-than. Never let that get to you.
Know your experiences are valid. There is genuine hatred and dehumanization of women.
I encourage you to stream and also put things in place to address misogynists like mods, bots and other automated features.
It shouldn't be this way and makes me incredibly angry. I don't know if this helps, but some important words I've heard more than once, always remember why you started and what brings you joy.
As long as you're doing what you truly want and enjoying yourself that's what matters most 💜
Wish you luck, want cha to know that you got a lot more then 114 people plus these comments supporting you. Stay safe, mate.
It depends a lot on what type of games you play. Some people have such fragile egos that the thought of being beaten in a competitive game is just too much to bear.
So, playing single-player games is "safer."
It can also be a niche that isn't as fully served. Back before my rig started getting weird and I had to drop streaming, my best stream was playing Astroneer, which is a really fun single-player game, but not one that gets a lot of stream time. (I don't have a camera at all, so it's all voice and a cartoon avatar, so I avoid the issue with people using my looks as a vector to attack me... theoretically, since I never got much of a following before my system started being glitchy)
Whatever you end up choosing to do, I hope you have fun with your gaming.
@@AndaraBledinI've noticed that the more fps type competitive the game is, the more likely it will attract edgy roid rage types. A lot of men will turn to games as their only "manly bro space" and source of accomplishment. It's really sad, but it also explains a lot.
"The Big Bang Theory" found humour from geeky men, despite having college degrees, stalk and harass women, who end up falling in love with these sexist creeps. The Big Bang Theory had ten seasons, and through those seasons, we saw nerdy men violate women's boundaries, make sexist comments, objectify women, and did not respect women in academia, nevertheless, this sick-com was very popular, and it makes me frustrated that it ever achieved success.
Yes. It's disgusting
"Sick-com" is a good turn of phrase. Hope you don't mind me borrowing it.
And yes, it's utterly repulsive.
I don't think any of the characters ever had to face any consequences for their attitudes or actions, which honestly would've made for good comedy.
Like, for example, the main characters in Peep Show and The Inbetweeners are varying degrees of misogynistic but it works because they're never rewarded for anything of the awful things they say or do to women. They always end up being ostracized or worse. Whereas in Big Bang Theory, one of the dudes will end up crossing a woman's boundaries or just treating her like shit repeatedly only for the script to effectively treat her like some sort of trophy they need to try and win.
For those interested in this topic particularly:
1.(The Adorkable Mysoginy of the Big Bang Theory - Pop Culture Detective Agency): th-cam.com/video/X3-hOigoxHs/w-d-xo.html&ab_channel=PopCultureDetective
2. (The Complicity of Geek Masculinity on the Big Bang Theory - Pop Culture Detective Agency): th-cam.com/video/7L7NRONADJ4/w-d-xo.html&ab_channel=PopCultureDetective
On top of that, it was painfully unfunny and reenforced stereotypical depictions of autism
I think another blatant example of heavy sexism in the gaming community is the disparity of how mens and womens attractiveness is seen on the platforms. Its very common to hear people call fans of female streamers simps, theres so many people claiming women are only popular because of their looks and body because they are bad at games, everything they do can end up in a compilation of "simp baiting" and showing off their body. Markiplier is by all accounts a good egg and this is nothing against him. I believe you can still find clips of him taking off his shirt and flexing for the stream after a dono. For a while Mark went pretty hard on his "sexy" angle, from him doing his "sexy voice" basically moaning into the mic in his old Amnesia vids, to his "tasteful nudes" calendar. He works out and shows off his body a lot over the years. Mark will also tell you hes not that good at video games, a lot of content creators arent expert level gamers. This wasnt held against him in the community tho. Nobody is out there claiming Mark is trash and doesnt deserve his success cause he only got there for his looks/ playing up for the thirsty fans. Nobody is accusing him of simp baiting. T1 shows off his body a lot too. No one cares.
And yet women get this thrown at them all the time for simply existing in the space.
Good point 🤷🏻♀️ no one ever griefs Markiplier for being hot and bad at videogames but it's standard code of conduct for women streamers even if they are exceptionally talented
Though I would argue that these examples still dont really appeal to traditional beauty standarts, showing up with no connection to the community with nothing BUT looks.
These creators by no means got popular because of just their views. Though I find the treatment of women online to often be very negative (just having a community like incels is proof of this toxicity), it is factual that female attractiveness does happen to more regularly be a reason for followings than male attractiveness if you look exclusively at twitch.
An example is hot tub streams popping up and catering to this need, being mainly representet by females rather than man.
@@HillWilly0 I honestly think women watch at least as much content largely because they find creators/ actors/ influences attractive as men do. The difference is that a lot of media aimed at women has failed to present that content through the female gaze, and it hasn't been easy to find this female gaze framed content until recently. Compare an episode of Bridgerton that is half sex scenes designed for female viewers to a male focused show featuring attractive scantily clad women and the difference should be obvious. And yes I've watched Bridgerton at least 4 times, equally motivated by lmy genuine enjoyment of the books/story as I am by watching to see the Duke show off his body. Not sure why I'm going on off on this-- but honestly give me more content like this consume, I'm a warm blooded human too lmao
@@HillWilly0 there's a whole range of human behavior that affects everything we do and everything we like or dislike. 'Pretty privilege', fatphobia, skin tone, all sorts of things we can't control but we can try to turn to our advantage or minimize. That doesn't ok harassment. As a woman who has worked in male dominated fields for 25 years, having people not take your work seriously because of gender, and being harassed simply for showing up to work, is depressing demoralizing and scary.
I actually find gamers who are terrible at games more entertaining than those who are excellent. Those who crush games are impressive to watch, but seeing someone fuck up, miss obvious stuff, but laugh about it is infinitely more fun.
I think it's perfectly fine to become a fan of someone for no other reason than having a crush. Most entertainers are attractive. It's almost a requirement in the industry. And it's okay to have a crush on a streamer or creator so long as you do so knowing it will never amount to anything personal between you and the creator other than just making them more enjoyable to watch
I don't think sending unsolicited dick pics is really ever about an attempt at seduction. It's just a digital, low risk version of exposing yourself to someone against their will. It's about the power, and the fantasy you get to have about your victim's reactions, not about the actual outcome.
It’s definitely both. They get off knowing that you don’t want it and the power they get from that, some get off to the post picture shaming the commences of them getting shamed or bitched out before they are blocked. Some of them do so with intent to get laid because it worked once before. While also getting off to the power. at least that is my experience, as a woman.
This. When you're dying for some attention, even hostility is better than nothing.
@@k.k.9378 Bad take. Hostility is unacceptable period. Regardless of gender or circumstances. I would also say that being desperate is never an excuse for violence in regard to intimacy, relationships, or sex
@@michaelajames99 There must be a disconnect somewhere. To read your comment at face value, you seem to be scolding dick pic recipients for any insult they may send back. That's what was meant by "hostility" in this thread.
According to the only study I've seen so far, most dick pic senders are attempting to either arouse the recipient, or encourage them to send pics back. But there is a minority who only send pics to punish & degrade the target. So most of these men are clueless or self-absorbed.
Men, if you're angry that female streamers are taking your money..... stop giving your money. I know, what a revelation. It's a shocking discovery, you really have to sit there for a while and think about it to fully comprehend it. Truly mindblowing. Works 100% of the time.
I'm pretty sure the dudes saying that aren't the one's giving them money though
Bruh... That's not solving an issue... It's like saying "you don't want to get rape, then suicide. You can't get rape if you're dead". It's so fucking idiotic as a take that my brain is melting and dropping from my ears.
How about you ask a very intelligent question: [clears throat] Why does this phenomenon exist? Why it is disproportionate? Are there any prior conditions (issues) that affect disproportionally men that leads them to act this way?
The fact you don't even ask yourself these questions can mean two things: you know nothing about how to do research about society stuff or you are an asshole that does not care about solving people's issues (because yes, it is a male issue but as you can see it affects everyone, women included).
@@sic996 That analogy makes the least amount of sense. "you can't get r*pd if your dead" is such a leap from "If you don't want them to get your money, don't give them your money." Your analogy is the biggest non-sequitur. It's the equivalent of saying "if you don't want to give streamers your money, burn your computer."
A more apt comparison, and thus a better defence: That's like saying to an addict, "if you don't want to be addicted to drugs, stop doing drugs." Your example ultimately undermines your whole argument because you chose a non-sensical analogy that can only be read as bad faith and makes most people not want to engage with you, much less your larger point.
@@Likeicare96 no worries, it was to underline the lack of sense in the first take with another obviously moronic.
@@Likeicare96 btw, I agree with your analogy, but the skull bumps the first lad has probably would have found that sentence true and sensical. Which is why I opted for a totally moronic argument on the hope that lad knows how that argument sounds stupid in perspective.
Re: the conclusion. It reminds me of a (real) conversation described in the book Wordslut, where a sociologist is talking to a cat caller, explaining to them how catcalling makes women feel unsafe, disrespected, and harassed. The guy doesn't really get it at first, but by the end comes to understand this his actions make women feel deeply uncomfortable.
It ends with the catcaller saying that he will keep catcalling anyway, because it's fun for him and that's all he cares about. A lot of these men know what they're doing, and none of them give a shit how a woman feels about it. No sympathy.
😢
How can anyone so completely lack all empathy? I think -- I have to think, I have to hope -- that these people are in the minority, and that we can succeed at changing society over their objections. But damn if they can't make people miserable casually throwing around what power our farce of a society offers them now.
@@jemolk8945 is the lack of perception of women as equal humans
I collegue of mine told about a female friend of his, who posted a rather angry Facebook post about because of metoo men stopped catcalling. She is older (50+ I think) . She apperently likes the attention given that way and can't understand why other women don't feel the same way. Those post also don't help with stopping catcalling, because they make IT look like most women want to be catcalled. While in fact it is only a really small group.
@@joeyvanrijn6053 I dont think those posts have any effect except distracting. At the end of the day its not hard to notice if someone is responding positively or avoiding or even straight telling you to stop. It can be translated to consent issues, just because one girl said she wants to make out with you doesnt account for every womans consent to make out with you, if theres no enthusiastic consent you stop what youre doing. but they dont, do they? If a woman avoids eye contact and tries to hurridly get away theyll try to get a few more yells at her, maybe call her a b while they at it. Just the other day I saw a video of a girl being harassed and cat called at a metro, she kept begging them to leave her alone. You have to really not want to see the signs to pretend she actually wanted it.
You always hear funny 'crazy 🤪 ex-girlfriend' stories, but you never hear funny 'crazy 🤪 ex-boyfriend' stories. Instead, you get crime statistics.
Once a type of behavior is perpetuated over time it becomes SYSTEMIC, causing the victimizers and often the victims to not recognize it as wrong, let a lone take action against it.
@@incelvillain1253 so you’re a victim?
@@incelvillain1253 you’re allowed to be emotional. You’re being emotional right now and nobody’s stopping you. You don’t date down, you probably don’t date at all so why are you even concerned with that? And what does Ukraine have to do with anything bro, militaries use men because they’re generally bigger, stronger, and more aggressive. Their inherent traits lend themselves to combat, just as they once did for hunting. As for the sentencing thing, this is true but I know you also understand that men made those rules, men enforce them.
@@MindMistressCS which is probably why he's a victim in the first place.
Reminds me of systemic racism.
@@schnoz2372 Emotional people are where most of the morality in the world comes from so I consider that a compliment. If simp men date down, that means average and unattractive women are able to date up. So if they can date up they don't date below average men. Which means I am not able to date. Attractive men have low standards and are simps. Most male physical advantage comes from height. So if men are held to higher standards do to physical advantage then short men should NEVER be drafted into a war and should get the same protection and consideration that women get. Instead short men in the world are forced to fight just cause they have penises meanwhile lazy scumbag chicks, get to run away or be protected.
Men make the discriminatory rules so the systemic discrimination against men is okay? But female politicians are fully in support of those rules that men made. So would the rules be any different if women where most of the high ranking politicians? Unlikely. In fact the laws would likely be OVERTLY discriminatory against men.
As much as I love me a good “pining for my childhood friend” romance, we do need to normalize men being friends with women in media. Every. Single. Time. Men and women characters spend a lot of time together, they fall in love. Even if they’re already taken.
That’s not even talking about how the idea that men and women must always be romantic alienates aromatic and asexual people.
I've heard that there's a word for your last paragraph. People have started calling that amatonormativity.
Greeting from an ace person
And that's why X files went to shit. Mulder and Scully should have never been lovers. They were perfect as colleagues and friends
The number of stories that I've seen/read where the male and female protagonist become really close but just remain friends, I can count on one hand.
Just. One.
Its come to the point that there are people who believe that women and men are unable to be platonic. It's really screwed up and I feel sorry for boys currently being taught the mindset that the only reason you would like being around a woman is if you are attracted to them. Same for girls.
Those people who insist that men and women cant remaim friends and need to become a couple are the same ones who complain how a same sex Pairing is forced in a show despite having seasons of development xD
I have been a 'gamer girl' for ~30 years now.
I have a really hard time to play competitive online games because the communities are so toxic, and I tend to be vocal in voicechat (making game relevant calls, not smalltalk)...
When I was younger it was easier to ignore or make fun of the creepy or misogynistic guys, but I am now at a point where I do not play with people I do not know (which sucks because that means most of the time I am not able to play the games I want to).
What I think is the worst and most disturbing is that I never ever had some other male (who was not part of my friendgroup), speak up to the man being misogynistic or creepy. For all males reading this, please speak up, show them that you are not agreeing. Sadly my opinion, any woman's opinion, is not relevant for these type of guys but your's is.
English is not my first language I hope I wrote everything easy to understand.
Yes, what you wrote is great!! How long have you been learning English?
2/27/22 🌙 559
@@randombrokeperson Aw, thank you ❤️ I don't know, I learnt it in school (and was very good at that time) but never used it. In my late twenties I realized that I had forgotten most of it so I started to watch movies in English, play on EU wide servers, etc.
@@Aniracia Oh nice! Well you’re doing an excellent job, so keep it up 😉😉
I think it was in a John Oliver episode that I saw someone speaking about man standing up when they see a woman being harassed. It was something like "If you see it and don't say anything, you are an accomplice of the harrasser"
I feel you there. When i began to explore my fem side and non-binary identity, gaming spaces no longer (nor had they ever with the heavy amounts of trans/homophobia, racism) feel like a safe space for me, which means I just game alone nowadays.
"They have to be friendly, but they have to be wary of that friendliness being misinterpreted." Exactly.
I'm FtM and sometimes forget that I still look female... Has been an absolute L for me in some cases 😂😭
Just like every time any woman interacts with any man, ever, sickeningly. :/
Got an extra dimension of this for you Sal.
For years, I learned at an early age to NEEEVVVER try to show myself as a female online. Modding a gaming forum, I avoided using "sweet" words like "hun", "sweetie", "cute" and just being overly bubily. I mean.........thats not my personality in general.........but it was a conscience decision.
I was on that forum for about 2 years. we were rather close..........but even with that........NO one knew I was a female. Not until one day, one of our popular members started making fun of us saying that we didnt know how to get girls. He said he would show us how. I decided to instead comment something like 😬
within a post, i revealed i WAS a female and the whole forum collectively lost their shit for about a few hours.
Aside from the privacy............i did it because i learned at an early age, Men respect other men......if they think your a dude.
The amount of power that you can easily jump into because of anonimity and the fact that your speech pattern does not use flowery words is an eye opener and is an Express ticket to "the Boys Club" where you're not "a girl"......but "oh thats [MOD NAME]. He's always on here. he's super chill."
That's why I like the internet more. A young woman may have some influence because of her looks, but that is a double edged sword because of all the harassment that follows. A mediocre looking woman is generally just overlooked. Funny thing is, when people on the internet hear that you're a woman, they always assume you're some young model with a million followers on social media just there for their attention. It's fascinating how divorced from reality some people can be.
@@Blirre Salari covered Twitch and it's Problems extremly well,
getting much praise, but Pop-Culture Detective and Hbomberguy
also dont have a Trillion and a Half Subs for no reason:
their videos about alpha-males, pick-up Artists and all that is Genius.
@@Blirre We shouldn't be hiding in order to be respected. We don't have freedom pretending to be something we're not, we're just burring ourselves time and time again. It's Mulan all over again.
God, it feels so refreshing to hear a cis straight man calling other men out. So often the videos on these kind of subjects (that I saw at least) were made by women, and it just doesn't have the same impact because like you noticed, women are tired. They're numb. It's just... I guess I'm happy to hear someone getting irated on my behalf, on behalf of all people who are perceived as "woman" by these assholes. Thank you for speaking straight to them, for holding them accountable. It's basic decency on your part, but it still deserves praise. Not enough men stand up against this kind of behaviour (even those who know it's a shitty thing), since it's so damn normalized.
@@MindMistressCS Is the problem someone being glad that a cis white male with an audience is acknowledging the problem exists? Would you be less angry if he said nothing, or if he were opposing basic human decency? This isn't an issue I only want people who have personally experienced harassment on one side of, do you?
This! There’s another channel I watch, Dominic Noble, who has a whole series on 50 shades and pick up artists that I watch when I’m discouraged about men cause he’s so angry about how women are being treated in them. It’s nice to be reminded some dudes care and counters the cultural brainwashing that it “should be fine”
@@sonorasgirl I'm reminded a little of swoozie, who makes some genuinely funny biographic cartoon shorts. And since he's a "Christian" and a "good guy", he kind of gets a pass on his use of the word "simp" when talking about guys, relationships, and dating. And it's like, man, he's not the worst, but he's definitely perpetuating some stereotypes that aren't great, at the same time. Of course, since he's "a famous person dating people who knows he's famous", that's an entirely different texture of problems to begin with, on top of the rest. But to guys already emotionally invested in 'ladder theory", it's just more fuel to the incel-adjacent fire.
@@MindMistressCS My good fellow, I know where you're coming from, but to give a man the participation trophy, he needs to, well, participate first. So my comment was the participation trophy for Salari, because he understood the assignment, and he did it well.
Yes, the bar is really fucking low, that's why it's so tiresome to deal with all this bullshit. That's only the first hurdle! There's so much more to do and yet most of the time we're stuck asking for the basic of things, and still being denied them. That's frustrating.
Salari's words won't change the world (he's just one person, after all), but they are meaningful. To know that even one decent, well-intentioned person exists in the world is one hell of a relief when you feel alone and tired and like the entire world is stacked against you. It's not systemic change, of which we also desperately need, but it is affirmation, and that's a good place to start.
@@sonorasgirl Oh yeah, Dominic Noble's Twilight / 50 Shades / Pick Up Artists series are really satisfying (though I feel bad for him in his 50 shades one, those books are just beyond shitty)
As one of your older followers (45), I try to stay current for my teen daughters sake. I got the first call from my stalker back when I was 19. That’s 1996 for the people that don’t want to do the maths. The person would call and recount entire days back to me. What I wore, what I ate, etc. He knew my schedule and even my cycle. He had broken into my apartment several times just to move things around. I spoke with police, but they couldn’t do anything until I was harmed. He used calling cards and eventually burner phones. I have finally stopped getting the calls about 5 years ago. I still have no idea who it could be. I have serious anxiety issues and crippling agoraphobia. I keep barky dogs and a bat by my bed. It’s nice to see that there are still men out there worth knowing. Thank you for this. 💝
im so sorry you had to go through that, that sounds terrifying. i hope you will be able to heal from that in time.
I would consider buying a gun and getting lessons at the range for a few months until you’re a good shot. If anyone’s still stalking you this will absolutely make them think twice.
wtf, i'm sorry you had to go through that.
Hope you're doing okay , also you're amazing for being so strong for so many years.
I'm FtM and also have agoraphobia. Solidarity.
Although I have since I was a toddler been used to fighting and standing up to men (my father). I feel confident in confrontations even when the odds are against me. I feel safer outside when I think about how I've been able to handle myself in fights but...I still have agoraphobia. People have still been weird and threatening in ways I couldn't just punch them in the face for. I still look female and I'm still on alert with any sounds around me when I'm by myself outside, even with how comfortable I am in fights against people that are even bigger than me.
I'm glad you're staying up to date about things, even when triggering, for the sake of your daughter! Peace and strength to both of you!
It's not just "pretty" women either. I am non considered attractive in the popular sense and I've had many unwanted advances because I am a woman and men think I should be happy to get their attention. Most think I'm a guy online and I don't correct them most of the time.
@Spidercreature No since I don't get harrassed as much as i did when a more Feminine sounding Username. When someone on one of my facebook groups found out I was a woman he instantly got creepy in his messages to me.
Seconding this. I'm unattractive enough that a lot of the time I'm treated as if I don't really exist by a lot of men. From what I've heard of other women's experiences, I consider this a blessing. This wariness other women have of men isn't as strong in me, in part due to being unattractive and therefore seen as not a sexual object, and also because I've just met some really lovely men and I treasure their friendship.
And even I've been fucking sexually assaulted multiple times and been sent unsolicited dick pics. This shit is universal.
What makes an advance unwanted?
@@empathyrebel Any advance from someone I'm not interested in. I forgive the initial talking to me but when I say no don't keep trying. But a guy touching me is always unwanted and this happens more than I can stand.
@@semiengima The only way to find out IF you are interested is to make an approach. I guess you can see where this is going... 🙂
I recently had a day-long talk with my mom about being a woman and how terrifying it is to live as one. On her side of the family, we're mostly women, almost always has girls when they have kids with boys few and far between. It scared the living shit out of me to hear her say that all of them have a story besides myself. I don't know why I always thought having a slightly matriarchal family equated to being invulnerable in a patriarchal society, because obviously that was NEVER THE CASE. The worst part is we've all been harmed by someone we trusted, both by blood and camaraderie.
A great Supplement to this video
is surely 'Pick up Artistry - A Measured Response' as well as
the Abuse-Coverage and Trope-Coverage of 'Pop Culture Detective'.
You've got my respect for tackling this blister of an issue. Being a woman is, in short, terrifying. Even more so on the internet. I keep telling my partner that people leaving disgusting comments on any platform aren't used to being hit in the face after sharing their comment anymore. You being a cis white man may get through to some knuckleheads, so thank you for this video! Being 'nice' doesn't do it anymore to deliver a message like this, so the ending of the vid was more than fitting. Look forward to the next video!
Well said.
The internet is never a safe place and so many issues arrise from people thinking otherwise, i can't help but agree this video helps people become more aware of this. You have to self-manage or you will suffer on the net.
@@thtb I agree, except that it's usually the people that can't or won't 'self manage' that help make it unsafe, and they don't suffer from their actions so they keep being predatory.
A great Supplement to this video
is surely 'Pick up Artistry - A Measured Response' as well as
the Abuse-Coverage and Trope-Coverage of 'Pop Culture Detective'.
How is being a woman more terrifying on the internet? What exactly can happen to you on the internet? I think that remark shows how privileged you are in your day to day life, that you have the time worry such things. If something upsets you, just log off. There are women out there being killed, beaten, raped, homeless, in prison, women who will never see their children again or struggle with infertility, young girls who have their genitals mutilated, women who will never even learn to read or write to see what's on the internet, women who can't afford food or bills and turn to prostitution or stealing. They don't have time to worry about someone calling them a mean word on twitch. I'm sorry, but your comment is laughable.
As someone who was Doxed and had their family Doxed on stream and than had that person donate 25$ as a "apology" no amount of money is sufficient for a random person to violate my privacy.
yikes. Sorry you had to go through that. disgusting people
"I am ashamed to share a gender with these people" is a big mood for me as a trans man. It's why I have more women friends than men. And then those women friends say I'm not really a guy because I don't sexually harass them, so I get the double dose of depression from being casually misgendered and knowing women think of harassment as so inherent to men that the idea of a man who doesn't harass them is incomprehensible.
Oof.
that one hit something in me. maybe not home, but something.
hope you'll do good out there my guy
Respectfully, "friends" who misgender you based on how they expect men to act is kinda a red flag if you ask me. Obviously you know them better than I and staying with them is up to you, but I'm just sharing what I think.
Honestly, I get the vibe that if people are projecting that sort of sentiment on you, especially considering themselves friends, they're not really questioning the effect of toxic masculinity on themselves as much ad anyone else. That's just turning something inherently shit into transphobia they're dumping on you.
It sucks to think of it as that when it's people you consider friends though, and I get it.
It's worth calling out, though. You're clearly a man, and you're not "sort of a man" or "not really a man" or "better than most men because you're trans." You're not resigned to some uwu softboi stuff or Men Lite because they can't disconnect toxic behaviour from a gender.
You're valid and worth more than that, I promise. Not saying you gotta toss out your friends to the curb but they deserve to be called on their shit and realize they're being shitty to you and trans people in general.
Don’t let their comments get to you. I’m a transgender guy as well and I know I’ve been told some similar things but the problem isn’t you. This world has some very distorted views of genders in general. Stay true to yourself! Like Salari, I’d rather be called whatever by anyone else than act or think like them.
The title card with the smiling heart turning to rage is a perfect encapsulation of so many experiences I've had with random men. Uff.
I don't even know how to talk about this. I just get so frustrated about the way women are treated online. What's worse is I've seen my son treating little girls online the same way! How does this start!? Am I just, so gross and toxic that he absorbed it?!
If it helps, it's probably not you. Remember that there's a lot that influences kids from outside of home and family. Especially if he's a teen! The first 10 or so years of our lives we rely on family to lay out our social foundations (what's acceptable, what's not, learning modeled behavior, development of attachment styles) but when a kid starts puberty their primary source of social learning transitions from family to their peers. This is why their friends and fitting in is suddenly more important than anything else (to them) during this time. At that age, they're usually don't see how their actions effect people around them, they tend to worry more about how consequences will impact themselves and not realize that they might impact other people (if that makes sense). They just havent gotten there in their mental development yet. As long as you're modeling healthy relationships and behavior, he'll still learn from it even if it doesn't always look like it. If you can do it in a calm and non judgmental way, correcting his behavior when you see it can go a long way, too. You can always just ask him why he negates this way, and then try to explain to him why he shouldn't. You could also talk to him about having respectful boundaries (for himself and others).
If you genuinely think you unintentionally taught him this kind of behavior, don't beat yourself up about it. Most of us aren't aware of our own biases and don't realize it when we project them. The more we're aware of them, the more we can do to change the behavior, and hence the prejudice. Easier said than done, obviously, but it's not impossible. Don't blame yourself. As long as you're trying and want to improve, you're already doing more than most.
Sorry for the totally unsolicited advice, but hope it helps.
its likely not you but behavoir he sees from freinds and people online.
@@yoongitrash2699 maybe, but I don't wanna excuse myself if I am adding to it.
@Arvin ant lol.
I think an important thing is to emphasis the humanity and autonomy of women and girls. That the bare minimum is basic respect, empathy and or compassion.
And that nothing and no one defines or determines his identity as a person, boy or man then himself. To not allow society to gatekeep what and who he is.
Try to keep him away from things that would teach him things about being a man that will hurt him (e.g. not crying, not forming close relationships with his friends, not asking for help, the manosphere, etc). And of course that men and women are not superior or inferior to one another.
There's great resources and gender studies bodies of work out there that talks about these things and much more. If I think of anything particularly helpful I'll come back and post it here. Appreciate your question, the way you want to raise your son and do the best you can for both of you ❤️
I had a peeping tom when I was 13. I only found out when he snuck into my room and tried to touch me when I was asleep. Now I'm 24 and I still think about it almost everyday. I have trouble sleeping if the room is on the first floor. I've been going to therapy for it for over a year. And the thing that pisses me off the most is that "peeping tom" characters in movies and television like "Back to the Future" are still romanticised.
I'm so sorry.
"The world is hostile for women". That I agree and it includes gaming community. I love gaming since I was a kid but gaming environment for women is not nice based on my personal experience playing online multiplayer. When I play online multiplayer I pretend to be a man, I use voice filter in voice chat to change my voice slightly lower and they all believe I am a man. But when a girl join our team she's immediately judged and these boys talk behind her back whenever she's not around. I don't think I'll ever want to stop pretending being a male in multiplayer game I will keep deceiving them for my own peace. So yeah boys, gamer girls DO NOT exist! We are busy hiding from your weird asses.
It's really shocking sometimes how abhorrent a lot of men are towards women who are complete strangers when protected by online anonymity. I've noticed particularly on tiktok that women or fem presenting people get a lot more negativity in their comments compared to men, and it sucks to think that such interactions likely push women away from wanting to start their own online platform.
As a female streamer on Twitch: Thank You!
I think men engage in creepy behavior not only because they think it’s a viable option to start a relationship with a woman, but also because it’s just a reminder to women that men have power over them. A guy doesn’t catcall a woman on the street because he thinks she’s actually going to start a conversation with him- he knows she’s going to put her head down and keep walking (or possibly yell something back at him in retaliation as she keeps walking away). He does it just because he can and because he wants to remind her that he can. And I don’t think men would engage in this kind of behavior for this purpose if they didn’t know it was creepy- it makes them feel powerful to do it because they’re doing it with impunity. They’re doing something bad and getting away with it because they’re men.
I always call out those creeps when they do it and challenge them. You know what i get in return? Dead silence and then they turn around. Shaming them is so liberating sometimes and it works (at least for me), but i hate when it happens, thats why i avoid taking walks in some areas in my country.
+
I agree; the public catcalling and internet pile-ons are often just a reminder, from one low-status individual (the catcaller or piler-on) to another (the woman in public, on the internet) that, though they are low status, they are still higher status than you. It's a reminder that, if you're a woman (or any "othered" person) and you're in public, you are always being watched, you are always being judged. And the more identities you wear, the more of a reminder you will get in public that you are always being watched, always being judged. Because it's the "others" that need policing, see? As a society, we are so sure that "women be like this," that we're going to make damned good and sure that women have no choice but to be "like this," especially while in public.
I don't think it's as complicated as that. It comes the the inability to empathize and it comes from a place of projection. A lot of men themselves would enjoy it if women aggressively hit on them and cat called them, so they do it it women because in their minds women should be grateful for the attention that the men themselves would like to receive from the opposite sex. The ones who do this lack empathy and theory of mind. They can't or refuse to see things from another person's point of view.
Thank you for this video.
I'm so tired of the constant invalidation when calling out sexism or harrasment.
My first rejection was pretty rough, but it was a great learning experience. At first I felt very indignant and betrayed, like I was owed something for building this fantasy in my head for weeks in advance. Thankfully I didn’t act antagonistic towards her because I knew she didn’t deserve it, but I felt bad for having those negative thoughts to begin with. Getting turned down is hard, but how you react to that says a lot about what kind of person you are.
I've been making myself smaller and quieter since I entered the online gaming sphere as a teen in the mid-aughts. It's so integrated into my behavior that I don't even really think about it anymore. I have RL friends who have been actively predated upon by men in games.
I'm 31 now, and this has just been one more background noise of my life for 16 years. The fact that this is still a discussion, that people are still debating about whether or not shit like this actually happens, is totally mind-boggling. We're living in completely different realities.
@Cassandra Tafoya, yeah, it's an impossible situation. It's been like 12 years since my best friend was in that situation, and I still don't know what I could have done differently/better.
I can relate to this, I don't play online games that have chat anymore because the level of toxicity.
As a trans woman I can relate to trying to fit expectations & go under the radar sort of. Along with the occasional obligatory nonsense you'd expect someone in my position to have to deal with in that space. However this discussion has stirred an mildly amusing gaming memory which still makes me smile.
Playing BO1 zombies a while back I joined a public game. Several rounds in it became apparent one particular player was drunk, transphobic/homophobic & would direct these incoherent insecurities in my direction. Now, having enough experience at dealing with morons online & knowing I was in a positive mood. I figured our hateful little friend would soon inevitably hit a skill/intoxication ceiling & that's when the fun would begin. As the rounds progressed I made sure to playfully embrace the hate waiting for my time to shine. About 20 rounds in the death spiral finally began & everytime his ass hit the ground, I was the one that kept reviving him over & over again. His bemusment hit a peak as he coneded that I shouldn't be helping him as he'd been a dick. Meanwhile I held back my overwhelming sense of smugness to politely say that it was ok & that we all make mistakes. At this point I think I broke him as he ran into a corner & went silent on the mic. Enjoying the challenge I kept him alive till the end of the round, delayed the start of the next round & stood in front of him repeating his gamer tag & asking if he was still playing & if he was ok, he left, silently lol. Not something I have the patience to do often but damn that was fun game!
@@crimsonkate8241, that is a fantastic story. Kill em with kindness.
As a girly girl that has always had more boy friends, I can say I've lost a bunch of good friends because of the "men and women can't be friends" narrative, not because they themselves believed it, but because people around us kept joking about how I was only friends with them because I wanted to sleep with them, even if I or the dude in question were already in a stable relationship outside of the friendship
It's such a terrible feeling, not being able to hug, touch them or laugh "too much" at their jokes, without it being misinterpreted as infatuation. And then watching your friend get progressively more uncomfortable around you to the point where they are afraid to just look at you. This as happened to me several times to the point I now struggle to make new friends, one of those times people thought I was too friendly with my best friend's boyfriend to the point their relationship was destroyed and I could never talk to the dude again, that's how bad the jokes were even tho the three of us were very close friends and knew they weren't true.
I also play a lot of videogames and avoid voice chat or adding random people at all costs, whenever someone figures out I'm a girl it's usually one of two situations: they treat me far better or they treat me far worse. In all cases they take my calls and opinions less seriously. This even happens with friends too sometimes, as a girl you have to really put your foot down, but even then I get asked if I'm on my period or get told I'm being too emotion for no reason.
It's frustrating because your entire existence gets misinterpreted no matter what you do or say.
As a guy who likes to hug and be close with people but isn't able to do that with other women/men because "that's not what men do with friends" I totally see where you are coming from.
Can we just like...let everyone show affection their own way?
Sry a bit off from your points but I feel like those attitudes are interlinked.
I don't play multiplayer games too often but when I do I usually try to treat women better then men because I'm aware of all the harassment it's likely that they got before. You know, to, like, balance out the scales a bit. This can be interpreted as me trying to play "the nice guy" to get something from that interactions.
@@Ryuu44 in all honesty, I don't want you to treat me better or worse, I'm a person and just want to be treated as such, it sucks to be constantly reminded I'm "different", and that also applies to this situation. Don't treat us better, just treat us equally please, it's all we want: to not be a big deal and fit in as everyone else
@@LeUsFTW Thank you, for helping me understand more. :)
It definitely is a difference of scale. I’m a guy, and I had a woman stalk me a couple years ago. If she found out what restaurant I was from an Instagram story or something, she would show up. I’m a working musician and she would come to my gigs and even once the places were closed and we were breaking down the stage, she would be standing outside staring. I was having a casual fling at the time and if she was there, my stalker would sit across the room and just glare at her all night. It was incredibly annoying, but the difference between that and what some of my female friends (and so many women) have experienced is that at no point did I feel threatened or worried for my safety, it was just irritating.
I'm not sure if how you feel should change the fact that it happened? Is it worse if it happens to someone who feels threatened by it? How?
@@ThaRealSunGod the fact that it’s worse if someone feels threatened is rather self-explanatory
Please tell me you reported her!!??
I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I'm glad it wasn't terrifying.
@@taylorswan8587 no I don't think it is. A crime is a crime. Harassment is harassment. Your ridiculous assessment of the situation is exactly why many men just keep shit like this to themselves. Because people like you act like it's not as bad. FFS YOU are part of the problem.
There are some things men will only listen to from men, and (ironically) how women are treated seems to be one of them. Thank you so much for using your platform to talk about this.
Yep. And even then not necessarily. There are some who will just double down and attack the man speaking up/educating.
Ahhh two great creators here, its cool to know youtubers that I watch also watch some of the same other yourubers as me!
@Arvin ant found the incel
I'd say the only men who know what it's like are trans-men. Especially, those of us who transitioned later on. (Mid twenties and up). Especially those of us who don't pass. I'm a guy, and while online the harassment I've received is mainly being queer or feminine (as femininity in general opens you up to harassment) in person, until recently, 99 percent of the time I was perceived as a woman. Drunk old men, sober men, tall, short (most of them bald for some reason) men who followed me for distances. Once having some guy named Timothy following me from work. He knew he was making me uncomfortable, because after asking, I plainly said to him that walking so close was making me anxious. I'm stupid when I'm stressed, and just wanted to get home, so I went straight there. Mother flucker follows me into my locked apartment building and proceeded to knock on my apartment door, after I had closed it in his face. As if I was going to let him in. Thankfully my roommate was home and after shouting to leave, he did. But uh. Cis men especially, need to stop. Just stop approaching women or those you perceive as women in public spaces. If it's at a bar, maybe but if it's clear they are not inviting you over, or they are minding their own...just. Stop.
Yeah, this. Online I've gotten pretty bad homophobic harassment because others saw me as a queer dude, that was text only. I didn't ever really use voice brcause...well. I learnt early on it's a bad idea.
But even though I've been on T for years I still mostly pass as female.
For men who don't understand, at least on an empathetic level, the sort of fear every woman lives with in a world dominated by men:
Think about how you feel any time you see a large dog you don't know loose on the street. Is that dog friendly? Is it a threat? Is it going to approach you? Will it just bark at you? Even if it isn't goin to attack you, is it going to knock you down and try to hump your leg? Will telling it 'no' make it stop? Or will it get aggressive if you try to push it away?
Men are no more dogs than women, but it's literally less threatening to us, less frightening for us to be on the street alone with a dog we don't know than a man we don't know.
It's definitely not less frightening to be on the street with a large dog. I have encountered more aggressive dogs than I have random men. I have the scars to prove it. Dogs are also more likely to attack women and children than they are men.
Slow down, scan surrounding, prepare strategy for fight, prepare yourself for fight, don't let fear overwhelm you, continue walking, be aware of what the dog is doing. Pass to safe distance, now you can relax.
I dunno, this sounds kinda femcel-y to me. Sorry but justifying your fear over half the human population by default as potential threats who can hurt you or to subject you to their own perverted desires, and who are seen as an automatic obstacle first and foremost rather than as unique people who have their own thoughts wishes and dreams like you sounds really disgusting. I can't understand why a lot of people talk like this because as an autistic male that fear is often of a form of mind blindness to their own priveledge and is used to justify fears of the lower class, ethic and cultural minorities, the old, fat, disabled both mentally and physically etc.
Knowing me, an autistic man who is far more likely to be attacked or assaulted than or other forms of violence than a women, or could potentially start from a women misunderstanding an autistic as dangerous and gets others to "deal" with him in order to "protect" her. This is all completely true yet in spaces like these nobody acknowledges that fact and that it really isn't so much as the potential risk rather the fact that women are by nature more likely to be anxious due to them biologically being weaker. Which makes sense actually since despite them being at a lower risk for violence or assault, or even if they are stronger than average men many women are still anxious. So while it may be by nature to feel this way by default, it certainly can't be justified. Or alternately, what I argue blackpilled as it may be, that true anti-sexism and gender equality is basically impossible without biologically removing sex altogether due to both sexes having drives which in our modern society would be rightfully seen as sexist.
I can't understand why you demonize men to be this way and try to justify it. And thats a big problem I have with a lot of feminist-y spaces around here is that even though a lot of the hate against them boils down to MGTOW cringe, it stems from a cornel of truth that a lot of feminists and womens activists just don't get it or willingly choose to not. like how men can't comprehend women's struggles. And demonizing one side and trying to justify it will only make it harder for any form of unity to form because our oppression, struggles, bio-chemistry and perspective, are just so different that we can't understand eachother because we are simply biologically not the same.
@@MrToradragon "prepare yourself for fight"
Jesus. When you have to prepare for a fight whenever you fear a man you don't know. That to me sounds beyond disturbing. How would you feel if a man was assuming by default women would hurt him because of a bad situation he once had with a women, and had to "prepare for a fight" or other such things like carry weapons around out of some fear women would hurt him? We would rightfully call him out on his over-anxious paranoid behavior which is used to justify overt sexism against the opposite sex. I get women are weaker and are victims to certain crimes, but it still sounds messed up thing to promote. Especially since that could go wrong for example if a man had autism and he acted in ways a women saw as potentially threatening and started attacking him possibly with others helping her due to her womanhood making her be seen as the automatic victim. As an autistic I know this happens and what you are doing is justifying this toxic behavior of assuming one sex as untrustworthy by default as "for gender equality".
@@zenothemeano4381 Wow, this comment is just so gross.
1) I don't "fear" over half the human population, by default or otherwise. You're projecting.
2) The comment "women are by nature more likely to be anxious" is a gross misuse of the phrase. Women aren't "by nature" more anxious; we're more anxious "by circumstance."
3) Women are not at lower risk of violence or assault; the rates are about even, per US DOJ statistics.
4) Men should be concerned about other men, too, since 75% of violent offenders are male.
5) I never demonized men. You're projecting.
6) The vast majority of my friends are men and we get along swimmingly.
7) Don't use your autism to gaslight people. It's gross and odious and as someone who is also autistic, I find it especially offensive.
It's obvious you have some major biases that you should take some time to address before making judgements about others.
This is a sensitive topic for me, some time ago I was harassed by a person I consider my best friend, was so hard to accept it because I always thought "well he's my friend, he's in a difficult situation and that's why he's acting liked that", so many times I ignore the red flags... So many times he asked me for stuff that I wasn't comfortable about, even saying directly to him to stop asking me, he replied things like "I'll keep saying until you realize how beautiful you are... "It took me a incredible amount of time and effort to realize what he was doing, so I put my limits, and after that he gets mad, start saying I didn't understand him, talking stuff about my appearance... So I asked him if he get close to me only with that intensions... And he said "that's normal, and a woman should give him something in return, because he's a nice guy"... I'm glad I talked about it with my other friends and they tell me to block him... That experience was difficult to get over it, is slowly getting better thanks to my friends who supported me.
Sorry thar happened to yoy, and thankful you got away from that guy... I understand, that happens often.
@@nosoynadaoriginal thanks... Sadly took me years to realize, my mental health is a lot better now :)
I'm truly sorry
But at least you got out of that "relationship" in the end
He was a "nice guy"™. I think most women and girls have had a similar experience, unfortunately. They've had someone who tried to "befriend" them in the hopes of exchanging niceness points for sexy time. Starting a friendship based on lies, with the intent to get into her pants.
They've been raised in a society and fed movies and TV shows that tell them that relationships and sexy times are owed to them. That if they just put in the effort, society owes those things to them.
They truly don't understand that women are fully autonomous, thinking, feeling beings. They're too immature to realise that relationships happen between consenting parties, and that both people need to want it to work, and have to put in work, to make for a healthy, balanced, mutually-beneficial partnership. A lot of these boys just want a mommy-bang-maid. They're "owed" it.
There is no way to "fix" them. Nor is it your responsibility to try. Young women often need to be exposed to these kinds of people early, to learn how to find the red flags earlier. It sucks, but it really makes you learn how to avoid abusive and emotionally co-dependent potential partners. The next time, you'll see it coming from miles away, and you'll know to cut off contact, early. 👍🏻
Side note: this is also why we've gotta stop telling dudes things like, "You're a nice guy, and you'll find someone, sometime, but it's just not me." Or, "You're a nice guy, I'm just personally not interested."
If you've got to say that, because you're currently with him, in person, not in public, because you think he might react poorly, and murder you, then do it. But like, once you're away from him, and safe, maybe DM him with the real truth? That he's creepy and has a really misogynistic view of women? That he's not owed anything by anyone, but ESPECIALLY not love or sex, because literally NOBODY is owed those things.
We say all of these nice things to dudes who we reject, because we don't want them to snap. But I really think we should tell them the truth, before we cut off contact, permanently.
They really just exist thinking that they're nice guys, and since they're nice guys, the world owes them something - or even someONE. And that's just disgusting. It's a really harmful worldview, and they need to be told the actual truth, by someone, eventually.
Thank you all so very, very much for watching, and for all your amazing comments - there are some really great ones, here, and I appreciate being able to read your feedback, input and own experiences.
Thank you for this. It feels good to be listened to.
"Tonight you belong to me" playing in the background is so ominous
Fits well with the theme of male entitlement
I always love it when someone notices the music choices
“Men may say, “I’ve been harassed before so I understand,” but actually you don’t, because you’re not a woman, and nobody has harassed you on the basis for simply being a man.”
I think a better way to phrase this is that while men may experience an episode of harassment *once* they don’t have to spend their entire life wondering if someone just wants to assault/harass them. You never know who is a friend , or who is engaging with you in good faith, or whether someone wants to assault you someday. “Does this person I’ve known for 3 years really care about my day or are they waiting for their turn to be ‘out of the friend zone’? I mean, I just broke up and he seems really adamant about coming over and drinking and “cuddling with me”. My best friend since high school tried to touch me, and we knew each other for ten years. Even my (close male family member), when he gets really drunk, tells me the details of his relationship with his wife and how he’s no longer attracted to her and tells me ‘I look really cute’. My boss tells me the same stuff. Every time I walk my dog, random dudes ask me creepy questions and every time I walk down the street, I get stares or honks or catcall. I just live in this perpetual state of fear of harassment. And what’s with the sudden aggression when I tell men that I don’t ever want to sleep with them, I just want to be their friend? If I were to wave a wand that eliminates people who just want to sleep with me, what percentage of my friends would I have left? Would I still have a job? Would some creepy uncles disappear? One day it will wear me down and I will be too weak to say “no”, but I never know which one of you will pull the trigger, so I guess I just gotta stay nice, but not too nice.”
-me, and my thoughts, before I transitioned to a man
I feel you, is really something is back in your mind always, the person I considered my best friend harassed me, he was my friend for ten years, at some point I couldn't believe he was doing that since I consider him my friend.
Hope you're feeling better now :)
I'm ftm as well and it feels like your in my head. It's odd but any version of transphobia feels more like 'me' then dealing with misogyny ever did. I am much more of a feminist now that i understand I don't dislike women, i disliked being assumed to be one.
That type of entitlement knows no bounds
@Arvin ant Men already are as rude as they want. It's especially those guys who constantly have to underline how nice they are, so called r/NiceGuys that actually are incredibly rude. Plus, you're just proving the point that we should be vary of men since your conclusion of all this would literally be to become a Monster.
@Arvin ant you little victim, life must be hard for you in the 21st century 😂😂😂
And your parents must be so proud 😁 Little boy who thinks it's ok to become a monster just because he doesn't get what he wants
Just saw a post about this on Reddit a few weeks ago. It was scary the overwhelming number of men getting angry at women online, just doing what they do.
Hypervigilance & numbness is a constant state of existence of being a woman. Add to it any intersectionality of other marginalized identities & it is exhausting.
Thank you for this awesome video to bring more awareness! 💜🙌🏾💜
We don't even need to be streamers or slightly famous to receive this kind of harassment, just existing on the internet is enough, which shows how sick some men truly are.
It warms my heart when I see men calling out toxic men.
As a woman, there’s only been a few times where I’ve played online games with only women in the lobby. I swear, it’s such a completely different vibe and it feels so safe and comfortable.
Happy to see a man talking about these issues. The burden shouldn't be entirely on women to deal with this at all. They shouldn't have to keep explaining what they go through, and justifying feeling persecuted and harassed with story after story of the awful things they have to deal with on a *daily* basis. It's just a fact that this happens and it needs to change. The more men stand up and say "actually I'm embarrassed to share a gender with people like you", the less acceptable behaviour like this will be. Not openly and loudly supporting women who have to deal with this crap is implicitly allowing it to continue at this point. Thank you.
We have evolved the meta from bisexual lighting to non-binary lighting, I see.
_I feel double represented now! Wow!_
In 10 years of picking up the phone for work, I’ve had one customer overstep my boundaries by complimenting my linkedin pic. It felt creepy.
My female colleagues have similar things happen almost daily. It’s inconceivable for me. I don’t know how they deal with it
Lmao I can already picture the incels seething while watching this.
creeps gunna creep lol
Jeez have some respect for men at least lol
@@Zarozian you think calling people incels is disrespectful to all men? that's so cute lol
Well to be fair a large portion of the comment section is femcels anyways so I mean that was to be expected when sexists talk shit about the opposite sex and how only their sex is truly oppressed.
@@Sbarali7777 Ok Femcel.
"There's no fucking winning" Exactly. When people treat another person as existing for their personal satisfaction and approval you will constantly be expected to adapt yourself to the impossible needs of whatever individual is critiquing you at the time. You're like a piece of furniture. You cannot possible be the right color, shape, size, style, etc. for every shopper who wants a piece of furniture. Yet because you are not furniture, but a person who can change, the expectations of the viewer are placed upon you (even about things you physically cannot change!) so that you're NEVER good enough. You're constantly expected to appease others simply for their personal enjoyment. They will comment on your breasts, your weight, your hair, your makeup, your clothes, your legs, your butt, your voice, etc. as if you should change these things *for them* because they are voicing what they would prefer you look like or act like. It's degrading and impossible. It makes you feel as though you are not good enough for anyone because you are constantly bombarded with these "suggestions" about how you should be changing yourself. It's like you're an NPC. You exist for their enjoyment and they will be sure to tell you what they want, like you're able to simply reprogram and fulfill it for them.
Imagine as a guy being constantly being told you should get more muscular, less muscular, lose weight, you're too skinny, you're too tall/not tall enough, you should have a different body shape, your skin isn't nice enough, your hairstyle isn't right, you should shave, you shouldn't shave, your voice is annoying, you talk too much, you talk too little, your clothes are too conservative, your clothes are too revealing, you suck at games, you're only streaming to get attention, you're an attention whore, you just show you arms on camera to get more donations, you should do adult content for more money, if you do adult content you're a worthless piece of shit, You should give up on games and just do OnlyFans, you're just taking time away from "real" creators, you're a waste of bandwidth but please stick around and do more videos topless, you should do workout videos with lots of squats, you're not a real gamer, just do some nudes what's the big deal, oh but streamers who do nudes are worthless POS, etc etc etc on and on and on EVERY TIME YOU GO ONLINE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. It does not matter what you say, how good you are at gaming, what you wear, what you look like... nothing will EVER be good enough because you must both be super hot to visually appease the dudes who show up, but if you are super hot that's the only reason you're successful. Do adult content cause you're hot, but don't because that means you're not a real gamer. Be good at games but you will always "suck" no matter how good you are.
Watched this in front of my caretaker (I'm disabled), she was flabbergasted at the beginning of the video and by the end she refused to believe this guy means anything he says. He must have an ulterior motive because no man could ever be this thoughtful lol
A great Supplement to this video
is surely 'Pick up Artistry - A Measured Response' as well as
the Abuse-Coverage and Trope-Coverage of 'Pop Culture Detective'.
He's actually married and just a normal man
That makes me sad honestly, she deserves better from the men in her life
I just wanna add how men like this completely disregard the sexuality of women when acting like this. I am a lesbian and I’m lucky that most men find my appearance unappealing, but my girlfriend is very conventionally attractive. This has lead to extreme harassment from men all her life. And the grossest thing? When she says “I have a girlfriend” two of the worst responses she’s had were “she can join ;)” and “well do you two want kids? Cause I’ll help ;)” like Jesus Christ she said she’s taken!
This really is a serious problem. I knew someone I worked with on my college campus who made youtube videos and she had a stalker that literally sent a picture of the place she was currently living at. And when she contacted the cops, they told her they couldn't do anything about it. It is a really scary reality to be a woman, one that's even scarier if you're a POC/queer/trans.
Do *NOT* stop the air quotes!
They're perfect for illustrating just how stupid these notions people tend to hold are.
I’ve always loved games and studied games programming when I was younger. I feel like it’s harder for women to develop confidence in themselves in male dominated fields. It always felt like my gender was the only thing people seemed to notice about me, and it was always the reason for everything. If I struggled with something it’s because I’m female and we’re less capable, and if I did well at something it’s because I’m getting special treatment because I’m female; it was rarely considered that maybe it was due to my own hard work. I also had difficulties because of the assumption that men and women can’t just be friends, which isn’t practical when you’re trying to get into a career where there are fewer women. At the start I thought I could just ignore it, but I didn’t realize how much of a toll it would take on my mental health over time. I don’t do programming anymore; I had to work through a lot of shame and grief to let it go, partly because I’d invested so much into it, but also because I felt like I was letting certain people push me away from something I’d originally loved doing. It has turned out to be the right decision for me though. I still love games, but it's an interest that I now mostly keep to myself.
I feel this so hard. I left game development recently, and it's still the same way. Guys would dump as much work on me as they could, and got upset when I inevitably outperformed them. They'd speak to me like a fantasy love interest too, not a peer lol. If we want more women to stay in CS we have to get the men to treat them like fellow humans.
@@Misha_Fox It was like two extremes. Some guys made me feel unwelcome. They’d get angry with me whenever I outperformed them and wouldn't listen to any of my suggestions if we had to work together. Then there were lots of guys that seemed really happy for me to be there and I’d get lots of attention. I’m not sure how to feel when I see attempts being made to encourage more young girls into this type of work as I wouldn’t recommend it based on my own experiences. It’s no good encouraging them to learn the skills just to end up in an unwelcoming work environment with no support.
This might be my favorite video of yours yet, Salari. Obviously I don't like that it depressed you, but your platforming of voices was welcome and appreciated. A really excellently made video.
Also, James Corden definitely sells crack to orphans.
True
Couldn't have said it better myself. Loved it 💜👍
I never thought about this aspect so much but the Hollywood promotion of male stalkers and public displays of affection is a real thing. This is pretty common behavior that I have seen.
Being a man with these opinions stated publicly helps to protect women in a way that we can't because men don't listen to us. Thank you for your effort
There is relatively easy way for a man from a Western or Western-adjacent society that can help to understand the scale of the problem: go on the street and do not stare at people but just try to notice how many women walk around staring down constantly trying to avoid eye contact. Men (at least most of them) walk with their eyes watching straight front and do not avoid minute eye contact. Women for the most part do the opposite. And then you need to ask the question - why it is so?
I often take it to the next level and walk around with a scowl on my face if I'm in a dodgy area, just in the hope that people will leave me the fuck alone.
Hearing the phrase "I'm not going to be crass about your cake," instantly KO'd me. I have no clue how anyone can regularly read comments like that and not go a little insane.
Unfortunately restraining orders are not easy to get as ‘preventative’ measures or to retain long term. _Anecdotal evidence:_
My mom finally got a divorce after my (step)father locked her out of the house and purposely smashed a window while my mother was underneath it, badly cutting up her face. And only because my dad also assaulted a police officer that time, did any charges come of it.
Even after having a restraining order my dad would break in to the house to do stuff like steal a single shoe from a pair, or move stuff around just to fuck with her and make her feel crazy. So I got my mom security cameras. Even still my dad has broken in, trashed my moms house, came by at night to slash my sisters and two of her friends’ tires, and used his welding torch to burn weird symbols into the lawn (he’s a welder.) Some of which was recorded on the cameras.
Even though there has been video evidence and other witnesses on several occasions, the police consistently won’t do anything. She needed some of the reports for court and the police either didn’t write her statement at all or wrote a report that makes my mom look hysterical and paranoid. She is honestly afraid that he is going to kill her eventually. I don’t blame her, that is legit psycho behavior, and nobody is willing do anything to prevent it.
We really do need to have a justice system that's more focused on keeping people safe than on treating people badly when we think they deserve it. I can't do much more at the moment than wish you and your mom the best, I'm afraid, but I hope one day we can change the world enough that such evil is not allowed to persist.
Seriously! People with restraining orders just want the person to GO AWAY. We shouldn't just care about "is this enough for jail."
The worst part is that twitch doesn't so much as attempt to even so much as mitigate the harassment, even when it is reported repeatedly.
So much media tells us that everybody, regardless of what kind of person they are, is entitled to "true love". So the longer they go without, the more desperate they are to find a partner and the more it feels like anyone who refuses is personally attacking them.
This was so refreshing to watch. It makes me think of all of the creepy things that people have sent me or told me in person, even after knowing that I am happily married and I am not looking for anyone else. This happens both in my day to day living and online.
Also specifically for twitch Devin Nash has done a video talking about women on the platform. One of the things that he brings up in the video is a graphic showing the most used words in the chat of a male streamer and a female streamer. Male streamers seem to get phrases and words like "rank" (to find out how good someone is at the game) while women's most used words are mostly sexual or about their body. The most used words being "boobs" and "tits".
It is so ridiculous when we are single women and not dating we very often have to lie and tell men we *are* in a relationship so that's *maybe* they'll leave us alone, and to have the knowledge that when this works they are not actually because they realise you're really not interested at all but because they'd be hurting another man if they get you to sleep with them.
You're right. "The tactic never works." I would add to that list that catcalling from cars and on foot doesn't work. Stalking definitely never works. Texting repeatedly when the other person doesn't respond never works....I still to this day don't understand how and why they think it's worth the effort.
Exactly I couldn't agree more. And it actually just proofs, for these type of people, it's never about "making a compliment, being nice, finding a girlfriend, being so lonely". It's about expressing power, through basically sexually harassing and intimidating another human being, women, which they see as less worthy. And this whole "You just have to be persistent enough and then she's yours" -mentality is not just messed up but basically taking away women's right of sexual self-determination of their own bodies. Because it's the idea of "she doesn't knows what she wants/what's best for her, but we men do know that", even tho that's just bs. As if Manipulation, Violence, Stalking, Harassment and Pressure is a acceptable thing to do "to get the women" or to get a woman's attention.
I think Hollywood doesn't help. Romanticising this sort of creepy behaviour is so so wrong.
Hard not to, when you have media EVERYWHERE telling you that persistance is what gets you the girl. Basically every romcom has a 'nice guy' (re: asshole creep) who ends up getting the hot girl in the end after spending the ENTIRE movie violating her boundaries, refusing to take no for an answer, and in some cases, ruining relationships with other guys cause 'they don't deserve her'. And the woman is always expected to comply, she's always expected to bend to his wishes, and show understanding for his behavior, and reciprocate it with a relationship, or with some other kind of reward (a hug, kiss, sex etc). Like the number of movies where you have the female lead say 'look, you seem like a nice guy' to a guy after he did something incredibly shitty to her is insane.
And it doesn't just affect men. Women are also taught to excuse this shit, to put aside their personal comfort and safety to placate the ego of the 'nice guy' because he 'deserves a chance cause he likes you so much and he's sooooo nice.' And if a woman has the audacity to exercise her right to say no, she's always the villain. Even if the guy did terrible shit to her, she is still not permitted to say no to him, because hey, he did all those things because he likes you, so you should be flattered. A lot of men dismiss women's worries about these types of guys because 'lmao just reject him, you can say no'. But if a woman saying no gets her villanized and condemned, then is that really a choice at all?
@37:05 you hit the nail right on the head:
Women are expected to be friendly -> A women being friendly is considered by men to be a sign of flirting or attraction -> Women are expected to be attracted to men.
This isn't men consistently misreading women, it's an intentional deliberate part of patriarchy. Society expects women to give them their attention and are taught to do so
It really is just... Men expect to be given more intimate access to any and all women.
I'm FtM and sometimes forget how differently I'm seen by others and I still think about how some nerd dudes have reacted to me just being friendly. It's depressing and enraging and embarrassing
I went on a TH-camr-based gaming forum briefly in the early 2000s, made about 3 posts, and ended up getting a stalker who found my phone number somehow and called me in the middle of the night multiple times for almost a full year. I don't do forums or even reddit because of that experience during those formative years, and I honestly wasn't aware of that until I wrote out this comment. A lot of people who were raised or identify as female are just forced to accept some pretty terrifying stuff as "the norm."
As a woman who has existed on the internet for a long time (though only recent became more visible via my own channel), thank you for making this video.
I found your channel from this comment, and I really like your videos. 💜
@@Sandreline oh thank you! Glad you enjoyed them!
Babe wake up, new Salari vid just dropped.
Hunny, I cant because I'm with the kids in the car heading over to the other mans place.
@@israeldavila27 can we at least stop by mcdonalds pleassseeeee
@@emmi8899 fine, only if you remember to call the new man daddy.
Even trans streamers have it hard as they deal with this and when they react negatively to the weird things men do in or outside of streams. They then get transphobic abuse as well.
Same with women of color or people with a lot of intersections.. A trans woman of color will have so much shit to deal with... sexism, transfobia, racism.. Add more, it becomes more..
@@michalovesanime You aren't wrong its such a vile thing so many have to deal with
Twitch added trans and LGBT tags but then didn't protect creators that used them from hate raids and harassment
@@narcopsy Yeah took years to finally do it and then one of my friends had to deal with so many hate raids it was awful.
As a trans woman on twitch I agree
I'm also a female streamer and content creator. The number of people I've had DM asking for nudes (and expecting them for free) is just sad.
Sexism feels even more insidious when you remember that some women normalize/enforce horrible behavior like this too with, "pick-meism", sl^t-shaming etc.... I guess most bigoted systems tend to propagate themselves among the people being victimized in general. I hope your video got through to some people!
I cant see it as insidious because its a survival strategy they were taught. It sucks and all but those women are not the problem, they are just using the only survival strategy they have. They arent the problem, nor the basis for all the crap, they are just doing the best survival strategy they know in a messed up system made by men and their institutions.
@@BambiLena666 I can empathize with that, but... some survival strategies are maladaptive. Not blaming people for dealing with a bad situation in whatever way they can, but some coping strategies only help in the very short term, and in the long term, they can perpetuate the very problems they're trying to cope with. Not to mention, sometimes those coping methods can involve siding with oppressors in exchange for a modicum of their power.
@@jemolk8945 I completely agree. I just think the point still stands. I cant see it as insidious when its just a survival strategy that involves operating within the system, culture and values in order to survive and lead lives somewhat in line with their wants and goals.
Idk, I noticed a lot of talk on the feminist side about NLGs, pick mes etc. And while educating is important, focusing on these women (and the very common shaming, anger and outrage) feels very much like a bull chasing a red cape. These women are not the problem, fighting them wont get us out. Fighting other women for not having it in them (for one reason or another) to resist should never be our priority, these are male created/curated spaces in a system created and held by men.
@@BambiLena666 I absolutely agree that women who act this way aren't to blame. This is a problem caused by men first and foremost and the onus is on them to dismantle it. My point is that sexism itself is insidious because it drives women to harm other women in order to avoid the actions of shitty men. I used to act like a pickme when I was younger and wasn't aware how harmful it was. I now see how I acted was caused by, and at the same time a propogator of an awful system. I think this self awareness is an important piece to fighting sexism as a whole, which is why I made that original comment.
@@BambiLena666 I think the desire for control, manifesting itself as an attempt to subjugate others, is the ultimate problem here. The subset of men who sit at the top of this vicious hierarchy will probably have to be fought, though, yes. Even though I sincerely believe that even they would be better off in a more egalitarian world, most of them are unlikely to be convinced. Though, odds are others will stand in the way as well. Beyond those who are merely unaware, there are also those who will betray those like them for benefits from the power structure due to the ingrained ideology. Don't forget Phyllis Schlafly and similar. Or, for a far, _far_ worse example, the kapos of WWII. Some people respond to victimization by turning around, sucking up to the power structure, and trying to victimize others. It doesn't justify what was done to them, but we do still have an obligation to stop them from hurting more people and perpetuating the cycle of abuse.
As a s*x worker operating almost exclusively on the internet and as a public person working in anarchist organizing, I walk a really weird line. I quit camming for a year when the dehumanizing interactions and scams got to be too much, particularly without a moderator. On top of that, I was worried about the impact it one scorned stranger could have on my court case and comrades. Annoyingly entitled internet strangers could be just that, or they could be so much worse.
P.S. All of your musical choices were perfect. "You Belong To Me" hooo buddy
No one wants to talk about how pornography impacts mens behaviour and how it breaks their brain when they encounter women. Because then we’d have to re-examine our relationship with the sex industry, and the sex industry is a giant, powerful rich entity which knows how to protect itself from criticism
That's a BIG factor too. I'm honestly grateful I felt disgusted when I first eat he'd it because God only knows how'd I'd be if I got into more hardcore stuff.
People love to scapegoat pornography and dating apps instead of addressing the uncomfortable social issues that are actually responsible for these problems.
@@williamspears1627 Of course there are greater underlying societal issues, but pornography is one of the main outlets that directly perpetuates this harmful behavior. By first recognizing and fixing the problems with media that is reflected by society, we can therefore fix society itself.
@@reggoo12 I disagree.
Society needs to be fixed first.
Then once society is in a good and stable state, then we could take a look at all forms of pornography (half of porn isn't officially recognized as porn) and decide from there whether or not it has a place in society.
@@williamspears1627 I don’t think you understand that there is no way to directly “fix” society. You can’t just tell people to stop doing bad things and they will stop, people’s ideals are a culmination of their experiences in life. Pornography is a product of society’s sexism, but it also causes society to be sexist. It’s a never-ending cycle called ‘cultivation theory’, where consuming harmful media leads to developing harmful behavior.
As men we need to do better. I agree with every point you made. Good shit man.
The amount of time that my gender has been mixed into a "discussion" in video game solely cause I am a girl is beyond my fucking patience. It's different than normal insults that I am pretty much used to. Or sometimes even when I am making a joke or being goofy someone will randomly go "haha woman trying to make a joke". man
A great Supplement to this video
is surely 'Pick up Artistry - A Measured Response' as well as
the Abuse-Coverage and Trope-Coverage of 'Pop Culture Detective'.
I tried to stream using a gender neutral ID I was criticized, I didn’t turn on my camera, I was criticized, a guy said he’s ‘blow up my channel’ if I sent him my picture so he would ‘see what he’s working with’ when I didn’t he stalked me and began harassing me on my private accounts saying I had no right to have a sexy voice with the face face of a pig. I could be attractive if I ‘tried’. I gave up an ID I’ve had for a nearly decade and now I only stream with friends.
A great Supplement to this video is surely 'Pick up Artistry - A Measured Response' as well as the Abuse-Coverage and Trope-Coverage of 'Pop Culture Detective'.
Ugh. Tbh, I never realized until this very moment that on social media, I've started using my cat's handle rather than my own. My cat has a masculine name and, eventhough I include "cat" or "the_cat" in those handles, I am treated completely different when I use his name.
I’m getting chills from the “Tonight you Belong to Me” piano instrumental. What a perfect music choice.
Thank you for touching on the "frequency" aspect. I feel a lot of men like to bring up the "one/few time(s)" it's happened to then as a retort, but I just don't think they understand that this can be multiple times a day, everyday and its only about our gender/appearance. ESPECIALLY true for streamers and women that work in an office, where men feel like they "govern" the space. You never feel like the space is shared; just that you're taking space in it and its being noticed for all the wrong reasons. They make sure to remind you of that fact passively or aggressively, with no effort of introspection.
And that "you should be grateful" part? Ouf does that ever hit home.
Great coverage of this.
Reminds me of a few years ago when my gf did a Twitch stream of solitaire as part of an art piece.
We were surprised to see a few people actually attend at one point. Then one of them started calling her his girlfriend. The other briefly argued that she was his gf instead. It was a little thing that didn't last long and it didn't bother us much at the time, but ever since then I've thought about that situation every time I've looked at smaller streamers. How many people out there are patrolling the empty streams just to find women to harrass? If we kept the stream going, would things get worse? I shudder to imagine how many worse stories are happening there right now.
I completely misread the title and thought this was going to be about why women owe men attention on twitch but I am so glad I decided to watch this. this was a great video and now I have a new TH-camr to watch!
Whenever a dudebro complains about female streamers being hot and untalented, just reply with this: "Okay, how many unattractive but talented female streamers do you watch?"
also to be fair how many unattractive talented male streamers do you watch.
people stay acting like these issues are female only issues when they are not go onto a popular male streamers stream and see the amount of harassment they get.
this is my main problem with woman's they all like to quietly pretend that all the world struggles and problem only happen to women and that women have some kind of monopoly on victimization
Creeper Kingdom I watch many unattractive male streamers, and many popular male streamers are unattractive (XqC, Trainwrecks, cr1tical, asmongold, etc etc etc)
So…your argument has already bombed right off the bat
@@daylite34 nah saying moist critikal is unactractive is just wrong
Within 2 months of streaming I had received numerous messages from people asking to buy my companionship or send me money in exchange for other favors. I also had to ban a follower who would spam me and try to call me on discord during the middle of my streams. I got overwhelmed by the feeling that my followers felt I owed them something very quickly and I didn’t stream for much longer.
Angry Salari is best Salari.
This is so important, thank you so much for what you do!
It baffles me how normalized these things are. two weeks ago I had a conversation with a colleague who told about how his wife, a firefighter, had received a dickpic from another firefighter. Someone's wife! And that other colleague also had a wife of his own! And the fact that they spoke so casually about it just did not sit right with me.
And of course, the old 'well, if she dressed provocatively, she was asking for it' line that we get to hear about so often. It absolutely does not matter what women are wearing, if a man has set is sights on you, he's going to do what he wants to regardless.
Thank you so much for actually talking about this. I may not be an influencer or popular public figure, but the amount of times I've tried to interact with people in an online space as a woman only to end up being harassed or creeped on is ridiculous. As you mentioned in the video, I sometimes try to mask the fact that I'm a woman because of this. The disparity between interacting as a woman and a "person who may or may not be a woman" is astonishing.
The worst part is that I will CONSTANTLY try to bring up these issues to friends (most of them men), but they'll brush me off and say things about how the block button exists for a reason or give an unenthusiastic response about how "it just be like that sometimes". Dealing with people harassing me and having to disguise myself because of it makes me feel isolated, and I often wonder if I've pigeonholed myself out of authenticity. I just want to interact with people and have good conversations.
And for the gentlemen who might be reading, showing kindness and respect to women does not make you a simp. I'm getting married in a few months to a man who was regularly the antithesis of the weirdos that wouldn't leave me alone. If he's a "simp", that's pretty darn ironic. You'll get a lot more out of being a good person (without expecting anything in return) than throwing insults or suggestive remarks at the first woman to give you attention.
I used to be one of those guys. Not being a creep but there was a time when I was hating on girl streamers, as if I was supposed to hate on something I didn't understand. I did, for a time. But it felt odd, like why do I even care for people I don't go out for? Why do I care about some woman body painting when there's dudes shouting obscenities and actually being pos?
But maybe I grew out of it? Maybe I was humbled? I'm not sure when the change happened, but I lost my reason to be upset. Its so childish honestly, why did I care about that in the first place? I feel like it was a sense of change I wasn't used to, but I think I knew fast that it wasn't that bad. The thing being how others perceive you, that even if you know its wrong that you'll still follow because you don't want to be alone. At this point there's power in numbers and it is steadily growing.
Hate feels good in the short term, happiness feels great in the long term.
You held it together right to the end. I hate being a woman on the internet most of the time but then there are times when men like you speak up. I hope you call these horrible people IRL as well ❤️
Thank you for this video. As a woman gamer, I learned a long time ago not to self identify as a woman. Not worth the bull. I've always loved video games but the toxicity has really affected the games I do and do not play any longer which of course is what some men/boys want.
I’m sorry you were made so depressed by this subject but I’m very glad you put yourself through it. It is an incredibly depressing topic indeed and it’s one we really have to thicken our skin and just take it even though we know it’s so wrong. We are so exhausted and unsurprised by it and that is a very sad reality. There is something very cathartic in watching someone so angry on women’s behalf for all the shit we have to put up with and I wish more cis straight men would get angry about this and stop pretending it’s not that big a deal or act like it’s not their problem if they *personally* don’t act like that themselves. I honestly believe this will only change if more and more men take a page out of your notebook and become more vocal about it, because as things are now, it feels like the entirety of womankind could scream at the top of their lungs and it would still fall on deaf ears because too many men just don’t care about women as human beings.
I love "completely-fed-up-with-this-shit" Salari lol
Wow I can't believe James Corden sells crack to orphans...No but seriously fantastic work, this is a huge issue and you've shined a great light on it.
I loved that conclusion. I'm glad you said what you said and said it how you said it. These so-called men know what they're doing is wrong, but that's part of the thrill for them, especially on the internet where's there's almost no repercussions.
Great video, despite being an hour long it just went by like a good coversation!
It made realize how much of a shortage is out there on the emphasis of personal choice in matters of online harassment.
as a twitch streamer who is also 40+ years old fat and female, I literally don't want any more viewers than the 10 or so I usually get, and can never put myself in popular streaming categories because I just get an endless stream of "get off the internet, MOM" bullshit
THANK YOU HOLY SHIT its so refreshing to see a man condemn this shitty behavior thank you
What you just praseid: 'Pop Culture Detective' and 'Hbomberguy' are famous for.
Men condemn shitty behavior all the time. It's not exactly rare.
@@williamspears1627 yes but its refreshing since there are a large amount of dudes being shitty and there are many dudes that dont speak up about it
You deserve a million views on this video. Superb. Thank you for making me aware of a platform I did not know existed and a very important issue focusing on young women's experience in a men's world. . Also, this is my second viewing. I had forgotten how genuinely funny you are. I have just watched your last video and I am going to do a marathon of all your videos… and I intend to let all the adverts play to support your channel (since I cannot become a patron at the moment)-Please let me know if this does not help you because I live in Japan and the adverts are INSUFFERABLE! 😄Kudos to you for advocating for women. ❤
thank you for that emotional and honest ending, not doing the usual "we need more awareness/surveillance/policies" package which always inadvertently leaves me feeling so much more helpless. what we really need, as in all social justice struggles (and in general, really), is solidarity. just standing up for each other, showing that we actually do care and that nobody is alone in anything
Look, this is an awesome video and I 100% agree with you, but what about the other side of the female coin: those who aren't conventionally attractive. I noticed the harassment includes the things said in this video but it includes stuff from the other extreme; all these comments on how you look and your body when all you wanna do is play video games with your internet friends
Yep. And there's also the intersection of race and gender identity.
Yeah. It's like women are nothing but their body. I keep feeling like that more and more as time goes on, that that's my worth or the reason for my lack of worth. It feels horrible.
I think that still fits into the general message that women have a hard time online just for being women; though it's true men who aren't conventionally attractive can get negative comments, I've never seen it be as extreme as with women who aren't skinny or aren't wearing makeup, or are wearing "too much" makeup. We get clowned on for everything no matter how small.
@@DOCTOR.DEADHEAD Ugh, when I streamed, I swear every other stranger joining the conversation had something to say about me being fat. Thank god that's never been something that's really bothered me about myself but man I just wanna reach through the screen and slap them sometimes!