The Beauty Double Standard Between Men & Women | Salari
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ธ.ค. 2020
- It's well known that when it comes to appearances there has been a double standard between men and women for as long as we can remember. This video looks at why these continue to exist, how they're perpetuated by the media and cosmetics/fashion industries, and why even though men are pressured to look good, it's worse for women. This is sort of a follow up to the 'Talent Belongs to the Beautiful' video, so you might wanna check it out before/after: • Talent Belongs to the ...
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Every high school movie was like "I'm just your average plain looking girl who no one ever looks at" and it's a literal supermodel wearing glasses
And netflix has yoked high school kids looking like 23 while being 16
The exception was Sierra Burgess, but her character was a total wench.
That’s so true but I’ve noticed that’s changing lately. People are talking about how unrealistic it is and producers are noticing and now casting people who look closer to ordinary. But in order for that to work, they also need to cast women who have a natural charisma that draws us the audience into the character or the actress
Thats why I like Carrie. Sissy Spasic is beautiful yes but she looks like a normal teenager
Every Yankee action movie tells little boys to look like Rambo or Batman, but girls got it hard.
Stopped wearing makeup at work and my boss scolded me for an unprofessional appearance...Like how far gone are we in society a woman’s bare face can be seen as unprofessional
@Kill it with fire definitely stupid lol
Right...
I actually think it’s much more professional but that sadly isn’t the case because of the human bias towards beauty. Looks shouldn’t matter in the average workplace imho
Ugh, I had an old boss at a coffee shop I worked the morning shift at at who saw me on a Friday night (I stopped in for something before a date) and said I needed to "look like this every day for work" at the hippy-dippiest joint in town, half of our customers barely showered. I told him he could go ahead and hire a someone to do my hair and makeup at 3am while I slept until my shift at 5 if it was that important to him.
@PeriodicalAdventures I've noticed that. I think it helps if you never wear make-up. Then it's less shocking to others when you don't wear it, because they've never seen you wearing it. I actively avoid wearing make-up in professional settings and people are just used to my face. The only times I've had dumb comments are if I entered the first day wearing make-up and then stopped. So now I never wear it.
I noticed from a young age that even though the "husbands/dads" in movies were generally unattractive (or had beer bellies, etc.), the "wives/moms" ALWAYS had to look like beautiful supermodels in perfect shape. Same thing with a male protagonist; he could be completely average-looking, but the girl he was chasing always had to be perfectly beautiful. It's just so unrealistic... It sends the message that only skinny, fit and conventionally beautiful women are worthy of love.
That's why most men chase the best looking females otherwise they'll be looked as losers,many dedicate their life into high paying careers just so that they can marry and show selfies with the hottest girl on social media. Men, including women talk behind a successful man whose wife/girlfriend is not pretty.
Yep I notice this too. It’s really an annoying trope.
If I ever have kids these issues on unrealistic or one dimensional expectations of beauty standards for women makes me think it would be better for my future kids to have little to no access to the internet and most tv & movies I don't approve of. Extreme I know but if it's for their sake I'll do it. I'd also talk with them more about sex and porn too just in case since I saw a documentary from the UK about finding out why women hate their lady parts so much they'd go under the knife even as young as sixteen to have their excess skin removed to get the 'perfect' bits down there. It was horrifying, graphic and terribly sad for the women. If you see that documentary on youtube as I did please don't report it or flag it. We need things like things like this easily accessible to watch for teenagers. Cause schools and doctors aren't doing what they should - teaching that their gential area is normal and doesn't need to be cut up. It had a disgusting moment of a man saying a woman has to have a pretty ****** by his standards. Disgusting by not surprising. I think most men get the idea of what's attractive down there from porn. Of course. Not against porn but why can't they understand that everything about porn including the woman's appearance is fake? The only thing remotely real is the man. And often aren't as pretty as the women. Sad truth is men really are too stupid for their own good and to the point of being insufferable to women. Sorry to carry on. This is obviously a sore subject for all women :(
@@elizabethlovett4318 I may be only responding to the last bit of your comment, but hopefully you can indulge me. Why did you have to call men stupid? Don't you think that is quite insulting? I wouldn't say that men are stupid, so much it's hard to change that mindset.
@@mehedihasan-ui6qt No, they wouldn't be losers. Normal, adjusted people wouldn't look down on a man because his girlfriend isn't an instagram model. Men like that are just extremely insecure and because of that they uphold toxic beauty standards which severely affect women.
My sister's boyfriend at the time was a nice irish men. When he came to Spain on holidays he refused to use sunscreen cream because it was a woman thing and he was not feminine, he didn't use creams at all. After 5 minutes under the sun in the south of Spain in summer, he asked for the sunscreen when he realized he was gonna burst in flames like a vampire.
lmao what a loser
Most Irish men love themselves, he must have been showing off
fellas is it feminine to not get skin cancer?
@@wormdance128 nah, it’s just hella masculine to have a face like a old leather shoe
Imagine being THAT fragile in your masculinity that you think you're more powerful than the sun...skin cancer isn't "sexy" and getting it is not "masculine." What a stupid man child.
I read something on the internet once about how, for a man to be less masculine he has to actively do things like put on makeup, put on nail polish, shave facial hair, etc. But for a woman to be less feminine all she has to do is exist in her natural state-no shaving, no makeup, no nail polish. Which is interesting lol.
Wow, I never thought of it like that but that's so true.
Well that would just suggest that wearing make up is femenine
Some women look better without makeup
"Existing in her natural state" implies not bathing either so yes sure in order for a women to lose her femininity she has to have a foul stench.
Also I find it funny the same women complaining about these standards will still follow them fucking kek like bruh
@@FiniteMan1933 who said no bathing. you know what the op meant.And about women following these standards , you do realize that’s the point of this video right? no one likes them but a lot of them are pressured to follow them or else they’ll be called messy or unkept or unprofessional
I am a woman, and my nose is slightly crooked and quite big, and one day I was complaining about this and my mum began listing good-looking male actors with crooked noses to make me feel better, but I had to explain to her that while that was an acceptable trait in men, it was not for women. She had not really thought about this but realized it was true, and it really is so unfair because there are so many examples of how the range of features that are considered attractive in men is so much wider than those in women.
Same
@@madaxwayne men can very well wear makeup..
@@madeupname3008 lol you say so....would you like a man wearing lipstick and mascara? The most a man get away with is using a concealer and even for that I get called out by my friends.
I find this very interesting, because I find myself constantly 'forgiving' guys for having slightly less than perfect features (like inlets in their hair, acne or acne scarring, crooked or broken noses, weird or even missing teeth, spider veins, sweat smell, balding and more) while I fixate on these things when women have them and instantly find them less attractive, when with guys it gives them a certain 'edge'. I have often wondered about this.
same :( my nose is slightly on the large side and i broke it when i was around 15 so the right side is crooked because my septum became deviated, and i've been so insecure about it until recently, as i realised that whilst it may not really be an acceptable trait right now, since beauty standards evolve, in maybe a couple years it'll be accepted and embraced :)
I feel like the great "insult" of calling Charlize Theron's transformation "brave" is that she isn't even ugly in the movie. Like at all. She just isn't extremely good-looking anymore, and instead looks pretty average. But I promise you, if you ran across her on the street, you wouldn't think she's ugly. I feel like I know plenty of people who look like that, and many of them are even considered attractive.
I've recently figured out I'm not as ugly as I thought and am probably more like upper average, depending on the angle, but it took me ages to figure that out because we only ever see super beautiful women in movies and on TV, even when they're playing roles that are explicitly considered average looking or even "ugly ducklings" in the movie. On the other hand, I feel like there's plenty of relatively average looking male actors, who, while maybe not being considered very attractive by the public, still get to play main characters and heroes and get to look cool and even be desired etc. You don't really get that if you're a woman. I don't think I can even name an average looking actress who gets to play the main character in any movie, only ever maybe the comic relief. Even then, they're usually still pretty, but maybe have a bit more body weight.
She took all her makeup off and shaved her eyebrows, but the bone structure and facial symmetry are still there 🙄
I think the film Monster is not the best example, because Charlize Theron was clearly the best actress for the role - she was amazing. Maybe the real issue is that she had to alter her appearance so drastically in order for her talent to be seen. There's an unspoken idea that beautiful women owe it to the public to be beautiful at all times, like their looks are for other people to enjoy, the 'payment' for such an unfair advantage.
Sorry, but she was ugly, it would be an insult to all the people that worked on that to say she wasn't, because that was the point.
@@kentuckyfriedchildren5385 The point was not to be ugly, the point was to look like Aileen Wuornos. We see countless people who look like that in our real lives without ever trying to evaluate how beautiful or ugly they are
Well from a male perspective, she did look ugly, regardless of her former appearance. Thats just my opinion, its subjective.
Lizzo drank a smoothie and it was immediately tied to her trying to loose weight when she wasn't even trying to do that.
@@randomuploadsism lizzo said she has professional helping her and those smoothie are made for her if I'm not mistaken
Lizzo is abjectly disgusting and thinking that is just being semi literate on human biology
My favorite is when people justify women's beauty standards by saying, "Well people just respect people who 'take care' of themselves." Like, yeah, skin and hair bleaching, heat styling, clogging your pores with cosmetics, violently ripping your body hair out from the roots, applying potentially irritating chemicals to your skin, not to mention dedicating a significant portion of your budget to do all that... That's how you *take care* of yourself. Sure thing, Jason.
@@acerunraldmage I feel like it's 2013 again with all the "what about the men" comments on this video. Time, money, and effort weren't even the point of my comment. My point was that what some people describe as "taking care of yourself" is often literally damaging your body. It's ironic.
Also, women are also expected to have fit bodies. Like, I have sympathy for men who feel compelled to spend every waking moment at the gym to get that cut physique, but women's bodies are put under a microscope in a way that men's just aren't. To the point that many women feel compelled to get various plastic surgeries *in addition to* spending every waking moment at the gym because the bodies we're told we should have are literally impossible for us without it.
@@acerunraldmage Shut up, please. It takes intense workout and extensive health, but I am friends with a personal trainer - and it's not as fucking hard as you think.
@@acerunraldmage Women have to work out too. Thats a pretty weak point considering how many women lift weights now
when done safely all of those things are ok. a lot of makeup doesn't clog pores etc. i do all of those things for myself and no one else. i can go outside without makeup, i choose when to wear it etc. i think if you're applying makeup for an interview or because your going outside etc, thats an issue.
@@georgia1986 Of course I don't want to imply that all of these things are necessarily bad. How you choose to groom and present yourself is a valid form of self expression, and I've done plenty of it myself. The problem lies in it being a standard, though. When it's something we're told we *should* do, it's no longer self expression but conformity under threat of social exclusion. That part is definitely bad, especially when there are entire industries dedicated to maintaining these standards for profit. They do that by creating a false association between arbitrary grooming practices and your moral value (i.e. "If you don't do these things, you are lazy and don't care about yourself, therefore no one else should care about you either.")
As a lesbian I’m not bothered wether I’m physically attractive to men, it’s the fact that if I’m not I will be treated as if I’m sub human, not worthy of respect, not worth listening to, that my worth as a human hinges on my appearance, that’s what’s so hard.
just work for that money , ignore men u already have the privilege of being a lesbian and i say privilege because imagine being attracted to men and treated that bad by them , ouffff it must be hard for average women out there , i m bi and only date women because i know she'll stick around when i m ugly .
If someone treats someone badly just because they're not "attractive", then that person is a monster.
It's not about looking like a model it's about looking like you care about yourself, if you don't look like you care about yourself people subconsciously think why should I care about you then
@@nafissa5551 "i m bi and only date women because i know she'll stick around when i m ugly"
what a stupid way to think. Not all men care about the look. I would say women are more superficial.
@@Tommy-TwigFan i m sticking to my stupid ways , thank u 😊 .
I love reading books because in books people are not sexy and ridiculously attractive. Characters who are attractive are usually only slightly above average or are only beautiful because it fits the plot. I love to see flawed people more than seeing flawless people. I want to see your scars and the textures of your face when you express yourself. I don't get impressed when I see someone at their best if their best is all I ever see.
Meanwhile women drooling over Fifty Shades Of Grey, a book which is all about a 0.0001% type of man dominating the girl next door.
Im cringing over most of you ngl
@@darkforcekiller I never read fifty shades of grey and never will. You seem very uneducated about literature and many women don't even read that smut. Especially not fifty shades of grey.
@@darkforcekiller not only me, many others too. Every single female reader friend I know hasn't read Fifty Shades of Grey. My mom read Twighlight in her teenage years, but that's it with creepy, unrealistic romance. I guess all the middle aged Women read it. But what about it? And why do you shame this woman? She said she likes books with flawed characters who are not physically attractive and have an interesting personality. Doesn't sound like fifty shades for me. Not only is fifty shades not trending anymore (at least not in the age category of 15-30), but society has moved on to complex, morally grey characters and diversity. We are getting more representation of different body types, skin colours, sexualities etc and female readers are focused on this kind of stuff.
You can see sooo many female readers here on TH-cam criticising fifty shades, twighlight, the after series etc.... seriously no your statement is still not true. Oh and you know why people are still reading it? To make fun of it lmao
And then they make a movie and the person with the boring face and a bit of a belly who felt insecure around the hot girls around her turns out to be more beautiful than all other characters 🤦♀️
"in books people are not sexy and ridiculously attractive" - haha, yeah, but have you looked at fanart of those characters? Every YA character, male or female, is portrayed as utterly stunning, and if we're honest, that's the way we imagine them to be.
how do you expect us to fit these unrealistic beauty standards when celebrities can’t even fit them themselves?
They can why do you think they exist and the woman in the thumbnail is how most females and female celebs look so stfu
@@frazerdark Jesus christ stop being so aggressive
@@blueisblue599 I'm not I think the facts are hitting u too hard weakling
@@frazerdark bruh you say you're not being aggressive in the same sentence you call a stranger a weakling
Farzaam Shahid you are clearly very triggered by this. You should sort out your psychological issues somewhere else.
The only skincare products you need for anti-ageing is sunscreen and a stress free life
And retinol for any recon 😀
And sunclasses if you go outside, otherwise by the time you are 60, you'll have 7 nice and wrinkles going accros your forhead so deep you could grow potatoes in them. At least that happened to my grandpa, according to my mom.
@@1110jesse I mean... free cheese and bacon spuds!
@Adam Klement Yes, our ancestors, the caveman didn't really have an appealing life without modern inventions. They barely knew how to use sticks and stones to make primitive tools, living in caves. Every day hunting and gathering food. So how much more unnatural sunscreen is compared the clotes you wear, the house you live in, or the toothpaste you use? Our ancestors had none of those, but now all those things are quite natural. So don't come at me with a bullshit argument like that.
What where did you find this?
Anti age products contain chemicals.
If you want to look young you need to drink a lot of water, exercise regularly, eat fruit and vegetables and use virgin olive oil on your body, face and hair.
I've noticed something, that even with plus sized models, they still have no facial fat, the "ideal" body shape, often hourglass or pear, relatively flat tummies and thin arms. If we make the body confidence movement something akin to "Beyond my body, I am kind, amazing and worthy of love" rather than "All bodies are beautiful and gorgeous" I think we'd progress even further, because the problem is the focus is still on beauty, and living in a beauty-centric society will always assure that someone feels left out
I really dislike body positivity because it still pushes the idea that beauty is a requirement: like you said, still beauty-centric. I suggest you look into body neutrality- it takes away the need for beauty and focuses on the body as something to nourish and take care of and be content with.
Most plus-size models use padding to get more of an hourglass shape. Just like skinnier models, they're still creating a standard that most normal women can't achieve.
I always freak out when I hear comments about leg size. Many women want thin legs. When I was at 19 BMI I had huge muscular legs and liked them. But girls with skinnier legs would just walk next to me and complain about their "big" legs. Some chubbier women even said "But at least my legs are skinny". I don't know what it is, but womens beauty standards seem to have no place for muscle, and a toxic hate for anything that looks muscular. "Toned" is the max we are allowed to be.
And if the campaigns focus on any “flaws” like weight, freckles, disabilities, etc., the women are still above average in looks
Facial beauty
@@MissMoontree I'm a powerlifter and someone who squates at least twice her bodyweight and bench 1,5 my bodyweight I look not really skinny. And I love it. I have 18% bodyfat so my muscles are pretty visible anyway and I wanna gain some more muscles actually. Most women dont understand that and i get called ugly and disguisting on a daily base by men and women. They say I will never find a husband and no men will ever want to touch me. I dont even look super bulking like a stephie Cohen or as lean as a Dana Linn bailey. Many powerlifter like me are in longterm relationships with men, who love their gf bodys, but sadly the mainstream hates us
I’ve met jlo in person before and I always feel the need to tell people that she very much looks 51. She looks like a 51 year old who has taken care of herself over the years but she does not look like some magical young fairy lol with all the products and time in the world you will still look your age for the most part
Agreed! People have to stop putting her and G Bundchen on a pedestal.. #overrated
same w KK's nd the hiltons... $$ is everywhere but not everyone shows it.
You can look younger if you have great genes and a baby face tho. My mom is 55 but she always get mistaken for a 40 yo, and people get shocked when they hear she have a 20 yo daughter. But yeah otherwise she still look like an adult mature woman, not an eternal 25 years old, like people say about Jennifer Lopez.
@Fat Face Bork Laser That’s a stretch, it’s dismantling the idea that women need to look young forever. Nowhere did I bash her age or looks and instead I actually complimented her. You need to rewatch the video and pay better attention.
@Fat Face Bork Laser lmaoooo I am 17. Why would a grown women looking her age make me feel better about myself? Stop trying so hard to pin women against each other. 😂
No wonder why my self-esteem is trash.
They're all lies. Both overt and covert. None of the things that are projected in commercials, music, movies or games is real. You're not looking at people, you're looking at constructs.
It's so frustrating to see women in film wake up with perfect makeup on. As if that was just natural.
@Kill it with fire Depends though, doesn't it? And the other unrealistic stuff happens to support the storyline but how does perfect makeup contribute to that?
It seems that filmmakers who show women going to bed/waking up in full makeup either don't care enough to show a woman taking off her makeup before bed/in the morning or they do it deliberately because beauty is a higher priority than realism.
@Kill it with fire If I appeared in a movie, I'd want to enbody my role the best, not look my best. If makeup is someone's personal choice, though, more power to them! :)
You have a problem telling fact from fiction? I hope you are a child.
In Walk to remember Mandy Moore is shown wearing less makeup in part of that movie and more in other parts of movie so showing how makeup changes look.
Even Instagram filters are more targeted at women. We see that they enlarge the lips, make the nose tiny and apply make up just so can look like your favorite influencers. And not only do they make the person using them feel bad but also the others that are seeing them use them. It might not sound much, but it actually is.
Most Instagram users are women...
@@ChristianDoretti the distribution of instagram global audiences by gender in 2020 are 51% women and 49% men. It is not that big of a difference.
@@despoina7547 what about published content? Are there equal number of female and male faces?
@@toku_oku by producing content, do you mean gaining money by your instagram account? i could not find any data on content anyway, but i think that you might believe girls publish more content bc a considerable percentage of female influencers use beauty as a marketing tool and so they target mainly women as an audience. that makes us think it is more prevalent and we judge them using instagram for it. we don't tend to think men that produce similar content as obsessed and we also view them as the exception. women are expected to associate with feminine things that's why it seems much more. as for my social circle, i see an equal amount of content being produced by girls and boys. also, google is free.
@@despoina7547 That's fake, I don't know where's that from but all I see on Instagram is females.
He said there are so many different portrayals of an attractive male and proceeded to show tall, muscular, square jawed white men
Cause thats all what there is for us to be attractive
He showed Black Panther /s. But yeah this seemed more like a critique of cosmetics (which should be critiqued) and not on double standards. Only like 20% of guys are over 6', its just the standards are different for attraction. While beauty standards are higher for women. I'm sure when comparing attraction standards they're set too high for everyone. Also tabloid gossip isnt the best place to find what guys actually like.
@@Aondy1 Agree mostly, but I would like to comment that I don't know why it matters who is held to the higher standard if we are all equally insecure, the conversation really needs to shift from complaining about the double standard and we need to start being more realistic for both men and women to solve any issues. That's where this video kinda goes wrong, it encourages the idea that women have it worse so men aren't allowed to complain which further suppresses men's thoughts and causes them to suffer in silence.
My thought exactly
@Faisol Oluwo I agree, its hard for people to hear but it really is true. Why is it still so acceptable for people to openly call men ugly? Its like they have no idea we could take offence to it.. yet it is just as detrimental to each of us to hear. It's even harder when there's barely anything to change.
I got nearly fired because my face looks "too sad" while working in a hospital... But I was no sad. This was just my face. I always look tired, even when I am happy and I have no interest to put alot makeup on my face when I have to work in early hours like 6am.
same for me, I got fired from a clothing store because my face doesn't look friendly enough (slightly downturned eyelids and lips).
@@nusskernmischung5428 wow that's insane, I'm sorry
I always got told by my teacher that I never smile and that I need to smile.. why the hell do I need to smile when I'm there to learn and I'm not in my best mood every day? Also I hate when men tell you to smile but they don't even try to say something nice that actually would make you smile, they just want to order you around to basically fake smile
@@science3816 I also hated it back in the day when teachers would say to me "You should have to smile."
I think your attitude you described makes you actually morr sympathetic because you understand that somebody doesnt have to smile all the when someome doesnt feel like it.
I hate that the women supose to be happy and friendly and approachable all the time But if a man is serious and doesn't smile all the time its okay is the normal. I am a pretty shy person when i dont know so much someone and my classmates always said to me in a rude way that why i dont talk , wtf. And another classmate that it was a man, in the same class was also shy but no one said nothing to him.,🙄
Pd: sorry for my english, its not my first language
I think the problem is less how achievable beauty can be, and more how important being beautiful is for women. An ugly man can be successful and happy, but that's not seen as possible for women. It's not about women having an equivalent to Tom Hiddleston, it's about having a Danny Devito
What do you mean by successful? Dating wise or in general?
@@youtubesucks2755 I think they were thinking about the entertainment career success while writing this
well said
@@youtubesucks2755 however I remember I saw a ranking of "the richest women in the world" who made their own fortunes and the top-ranked comment was something along the lines of "so what if they're rich if almost all of them are very ugly". So, uh
Anyone can find success, regarded generally attractive or not there are so many different aspects of the entertainment genre (and whatever passion you have) you don't have to be picture-perfect nonetheless the most famous and richest actors fit the general appeal of beauty
It's interesting to me when you look at it men comercials pump their ego, but women comercials shame them.
@Alt Cont Men commercials always start that you are good, but you will be better if you use their product. Women commercials on the other hand start that there is something wrong with them and they can fix that and feel better if they use their product.
Men: real men look good with beared, but they look better clean shaved. With our razor, your beard will be smooth and manly as hell. And don't worry, she's gonna love it.
Women: Do you have problem with your skin? Do you have to much frakles? Don't worry, with this cream you will feel freash and better then ever, because that's what you deserve!
To be fair I wrote the first thing that came to my mind so it's not even close to perfect, but this is the general blueprint for male/female commercials.
@Alt Cont We are talking about comercials. Who has bigger ego is not the topic. The point is what are the bases for comercials when they are making them for men and women.
I noticed that too, its interesting.
what kind of commercials do you even watch?
@@roserose109 they're everywhere.. one just went viral for promoting concealer to men as 'war paint'
It's insane that he did not mention South Korea in regard to the beauty industry. The beauty industry/standards there are extremely pressuring for women. There the beauty industry have gone after men more but of course it's not nearly as high. Skin care products for men there aren't seen as much as demasculation of men because of the high pressure of beauty standards.
There’s always a person out there that’ll find you attractive. F*ck trends. You’re one of kind. Take care of yourself, stay healthy, and slay this space.
@Fat Face Bork Laser Masculine ≠ attractive. As a woman who has been attracted to conventionally "ugly" men who have weak jaws and have been shorter/the same height as me, the thing for me was that i liked their sense of humour/their personality. It's just that society pushes ideal faces onto us too often.
For real, the most attractive thing is confidence. Knowing and loving who you are and being unashamed about it.
The point about the women being cast in movies always being beautiful, even though the role does not require them to be ... that has always bugged me,. Also the fact that in historical movies they priorates the removal of female body hair over historical accuracy. WHY? Great video, really enjoyed your take on it!!!
This!! It’s always bothered me that women in a film set in the 1800s would be completely hairless.
YES. Also how women during a pandemic movie or the literal apocalypse somehow are still finding the time to heat style their hair and shave their legs???
We were watching Batman the one with the actress named Maggie Gyllenhaa. My female cousin would complain of how ugly she was...if you notice in Michael's Bay movies the female extras are super pretty. When they focus of even a second on a female extra she is always pretty. Well he did cast Megan Fox and later a Victoria's Secret model for his Transformers movie. So, I ain't surprised....
this isnt really specific too women, but i can see why it would apply to women more. It really is just that beauty attracts viewers, so hollywood movies cast the best looking actors/actresses for roles so as to maximize profits.
@Erwin Lii of course, i was actually replying to the first few replies in this thread but this is definitely a big problem in the industry as a whole
it's way, way worse in Asia. "being beautiful" is almost like the basic of a woman's humanity.
That hasn't been my experience with Chinese men and I have dated a lot of them simply because they are nicer. They are more forgiving about physical imperfections than western men in my experience. I am overweight and they do mention weight a lot, though, even when they don't have a problem with being intimate with a fat woman and tell you they enjoy it. My husband even endearingly calls me fatty all the time.
@@Billybloop good for you. unfortunately, what i'm referring to is more of a wider cultural norm for Asian women. i.e. the way media treats women, or the way the corporate workplace treats women, or celebrity culture. Asians are also a lot more subtle with expressing this. the Chinese for instant, have a saying: "Talent for men, beauty for women." 郎才女貌。to describe what is socially important for men and women. (and yes, gender norms are strictly binary).
As an Indian girl I agree. Especially having a 'duskier' complexion and acne-prone skin, I have gotten so many hurtful comments from teachers and relatives alike and it's just obnoxious. What do my looks have to do with anything? Ridiculous norms especially in Asia
@@saumyasharma3809 snap back with something snarky. good god do I hate these people! The fact that they think they can spout anything that materializes in their damn pea-brains is really beyond me at this point. make them feel bad about what they said to you instantly. don't even bother to be nice about it.
I guess Singapore doesn't care much about looks. They are more productive and time conscious than beauty conscious
We shouldn't push people to be "beautiful" because beauty is subjective
We should only push each other to be healthy, sound of mind, and happy
I feel like I am living in a constant battle with myself; When I look in the mirror I see a pretty woman with a cute smile, but I also know that the general population may not agree with what I see as I do not fit the "standard beauty"
Same. When you stay away from the internet and people for a while and really think about how you look, you might not really find yourself unattractive. It helped me realised how much my idea of beauty was shaped by media and society's expectations.
I find myself cute and beautiful in an unconventional way too.
Billie Eilish gets a ludicrous amount of hate for her body doesn't she? Meanwhile, male pop stars have much more variety in their looks. It's really stupid
Kpop stars get a horrifying amount of hate for their looks if they "slack off", both male and female. But even the men there are expected to use makeup and always look fashionable, so they fall under similar pressures as the women do.
She’s literally being praised all the time, getting called “brave and unapologetic” just for being short and fat, what are you even talking about?
@Kill it with fire i like how accepting many liberals are of hearing how both genders struggle. when you bring up men, especially in this comment section they act like you committed a sin by diverting the attention from women for a second.
*Unpopular opinion:*
Men don't want to wear makeup because it doesn't comply with how we want to express our gender identity, not because we are toxic or fragile. What society should be focusing on is making it ok for men to wear make up and be feminine, trying to "force" men to wear makeup only makes it worse.
I'm gen Z so i normally see guys wearing painted nails or makeup at school and literally no one cares. we just want to get to class. Great so let's encourage not caring what others do and live our own lives. I live in the reddest state in the nation for context.
happy baby I’ve seen Instagram posts from news pages on this topic where there wasn’t a single comment (among hundreds) criticising her body, but rather 100% compliments. People were also overjoyed that a woman with “a real body” (like them or their daughters lol) was in the limelight.
@Kill it with fire thank you. Men celebrities get it hard to it's just not spoken about. If men celebrities dont fit a certain standard they get type casted into certain rolls usually the murder, rapi*t etc type rolls which they wont win an oscar for or even get nominated. But if Chris Hemsworth or Channing Tatum take on the exact same roll it would be a different story they were so great they really showed their acting skills blah blah blah. Same with musicians is ed Sheeran the face of any luxury brand nope people like him for his music and that's it but harry styles is on the cover of vogue and the face of Gucci
It should be mentioned, that Charlize Theron was producing "Monster". She used the movie as vehicle, to get more attention, for her acting skills, rather then her beauty. The movie was specifically targeted as an Oscar-Bait. Not taking away any of your arguments, but this is something, that happens quite often, in Hollywood. Ryan Gosling, Robert Pattinson, Cate Blanchet, Margot Robbie and others, did similiar projects, where they could get rid of their type-casting stigma.
That's really interesting, I had no idea about that. It makes sense that actors and actresses would do this so they would be taken seriously about their skills despite their attractiveness. They were only able to do those roles because they had the platform in the first place, however.
Only Scarlett Johansson hasn't tried that lol. Although maybe her role in A Marriage Story can be considered as an atempt to appear "homely".
@@EmilyDickmesome Check her film "Under the skin".
@@annabalto9164 Yes, that was what I'm trying to say. They already had the foot in the door, to do these projects.
@@nes8462 Dude she's beautiful there. They literally chose her "human skin" to be like that so she could lure men. I'm saying she hasn't tried any extreme physical transformation like other beautiful actresses. Maybe when she's set to win that Oscar she will though, who knows.
People wonder why “selfish young women” are putting off, or not having children at all. Having a child is an amazingly important thing, but for many women - it wrecks their looks. When society tells you that you’re only valuable when you’re young and pretty, why would you want to ‘de-value’ yourself like that? After all, you’re easily replaceable with a younger, prettier, thinner woman...unless you buy lots of product of course! :/ wonderfully thoughtful video.
I also find it strange that so many feel entitled to make comment on a woman's reproductive choice. I can't understand why anyone would think someone choosing to be childfree is selfish considering the current state of the world and overpopulation and how many unwanted children and homeless adults already exist.
or what about women like me who just don't want children? It's no one's choice but mine.
That's what surrogates are for. If you must have a baby, and your looks are important, hire a surrogate to ruin her body so you don't have to.
Going through pregnancies doesn't have to destroy your body or ruin your looks
@@sams9181 not necessarily but it takes a roll on your mental and physical health, also men seem to believe that the vagina becomes 'loose' which is a myth
Great message! I think you left out a very important part: Female desirability to men. What many cosmetic lines are ultimately selling is are you still desirable? Our product will make you desirable. Because the aspects of female desire of men are different, the ads are different. Essentially, men only want to have sex with women who are hot. That typically includes young as well. To a woman, when you are no longer desirable, you are nothing. I don’t think all men are this way, but I do think this is a huge message being sent. I think we should also shift our values away from whether we are sexually desirable to more honorable values, which are infinitely harder to sell. Thanks for the video!!
Yeahh that's true
@Fat Face Bork Laser™ I have never seen porn targeted towards women unless they're some real underrated sites. Let's be real here, mostly men watch porn and women watch porn targeted for men.
@@kaylie8042 I would say most men watch porn and most women read erotic fiction.
Excellent. I’ve also noticed that being a woman, especially working in the service industry, people feel that it’s totally okay to comment on your looks and body as well as to touch you without permission. Ive often had older men tell me that they dislike my short hair or I would be prettier without facial piercings and I just wonder if this entitled attitude is partially to do with the way we market towards women almost as if they are the commodity.
This physically makes me sick. I almost can't believe how entitled and mysoginistic many men in our world wide culture are. It's about time everyone becomes a feminist.
! ! !
Aaaargh! I copped this shit when I worked in hospitality in the 80s and I'm horrified to hear it is still happening to young women 😡
@@lilithowl unfortunately it still happens but it honestly depends where you work. In my experience corporate places are the worst and smaller owned ones are generally better. I’ve had a man grab my wrists and pull me almost over the bar top and he wasn’t even talked to let alone kicked out like we need to make sure employees feel safe coming to work. Especially considering that sexual harassment from other employees is also rampant in the industry so it’s coming at you from all sides.
I worked in a fairly respectable retail job for a trusted brand that sold very practical clothing and work clothes. I dress like a boy. And I looked like a 15 year old, when I was 25. Had multiple men choose to grab my ass, out of nowhere.
No idea how these dudes' brains work.
Another problem for women is that beauty standards for their bodies change every decade or so. I remember when I was younger, having a "fat ass" was an insult, because in early 2000s, the beauty standard was to be very skinny. In the 2010s, hourglass figures and curvy bodies became the ideal. Our bodies are trends that go in and out of style.
I feel like for men, the beauty ideal is more constant? Not that it's a good and healthy ideal, but different
@Kill it with fire I think that there's some aspects of female beauty that can not be achieve naturally like breast size, hips, little noses, thin hair and so on, I'm not saying that is always fair for men either, but that an average looking man will have more chances in relationships, work and life in general that an average looking woman because of the value that is giving to a woman apparence compare to the importance that is given to the skills and personality in men (with i think is fine, it will be better if the same was for women regarding their intelligence, kindness, skills, etc.)
-i apologize for my grammar, english is not my first language
@Kill it with fire did you even watch the video? there are tons of average looking men in television and movies. look at any man in any sitcom tv show. big bang theory, its always sunny, new girl, modern family?? most, if not all of the men in those shows are average looking, to some people probably below average. big noses, double chins, eyes too close together or too far apart, bald heads, overweight, rough skin, short stature, etc etc etc. your insecurities are valid and deserve to be heard just like anyone else's, but this video was talking about how beauty standards are applied to women differently than men, and trying to undermine this issue is disrespectful.
@Kill it with fire You're saying that huge breasts can be achieved naturally without surgery whilst keeping a ridiculously slim waist if you are not born with them in the first place? so than we can say that males can achieve 6 pack abs if they go to the gym and change their life style right? And please; men give bare crap to women that are god forbid over 5'5. And women don't normally care about the penis size; its about how you know how to use it typically from what women around me and I see saying. You sound like an idiot.
@Kill it with fire are you mad? Women can't magically grow or reduce the size of their arse, or create a different waist-hip ratio depending on what body type is fashionable at any given time. The nearest you can get to it is intensive, and I do mean intensive, workouts, rigorous diets and sometimes very dangerous treatments like brazilian butt lifts. You have to make it your full time job and even then you won't get the exact look that's considered desirable, if your underlying shape isn't there.
@Kill it with fire you really have to step away from the incel websites. This headshape stuff is nonsense. But you can indeed have surgeries that will alter your face to make it more "masculine". Height is not that important. Plenty of short men (Mick Jagger springs to mind) date supermodels. Short men are often well-formed and very physically attractive, and of course you can spend ten hours a day in the gym and be on a rigorous diet to achieve the cut look of your dreams. You can have surgeries to make your penis longer or fatter, same as women do for breasts and butts. Of course they are dangerous and the results are not perfect but it IS achievable! If you honestly believe that women "can" achieve the look of a supermodel by merely working out, dieting, having surgeries and other procedures all day every day, then so can you.
One of the most frustrating parts about beauty standards is men gaslighting us or blaming us for them, they either don’t exist or they’re our fault.
Right! It's the fact that men literally built the beauty standard for women AND men
@@MaidenOfHusbands YES YESSS
@@MaidenOfHusbands how did they build it for men? The beauty standard to me was what was ever considered attractive to most people and most men aren’t attracted to other men
@@ivory867 rich men don't want to compete with young men
@Subhuman Manlet what’s your point here supposed to be? I don’t really see how it applies to this discussion
This was fantastic!
On the topic of ‘beauty standards for men’ I don’t think we can overstate how important being tall is (or at least taller than their partners)
Women will openly state that they don’t want a short guy, it appears on dating profiles (“don’t even bother if you’re under 6ft”) and it is something that can’t be changed/hidden.
It’s a really sucky standard for men AND it is something that can’t be changed/hidden.
Exactly
Exactly
I agree with you and what really bothers me is that it’s shorter women that perpetuate this. The idea is that the height contrast will make the women look even more attractive next to a tall man by playing up their shortness as daintiness/delicate. You can look dainty and cute while tall as it really depends on facial features but it’s a quality short women use to attain men of higher wealth (as tall men are more likely to have higher paying jobs by virtue of being imposing through their heights). It’s even more awkward because in real life you’ll see tall women willing to date shorter guys since tall women are infinitely less common than shorter men. But taller men are also less abundant throughout the world than shorter men unless you’re strictly looking at the USA, Northern Europe, Russia, Brazil, South America, some Africa and parts of the Caribbean since in these regions, men tend to be taller. Women won’t date guys their own height, saying they like feeling delicate and small next to talk guys, but I think in hindsight there’s more to it. Much like men want to seek the most attractive women to attain social status/respect, I think shorter women do it to retain attention via contrast.
kind of. But most men wouldn't search for a taller girlfriend too.
@@lchit3535 its not tied to specific heights. If the woman is a Match most men wont care about height. Like the fact that there are women who wont even date short guys, proves that there are men who would date those girls even IF they were taller.
I love this quote, "Beauty is power and since women are robbed of their beauty on a daily basis, it's no surprise that there are institutions out there that are more than happy to sell it back to them. Then steal it away from them at the next opportunity"
Agreed. I need to have it on a poster in my house somewhere.
Who said that quote?
@@MissMiserize he did at the end of this video.
@@teaareuh Lol okay. I was in the middle of the video when I saw your comment.
@@MissMiserize all good! I figured lol. I do the same all the time!
EVERYONE looks better in eyeliner. I'm not taking questions.
Dwayne the rock Johnson in eye liner?
Ngl, I'd hit that rock bottom!
@@FoxyBoxery lmao😂
gotta say, i don't think i do, like i think i look as pretty without eyeliner as i do with it, pretty in different ways but still o.o
No. You are pretty much delusional
Yes!!!
I kinda think there’s a lot of pressure within women internally also to want to maintain youth because we don’t want out partners to wander....we get taught early that if our partners stray, it’s our fault....we must constantly live our lives walking on eggshells so that our partners may hopefully won’t leave the family for another...just a thought.
When I was a teen in the 1970s, my thick lips (comparatively for a white girl) got me epithets, the kindest (and most printable) one being "fish lips." Then along came Angelina Jolie and suddenly my lips were enviable. I consider that the best time of my life was when I lived in Boston and no one cared whether or not I wore make-up. I managed to shock a friend by using tinted lip gloss.
I will say that being in my early 20s in the early 1980s, I learned to lust after men wearing eyeliner and mascara.
I use to be embarrassed about my big lips too. Than boom it's desirable
The thing that bothers me most about beauty standards, is some men have no idea what it takes.
I can brush off if some idiot fantasizes movie stars as their ideal woman, but when they comparing them to me saying "Look she looks so pretty because she has that NATURAL look. If you wore bright colors and little less makeup you would look like them".
That sentiment always leaves me speechless. I get that the sun-kissed, natural, no makeup makeup thing nearly looks real, but how actual people in this day and age think those people and pictures aren't heavily... Altered, edited, retouched. It boggles my mind.
I think most guys who say they like a "natural look" don't realize that those women who look natural are still covered in makeup, still dye their hair, still do a ton of work to look "natural". If anything it feels like they are really saying "I deserve a woman who is gorgeous in the morning with no makeup up so I get something hot to look at first thing each day"
Not to mention it's incredibly hard to find a woman in the entertainment industry who hasn't had plastic surgery of some kind. Lorry Hill's channel is fascinating, people I never thought had surgery have had it. Most of these women are not natural at all.
have you tried being a man?
@@karlalan3806 You mean life on easy mode?
@@contrarian9999 easy mode? How funny. No one life's easy, absolutely no one wether you are man or woman. And fuck you, yo will always expect us to look like Superman. So is that okey? Can't we complaint too?
Another huge issue is the fact that mainstream feminism has been completely appropriated by capitalism and is now being used to sell products.
YES! i fucking hate seeing commercials about how razors or makeup are "pOwErFuL" or "sTrOnG". it's so fucking fake. corporations are not on our team, they enforce these harsh beauty standards and capitalize off of our insecurities. how dare they try to spin it off as empowering or feminist.
@@angelbiscuits exactly! and now you have this brigade of neo lib feminists who think it's misogynistic to critique beauty culture and are ready to die for these companies 🙄
A relative of mine grew up in a socialist country where all sexualization of women was banned, including beauty pageants, strip clubs and pornography. She said that women were judged by their talents and contributions and had more confidence in themselves.
@@slavmetal makeup can be creative! i like experimenting with different looks etc just for me (i won't go outside or feel like i have to wear makeup ever). i shave cos i don't like sweating as much. like for me its a personal choice, but i feel just as good without makeup or anything
Feminism cannot sustain without capitalism.
I live in Korea, where advertising for men's cosmetics is common and ubiquitous. Not just skin care- but concealer, contouring, foundation, etc.
It sounds like a lot of guys here are sad about their height. So here's a message to you from me:
My boyfriend is around 165 cm (5'4 in US) and is fucking beautiful and sexy. Our bodies are actually pretty much the same size, so we even share some of our clothes, hahhha. It's fun. There's no reason to try to compensate being short with extreme fitness, being a "manly man" (looool at that expression) or whatever you think you need to do
So you can be short but only if you are fucking beautiful and sexy?
@@user-xu3cz7vp2j idk how you’re so illiterate or how you intepreted it so wrong. OP said that their bf is beautiful and sexy DESPITE of their height. they’re saying they don’t care if their bf is short or tall because in their eyes he is still beautiful. that’s the thing about love, you love your partner’s traits, they’re perfect to you. she’s saying that there’ll always be someone out there who’ll love you for who you are and not care about your height.
I wish more women were like you
Short boys are the cutest you cant change my mind
When I tell people that I'm 6'2 and single, I get called a liar because people automatically expect you to be a "slayer" or something
Have you ever noticed how actresses have to always act in a pretty way?
Just survived an explosion? Gotta do it in a pretty way.
Picking up something heavy? Gotta make sure your face is pretty while straining under the weight.
If it's not a childbirth scene (and still even then too) a woman MUST keep a pretty face while acting.
Not to mention wearing heels while running if you're in an action movie.
@@habeebaelwalily3081 like from dinosaurs
@@vivvy_0 while holding a flare
mainstream movies are just terrible. Watch some European drama stuff and will find actual normal people with grounded genuine stories and looks.
@@RealHero101111 Do u have any european drama recommendations? Im looking for some stuff to watch
i hate the beauty industry. i don't want men to be included in it, i want this industry to be gone and leave both men and especially women alone to be be happy with our natural looks.
yesss omg
I can assure you that women would kill someone if that happened haha
@@gregorythestallion2984 why🤨😒😒😒
beauty standards exist regardless of the industry, it's part of our evolution. the beauty industry is a byproduct of this reality, why do you think it exist in the first place?
What excactly do you wanna tell us with this? That it's completely okay that a billion-dollar industry has the power to set beauty standards that are extremely unnatural and impossible to reach and therefore causes mental health issues and eating disorders?
I'm a mixed woman with kinky hair I gave up on bein pretty when I was like 17. I have green eyes, and that the only feature I get compliments in, but I was bullied in school for my afro hair. It is hard for me to really feel good about people telling me "how pretty my eyes are" since I know the reason my whitest body part is praised, while my blackest feature is hated, mocked and to this day people still ask me to hide it with relaxers, and straighteners
This is no coincidence, we all know why 🙄
I really appreciate how structured and thought out these videos are. Definitely gives us a lot to think about
23:50 Another thing I would like to add is that usually when we do see plus-sized models, they have curves in all the right places, and still also tend to be white or light-skinned, and most especially, abled-bodied (god forbid we have all three!). This has never been comforting to me as a plus-size black disabled woman because I do have curves in all the "wrong" places (top heavy and flat butt), so seeing some of these plus-size models still makes me feel like there's another standard I'm not living up to. Insightful video!
Edit: OMG!! 1K, I love y'all!!
That's very true about these "plus sized" models. They don't have bodies or faces like Melissa McCarthy in "Bridesmaids," that's for sure! At the end of the day, they are models, selling clothing or cosmetics or hair products. And companies hire models to look good and make the products look good.
Americans in particular seem obsessed with "sexy" female bodies with bigger bust and butt, yet smaller everything else. But high fashion models tend to just be skinny, very tall with long legs, and very little "curve." And certain races have generally small curves. When they gain weight, it doesn't make the bust or butt bigger, it just spreads everywhere else! As you say, "curves" in the "wrong" (unwanted by many, but in my opinion, not wrong) places. Seems nobody loves belly fat or "muffin tops"🙄
I totally agree with youuu. I’m not plus sized but I notice the same thing. Usually most plus sized models have conventionally attractive attributes in the face or like you said curves in the right places. For example Tess Holiday she is a plus sized model but she has the typical model face. Or Ashley Gram?? She has the model face and is plus sized but she still has a flat tummy and small waist compared to her body.
Often, especially for photoshoots, plus-size models will use padding to give them that perfect shape. So that's why 'actual' plus-size women never look like that.
@@tootsm. A-ha! I can see how that would help.
I guess that's a reminder that shapewear, girdles for the tummy, and padded bras can achieve a lot.
Still, I find those ladies unique for having so much more weight but they still have a neck and chin that's not double or triple. Unlike say, Roseanne Barr's face and neck in the early seasons of Roseanne on TV.
Too true!. I recently had to unfollow a plus sized fashion page on fb because the comments towards body types that didn't fit this type of standard were appallingly toxic to say the least. Beautiful girls with bellies had their choice of form fitting outfits referred to as "unflattering and unhealthy" and that they should wear binding under garments to achieve a smoother more acceptable appearance.
This reminds me of a debate I saw, as to why calling a woman who wants a rich man a "gold-digger" is perfectly acceptable, but calling a man who wants a beautiful and young wife a "youth digger" or "beauty digger" just doesn't make sense.
There's a very clear double standard here
@Kill it with fire you really think men are getting some short end of the stick huh
@Kill it with fire
No one is getting any end of any stick. Both sexes suffer equally from bullshit expectations!
@@FoxyBoxery
Suffer? Sure. But not equally.
@@MissMiserize
Equally!
@@MissMiserize It actually is easier for women to get a man than vice versa.
I have naturally really dark under eye that makes me feel do insecure , and when I don't hide them people point out how tired or unattractive I look , but now I care less I that makes me so much free ,I think if you want to don't cover them up , you look good anyway and people love you for your amazing content and perspective , your by far my fav youtube and I really hope the best for you and also people notice your content more.
The next time someone rudely comments on your undereye circles just retort that you'd rather "look tired" than be an actual asshole.
Hey, Taylor hill has dark circles too
Thank you. It was an excellent video-essay! I personaly liked your calm, polite and level-headed argumentation with a little bit of sharp tongue.
Even when you disregard all the other beauty marker expectations, typically the ideal woman is aged 18-25, whereas the ideal man is 25-35. Men are attractive when they are established in their body, women are attractive before they've finished developing, and are encouraged to avoid it at all costs 😠
Women from 18-25
Best reproductive chances.
Men like that.
Men from 25-35
Best status and at being stable.
Women love that.
There. I solved it for ya. You are welcome
@@gregorythestallion2984 that's not right. This is the reason why many women are forced into marriages at that age in many cultures which is not right. By the way average age of marriage in western countries for women are around late 20s or early 30s.
My ideal man is 35 to 45 but you may call it daddy issues👀
@@gregorythestallion2984 yup and it’s called hypergamy which is found in nature as well
@@empressofaquaria Exactly, if hypergamy is in females nature. Looks are just not that important for men.
When Jason Mamoa is considered “unconventionally attractive” you know it’s over yourself lol
Yeah, I think he's conventionally attractive but maybe he's talking about his long hair and beard.
I think its cause of the thick beard and hair. Or maybe because he's ethnic looking? Who knows
I didn't read that as Jason Mamoa being "unconventionally attractive" but rather as a point that men don't have a strict "conventionally attractive" model like women do.
He is "unconventionally attractive" according to the average male model/"sexiest man" standards. Doesn't mean he's not gorgeous just doesn't fit with the typical. He's a throwback to another time really.
Another actor that several people say “unconventionally attractive” is Cillian Murphy. Im like 🧐 how is that unconventional 😩😭
“Might has well have called it prostate cancer”
I’m dying 🤣
This was such a well put together video🖤🖤🖤
I resonated so well with so much of what you said (I even started crying) and I’m very glad that there are people like you making videos like this for younger (and older) people to see 🖤
Keep up the excellent work!
I can’t wait for your next video :)
It’s ridiculous how the standards are so unequal. I don’t consider myself attractive so I worked on showing off my personality and intelligence and i find that these things are hugely ignored because if I’m too intelligent or too extroverted men find it off putting yet somehow males are allowed to do this. Just feel like as a woman you cannot win, if you’re too beautiful you’re not taken seriously if you’re unattractive you’re ignored. It’s exhausting.
Edit: another thing I’ve noticed is how men are allowed to be unique whereas women are to follow this beauty template that’s mostly close to western whiteness. If a woman deviates from the template it’ can only be a small deviation, not too much otherwise she’s consider difficult or worse yet ugly.
Very few men care about our personalities and intelligence trust me, lol. I used to think I'd be appreciated for those when I was a teen and almost no one ever cared except professors and a few employers. Tbh not even women and other girls care, let alone men. They all expect us to fulfill certain "positions" and that's all, everything else, personality, intelligence, charm is just an added irrelevant thing to society as a woman.
I am going to stop trying at this point. I have seen women get shamed for being too skinny, and then being shamed for being too fat. I have seen women getting shamed for not having full lips, and then I see others can shamed for having "monkey lips" (that comment angered the heck out of me). The list continues, such as being too loud, too aggressive, etc, etc. I am tired too sis.
I'm going to be completely honest, if I don't find a woman physically attractive then I'm never going to ask her on a date. And I'd expect any woman to think the same way about me. I've definitely found plenty of women who aren't "beautiful" physically attractive however, and vice versa. Societal definitions of beauty are complete bs. All I want out of a woman is to like them, like spending time with them and to find them attractive. And for them to think the same way about me, of course.
@@RJALEXANDER777 That makes complete sense, as a person's physical appearance is generally the only thing you can base your attraction off of at first.
@@RJALEXANDER777 Literally no one is asking someone to date people they are not attracted to. However it would be nice if people gave a chance to someone they think is not physically beautiful because there might be more to be gained. I wish people in general were more open and didn't discard others at the first glance.
Never understood this obsession with wanting to stay young/ look young forever. Growing old is a blessing not everyone has the opportunity to experience.
Edit: youth is beautiful but there is also beauty and content with age. It’s a less shallow understanding and appreciation of life. I believe when I’m 80 I’ll want to be 80, God willing. I’ll look back on my life like what a great time I had in my 20s and what a great time I’m having now. Maybe I’m just a simple person idk.
Did my comment get deleted
@@BitchChill idk maybe. It’s still in my notifications tho
Yess, I really don't get it. As an example, smile wrinkles are so beautiful! I notice my dad now getting old and he has very clear smile wrinkles (the ones close to your eyes), probably because he always laughs a lot. I think that's beautiful and hope to have even clearer smile wrinkles when I reach that age
Don't care. I want the Gift of Elves, or at least the Númenórean version of the Gift of Men.
@@ishmamahmed9306 Yeah who doesn't want to look young forever am I right, also I love LOTR!!!
You are incredibly well spoken and brought up amazing points in this video, and I especially love the way you summarized at the end. happy new year!
15:33 that "may as well call it prostate cancer" had me dead! I laughed so hard I had to pause the video for five minutes to calm down again
great video btw. very informative and I loved how calm and neutrally you portraied them!
I forgot to say this last video, but Sia is a very interesting case. She isn't considered conventionally attractive, not to mention she is quite old for a popstar, but she always covers herself up with grand wigs and constumes to not be jugded, and from my experience I can see how it works. I don't associate her songs with a face, more like a theme (of the costumes)
Quite old for a popstar? Popstars at any age all continue existing, thus they advance in years. Seems like a naive comment lol
@@electricpurple4112 i think they meant that she started her career pretty late into her life. most mainstream popstars usually start as teens (examples being justin bieber, ariana grande, billie eilish, taylor swift, etc.)
@@vitiated1733 Sia I believe started in the 90s she was part of zero 7, she just became mainstream way later however.
Also one thing being worth mentioning - in her works she puts this pretty young dancer and actress called Maddie Ziegler to the point she kinda became "face" of sia' s work. She's in most of mv's, album covers, she performs with her. Of course this girl is very talented but she is also really pretty. Do you think if sia instead of her used an a little overweight average looking girl it would have the same result? I think not and to prove that just look at the beginning of her career. Sia had been singing for a longer time and before working with Maddie she used her own face. Some of her songs I consider to be even better than her recent release like "soon we will be found" "buttons" "breath me" didn't get the same recognition as the ones she made after people started associating her with maddie. Isn't it weird how her songs written for someone like Beyonce or her own after covering up and finding a pretty representative are more succesfull.
I’ve never realized that!!!!!!!!
When I am perceived as a woman, I am subject to all kinds of scrutiny and rage at all aspects of my appearance, just for being in public. When I am perceived as a man, all the harassment is focused on my femininity.
Wait...this is so true
Wow... that’s a really interesting approach, thanks for sharing
The most insightful comment on this entire video
Ty, person.
Genderfluid, too?
@@peanutbuttertoast7742 I'm intersex and intergender, and gender agnostic/genderfluid [edited for clarity]
What an amazing video. It's wonderful to find such an insightful youtuber, I'm looking forward to more of your videos.
Society basically says women need to wear makeup and men need to go to the gym. Most supplement and gym is marketed towards men and socially men are supposed to do things naturally instead of using makeup. There's still a lot of social pressure to be muscular and attractive as a man you just have to do it naturally. That being said I haven't finished the video but that's because the underlying logic behind the video was somewhat off
Not only that but just because socially women's looks are valued more it doesn't mean that reflects actual reality and I would say that men need to be more attractive to get a woman's attention than because there are so many guys who will pursue any woman regardless of what she looks like. They're also many studies to back that up for example many studies done on dating app saying that women are vastly more picky than men. That being said I think gender roles shouldn't exist so I wouldn't make it very clear that I don't want any gender roles. Also Gym and makeup should be marketed towards both men and women equally
It's not just media and marketing. I'm a 46yr old woman and I've had my appearance judged my entire life. Parents, teachers, peers, employers, relationship partners, family members... perfect strangers have come up to me countless times and felt comfortable either criticizing my appearance or giving unsolicited opinions. I once had my spouses doctor make horrible derogatory comments regarding my new hairstyle during a medical appointment, stating "being with a woman with short hair like that would be like being with a man". It wasn't even a man's haircut but it was above the collar. I'm 5' tall and curvy.. I have to literally starve myself to look "thin enough" and I've never gotten as many compliments in my life as I did when I was edging anorexia and so weak I tried to pass out if I stood up too fast... I was twenty pounds under my medically normal weight. If you are not born with the standard type you spend your life struggling, denying your true personality and prefrences, being uncomfortable, financially burdened, or even hurting yourself physically... and you can never stop unless you are willing to suffer the consequences... and then you get old anyway lol. Age is just one more double standard.. maybe you can make your next video on that one.
I'm sorry, but I, as yet another man, will proceed to judge your looks now.
You are beautiful as you are. Dont try to be someone else, but accept yourself instead. If you pretend to be someone else, you will attract the wrong types of people. They might be hot, fit, rich and whatnot but they will be the wrong types of people for you and you will forever be miserable with them. Be yourself, know that you're always beautiful, just the way you are and the right people will come to you eventually and they will love and appreciate the real you, not the mask that you're wearing. Learn how to love yourself and to appreciate YOUR beauty!
When you mentioned that you're tall and curvey it reminded me of David Kibbe's 16 body types based on your bone structure and how fat is distributed/hold onto your bones. I'm mentioning this because knowing about them made really appreciate each body type including my own..so even if I won't dress accordingly I accept that I dont need to lose weight or gain it "in the right places". Alyart here on TH-cam has an entire series talking about all sorts of features.
I hope you are at a point where you accept yourself despite what people tell you
@Hi My Name Is
Yeah, that's tough, you're used to looking at yourself in a certain way.. but you can totally change your mindset and thought pattern, look up how to have a healthy mindset because as long as you're healthy that is all that matters, perhaps it would help if you observe other people you'll realise how normal you are or how good you have it! Wishing you wellness and health
@Hi My Name Is
yes, it has to come from within for sure! It's awesome that you're facing your difficulties like that!
But, you know, sometimes people need reminders or encouragement, so take my previous comments and this one as that! I just hope when you look into the mirror you see yourself without obsessing over those things that probably no one even sees, but more importantly hope you accept yourself. Perhaps Alyart Alyart TH-cam might help, I feel like I'm marketing for her at this point 😅 but she really made a difference for me and for other women (from what I read in the comments) 😊 anyway peace
Age is another double standard that needs to be addressed. Men get better with age and can wear their hair grey and its acceptable by society. While women are constantly fighting to stay young, never talk about their age, and dye their hair if it it is grey. I have even heard in my life many times women have an expiration date and are no longer desirable by 30 years old. It so awful.
As a gay man who grew up during the Abercrombie and Fitch era, it took me until I was in my mid-20's to be okay with the fact that I will never be a blue-eyed blond who's 6'2" with abs.
What was the abercombie and fitch era? I'm 15 lol
@@user-sn2ob7ms9l This company experienced a big shitstorm back in 2013 when after a customer complained that their sizes are too small for the average woman the CEO basically replied something like: 'We are a brand for young, succesful and beautiful people only' and 'Only the cool, popular kids should wear our brand'.
It’s interesting how many guys have complexes over not being 6’ or taller. I wonder what would happen if we changed to the metric system 🤔
@@janedoll3237 How would that make any difference, 6' is 6' wich in metric system would be 183cm
@@SuperRh500 obviously, but they seem to fixate on that particular number? The actual reality of the situation wouldn’t change but the way people perceive it might.
Salari you did such a fantastic job on this topic!! You hit the mark perfectly!!! So many true points😍🎊👏🥰🌟
Speaking in part of 20:00, I actually didn’t get hired in an interview before they commented on how I wasn’t wearing any makeup. Mind you I had mascara on and my eyebrows done but no powder/foundation/eyeshadow/blush. I spend a lot of money on my skin. I don’t have breakouts and it was at a salon spa so you’d think they’d want someone with nice skin not needing heavy makeup on but I suppose it looked like I wasn’t trying hard enough. Great video btw! Very insightful and I enjoyed this.
And if you fit the beauty standards, you’ll be called “fake” “attention seeker” “plastic” even if you’re naturally like that
This has been my experience as well as my parent’s. My mom and dad are both extremely attractive and man the shit they got for it was so bad growing up. My dad has a prosthetic leg for jumping on my mom to protect her when a colleague tried to throw acid at her at a gathering. He ended up taking the brunt of the acid from his thigh and down but luckily his knee was saved. I inherited their looks and it sucks because even when you try to play it down or just not do anything people still react. You’re not allowed privacy and people forget it’s natural human instinct to be afraid when being hovered or stared at too much. People act like we should be grateful for the attention but the attention is given with an expected response and if you’re frustrated from the constant lack of boundaries, you’re marked as a conceited b$&th. My dad turned out to be a really great dad and husband, he’s worked hard to give my mom and us everything we could’ve asked and be loving to us. But he was the first to tell us kids how much evil people can be out of spite or jealousy. The lady that tried to pour fire acid on my mom was angry because her husband kept hitting on my mom and my dad eventually called his bluff. The woman felt humiliated but instead of calling out her husband for it ended up trying to take out my mom. I was 8 when this happened and it was heartbreaking. Beauty is a blessing to have if you’re a man and a problem if you’re a woman. And a relief it seems if you’re not an attractive guy. That’s literally the vibe most men give off when they come to hit on or observe. Relief and pride and then scorn if you don’t give them the time of day. The other horrible thing about it is that men seem to avoid people on their level of physical attraction and willing to do anything short of impossible to get it. Hence why women can be awful to women considered very attractive since if they wanted it, they could leverage a monopoly. The irony is that most women would take a guy that’s attractive and kind with survivable income over an unattractive one making bank, mostly because the sexual satisfaction is more likely for both parties in the first arrangement than in the second dynamic. The second dynamic just leads to guys trying to seek more women since the women they want don’t respond eagerly as they do and they don’t contemplate why that is. The happiest heterosexual partnerships I’ve seen tend to be when both parties are on the same physical hierarchy and not much in the way of age differences. This only changes if you’re gay, where the age differences can vary but almost always the couples are on the same attractiveness threshold more often than not. This is why women in lesbian relationships might seem more attractive to men since lesbians aren’t going to forcibly condition themselves to deny the natural hypergamy in selection in BOTH sexes like straight women are conditioned to for supposed conveniences. Society tells women to bed men they might not find attractive (and thus have issues when bedding them or putting out) but to find pleasure in material things as a sacrifice for creature comforts. Homosexuals pick their partners like men are encouraged to pick their women, just go for the one you like and are attracted to. Or they’re more realistic about it and go for what’s on their level. With straight men it seems like average is not an option. The worst part of being attractive that a lot of people want to minimize is just how invasive and in your face people can be about it. You’re literally not allowed to have a time for yourself out in the wild without someone trying to shove themselves into your eye sockets and a woman or two bitching about it because they’re being ignored. At first you want to be a good sport about it. Feeling flattered that others find you appealing. Because that’s honestly not an insult. The scary part is that almost always they assume that kindness is a romantic or sexual invitation. And eventually you become anxious and weary of dealing with them since no matter how you try to approach the dynamic, even when at first they try to be friendly and say they’re not trying to get in your pants, they eventually turn it around and think that trying to go the slow and steady route makes it better.
@@anamarte7547 true, im happy about not having to be majorly insecure but i have only like 2 friends because if it’s a male they think i’m flirting with them and if it’s a girl they tend to treat me as inferior and envy me, i’m sorry if i sound presumptuous but it sucks
I still think fitting the beauty standards is a blessing to some extent, but ya, everyone in their own way can never win
YES!!!!! So annoying or portrayed as stuck up or rude
!
@@loveinbloom9315 I also noticed that the majority of attractive women are only happy if they are also upper class cause they get praised for it and respected, but when you’re super pretty and poor, then it won’t be this easy unless ofc you get scouted by a modeling agency or some lucky shit. attractive people in third words countries, don’t truly benefit from pretty privilege, especially the women. They get many guys constantly harassing them before they ever hit puberty, and they constantly deal with jealousy from bitter women. There are millions of women better looking than kendall Jenner and gigi hadid , but instead of benefiting from it, they live it like a curse, and rarely receive compliments. They can’t even use their beauty to marry up, cause now most rich men would rather marry an average looking woman from the same class as them than an attractive poor woman, no matter how much men on the internet says money doesn’t matter, it does.
It's funny how social ideas influence what we think about as "virile". Head hair, for example-- male pattern baldness is caused by DHT, a masculinising hormone which occurs roughly proportional to your testosterone levels, so the higher your testosterone is the more likely you are to go bald young.
On the flip side oestrogen is related to body fat percentage, so losing weight to the point that's considered "beautiful" is very likely to decrease fertility. I never had more compliments on how great I looked than at a time in my life when I was so thin, my periods had stopped. I'm willing to say that a lot of the fertility theory of attraction is pseudoscience.
Ancient humans honestly had a better understanding of fertility than modern pop culture myths. There's a reason mother/fertility goddesses were depicted as possessing exaggerated breasts and hips, and typically being obese by modern metrics. Goddesses representing "beauty" however have been generally pretty diverse in their appearance. The distinction between fertility and beauty was well understood by our ancestors. And understood that there was worth in both these aspects of femininity.
Yes, defs pseudoscience because the whole field of evopsych... Check out PZ Myers's video about the problems with the basic premises and what it often leads to
On the baldness thing it's actually a result of sensitivity to DHT. It doesn't necessarily indicate more testosterone but that the follicles on your head were very sensitive to it.
Albeit as you said the same hormone is responsible for hair growth everywhere else hence the meme of hair "migrating" haha (losing head hair but having a full beard and body hair)
+++
Can I add that an excess of testosterone is not always better for men? Too much testosterone and therefore too much DHT and thus, baldness. That can lead to infertility, low sperm count, shrinking balls and not to mention a higher risk of heart diseases.
your video are sooo high quality, please keep making more, you are on the road to boom on yt.
Amazing dissection of beauty power and the beauty industry, great video!
I hate how in so many historical dramas, the actresses are heavily made up. Like very evident eyeliner and contour. It isn't that women in late 19th century UK and US (I tend to watch a lot of BBC dramas) didn't at all wear makeup but if the character is an upper-class lady and not an actress or a prostitute, she wouldn't be caught dead in very apparent eyeliner and contour, a touch of blush and powder, sure but not a full-on face of makeup. It's a pity when the production spends so much time on wardrobe and sets and they completely screw up hair and makeup since it can be very distracting.
I've only ever seen one mainstream TV show here in the US that didn't cake the actresses with makeup. Unsurprisingly, the showrunner was a feminist.
This is said when historical dramas are inserting "minorities" at levels that are historically absurd.
@@thorable530 to be fair in history there are times there could be biracial people, although it’s not that common. It’d just be like a once in a while thing you’d see. Most period dramas are kinda accurate in race but the other aspects are inaccurate like the clothing, the makeup etc so I’m not that bothered by it at this point. It is kinda weird to use a poc to play a real life person who wasn’t though, it’s one thing to do that for a fictional character
According to a TH-camr who studied and makes periodic clothes they don't even get the clothes right.
Women are somehow supposed to always look like we are in our early twenties, we're not allowed to age in peace. Aftet 30 we as if stop entirely mattering as human beings just because of our looks. I just heard a case of a woman who despite being married with a kid decided to buy an apartment with her own money due to fearing one day her husband will ditch her for a younger girl. I'm only 23 and I'm already srarting to scrutinize my face for signs of aging due to how conditioned my brain has become throughout my life. I think a model of body neutrality is best to be adopted, any kind of stronger feelings towards our looks - be it positive or negative, ends up screwing us up mentally imo.
It's actually uncommon for men to leave their aging wives for younger women to start new families. Less than 1% of children have a father who is 50+ years old. Women actually initiate 70% of divorces. I think this is a myth that needs to die already. Most older men still love their wives and it's actually older women more likely to leave their aging husband. Most younger women don't want old men. I could understand the worry if her husband showed indications of that sort of behavior. Either way it's good for every woman to have something to fall back on whenever possible in case their marriage does break down.
My favorite is when people start attaching the "for your age" tag to any compliment made once you're 30+ "You look so young for your age!" "You look great for your age!" and my personal fav, "Wow! You're _______? You don't look it!" Like, just pay someone the damn compliment and leave off the addendums, huh?
@@Billybloop well younger women only want old men when they have a lot of money or when they think they are really mature which obviously isn’t the case for every older man, a lot are just as immature and earn average incomes.
Really? I turned 34 in January and can't wait until men stop ogling me... my best bet is to get grey hair soon. I will never color it. Take this, you perverts xD
@@Billybloop 'Most younger women dont want older men' Very true. And if they do, its men who are wealthy they are looking for. Not your everyday, regular 45+ year old older man.
side note: I love how Benedict Cumberbatch looks, such interesting features he has! in my book, he is attractive :D I also love Adrien Brody, to me he is the sexiest man I have ever seen.
Yes! Adriens beauty is so underrated.
@@tool-enjoyer666 😍😍
@@OzmaOfOzz I have a lot of difficulties finding actors\entertainment people attractive precisely because the vast majority of them has a "conventionally attractive" face, and they bore me to death lol
Benedict Cumberbatch, Adrien Broody and Adam Driver are my saving grace, they are all talented and hot as hell, their features are mesmerizing, Benedict's and Adam's voices are positively sinful(also Adam activates instantly my size kink lol).
More of that in the entertainment industry pls
@@DeadKraken I think Adrien's voice is also super sexy, like Id do anything he d say in that voice 😅 I agree, Adam is also very attractive 😍 and Benedict is just so unusual, I love his face
Adrien yesss
"Creating the desease and then selling you the cure" - how damn spot on! All of my physical insecurities have come from media telling me from a you age that I have to look this and that way, and the people around me not questioning it or even enforcing these believes. Objectively I look... fine I guess, but subjectively there are so many "flaws" in my appereance that I'm very self-conscious about, it's crazy... and sad.
I feel like the ultimate answer is that instead of expanding our idea of what is beautiful is to devalue how much we value beauty. Being beautiful should be like being athletic, it’s really great for some specific professions, but for most daily life it’s really not important to be athletic, just a nice bonus.
Omg you're echoing what I ask myself everyday.
Why do we value beauty so much ? It's definitely has some uses but critically thinking it doesn't make much of a difference except in certain professions like modelling or acting.
We don't beat ourselves over not being smarter or richer.
We're allowing ourselves to create a dialogue around beauty by focusing more on it.
@@RimjhimSinghBhardwaj It's a sad trombone of an answer, but I blame a lot of it on unchecked biological values. Our caveman ancestors are still up in our heads telling us to pick the strongest, youngest, most attractive and virile woman to bear their children and then die by 30. That's literally how we still think, even though it's thousands of years out of date. So before we start questioning the validity of beauty (and I totally agree with you on that!), I think we need to make more of an effort to stop blindly adhering to patterns we should have evolved away from a long time ago.
In regards to dating men specifically, then a woman's beauty is really the most important thing. With women it's a combination of a man's attractiveness, and his ability to provide. That's just the way that it is.
@@studiostyx7075 Trying to reprogram your brain to find someone attractive, that you otherwise wouldn't have? Good luck with that. Let me know if you figure out the formula. I'll try it.
@@jaythenihilist4689 that actually is a thing, happened with me
it happened accidentally though
One thing I want to add: beauty standards are changing every year. When I was young big eyes was the trend with thin eyebrows, I have small deep set eyes and thick eyebrows, and I remember I was feeling ugly as a teen even tho my personal environment give me positive response about my look. I was 12 when I started shaping my eyebrows and using makeup so I will look pretty. Then later cara delevigne became famous and I was so happy that "now" I'm pretty, I grew back my eyebrows that was almost disapeard I waxed them so much but I still had my small eyes. Now small eyes (fox eyes) are trendy and I feel good, I always liked my big lips but they are uneven and I correcting it with lipstick. I have bigger nose and small nose are still considered as beautiful, I just hope one day my big nose and not so matched features together gonna be a trend. Also I'm very worried for many people's mental health since I see them having surgery to look like the beauty standard and afeard how they will be when it change again.
I’d say what’s considered attractive is constantly gonna change, much as everyone wants their features to be one of these that’s considered attractive... life’s too short to wait around for your features to meet beauty standards, since they’re only gonna end up changing again
oh my god we’re the exact same with that experience-
i’m still waiting on the bigger nose trend too though lmao
Don't judge your beauty based on what feature is trendy. You're always going to look like you, and you look perfect! The way you are meant to! You can't wait around until other people agree. And I would argue that your features are not mismatched. They come together to make the face you have, it has its own nature and vibe. I encourage you to check out Aly Art on TH-cam. She has amazing videos about the nature of our bodies/faces and how everyone is beautiful in our own skin.
Do you know the solution to this ??? Not giving a fuck.
I know what you mean, I still remember the exact moment where I started hating my appearance. I was 11 and at school we had an ipad app that would mix two people’s faces together. when mine was mixed with another girl the teacher held it up and asked who we though it was, and the boy who sat in front of me yelled that it was obviously me, because my eyebrows were so noticeably thick. I glared at him and he just looked at me and said “what?”, like he legit didn’t know what he had done wrong.
I wanted to disappear.
that night I made my mom buy me a razor and I shaved them off completely. after that I hated any hair that wasn’t on my head. when she took away the razor because, no shit, I found her tweezers and plucked them off.
it didn’t help that the only time i saw characters that looked like me was when they’re appearance was the joke.
this didn’t stop until I was 17. I think the thing that cured it was seeing Kat from euphoria. I loved that she didn’t pluck her eyebrows at all even though they were thick. I felt like if she could love herself and be so confident-even though she looks so different from the “ideal” body, I could too.
Always excited when you have a new video out!
Wasn't sure where this video would go. Posed multiple interesting questions I'd not considered. Well done.
It seems like the closest analogue to women's cosmetics for men is fitness/exercise-related stuff, but even then it's not advertised nearly as persistently, and also women are oft pressured to hit the gym as well, ON TOP of all the cosmetic malarky pushed on them.
Actually, think about this. How much of REAL excerising and working out adevrtised to women? When you see a weight loss ad for products (teas, pill, supplements), it usually targeted more toward women. When you see workouts like yoga or cardio, it's targeted to women. Weightlifting however which is beneficial to both men and women, is targeted toward men. There's this wide belief that lifting weights is going to get you jacked like a bodybuilder when that's not true for women (unless they are actively perusing this).
"Easy" workouts and lose weight fast gimmick products are advertised to women but hard work and heavy effort is geared toward men. It's almost like media treats women like babies in this aspect but except men to work hard for it. Then women who DO put on muscle are shamed for being masculine. Now for others reading this, I'm aware that men are naturally predispositioned to be stronger of course, but this doesn't mean women shouldn't lift those weights as well.
@@MakeSureYouCleanUp I agree that there's a perception that weight training is more apt to build muscle mass, and this falls outside the incredibly narrow mainstream aesthetic for women, while being almost a default for men. I'd disagree that weight training is the only 'real' exercise. I've lifted weights in the past, but if you ever asked me to run a marathon, I'd have keeled over!
@@CSGraves haha I get you. What I meant by "real" excerise was more so actually working out/proper diet vs. the gimmicks out there that say if you do just 15 leg lifts a day you can get rid of your hip dips or drink this tea with questionable ingredients to lose 20 lbs in a week every week. These type of things pop up on instagram all the time and push "easy" methods of weight loss/fitness for women while on the male side I see techniques for lifting and proper posture menthods. Cardio is great too, but too often I see women only doing cardio and scared to lift a dumbbell, then wonder why they don't get that "toned" shape they've been aiming for and it's hard to convince them (coworkers, family, friends that have asked me about working out) because the world is telling them they'll get "buff" if they do.
@@MakeSureYouCleanUp Ahh yes, there seems to be an ocean of snake oil for women's fitness/weight loss/cosmetic purposes out there. And even though many aren't going to fall for these scams, they may still get exposed to the underlying idea of having to look a certain way.
@Kill it with fire But can a woman get a more attractive face through mere effort? Oh sure, western society makes cosmetics an option (if not mandatory) for women, but it can only compensate for so much. A woman with asymmetrical features will face just as much, if not more, difficulty than a man with a similar visage. Same goes with stature or body shape. Exercise will only do so much, but it won't make one taller or undo certain proportions people may be born with. These 'genetic' issues affect women too. I'm not saying men can't also suffer from feelings of unattractiveness (Oh, I KNOW it ain't so!), just that in the media at least, there is a heightened emphasis on women to fit into the proscribed notion of beauty. And as a guy who isn't exactly confident looks-wise, the idea that half the population is getting it _even worse_ is sobering.
i feel that the root cause behind this issue is that for so long men have been encouraged to be successful and women have been encouraged to be wives to successful men. men have been told to do their best and bag a beautiful wife as some trophy for their accomplishments. this means that women have to become the best trophy, thereby becoming objectified as appearance gives them worth. to break down these beauty standards we must acknowledge the stifling gender roles that they serve
@Kill it with fire also comes with far more freedom
bro for a sec i thought i made this comment lmao
Has nothing to do with artificial "gender roles". It is biological. Women want the best genes and security, so they go after alpha males. Men want women that produce healthy children, so they go after young and healthy (= beautiful) women.
@@dagda3000 alpha males are not a thing. that wolf study was debunked by the same scientist who came up with it, after he realized he completely misinterpreted wolf family dynamics. Mech believed that the "alpha male" was the only one who could breed with the "alpha female". But then it turned out that he was actually observing a family dynamic and the reason the "alpha couple" didn't breed with other pack mates was because these pack mates were their offspring.
Here are some quotes by the guy who came up with the study and then debunked it : "The male and female co-dominate the new pack for a much simpler, more peaceful reason: They're the parents of all the pups.
Mech writes on his website (with the lovely title Wolf News and Info) that his original book is "currently still in print, despite my numerous pleas to the publisher to stop publishing it."
I think when you're talking about "alpha" you're talking about confidence. It's true that humans are attracted to confident individuals (whether they're male or female). Truly confident individuals make you feel better about yourself and make better partners. Confidence = security and happiness for both individuals. Biology is a factor in how people partner up, but it's not the only one. Otherwise gay people would not exist because there is no purpose in falling in love with your own gender. Old people wouldn't fall in love with each other because "what's the point if we can't make babies?". Infertile people would never get partners because no one would want to be with someone if they couldn't produce children. And no one would fall in love with people with disabilities because they are not healthy in the same way. And also, what about all the people who straight up don't want children? Why do they pair up with anyone?
If you look around you will see that most couple aren't like your average Hollywood couple. Huge age gaps aren't the norm. Only 5% of marriages have age gaps where the guy is more than 10 years older. And 1% where the woman is more than 10 years older than her partner.
I'll meet many couples where the guy is older by 2 to 5 years older. So the biological element is there. But the age difference amongst most partners is waaaay smaller than Hollywood makes it seem.
@@TheShitArtist Alpha males are a thing. It just describes males that are dominant in male hierarchy structures. For example, a lion with a harem of lionesses is the alpha male until a stronger lion comes along and takes his place.
And women go after men that have a high position in male hierarchy structures (such male hierarchy structures come in all kinds of forms, e.g. also a successful gangsta can be an alpha in his specific hierarchy structure).
Of course, it usually takes time to climb the ranks in hierarchy structures. Therefore, most men reach the peak of their sexual market place value in their 30s. And those men usually go for younger women because females reach the peak of their sexual market place value in their 20s.
Therefore, in around 30% of marriages the guy is at least 5 years older. This is a very high percentage considering that many couples already meet in high school or college and therefore have a similar age by default. Also, many men are obviously not alphas and therefore cannot pull younger women. Those guys are "forced" to settle for women their age although they would prefer younger women - like many women are "forced" to settle for such men because they do not have the attributes to pull alphas.
Subtly hearing the Disco Elysium soundtrack in the background gave me some of the strangest nostalgia I’ve ever felt
I just stopped playing because I'm waiting for the major update! (Full voice acting, new characters!)
“Gun Metal Gray!!!” Scared the shit out of me lol
As a girl rated about a 5, I think my worst fear is the "Hey bro, you can do better than her"- comment..
It's also effing disgusting... You're not merch to be "replaced with better"
I swear to god. SAME- someone who understands.
@Kill it with fire True, but in that case it's mostly about his personality or about something that has happened... often combined with "That guy is was a jerk anyway, forget him". Women do not often say it immediately regarding only the looks of the person.. since "what does she see in him" is more accepted than "what does he see in her"... I could be wrong tho..
@@TheArtacuno it's a case by case but I've seen it from both sides, equally objectifying
@@TheArtacuno
Half right, half wrong I would say.
Hi I'd just like to say thank you for using your privilege to speak up for women. I find that we often talk about these things but are rarely taken seriously. It's ridiculous that I have to thank you but I really am grateful. Its so tiring seeing "good" men, men who may even consider themselves feminists, being idle and passive on these issues.
Then when we say it we are envious and "it's not that big of a deal"
I agree!! I was also really glad that he's so informed and well spoken on womens/femme presenting people's issues and speaking about them on his own platform. I wish there was more of this, most men (imo) just see it as "not their problem" , or just don't talk about it without focusing on men completely.
@@UtauHotaru 100%!!!
Privlage?
Agreed, and there are always men in the comments sections of these types of talks (as seen on this video) trying to claim it's all made up or just to derail. It's good to have a male ally speaking up for what is simply reality.
I really appreciate you making videos like this and the time and energy you put into them really shows. Things definitely need to keep progressing and getting better so we don't feel a need to always be 'on top of our game' even when we're not feeling it inside and spending tons of money on products to feel better about ourselves. If of course people want to do that then naturally I'm all for supporting businesses but only because they want to and not because they were made to feel they aren't good enough as they are.
One of the most frustrating things is that celebrities get plastic surgery to have a perfect body and a perfect face, and they tell you you can achieve the same thing without plastic surgery
I feel kind of bad ass that I said this in high school over 16 years ago when the guys called me ugly . I said “I literally have the same features as you “ 😳 and looking back at photos I was prettier than most of my bullies I was just naturally thin 😳.
maybe they hated themself and saw themself in you 💀 sorry you had to go through that
@Marissa Lopes I watched the video and tbh, I kinda find it annoying how he disregarded the beauty standards that men face. A man is expected to be tall and well built. Many men are body shamed for being too short or too thin and are always told to eat more. Women want a guy who is 6ft and above and if he's not then he's rejected. Watch Ibrahim Kamit's video on this matter, he explained it perfectly.
@Marissa Lopes I mean she could have like bushy low eyebrows with a strong brow bone which usually aren't seen as looking good features on women but rather good or neutral on men.
@@ehtishamkhan2004 I am so fucking short I would not date someone taller than 5’8 because above than that I’ll look like a midget.
@@ehtishamkhan2004 Its funny because this is literally perspective. 3 of my bestfriend are with guys that are super thin and one is with a guy that is shorter. With that alone evidence and so many others alone this generalizing of what women want is already false.
The stress of being a girl in planet earth is hard
Tell me about it
The stress of being human on planet Earth is hard. Both genders have their unique challenges.
@@alexj7931 you're beautiful
Same for boys
@@user-xu3cz7vp2j hw is a girl saying living in planet earth as a woman is stressful not making men talk about their feelings?
Bro you just speak with that mic without any visual and I'll be your daily viewer.
It's so peaceful to see you speak with those facial expressions and tone .
words and way of talking is just awesome.
I love how honest you are, thanks for that
I remember being 12 and super insecure about having a wide nose. Almost every "beautiful" woman in the media had a tiny nose. I was convinced I'd get a rhinoplasty one day. Seeing famous musicians who were WOC, many of whom had noses on the wider side, made me feel a bit better - but then again, nearly all of them had big, full lips which I didn't have. I could say I'm fortunate because puberty went really well for me and I probably adhere to the standards of beauty now, but I can't help but think what if it didn't turn out that way. How different my life would have been.
I understand you too. I don't have an ideal body or face. Even though WOC are more represented in media, as a teenager, I still feel like I am not pretty enough because I don't meet the standards of beauty for WOC. I am happy you appreciate yourself more, and I just had to comment because what you went through is what I am going through now (wanting to get plastic surgery).
I am 16 and I think I adhere to basic beauty standards. It is always in my mind that I need to be grateful that my face turned out this way, since it is something that I did not earn and something I don’t deserve. The respect I get from classmates hinges on my looks. My intelligence and character comes second. Looking back at my photos, I’ve always been decently attractive. It makes me wonder how different my life could have been if I had not been fortunate enough to be born with this face. My life would be so different today, and that is something that I hate. I hate that my life is affected by something out of my control, even though it is a positive effect. I hate it so much I feel sick. But there is nothing I can do about it.
Edit: Wait a second, I just had my bday. I’m 17 lol
@@marciavox8105 Hey girl (I think, please correct me if I am wrong!), don't feel bad. It's something you can't control, so why beat yourself up over it, especially when I think some "unattractive" (heavy emphasis on the quotations) people don't despise attractive people over something they were born with, unless they use it for bad purposes that try to make other human beings feel like they are beneath them, or they just have a crap personality. Why don't you focus on the fact that you aren't an attractive person who uses their appearance to hurt or put down others. Also, you shouldn't feel bad for the reason you've also stated; your intelligence is undermined. As long as you know your own self worth, I hope that's enough.
@@yesno8785 Thank you for your kind words. I just hate the unfairness of it all. In an ideal world, we would all have the same level of attractiveness so that no one would be favored in life. I was raised by a mother who was shunned by her family because she didn’t meet their standards of attractiveness. Being raised by her, I’ve been made aware of my leg up in life due to my looks. I can feel her resentment toward pretty people because of how her family treated her. It makes me sick to think that pretty people are seen as exempt from basic rules of etiquette and aren’t treated with the same expectations as “unattractive” people. (And yep, you guessed right! I’m a girl!) I know that so much of the good in my life is only due to my face. It sickens me, it really does. I didn’t do anything to deserve my good fortune. The people around me didn’t do anything to deserve their hardships. It just makes my stomach churn.
@@marciavox8105 as a person who was considered (by most people my age) ugly until I was 16 and average until I was about 19-20? I still feel weird when people appreciate my attractiveness, it's almost alien and I'm 24 now. My awkwardness at that age didn't help either. So I just wonder what it would have been like to be considered attractive and/or popular in high school. I remember my best friend, "the pretty girl", being invited to all the parties despite being introverted and slightly awkward as well, meanwhile i was being ignored.
This video was amazing. I also love the disco elysium music in the background :)
Growing up, I never really understood makeup or fashion. I didn’t pay attention to ads nor read magazines geared towards teens. However, I was always told by female friends that if I put on this makeup or wore this, I would be prettier. It made me insecure enough to try some of the things they suggested. I was so uncomfortable every time.
The thing that frustrates me most as a woman: is how because I dont wear makeup or have long hair people assume I'm gay? Currently idk what I am, but deviating from the norm for me just resulted in people around me pressuring me to "just give it a try". The pressure to confor is still so strong even though we've come so far in breaking down barriers, so many still remain.
What you described is what most people associate with as butch lesbian women.
Yeah like any woman with rly short hair and who doesn't like wearing dresses and skirts will be immediately branded lesbian. Its so annoying
I went thru the same thing in high school:/ I promise ppl get better after that, there’ll still be annoying ppl but in college/work you’re more likely to run into a more diverse group of ppl (esp in college). Lol walk in to class in pajamas and messy bun in a morning class and no one will bat an eye, if anything they’ll feel jealous of how comfy you look.
And that's how civilisations collapse.
People as individuals wants to be able to sort others into groups, despite thinking of themselves as entirely separate + unique - it's this weird double standard across the board, where you and your friends are "multiple people going out to drink + dance" while the identical group of people your age across the bar from you are "a group of posers/tryhards/alcoholics/immature/slutty/etc" - the individual-vs-groupthink mentality is so interesting to me bc like - we are ALL individuals, AND we are ALL statistics.
I've never understood people's aversion to be tallied, counted or otherwise added to a statistic - like, what do you think a Society is Dave? It's millions of individuals, within hundreds of groups, who in turn are part of dozens of statistics.
No man is an island - and even if you are an island, your roots are still connected to the same place ours are.
This man not having a fragile masculinity= 😌👌
@Alt Cont I think he does but in a good way
@@laweazul what does that mean
@@monkeydude2424 he embraces masculinity but not in a toxic way
@@laweazul yes but what did he do that would be considered masculine ?
@@monkeydude2424 I mean his voice, facial features, etc
Thank you for doing this great work. 💐
This video is so high quality. Better than 90% of the stuff on TV
Finally someone talks about this and it's the second video - hopefully of a series. This needs to be addressed. Too many people bitter and cynical because they hate their own DNA, but too ashamed to talk about it. It's obvious. This needs to change. Can't wait!
I’d like it to be a series too.
Same!
It's different here
I'm just bitter and cynical in general not because I hate myself or something but oh well lol.