Masculinity is a Prison Feat.
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The confines of masculinity and all its norms have trapped men for far too long, and in that time have caused immeasurable harm to them and those around them. I want to explore why men are taught from birth that adhering to the norms of masculinity and how the very thought of leaving its boundaries has become a terrifying prospect for many. I also want to talk about how even though masculinity is a prison, it's one from which men can escape from at any time.
A massive thank you to @FDSignifire for going out of his way to share his experiences in this video, I highly encourage you to subscribe to him and check out his recent video series dissecting and connecting the manosphere: / fdsignifire
Special thanks to Kurashu for his excellent graphics once again, Ana Marta Filomeno for the thumbnail ( / attractivemonki , and to Andrew Barist LCSW, who offered his expertise on men's mental health
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From France, seeing "wine" as something feminine coded is quite bewildering.
From the US, it seems a little funny seeing football coded as masculine because here it's still largely considered a sport for children and Europeans, who are feminine coded for some stupid reason.
just proves how arbitrary these cultural standards are
I’m in the us and I’ve never heard of wine having a feminine association, my dad brews wine in his basement
It's cultural, maybe inherited from a British prejudice against France.
British xenophobia lmao
The makeup thing is specifically funny to me since I cannot count the amount of times I’ve seen men online say things like: “See I want a natural woman like this,” while said woman is wearing a full face of makeup with a dewey base, contour, lashes, and a dramatic eye look.
So pop on some concealer if you have a blemish or under eye circles because the type of men that you would be afraid to police you for wearing makeup seem like they have literally no idea what it looks like half the time.
that's hilarious.
The art of no-makeup makeup is genuinely impressive.
Right? "Boyfriend does my makeup videos" are funny too. "I want natural" and they every. single. time. they all go for garish blue eyeshadow and red lips. I've had this happen to me directly a few times. First, a friend of a friend told me I had too much shit on my face (he was a real pig) the reality was I had a dab of powder and black eyeliner. These "natural beauties" that I'd get compared to had primer, foundation, powder contour, bronzer, highlighter (two types, glowy cheekbones and lighter shade concealer forehead, under eye triangles, top of lip, chin), fucken 4 different eyeshadows on, blush, lipliner, multiple lip colours to contour and then gloss and fake lashes.
I also had a colleague once, after years, notice I wore mascara and give me shit about this (I wore a bit of mineral makeup and mascara to work. That was it) when his own girlfriend wore an absolute shittonne of mascara all the time and more makeup than me. Hadn't worked out his girlfriend wore mascara.
I introduced my husband to a concealer stick. It's like I was showing him magic. He's use it now too.
Being a big dude myself, I feel a lot of this. I look like a bloody Viking. I'm 6'1”, I weigh a good 245lbs, which I think is close to 100 kilos. Long hair, full beard, the whole nine. But I was raised in a small town in the deep south of the US. I strongly related to the stories that FD Signifier told about being expected to just "take it and never cry." I remember feeling moved by many a story or movie and just choking back tears, because that's just not what's expected of me. Terrified that others would lose respect for me if they saw it. I think I even remember a couple of times when a friend noticed my eyes welling up a bit with tears, and I was forced to make the "allergies or something" excuse. They knew, and I knew that they knew, but neither of us was about to say anything.
These days, I don't know. It's just such a bizarre situation to live in. I *look* like the stereotypical badass, I guess. I look like I'm perpetually in a serious and/or angry mood. It's the resting b____ face thing, I guess, but I think it's honestly a lot to do with how I forced myself to express myself when younger. Because the truth is that I love everyone. So, so much. I care about humans. I love animals, and I treat them as people. I even speak to them as people. I love plants and cheer them on as they grow. I'm heartbroken by tragedies, and I want so badly to offer my help whenever I see suffering.
But you know what I can't do? Not without extreme effort. I can't cry. In the rarest occasions, I can cry. Usually not much. But sometimes, the dam breaks and I just let everything out. That might happen once in 5 years. On a normal basis, even when I would want to, when I would really think I should, I can't cry.
You know what I do instead?
I drink. I used to drink and get angry (never violent, just a grouch), but now I drink and just stay sad. Even so, I can't cry. I'm no longer s***idal, and I don't feel like I'm going back to that stage, but I still badly wish that I had had more access to my feelings when I was younger. I wish that I had been able to simply cry and not care what others thought. But societal pressure is a hell of a thing.
Please, please let boys cry. Please never make fun of them. Please encourage it. It lets those feelings out. It's normal, healthy, productive. And, honestly? It might even save their life later on.
Love you all.
Hey man, thanks for opening up! Maybe therapy can help you, it helped many men in my circle. And me. All the best!
Thank you so much for sharing your story❤. Just know that when you're crying, there's people out there that even if they were woth you physically, would be there to pat your pat while it's happening. Keep on feeling
You sound like a weird, but interesting dude (would tell you that if you were a woman too lol). But what I can definitely relate to is the crying thing. I don't have it as bad as you it seems, but sometimes I'm still in situations where it feels like I should probably cry, but I just don't. Sometimes I feel like a burst of emotions might actually motivate me and help me. It feels like I'm cut off from a useful tool or a source of energy.
We love you too Nordic teddy bear man~
: )
Glad to hear someone like you out there exists. Wishing you well.
I'm a woman, I just wanted to say a thing about makeup, since you talk about how you can enhance features and make them look natural - be careful with that. For me, makeup has been for a long time a thing that I needed to feel like I looked like a human being, probably because the women's faces that we're sold are always extremely altered, and I didn't get out of my home without makeup on. Ever. The only way I was able to break this cycle of dependence was to quit makeup altogether. I'm aware that not everyone is in the same situation and that a lot of people have a healthy relationship with it, and I also recognize the creative potential of makeup - personally, I love when people do cool, colourful things that don't even try to look natural. However, the whole concept of enhancing one's appearance is so so close to internalised oppression. I feel like it's closer to shaving that we like to admit: it can be, at least sometimes, a way of nearing a beauty standard that has no point in existing in the first place. We should deconstruct the standard, I don't know if expanding the pressure of nearing it through makeup to men, too, is a good move.
I have heaps of make up, love it, yet most days don't wear any ironically. Sometimes I do a "natural" make up look, but I already have a face without it... I admit that if I do wear natural make up it tends to be about looking "professional", "tidy" and "put together". However, I have decided that celibacy works best for me, I am 39 now, and I have decided that I am no longer interested in dating or relationships. I am introverted, have a bad relationship past, I have a lot of debt from study, etc... it is just for me, the best decision. Here is the thng... I feel a lot more freedom to use make up in a creative way now, because I don't care if I am seen as unattractive. There is definitely a societal ideal about what kind of make up is attractive and acceptable, and what kind of make up isn't. And a lot of men are very vocal about hating women wearing make up, and cite women with "natural" make up on as examples of that.
Make Up is the perfect proof of why most women are ugly and in reality men are more charming + gorgeous
I agree with this video, but I think the portrayal of makeup and skincare and clothes as opportunities for self-expression ignores the reality of why women wear them. I understand these are examples of things women typically partake in that men dismiss, however the reality is these behaviors are not just "interests", but rather manufactured by companies to prey on insecurity in women for profit. Most women do not solely wear makeup for self-expression, but because it is expected of them and sometimes even compulsory. Even the video offers makeup explicitly as a solution to certain male insecurities, when in reality this behavior only feeds money to conglomerates and exacerbates insecurity when the product is off.
I just am not sure how repackaging predatory skincare, makeup, or fashion companies for Everyone instead of just women will do anything other than manufacture new insecurities for all people to compel participation. South Korea, for example, sees both men and women wearing makeup or getting cosmetic surgeries. Does this mean anyone is more free in expression, or just that the acceptable presentation of each gender is rigid in a different way, again to benefit capital? I'm not sure. Sorry if this was nit-picky, great video overall.
I really like this comment! Something I struggle with a lot is that a lot of women seem to see makeup as a constructive and compulsory thing. On one hand, wearing makeup can be a fun tool for self-expression, but on the other hand, not wearing makeup opens you up to a lot of judgment and rejection by society. I hope there's a way that our culture can have a healthy relationship with cosmetics.
Brilliant comment!
I love this
The book "The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf goes extensively into this,and the plastic surgery industry,as well.
@@lauragarrard919 Yesss, despite being published in the 90s, I found that what Wolf wrote remains so relevant. A must read, for sure.
F.D’s part really spoke to my upbringing as a black boy with a bunch of older sisters!! We’d play fight, they’d leave all the welts and bruises on me, but the second I hit back, it’s like adults would teleport into the room to give me a chest punch “you don’t hit girls, full stop”. Also the way my interest in fantasy was suggested against, it’s just a garbage way to bring kids up and I appreciate the light he shed on it. Such a great video.
Im so glad that when I and my brother playfighted my mum let us, for a lack of the better word, beat the shit out of each other.
But noo my dad was like: Youre the older sibling, you shouldnt hit your brother!
naaah true equity in childhood relationships is suplexing each other with abandon
@@elvingearmasterirma7241 I mean as long as it doesn’t get out of hand and both parties are having fun then I’d say it’s fine and beneficial to childhood development (that’s what studies indicate anyways).
@@callidusvulpes5556 Yea. Its like throwing kids up in the air, or throwing them a distance across the pool etc
It reminded me of a childhood experience too. I only have a sister, but we had two bothers in the neighborhood who we always played with. I remember being surprised when they told me that it hurts when i punch their shoulder. Even though i would have never punched my sister's shoulder. I too perceived boys to be less fragile. I hope i didn't punch anymore after that. At least by the time i got to college, my shoulder punches were fake slow ones (i never enjoyed physical games, this was more of a way to express myself). But i'm sure it helped that parents didn't keep an eye on us and we played on pretty equal grounds. There were many times when the boys wanted to play much more violently than i did, with snowball fights or throwing gravel at each other -_- I do not perceive that as fun.
@@elvingearmasterirma7241 there is a reason to that I as an older sibling and bigger guy would play with my siblings like that until I realized that I could seriously hurt someone after I some kids teeth fly out
F.D. Signifier is absolutely a great candidate for best friend. What an awesome guy.
Toxic Masculinity was epicly covered by Hbomberguy, Emma Thorne
and Planarwalk,
but that's actually not what my comment is about.
I wanna speak broadly and adress Salari's Fans and tell them
that thought-provoking and issue-adressing Channel exist and i feel the Need
to tell people about them.
Some More News, Holy Koolaid, Second Thought, and basically all Atheist-Channel in General,
as they came into Existence to deliver constructive Criticism in the first place. These People adress Issues small and big, i hope
you give them a Chance.
@@loturzelrestaurant I watch almost all of those folks regularly. 😃
@@PatrickCordaneReeves Oh, you got Taste.
BUT im literally one of few guys on the internet with the odd, odd hobby to 'recommend stuff', so im not outta watch-suggests yet.
@@PatrickCordaneReeves I mean, Masculinity-related, i may have run out already, but not overall for 'thought provoking channel'!
Agree
I wish womens clothes were what you call "boring" and what I call practical and comfy..., so I wouldn't feel pressured to dress "not boring". I would be so happy if make up, dresses, tight clothes, unhealthy heels etc for women wouldn't exist or at least not be so normalized and kinda expected (especially in the professional sense), because a lot of women, like me for example will wear and dress this way not because they really want to.
Yep, only an uncomfortable outfit is considered smart. There's no classic styles, there's always some feature that's fashionable for 5 minutes.
Imagine if there were gender-neutral clothing stores for people who like all types of clothing. I think that'd be nice
The norms are pretty ridiculous for both men and women. A plain t-shirt and shorts or sweat pants, depending on the weather, should always be sufficiently formal for everyday stuff, in my opinion, but fancier options should also always be available for people who want them. It can be nice to dress up on occasion, so long as the way you're doing it resembles your idea of looking good, and not one forcibly imposed on you because gender norms. (I'm a man, and I consider suits to be the absolute worst and also extremely uncomfortable, and would happily trade them for a flowing, dress-like robe on formalwear-requiring occasions if it were socially acceptable to do so.)
You can still wear boring clothes. Both male and female like to experiment and explore, so it's obvious that you'd see monotonous comfy clothes to be not that much in use.
Yeah honestly, being able to dress for comfort exclusively is like my favorite part of being a straight cis guy. I wish women had the same privilege because being fashionable sounds like more of a pain in the ass than anything.
long post incoming: Julia Serano’s writing about traditional sexism (masculinity being valued above femininty), and oppositional sexism (that masculinity and femininity are fundamentally opposites: men are strong, women are weak; men are rational, women are irrational) are fundamental to understanding the relationship that many cisgender men have to their own masculinity. The lines of masculinity are often drawn around what it is NOT- rather than what it IS. Sometimes it seems like being a man is an exercise is abstaining, but self-denial doesn’t make men stronger, it just makes men hurt. And hurt people hurt people.
That reminds me a bit of how being 'white' is all based on what it excluding traits/categories rather than including any. (I can't remember who talked about the concept.) If other categories expand then your exclusionary category can only shrink.
The reason men don’t wear dresses and makeup is because we don’t want to. It’s not like there’s this demographic of dudes who want to be wearing skirts but can’t. Those that want to are probably just going to do it anyway, and more power to them. I just don’t see how that hurts anybody.
One super weird needlessly gendered thing: Drinks.
Beer is a masculine thing, while I get side-eyes for drinking a giant strawberry daqari. And the weirdest part of this is, the 'fruity, effeminate' drinks? Actually way, *way* more alcoholic than beer. Wierd, right?
Beer used to be made exclusively by women, nuns and beer wives. Women knew how to make bread, and by extension beer.
I've had a couple of conversations with my sister recently about how I'm not sure what alcoholic drinks I actually enjoy. I've never been a big drinker anyway but when I do drink I've always felt like I need to guess at what drink is "correct". Beer? That's perfectly fine. Which one? Dunno, erm, one of the ones I recognise I guess. Wine? Also fine, I'll drink it if it goes with a meal but I wouldn't think to order it and beyond red or white I know nothing. Spirits, I sure know some of them but I have no idea which I'd order on any given occasion or with what mixers. Cocktails? Like the idea but I have no clue and feel like they require a social circle that I do not have. Seriously, how do people figure this out?
@@jamesoneill7458 I came from a tee-totaling conservative background and didn't start drinking anything until my late 20s, so I was a total novice. There is a lot you can read about online, even just every time you hear someone mention a cocktail, look up what the ingredients are. You can slowly acquire a collection of spirits and liqueurs and try different things as you go. I also looked up lists of what people who know/care about such things say are good brands to buy (of tequila, or brandy, or what have you). There are also people making content online! The youtube channel "How to Drink" is amusing and informative.
By the way, the I've come to the conclusion that most people know VERY LITTLE about what they're drinking, so it's all just a show of false confidence, lol.
I drink whiskey. That is my pallette. I developed that taste though, because of the high alcohol to calorie percentage, and my teenage eating disorder as a result of being a girl growing in the 90s and early 200s. Ironic.
the rule is it cant taste sweet, it has to make you feel like youre hurting yourself
i find the cis masc aversion to personal hygiene extremely ironic, given that the current aspirational figure of the average dudebro--the viking--was by most accounts **extremely** preoccupied with self-grooming, and the relative cleanliness of their hair/beard was a metric of social prestige
As a man I LOVE being all dirty and grimy. It feels so affirming and gives me actual euphoria
Obviously this shouldn't discount those men who do love taking care of themselves in fancy ways, the way they express and affirm themselves is just as valid as the way I do it
@@painunending4610 depends if you mean like getting dirty through activities like going outside, mechanic work, etc... or just not showering :/ Nothing wrong with enjoying getting dirty but you should still be practicing basic hygiene afterwards lol
I've always associated being super hygienic with masculinity. Strange.
@@moonlites2028 Maybe they meant dirty and grimy in a sexy way
I have to admid the "vikings were to dirty and unkept" makes me so mad because i had to translate those reports in school and it was torture. So yeah, get dirty and sweaty as much as you want but don't tell me you're like a viking because of that or manly or whatever because all you are is smelly lol
Skincare re: Don't forget sunscreen! Probably the most important skincare step!
thank you so much! sunscreen squad ;>
He mentioned it in the video as a text overlay! ^^
16:53
There are lots of great moisturizers and primers out there that include sunscreen but that satchel could use some sunscreen so you can reapply later when the first application wears off.
Unless your black
HOLY SHIT, I FEEL YOU ABOUT MENS FASHION! It is so restrictive! I remember when I was younger, I always liked going to church because everyone dressed their best, and some of the women had really colorful dresses. I was so jealous, I wanted to wear something colorful like that.
As a man one of my favourite things about masculine fashion is the lack of colour. I fucking LOVE boring colours like black, grey, brown and beige. They give me euphoria
If you want fun and colorful men's shirts, I get all of mine like that from Ross, TJMaxx, Marshall's, and Target. They all have more colorful men's clothes that are fairly affordable. I have big floral and geometric prints. Usually $8-$20.
would be nice to wear a kimono
@@Cr4z3d yeah
@@painunending4610 gray is my favorite color and people just can't accept it.
"But concrete"
Gender roles are bullshit, I agree. I'd like to see your take on femininity being a prison as well. I know you briefly touched on it in the video but there's so much more you could talk about.
Yes please. As a kid I used to hate femininity because it was (and still is) really hard for me as a woman to perform it. I was masculine yet the guys didn't see me as one of them for obvious reasons, and the girls didn't see me as a girl either. This led to really traumatic events, I sincerely hated women and had to work a lot to fix that part of me, and even now I struggle with the things that are expected from me as a woman. It's prison that seems more soft yet is equally harming.
I think he could give his perception but Id think a woman that has grown in this culture of masculinity and femininity could give a better take on what she felt her expectations to be and how she felt around other girls
@@PalitoSelvatico I have had a similar phase as a pre-teen as well.I used to find femininity and feminism as man-hating irrational ideas.Now I have realized that gender roles are very relative (with time and region).And i find following them very much like a prison.
honestly a follow up video with a fem presenting collab would be very interesting
the craziest thing about visual femininity performance is that women have to shave their body and facial hair just to go outside or exist, we all just accepted that's normal even though it's completely insane in my opinion
As a woman with a younger brother these things are always in the back of my mind. I want him to be comfortable being himself but I can only do so much when society is in the way. I also volunteer with kids and seeing all those expectations and gender norms in even 6 year old children is so frustrating. And they already deeply internalized it.
I have a younger brother too who I used to worry a lot more about. He seemed to go through a hard time for years, and I always felt like society's expectations of masculinity were a major factor. In recent years though (since college) he's really grown into his own person and shed the toxic masculinity that was thrust upon him by our community. Last year he asked me to paint his nails black for the first time since it became somewhat of a trend, and I got so excited because I never thought I'd see the day where he felt confident enough to wear it. I remember when we were kids our dad yelled at me for putting clear nail polish on him, and I'm sure that made an early impact.
I think that you're already helping him a lot just by being there for him as an older sister. I'm sure he'll overcome all that stuff as he gets older and grows into his own person too!
I work with kids and since it's my job to help kids learn and express themselves unrestrictedly, I think about gender norms and how they may restrict people a lot. You cannot, nor should you try to, shield kids from the influences of the world. But you can help them build a mental and behavioural arsenal that enables them to navigate a world of good and bad influences. Don't try to get your brother to be like this or that, instead try out many different things with him and reflect with him about his experiences. Kids love being philosophers which sharpens their critical thinking skills. It's not about getting guys to like painting nails (as the post above me makes it sound), it's about getting guys to find out what they like.
When boys have sisters they find a sort of balance a lot easier. I have a nephew and we're close and I'm thankful he has 2 sisters, one older one younger. Im not as worried about him as i would be otherwise. The home schooling, though...that's a real worry. Hopefully theyll go to high school, at least
@@LukeMcGuireoides Why would having women and girls around you help? Women can reinforce patriarchal stereotypes just as well as men.
@@somedudeok1451 i dont know this for certain, but i believe boys with sisters are less likely to get lost in the manosphere or turn into incels.
As a trans man, the concept of masculinity is constantly giving me nightmares. I struggle constantly with random, ridiculous things. The other day i saw my deodorant and i thought "i need to get men's deodorant!! One that smells more manly" and then i caught myself assigning a gender to a literal stick of cream!!!
I seriously doubt deodorant "for men" is actually different in any way from the generic stuff supposed to be for women. It's just packaged in bottles labeled with "Extra strong" or "Recharging". They may or may not smell differently but i never bothered testing that out.
@@tenaciousrodent6251 it is in fact mostly labelling and the specific scents picked, otherwise deodorants are pretty similar, depending on the brand of course.
Trans dude here too and I totally agree, I’m not passing atm but I wish I could wear things like dresses without my peers being like “see? You’re not a boy you’re embracing your girlhood!” so I stick to presenting myself has pretty masculine, gender’s confusing
It's like a whole specturm of scents are gender locked in our brains. Men are expected to smell like pine trees and ...mountains? Women are expected to smell like fruit and flowers.
@@Sabbathtage yeah, I personally don't get that part fully, I just find a scent I want to smell like, like this awesome birch and blue eucalyptus scent that's from dove for men, I just like how it smells
Yeah this is why I'm enby. When I got into middle and highschool I realize I was androgynous. I would wear skinny jeans and straighten my hair. There were not very many skinny men's jeans so I had to use girl jeans. I got made fun of so much and I had no idea why anyone cared. But I also didn't like going too extreme in the feminine side either. I like the idea of abolishing these old ideas completely. I have to make my clothes look cool. I'll put patches, studs, or paint my clothes. And yes my stepdad makes fun of me for that or dying my hair or coloring my nails. It makes me think I'm way more comfortable in my masculinity than my step dad and his giant truck are
^this! And yes, all these macho dudes with their big d*s-er I mean trucks 😹. Maybe he’s jealous and has enby envie lol
There's nothing wrong with wearing skinny jeans and dying hair and their not exactly old ideas
Legendary content. I've questioned masculinity since my teens, when i realised i wasn't into blokey things like football and cars. I've come to more or less the same conclusions. Thank you for putting this into words i could not.
Masculinity as a presentation and not as a personal affirmation was so stifling for me that I abandoned it altogether
Great video as always, I really loved seeing your skincare routine, it really made me want to start taking care of my skin, it helps to the normalization of masculine-bodied people doing it. Also, taking the hint, I love your suit, and I always have! Not just the style, but how it looks on you.
Same here I find it dumb and pointless when being true to yourself is better while I still appear masculine to everyone it because that me than a gender norm being push on me but my behavior well I'm the guy who will sometimes sing and dance to song especially romantic ones
Haven't finished the video yet, but this reminds me of how crazy the early 2000s was. Metrosexuals? Do we remember creating a whole ass term that didn't actually reflect their sexuality to label het men who washed their ass and dressed well.
HOLY F**K, the "manly tears" from sports fans is one of the most baffling and contradictory things I know and observed a lot as a teen. Thank you for pointing that out!
You don't shame your customers.
If masculinity is toxic does not it mean that masculine women are manly ladies are also toxic? We should also discourage masculine women to act like that
I’ve always liked tall girls and I’ve gotten a ton of shit in my life for it. My wife is 6’4… 4 inches taller than me and that tiny difference has made me the butt of so many jokes for a “lack of masculinity”, although I feel the cultural tide is beginning to turn.
Damn you really living the good life. A whole 10 centimeters. Damn
nice. so in heels she's super tall... nice
@@Kinuhbud she has to duck under door frames, it’s great…
BRUH FAAAACTS!!!
I hate how boring and dull men's clothing are. I mean I don't wear women's clothing; I can't pull that off,
but I'd like a *LOT* more options for men's wear. Something more flamboyant, or form fitting, or the least bit *exciting. *
I'm also envious of the choices women have in clothing (even though I recognize those options came from not a very good
starting place), and by comparison, women are in cosplay, while we just put on a dinky gray shirt and shit. Where are the options?!
As an ambiguous non-man, at least entirely, I've always felt bad for men and masc-presenting people who literally have no other options besides, black, grey, white, blue, sad colors. Not that they aren't good, but seeing such limited choice while I was young in obnoxiously glittery and pastel shopping aisles really made me question why it's all set up that way in general.
Though I'm opposed to the bright colors and glittery fonts I saw as a child, I know I would've preferred them over dull and empty clothing options. If you can even call them options.
Check out Rick Owens
as a 6' tall larger woman who had to rely on men's clothes for a long time, I really feel your pain my dude!! men's options are almost always basic, loose fitting and don't really offer any deeper self expression.
however, don't doubt your ability to pull of women's clothing!! there are more styles and sizing options out there than even most women know, and many smaller businesses (largely online) offer some really incredible custom pieces. if this is something you don't feel comfy/can afford to do, i'd recommend checking out some oversized style women's flannels, jumpers and t-shirts, as they are often a basic fairly unisex cut but still usually come in more interesting colours, patterns and fits ^-^
As a transmasc enby, my experience with clothing shops is very different haha. Women's clothing is frilly and form over function, so uncomfortable, so few pockets, so see-through, so flimsy, far too revealing, like those pants that are way too low and show your crack every time you sit down. I feel exposed and on display wearing it. Everything is meant to turn you into something to look at. It's like the clothing isn't meant for you to enjoy, but for those who get to look at you in it.
Men's clothes feel sturdy and comfy like a warm hug you can disappear into. They're so convenient, easy to put on, easy to put your stuff in, they don't draw attention that you don't want, just great all around.
I'd be 100% on board with capes though.
feel the same way. when I started karate, wearing the gi solidified my preference to baggy. I also skate so im very inclined to wear baggy jeans, pants, and shirts. I genuinely hate the way womens t shirts are cut. even womens medium and large shirts will ride up into my armpits, and the neck is cut far too wide so if I lean forward you know what’s visible. I’ll never go back.
I’ve always hated this hyper macho crap. As a black man, I’ve never felt comfortable fitting in with other black men because of the focus on the outward image of masculinity. That said, I’m proud to say that I’ve managed to start breaking my dad of that mindset, and I’m happy to see that across the board this mindset is being regularly challenged.
Yeah, I hate the hyper macho crap too, and am also glad that the mindset is being challenged across the board. A lot of good will come from it.
@@ellanina801If masculinity is toxic does not it mean that masculine women are manly ladies are also toxic? We should also discourage masculine women to act that way
@@anthonycosta128 TOXIC masculinity and masculinity are two very different things 💜
Glad that you brought up body hair at the 36ish minute mark there. I know a lot of people have experienced the feeling of taking a massive blow to their sense of autonomy with Roe v. Wade. That said, commentary on my body hair as a woman has always felt like the series of tiny blows to my sense of bodily autonomy that have been ever present in my life. Like...I can't even grow hair in peace? I'm not even actively doing anything, the hair just grows. I'm being criticized for not doing enough about things that I have no real control over. Even if I shave baby smooth on a daily basis, I'm still going to have body hair. It's just hidden for someone else's comfort.
I haven't shaved my legs regularly for years and I don't shave my underarms unless I feel like cleaning up nice for a date night or something. Eventually, I got tired of putting in the effort and pain (cuts and razor burn aren't worth it imo) and feeling like I'm fighting my own body just to...what? Secure the approval of strangers? What right do they have to an opinion of my body that trumps my right to be happy and comfortable with it?
Basically, I have a lot of feelings about leg hair.
Same. I stopped shaving my body hair when COVID started and I'm never going back
I hate body hair... but I also apply that aesthetic to myself. Everyone has their own tastes, but I also believe in consistency. It's a pain in the ass, and I don't envy women who feel they need to remove their body hair just to please someone else. Since men can't menstruate maybe we should take a shot at the social rituals that women are subjected to, if nothing else just to build a little empathy.
My partner struggles with this topic a lot too. She keeps trying product after product and constantly seems to have this deliberating monologue about her body hair going on in the back of her head. I keep telling her that she can wear it however she likes - that it doesn't really matter, because she's beautiful the way she is and if someone doesn't think so, screw em. But she just can't seem to shake it. It's bewildering to me. But we all have our issues.
@@somedudeok1451 for what it's worth, afab people are inundated with the message of "if you don't shave, you're gross and unhygienic" starting pretty much right at puberty. That's the voice a lot of us are arguing with and it's why I have no shame for the people who shave. Do what you want, it just isn't for me.
@@sarkozywasthere yeah but how do you get over it?
Salari performing his skincare routine was a delightful breath of fresh air
love how "we talk with our fists" was said over the most homoerotic shot in the video.
So I wasn't the only one thinking it😝
All for discarding TOXIC masculinity. I'll define my own masculinity as I see fit. My bothers, father and uncles often question or side eye my fashion choices. Fiq definitely spoke to a lot of my experiences as a black man. I'm just trying to unpack my shit and pass as little poison onto my sons as I can. Masculinity isn't inherently evil or destructive. The way the WESTERN, European World view has limited it is the issue. Balance in all things, we all have "masculine" and "feminine" energy.
Love it! And I love that you’re teaching your sons these things.
When America is slowing learning about animus/anima energy or something like that
When you have no support system, when other "peers" are nothing more than "competition, and when you're denigrated for not fitting the mold or doing something "non-masculine", you begin to view the world as hostile, cold, and lonely.
I only don't care about clothes and makeup because of anti-consumerist principles.
That’s completely fine, but I think it can be important to remember that fashion and makeup are forms of art and self expression, not just consumerism.
Very good reasons indeed. Down with the beauty industry shackles! With that, don’t ignore skin health~
I just wanna wear Avatar Kyoshi make up.
I wanna dress up like the goat, Mr.2 Bon Clay!
count me in
now THIS is gender
@@makotoyuki345 It is Makoto Yuki from Persona 3
Do it we already got femboys and femman already
FWIW, I find men who’re willing to explore social issues, emotions, things considered unmanly by many men-I find it extremely attractive.
Same here
While obviously you're entitled to that feeling, I don't think that we should be relating men breaking conditioning with being attractive. Far to many men already care way too much about how women view them and seeking validation from them
@@painunending4610 sheesh! Women not allowed to find a man’s mind attractive? Wtf?
@@marmadukescarlet7791 That wasn't what I said nor meant to imply sorry
I was just saying we shouldn't associate men breaking these toxic standards with being attractive. There's plenty of guys out there who want attention from girls and I'm just worried if they see stuff like this they'll attempt it in a superficial way
We should be encouraging people to do this without relating it to women. It should be something just for the men
@@painunending4610 I disagree that “… it should be just for the men” and I guarantee FD and Salari would too. It’s for everyone. I don’t believe there’s a way to approach these subjects superficially. It takes self awareness, at least but also, researching social issues. I guess people could try but I doubt they could pull it off, although I get what you’re saying there.
On the other hand, I get the feeling that you’re trying to make this a space for men only. That’s not going to wash. I’ve been watching men who make similar content (although they address many other issues as well). This is the first time I’ve had anyone tell me I don’t belong here.
I grew up in the UK too and the football section really hit home. PE/Gym class was humiliating for me most of the time. Especially with football, I always felt ostracized due to my lack of skill. Getting picked last to join a team on the regular or criticised but not actually helped to get better got real disheartening after while. Even when the students on my team were nice to me there was still this crushing feeling that I was letting them down and I had to go through it every damn week.
I don't know if PE class has changed at all since but if not, it should. It's cruel to force students into the deep end when they didn't ask for it or not give them much choice in which activities they can do.
the point about men's vs women's clothing is really interesting to me as a trans man because like, yeah, women do have way more options for clothing to the point where I still mostly shop the women's section despite presenting as masc now.
I still wear women's jeans because it is difficult to find men's jeans that have the right hip to leg length ratio for me, and I still wear women's shorts because I like a midi length and men's shorts are knee-length or nothing. I still carry a bag (though I've switched from a purse to a waist bag) because I find it much more convenient than having to take my stuff out of my pants pockets whenever I change. and a lot of my jackets and shoes and things are women's because the colors I prefer (I'm very partial to purple and turquoise) are near-impossible to find in men's clothing.
the only thing I exclusively buy in men's is shirts. I stopped buying women's t-shirts long before I even realized I was trans because they're so often translucent, and the sizing is way more inconsistent than on men's t-shirts. (a small men's t-shirt always fits me, whereas with women's I might need a small, medium or large depending on the individual shirt.) button-up shirts have the same issue.
and my underwear is about half and half, because as affirming as it is for me to wear boxer briefs or trunks, I like lace and men's lace underwear simply does not exist lol. you get more fun colors and patterns in women's underwear too, and there are options like boyshorts that look pretty gender-neutral.
I relate to this so much! I do want to add that emo kids and hipsters have been wearing women’s skinny jeans for decades, so it’s like whatever. It doesn’t really even matter as long as we feel good being ourselves.
It's because most men like it simple and easy to navigate
God, my experiences as a different trans guy are the polar opposite. Womens jeans were never long enough and were always way too tight, but the first time I shopped for mens clothes I found a pair that fit perfectly, and had pockets down to almost my knees. Shirts were suddenly thick enough to not be see-through, and there were more deodorant scents than just flower 1 or flower 2. Everything just fit so much better and was much better quality, I'm still upset that I used to put up with clothes ripping and twisting the first time they went through the wash. And now I can actually find summer clothing that isn't some weird shade of pastel mint green or peach.
Before I realized I was trans (mtf), I thought it was such bullshit that my only options for a school presentation was a button up, tie, and dress shirts, while the women had way more options for tops AND bottoms!
@@jequirity1 I’m only 5”7”, and not finding pants that were long enough is always a thing. I totally hear you on the thickness and quality. Women’s stuff always shrinks, even when it doesn’t go in the dryer-not to mention stretchy. Sizes is always frustrating. I can be anywhere from xs to large. Men’s stuff definitely lasts way longer, and always better materials. Always less froofroo stuff too. I definitely got made fun of for wearing cologne in high school-stealing my brothers clothes in high school. Also wearing stuff from the boy’s dept in elementary. I wear more musky deodorant now but it’s not gendered. I’m pangender and androgynous, so I’m doing stuff all across the spectrum. I call my style now “old person chic”, cuz it’s all super comfy stuff my grandparents would have worn (long cotton skirts, comfy cotton mid length shorts, comfy t’s, button downs). I do like a nice color palette, and I would always go shopping with my cis-male friend who would get baby pink shirts and definitely bent those rules before it was cool.
seriously what is it with men hating moisturising. coming from a guy - it changes ur life
I'm too lazy and also I never get dry skin
For hair/skin I am very lucky, minimal care and sun cream is enough to keep my skin/hair nice. I have used fucking head and shoulders for the past few years as it is easier than other options and I regularly get compliments from both guys and girls about how luscious my hair is.
I stay out of the sun at all costs. I'm 50, and I don't want to look like I'm 70.
Yeah! Goodbye eyebrow dandruff! 😝
@@MrTaxiRob, good advice! I always hated the sun and avoided it for most of my life, and the payoff is that I now look 20 years younger than I really am. I just turned 54 😉!
Can't say Masculinity without "mask".
A mask which hides fear, uncertainty, and insecurity of not being good enough or not fitting in.
thats pretty toxic
In my accent you absolutely can
I've always struggled with my masculinity growing up. I was never the strongest guy or the toughest guy out there, I was soft, not manly, overly sensitive, shy, friendly, quiet, empathetic and lacked assertiveness. I was mostly raised by my mom and sisters, and other female adults, and that has had an effect on me. I wasn't like the other guys, I was a bit nerdy, artsy type of guy. I played sports though, but I wasn't the best at them and they weren't really my thing.
Don't get me wrong I like masculine things such as cars, building stuff, beer etc, but I also love traditionally feminine stuff too such as wine, fruit drinks, sweets, talking about feelings and societal topics.
I always feel more comfort and at ease with the opposite gender than my own at times. I somehow gravitate more towards women than men. My guy friends would say that im too emotional and always talks about my feelings too much, and would joke about it lol. There were a few cool guy friends I had that supported me, but most of my friends from high school, university, online communities, and in grad school have mostly been women, and I've learned to accept it.
Become a male vTuber.
There's a chance you might make bank.
That aside, you seem like a pretty chill guy. Wish more felt comfortable in being chill.
Damn bro you basically described me without the constant low boiling anger that comes from growing up constantly made to feel small for not being masculine enough
You sound like the kind of masculinity the world needs more of. 💖
"a man that cannot stand up to a woman is a man that cannot stand for a woman"
good quote
I relate to basically everything here so I’m wondering, do you ever have problems with gender roles?
Already within the first few minutes I relate.
I'm an AFAB person (assigned female at birth) but most of my friends were boys when I was still growing up. It was always a shock to try to interact with any of my them when we weren't alone, because I would get ignored, belittled or straight up insulted for attempting to be friendly to someone I considered a friend. These boys would often turn around only few minutes later when their friends were gone and act as if nothing had happened, being all buddy buddy again. I grew up witnessing this emotional whiplash from the outside.
The funny thing was that most of the time I was friends with ALL of the boys in the group, and each of them was a sweet, fun person when the others weren't around. NONE of them was "the instigator" of this toxic posturing behavior - they were all doing it to each other simply because the society made them believe they can't show any emotional sincerity around other boys. It was confusing and sad to watch.
Agreed. It can be so much harder to connect with guys in group settings when they're being hyper-masculine together. It was interesting seeing it play out in nerdy friend groups as young adults, because often there was a lot more leeway to like certain things but some things would still be off limits. And sometimes two of the men would talk about way more deep, emotional stuff more openly when they were alone together, but not with the group. I guess only when a guy had opened up to most people or everyone separately would he feel OK to talk about openly in the group. Our group always had a few women or afab people in it, but unfortunately they tended to only be in the group while dating someone in the group.
@@veelogation3890 trust me when most guys are in groups we just quite literally become stupid it's more of a testosterone thing that makes us do things without the feeling that we can be held back by thinking about what others feel when we're with girls we think how do we not offend this person
@@davelucas7997 It’s definitely not a testosterone thing. It’s the way guys are socialized to behave around each other. It can be changed.
@@gt3420 You mean it can be hidden and suppressed.
@@spliter88 No I’m saying it’s not a “natural” thing that happens because of biology or sex. Nature vs Nurture argument.
Men's clothing options are awful. I have a 4 yr old daughter. Her entire life we've felt comfortable shopping for her in the boys and girls section. She happens to prefer skirts and dresses, probably a bit of my own influence as I find dresses insanely comfortable and almost always wear them. But she has shorts and pants and tshirts from the boys section that she wears when she feels like it.
We're expecting a boy at the end of the month. Even dressing an infant is so much more stressful. He's getting a lot of hand-me-downs from our daughter because we do shop for her in both sections, but after talking it over, we decided not to dress him in the 'girls' clothes. When he's old enough to ask, we've kept all the girls clothes so he can wear them if he asks, but we're not putting them out as regular options like we do with our daughter.
It's hard because we don't want to restrict him, but we also don't want to hurt him in a social sense. How much do we protect him without disempowering.
Your son would probably be beat up, called slurs, or just teased if school boys catch on to him wearing clothing from the girls section
I think you're doing good with the plan you laid out. You have to live in the world you have, even while you try to improve it. A supportive family that leaves options open is gold.
Not all masculine traits are bad. Traditional masculine traits of courage, bravery, strength, decisiveness, and protectiveness are wonderful qualities. The toxicity comes from not balancing these traits with positive feminine traits such as sensitivity, kindness, gentleness, and empathy. People think exhibiting these traditionally feminine traits makes them less manly, which is of course absolutely ridiculous. We’ve raised generations of men who are enormously insecure and know of no other way to find an identity apart from exhibiting gender stereotypes. It is sad.
I just want a trophy husband who knows how to turn heads and who could be with any woman, but stays with me for my "inner beauty."
Unironically.
I don’t understand
Personally, I think that gender roles should be a choice and not a rule. So if you like men who embody traditional masculinity, it should be because that's how they are authentically and not because they feel like that's how they HAVE to be because they got a dick.
Who made your channel artwork?
@@henryfleischer404 Oh, the profile picture is Mucha (Rose) and the banner is by CLAMP (Ali Project album cover)
That’s pretty entitled. Wanting to have a trophy husband while not needing to bring anything to the table.
Viewing masculinity as a prison is a perfect explanation of my gender dysphoria
I feel the same, but I’m not sure if I have gender dysphoria, since I still follow most of the gender bullshit rules applied to my assigned gender at birth.
I just personally never understood the objective reason why those rules should exist or be followed.
Even in the most “naturalist” fallacious worldview, these gender rules seem completely pointless.
@@thepeopleslibrary8673 control. The rules exist to control people
This makes me think. Maybe all people have different levels of gender dysphoria so to say. When you look in the mirror and you see too few or too many muscles, too few or too much body hair, too frail or too pronounced a jaw, can that already be called gender dysphoria? Maybe.
@@somedudeok1451 Body dysphoria?
@@voxomnes9537 No, not really. All of the things I mentioned are gendered aspects first and foremost. Body dysphoria would be something like, you feel too fat, but there can be fat and slim guys. But when you dislike the amount of hair growing on your body, that's specifically a gendered aspect.
Growing up gay in Texas I developed a rather sadomasochistic relationship with my masculinity.
What a beautiful floof
She is rather impressive and has a lovely condition to her coat
Reject masculinity for no other reason than it being a system of enforced conformity - like any other. At the end of the day, that's kinda all its really about. Don't let anyone tell you who or what you are or how to be who or what you are.
Just be kind to yourself and others, have some hobbies, learn an instrument and/or a language, read a lot of history and art, mix with different kinds of people, talk to them about their lives and loves. Go outside!
Learn about yourself through learning about everything and anything you can - and not just online! Go in depth, question all your biases, be willing to reject toxic people and your own toxic habits or thoughts, don't lie to yourself or others nor tolerate liars.
Empathy is a strength, love is couragous, forgiveness is peace. Forgive yourself - you know what for - and forgive others too. Its never too late to be happy, its never too late to say sorry, its never too late to make use of your time. Don't hate yourself or live in the past.
Don't put others on pedastals nor let yourself be put on one. Move forward always, appreciate the difficulty and the pain but don't romanticise it, nor fantasise about happiness. Remeber where you've been and where you come from, but don't fester there.
Find small joys and remember them, don't try to bury tragedy but learn from it.
I could go on but nothing I could ever say could match real life lessons. I hope people learn them more easily than I did.
What if you feel most comfortable being traditionally masculine? What then
@@justjoshua5759 Well two things:
1) you must be sure that what you think is 'traditionally masculine' isn't somehow harmful to you or others around you (which is a lot harder than people think and well worth investigating) and
2) Just be that, then.
@@justjoshua5759 Truly ask yourself why you feel the most comfortable that way- is that just you or were you socialized to think that way?
@@kelseynielsen2732 Everyone is "socialized" to think and behave a certain way. If it doesn't hurt anyone, I don't think there's a problem.
@@kelseynielsen2732 Yeh I was gonna say that too; basically "is that truly who you are, though?"
I think many guys get so defensive because their received masculinity is so fragile that any kind of questioning of it leads to a "but i like it actually!!!" defensive response and they never question if its truly who they are. Its as if its all they really have (by design since toxic maculinity is isolating and rejects other ideas to sustain itself) so will defend it even when its just not working.
My body is a cage that keeps me from dancing with the one I love
Traditional cis masculinity is the last gender to be freed. All other genders have progressed and evolved over time.
Traditional masculinity is what keep your internet working, power grid, 5ap water, roads, cars, etcetera. Non-binary things build nothing of value.
I agree! My gender had three recent waves of feminism so far and I'm grateful for all of their work, I'm grateful that I can vote, not get married, get married to another woman and so on, but the slow shift of social expectation is the one thing that I honestly am more empowered in than men nowadays.
I can wear a suit to work. Men can't wear a dress.
I can wear makeup or not. Men are supposed to not even know what makeup is.
I can share my feelings or I keep them bottled up. Men are supposed to bottle them up and it severly harms their quality of life.
Come on, we can do this! We came so far, let's hit this last goal together.
@@nosotrosloslobosestamosreg4115 Gender has nothing to do with work productivity, if that's what you're implying. Machismo (or a certain organ) isn't a job requirement to build a car or be an IT worker for an ISP. Try to make more sense in your next reply, if you can manage that.
@@thebowandbullet yes, it has since women tend to look for comfy clerk jobs, hopefully with free time to care for social and family life, while men are the ones doing the most risky, dirty and exhausting labors both in mind and body.
So tell us again the amount of women working as plumbers or even respecting plumbers.
Try to look for real life data next time, if your feelings can endure reality.
@@thebowandbullet I think of gay men as being extra "manly," especially if they're out. It takes a lot of courage to be open about it, something that's traditionally been seen as a masculine trait. In that way, gay men are more "manly" than cis males. More power to them.
One of the biggest things I remember as a kid was wearing an ear ring in the wrong ear ment you were gay. And even then I was so confused. Like what kind of sense does that make. And now today dudes are rocking pearls. There is some movement towards healthy masculinity it's just incredibly slow.
Wait, not your skincare routine being pretty damn good! Paula's choice AND South Korean skincare? I'm pleasantly surprised. I decided to get into skincare during lockdown and have learnt a lot from Hyram on TH-cam. I'm glad you are using SPF since that's a pretty high percentage on that exfoliant (especially using it every two days), I'm guessing you have oily skin.
Anyways, I do often feel bad for straight men. As a gay guy looking in, I feel like I got to free the shackles off my feet so I could dance once I came out. Society refuses to believe you can be gay AND masculine so I was never getting a seat at the table. So with that said, I was like "stuff it, I now have the freedom to act and enjoy how I want". I've bought concealer for my under eyes, I'm considering black nail polish, I'll happily tell people my artists are Aaliyah, Mariah Carey and Janet Jackson, who cares at the end of the day, I'm living as my true genuine self. Don't get me wrong, it's taken some years to get to this point, ( I'm still weary about what I say at the barbers, there's only three places in my town that cut afro hair and I can't risk looking like boo boo the fool).
But I realise with straight guys, they police themselves SO much to the point I can't really relate to them. I get so tired of playing the hyper masculine game when I am around them so most of my friends are women or gay men.
I could go on but I think I'll say it's very VERY important that a guy like you made this video. Although I'm "straight passing" to an extent, if I made a video like this it'd perhaps fall on deaf ears simply due to that fact. Whereas yourself, a man that's attracted to women, hopefully other straight guys will be able to resonate with you.
Back in high school when I was still in Narnia, a lot of straight guys actually liked confiding in me as I wasn't like their hyper masculine friends and they'd say they enjoyed talking to me because I wasn't like anyone else they knew, they could talk about how they really feel. I hope more straight guys find someone they can talk to.
Great video as usual, Salari!
i found this extremely relatable as i gay man myself
thanks for sharing❤
It's always been funny to me, how people with a conservative view of gender norms tend to think of them as universal and set in stone, not realizing how volatile they are. Any Westerner who has been to countries in Western Africa, like Ghana or Nigeria, will be flawed by the gorgeous selection of men's fashion, full og beautiful bright colors and patterns. That's not to say those countries don't have gender norms, but simply that the esthetics of what is considered "male" are entirely cultural
As a kid I would cry a good bit. More then my stepdad liked, so he made sure to insult me so I wouldn't, and it worked. I didn't cry for years. In the last year or so, when I get really stressed though, I just let go and cry like a ugly ugly baby. Does it help? Not sure honestly but I do it because I doesn't hurt either.
Crying is meant to relieve stress. Contrary to toxic parenting, crying does do something; it helps you reduce stress so you can think clearly and then tackle your problems.
The "football prison" is true in Italy, too.
Also, fun fact: when I went to Australia, I met some people who regarded football as something only liked by Italian immigrants and somehow more elegant and less "masculine" than the true-blue 'Strajan footie. Funny how conceptions around what sport is the most masculine change in every culture
Just discovered your channel today and am really enjoying it. As a man who grew up in the U.S., this one really resonated.
Also, I love your floofy cat. You must have cat hair everywhere though!
i once had a friend do make up on me for fun, and later decided to put it as a tinder profile pic to see what would happen, pretty much all the matches were just women who wanted to know if i was gay, and when i said no, started questioning my motives for doing it and claiming i must be gay.
Like, wtf, its just eye shadow, and i dont know you, why do you care?
Salari, I loved this video. Toxic masculinity is so pervasive and harmful towards everyone involved. I really enjoyed watching your skincare routine and openness about your feelings. Great job on this video. I hope you're doing well. ❤️❤️
Try coming to South Africa😅. I was watching this other dating reality show, and the guy told the girl that he liked betting manicures, and the woman was immediately turned off, and suspected he was gay. Like, would u rather have a man who lets his nails look like shit?😅.
Other time, my brother was getting a haircut at the barber shop, and he dyed his hair pink, and a lady sitting beside commented by saying, "but pink is a girl's colour". I almost said to her, "you know, that's just an idea made up by foreigners, pink doesn't actually have a gender😅. You are aware of that...right? Like you don't actually believe this."
Also super recent. For long time even in European cultures blue was codded female - cold and passive - (see Mary's depictions in blue robes) and red/pink male - warm and active (see Jesus robes). It's not even consistent because it's all made up to sell stuff.
@@Ellestra Like, imagine we did the same thing with food. Like, "vegetables are feminine & meat is masculine". Its just crazy! Personally, I like boys AND girls clothing, and I wish I lived in a world where I could wear both. I just find it so crazy that there are some amazing styles and fabrics that some people will never get to experience simply because it's been decided that only half of the population is suitable to wear them...on the basis of genitals! It's madness!!!
For me, being masculine is useless. I mean I can just be myself and be happy. Do what I want regardless of how people look at me. I wish more people could do that.
Masculinity is useless only for you and eveybody on this comment section. Your western sense of Masculinity is kinda pathetic to be honest. My sense of Masculinity is able to provide, being able protect, being capable. Only modern day egotistical westerns are stupidly kill each other with guns.
Exactly. You shouldn't do things because they're masculine, you should do them because you enjoy them. Realising and living this has given me a formerly unimaginable amount of social freedom.
As a 47 years old cis-het dude, who has felt locked in the prison of masculinity for most of his life without ever really understanding it, this video means so much to me. I'm just starting to break out and this feels already as one of the most liberating things that ever happened in my life. Thank you so much!
43:28 "Absolute power corrupts absolutely." Yesssss. It drives me up a wall to see folks promoting the "being a submissive woman is the only way to be right with god / to be truly feminine". I don't understand how they don't see the danger.
Your name perfectly explains why you could never understand that. LMAO.
@@allisteria5906 But what's up with being submissive? That's subservience, you saying that servitude is the calling of women? Servitude is the calling of no one.
@@unxtraordinary submission can be interpreted in a number of ways. Feminism would have you believe that submission to a man is just that, servitude. Submission in a relationship should not be that, and if it is, the relationship needs to end. Submission in a relationship between a man and a woman is a woman respecting and accepting the authority of a man. Like it or not, men and women ARE NOT EQUAL. You have to stop buying into that lie, then this will be so much easier to understand and accept. Quite frankly, men are designed to handle the rigors of the world, women are designed to create life. This is not to say she should expect a life of servitude. Far from it. In contrast, a man's role in is to cherish, respect, understand, and consider his wife's input in that context. Together they are a team, but even teams have captains.
But ultimately, men have a more solid understanding of how the world operates simply because men have more first hand experience with how cold and uncaring the world is. Women, especially women in America, are the most privileged and catered to demographic on the planet, and easily of all time, bar none. A woman's sense of reality is distorted, from the day she is born until the day she dies she will be able to find someone to take care of her with fairly minimal effort, especially when compared to a man. In fact society pushes women to do just that (well now we are having the whole 'girl power' movement, to which we are just creating generations of "feminist cat lady spinsters' ((hahahaha)) who think men and women are equal), to find someone to take care of them.
Men are told to go out and make it.
And consider this: Say you and your hubby are sleeping soundly one night, and you hear something crash downstairs. Who's going to check out the scary noise?
The man.
With all that in mind, yeah, man has the final say. He's an idiot if he does not listen to his partner, but ultimately, he makes the final call.
Even this "Feminist Cat Lady Spinster" who is fighting the patriarchy! One dead fetus at a time!
Even she wants a man to take care of her. She'll probably go to her grave denying it, but human nature is pretty predictable when regarding relationships between the sexes.
@@allisteria5906 I appreciate the point your making, and the evidence you have to back it up; and so I'll back up a bit. Submission may be the lifestyle *some* women (and men) feel most comfortable with, and it may come naturally to some people.
However, I still believe that submission isn't the way for everyone, including myself. Arguably, the man in the relationship is usually the decision maker, but that is something to be decided between the couple themselves.
Of course, there are physical differences between men and women (reproductive systems, average strength and endurance, etc), however their brains are not wired differently. There isn't a female and male brain, it is just the human brain. So, considering this, I do believe that women are mostly equal to men, on a mental and "emotional" level. Therfore, they share equal responsibility until both parties in the relationship decides to pass over more power and authority to the other. Whichever way this transaction favours, its perfectly OK, provided that both are happy with the arrangement and its done without any coercion or toxicity.
Concluding, I and some others are against submitting, but it is just peachy if someone else wants to go ahead and do it, we are not God after all, you go and dictate what you want to do with your life. Want to be the ultimate traditional wife, cottagecore and all? Go right ahead. Want to be the pinnacle of traditional husbandry? Be my guest. Want to aim high and go for a fulfilling career, right on forward!
I guess what I'm trying to say is, it ks all a matter of personal taste.
P.S: May I say, your vernacular is impeccable, kudos to you kind Internet stranger :].
@@unxtraordinary I appreciate you for keeping it civil.
I understand and respect your decision, in a number of ways I very much share these beliefs. Especially considering the dynamics of a relationship; In fact, outside of some fundamental principles, I would agree with you and say yes, "it is all a matter of personal taste". That's part of the beauty of the human experience, and a concept I cherish.
Where I disagree with you is the idea that we are mostly equal. I need to preface this by stating that believing superiority/inferiority between the sexes is not the mindset here.
While I cannot speak to knowing if our brain structure is universal, I do know for certain that the male and female experience is very different. I think part of the Liberal Left's (I don't mean to assume your positions, only that this philosophy is a part of their belief system, and something which is advocated for prominently) position is to make the experiences of men and women more parallel. I believe this to be a mistake.
Our life experiences play a major aspect of who we will become, but the paradigm of being a man and woman is something that is biologically ingrained within us.
Regardless of how much you tell a man it is okay to be feminine, deep down there will always be dissonance. Thousands of years of biology simply does not align well with a man who is demure and submissive, or overly emotional. While today it is not as egregious because of the comforts society provides us, these states-of-mind I believe fundamentally clash with the biology of a man. That is not to say a man will not have feminine attributes, ALL men and women have aspects of both masculinity and femininity.
The same goes for a woman, no matter how much society tells her she can be masculine, that she is the same as man, the dissonance will be there.
I believe our culture of the nuclear family, the masculine man and the feminine woman, is being torn apart without any real consideration of why, and what the consequences are.
It's being replaced completely with the idea of personal preference. And in an age where everyone is "unique", in an age where our country's guiding philosophy is nihilism, it is going to fail on a societal level.
I agree with you mostly about personal preference, and combined with a healthy and stable culture, it's a recipe for good relationships between the sexes, guided by an understanding of the differences between men and women.
So, all of that without discussing the widespread of effects of "personal preference" amongst our population (without a proper guiding philosophy). In a word. BAD.
I'd like to end this book on a positive note. I don't think we really disagree about preference. I think it's important, I think our ideas are being corrupted by things like social media and other malevolent institutions. And while neither of us are changing the world by arguing in a TH-cam Comments section (:P), this type of civil interaction is crucial not only for men and women to help understand each other, but for anyone with differences honestly. The ability to listen to others you disagree with is a skill that is lost upon many these days. The other half of that is people often forget how to present their views without attacking their opposition.
It's a compulsion all unto itself when you find someone you can engage in these topics in a calm and civil manner, so I'd like to thank you for that.
I cannot tell you how happy I am that my boyfriend wears sun lotion out of his own accord. Fellas, I don't know how to tell you this but you are not more powerful than the actual sun.
is it a man thing to not use sun protection cream i've never heard of this lmao
It is considered manly to not shower or use soap. Being manly for not using sun lotion is nothing compared to that.
I think binary gender in general is a prison. Categorizing the most inane things as „masculine“ or „feminine“ is just doing a disservice to everyone and stifles self expression.
There is a sub culture in Australia : 'eshays' and a 'man bag' is part of the "uniform" essentially but the culture is definitely masculine/patriarchal.
I work with children, and part of my approach with the boys is normalizing emotional and appropriate physical openess.
I've never been afraid to show my emotions. The downside is that I used to be called a "crybaby" when I was a kid. I don't cry as much as I used to but I definitely cry more than most men do on average! 😅
Thank you so much for your insight. I consider myself fairly well-versed in this topic, but alas, I grew up female. It's easy to talk about it from the perspective of a tomboy who might have gone the NB route if I were 10 years younger (frankly I'm just too old and don't care anymore.) I consider myself extremely lucky to have a partner who, while male, is what you'd consider a sensitive, non-traditional "man" who cries over how cute his guinea pigs are. It's very easy to think the fight against toxic masculinity is already won in an individual at that point. But you've shed some light on some things. The need to be a protector, feeling guilty when he's not making as much or out of work, feeling helpless in situations where he cannot help in some way. Most notably, avoidant behavior, especially when it comes to any kind of conflict. This one thing has been the singular sticking point in our 14-year relationship. I will admit I do sometimes get mad at him for it, and we've both been working in therapy over the push and pull that comes from my over-aggressive behavior and his over-avoidant behavior. But for the first time, even with the therapy, I feel like I have a better understanding of where it comes from.
Not gonna lie, I thought the anger > fear > weakness triangle was leading to the dark side. Seriously though, I lost a friend of over 10 years a couple of weeks ago. Totally unexpected/preventable, in good health, my age, etc etc. Very tragic. I still think about him all the time but I haven't yet managed a single tear. This whole thing has really made me wonder if there's something wrong with me.
I don't know you personally, but I truly believe that there's nothing wrong with you. There's no one way to experience grief, and your loss is still very recent. I haven't gone through the same thing as you have, but every loss has left me in denial and unable to cry, and in most cases it's almost as if that state has never left me, which is frustrating.
On top of that, I'm a woman in my early twenties, so I don't have the stigma around expressing my grief in the way you might. I suggest trying therapy if you haven't, and finding someone you trust who can hear you out. In any case, you are not doing anything wrongly and I hope you don't feel guilty, you shouldn't.
I'm sorry if my wording is a bit awkward, English is not my first language. I wish you healing and best of luck.
I ALSO PUT NAILPOLISH ALBEIT TRANSPARENT BUT I STILL LOVE IT THO (the shiny clear nails are nice to look at imo)!
As a human male, I never got the "guy stuff" thing. I was always and Artsy nature lover, didn't like sports, and not into thinking of cars as toys.
But that being said, I definitly am familiar with societal expectation. I was raised through the 90s. And if I hadn't been pressured, and continue to face similar pressures; I probably would of been able to accept... well, myself.
But now I'm a 35yr old, angry scruff ball with a drug problem, various mental issues, no prospects for romance, and 0 hope. Thanks society, being manly is super fun 👍.
Great Video but Tbh you lost me when you said “Masculinity is inherently toxic”
And honestly it sounds like you and a lot of others were hurt by what is presented as masculinity and have an adverse reaction to elements of what hurt you.
As if women can’t be every bit as toxic in the exact same ways as men, to claim it’s inherent to the male gender is naive and short sighted.
I wasn’t raised in a patriarchal setting, my family is from an indigenous group in Mexico that is and has been matricarchical for generations, with the women at the head and the eldest woman being the most revered, respected and adored. So my experience with masculinity was very different and even now I can process it differently from a lot of westerners, it was never a problem to cry, nor put effort into anything including my appearance, I never felt the pressure to play at masculinity. I just so happened to fall in love with boxing and the stereotypical male wardrobe, although I do accessorise and push the boundaries.
People say Masculinity and Femininity are on a binary, but honestly they’re just pink and blue versions of eachother, the only reason it’s easier to define masculinity is because in the western world masculinity is the top of th chain, therefore all of its flaws are out for the world to see. The attributes commonly attributed like Courage and strength in men and tenderness and empathy in women, are found in both genders and Ofcourse the non-gendered. This to me means that it’s an association to pair violence with men, when women are just as capable. But the women we know were shaped in a world where that is not a social norm for them.
All this to say that gender is too personal and varied to be given an absolute moral value like “inherently toxic” or inherently good, which a lot of people associate femininity with.
All that does is ostracize and villainize those who naturally and easily fall into that category, and that’s not fair.
Masculinity can be toxic, and the dose makes the poison.
Yeah, as a victim of homophobic violence I find his approach to power, toxic behavoir and masculinity very simplistic.
Just as a thought: I feel like shopping for so-called "men's" clothes (which I, a non-binary, often do) is like shopping for supposedly "women's" clothes for fat people. Like. All of it is so boring and often ugly and just... ugh. Like, when you said that each store is a copy-paste, I feel the same way for most of the really accessible fat-feminine clothes; it all looks the same.
Also, shoes!? Masculine shoes are very same same, and feminine shoes in anything 42 EU+ is nonexistent without hunting for a unicorn.
Not the point of the video, I know, but it just reminded me because I felt it *so hard* when you said that about the copy-paste thing.
I feel this comment in my soul.
I think you're just shopping at the wrong places. Try online shopping and less traditional stores. Maybe it's just my area but I've found a lot of places with fun and flamboyant men's clothes, which I often wear.
@@justinthenoob online shopping sucks. You can't try anything on, and you know pretty much anything you return ends up either in a landfill, the Chilean desert, or the Pacific garbage Patch.
@@justinthenoob The whole "trying things on" is really useful, especially as a fat person. And also because most clothing doesn't come in consistent sizing (even from the same store). From online shopping, I currently own four pairs of women's size 48 (EU) jeans, and I can only wear *one* pair because the rest are inconsistently sized with anywhere between 2-6cm difference in different parts (particularly waist bands). Online shopping doesn't allow for this, and returns policies are also massively problematic (especially if you don't live in the same country as the company, which I rarely ever do).
The only way I've ever consistently had clothes that fit me? Is to make it myself. Which is time consuming.
@@diydylana3151 I'm an AFAB nonbinary person (but tend to split fashion a lot between femme, masc, and andro), but I feel this so much (but in a different way, definitely). Even when still identifying more as a woman, I was constantly feeling like society refused to see me as the "correct" kind of woman because I could never actually fit most things because I'm just... taller and bigger.
But if you ever want to scream at someone who will listen, let me know!
"Middle aged middle class men not scoring goals".
Oh god; I just heard my whole life in one statement ... I'm scared.
I say that because of at 41:20 really captures my current life right now. I don't blame on anyone but myself for that though. Between looking for work, and getting required certification as a job requirement, it feels as though I'm not capable of providing since that is the case, I leave myself outside of the equation; why live with anyone when I can't provide enough to - or contribute anything to - that companionship?
In addition to providing a safe space for Emotional release, I believe Marc Maron also said that sports is a way to learn how to lose graciously . I was never a sports person and not competitive but I noticed I’d take it personally when I lost even a casual game among friends. It was interesting to make that connection.
"My future best friend FD Signifier." Damn, my man is calling his shot!
i crossdress sometimes as a hobby. i assure you there's no male confidence like asking the store clerk about makeup stuffs and answering " it's for me" without skipping a beat when she asks you who it is for :P
It’s not so much that we stay up crying at night and we don’t know why, as much as it is we stay up feeling like we need to cry, but physically can’t muster up the tears. We remember being able to cry as children, but there was some moment in our lives when that part of us was buried, and something about not knowing exactly when that change occurred scares us. It scares us because it feels like a part of us broke long ago but the memory of what that part looked like, how it broke, or how to fix it is so dulled and faded that we’re left only with an unplaceable sense of emptiness. So we choose to look away.
That’s my experience at least…
The sheer volume of collabs FD has been doing lately gives me life
I used to love sports. But then I realized the balls were inextricably drawn to my face. So I had to stop for my own safety. I also realized I was gay and not cis so this is even funnier in hindsight
Did you ever try boxing? Think about it. There's no ball to hit your face.
@@henryfleischer404 Yeah there is something a dozen time more dangerous instead.
Your comment about your messenger bag seriously resonated with me because, just the other week, I thought about using one and got a similar reaction from some family and friends. But like, why shouldn't I use one? It's a great way to keep my kindle on me, my epipens (since I have severe allergies to common food ingridients), some other medication I like to keep handy/a snack incase my bloodsugar gets low and a notebook while I'm out and about. Heck, I was stuck waiting for an appointment at the cardiologists for an hour an a half a week or two ago and I *wish* I had my kindle and some of that stuff on me lol
I love videos like this. When I started transitioning, I almost started to develop some toxic masculinity in an effort to affirm myself as a man. Watching men, cis and trans, perform masculinity in such a healthier way and talk about this really helped.
(and as a man who has a skin care routine, I'd recommend it to everyone)
I figured out after a while that I wasn't gay or transgender, and instead am just not a hypermasculine man. The view I had of masculinity was crushing and I had no idea that a man could be soft and feminine and still be a man. It made me severely depressed and self conscious my whole life trying to be someone I never was. I can only feel for the boys like me who are in the same situation.
I still think there needs to be way more discussion about the possibility of positive masculinity, instead of just assuming that masculinity is bad as such. Personally, I’ve always felt comfortable defying conventional masculinity, but masculinity of some kind is still important to a lot of people’s identities, and I would feel uncomfortable telling a trans man, for instance, that masculinity is imprisoning all the way down. Some of us need to escape masculinity; but for those for whom masculinity is indispensable to their identity, masculinity does not need to be escaped, but de-carcerated. We need to complicate, fragment, and transform masculinity, and make permeable its distinction with femininity.
We need to ERASE the distinctions. Those for whom it is indispensable will learn to be themselves regardless of what society defines them to be.
I don’t think anyone approaching gender identities in good faith thinks masculinity is inherently bad.
Toxic masculinity just gets the most press.
I agree with your broader point tho.
i think there's no version of like a centralised idea that isn't imprisoning in some way, but being free to use the word in whatever way feels right/makes sense on a completely personal level seems like the best option to encourage to me
I feel we should stop using the term "stoic" when talking about suppressing your feelings. Stoic philosophy is more about domesticating your feelings so they don't run your life. your emotions is just that. Suppression. Also, there are a lot of really interesting looks out there for mens wardrobe. I would look at the gentleman's gazette. But if you wanna wear a dress...go for it! All about how you want to express yourself. My philosophy is that anything I do is (as a man) masculine. Even if I have to put on some eyeliner or if I decide to have a wine instead of a whiskey.
i thought "stoic" was just a general term referring to someone who isn't outwardly expressive, the reason behind it being left up in the air without further clarification
It's interesting, as a queer trans man who's been out for a very long time now, looking at manhood and masculinity from my perspective. Cis men are, indeed, imprisoned by their masculinity, it seems, when for many trans men it's a freedom and filled with joy and expression and a cause for closer relationships with friends and family and lovers. I often think cis men could learn a lot about the joy of manhood from trans men if they cared to try. Unfortunately, to most we are not considered "real" men, and so any knowledge or skills or perspectives we have to share are not valued by those who would benefit most from listening to us.
And I also see that perspective in young or newly out trans men, too - there is a habit for the young to think of cis men as the arbiters of manhood and masculinity, that cis men are the only ones we can look to for masculinity, when that's just plain not true. Other trans men, butch women, masc non binary people are all just as important holders of masculinity - in many ways more so, because we had to live it intentionally, rather than just going through the motions of what was assigned to us.
The cold barrier between men and better relationships is something I am keenly aware of by virtue of my own social life - I am not friends with that many cis men. Not because I don't want to be, but because it's like they don't know how to be friends. Most of my friends are women, non binary people, or other trans men - because cis men are just... so bad at friendship. No one taught them how to be vulnerable with people, how to be sincere with people, how to spend quality time with people, how to emotionally invest in people that aren't their girlfriends. Hell, even the cis male friends I have - most of them I met through their non cis male partners, rather than 'out in the wild' as it were. And this goes for queer cis men too, not just straight ones - I have a hard time with making friends with queer cis men predominantly because of how cruel they are to each other. Trash talking is the main avenue of communication, and I just don't find it enjoyable or enriching, it just seems like another way to hold feelings at arms distance and not engage authentically.
Masculinity is indeed a prison. But if we work hard together, we can rip all the cells out, reconfigure the inmates and guards as equals, gently treat everyone's trauma from existing in this system, and turn it into a safe and comfortable community space. Abolish prison everywhere, including the prison of masculinity.
Be a better, happier, warmer you, comrades. Let our children know manhood as an experience of joy, not suffering.
What are some ways cis men can experience the joy of masculinity
Also no offence but I resent you painting all cis men like that. I'm cis and have other cis friends and we're vulnerable with each other and really good friends. But I do understand what you mean somewhat
If it were just that we weren't taught how to be vulnerable and caring, it wouldn't be such a big deal. Oftentimes, particularly in the hegemonic conception of masculinity, it's actively discouraged, even using trauma to stunt our ability to trust and open up to people. It's often not so much a lesson we need to learn, as an open wound that needs to heal. One that won't heal unless we expose it to air, but that we learned from the initial trauma would be attacked anew whenever we did so. And so, it festers. Sometimes, even when we know how to fix a problem, we don't have the strength to do it on our own. And when that problem is relearning trust in a context of emotional openness.... Well, I'm sure you can see how that ends up trapping people.
Sounds like someone who has no idea what it's like growing up as a man trying to mansplain manhood to them. No wonder no cis men want to be around you, you literally can't relate to them to understand WHY they behave in certain ways, and instead of trying, you'd rather tell them that they need *literally anyone else* to tell them how to be a man. Guess what bud? Being the only gay dude in my family, I've been able to help my brothers, father, and step fathers heal and become more open. You know how I DIDN'T do that? By telling them how bad and unrelatable they are because I didn't initially understand their struggles. Dismissing cis men's feelings, experices and validity is the exact shit that drives them away and further causes the disconnect you blame for them not liking you.
Hello fellow bro, I love and relate w ur experiences.
My partner steals my hoodies, I steal their skirts. Not once have they questioned my masculinity.
not just masculinity, but i think usual feminity is also v controlling.. my mom always taught me not to sit this way or that way. or how my little cousin was taught to not watch Lord of The Rings because its "a boy movie" by my aunt.. its so weird. i just hate gender norms in general.. sometimes i just wish i don't live in Indonesia where major religion has a huge say in gender norms :((
femininity is a hundred times over more of a prison than masculinity. the "gender roles" that men are supposed to follow give them power (being commanding, being strong, stoicism), femininity is represented as being submissive, delicate and passivity, as a whole it gives acceptance, but never "power"
@@ranitafeliz2987 very good point
One of the things I love about my husband is his relationship with his best friend. They make time for each other and always hug saying they love each other. They are able to share their emotions and the best friend has gone on more than one late night rant at how much my husband has shaped his life and how much he appreciates all he has done to influence who he is today.
I know many women tell men to man-up, but I know far more women who WISH men would be more open about their emotions. I cannot imagine being in this long of a relationship without that emotional openness. It isn't just comforting or bonding, his emotional openess is, quite frankly, one of his most attractive traits. So don't be afraid.
And if a woman mocks you for being emotional, chances are that she is emotionally scarred and struggles with then herself.
In my experience some women say they want a man to open up emotionally but when he does they're often unprepared for it or have a different idea of it in their head. Real vulnerability can be ugly
@@painunending4610 , thay fucking sucks. I'm so sorry that's your experience. You are completely right - true vulnerability isn't always pretty. But there isn't anything more powerful than sharing those parts amd seeing them not walk away.
@@hallamshire Wish I knew the feeling lol. Oh well...such is life.
But... What if I and others unambiguously like doing the traditional "masculine" stuff? I don't really care if others don't, but lifting weights, fightin', drinkin' and all that stuff just is what gels with me. Now I gotta be the bad guy for liking that stuff because it's assumed that enforcing it on others has to be part and parcel to that?
I feel like the message must be somewhat confused on this video. I thought people specifically added the "toxic" modifier to "toxic masculinity" specifically to denote traditional masculine behavior and values that aggressively quashed any other possible definition of masculinity, not just masculinity in general. But it seems you are saying that masculinity, or at least most or all of it's traditional western traits, are inherently bad and wrong both relative to other non standard traits/values and in a vacuum judged just on their own merits.
So correct me if I'm wrong, because it seems like a massive over correction on your part if that's the intent behind this video and is firmly in a somewhat hypocritical territory by doing to traditional masculine behaviors what you say traditional masculine behavior does to other non traditional behaviors.
Sometimes we use shorthand when talking to each other, and so the line between what's overtly toxic and what's just traditionally accepted masculinity gets forgotten in this type of discussion, or at least it isn't emphasized. I think what he's getting at is traditional masculine traits and behaviors can be a trap, even the seemingly benign ones. But if you truly enjoy doing guy stuff and you're not pushing it on others, you're all good.
By the way, how close are you to San Diego? Do you wanna come over and help me work on my truck? All my friends around here are busy eating their partner's assholes.
I don’t know where you got the idea from the video that liking traditionally masculine things is bad. He’s obviously talking to men who feel obligated to do things they don’t want to do or to be someone they are not. They feel guilty or are made to feel guilty for not doing those things that you love so much. The goal isn’t to make you feel guilty in return.
You're looking for enemies to fight that aren't there. Get off the dopamine high and do something productive.
@@erubin100 what kind of example are you setting when the point is that men should be able to explore their feelings?
@@MrTaxiRob no one is stopping anyone from expressing their feelings.
Original comment is looking enemy that doesn’t exist in the video.
Like what you like but the point of the video was to highlight that a lot men are forced to fit into the limited box of “traditional masculinity” & make other men who don’t fit it feel like the are less then.
The beginning of this video reminds me of the appropriation of the monochord blues by "masculine" contents. If you start seeing it it's everywhere. I think that the decolorized father of the genre is that "Bad to the Bone" song alongside Zz top.
What a beautiful kitty!
I really admire your style. I love that you go in for bright contrast! And embroidery!
And Something in FD's section really spoke to me. Growing up AFAB, I was taught subconsciously that I couldn't possibly hurt guys, even though I was quite strong and trained in martial arts, and it took me many years to come to terms with how much damage I had done, could have done, and was still capable of doing. Toxic masculinity hurts women, too, oddly enough. What a circular mess of patriarchal pain!
First of all, your cat is so beautiful! Just had to say that.
Regarding masculinity, I was very fortunate to have a father that exhibited a lot of what I would describe as positive masculine traits. He was hard working and completely dedicated to his family. If it wasn't for these traits, my brothers and I would not have had the emotionally and financially stable environment we did have while growing up. He was also very supportive of my creative work when I became an adult and he was an excellent debater. I think that when we as a society talk about masculinity, it would be helpful to also include the positive things that men contribute to their families, colleagues and overall society in addition to critiquing the negative. It would lend a more balanced approach and reduce the kind of overly defensive reaction we see in some circles.
The idea that beer or sports is a male thing is so weird to me, almost everybody I've known at least pretends to like (American) football. I guess that just shows the difference between rural and urban gender expectations.
Toxic Masculinity was epicly covered by Hbomberguy, Emma Thorne
and Planarwalk,
but that's actually not what my comment is about.
I wanna speak broadly and adress Salari's Fans and tell them
that thought-provoking and issue-adressing Channel exist and i feel the Need
to tell people about them.
Some More News, Holy Koolaid, Second Thought, and basically all Atheist-Channel in General,
as they came into Existence to deliver constructive Criticism in the first place. These People adress Issues small and big, i hope
you give them a Chance.
Also historically, beer was a female thing. Only women were allowed to be brewmistresses in the ye olden days and in some cultures its tied to witchcraft. So. *shrugs*
Ok, hear me out, wash your face, then tone. There is an order of operation in skin care. You're spending good money and time, so using the products as intended will give you a better pay off. A great TH-camr for skin is James Welsh and if you want some makeup tips too, his twin brother Robert Welsh, can hook you up! 👍
Don’t forget sunscreen!! Preventive care is more important for maintaining skin health!
Thank you! i have not worn nail polish since like 5 years, because my coworkers made fun of me. today im going to work looking f****** fabules. sorry for my bad english :)
The main reason women's fashion has so much variety is because it's designed by men. Do you know why women's clothes don't have pockets? Because the fashion industrial complex wanted to sell more handbags. Women's fashion choices can be easily as restrictive as men's, almost literally. Try finding a pair of women's slacks that aren't designed to accentuate the legs or rear, etc, and not for comfort and durability. And because women's fashion is considered a luxury industry, it often comes at a significant premium compared to men.
It's also of lower quality. I buy men's tshirts because they always last longer and feel softer.
i was looking for a comment like this! the idea that women have more choices for clothes is only true if you're of average height and model skinny. otherwise the clothes will not fit you at ALL, and you'll either have to pay more for ones that just fit right in the first place or you'll have to buy the bland slop they put out for bigger or taller women. having a larger chest also excludes you from so many clothing options, not to mention that bras are fucking EXPENSIVE. women's clothes are often poorly made, expensive, unflattering, HIGHLY impractical, and not durable, and while yes there is more stylistic variety, womens' clothing is on the whole worse than men's clothing for any metric other than style.
Great vid. It made me appreciate how free I've managed to make myself over the last decade. Growing up I struggled a lot with identity and constantly thought about it - how I looked, how masculine I was, how cool I was. I developed social phobia and depression, but going through multiple therapies and reflecting upon and working on myself is what freed me in the end. Today I am by no means free of flaws, but one thing I can genuinely say is that I simply _do. not. care._ about what others think of me. I am free of most typical social constraints and it has improved my life by an unimaginable amount. And I've noticed you can basically do _anything_ and be respected for it as long as you stand by it authentically, no matter how much people may question you initially.
I had a friend with a cool bag. We called it his action pack lol
I want more straight men makeup tutorials
Salari, beautifully stated ideas in this video! Keep it up!