FTM TOXIC MASCULINITY [CC]
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 มี.ค. 2017
- Hey! Thanks so much for watching!
I know this is a big scandal but just bare with me. Another title for this video could have been "It's ok to be Masculine" but I really talked more about toxic masculinty sooo. Let me know what you think, lets have a convo about this - I'm open to hear your opinion if you don't attack me in the comments lol Love you!
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I had a lot of trouble with this as I first came out being a transman. My mom would force these toxic ideals about being a man onto me because that was how she saw men. She would say that I wasn't loud enough or forceful enough and that I didn't demand more things. I don't see why being masculine or being male means that one has to be so horrible? Especially when there are people out there who adore softer, kinder men who aren't jacked up and aggressive. I've become so tired of this "alpha male" mentality when all it does is harm men who are trans and cis. There is such a detriment done to people and I feel this is why the idea of genderfluidity and that gender is a spectrum instead of 1's and 0's has been so confusing for the media and people at large.
an example of toxic masculinity: when hypermasculine trans men say that all trans men need to be hypermasculine or they aren't actually trans
On the flip side, there are guys like Chase who think that if you're not a screaming queen you're a misogynists.
Guys talk to other guys in a certain way. A guy like Chase will never, ever understand the experience of a hypermasculine trans guy who is just naturally masculine. Some of the "toxic masculinity" things that hurt Chase's feelings wouldn't necessarily hurt a woman's feelings--some women like guys who are quote and quote "toxically masculine." That's actually why men behave that way sometimes.
I think it's kind of unfair when gay or effeminate trans guys try to "call out" masculine trans men, it's just as unfair as when masculine trans men try to look down at feminine trans men. The community needs to stop shaming other trans people for their gender expression.
Eli Lili actually, what chase explained was very respectful and true. he's not saying you can't be super masculine, that's not what he said at all. he said that there were certain aspects of it that are disrespectful.
+Carter Edwards No, he said that he (a non-woman man-person) gets personally offended when masculine trans guys call women bitches or when they sexually objectify women. I'm trying to say that not all actual women mind that kind of behavior, some of them even think it's hot and don't take it too seriously. Being a trans man and getting offended on behalf of women is kind of like being white and getting offended on behalf of black people. Sure, it's great to be an ally, but it's up to actual black people to decide what is and is not offensive to black people.
If I'm fucked up, please let me know.
this.
Eli Lili but the vast majority of women don't like being degraded, and the ones that do normally only like it in a sexual manner, with their partner. so it really is not okay to be degrading women as a whole, or any woman who didn't tell you to do it. What chase is saying is that's not okay. It's not okay unless a specific woman told you you could say those things to/about her. Like with black people, if your black friend says you can use the n word around them, that's their decision. Just because they said you can say it with them, doesn't mean you can go around saying it everywhere else. does that make sense? It's kinda the same thing in this situation. these hypermasculine trans men can't use these sexist and degrading terms in such a general way, and quite frankly they shouldn't be said at all, unless they are in a situation where a woman asks them to say these things to her, in which case they can do so, to her only.
I would say I'm a pretty stereotypically masculine guy-- I don't have feminine mannerisms, I don't wear flashy coloured clothing, I have a beard, I have tattoos, I like sports and beer, I'm not really emotional, etc. I'd consider myself a feminist, too. But in my experience (and I'm sure people will disagree), "toxic masculinity" kind of goes away after trans men start 'passing' a bit more. I know a lot of us are guilty of overcompensating, but for the most part I think we grow out of it when we grow into our authentic selves. The issue I've been MORE faced with after being on testosterone for a number of years is what I'll call "toxic femininity" in the trans male community. I cannot go to support groups, I cannot speak to people online, I cannot make trans male friends who seem accepting of me because I'm not feminine. There have been so many times other trans guys question my need for phalloplasty because they think I'm trying to "prove" my manliness, or people who speak to me with the underlying question of "why are you binary? men are oppressors," trying to convince me to identify as something other than male, or something other than a straight male because that is the UltimateBad™. So many people these days are trying to convince me to wear nail polish or crop tops or dresses or makeup because "it doesn't make you less male!" or whatever, and it's just gotten to the point where the message coming from everyone seems to be "the only acceptable way to be a trans guy is if you're a feminine trans guy, because masculine trans guys have internalized misogyny so they're awful" and it's just so off-putting to me. I am all for guys doing whatever they want, because I understand none of the external stuff makes someone 'less-than' but I don't really associate with anyone in the community anymore because I feel like there's so much pressure to embrace my (non-existent) femininity, and shun everything masculine about myself. I hope that makes sense.
Anyway, great video as always. I've been watching you since at least like 2010, I wanna say. Ha.
Eli Jackson wow I'm really sorry people say that, they should let you be who you are
I can relate to this
Thank you for that bit of emotional vulnerability and truth. I don’t come around for those very reasons and I am also conservative and I support and revere our President Trump. So guess I’ll just hang with the “ normal people “ but I’d much rather hang with everyone- when I’m feeling social that is. 😊
I relate to this so much
I'm trans and I like some feminine things. But sometimes I feel like those things make me less trans (even tho it's not true) and it makes me hella dysphoric
Julian McCartney I feel that! 🙌🏻
Julian McCartney I feel u as well but that's so sad 😟
Julian McCartney me 100%
Julian McCartney Are you a big Beatles fan?? Sorry just your name and possibly your profile picture although I can't quite see it.
+Alex Creed hell yes
I'm masculine and work out, and I'm ftm. Thanks for acknowledging we are not all toxic.
Hey Chase I'm from a middle eastern country called turkey and being lgbti+ is very inconveinent in our country :( We have one famous ftm could considered as idol but last week he said "women are unfaithful" in an interview. It was so toxic and as feminists we all dissappointed and shocked by his sexism, I dont want to believe the insensitivity like this
Maybe that's his experience. It's not always because trans. Men and women treat each other very badly. Often, overly misogynistic men are either afraid of being perceived as gay, or they have been severely hurt by women in the past. Perhaps he really does have the experience of women cheating on him and being unfaithful. I see sexists as people who have been deeply hurt by the opposite sex. This might not excuse their behavior, but it does provide an explanation.
As you mentioned that could not be an excuse and its unacceptable, I've been also violeted and hurt by men both physical and mental for many times but I am not a sexist, for me the all genders and non binary all equal. Sexism is a choise. And the guy who said women are unfaithful was directly targeting woman gender, not a specific person.
+gulce bolat If sexism is a choice, it is a subconscious one. There are plenty of women who DO hate men because of the physical and mental abuse they have suffered at the hands of individual men, just as there are men who do the same to women. It is very common. Other than covering for homosexuality it's probably the no 1 reason trans men (and men in general) do stuff like this.
" the guy who said women are unfaithful was directly targeting woman gender, not a specific person."
That's what I'm trying to say. Maybe he doesn't understand the difference.
So I am saying that he as a trans man who is living in this culture had experienced being excluded because of his gender identitiy before, he is aware of everthing. I believe that he is trying to prove himself as a man because of the gender roles in society and showing his "masculinity" by using gender distinction.
And also he is going to marry in a few months, if he is generalizing women as untrustful why is he engaged, isn't it being two-faced?
He is only playing on media by giving these sexist speaches
I do agree with everything you say. The problem you're talking about is rather a problem of society in general than the trans* community specifically. Because even a lot of women are misogynistic. I often notiv´ce this while talking to female friends or acquaintances that they are talking downgrading towards other women by using terms like "bitch", "hoe" and the likes. So I think it's a problem that society as a whole has to battle.
Also although this video is more geared towards hyper masculine trans guys (great points made), I feel like misogyny plays Suuuch a big part in every (or at least most) people's life who's afab like being nonbinary, it's a constant struggle whether to know if I feel a certain way because of my gender idendity or if it's because of internalized misogyny I've accumulated throughout the years...to navigate that is always such a trip and confusing
its so ugly thinking how i feel like alot of us just started by being like ew im not like them! im not like the other girls...im more like you guys im cool theyre lame and its like??#!!$2 anyways...
Amira F Oh wow, I know exactly what you mean. I just left a comment up above.
In my case, I think it was both. Like, I'm nb but I hated having a female side because of misogyny.
Now I decided to live as a woman (I can't have a masculine haircut and a feminine blue haircut at the same time you know, and I'd never pass as a boy w/o T) and the thing is I don't hate it now.
I remember when I was a kid/teen (before figuring out I'm trans) I used to be so internally misogynistic. I hated everything about myself that was "girl" so I started resenting other girls and classmates that embraced their femininity and womanhood and were proud and confident. I knew it wasn't right of me to think that way but I couldn't pinpoint why I thought the way that I did. Then, once I came to the conclusion that I am a transgender man, I spent a lot of time searching myself and thinking through my life and how I'd felt and thought in the past.
I worked really hard to destroy that way of thinking, and now I think I'm finally free of those misogynistic thoughts. I do still occasionally think something really judgmental but then I immediately follow it with "fuck that, it's her life and her body, she can do what she wants with it"
If any of y'all bros dealt with internalized misogyny (or still do) it's okay, you can always fix that way of thinking with time
I bought a pink shirt in the summer, because I saw you wearing one in your videos.
T Zerr So I bought army pants and flip flops
I'm ftm and would say I'm leaning more masculine but also have some feminine traits that I do embrace too. I don't do body building (but would like to, I'm lazy), but I dress masculine, have a beard, rarely ever wear makeup, I don't talk with my hands and so on. But then I do have long hair, wear black nail polish, have creative interests and some of my mannerisms are a bit feminine. Although I'm gay but people seem to assume I'm straight however I'm not sure if they do. I don't think I have toxic masculinity and I do believe in gender equality and stand up against sexism in society. Not like I'm protesting, but I do my part when facing such situations in my life, as in defending others facing sexism. That goes for women as well as men, as not just women face sexism. I used to be more androgynous before, up until quite recently, but I realised that wasn't me and it made me feel uncomfortable. Neither masculinity nor femininity is better or worse than the other really, they're just different. I think toxic masculinity is a weird concept though, cause that's not being masculine, that's being an asshole.
I aim to be a gentleman.
Since transitioning, I have become more of a feminist because I can see more clearly the amount of privilege males have in society and contrast that with how I used to be treated. Women are incredible, that is all.
Great video Chase :)
Henry Gordon victimizing yourself goes nowhere. If men had an advantage ( they don't as statistics show ), women would be out changing things ( nothing negative to change ) instead of complaining about things that don't exist for attention.
Ghostly Dirty firstly, your comment is mysoginist because you are totally playing into the stereotypes of women being attention seeking and irrational ('making this up' - that is classic gaslighting). Secondly if women were making this up, why would street harassment a daily reality for many, why would there be a whole Me Too movement for women that were sexually assaulted, reports of women being paid around 20% less, women be in the absolute minority in leadership positions (e.g. only 3 percent of fortune 500 company CEOs are female and so many other examples). Have you ever looked at the statistics? Because no statistic I ever saw on these topics showed that we have equality. You need to stop this.
@@mrschmidt8384 The ones doing the "street harassment" is you fucking leftists.
when I came out as bi I started talking about women like objects to prove my bisexuality 😂 14 year old me was an idiot
Yup, I feel I have to objectify women in order to prove my sexuality because I'm not really butch at all, but I guess that's just heteronormativity saying that only a masculine person can like a feminine person, and screw that! :)
Hannah Cherry yeah people forget that bisexuals exist. You don't need to prove yourself and I'm glad you see that now. It's all good, when we are younger we make mistakes. XD
Hannah Cherry to me it depends on context. I don't think it's wrong to talk about women( or men? sexually as long as you don't feel entitled and that you can respect them.
I feel that, for sure. I'm queer but am read as straight pretty well universally (I dunno why, stereotypes or some bs). When I was in high school/just after I graduated I felt so invisible that I totally also spoke in weird ways about women and acted more explicitly flirty than I actually wanted to.
I still feel totally invisible, but I've luckily learned to cope in better ways now.
Hannah Cherry I personally do shitty puns about the fact that I'm pan/bisexual to prove my sexuality.
No one laughs but me :') , doesn't matter, my puns are great !
your videos help me self reflect and grow, so thank you! For the longest time I was terrified of being masculine, because everyone around me equated being female and masculine, as being a lesbian. Since I wasnt ready to come out as asexual, and all I wanted to do was pass as being 'straight' I became hyperfeminine. Looking back I realize how problematic that was but its so deeply ingrained in me that I'll catch myself doing bizzare things just to be perceived as fem.
i'm looking forward to passing as male and working out my muscles so I can be a muscular guy who Always wear dresses
Chase, you're such a lovely human being. Thank you for doing all that you do
i know exactly what u mean chase. recently i had to learn to socialise as a man with my friends and lots of my mates think that because 'now i am a man' i need to be sexist and almost 'prove' my masculinity by it. it's awful, it makes me feel less of a man and i am scared i will stop passing if i stand up against it ://
Jeremy Pinkernikle Dude wtf, what's your deal? He didn't do anything to ya so why attack him for no reason? Don't be a prick
Jeremy Pinkernikle lmao why are you on this channel then, Chase talks about the trans community. Don't attack this young man for no reason when he has not done anything to you
Jeremy Pinkernikle you seem to be out and about spreading hate comments quite a lot.
You know who is not a real man? That is you, for spreading hateful comments in the comment section. Maybe you think it's cool, but from a fellow man who would be considered 'alpha male' (by someone who gives anything for these narrow definitions, and from the way you write I assume that's you) what you're doing just makes you look ignorant and hateful. Reported your comment now, as hate and ignorance arr not an opinion
Mr Schmidt well said, my dude
Literally exclaim every time you post a video. The very fact that there's an open-minded person who can see and address important issues makes my day better.
Maybe it's a way of distancing from when they were passing as female, rather than male, or from femininity all together - because of the risk of not being considered "completely" male.
Patrizia P I think this is why. They feel threatened by their femininity because everything to do with being female has caused them so much pain. It's understandable but they deal with it in a very unhealthy way to protect and underline their masculinity.
"Pretended I didn't like RENT" 😂 you're hilarious
Society makes people desperate to fit in and they do all those thinga without knowing it because we're all scared of being incomprehended and alone
I think it's problematic when someone says "you have a sister, a
grandma, a mother, a daughter". It's as if they admit that women are
being dehumanized and the only way to be considered as humans is to
think of them as daughters, mothers etc. I know you mean well and that
you are a true feminist, I only express how frustrating this is for
women to be considered less human unless they have a role in the life of a man.
I meant it more as "you're a human being" but i can 100% understand what you're talking about! Thanks for bringing it up
I truly appreciate your effort to call out on difficult subjects that might make you less likeable in the eyes of your community but could make a positive difference in the lives of people who are being discriminated against.
I am cis and I always watch your channel because I relate to your videos about identity, discrimination, body image, relationships, mental health, life in the academia etc. (also the reviews can be helpful to some cis people ;))
xtnabcn I see that phrase as "you all have a woman in your life that you are close to. Think of them instead of saying something awful towards another woman"
Yes, I understand :) I also sometimes make the same mistake, for example, when someone talks about refugees in a disrespectful manner I make them think of their own family.
But the ideal thing would be to respect human beings as human beings, even if we can't relate to them in any possible way. I know, I talk about an ideal situation in an ideal world...
xtnabcn I think as a whole, humans are more likely to be empathetic if they're shown an example that relates to their life. food for thought.
In my sociology exam this summer on identity, when talking about toxic masculinity I am totally just concluding the essay with "People are dumb". If i don't get an A* I will flip shit
Chase, I think you spoke about this topic really well by discussing both sides of the coin. I loved the soci rant lol. Thanks for sharing!
Same goes with butch women, it's always seen as such a negative trait to have when they are simply just being themselves. You should be able to embrace who you are without judgement and negativity as long as your being respectful to fellow human beings. 😊
This video is GREAT!! TOXIC MASCULINITY is a cover up for those who don't feel confident in themselves. WE WERE ALL BROUGHT UP AS FEMALES BEING BROUGHT DOWN BY MEN! STOP BEING ONE OF THEM! LOL I wear so many colors, I NEVER say the word Bitch, I DON'T identify as Straight, I talk with my hands, I say 'ggiirrrll', I just got home from seeing beauty and beast on the first day it played at the first showing of the day (MY IDEA NOT my wifes lol)-- All this Hyper Macho is for being a 'real man'. Its really sad- and I'm happy you called yourself out for trying to be hyper in the beginning of your transition. I did it too! I think its helllaaaa common! We are all trying to convince those around us that we are MEN, and sadly they don't see it until you like take out the trash shirtless while calling a girl a bitch and hocking a loogie. lol ITS ALL GOTTA CHANGE!!!
At the same time, femme trans men cant hate on those masculine men and masculine cannot hate on femme trans men. We gotta stop all this! Way to go Chase!
hahaha
Aydian Dowling wish my husband was like this. He feels like he has to be so masculine
You think really lowly of men
Thanks so much for talking about this topic!! I'm pretty neutral between masculinity and femininity, but I do really feel left out of the extreme feminine positivity for trans guys on tumblr. There's no problem with 'feminine' things, but I'm really not into the whole makeup, more 'feminine' appearance, pastel, flower, etc vibe that's overwhelmingly represented in social media these days. I've never been into those things and I don't want to change what I'm into just so that people don't think I'm trying to avoid feminine things. I'm okay just going about as an in-between guy, but I don't see that acknowledged much. Thank you!!
thank you for this. being a dude is not synonymous with being a misogynist. but this society is so damn toxic, and virtually everything associated with masculinity is paired with an expectation to be sexually aggressive and emotionally stunted. physique is also independent of this shit, but again, society associates muscles with MANLY MEN. and it is so damn hard not to fall into the misogynistic traps of western society.
and dude, the patriarchy is goddamn insidious. it turns people against each other in pursuit of an impossible ideal and creates artificial hierarchies and just. wow.
and thank you for addressing this in a way that also doesn't deride the idea of masculinity outright. race, class, and a shitload of other factors influence how any given person is "allowed" to act, and what would be revolutionary for one person might be just conforming to another stereotype for someone else.
ugh. life is hard. people are complicated. gender and self-expression are. just. things get so muddled and scary, and i'm glad you're trying to address some of these issues with the platform you have.
Amazing work! You are making a very important point. I'm glad, that this topic is moving forward. Thank you and keep it up.
Chase, you look great with that pink t-shirt, now i feel like i need one
Jing Yi Tan He's such a cutie though, he looks great in anything.
"Why did you transition to be a gay man?" I can't with these people. 😂😂
As a person currently figuring out their sexuality, videos like yours are so useful. You may say the video made no sense but I thought it was really interesting and a good take on the whole issue. You're a huge inspiration to me and give me confidence that I can figure this stuff out myself without losing my feminine personality traits (or going too far in masculinity and coming out toxic). Thank you.
I love you Chase!! Thank you so much for being you and always being there for all of us. We appreciate you💜 😊
You're such a boss. This is so relevant, important and just fantastic.
I really appreciate your thoughtfulness and willingness to discuss difficult topics. Any criticism of society has to start at ground zero, aka within ourselves. If we can't each look inside ourselves and admit that we have prejudices, biases, etc, acknowledge them and actively fight to change them, how can any of us criticize someone else?
I would definitely love to hear you talk about misogyny and toxic masculinity more!
I LOOOOOVE THIS VIDEO. Chase, you are touching a very important subject right here. I, sometimes have done something mysogenistic to fit into the "male side of society" but the moment you become aware of that you can actually stop worring about appearing as "masculine" for the sake of respecting people like your own mother you can stop being that toxic. Even though i am in the closet as a trans male amd i still want to make people think i am not female, i am a feminist an i do want to change things for the moment in the future where i am not seen as female. Keep taking Chase, thanks for this!
i feel like people should just be themselves as long as they're not hurting anyone else.
You're right and you make such an interesting point. misogyny is such a problem, the issue of objectification for cis women and trans women, it is still a problem. Men should be proud to talk about themselves as feminists, trans or not, and it is sad that people are still reluctant to do that. I think you make such a valid point and this is a subject that should be talked about more. Not only can "toxic masculinity" be a problem for women, it is also a problem for men and does cause a lot psychological harm - something that I've seen with a lot of cis men (I can imagine this must be even more of a struggle for transfolk). I think it is really a positive thing to open up this conversation.
I'm glad you addressed this, and that you're open to discussion on your videos.
It was so nice hearing you talk about how women should be treated with a lot more respect than what they get treated like sometimes! You're a rarity Chase! Love your videos! xxoo
It's like children in school bullying a kid because someone else is. It's a kind of "defense" to "fit in".
Great message here, Chase. Stay analytical: Just get more ORGANIZED.
I'm so glad you talked about it, me and my friends see it all the time but it doesn't feel like anyone talks about it.
honestly; I wish I could show everyone your videos all the time. I simply adore the way you're so informed and respectful to everyone and so feminist. where I'm at, I really am surrounded by mysogyny from cis men & women and it's quite shit to always push my feminist opinions on people as someone who's non-binary and rlly feels strongly about feminism. so this totally spoke to me. thanks for all that you do ♡ you're amazing !!
chase you are literally not only one of the most intelligent people i've ever come across, and when i first started watch your videos like two years ago you were my backbone for letting my bit of femininity out and not feeling bad about it. love you chase ❤️
Yas!!! THANK YOU FOR THIS. WE NEED MORE OF THESE CONVERSATIONS
In France, talking with "your hands" is a stereotype about Italians (men in particular), not women (unless they're Italian too). IDK why.
You are such a genuinely wonderful person and thank you for making this video.
This video was great to see, thank you for making it! I was raised in a misogynistic household, my mom even led me to believe that women are lesser because they're "supposed to be." I've caught myself overcompensating and doing "masculine" things I didn't enjoy so that maybe I could pass as male (even though my gender is completely up for debate at this point lmao.) I'm learning to be comfortable with both my masculine and feminine sides and this video was just what I needed to see this morning. Thank you Chase! 💚💚 (also off topic but I feel u with the fitbit frustration 😂 the same thing happened to me when I had mine!)
I'm a trans guy who is pansexual & people assume I'm gay, because I love wearing makeup & I am very out going when I'm comfortable with the people. People are getting use to men wearing makeup, but when I wear makeup to school people say things like "Why are you wearing makeup? I thought you wanted to be a boy?". I am attracted to woman also, but I feel like a girl wouldn't want to date me since I wear makeup & I am very feminine.
Thank you so much for making this, you've explained my feels. Like I know I over compensate and that at times i can be misogynistic. but now i can work on it and improve.
I love you for your femininity and your masculinity. Thank you for who you are. It helps.
yes pleeeeeease talk about toxic masculinity!!!! Maybe even do like an overview where you talk about all its aspects. would love to hear more from you
Thank you for saying this!!!! This summed up a lot of my feelings on misogyny and toxic masculinity in this community, which really made it hard for me to pursue the non-toxic masculinity that gave me gender euphoria! You explained it wonderfully and it comforted me to hear someone else describing what I was feeling. Thanks!!!!
There was this trans guy on twitter saying that if you're a trans guy wearing a full face of makeup you should expect to be misgendered bc "Oh well you still look like girl"
i understand if he becomes dysphoric when it comes to being feminine, but as a trans guy who's very feminine, such as wearing "feminine" makeup and wearing clothing from the women's section, it feels like I'm still being seen/called a girl, which I'm not. Unfortunately some ex friends saw me as a girl and would treat me like the "little sister" bullshit, so I've had to become a lot more masculine. (also to avoid being harassed)
Zach That sucks :( I used to do makeup and wear feminine things when I was still in denial just to "force" myself to be a woman (as if) but there were days, sometimes, when I actually felt good doing makeup (it's pretty fun!) and liked what I was wearing, I just didn't like the body that was wearing it, you know. Now that I'm out but don't pass to save my life I simply can't do any of that even if I wanted to which is so wrong.
well, it's kind of obvious that if your dress very fem and do your best to be fem, people will misgender you. My mom is masculine, she gets called sir half the time.....and I have a cousin who has long hair despite not being that feminine and he gets misgendered when they see him from behind. I don't believe saying that makes you a bad person, people always put everyone in a category, so unfortunately you will either be in one or the other. Also I doubt a queer transguy will care all that much since they're not trying to be masculine or fem, just whatever and go with the flow.
Matt _ I'm a queer trans guy who doesn't really want to appear anything but myself, in theory... But in practice, during this "in between phase" before I start passing dysphoria has reached new heights and every misgendering stings like hell, even when I know it's not anyone's fault, that I'm read as female and that's it. Of course I'm going to be read as female even more likely if I wear any femme things and I don't blame anyone for that. What sucks is that if I were to correct someone while wearing a collared shirt and a tie they'd say "oh, sorry" but if I was wearing a dress they might say "why are you wearing a dress then?". When I came out to my mum she was all "what about all those times you were out there wearing feminine stuff?" as if that means I can't be trans. I get being misgendered but I don't get the attitude some seem to have that we're not trans enough or are asking for it. But yeah, I'm just probably not gonna wear anything femme for years because it'll be hard enough for me as it is to be taken seriously.
Completely relate, it happens in the gay community too.
You just get to the point where you don't care what people think. As long as people are respectful.
Thank you for tackling this topic!
thank you so much for this. i see my transidentity as a chance because we're the ony men who can understand what it's like to be seen by society as women and we can understand them more, it always upsets me so much to see transmen being so freaking sexist and misogynist
chase i always vibe with like everything you have to say, thank you for always doing the thing. 👍🏻
It's good to bring light to this. I think every gender all over the spectrum sometimes gets caught up in the idea that they have to fit in with one definition. if I wear pink on Monday it's weird for people that I come with my camo and boots on Tuesday. I appreciate the consideration for being respectful to women as well. I think men often forget that were all equal and it's going to get you nowhere by referring to women in a negative light even if you're calling her "hot".
always a pleasure 🐝
Omg, my phone just randomly started playing your video in my bag while I was walking through a busy train. People were weirded out XD I hope they could here what you were saying and learned something
For a decent amount of time, most of my friends were women and even now I'm friends with a lot of women. I see what they go through every day and it just genuinely pisses me off to see men treat them the way they do. So, if my coworker is dealing with a nasty person who keeps saying really gross things, I step in and deal with them by being overly flirtatious and just generally gay as hell so they get uncomfortable and leave.
I think you articulated this topic so well Chase and it's definitely something that needs to be talked about more within the community since the point you made about trans men jumping that line into misogyny happens so often and so easily, overall really well said
this video is probably one of the best things I ha e seen in a while. keep it up! stay vocal!
Hello Chase Bee! I would like you to talk about the layer of toxic masculinity that consists in men criticizing, ridiculing and humiliating other men and masculine presenting people (who do not necessarily identify as men). Amazing video. Toxic masculinity is definitely an issue in the trans men community. Love you Chasey
I love the way you talk and the content is always amazing.
Stereotypes in this society are a big problem, and for me it's happening for a reason: people are actually scared to be themselves and they find it easier to stick with what they are "supposed" to be.
I am a heterosexual girl, but I also had problems with stereotypes. I was always considered masculine, because I used to play soccer and I have never liked dollies and other "girly" stuff. I have never liked shopping as well.
I had to fight a lot, but I have never changed myself. I am actually proud of how I am, and if someone doesn't like it's not my problem.
The problem with masculinity, and that's what I saw in high school as well, is that guys are bullying other guys if they are not considered masculine enough.
I had a male friend, who was very skinny and quiet guy, he was bullied all the time and I actually defended him, and they teased him more because a girl was helping him.
Also a guy can't cry? It's all bullshit. We can't change the world, but we have to keep strong and be ourselves :)
You are amazing. Thank you for speaking up about this.
I just want to live in a world where you can be happy and do what you like (without hurting others obviously). Even though something might be called masculine or feminine, that doesn't mean that doing it makes anyone less of a man or a woman.
Your videos are so smart and interesting geez man you're clever
I find it a constant battle in my head between myself and toxic masculinity; realizing when I'm doing it and correcting myself. It's hard to explain this to my cis friends. I think toxic masculinity IS rooted in misogyny, my friend once put it to me like this (i was saying i'm ashamed to have sex with cis men because i feel less of a man when i do so and she said;) "you feel like less of a man because you're suddenly feeling like a woman and you see women as lesser than men" and my life has been entirely different since she said that to me? it's hard to see sometimes how we can be so subtle but so obvious at the same time. Cis men over compensate because of insecurity that is usually like, small penis, or short, or, feeling more feminine, and trans men overcompensate because they literally have a vagina, and we are constantly struggling with how we're supposed to act now that we're men, how we were taught to act since we were born as women, and who we really are inside.
I am new to your channel and I already fucking love you! So eloquent and intelligent. Thanks Chase x
I'm really glad you're talking about this. I just came back from a week long trip of the equivalent of All County band or Nationals here in Europe called Honours Music Festival, and it was so freeing for me. I came out as trans two years ago to pretty much everyone at my school, and now as a senior in high school I'm a lot more confident and settled, I guess, in my masculinity. However, I still do feel both the societal and internalized pressure to be, as you said, like overcompensatingly masc to "pass." Spending a week with kids from American schools all over Europe was amazing, because there were so many people, specifically guys, that were openly gay and dare I say it, stereotypically feminine. It was so validating and just plain nice to be able to be seen as a guy and at the same time be able to show my feminine side without being questioned or doubted as a man. It was just so great, and I'm glad I got the experience.
Loved this video!
i'm looking forward for more!
Honestly thank you so much for this video and the one about being feminine. I have been questioning my gender for so long. I know for sure I'm a guy now and I don't have to be extremely masculine to be one. I have always known I am one, and the only thing holding me back was that I liked the way my room looked, which had, like, some pink in it, which is my favorite color, and I liked how my perfume smelled lol. Literally gender roles made figuring out my gender so much harder, and these videos helped me more than I could ever hope. So THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
I'm so glad you're touching on Toxic Masculinity. It's honestly overlooked in our society with the spotlight on femininity and the toxicity within the feminine community. Where both are equally important and we need to realize what's toxic on both sides and eliminate them. Love you lots
YES!!! omg thank you so much for this video!!
ughh chase you're the best. such a great topic. I am alittle over 7 months on T and I find myself being over-consumed in my masculinity and continuing to compare myself to over transmen who look more masc than me. Finally I am realizing my masculinity is extremely fragile and I need to re-teach myself on what I believe "being a man" is for me. Toxic masculinity is very rampant in our transmen community, typically as a form of overcompensation.
Thank you for talking about this💕💕
love this video 😊 you have such a great energy Chase 🌞
great video! thanks for talking about this!!
Hi! I'm honestly so glad I found your channel. Been subscribed for a while now. Being in the LGBTQ community has lead me to have a lot of interest in it, as I don't wanna just focus on the parts that affect me. In regards of the video- I study sociology (twinning) and psychology and it has always been a bit hard for me to resist questioning when people ignore the fact that there aren't just two genders. As well as socialisation of genders differently and just being so focused on some sort of separation. It's really hard to find someone in high school who views things in a similar way so it's so nice to see TH-camrs like you who discuss different issues and allow people to better educated themselves .I think we should be more supportive of everyone in the community so it's so lovely to that you also discuss issues like this. I also really love that you talk about topics that are hard to talk about like you said at the end.
For an idea of what else to talk about- maybe something in regards of school and the idea that someone times people recommend not to even get involved if someone is being rude or using slurs just because that could lead to a bigger problem? I know you've mentioned previously about how other people can act defensively and one should give them time to process things, so I'm not really sure where I'm trying to go with the idea but maybe you can make something of it.
Thank you
What an interesting view on this topic. I really think that you nailed it.
In my socio-linguistics classes, we talked about how people use language to indicate group membership. I think another reason that trans guys say misogynistic things is to distance themselves from women in the eyes of their interlocutors. It's less about proving you are in the "men" group, and more about proving you AREN'T in the "women" group. Doesn't make it better, but it helps me wrap my head around why people do it even though they've been on the receiving end of such comments before.
So much said here oh my goD THANK YOU ILY
You have such a beautiful way with words. 😻
I love your videos Chase!... I'd like to add, that I think there is toxic things at both far ends of the spectrum. Maybe not as often, but I do even see some women who are hateful towards men and think "men naturally are gross, stupid, or ruthless" (misandry). So yea I think there can be lines on both extreme ends on the spectrum of toxic masculinity and toxic femininity (misogyny and misandry). I hope people will soon be more conscious and caring about the things they say. And not to say or act on these negative things towards each other. Society has really screwed us up in a lot of ways. I personally think all humans are equal in the respect of gender, sex, sexuality, race, ethnicity, class etc; :)
You're making sense! I think it feels all over the place cause you're trying to validate everyone and also criticize the things that are harmful which is *super hard* when mainstream society promotes masculinity as the ideal and a lot of social justice doesn't distinguish between toxic and not toxic masculinity (because like you said that line is hard). So there are people being invalidated in both areas depending on whose opinions they care about, and there are people who should be criticized who aren't. I think you did a great job.
Now I have to talk about this at my therapist.. Ty Chase you opened my eye on my strange behevior, and I'm really thankful for that! I hate feeling like I have to prove my masculanity (I'm pre T) , to feel I belong. It's messy, but I hope I will be one day my authentic self.
this is my first video I've seen of yours and I think you are a great person I hope you have a beautiful day
I may have started watching your videos as a cisgender healthcare practitioner looking to educate himself on trans issues, but I've stuck around just because I think you're such an awesome person. You've got a great outlook on life, and an amazing sense of humor. Keep spreading your messages. I really appreciate everything I've been able to learn through your videos!
Good talk, I have a lot of respect for you man.
Laith Ashley is a good example of a "less white" famous trans man. He's still super muscular, though. Lol.
I love this nonethless. Thank you!
THANK YOU.. i needed this.. even though i am clearly not a masculine man , i now realise that ive been portraying misogynistic toxic masculinity to gain approval and respect from my friends as well.. it's such an easy line to cross, so true..
But for women too.. misogyny between women is also very common, and i used to def portray that before i came out..
Damn..,
I wish I knew you in real life, you are just so amazing. Like, how you're so open about your own flaws and the way you have understanding for people when they're being idiots. Watching your videos makes me a bit more hopeful.
Best way to start the day is with a Chase Ross video
I let myself buy a ruffled tank top I liked yesterday because I reminded myself of how you always say it's okay to be feminine ❤
Totally agree with you! Thank you for the video.
Our society is full of toxic masculinity. "Man up, grow a pair, real men don't cry." It's awful, but it's nowhere near what women deal with in society. This is a disgusting stereotype of what we think it means to be male, that we force on eachother. I've never once had a woman tell me to man up for crying, I have however heard a man say "women need a guy in their life to help them, that's why it's called 'guidance'."
Sexism is built on a system of oppression. The fact that a man can be looked down on simply for displaying what is considered to be a feminine trait such as crying proves how little our society values women and femininity in the first place. Before you run around complaining about reverse sexism check your privilege, folks.
Oh my god somebody else that over-analyses things! I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! I sit there contradicting my own beliefs because I remind myself "yeah but what if someone made this point" - it gets kinda difficult sometimes. I do that all the time when I'm thinking about the whole nonbinary gender thing.
Oh and while I haven't witnessed it first hand I can totally see how what you're talking about would be a problem.