I had to socially detransition after high school (ftm) to find a job and it was confusing to realise that people are misogynistic towards me, they treat me as a girl/woman and after being recognised as a boy/man for almost 3 years I really felt the difference "going back". The way my name is called, I'm being talked down to, people want me to smile way more, people are way more aware and critical of my appearance. It's horrible.
As much as people like to claim how far we've come when it comes to trans rights and acceptance the truth is that many people still won't take on trans workers and also you get bullied a lot from conservatives. I'm not detransitioning in general, just socially detransitioning for the time being until I pass better and will get better job opportunities. Hope this clears things up.
@@maxoniacdeven3210 but you said that you were being treated better because people saw you as male... So how does that work if your saying that you didn't pass??
@@maxoniacdeven3210 also just an aside, but what is your opinion on prisons placing males in female prisons?? Do you think it's right to force women (most of whom are non violent offenders) to be locked in a cell with males convicted of crimes like rape? And then when they are raped by these men and complain they are called "transphobes" and mocked .. Isn't the physical safety of women more important than the "feelings" of a male rapist??
@@maxoniacdeven3210 and don't you find it abit strange that there's so many trans "women" breaking world records in female sport, yet there hasn't even been one transman who's been able to do anything close to that in male sports??
I’m a big dude muscle and weight wise, but short. I was taking out the trash at night and the first time a woman crossed the street to get away from me and when I realized she saw me as a threat, my heart sank.
I'm mostly per-transition MtF and I've started becoming really uncomfortable with this, I didn't used to pay it that much mind but now I intentionally move to places where I won't be in anyone's way and avoid going into shops/post offices where there aren't already customers there. I guess once E eats my strength & I'm better transitioned I'll be doing the same thing but more for my own safety...
I had the opposite experience. I was bullied by women and never felt like I was a part of any community. It felt like women just wanted to compete with me and they did all of those mind games and backstabbing. I had no social expectations with my transition but men turned out to be so supportive. I was terrified of going to the gym because I was skinny and weak and I thought I will be bullied but most men were hyping me up lol. I also noticed women are much nicer to me now than pre transition which really shocked me. I thought they would see me more as a threat but they're really nice to me now
Guys are so oddly accepting of everyone (every man, at least). It felt like when I was a girl hanging with girls, one social mistake and the friendship was over, or there’d be drama, or some awkward smiling and shuffling away, or I was weird and outcast. But with guys, they consistently show up with a “we’ll work on that” attitude, one guy literally said to me “we gotta work on that” like it’s a team effort to get me to act like one of them, and not a pre-requisite. I obviously didn’t feel that way when I was a girl hanging out with guys, so I mean they aren’t perfect. I felt like social mistakes back then would be attributed to my perceived gender rather than just a mistake or ignorance. But if you’re a guy, you’re in.
You just verbalized a feeling I've been having for a while now. Im still pre T but I've noticed some changes concerning the idea of stepping out of this loving community of women. Like most of my friends still are women but I feel a feeling of sort of drifting apart in some way? I cant really explain it. Like using the mens restroom. Why cant we be in the same bathroom and chat to each other? It feels like an unnessecary divide sort of. I cant articulate my feeling quite well rn but you tackled a topic that I didnt know how to put into words! Thank you!
Lord some of these comments are rough...anyway what he said about the having to make yourself louder and more assertive when read as female but that comes off as aggressive as male is something that ive felt highkey in my transition. Really everything was super relatable. Transitioning is amazing but also weird and hard at times. Great video btw👌
Same. I call it the death of my "feisty" nature. Men cannot be feisty. I have learned to tone it down, especially making angry noises out of fun, people take it seriously and it frightens them.
I love learning from trans men as a trans gal. A lot of these experiences are inversed for me, but I've done some reckless things before I fully understood what it meant to be perceived as a woman, since I started passing. I still don't fully understand since I've only cis-passed for around 4 months at this point, but it has been a big shock to see how much less people listen to me. Transfem hypervisibility as a whole makes me want to hide my trans identity more too.
this is so real some of the deepest insights im having about gender n gender identity come from talking to trans guys and hearing their experience too. So fascinating hearing the reverse of what I’m experiencing, and hearing trans men talk about what its like to be with a group of dudes and have all these expectations for what men are supposed to be like or whatever put on you. For me its like yup thats what it was like my whole life and it was fucking awful😭. And I also find the differences in the pressures to pass on both transmascs and transfems super interesting too. If transfems dont pass we might be hate crimed for being seen as a man in a dress and if trans mascs dont pass or act in genderqueer ways they might be hatecrimed for being seen as, well a man in a “dress”(makeup,comfortable expressing feminity etc) basically.
@@Rosemorgana1312 lets analyse the nonsense /lies many amongst you believe in: lie: schools are of use (fact. schools keep slavery alive and stands for dumbing down the population of mankind) lie: moon and mars landings, (fact: even masons know they cannot leave - earth is closed system, unless you want to drown, there is no other place created for us to live in.) lie: news channels share truth (fact: these are for politic propaganda) lie: money has a value of its own (fact: it is just a tool of this world, which value has been agreed upon world wide) lie: NASA lies (globe and all....) (fact: NASA stands for TO DECEIVE) - you havn´t searched - have you? lie: the lgbtq++++ propaganda (fact: it is a part of masonry depopulation agenda, 500 000 000 souls, thats their goal.) lie: Evolution and the dinosaurs. (fact: mankind is not hybrid kind) to keep stating that there was an evolution, then we ain´t humans, we aint then mankind, we are then hybrids. Are you a hybrid? Lie: holidays (xmas, Halloween, new year eve and so on) (fact: PAGAN HOLIDAYS, to praise BAAL, the god of this world) lie: U.F.Os (fact: they are demons/evil spirits in high places, against whom we fight daily = spiritual warfare) lie: rules and laws rule the world (fact: signs and symbols of masonry do) lie: believe in being educated (fact: found daily living with the lack of knowledge) lie: religions are ways to heaven (fact: JESUS CHRIST is only way to heaven. Religions, no matter its name = masonic garbage) lie: our dead loved ones stay around to “ghost” (fact: hunting and ghosting is job of demons, not of humans. We, humans, come from GOD and return back to HIM and all the stories of having been seen a ghost - terrifying, scary, dark, cold - again no job of analysing been done here by you- right?) Lie: Humans have no immune system and we need vaccines as these save lives (fact: humans HAVE IMMUNE SYSTEM and vaccines are created for one or two purpose: to kill or to cripple) 14 lies, should i go on?
I appreciate what you’re trying to do and not all your thoughts are completely irrational but I think you should go speak with a therapist or psychiatrist about your thoughts at some point, hope you’re doing okay
"Transfem hypervisability makes me want to hide my trans identity more" I don't blame you in thinking this way, I've felt similar but, understand it's a privilege to pass. I'm a trans fem, I pass and sometimes I don't. We can never truly be cis, our lived experiences make it so but we can always do things to better ourselves. Let's stop hiding. We're loud and proud.
This is more of a light hearted one, but I forgot men's shoes and women's shoes go by different sizes and the first time I bought shoes, once I started passing, I gave the women working there my women's shoe size on accident and she was so confused and then I had to awkwardly be like "oh, sorry that's my size in women's, women's shoes just fit me better" (which is true bc my feet are narrow af but still 🙃) Also strangers are meaner to me now. Fewer people smile at me when walking down the street, people harass me if I wear a mask, and I get homophobic slurs yelled at me from cars. I also feel like when I was perceived as female people treated me like I was stupid and now I have the opposite problem where everyone assumes I'm way more competent than I am 😅
I definitely understand the safety aspect. I’m a biracial trans guy who’s been on t for almost 6 month and being queer as well obviously makes me feel more unsafe in public being a queer person of colour. Less so for my safety (realistically, my anxiety is still trying to work with that) but more so with how I’m perceived publicly as a queer POC male. I’ve seen the way people look at my dad and brother as a “threat” when my dad is the sweetest person ever. It’s very interesting to me how different people from different backgrounds have such unique experiences. Even saying that I can’t even image living socially as a trans women, passing or not I genuinely think these women are some of the bravest and loveliest (from my experience) people to ever have existed. I wish people could just stop harassing trans women, they deserve a break forever from assholes
Stop trying to equate racism with this nonsense... You know that the whole concept of "gender identity" was invented in the 50s by a known racist and sexist who also raped little kids ?
I agree with a lot of your observations, I have found myself thinking these things as well over my transition. I’d like to hear from other trans men or trans masc people talk about the differences in dating. I used to trip over people trying to go out with me in some way or another, before I passed as male, and now there’s a completely different dynamic. People expect men to make the first move but when I do it’s seen as way more intense than before. Lots more people thinking they have to “let me down easy” when I thought we were both aware of the lack of chemistry. It feels harder to get close to people without them thinking it’s all about sex in your head… and being demi makes that feel even more ridiculous. I can’t wait to see more videos from you🙌
As a trans woman, I appreciate your perspective on going in the opposite direction. And yes. I don't always pass, but I still get way more support from women than I ever did from men as a man.
Thanks for making this video, it's really nice to hear trans people talk more about the social aspect of transitioning, not just the physical. I've experienced something like this having been on T as well, but a little different. I was assigned female at birth, and the way I would express myself when I was a kid/pre-teen was seen as "gender nonconforming". I never really experienced the pressure to perform gender in a certain way by society. But now that I'm a young adult and have been on T for 1 and 1/2 years, I'm perceived by the world as a "man". I identify as genderqueer, so it's been really frustrating having this binary idea projected onto me. I know this newfound pressure to fit inside a box is simply others' misunderstanding of my identity, but I can vouch for how different being perceived as male in society is.
Fascinatingly on the "community" - when I transitioned to female gaining that community was wonderful. But I also miss the cameraderie of being male. I still work in the same trades industry, so lot of manual labour, technical work, and all the guys backslap and tease each other and there's that whole "game" of masculinity. Don't get me wrong that game can also be quite toxic and isolating but I do miss something of the easy acceptance I once had in that social setting and that chummy vibe. Now it's polite social distance and being ignored, when not dealing with outright misogyny from guys 😬
@@JoeyJame "you people" as if you think you aren't trans. Why are you watching the video? Keep pumping out those desperate denial comments and having a public meltdown, it makes you look wholesome and not at all unhinged 👌
@@lauroralei I didn't say "you people" I said you guys... Again stop trying to make yourself a victim.. Also you're a male claiming that you "transitioned" to become female (a scientific impossibility) but IM the one in denial?? 😂
@@lauroralei being a man or a woman doesn't mean you have to act a certain way, it's not a personality it's a biological trait.. Btw I highly doubt anyone looks at you and actually thinks you're a woman... They are just being polite... you look 100% male long hair and makeup doesn't make someone a woman sir
This _really_ needs to be talked about more. Thanks for sharing man! I’m lucky enough to be quite naturally androgynous, and have been passing as a boy and a girl since childhood. I’m now out as transmasc, but my entire life has been like a window into the completely different climates of manhood and womanhood. It’s much easier to pass as male as a child, because everyone looks pretty similar pre-puberty, so growing up passing as male and then growing out my hair for a few months at a time as passing as female, I’ve been able to experience both extremes up until now (age 19). I’d say that it was probably _even more pronounced_ as a child, but that may be because I’m in that odd strange that you mentioned where people respect you pre-T, but don’t _see_ you as entirely male. It’s startling the difference in the way you are perceived can shape your existence, and is, I think, one of the main factors that sometimes push individuals to de-transition. Thank you again for sharing your experience! It’s great to get word out there :)
I came out as gay, and then trans and both times I've noticed my privilege slow be erased at all stages. It's real and real hard but people like you and all trans people understand first hand. More people can learn a thing or two from your videos! You're really kind keep up the videos! 💚💙
I remember hanging out with my friends and they got onto the topic about Kris (the girl who transitioned on Mr Beast) and one of my friends said "If I learned my friend was transgender then I would stop being friends with them"... I'm so glad that I have friends who support me and I hope I still have them when I start transitioning.
This is really interesting dude, thanks for sharing. All my cis guy friends are really nice BUT they all know I'm trans (they knew me before), and I'm pre-T, so now I'm wondering if that's why? They're all nice though. Idk, I pass in public as a younger guy (which is lowkey annoying ngl, don't think my autism helps either), so I guess I've never experienced the locker room talk thing cos it'd be weird for someone to talk like that to someone they assume is a teenager. I also agree with you about being grateful to have both experiences so you know what it's like, I think it increases your empathy and understanding in a way that just reading about things can't always do. And that's just from experiencing being seen as female as a kid/teen, not an adult. Even though my childhood and most of my teens when I was not able to be myself was absolutely shit, it's given me a different perspective in life, and I'm sure this will broaden even more when I'm on T and start passing as a grown up guy not just a fuckin 14 year old lol. Edit: Also, do you think this is different when it comes to people who aren't straight?
The word ''man'' can not be added here, to a trans delusional person, like there are no women or men that would even ''consider'' trying to be trans. Literally does not exist in or remotely near their head. Like, men and women are sane and do not have friends who consider themselves ''trans'' either bcz they do not want to be around Such a high degree of insanity and delusion, maybe you need to learn more words.
I came out as trans after 18 years in the male role. I noticed the patriarchy for the first time. Coming from a white (presumed) cis male upbringing, you don't see how women are treated on a day to say basis. It's invisible at the start, then it's in your face as a pretty college student and one attempted rape could turn into an attempted murder. You notice things like comments constantly about your appearance, as if that's all that matters. And even other young women assume you aren't smart by default. You're just valued lower. I get intersectional Feminism now.
It's super funny to me personally what you said about women being more supportive and feeling more like a community, but as a now transmasc, i have never felt supported in that community either because im ADHDautistic. I think we dont discuss enough the extra level of difficulty neurodivergency and ableism add to trans people's lives
I'm biologically born as a male, but I've always felt uncomfortable playing as a male, so one day I decided to transition, and soon after I was surprised by the gender roles women were expected to play, which were not what I was expecting. Then I started to think that I'm non-binary, but it still doesn't feel right. And here we are a rebellious female in a traditional society and male patriarchy, nothing more exciting then that. Hopefully I don't get killed or starve to death anytime soon, wish me luck bro.
This is hitting me hard, mtf here and you talking about gaining a feeling of safety at night while I'm losing it and not handling it in the slightest, I feel blind and nieve to the recently increasing harrasment and attacks, and it sucks when I work so hard just to feel comfortable in my body and I now have to hide it terrified. I know girls through it all the time at such young ages but it doesn't make it easy being older going through attacks. I understand the privelge of starting male, but it goes to show, because I don't regret it, I just wanna be me so bad. I still feel bad for men when you talk about community cause it really is lonely in that male space sometimes. Overall though, I would prefer if women had male privalege too than the worst of both worlds we got right now 😂
This is definitely one of the more important videos I've seen so far. So much of trans videos focuses on the medical side and the 'im so much happier. I'm me!!' which is great. But not many videos out there explaining really what to expect when you do eventually 'switch' over to the other side of the spectrum and how you are perceived and treated because of it. From being infantilized and looked down on, but having a robust support system, to becoming the center of the world, the leader of everything, and being so utterly alone in it all.... It's gotta be tough and it's a real wake up call for pre-T trans guys. We all need to be aware of this going in so we're not taken by surprise and left alone and lost.
im starting t next week and im so intrigued to see how i'm going to be treated differently, i love this video and your thoughts! i've been mourning the "loss" of the community of women for years now but i'm quite determined to hold on to it through friends and just my inner self (i am nb after all lol) but i wonder if those feelings will change on t. thanks for talking about this!
I think think transitioning means definitely losing the female community, like for example I’ve gained a much larger queer community now and I’m surrounded by women a lot, but ofcourse my position in this community is much different to when I was a “lesbian” But I think in this video I expressed a lot of loss but I didn’t mention much that I also gained new communities and I feel much more aligned with them now tbh ☺️
@@adriansweeneyxo "when I was a lesbian" aren't you still a lesbian?? Sexuality is determined by sex no?? And gender and sex are completely different right?? You are still a female who's same sex attracted regardless of gender or am I missing something?? Is the claim that sexuality is based on gender now?? If so how does that work, isn't gender a social construct if so wouldn't that mean that sexuality is a social construct?? And isn't that like what gay conversion advocates say??
i've had to deal with this social stuff for like my whole life. I've always hung around boys and men, and the first inkling i ever had that I somehow didn't belong was when no one wanted to pass me the ball in soccer or basketball. when boys would kind of ignore me no matter how friendly i was. it's really complicated because i also have autism and can't read cues or learn social rules as well as i'd like, but i can see a lot of those little judgements people make about me just from how they treat me. sure, i don't like feeling ignored or undermined but i think the biggest impact this has had is on my self-esteem. I find it hard to see myself in a positive light, in respect to gender. It feels like I always come off as annoying, ignorant, self-centered, sensitive, irrational, etc. ever since i started considering myself trans i just feel so scrutinized all the time. even by myself. does crossing my legs make me a woman? is my hair too short and now it can't make my jawline seem sharper? the whole point of being trans was to get away from that discomfort but it feels like nothing's changed.
I started a new job where im stealth last year in september, and I have this coworker who, though she hasnt done it in a while, who sometimes shout at my other coworkers to stop talking (all of them women) because I was trying to say something. It was genuinely unnerving that she did that
I didn’t know this, thank you for educating me, thinking about it it does make sense if someone doesn’t want to be seen as trans I don’t really mind, I’m learning to accept my trans identity more and I’m working on not ignoring that part of me anymore, it used to be tired to insecurity (for me at least) But thank you
i really wish people would speak more about the social aspect of transitioning gender is SO COMPLEX and being able to experience both worlds makes us realize just how EVERYTHING changes and how much society rely on those roles as an androgynous pre t trans guy i feel kinda lost honestly, like i'm too masculine to pass as a woman and too feminine to pass as a man. This SUCKS cause either way i'll be seen as less valuable by other people. Its super weird trying to fit in, but hopefully it will get better when i start t anyway ty for the amazing video
Hey I just watched your video on my tablet and I wanted to comment on my phone instead. Everything you said you're so right about women are nice and it's a loving sweet community and the boys at my school almost all of them are assholes to be honest and some girls too but it true I see what you mean about the female and male socialism. I am 14 and not trans but I do identify as genderfluid and bisexual at the moment bc I feel good when I am referenced as he/him and they/them and I think it's silly but i even have names for my male pronouns and they/them ones too. And I'm questioning myself a lot on liking girls and being poly cause I like a lot of people at the same time too and even thought of asking both of them if we could be together but I never told them I liked the two of them anyway. I don't know if it's like a feeling of denial or something or bc my grandparents mainly my mom-mom she believes in God and all that stuff also my dad to but he's fine with it most of the time but I just feel so much like I shouldn't be all those things or maybe even disgraceful but I don't wanna think about that. I know this is long and you probably won't read this or if you see it but if you do or anyone else who reads this and is accepting thank you ❤ and I love you for that🥰
Listen, for real, go do your algebra homework and stop being concerned about your sexuality or how you identify. Worry about 14 y.o. concerns. You'll be much happier for it.
with the loss of community part, I honestly just feel so uncomfortable around any community. I'm not a woman, so when I'm perceived as such it just makes me feel gross. I'm not a cis man, so I don't feel very welcomed by men - especially since I'm not very physically strong. I'm not really apart of any trans communities, I don't know any other trans people. When I have a crush on a girl I'm just seen as a lesbian, when I like a boy I am seen as a fetishizer. I don't really feel welcomed by any community, and I never have been. This is just my personal experience though.
Hello Adrian, i just found you on youtube and was really impressed with your views. My son is a preop ftm, and i have to admit i know little about what he is going through. He keeps telling me he needs to be taught to socialize as a male?? but being male i have no idea what he means, do male and females socialise differently? am i missing something that i should know and teach him? I am trying desperately to be a good understanding father but have to admit at times i need help, and advice would be gratefully recieved!
None of the other kids at school treat me like a boy. I technically have the right to use the bathroom I feel comfortable with. My school has a single use bathroom, but the majority use it to drop absolute atomic bombs in and some I really can’t hold it for another 3 hours till I get home. So I use the boys stalled bathroom. I always make sure to scope it out and make sure no one else is in there. I keep my head down and I stay as quiet as possible. I am as uncomfortable being in there as cis guys seeing me in there. I remember I walked in the first floor bathroom and there were these too guys I knew in there, and they just kinda stopped and stared at me like “wtf is *she* doing in here”. Like if you don’t treat me as a guy don’t be shocked when I use the fucking bathroom.
Great content, as always! I have a quick question: I have a SafePal wallet with USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). How should I go about transferring them to Binance?
I never felt unsafe walking around at might as "female", the short lived phaze/experiment of wearing mini skirts & boots I was more aware of risk, but nothing happened & I did walk home alone at night. For the rest of my "female" like I was a tomboy or androgynous, & I felt very safe & left alone, I live in a city & often walk around at night, in fact choose it as I am self conscious & prefer not to see people. The more male I have become the more anxious I feel, its lone guys, particularly small or odd looking ones, that are at risk of being picks on by groups of youths, guys get murdered more too. So my experience has definitely been the opposite, it also doesn't help that being trans feels vulnerable & risky.
How do you go about not being 'too much', esp in regards to the learned behaviours of making yourself more heard and taken seriously? Thank you for sharing your experiences! :)
How old are you? just curious. great video, I also didnt see someone talking about this canges. thanks for the info! you got yourself a new subscriber.
Hey, I’m 26, 27 in June :) yeah I haven’t seen many people talk about social changes and the advantages and struggles that come with this so that’s why I water to start a discussion on what I’ve noticed
My understanding of sapphic is that it’s an identity of women identifying people, interaction and attraction to eachother, I’m. It sure if I’m 100% correct on this but as long as that’s how you identify I can’t imagine you’d lose your community, I know a few feminine nonbinary people who are sapphic If you identify something else then a good way of not losing a community that you feel you might stop being perceived as, would be to stay open and communicative with them and express your identity openly and honestly and those who care for the person that you are, rather than just the exterior, I’m sure will still welcome and accept you :) I’ve been able to stay in female/ lesbian / queer dominated circles by showing my shared experiences with those groups, although I’m a man, because in trans I share a lot of the same experiences a lot of women have been through and this a lot of the time gives me an advantage in both male and female spaces, hope this helps! The community you feel most aligned with will be there, you just gotta find your people, you’re definitely not the only person who feels that way
The lower fear at night seems absolutely ridiculous considering men are FAR more likely to be physically assaulted when out alone at night than women. However, as a trans woman, while I have had far fewer scary moments since transitioning, each one feels far scarier than what I previously experienced when living as a man. Emotionally, everything is stronger on E, and fear/paranoia are certainly no exceptions. So, despite the seemingly fallacious reasoning behind the extra fear from women, it actually makes sense. Men might get mugged or shot alone at night, but women face a fate worse than death in the potential of not only being SAed, but of being captured and SAed indefinitely. Society is intentionally structured to strike great fear into women to keep them on leashes. As a trans man/trans masc person, an individual is taking off that leash.
Men are statistically more likely to get _physically_ assaulted at night because men participate in more violence and most outdoor violence happens after midnight. Women aren't afraid of physical assault, but of _sexual_ assault (that involves the former too, but it's not the main point). There's nothing fallacious here 🙄If this seems even remotely ridiculous to you you're just lacking perspective or experience, because it's plainly obvious
That thing guys experience, like they're never allowed to express emotions or show vulnerability sucks. I'm MtF, and have strangely found myself as someone who gets a lot of guys opening up to me. Like, I've destroyed my man-card, and in so doing, have no expectations of them 'wearing their armor' emotionally. The stoic male thing sucks and I wish we could let that stereotype/expectation die. It's bad for people's mental health.
Hey adrian could you please block the hateful person in your comments? I dont think it's good to let then fester there and cause damage to your community
That is a good question, honestly writing a proper answer for this would be a whole book but I can tell you it’s different for everyone, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel it
@@adriansweeneyxo nothing huh?? Funny how you guys can never answer that question when you'd think it'd be easy , how can you base your whole narrative on the idea that being a man/woman is determined by how someone "feels" yet when asked to explain what that means you can't...??
Why, if you're certain that you're a man, (pre-transitioning) was some of this a shock to you? Cos this isn't just down to socialisation. It's just how many men are, thru a whole host of elements, from being born male, having male bodies, hormones, etc etc.
Because the social changes only started happening as society started to recognise me as male, I thought my experiences were male beforehand but once everyone else recognised me as male too, that changes were drastic I think this is due to society still seeing me as female or more feminine I would disagree it’s not down to socialisation, you say it’s how men are then but now I’ve met a large range of men and I know a lot of men who are a lot more like me, and don’t relate to the stereotypical “macho” man or even the “toxic masculine” man, most of my friends don’t relate to them and don’t want to be anything like them and those are the men I’m closest with, more in touch with feelings, more open to affection and more accepting of others without much judgement or hatered that comes form insecurity From meeting a large variety of men, I don’t believe this is how men are, it is how a lot of men are though, if that’s what you meant, but I think this is detector due to socialisation and how you’re treated and taught from a young age
Unfortunately we live in a stereotypical world, luckily the people around me don’t and I hope the same for you, I think non-stereotypical men have the power to change the narrative on men and change the world
I'm pro trans - who cares! Why does it matter. I'm a member of the LGBTQ community, but I associate with the "G" community, because I cannot relate to the other experiences and they are very different than my lived experience. I question why we are lumped together as one community. Is that wrong of me? I welcome educational comments.
Very simply, these things aren't discussed because the people who make money on those of you who get caught up in this ideology want to hide this information from you.
it sounds like some of the aspects of your social transition are due to what you have seen in the movies and on TV, rather than coming from lived experiences as a boy or man. this is where you have to be careful. 1. regarding safety at night, I think it's insane that you claim to feel safer and that you can defend yourself. no one is truly safe in public, or at night. your increased feelings of safety are purely a false sense of security and nothing else. even if you are built like an MMA fighter, you're not going to be able to defend yourself if you are attacked by 3 or more people with knives. one of the most important things you learn as a boy or young man is avoiding conflict- if someone tries to create trouble, just walk away and do not get involved. if someone attacks you, run. you are not in a TV show and it's not going to be a good outcome if you try to defend yourself if you get attacked. 2. anyone's drink can get spiked. something can be put in your drink regardless of whether you are male or female. sometimes it can be a sexual motivation (the most prolific rapist on record in the UK exclusively drugged and raped men), but people are weird and can put something in your drink for any reason. never, ever, leave your drink unattended. do what all men do and take your drink into the toilets.
I understand what you’re trying to say but I disagree/ you are wrong and I’ll explain why, from your response I’m going to assume you’re a male who was born male, based on your perspective it’s harder for you to understand the perfective of people who have had experiences as women - but if that’s a wrong assumption please correct me In regards to your first point, I agree we’re all at risk when being attacked by 3 armed guys, but think about how you feel when 1 male is waking behind you at night, you probably don’t feel very threatened at all right? Say this man aproveches you and tried to rob you with no weapons, there’s a good chance you would just tell him to f*ck off and walk away right? Have you considered how many more risks a woman feels on this situation, a woman has a lot more risk of a multitude or different things happening to her in this situation, women have to worry wether the man behind them is thinking about r***** them, simply because of what they’re wearing, some men decide that’s what they want to do, that’s something that doesn’t even cross your mind but it 100% is in a girls mind when there’s a man behind them, but men are so unaware of this that they don’t see themselves as threatening, when we always are, and that’s something I now have to take into account when I’m waking behind a female at night - there’s also the biggest threat, which is women a lot of the time won’t be able to just walk away if the guy decides to attack, a lot do the time women can’t overpower their attacker which is the statistic for women experiencing violence from men is a lot higher than men’s And the same goes for your second point, even if a prolific one on record was doing this to men, women’s statistics are still way higher, women are the victim a lot more than men and women struggle a lot more to fight a man off and often aren’t able to, whereas men are much more able to Tv or not these stereotypes real statistics and women feel threatened for a valid reason my guy, and the fact that you can write this comment saying it’s equal and giving the advice to “simply run away” shows our privilege, one that women don’t have but, it’s not your fault that you didn’t know this because your lives experiences as male are so different, let me know your thoughts
@@adriansweeneyxo i understand that you have lived as a woman and you have experiences as a woman that i do not have, but this discussion is about men, and i was making points about men. nowhere in my original comment did i comment on women's experiences (apart from the sentence "something can be put in your drink regardless of whether you are male or female," and I am sure no one would ever try to argue that a woman's drink cannot be spiked). i do not need to have any experience of being a woman when i am simply refuting statements about men that are generally incorrect. regarding your experiences as a man, i have to assert that yes, i do feel intimidated when 1 man is walking behind me at night, and i try to avoid that situation if possible. if that man punches me in the back of the head, i could receive brain damage or be killed. if he has a knife, i could be stabbed. if he tries to rob me, then yes, i could walk away, but i did say in my original comment that that is the best option rather than trying to physically "defend yourself." as men, we do try to position ourselves to avoid violence or trouble, and this is something that is taught to boys from an early age. for example, the advice that if you're walking home from school and see a group of boys, cross the road so that you don't have to come close to them. i'm not sure why you're pointing out that women are drugged and raped more often, because it's irrelevant to my point. my point is that men's drinks can be spiked too. a lot of the time, there isn't a sexual motivation, or any motivation at all. some people are really strange and put drugs into any random person's drink because they think it's funny. again, advice universally given to all young men is not to leave your drink unattended in bars or clubs. i've never known anyone who does that. if you don't have an issue with leaving your drink unattended as a man, then that is unusual behaviour and not typical of other men. you are free to talk about women's experiences as much as you want, but please do not make statements that erroneously imply that men are carefree at night time, or don't have to worry about drinks being spiked. those perspectives that are not consistent with reality.
@@33LB Men are definitely not carefree at night and also worry about their drinks being spiked, but I think the point was It's a worry that tends to be more prominent for women. And when transitioning for Adrian, there was less of a worry when being perceived as male, not that there wasn't any. But, these are only my thoughts.
@@breakallhearts that was definitely not the argument being put across. from 3:44: "... but that's completely, pretty much gone away now..." "... i don't really feel unsafe when I go anywhere, i don't feel risk, i'm not worried about my drink getting spiked, i'm not worried about getting attacked, i feel that i can defend myself..." also, on the topic of which gender is "more afraid" or "less afraid," i would like to kindly remind you that it's not a competition of who is the most oppressed or the most unsafe. there is no prize for being able to prove that you feel more afraid than the opposite gender.
@@33LB I see what you mean. You didn't agree with the notion of no longer feeling afraid anymore and feeling safe since transitioning and having that be absolute...I get it because men also feel the same thing. Being a man doesn't mean you are guaranteed to be safe... and you should always be on the lookout. ...But, you also can't take away someone's feelings, you know. If he no longer feels afraid...that's how he feels. If I say I'm happy right now. That's how I feel. Even if I have no reason to feel it. Yes, It's absolutely is not a competition but we can not take away women's experience of safety. Just like we can't take away a man's experience of safety. Your own experience. I say this because of my own experiences. Just the simple act of changing how I dressed effected my own safety. But this is not about me. Have a great day! It's lookin good outside.
*I never understood why they keep hating themselves, disliking themselves, but claim that others are the ''haters'' only for speaking the truth. Like, seriously, fact is that Nobody can be the opposite to what they are. A person is what they were since they spent months inside the womb, nobody can return to the womb either, can these facts soon be accepted?*
@@stopstop-ot6if That they dislike themselves as what they are, like seeing negatives in themselves as in this case where she does not like herself bcz otherwise the person would not change themselves, especially not like this, sooo.
@@Vero2yu Does he really do aesthetic operations, what do people do when they are complexed because of their appearance? Well, you know those very people who have done 1,000 thousand operations to improve their face or figure, but have never loved their appearance and hate themselves He just feels like a man and tries to build his body and adapt it so that in society he also considers himself as a man
What do you mean? Not sure if you’ve misunderstood my points maybe, I taking full acknowledgement of my position of privilege as a white male, what part do you disagree with? I’m always open to learn and correct any wrong impressions I have And in regards to the patriarchy - I also think as men who have had women’s experiences we can actually help the issues in our society specifically with how men have caused this and we can start to change the narrative of men and all the harm they have cause to women and continue to cause, along with other men, we have a great chance to change things and be better
wish I'd stumbled on this sooner! I'm going the "other way" on the social ladder and my goodness, it took a while to notice it, but people(men, mostly) do not listen to me anymore! I have a part-time job I've been with for 12 months; men who've been there for only 3 months coMPLETELY IGNORE my experience and instructions 🫠 even my partner(cis het afab) treats me like the dumbest person she's ever met the pro's however: made a bunch of new friends! sure they're much younger than I am and I feel like a creep, but femme strangers seem SO Much more comfortable around me , which is pleasant because im so tall 😬 regardless, it's so wonderful to be gendered properly by a stranger 😊
I had to socially detransition after high school (ftm) to find a job and it was confusing to realise that people are misogynistic towards me, they treat me as a girl/woman and after being recognised as a boy/man for almost 3 years I really felt the difference "going back". The way my name is called, I'm being talked down to, people want me to smile way more, people are way more aware and critical of my appearance. It's horrible.
Lol then why would you detransition??
As much as people like to claim how far we've come when it comes to trans rights and acceptance the truth is that many people still won't take on trans workers and also you get bullied a lot from conservatives. I'm not detransitioning in general, just socially detransitioning for the time being until I pass better and will get better job opportunities. Hope this clears things up.
@@maxoniacdeven3210 but you said that you were being treated better because people saw you as male... So how does that work if your saying that you didn't pass??
@@maxoniacdeven3210 also just an aside, but what is your opinion on prisons placing males in female prisons??
Do you think it's right to force women (most of whom are non violent offenders) to be locked in a cell with males convicted of crimes like rape? And then when they are raped by these men and complain they are called "transphobes" and mocked ..
Isn't the physical safety of women more important than the "feelings" of a male rapist??
@@maxoniacdeven3210 and don't you find it abit strange that there's so many trans "women" breaking world records in female sport, yet there hasn't even been one transman who's been able to do anything close to that in male sports??
I’m a big dude muscle and weight wise, but short. I was taking out the trash at night and the first time a woman crossed the street to get away from me and when I realized she saw me as a threat, my heart sank.
Im dying laughing
@@sentriple5120 GOOD.
@@sentriple5120are you 12
@@sentriple5120💀
I'm mostly per-transition MtF and I've started becoming really uncomfortable with this, I didn't used to pay it that much mind but now I intentionally move to places where I won't be in anyone's way and avoid going into shops/post offices where there aren't already customers there. I guess once E eats my strength & I'm better transitioned I'll be doing the same thing but more for my own safety...
The big "what the hell is going on?!" question in ppl faces when they're hearing me for the first time in several months and I haven't told them. 😅
I had the opposite experience. I was bullied by women and never felt like I was a part of any community. It felt like women just wanted to compete with me and they did all of those mind games and backstabbing. I had no social expectations with my transition but men turned out to be so supportive. I was terrified of going to the gym because I was skinny and weak and I thought I will be bullied but most men were hyping me up lol. I also noticed women are much nicer to me now than pre transition which really shocked me. I thought they would see me more as a threat but they're really nice to me now
Guys are so oddly accepting of everyone (every man, at least). It felt like when I was a girl hanging with girls, one social mistake and the friendship was over, or there’d be drama, or some awkward smiling and shuffling away, or I was weird and outcast.
But with guys, they consistently show up with a “we’ll work on that” attitude, one guy literally said to me “we gotta work on that” like it’s a team effort to get me to act like one of them, and not a pre-requisite.
I obviously didn’t feel that way when I was a girl hanging out with guys, so I mean they aren’t perfect. I felt like social mistakes back then would be attributed to my perceived gender rather than just a mistake or ignorance. But if you’re a guy, you’re in.
You just verbalized a feeling I've been having for a while now. Im still pre T but I've noticed some changes concerning the idea of stepping out of this loving community of women. Like most of my friends still are women but I feel a feeling of sort of drifting apart in some way? I cant really explain it. Like using the mens restroom. Why cant we be in the same bathroom and chat to each other? It feels like an unnessecary divide sort of. I cant articulate my feeling quite well rn but you tackled a topic that I didnt know how to put into words! Thank you!
Lord some of these comments are rough...anyway what he said about the having to make yourself louder and more assertive when read as female but that comes off as aggressive as male is something that ive felt highkey in my transition. Really everything was super relatable. Transitioning is amazing but also weird and hard at times. Great video btw👌
Same. I call it the death of my "feisty" nature. Men cannot be feisty. I have learned to tone it down, especially making angry noises out of fun, people take it seriously and it frightens them.
I love learning from trans men as a trans gal. A lot of these experiences are inversed for me, but I've done some reckless things before I fully understood what it meant to be perceived as a woman, since I started passing. I still don't fully understand since I've only cis-passed for around 4 months at this point, but it has been a big shock to see how much less people listen to me. Transfem hypervisibility as a whole makes me want to hide my trans identity more too.
this is so real some of the deepest insights im having about gender n gender identity come from talking to trans guys and hearing their experience too. So fascinating hearing the reverse of what I’m experiencing, and hearing trans men talk about what its like to be with a group of dudes and have all these expectations for what men are supposed to be like or whatever put on you. For me its like yup thats what it was like my whole life and it was fucking awful😭. And I also find the differences in the pressures to pass on both transmascs and transfems super interesting too. If transfems dont pass we might be hate crimed for being seen as a man in a dress and if trans mascs dont pass or act in genderqueer ways they might be hatecrimed for being seen as, well a man in a “dress”(makeup,comfortable expressing feminity etc) basically.
@@Rosemorgana1312
lets analyse the nonsense /lies many amongst you believe in:
lie: schools are of use (fact. schools keep slavery alive and stands for dumbing down the population of mankind)
lie: moon and mars landings, (fact: even masons know they cannot leave - earth is closed system, unless you want to drown, there is no other place created for us to live in.)
lie: news channels share truth (fact: these are for politic propaganda)
lie: money has a value of its own (fact: it is just a tool of this world, which value has been agreed upon world wide)
lie: NASA lies (globe and all....) (fact: NASA stands for TO DECEIVE) - you havn´t searched - have you?
lie: the lgbtq++++ propaganda (fact: it is a part of masonry depopulation agenda, 500 000 000 souls, thats their goal.)
lie: Evolution and the dinosaurs. (fact: mankind is not hybrid kind)
to keep stating that there was an evolution, then we ain´t humans, we aint then mankind, we are then hybrids. Are you a hybrid?
Lie: holidays (xmas, Halloween, new year eve and so on) (fact: PAGAN HOLIDAYS, to praise BAAL, the god of this world)
lie: U.F.Os (fact: they are demons/evil spirits in high places, against whom we fight daily = spiritual warfare)
lie: rules and laws rule the world (fact: signs and symbols of masonry do)
lie: believe in being educated (fact: found daily living with the lack of knowledge)
lie: religions are ways to heaven (fact: JESUS CHRIST is only way to heaven. Religions, no matter its name = masonic garbage)
lie: our dead loved ones stay around to “ghost” (fact: hunting and ghosting is job of demons, not of humans. We, humans, come from GOD and return back to HIM and all the stories of having been seen a ghost - terrifying, scary, dark, cold - again no job of analysing been done here by you- right?)
Lie: Humans have no immune system and we need vaccines as these save lives (fact: humans HAVE IMMUNE SYSTEM and vaccines are created for one or two purpose: to kill or to cripple)
14 lies, should i go on?
I appreciate what you’re trying to do and not all your thoughts are completely irrational but I think you should go speak with a therapist or psychiatrist about your thoughts at some point, hope you’re doing okay
@@adriansweeneyxo th-cam.com/video/VhB0ZBc4bD8/w-d-xo.html
"Transfem hypervisability makes me want to hide my trans identity more" I don't blame you in thinking this way, I've felt similar but, understand it's a privilege to pass. I'm a trans fem, I pass and sometimes I don't. We can never truly be cis, our lived experiences make it so but we can always do things to better ourselves. Let's stop hiding. We're loud and proud.
This is more of a light hearted one, but I forgot men's shoes and women's shoes go by different sizes and the first time I bought shoes, once I started passing, I gave the women working there my women's shoe size on accident and she was so confused and then I had to awkwardly be like "oh, sorry that's my size in women's, women's shoes just fit me better" (which is true bc my feet are narrow af but still 🙃)
Also strangers are meaner to me now. Fewer people smile at me when walking down the street, people harass me if I wear a mask, and I get homophobic slurs yelled at me from cars. I also feel like when I was perceived as female people treated me like I was stupid and now I have the opposite problem where everyone assumes I'm way more competent than I am 😅
I definitely understand the safety aspect. I’m a biracial trans guy who’s been on t for almost 6 month and being queer as well obviously makes me feel more unsafe in public being a queer person of colour. Less so for my safety (realistically, my anxiety is still trying to work with that) but more so with how I’m perceived publicly as a queer POC male. I’ve seen the way people look at my dad and brother as a “threat” when my dad is the sweetest person ever. It’s very interesting to me how different people from different backgrounds have such unique experiences. Even saying that I can’t even image living socially as a trans women, passing or not I genuinely think these women are some of the bravest and loveliest (from my experience) people to ever have existed. I wish people could just stop harassing trans women, they deserve a break forever from assholes
Stop trying to equate racism with this nonsense...
You know that the whole concept of "gender identity" was invented in the 50s by a known racist and sexist who also raped little kids ?
I agree with a lot of your observations, I have found myself thinking these things as well over my transition. I’d like to hear from other trans men or trans masc people talk about the differences in dating. I used to trip over people trying to go out with me in some way or another, before I passed as male, and now there’s a completely different dynamic. People expect men to make the first move but when I do it’s seen as way more intense than before. Lots more people thinking they have to “let me down easy” when I thought we were both aware of the lack of chemistry. It feels harder to get close to people without them thinking it’s all about sex in your head… and being demi makes that feel even more ridiculous. I can’t wait to see more videos from you🙌
You are ridiculous
@@JoeyJame You have a problem Joe. First of all, you're a grown man. What is up with the name Joey? I may be assuming too much.
As a trans woman, I appreciate your perspective on going in the opposite direction. And yes. I don't always pass, but I still get way more support from women than I ever did from men as a man.
Thanks for making this video, it's really nice to hear trans people talk more about the social aspect of transitioning, not just the physical. I've experienced something like this having been on T as well, but a little different. I was assigned female at birth, and the way I would express myself when I was a kid/pre-teen was seen as "gender nonconforming". I never really experienced the pressure to perform gender in a certain way by society. But now that I'm a young adult and have been on T for 1 and 1/2 years, I'm perceived by the world as a "man". I identify as genderqueer, so it's been really frustrating having this binary idea projected onto me. I know this newfound pressure to fit inside a box is simply others' misunderstanding of my identity, but I can vouch for how different being perceived as male in society is.
Fascinatingly on the "community" - when I transitioned to female gaining that community was wonderful. But I also miss the cameraderie of being male. I still work in the same trades industry, so lot of manual labour, technical work, and all the guys backslap and tease each other and there's that whole "game" of masculinity. Don't get me wrong that game can also be quite toxic and isolating but I do miss something of the easy acceptance I once had in that social setting and that chummy vibe. Now it's polite social distance and being ignored, when not dealing with outright misogyny from guys 😬
"game of masculinity" ?? 😂😂
You guys are crazy, you see things that aren't there you project your own sexist beliefs onto everyone else
Also you can't "transition to female " male and female are immutable traits it's impossible to change sex..
@@JoeyJame "you people" as if you think you aren't trans. Why are you watching the video? Keep pumping out those desperate denial comments and having a public meltdown, it makes you look wholesome and not at all unhinged 👌
@@lauroralei I didn't say "you people" I said you guys...
Again stop trying to make yourself a victim..
Also you're a male claiming that you "transitioned" to become female (a scientific impossibility) but IM the one in denial?? 😂
@@lauroralei being a man or a woman doesn't mean you have to act a certain way, it's not a personality it's a biological trait..
Btw I highly doubt anyone looks at you and actually thinks you're a woman... They are just being polite... you look 100% male long hair and makeup doesn't make someone a woman sir
This _really_ needs to be talked about more. Thanks for sharing man!
I’m lucky enough to be quite naturally androgynous, and have been passing as a boy and a girl since childhood. I’m now out as transmasc, but my entire life has been like a window into the completely different climates of manhood and womanhood. It’s much easier to pass as male as a child, because everyone looks pretty similar pre-puberty, so growing up passing as male and then growing out my hair for a few months at a time as passing as female, I’ve been able to experience both extremes up until now (age 19). I’d say that it was probably _even more pronounced_ as a child, but that may be because I’m in that odd strange that you mentioned where people respect you pre-T, but don’t _see_ you as entirely male. It’s startling the difference in the way you are perceived can shape your existence, and is, I think, one of the main factors that sometimes push individuals to de-transition. Thank you again for sharing your experience! It’s great to get word out there :)
I came out as gay, and then trans and both times I've noticed my privilege slow be erased at all stages. It's real and real hard but people like you and all trans people
understand first hand. More people can learn a thing or two from your videos! You're really kind keep up the videos! 💚💙
I remember hanging out with my friends and they got onto the topic about Kris (the girl who transitioned on Mr Beast) and one of my friends said "If I learned my friend was transgender then I would stop being friends with them"... I'm so glad that I have friends who support me and I hope I still have them when I start transitioning.
This is really interesting dude, thanks for sharing. All my cis guy friends are really nice BUT they all know I'm trans (they knew me before), and I'm pre-T, so now I'm wondering if that's why? They're all nice though. Idk, I pass in public as a younger guy (which is lowkey annoying ngl, don't think my autism helps either), so I guess I've never experienced the locker room talk thing cos it'd be weird for someone to talk like that to someone they assume is a teenager. I also agree with you about being grateful to have both experiences so you know what it's like, I think it increases your empathy and understanding in a way that just reading about things can't always do. And that's just from experiencing being seen as female as a kid/teen, not an adult. Even though my childhood and most of my teens when I was not able to be myself was absolutely shit, it's given me a different perspective in life, and I'm sure this will broaden even more when I'm on T and start passing as a grown up guy not just a fuckin 14 year old lol. Edit: Also, do you think this is different when it comes to people who aren't straight?
idk if anyone tol you yet today bro but you're killing it! keep kicking ass, man!
Thank you so much!
The word ''man'' can not be added here, to a trans delusional person, like there are no women or men that would even ''consider'' trying to be trans. Literally does not exist in or remotely near their head. Like, men and women are sane and do not have friends who consider themselves ''trans'' either bcz they do not want to be around Such a high degree of insanity and delusion, maybe you need to learn more words.
I came out as trans after 18 years in the male role. I noticed the patriarchy for the first time. Coming from a white (presumed) cis male upbringing, you don't see how women are treated on a day to say basis. It's invisible at the start, then it's in your face as a pretty college student and one attempted rape could turn into an attempted murder. You notice things like comments constantly about your appearance, as if that's all that matters. And even other young women assume you aren't smart by default. You're just valued lower. I get intersectional Feminism now.
It's super funny to me personally what you said about women being more supportive and feeling more like a community, but as a now transmasc, i have never felt supported in that community either because im ADHDautistic. I think we dont discuss enough the extra level of difficulty neurodivergency and ableism add to trans people's lives
I'm biologically born as a male, but I've always felt uncomfortable playing as a male, so one day I decided to transition, and soon after I was surprised by the gender roles women were expected to play, which were not what I was expecting. Then I started to think that I'm non-binary, but it still doesn't feel right. And here we are a rebellious female in a traditional society and male patriarchy, nothing more exciting then that. Hopefully I don't get killed or starve to death anytime soon, wish me luck bro.
This is hitting me hard, mtf here and you talking about gaining a feeling of safety at night while I'm losing it and not handling it in the slightest, I feel blind and nieve to the recently increasing harrasment and attacks, and it sucks when I work so hard just to feel comfortable in my body and I now have to hide it terrified. I know girls through it all the time at such young ages but it doesn't make it easy being older going through attacks. I understand the privelge of starting male, but it goes to show, because I don't regret it, I just wanna be me so bad. I still feel bad for men when you talk about community cause it really is lonely in that male space sometimes. Overall though, I would prefer if women had male privalege too than the worst of both worlds we got right now 😂
I hope the best for you during your transition. Stay safe 🙏
thank you for making this video
This is definitely one of the more important videos I've seen so far. So much of trans videos focuses on the medical side and the 'im so much happier. I'm me!!' which is great. But not many videos out there explaining really what to expect when you do eventually 'switch' over to the other side of the spectrum and how you are perceived and treated because of it. From being infantilized and looked down on, but having a robust support system, to becoming the center of the world, the leader of everything, and being so utterly alone in it all.... It's gotta be tough and it's a real wake up call for pre-T trans guys. We all need to be aware of this going in so we're not taken by surprise and left alone and lost.
im starting t next week and im so intrigued to see how i'm going to be treated differently, i love this video and your thoughts! i've been mourning the "loss" of the community of women for years now but i'm quite determined to hold on to it through friends and just my inner self (i am nb after all lol) but i wonder if those feelings will change on t. thanks for talking about this!
I think think transitioning means definitely losing the female community, like for example I’ve gained a much larger queer community now and I’m surrounded by women a lot, but ofcourse my position in this community is much different to when I was a “lesbian”
But I think in this video I expressed a lot of loss but I didn’t mention much that I also gained new communities and I feel much more aligned with them now tbh ☺️
@@adriansweeneyxo "when I was a lesbian" aren't you still a lesbian??
Sexuality is determined by sex no?? And gender and sex are completely different right??
You are still a female who's same sex attracted regardless of gender or am I missing something??
Is the claim that sexuality is based on gender now?? If so how does that work, isn't gender a social construct if so wouldn't that mean that sexuality is a social construct?? And isn't that like what gay conversion advocates say??
i've had to deal with this social stuff for like my whole life. I've always hung around boys and men, and the first inkling i ever had that I somehow didn't belong was when no one wanted to pass me the ball in soccer or basketball. when boys would kind of ignore me no matter how friendly i was. it's really complicated because i also have autism and can't read cues or learn social rules as well as i'd like, but i can see a lot of those little judgements people make about me just from how they treat me. sure, i don't like feeling ignored or undermined but i think the biggest impact this has had is on my self-esteem. I find it hard to see myself in a positive light, in respect to gender. It feels like I always come off as annoying, ignorant, self-centered, sensitive, irrational, etc.
ever since i started considering myself trans i just feel so scrutinized all the time. even by myself. does crossing my legs make me a woman? is my hair too short and now it can't make my jawline seem sharper? the whole point of being trans was to get away from that discomfort but it feels like nothing's changed.
I started a new job where im stealth last year in september, and I have this coworker who, though she hasnt done it in a while, who sometimes shout at my other coworkers to stop talking (all of them women) because I was trying to say something. It was genuinely unnerving that she did that
random ass comment but you're my transition goal and this is an awesome vid
Hey man nothing personal but for some people, telling them their your transition goal is very uncomfortable particularly if they are trans.
Thanks! Thats very kind of you
I didn’t know this, thank you for educating me, thinking about it it does make sense if someone doesn’t want to be seen as trans
I don’t really mind, I’m learning to accept my trans identity more and I’m working on not ignoring that part of me anymore, it used to be tired to insecurity (for me at least)
But thank you
this really spoke to me. thanks for posting
i really wish people would speak more about the social aspect of transitioning
gender is SO COMPLEX and being able to experience both worlds makes us realize just how EVERYTHING changes and how much society rely on those roles
as an androgynous pre t trans guy i feel kinda lost honestly, like i'm too masculine to pass as a woman and too feminine to pass as a man. This SUCKS cause either way i'll be seen as less valuable by other people. Its super weird trying to fit in, but hopefully it will get better when i start t
anyway ty for the amazing video
Hey I just watched your video on my tablet and I wanted to comment on my phone instead. Everything you said you're so right about women are nice and it's a loving sweet community and the boys at my school almost all of them are assholes to be honest and some girls too but it true I see what you mean about the female and male socialism. I am 14 and not trans but I do identify as genderfluid and bisexual at the moment bc I feel good when I am referenced as he/him and they/them and I think it's silly but i even have names for my male pronouns and they/them ones too. And I'm questioning myself a lot on liking girls and being poly cause I like a lot of people at the same time too and even thought of asking both of them if we could be together but I never told them I liked the two of them anyway. I don't know if it's like a feeling of denial or something or bc my grandparents mainly my mom-mom she believes in God and all that stuff also my dad to but he's fine with it most of the time but I just feel so much like I shouldn't be all those things or maybe even disgraceful but I don't wanna think about that. I know this is long and you probably won't read this or if you see it but if you do or anyone else who reads this and is accepting thank you ❤ and I love you for that🥰
Listen, for real, go do your algebra homework and stop being concerned about your sexuality or how you identify. Worry about 14 y.o. concerns. You'll be much happier for it.
This is such a good video
with the loss of community part, I honestly just feel so uncomfortable around any community. I'm not a woman, so when I'm perceived as such it just makes me feel gross. I'm not a cis man, so I don't feel very welcomed by men - especially since I'm not very physically strong. I'm not really apart of any trans communities, I don't know any other trans people. When I have a crush on a girl I'm just seen as a lesbian, when I like a boy I am seen as a fetishizer. I don't really feel welcomed by any community, and I never have been.
This is just my personal experience though.
Hello Adrian, i just found you on youtube and was really impressed with your views. My son is a preop ftm, and i have to admit i know little about what he is going through. He keeps telling me he needs to be taught to socialize as a male?? but being male i have no idea what he means, do male and females socialise differently? am i missing something that i should know and teach him? I am trying desperately to be a good understanding father but have to admit at times i need help, and advice would be gratefully recieved!
None of the other kids at school treat me like a boy. I technically have the right to use the bathroom I feel comfortable with. My school has a single use bathroom, but the majority use it to drop absolute atomic bombs in and some I really can’t hold it for another 3 hours till I get home. So I use the boys stalled bathroom. I always make sure to scope it out and make sure no one else is in there. I keep my head down and I stay as quiet as possible. I am as uncomfortable being in there as cis guys seeing me in there. I remember I walked in the first floor bathroom and there were these too guys I knew in there, and they just kinda stopped and stared at me like “wtf is *she* doing in here”. Like if you don’t treat me as a guy don’t be shocked when I use the fucking bathroom.
As soon as he said patriarchy I paused to fist pump and shout "sing sing sing!" You're singing my song brother!
Great content, as always! I have a quick question: I have a SafePal wallet with USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). How should I go about transferring them to Binance?
Fantastic video. Thanks Adrian.
Thanks, Adrian. 👊
Hello 🍒
Pay attention to video editing also.
This is quite low, edit in good style.
Because it is very important in your video.
Agree at heart. 🌅
Definitely yes. 🫐
Yes, video editing is definitely low.
I never felt unsafe walking around at might as "female", the short lived phaze/experiment of wearing mini skirts & boots I was more aware of risk, but nothing happened & I did walk home alone at night. For the rest of my "female" like I was a tomboy or androgynous, & I felt very safe & left alone, I live in a city & often walk around at night, in fact choose it as I am self conscious & prefer not to see people. The more male I have become the more anxious I feel, its lone guys, particularly small or odd looking ones, that are at risk of being picks on by groups of youths, guys get murdered more too. So my experience has definitely been the opposite, it also doesn't help that being trans feels vulnerable & risky.
How do you go about not being 'too much', esp in regards to the learned behaviours of making yourself more heard and taken seriously?
Thank you for sharing your experiences! :)
How old are you? just curious.
great video, I also didnt see someone talking about this canges. thanks for the info!
you got yourself a new subscriber.
Hey, I’m 26, 27 in June :) yeah I haven’t seen many people talk about social changes and the advantages and struggles that come with this so that’s why I water to start a discussion on what I’ve noticed
Thank you for this educational video, hope it reaches more people and the shed their toxic masculinity 🫶🏽
i'm super integrated in the sapphic community rn, but i don't pass. im scared that when i start to pass ill lose them :(
My understanding of sapphic is that it’s an identity of women identifying people, interaction and attraction to eachother, I’m. It sure if I’m 100% correct on this but as long as that’s how you identify I can’t imagine you’d lose your community, I know a few feminine nonbinary people who are sapphic
If you identify something else then a good way of not losing a community that you feel you might stop being perceived as, would be to stay open and communicative with them and express your identity openly and honestly and those who care for the person that you are, rather than just the exterior, I’m sure will still welcome and accept you :)
I’ve been able to stay in female/ lesbian / queer dominated circles by showing my shared experiences with those groups, although I’m a man, because in trans I share a lot of the same experiences a lot of women have been through and this a lot of the time gives me an advantage in both male and female spaces, hope this helps!
The community you feel most aligned with will be there, you just gotta find your people, you’re definitely not the only person who feels that way
Interesting video, dude :) I’m curious, what do you think of the ideas around transitioning as a trauma response?
PLEASE STAY SAFE ANYWAYS AS A MAN! Rapists don't care what gender you are I promise you personally
they do, unless they're pansexual. if they think you're a cis man and they're straight they may not wanna eh you unless they have some other motive
Being mtf sucks balls
... Which I don't want to have, btw
The lower fear at night seems absolutely ridiculous considering men are FAR more likely to be physically assaulted when out alone at night than women. However, as a trans woman, while I have had far fewer scary moments since transitioning, each one feels far scarier than what I previously experienced when living as a man. Emotionally, everything is stronger on E, and fear/paranoia are certainly no exceptions. So, despite the seemingly fallacious reasoning behind the extra fear from women, it actually makes sense. Men might get mugged or shot alone at night, but women face a fate worse than death in the potential of not only being SAed, but of being captured and SAed indefinitely.
Society is intentionally structured to strike great fear into women to keep them on leashes. As a trans man/trans masc person, an individual is taking off that leash.
Men are statistically more likely to get _physically_ assaulted at night because men participate in more violence and most outdoor violence happens after midnight. Women aren't afraid of physical assault, but of _sexual_ assault (that involves the former too, but it's not the main point). There's nothing fallacious here 🙄If this seems even remotely ridiculous to you you're just lacking perspective or experience, because it's plainly obvious
How do you look so masculine, I’m a cis male and you have a stronger chin than me
"strong chin" is not a sexually dimorphic trait. His parents just had "strong chins"
@@oiytd5wugho yes it is are you stupid?
@@oiytd5wugho males have larger chins than females this is basic knowledge
@@NarrowBones ok buddy
Chewing gum and chewing exercises can grow your jaw muscles and make your jaw appear larger.
You sound like that poor guy from Saltburn.
That thing guys experience, like they're never allowed to express emotions or show vulnerability sucks. I'm MtF, and have strangely found myself as someone who gets a lot of guys opening up to me. Like, I've destroyed my man-card, and in so doing, have no expectations of them 'wearing their armor' emotionally. The stoic male thing sucks and I wish we could let that stereotype/expectation die. It's bad for people's mental health.
Hey adrian could you please block the hateful person in your comments? I dont think it's good to let then fester there and cause damage to your community
What does "feeling male" mean ?
That is a good question, honestly writing a proper answer for this would be a whole book but I can tell you it’s different for everyone, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel it
@@adriansweeneyxo basically your saying it can mean anything to anyone lool
@@adriansweeneyxo nothing huh??
Funny how you guys can never answer that question when you'd think it'd be easy , how can you base your whole narrative on the idea that being a man/woman is determined by how someone "feels" yet when asked to explain what that means you can't...??
Phantom pain when people talk about getting hit in the balls 😔
@@soupsoup8006 😂 what??
When you don't pass, you can act and dress as a tomboy. You don't have to behave and dress feminine. That's my opinion.
OK. I have yet to see a trans man who does not wear facial hair.
I'm not keen on facial hair. Or balding, but hey if I can get muscles and a deeper voice, sign me the fck up for HRT
Why, if you're certain that you're a man, (pre-transitioning) was some of this a shock to you?
Cos this isn't just down to socialisation.
It's just how many men are, thru a whole host of elements, from being born male, having male bodies, hormones, etc etc.
Because the social changes only started happening as society started to recognise me as male, I thought my experiences were male beforehand but once everyone else recognised me as male too, that changes were drastic
I think this is due to society still seeing me as female or more feminine
I would disagree it’s not down to socialisation, you say it’s how men are then but now I’ve met a large range of men and I know a lot of men who are a lot more like me, and don’t relate to the stereotypical “macho” man or even the “toxic masculine” man, most of my friends don’t relate to them and don’t want to be anything like them and those are the men I’m closest with, more in touch with feelings, more open to affection and more accepting of others without much judgement or hatered that comes form insecurity
From meeting a large variety of men, I don’t believe this is how men are, it is how a lot of men are though, if that’s what you meant, but I think this is detector due to socialisation and how you’re treated and taught from a young age
Stuck in stereotypes.
Unfortunately we live in a stereotypical world, luckily the people around me don’t and I hope the same for you, I think non-stereotypical men have the power to change the narrative on men and change the world
I'm pro trans - who cares! Why does it matter. I'm a member of the LGBTQ community, but I associate with the "G" community, because I cannot relate to the other experiences and they are very different than my lived experience. I question why we are lumped together as one community. Is that wrong of me? I welcome educational comments.
Very simply, these things aren't discussed because the people who make money on those of you who get caught up in this ideology want to hide this information from you.
it sounds like some of the aspects of your social transition are due to what you have seen in the movies and on TV, rather than coming from lived experiences as a boy or man. this is where you have to be careful.
1. regarding safety at night, I think it's insane that you claim to feel safer and that you can defend yourself. no one is truly safe in public, or at night. your increased feelings of safety are purely a false sense of security and nothing else. even if you are built like an MMA fighter, you're not going to be able to defend yourself if you are attacked by 3 or more people with knives. one of the most important things you learn as a boy or young man is avoiding conflict- if someone tries to create trouble, just walk away and do not get involved. if someone attacks you, run. you are not in a TV show and it's not going to be a good outcome if you try to defend yourself if you get attacked.
2. anyone's drink can get spiked. something can be put in your drink regardless of whether you are male or female. sometimes it can be a sexual motivation (the most prolific rapist on record in the UK exclusively drugged and raped men), but people are weird and can put something in your drink for any reason. never, ever, leave your drink unattended. do what all men do and take your drink into the toilets.
I understand what you’re trying to say but I disagree/ you are wrong and I’ll explain why, from your response I’m going to assume you’re a male who was born male, based on your perspective it’s harder for you to understand the perfective of people who have had experiences as women - but if that’s a wrong assumption please correct me
In regards to your first point, I agree we’re all at risk when being attacked by 3 armed guys, but think about how you feel when 1 male is waking behind you at night, you probably don’t feel very threatened at all right? Say this man aproveches you and tried to rob you with no weapons, there’s a good chance you would just tell him to f*ck off and walk away right?
Have you considered how many more risks a woman feels on this situation, a woman has a lot more risk of a multitude or different things happening to her in this situation, women have to worry wether the man behind them is thinking about r***** them, simply because of what they’re wearing, some men decide that’s what they want to do, that’s something that doesn’t even cross your mind but it 100% is in a girls mind when there’s a man behind them, but men are so unaware of this that they don’t see themselves as threatening, when we always are, and that’s something I now have to take into account when I’m waking behind a female at night - there’s also the biggest threat, which is women a lot of the time won’t be able to just walk away if the guy decides to attack, a lot do the time women can’t overpower their attacker which is the statistic for women experiencing violence from men is a lot higher than men’s
And the same goes for your second point, even if a prolific one on record was doing this to men, women’s statistics are still way higher, women are the victim a lot more than men and women struggle a lot more to fight a man off and often aren’t able to, whereas men are much more able to
Tv or not these stereotypes real statistics and women feel threatened for a valid reason my guy, and the fact that you can write this comment saying it’s equal and giving the advice to “simply run away” shows our privilege, one that women don’t have but, it’s not your fault that you didn’t know this because your lives experiences as male are so different, let me know your thoughts
@@adriansweeneyxo i understand that you have lived as a woman and you have experiences as a woman that i do not have, but this discussion is about men, and i was making points about men. nowhere in my original comment did i comment on women's experiences (apart from the sentence "something can be put in your drink regardless of whether you are male or female," and I am sure no one would ever try to argue that a woman's drink cannot be spiked). i do not need to have any experience of being a woman when i am simply refuting statements about men that are generally incorrect.
regarding your experiences as a man, i have to assert that yes, i do feel intimidated when 1 man is walking behind me at night, and i try to avoid that situation if possible. if that man punches me in the back of the head, i could receive brain damage or be killed. if he has a knife, i could be stabbed. if he tries to rob me, then yes, i could walk away, but i did say in my original comment that that is the best option rather than trying to physically "defend yourself."
as men, we do try to position ourselves to avoid violence or trouble, and this is something that is taught to boys from an early age. for example, the advice that if you're walking home from school and see a group of boys, cross the road so that you don't have to come close to them.
i'm not sure why you're pointing out that women are drugged and raped more often, because it's irrelevant to my point. my point is that men's drinks can be spiked too. a lot of the time, there isn't a sexual motivation, or any motivation at all. some people are really strange and put drugs into any random person's drink because they think it's funny. again, advice universally given to all young men is not to leave your drink unattended in bars or clubs. i've never known anyone who does that. if you don't have an issue with leaving your drink unattended as a man, then that is unusual behaviour and not typical of other men.
you are free to talk about women's experiences as much as you want, but please do not make statements that erroneously imply that men are carefree at night time, or don't have to worry about drinks being spiked. those perspectives that are not consistent with reality.
@@33LB Men are definitely not carefree at night and also worry about their drinks being spiked, but I think the point was It's a worry that tends to be more prominent for women. And when transitioning for Adrian, there was less of a worry when being perceived as male, not that there wasn't any. But, these are only my thoughts.
@@breakallhearts that was definitely not the argument being put across.
from 3:44:
"... but that's completely, pretty much gone away now..."
"... i don't really feel unsafe when I go anywhere, i don't feel risk, i'm not worried about my drink getting spiked, i'm not worried about getting attacked, i feel that i can defend myself..."
also, on the topic of which gender is "more afraid" or "less afraid," i would like to kindly remind you that it's not a competition of who is the most oppressed or the most unsafe. there is no prize for being able to prove that you feel more afraid than the opposite gender.
@@33LB I see what you mean. You didn't agree with the notion of no longer feeling afraid anymore and feeling safe since transitioning and having that be absolute...I get it because men also feel the same thing. Being a man doesn't mean you are guaranteed to be safe... and you should always be on the lookout. ...But, you also can't take away someone's feelings, you know. If he no longer feels afraid...that's how he feels. If I say I'm happy right now. That's how I feel. Even if I have no reason to feel it. Yes, It's absolutely is not a competition but we can not take away women's experience of safety. Just like we can't take away a man's experience of safety. Your own experience. I say this because of my own experiences. Just the simple act of changing how I dressed effected my own safety. But this is not about me. Have a great day! It's lookin good outside.
*I never understood why they keep hating themselves, disliking themselves, but claim that others are the ''haters'' only for speaking the truth. Like, seriously, fact is that Nobody can be the opposite to what they are. A person is what they were since they spent months inside the womb, nobody can return to the womb either, can these facts soon be accepted?*
What does it mean to hate yourself?
@@stopstop-ot6if That they dislike themselves as what they are, like seeing negatives in themselves as in this case where she does not like herself bcz otherwise the person would not change themselves, especially not like this, sooo.
@@Vero2yu Does he really do aesthetic operations, what do people do when they are complexed because of their appearance? Well, you know those very people who have done 1,000 thousand operations to improve their face or figure, but have never loved their appearance and hate themselves
He just feels like a man and tries to build his body and adapt it so that in society he also considers himself as a man
I was gonna subscribe and give you a thumbs up until you said "patriarchy" and "privilege " ... Same old same old ...
What do you mean? Not sure if you’ve misunderstood my points maybe, I taking full acknowledgement of my position of privilege as a white male, what part do you disagree with? I’m always open to learn and correct any wrong impressions I have
And in regards to the patriarchy - I also think as men who have had women’s experiences we can actually help the issues in our society specifically with how men have caused this and we can start to change the narrative of men and all the harm they have cause to women and continue to cause, along with other men, we have a great chance to change things and be better
wish I'd stumbled on this sooner! I'm going the "other way" on the social ladder and my goodness, it took a while to notice it, but people(men, mostly) do not listen to me anymore! I have a part-time job I've been with for 12 months; men who've been there for only 3 months coMPLETELY IGNORE my experience and instructions 🫠
even my partner(cis het afab) treats me like the dumbest person she's ever met
the pro's however: made a bunch of new friends! sure they're much younger than I am and I feel like a creep, but femme strangers seem SO Much more comfortable around me , which is pleasant because im so tall 😬
regardless, it's so wonderful to be gendered properly by a stranger 😊
It's all in your head sir, literally no one sees you and thinks you're a woman lool
You look 100% male
Women don't have male pattern baldness 🤣🤣🤣
@JoeyJame no one know what you are ranting about
calm down
@@AlisonJene you are a man
@@JoeyJameThis is not true, women can go bald in the male type and be bald.