It's more painful when no one believes that you're being abused by the narcissist despite that you have presented proof of the fact. It can be very destabilising.
I had numerous people claim I was crazy when I was calling out the narc and his girlfriend. They were using my daughters therapist to try and take over in my custody case. The script has flipped since they broke up, now ex girlfriend wanted to connect and I told her to never contact me again. Be patient and believe in yourself. You know your truth.
Well that's probably because the narcissistic person hasn't abused THEM or else it would be a different story entirely. Flying monkeys don't give a rats ass how their narc idol and hero abuses others behind closed doors, as long as its not being done to them its all that matters. They are self involved, self serving people ...with no integrity. Obviously they have no integrity if they know how the narc has treated you and still want to hang around them duh.
@P T in a workplace situation the victim needs others to believe and support them, otherwise change (narc getting reprimanded, fired etc) cannot happen.
Rosanna Miller agreed. I’m targeted a lot so much so I need breaks from social media and jobs, lose groups of friends continuously due to my enjoyment being alone.
Rossana Miller....completely true.it seems that the hate=envy independent people because the cannot survive on their own because they're empty in their inside. Poor people
Narcissists are not at peace with their personal psyche,. They will attack covertly, overtly, and subliminally, anyone that enjoys their tranquility and alone time, or is on "good terms" with most people. These mentioned factors will instigate an narcissist to cause mayhem in your life.
This was one of the most soul wrenching, traumatic experiences in my life. The worst part is no one validates your experience, , everyone says you’re too sensitive, paranoid, you’re crazy. Before it’s over, you may well have a mental breakdown. Thank God for giving me strength, and for people like Dr. Ramani who put out the free content for those who can’t seek professional help.
When my brother was little he watched the Wizard of Oz he was afraid of the flying monkeys and clung to our mother. Now he is a flying monkey still clinging to our mother. This summer I received a text that said I was no longer a part of the family and they never wanted to see me again. Relief. Narcissistic abuse is devastating, even with therapy. Dr. Ramani, I listen to you so often and am so very thankful for the work you and your team do. It has pulled me through a lot of dark periods. I still continue to listen and always will. I was unaware of how many people are going through this nightmare. Thank you for helping save me.
Wild when you realize that your true friends aren’t the people you call friend. While being isolated by my narcissist best friend, who had told all of my friends not to talk to me, a mutual acquaintance of ours asked me to meet him for a drink. He told me my bff had been slandering me to him and he didn’t believe it. He wanted to know what my perspective was. I’ve never respected anyone more than I did in that moment. In a decade of friendship with her, no one had ever done that for me.
You notice how everyone you like, or family members that come around they don't like, they will make comments about them,if its another friend,and you spend lots of time with that person, they really won't like them,at least thats what they tell you, but they may actually be befriending them when your not around, almost like they want everyone on their side,I don't know what these types of people really are, I'm not sure if they are sociopathic, or malignant narcissist, psychopaths,but their is a motive, premeditated set ups.
You are so very lucky that they came to you in the first place,most the time these people will never say anything was told to them,and when you go and say something, it only discredits you more,for the person to actually tell you what was said, and who said it shows loyalty,your very lucky to have such a person because I've learned it doesn't go down like that,mostly everyone keeps quiet that way you don't know what's exactly being said.
They want you to feel scared & alone..... Also they don't want others to like you.... When they see your strength & joy dispite what they try to do....They hate & resent you for it....
I feel ya. In the hood we call them crash test dummies. Gas them up, give them a gun, and let them take a murderer rap for some beef that ain't theirs. Like how the drug kingpin never gets caught selling bags, only tax evasion. Flying monkeys
The smear campaign begins long before the relationship breaks down. If you could be a fly on the wall, you would see that the narcissist subtly undermined the victim to the flying monkeys much earlier. That’s how the campaign often works so well.
Yes, I couldn't figure out, early on, why everyone in her circle looked at me in disgust. Even people I didn' know. The smear campaign started early, was thoroughgoing, and irreversible.
WorththeWar apart from dr Ramani, the two other mental health professionals on TH-cam I respect are Sam Vaknin and Dr Todd Grande. I think Dr Todd speculated that one reason people become flying monkeys is their fear of becoming victims themselves. In most cases, if possible, the victim of the smear campaign will remove themselves from the situation. The narcissist will need to find another victim to project their self hatred onto as well as deflecting any personal responsibility away from themselves. The flying monkeys are ideal targets, because they’ll already have the dirt on them. Just look at what’s happened in the White House over the last four years. No one is safe.
Wow, this video was my life about 9 years. My “friends” at work all turned on me after years of narcissistic abuse. I called the narcissist out for being a bully towards me and what did she do?! recruited flying monkeys, gaslit me, silent treatment...you name it! Nobody came to me to hear my side of the story, they were all blindly allegiant to the bully. My boss was alerted to this behaviour and she just didn’t see the problem. She gaslit me too. The solution was to move me away from the narcissist into another part of the building. No thanks! I quit that job and that toxic environment. Bye Felicia!
This is so accurate. I went through this and I don't want to sugarcoat it - it's brutal & soul-destroying. God bless everyone who is experiencing this.
@@unapologeticella4540 That’s rough, I’m sorry. I was where you are for a long time and just recently got out of it. Never stop working toward freedom. I had to hit rock bottom several times before I finally got out. Freedom is a journey, not a destination. Take it one day at a time, one minute at a time even. That’s what I had to do.
I know right? I wish all those people that the narc recruits start asking themselves why? why all of us against one person it doesn't seem even fair. And all the lies and nonsense gossip like if people have nothing better to do than be after somebody's business.
They need to develop weather monitoring systems for them. “This is 9 news with an update: a giant looming narcissistic formation blowing in from the east.”
Ptsd is described like a mental illness, a cognitive distortion.. to me it feels like having taken the red pill. Post traumatic growth is when you find the strength and wisdom to live with it I assume.
I know how you feel. Strangers hate me and she turned my own family against me. I dont know how to handle it other than get your own friends that dont know the narc.
@@Sarah.M98 I am dealing with a similar situation. I've kept my distance however, they still try to get to me. I pretend what they are doing isn't bothering me, which angers the narc further. But in reality, I am really struggling to cope.
@@zk8673 You need to spend some time out for yourself, go for long walks/hikes in nature to clear your head and train your mind to not focus too much on them, meditate, keep yourself busy as much as possible so you don't have time to think about them. Research and watch as much Narc surviver information/videos to reassure you of what you're going through and that you're not crazy, everytime you get trigger and getting stressed just look up and watch some videos on narcissism. The more you educate yourself on what's happening the calmer you'll be, you're not copping right now because you don't have all the information you need to help you through it. Talk to your doctor and get all the support you need to help you through it, don't let those demons take your power.
@@Sarah.M98 Thank You very much for the great idea, Sarah. Although It is becoming increasingly difficult to remain calm, whilst they gloat. I will take your advice and implement a self-care routine, and educate myself. Again Thank you.
Sometimes I feel like of all narcissistic abuses, that they turn everybody against you and you are left alone, is the worst. You try to heal and move on but you have no one who believes you.
I went through wot u went through nobody believed me its to hard to explain to people just sit back and watch them get there karma my nac ended up with a double hernia and has put on alot of weight,the people will c wot they r like in the end don't give it bless u xxx
I know that feeling well. I've been through it many times myself. As long as YOU believe YOU that's all you need to heal and move on! Believe in YOURSELF no matter how alone you may actually be at any given moment in your life, and you will move forward again and find the empowerment to build new relationships with higher caliber people. And as YOU grow from within yourself, you will build better boundaries and hone your discerning skills so as not to fall victim to another narcissist's abuse again. That's not to say you won't meet them or end up being tempted with their charm and charisma, but you will figure out their true personality much quicker so that you won't become so entangled and stuck with them. Good luck! 💖
I am learning this at the moment. It's hard because they are their family members and are so nice to me. But I get a lot of information that I shouldn't have from them. So I have to wonder if they are relaying information back as well? It's difficult.
But you also find out who supports you. I was pleasantly surprised to find who was on my side. People I wouldn't have suspected would stick up for me actually did.
I was one of a nephew's flying monkeys. I was so fooled. It took my sister a while to trust me again and, rightly so. I caused so much damage. 😔 Thank you for your clarity.
It's incredibly difficult to not be fooled when someone knows all your weak spots. The reality is we can't live without making mistakes, and sometimes bad ones. But good people, and it sounds like you are one, learn and try to salvage what they can. Be well and take care.
I've been abused so bad by narcissistic since childhood I just wish my siblings my friends would stop and use logical and get to know me but no they automatically believe the narcissistic
I've been abused so bad by narcissistic since childhood I just wish my siblings my friends would stop and use logical and get to know me but no they automatically believe the narcissistic
It's good to see that people can eventually see through it in some cases. It's soul destroying to see people you have only ever been kind to and tell the truth to look at you with hostile and belittling eyes. You see the people you loved think you are pathetic because you hurt so much that they turned. They mock you for feeling bad and acting disjointed. All the while, you know they were deliberately tainted and twisted.
"Your entire truth has been stolen. And it's devastating to let go of the people who you thought loved you.".... So true! But when you do this, finally let go, you'll grow a new network of people who truly support you. But most importantly, you gain your freedom... and that is an amazing feeling. And the people who are actually sensible will come around. But that's not your job to make that happen. Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!🙏🏽❤️
@@cathywilson7101 Yes!! For me, it's finding out who I am in general. The narc in my life was my mom. I've been no contact for 1.5 years, and I feel like I am finally existing.
Yes, I feel very alone at the moment. I am perhaps overly distrustful. I don't know how I am going to form new friendships and support people in my life.
I've lost count of how many of relatives and family friends have told me, apropos of nothing, how cruel and unfeeling I am to have cut my Dad out of my life. One of my Dad's friends (whom I barely know) came up to me at my brother's wedding and, under the pretext of giving me a hug, pinned my arms and wouldn't let me go while he growled in my ear that "we all need to forgive our parents". And I only stopped talking to my Dad -- I haven't breathed a word against him to anyone! It really makes you feel attacked from all sides.
You are right, right, right and more right! Come on, be a sport and put your head there endlessly regardless of what dear old pop does and take some of his hate of off them!
Psycho! That is so not ok. This man attacked and intimidated you. You do NOT need to forgive anyone. I am so sorry you had to deal with that and in a setting where you would look bad if you screamed or tried to defend yourself. Sounds absolutely terrifying. Much love. I am glad you are moving forward and healing. 💕
My sister is a narcassist n when I used to call her out she told everyone I was crazy 🤪 sadly ppl believed her and I was isolated in my family. This has left me as an adult with mental illness!
I find it funny that I came up with the term “flying monkeys” all on my own years ago without knowing it’s a term very commonly used by therapists. It shows what a perfect description it is for what is going on!
I’m glad she mentioned going to a therapist that knows about the “mob mentality” and “flying monkeys”. I was shamed into forgiving and having a relationship with a toxic family member by a therapist that didn’t take my stories of abuse seriously.
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s nothing worse than having a therapist who doesn’t understand narcissism doesn’t want to use terminology to talk about these things. It’s so invalidating
Wow! I am so sorry about your counter productive experience. I hope you are doing well and know that you are not alone in having been through this. Keep healing and live the life you want and deserve. Blessings and solidarity, Frances
Not all therapists are good at their job - can be just incompetent, not very bright and working with a simple "everyone's good" model - or have their own issues. You have to be so careful.
The thing that gets me about flying monkeys is that they KNOW the narc lies. They know it, yet any bit of sensationalist claptrap they say about their scapegoat is blindly accepted as gospel truth.
My mom continually rationalizes my malignant narc older brother's lies and all his other toxic behavior, too. He will lie directly to her, about me. I will have the receipts (sometimes literally, receipts) that show he is lying. She will not only say he made an understandable mistake, but will then go on and on about how incredibly busy he is and how helpful he is, etc., ending with a derogatory statement about how I've overreacted, to shame me for pointing out his blatant lie. Confronting them is a win-win for them, every single time, so I've just stopped. What they cannot tolerate is happy, too-busy-to-be-disturbed-by-their- games, complete apathy. I manage them both, privately and publicly, the way I would cope with a neighbor who gets drunk at my house party: just smile, give him lots of space, disregard everything he says and be sure he doesn't toddle into the private part of the house.
@@parypearl382 Thank you! It's sure easier said than done, and it took me a long time to stop letting anger and hurt color my voice, my words, and my facial expressions - all of which they parse carefully and later misrepresent, anyway. But keeping it light helps ME! I had to completely let go of the idea of Mom that I grew up with - the Mom I wanted to please, wanted to be recognized and believed by. She simply isn't that person and no amount of evidence or proof that I'm worthy, kind, intelligent, successful, honest, etc will ever, ever change that. I will always be less-than, not worth noting, and only an occasional necessity for appearances sake, nothing more. She can put on a pretty good show for an audience, but she'll toss me under the bus in a heartbeat if my brother tells her to. Once I got very, very comfortable with that truth, it really was easier to view her and my brother (they're usually a package deal because she bought him the house he lives in) like the harmless drunks at the party. The newest movie of The Little Women, with Meryl Streep as the crotchety old aunt to the March girls and Laura Dern as their mother, Marmie, has a couple of excellent scenes that really show how to do it. The nasty rich aunt is hell-bent on running down everything about Marmie and her kids, but Marmie is unfailingly pleasant, kind and dignified and never, ever confronts her, even when she easily could. She literally just laughs (probably at her) and does whatever the aunt is gritching about as though the aunt's opinions are of no consequence at all. But she's not rude or confrontational at all, she just carries on without responding directly to the aunt - the way you would treat a drunk. It's hilarious. Even funnier, I noticed the tactic when I was watching the movie with Mom, who I'd invited to go see it!
They know what they are doing... you’re right. They’re afraid of becoming the next target if they don’t do the dirty work of the narcissist. Even when the narcissist is caught and they get their flying monkeys to believe what I call their “Stories”... they know what the target will do to them. If you don’t go after the flying monkey with what the flying monkeys did to you... you both take notes. Then you leave the narcissist wondering why the flying monkeys turned against them along with the original target.
@@bmbmbm1 I agree but a lot of people with phDs that I know are not so nice and gentle (that's a mild description), its like they consider the phD as a jerk licence.
I went and hid in the bathroom at a family gathering and listened to this video. I've probably listened to it twice more just in the few hours since then. The mass gaslighting I experienced was appalling (but not shocking unfortunately. Still. I'm kinda devastated.). Thank you for helping me cling to what I know to be real. I'm the first person in this family system to try and actually break out of this abuse and dysfunction and it's really taken a toll on me
It's taken me 44 years to admit and understand that my mother is a narcissist and to one degree or another, my sister and three brothers and sisters-in-law are all my mom's flying monkeys. They now use her dementia to excuse lifelong neglect, self-pity, bullying, deception, and dishonesty. I've been my mom's target, subtle though she may have been. I've been grey rocking my mom for years and didn't even have a word for it. She's earned no right to know me. And when I foolishly forget and get my expectations too high, she is like a sharpshooter and goes for my belly every time. But I'm only now seeing that my sister especially, who I thought was in my corner, is my mom's flying monkey. I don't want to attend my mom's funeral when that time comes. I've stayed connected to honor my mother, but I have zero desire to remain connected with my siblings after she passes. I have no anger toward them. There's just nothing there. I'm incredibly sad by it all.
My situation is nearly the same. I also feel the same way about the funeral. I've attended close family funerals and I am attacked by siblings while I'm literally at the funeral. Basically, it's because I've fared better in life than they have (financially). Yeah, that's a good reason to be mean to me at a family member's funeral. I made the decision that I am done with siblings. D O N E. And so, when my mom dies I will have no family on Mom's side of the family. And because my Dad's side of the family was never really close, and because my dad passed away 20+ years ago, that family "is dead" too. It is sad. I have realized the full sadness of this. It's enormous. But it's not worth knowing any of them. I feel okay about it.
Thank you for sharing your story. Similar situation is in my family. Not my mother, but my Aunt started this whole circus and turned pretty much most of the female side of family into flying monkey's army. If you do not go along, you become the target. One flying monkey is especially ambitious, my half sister, who now took the reigns after the Aunt died. Glad I was able to remove myself from this.
This is why there are so many lawsuits filed against Corporations. There are many Narcissist in Human Resources. H.R is there to protect the company and not the Employees.
Lyndora Burroughs -Robinson I have met one good HR person in my life. I do feel a lot of them take your pain and use it to destroy you so you do not stand a chance against the company. Definitely save all correspondence with them and keep it on your personal computer so you can file a lawsuit. It’s a pretty terrifying experience to have to go to HR (the vultures) when already preyed upon by co-workers or managers.
Cross contaminate THAT with 'culture. I'm in Canada, a "colony' still. An incredible number of large Canadian corps. justaposed to the USA do not even HAVE an HR dept. and if they do, it's confined to white collar and maybe the hot looking support staff and relatives getting hired. Factoring in culture is big time. If they HAVE an HR dept. it's often the untrained or kept that get dropped into a "job" in the place. I ran into that in the Olympics winter 2010 in Vancouver. One lady worked and retired early from Transit BC but was basically )a housewife. they dropped her into HR!! (ask any HR in Canada what the NASA test is, and one with a Masters degree DIDN'T KNOW!!!)
@@Dwightstjohn-fo8ki Right, my Cousin was put through the ringer by H.R at the Corporation she worked for. She kept Journals and correspondence and they ended up settling out of court for a tidy sum. She went back to school and changed careers. Most people are not as lucky.
When I was a kid and watched the Wizard of Oz on TV, the flying monkees SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME! Little did I know they would come back to haunt me in my adulthood. 😐
@Critical Patch Me too!! I will never forget how much they scared me. And little did I know that "flying monkeys" would be a lifelong nightmare from then on. The sickening part of that is I guarantee my mother knew that would be my reaction prior to allowing me & my sister to watch "The Wizard of Oz" I was 3 years old & now I'm 48. I remember it like it was yesterday.
I was surrounded by “Flying Monkeys” watching & observing me 24/7.. It took me years to finally discover how to deal with them. I’ld tell each Flying Monkey 🐒 something very different. This way the Narcissist would be constantly confused. It worked to my benefit.
I do that too! 🤣 I had one of them storm into the lobby, look at me and shouted at the top of her lungs, I HATES A LIAR. GOD HATES LIARS!" Then promptly turned heel and left. All I could do was snicker. Keep in mind, some narcs are keen to people doing this, and they know when they are being "handled", so watch out for that black eyed narc rage.
I met and defeated, escaped from or converted many armies of flying monkeys. You nailed it. I'll add IF one of the monkeys is a narcissist, then the army is exponentially expanded. They have nearly destroyed me. I won. I survived. Now I thrive. And I am joyful and lucid.
@awesomed007 I saw a chart of serial killers bdays the other day... not exactly what you’re looking for, but I know I found it extremely interesting! Lots of Pisces, Gemini, Sagittarius and Virgo. One sign from each element dominated the chart. The least represented was Taurus.
wow! you get it. me the scapegoat, my mom the narcissist, my siblings the flying monkeys...I have been no contact from my mom for years and she won't go away...as if all the blame and abuse she put me through wasn't enough, she is now trying to get my own children to be flying monkeys, you are right when you say this is devastating and so hard to trust anyone at this point
Same situation here, the more people that they can enrol into their smear campaign the easier it is to build up the bug lie. I'm moving interstate early next year and wont be looking back.
Same here. Sad we share this family dysfunction. My NMom turned my entire family into flying monkeys. I've been disinherited, children turned against me, not 1 single souls would stand up for me. I've moved away before and moving again. No one wins. It's the worst disease- worst than cancer.
I moved somewhere, and unknowingly moved in with a narcissist. They bad mouthed me all over town before I had the chance to meet anyone and made everybody think I was a liar and scammer when things went south and I reached out for help. It was the most bizarre and upending three years of my life. Just left it and am still working to get back my sanity.
Dr Ramani! Just when I think I have a firm grasp on narcissistic abuse, I watch your videos and get a much more in depth understanding of what is happening to me. You help me cope. Thank you!
Every time you get some new information... you’re always finding out something new. Then when you find out something new.. it more and more makes sense into what they do. Just the narcissist and or the flying monkeys too.
My mother turned out to be my worst flying monkey. After that, even though I cut communication with her, I had to be careful of what I said to my siblings as they still maintained (sometimes tense) communications with her. 10 years after the separation and with therapy I’m still having nightmares. Parental alienation has played a big part in that, too. My mother also helped him alienate my children from me. I don’t understand how such injustice is allowed to happen.
My NMom alienated my children from me as well. I was naive until my 50s when I had just about given up getting along with her. She blamed me for everything and today my daughter has cut off my grandchild's relationship with me. I've been disinherited from the wealth my father accumulated. She didn't work a day in her life yet used my brothers for her flying monkeys post death to take the estate and money my father built and created with his hard work. She made sure she did this after he died. There's another a lawyer in town who will help. They're all narcs too, I'm convinced.
Exactly. My Ex was telling everyone that I was suicidal. I had a big life insurance policy. Then he stole my registered gun. That's when I had to leave. I felt he was going to stage a suicide.
@@cardinalflower6959 I've been away 12 years, in a different state. He is really messed up, living off the government. I heard he has a hit list. I just hope his poor health takes him before he hurts anybody, or searches me out.
Wanda CUSTANCE I’m sorry Wanda. My only sibling is a flying monkey, and just as awful as our late father (covert narc.). I have been NC for the last almost ten years, and will likely never speak to her again. Nothing that I have done for her means anything to her.
Wanda CUSTANCE , yep all that we’ve done for them whilst it never occurred to any of them to do a thing for you. I loved entertaining and giving fun yummy birthday parties for everyone in my entire family. But not one of them including my mother has ever given me a birthday party or a card. The last pic of a birthday party my mom gave I was 3- years old. Not even a text. Their all blocked including my mom since 2015.
My narc siblings "do things" for people in order to get those people in their debt. It is often "favors" that the recipient does not want, does not appreciate and dreads the day the demand for reciprocation will be made. Be careful about your motives for "doing things" for people. Especially if you are disappointed when you don't get things in return. You could be manipulating people to get things from them in the future without realizing it.
@@alohaanderson53 Did you really give parties because you love to or because you want parties in return? My narc siblings "do things" for people to put those people in their debt and to appear to be "the best person of all". I'm sorry if this is offensive to you but it triggers me. I have been the recipient of unwanted "favors" a great deal and then I got bashed over the head with them later. I can't count the times I have begged for no more "favors" - PLEASE. Be very conscious of your own true motiveS when you "do things" for people.
I actually just called someone close to me a "double agent" and he said, "But it's ok because the person [I'm gaslighting] doesn't _know_ I'm playing both sides." My jaw hit the floor when you used that very term! You are inspired above "normal" wisdom and I'm so blessed to have found you. Shalom!
This explained so much!!! Thank you. I lost long time friends, & family, being involved w a narcissist. My reality was just as you described. It has taken years to move forward. I regret that I know what damage a narcissist, & flying monkeys, unfaithful friends, & even family can do to a life that was once considered good, & safe. It's so weird that there is a specific pattern used to destroy another humans life.
This sadly is why quarantine is not that new to me. Yet, my insecurities aren’t contagious. My heart is going out to families and individuals that are going through these dark and scary times. Stay strong 💪
OMG same, quarantine is not new and even easy because I've been through it as well but I gotta say, it's it SO much better than being IN that relationship still? For sure! even to feel like you have to facetime or call, it's all off your shoulders!
Thank you Chase. I am staying strong 💪 😌 thanks to being "no contact" with my flying monkey sisters for over almost two decades. You are perfectly correct - it is like the quarantine, except from toxic people.
Oh my god. This is so on target it brought me to tears. It feels like the worst betrayal and isolation and the gaslighting had me thinking I was the narc and questioning myself even with all the history!
What I have found very helpful is to keep a journal. My ex said this and that, and I would take notes after the conversation. When I had serious alone time, I would include details. Then if I needed it, even if only to verify within myself, I had it. I am a very strong proponent of journaling. I have journaled for 40 years. Best wishes
Thank you for this. Not everyone sees this or understands unless they have experienced it. Thank you for validating that its okay to walk away from these people who probably never really valued you to begin with.
This was the most insidious part of the narcissist's influence. My situation was made more vulnerable because of the disparity in how often the narcissist would hang around with our mutual acquaintances at the local bar and how often I would. He was there every day, and my appearances were weekly or every two weeks or more. Additionally I am a much more low-key person, and he is boisterous and gabby. So as a result of these factors, there was a vacuum for the narcissist to fill with his own narrative about me. Slowly it seemed to me that people came to see me the way the narcissist saw me or modeled as the way to see me. Frustrating. The rule I learned was, When a narcissist realizes he/she cannot control you, they will then try to control how people see you. And the damage is insidious, frustrating, and disheartening for how seemingly easily influenced people can be.
Brilliantly put....they don't like it when you cut off the oxygen supply to their narcissism....but I don't care what they tell other people any more because people who really know me don't believe lies.
My husband has groomed my daughters since they were teenagers, to believe that I’m mentally ill. There’s nothing I can do to change this narrative. It’s so hurtful, especially when they always defend their father. Yes, I see a therapist, but not because I’m broken but trying to heal the hurt, from all the pain my husband has caused in my life. My husband and I are now separated.
LUNA LOVE I have tried everything positive towards them I can think of....thought I was gaining ground until my daughters tried to send an email to my therapist telling him I was a liar. He didn’t open that email but began to see what I’m up against. Then they sent me a text calling me a liar....I answered with love and new boundaries
It’s bad though when you’re the child of said narcissist and this happens. I actually call those people her “minions”. I feel like I have no one and that can be tough at times. Thankfully, if you’re not for me, you got to go. No one is spared at this point; I matter and only have one life to live!!!
Nika M Yeah, I really want to just move and start over from scratch. Leave my biological family behind and find a new, network of real friends to be my chosen family.
@@blueshoes915 , did that very thing, and I highly recommend it. I do still have very limited contact with my narcissistic mother, from 2/3 of the country away, on my terms. The geographical solution to the narcissism problem in my family of origin has helped save my sanity.
@HITZONE86 , that's a really difficult situation, and I'm sorry if that's where you are right now. Do you have the option of enlisting other caretakers? If you have the support of insurance, medicare, the VA, or medicaid, consider hiring someone on, and "sell" the idea to your narcissist under the guise of giving them a break from caregiving. That way you would get a break, too, and having that break would help you muster the mental energy you need to figure out if there are other measures you could take to protect yourself. Also, if your disability is one that has an advocacy group, contact them for advice.
@HITZONE86 REPORT THEM TO AUTHORITIES. YOU CAN START WITH YOUR MEDICAL TEAM, ask for a therapist and tell them what's happening. If you can write, document incidents with date and time. If not, hopefully you have a cell phone to record personal notes to keep a diary. Give record to therapist or medical staff, social worker, case worker, or police. Seek therapy to cope, heal, and get tools to use to protect yourself. If necessary, you may need to be moved to a new place without all of them. I'm sorry for your situation. Online therapists found at www.betterhelp.com Good luck and God bless!
It’s my view that EVERY flying monkey knows exactly what they’re doing. It’s a choice they’ve made. Whether it’s self-preservation or a sense of loyalty, they’ve made a decision. Flying monkeys ALLOW narcissists to do what they do. They’re probably worse than the narcissist, because they KNOW better.
This is just perfect. I once had a friend who introduced me to her circle of friends and family. And when I started to uncover who she was, she went around telling them LIES about me. I was hurt and angry about it. But, I also remembered she used to tell me things about other people when she fell out with them. So I blamed myself a whole lot for being an initial enabler.
Gossip feeds people and they love it when others are the focus of attention. Not one of his minions ever had any remorse for what they did to me, and I don't want nor do I need their apologies. They are as bad as him, in my opinion, because they were very quick to believe the absolute worst in me from just one person's word.
Rita Asare , Ditto 😡🙁😤👹. The injustice of it all. But that’s exactly how I feel “ my entire truth has been stolen “ by the very people that should stand with you, support you. Still bothers me. Disloyalties, betrayal.....it is very nice to spend time with people and their families that are kind and loving to each other.
You shine, make them look even worse (which is apparently possible), they're gonna target you, part of how they function which isn't very well! Cut those invisible ropes, no good will come from them,the past proves it, they worse with age!
This literally happened to me at work. My narcissistic supervisor made both her supervisor and the HR rep her flying monkeys. After reporting my supervisor to HR, I was "mysteriously" written up. I quit less than a week later. Then, they had the nerve to have a meeting with me for an exit interview with the HR rep AND my narcissistic supervisor. I couldn't believe it.
My Covert Sister tried to Triangulate me against my Stable Sister and I said to her “I have to suspend my opinion until I hear both sides.” Then she started to backpedal.
amazing how smart they are to see that you're not buying into their move, so they back off as they know to insist or proceed would have you smelling their even larger pile of BS.
I swear this happened to me at every job I've worked at. They can sense codependents and empaths right away. Thus making you the ideal target. These places hate truthers. Before I found out about NPD, I would always question why does this always happen to me.
I'm so surprised because I can't keep a job for this and everyone thinks it's me except my mom and my brother whose wife goes through it too! I'm trying to build an online store in order to survive. I'm glad to get an idea of what it is about me that people hate. God loves people like us though. He'll take care of anyone taking sides with evil! Best wishes! 💝💯
It could be that they are covert narcissists themselves. And are also the ones that simply / just need the attention given by the narcisist. The mother of my narcisist husband knows narcisism runs deep in her family and she greatly take the abuse from her son as long as he talks to her. She accused me of being narcisist when I told her her son is a narcisist as her mother and father were,although she knows exactly all the abuse I have went through and sow proves of it.She have been traumatized herself and needs permanent control and attention and that's why she abused on the same front with her son because she knows as long she does this, he maintains contact with her. Difficult to believe she is an "innocent " mother who believe her son but more credible is that she herself have at least narcissistic tendencies.
When my sister came from Ghana no one knew her, including myself. She was a perfect stranger. She hated me before even meeting me. Short time she had the whole family as flying monkeys. The positive side of her coming to the U.S. is now I know I never truly had a family. Narcissist can really expose the ugly inside of people. The family I knew my whole life, I never really knew. The narcissist will make you feel like you are in a horror movie. If you ever watched the movie the bad seed, well you are watching my sister. She was that little girl.
I've seen too many narcissists at play. It is a scary thing to behold. This series of your is excellent Dr Ramani, how you break down each aspect in such clear detail. The real killer of it all is how skilled the narcissist is at always ensuring their reputation stays in tact. If words can't save the day, watch the tears flow from nowhere. Instant sympathy for them and you the victim becomes the monster in the room. Lives are being destroyed by them. The worst is when they are in a position of power 🙏🏻
Absolutely true! My 28-year marriage ended nearly two years ago, when I suddenly escaped with my daughter. My ex-husband has convinced my former faith community, former neighbors and even our two young adult sons, that I am simply delusional. Fortunately, my daughter and I are healing and thriving and learning to design our own lives according to our own values. Fortunately, I have your online community and other support groups to help me regain my footing and to see more clearly what a healthy emotional and spiritual life actually looks like. Thanks for all the affirmation.
It is a HORRIBLE thing to happen when the narc gets flying monkeys to do their evil bidding. This has happened to me, and I get occasional calls from people who I thought were friends, but got turned by the narc. They will send random text messages or call to “check up” on what I’m doing. It broke my heart when I realized that these people were so easily swayed. They were actually never true friends. It is DEVASTATING when it happens to you!😢
It’s even worse when the flying monkeys are narcissistic too😔 I used to be gaslighted by my ex and his friends that I feel I am the one being awkward, But it turns out I was trapped in a mad house. Or a circus🤷♀️
Can’t believe how textbook my family was and still is; the fact that this behavior can be identified with terms is so amazing! I will never put down psychology/social work/therapy again what a healing tool
I felt like I was going crazy, so thank you for this! I've had a really bad gut feeling for months and was honest to my friends' circle and was shunned and guilt tripped for "hurting" the friend. I couldn't shake the bad feeling and really tried.
My ex narc has begun trying to hoover me.... I’ve found that FMs often are clueless they are being used. They aren’t really “in on it”....they actually think they’re being helpful to a “good guy”. It’s both sad and amusing.
Its amusing to see them running around after them when we know the truth, about what's REALLY happening. FM are not also Narcs they are being used UNKNOWINGLY to them. If only they knew the truth
The flying monkeys are willing to sacrifice your friendship with you for them but they don’t realise it. My neighbor coupled me to a narcissist. He didn’t know bc of the mask. After two years and a half I left the narc and of course told or try to tell my neighbor about it all. The neighbor knows there was a third party involved when it all came down to it. It came out when I left and she moved in with him. But my neighbor is still watering the narc flowers when they are away and told me how well the house looks out back. I never felt responsible of cleaning the narc house. Why should I? If you breadcrumb someone, don’t expect a whole loaf in return! I put a birthday card in my neighbor letter box and he had some cake over and brought it to the narc and supply, nothing for me...
To rid yourself of the Narc’s hoovering attempts, you must often make sacrifices to remain “No Contact”. If a FM is sent your way, but the overtures are repeatedly ignored, yet the FM does not “get” that you are not interested, then the FM must be cut off as well. I would advise against conferring with the FM, explaining why you are not responsive .....talking about why you don’t want to talk about it is talking about it and it’s also breaking No Contact. Remember, anything you say to the FM is said to the Narc by proxy. Do that, and it’s a hit off the Narc pipe for the ex. That’s breaking NO Contact by proxy. As an example, a mutual friend of my exNarc and mine would send me offers of “returning photos” and messages such as “Happy Birthday” via FB (I had blocked my exNarc). I never responded...I even deleted his posts from my page... he still didn’t get it...so after several rounds of that nonsense, I ended up blocking him as well. No explanation...no discussion.. just blocked. He’ll either figure it out or he won’t, I don’t care.... I will not let my empathic nature screw me over (again!). My feelings and emotional health are more important to me than the FM’s. I have a friend, who is very high on the empathic scale, who admonishes me often for “hurting the FM’s feelings with no explanation”. My answer? I don’t care!.. I gave him multiple hints and indications which he didn’t take. His persistence bordered on bullying. BTW.. my empathic friend has tripped up herself multiple times because she wanted to be “nice”... her life is a mess. She just will not learn! Kindness and empathy certainly have their place, but too much of it is just the opposite end of the scale from NPD...and just as pathological. Don’t let it dictate your life.
"Did this person [flying monkey] actually ever really have your back?" Excellent question. And excellent advice to find a better group to hang with. It's tough, because there are a lot of other relationships that will probably be lost along with the monkeys. But it's so much better, more FREE, on the other side. Good people are out there. Thank you once again, Dr. Ramani. You're such a blessing to us all!
This is my mother. It’s amazing to me how my mom checks off all of the boxes when it comes to possessing the characteristics of a narcissist. I couldn’t understand why my mom would slander me . It made no sense until I realized that she’s extremely narcissistic. I didn’t always know that she was a narcissist but I knew that my relationship with her was extremely exhausting. It worsened 10 fold once I got married. My wife’s mother is a sweet woman and my mother absolutely hates her. My mother in law and her family have provided me with the family that my mom could not. I now realize that my mom has a personality disorder. I have gone grey rock with her and her flying monkeys. A relationship with a narcissist is built on shifting sand.
My mother in law is a narcissist and everyone around her acts as her flying monkeys, including my husband, even though he SORT OF sees what she is and what she’s doing. I’ve been married to him for 10.5 years, and it’s been the most painful time of my life… I’m so isolated 13 years into my relationship with a man I love SO much, who is a GOOD man, and I don’t know how to “fix” any of it. I worry for my children in relation to their toxic family on their dad’s side.
13 years of marriage , just went NC with...everyone lol. Coercive abuse control narc husband with narc family members. Fly monkey everywhere, none existance good reputation. Leave now! It WILL 99.9% of the time get worse. You cannot fix the unfixable, you cannot save what does not want be saved.
Same boat exactly here … except my partner has become a flying monkey for her npd mom and older brother. I feel sorry for her dad. He’s a broken human because of her and he’s clearly given up. Stay strong
Exactly, I’m a forgiving person... I just will be more aware of what that person is capable of... I wouldn’t trust them fully again because I’ll be wondering when they will take flight again.
This could apply to so many scenarios. Amber Heard and her crew of friends against Johnny Depp. All of Scientology. Mean girls in high school. My old boss had the HR team wrapped around her finger. My older sister recruiting my younger sister and our friends because of her toxic jealousy. That ex who turns all your social circle against you because you dared to break up with him/her. Wow. I'm learning so much as I binge watch this channel. My sisters made me think I was the crazy one, this channel is helping me so much.
It’s no accident that one of Johnnys bffs is another man with multiple accusers, Marilyn Manson. There’s no such thing as a “joke” about murdering your wife and sexually violating her dead body, folks. That’s comes from a dark heart. If you’re on Dr. Ramani’s channel, you ought to know “reactive abuse” is a thing. I think that if anything, Ms. Heard’s behavior likely fell into that category (not that I’m excusing bad behavior, but seriously y’all). Now while I still enjoy some of Johnny’s movies, I’ll never allow such a fondness turn me into a flying monkey the way it has so many others. Smfh
@@TARAdubbleyuu Johnny Depp was the one being reactive to his abuse. Anyone that heard the recordings and all the other evidence would know that. Anyone that is familiar with the evidence but still believes Amber is the victim is seriously delusional.
Thank you for the education. It's so subtle. I just realised that someone in my social sphere was victimised by a narcissist yesterday. I am going to reach out to her, correct the confusion and tell her that I recognise it.
@@penelopepitstock she looked confused when I raised the issue, then gaslit herself, by saying that while her instincts told her she was uncomfortable, she was sure she was mistaken. I left it at that point. Sometimes people need to learn from experience. Painful, especially since she is such a sweetheart, but true.
@@annewrites...8385 wow that’s really interesting. Thanks so much for replying! I found it really hard to recognize for ages, it took several different types of relationships with narcissists before I finally realised I was not imagining it. I think mainly because my mum was a narcissist so I grew up always thinking other people were more emotionally and intellectually competent than me and learned to ignore my gut all the time. Now in my 40s I finally see through all that thank god. Nobody came to me to back me up or tell me I wasn’t crazy, I wonder if maybe I wouldn’t have understood if they had. Anyway you’re a good friend for trying and they may one day recognize what you were trying to say.
Oh my gosh. I’m surrounded by flying monkeys so many in my congregation. My narc husband started his vicious smear campaign when I was first diagnosed w bipolar 2 but thankfully have been blessed w stability w wonderful therapy n effective meds That was 30 years ago n he continues to paint me so mentally diseased I’m too sick to make decisions which believe it or not all his flying monkeys believe him and feel HE is the VICTIM This is one of the best and most eye opening video I’ve ever watched and will watch over n over I have so much to learn and I do need to start making new friends cuz all of them are on his side n r becoming enemies of mine which has shocked n hurt me beyond words. Thank you
I’m very glad I found you. You just described what happened to me in my work place 11 years ago. It was devastating and ended my 20 year teaching career. All due to a narcissistic boss. The worst experience of my life. He did EVERYTHING you spoke of in this segment. I feel seen and helped. Thank you. I thank Goodness I have a new career but it was difficult being a single mother. Still makes me cry because I loved my teaching career. It amazes me how evil people are and narcissists are at the top of the list.
SOOOOO true. Sadly, no little child, being brought up by a vicious, sadistic narcissist has ANY possible hope of working out the convoluted manipulation and abuse and the results on the child are catastrophic and can take a lifetime to recover from - if ever.
Thank you very much. Cults recruit flying monkeys non-stop. Awareness is paramount. Never be a flying monkey. Once awake, especially men, find this eventual reality incredible difficult and painful, that someone used them to hurt another person when it wasn't even their idea. It's a crushing, crushing realization that I don't wish on anyone. Some people never forgive themselves for falling into the trap of being a flying monkey. it's devastating, I've seen it a number of times. Just don't do it. Keep your dignity and self respect. Remember, one of the most powerful words to a narcissist is "No". Then calmly walk away.
How I wish you was around when I was growing up. My mother was my narcissist and she used my friends and her own family and friends as Flying Monkeys. By the time I was 32 years old I thought I was crazy. I went to therapy and starting journaling. It helped tremendously. I'm now 63 years old and still journaling to this day. I'm doing so much better in my thinking and life. Help is out there. You just gotta find it. It's worth it. Thank you Dr Ramani
Thank you! Last month, I deleted the last of them from my social media after 2 years of grey rock / no contact. But this video brought tears to my eyes. My whole reality and what I believed about people shifted two years ago, thank you for bringing all of these concepts to light! 🤗✌
When it comes to dealing with flying monkeys, it’s all about addition by subtraction... The flying monkeys MUST go... ALL of them... Without complete separation from the flying monkeys, you’ll never be able to completely separate yourself from the narcissist... The flying monkeys will tell the narcissist everything... and I mean EVERYTHING. This, however, can be quite difficult to accomplish in a family or workplace setting, but MUST be accomplished to the greatest extent humanly possible.
It’s been over 24 years since my divorce and I’m only now starting to understand what happened to me. He went after my family and best friends and anyone who I was close to. I just couldn’t imagine doing that to another human being. My parents snapped back at him and put him in his place but I lost several friends in the mess. His abuse continued and poured over into parental alienation and working at destroying my daughter’s reality about me. She’s still suffering from the craziness years later! Thank you for your insight, it’s helping me heal.
Word for word, Dr. Ramani just described exactly what I've been going through for the last 10-15 years with a few relatives and had no idea what it was happening and why I was being singled out. The last portion of this video when Dr. Ramani gives advice to victims on how to move on from flying monkeys is exactly what I needed to hear. Dr Ramani is a God-send. Please make more videos for victims on how to heal from the betrayal of flying monkeys.
"Your entire truth has been stolen from you." Yeah - was totally blindsided by this. My reputation was ruined, I lost a job opportunity, long-time friends turned against me, the gossip was so crazy that I couldn't believe anyone bought it, but they did. I had to move far away and start over.
Wow! I was just considering explaining my case to one person involved, and I wondered if it would be helpful or pointless. You just answered my question. I thought the same thing. If they were concerned with my truth, they would have come to me about it. 💙🙏🏾
Great video, thank you. "It's like once the narcissist has the flying monkey's ear, they are converted into a cult." This is *exactly* what is happening. When there's a narcissist, there's a cult. And you can look at it from the other direction: who starts and leads cults? Narcissists. Who aids in running the cult? Other narcissists and flying monkeys. All narcissists are running a cult, or multiple cult factions. Even if you are so isolated in a relationship with just them, and you have no contact with anyone else-- you are in a cult for 2. But you can be sure, on the outside, the narc has a wider cult operation going on, that you just don't get to see from your limited vantage point.
I work at a high end spa and my boss is a narcissist, she’s has recruited 4 other massage therapists as flying monkeys. The spa has become EXTREMELY micromanaged and I’m the target. It’s exhausting! It’s also crazy because I have the highest customer review ratings! I’ve been planning my exit!
When narcissists can no longer control you they will control how others perceive you.
Phoenix Rising facts
Big truth here.
Yes
So well put.
Yes. Turning friends and family against you
It's more painful when no one believes that you're being abused by the narcissist despite that you have presented proof of the fact. It can be very destabilising.
I had numerous people claim
I was crazy when I was calling out the narc and his girlfriend. They were using my daughters therapist to try and take over in my custody case. The script has flipped since they broke up, now ex girlfriend wanted to connect and I told her to never contact me again. Be patient and believe in yourself. You know your truth.
@P T You are right. I don't have to defend myself. I know my truth and I finally saw it come full circle.
Well that's probably because the narcissistic person hasn't abused THEM or else it would be a different story entirely. Flying monkeys don't give a rats ass how their narc idol and hero abuses others behind closed doors, as long as its not being done to them its all that matters. They are self involved, self serving people ...with no integrity. Obviously they have no integrity if they know how the narc has treated you and still want to hang around them duh.
@P T in a workplace situation the victim needs others to believe and support them, otherwise change (narc getting reprimanded, fired etc) cannot happen.
@P T my boss was the malignant narc so therefore in this case your idea doesn't work.
The person who doesn't mind being alone are the worst targets for Narcissists.
Rosanna Miller agreed. I’m targeted a lot so much so I need breaks from social media and jobs, lose groups of friends continuously due to my enjoyment being alone.
@@LittleBird888 I have done this too. I am at the end of the grieving process.
Rossana Miller....completely true.it seems that the hate=envy independent people because the cannot survive on their own because they're empty in their inside. Poor people
Omg I was so fine with being alone and somehow he managed to make me look codependent and clingy.
Narcissists are not at peace with their personal psyche,. They will attack covertly, overtly, and subliminally, anyone that enjoys their tranquility and alone time, or is on "good terms" with most people. These mentioned factors will instigate an narcissist to cause mayhem in your life.
This was one of the most soul wrenching, traumatic experiences in my life. The worst part is no one validates your experience, , everyone says you’re too sensitive, paranoid, you’re crazy. Before it’s over, you may well have a mental breakdown. Thank God for giving me strength, and for people like Dr. Ramani who put out the free content for those who can’t seek professional help.
S Jones, I agree. Having Dr Ramani has been unbelievably helpful for me. Psychotherapy is beyond my budget. I am very grateful to Dr Ramani.
When my brother was little he watched the Wizard of Oz he was afraid of the flying monkeys and clung to our mother. Now he is a flying monkey still clinging to our mother. This summer I received a text that said I was no longer a part of the family and they never wanted to see me again. Relief.
Narcissistic abuse is devastating, even with therapy. Dr. Ramani, I listen to you so often and am so very thankful for the work you and your team do. It has pulled me through a lot of dark periods. I still continue to listen and always will. I was unaware of how many people are going through this nightmare. Thank you for helping save me.
Wow precisely
Amen ! Dr. Ramani is Saving Sanity and more Importantly , she is helping people restore their Lives !
I get chills reading this.. takes me back to the mental breakdown
Wild when you realize that your true friends aren’t the people you call friend. While being isolated by my narcissist best friend, who had told all of my friends not to talk to me, a mutual acquaintance of ours asked me to meet him for a drink. He told me my bff had been slandering me to him and he didn’t believe it. He wanted to know what my perspective was. I’ve never respected anyone more than I did in that moment. In a decade of friendship with her, no one had ever done that for me.
Wow. That person was a VERY RARE GEM.
You notice how everyone you like, or family members that come around they don't like, they will make comments about them,if its another friend,and you spend lots of time with that person, they really won't like them,at least thats what they tell you, but they may actually be befriending them when your not around, almost like they want everyone on their side,I don't know what these types of people really are, I'm not sure if they are sociopathic, or malignant narcissist, psychopaths,but their is a motive, premeditated set ups.
You are so very lucky that they came to you in the first place,most the time these people will never say anything was told to them,and when you go and say something, it only discredits you more,for the person to actually tell you what was said, and who said it shows loyalty,your very lucky to have such a person because I've learned it doesn't go down like that,mostly everyone keeps quiet that way you don't know what's exactly being said.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It helps restore some of my lost faith in humanity.
That's so healthy and wonderful!!
They want you to feel scared & alone..... Also they don't want others to like you.... When they see your strength & joy dispite what they try to do....They hate & resent you for it....
Such a drain, if only do to its shock factor!
Yes, but it's a tough one during these days of fear and lockdown. Be well!
You hit the nail on the head. So sad that we have such personalties among us.😏
Charysse Sepia Blackman Brilliant! I LOVE IT when anyone else “gets it”!
@@olivialau88 EXACTLY!!!!!
In my experience, the flying monkey's betrayal was 100 times more devastating than the narcissist's abuse. Thank you for this series!
Yes. Absolutely 💯%.
True!!!
I feel ya. In the hood we call them crash test dummies. Gas them up, give them a gun, and let them take a murderer rap for some beef that ain't theirs. Like how the drug kingpin never gets caught selling bags, only tax evasion. Flying monkeys
They are the ones you didnt expect to harm you
Yes, for me too.
I lost my oldest son, my brother and most of my extended family, to my Narc Mom’s handiwork.
The smear campaign begins long before the relationship breaks down. If you could be a fly on the wall, you would see that the narcissist subtly undermined the victim to the flying monkeys much earlier. That’s how the campaign often works so well.
Absolutely. On reflection you may recognize where the signs of it that you missed showed up.
Yes, I couldn't figure out, early on, why everyone in her circle looked at me in disgust. Even people I didn' know. The smear campaign started early, was thoroughgoing, and irreversible.
Interesting point
That is such a good point! Never thought of that, do they also mistreat the flying monkeys?
WorththeWar apart from dr Ramani, the two other mental health professionals on TH-cam I respect are Sam Vaknin and Dr Todd Grande. I think Dr Todd speculated that one reason people become flying monkeys is their fear of becoming victims themselves. In most cases, if possible, the victim of the smear campaign will remove themselves from the situation. The narcissist will need to find another victim to project their self hatred onto as well as deflecting any personal responsibility away from themselves. The flying monkeys are ideal targets, because they’ll already have the dirt on them. Just look at what’s happened in the White House over the last four years. No one is safe.
Wow, this video was my life about 9 years. My “friends” at work all turned on me after years of narcissistic abuse. I called the narcissist out for being a bully towards me and what did she do?! recruited flying monkeys, gaslit me, silent treatment...you name it! Nobody came to me to hear my side of the story, they were all blindly allegiant to the bully. My boss was alerted to this behaviour and she just didn’t see the problem. She gaslit me too. The solution was to move me away from the narcissist into another part of the building. No thanks! I quit that job and that toxic environment. Bye Felicia!
am curious if zodiac statistic support a type that make up narcs? kindly share Date of birth of narc in your life...many thanks
I went through the same thing just recently.
10/20/1982
What the hell. Omg, this is so familiar and it feels like it's talking specifically about me and my situation. 🥺🥺🥺🥺😳😳😳😳
Good for you!!
This is so accurate. I went through this and I don't want to sugarcoat it - it's brutal & soul-destroying. God bless everyone who is experiencing this.
I'm currently in this situation is so lonely and disturbing at the same time
@@unapologeticella4540 same here, Ella. I'm so sorry. It feels so lonely. Do you have anyone to lean on?
@@starlingswallow no I tried going to my parents temporarily and they hate me I have no one rn except the narc and tik Tok
@@unapologeticella4540 That’s rough, I’m sorry. I was where you are for a long time and just recently got out of it. Never stop working toward freedom. I had to hit rock bottom several times before I finally got out. Freedom is a journey, not a destination. Take it one day at a time, one minute at a time even. That’s what I had to do.
I know right? I wish all those people that the narc recruits start asking themselves why? why all of us against one person it doesn't seem even fair. And all the lies and nonsense gossip like if people have nothing better to do than be after somebody's business.
'Until a narcissist happens to you'... it is funny and so true to put it like that. It is like having a disaster happening to you.
I knew it only as a word until I had the experience. Now I educate others before it happens to them.
It's so true
They need to develop weather monitoring systems for them. “This is 9 news with an update: a giant looming narcissistic formation blowing in from the east.”
Ptsd is described like a mental illness, a cognitive distortion.. to me it feels like having taken the red pill. Post traumatic growth is when you find the strength and wisdom to live with it I assume.
@@priyao5097 OMG, yes!
In my case the flying monkeys are strangers. They don’t know me. They only know what the Narc has told them.
This is my current situation, people I don't know now hate me thanks to the evil narc. All I can do is keep my distance from all of them
I know how you feel. Strangers hate me and she turned my own family against me. I dont know how to handle it other than get your own friends that dont know the narc.
@@Sarah.M98 I am dealing with a similar situation. I've kept my distance however, they still try to get to me. I pretend what they are doing isn't bothering me, which angers the narc further. But in reality, I am really struggling to cope.
@@zk8673
You need to spend some time out for yourself, go for long walks/hikes in nature to clear your head and train your mind to not focus too much on them, meditate, keep yourself busy as much as possible so you don't have time to think about them.
Research and watch as much Narc surviver information/videos to reassure you of what you're going through and that you're not crazy, everytime you get trigger and getting stressed just look up and watch some videos on narcissism.
The more you educate yourself on what's happening the calmer you'll be, you're not copping right now because you don't have all the information you need to help you through it.
Talk to your doctor and get all the support you need to help you through it, don't let those demons take your power.
@@Sarah.M98 Thank You very much for the great idea, Sarah. Although It is becoming increasingly difficult to remain calm, whilst they gloat. I will take your advice and implement a self-care routine, and educate myself. Again Thank you.
Sometimes I feel like of all narcissistic abuses, that they turn everybody against you and you are left alone, is the worst. You try to heal and move on but you have no one who believes you.
I went through wot u went through nobody believed me its to hard to explain to people just sit back and watch them get there karma my nac ended up with a double hernia and has put on alot of weight,the people will c wot they r like in the end don't give it bless u xxx
I know that feeling well. I've been through it many times myself. As long as YOU believe YOU that's all you need to heal and move on! Believe in YOURSELF no matter how alone you may actually be at any given moment in your life, and you will move forward again and find the empowerment to build new relationships with higher caliber people. And as YOU grow from within yourself, you will build better boundaries and hone your discerning skills so as not to fall victim to another narcissist's abuse again. That's not to say you won't meet them or end up being tempted with their charm and charisma, but you will figure out their true personality much quicker so that you won't become so entangled and stuck with them. Good luck! 💖
I believe you
So true
They get everybody to gaslight you. The only validation you will ever get or on forums like these, from other victims of these sadistic monsters.
"your whole truth was stolen from you" this is exactly how it feels
These Narcissists cause so much destruction and danger to people it's amazing that more people are not told about this
Yes some people do not understand!!!
Go no contact with the flying monkeys too
For sure.... it’s a must
It breaks my heart
Trees Lakes
I get it. I'm just grieving
I am learning this at the moment. It's hard because they are their family members and are so nice to me. But I get a lot of information that I shouldn't have from them. So I have to wonder if they are relaying information back as well? It's difficult.
Boom!
"Not my monkey, not my circus" best quote ever!!
Flying Monkeys: th-cam.com/video/P8p8wRc6fYA/w-d-xo.html
am curious if zodiac statistic support a type that make up narcs? kindly share Date of birth of narc in your life...many thanks
@@awesomed007 No. But Genesis 3:15 and Psalm 58:3-5 KJV does support the type that make up narcs.
@@reesedaniel5835 thanks
Yuppers you really find out who your friends and family really are, its a bitter pill to swallow
I found the ones they use get cut off anyway.
But you also find out who supports you. I was pleasantly surprised to find who was on my side. People I wouldn't have suspected would stick up for me actually did.
Good riddance. We realize after a while that it was all for the best.
@@worththewar "nothing last forever"
Narcs are evil
Never share your plan to anyone! Except for your spirit guides and mentors! Even your closest friends and family can Betray you!
I was one of a nephew's flying monkeys. I was so fooled.
It took my sister a while to trust me again and, rightly so. I caused so much damage. 😔
Thank you for your clarity.
It's incredibly difficult to not be fooled when someone knows all your weak spots.
The reality is we can't live without making mistakes, and sometimes bad ones. But good people, and it sounds like you are one, learn and try to salvage what they can.
Be well and take care.
I've been abused so bad by narcissistic since childhood I just wish my siblings my friends would stop and use logical and get to know me but no they automatically believe the narcissistic
I've been abused so bad by narcissistic since childhood I just wish my siblings my friends would stop and use logical and get to know me but no they automatically believe the narcissistic
It's good to see that people can eventually see through it in some cases.
It's soul destroying to see people you have only ever been kind to and tell the truth to look at you with hostile and belittling eyes. You see the people you loved think you are pathetic because you hurt so much that they turned. They mock you for feeling bad and acting disjointed. All the while, you know they were deliberately tainted and twisted.
Thank you. Yes, my nephew played me like a cheap violin.@@p.s.shnabel3409
"Your entire truth has been stolen. And it's devastating to let go of the people who you thought loved you.".... So true! But when you do this, finally let go, you'll grow a new network of people who truly support you. But most importantly, you gain your freedom... and that is an amazing feeling. And the people who are actually sensible will come around. But that's not your job to make that happen. Thank you Dr. Ramani!!!🙏🏽❤️
Was It Aristotle that said: "Once you understand, you either accept or reject".
Thank you for writing this 🙏
Asha You are so right! And you also get to reclaim the original you that existed before you met these Devil Incarnates.
@@cathywilson7101 Yes!! For me, it's finding out who I am in general. The narc in my life was my mom. I've been no contact for 1.5 years, and I feel like I am finally existing.
Riight
Do you ever find that you are eventually all by yourself....trusting no one?
Yes. That is me now. I hate that about myself but I literally have no family at all and trust absolutely no one.
I am there now.
Yes, I feel very alone at the moment. I am perhaps overly distrustful. I don't know how I am going to form new friendships and support people in my life.
...just the way I like it.
I feel I have always been alone. I came from a violent, abusive family. I moved 1300 miles from my family. I needed that space.
I've lost count of how many of relatives and family friends have told me, apropos of nothing, how cruel and unfeeling I am to have cut my Dad out of my life. One of my Dad's friends (whom I barely know) came up to me at my brother's wedding and, under the pretext of giving me a hug, pinned my arms and wouldn't let me go while he growled in my ear that "we all need to forgive our parents". And I only stopped talking to my Dad -- I haven't breathed a word against him to anyone! It really makes you feel attacked from all sides.
You need to get a restraining order on that guy! That's not okay!
phemyda94 Ignore them, they don’t know the truth, or are enabling. You live your truth.
You are right, right, right and more right! Come on, be a sport and put your head there endlessly regardless of what dear old pop does and take some of his hate of off them!
Psycho! That is so not ok. This man attacked and intimidated you. You do NOT need to forgive anyone. I am so sorry you had to deal with that and in a setting where you would look bad if you screamed or tried to defend yourself. Sounds absolutely terrifying. Much love. I am glad you are moving forward and healing. 💕
I have an almost identical story. Lmao. I laughed during the incident
My sister is a narcassist n when I used to call her out she told everyone I was crazy 🤪 sadly ppl believed her and I was isolated in my family. This has left me as an adult with mental illness!
I find it funny that I came up with the term “flying monkeys” all on my own years ago without knowing it’s a term very commonly used by therapists. It shows what a perfect description it is for what is going on!
am curious if zodiac statistic support a type that make up narcs? kindly share Date of birth of narc in your life...many thanks
I did too in the 90s when I tried to describe the right hand person for a narc at work. It was the first term that came to mind.
Same here but with the term “bread crumbing”. I called it cookie crumbing instead. It was pretty close.
I used “henchmen” and the flying monkey in question got so offended 😂😂
I’m glad she mentioned going to a therapist that knows about the “mob mentality” and “flying monkeys”. I was shamed into forgiving and having a relationship with a toxic family member by a therapist that didn’t take my stories of abuse seriously.
I’m sorry that happened to you. It’s nothing worse than having a therapist who doesn’t understand narcissism doesn’t want to use terminology to talk about these things. It’s so invalidating
Sam Black never thought about that 🤔 I do know a therapist personally and she seems like an attention
seeker on Facebook lol
Wow! I am so sorry about your counter productive experience. I hope you are doing well and know that you are not alone in having been through this. Keep healing and live the life you want and deserve. Blessings and solidarity, Frances
Not all therapists are good at their job - can be just incompetent, not very bright and working with a simple "everyone's good" model - or have their own issues. You have to be so careful.
Frances J. Jenson thank you
The thing that gets me about flying monkeys is that they KNOW the narc lies. They know it, yet any bit of sensationalist claptrap they say about their scapegoat is blindly accepted as gospel truth.
My mom continually rationalizes my malignant narc older brother's lies and all his other toxic behavior, too. He will lie directly to her, about me. I will have the receipts (sometimes literally, receipts) that show he is lying. She will not only say he made an understandable mistake, but will then go on and on about how incredibly busy he is and how helpful he is, etc., ending with a derogatory statement about how I've overreacted, to shame me for pointing out his blatant lie.
Confronting them is a win-win for them, every single time, so I've just stopped. What they cannot tolerate is happy, too-busy-to-be-disturbed-by-their- games, complete apathy. I manage them both, privately and publicly, the way I would cope with a neighbor who gets drunk at my house party: just smile, give him lots of space, disregard everything he says and be sure he doesn't toddle into the private part of the house.
@@eurokay4755 You're smart to do it like this!
@@parypearl382 Thank you! It's sure easier said than done, and it took me a long time to stop letting anger and hurt color my voice, my words, and my facial expressions - all of which they parse carefully and later misrepresent, anyway. But keeping it light helps ME! I had to completely let go of the idea of Mom that I grew up with - the Mom I wanted to please, wanted to be recognized and believed by. She simply isn't that person and no amount of evidence or proof that I'm worthy, kind, intelligent, successful, honest, etc will ever, ever change that. I will always be less-than, not worth noting, and only an occasional necessity for appearances sake, nothing more. She can put on a pretty good show for an audience, but she'll toss me under the bus in a heartbeat if my brother tells her to.
Once I got very, very comfortable with that truth, it really was easier to view her and my brother (they're usually a package deal because she bought him the house he lives in) like the harmless drunks at the party.
The newest movie of The Little Women, with Meryl Streep as the crotchety old aunt to the March girls and Laura Dern as their mother, Marmie, has a couple of excellent scenes that really show how to do it. The nasty rich aunt is hell-bent on running down everything about Marmie and her kids, but Marmie is unfailingly pleasant, kind and dignified and never, ever confronts her, even when she easily could. She literally just laughs (probably at her) and does whatever the aunt is gritching about as though the aunt's opinions are of no consequence at all. But she's not rude or confrontational at all, she just carries on without responding directly to the aunt - the way you would treat a drunk. It's hilarious. Even funnier, I noticed the tactic when I was watching the movie with Mom, who I'd invited to go see it!
They know what they are doing... you’re right. They’re afraid of becoming the next target if they don’t do the dirty work of the narcissist. Even when the narcissist is caught and they get their flying monkeys to believe what I call their “Stories”... they know what the target will do to them. If you don’t go after the flying monkey with what the flying monkeys did to you... you both take notes. Then you leave the narcissist wondering why the flying monkeys turned against them along with the original target.
💯
Dr. Ramani nails it EVERY time!!! She has amazing insight and knowledge in discussion of this disorder!!!
🙏
Hell of a psycological guru :) I'm her fan :)
@@nataliaoc2877
And a pretty woman too 😊
@@bmbmbm1 She has understanding, compassion, and a systematic approach that surpasses many others who also have a doctorate.
@@bmbmbm1 I agree but a lot of people with phDs that I know are not so nice and gentle (that's a mild description), its like they consider the phD as a jerk licence.
I went and hid in the bathroom at a family gathering and listened to this video. I've probably listened to it twice more just in the few hours since then. The mass gaslighting I experienced was appalling (but not shocking unfortunately. Still. I'm kinda devastated.). Thank you for helping me cling to what I know to be real. I'm the first person in this family system to try and actually break out of this abuse and dysfunction and it's really taken a toll on me
I hope you succeed
Or if not yet, I wish you luck and may you succeed in spite of all odds !
Best wishes !
Thank goodness you found the truth. I experienced the same for a lifetime and had no choice but to permanently go no contact with the whole family. 👌
God bless you, keep your head up and know you are someone of worth.
YOU WILL SUCCEED ❤️ I BELIEVE
It's taken me 44 years to admit and understand that my mother is a narcissist and to one degree or another, my sister and three brothers and sisters-in-law are all my mom's flying monkeys. They now use her dementia to excuse lifelong neglect, self-pity, bullying, deception, and dishonesty. I've been my mom's target, subtle though she may have been. I've been grey rocking my mom for years and didn't even have a word for it. She's earned no right to know me. And when I foolishly forget and get my expectations too high, she is like a sharpshooter and goes for my belly every time.
But I'm only now seeing that my sister especially, who I thought was in my corner, is my mom's flying monkey. I don't want to attend my mom's funeral when that time comes. I've stayed connected to honor my mother, but I have zero desire to remain connected with my siblings after she passes. I have no anger toward them. There's just nothing there. I'm incredibly sad by it all.
Omg..I'm going thru same thing
My situation is nearly the same. I also feel the same way about the funeral. I've attended close family funerals and I am attacked by siblings while I'm literally at the funeral. Basically, it's because I've fared better in life than they have (financially). Yeah, that's a good reason to be mean to me at a family member's funeral. I made the decision that I am done with siblings. D O N E. And so, when my mom dies I will have no family on Mom's side of the family. And because my Dad's side of the family was never really close, and because my dad passed away 20+ years ago, that family "is dead" too. It is sad. I have realized the full sadness of this. It's enormous. But it's not worth knowing any of them. I feel okay about it.
It sounds like you're taking care of yourself. Good on you. Very sorry to hear you're dealing with this.
Its painful to live life with these type of people. I imagine of getting out of here and faking my death everyday
Thank you for sharing your story. Similar situation is in my family. Not my mother, but my Aunt started this whole circus and turned pretty much most of the female side of family into flying monkey's army. If you do not go along, you become the target. One flying monkey is especially ambitious, my half sister, who now took the reigns after the Aunt died. Glad I was able to remove myself from this.
This is why there are so many lawsuits filed against Corporations. There are many Narcissist in Human Resources. H.R is there to protect the company and not the Employees.
Lyndora Burroughs -Robinson I have met one good HR person in my life. I do feel a lot of them take your pain and use it to destroy you so you do not stand a chance against the company. Definitely save all correspondence with them and keep it on your personal computer so you can file a lawsuit. It’s a pretty terrifying experience to have to go to HR (the vultures) when already preyed upon by co-workers or managers.
Cross contaminate THAT with 'culture. I'm in Canada, a "colony' still. An incredible number of large Canadian corps. justaposed to the USA do not even HAVE an HR dept. and if they do, it's confined to white collar and maybe the hot looking support staff and relatives getting hired. Factoring in culture is big time. If they HAVE an HR dept. it's often the untrained or kept that get dropped into a "job" in the place. I ran into that in the Olympics winter 2010 in Vancouver. One lady worked and retired early from Transit BC but was basically )a housewife. they dropped her into HR!! (ask any HR in Canada what the NASA test is, and one with a Masters degree DIDN'T KNOW!!!)
@@blueshoes915 Exactly, sometimes the Entire H.R team are Cluster B personalities 😡
@@Dwightstjohn-fo8ki Right, my Cousin was put through the ringer by H.R at the Corporation she worked for. She kept Journals and correspondence and they ended up settling out of court for a tidy sum. She went back to school and changed careers. Most people are not as lucky.
Humans as resources :/
When I was a kid and watched the Wizard of Oz on TV, the flying monkees SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME! Little did I know they would come back to haunt me in my adulthood. 😐
👍
@Critical Patch Me too!!
I will never forget how much they scared me.
And little did I know that "flying monkeys" would be a lifelong nightmare from then on. The sickening part of that is
I guarantee my mother
knew that would be my reaction prior to allowing me & my sister to watch "The Wizard of Oz"
I was 3 years old & now I'm 48. I remember it like it was yesterday.
This is me too! I was freaked out by them! The witch wasnt as scary.
I was surrounded by “Flying Monkeys” watching & observing me 24/7.. It took me years to finally discover how to deal with them. I’ld tell each Flying Monkey 🐒 something very different. This way the Narcissist would be constantly confused. It worked to my benefit.
I do that too! 🤣
I had one of them storm into the lobby, look at me and shouted at the top of her lungs, I HATES A LIAR. GOD HATES LIARS!" Then promptly turned heel and left. All I could do was snicker. Keep in mind, some narcs are keen to people doing this, and they know when they are being "handled", so watch out for that black eyed narc rage.
I love you.
😂💯👍
Love this!
Why even talk to them at all
I met and defeated, escaped from or converted many armies of flying monkeys. You nailed it. I'll add IF one of the monkeys is a narcissist, then the army is exponentially expanded. They have nearly destroyed me. I won. I survived. Now I thrive. And I am joyful and lucid.
narc admire narcs...i am surrounded by them in friends circle!! i eat em for breakfast!!!
am curious if zodiac statistic support a type that make up narcs? kindly share Date of birth of narc in your life...many thanks
Do tell how you defeated them. I'm working on healing from it and going away again, but no one seems to win.
Congratulations! I would love to know how you did it, if you feel like sharing.
@awesomed007 I saw a chart of serial killers bdays the other day... not exactly what you’re looking for, but I know I found it extremely interesting! Lots of Pisces, Gemini, Sagittarius and Virgo. One sign from each element dominated the chart. The least represented was Taurus.
wow! you get it. me the scapegoat, my mom the narcissist, my siblings the flying monkeys...I have been no contact from my mom for years and she won't go away...as if all the blame and abuse she put me through wasn't enough, she is now trying to get my own children to be flying monkeys, you are right when you say this is devastating and so hard to trust anyone at this point
Same situation here, the more people that they can enrol into their smear campaign the easier it is to build up the bug lie. I'm moving interstate early next year and wont be looking back.
Same here. Sad we share this family dysfunction. My NMom turned my entire family into flying monkeys. I've been disinherited, children turned against me, not 1 single souls would stand up for me.
I've moved away before and moving again. No one wins. It's the worst disease- worst than cancer.
I moved somewhere, and unknowingly moved in with a narcissist. They bad mouthed me all over town before I had the chance to meet anyone and made everybody think I was a liar and scammer when things went south and I reached out for help. It was the most bizarre and upending three years of my life. Just left it and am still working to get back my sanity.
Sorry to hear that.
GOD knows my case.
@@dennismclaurin1487Amen❤ Same here. I wish you all the best 🙏❤
Dr Ramani! Just when I think I have a firm grasp on narcissistic abuse, I watch your videos and get a much more in depth understanding of what is happening to me. You help me cope. Thank you!
Every time you get some new information... you’re always finding out something new. Then when you find out something new.. it more and more makes sense into what they do. Just the narcissist and or the flying monkeys too.
You make me feel less alone and stop doubting myself. Thank you so much, Dr. Ramani.
My mother turned out to be my worst flying monkey. After that, even though I cut communication with her, I had to be careful of what I said to my siblings as they still maintained (sometimes tense) communications with her. 10 years after the separation and with therapy I’m still having nightmares. Parental alienation has played a big part in that, too. My mother also helped him alienate my children from me. I don’t understand how such injustice is allowed to happen.
My NMom alienated my children from me as well. I was naive until my 50s when I had just about given up getting along with her. She blamed me for everything and today my daughter has cut off my grandchild's relationship with me. I've been disinherited from the wealth my father accumulated. She didn't work a day in her life yet used my brothers for her flying monkeys post death to take the estate and money my father built and created with his hard work. She made sure she did this after he died. There's another a lawyer in town who will help. They're all narcs too, I'm convinced.
Exactly! Oh my how completely real this is.
Oh yeah. I've experienced this. Many times from the narcissist in my life. I learned that these "flying monkeys" weren't friends in the first place.
Exactly. My Ex was telling everyone that I was suicidal. I had a big life insurance policy. Then he stole my registered gun. That's when I had to leave. I felt he was going to stage a suicide.
That is bone-chillingly awful. I hope you have been and remain safe.
@@cardinalflower6959 I've been away 12 years, in a different state. He is really messed up, living off the government. I heard he has a hit list. I just hope his poor health takes him before he hurts anybody, or searches me out.
@@yeswing10 I pray you stay safe.
@@cardinalflower6959 Thank you. I am so careful who I let into my life now.
That's a big yikes from me.
Pure evil.
Siblings =flying monkeys in my case. No matter what I had done for them.
Wanda CUSTANCE I’m sorry Wanda. My only sibling is a flying monkey, and just as awful as our late father (covert narc.). I have been NC for the last almost ten years, and will likely never speak to her again. Nothing that I have done for her means anything to her.
Wanda CUSTANCE , yep all that we’ve done for them whilst it never occurred to any of them to do a thing for you. I loved entertaining and giving fun yummy birthday parties for everyone in my entire family. But not one of them including my mother has ever given me a birthday party or a card. The last pic of a birthday party my mom gave I was 3- years old. Not even a text. Their all blocked including my mom since 2015.
Aw :(
My narc siblings "do things" for people in order to get those people in their debt. It is often "favors" that the recipient does not want, does not appreciate and dreads the day the demand for reciprocation will be made. Be careful about your motives for "doing things" for people. Especially if you are disappointed when you don't get things in return. You could be manipulating people to get things from them in the future without realizing it.
@@alohaanderson53 Did you really give parties because you love to or because you want parties in return? My narc siblings "do things" for people to put those people in their debt and to appear to be "the best person of all". I'm sorry if this is offensive to you but it triggers me. I have been the recipient of unwanted "favors" a great deal and then I got bashed over the head with them later. I can't count the times I have begged for no more "favors" - PLEASE. Be very conscious of your own true motiveS when you "do things" for people.
I actually just called someone close to me a "double agent" and he said, "But it's ok because the person [I'm gaslighting] doesn't _know_ I'm playing both sides." My jaw hit the floor when you used that very term! You are inspired above "normal" wisdom and I'm so blessed to have found you. Shalom!
This explained so much!!!
Thank you. I lost long time friends, & family, being involved w a narcissist. My reality was just as you described. It has taken years to move forward. I regret that I know what damage a narcissist, & flying monkeys, unfaithful friends, & even family can do to a life that was once considered good, & safe. It's so weird that there is a specific pattern used to destroy another humans life.
You are not alone
So...in reality the victim is trapped unless they realize the (tactics) of the narcissistic people. Terrible evil people.
And the second N abuse starts being broadcasted you just know the cleverer ones will adapt that info to do their bidding.
This sadly is why quarantine is not that new to me. Yet, my insecurities aren’t contagious. My heart is going out to families and individuals that are going through these dark and scary times. Stay strong 💪
OMG same, quarantine is not new and even easy because I've been through it as well but I gotta say, it's it SO much better than being IN that relationship still? For sure! even to feel like you have to facetime or call, it's all off your shoulders!
Is there free therapy for anyone like me for my country?
@@SelenaGomez79001 if you live in North America or certain parts of Europe you can get help, elsewhere i don't know...........Peace
Thank you Chase. I am staying strong 💪 😌 thanks to being "no contact" with my flying monkey sisters for over almost two decades. You are perfectly correct - it is like the quarantine, except from toxic people.
It’s excruciating when the narcissist turns your children into FM, even after they witnessed
the narcissist’s bad behavior.
That's sad.
My Ex turned the grown kids against me. It was horrible, and still is. I can never trust any of them.
Pray for Peace I am so sorry, it is the worst pain.
@@betsy3075 Thank you. That's very nice of you to care.
Try to know that, eventually, the truth will out x
Oh my god. This is so on target it brought me to tears. It feels like the worst betrayal and isolation and the gaslighting had me thinking I was the narc and questioning myself even with all the history!
What I have found very helpful is to keep a journal. My ex said this and that, and I would take notes after the conversation. When I had serious alone time, I would include details. Then if I needed it, even if only to verify within myself, I had it. I am a very strong proponent of journaling. I have journaled for 40 years. Best wishes
@@donnadaisy333 Thank you. Journaling has been real help to me too. I appreciate your reminder of it's value.
Thank you for this. Not everyone sees this or understands unless they have experienced it. Thank you for validating that its okay to walk away from these people who probably never really valued you to begin with.
The valued you.. but like an asset
To be used and discarded
Flying Monkeys: th-cam.com/video/P8p8wRc6fYA/w-d-xo.html
am curious if zodiac statistic support a type that make up narcs? kindly share Date of birth of narc in your life...many thanks
btw ...Ahimsa works against narcs
Can you elaborate more on that?
This was the most insidious part of the narcissist's influence.
My situation was made more vulnerable because of the disparity in how often the narcissist would hang around with our mutual acquaintances at the local bar and how often I would. He was there every day, and my appearances were weekly or every two weeks or more. Additionally I am a much more low-key person, and he is boisterous and gabby. So as a result of these factors, there was a vacuum for the narcissist to fill with his own narrative about me. Slowly it seemed to me that people came to see me the way the narcissist saw me or modeled as the way to see me. Frustrating.
The rule I learned was, When a narcissist realizes he/she cannot control you, they will then try to control how people see you. And the damage is insidious, frustrating, and disheartening for how seemingly easily influenced people can be.
Yes! The N must absolutely definitively no-doubt-about-it come out on top!
Brilliantly put....they don't like it when you cut off the oxygen supply to their narcissism....but I don't care what they tell other people any more because people who really know me don't believe lies.
@@cardinalflower6959 Well you know what they say...💩always floats to the top 😆
My husband has groomed my daughters since they were teenagers, to believe that I’m mentally ill. There’s nothing I can do to change this narrative. It’s so hurtful, especially when they always defend their father. Yes, I see a therapist, but not because I’m broken but trying to heal the hurt, from all the pain my husband has caused in my life. My husband and I are now separated.
Soory I ask but how come you married a toxic person without knowing it?
patty teed , I know it’s so hurtful. But remember that’s one of the narcissist favorite. “ you’re crazy” !
Jannie Schlüter I came from an abusive home so it felt natural
LUNA LOVE I have tried everything positive towards them I can think of....thought I was gaining ground until my daughters tried to send an email to my therapist telling him I was a liar. He didn’t open that email but began to see what I’m up against. Then they sent me a text calling me a liar....I answered with love and new boundaries
It’s bad though when you’re the child of said narcissist and this happens. I actually call those people her “minions”. I feel like I have no one and that can be tough at times. Thankfully, if you’re not for me, you got to go. No one is spared at this point; I matter and only have one life to live!!!
Nika M Yeah, I really want to just move and start over from scratch. Leave my biological family behind and find a new, network of real friends to be my chosen family.
Avoid those who refuse to clap for you!
@@blueshoes915 , did that very thing, and I highly recommend it. I do still have very limited contact with my narcissistic mother, from 2/3 of the country away, on my terms. The geographical solution to the narcissism problem in my family of origin has helped save my sanity.
@HITZONE86 , that's a really difficult situation, and I'm sorry if that's where you are right now. Do you have the option of enlisting other caretakers? If you have the support of insurance, medicare, the VA, or medicaid, consider hiring someone on, and "sell" the idea to your narcissist under the guise of giving them a break from caregiving. That way you would get a break, too, and having that break would help you muster the mental energy you need to figure out if there are other measures you could take to protect yourself. Also, if your disability is one that has an advocacy group, contact them for advice.
@HITZONE86 REPORT THEM TO AUTHORITIES. YOU CAN START WITH YOUR MEDICAL TEAM, ask for a therapist and tell them what's happening. If you can write, document incidents with date and time. If not, hopefully you have a cell phone to record personal notes to keep a diary. Give record to therapist or medical staff, social worker, case worker, or police.
Seek therapy to cope, heal, and get tools to use to protect yourself.
If necessary, you may need to be moved to a new place without all of them.
I'm sorry for your situation. Online therapists found at www.betterhelp.com
Good luck and God bless!
It’s my view that EVERY flying monkey knows exactly what they’re doing. It’s a choice they’ve made. Whether it’s self-preservation or a sense of loyalty, they’ve made a decision. Flying monkeys ALLOW narcissists to do what they do. They’re probably worse than the narcissist, because they KNOW better.
This is just perfect.
I once had a friend who introduced me to her circle of friends and family. And when I started to uncover who she was, she went around telling them LIES about me. I was hurt and angry about it. But, I also remembered she used to tell me things about other people when she fell out with them. So I blamed myself a whole lot for being an initial enabler.
Flying Monkeys: th-cam.com/video/P8p8wRc6fYA/w-d-xo.html
Gossip feeds people and they love it when others are the focus of attention. Not one of his minions ever had any remorse for what they did to me, and I don't want nor do I need their apologies. They are as bad as him, in my opinion, because they were very quick to believe the absolute worst in me from just one person's word.
I understand. I have learned not to want their apologies. Don't want them or need them.
You nailed it, how they use gossip. Thank you.
"Everything has to happen on my schedule" my entire TRUTH has been stolen from ME by my family members I thought they were going to support...ME.
Rita Asare , Ditto 😡🙁😤👹. The injustice of it all. But that’s exactly how I feel “ my entire truth has been stolen “ by the very people that should stand with you, support you. Still bothers me. Disloyalties, betrayal.....it is very nice to spend time with people and their families that are kind and loving to each other.
You shine, make them look even worse (which is apparently possible), they're gonna target you, part of how they function which isn't very well! Cut those invisible ropes, no good will come from them,the past proves it, they worse with age!
@@alohaanderson53 thank you, I appreciate you.
@@joseenoel8093 it's exactly what I'm doing. They are recruiting flying monkeys but that won't work either. Many thanks and I appreciate you too.
This literally happened to me at work. My narcissistic supervisor made both her supervisor and the HR rep her flying monkeys. After reporting my supervisor to HR, I was "mysteriously" written up. I quit less than a week later. Then, they had the nerve to have a meeting with me for an exit interview with the HR rep AND my narcissistic supervisor. I couldn't believe it.
im so grateful of my best friend who believed me, and didnt invalidate my stories with the narc. She and dr Ramani helped me see the light 🥺
My Covert Sister tried to Triangulate me against my Stable Sister and I said to her “I have to suspend my opinion until I hear both sides.” Then she started to backpedal.
In Sync with the Infinite Tundra Oh yeah, my sister played that with me too. Very manipulative and sneaky. Part of the reason why I’m NC.
amazing how smart they are to see that you're not buying into their move, so they back off as they know to insist or proceed would have you smelling their even larger pile of BS.
Yes, that the way to get them to stop trying to turn you into a FM. I will let them know that I will ask the other person about it too.
They move on to someone else
I swear this happened to me at every job I've worked at. They can sense codependents and empaths right away. Thus making you the ideal target. These places hate truthers. Before I found out about NPD, I would always question why does this always happen to me.
Yes, definitely hate please that tell the truth.
I'm so surprised because I can't keep a job for this and everyone thinks it's me except my mom and my brother whose wife goes through it too! I'm trying to build an online store in order to survive. I'm glad to get an idea of what it is about me that people hate. God loves people like us though. He'll take care of anyone taking sides with evil! Best wishes! 💝💯
Btw, What is "NPD?"
Nikki Doe narcissistic personality disorder
@@reboundingfromnarcissistic5386 Thanks
some people were flying monkeys before the role was attributed to them.
Sometimes I wonder what they get out of it
Heidi A former narc boss of mine had a cadres of flying monkeys, and these women knew EXACTLY what they were doing. Exactly.
It could be that they are covert narcissists themselves. And are also the ones that simply / just need the attention given by the narcisist.
The mother of my narcisist husband knows narcisism runs deep in her family and she greatly take the abuse from her son as long as he talks to her. She accused me of being narcisist when I told her her son is a narcisist as her mother and father were,although she knows exactly all the abuse I have went through and sow proves of it.She have been traumatized herself and needs permanent control and attention and that's why she abused on the same front with her son because she knows as long she does this, he maintains contact with her. Difficult to believe she is an "innocent " mother who believe her son but more credible is that she herself have at least narcissistic tendencies.
Some are, some aren't. All are codependents, some of them meaning well, some being narcissists themselves and enjoying the smear campaign.
@@saiikik2727 Fair assessment.
When my sister came from Ghana no one knew her, including myself. She was a perfect stranger. She hated me before even meeting me. Short time she had the whole family as flying monkeys. The positive side of her coming to the U.S. is now I know I never truly had a family. Narcissist can really expose the ugly inside of people. The family I knew my whole life, I never really knew. The narcissist will make you feel like you are in a horror movie. If you ever watched the movie the bad seed, well you are watching my sister. She was that little girl.
All narcissists are bad seeds. And yes, it feels exactly like being in a horror movie of the occult variety, like Rosemary's Baby or Carrie.
I've seen too many narcissists at play. It is a scary thing to behold. This series of your is excellent Dr Ramani, how you break down each aspect in such clear detail.
The real killer of it all is how skilled the narcissist is at always ensuring their reputation stays in tact. If words can't save the day, watch the tears flow from nowhere. Instant sympathy for them and you the victim becomes the monster in the room. Lives are being destroyed by them. The worst is when they are in a position of power 🙏🏻
Absolutely true! My 28-year marriage ended nearly two years ago, when I suddenly escaped with my daughter. My ex-husband has convinced my former faith community, former neighbors and even our two young adult sons, that I am simply delusional.
Fortunately, my daughter and I are healing and thriving and learning to design our own lives according to our own values. Fortunately, I have your online community and other support groups to help me regain my footing and to see more clearly what a healthy emotional and spiritual life actually looks like. Thanks for all the affirmation.
Way to go :)
It is a HORRIBLE thing to happen when the narc gets flying monkeys to do their evil bidding. This has happened to me, and I get occasional calls from people who I thought were friends, but got turned by the narc. They will send random text messages or call to “check up” on what I’m doing. It broke my heart when I realized that these people were so easily swayed. They were actually never true friends. It is DEVASTATING when it happens to you!😢
It’s even worse when the flying monkeys are narcissistic too😔
I used to be gaslighted by my ex and his friends that I feel I am the one being awkward, But it turns out I was trapped in a mad house. Or a circus🤷♀️
Can’t believe how textbook my family was and still is; the fact that this behavior can be identified with terms is so amazing! I will never put down psychology/social work/therapy again what a healing tool
I felt like I was going crazy, so thank you for this! I've had a really bad gut feeling for months and was honest to my friends' circle and was shunned and guilt tripped for "hurting" the friend. I couldn't shake the bad feeling and really tried.
My ex narc has begun trying to hoover me.... I’ve found that FMs often are clueless they are being used. They aren’t really “in on it”....they actually think they’re being helpful to a “good guy”. It’s both sad and amusing.
MsKK909 I wouldn’t call it amusing, I would call it pathetic and stupid. I truly believe some flying monkeys are just narcissist themselves
Its amusing to see them running around after them when we know the truth, about what's REALLY happening. FM are not also Narcs they are being used UNKNOWINGLY to them. If only they knew the truth
@@kirstysewell367 That couldn't possibly be the case at all times. That would obviously vary individually, per situation.
The flying monkeys are willing to sacrifice your friendship with you for them but they don’t realise it.
My neighbor coupled me to a narcissist. He didn’t know bc of the mask. After two years and a half I left the narc and of course told or try to tell my neighbor about it all. The neighbor knows there was a third party involved when it all came down to it. It came out when I left and she moved in with him.
But my neighbor is still watering the narc flowers when they are away and told me how well the house looks out back.
I never felt responsible of cleaning the narc house. Why should I? If you breadcrumb someone, don’t expect a whole loaf in return!
I put a birthday card in my neighbor letter box and he had some cake over and brought it to the narc and supply, nothing for me...
To rid yourself of the Narc’s hoovering attempts, you must often make sacrifices to remain “No Contact”. If a FM is sent your way, but the overtures are repeatedly ignored, yet the FM does not “get” that you are not interested, then the FM must be cut off as well. I would advise against conferring with the FM, explaining why you are not responsive .....talking about why you don’t want to talk about it is talking about it and it’s also breaking No Contact. Remember, anything you say to the FM is said to the Narc by proxy. Do that, and it’s a hit off the Narc pipe for the ex. That’s breaking NO Contact by proxy. As an example, a mutual friend of my exNarc and mine would send me offers of “returning photos” and messages such as “Happy Birthday” via FB (I had blocked my exNarc). I never responded...I even deleted his posts from my page... he still didn’t get it...so after several rounds of that nonsense, I ended up blocking him as well. No explanation...no discussion.. just blocked. He’ll either figure it out or he won’t, I don’t care.... I will not let my empathic nature screw me over (again!). My feelings and emotional health are more important to me than the FM’s. I have a friend, who is very high on the empathic scale, who admonishes me often for “hurting the FM’s feelings with no explanation”. My answer? I don’t care!.. I gave him multiple hints and indications which he didn’t take. His persistence bordered on bullying. BTW.. my empathic friend has tripped up herself multiple times because she wanted to be “nice”... her life is a mess. She just will not learn! Kindness and empathy certainly have their place, but too much of it is just the opposite end of the scale from NPD...and just as pathological. Don’t let it dictate your life.
This is exactly what's going on with me. So crazy making.
"Did this person [flying monkey] actually ever really have your back?"
Excellent question. And excellent advice to find a better group to hang with. It's tough, because there are a lot of other relationships that will probably be lost along with the monkeys. But it's so much better, more FREE, on the other side. Good people are out there.
Thank you once again, Dr. Ramani. You're such a blessing to us all!
This is my mother. It’s amazing to me how my mom checks off all of the boxes when it comes to possessing the characteristics of a narcissist.
I couldn’t understand why my mom would slander me . It made no sense until I realized that she’s extremely narcissistic. I didn’t always know that she was a narcissist but I knew that my relationship with her was extremely exhausting. It worsened 10 fold once I got married. My wife’s mother is a sweet woman and my mother absolutely hates her.
My mother in law and her family have provided me with the family that my mom could not.
I now realize that my mom has a personality disorder. I have gone grey rock with her and her flying monkeys.
A relationship with a narcissist is built on shifting sand.
My mother in law is a narcissist and everyone around her acts as her flying monkeys, including my husband, even though he SORT OF sees what she is and what she’s doing. I’ve been married to him for 10.5 years, and it’s been the most painful time of my life… I’m so isolated 13 years into my relationship with a man I love SO much, who is a GOOD man, and I don’t know how to “fix” any of it. I worry for my children in relation to their toxic family on their dad’s side.
If you dont cut strains you will end up like me...
13 years of marriage , just went NC with...everyone lol. Coercive abuse control narc husband with narc family members. Fly monkey everywhere, none existance good reputation. Leave now! It WILL 99.9% of the time get worse. You cannot fix the unfixable, you cannot save what does not want be saved.
Same boat exactly here … except my partner has become a flying monkey for her npd mom and older brother. I feel sorry for her dad. He’s a broken human because of her and he’s clearly given up. Stay strong
Exactly, I’m a forgiving person... I just will be more aware of what that person is capable of... I wouldn’t trust them fully again because I’ll be wondering when they will take flight again.
This could apply to so many scenarios. Amber Heard and her crew of friends against Johnny Depp. All of Scientology. Mean girls in high school. My old boss had the HR team wrapped around her finger. My older sister recruiting my younger sister and our friends because of her toxic jealousy. That ex who turns all your social circle against you because you dared to break up with him/her. Wow. I'm learning so much as I binge watch this channel. My sisters made me think I was the crazy one, this channel is helping me so much.
You have this completely backwards. I hope you realize you’ve been fooled and are one of Johnny’s many flying monkeys someday.
@@silentsiren-de4eb Only an Amber Heard flying monkey would say that
It’s no accident that one of Johnnys bffs is another man with multiple accusers, Marilyn Manson.
There’s no such thing as a “joke” about murdering your wife and sexually violating her dead body, folks. That’s comes from a dark heart.
If you’re on Dr. Ramani’s channel, you ought to know “reactive abuse” is a thing. I think that if anything, Ms. Heard’s behavior likely fell into that category (not that I’m excusing bad behavior, but seriously y’all).
Now while I still enjoy some of Johnny’s movies, I’ll never allow such a fondness turn me into a flying monkey the way it has so many others. Smfh
@@TARAdubbleyuu Johnny Depp was the one being reactive to his abuse. Anyone that heard the recordings and all the other evidence would know that. Anyone that is familiar with the evidence but still believes Amber is the victim is seriously delusional.
Just want to say... thank you dr. Ramani! Please never stop posting new content! :) You are the best!
Thank you for the education. It's so subtle. I just realised that someone in my social sphere was victimised by a narcissist yesterday. I am going to reach out to her, correct the confusion and tell her that I recognise it.
How did it go? I’m really curious, if you don’t mind giving an update
@@penelopepitstock she looked confused when I raised the issue, then gaslit herself, by saying that while her instincts told her she was uncomfortable, she was sure she was mistaken. I left it at that point. Sometimes people need to learn from experience. Painful, especially since she is such a sweetheart, but true.
@@annewrites...8385 wow that’s really interesting. Thanks so much for replying! I found it really hard to recognize for ages, it took several different types of relationships with narcissists before I finally realised I was not imagining it. I think mainly because my mum was a narcissist so I grew up always thinking other people were more emotionally and intellectually competent than me and learned to ignore my gut all the time. Now in my 40s I finally see through all that thank god. Nobody came to me to back me up or tell me I wasn’t crazy, I wonder if maybe I wouldn’t have understood if they had. Anyway you’re a good friend for trying and they may one day recognize what you were trying to say.
Oh my gosh. I’m surrounded by flying monkeys so many in my congregation. My narc husband started his vicious smear campaign when I was first diagnosed w bipolar 2 but thankfully have been blessed w stability w wonderful therapy n effective meds
That was 30 years ago n he continues to paint me so mentally diseased I’m too sick to make decisions which believe it or not all his flying monkeys believe him and feel HE is the VICTIM
This is one of the best and most eye opening video I’ve ever watched and will watch over n over
I have so much to learn and I do need to start making new friends cuz all of them are on his side n r becoming enemies of mine which has shocked n hurt me beyond words. Thank you
I’m very glad I found you. You just described what happened to me in my work place 11 years ago. It was devastating and ended my 20 year teaching career. All due to a narcissistic boss. The worst experience of my life. He did EVERYTHING you spoke of in this segment. I feel seen and helped. Thank you. I thank Goodness I have a new career but it was difficult being a single mother. Still makes me cry because I loved my teaching career. It amazes me how evil people are and narcissists are at the top of the list.
SOOOOO true. Sadly, no little child, being brought up by a vicious, sadistic narcissist has ANY possible hope of working out the convoluted manipulation and abuse and the results on the child are catastrophic and can take a lifetime to recover from - if ever.
So true. flying monkeys in my life include little children, which is awful not jsut for me. But for those poor souls as well.
Thank you very much. Cults recruit flying monkeys non-stop. Awareness is paramount. Never be a flying monkey. Once awake, especially men, find this eventual reality incredible difficult and painful, that someone used them to hurt another person when it wasn't even their idea. It's a crushing, crushing realization that I don't wish on anyone. Some people never forgive themselves for falling into the trap of being a flying monkey. it's devastating, I've seen it a number of times. Just don't do it. Keep your dignity and self respect. Remember, one of the most powerful words to a narcissist is "No". Then calmly walk away.
How I wish you was around when I was growing up. My mother was my narcissist and she used my friends and her own family and friends as Flying Monkeys. By the time I was 32 years old I thought I was crazy. I went to therapy and starting journaling. It helped tremendously. I'm now 63 years old and still journaling to this day. I'm doing so much better in my thinking and life. Help is out there. You just gotta find it. It's worth it. Thank you Dr Ramani
So on point, the gossip part... never heard that discussed but it is so true!!!
Thank you! Last month, I deleted the last of them from my social media after 2 years of grey rock / no contact. But this video brought tears to my eyes. My whole reality and what I believed about people shifted two years ago, thank you for bringing all of these concepts to light! 🤗✌
When it comes to dealing with flying monkeys, it’s all about addition by subtraction... The flying monkeys MUST go... ALL of them... Without complete separation from the flying monkeys, you’ll never be able to completely separate yourself from the narcissist... The flying monkeys will tell the narcissist everything... and I mean EVERYTHING. This, however, can be quite difficult to accomplish in a family or workplace setting, but MUST be accomplished to the greatest extent humanly possible.
If it's difficult to get away from the Flying Monkeys- I.e - work place- tell them nothing- not a word- it will be reported back to the narcissists
All I can say to you, Dr. Ramani, is thank you for making this information accessible to people like me who couldn’t afford it otherwise.
Thank you Dr. Ramani! You are saving lives. Massive blessings to you & anyone reading this!
It’s been over 24 years since my divorce and I’m only now starting to understand what happened to me. He went after my family and best friends and anyone who I was close to. I just couldn’t imagine doing that to another human being. My parents snapped back at him and put him in his place but I lost several friends in the mess. His abuse continued and poured over into parental alienation and working at destroying my daughter’s reality about me. She’s still suffering from the craziness years later!
Thank you for your insight, it’s helping me heal.
WOW ! I am going through this its sad he did this to my children too . It doesn't stop lord help me .
Word for word, Dr. Ramani just described exactly what I've been going through for the last 10-15 years with a few relatives and had no idea what it was happening and why I was being singled out. The last portion of this video when Dr. Ramani gives advice to victims on how to move on from flying monkeys is exactly what I needed to hear. Dr Ramani is a God-send. Please make more videos for victims on how to heal from the betrayal of flying monkeys.
YES- a life time of therapy.
I wish that all of this detailed and clear content had absolutely no relevance in my life, but that is not the case. Excellent video.
"Your entire truth has been stolen from you." Yeah - was totally blindsided by this. My reputation was ruined, I lost a job opportunity, long-time friends turned against me, the gossip was so crazy that I couldn't believe anyone bought it, but they did. I had to move far away and start over.
Wow! I was just considering explaining my case to one person involved, and I wondered if it would be helpful or pointless. You just answered my question. I thought the same thing. If they were concerned with my truth, they would have come to me about it. 💙🙏🏾
Great video, thank you.
"It's like once the narcissist has the flying monkey's ear, they are converted into a cult."
This is *exactly* what is happening. When there's a narcissist, there's a cult.
And you can look at it from the other direction: who starts and leads cults? Narcissists. Who aids in running the cult? Other narcissists and flying monkeys.
All narcissists are running a cult, or multiple cult factions. Even if you are so isolated in a relationship with just them, and you have no contact with anyone else-- you are in a cult for 2. But you can be sure, on the outside, the narc has a wider cult operation going on, that you just don't get to see from your limited vantage point.
Right, the Trump administration was filled with flying monkeys.. .scary when you think about it.
Flying Monkeys: th-cam.com/video/P8p8wRc6fYA/w-d-xo.html
Well set and so true.
Wow, you are right. I just realized it.
Thank you for helping me be sane .....
Seriously... I really feel this on a deep level.
I’m starting to decode all the gossip I heard from a Narcissist in my life about other people. Pretty imaginative stuff
I work at a high end spa and my boss is a narcissist, she’s has recruited 4 other massage therapists as flying monkeys. The spa has become EXTREMELY micromanaged and I’m the target. It’s exhausting! It’s also crazy because I have the highest customer review ratings! I’ve been planning my exit!
I know your comment is a year old as I type this, but I might suggest that your second to last sentence is exactly why you are/were the target.
What you saying is so real I'm living with this ,people turn dangerous on me and I don't know why,I now understand what going on with me.