Dr Ramani deserves a Nobel Prize for helping millions to heal , and an Oscar for her accurate narcissist impersonations & sketches, what a wonderful woman she is, her children & family are very lucky
Don’t forget We Are the Lucky Ones that she is our knowledge education and woke savior ! We are never alone ❤❤❤ thank you 🙏 Dr Ramani you are truly my soul sister I can’t say enough how blessed I feel that you are an earth 👼
This happened with an old guy friend I was getting to know again, who came to town. He asked to stay with me but I wasn’t comfortable with it because I hadn’t seen him in 20 years and I was mourning a loved one who passed away. I gave him options of where else he could stay, and he said ok. I thought he had arranged it all, and we had agreed to meet on the Thursday as I had plans on the Wednesday when he was coming here. I thought it was all fine but then when he came to town Wednesday he was calling me pressuring me to get together despite me telling him I had plans. And he had not arranged a place to stay so I had to be firm that he could not stay with me. I was surprised and confused. So he found a place to stay outside of town and invited me to meet him there and said I could spend the night if I wanted. I said no as I had plans and I hadn’t even seen him for 20 years! It was annoying awkward and uncomfortable. So sick of these entitled guys. Proud of myself for saying no. 😊❤
I'm glad you listened to your spirit. This happened to me twice with old flames and I think they didn't have good intentions for me... both guys were childhood sweethearts... they wanted to come through and pick me up and take me out of town to a convention or dinner. I said no to both. Why can't we simply meet for coffee down the street. They were intent on taking me out of town??? I checked on the convention... and there was no convention? I always follow my gut... Anyway, I'll never attract a narc... I've placed protection around myself.
I hope he went away! Im learning so much here! I get alot of attention being an empath...giving, happy, trustworthy...that attracts these kind of guys....so, now I know they all really have no soul and I'm thankful that I've learned to never be flattered by their attention! Its like vampires looking for a blood supply.. my blood ain't special its just blood!
@@dvssayer5621 My narc cousin who stays abroad also was behind me calling and calling again and again. I used to like her whenever we met but somehow that pestering made me back off and now after I went through severe narcissistic abuse with a different person, I can see many other narcissists just like my abroad cousin likes me and are keen on me to engage and to keep company because they need supply and I being a giving, trusting, naive girl seemed to be an easy target for all of these narc affected people.. It seems they want to suck the blood and soul of empaths for their narcissistic supply, though not literally, but it seems like that of you can connect their behaviours..There seems to be two division in this world, all the various kind of narcs and the innocent empaths who being naive attract these evils and who gain knowledge only after they go through severe narcissistic abuse under these inhumans..
Same story boy meets girl girl meets boy, girl want money girl takes money boy goes away girl misses money, money money money, boy has no money? Girl sees no desire in the relationship, money money
@Jason there are healthy families, and not everyone has a dysfunctional relationship. We cannot generalize from our limited experiences, even if an epidemic 😂
Before I knew that my husband is a Narcissist, I experience this love bombing and withdrawal. I tried to explain it that he just love to be the hunter, but as soon as he caught the prey, the fun was over. So I held back as long as possible, so stretch out the love bombing. I realised if I ignore and give him very little validation, he stays in the game. But that leaves you lonely and out of character.
Intuitively (not knowing he is a narcissist) I used the same approach. By time it killed me. While I was missing closeness and depth so much he was probably enjoying that hunting game.
Those gender roles are truly damaging. Men in our society are described as naturally narcissistic, and women go along with this narrative, ending up victimized.
The more I think about it … maybe it’s a kind of natural behavior of super empaths to tune in what the other person wants. So when I realized that he kind of needs this on-off / distance-closeness game I kind of adapted because I wanted the relationship to work. I have put his needs before mine.
I was so shy insecure and awkward growing up, having been in an abusive repressed home, that I was super vulnerable to being wanted and desired by someone. I thought I was ugly and unattractive. And that’s how I got sucked in to my first narcissist relationship. He totally pushed my physically limits and it was awful. Grateful I’ve learned to see my value and protect my ‘beauty’, knowing that I am more than my looks and my physically body. ❤
Dr Armani, Where were you 50 years ago????? Your contribution to personal healing is inestimable. Thank you, thank you, thank you. May you always have everything you need and much of everything you want.
My narcissist told me he didn’t have to be romantic anymore because he already had me hooked. It was what taught me to believe people when they tell or show me who they are.
I grew up in a very dysfunctional, broken household. I sought out unhealthy friends at times, and got into unhealthy romantic/sexual relationships. I didn't have experience of good, healthy love. I was always the giver, the listening ear, the supporter. I was sensitive and soft-hearted. People sought me out and clung to me and used me up, because I would give and give and give, and rarely asked for anything in return from them. How could I ever know what to look for in a friend or partner? I had no close examples to learn from, at home, or around me. It wasn't until I was 40 years old, that I met my best friend, and a person I consider to be the closest thing to a soul mate, that I've ever known. We've been best friends now for 4 years and counting. It's been EASY to be his friend, and to grow to love him. We have talked every single day for 4 years. It's never once felt forced. It just flows. We share absolutely everything. We laugh together, we cry together, we support each other, we give each other advice. We accept each other exactly as we are. We appreciate, respect, and like each other. We don't agree on everything, but we accept and respect our differences with love and grace and kindness. I never feel afraid to tell him things. I never worry about feeling insecure or awkward. I would marry him if I could, but sadly, he lives very far away from me, and neither of us are in a position where we can move. I wish I had known so many years before, what it meant to be in a healthy relationship. I wish I could somehow tell everyone else that THIS is what you need to look for, and wait for, and demand from your friendships and relationships. Someone who gets you, accepts you, respects you, trusts you, never takes advantage of you, is always honest with you, makes you feel totally safe and valued ALL the time, and is CONSISTENTLY positive and uplifting in your life. Unhealthy relationships can have *periods* of those good traits, but if you notice that it comes and goes, and the acceptance and respect and trust are sometimes there, then sometimes absent, GET OUT. Someone who truly loves you will never make you feel "less than." Remember that.
I had a similar experience. It's sad that he is so far away. It took me a while to get over the idea it wasn't ever going to happen. We are still friends occasionally talk.
This is what someone said to me about this.. love bombing is really impulsive behavior… it’s important to go for the ‘slow burn’ and pump the breaks on the fast pace. Limit yourself to see that person 2-3 times a week tops. Do this for a few months.. control your emotions.
@@ethelsmith9626 Yupsy. Withholding. Abusive. Withholding emotions leaving your partner to fill in the blank and when their " wrong " because emotions were withheld the, Your crazy crap begins. Nope constructively express yourself as a adult and when the response is that of a child- walk away.
2 to 3 times a week serves the narcissist to have multiple relationships going on simultaneously - you’re playing into their hands on so many levels with the kind of behaviour described above.
Yes! My gut was telling me not to move forward with the marriage but friends and family dismissed those feelings...13.5 yrs of brutal emotional abuse before i left.This is so spot on.
Narcissist training ground inside "the sanctuary"! Don't speak up, lest you get your tongue cut out, then they still circle the wagons after a good shunning!
Oh man. Been there. He built a huge fantasy around our relationship. He made me feel like the most amazing person in the world. The best of everything. Better than anyone he'd ever been with, his true love and soulmate. But if I showed any flaws...even the tinest flaw, if I was just the tiniest bit unhappy, or off, he would go into a depressive spiral and suddenly he's unhappy with me and I remind him of all his failed relationships. In the midst of that downward spiral, I am miserable. He makes me feel like the worst person in the world. And then suddenly things snap and he loves me again. It feels like an oasis to have that relief after the onslaught of pain and hurt. Suddenly I'm the love of his life again, he remembers all the good things about us, compliments me and pours love on me. The relief is so huge that I don't even have the energy to question his actions. It does become addictive. And it happens over and over until he has complete control over you. Eventually you learn that if you don't do the things to keep him happy, the consequences will be huge. It makes you want to do anything to avoid it. And when it happens, you want to do everything to make it better because it's like you become trained to crave his approval and love. All you want is to get back to that comfortable place you know is waiting for you.
Wow you just explained my relationship with my ex.... And also even when you do try make him happy it's never enough and he will eventually find something wrong in it or something wrong within you. Deep down, even when you know it isn't your fault you try to apologize just to make everything better again.
Human nature never changes. Thousands of years ago, Aesop wrote his fable of the fox and the crow. The fox charmed, flattered and manipulated the crow into giving up its food, and then ran off with it.
I feel sick and disgusted that I allowed in my narcissist into my life. I crave the love bombing and a seemingly wonderful relationship that followed, until the pedestal was ripped out from under me. It was one of the most devastating experiences of my life. It makes me more sick and disgusted that I still crave that. The reality is that I don’t crave that person. I crave the wonder and joy of a healthy relationship. I don’t crave the lie. I have to keep telling myself I don’t crave that person. I crave something human, compassionate, and loving. Someone I can count on and trust.
Girl you and I are in the same shoes, I feel the same way…..I found pictures of Virginia in his phone….when he knows I have his password….26 years of the same bull….so many lies…..I don’t know how to shake the empty feel off…he’s awful.
Same. That pedestal was transparent cause this guy gave just enough. Nothing over the top except one descriptive word he used to desctibe me and I never told anyone that word. He got me.
Love Bombed: 9 times - Jealous of my Pet- Jealous of my LATE husband - Jealous of my Terminally ill Parent- The Narssasist NEVER took a phonecall around me- The Narssasist continuously withheld simple sharing of information and emotions- Simple like Thank you, How are you, You look nice today. The Narssasist NEVER drove their car, they used mine EVERY SINGLE TIME. I could go on. I quietly walked out smiling and left everything behind. I will NEVER go back. I will NEVER be their Friend. I am sending everyone my Thoughts and prayers 🙏 ✨️ ❤️. You will Heal.-
What a gem of a woman and human being! Brilliant in her field, generous with her time and knowledge for the others, with a comforting sense of humour, lovely and authentically beautiful!
I spent 30 years in a narcissistic relationship with a female friend. At about the 20 year mark I began to realize that this friendship wasn’t right. It took me another 10 years to finally kick her to the curb and set myself free. Went no contact. That was in 2015. No regrets. There are adverse effects of this toxic relationship that still haunt me from time to time. V.W.
@@LOVEtoPLAYdrums I love listening to Dr. Ramani. I wish I could afford her course. I send her videos to the people affected by my situation all the time to help garner some understanding..
@@MousesHouses Dude. God is that you?! I Just removed a mouse from my kitchen trash can. Moved him outside to backyard. Came back to this username comment...lol (Carful who you send these videos to. Could be covert Narcs.) (Mouse's House) - I hope you find your best healing path!
„You are beautiful“ „You are so smart“ „You are Special, trust me on that one“ „Why are you so adorable!“ … well, it’s nice to hear such compliments. At some point you give in and think: okay, if he thinks that way, wonderful!
Watching this made me feel like Dr. Ramani was describing my life. I learned this the hard way. Still healing from the relationship's fallout, but luckily I am now free. Dr. Ramani has saved my life.
Yes I think DrRamini most definitely is saving lives! It was a brilliant video, describing my life, the entire toxic dance I repeated & each time dishonoureing myself, emotionally and physically As I have healed I have certainly questioned myself re - how did I do all that forgiveness that occurred each decade, to the point of feeling self - shame & honestly wanting to throw up as I attempt to heal I guess it started in childhood from not feeling seen or heard I see & hear myself today & my sense of self - worth has never felt better Thank you for saving my life & my sanity with your daily blessed videos I think personally for me that this video is by far the best video I have ever watched So very grateful Thank you
The real *emotional intimacy* and *depth* of this relationship is the most important thing. Narcissists always hide their deeper self, because it’s either so ugly you would run if you were to see it, or there just isn’t any actual depth there. Also note, they will frequently take you out to fancy events with parents or long term friends who distract attention away from their inability to connect with you. It will always be their friends and family, not your friends you go out with. It’s confusing. That’s deliberate. They don’t want to have your friends unmask them or raise concerns.
It’s a con 😢 victims are always lacking in some ways , like financially, self esteemed , lack of family support , lack of social interactions, too trusting , etc I’m trying to heal after 15yrs of living in the dark
Biggest, healthiest lesson I have learned on the subject is to let them go..focus on your needs and life and Seriously, forget it..life's too short..make plans to enjoy yourself somehow.Good luck.
All the things the narcissist uses to draw you in are all also part of a normal relationship, the point is that it's either concentrated or intermittent. When that happens, your intuition tells you something is not quite right, but we don't want to appear difficult or want to give it up. Ultimately, learn to listen to that little voice that makes you go 'hmm' as that is your crystal ball that is your protector. Who cares if we come across as difficult if we question them, but of course that's where healing comes in!
It literally makes you 😷 being on that emotional roller coaster is deadly.. I’m so glad I’ve worked on those wounded parts of myself. I’m so proud of myself for getting out of that situation. Everyday I give thanks to the most high for seeing me through ❤ definitely I’ve learned so much about myself and others!!
In darkness I found my power💥 I left the relationship 3y ago and since I have spent time and money to understand how I could be so blind. I take full responsibility as it was my choice too, to be in that relationship. But the full revelation came by you Doc🙏🏾 I didn’t know about narcissistic people (lucky him) I never heard of love bombing but now, I know what kept me it that relationship and understand clearly where it comes from 😍 I can’t wait to see my therapist next week. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 💜
@@erib100 Good for you! That's what I did, Lots of therapy, making lists of why was I attracted, why it's making me sick, why I wd end up in a hospital, sick like my mother! I'm many years away from them, but remember: They're all over the place!
It's painful to sit and watch these videos. Self reflection and the realization that the abuse is real and not just a figment of the imagination. I hope everyone here finds the relief they are seeking.
How about this signal call my job I meant to to a lady that he was coming to Stay With Me you needed me told me God told me to tell you to not let that man in your house he was sent by Satan to destroy you told her nothing about him you hit me in the butt cuz she confirmed idea of but I didn't know it would be to that extent I don't care whatever they disorder is the devil is in control Satan is their father the same way God has people Satan does to they are afraid of the light there's bad people but this guy was Pure Evil somewhere on one of these videos they said the narcissist is not necessarily bad people so if they're continually doing bad things on a continuous basis we're between good and bad do we Define this if a person continuously does good we said that's a good woman that's a good man so when someone premeditated on how to tear you down by trickery and lies no matter what the reason is only one answer evil
I agree with all of that ...apart from the narcists being with you all the time.....The Narcissist tend to disappear to meet all their other Lovers to get their bottomless narcissistic supply met and then come back and give you hell for not keeping the place perfect for their arrival back home..
You just explained my last relationship! I’ve always attracted narcissists because my mother is one! I’m working on me now! 🙏🏽 Thank you, Dr. Ramani!❤️
Yeah, being raised by a narcissist Mother has a deep impact. I use to be a homing beacon for Narcissists, but no more. Even if I crave the love, I now have a healthy distance to the one deliver it and how they deliver it. Don't make the same mistake over and over again. Once you get THAT its almost like a sign on your forehead and they leave you alone or at least they will not approach you as often.
This hits hard. Yes one recognises the red flags early on but you so want it to work or the person validates you with attention ,small gestures you never had..and you don't want to give it up. You gas light yourself until the love bombing stops. Now working on myself and knowing that only I was with myself during the dark period. Thanks Dr for another excellent video. Never miss them..
Just got out of a 1 year tornado, feels like I lived a 10 year relationship. Thanks to your channel I opened my eyes and connected the dots, I cant thank you enough this was very hard to peel myself away.
Love bombing is like a vacation, destined to end. I recognize this in advance now and find it amusing, tragic and bizarre.... Raise your self esteem and set the bar high, then it's easy to walk away, unless you've connected with a psychotic...very dangerous. Walk don't run towards it in the beginning. And don't put yourself in the vulnerable position of not being able to make a swift exit. Your work has been life changing Dr. Ramani. Thank you for clearing up the confusion. I wished you'd been my therapist 30 years ago, a lifetime full of pain could been avoided. I am immune now and don't take much of it personally, I can see them for what they are. I see "fawning" and "love bombing" under the same lens. I see it happen in "Senior world", not all aged people gain wisdom. To remain a bit detached and observe is key! I think love bombing breaks up what can seem like monotony at times. It's a self-esteem booster, like a quick fix, but I think it leaves you feeling anti climactic. I think because if you're aware it makes you realize you used them. But also because you didn't build yourself up, you got lazy and fell into the false narrative of their crap which they never meant to begin with. I think all of us were a bit lonely, bored, insecure, and just decided so see where it would go, and yes brain washed by societie's ideas of happy endings, and prince charming. I whole, healthy, happy, motivated, adventurous, and finally at peace am my own happy ending....thanks to your teaching and my work.
I'm comfortable being by myself after years of personal interspection, therefore, it feels easier to notice the red flags. Liking oneself is a key to taking care of self.
That 'love bombing' cost me my marriage and the outcome of my life. I had never been 'loved and promised' so much; especially since I had been neglected in my childhood. I was married to a narcissistic man and met a 'love-bomber' thinking that I FINALLY found the right one! How wrong I was!! Now, I find myself 'love bombing' my daughter who deeply resents me. Thank you for this information; it is difficult to hear, but necessary in order to grow. Please give advice to those of us who grew up among narcissists and unknowingly became one. That would be ME. ❤
@@vzcorner6118 From my one experience I would say: yes that’s possible. I think he wanted to heal, as he suffered from that void and difficulty to regulate self-worth. Partly, I think, he understood what’s going on. But those games hardly ever stopped.
Not so sure if you are wanting advice that you are one...because usually they don't care or want to change ..also we attract the opposite in most cases so I'd question that if you were attracted to narcissists that you are more probably a codependent
I met the narc when a close friend announced that she had met a foreign guy at the beach and asked me to translate for them. He brough a wingman along and I brought another friend. He dropped his jaw when he saw me, but for months I thought he was simply infatuated and told him so repeatedly. I was 30 years old already, street savvy, well traveled, not naïve and never believed in Hollywood romances, but he ended up winning me over with his persistency. With him being the covert type, it was impossible to notice the red flags had I known them as I do now. Also, it didn’t help that the courtship happened half a world apart, while he was deployed to the Gulf War and I still living in Europe. With 2-3 letters a week asking for a chance and showy gifts of flowers, I started thinking that maybe this was ‘The One’ and I should give it a try, so when he came back to the US and called me asking to visit (at his parents home in upstate NY, of course, and after receiving a letter from his mother to my mother so that she realized it was legit), I flew to America and he did everything he needed to keep me here. He abandoned the family 22 years later, when I had been depressed for 12 years due to the massive stress, our teenagers were being difficult and I was begging him for his involvement. He didn’t want to deal with ‘family problems’ after being away from us for a total of 16 years due to his naval career, not having to worry about a thing… I’ve been separated for 10 years and still going through a painful divorce. And at the age of 62, still attractive and trim, I’ve also become asexual. The though of intimacy or caressing make me sick to the stomach and I cannot trust anyone. That’s the kind of damage a narcissist can do.
Yep this happened with my ex. I appreciated his compliments but I saw some red flags and he was super insecure/sensitive about weird things, yet a close friend whose opinion I valued encouraged me to give him a chance. I knew something was off in the beginning but didn’t trust it. Totally ended up being hurt, mistreated, devalued and discarded. Damaged my health and my life a lot. I have learned to trust myself and not look to others for validation. The latest guy I dated had some similar red flags so I trusted my self, kept my boundaries, said no to him and friend zoned him. I will always from now on put my instincts and well being first. ❤
The love bombing swept me off my feet at the time My narcissistic boyfriend knew exactly what my vulnerabilities were. Looking back all the red flags were there and had me very confused at times, but I was so drawn in by his attention I stood with him for 3 years. I’m so thankful I finally became strong enough to cut the cord.
my mother did this to my Dad for over 60 years....He died hoping that she would finally love him....my mother was a tyrant and had many people fooled. Yet I loved her but finally gave up on ever having her love me back, while I never abandoned her I learned to let all of the other narcissists in my associations go...I cut them off. Finally I have peace and you Dr. Ramani have been the beginning of that peace. Thank You.
Yep. My first boyfriend took any little issue or opportunity to turn me against friends and family to isolate me from everyone and undermine/gaslight me. I didn’t understand nor realize what was happening until it was too late. I totally was trapped. Thankfully I got out and away from him. Thankful for this community to learn heal and grow. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Mine put me on a pedestal. I told him not to because I'd only disappoint him. The words are ringing in my ears now. He persistently crossed my boundaries, refused to accept it was over, kept coming back time and time again then he swapped me very quickly for someone else. It was exhausting the entire year and a half. I'm resting now and looking after me.
I couldn’t stop l Laughing at myself, you are so so right I’ve seen myself going in the cycle of the love bombing , and cheating, degrading getting used , and abused by narcissistic wife 10 years, I stop crying myself since I start listening to you but this video make me laugh at myself Dr. Ramani I love you thank you for what you doing
I couldn't agree more. I , too, listen to this WONDER DOCTOR!! She has opened my mind to everything. Now I can roll my eyes, shake my head , and know just how lucky I was to escape. I am content and extremely happy, life filled with two cats, free greyhound pup, Cowboy, i scored when trail riding in North Dakota with my new gelding, which I bought from a man in ND. GOD HAS PAID ME FORWARD . GOOD DAY TO ALL !!
I was lucky. Adults in both sides of my family taught me from about the age of 14 to be very wary of a man who wants to "sweep me off my feet" - any displays of attention that is too much too soon etc. They were too strict and old fashioned , but when I look back at my 20's and 30's ,I am so glad this point was instilled into me along with other sound and sensible words of advice concerning my future young adult choices in my world of friends and dating .
Thank You 🙏So Very Much For Sharing This Narcissistic Abuse Is So Brutal I Was Love Bomb A Few Months AGO And Discarded Like Trash The Same Day I Was Told By The Narcissists To Never Text Him Again I’m Severely Depressed And Having Overwhelming Sadness. My Life Has Been Destroyed. Narcissistic Abuse Is Horribly Cruel
@@adamroth719 Thank You 🙏 May I Ask You A Question The Narcissists Told Me That He Is In A Relationship and That He Is Happy And He Also Informed Me To Never Text Him Again . Is This Manipulation This Really Hurted Me
It's not easy dealing with this type of person. But you can do it I got out and pray to God for help he'll see you through. Also, get the help you need and support system to carry you through. 🤗🤗🙏
Every time I watch your videos, it’s like you are describing my life in detail. It feels so good to hear someone explain and understand what I’m going through. I could never find the right words how to explain it. I am learning so much and I couldn’t be more thankful for your videos. I’m moving in the right direction, not easy, but I’m getting there.
Wow. I denied myself. Told myself I should not think negatively. Then it all came true... ignoring it does not make it better. I knew it was too good. No one gives THAT much attention, THAT much affection, THAT much gifts, time, energy, etc. unless they are trying to get even more from you from the beginning. You are just a target. Love stories exist only in fairy tales, fake news.
I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person. It was so painful growing up in an unstable household with both parents screaming at each other constantly. Never knowing if or when they would get divorced again. I've been single my whole life and people think I'm strange because of that, but I think they're strange for being willing to put themselves through emotional hell.
I got rid of all my narcissistic men. The sad, scary thing is that they are a big part of society! I just had a date after 19 yrs of not dating. I spent a whole week worrying about my skin looking too old. I did look good, but it took so much energy out to worry. I was going to cancel the date then he contacted me. It's a victory for me to know I was prepared to cancel. I got big piece of myself back!
My therapist recommend your channel after we talked about my scary relationship. I should’ve told her about him BEFORE I was choked out and passed out from being choked and yelled at. I had SO many brusises. Enough to put him in jail. PLEASE listen to this lovely woman!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay strong girls and boys!
Women would come up to us and 'compliment' us because he held my hand, he would put his hands on my shoulders to push me in the direction he wanted, hold my hand in the grocery store. Women would see him doing this and say to him sometimes us how wonderful that he shows affection and closeness publicly, they Never saw that it was controlling, a physical emotional prison and I felt trapped. I thought there was something wrong with how trapped I felt because others saw me and said I was 'lucky', and he was wonderful to be so publicly affectionate, no one ever knew how it was behind the closed doors the loneliness and how insignificant I became once no one complimented him on what a wonderful guy he was I was being Suffocated. I felt slimed.
U absolutely Rock. I wish you could be my therapist. You are one of the smart ones. Thank you for all the info you provide. They are a valuable gifts of public service. Thank U.
Is it normal to miss the abuser in difficult times and being melancholic and not miss at all in good times? It's an emotional rollercoster that rips off all energy.
He bought me jewelry in the love bombing stage and said "I figure that if I buy you jewelry I'll get more attention from you". Predictably transactional!!
Definitely the push pull method thank you for explaining, this video is the best! I felt physically and emotionally that this was abusive bad behavior and I kept leaving a lot. He would go silent. I finally sent text good bye and block. He didn’t like my boundaries red flag. Love bombing is grooming exactly what my family did in my childhood. First few conversations were great then it rapidly devolved to silence. He chased me wanted engagement asap etc…. I’m lucky I got out after four months I would have left sooner but he had bladder cancer I was driving him to treatment, finally woke up I need to put myself first.
I have bpd and notice that I am very susceptible to love bombing. Even though I was educated on it, when it's occurring I fall for it every single time. Afterwards, when I get home, I think about it and realized what happened. But by that time I already acted on Impulse and did something regretful. That's why I just avoid dating all together
Wow! Thanks for sharing. I come from a Narcissistic family dynamic where I've been the scapegoat from birth. I was the youngest and only female sibling. All I've ever known was Narcissism. It's nice to hear from my people, Narcissistic survivors.
Dr Ramani has described to a T exactly how I felt in this video. I actually remember the very first Red Flag 5Yrs ago when I was out with my Narc and his friend. Because I smiled at his friend my Narc said to me " You've got your drink now so you can feck off". I was upset and left. I put it down to just jealousy but never realised just how bad things would become over the years. 🍒
That is perfect ! Cherishing vs DESIRE . Really explains what happens at each discard and lovebombing.. The Confusion, Chaos, rollercoaster ride. Exhausting. The Lies, the Affairs, the Online searching for new Supply. Very sad empty life.
I've had a lot of narcissists in and out of my life including both of my parents. I'm very scared about where I will end up mentally in the future but I'm surrounding myself with support and trying to see the best side of life by focusing on the little things and the victories I get. I understood a lot from going through it but your videos help place a lot of things in my brain some things scare me I really don't want to end up being narcissistic but I feel like I can't become like that I'm working too hard and I'm excepting that I'm loved and I'm not the only one I can look to for support so I just want to thank you for helping me map out my brain more and hopefully keeping myself on track :)
Covert narcs are the trickiest to detect , took me several years to notice the " victim " of a " bad childhood" [ made up stories] who was " kind and loving" was only a fake persona covering a seething angry predator who cheated and stole from me. Hindsight it was a lapdog lovebomb.
Same. Were friends for 8 years before we became lovers. Was horrible to know the real stories. He was no victim at all, he made them. His ex killed her self. I understood why. He forgot to tell what he did.
Gm, Dr. Ramani thank so much for these timely videos!! 🤗 I was in one of these toxic relationships for 5 loooooonnngggg years it seemed like 20 because of all the craziness and so much I went through in such a short period of time. I got out back in 2011 before I really had an opportunity to understand these type of individuals and their behaviors. I just knew while and after leaving I felt confused I mean every emotion you could think of smh 🤦But coming across your video's about 2-2 1/2 years now I've learned so much about these predators and I'm glad I had the experience to recognize what this looks like so I won't fall prey to this type of person again. Don't get me wrong it hurt me deeply but you have to experience it to understand how deeply these relationships effect everything about you. Thank God he help to survive and gave me the strength to run away ✌ I feel for the woman he's with now 😔
It’s a fog it’s a facade it’s a plot not a real thing after all that abuse I don’t like anything to much to soon anymore Thank you for your time and your precious ways to make people see behind the false scenes 🙏🏻 For me love bombing and sudden discarding it’s the most painful part of their circle
OMG! I so needed to hear this right now. Went on a date with someone which lasted a few hours of sharing of woes, mostly from the date who went on to discuss past relationships. I felt so connected that here is this man opening up. But then, cricket cricket. And I’ve been trying to wreck my brain trying to figure out what it is I did wrong and why after such openness and connection for hours - nothing.
I’ve learned so much from you about people like this and how many were around me in my personal and professional life. Even 1-2 narcs are dangerous asf 😢
I didn't know there were different styles of love balming. I loved the part where you suggest not to make pathologies of people who are not in relationships and are just being ok with their own company and being more likely to be discerning of who they may start relationships with. I also liked the poem you quoted from Rumi. Thank you.
This has been my life for 2 years... Last month I was leaving.. had a bunch of stuff packed... He lovebombed me back but I was smart enough not to unpack everything.... It's finally over and I felt myself become truly indifferent.... These last 3 days have been hell, but I'm almost fully packed and hope to be out within a week
@@tinkersyd I am renting a U-Haul tomorrow and hope to get most everything out .. I am done, he has been horrible and then tries to hoover me back in... I won't fall for it and he goes into a baiting rage ... It's like a yo yo from rage to hoover. I have finally broken free and will never go back to that ever again
I’m so proud of you. Keep going no matter how bad it hurts. Keep pushing. I’ve been though this and didn’t leave. Biggest regret so far. Go please and live for you and you only. You got this! I would love to chat and support you ❤️
@@tinkersyd it has taken me 2 years to get to this point... Right now I'm playing everything by ear and don't know from I e minute to the next what is going to happen to me but it's better than knowing every three weeks I will be going through hell
QUIET LOVE BOMBING". That explains a lot of my experience...hours of listening, supporting him and hearing "you are the only one who sees me...later, loves me". When I wanted to talk about things that concerned me or my life. I got "shut your f***ing mouth. Talk to your girlfriends or better yet talk to the wall". So much hurt...I blame myself for staying so long. Didn't know until these videos about narcissism and these cycles. He was also an alcoholic and wouldn't remember a thing the next day or claimed not to, when I tried to address it. Yep, thinking we can save them is a no win situation. I am learning from Dr Ramani to see and now to heal. Thank you so much Dr Ramani. Grateful everyday I found this channel.
My ex husband showered me with attention during our brief courtship. Constant love letters, pouring out his heart and soul. Constant gifts and tokens and sweet little romantic gestures. Tons of cuddles and hours and hours of just holding me. Playing his guitar and singing to me. Dancing with me in my living room. Surprising me with dates to my favorite places. Fast forward 8 years and he was living separately from me in our house, like we were distant roommates. I sometimes didn't see him for more than 5 minutes a day. He was a chronic liar. He broke the law. He ruined me financially. He didn't look after his health. He stopped keeping himself clean. When I told him how miserable I was, he acted clueless and dumbfounded. When I moved out, he showed almost no emotion. When I filed for divorce, he said nothing. Unless it was to ask me for money. To this day he has never had a conversation with me about why our marriage failed, what happened, or what part he played in it. He acts like we're old friends anytime we happen to exchange messages. I was the same person he married. But, boy, did he do a 180.
Schizoid personality or antisocial personality or both? They can manage for a little while , months etc to seem normalish but they can't sustain it long term.
@@soniachambers6460 I'll probably never know. We married just 8 months after our first meeting. The man I saw during our courtship is a completely different person than the man I ended up divorcing. So I have very little knowledge of who he was before I met him, or who he is when I'm not around him. The person he painted himself to be when we met was someone who was very sociable and engaging and charming, with lots of friends. Now, I don't think he has any friends at all. I expected him to move back to his hometown where he had all his old connections and some relatives, but he didn't. He's just living in an apartment somewhere and spends 24 hours a day indoors, far as I know. It's almost like trying to be married showed him just how broken and messed up he really is, so he's not even trying anymore. I don't know.
It happened almost the same with me. This time was a 6 month relationship. At the end a had a break down and when I tried to have a conversation he was like a cold wall.
Don't feel too bad, mine didn't seem like a narcissist to me until I got pregnant, 2 years after we got married and 5 years into our relationship. All of a sudden, he wasn't happy at all, and it has been more and more of that ever since. It's been stupid tantrums and devaluing and moving the goal on promises instead. 🙄
Love the idea of being cherished over desired. It’s surprisingly hard to find, but the thought of it feels good:) I like that I can use that as a meter to measure how someone is treating me. Thank you❤
Thank you, Dr. Ramani - and all the participants for their meaningful comments. While listening to this presentation, I decided to cancel my plans for New Year's Eve with a new friend who runs hot and cold. Essentially, she invited me over and then put me on hold, e.g. taking 2 weeks to answer a text and has not confirmed plans for tomorrow. Usually, in the past, I would try to negotiate and explain that my feelings were hurt in a situation like this. That hasn't worked well, This time, I'm just going to tell her the plan is not working and then do my best to talk myself out of the guilt. Thanks.
When I was three or so, my maternal grandmother found me in her backyard stroking the fur of some bees. Not getting stung, probably because I was too young and innocent to fear them. For the rest of her life, my mother told the story of how I was so stupid I would pet bees. I told the tale to my narc ex-husband during the early days, and he said, "You must be an angel, then. A real Christian." How's that for a love bomb?
He had the Whole Town CONVINCED he was in 'Love' with me " boy ! That guy is Really in Love with you ! " I heard it all over Town while he treated me like a Queen . But the Anger, Controlling behavior, outbursts of Jealousy we're Major Red Flags I didn't have the skills to recognize or handle at the time. He treated everybody Else in my Life like some kind of Competition. Even my Children. That pissed me off. One close friend of mine outright called me a "cold hearted Bitch" for " not recognizing how ' in Love with me' he was . Ten years later when I had Had ENOUGH of his manipulative controlling sadistic mind game deceptive behavior, things escalated to him speeding down a dirt road threatening to smash us into a telephone pole with my head in a head lock slamming his fist into the side of my face threatening to " kill" me and put my body where " guaranteed Nobody Will Ever find it !" . Pay Attention to those Red Flags ! Run ! Get Out ! Be SAFE !!!!!!! above all Be SAFE ! WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO KEEP YOURSELF AND YOUR LOVED ONES SAFE ! WHATEVER THAT LOOKS LIKE, BE SAFE !!!
Bless her heart. I've been thinking about how she must overwhelm herself with all the knowledge she puts out there and how repetitive it is. Dr. Ramani please know I am Grateful for you. Sending LOVE💖💖💖
Dr. Ramini, I want to thank you for all you do. I really needed this video topic right now. I'm trying to get myself out of this relationship and have this "trauma bond broken for good." Thank you for being YOU Dr. Ramini and for sharing all of your knowledge with us. You are a true life saver.
I have been in turmoil for the past month dealing with this and not realizing what it was. This video just changed my entire mind set. You described exactly what I went through. It’s like you know me personally and told my story here. WILD. Listening to this gave me the closure I needed and I feel a huge weight has been lifted off of me. He broke me down so bad, I really thought I was crazy. Thank you for this. You are helping so many people.
I think that sometimes love bombing goes unrecognized, not just because you might not know it is happening. But because it’s not that over the top. My mother just seemed to be a beautiful, well-meaning, decent human being, for decades. I was the probable golden child and my sister, the probable scapegoat. From my perspective, it just seemed as if my sister was the “problem child”. When I’ve dealt with other narcissistic people, they just seemed warm, conversational and decent - until they dropped the bomb of what they wanted from me or their behavior suddenly changed. So, instead of over the top, saccharine sweet behavior, followed by Mr. Hyde, it’s often been rather normal, followed by Mr. Hyde. They also don’t have to love bomb, to be fully-subscribed to the narcissistic system. If they are more of an enabler type, things can be quite normal, until they find out that YOU are not a subscriber. Then, you can become an abomination, in their eyes and are subsequently discarded, even if on a very hidden level. I’ve also found that, if I’m simply polite to someone who is higher on the narcissistic spectrum, I may be seen as a target. So, it’s as if I feel I have to appear cold, hard-nosed, unkind, indifferent and lacking in empathy, just to not look like eye candy, for narcissists.
Your ending part especially "Just not to look like eye candy for narcissists" is spot on. If you are nice and kind to a narc they immediately think "Hey! This person can give ME that nice and kindness too! I'm special, I deserve it!"
@@specialtwice4975 if they sense any warm mess, openness, heck, even that you have pets and are empathetic towards animals, it’s like leaving a door open, with the lights off, for a burglar.
I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for the time and work you put in to bring both victims and their families help and confirmation that they aren't "crazy" or "seeking attention". Also, you've given it for free on TH-cam, which must be a sacrifice on your part. Who knows how many lives you have saved? Probably more than you think. It is a noble thing you do here on your channel, and I am not alone in my belief that you are more than just a mental health care professional. You are an angel. God bless you as you have blessed so many lonely and desperate victims.
Dr Ramani deserves a Nobel Prize for helping millions to heal , and an Oscar for her accurate narcissist impersonations & sketches, what a wonderful woman she is, her children & family are very lucky
Definitely!
She is a wonderful lady. 😍
Absolutely 💯
Nah for real
Don’t forget We Are the Lucky Ones that she is our knowledge education and woke savior ! We are never alone ❤❤❤ thank you 🙏 Dr Ramani you are truly my soul sister I can’t say enough how blessed I feel that you are an earth 👼
This happened with an old guy friend I was getting to know again, who came to town. He asked to stay with me but I wasn’t comfortable with it because I hadn’t seen him in 20 years and I was mourning a loved one who passed away. I gave him options of where else he could stay, and he said ok. I thought he had arranged it all, and we had agreed to meet on the Thursday as I had plans on the Wednesday when he was coming here. I thought it was all fine but then when he came to town Wednesday he was calling me pressuring me to get together despite me telling him I had plans. And he had not arranged a place to stay so I had to be firm that he could not stay with me. I was surprised and confused. So he found a place to stay outside of town and invited me to meet him there and said I could spend the night if I wanted. I said no as I had plans and I hadn’t even seen him for 20 years! It was annoying awkward and uncomfortable. So sick of these entitled guys. Proud of myself for saying no. 😊❤
I'm glad you listened to your spirit. This happened to me twice with old flames and I think they didn't have good intentions for me... both guys were childhood sweethearts... they wanted to come through and pick me up and take me out of town to a convention or dinner. I said no to both. Why can't we simply meet for coffee down the street. They were intent on taking me out of town??? I checked on the convention... and there was no convention? I always follow my gut... Anyway, I'll never attract a narc... I've placed protection around myself.
Good job!!
I hope he went away! Im learning so much here! I get alot of attention being an empath...giving, happy, trustworthy...that attracts these kind of guys....so, now I know they all really have no soul and I'm thankful that I've learned to never be flattered by their attention! Its like vampires looking for a blood supply.. my blood ain't special its just blood!
Wow!! Glad you stood your ground!
@@dvssayer5621 My narc cousin who stays abroad also was behind me calling and calling again and again. I used to like her whenever we met but somehow that pestering made me back off and now after I went through severe narcissistic abuse with a different person, I can see many other narcissists just like my abroad cousin likes me and are keen on me to engage and to keep company because they need supply and I being a giving, trusting, naive girl seemed to be an easy target for all of these narc affected people.. It seems they want to suck the blood and soul of empaths for their narcissistic supply, though not literally, but it seems like that of you can connect their behaviours..There seems to be two division in this world, all the various kind of narcs and the innocent empaths who being naive attract these evils and who gain knowledge only after they go through severe narcissistic abuse under these inhumans..
Healthy relationship dynamics should be taught to everybody at a young age 💜
Yessssss!
Same story boy meets girl girl meets boy, girl want money girl takes money boy goes away girl misses money, money money money, boy has no money? Girl sees no desire in the relationship, money money
Very true!
@Jason there are healthy families, and not everyone has a dysfunctional relationship. We cannot generalize from our limited experiences, even if an epidemic 😂
@dani. Yer that's why your watching narc videos because your healthy
Before I knew that my husband is a Narcissist, I experience this love bombing and withdrawal. I tried to explain it that he just love to be the hunter, but as soon as he caught the prey, the fun was over. So I held back as long as possible, so stretch out the love bombing. I realised if I ignore and give him very little validation, he stays in the game. But that leaves you lonely and out of character.
Intuitively (not knowing he is a narcissist) I used the same approach. By time it killed me. While I was missing closeness and depth so much he was probably enjoying that hunting game.
Theathre
Those gender roles are truly damaging. Men in our society are described as naturally narcissistic, and women go along with this narrative, ending up victimized.
Same
The more I think about it … maybe it’s a kind of natural behavior of super empaths to tune in what the other person wants. So when I realized that he kind of needs this on-off / distance-closeness game I kind of adapted because I wanted the relationship to work. I have put his needs before mine.
I was so shy insecure and awkward growing up, having been in an abusive repressed home, that I was super vulnerable to being wanted and desired by someone. I thought I was ugly and unattractive. And that’s how I got sucked in to my first narcissist relationship. He totally pushed my physically limits and it was awful. Grateful I’ve learned to see my value and protect my ‘beauty’, knowing that I am more than my looks and my physically body. ❤
💚💙💜❤️
This is my story too.
@@silvio.r8443 me too
Mine too! I was working out like an athlete!
❤
Dr Armani,
Where were you 50 years ago?????
Your contribution to personal healing is inestimable.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
May you always have everything you need and much of everything you want.
That would be Dr. Ramani.
My apologies.
Ramani)
She was a schoolgirl back then :)
When a woman says he’s so nice he bought me…the list goes on.
My response is, he’s buying you.
Thankyou, so when a partner tells you to sell the things you enjoy doing, they are selling you off. 💜
Exactly!
This is exactly what happened to me
yup I'm bought and payed for! I don't know who I am anymore
My narcissist told me he didn’t have to be romantic anymore because he already had me hooked. It was what taught me to believe people when they tell or show me who they are.
lol dude just said the quiet part out loud
Same. As soon as we got married, he said he didn't have to win me anymore and it all went downhill
I think a lot of guys just do this unfortunately
I grew up in a very dysfunctional, broken household. I sought out unhealthy friends at times, and got into unhealthy romantic/sexual relationships. I didn't have experience of good, healthy love. I was always the giver, the listening ear, the supporter. I was sensitive and soft-hearted. People sought me out and clung to me and used me up, because I would give and give and give, and rarely asked for anything in return from them. How could I ever know what to look for in a friend or partner? I had no close examples to learn from, at home, or around me.
It wasn't until I was 40 years old, that I met my best friend, and a person I consider to be the closest thing to a soul mate, that I've ever known. We've been best friends now for 4 years and counting. It's been EASY to be his friend, and to grow to love him. We have talked every single day for 4 years. It's never once felt forced. It just flows. We share absolutely everything. We laugh together, we cry together, we support each other, we give each other advice. We accept each other exactly as we are. We appreciate, respect, and like each other. We don't agree on everything, but we accept and respect our differences with love and grace and kindness. I never feel afraid to tell him things. I never worry about feeling insecure or awkward. I would marry him if I could, but sadly, he lives very far away from me, and neither of us are in a position where we can move.
I wish I had known so many years before, what it meant to be in a healthy relationship. I wish I could somehow tell everyone else that THIS is what you need to look for, and wait for, and demand from your friendships and relationships. Someone who gets you, accepts you, respects you, trusts you, never takes advantage of you, is always honest with you, makes you feel totally safe and valued ALL the time, and is CONSISTENTLY positive and uplifting in your life. Unhealthy relationships can have *periods* of those good traits, but if you notice that it comes and goes, and the acceptance and respect and trust are sometimes there, then sometimes absent, GET OUT. Someone who truly loves you will never make you feel "less than."
Remember that.
I complained to my narcissistic dad about the crappy way he treated me and he said "tough shit". F...bastard!
I had a similar experience. It's sad that he is so far away. It took me a while to get over the idea it wasn't ever going to happen. We are still friends occasionally talk.
This is what someone said to me about this.. love bombing is really impulsive behavior… it’s important to go for the ‘slow burn’ and pump the breaks on the fast pace. Limit yourself to see that person 2-3 times a week tops. Do this for a few months.. control your emotions.
"Control your emotions." Way to gaslight folks.
@@ethelsmith9626 Yupsy. Withholding. Abusive. Withholding emotions leaving your partner to fill in the blank and when their " wrong " because emotions were withheld the, Your crazy crap begins. Nope constructively express yourself as a adult and when the response is that of a child- walk away.
Interesting 🤔,good idea.
2 to 3 times a week serves the narcissist to have multiple relationships going on simultaneously - you’re playing into their hands on so many levels with the kind of behaviour described above.
@@ethelsmith9626 controlling your emotions will keep you from being swept away in a love bombing situation.
Yes! My gut was telling me not to move forward with the marriage but friends and family dismissed those feelings...13.5 yrs of brutal emotional abuse before i left.This is so spot on.
You know I sometimes just play your videos and feel much less alone while I do works that don't require thinking.
Same 🙏🏼
I do the same too 🙏🏽❤️🩹
@@asiasmith6924 🙏🏼❤
Same
Same
It's not only narcissistic relationships that start with love bombing. Religious cults also attract new members that way.
True. It's a tool for any kind of manipulation.
There's a type of narcissist called a "communal narcissist" and they are your cult leaders.
Narcissist training ground inside "the sanctuary"! Don't speak up, lest you get your tongue cut out, then they still circle the wagons after a good shunning!
Even non religious cults.....Manson used it
The pagan community is rife with this!
Oh man. Been there. He built a huge fantasy around our relationship. He made me feel like the most amazing person in the world. The best of everything. Better than anyone he'd ever been with, his true love and soulmate. But if I showed any flaws...even the tinest flaw, if I was just the tiniest bit unhappy, or off, he would go into a depressive spiral and suddenly he's unhappy with me and I remind him of all his failed relationships. In the midst of that downward spiral, I am miserable. He makes me feel like the worst person in the world. And then suddenly things snap and he loves me again. It feels like an oasis to have that relief after the onslaught of pain and hurt. Suddenly I'm the love of his life again, he remembers all the good things about us, compliments me and pours love on me. The relief is so huge that I don't even have the energy to question his actions. It does become addictive. And it happens over and over until he has complete control over you. Eventually you learn that if you don't do the things to keep him happy, the consequences will be huge. It makes you want to do anything to avoid it. And when it happens, you want to do everything to make it better because it's like you become trained to crave his approval and love. All you want is to get back to that comfortable place you know is waiting for you.
Wowvery well description...
You sound weak
Your insight is (now) remarkable. AND terrifying. I hope you are doing well and away from him and his manipulation.
Wow you just explained my relationship with my ex.... And also even when you do try make him happy it's never enough and he will eventually find something wrong in it or something wrong within you. Deep down, even when you know it isn't your fault you try to apologize just to make everything better again.
Yes!!! Exactly the same for me
Human nature never changes. Thousands of years ago, Aesop wrote his fable of the fox and the crow. The fox charmed, flattered and manipulated the crow into giving up its food, and then ran off with it.
I feel sick and disgusted that I allowed in my narcissist into my life. I crave the love bombing and a seemingly wonderful relationship that followed, until the pedestal was ripped out from under me. It was one of the most devastating experiences of my life. It makes me more sick and disgusted that I still crave that. The reality is that I don’t crave that person. I crave the wonder and joy of a healthy relationship. I don’t crave the lie. I have to keep telling myself I don’t crave that person. I crave something human, compassionate, and loving. Someone I can count on and trust.
Girl you and I are in the same shoes, I feel the same way…..I found pictures of Virginia in his phone….when he knows I have his password….26 years of the same bull….so many lies…..I don’t know how to shake the empty feel off…he’s awful.
Same way here! Exactly on point.
Same. That pedestal was transparent cause this guy gave just enough. Nothing over the top except one descriptive word he used to desctibe me and I never told anyone that word. He got me.
Love Bombed: 9 times -
Jealous of my Pet-
Jealous of my LATE husband -
Jealous of my Terminally ill Parent-
The Narssasist NEVER took a phonecall around me-
The Narssasist continuously withheld simple sharing of information and emotions- Simple like Thank you, How are you, You look nice today.
The Narssasist NEVER drove their car, they used mine EVERY SINGLE TIME.
I could go on.
I quietly walked out smiling and left everything behind.
I will NEVER go back. I will NEVER be their Friend.
I am sending everyone my Thoughts and prayers 🙏 ✨️ ❤️.
You will Heal.-
What a gem of a woman and human being! Brilliant in her field, generous with her time and knowledge for the others, with a comforting sense of humour, lovely and authentically beautiful!
I spent 30 years in a narcissistic relationship with a female friend. At about the 20 year mark I began to realize that this friendship wasn’t right. It took me another 10 years to finally kick her to the curb and set myself free. Went no contact. That was in 2015. No regrets.
There are adverse effects of this toxic relationship that still haunt me from time to time. V.W.
Aw thats terrible. 30 yrs of her! Man these videos are so informative! I had some church lady friends like this, but I knew to run before I knew why.
What a thing to wake up to. It's always a good day to be validated by Dr. Ramani! Thank you!!
She explained my situation perfectly! So wise!
😂so true, she is talking big truth though.
@@LOVEtoPLAYdrums I love listening to Dr. Ramani. I wish I could afford her course. I send her videos to the people affected by my situation all the time to help garner some understanding..
We love Ramani
@@MousesHouses Dude. God is that you?! I Just removed a mouse from my kitchen trash can. Moved him outside to backyard. Came back to this username comment...lol
(Carful who you send these videos to. Could be covert Narcs.)
(Mouse's House) - I hope you find your best healing path!
„You are beautiful“
„You are so smart“
„You are Special, trust me on that one“
„Why are you so adorable!“
… well, it’s nice to hear such compliments. At some point you give in and think: okay, if he thinks that way, wonderful!
Yes. I was always told that I was ungrateful and didn't appreciate anything... which was a total lie
Yeah,they like to use this words,ungrateful, selfish,disrespect while they are the one.
Watching this made me feel like Dr. Ramani was describing my life. I learned this the hard way. Still healing from the relationship's fallout, but luckily I am now free. Dr. Ramani has saved my life.
Yes I think DrRamini most definitely is saving lives!
It was a brilliant video, describing my life, the entire toxic dance I repeated & each time dishonoureing myself, emotionally and physically
As I have healed I have certainly questioned myself re - how did I do all that forgiveness that occurred each decade, to the point of feeling self - shame & honestly wanting to throw up as I attempt to heal
I guess it started in childhood from not feeling seen or heard
I see & hear myself today & my sense of self - worth has never felt better
Thank you for saving my life & my sanity with your daily blessed videos
I think personally for me that this video is by far the best video I have ever watched
So very grateful
Thank you
The real *emotional intimacy* and *depth* of this relationship is the most important thing. Narcissists always hide their deeper self, because it’s either so ugly you would run if you were to see it, or there just isn’t any actual depth there. Also note, they will frequently take you out to fancy events with parents or long term friends who distract attention away from their inability to connect with you. It will always be their friends and family, not your friends you go out with. It’s confusing. That’s deliberate. They don’t want to have your friends unmask them or raise concerns.
It’s a con 😢 victims are always lacking in some ways , like financially, self esteemed , lack of family support , lack of social interactions, too trusting , etc I’m trying to heal after 15yrs of living in the dark
Cherished, loved hearing about this. I want it to be on my life. I finally have a chance now that the narcissists are gone from my life 🙂
Biggest, healthiest lesson I have learned on the subject is to let them go..focus on your needs and life and
Seriously, forget it..life's too short..make plans to enjoy yourself somehow.Good luck.
All the things the narcissist uses to draw you in are all also part of a normal relationship, the point is that it's either concentrated or intermittent.
When that happens, your intuition tells you something is not quite right, but we don't want to appear difficult or want to give it up.
Ultimately, learn to listen to that little voice that makes you go 'hmm' as that is your crystal ball that is your protector.
Who cares if we come across as difficult if we question them, but of course that's where healing comes in!
It literally makes you 😷 being on that emotional roller coaster is deadly.. I’m so glad I’ve worked on those wounded parts of myself. I’m so proud of myself for getting out of that situation. Everyday I give thanks to the most high for seeing me through ❤ definitely I’ve learned so much about myself and others!!
I agree! All my joy was being sucked out of my life!
I hear you it’s a blessing to wake up and get out ❤
They're like a vacuum cleaner! Sucking out all your energy!
In darkness I found my power💥
I left the relationship 3y ago and since I have spent time and money to understand how I could be so blind. I take full responsibility as it was my choice too, to be in that relationship. But the full revelation came by you Doc🙏🏾
I didn’t know about narcissistic people (lucky him) I never heard of love bombing but now, I know what kept me it that relationship and understand clearly where it comes from 😍
I can’t wait to see my therapist next week. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 💜
@@erib100 Good for you! That's what I did, Lots of therapy, making lists of why was I attracted, why it's making me sick, why I wd end up in a hospital, sick like my mother! I'm many years away from them, but remember: They're all over the place!
It's painful to sit and watch these videos. Self reflection and the realization that the abuse is real and not just a figment of the imagination. I hope everyone here finds the relief they are seeking.
This is literally me the last few days 😭
How about this signal call my job I meant to to a lady that he was coming to Stay With Me you needed me told me God told me to tell you to not let that man in your house he was sent by Satan to destroy you told her nothing about him you hit me in the butt cuz she confirmed idea of but I didn't know it would be to that extent I don't care whatever they disorder is the devil is in control Satan is their father the same way God has people Satan does to they are afraid of the light there's bad people but this guy was Pure Evil somewhere on one of these videos they said the narcissist is not necessarily bad people so if they're continually doing bad things on a continuous basis we're between good and bad do we Define this if a person continuously does good we said that's a good woman that's a good man so when someone premeditated on how to tear you down by trickery and lies no matter what the reason is only one answer evil
This happened to me. To hear it and know that I’m not crazy is worth everything!
Amen!
I agree with all of that ...apart from the narcists being with you all the time.....The Narcissist tend to disappear to meet all their other Lovers to get their bottomless narcissistic supply met and then come back and give you hell for not keeping the place perfect for their arrival back home..
You just explained my last relationship! I’ve always attracted narcissists because my mother is one! I’m working on me now! 🙏🏽
Thank you, Dr. Ramani!❤️
Yeah, being raised by a narcissist Mother has a deep impact. I use to be a homing beacon for Narcissists, but no more. Even if I crave the love, I now have a healthy distance to the one deliver it and how they deliver it. Don't make the same mistake over and over again. Once you get THAT its almost like a sign on your forehead and they leave you alone or at least they will not approach you as often.
The same for me too
Rhonda, i feel you ♥️ Story for me is the same, but narc father. Wish you happiness and peace going forward, you deserve it.
This hits hard. Yes one recognises the red flags early on but you so want it to work or the person validates you with attention ,small gestures you never had..and you don't want to give it up. You gas light yourself until the love bombing stops. Now working on myself and knowing that only I was with myself during the dark period. Thanks Dr for another excellent video. Never miss them..
Van that’s how it was for me too
Yep, exactly the same here. Glad we made it out.
Just got out of a 1 year tornado, feels like I lived a 10 year relationship. Thanks to your channel I opened my eyes and connected the dots, I cant thank you enough this was very hard to peel myself away.
Love bombing is like a vacation, destined to end. I recognize this in advance now and find it amusing, tragic and bizarre.... Raise your self esteem and set the bar high, then it's easy to walk away, unless you've connected with a psychotic...very dangerous. Walk don't run towards it in the beginning. And don't put yourself in the vulnerable position of not being able to make a swift exit.
Your work has been life changing Dr. Ramani. Thank you for clearing up the confusion. I wished you'd been my therapist 30 years ago, a lifetime full of pain could been avoided. I am immune now and don't take much of it personally, I can see them for what they are. I see "fawning" and "love bombing" under the same lens. I see it happen in "Senior world", not all aged people gain wisdom. To remain a bit detached and observe is key! I think love bombing breaks up what can seem like monotony at times. It's a self-esteem booster, like a quick fix, but I think it leaves you feeling anti climactic. I think because if you're aware it makes you realize you used them. But also because you didn't build yourself up, you got lazy and fell into the false narrative of their crap which they never meant to begin with. I think all of us were a bit lonely, bored, insecure, and just decided so see where it would go, and yes brain washed by societie's ideas of happy endings, and prince charming. I whole, healthy, happy, motivated, adventurous, and finally at peace am my own happy ending....thanks to your teaching and my work.
I'm comfortable being by myself after years of personal interspection, therefore, it feels easier to notice the red flags. Liking oneself is a key to taking care of self.
That 'love bombing' cost me my marriage and the outcome of my life. I had never been 'loved and promised' so much; especially since I had been neglected in my childhood. I was married to a narcissistic man and met a 'love-bomber' thinking that I FINALLY found the right one! How wrong I was!! Now, I find myself 'love bombing' my daughter who deeply resents me. Thank you for this information; it is difficult to hear, but necessary in order to grow. Please give advice to those of us who grew up among narcissists and unknowingly became one. That would be ME. ❤
I am curious if you will make it. As I understand from Dr. R. narcissism is nothing that can easily be fought down just by cognitive understanding.
I would love to understand if a narcissist really knows they are one.
@@vzcorner6118 Same.
@@vzcorner6118 From my one experience I would say: yes that’s possible. I think he wanted to heal, as he suffered from that void and difficulty to regulate self-worth. Partly, I think, he understood what’s going on. But those games hardly ever stopped.
Not so sure if you are wanting advice that you are one...because usually they don't care or want to change ..also we attract the opposite in most cases so I'd question that if you were attracted to narcissists that you are more probably a codependent
Totally learning to cherish myself enough that I don’t put up with the hot cold nor the red flags. Thank you 🙏
👍
I met the narc when a close friend announced that she had met a foreign guy at the beach and asked me to translate for them. He brough a wingman along and I brought another friend. He dropped his jaw when he saw me, but for months I thought he was simply infatuated and told him so repeatedly. I was 30 years old already, street savvy, well traveled, not naïve and never believed in Hollywood romances, but he ended up winning me over with his persistency. With him being the covert type, it was impossible to notice the red flags had I known them as I do now. Also, it didn’t help that the courtship happened half a world apart, while he was deployed to the Gulf War and I still living in Europe. With 2-3 letters a week asking for a chance and showy gifts of flowers, I started thinking that maybe this was ‘The One’ and I should give it a try, so when he came back to the US and called me asking to visit (at his parents home in upstate NY, of course, and after receiving a letter from his mother to my mother so that she realized it was legit), I flew to America and he did everything he needed to keep me here.
He abandoned the family 22 years later, when I had been depressed for 12 years due to the massive stress, our teenagers were being difficult and I was begging him for his involvement. He didn’t want to deal with ‘family problems’ after being away from us for a total of 16 years due to his naval career, not having to worry about a thing…
I’ve been separated for 10 years and still going through a painful divorce. And at the age of 62, still attractive and trim, I’ve also become asexual. The though of intimacy or caressing make me sick to the stomach and I cannot trust anyone. That’s the kind of damage a narcissist can do.
Yep this happened with my ex. I appreciated his compliments but I saw some red flags and he was super insecure/sensitive about weird things, yet a close friend whose opinion I valued encouraged me to give him a chance. I knew something was off in the beginning but didn’t trust it. Totally ended up being hurt, mistreated, devalued and discarded. Damaged my health and my life a lot. I have learned to trust myself and not look to others for validation. The latest guy I dated had some similar red flags so I trusted my self, kept my boundaries, said no to him and friend zoned him. I will always from now on put my instincts and well being first. ❤
The love bombing swept me off my feet at the time
My narcissistic boyfriend knew exactly what my vulnerabilities were.
Looking back all the red flags were there and had me very confused at times, but I was so drawn in by his attention I stood with him for 3 years. I’m so thankful I finally became strong enough to cut the cord.
my mother did this to my Dad for over 60 years....He died hoping that she would finally love him....my mother was a tyrant and had many people fooled. Yet I loved her but finally gave up on ever having her love me back, while I never abandoned her I learned to let all of the other narcissists in my associations go...I cut them off. Finally I have peace and you Dr. Ramani have been the beginning of that peace. Thank You.
Yep. My first boyfriend took any little issue or opportunity to turn me against friends and family to isolate me from everyone and undermine/gaslight me. I didn’t understand nor realize what was happening until it was too late. I totally was trapped. Thankfully I got out and away from him. Thankful for this community to learn heal and grow. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
The only thing a narcissist deserves is someone who's more narcissistic.
Perfect match, or karma!
Mine put me on a pedestal. I told him not to because I'd only disappoint him. The words are ringing in my ears now. He persistently crossed my boundaries, refused to accept it was over, kept coming back time and time again then he swapped me very quickly for someone else. It was exhausting the entire year and a half. I'm resting now and looking after me.
I couldn’t stop l Laughing at myself, you are so so right I’ve seen myself going in the cycle of the love bombing , and cheating, degrading getting used , and abused by narcissistic wife 10 years, I stop crying myself since I start listening to you but this video make me laugh at myself Dr. Ramani I love you thank you for what you doing
Dam sounds just like me….. same exact situation
I couldn't agree more. I , too, listen to this WONDER DOCTOR!! She has opened my mind to everything. Now I can roll my eyes, shake my head , and know just how lucky I was to escape. I am content and extremely happy, life filled with two cats, free greyhound pup, Cowboy, i scored when trail riding in North Dakota with my new gelding, which I bought from a man in ND. GOD HAS PAID ME FORWARD . GOOD DAY TO ALL !!
I was lucky. Adults in both sides of my family taught me from about the age of 14 to be very wary of a man who wants to "sweep me off my feet" - any displays of attention that is too much too soon etc. They were too strict and old fashioned , but when I look back at my 20's and 30's ,I am so glad this point was instilled into me along with other sound and sensible words of advice concerning my future young adult choices in my world of friends and dating .
Thank You 🙏So Very Much For Sharing This
Narcissistic Abuse Is So Brutal I Was Love Bomb
A Few Months AGO And Discarded Like Trash The Same Day
I Was Told By The Narcissists To Never Text Him Again
I’m Severely Depressed And Having Overwhelming Sadness.
My Life Has Been Destroyed.
Narcissistic Abuse Is Horribly Cruel
Hang in there. If I can do it, you can do it. I’m not over mine yet but it’s getting better.
@@adamroth719
Thank You 🙏 May I Ask You A Question The Narcissists Told Me That He Is In A Relationship and That He Is Happy
And He Also Informed Me To Never Text Him Again .
Is This Manipulation This Really Hurted Me
It's not easy dealing with this type of person. But you can do it I got out and pray to God for help he'll see you through. Also, get the help you need and support system to carry you through. 🤗🤗🙏
@@Free20248
THANK U SO VERY MUCH 🙏
I'd say that you 'dodged a bullet.'
Every time I watch your videos, it’s like you are describing my life in detail. It feels so good to hear someone explain and understand what I’m going through. I could never find the right words how to explain it. I am learning so much and I couldn’t be more thankful for your videos. I’m moving in the right direction, not easy, but I’m getting there.
Wow. I denied myself. Told myself I should not think negatively. Then it all came true... ignoring it does not make it better. I knew it was too good. No one gives THAT much attention, THAT much affection, THAT much gifts, time, energy, etc. unless they are trying to get even more from you from the beginning. You are just a target. Love stories exist only in fairy tales, fake news.
I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person. It was so painful growing up in an unstable household with both parents screaming at each other constantly. Never knowing if or when they would get divorced again. I've been single my whole life and people think I'm strange because of that, but I think they're strange for being willing to put themselves through emotional hell.
I got rid of all my narcissistic men. The sad, scary thing is that they are a big part of society! I just had a date after 19 yrs of not dating. I spent a whole week worrying about my skin looking too old. I did look good, but it took so much energy out to worry. I was going to cancel the date then he contacted me. It's a victory for me to know I was prepared to cancel. I got big piece of myself back!
My therapist recommend your channel after we talked about my scary relationship. I should’ve told her about him BEFORE I was choked out and passed out from being choked and yelled at. I had SO many brusises. Enough to put him in jail. PLEASE listen to this lovely woman!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stay strong girls and boys!
when we put all of your lessons together it has things getting clearer when watching you.
You keep me sane. I’ve learned so much. Thank you for these videos. ❤
Women would come up to us and 'compliment' us because he held my hand, he would put his hands on my shoulders to push me in the direction he wanted, hold my hand in the grocery store. Women would see him doing this and say to him sometimes us how wonderful that he shows affection and closeness publicly, they Never saw that it was controlling, a physical emotional prison and I felt trapped. I thought there was something wrong with how trapped I felt because others saw me and said I was 'lucky', and he was wonderful to be so publicly affectionate, no one ever knew how it was behind the closed doors the loneliness and how insignificant I became once no one complimented him on what a wonderful guy he was
I was being Suffocated. I felt slimed.
This was such an amazing video! The grooming/discard rollercoaster ride is so draining🥺Thank you so much for your channel 🥲
U absolutely Rock. I wish you could be my therapist. You are one of the smart ones. Thank you for all the info you provide. They are a valuable gifts of public service. Thank U.
Omg I went through this and got sucked back into a toxic relationship after 5 years of deprecation ! Now it’s hell to get out off again!
Helpful to know how to wanting to be desired can get us stuck. Prioritizing the simple healthy view of being cherished. Feels much better. Thank you ❤
Is it normal to miss the abuser in difficult times and being melancholic and not miss at all in good times? It's an emotional rollercoster that rips off all energy.
He bought me jewelry in the love bombing stage and said "I figure that if I buy you jewelry I'll get more attention from you". Predictably transactional!!
Definitely the push pull method thank you for explaining, this video is the best! I felt physically and emotionally that this was abusive bad behavior and I kept leaving a lot. He would go silent. I finally sent text good bye and block. He didn’t like my boundaries red flag. Love bombing is grooming exactly what my family did in my childhood. First few conversations were great then it rapidly devolved to silence. He chased me wanted engagement asap etc…. I’m lucky I got out after four months I would have left sooner but he had bladder cancer I was driving him to treatment, finally woke up I need to put myself first.
Thank you as always! Happy Sunday, beautiful people! Have an outstanding day! xo
I have bpd and notice that I am very susceptible to love bombing. Even though I was educated on it, when it's occurring I fall for it every single time. Afterwards, when I get home, I think about it and realized what happened. But by that time I already acted on Impulse and did something regretful. That's why I just avoid dating all together
Wow! Thanks for sharing. I come from a Narcissistic family dynamic where I've been the scapegoat from birth. I was the youngest and only female sibling. All I've ever known was Narcissism. It's nice to hear from my people, Narcissistic survivors.
I was told, You are so smart!"" You are so unique and special. " We love each other, right!"
Thank you so much for teaching us! I block them so fast that it is such a relaxing feeling knowing I choose to be in peace!
This is so so accurate. Pitch perfect . 😮 Wow!!!
Dr Ramani has described to a T exactly how I felt in this video. I actually remember the very first Red Flag 5Yrs ago when I was out with my Narc and his friend. Because I smiled at his friend my Narc said to me " You've got your drink now so you can feck off". I was upset and left. I put it down to just jealousy but never realised just how bad things would become over the years. 🍒
That is perfect ! Cherishing vs DESIRE .
Really explains what happens at each discard and lovebombing.. The Confusion, Chaos, rollercoaster ride. Exhausting.
The Lies, the Affairs, the Online searching for new Supply. Very sad empty life.
I've had a lot of narcissists in and out of my life including both of my parents. I'm very scared about where I will end up mentally in the future but I'm surrounding myself with support and trying to see the best side of life by focusing on the little things and the victories I get. I understood a lot from going through it but your videos help place a lot of things in my brain some things scare me I really don't want to end up being narcissistic but I feel like I can't become like that I'm working too hard and I'm excepting that I'm loved and I'm not the only one I can look to for support so I just want to thank you for helping me map out my brain more and hopefully keeping myself on track :)
Covert narcs are the trickiest to detect , took me several years to notice the " victim " of a " bad childhood" [ made up stories] who was " kind and loving" was only a fake persona covering a seething angry predator who cheated and stole from me. Hindsight it was a lapdog lovebomb.
Same. Were friends for 8 years before we became lovers.
Was horrible to know the real stories. He was no victim at all, he made them.
His ex killed her self. I understood why. He forgot to tell what he did.
@@Alieortwo omg, so good you got out !!
Gm, Dr. Ramani thank so much for these timely videos!! 🤗 I was in one of these toxic relationships for 5 loooooonnngggg years it seemed like 20 because of all the craziness and so much I went through in such a short period of time. I got out back in 2011 before I really had an opportunity to understand these type of individuals and their behaviors. I just knew while and after leaving I felt confused I mean every emotion you could think of smh 🤦But coming across your video's about 2-2 1/2 years now I've learned so much about these predators and I'm glad I had the experience to recognize what this looks like so I won't fall prey to this type of person again. Don't get me wrong it hurt me deeply but you have to experience it to understand how deeply these relationships effect everything about you. Thank God he help to survive and gave me the strength to run away ✌ I feel for the woman he's with now 😔
Good stuff Doc, you are helping a lot of people out there!
We have to forgive ourselves. We all want to be wanted. Thankful for these teaching videos. Bless you Dr Romni😇
It’s a fog it’s a facade it’s a plot not a real thing after all that abuse I don’t like anything to much to soon anymore
Thank you for your time and your precious ways to make people see behind the false scenes 🙏🏻
For me love bombing and sudden discarding it’s the most painful part of their circle
OMG! I so needed to hear this right now. Went on a date with someone which lasted a few hours of sharing of woes, mostly from the date who went on to discuss past relationships. I felt so connected that here is this man opening up. But then, cricket cricket. And I’ve been trying to wreck my brain trying to figure out what it is I did wrong and why after such openness and connection for hours - nothing.
They did you a favor. Do not pursue this person. Red flags everywhere.
All I can say is WOW…. This is amazing… you saved me years ago… but you never cease to amaze me… your messages get more powerful with time…❤
I’ve learned so much from you about people like this and how many were around me in my personal and professional life. Even 1-2 narcs are dangerous asf 😢
Thankyou for taking the shame out of this difficult subject Dr. Ramani.
You're really helping me, and really helping ME help my nephew til he escapes his Alcohol Momster. Thank you so much.
This is such a great video on love bombing. Super accurate and insightful. How I wish I'd educated myself earlier on this topic.
I didn't know there were different styles of love balming. I loved the part where you suggest not to make pathologies of people who are not in relationships and are just being ok with their own company and being more likely to be discerning of who they may start relationships with. I also liked the poem you quoted from Rumi. Thank you.
Oh my gosh YOU ARE ON POINT ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!
This has been my life for 2 years... Last month I was leaving.. had a bunch of stuff packed... He lovebombed me back but I was smart enough not to unpack everything.... It's finally over and I felt myself become truly indifferent.... These last 3 days have been hell, but I'm almost fully packed and hope to be out within a week
How is everything?
@@tinkersyd I am renting a U-Haul tomorrow and hope to get most everything out .. I am done, he has been horrible and then tries to hoover me back in... I won't fall for it and he goes into a baiting rage ... It's like a yo yo from rage to hoover. I have finally broken free and will never go back to that ever again
I’m so proud of you. Keep going no matter how bad it hurts. Keep pushing. I’ve been though this and didn’t leave. Biggest regret so far. Go please and live for you and you only. You got this! I would love to chat and support you ❤️
@@tinkersyd it has taken me 2 years to get to this point... Right now I'm playing everything by ear and don't know from I e minute to the next what is going to happen to me but it's better than knowing every three weeks I will be going through hell
QUIET LOVE BOMBING". That explains a lot of my experience...hours of listening, supporting him and hearing "you are the only one who sees me...later, loves me". When I wanted to talk about things that concerned me or my life. I got "shut your f***ing mouth. Talk to your girlfriends or better yet talk to the wall". So much hurt...I blame myself for staying so long. Didn't know until these videos about narcissism and these cycles. He was also an alcoholic and wouldn't remember a thing the next day or claimed not to, when I tried to address it. Yep, thinking we can save them is a no win situation. I am learning from Dr Ramani to see and now to heal. Thank you so much Dr Ramani. Grateful everyday I found this channel.
Thank you so much for your dedication to getting this information out there. It's much needed!
My ex husband showered me with attention during our brief courtship. Constant love letters, pouring out his heart and soul. Constant gifts and tokens and sweet little romantic gestures. Tons of cuddles and hours and hours of just holding me. Playing his guitar and singing to me. Dancing with me in my living room. Surprising me with dates to my favorite places.
Fast forward 8 years and he was living separately from me in our house, like we were distant roommates. I sometimes didn't see him for more than 5 minutes a day. He was a chronic liar. He broke the law. He ruined me financially. He didn't look after his health. He stopped keeping himself clean. When I told him how miserable I was, he acted clueless and dumbfounded. When I moved out, he showed almost no emotion. When I filed for divorce, he said nothing. Unless it was to ask me for money. To this day he has never had a conversation with me about why our marriage failed, what happened, or what part he played in it. He acts like we're old friends anytime we happen to exchange messages.
I was the same person he married. But, boy, did he do a 180.
Schizoid personality or antisocial personality or both? They can manage for a little while , months etc to seem normalish but they can't sustain it long term.
@@soniachambers6460 I'll probably never know. We married just 8 months after our first meeting. The man I saw during our courtship is a completely different person than the man I ended up divorcing. So I have very little knowledge of who he was before I met him, or who he is when I'm not around him. The person he painted himself to be when we met was someone who was very sociable and engaging and charming, with lots of friends. Now, I don't think he has any friends at all. I expected him to move back to his hometown where he had all his old connections and some relatives, but he didn't. He's just living in an apartment somewhere and spends 24 hours a day indoors, far as I know. It's almost like trying to be married showed him just how broken and messed up he really is, so he's not even trying anymore. I don't know.
It happened almost the same with me. This time was a 6 month relationship. At the end a had a break down and when I tried to have a conversation he was like a cold wall.
Don't feel too bad, mine didn't seem like a narcissist to me until I got pregnant, 2 years after we got married and 5 years into our relationship. All of a sudden, he wasn't happy at all, and it has been more and more of that ever since. It's been stupid tantrums and devaluing and moving the goal on promises instead. 🙄
Love the idea of being cherished over desired. It’s surprisingly hard to find, but the thought of it feels good:) I like that I can use that as a meter to measure how someone is treating me. Thank you❤
Me too.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani - and all the participants for their meaningful comments. While listening to this presentation, I decided to cancel my plans for New Year's Eve with a new friend who runs hot and cold. Essentially, she invited me over and then put me on hold, e.g. taking 2 weeks to answer a text and has not confirmed plans for tomorrow. Usually, in the past, I would try to negotiate and explain that my feelings were hurt in a situation like this. That hasn't worked well, This time, I'm just going to tell her the plan is not working and then do my best to talk myself out of the guilt. Thanks.
When I was three or so, my maternal grandmother found me in her backyard stroking the fur of some bees. Not getting stung, probably because I was too young and innocent to fear them. For the rest of her life, my mother told the story of how I was so stupid I would pet bees. I told the tale to my narc ex-husband during the early days, and he said, "You must be an angel, then. A real Christian." How's that for a love bomb?
They flatter. Such phony baloney!
He had the Whole Town CONVINCED he was in 'Love' with me " boy ! That guy is Really in Love with you ! " I heard it all over Town while he treated me like a Queen . But the Anger, Controlling behavior, outbursts of Jealousy we're Major Red Flags I didn't have the skills to recognize or handle at the time. He treated everybody Else in my Life like some kind of Competition. Even my Children. That pissed me off. One close friend of mine outright called me a "cold hearted Bitch" for " not recognizing how ' in Love with me' he was . Ten years later when I had Had ENOUGH of his manipulative controlling sadistic mind game deceptive behavior, things escalated to him speeding down a dirt road threatening to smash us into a telephone pole with my head in a head lock slamming his fist into the side of my face threatening to " kill" me and put my body where " guaranteed Nobody Will Ever find it !" . Pay Attention to those Red Flags ! Run ! Get Out ! Be SAFE !!!!!!! above all Be SAFE ! WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO KEEP YOURSELF AND YOUR LOVED ONES SAFE ! WHATEVER THAT LOOKS LIKE, BE SAFE !!!
Wow. He sounds psycho.
Bless her heart. I've been thinking about how she must overwhelm herself with all the knowledge she puts out there and how repetitive it is. Dr. Ramani please know I am Grateful for you. Sending LOVE💖💖💖
Dr. Ramini, I want to thank you for all you do. I really needed this video topic right now. I'm trying to get myself out of this relationship and have this "trauma bond broken for good."
Thank you for being YOU Dr. Ramini and for sharing all of your knowledge with us. You are a true life saver.
I never thought someone asking what you were up to was akin to narcissism just somebody interested.
I have been in turmoil for the past month dealing with this and not realizing what it was. This video just changed my entire mind set. You described exactly what I went through. It’s like you know me personally and told my story here. WILD. Listening to this gave me the closure I needed and I feel a huge weight has been lifted off of me. He broke me down so bad, I really thought I was crazy. Thank you for this. You are helping so many people.
I think that sometimes love bombing goes unrecognized, not just because you might not know it is happening. But because it’s not that over the top.
My mother just seemed to be a beautiful, well-meaning, decent human being, for decades. I was the probable golden child and my sister, the probable scapegoat. From my perspective, it just seemed as if my sister was the “problem child”.
When I’ve dealt with other narcissistic people, they just seemed warm, conversational and decent - until they dropped the bomb of what they wanted from me or their behavior suddenly changed. So, instead of over the top, saccharine sweet behavior, followed by Mr. Hyde, it’s often been rather normal, followed by Mr. Hyde. They also don’t have to love bomb, to be fully-subscribed to the narcissistic system. If they are more of an enabler type, things can be quite normal, until they find out that YOU are not a subscriber. Then, you can become an abomination, in their eyes and are subsequently discarded, even if on a very hidden level.
I’ve also found that, if I’m simply polite to someone who is higher on the narcissistic spectrum, I may be seen as a target. So, it’s as if I feel I have to appear cold, hard-nosed, unkind, indifferent and lacking in empathy, just to not look like eye candy, for narcissists.
Your ending part especially "Just not to look like eye candy for narcissists" is spot on.
If you are nice and kind to a narc they immediately think "Hey! This person can give ME that nice and kindness too! I'm special, I deserve it!"
@@specialtwice4975 if they sense any warm mess, openness, heck, even that you have pets and are empathetic towards animals, it’s like leaving a door open, with the lights off, for a burglar.
This one made me cry because I had this same thought this morning before even hearing this
❤️
I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for the time and work you put in to bring both victims and their families help and confirmation that they aren't "crazy" or "seeking attention". Also, you've given it for free on TH-cam, which must be a sacrifice on your part. Who knows how many lives you have saved? Probably more than you think. It is a noble thing you do here on your channel, and I am not alone in my belief that you are more than just a mental health care professional. You are an angel. God bless you as you have blessed so many lonely and desperate victims.