Yes and when I didn't want to talk to him or want him to touch me he acts like he has no idea why. I really want to know can they rage like an insane person and call you vile names and then forget about it? That's how it seems to me.
Also got to see the coming back like absolutely nothing had happend after he had run away with money and had even police after him...like really??? Next day...hey there, how are you? Great, yeah!!!L Lets go on like its all normal 👍
OMG yes me! I was so afraid of my fiance's narcissistic rage that I was too afraid to talk to him a lot until I was too scared to stay and I just left while he was at work. I didn't feel safe to stay anymore to try and make it work
This is why I stopped being friends with someone. They accused me of things I couldn't possibly do and tried to ruin my reputation. I just stopped talking with them and shut down for a while.
He terrified me and in the end he assaulted me. I had to face him in public as part of the divorce and he'd always motion as though he was going to attack me again. I was so traumatized I physically recoiled in fear. He loved it. He laughed every time. I'm still appalled that Domestic Relations forced me in the same room with him.
That's my mother. She was (is) very verbally and emotionally abusive (raging) in private, but her friends and extended family have ZERO clue. I imagine telling them about it once she passes away...
@Reginald Dove Yeah, for a few years I found myself dating some lousy people, and I'd spend so much time getting sucked into that old pattern with them, trying to appease them, trying to defend myself etc... And I realize now that I'd been trained for this my whole life by mother! It's so important to recognize thos early, and break free mentally if you can.
Another unsettling aspect of being in a relationship with this kind of person is how they’ll manipulate and push you by insulting, belittling, controlling, devaluing (and more) you, again and again until you to at some point lose it, lash out and all the pent up feelings burst out…and then they’ll use it as evidence that you’re the “crazy”, aggressive, violent one.
thank you. I'm my moms scapegoat and she succeeded at perfectly painting me as the crazy, unstable, bad and destructive (even physically harmful) person that she has to deal with. She often likes to scream in my face how i'm a terrorist in her life throwing off her perfect harmony and balance). It's why i believe that if i leave, i wont have a chance to talk to the rest of my family bc they'll believe her.
I was one of those “he never hit me” ok but he punched and broke my bedroom door multiple times, slammed every door and cabinet, terrified me as he drove super fast, oh and let’s not forget him towering over me and spitting in my face. Sounds like violence to me
Yep - same here - all of this happened to me. Only thing I would add is - water poured over me while I was asleep Shoved to a corner of my bed when I was fast asleep
Sounds like we all had the same ex lol. Mine did all of the above but eventually he did hit me, choke me several times and the last time he punched me in the face and broke it in 2 spots. I have ALWAYS heard that abusive relationships only get worse and of course that's exactly what happened. And a man who is going to spit in a woman's face ugh that's horrible and shows they have absolutely zero respect for you. To do these things to the woman who you "supposedly " love and care about and who has done nothing but love their dumbasses. And what I think is almost WORSE than all that (if there could be) is when they deny doing it and then call YOU a liar! Or downplays their actions and words and treatment of you. Hes basically like "All I did was spit in your face you're too sensitive, get over it" I should've said "I just F'd your cousin you're too sensitive get over it" lol
It doesn't have to be violence, to give you enough of a reason to get the hell out. A relationship shouldn't be based on the bare minimum. If you don't feel good when you're around them, leave.
The "positive" aspect of witnessing this rage is that it can help the narc's victim finally realize that the narc is not just "difficult" but truly disturbed.
So True I witness it no more than six days ago. When you are a child it is so terrifying. Yes I have been very angry , when it Comes from people doing illegal things on my property. On innocent souls. I m ashamed but I supported too long . And they deserve some anger. But it wont change anything. So let them be.
No, it does not help. Especially if it is your parent. My mother used to show her rage in front of my friends. They were shocked and I was ashamed for her. I mean I was afraid that my friend will think badly about her. I wanted to protect her not to look as bad as she actually is. I was a child I did not understand it was inappropriate behavior and she is fully responsible for it. Victims are most of the time in dark hell, so they dont believe, dont listen to their inner voice anymore. They are disconnected from their feelings, many victims also believe that they are responsible for the rage cause they are brainwashed, just like I was brainwashed by my mother. Even my father asked me why do I have to irritate my mother so much to make her go in rage. I believed him that I was responsible. Today I know I was NOT. She can get in rage because of the smallest thing and then she blames somebody for her behavior. My parents both are narcs. Sadly for me. :-(
True, it doesn't get more evident than this Sadly, they definitely won't show it in the beginning of a relationship, of course first comes love bombing etc..
Agree wholeheartedly with this. My turning point was when she raged at me for taking too long visiting a family member in hospital who was fighting for his life.
Those are the worst.. nowhere for you to go and they know it! I once opened the door when he was driving and raging and it made him slow down so I rolled myself out of the car. That hurt but just could not face another episode of him having a total raging breakdown in the car.
their favourite, totally terror. You think you' re dealing with a deamon.They don' t want wittners in their abuse.I used that i'm not feeling well to go at a hospital and managed to talk to a doctor that i'm in danger. He talked to me for borderline disorder or narcissist. Doctor immeadiately understood that there is something wrong and tried help me to come back safe to my place. (i didn' t understood then that he has a personality disorder and was comletely alone in vacation). Be aware, talk loudly to every person you know and get out of there! Sending you a hug!
Yup, the narc would always say "well somebody has to teach them how to drive!", while riding up on the bumper of the car on front of us as both cars are driving in the far left passing lane. So enraged that there is total disregard for the rest of the lives of ppl in the car
I always felt when dealing with this in a person it's like walking on eggshells. You're always having to be careful of what you say and do. You keep a lot inside yourself just to keep the peace. Its very uncomfortable and very unhealthy.
@@rashmikapoor3549 I'm sorry you've had to experience this and for anyone whose had to experience this. Knowledge in knowing the signs can be very helpful, but most go in blind and end up being abused by it all, sad to say.
Or raging at you before guests arrived at a dinner party they were hosting...so you would be so upset, or angry when the guests arrived...that people questioned what was wrong with YOU....and they would lap it up!
Wowwwww. Yep. God forbid I missed the school bus in the morning. It was yelling all the way to school and her arm swinging at me while I sat in the passenger seat.
Whether you're dealing with a narcissist or not, if you ever catch yourself thinking or saying "at least s/he never hits me" you are being abused. And it is not okay for them to treat you that way.
That's how I felt every day in my previous relationship. I was just grateful he never hit me, only verbally and emotionally abused me. He abused the animals though and it scared me how much he would hurt them whenever he was angry or frustrated with me.
Intimidation too, getting in your face & if you say stop talking to me/leave me alone/get away from me its...make me. They can invite a fight because some want a physical altercation. Put a hand in your face, you shoo it away & you get don't touch me & they might hit you. To them, you standing up for yourself is not allowed. To a Narc even a professional knows nothing. Lol.
I felt this way until he beat the living daylight out of me! I definitely didn't see it coming. My advice, just run while you can, I genuinely thought he was going to kill me!
I always thought the “their eyes turned black” thing was either hyperbole or symbolism, until I saw it happen. It’s terrifying. My blood ran cold. The room went silent & all I could hear in my head was RUN. And run I did. That is the one time in my life I genuinely felt I might be about to die at the hand of another. If you ever see someone’s eyes go dark, I implore you to run as well!
@J t: I have seen this very physical transformation too in an ex-boyfriend from my teen years. It is very unsettling and crazy to see! And you’re right... when his eyes would go black, his personality would totally change and “it was time to run.” That was over 30 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. I actually left the state we lived in shortly thereafter to get away from him and feel more safe.
@JL Evans I would describe my ex as a demonic narcissist. There was something not quite right about him after getting to be with him for a while. Weird things happened to me while we were together that had not before--animals dying, bed bugs, rat infestation, people dying who were his friends.
I love my siblings' responses when my narcissist sister abuses me: You shouldn't have said... You shouldn't have done.. You're too sensitive. You took it the wrong way. She meant well. (As if!) You need to let it go. You hold grudges. She doesn't treat me that way. (And my personal favorite) You two never got along. (I wonder why not.)
She was enabling her precious little monster ,rotten mother and bad monster in law,instead of rebuking him. I hope you didn’t believe her delusional interpretation.
In my experience, it comes from “how dare you stand up to me, or how dare you don’t grovel, or who do you think you are not allowing me to control you!”.
Yep! I stood up against my ex narc and it was the best thing ever but the narcissism didn’t stop..I think I frightened the narc with how strong I was and I think at the end of it all he realized how strong I was and how he couldn’t control me so he went on to another women lmao its really sad. I knew he needed help and luckily from experience with my mentally ill sister growing up I could recognize his type of behavior and what it could lead up to. I may have spent too much time involved with him but maybe in some sort of way I taught him a lesson.
Yes, he wanted to walk in front of me and for me to follow him, while he yelled at me. After we were separated, I felt fearful for 2 weeks every evening when he would usually come home, even though he had moved across the country. I kept telling myself, "He's not going to fly all the way back here tonight in order to come busting through the door and start screaming." After 2 weeks, I started to finally feel sad instead of fearful. The initial red flag -- we were in a computer lab and he had misplaced his disc. He blamed ME for losing his disc, but I had not touched or even seen it. He was so arrogant and condescending. It felt confusing that I was little bit doubtful, wondering if maybe I somehow had misplaced it. It seemed "weird, out of character."
When meeting my narc boyfriend, at the time I did not know much about narcissism. As I watch Dr. Ramani's videos now, I just need to chuckle a bit because he did E X A C T L Y what her videos describe...it was like clockwork: 1. The LOVE BOMBING phase was the first 6 weeks or so. 2. The first RAGE session was when I asked him a question about his diet. Big screaming rage session followed where his eyes turned red, and he then threw our whole dinner in the trash. 3. After such a rage session, he acts as if everything is normal, and when he saw the fear in my eyes, he asked "what's wrong with you/why are you so distressed?" 4. I do not leave him, because I hold onto who he was in the love-bombing phase. I also believe the EXCUSE he tells me about his sad childhood, and I believe that I am the one to heal him. 5. The fact that I do not leave him after his first rage probably triggered the DEVALUATION stage, because he believed that there are no consequences to his actions. 6. Then comes GASLIGHTING, triangulation, more narcissistic rage, you name it! 7. Then I develop a lot of anxiety, and even as someone in my 20's, start developing physical ailments and pain in my body. 8. I somehow, with what little strength I have, decide to leave him. He HOOVERS me back saying what he did was wrong and that he deeply wants to change--he needs ME to help him change. 9. A little bit of love bombing from the narc works on me, but this time he love bombs for only a few days before flying into a rage again. 10. The cycle repeats with devaluation and more gaslighting. Thankfully I was able to end the relationship and celebrate 60 days of no contact :).
There are so many of us that have done this and the fact that you got out while still so very young is amazing! Like the other respondent said, never never never go back, and please learn the red flags so you do not get in a relationship with another narc! They have feelers for us and will hone in on us!!
Their rage can be so meaningless a lot of times.They show rage sometimes in order to make their victim chase them and beg them to cool down,which increases their power. That rage is a clear indication of someone hurting their fragile ego.
Legit crying watching this because this is my life. The road rage, the outbursts and the blaming. Him getting worked up over nothing, over stupid silly things and making mountain out of molehills. It’s enough to make you go insane
Sophia, please get out. Plan it carefully.It gets worse with time and will turn physical against you eventually. I can send you a summary of what happened to me, a highly educated business person, at the hand of a narciccist over a period of 5 years. Cars are a key weapon for them - it gives them power. He tried to run me over with my own car when I left him and tried to retrieve some of my belongings. In the car you are captived prey, their rage echos to make them sound more menacing to themselves. They are really fragile ego weaklings that choose empaths to control and scare, to feel bigger and better about themselves.
@@beulahliebenberg4719 I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you and don’t worry I’m moving out on Wednesday. I ended the marriage back in March and we move out next week. I just had enough and I agree it does get worse not better
Hello, i believe you should listen to an actual person with npd who knows what's going on more than a actual Narcissist? Go and look for Sam Vaknin you will be surprised as to what is actually happening inside someone with this mental illness . he's been diagnosed twice with npd.
@@dragon2195 ive learned a lot and gained helpful insight from Sams lectures. Theres a lot of psychologists who have shown me great knowledge. It is the whole picture that I need to see and the different views have been wonderful.
My mother would just say, there's nothing to be afraid of! I am your mother, I'm just upset, don't you know I love you? You are too sensitive. It's like she really doesn't comprehend that her emotions are completely disproportionate... And now I don't believe she can ever change, she's over 60... So there's just a lesson for me to work on my own narcissism and mental health issues that I have received from growing up in a family like that (my both grandmothers too)... I always feel my best when I stop focusing on other people's issues or blaming them, or being afraid of them... (that one really has taken a toll on my life...), and try to work on my own character...
I finally left last week during the pandemic with my daughter. Reasons for his rage. Didn't refill the paper towel, couldn't calculate the equation in my head, asked him not to trim the hedges too short, the GPS wasn't working and it was my fault and I did it on purpose, daughter couldn't answer a math question... I'm out!! Now helping my daughter recover from this.
I wished my Mum would have left instead of telling me that it is my fault 😢 I am 41 now and just recently cut contat with them all, Dad, Mum and my sister. They are unfortunately all in the same boat.
Narcissistic rage seems like an adult version of a temper tantrum when their insecurities, patholgies, or viewpoints aren't indulged. It's ego based, not righteous anger. It's immature.
When I watch the Supernanny videos on TH-cam and see those three-year-olds throwing tantrums I'm looking at my ex. I picture Supernanny dragging him to the naughty stair and making him sit there no matter how many times it takes.
@@patriciareilly530 You're comment came at the perfect time. I'm writing a book on narcs and what to do in such cases. One strategy is grab the adult-toddler by the head or the shoulders, look at them with panic and concern, and exclaim "What's WRONG with you!?" as dramatically as possible and embrace them tightly - "hold baby" - until they break free. But they have to WORK for it.
The lying and manipulation from my ex narcissist were bad, but the rage was absolutely terrifying. He punched walls, broke furniture, threw things, screamed and lunged at me. He nearly got us into a car accident a few times while raging as he drove, sometimes with our baby in the backseat. I'm so glad it's over. Anytime I start to miss being married, I just reflect back on those incidents and thank God we got away.
Oh my gosh, me too!!! We don't have a child, but he did get us in accidents or would "fight" or race people on the freeway because he didn't get his way! It was absolutely terrifying how my safety was never put first before his anger.
Don't thank God. God is a Narcissist. And Narcissus is a god. The god of the old testament and the god that slaughtered his own son is the living definition of a narcissist. And so is Moses, who created God in his image. Flowing bearded angry fuck completely and totally enthralled by stories of killing children.
Oh, the crazy, terrifying car rides. I never looked at it as violence. I feel sadness for the younger me who did not recognize this as abuse. Thank you for your work Dr. Ramani ❤️
Oh my gosh!! Every single time we went some place in the car it was a nightmare. Every other driver is a moron and he would rage and curse so much!! I tried to remind him they can't hear him but I can and it's stressful. Haha!! As if talking to them about their behavior ever works!!
I also experienced the trap of a car. I've been slapped and humiliated and the length of the trip determined the length of my terror trip. I learned to talk and be entertaining and listen to my crazy father sing or tell stories. It was like Taming a big gorilla / child
@@beachjeanne2966 My mom would do that and it fried my nervous system, so I've had to "revisit" those events and calmly tell her to, calm down , and see her as a child as I feel confident next to her... Other wise I would hate her ..and now she's just old and doesnt remember.
This is why getting married or having children quickly with someone is sometimes a bad idea. They can’t hide that rage for long so it’s important to date for a couple of years before permanently connecting with these Narcs during their “Love Bombing” phase... they can’t hide that rage for long then you can see the true them and leave.... I wish they taught Narcissism and other personality disorders to children in grade school or high school. Then we could spot a Bully quickly, get away and stop these codependent relationships.
I had experienced this with my ex husband with his rage and anger with especially video games. It was BAD to where I got to the point where I knew it wasn’t healthy for him or I to be married. I even went to his family to ask them about it when I first started noticing his anger and they knew he had issues and his very religious mother acknowledged it and said she has tried this and that but at the end of the conversation it was just like she shrugged it off and it eventually turned to me having an issues and basically is what lead to my divorce. I could not get over the fact that especially his mother was defending him over any sort of issue with the relationship that I was trying to fix and make better. Also the fact he would drag his own mother into our marriage..it was ridiculous and I had to get out because I knew there was no getting through to him and for myself to be happy again, I needed to divorce him (a short lived marriage fail) which was for the best.
Quiche Lorraine I agree! For some reason narcs gravitate towards me...probably because I’m an introvert and they think I’m an easy target lol but! Now I have learned much more about narcs, sociopaths and psychopaths to be careful with whom I get close to. Its been hard for me to especially open up to anyone and I’m 30 now. It upsets me that I am just now have been searching myself to learn more about this and had to do this to understand and have peace with my past to be able to let go. I think this should be learned early on in high school. I did take a sociology class and learned some about personality traits but that was a choice for credits, not everyone takes these classes and the people who probably need to wont chose a class like that because they are a narc. Lol idk
I grew up with a covert narcissistic mother. She did her "dark arts" when no one else was around. I completely agree it would look like a demon took over, their features would change and their voice would turn into something sinister. I would be left paralyzed in fear. I love your videos Dr. Ramani. Thank you!!
They often go into their rages over you not doing what they want you to do, and try to say it’s because you disrespected them. They order you to do things, throw in a fake compliment to try and manipulate you into doing it, and then rage if you choose not to do it. They are just messed up people who never grew up.
This is my mother and sister. Sister wants it all her way. Doesn’t bother asking other people their point of view..it’s all her way. One minute she reaches out to me to say she’s sorry. I ask her what she’s sorry for…she got mad stating she didn’t reach out to get interrogated. ???? Doesn’t want to talk on the phone, just FB messenger. Im over it. Her n my mom both are narcissists.
Her "vomit" comment was spot on!! I used to say my ex-husband was like a sea gull that flies over and craps all over them and flies off feeling lighter and free all the while the rest of us are standing there with crap all over us.
It was my Dad's way. As a kid his frequent raging terrified me. I learned to avoid him at all costs...so I grew up without a father, although he lived in the same house. The results were anxiety depression, guilt and a social awkwardness, which has in various degrees, accompanied me throughout my entire adult life. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your videos. Now I realize that none of it was not my fault and that in itself is a big relief.
Yes true, none of them was our fault, they had some internal issue. And the rage part is so true, understood later. My mom is a narcissist. Women of that time were restricted from everything, even looking after parents. Surprisingly they are not evil people but yes they are toxic.
Growing up as the unforgiven...many of us out here...if it was an A on the report card, why wasn't it an A plus...if it was an A+...why wasn't it an A++...not enough salt or too much salt...no...their demons are not your fault...they just pass them on to you...
"Narcissistic rage is often a relatively early red flag you see in a narcissistic relationship that people choose to ignore"... I wish I had seen this video 4 years ago.
I left my ex after 33 years of marriage. He was physically and verbally abusive, dismissive, insulting, controlling - the list goes on and on. The final straw was when he ripped out a railing from the plaster in our house as he looked at me like he could kill me. Scary stuff. I've been free for 6 years. It's doable - therapy and supporting friends and my sister helped tremendously. I had to learn who I was, what I like. I walked on eggshells the whole marriage. Life is good now.
@@rnlyle16 you can do it. It may feel like it's impossible and you may be asking yourself questions like "where am I gonna go?" "How am I going to support the kids?" "How am I going to work with the kids? Who's going to watch them?" "How am I going to get them clothes and food and a roof over their head?" "How am I supposed to do this by myself?" But trust me, you can do this. There are so many community resources everywhere and organizations that help out women in these situations, especially mothers and their kids. Reach out and ask for help and keep reaching out. There might be some that can't help right now but don't get discouraged. You can and will find help. Just keep making calls until you find something. Most will help with housing, child care, schooling and/or work, the court process for a divorce, custody, restraining order and will keep you safe if you're in danger. They'll help get you on your feet. They'll give you all the resources you need to be able to do it if you're willing to do the work. They'll walk you through everything. And please get counseling. You're worth so much more than you think or believe. You're so much stronger too. You got this. You don't have to live like this. Hugs from a stranger on the internet. I believe in you and I have faith that you can do it. 💜
Sharon Reese Chud I don’t know if others experienced the same...I overlooked this silent rage which built up like a volcano over time and eventually erupted into physically violent rage. It’s so important to know this warning sign and I am so glad you brought it up. It is key.
I heard a gem from my therapist once, while getting counseling about my relationship with my abusive, rage-filled husband. She said " You didn't break him. You can't fix him." That opened my eyes to my inability to fix his pain from his horrific childhood. No matter how much I loved him and was willing to sacrifice for him, only God could fix him.
Some people are too broken to ever fix…and who are we to think we could fix something that horrific. Don’t know about you, but I’m not God, nor do I have a need to think I could ever “change/fix” another broken human adult.
This was the first red flag I experienced while 3 months in with a narc. He couldn’t even listen to anyone else’s point of view without feeling attacked. So highly insecure. I learned to keep secrets. I even purchased a house without telling him after rage after rage. We only dated a year so I didn’t feel obligated to tell him everything I did during that time. I made an offer on a house and it was accepted. He raged on me yet again one evening in public at dinner. I decided enough was enough and he woke up to a text saying “thanks for yet again showing your anger. I see the real you and I’m done. Btw, I bought a new house for 500k. I’m leveling up without you. Fuck you”. I was done done done! These assholes should not have any power over you, ever. Keep your autonomy legally. Do not give them an inch.
Good for you!! I didn't realise how sad, unhappy and pathetic these people are!! Mindblowing.....seriously!! A raise a glass to you and hope you are thoroughly enjoying your home!
Sandra Addae thank you so much! I am! It took 9 months for the trauma bond to break but now I realize even my worst day is better than my best day with a narcissist. I feel like my health and peace are back on track! I know I caused a narcissistic injury because he moved away! I’m on the west coast. He’s now on the east coast. I raise a glass to you as well! I’m alone but not tortured anymore. The best we can do is to heal our wounds so we don’t attract abusive partners. We don’t deserve to be disproportionately affected by the tiniest of perceived threats. May you find peace!
I kept secrets too until I could be rid of him. I just so happen by instinct and pure luck followed a lot of Dr. Ramani's advice. I didn't know he was a narcissist until after the relationship was over. Then I came here 90% of what she describes was him.
@@bandeleganiyu7596 there has really been an 'awareness' in the last 8 or so years, of narcissism, and NPD, which was not in mainstream consciousness prior. It isn't even in the DSM for more than a little portion. I do not know what the revisions have been to the manual, but with this new enlightenment about narcissism, a multitude of channels that talk about it, I'd imagine it's been revised to include a whole lot of details and information.
So true! The narcissists also use their rage as a form of control of others. They can control themselves, which is why they choose where and when to rage.
@@davidoaikhena4380 Ok... But when you grey rock them, and THEY CANT TAKE BEING IGNORED, so they come at you and Physically Assault you.. Hit you and squeeze your head--- then what????????
You have described my mother to T. I grew up walking on egg shells due to viloent, narcassistic rage. And you're right, at 53 yrs old I'm still very afraid of anyone who slightly shows anger. It's a huge trigger for me. Thanks Dr for this video
You're 53? You look amazing! Sorry off topic lol I grew up with a narcissistic abusive stepfather who was never not screaming or angry about something. I've learned when someone is angry to separate myself from the situation and try to see why they're behaving this way vs assuming it's all my fault like I used to. Have you tried that?
Wandering Free This was my situation with my Mother. My Dad and Brother never protected me because they were happy not to be the target themselves- As an Adult, I am avoidant of expressions of anger as I find it triggering and I don’t trust anyone to look out for me. On the plus side, I am very independent and never take my freedom for granted.
You n me both. I'm 54, she is 92. In a home now, being sweet then turning on them. The eager I have seen. Then blaming me for her anger. Doing it in public to get attention, what a horrible child I am. I still dread visiting her, dread giving her the wrong gift or forgetting to kiss her goodbye. What she's saying behind my back, so others feel sorry for her. I stay no longer than an hour and keep conversation light, I entertain her with TH-cam and ask questions about her life then go home relieved I made it through the hour. The worst was her anger with someone else n she took it out on me. She'd say get outta my sight after the screaming, I would go to my room and stay there then she would complain to the neighbors how I never come out of my room, never spend time with her. I believe she has OCD too. If I tidied up wrong the whole street heard her. The poor nursing staff never do anything right. She's in such a lovely place with great staff. Not good enough.
@@dbb96ac I was in same situation as you, my mother was scary. Now I have an adult son who has it. Distance is all you can do. Everyone loved my mother they didn't live with her!!
@@antzooma That's when you cut off your parents from your life. Only because they raised you doesn't mean they get to use you as their own personal punching bag. You leave when you can, cut them off and never look back. Narcissists very rarely change.
I know the feeling of being "on edge" and hypervigilance. Even when I'm walking on my own or bike riding on my own, I'm always scanning the area around me to make sure that no-one is around who could potentially harm me. That's for me probably the worst part about narcissistic abuse. Being hypervigilant of everything around me as well as struggling to trust people.
@@darlalong1957 Not until Jesus comes back and destroys the wicked. Psychopaths run our entire system. They also control the mainstream media and feed us constant propaganda and fear mongering in order to maintain their control. Unfortunately, most people believe everything spewed out of the Tell A Lie Vision, enabling these psychopathic tyrants to continue to escalate their BS.
Being like that, on edge, waiting for their next rage,or trying various ways to prevent them... in a so-called " relationship" in your own home is the worst feeling ever.
Oh yea! I can relate 100% Anytime I drive through the area where he lives and where his family lives and I see a black Chevy Tahoe, it scares me and gives me anxiety because knowing he is a dangerous person that he is still out there and he is still hurting people like he hurt me. Also then I think about the other people out in the world just like him.
The air in the room changed. Like before a tornado hits the air goes eerily calm and full of static electricity at the same time, the barometric pressure changes. Its really really scary. Eyes changed color like a shark or animal going in for the kill. There were times I would just stay quiet, not react and he would continue the rage to a corner in the room, he would look for a mirror to watch himself. He would scream at "me" and not even see me. It felt like those nightmares when you can't move, you can't run. Its so damaging and takes years to work through. Get out if and when it is safe for you to do so. As soon as possible.
Thank you, that is so very kind of you. Until someone experiences it for themselves I found I had to find tangible ways to others relate or being to understand what it is. To say someone yelled at me and it was scary doesn't do this narcissistic rage any justice. I was even told that fights are what make a relationship stronger. 😖😣 your words gave me hope and strength! Thank you. Stay safe!
venusbonjour he did most of the time. Sometimes he needed to rage just to rage. I learned not to engage. When this happened he would find ways to keep his tantrum going. For me it was even more scary when he didn’t look at me. Like being in the middle of a fight i had no choice but to endure until he passed out or broke something. I appreciate and sympathize with your interpretation of why, the trauma he survived etc. I can only say it is a slippery and dangerous slope to presume their behavior is based on anything other than their own grandiose belief that they have every right to do so, and subsequently enjoy it. Cycles of abuse are often misinterpreted in NPD. They can turn it on and turn it off.
My ex covert narc once ranged because I read a text message of a girl saying “did I do something wrong?” And I knew he was messing around. Everything was normal, we went to the concert but when he got in the hotel elevator, he immediately started to give me the silent treatment. Like it was punishment and he narcissistic raged all over again my throwing his phone against the wall and being completely silent and standing in the dark all night. It is the most horrifying experience I have ever had in my entire life. My mom wondered how i even stayed in that hotel room that night without getting another room. I told her, “I just never really slept that night”
Nora Peace I’m so sorry that happened to you. Until you are the victim you see only that they are charming and wonderful their carefully crafted persona. My therapist wasn’t understanding how doing these things was abuse, perhaps I was over reacting. I told her he may not have touched me but he threatened the space around me, he controlled the air I breathed. That’s more power than anyone person should have over someone they claim to love. Your memory gives me flashbacks. I know all too well, your kind races and you can’t make sense of anything. I’m so sorry. I hope you are finding more space and respect and love for yourself.
It’s funny how in a dysfunctional family dynamic the narcs bully insults and rage are acceptable but when the person that is being scapegoated or belittled gets angry everyone attacks them... Very sad Thank you Dr Ramani 💓
Yes mine does. for hours. Once we were sitting on our bed just talking, when he picked me up and threw me against the wall. I was about 180 pounds at the time. He picked me up like I was a feather. I lay on the floor with my eyes closed. Our daughter came in and asked what happened to me. All he could say was if anything happened to me he could loose his pension.
"Narcissistic rage is the genie you can never put back in the bottle." These words bore into my soul the first time I heard Dr Ramani say them and then the floodgates opened.
The Narcissist will push any normal person to the point of rage it is part of their plan to undermine your human dignity. They don't observe a line, there are no boundaries
I had become so numb to his rage that when he hit me is when i finally woke up and could take no more ive been divorced for years now thank God i got out with my life.
Carlender Edwards I dealt with the verbal and physical abuse and death threats constantly from my ex. Sadly It became my normal until I also woke up and became my authentic self
@Red Rum I know that feeling all to well. I seeked psychological council did the work on myself to live my best life that means loving yourself like I deserve and nothing less.
He hit me fir the last tube when he raged and stepped on and broke my wrist now I’m stuck in a cast fir a month but babyyyy I got away from him as fast as I could
The narcissist I dated was mad at me when I caught her cheating. She became violent. Leave these people. They only love themselves. Be careful leaving a narcissist. Leave them carefully.
I finally found the courage to leave my narcissist when he send me a picture of the guns he bought. His rage never got better, once he took 2 days building a fence at our home a few days later he broke it by punching it when I asked him to not drink too much so we could spend time together, that he was having too much. I felt stuck, I felt like I couldn't speak to him anymore.
ALL of these :( "immune system dysfunction, headaches, muscle aches, exacerbation of existing health problems, problems with sleep, problems with concentration, changes in appetite, a whole range of psychological issues including anxiety, fear, rumination, avoidance, hypervigilence, sadness, depression, helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness and even isolation" And being suicidal.
I am sitting here...literally 'numb' with recognition. May I share with you...that your intellect saves LIVES. It saved mine today. Concise, warm...human...humane delivery...straight from your heart....'direct-messaged' to my own. Feelings that extend beyond gratitude...Your information has become my personal 'life raft' ....certain that others in this community feel the same. Immense gratitude...'tis all.
My siblings excuse for my narcissist sister (I'm her target) is that she had a hard life. Her life was a dream compared to my life. There are many, many people who have had hard lives that don't treat people the way she treats me. She sometimes gets short with them, but to me it is always name-calling, put downs, gaslighting, and humiliation. Since I'm the scapegoat in the family, they, of course, blame me. I went no contact with the lot of them. Best thing I ever did for my mental health.
I grew up with a narc mother and a whole family full of enablers, other toxic people and arguably mother narcs. The best decision is to go no contact. It's a waste of time and energy trying to communicate effectively with these people.
Dr. Ramani is right! Narcisstic rage eventually leads to physical violence. This video was so spot on. This series has been so helpful and enlightening. Never again!!!
My father is threating to beat me up. Yesterday alone he threatened me 3 or 4 times. Should I constantly carry something for self-defence in my own house?
I replayed the beginning part where Dr Ramani said “where they see their narcissist eyes go black”, and it gave me chills. I just experienced this for the very first time a few days ago, and it was absolutely terrifying to me. I didn’t even recognize him. He was not in there, I swear! And the rage was unlike anything else that I’ve ever experienced. End of the road for me.... if it were only that easy. We have a 4yo together.
SO SAD WHEN CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED.I SWAM THROUGH BARBWIRE FOR HER FOR 15 YEARS,WHILE SHE FEIGNED SICKNESS,INJURY,MENTAL DISTRESS:ALL EXCUSES TO STAY HOME&INTAKE MEDICAL MARIJUANA,WHILE I WORKED TO PAY THE BILLS,KEEP US IN $$.EXACTLY 3 MONTHS AGO TO THIS DAY(AN HOUR OR SO FROM NOW)SHE FINALIZED HER GROOMING OF NEW SUPPLY&WAS READY TO MAKE THE BREAK.(HE MUSTA BEEN WAITING FOR HER AT HIS HOUSE).SHE FAKED A PILL SUICIDE,BEGAN HER RAGE&IN A MATTER OF MINUTES 3 COPS&5 PARAMEDICS WERE IN MY BEDROOM,SEDATING HER FROM HER RAGE EVENT.SHE WENT TO THE E.R....I PICKED HER UP FROM THERE,WHILE SHE WAS THERE HER PHONE WAS BLOWIN UP FROM 2 GUYS SHE HAD BEEN CHEATING WITH.I HAD SOME OF HER BELONGINGS BY THE DOOR,SHE SENSED I WAS ONTO HER,AND STARTED SCREAMING" I WANTED HER OUT"......HER FLYING MONKEYS CAME,AND 3 MONTHS LATER THE FOG IS LIFTING,I'M BEGINNING TO GET MYSELF BACK.MY LIFELIGHT IS BEGINNING TO SHINE AGAIN.HANG IN THERE GIRL,IT DOES GET BETTER.PRAYER IS A POWERFUL TOOL!
My mom had two scare modes. With the first, her eyes would get wide, and she would get this insane smile on her face almost like a mixture of hunger and euphoria as she relished the anguish she inflicted. The second was intense anger, screaming, and physical violence. When in public you would catch a subtle glance from her to see where she was going to direct her rage after we got back home. Having a parent do this is terrifying. You are still developing but a psychotic monster has control over your whole life. She manipulated everyone around her to not believe me, and make me out to be "crazy".
"It is the rapid amped up rage than anyone who has ever been in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist has witnessed. It is a terrifying grown up tantrum." "Narcissistic rage is the genie you can never put back in the bottle." Oh, Dr. Ramani how I wish I would have discovered you sooner. And yet, I a glad I found you when I did because I now understand it's not me, I didn't cause this. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
My dad raged at me, for telling him to let me finish the page I was reading in my book and then I would watch TV with him. He beat me that night, also after that night was the night I chose to leave. Which led to me to leave and then my sister left after me. We still need a lot of therapy and help but we are getting better 😌.
I am very sorry you have experienced physical abuse by your father. A parent should be loving and caring.....a safe haven. I am very touched by your courageous step to choose you. Know that this act of self-empowerment is a valuable one. It defines the rest of your (happier) life. Wishing you both unconditional love, light and freedom🍀⚘🧚♀️🙏🌈
If your partner is narcissist, then definitely leave him/her. But parents have done favours for us for decades when we were not needed in the society. So lifetime we can not return back the favours even if we tried. So however bad our parents may be, we should not leave them or treat them like anyone else. We need to bear with them, after all, we will miss them once they die
@@wealthmastery6845 um. No. Parents aren't "doing us favors" by raising us, and the way you act as if kids don't have value is disturbing. They are our future. Parents CHOSE to have us, and that's the BARE MINIMUM. No one should ever have to deal with abuse just because its family. That's absurd. And I cant imagine thinking my kids OWE me something for raising them. That wasn't a damn favor. That is my job, and they never asked to be here. I actually love them.
I can relate so much, my dad literally would smash up the house because I turned the TV up a bit or even turned on a light at the “wrong time”. He screamed at me for flushing the toilet or having a shower at “the wrong time” daytime I wasn’t allowed Because it’s “too noisy”, evening is when he wanted to shower so it wasn’t allowed. The morning wasn’t allowed also because he wanted to shower. I was always dirty. If I pooped and didn’t flush he would scream at me, but if Indid flush it I’m too loud again. He used to try to freak me out by shouting at me naked too wtf.
I told mine he was wrong about a situation we both experienced but mine was different. He got really offended and blew up in me, calling me a liar and a loser. Broke up with me because it was my fault.
So true. Now to stop the rant I attempt to talk about something I know he likes to talk about to stop it before it starts. I’m in survival mode. After 14 together I just learned through therapy I’m dealing w a narcissist. Game changer for my future.
Good analogy. With my older brother, simply expressing an opinion, any opinion, was enough for him to do everything in his power to block what I wanted - even if it was just to go through a door.... If he did not immediately get his way, come the rage, keep upping the ante at each 'non compliance', then the fists came out, then full on punching... It reached a point where I realised that if I did not leave, I would be dead soon. I emigrated and still live abroad. Scroll on a couple of decades, and he said in some fury "EVERYTHING I have EVER done in relation to you is RIGHT and PERFECT".
Yes! The bulging eyes, the bared teeth, the screaming, the horrible personal comments, the yelling right in my face, the slamming out of the house----- OMG having flashbacks of the worst two years of my life. I would have moved out but I was afraid to say I wanted to leave.
Yes, they have to be in control all the time, so they use every thing to keep you subdued. I hate drama, so I was a perfect person to control.( Even though I am a strong minded individual, my heart would try to avoid the hurt caused by their rage. I loved her and hated to see her upset most of the time.)
Mine is trying to instill fear. I'm with the Lord and he can't phase me in that sense. He leaves out bullet shells next to Kaboom bottles. He points his skull hat in my direction. Just stupid childlike stuff. I've already reported to police and to the city. I am disabled and not able to go anywhere else at the moment. So I have to stand my ground and protect myself legally.
The narcissist i was married to HATED that I didn’t fear him, not trying to minimize you at all, I understand you. He wanted to hit me, but he did that once and it didn’t go the way he expected. I’m sorry you went through that, i hope you’re out and safe now.
@@Maleni143 There's nothing wrong with fear. It's a very uncomfortable emotion but it's our instinct trying to protect us by alerting us that a situation is dangerous. Our instinct knows before our mind does in many cases: especially with a narcissist whose manipulative mind games tend to keep us in a state of confusion. The issue, however, is what we do with fear: do we take it as a warning sign, trust our instincts and take steps to protect ourselves? Or do we allow fear to control us and keep us stuck in a bad situation that can/will ultimately end up destroying us? I am now out, safe and making sure I keep strong boundaries (some would call that fear too; I call it wisdom). In my case fear didn't produce the results my narcissist expected/wanted.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and you experience narcissistic rage, the best thing you can do is walk away and never look back. It only gets worse when you stay with them. It happens more often and it becomes more fierce. I feel like I was walking on eggshells when I was with my narcissistic ex. When I got pregnant, I was worried that my daughter would be emotionally scarred if she ever experience his narcissistic rage. When I talked to him about my concerns, he just got mad at me. It’s impossible to reason with a narcissist, because they think they’re perfect. All you can do is protect yourself by leaving the relationship.
Trees Lakes It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who will only destroy you with their manipulative, hurtful behavior. By the time they actually leave you, you’ll be nothing more than a shell of the person you were before you met them. Then, all your time and energy will go into trying to repair all the damage they’ve done. It’s really not worth it.
Yes I stayed 20 years too long, 5 children with him and I still can’t be free and he knows this, but it’s better gone now he uses the system to torture us as he said he would do
@Trees Lakes We are told by the experts that pathological narcissists are a very small percent of the population. Sometimes I think they need to get out of their ivory tower and meet a few more people.
Literally sitting here in tears because this WAS my life. God brought me through & I choose to put myself & children FIRST! You can only imagine what Narcissistic Rage does to a child 💔💔. Thank you so much for this Dr.Ramani 🙌🏾 I knew I wasn’t crazy!
I know what narcissistic rage does to a child. I am the child of a malignant grandiose narcissist mother and a malignant covert narcissist. It’s a life long mental and physical prison. The agonizing chronic pain from unexplainable diseases. The failed abusive relationships. The lonely self isolated life due to hyper vigilance.
I wish I had known. My 1st born child is dead from OD and a hole in his heart. I have finally started getting mental health help. I have been married 22 years. Very slowly over time depression crept over me until culminating in 2018 and I wrote a suicide note and my husband brought me to inpatient therapy. And still I did not follow through with my mental health afterwards. Now I see it so clearly how the constant emotional abuse piled on me in layers until I was smothered by the weight of it. My poor children. God forgive me for what I have allowed them to be exposed to, and what I myself have done to them. Today my husband told me that my depression made him depressed and is why he started using heroin. To this day he goes into a rage when I suggest things done by him to me in the past were hurtful and damaging. Things I never brought up out of fear He claims he has apologized when he hasn't, that I shouldn't care because it happened so long ago, and( possibly most painfully). He lied to me about witnessing a woman getting raped and being helpless to help her (he said this to me while in tears and after I told him how difficult it was to be comfortable alone with people because I had been raped). When this lie was very recently exposed, his response was "everyone lies in the beginning of relationships to look better" I am still paralyzed with shock of realizing what my life really has been, who my spouse really is, and with trying to navigate the grief and guilt of my my son's death. My mother would explode into rages as well when I grew up
@@mjmama5869 I am so sorry to hear about your son and all your pain. I got the same sentence from my husband when I tried to explain to him why "I wasn't as tender and loving as before" because all the insults and rage and he didn't apologize, just kept saying "oh you are always bringing up the past". "That was so long ago". The reality was that it kept happening over and over.
@@jessewade4557 if you are asking me. It has taken a bit of practice on my part, but l started considering most of what he said "noise" (since I know what the truth is and I will not give any attention or response to any gaslighting behavior). And I have learned to calmly say my truth. I didn't have to get out. He left! And I feel so free! I still have weak moments where I find anger building because I feel like he owes me some validation or apology, but I am learning to get validation from myself. And it really does feel good.
Dr Ramani….. I can’t thank you enough… THIS is exactly how they behave!!! It’s shocking and terrifying!! He would always say I made him fly into rages…. So delighted I ended relationship… it was like being held hostage! They are truly evil!!! Thank you again…. This is invaluable 😀
This is likely more my family, too... the ultra-conservative family religion prohibits/ demonizes the emotion of anger... & I suspect this is why I never saw/ heard open-ended physical "rage"... The other narciss behaviors match...
@@melissahurst1196 yes, me too! my father valued self-control of maintaining his image, above all else. to rage would be to lose self control and his careful composure!
I've dealt with narcs when they exhibited narcissistic rage...they TRULY acted *evil/hateful/demon-possessed* 😬 and the amount of anger/hatred/vindictiveness was ALWAYS *disproportionate* to what they were angry about 🙄😅
They are demon possessed. My ex narc blew up in a rage over something trivial. I just sat there calm and let him blow up. It was like I was watching someone I didn’t know. That was 1 1/2 month into this addictionship. I should have called it quits at that time, but did not. I put up with another 1 1/2 month of craziness. Decided life was too short and I wanted my peace. He tried to come back a few times after that, and I said No. Then I found Dr Ramani and others on TH-cam talking about narcissist. That’s when I realized what he was, then I realized everyone man I dated was a narcissist. Most were covert passive aggressive narc. I didn’t know the silent treatment was their way of abusing me. I am healing myself now. My spirit of discernment is on overdrive now, looking to point out the narcissists.
as a child, I rememeber living in absolute terror of my dad. my sister and I constantly walked on eggshells, wouldn't make a peep, did every chore we were given, because if not there would be hell to pay
I've been on the receiving end of this rage you speak of. It is sudden, unwarranted, Loud and can last hours at a time. My Narcissist would talk to herself out loud, talking her self up in rage to the point of hitting walls, yelling at the top of her voice, going outside and throw the patio furniture all over the yard. The pets in the house would all run and hide and would stay in hiding till the next day in most cases. As time went on THE RAGE would grow in intensity and got to the point that I would take the pets and lock us in a bedroom so she couldn't get close to us. Experiencing this rage is a terrifying experience over the smallest simplest things.
I have CPTSD from the many experiences of narcissistic rage leveled at me by my mother throughout my childhood. This is a terrifying experience for an adult and is so crushing to a child.
"He had a hard life" is a sentence I have said so many times to excuse his behavior... Now that I have been discarded, I go between feelings of worthlessness and confusion. I'm terrified to ever get into a relationship again, as I'm empathetic and tend to jump in with both feet. Thank you for your videos.. hopefully If I ever do decide to love someone again, I will have the ability to identify the red flags.
I felt the same way....but now I know that I have been through trauma...the narc mother of my 3 children has put me through 22years of confusion, over what was wrong with her! I just now found out what a narc is a few weeks ago ( November 2020 )!!! I was discarded by her a couple years after my last child was born. That was over ten years ago, but I still go through hell every time I get to visit with my children....she is there and calling the shots every visit. I will go to court soon (for visitation rights etc.) so my baby's narc mother will not ruin every visit I have with them!!!
You were not discarded, you were judged as someone who could not be controlled by a most controlling person. Whether you left first or he did this was a blessing and you are a strong person who may have been broken but is still whole deep down, unlike the most controlling people who are broken to their core
Omg!!!! This clearly sums up my experiences with my soon to be ex husband. Now I know it’s “rage” and not “anger”. His rage never matched the situation and was terrifying. It got physical, I’m done! No regrets! Never again
Same! He strangled me and went to jail. I had to apologize to him and his family for sending him to jail. They told him to go to anger management, and he did. His rage got worse his excuse? "I have anger issues"
I listened to a conversation my friend recorded of her narc husband (my ex-friend), and it was over 2 hours of an adult man-child temper tantrum. She stood her ground though. I'm so proud of her! He gaslit, raged, hoovered, baited, you name it. He pulled all the narcissistic tricks out in that conversation, and she didn't back down!!! She stood her ground and by the end he was a pouty whiny baby. So proud of her! Too bad she allowed this narc back in her life. :(
Met the most charming person of my life. Two months in I saw this exact rage. Many false promises and mistakes later, the rage was still there and more violent. He went from saying he "loved me more than anything" to if I didn't get an abortion he would "make sure to make the rest of my life a living hell". It was two years (but have been out of that relationship for 6 months now after seeking legal and a friend's help). Wish I had been educated on this. I hope your message spreads to people who don't even know what narcissism is.
Ja I had no idea there were such people in this world. And since I was innocent and new to dating I was an easy target, cos I just believed I was to blame. I said sorry for getting fat, sorry that it made u cheat 4 times. Sorry for being lazy and I am not actually. Tiny things like the toilet roll holder started massive fights. Feels like for 3 years I apologised for everything. Even the incessant lies and deceit somehow became my fault or the favourite word was I was delusional
@@RebeccaShanmugamBex This was exactly my situation. It got to a point where if I didn't put the tie on the bread or refill water (to name a few), I knew I would be in trouble and he'd start a fight. He would blame me for his anger like slamming his head into a steering wheel till his forehead bled to get what he wanted. It's not you! I was delusional too and my world was completely grey after. It still is but I feel like slowly there's color coming back somewhere.
Doc I wish I had found you 20 years ago. I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissistic for all my adult life. Thankfully, it’s now coming to an end. 🙏🏽
Dr. Ramani, WOW! You described an individual I worked for. He ran a small business. He had everyone in a corner trying to avoid his attention. It was like watching a cluster of mice in the corner of a fish tank waitin to be eaten by the snake. He had a tendency to use his height advantage to intimidate people. He also used his intellectual ability to belittle the other workers. I never took his sh**^!. Whenever he used his tactics on me, I reflected them back on him. The tone, the sarcasm, the patronizing, any of them. His response, he would have my supervisor send me home for the day. I walked out with a grin. My supervisor would ask chuckling "What did you say to him?". Of course, my glory ran out. I embarrassed him in front of everyone. To keep this story as short as possible, we had a small dispute over how I was handling the products. I explained to him that any other method would be unsafe for me and I continued handling the products until I felt safe to change my method. Instead of understanding my explanation, in his typical condescending tone he asked: "Did you hear what I said?" And with my condescending tone I reflected: "No, Did You hear what I said?" After calling him out on his BS of prioritizing the quality of the product over my safety, he has the audacity to say. "Don't put words in my mouth!" I responded: "I didn't put words in your mouth, your statment simply implies, ( and you know what implication is ). His face turns red, his mouth is shaking, his hair is spiky. His final response was: "Don't f-99923-kin talk to me like that!" Everyone around us was quiet. After he walked away, everyone applauds. One guy goes, "Man F**88-nk, You Gangsta! I have never seen anyone talk to him like that!" That's right! Of course, he found an excuse not to keep me anymore after 10 years! Hahaha! I have a better job now! He is still miserable! Hahaha!
My spouses ex literally tried to kill me during an episode of their narcissistic rage. This is a 45 year old. I was literally scared for my life. This person was charged with felonies and convicted of assault with a deadly weapon, dui, and spousal abuse plus a protective order that states they cannot come near me or their ex spouse for 3 years. AND STILL THEY SAY THEY ARE THE VICTIM and did nothing wrong. Thank you Dr Ramini for helping me understand what happened and that it was never my fault.
I imagine listening to this will trigger CPTSD trauma. But I can attest to this. Get out before your health is impacted - or you’re potentially killed. The rage flips faster than a light switch and is horrifying. Like living out a psycho movie.
Serpent Goddess I’m so glad to hear you say that and will help me push through the entire video. I’m at 20 min and started watching almost an hour ago. Lots of triggers.
Exactly, listening to this made me remember how I was beaten black and blue, I don't know for how many minutes and then dragged to the bathroom to forcefully shower me over my bloody face and dress. That wasn't the only time.... It was hard to listen even decades after the incidents, even if I am totally healed and happy. The scars remain, unfortunately. I should add that it was for a very little things.
Lola Gul gut wrenching story Lola. Yes very little things. The strangulation and dragging down hallway by my throat to the point of near pass out happened because I asked why he was bragging to his son about stalking women who drive Mercedes. Was not the only time for me either...was only the beginning that got worse from there.
Yes, after the rage where he even tried to choke me... I was so shocked I literally froze. I haven't spoke to him for few days because I didn't know how to, because he wasn't even sorry for what he did. He wanted the beat the hell out of me, he even told me that. He gave me silent treatment until I started to talk and eventually blamed everything on me, I asked for it, and then discarded me few days after. So glad he did that, I'm still suffering, but as everyone said, he would beat me every day of my life, verbally or physically.
Yes, and it didn't end until *I* apologized to *him* and promised I wouldn't do whatever it was that I'd done to "make" him rage and agree that what he did wasn't actually bad, and I was blowing it out of proportion. It could last weeks, but over time I was quicker to, as you put it, "make peace."
Narcissist rage was part of my youth as the way my father dealt with many situations. Last month, at 68 years old, I experienced it again from him. Thanks to your videos on this subject, and all I have learned from your postings, for the first time ever I gray-rocked him twice. Yes, it was scary and risky, but IT WORKED!!!!! I also gave my enabling mother an on the spot demonstrated of what should have been done with him years ago. She is afraid of his rage, and after 70 years of marriage I fear that may never change. But, it did nothing but make me feel proud of myself and empowered. Thank you for your channel, and all you do to get the messages out explaining what the reality of this behavior really is.
Then there is the deliberate, calculated, and sometimes premeditated use of rage --- once they have sensitized you to previous experiences of their rage. Rage is a tool that the narcissist uses to get their way: 'the end justifies the means' is their watchword.
Yep, my dad had these rages on a steady basis. Where he became verbally and physically violent. Throughout not only my childhood, but adulthood as well. A real monster.
My mom died when I was 22. I'm 44 now and still trying to process how growing up with her being a narcissist and most likely borderline has in the past and still does effect me. This video hit very close to home. Your videos (and therapy) have helped me begin to see myself and my childhood through an accurate lens. I feel awful thinking it, but I'm just glad I didn't have to deal with my mother's bullshit over the past 22 years. I still struggle with social and generalized anxiety and self-esteem issues, but now that I've learned the root cause of those things and started confronting and learning about those causes, my issues have really started to ease up. So anyway, thank you for your videos.
The self esteem issues don't seem to get talked about that much. Between the scapegoating, the golden child being treated so much better, the mini-me calling the shots, yeesh. I always thought I was useless until at an employment workshop the teacher told me flat out that I have less than zero self esteem.
Our HR was a narcissist and two weeks before her death, while she was at home, sick on chemo, she was still making waves at the workplace and starting drama. She had no time left on this earth yet that was somehow still important in her last, dying days. She was hell to work with. Her dying was like being saved by the bell. She was highly manipulative and could pretty much command our superiors to do whatever she wanted. To her, losing control was worse than death. Works been a lot easier since she’s been gone.
It was so hard to finish watching this video. It gave me flashbacks. I've experienced all these narcissistic rage so many times with my ex narc, until it turn into physical. I feel like I'm having a nightmare right now
My father once told me that if an employee of his acted the way I acted, he would have fired me a long tome ago. I laughed and told him “exactly, you treat your family as employees, but I dont work for you”. The response was not well received, but I still laugh to this day every time I think about how his true feelings and intent bubbled up to the surface that day. Glad I grey rocked him (without knowing that what I did was called that) and distancing myself as soon as I graduated from school.
Yes!!!!! It was the pattern!!! Boss around!!!! He’s in charge!!!! Never a thank you for sharing my efforts and money!! Then got bored with me…found many others to spend time with.. & finally……didn’t want to be married to me anymore……. but didn’t bother to tell me….. I had us go to a therapy session….because…. while I was divorcing him…. He….kept “love bombing”….(?) I guess..??? When asked… if still wanted to be married to me…. He finally…was….honest….& said “No”!!! Finally…. the words matched the actions!!!!!!
The turnaround from talking or arguing to rage is so dramatic and quick, that it makes you catch your breath and recoil in anticipation of the worst. I always knew that point, when he would go "over the edge" and I needed to take shelter. Normal convo turned into an "attack" on you within seconds and you had better go fast to take cover. What a horrible way to live! How do we manage to deal with this behavior for so long and not lose ourselves completely? The violence he expressed against me (even if I was not being 'hit') eventually is what made me run for my life. It was, as Dr Ramani said, only a matter of time before he took it out on me physically and perhaps, 'finally'.
My dad would flip out and was so scary, it deregulated my internal self, as a little girl. I became programmed to be NICE. and I'm 57 and still struggling to be calm and dignified. I also raged on my own children until I snapped out of it , and realized I had a choice to seek Gods presence within myself. Staying present in the NOW , has been the pathway to healing.
My sister carried on the rage and anger into her family . i decided i would not use hitting to discipline my children. I used rewards for good behavior and early bedtime for not so good behavior. I am very grateful i do not have bipolar like she did. We were night and day as kids and as adults. But the childhood wounds leave a mark and leave us vulnerable to npd people. My guard is up... I know the signs in people I meet. I protect our peaceful and happy life.
@@deannamilner8366 I have great peace in learning to pray for understanding but this channel and Doctor Ramanis creative way of explaining cause and effects ,allows me to expand on my theories about recovery. I am amazed by the value of the NOW, and being present helps me to feel normal .
The LAST day of my relationship with my insane narcissistic husband he raged for over three hours in front of a HUGE bonfire and I sat in the woods hiding from him for the LAST TIME! They started small by him actually lying on the ground when I asked if he drank on the way home! I wouldn’t leave him alone with his small girls WHEN HE DRANK! It got worse and worse and WORSE! These were HIS kids NOT mine! And I became 100% responsible for them at all times! I can say right now with total commitment LEAVE!! LEAVE!! LEAVE!! Send the kids to ANOTHER family member! They will take HIS SIDE! Let them take care of ALL OF IT!
I'm sorry your in that situation. I was there. I stayed in the the relationship longer because of his daughter. I held on as long as I could but ended up getting shot. So you need to worry about you first. Your sanity!!! Im still damaged over it. His daughter is still a part of my life he isn't
I said LAST day meaning that’s the day it ended forever! That was 5 years ago. No I do NOT have a relationship with his kids at all. They took his side! The whole almost 20 years they took his side! These people are controlling and that is in many forms! I do not know them any longer I was just a slave. I will never know them again! They are as mentally off track as he is! He won!! All I have is no more contact with any of them and a LOT of anxiety CPTSD & BILLS!? I say LEAVE because I mean LEAVE! It will have no other outcome! They are DETERMINED to win and to win everything and everyone! It’s exhausting and it’s like living in prison where there is no prison guard and you are left 100% to your own defenses!
I went through this and was so scared. I am free now and I am working on my healing and new life. Thank you Dr, Ramani for helping me understand that it was not me that I didn't communicate well as he had me gaslighted.
Thank you for this segment especially. I'm a senior citizen, and when I was young - and even a young adult - narcissistic rage was not recognized. I was extremely lucky in that an aunt who rarely visited once did visit, saw my mother's rage at me - and took me aside to tell me that it was not my fault, and that my mother had always had episodes like that. It was life-changing, because my father had always blamed me for "setting off" my mother. Telling the truth is the most helpful thing -- and I thank you for the light you bring to this subject.
I experienced this, this morning.. My partner blasted me out because he thought I was trying to wake him up this morning which was not the case. I tried to turn a blind eye over the past couple of years with these tantrum rages and thought I'm the problem. But I believe I have to walk away otherwise things will get worst.
Kisha George...It NEVER gets better. And no matter how much you give them love, thinking that will change things...it won't. They could care less about that. Protect yourself and plan your Escape. Get out before they even know your gone.
You may want to consider protecting yourself on the way out. My experience from 35 years married to a narcissist was the escalation of physical abuse when I showed independence and readiness to leave the marriage. I joined an abuse group and got help and feedback on the potential dangers of my leaving him. I knew he was suicidal when I tried to separate. The group opened my eyes to his likelihood of the 'murder-suicide' scene. So, I secretly saved some money and left the state to a secret place, then filed for a divorce. It's easy to pass over the potential of a rage going to extremes.
When the rage hits and they can't get a rise out of you they will interject things that are not even related to why the are raging in the first place. The absurdity of the what they are saying is key to what they are projecting. Very frighting and sad.
This was me the other day. Told my narc friend no, couldn’t taxi him to the train early. He ignored me. Next day? He missed the train + turned on me as the reason. Huh? I was asleep at home. He raged on a text + told me never to contact him again - ever! It was horrifying.
@@rachelmisc If you're lucky, he's already decided that you are "unworthy" of him and has permanently discarded you. If not, be sure to honor that request and NEVER respond when he tries to contact you.
This was a very helpful reminder to not believe what narcissists may say about you in rage... or at all maybe. I tend to question myself first, which probably something that many reasonable and empathetic people do, because we are open to critique and want to treat other people fair and respectfully. I can see now how a narcissist will use that to destroy people and make them questioning themselves! Thank good for U-tube and you!
My mother's narcissistic ranting sent my grandfather into a stroke and 10 days later he was dead. Back then we didn't know it was narcissism. Now we have a name to it. To the rest of the world she is a saint. To this day she sends all of us messages remembering my grandfather's birthday and acting like the best daughter in the world when she was the one that killed him. I'm just thankful I was the child that got away.
Mine wanted to kill me because I told her I only wanted to spend a few minutes in the store because I had to get the mail out for an order back home. I told her 3 times in the parking lot and then in the store she went crazy evil like she wanted to kill me and it would always last for a good hour. She had to get a lightbulb and I already got some lightbulbs the day before and had it at home. So odd. Do not tell them what to do. No apologies ever.
Funny yrs back I was toying with the idea of whether or not to have kids... Covert mom, always the victim, kids are a burden... such a sacrifice... A kind older woman said; "Children are like 🍌 bananas, they don't spoil" I found that to be an interesting food for thought! 🎠
The narcissist I deal with ALWAYS says He is unable to control himself because I am in control of him! 😳🤣🤣🤣🤪🤪🤪I used to let him bait me; now I merely say “Choices; we all have choices & YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for your own CHOICES! Be an Adult!”
After over 50 years, the level of rage and belittling was so epic and I find it easier to break those ties now. Thank you for this. It’s helped me to understand.
And next day he is calm like nothing happened while the rest of us are traumatised
Yes and when I didn't want to talk to him or want him to touch me he acts like he has no idea why. I really want to know can they rage like an insane person and call you vile names and then forget about it? That's how it seems to me.
Also got to see the coming back like absolutely nothing had happend after he had run away with money and had even police after him...like really??? Next day...hey there, how are you? Great, yeah!!!L Lets go on like its all normal 👍
most certainly
Yup, and says he doesn't remember all that he said....BS.
Yes exactly and get upset when we are still trying to process it! Like we are being negative by not being normal!
“People become so scared of the narcissistic rage that they become afraid of communicating with the narcissist.” Yes. This.
I get angry like that..
OMG yes me! I was so afraid of my fiance's narcissistic rage that I was too afraid to talk to him a lot until I was too scared to stay and I just left while he was at work. I didn't feel safe to stay anymore to try and make it work
You hit this right on the button! Trying to communicate without pissing my ex off was impossible! It was just easier to avoid most conversations.
This is why I stopped being friends with someone. They accused me of things I couldn't possibly do and tried to ruin my reputation. I just stopped talking with them and shut down for a while.
He terrified me and in the end he assaulted me. I had to face him in public as part of the divorce and he'd always motion as though he was going to attack me again. I was so traumatized I physically recoiled in fear. He loved it. He laughed every time. I'm still appalled that Domestic Relations forced me in the same room with him.
In my family, it was always in private. To the world, this person was a saint....but we knew. Sigh.
That's my mother. She was (is) very verbally and emotionally abusive (raging) in private, but her friends and extended family have ZERO clue. I imagine telling them about it once she passes away...
@Reginald Dove Yeah, for a few years I found myself dating some lousy people, and I'd spend so much time getting sucked into that old pattern with them, trying to appease them, trying to defend myself etc... And I realize now that I'd been trained for this my whole life by mother! It's so important to recognize thos early, and break free mentally if you can.
One of my friends has a dad like that
My mom and sister are like this - they're angels outside the house but predators inside the house.
@@colywogable The narcs always have two faces, a public one and a private one.
Another unsettling aspect of being in a relationship with this kind of person is how they’ll manipulate and push you by insulting, belittling, controlling, devaluing (and more) you, again and again until you to at some point lose it, lash out and all the pent up feelings burst out…and then they’ll use it as evidence that you’re the “crazy”, aggressive, violent one.
Yes, I know of this firsthand.
That's the thing that confuses me because some of her description sometimes leads me feel like it's me.
@@BenBolgren I think I have avoidant PD. I also have a WIFE PROBLEM:
th-cam.com/video/1W-BSHrZbmg/w-d-xo.html
thank you. I'm my moms scapegoat and she succeeded at perfectly painting me as the crazy, unstable, bad and destructive (even physically harmful) person that she has to deal with. She often likes to scream in my face how i'm a terrorist in her life throwing off her perfect harmony and balance). It's why i believe that if i leave, i wont have a chance to talk to the rest of my family bc they'll believe her.
Absolutely. He had me convinced when I finally lost it, that I was the abuser, and he the victim.
I was one of those “he never hit me” ok but he punched and broke my bedroom door multiple times, slammed every door and cabinet, terrified me as he drove super fast, oh and let’s not forget him towering over me and spitting in my face. Sounds like violence to me
Yep - same here - all of this happened to me. Only thing I would add is - water poured over me while I was asleep
Shoved to a corner of my bed when I was fast asleep
Sounds like we all had the same ex lol. Mine did all of the above but eventually he did hit me, choke me several times and the last time he punched me in the face and broke it in 2 spots. I have ALWAYS heard that abusive relationships only get worse and of course that's exactly what happened. And a man who is going to spit in a woman's face ugh that's horrible and shows they have absolutely zero respect for you. To do these things to the woman who you "supposedly " love and care about and who has done nothing but love their dumbasses. And what I think is almost WORSE than all that (if there could be) is when they deny doing it and then call YOU a liar! Or downplays their actions and words and treatment of you. Hes basically like "All I did was spit in your face you're too sensitive, get over it" I should've said "I just F'd your cousin you're too sensitive get over it" lol
It doesn't have to be violence, to give you enough of a reason to get the hell out. A relationship shouldn't be based on the bare minimum. If you don't feel good when you're around them, leave.
@@valhalla1240 Or if you feel like your on a vacation when their gone.
And being woken up in the middle of sleep to answer stupid questions 😔
The "positive" aspect of witnessing this rage is that it can help the narc's victim finally realize that the narc is not just "difficult" but truly disturbed.
Sara Kinn
So True!
They are ticking time bombs
Danger warning ⚠️
So True I witness it no more than six days ago. When you are a child it is so terrifying.
Yes I have been very angry , when it Comes from people doing illegal things on my property. On innocent souls. I m ashamed but I supported too long . And they deserve some anger. But it wont change anything. So let them be.
No, it does not help. Especially if it is your parent. My mother used to show her rage in front of my friends. They were shocked and I was ashamed for her. I mean I was afraid that my friend will think badly about her. I wanted to protect her not to look as bad as she actually is. I was a child I did not understand it was inappropriate behavior and she is fully responsible for it. Victims are most of the time in dark hell, so they dont believe, dont listen to their inner voice anymore. They are disconnected from their feelings, many victims also believe that they are responsible for the rage cause they are brainwashed, just like I was brainwashed by my mother. Even my father asked me why do I have to irritate my mother so much to make her go in rage. I believed him that I was responsible. Today I know I was NOT. She can get in rage because of the smallest thing and then she blames somebody for her behavior. My parents both are narcs. Sadly for me. :-(
True, it doesn't get more evident than this
Sadly, they definitely won't show it in the beginning of a relationship, of course first comes love bombing etc..
Agree wholeheartedly with this. My turning point was when she raged at me for taking too long visiting a family member in hospital who was fighting for his life.
Oh the rage especially in the car while he was driving. Terror,,pure terror.
Those are the worst.. nowhere for you to go and they know it! I once opened the door when he was driving and raging and it made him slow down so I rolled myself out of the car. That hurt but just could not face another episode of him having a total raging breakdown in the car.
They rage on purpose in a car to scare u because it’s like ur life is in their hands
their favourite, totally terror. You think you' re dealing with a deamon.They don' t want wittners in their abuse.I used that i'm not feeling well to go at a hospital and managed to talk to a doctor that i'm in danger. He talked to me for borderline disorder or narcissist. Doctor immeadiately understood that there is something wrong and tried help me to come back safe to my place. (i didn' t understood then that he has a personality disorder and was comletely alone in vacation). Be aware, talk loudly to every person you know and get out of there! Sending you a hug!
Yup, the narc would always say "well somebody has to teach them how to drive!", while riding up on the bumper of the car on front of us as both cars are driving in the far left passing lane. So enraged that there is total disregard for the rest of the lives of ppl in the car
@@hg0197 good lord. That is so frustrating and irritating, a couple of the narcs in my life do just that
I always felt when dealing with this in a person it's like walking on eggshells. You're always having to be careful of what you say and do. You keep a lot inside yourself just to keep the peace. Its very uncomfortable and very unhealthy.
very apt .Have experienced exactly this
@@rashmikapoor3549 I'm sorry you've had to experience this and for anyone whose had to experience this. Knowledge in knowing the signs can be very helpful, but most go in blind and end up being abused by it all, sad to say.
This is my current life with my husband. I always tell him I shouldn’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
Yes
@@cherylh1807 m2
My childhood just flashed before me. Also raging in a car then expecting you to act normal when you get wherever you’re going.
Or raging at you before guests arrived at a dinner party they were hosting...so you would be so upset, or angry when the guests arrived...that people questioned what was wrong with YOU....and they would lap it up!
Jo-Anna Hicks
IKR, they are cool as a cucumber after provoking you
LA WY that was my mother... and my spouse...
Story of my life bro
Wowwwww. Yep. God forbid I missed the school bus in the morning. It was yelling all the way to school and her arm swinging at me while I sat in the passenger seat.
Whether you're dealing with a narcissist or not, if you ever catch yourself thinking or saying "at least s/he never hits me" you are being abused. And it is not okay for them to treat you that way.
That's how I felt every day in my previous relationship. I was just grateful he never hit me, only verbally and emotionally abused me. He abused the animals though and it scared me how much he would hurt them whenever he was angry or frustrated with me.
Intimidation too, getting in your face & if you say stop talking to me/leave me alone/get away from me its...make me. They can invite a fight because some want a physical altercation. Put a hand in your face, you shoo it away & you get don't touch me & they might hit you. To them, you standing up for yourself is not allowed. To a Narc even a professional knows nothing. Lol.
And here I am saying at least he hasn't killed me yet.
I can't even tell you how many times I have said this. 😔
I felt this way until he beat the living daylight out of me! I definitely didn't see it coming. My advice, just run while you can, I genuinely thought he was going to kill me!
I always thought the “their eyes turned black” thing was either hyperbole or symbolism, until I saw it happen. It’s terrifying. My blood ran cold. The room went silent & all I could hear in my head was RUN. And run I did. That is the one time in my life I genuinely felt I might be about to die at the hand of another. If you ever see someone’s eyes go dark, I implore you to run as well!
J t get things when safe & get out.
I am so proud and happy for you. Congratulations dear
@J t: I have seen this very physical transformation too in an ex-boyfriend from my teen years. It is very unsettling and crazy to see! And you’re right... when his eyes would go black, his personality would totally change and “it was time to run.” That was over 30 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. I actually left the state we lived in shortly thereafter to get away from him and feel more safe.
It is terrifying
@JL Evans I would describe my ex as a demonic narcissist. There was something not quite right about him after getting to be with him for a while. Weird things happened to me while we were together that had not before--animals dying, bed bugs, rat infestation, people dying who were his friends.
Ex-mother in law would always say: "He has a very sensitive nervous system. You provoked him. It's your fault". It was horrific
Oh my gosh 💔 I'm so sorry 😔
I love my siblings' responses when my narcissist sister abuses me:
You shouldn't have said...
You shouldn't have done..
You're too sensitive.
You took it the wrong way.
She meant well. (As if!)
You need to let it go.
You hold grudges.
She doesn't treat me that way.
(And my personal favorite) You two never got along. (I wonder why not.)
Omg
She was enabling her precious little monster ,rotten mother and bad monster in law,instead of rebuking him.
I hope you didn’t believe her delusional interpretation.
This sounds so familiar. Mothers can be big enablers of narcs.
In my experience, it comes from “how dare you stand up to me, or how dare you don’t grovel, or who do you think you are not allowing me to control you!”.
Yep! I stood up against my ex narc and it was the best thing ever but the narcissism didn’t stop..I think I frightened the narc with how strong I was and I think at the end of it all he realized how strong I was and how he couldn’t control me so he went on to another women lmao its really sad. I knew he needed help and luckily from experience with my mentally ill sister growing up I could recognize his type of behavior and what it could lead up to. I may have spent too much time involved with him but maybe in some sort of way I taught him a lesson.
Yes, he wanted to walk in front of me and for me to follow him, while he yelled at me. After we were separated, I felt fearful for 2 weeks every evening when he would usually come home, even though he had moved across the country. I kept telling myself, "He's not going to fly all the way back here tonight in order to come busting through the door and start screaming." After 2 weeks, I started to finally feel sad instead of fearful. The initial red flag -- we were in a computer lab and he had misplaced his disc. He blamed ME for losing his disc, but I had not touched or even seen it. He was so arrogant and condescending. It felt confusing that I was little bit doubtful, wondering if maybe I somehow had misplaced it. It seemed "weird, out of character."
Or HOW DARE U NOT LET ME FINANCIALLY USE OR ABUSE U IN ANY WAY
I ended going supernova on his ass
My husband exactly 😔
When meeting my narc boyfriend, at the time I did not know much about narcissism. As I watch Dr. Ramani's videos now, I just need to chuckle a bit because he did E X A C T L Y what her videos describe...it was like clockwork:
1. The LOVE BOMBING phase was the first 6 weeks or so.
2. The first RAGE session was when I asked him a question about his diet. Big screaming rage session followed where his eyes turned red, and he then threw our whole dinner in the trash.
3. After such a rage session, he acts as if everything is normal, and when he saw the fear in my eyes, he asked "what's wrong with you/why are you so distressed?"
4. I do not leave him, because I hold onto who he was in the love-bombing phase. I also believe the EXCUSE he tells me about his sad childhood, and I believe that I am the one to heal him.
5. The fact that I do not leave him after his first rage probably triggered the DEVALUATION stage, because he believed that there are no consequences to his actions.
6. Then comes GASLIGHTING, triangulation, more narcissistic rage, you name it!
7. Then I develop a lot of anxiety, and even as someone in my 20's, start developing physical ailments and pain in my body.
8. I somehow, with what little strength I have, decide to leave him. He HOOVERS me back saying what he did was wrong and that he deeply wants to change--he needs ME to help him change.
9. A little bit of love bombing from the narc works on me, but this time he love bombs for only a few days before flying into a rage again.
10. The cycle repeats with devaluation and more gaslighting. Thankfully I was able to end the relationship and celebrate 60 days of no contact :).
There are so many of us that have done this and the fact that you got out while still so very young is amazing! Like the other respondent said, never never never go back, and please learn the red flags so you do not get in a relationship with another narc! They have feelers for us and will hone in on us!!
I'm so happy for you! Stay resolved and do not look back, but only as a gauge for future relationships.
Thanks for your 10 points of a relationship with a narc. It's spot on! Stay free!
@@rachelhill3838 You definitely are right! They have feelers for the empaths.
@@mikah1823 Thanks for taking the time to read it, it means a lot to me :)
Their rage can be so meaningless a lot of times.They show rage sometimes in order to make their victim chase them and beg them to cool down,which increases their power. That rage is a clear indication of someone hurting their fragile ego.
shilpa patil exactly!
@@leciek4404 yes.have experienced this.
Yelp, they will say "don't tell me what to do". I don't like being around them and not fond of them at all
Narcs are "Humonics", half human and half demon. I coined this
@@dontbelongherefromanother human just in appearance.
And narcissists NEVER apologize for their horrible behaviour!!!!!
If they do it's n a condescending or mocking manner never sincere
So true
"None of us are responsible for the narcissist's rage." Amen 👏👏👏
Two things, they rage to control you, and the threat is aways there. You stay controlled, by being afraid of the next one.
My narc sister thinks everything anyone thinks or does in the world is some sort of attack on her. It's really crazy.
@@prant8998 Well said. That's how it is.
That true
@@prant8998 You NAILED it. 💯
Legit crying watching this because this is my life. The road rage, the outbursts and the blaming. Him getting worked up over nothing, over stupid silly things and making mountain out of molehills. It’s enough to make you go insane
Leave while you are still young
@@rusinhouston I did, finally at 36 years old
Sophia, please get out. Plan it carefully.It gets worse with time and will turn physical against you eventually. I can send you a summary of what happened to me, a highly educated business person, at the hand of a narciccist over a period of 5 years. Cars are a key weapon for them - it gives them power. He tried to run me over with my own car when I left him and tried to retrieve some of my belongings. In the car you are captived prey, their rage echos to make them sound more menacing to themselves. They are really fragile ego weaklings that choose empaths to control and scare, to feel bigger and better about themselves.
@@beulahliebenberg4719 I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you and don’t worry I’m moving out on Wednesday. I ended the marriage back in March and we move out next week. I just had enough and I agree it does get worse not better
@@sophiaharper723 that must have taken a lot of strength
wow she's brilliant. Wish I could see her in sessions. I'd be so much healthier. we need more people like this women in the world.
Hello, i believe you should listen to an actual person with npd who knows what's going on more than a actual Narcissist? Go and look for Sam Vaknin you will be surprised as to what is actually happening inside someone with this mental illness . he's been diagnosed twice with npd.
@@dragon2195 so basically take advice from a narcissist?
@@nazanin7564 no, just listen and learn .
Me too!’
@@dragon2195 ive learned a lot and gained helpful insight from Sams lectures. Theres a lot of psychologists who have shown me great knowledge. It is the whole picture that I need to see and the different views have been wonderful.
My Dad was a narcissist with huge anger control problems. Was very draining to be around him. They're like spiritual vampires.
I feel it with my husband…
You won’t want to tell the narcissist how you feel because you’re afraid they’ll just yell instead of talk it out and try to make it better.
💯🎯
There is no resolving anything with them. It's not possible.
The last thing they care about is how you feel!
@@CjL716 totally! And gaslight that you “. “ need” to talk/tell them more because you can trust them and it hurts them that you don’t!
My mother would just say, there's nothing to be afraid of! I am your mother, I'm just upset, don't you know I love you? You are too sensitive.
It's like she really doesn't comprehend that her emotions are completely disproportionate... And now I don't believe she can ever change, she's over 60...
So there's just a lesson for me to work on my own narcissism and mental health issues that I have received from growing up in a family like that (my both grandmothers too)... I always feel my best when I stop focusing on other people's issues or blaming them, or being afraid of them... (that one really has taken a toll on my life...), and try to work on my own character...
I finally left last week during the pandemic with my daughter. Reasons for his rage. Didn't refill the paper towel, couldn't calculate the equation in my head, asked him not to trim the hedges too short, the GPS wasn't working and it was my fault and I did it on purpose, daughter couldn't answer a math question... I'm out!! Now helping my daughter recover from this.
I wished my Mum would have left instead of telling me that it is my fault 😢 I am 41 now and just recently cut contat with them all, Dad, Mum and my sister. They are unfortunately all in the same boat.
So glad you made that decision
Thank god you and your daughter got away.. this quarantine would absolutely escalate that rage after enough time alone with you guys
Stay strong and do not let him sweet talk you back in. Proud of you for getting out!
Congrats on getting out! I am so proud of you for making that decision for both you and your daughter's health, Stay safe and seek support!
Narcissistic rage seems like an adult version of a temper tantrum when their insecurities, patholgies, or viewpoints aren't indulged. It's ego based, not righteous anger. It's immature.
When I watch the Supernanny videos on TH-cam and see those three-year-olds throwing tantrums I'm looking at my ex. I picture Supernanny dragging him to the naughty stair and making him sit there no matter how many times it takes.
@@patriciareilly530 You're comment came at the perfect time. I'm writing a book on narcs and what to do in such cases. One strategy is grab the adult-toddler by the head or the shoulders, look at them with panic and concern, and exclaim "What's WRONG with you!?" as dramatically as possible and embrace them tightly - "hold baby" - until they break free. But they have to WORK for it.
@@toxicstatesofamerica1277 You obviously have never bern around a malignant narcissist. That move could trigger violence.
@@valerieparker2242 You obviously don't know me.
*pathologies*
The lying and manipulation from my ex narcissist were bad, but the rage was absolutely terrifying. He punched walls, broke furniture, threw things, screamed and lunged at me. He nearly got us into a car accident a few times while raging as he drove, sometimes with our baby in the backseat. I'm so glad it's over. Anytime I start to miss being married, I just reflect back on those incidents and thank God we got away.
You literally wrote what my heart feels
Oh my gosh, me too!!! We don't have a child, but he did get us in accidents or would "fight" or race people on the freeway because he didn't get his way! It was absolutely terrifying how my safety was never put first before his anger.
I pray God sends you a husband that loves him so you can enjoy marriage
Don't thank God.
God is a Narcissist. And Narcissus is a god.
The god of the old testament and the god that slaughtered his own son is the living definition of a narcissist. And so is Moses, who created God in his image. Flowing bearded angry fuck completely and totally enthralled by stories of killing children.
Oh, the crazy, terrifying car rides. I never looked at it as violence. I feel sadness for the younger me who did not recognize this as abuse. Thank you for your work Dr. Ramani ❤️
Oh my gosh!! Every single time we went some place in the car it was a nightmare. Every other driver is a moron and he would rage and curse so much!! I tried to remind him they can't hear him but I can and it's stressful. Haha!! As if talking to them about their behavior ever works!!
I also experienced the trap of a car.
I've been slapped and humiliated and the length of the trip determined the length of my terror trip. I learned to talk and be entertaining and listen to my crazy father sing or tell stories. It was like Taming a big gorilla / child
OMG. Car rides!
@@beachjeanne2966 My mom would do that and it fried my nervous system, so I've had to "revisit" those events and calmly tell her to, calm down , and see her as a child as I feel confident next to her... Other wise I would hate her ..and now she's just old and doesnt remember.
Yup 👍… terrifying car rides, rages about simple question.. that opened my mind!
"You become so fearful of their rage that you get paralyzed and you get stuck"!!!!!!
This is why getting married or having children quickly with someone is sometimes a bad idea. They can’t hide that rage for long so it’s important to date for a couple of years before permanently connecting with these Narcs during their “Love Bombing” phase... they can’t hide that rage for long then you can see the true them and leave.... I wish they taught Narcissism and other personality disorders to children in grade school or high school. Then we could spot a Bully quickly, get away and stop these codependent relationships.
This is such a good point.
Well the emperors new clothes was one lesson but I think it goes over your head when you’re a kid.
So true,
I had experienced this with my ex husband with his rage and anger with especially video games. It was BAD to where I got to the point where I knew it wasn’t healthy for him or I to be married.
I even went to his family to ask them about it when I first started noticing his anger and they knew he had issues and his very religious mother acknowledged it and said she has tried this and that but at the end of the conversation it was just like she shrugged it off and it eventually turned to me having an issues and basically is what lead to my divorce. I could not get over the fact that especially his mother was defending him over any sort of issue with the relationship that I was trying to fix and make better. Also the fact he would drag his own mother into our marriage..it was ridiculous and I had to get out because I knew there was no getting through to him and for myself to be happy again, I needed to divorce him (a short lived marriage fail) which was for the best.
Quiche Lorraine I agree! For some reason narcs gravitate towards me...probably because I’m an introvert and they think I’m an easy target lol but! Now I have learned much more about narcs, sociopaths and psychopaths to be careful with whom I get close to. Its been hard for me to especially open up to anyone and I’m 30 now. It upsets me that I am just now have been searching myself to learn more about this and had to do this to understand and have peace with my past to be able to let go.
I think this should be learned early on in high school. I did take a sociology class and learned some about personality traits but that was a choice for credits, not everyone takes these classes and the people who probably need to wont chose a class like that because they are a narc. Lol idk
I grew up with a covert narcissistic mother. She did her "dark arts" when no one else was around. I completely agree it would look like a demon took over, their features would change and their voice would turn into something sinister. I would be left paralyzed in fear.
I love your videos Dr. Ramani. Thank you!!
Me too.....mother, 3 spouses. So scary....ever learned util now. Healing emotionally and physically at 67!
Exactly my mom, im working on getting the hell out !! I saw satan in her eyes i swear to god !!
They often go into their rages over you not doing what they want you to do, and try to say it’s because you disrespected them. They order you to do things, throw in a fake compliment to try and manipulate you into doing it, and then rage if you choose not to do it. They are just messed up people who never grew up.
So very on point
Yep
They are so bizarre about their expectations and demands for "respect."
This is my mother and sister. Sister wants it all her way. Doesn’t bother asking other people their point of view..it’s all her way. One minute she reaches out to me to say she’s sorry. I ask her what she’s sorry for…she got mad stating she didn’t reach out to get interrogated. ???? Doesn’t want to talk on the phone, just FB messenger. Im over it. Her n my mom both are narcissists.
True but my narc parent would never ever bother complimenting me lol :(
I can’t even watch this video without being retraumatized by the memory of that persons rage.
Facts me too esp when he would drive crazily and he would get so angry and breath do hard to a point of him passing out cus he hyperventilated so bad
Me too 😞
You explain it perfectly. I am using this channel to help me heal but geez my head spins
Sh*t, that's so true.
It will get better..
Her "vomit" comment was spot on!! I used to say my ex-husband was like a sea gull that flies over and craps all over them and flies off feeling lighter and free all the while the rest of us are standing there with crap all over us.
Great analogy
Exactly, THEY are over it & can just move on without a thought of what they did to others.
It's almost an orgasm for them.
@@user-22- and they often say “I didn’t make you cry, you made yourself cry”
Perfect analogy
It was my Dad's way. As a kid his frequent raging terrified me. I learned to avoid him at all costs...so I grew up without a father, although he lived in the same house. The results were anxiety depression, guilt and a social awkwardness, which has in various degrees, accompanied me throughout my entire adult life. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your videos. Now I realize that none of it was not my fault and that in itself is a big relief.
Yes true, none of them was our fault, they had some internal issue. And the rage part is so true, understood later. My mom is a narcissist. Women of that time were restricted from everything, even looking after parents. Surprisingly they are not evil people but yes they are toxic.
@@Satarupa902I kinda think they are evil.
@@moonpleiades99 no not evil
Growing up as the unforgiven...many of us out here...if it was an A on the report card, why wasn't it an A plus...if it was an A+...why wasn't it an A++...not enough salt or too much salt...no...their demons are not your fault...they just pass them on to you...
"Narcissistic rage is often a relatively early red flag you see in a narcissistic relationship that people choose to ignore"... I wish I had seen this video 4 years ago.
Took me 4 years feel like a fooooo
Exactly! And don't feel bad, it took me 4 years as well...
I needed this around my late teens. Soo many toxic relationships.
@@bigpappawampaone It took me nine! 🥺🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
I wish the same …
I left my ex after 33 years of marriage. He was physically and verbally abusive, dismissive, insulting, controlling - the list goes on and on. The final straw was when he ripped out a railing from the plaster in our house as he looked at me like he could kill me. Scary stuff. I've been free for 6 years. It's doable - therapy and supporting friends and my sister helped tremendously. I had to learn who I was, what I like. I walked on eggshells the whole marriage. Life is good now.
So happy for you , it takes courage , I did the same .
Sounds like my marriage
Congratulations to you! I am
in a similar situation now and I’m so so scared to leave😢
@@rnlyle16 you can do it. It may feel like it's impossible and you may be asking yourself questions like "where am I gonna go?" "How am I going to support the kids?" "How am I going to work with the kids? Who's going to watch them?" "How am I going to get them clothes and food and a roof over their head?" "How am I supposed to do this by myself?" But trust me, you can do this. There are so many community resources everywhere and organizations that help out women in these situations, especially mothers and their kids. Reach out and ask for help and keep reaching out. There might be some that can't help right now but don't get discouraged. You can and will find help. Just keep making calls until you find something. Most will help with housing, child care, schooling and/or work, the court process for a divorce, custody, restraining order and will keep you safe if you're in danger. They'll help get you on your feet. They'll give you all the resources you need to be able to do it if you're willing to do the work. They'll walk you through everything. And please get counseling. You're worth so much more than you think or believe. You're so much stronger too. You got this. You don't have to live like this. Hugs from a stranger on the internet. I believe in you and I have faith that you can do it. 💜
Me3 I agree... worth getting out
Don’t forget the quiet rage where you can tell he’s raging but he holds back yelling. Crunching teeth. Furrowed brow.
Yes. Red face 😡
Sharon Reese Chud I don’t know if others experienced the same...I overlooked this silent rage which built up like a volcano over time and eventually erupted into physically violent rage. It’s so important to know this warning sign and I am so glad you brought it up. It is key.
Serpent Goddess Me too. I think because over time I began to see it as an abuse cycle and after this red face there was inevitable punishment.
Yep. Terrifying
Oh 👀
I heard a gem from my therapist once, while getting counseling about my relationship with my abusive, rage-filled husband.
She said " You didn't break him. You can't fix him."
That opened my eyes to my inability to fix his pain from his horrific childhood.
No matter how much I loved him and was willing to sacrifice for him, only God could fix him.
Some people are too broken to ever fix…and who are we to think we could fix something that horrific. Don’t know about you, but I’m not God, nor do I have a need to think I could ever “change/fix” another broken human adult.
This was the first red flag I experienced while 3 months in with a narc. He couldn’t even listen to anyone else’s point of view without feeling attacked. So highly insecure. I learned to keep secrets. I even purchased a house without telling him after rage after rage. We only dated a year so I didn’t feel obligated to tell him everything I did during that time. I made an offer on a house and it was accepted. He raged on me yet again one evening in public at dinner. I decided enough was enough and he woke up to a text saying “thanks for yet again showing your anger. I see the real you and I’m done. Btw, I bought a new house for 500k. I’m leveling up without you. Fuck you”. I was done done done! These assholes should not have any power over you, ever. Keep your autonomy legally. Do not give them an inch.
Good for you!! I didn't realise how sad, unhappy and pathetic these people are!! Mindblowing.....seriously!! A raise a glass to you and hope you are thoroughly enjoying your home!
There's so much i didn't know. Now, I'm so traumatized, i can't see straight.
Sandra Addae thank you so much! I am! It took 9 months for the trauma bond to break but now I realize even my worst day is better than my best day with a narcissist. I feel like my health and peace are back on track! I know I caused a narcissistic injury because he moved away! I’m on the west coast. He’s now on the east coast. I raise a glass to you as well! I’m alone but not tortured anymore. The best we can do is to heal our wounds so we don’t attract abusive partners. We don’t deserve to be disproportionately affected by the tiniest of perceived threats. May you find peace!
I kept secrets too until I could be rid of him. I just so happen by instinct and pure luck followed a lot of Dr. Ramani's advice. I didn't know he was a narcissist until after the relationship was over. Then I came here 90% of what she describes was him.
@@bandeleganiyu7596 there has really been an 'awareness' in the last 8 or so years, of narcissism, and NPD, which was not in mainstream consciousness prior. It isn't even in the DSM for more than a little portion. I do not know what the revisions have been to the manual, but with this new enlightenment about narcissism, a multitude of channels that talk about it, I'd imagine it's been revised to include a whole lot of details and information.
So true! The narcissists also use their rage as a form of control of others. They can control themselves, which is why they choose where and when to rage.
He said I PUSHED HIM TO THAT POINT.... It was my fault. He(apparently) had no control over how he acts/ reacts. Took no responsibility.
Don’t let their rage get to you! Just laugh at it
@@davidoaikhena4380 Ok... But when you grey rock them, and THEY CANT TAKE BEING IGNORED, so they come at you and Physically Assault you.. Hit you and squeeze your head--- then what????????
They even are confirmed that it works, and so it can go from bad to worse...
@@suzanne4396 then you have them arrested and put them in jail
You have described my mother to T. I grew up walking on egg shells due to viloent, narcassistic rage. And you're right, at 53 yrs old I'm still very afraid of anyone who slightly shows anger. It's a huge trigger for me. Thanks Dr for this video
You're 53? You look amazing! Sorry off topic lol I grew up with a narcissistic abusive stepfather who was never not screaming or angry about something. I've learned when someone is angry to separate myself from the situation and try to see why they're behaving this way vs assuming it's all my fault like I used to. Have you tried that?
Wandering Free It was my father. My mom aided and abetted in spite of being a victim herself
Wandering Free This was my situation with my Mother. My Dad and Brother never protected me because they were happy not to be the target themselves- As an Adult, I am avoidant of expressions of anger as I find it triggering and I don’t trust anyone to look out for me. On the plus side, I am very independent and never take my freedom for granted.
You n me both. I'm 54, she is 92. In a home now, being sweet then turning on them. The eager I have seen. Then blaming me for her anger. Doing it in public to get attention, what a horrible child I am. I still dread visiting her, dread giving her the wrong gift or forgetting to kiss her goodbye. What she's saying behind my back, so others feel sorry for her. I stay no longer than an hour and keep conversation light, I entertain her with TH-cam and ask questions about her life then go home relieved I made it through the hour. The worst was her anger with someone else n she took it out on me. She'd say get outta my sight after the screaming, I would go to my room and stay there then she would complain to the neighbors how I never come out of my room, never spend time with her. I believe she has OCD too. If I tidied up wrong the whole street heard her. The poor nursing staff never do anything right. She's in such a lovely place with great staff. Not good enough.
@@dbb96ac I was in same situation as you, my mother was scary. Now I have an adult son who has it. Distance is all you can do. Everyone loved my mother they didn't live with her!!
Yeah, my only thought in how to avoid relationships with narcissists is to have a zero tolerance policy for rage. If it’s happens once, they are done.
easy to say when it's a partner, not so easy when it's your parents
@@antzooma That's when you cut off your parents from your life. Only because they raised you doesn't mean they get to use you as their own personal punching bag. You leave when you can, cut them off and never look back. Narcissists very rarely change.
I wish it were that easy to just leave..2 kids no vehicle no money because I'm not allowed to work
I agree with the first comment
I know the feeling of being "on edge" and hypervigilance. Even when I'm walking on my own or bike riding on my own, I'm always scanning the area around me to make sure that no-one is around who could potentially harm me. That's for me probably the worst part about narcissistic abuse. Being hypervigilant of everything around me as well as struggling to trust people.
Maybe,hopefully it will be a law against this..Domestic Terrorism?
@@darlalong1957 Not until Jesus comes back and destroys the wicked. Psychopaths run our entire system. They also control the mainstream media and feed us constant propaganda and fear mongering in order to maintain their control. Unfortunately, most people believe everything spewed out of the Tell A Lie Vision, enabling these psychopathic tyrants to continue to escalate their BS.
@@reesedaniel5835 Don't wait on Jesus...the time to save yourself is..now.
Being like that, on edge, waiting for their next rage,or trying various ways to prevent them... in a so-called " relationship" in your own home is the worst feeling ever.
Oh yea! I can relate 100% Anytime I drive through the area where he lives and where his family lives and I see a black Chevy Tahoe, it scares me and gives me anxiety because knowing he is a dangerous person that he is still out there and he is still hurting people like he hurt me. Also then I think about the other people out in the world just like him.
The air in the room changed. Like before a tornado hits the air goes eerily calm and full of static electricity at the same time, the barometric pressure changes. Its really really scary. Eyes changed color like a shark or animal going in for the kill. There were times I would just stay quiet, not react and he would continue the rage to a corner in the room, he would look for a mirror to watch himself. He would scream at "me" and not even see me. It felt like those nightmares when you can't move, you can't run. Its so damaging and takes years to work through. Get out if and when it is safe for you to do so. As soon as possible.
Excellent analogy....you paint a brilliant word/emotional picture.
Are you a writer?
If not..in my opinion...you would make a very good one.
Thank you, that is so very kind of you. Until someone experiences it for themselves I found I had to find tangible ways to others relate or being to understand what it is. To say someone yelled at me and it was scary doesn't do this narcissistic rage any justice. I was even told that fights are what make a relationship stronger. 😖😣 your words gave me hope and strength! Thank you. Stay safe!
venusbonjour he did most of the time. Sometimes he needed to rage just to rage. I learned not to engage. When this happened he would find ways to keep his tantrum going. For me it was even more scary when he didn’t look at me. Like being in the middle of a fight i had no choice but to endure until he passed out or broke something. I appreciate and sympathize with your interpretation of why, the trauma he survived etc. I can only say it is a slippery and dangerous slope to presume their behavior is based on anything other than their own grandiose belief that they have every right to do so, and subsequently enjoy it. Cycles of abuse are often misinterpreted in NPD. They can turn it on and turn it off.
My ex covert narc once ranged because I read a text message of a girl saying “did I do something wrong?” And I knew he was messing around. Everything was normal, we went to the concert but when he got in the hotel elevator, he immediately started to give me the silent treatment. Like it was punishment and he narcissistic raged all over again my throwing his phone against the wall and being completely silent and standing in the dark all night. It is the most horrifying experience I have ever had in my entire life. My mom wondered how i even stayed in that hotel room that night without getting another room. I told her, “I just never really slept that night”
Nora Peace I’m so sorry that happened to you. Until you are the victim you see only that they are charming and wonderful their carefully crafted persona. My therapist wasn’t understanding how doing these things was abuse, perhaps I was over reacting. I told her he may not have touched me but he threatened the space around me, he controlled the air I breathed. That’s more power than anyone person should have over someone they claim to love. Your memory gives me flashbacks. I know all too well, your kind races and you can’t make sense of anything. I’m so sorry. I hope you are finding more space and respect and love for yourself.
It’s funny how in a dysfunctional family dynamic the narcs bully insults and rage are acceptable but when the person that is being scapegoated or belittled gets angry everyone attacks them... Very sad
Thank you Dr Ramani 💓
I dunno- for a very long time I can't even raise my voice, so used to being quiet and fading into the background.
Heather Smith I totally understand you, stay around those who love and appreciate you. That you feel comfortable around x
you can not say anything back. I had a father who left me speechless.
@@andrewmass1414 I understand
Sending love
@Ash Man You are not the only one, so sad. I hope you are okay x
Did anyone else's heart start racing when she started describing the violence?
Yes mine does. for hours. Once we were sitting on our bed just talking, when he picked me up and threw me against the wall. I was about 180 pounds at the time. He picked me up like I was a feather. I lay on the floor with my eyes closed. Our daughter came in and asked what happened to me. All he could say was if anything happened to me he could loose his pension.
Unfortunately, yes.
:(
Yes!
Yes .. every pore feel of my body feel so weird .. as I first hand experienced it 😢
Yeah and I have high blood pressure now dealing with this guy
"Narcissistic rage is the genie you can never put back in the bottle." These words bore into my soul the first time I heard Dr Ramani say them and then the floodgates opened.
The Narcissist will push any normal person to the point of rage it is part of their plan to undermine your human dignity. They don't observe a line, there are no boundaries
I had become so numb to his rage that when he hit me is when i finally woke up and could take no more ive been divorced for years now thank God i got out with my life.
Carlender Edwards I dealt with the verbal and physical abuse and death threats constantly from my ex. Sadly It became my normal until I also woke up and became my authentic self
@Red Rum I know that feeling all to well. I seeked psychological council did the work on myself to live my best life that means loving yourself like I deserve and nothing less.
I woke up when he pushed me on the floor and started kicking me during an incident of rage. I divorced him and am not looking back. I saved my life!
He hit me fir the last tube when he raged and stepped on and broke my wrist now I’m stuck in a cast fir a month but babyyyy I got away from him as fast as I could
@@Canaday291 they will threaten u with inadvertently
Each sentence you say is pure gold!!!!
The narcissist I dated was mad at me when I caught her cheating. She became violent. Leave these people. They only love themselves. Be careful leaving a narcissist. Leave them carefully.
Yes. They get very vindictive when you dump them. #BeenThere
Wow...
Same here, stay safe, stay strong 👍
I finally found the courage to leave my narcissist when he send me a picture of the guns he bought. His rage never got better, once he took 2 days building a fence at our home a few days later he broke it by punching it when I asked him to not drink too much so we could spend time together, that he was having too much. I felt stuck, I felt like I couldn't speak to him anymore.
Well said 👍
ALL of these :( "immune system dysfunction, headaches, muscle aches, exacerbation of existing health problems, problems with sleep, problems with concentration, changes in appetite, a whole range of psychological issues including anxiety, fear, rumination, avoidance, hypervigilence, sadness, depression, helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness and even isolation" And being suicidal.
Most suicides are caused by narcissistic abuse. Murder by proxy.....
Fibromyalgia
I am sitting here...literally 'numb' with recognition. May I share with you...that your intellect saves LIVES. It saved mine today. Concise, warm...human...humane delivery...straight from your heart....'direct-messaged' to my own. Feelings that extend beyond gratitude...Your information has become my personal 'life raft' ....certain that others in this community feel the same. Immense gratitude...'tis all.
♥☆☆☆☆☆
So well described how this lady sharing her knowledge impacts on the lives of others.
well said!
much gratitude for the knowledge leading many to freedom
Oh yes. Same.
Car rage could be another topic.
My siblings excuse for my narcissist sister (I'm her target) is that she had a hard life. Her life was a dream compared to my life. There are many, many people who have had hard lives that don't treat people the way she treats me. She sometimes gets short with them, but to me it is always name-calling, put downs, gaslighting, and humiliation. Since I'm the scapegoat in the family, they, of course, blame me. I went no contact with the lot of them. Best thing I ever did for my mental health.
I grew up with a narc mother and a whole family full of enablers, other toxic people and arguably mother narcs. The best decision is to go no contact. It's a waste of time and energy trying to communicate effectively with these people.
Guna have to do the same soon for my own sanity.
Dr. Ramani is right! Narcisstic rage eventually leads to physical violence. This video was so spot on. This series has been so helpful and enlightening. Never again!!!
Aleceia Kidd Yes it does. I’ve witnessed this
My mother always hit my sister and me when she raged. Hit my father too
My father is threating to beat me up. Yesterday alone he threatened me 3 or 4 times. Should I constantly carry something for self-defence in my own house?
121211¹¹¹¹¹¹⅕
I replayed the beginning part where Dr Ramani said “where they see their narcissist eyes go black”, and it gave me chills. I just experienced this for the very first time a few days ago, and it was absolutely terrifying to me. I didn’t even recognize him. He was not in there, I swear! And the rage was unlike anything else that I’ve ever experienced. End of the road for me.... if it were only that easy. We have a 4yo together.
Ya, too bad we can't just simply keep a fire extinguisher near by...... 🔥☔🚒
SO SAD WHEN CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED.I SWAM THROUGH BARBWIRE FOR HER FOR 15 YEARS,WHILE SHE FEIGNED SICKNESS,INJURY,MENTAL DISTRESS:ALL EXCUSES TO STAY HOME&INTAKE MEDICAL MARIJUANA,WHILE I WORKED TO PAY THE BILLS,KEEP US IN $$.EXACTLY 3 MONTHS AGO TO THIS DAY(AN HOUR OR SO FROM NOW)SHE FINALIZED HER GROOMING OF NEW SUPPLY&WAS READY TO MAKE THE BREAK.(HE MUSTA BEEN WAITING FOR HER AT HIS HOUSE).SHE FAKED A PILL SUICIDE,BEGAN HER RAGE&IN A MATTER OF MINUTES 3 COPS&5 PARAMEDICS WERE IN MY BEDROOM,SEDATING HER FROM HER RAGE EVENT.SHE WENT TO THE E.R....I PICKED HER UP FROM THERE,WHILE SHE WAS THERE HER PHONE WAS BLOWIN UP FROM 2 GUYS SHE HAD BEEN CHEATING WITH.I HAD SOME OF HER BELONGINGS BY THE DOOR,SHE SENSED I WAS ONTO HER,AND STARTED SCREAMING" I WANTED HER OUT"......HER FLYING MONKEYS CAME,AND 3 MONTHS LATER THE FOG IS LIFTING,I'M BEGINNING TO GET MYSELF BACK.MY LIFELIGHT IS BEGINNING TO SHINE AGAIN.HANG IN THERE GIRL,IT DOES GET BETTER.PRAYER IS A POWERFUL TOOL!
Yes! I saw that with my ex twice. The last time was the worst time. I left and never looked back.
@Aries on Fire Stay strong and aware of the love bombing and trauma bonding that may follow. The abuse and rage is worse if you return.
Oh yeah... “the black eyed demon” ... I know that guy.
Every part of this is so sadly true. Childhood tantrum from a deep voiced 50 year old man is draining.
My mom had two scare modes. With the first, her eyes would get wide, and she would get this insane smile on her face almost like a mixture of hunger and euphoria as she relished the anguish she inflicted. The second was intense anger, screaming, and physical violence. When in public you would catch a subtle glance from her to see where she was going to direct her rage after we got back home. Having a parent do this is terrifying. You are still developing but a psychotic monster has control over your whole life. She manipulated everyone around her to not believe me, and make me out to be "crazy".
Yes, yes,and yes 😫
I was the scapegoat too of a narcissistic mother. I feel your pain.
"It is the rapid amped up rage than anyone who has ever been in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist has witnessed. It is a terrifying grown up tantrum."
"Narcissistic rage is the genie you can never put back in the bottle." Oh, Dr. Ramani how I wish I would have discovered you sooner. And yet, I a glad I found you when I did because I now understand it's not me, I didn't cause this. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
I just imagined putting a Giant Enraged Genie back into it's lamp. Oooooh scary Really scary!!!! Yikes!!!!
Amen
My dad raged at me, for telling him to let me finish the page I was reading in my book and then I would watch TV with him. He beat me that night, also after that night was the night I chose to leave. Which led to me to leave and then my sister left after me. We still need a lot of therapy and help but we are getting better 😌.
I am very sorry you have experienced physical abuse by your father. A parent should be loving and caring.....a safe haven. I am very touched by your courageous step to choose you. Know that this act of self-empowerment is a valuable one. It defines the rest of your (happier) life. Wishing you both unconditional love, light and freedom🍀⚘🧚♀️🙏🌈
If your partner is narcissist, then definitely leave him/her. But parents have done favours for us for decades when we were not needed in the society. So lifetime we can not return back the favours even if we tried. So however bad our parents may be, we should not leave them or treat them like anyone else. We need to bear with them, after all, we will miss them once they die
@@wealthmastery6845 um. No. Parents aren't "doing us favors" by raising us, and the way you act as if kids don't have value is disturbing. They are our future. Parents CHOSE to have us, and that's the BARE MINIMUM. No one should ever have to deal with abuse just because its family. That's absurd. And I cant imagine thinking my kids OWE me something for raising them. That wasn't a damn favor. That is my job, and they never asked to be here. I actually love them.
I can relate so much, my dad literally would smash up the house because I turned the TV up a bit or even turned on a light at the “wrong time”.
He screamed at me for flushing the toilet or having a shower at “the wrong time” daytime I wasn’t allowed Because it’s “too noisy”, evening is when he wanted to shower so it wasn’t allowed. The morning wasn’t allowed also because he wanted to shower. I was always dirty.
If I pooped and didn’t flush he would scream at me, but if Indid flush it I’m too loud again.
He used to try to freak me out by shouting at me naked too wtf.
I wish you healing and most of all trust in yourselves.
Telling a narcissist no is like lighting a stick of dynomite. It has happened to me many times.
I told mine he was wrong about a situation we both experienced but mine was different. He got really offended and blew up in me, calling me a liar and a loser. Broke up with me because it was my fault.
so true...so true
So true. Now to stop the rant I attempt to talk about something I know he likes to talk about to stop it before it starts. I’m in survival mode. After 14 together I just learned through therapy I’m dealing w a narcissist. Game changer for my future.
Yes that’s so right! I wanted a day off work the other day and he lost it on me and threatened all day he was throwing me out!!!!!
Good analogy. With my older brother, simply expressing an opinion, any opinion, was enough for him to do everything in his power to block what I wanted - even if it was just to go through a door.... If he did not immediately get his way, come the rage, keep upping the ante at each 'non compliance', then the fists came out, then full on punching... It reached a point where I realised that if I did not leave, I would be dead soon. I emigrated and still live abroad. Scroll on a couple of decades, and he said in some fury "EVERYTHING I have EVER done in relation to you is RIGHT and PERFECT".
Yes! The bulging eyes, the bared teeth, the screaming, the horrible personal comments, the yelling right in my face, the slamming out of the house----- OMG having flashbacks of the worst two years of my life. I would have moved out but I was afraid to say I wanted to leave.
The narcissist I was with got satisfaction from knowing that I feared him. It made him feel powerful.
Yes, they have to be in control all the time, so they use every thing to keep you subdued. I hate drama, so I was a perfect person to control.( Even though I am a strong minded individual, my heart would try to avoid the hurt caused by their rage. I loved her and hated to see her upset most of the time.)
Mine is trying to instill fear. I'm with the Lord and he can't phase me in that sense. He leaves out bullet shells next to Kaboom bottles. He points his skull hat in my direction. Just stupid childlike stuff. I've already reported to police and to the city. I am disabled and not able to go anywhere else at the moment. So I have to stand my ground and protect myself legally.
I don’t want anyone to fear me. Someone who fears you will kill you
The narcissist i was married to HATED that I didn’t fear him, not trying to minimize you at all, I understand you. He wanted to hit me, but he did that once and it didn’t go the way he expected. I’m sorry you went through that, i hope you’re out and safe now.
@@Maleni143 There's nothing wrong with fear. It's a very uncomfortable emotion but it's our instinct trying to protect us by alerting us that a situation is dangerous. Our instinct knows before our mind does in many cases: especially with a narcissist whose manipulative mind games tend to keep us in a state of confusion. The issue, however, is what we do with fear: do we take it as a warning sign, trust our instincts and take steps to protect ourselves? Or do we allow fear to control us and keep us stuck in a bad situation that can/will ultimately end up destroying us? I am now out, safe and making sure I keep strong boundaries (some would call that fear too; I call it wisdom). In my case fear didn't produce the results my narcissist expected/wanted.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist and you experience narcissistic rage, the best thing you can do is walk away and never look back. It only gets worse when you stay with them. It happens more often and it becomes more fierce. I feel like I was walking on eggshells when I was with my narcissistic ex. When I got pregnant, I was worried that my daughter would be emotionally scarred if she ever experience his narcissistic rage. When I talked to him about my concerns, he just got mad at me. It’s impossible to reason with a narcissist, because they think they’re perfect. All you can do is protect yourself by leaving the relationship.
Trees Lakes It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who will only destroy you with their manipulative, hurtful behavior. By the time they actually leave you, you’ll be nothing more than a shell of the person you were before you met them. Then, all your time and energy will go into trying to repair all the damage they’ve done. It’s really not worth it.
I wish my mother had had the strength to do this when I was a child.
@Trees Lakes yes, it is scary.
So hard to trust anyone.
Yes I stayed 20 years too long, 5 children with him and I still can’t be free and he knows this, but it’s better gone now he uses the system to torture us as he said he would do
@Trees Lakes We are told by the experts that pathological narcissists are a very small percent of the population. Sometimes I think they need to get out of their ivory tower and meet a few more people.
Literally sitting here in tears because this WAS my life. God brought me through & I choose to put myself & children FIRST! You can only imagine what Narcissistic Rage does to a child 💔💔. Thank you so much for this Dr.Ramani 🙌🏾 I knew I wasn’t crazy!
I know what narcissistic rage does to a child. I am the child of a malignant grandiose narcissist mother and a malignant covert narcissist. It’s a life long mental and physical prison. The agonizing chronic pain from unexplainable diseases. The failed abusive relationships. The lonely self isolated life due to hyper vigilance.
I wish I had known. My 1st born child is dead from OD and a hole in his heart. I have finally started getting mental health help. I have been married 22 years. Very slowly over time depression crept over me until culminating in 2018 and I wrote a suicide note and my husband brought me to inpatient therapy. And still I did not follow through with my mental health afterwards. Now I see it so clearly how the constant emotional abuse piled on me in layers until I was smothered by the weight of it.
My poor children. God forgive me for what I have allowed them to be exposed to, and what I myself have done to them.
Today my husband told me that my depression made him depressed and is why he started using heroin. To this day he goes into a rage when I suggest things done by him to me in the past were hurtful and damaging. Things I never brought up out of fear
He claims he has apologized when he hasn't, that I shouldn't care because it happened so long ago, and( possibly most painfully). He lied to me about witnessing a woman getting raped and being helpless to help her (he said this to me while in tears and after I told him how difficult it was to be comfortable alone with people because I had been raped). When this lie was very recently exposed, his response was "everyone lies in the beginning of relationships to look better"
I am still paralyzed with shock of realizing what my life really has been, who my spouse really is, and with trying to navigate the grief and guilt of my my son's death.
My mother would explode into rages as well when I grew up
@@mjmama5869 I am so sorry to hear about your son and all your pain. I got the same sentence from my husband when I tried to explain to him why "I wasn't as tender and loving as before" because all the insults and rage and he didn't apologize, just kept saying "oh you are always bringing up the past". "That was so long ago". The reality was that it kept happening over and over.
How did you get you and your kids out?
@@jessewade4557 if you are asking me. It has taken a bit of practice on my part, but l started considering most of what he said "noise" (since I know what the truth is and I will not give any attention or response to any gaslighting behavior). And I have learned to calmly say my truth. I didn't have to get out. He left! And I feel so free!
I still have weak moments where I find anger building because I feel like he owes me some validation or apology, but I am learning to get validation from myself. And it really does feel good.
Dr Ramani….. I can’t thank you enough… THIS is exactly how they behave!!! It’s shocking and terrifying!! He would always say I made him fly into rages…. So delighted I ended relationship… it was like being held hostage! They are truly evil!!! Thank you again…. This is invaluable 😀
Dr. Ramani, I'd love for you to also discuss 'quiet rage', the kind that maybe never erupts overtly, but can be sensed and felt as an implicit threat.
Covert passive aggressive rage...
The kind where it can be felt in the air. The air pressure changes and the person has a grey-ness to them if that makes sense. And you get scared.
Yes please
This is likely more my family, too... the ultra-conservative family religion prohibits/ demonizes the emotion of anger... & I suspect this is why I never saw/ heard open-ended physical "rage"... The other narciss behaviors match...
@@melissahurst1196 yes, me too! my father valued self-control of maintaining his image, above all else. to rage would be to lose self control and his careful composure!
I've dealt with narcs when they exhibited narcissistic rage...they TRULY acted *evil/hateful/demon-possessed* 😬 and the amount of anger/hatred/vindictiveness was ALWAYS *disproportionate* to what they were angry about 🙄😅
You just described my dad and brother. They looked demon possessed! It’s so scary!
@@susie2366 😢😞 hang in there Ms. Susie 😘
@@crencottrell7849 Thank you, Oren. Your simple kind words brought tears to my eyes. I’m wishing you well too and sending hugs. 💌
Yes. My mother and my brothers.
They are demon possessed. My ex narc blew up in a rage over something trivial. I just sat there calm and let him blow up. It was like I was watching someone I didn’t know. That was 1 1/2 month into this addictionship. I should have called it quits at that time, but did not. I put up with another 1 1/2 month of craziness. Decided life was too short and I wanted my peace. He tried to come back a few times after that, and I said No. Then I found Dr Ramani and others on TH-cam talking about narcissist. That’s when I realized what he was, then I realized everyone man I dated was a narcissist. Most were covert passive aggressive narc. I didn’t know the silent treatment was their way of abusing me. I am healing myself now. My spirit of discernment is on overdrive now, looking to point out the narcissists.
as a child, I rememeber living in absolute terror of my dad. my sister and I constantly walked on eggshells, wouldn't make a peep, did every chore we were given, because if not there would be hell to pay
@NLB. You just described my life step dad.
I've been on the receiving end of this rage you speak of. It is sudden, unwarranted, Loud and can last hours at a time. My Narcissist would talk to herself out loud, talking her self up in rage to the point of hitting walls, yelling at the top of her voice, going outside and throw the patio furniture all over the yard. The pets in the house would all run and hide and would stay in hiding till the next day in most cases. As time went on THE RAGE would grow in intensity and got to the point that I would take the pets and lock us in a bedroom so she couldn't get close to us. Experiencing this rage is a terrifying experience over the smallest simplest things.
God that brings back awful memories of my life
I have CPTSD from the many experiences of narcissistic rage leveled at me by my mother throughout my childhood. This is a terrifying experience for an adult and is so crushing to a child.
"He had a hard life" is a sentence I have said so many times to excuse his behavior... Now that I have been discarded, I go between feelings of worthlessness and confusion. I'm terrified to ever get into a relationship again, as I'm empathetic and tend to jump in with both feet. Thank you for your videos.. hopefully If I ever do decide to love someone again, I will have the ability to identify the red flags.
It's like we all went out with the same person. THE SAME PERSON! Every comment sounds really familiar.
Take your time and you will find the right one. If they seem too good to be true they probably are!!
I felt the same about my ex felt sorry for him...
I felt the same way....but now I know that I have been through trauma...the narc mother of my 3 children has put me through 22years of confusion, over what was wrong with her! I just now found out what a narc is a few weeks ago ( November 2020 )!!! I was discarded by her a couple years after my last child was born. That was over ten years ago, but I still go through hell every time I get to visit with my children....she is there and calling the shots every visit. I will go to court soon (for visitation rights etc.) so my baby's narc mother will not ruin every visit I have with them!!!
You were not discarded, you were judged as someone who could not be controlled by a most controlling person. Whether you left first or he did this was a blessing and you are a strong person who may have been broken but is still whole deep down, unlike the most controlling people who are broken to their core
Omg!!!! This clearly sums up my experiences with my soon to be ex husband. Now I know it’s “rage” and not “anger”. His rage never matched the situation and was terrifying. It got physical, I’m done! No regrets! Never again
Same! He strangled me and went to jail. I had to apologize to him and his family for sending him to jail.
They told him to go to anger management, and he did. His rage got worse his excuse? "I have anger issues"
I listened to a conversation my friend recorded of her narc husband (my ex-friend), and it was over 2 hours of an adult man-child temper tantrum. She stood her ground though. I'm so proud of her! He gaslit, raged, hoovered, baited, you name it. He pulled all the narcissistic tricks out in that conversation, and she didn't back down!!! She stood her ground and by the end he was a pouty whiny baby. So proud of her! Too bad she allowed this narc back in her life. :(
At one point, the rage was explained as a motivation tactic. It sure was. It motivated me to leave the relationship.
Met the most charming person of my life. Two months in I saw this exact rage. Many false promises and mistakes later, the rage was still there and more violent. He went from saying he "loved me more than anything" to if I didn't get an abortion he would "make sure to make the rest of my life a living hell". It was two years (but have been out of that relationship for 6 months now after seeking legal and a friend's help). Wish I had been educated on this. I hope your message spreads to people who don't even know what narcissism is.
Ja I had no idea there were such people in this world. And since I was innocent and new to dating I was an easy target, cos I just believed I was to blame. I said sorry for getting fat, sorry that it made u cheat 4 times. Sorry for being lazy and I am not actually. Tiny things like the toilet roll holder started massive fights. Feels like for 3 years I apologised for everything. Even the incessant lies and deceit somehow became my fault or the favourite word was I was delusional
Please leave, went through my stepfather, an abusive relationship and and married a covert narcissist and after 30 years I'm just figuring it out.
@@RebeccaShanmugamBex This was exactly my situation. It got to a point where if I didn't put the tie on the bread or refill water (to name a few), I knew I would be in trouble and he'd start a fight. He would blame me for his anger like slamming his head into a steering wheel till his forehead bled to get what he wanted. It's not you! I was delusional too and my world was completely grey after. It still is but I feel like slowly there's color coming back somewhere.
@Paulette Emtsuj Staunch loyalty is wrong if it means supporting an abusive, narcissistic, pathological liar.
Doc I wish I had found you 20 years ago. I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissistic for all my adult life. Thankfully, it’s now coming to an end. 🙏🏽
Dr. Ramani,
WOW! You described an individual I worked for.
He ran a small business.
He had everyone in a corner trying to avoid his attention.
It was like watching a cluster of mice in the corner of a fish tank waitin to be eaten by the snake.
He had a tendency to use his height advantage to intimidate people.
He also used his intellectual ability to belittle the other workers.
I never took his sh**^!.
Whenever he used his tactics on me, I reflected them back on him.
The tone, the sarcasm, the patronizing, any of them.
His response, he would have my supervisor send me home for the day.
I walked out with a grin.
My supervisor would ask chuckling "What did you say to him?".
Of course, my glory ran out.
I embarrassed him in front of everyone.
To keep this story as short as possible, we had a small dispute over how I was handling the products.
I explained to him that any other method would be unsafe for me and I continued handling the products until I felt safe to change my method.
Instead of understanding my explanation, in his typical condescending tone he asked:
"Did you hear what I said?"
And with my condescending tone I reflected:
"No, Did You hear what I said?"
After calling him out on his BS of prioritizing the quality of the product over my safety, he has the audacity to say.
"Don't put words in my mouth!"
I responded:
"I didn't put words in your mouth, your statment simply implies, ( and you know what implication is ).
His face turns red, his mouth is shaking, his hair is spiky.
His final response was:
"Don't f-99923-kin talk to me like that!"
Everyone around us was quiet.
After he walked away, everyone applauds.
One guy goes, "Man F**88-nk, You Gangsta! I have never seen anyone talk to him like that!"
That's right!
Of course, he found an excuse not to keep me anymore after 10 years!
Hahaha!
I have a better job now!
He is still miserable!
Hahaha!
My spouses ex literally tried to kill me during an episode of their narcissistic rage. This is a 45 year old. I was literally scared for my life. This person was charged with felonies and convicted of assault with a deadly weapon, dui, and spousal abuse plus a protective order that states they cannot come near me or their ex spouse for 3 years. AND STILL THEY SAY THEY ARE THE VICTIM and did nothing wrong.
Thank you Dr Ramini for helping me understand what happened and that it was never my fault.
I imagine listening to this will trigger CPTSD trauma. But I can attest to this. Get out before your health is impacted - or you’re potentially killed. The rage flips faster than a light switch and is horrifying. Like living out a psycho movie.
Serpent Goddess I’m so glad to hear you say that and will help me push through the entire video. I’m at 20 min and started watching almost an hour ago. Lots of triggers.
Elevating Inner Self - Well said!!
Exactly, listening to this made me remember how I was beaten black and blue, I don't know for how many minutes and then dragged to the bathroom to forcefully shower me over my bloody face and dress. That wasn't the only time.... It was hard to listen even decades after the incidents, even if I am totally healed and happy. The scars remain, unfortunately. I should add that it was for a very little things.
Lola Gul gut wrenching story Lola. Yes very little things. The strangulation and dragging down hallway by my throat to the point of near pass out happened because I asked why he was bragging to his son about stalking women who drive Mercedes. Was not the only time for me either...was only the beginning that got worse from there.
I had difficulty finishing the video. I disassociated a couple of times and had to rewind. Scary memories!
Has anyone experienced the silent treatment after rage? That lasts for weeks or longer or until you make the peace?
Yup I’m in it now. It’s been almost a month.
Yes, after the rage where he even tried to choke me... I was so shocked I literally froze. I haven't spoke to him for few days because I didn't know how to, because he wasn't even sorry for what he did. He wanted the beat the hell out of me, he even told me that. He gave me silent treatment until I started to talk and eventually blamed everything on me, I asked for it, and then discarded me few days after. So glad he did that, I'm still suffering, but as everyone said, he would beat me every day of my life, verbally or physically.
I'm being ignored right now.
Yes, and it didn't end until *I* apologized to *him* and promised I wouldn't do whatever it was that I'd done to "make" him rage and agree that what he did wasn't actually bad, and I was blowing it out of proportion. It could last weeks, but over time I was quicker to, as you put it, "make peace."
My mother did that to my father, she kept the silent treatment for about two weeks.
Narcissist rage was part of my youth as the way my father dealt with many situations. Last month, at 68 years old, I experienced it again from him. Thanks to your videos on this subject, and all I have learned from your postings, for the first time ever I gray-rocked him twice. Yes, it was scary and risky, but IT WORKED!!!!! I also gave my enabling mother an on the spot demonstrated of what should have been done with him years ago. She is afraid of his rage, and after 70 years of marriage I fear that may never change. But, it did nothing but make me feel proud of myself and empowered. Thank you for your channel, and all you do to get the messages out explaining what the reality of this behavior really is.
Then there is the deliberate, calculated, and sometimes premeditated use of rage --- once they have sensitized you to previous experiences of their rage. Rage is a tool that the narcissist uses to get their way: 'the end justifies the means' is their watchword.
I've had experience with this as well.
Yep, my dad had these rages on a steady basis. Where he became verbally and physically violent. Throughout not only my childhood, but adulthood as well. A real monster.
My mom died when I was 22. I'm 44 now and still trying to process how growing up with her being a narcissist and most likely borderline has in the past and still does effect me. This video hit very close to home. Your videos (and therapy) have helped me begin to see myself and my childhood through an accurate lens. I feel awful thinking it, but I'm just glad I didn't have to deal with my mother's bullshit over the past 22 years. I still struggle with social and generalized anxiety and self-esteem issues, but now that I've learned the root cause of those things and started confronting and learning about those causes, my issues have really started to ease up. So anyway, thank you for your videos.
The self esteem issues don't seem to get talked about that much. Between the scapegoating, the golden child being treated so much better, the mini-me calling the shots, yeesh. I always thought I was useless until at an employment workshop the teacher told me flat out that I have less than zero self esteem.
Our HR was a narcissist and two weeks before her death, while she was at home, sick on chemo, she was still making waves at the workplace and starting drama. She had no time left on this earth yet that was somehow still important in her last, dying days. She was hell to work with. Her dying was like being saved by the bell. She was highly manipulative and could pretty much command our superiors to do whatever she wanted. To her, losing control was worse than death. Works been a lot easier since she’s been gone.
It was so hard to finish watching this video. It gave me flashbacks. I've experienced all these narcissistic rage so many times with my ex narc, until it turn into physical. I feel like I'm having a nightmare right now
My narcissist wanted servants. He wanted to be the king and boss everyone around. It was scary.
My father once told me that if an employee of his acted the way I acted, he would have fired me a long tome ago. I laughed and told him “exactly, you treat your family as employees, but I dont work for you”. The response was not well received, but I still laugh to this day every time I think about how his true feelings and intent bubbled up to the surface that day. Glad I grey rocked him (without knowing that what I did was called that) and distancing myself as soon as I graduated from school.
Yes!!!!! It was the pattern!!! Boss around!!!! He’s in charge!!!! Never a thank you for sharing my efforts and money!!
Then got bored with me…found many others to spend time with..
& finally……didn’t want to be married to me anymore……. but didn’t bother to tell me….. I had us go to a therapy session….because…. while I was divorcing him…. He….kept “love bombing”….(?) I guess..??? When asked… if still wanted to be married to me….
He finally…was….honest….& said
“No”!!! Finally…. the words matched the actions!!!!!!
mine too
Mine too. He wanted to have people to do things he felt were beneath him. Power and control.
I've seen that..it was bad ..
I’m astounded by how they can be sweet as pie (as if nothing happened) after their rages leave you totally devastated
I used to hate that. MEGA gas-lighting.
The turnaround from talking or arguing to rage is so dramatic and quick, that it makes you catch your breath and recoil in anticipation of the worst. I always knew that point, when he would go "over the edge" and I needed to take shelter. Normal convo turned into an "attack" on you within seconds and you had better go fast to take cover. What a horrible way to live! How do we manage to deal with this behavior for so long and not lose ourselves completely? The violence he expressed against me (even if I was not being 'hit') eventually is what made me run for my life. It was, as Dr Ramani said, only a matter of time before he took it out on me physically and perhaps, 'finally'.
You have explained the 'rage' best. Convo and in one second all hell
It's that rapid turnaround, in mere seconds, that catches the victim so off guard. And it can be so unpredictable.
My dad would flip out and was so scary, it deregulated my internal self, as a little girl.
I became programmed to be NICE. and I'm 57 and still struggling to be calm and dignified. I also raged on my own children until I snapped out of it , and realized I had a choice to seek Gods presence within myself. Staying present in the NOW , has been the pathway to healing.
I am 56. It sounds like we had similar childhoods
I’m 37. Me too!
My sister carried on the rage and anger into her family . i decided i would not use hitting to discipline my children. I used rewards for good behavior and early bedtime for not so good behavior.
I am very grateful i do not have bipolar like she did. We were night and day as kids and as adults. But the childhood wounds leave a mark and leave us vulnerable to npd people. My guard is up... I know the signs in people I meet.
I protect our peaceful and happy life.
@@robinsmith8846 So wonderful to hear how love and wisdom finds us
@@deannamilner8366 I have great peace in learning to pray for understanding but this channel and Doctor Ramanis creative way of explaining cause and effects ,allows me to expand on my theories about recovery.
I am amazed by the value of the NOW, and being present helps me to feel normal
.
The LAST day of my relationship with my insane narcissistic husband he raged for over three hours in front of a HUGE bonfire and I sat in the woods hiding from him for the LAST TIME!
They started small by him actually lying on the ground when I asked if he drank on the way home! I wouldn’t leave him alone with his small girls WHEN HE DRANK! It got worse and worse and WORSE!
These were HIS kids NOT mine! And I became 100% responsible for them at all times! I can say right now with total commitment LEAVE!! LEAVE!! LEAVE!! Send the kids to ANOTHER family member! They will take HIS SIDE! Let them take care of ALL OF IT!
Janette Martin ♥️
I'm sorry your in that situation. I was there. I stayed in the the relationship longer because of his daughter. I held on as long as I could but ended up getting shot. So you need to worry about you first. Your sanity!!! Im still damaged over it. His daughter is still a part of my life he isn't
I said LAST day meaning that’s the day it ended forever! That was 5 years ago. No I do NOT have a relationship with his kids at all. They took his side! The whole almost 20 years they took his side! These people are controlling and that is in many forms! I do not know them any longer I was just a slave. I will never know them again! They are as mentally off track as he is! He won!! All I have is no more contact with any of them and a LOT of anxiety CPTSD & BILLS!? I say LEAVE because I mean LEAVE! It will have no other outcome! They are DETERMINED to win and to win everything and everyone! It’s exhausting and it’s like living in prison where there is no prison guard and you are left 100% to your own defenses!
I experienced the towering over me and slamming their fist into objects!!! Their behavior is terrifying!! RUN LIKE HELL!!
Grandma JJ, you are too precious to be with a narcissist 😈!
Grandma JJ,I admire your lovely smile 😊!😍😍😍🤙
I went through this and was so scared. I am free now and I am working on my healing and new life. Thank you Dr, Ramani for helping me understand that it was not me that I didn't communicate well as he had me gaslighted.
Thank you for this segment especially. I'm a senior citizen, and when I was young - and even a young adult - narcissistic rage was not recognized. I was extremely lucky in that an aunt who rarely visited once did visit, saw my mother's rage at me - and took me aside to tell me that it was not my fault, and that my mother had always had episodes like that. It was life-changing, because my father had always blamed me for "setting off" my mother. Telling the truth is the most helpful thing -- and I thank you for the light you bring to this subject.
So glad u discovered this now...some kind of closure.
I experienced this, this morning.. My partner blasted me out because he thought I was trying to wake him up this morning which was not the case. I tried to turn a blind eye over the past couple of years with these tantrum rages and thought I'm the problem. But I believe I have to walk away otherwise things will get worst.
Kisha George...It NEVER gets better. And no matter how much you give them love, thinking that will change things...it won't. They could care less about that. Protect yourself and plan your Escape. Get out before they even know your gone.
They will. Guaranteed.
RUN ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
You may want to consider protecting yourself on the way out. My experience from 35 years married to a narcissist was the escalation of physical abuse when I showed independence and readiness to leave the marriage. I joined an abuse group and got help and feedback on the potential dangers of my leaving him. I knew he was suicidal when I tried to separate. The group opened my eyes to his likelihood of the 'murder-suicide' scene. So, I secretly saved some money and left the state to a secret place, then filed for a divorce. It's easy to pass over the potential of a rage going to extremes.
Please be safe and know you are not alone im dealing with the same thing
When the rage hits and they can't get a rise out of you they will interject things that are not even related to why the are raging in the first place. The absurdity of the what they are saying is key to what they are projecting. Very frighting and sad.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
This was me the other day. Told my narc friend no, couldn’t taxi him to the train early. He ignored me. Next day? He missed the train + turned on me as the reason. Huh? I was asleep at home. He raged on a text + told me never to contact him again - ever! It was horrifying.
@@rachelmisc If you're lucky, he's already decided that you are "unworthy" of him and has permanently discarded you. If not, be sure to honor that request and NEVER respond when he tries to contact you.
This was a very helpful reminder to not believe what narcissists may say about you in rage... or at all maybe. I tend to question myself first, which probably something that many reasonable and empathetic people do, because we are open to critique and want to treat other people fair and respectfully. I can see now how a narcissist will use that to destroy people and make them questioning themselves! Thank good for U-tube and you!
My mother's narcissistic ranting sent my grandfather into a stroke and 10 days later he was dead. Back then we didn't know it was narcissism. Now we have a name to it. To the rest of the world she is a saint. To this day she sends all of us messages remembering my grandfather's birthday and acting like the best daughter in the world when she was the one that killed him. I'm just thankful I was the child that got away.
❤
My husband raged for ten minutes and threatened to sell the house because we ran out of ketchup.
I hope you are out of the marriage. I left decades ago and never looked back.
Mine wanted to kill me because I told her I only wanted to spend a few minutes in the store because I had to get the mail out for an order back home. I told her 3 times in the parking lot and then in the store she went crazy evil like she wanted to kill me and it would always last for a good hour. She had to get a lightbulb and I already got some lightbulbs the day before and had it at home. So odd. Do not tell them what to do. No apologies ever.
some call it disrespect
Oh god it's not funny but I can't stop laughing. I'm kinda trapped with one RN . and trying to stay sain .
Oh, that's normal...right?!
It's dealing with 'their' lack of want of self-control of themselves and hence their need to totally control us! 🎠
And spoiled rotten.
Hmm Hm 😒
Funny yrs back I was toying with the idea of whether or not to have kids... Covert mom, always the victim, kids are a burden... such a sacrifice... A kind older woman said; "Children are like 🍌 bananas, they don't spoil" I found that to be an interesting food for thought! 🎠
The narcissist I deal with ALWAYS says He is unable to control himself because I am in control of him! 😳🤣🤣🤣🤪🤪🤪I used to let him bait me; now I merely say “Choices; we all have choices & YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for your own CHOICES! Be an Adult!”
After over 50 years, the level of rage and belittling was so epic and I find it easier to break those ties now. Thank you for this. It’s helped me to understand.