They sure do. They act kind, supportive, and understanding until you say no to them in enacting a boundary and also when you get in the way of something they really want. When the mask slips, it's horrifying - the rage, vindictiveness, cruelty, sadistic behavior and absolutely no concern for you in any way.
From my hard learned lesson: if you want to love help or save anyone, make it a shelter dog or cat. They won't use, abuse, gaslight, threaten or turn on you.
The simple fact that they CAN turn it on and off is THE proof that they KNOW what they're doing (to us) and it's 💯% intentional. The minute you understand that is the minute you stop making excuses for them and you start looking at your relationship differently. We don't deserve the short end of the stick---nor should we settle for it!!! Peace and growth to all. ❤
It's so true; the radical acceptance of realisation helped me understand & overcome the misplaced sense of loss. Subsequently I have found a better life for myself without her toxicity.
My first Christmas in 16;years without being with the sociopath narc I was entangled with! The best I ever had! So glad I finally left,Christmas alone,no drama,no gaslighting,no sabotaging al I do ,this is the best gift Peace.
Same ❤️ Parts of November and early December, the stress and anxiety was so intense cause I wasn’t sure to risk meeting family for Xmas despite all the problems and drama After testing the waters early December I realized, nope not worth it. For a few days the grief was hard, but then afterwards I started enjoying Xmas vibes and feeling happy ❤️ Life is much easier without a negative cloud hovering over you. The peace and relaxation last couple weeks, doing things I enjoy without pressure, and not having to do things I hate? It’s truly amazing ❤️😁
Yes they will triangulate with anyone or anything. They'd triangulate you with a pet rock if they had to. "Well at least Melvin the Rock doesn't seem to have a problem with the way I am. You're the one who has an issue. Melvin, you know you are my special rock, right?"
My ex would bring my elderly neighbor’s trash cans up after trash pick up every week. We had another neighbor that he would always help with computer problems or his car problems. But treated me horribly when I would (have to) remind him to take our trash out or clean or pool. He got so mad one time he told me it was my job to clean the toilets and he was never doing it again. He would find vets and help them paint their house or build bikes for children. At home never fixed anything, even though most of the time he broke it in a rage. Evil just plain fake, but my neighbors think he is amazing. Best guy ever.
Yes! Same here now that we’re divorced they never speak to me. My ex still comes over to MY next door neighbor and I will see them shaking hands and hugging. And my neighbor knows he went to jail for assaulting me. Bizarre!
@carolannhuber he's just watching you i had to dump my Facebook because he was coming in the back door to watch me and the kids so after I dumped it these years later my daughter creaped on his Facebook which he stopped using his 2 months after I dumped mine he could watch me anymore
Merry Christmas! A wolf in sheep's clothing, is an enemy disguised as a friend. Watch out for people coming towards you, smiling with their hands behind their back.
I love how Dr. Ramani educates us and shares her spicy insights regarding the audacity of the narcissist. By sharing her disdain of their behavior, she gives comfort for us in the experience. Thanks, Doc ❤
Today is my birthday (Merry Christmas too!) and watching this is like a present to myself! I’m newly divorced and this narcissistic stuff is so immersed in my life. This understanding that there’s a world of narcissistic stuff is like a welcomed head explosion and enlightening me to pass this on to educate my 13 year old son.
I often consider how Victorian culture classic novels and vampire mythos has basically been about humanity sorting out attempting to underatand and forwarn😊 about narcissists,
Your words are gold....I wish I knew sooner not to fall for their "help" or not to justify their actions (humiliation, belittling,cruelty, manipulation, guilt trip,)after their "help".
We do need to teach our children about this topic. It's so important especially nowadays when young people can fall for someone they think is amazing & it's a trafficking trap. May sound like a stretch, but it's not. For those of us who've been in a relationship with a narc or have had family members in our lives (past tense because hopefully there's distance now if not no contact), we know the lure, the flips, and the abuse. Dr. Ramani's content should be in our public schools (age appropriate level obviously) instead of some of the useless stuff (or confusing stuff) being taught to our children. The holidays are extra difficult this year. Thank you, Dr. R for your wisdom, insight, and sharing this today.
That what I work at educating my daughter about these people. She grew up with a narcissistic father and once you’ve been in it, you don’t know what they’re doing. What happened to me 35 years of abuse I don’t ever want this to happen to my daughter or anybody else everybody needs to know about this they need to teach it in school. These people are evil
I think they should teach how to recognize red flags, how to develop healthy boundaries and how to build self confidence in jr high and high school. I think it would’ve done me some good, in spite of my psyche already damaged from being born into the family of a raging, violent, malignant narcissist.
Dr Ramini, merry Christmas 🎄 Believe me when I say you not only shed a small light on narcissism you are the bright shining light at the end of what has been a very long tunnel of darkness. Thank you ❤
I am so thankful that I was able to quietly assist the Lead Pastor and some of the Deacons a year ago about the wolf in sheep's clothing roaming around my church with a lot of elderly. They knew he was a bit off and were frustrated and shared 'he thinks he's always right' or would go off and attack them during a discussion. This person knows I saw through him a year ago when his mask came off and knows he can't intimidate me and ironically, is actually a bit sheepish around me now. Interesting to see he now enters the sanctuary when the lights are dimmed before service and leaves before they come back on. What he doesn't know is that the Pastor and Deacons have been made aware in order to protect the flock.
Idk where or who I would be in life without you honestly you saved my life & I’m so thankful for all your work it literally has kept me alive & from going crazy I can’t thank you enough Merry Christmas 🎁
Exactly. Even if the "victim" stance is valid, it does *not* justify any additional boundary violations. Two wrongs do not ever make a right, harming another person will not bring the first wounding any closer to being healed. Proper restitution helps the situation move forward, and would not create more damage. Being hurt ourselves is not a "good enough" reason to hurt someone else. Unfortunately, some people do not go that "deep." 😮💨
They're very superficial though, actually I'd say people are in general, but the major clue I noticed with narcissists is that they're really shallow. They lack depth, depends on the conversation, but on certain subjects, they just can't go into detail and it gives away how dull they really are, the lack of reflection, introspection, even deluded, magical thinking shows, a certain child-like naivety about them. All you have to do is seperate yourself from how they can make you feel, and just pay more attention, and you'll actually see a dull person behind that facade.
"Don't date them" and whatever you do, don't make my mistake and marry them and then grow old with them... it get's worse with age, trust me.... 44yrs experience. NEVER GETS BETTER ! ... I would leave if I could.... not so easy in your seventies.
Thank you for highlighting that critical bit how many in our society do give free passes to horrid narcissists who hurt and intentionally harm so many because they are “geniuses”, super wealthy etc, and how this in turn normalizes and excuses their harm. So many in our past and now parading about in the media, in our very midst! The ultimate Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing but in elevated social, business and political positions 😱😵👿
21:27 the part about performative empathy and real empathy hit home for me! I have been confused by performative empathy for soooo long. It made me think the narcissist is a good person so I thought their bad behaviors were just their flaw, and they didn't mean to harm me. I'm so thankful you made it clear what true empathy is. And I'd say none of the narcissistic people I met have it!
I couldn't attend my grandmother's funeral, but a cousin shared what happened. The man who raised me finally 'broke down' in what seemed like crocodile tears. She mentally told herself, 'I'm done with you.' At the same funeral, he audaciously berated someone he barely knew. How disrespectful must one be to show performative empathy at a funeral? If he were truly 'smart'-and I use that term loosely-he would have stayed away altogether.
It takes strength to speak up and hold people accountable for abusive behavior in today’s world. Thank you for your work, Dr. Ramani. This information is invaluable.
Merry Christmas!! I fell for performative empathy last year. Gifts mean nothing after the damage they do. The good news is this Christmas is much better. Have a great day!!
Merry Christmas, Dr. Ramani, and all. I've been reading these shared stories, about the common behaviors of cruel, and destructive people. These compilations of similar behaviors, may help so many to avoid becoming close with Cluster B personalities in the future. 🎄 Cheers to a better life ahead!
Dr. Please make a content about a convert and cerebral narcissist. I met a person that at first talked about me being “as smart as him” and in less than a week he was talking about how society is not elevated enough to like his art and not elevated enough because they dont read as much as him.
Thank you so so much for your ongoing unique guidance. Much Light and Love to you on this holiday season. 💫🌠 I feel kind of shameful that I fell last Saturday to a narcissist I used to date and proved his rage that turned on him as he hurt himself. The good thing is that it was the very last time I will see him.
Some so-called spiritual experts might dismiss your work as 'ego' or confuse it with a pursuit of being a TH-cam superstar. But in truth, you are a genuine channel for this vital knowledge. The world deeply needs your voice and the incredible impact you're making. Thank you for your impressive Life-service!
Dr. Ramani, I am impressed and amazed at how so totally you understand narcissism! I've been following you for a while now. I am hugely empathic and have been wounded by narcissists my entire life, beginning with my mother. I have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. I've been lucky to have had some good therapists (from age 16 to now at 71). They are the reason I'm still around. But no one has understood narcissism as well as you! Thank you so much for all your posts! You are helping me really heal! 💖
This video is really great! Deep, clear and valuable analysis, helping me understand more about the psychology and behavior of narcissists. To anyone reading this article, if narcissists want to harm you, you need to be alert in relationships, whether it is relatives or strangers, like relatives or cousins, there are people like that, you need to be more alert than strangers. The content is worth pondering! 👏
@23 minutes onward: spot-on description of the Performative Covert Narc who I broke up with yesterday. .... got fooled by thinking all his performative acts of helping others was a reflection of his Christian faith. Nope -- you nailed it, Dr Ramani, it's all a show. But privately, dating slowly revealed his spirit of arrogance & superiority as he shared his criticisms of others with me, then later began making passive-aggressive mocking verbal jabs at me. I firmly but respectfully brought all this to his attention on Monday & Tuesday using voice message texts so he can't twist my words or use his exaggerated excuse ("We've been on many dates; I don't remember EVERYTHING yiu say!"), as I politely explained my boundaries: "Without communication, there can be no intimacy that builds a relationship; without respect, love cannot grow; without trust and safety that you're not going to subject me to one of your passive-aggressive put-downs, there is no point continuing to get to know each other."
My one eyed person was my manager who was truly judgmental. once we started seeing each other and becoming intimate, I realized that it truly was not a good thing but by then it was too late. There were so many lies and secrets and I just realized that everything I thought of him before turned out to be right sadly
Merry Christmas! Note on my boss… a very manipulative person. No empathy at all! Apparently she is a coach and has people driving her second business of helping people. What I’ve seen from the woman is beyond scary. Narcissists wear many at masks.
I haven’t watched this video, but I needed to share anyway. A successfully made it through Thanksgiving and now Christmas by myself without my family. I’m really proud of this because I used to be so abused by my family. I didn’t know how I’d make it through the holidays, but actually The holidays were peaceful and calm and stress-free for the first time ever. Thank you, Dr.Ramani!❤
So many examples of "generous gifts" are popping up in my head... One that stands out to me because it was particularly hurtful is the following: I gave birth to my second child. Mother in law came to stay with the older child. Two weeks after the birth she turned sixty and threw a big very active party (with hiking and a bird show and several culinary stations along). My child was wrapped to my body and I attended all of these activities (when also had to travel quite a distance there). A few weeks later she was very angry that she doesn't see her grandchildren! And that after all she for us during the birth time of the second child. I was so hurt from the disrespect against a family that just recently grew larger by another little human and the time they need to grow together.
I see many young people (Generation Z) still living at home with parents due to high costs of living. I guess this must work out great for the narcissist parents that never want their adult children to leave the nest! Many are now either "Child free" or "antinatalists" due to years of abuse and suffering in this sick toxic world!
I read somewhere that if someone is a very powerful narcissist or worse, they can make their victim sick, like a wolf catching a rabbit, but let's say I'm not a rabbit, I can still show rabbit symptoms because the wolf eats the rabbit. Actually, it's better without them. Whether I clear my mind or fight through the journey. Both are good solutions. Actually, there were fewer such types in the past.
Dr Ramani's teachings are, to me, the psychological truth that is missing in history books that document human civilization from the beginning of time.
I’m the one-eyed person by definition, but I’m not a NARC nor dark, I simply support others as I tell them or connect them to what I “see” as much as they will allow or I just quietly keep learning and growing on my own without telling the world!
That was me , I wanted that FAIRY TELL relationship TO BE TRUE, I see myself in everything your saying, an yeah, emotionally I still feel alittle unstable, it been 20 days now since I've been on my own, away from him, you make me feel strong Dr, Ramani, thank you ❤
After 7 years of relationship with a psychopathic narcissist he left me for my friend. He is still in control of my life 30 years later through refusal of property settlement.
True Dr. Ramani. The proverb you mentioned, in the land of the blind the one- eyed man is king. I have heard this saying from older persons. I had seen this scenario in the workplace from the older worker who is set in their ways, and does not like the younger new management. Oh yes, there is a lot of deception and desensitizing from them in front of the group, though behind the scenes they are manipulative.
I am not attracted to them. In fact, I was and am perfectly fine without them. They have this delusion that I belong to them, which is not true. This creates a feeling of captivity. I had borderline symptoms because of them, but my way of thinking was not borderline at all; I am a completely different personality. The feeling of captivity was a symptom, that they had nothing to do with me, but I was already talking to the air because they were constantly imposing these phantom realities on me. They are attracted to me, they directly latch onto our algorithms. See imitation, they figure out what we think or say and then they dive into the topic, enclosing it like a room. There were times when they pushed me out of my life, claiming that they were the ones there. Then I continued elsewhere and fought in the air because I felt like I had no place on Earth because the whole world belonged to them.
Why I quit being intimate (sexually) in my 40s . I’m in my late 60s now. I lose myself and I get mean! I stopped dating new dudes in my 30s.. like wtf is wrong with me? It’s my boundaries! I get lost easily. No doubt due to early childhood sexual abuse. I have had a very close intimate friend for years till his death. But we weren’t sexual. Best friend I ever had though.
My narc older sister tried gifting me $100 via Cashapp for Christmas, as if she hadn't subjugated me earlier this year. I've gone no contact with her and didn't accept her gift. I'd rather go hungry than to ever put up with her crap again.
Yes. It's so confusing to be physically, emotionally and sexually abused, stand up to the abuser, make them leave only to have them become caring, wanting to help you with things and buy you gifts. The gift giving made me very uncomfortable - a lot of alarm and anxiety. I couldn't trust the gifts. Why abuse then turn around and pretend to be nice?
He was so nice and helpful to everyone he would fix your car your truck play with other people's kids help the elderly people in the community but his kids would be sitting on the side of the road instead of letting them to play with the kids he was playing with i was doing the yard the house till late in the night so everything was perfect but in the house was no talking till he got what he wanted putting me down and srings were on everything then telling the people around how i wouldn't let him do anything go anywhere with out him so they would treat me bad like he did too
I have a neighbor and i shared my garden harvest with her this summer. She gave me really good spices in return and now, when Christmas approached I suddenly felt obligated to give, but it didn't feel right anymore. Somehow it felt like an invisible expectation from her side or it was just my own expectation of myself. Anyway, not giving anymore feels freeing to me. Like the allowance to choose every time anew.
Please make a video on the geniuses in academia and how it causes writers block (sort of brain freeze) and academic fatigue for students during research.
On top of a narcissistic mother I had the wolve in my bedroom who looked like my father. What a horrific combination to survive in. I'm wondering if that is a "common combination" in narcissistic parents.
I wonder how many people know that people who knows they are lying or suspect and to not step forward will join the narc in hell. God condemns cowards to the pit too.
My narc is a genius! I Q138.... But that just makes him more awful...and his military training in psychological warfare..." Yes, Sir Sarg!" I t has been an insane 4 year and I am going to begin the process of saving myself...
Dear Dr Ramani, thank you for all these amazingly helpful videos. I learn from them and share it with others. Your care and guidance is very genuine, honest and comes from your heart, that why your words of wisdom sits right with us. My best wishes and more blessings of good health, happiness and prosperity in this holiday season. ❤️ 🙏
Regarding Academia, just because a person has very deep knowledge in one very narrow field of study doesn't mean that they know everything or that they are better than anyone else.
We grow up too fast in a highly competitive environment. Sex drives are really strong. Wanting a good, happy life is rushed. Narcissists have a field day. But it's just manipulation. And we really desire what they immitate. It doesn't get better with age. It gets worse.
Well, it’s because they aren’t empathetic or loving that they know how to use love so well as a tool. Same in reverse, some of the people that can push people away the best have the biggest hearts.
13 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา +1
Dr. Ramani. You and Elon Musk have something In common.. Your launching the great knowledge of Narcissism to the world.. The world needs to take possession of this knowledge.. Let mankind continue it's slow walk towards a better tomorrow.. A civilized World that all should strive to.. The keepers of light that others can navigate by... 34
They'll act all goody and empathetic in the beginning to ensnare you. Once they're done with you they show real cruel self.
They sure do. They act kind, supportive, and understanding until you say no to them in enacting a boundary and also when you get in the way of something they really want. When the mask slips, it's horrifying - the rage, vindictiveness, cruelty, sadistic behavior and absolutely no concern for you in any way.
100 %.
So true.
I've gotten so good at spotting them that I can find them before they do the crazy behavior.
Please share your secrets!!@@TrevorHamberger
From my hard learned lesson: if you want to love help or save anyone, make it a shelter dog or cat. They won't use, abuse, gaslight, threaten or turn on you.
The simple fact that they CAN turn it on and off is THE proof that they KNOW what they're doing (to us) and it's 💯% intentional. The minute you understand that is the minute you stop making excuses for them and you start looking at your relationship differently. We don't deserve the short end of the stick---nor should we settle for it!!! Peace and growth to all. ❤
It's so true; the radical acceptance of realisation helped me understand & overcome the misplaced sense of loss.
Subsequently I have found a better life for myself without her toxicity.
My first Christmas in 16;years without being with the sociopath narc I was entangled with! The best I ever had! So glad I finally left,Christmas alone,no drama,no gaslighting,no sabotaging al I do ,this is the best gift Peace.
Same ❤️
Parts of November and early December, the stress and anxiety was so intense cause I wasn’t sure to risk meeting family for Xmas despite all the problems and drama
After testing the waters early December I realized, nope not worth it. For a few days the grief was hard, but then afterwards I started enjoying Xmas vibes and feeling happy ❤️
Life is much easier without a negative cloud hovering over you. The peace and relaxation last couple weeks, doing things I enjoy without pressure, and not having to do things I hate?
It’s truly amazing ❤️😁
They're the victim always a good person. Because they treat people outside their relationships better than the people they're in a relationship with
Facts! Just ended my relationship do to it.
Man, this is so true.
Yes they will triangulate with anyone or anything. They'd triangulate you with a pet rock if they had to. "Well at least Melvin the Rock doesn't seem to have a problem with the way I am. You're the one who has an issue. Melvin, you know you are my special rock, right?"
@@PassionateFlowerHilarious! (and so true!!!)
My ex would bring my elderly neighbor’s trash cans up after trash pick up every week. We had another neighbor that he would always help with computer problems or his car problems. But treated me horribly when I would (have to) remind him to take our trash out or clean or pool. He got so mad one time he told me it was my job to clean the toilets and he was never doing it again. He would find vets and help them paint their house or build bikes for children. At home never fixed anything, even though most of the time he broke it in a rage. Evil just plain fake, but my neighbors think he is amazing. Best guy ever.
Yes the the people around us he would help others telling them how bad i was. To him and help them some more so they would turn on me and the kids
Yes! Same here now that we’re divorced they never speak to me. My ex still comes over to MY next door neighbor and I will see them shaking hands and hugging. And my neighbor knows he went to jail for assaulting me. Bizarre!
@carolannhuber he's just watching you i had to dump my Facebook because he was coming in the back door to watch me and the kids so after I dumped it these years later my daughter creaped on his Facebook which he stopped using his 2 months after I dumped mine he could watch me anymore
He hasn't talked to his kids in 11 years
Yes indeed! It's all an act. Narcissistic parents faked out everybody to get liked, but treated me like a garbage can.
Merry Christmas!
A wolf in sheep's clothing, is an enemy disguised as a friend.
Watch out for people coming towards you, smiling with their hands behind their back.
Friend-enemy - Frenamie
I love having a narc-free holiday. Best gift ever!
Wolves have more empathy then any narc I've come across.
I love how Dr. Ramani educates us and shares her spicy insights regarding the audacity of the narcissist. By sharing her disdain of their behavior, she gives comfort for us in the experience. Thanks, Doc ❤
Doctor armani😂 are you sure it wasn't dr gucci
She really does.
@@queenqueen977make it make sense
@@queenqueen977 Noted. Rapid typing and not spell checking. Her advice though is fashionably respected ☺️
IN THIS LIFE, DO NOT LET YOUR GUARD DOWN FOR ANYTHING.
And say much less
thank you
Today is my birthday (Merry Christmas too!) and watching this is like a present to myself! I’m newly divorced and this narcissistic stuff is so immersed in my life. This understanding that there’s a world of narcissistic stuff is like a welcomed head explosion and enlightening me to pass this on to educate my 13 year old son.
Happy birthday and welcome to your enlightened life
Happy Birthday to you!! ❤ mine was yesterday! 12/24
Happy Birthday Birthday people 🎉😊
Happy joy healthy birthday wishes to Misty
Happy Birthday 🎂🎂🎂 (and Merry Christmas 🎄🎁)
I often consider how Victorian culture classic novels and vampire mythos has basically been about humanity sorting out attempting to underatand and forwarn😊 about narcissists,
Your words are gold....I wish I knew sooner not to fall for their "help" or not to justify their actions (humiliation, belittling,cruelty, manipulation, guilt trip,)after their "help".
We do need to teach our children about this topic. It's so important especially nowadays when young people can fall for someone they think is amazing & it's a trafficking trap. May sound like a stretch, but it's not. For those of us who've been in a relationship with a narc or have had family members in our lives (past tense because hopefully there's distance now if not no contact), we know the lure, the flips, and the abuse.
Dr. Ramani's content should be in our public schools (age appropriate level obviously) instead of some of the useless stuff (or confusing stuff) being taught to our children.
The holidays are extra difficult this year. Thank you, Dr. R for your wisdom, insight, and sharing this today.
Agreed 100% These toxic personalities should be brought to light. Knowledge is power AND protection.
That what I work at educating my daughter about these people. She grew up with a narcissistic father and once you’ve been in it, you don’t know what they’re doing. What happened to me 35 years of abuse I don’t ever want this to happen to my daughter or anybody else everybody needs to know about this they need to teach it in school. These people are evil
I think they should teach how to recognize red flags, how to develop healthy boundaries and how to build self confidence in jr high and high school. I think it would’ve done me some good, in spite of my psyche already damaged from being born into the family of a raging, violent, malignant narcissist.
Dr Ramini, merry Christmas 🎄 Believe me when I say you not only shed a small light on narcissism you are the bright shining light at the end of what has been a very long tunnel of darkness. Thank you ❤
I am so thankful that I was able to quietly assist the Lead Pastor and some of the Deacons a year ago about the wolf in sheep's clothing roaming around my church with a lot of elderly. They knew he was a bit off and were frustrated and shared 'he thinks he's always right' or would go off and attack them during a discussion. This person knows I saw through him a year ago when his mask came off and knows he can't intimidate me and ironically, is actually a bit sheepish around me now. Interesting to see he now enters the sanctuary when the lights are dimmed before service and leaves before they come back on. What he doesn't know is that the Pastor and Deacons have been made aware in order to protect the flock.
Idk where or who I would be in life without you honestly you saved my life & I’m so thankful for all your work it literally has kept me alive & from going crazy I can’t thank you enough Merry Christmas 🎁
They do not have a right to disrespect another human being. I hear everything you are saying and I agree
Exactly. Even if the "victim" stance is valid, it does *not* justify any additional boundary violations. Two wrongs do not ever make a right, harming another person will not bring the first wounding any closer to being healed. Proper restitution helps the situation move forward, and would not create more damage. Being hurt ourselves is not a "good enough" reason to hurt someone else.
Unfortunately, some people do not go that "deep." 😮💨
Dr Ramani and Dr Carter are the best
They're very superficial though, actually I'd say people are in general, but the major clue I noticed with narcissists is that they're really shallow. They lack depth, depends on the conversation, but on certain subjects, they just can't go into detail and it gives away how dull they really are, the lack of reflection, introspection, even deluded, magical thinking shows, a certain child-like naivety about them. All you have to do is seperate yourself from how they can make you feel, and just pay more attention, and you'll actually see a dull person behind that facade.
They are not interested in anything you have to say if it doesn't involve praise and attention!
That’s almost the millennial generation (born after 1981 and before 1996)
That’s talking about my ol classmates. They’re so emotionally unavailable.
Thank you for all that you do Dr. Ramani ❤
"Don't date them" and whatever you do, don't make my mistake and marry them and then grow old with them... it get's worse with age, trust me.... 44yrs experience. NEVER GETS BETTER ! ... I would leave if I could.... not so easy in your seventies.
We ARE NOT ALONE, the new season is here.❤😮😊
Thank you for highlighting that critical bit how many in our society do give free passes to horrid narcissists who hurt and intentionally harm so many because they are “geniuses”, super wealthy etc, and how this in turn normalizes and excuses their harm. So many in our past and now parading about in the media, in our very midst! The ultimate Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing but in elevated social, business and political positions 😱😵👿
21:27 the part about performative empathy and real empathy hit home for me! I have been confused by performative empathy for soooo long. It made me think the narcissist is a good person so I thought their bad behaviors were just their flaw, and they didn't mean to harm me. I'm so thankful you made it clear what true empathy is. And I'd say none of the narcissistic people I met have it!
I couldn't attend my grandmother's funeral, but a cousin shared what happened. The man who raised me finally 'broke down' in what seemed like crocodile tears. She mentally told herself, 'I'm done with you.' At the same funeral, he audaciously berated someone he barely knew. How disrespectful must one be to show performative empathy at a funeral? If he were truly 'smart'-and I use that term loosely-he would have stayed away altogether.
It takes strength to speak up and hold people accountable for abusive behavior in today’s world. Thank you for your work, Dr. Ramani. This information is invaluable.
Merry Christmas!! I fell for performative empathy last year. Gifts mean nothing after the damage they do. The good news is this Christmas is much better. Have a great day!!
I had this for 19 years, after which I was unceremoniously discarded. Dr. Ramani, you have helped me through this debacle. Thank you.
Merry Christmas, thank you for your gift of insight.
Merry Christmas, Dr. Ramani, and all. I've been reading these shared stories, about the common behaviors of cruel, and destructive people. These compilations of similar behaviors, may help so many to avoid becoming close with Cluster B personalities in the future. 🎄 Cheers to a better life ahead!
Dr. Please make a content about a convert and cerebral narcissist. I met a person that at first talked about me being “as smart as him” and in less than a week he was talking about how society is not elevated enough to like his art and not elevated enough because they dont read as much as him.
Thank you so so much for your ongoing unique guidance.
Much Light and Love to you on this holiday season. 💫🌠
I feel kind of shameful that I fell last Saturday to a narcissist I used to date and proved his rage that turned on him as he hurt himself. The good thing is that it was the very last time I will see him.
Yes you are divine and so are we❤😊
Some so-called spiritual experts might dismiss your work as 'ego' or confuse it with a pursuit of being a TH-cam superstar. But in truth, you are a genuine channel for this vital knowledge. The world deeply needs your voice and the incredible impact you're making. Thank you for your impressive Life-service!
Dr. Ramani, I am impressed and amazed at how so totally you understand narcissism! I've been following you for a while now. I am hugely empathic and have been wounded by narcissists my entire life, beginning with my mother. I have always struggled with feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. I've been lucky to have had some good therapists (from age 16 to now at 71). They are the reason I'm still around. But no one has understood narcissism as well as you! Thank you so much for all your posts! You are helping me really heal! 💖
This video is really great! Deep, clear and valuable analysis, helping me understand more about the psychology and behavior of narcissists.
To anyone reading this article, if narcissists want to harm you, you need to be alert in relationships, whether it is relatives or strangers, like relatives or cousins, there are people like that, you need to be more alert than strangers. The content is worth pondering! 👏
@23 minutes onward: spot-on description of the Performative Covert Narc who I broke up with yesterday. .... got fooled by thinking all his performative acts of helping others was a reflection of his Christian faith. Nope -- you nailed it, Dr Ramani, it's all a show.
But privately, dating slowly revealed his spirit of arrogance & superiority as he shared his criticisms of others with me, then later began making passive-aggressive mocking verbal jabs at me.
I firmly but respectfully brought all this to his attention on Monday & Tuesday using voice message texts so he can't twist my words or use his exaggerated excuse ("We've been on many dates; I don't remember EVERYTHING yiu say!"), as I politely explained my boundaries:
"Without communication, there can be no intimacy that builds a relationship; without respect, love cannot grow; without trust and safety that you're not going to subject me to one of your passive-aggressive put-downs, there is no point continuing to get to know each other."
I was thinking about that saying to look for the helpers. Those could be communal narcissists. Have experienced. Good to be discerning.
Aesop’s fables is my bible. I really enjoyed this video going to go over the notes. Ty Dr Ramani, And everyone’s comments!!
My one eyed person was my manager who was truly judgmental. once we started seeing each other and becoming intimate, I realized that it truly was not a good thing but by then it was too late. There were so many lies and secrets and I just realized that everything I thought of him before turned out to be right sadly
Merry Christmas! Note on my boss… a very manipulative person. No empathy at all! Apparently she is a coach and has people driving her second business of helping people. What I’ve seen from the woman is beyond scary. Narcissists wear many at masks.
I haven’t watched this video, but I needed to share anyway. A successfully made it through Thanksgiving and now Christmas by myself without my family. I’m really proud of this because I used to be so abused by my family. I didn’t know how I’d make it through the holidays, but actually The holidays were peaceful and calm and stress-free for the first time ever. Thank you, Dr.Ramani!❤
So many examples of "generous gifts" are popping up in my head... One that stands out to me because it was particularly hurtful is the following:
I gave birth to my second child. Mother in law came to stay with the older child. Two weeks after the birth she turned sixty and threw a big very active party (with hiking and a bird show and several culinary stations along). My child was wrapped to my body and I attended all of these activities (when also had to travel quite a distance there). A few weeks later she was very angry that she doesn't see her grandchildren! And that after all she for us during the birth time of the second child. I was so hurt from the disrespect against a family that just recently grew larger by another little human and the time they need to grow together.
Don't ever passively go along with leadership. - Thank you, I need to hear this right now as our family wealth is just about to go down the drain...
Free passes? Hell no!!! So incredibly grateful for your efforts to expand understanding & lead such a charge. Kudos!!!
Dr. Ramani, you are a Gift❤
So glad we have Dr Ramani ‘s wisdom to learn from . I am eternally grateful .
I see many young people (Generation Z) still living at home with parents due to high costs of living. I guess this must work out great for the narcissist parents that never want their adult children to leave the nest!
Many are now either "Child free" or "antinatalists" due to years of abuse and suffering in this sick toxic world!
As a historian, I like how you are pulling in historical perspectives.
First!!!!
Merry Christmas!
Thank you for your videos
... Hoping someday I'm strong enough to actually freaking listen
I read somewhere that if someone is a very powerful narcissist or worse, they can make their victim sick, like a wolf catching a rabbit, but let's say I'm not a rabbit, I can still show rabbit symptoms because
the wolf eats the rabbit. Actually, it's better without them. Whether I clear my mind or fight through the journey. Both are good solutions. Actually, there were fewer such types in the past.
Merry Christmas everyone ! 🎁
Nailed it. Thanks 🥰🙌🏼
Yes... they are this, that, and the other. Very very attractive.
Im a sucker for these people. Sad, but true.
Me too. But I've now turned into a cynic, always looking for red flags.
This is your most intuitive video yet, and your work is always enlightening. Thank you
Dr Ramani's teachings are, to me, the psychological truth that is missing in history books that document human civilization from the beginning of time.
My ex-friend looks nice and charming. People around him like him. But he failed in marriage twice and his first spouse ran away from home.
🏃♀💨🏠
Beware of the nice and charming 😉
I’m the one-eyed person by definition, but I’m not a NARC nor dark, I simply support others as I tell them or connect them to what I “see” as much as they will allow or I just quietly keep learning and growing on my own without telling the world!
That was me , I wanted that FAIRY TELL relationship TO BE TRUE, I see myself in everything your saying, an yeah, emotionally I still feel alittle unstable, it been 20 days now since I've been on my own, away from him, you make me feel strong Dr, Ramani, thank you ❤
After 7 years of relationship with a psychopathic narcissist he left me for my friend. He is still in control of my life 30 years later through refusal of property settlement.
True Dr. Ramani. The proverb you mentioned, in the land of the blind the one- eyed man is king. I have heard this saying from older persons. I had seen this scenario in the workplace from the older worker who is set in their ways, and does not like the younger new management. Oh yes, there is a lot of deception and desensitizing from them in front of the group, though behind the scenes they are manipulative.
I am not attracted to them. In fact, I was and am perfectly fine without them. They have this delusion that I belong to them, which is not true. This creates a feeling of captivity.
I had borderline symptoms because of them, but my way of thinking was not borderline at all; I am a completely different personality. The feeling of captivity was a symptom, that they had nothing to do with me, but I was already talking to the air because they were constantly imposing these phantom realities on me. They are attracted to me, they directly latch onto our algorithms. See imitation, they figure out what we think or say and then they dive into the topic, enclosing it like a room. There were times when they pushed me out of my life, claiming that they were the ones there. Then I continued elsewhere and fought in the air because I felt like I had no place on Earth because the whole world belonged to them.
Why I quit being intimate (sexually) in my 40s . I’m in my late 60s now. I lose myself and I get mean! I stopped dating new dudes in my 30s.. like wtf is wrong with me? It’s my boundaries! I get lost easily. No doubt due to early childhood sexual abuse. I have had a very close intimate friend for years till his death. But we weren’t sexual. Best friend I ever had though.
You are a wonderful writer
My narc older sister tried gifting me $100 via Cashapp for Christmas, as if she hadn't subjugated me earlier this year. I've gone no contact with her and didn't accept her gift. I'd rather go hungry than to ever put up with her crap again.
That is why I have no idea if I am the narcissist or the supply!
The fact that you're asking the question implies you are not the narcissist
Yes. It's so confusing to be physically, emotionally and sexually abused, stand up to the abuser, make them leave only to have them become caring, wanting to help you with things and buy you gifts. The gift giving made me very uncomfortable - a lot of alarm and anxiety. I couldn't trust the gifts. Why abuse then turn around and pretend to be nice?
He was so nice and helpful to everyone he would fix your car your truck play with other people's kids help the elderly people in the community but his kids would be sitting on the side of the road instead of letting them to play with the kids he was playing with i was doing the yard the house till late in the night so everything was perfect but in the house was no talking till he got what he wanted putting me down and srings were on everything then telling the people around how i wouldn't let him do anything go anywhere with out him so they would treat me bad like he did too
Dear Dr Ramani, Merry Krishnas to you and your family.
Yes, yes, yes! Never fully understood that. Thank you.
I have a neighbor and i shared my garden harvest with her this summer. She gave me really good spices in return and now, when Christmas approached I suddenly felt obligated to give, but it didn't feel right anymore. Somehow it felt like an invisible expectation from her side or it was just my own expectation of myself. Anyway, not giving anymore feels freeing to me. Like the allowance to choose every time anew.
Yep , I experienced that but that one eye person will have that eye on someone who can see through it and you might become public enemy .
My faher used to tell us for years that he was once planting a tree in the village. 😅
So many possibilities to comment today 😅
Please make a video on the geniuses in academia and how it causes writers block (sort of brain freeze) and academic fatigue for students during research.
Yes true....26 years back fell in the trap....wanted to rescue her😢
This is the best Christmas gift I could’ve gotten today as usual on point to the T 🎯🎯
On top of a narcissistic mother I had the wolve in my bedroom who looked like my father. What a horrific combination to survive in. I'm wondering if that is a "common combination" in narcissistic parents.
I wonder how many people know that people who knows they are lying or suspect and to not step forward will join the narc in hell. God condemns cowards to the pit too.
Due to so much narcissistic abuse I thought this place is hell?
Merry Christmas and blessings to you from the Cosmic!
Abuse feels like love when abused from birth.
this is a very good look on you.
Wow, thank you Dr Ramani, you are amazing and right on time❤❤❤333
I can’t count the number of times narcissists have made me think of the Dunning Kruger Effect. That also explains why we self-doubt ourselves.
"well, you have to understand, he is brilliant and sees things way different than we do. He graduated from Yale at 16".
Thanks for putting this up over Xmas, 🙏
Stay healthy and look forward to your 2025 podcasts you provide a great service ❤
Great insights and tools
Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year to all,
Thx Dr for this videos
I get them out of my life then get a job working for one... its a fkn epidemic with social media now...
Thank you Dr. Ramani
My narc is a genius!
I Q138.... But that just makes him more awful...and his military training in psychological warfare..." Yes, Sir Sarg!" I t has been an insane 4 year and I am going to begin the process of saving myself...
Dear Dr Ramani, thank you for all these amazingly helpful videos. I learn from them and share it with others. Your care and guidance is very genuine, honest and comes from your heart, that why your words of wisdom sits right with us. My best wishes and more blessings of good health, happiness and prosperity in this holiday season. ❤️ 🙏
Happy Holiday
Regarding Academia, just because a person has very deep knowledge in one very narrow field of study doesn't mean that they know everything or that they are better than anyone else.
More and more all the world's a stage and there's a helluva lot of actors...
We grow up too fast in a highly competitive environment. Sex drives are really strong. Wanting a good, happy life is rushed. Narcissists have a field day. But it's just manipulation. And we really desire what they immitate. It doesn't get better with age. It gets worse.
Consider a reframe on Performative gifts = “hazard duty pay” for being in relationship with these type of toxic people. Accepting that gift is 😉
Well, it’s because they aren’t empathetic or loving that they know how to use love so well as a tool. Same in reverse, some of the people that can push people away the best have the biggest hearts.
Dr. Ramani. You and Elon Musk have something
In common.. Your launching the great knowledge
of Narcissism to the world.. The world needs to take
possession of this knowledge.. Let mankind continue
it's slow walk towards a better tomorrow.. A civilized
World that all should strive to.. The keepers of light
that others can navigate by... 34
My profession was in hospitals a petri-dish full of narcissists. Oh boy.