I live with this disease. And what I want to say is....anyone who found this video cause you are dying to help someone you love who suffers....you are something special . And sweet . Kudos to you
I really appreciate the moral support... I came here because I feel so damn helpless when I see my friend in 'pain' and drawn back, and I want to learn to how to deal with what she goes through without it dragging me down into a depressed mood due to not recognising the symptoms. I need to be stable and strong for her. Despite all of this being very personal, very difficult to grasp (as a non-depressed person) and subject to major change from one person to the other, this video has given me some great insights, and I feel that they have given me better tools to be there for her. Thank you - knowing it is appreciated even when sometimes being pushed away is what I needed, even if from a complete stranger.
I just cried while watching this. My boyfriend has major depression and bipolar disorder and I love him so much, I just want him to be happy. This video was extremely helpful.
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with cptsd. Spent my whole life fighting cptsd. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES sure of mycologist Predroshrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, addiction. Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
People with depression don't always want to hear "what can I do for you?" or "How can I help?" They don't know what you can do. They would much rather hear. "Can I do … for you?"
I would add (speaking from my own experience) that when someone is in a deep depression, they are often literally incapable of appreciating, comprehending, believing,or accepting your supportiveness. Dont be offended by this, its not their fault. Its not your fault. It just is.
I am a person who does not suffer from depression, but I was involved for 1.5 yrs with a person who did. I have to say it was a disaster. And constantly weighing the good times against the inevitable bad did not work as a long-term strategy. In my experience, dating a person with depression creates a black hole in the relationship where your personal happiness is starved and dies. Because the person you love is incapable of providing for your legitimate emotional needs with any level of consistency if at all. I know we are all here in support for the sufferers but it must be said that healthy relationships require mutual love and support if they are to survive and be fruitful. I'm not beating up on people who suffer from depression. Im really not. But I don't agree with the saccharine sentiment that they are vulnerable sufferers and that constantly walking on eggshells (which is all it really boils down to) is some kind of loving solution. Most of the time they destroy their partners. That was literally my experience. Im sure I'm not the expert on it from any perspective, but i would honestly tell a person in such a relationship to move on. Find someone better for their emotional health and wellbeing.
@@PennyJackson123 Well friend, I'm praying for you all. As long as you know that what you are getting now is basically going to be the story of your life together. There are antidepressant meds out there and that might help him. But you would first have to convince him to be serious about that treatment. My significant other was not serious about treatment. She was an attractive woman and so, I suspect, had simply gotten a pass on it for most of her life. That's the main problem though with them. They don't usually SEEM to be concerned with the damage they are causing the people around them. They speak on it sure... But the actions... What are they doing to create some change? Are they trying to help themselves (and you) at all? If you are going to stick it out with that guy, you can't do what these enablers are saying and "just support his suffering." Unless you are comfortable suffering all the time too. When you don't have to. There might be some people out there with success stories. Relationships riddled with depression that somehow found happiness and peace. Maybe they can chime in on this. I'm not one of those people. And quite honestly, I'd be surprised to find that they exist. Its an emotional roller coaster ride. Period.
Yes! I never can believe support when I’m just too deep in my depression, and I don’t wanna hurt people, so I keep how I feel inside which makes me feel worse
I'm a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend with depression and anxiety. I wanted to say a few things. If you're in my shoes, wanting to support someone going through it, I know it can be hard, draining, and heartbreaking to see them in that state. Every day you want then to magically be happy, yet then you realize, they need time, as this isn't something to just get over with quick. Just love them. Show them how much you care, the little things and small. Be there as a shoulder and give then hope and encouragement every day. Don't forget to take care of yourself but remember to say things like "I love you" and "I'm here for you" and all. Say that you're there for them and that they're strong as sometimes others fail to go through it. The mind is dangerous if used against you, but even more so if it's your own. Be there love and encouragement. Be the star that shines their day and the pillow that they cry in at night. Because they'll appreciate it. All you need is love. Ya'll can make it. Ya'll can fucking do it. I believe in all of you. I remember when she said to me that I was her shining light and that I've been helping her a lot. I wanted to cry. It works man I tell you. Miracles happen. They do.
Thanks for your words... my husband is depressed and seems distant and isolates himself from my, at least I feel so. Sometimes I even get angry at him. But you are right, I wait for the magic miracle to happen. And I keep going to be there for him. Wishing you and your love all the best!
Gamer Guitarist did she say she thinks of how bad it makes her feel and it even makes her think of breaking up with you but she feels worse and knows she loves you but she gets that feeling.
@@GENERALKLAPISTAN Wait are you saying if she feels bad about bringing me down because of her and that she'd want to break up with me but she knows I love her despite it? In my case, we'd stuck to each other tightly..So no not really. She's more of the like who wants company.
1. Offering words of encouragement. Be a supporter, not a fixer. (ie. Saying "I believe you can get through this"). 2. Don't offer advice using "you should" statements (ie. "You should exercise). Try saying, "what have you tried?" or "I've read about x, are you interested in hearing about it?" 3. Sometimes people with depression will push you away. They dont want to overburden you, so they might pull back. When this happens, give them space and remind them "I'm here for you if you want to talk", check in on them regularly, reminding them that you love them and you support them. 4. Loving someone with depression is draining. Prioritize your self-care. It is your job to support them, to be available when you can, and to take care of yourself first and foremost. It is not your job to fix them, or be an emotional punching bag. 5. Depression makes people leave sometimes. They could be overwhelmed and cancel plans last minute. Remember, it is not personal. (If it's a newer relationship, maybe they aren't in the best place to be dating someone right now. Know that it has nothing to do with you or anything you did wrong. They just can't be dating someone right now.) 6. Remember, you didn't cause their depression. You can't make someone depressed; so it's not your fault.
Wait, what? You can't make someone depressed? Are you out of your mind? So people with abusive families or other terrible situations feel bad because they have sadbrains, not because life has broken them? People don't get depressed because they lead terribly empty lives? Depression, in the grand majority of cases, is caused by a disruption in a person's life, and very, very rarely is it due to actual clinical reasons. Any psychiatrist that doesn't try as hard as possible to dig up the sequence of events that has caused a persons depression is not worth anyone's time, as they will not cure or even treat the underlying cause. Such shrinks are nothing but glorified drug dealers, too lazy or incompetent to do their job properly, putting their patients on addictive substances and counting on placebo effect to do the job for them. I've had this experience myself quite a few times already. "Oh, you have a controlling mother suffocating you, criticizing every small step you take, and you live an isolated lifestyle? Must be something wrong with your brains, here, take these ""anti""depressants".
I agreed with you until your last statement. My mother is suffering from PTSD and depression because of my religious obsessed, narcissistic father. I hate him I hate him I hate him
Exactly. When someone says "You should do a thing" thats them not empathizing and realizing that when you have severe depression, you have no self esteem, energy, hope etc. It is hell. They are on the outside looking in. When you show interest in them and want to show help in there healing, that person is most likely to heal than they would just doing it by themselves. Ive had severe depression and anxiety to the point where i couldn't leave my room at times and i would have my parents at 15 years old just sticking there head in my door asking "Are you ok?" when i am literally are lying in my bed in a fetal position and haven't showered or eaten in days. Thats not love.I still have trouble making eye contact or having a conversation with them due to that to this day. They simply were in denial or didn't care. Take a interest in a person who is depressed, even when they say they are ok, because they most likely aren't. Sit and watch a movie with them, take them to the movies or out to eat. Help them break out of that darkness before you walk into their room one day and find something you don't want to see... It happens everyday. Blessings.
I love you and I believe in you. Even though we don't know each other and it seem like there is a world between us I am telling you we are closer and more connected than you can imagine
@@positive_energy8259 Thank you stranger, I really needed to hear this today and am bawling like a little baby. I hope you have a wonderful day and know that you've brought an impact to someones' life.
Yes the same. I wish my parents, friends and bf can say this instead of It's OK, don't mention it. There is lots of mercy on the world, your problem is not a big deal.
I don't know you, but here's a cyber-hug. You're loved by more people than you know. And no I'm not having a psychotic episode or anything, I'm just meaning it. For real.
Take care of yourself, sweetie! It isn't your job as her child to make your mum feel better, but the other way around. Reach out to family members, teachers, friends, self help groups for teenagers in dysfunctional families. Don't take the responsibility for her condition - I've been there as well in my childhood/ teenagehood and such a situation can potentially be very damaging on the long run. So take good care of yourself - that's of utmost importance!
@@Dori9111 I've been there as well. Totally agree, there's so much complications in my adult life because I've missed out so many phases of adolescence. To think I was once so proud of myself of being able to help my parent to be an emotional support, to be a mature and understanding kid, to be a good kid. But frankly, if I had read your comment when I'm that young I honestly wouldn'y know what to do anyway. Live on and let my mother deal with it herself? I'd feel guilty. Tell her to get help? I wouldn't dare to. Best case scenario, the spouse is still around, or parent has a friend, a good person tohelp the mother and constantly reassures the kid not to worry about it, because the adults got it.
@@em1ly_m31n3 I hope he is not in anyway abusive towards you. If you know an adult you can trust who knows your father, try to talk to them about it. I was in a similar situation and I thought I was being mature, but after so many years and finally realising the truth, I realised I really was too young, I was not equipped to help someone with depression, even most adult despite their good intentions, don't. There's much more to it about depression than just feeling sad.
Snatched Wig You are a shining light in your Mum’s life, You are so strong and brave, My son and i have the same diagnosis, We help each other, also we have a Psychiatrist and Psychologist for medication and Therapy, really helps us. We don’t have any family members for support, so we reach out for community help, Not sure if your mum knows, but there is a place called NDIS which she can apply for, not sure if you have that, depending what country your from, it may be called something else, it is a National Disability Insurance Scheme, gives funding for your Disability to choose programmes, Doctors of chosen needs and a lot more and they fund you for that and can also start a pathway catered for your mum. All the best, Cheering you both on, your a Champion 😀
This has helped me greatly. My ex boyfriend suffers from depression and I ended up breaking it off because I was exhausted. Today he reached out to me wanting to work things out. I am educating myself because I do love him and this video is a real eye opener. Thank you. It all makes sense now
Dana K So I’m in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is depressed and it feels like she is pushing me away. Last time I went to visit her on July she told me to not give up on her when she gets depressed. She won’t let me go visit her right now that she wanna be alone and she told me that she loves me and everything. I think college is making her more depressed because she falling behind. I don’t know what to do I’m just so confused?
@@jermanhernandez4788 find and read my comment on here.. Snap like u but much worse. Maybe we can help each other and share advice. But believe me I'm in same boat as u. Was with my girl 7yrs. Split 2 off on for wkends..week.days. Then got together 5 wks ago all Was amazing then 2 wks ago nearly 3 she just went dead on me cutoff all communication won't take calls. Hardly texts. Not seen for 3 weeks. Says she can't be emotionally commited.
don't leave him alone..... heart breaks worsens depression.... I'm so afraid to fall in relationship because I know girls don't have patience that's why I'm still single.
sol cutta she broke up with me out of no where. I didn’t cry or beg her to stay. We haven’t talked I’m just gonna give her space. She having a rough time right now every time I tried to help I think I made it worse so I just backed off.
I know exactly how you been feeling. I am currently going through this with my partner of 14yrs. And it hurts so much to see him like this. Being pushed away i am not giving up on him. This video is brilliant.
You know. It just makes me really happy seeing a lot of boyfriends or girlfriends looking to cope and help out their partners, rather than seeing fully negative comments or immediately give up on them because their minds are working differently. So to all of you that are willing to learn on how a depressed person's mind works, I appreciate you more than you think. Maybe it's the depressed person in me speaking but it's no good hiding that feeling anyways.
My girlfriend left me because of depression, I lost my cousin a month ago and she wanted me to snap out of it. She would tell me to look on the bright side and live your life. People who never experience depression never understand.
Alex Muniz yeah same here lost my brother then a friend and then a couple of Uncles. One after another. I tried pushing boyfriend away before but I learned he was deeply hurt when I did that so I instead asked him if he could call me more often but nope, didn't call. I got suicidal one night when I woke up in the hospital all I heard from him was his doubts and we'll never work out.
Alex Muniz I lost my grandma at 15teen. Losing someone is horrible. She died in 2001. It's a struggle for my daily. There's not only time I think of her. I loved her home made tortillas and green Chile stew.. I get where you are coming from.. btw.
Is it weird that when she was listing things to say like “I care about you, I believe in you” I honestly felt good because I haven’t had that said to me before even though she wasn’t saying it directly to me idk 😐
That's very encouraging to me that her words of encouragement touched you♥️ I have a loved one whom I believe in so much, and I hope today or soon will be a chance to tell him I believe in him. He is in so much pain and pushing me away.
Mad Chris once she starting saying that I began to cry bc I was so touched lol. It really is nice to hear someone say it to you even if they are not actually there.
i’m here to help my girlfriend who’s emotionally numb, and though not diagnosed with depression, she talked about having suicidal ideations almost everyday. it’s hard and tiring, and it’s upsetting because i also have to my own issues going on. it could be so draining and it hurts to see someone who’s important to you dealing with this. i always wish that one day, we’ll wake up and we’ll feel genuinely happy. but it doesn’t work that way so everyone who’s also here to help their loved ones, kudos to all of you! you inspire me to be stronger. keep yourselves safe!
Hi Jaira, hope you're going OK. I think it's important for the helper to spend time doing things he enjoys. That models the idea that life can be interesting and fun. The depressed person might feel resentful but you can say "I think you'll find a way to reconnect with life and I'll enjoy seeing that when it happens. "
The guy I'm speaking to, who I've found a deep connection with told me this today. He's planning to kill himself in 1 yr and a half if his life doesn't change. And I've been none stop crying for 6 hours since. It's so hard. I just wanna take his pain away. He said he's never felt happiness, and that I'm only a pain killer for his sadness, not the cure. It's hard to hear. And I have no idea what to do...
To anyone who has depression, I just wanna let you know that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel sad, or any other negative emotions. And I’m proud of you for making it through another day in your life. You’re a warrior and you deserve to be loved and appreciated.
I'm watching this because of this wishful thinking that such a loving, understanding and a supportive person could love me. I don't need anyone to take care of me. I just wish a girl I love could stand beside me, cheering me on in this fight against my hatred towards myself.
I want to make a comment that no one else seems to be making. It's nice for anyone to go out of their way to help and care for someone, but especially if you are a boyfriend or girlfriend in a situation like this, be careful. I just got out of a relationship with someone who has severe depression, anxiety, and is often suicidal. It drags you down, I have never been this depressed in my life. It's good to help people, it is good to be there, but DO NOT SET YOURSELF ON FIRE TO KEEP THEM WARM. I made this mistake, I am now the only thing that brings this particular person joy, they are entirely codependent on me and even though I left I still love them. Now I am back, we are not technically in a relationship but I can't leave them entirely because they will die. At this rate I may go with them. Look out for yourself first, even if it is selfish, it will hurt more people if you don't.
Being a person that struggles with major depression, this video helped me A LOT! When I'm asked, "How can I help you out?"I never know what to say. Your video puts things into a better perspective. Thank you for sharing and helping others!
My husband has this horrid disease, it’s been 8 years. It is the most draining thing to love someone who does. Some days I have no idea what to do or what to say so I don’t make it worst. This video was very helpful thank you.
My love is suffering from depression too and it has turned our lives upside down. She was such a fun-loving, kind, joyful person when we both fell in love and 5 years down the line she has turned into some other person. I love her to death and i cant explain how i feel when i see her like this every single day. Long gone are the days when we used to have fun together or even a simple laugh together. It has affected me so much that even i have gone into depression. Everyday i pray to lord to help us.
I’m so glad I am not the only know who is feeling themselves going into a state of depression because their partner is diagnosed with depression and we can’t help them.. it’s so draining and it’s sad
This is what's happening to me an my boyfriend. I'm the one with depression and I feel like it's destroyed our relationship. I'm so scared I'll never be happy and I don't want him to blame himself for something I was born with nor do I want him to be sad because of me.... I'm so drained from dealing with this.its hard to have any normal relationships with anyone and it hurts..💔
People with depression need a lot of understanding because it's not easy to be in their situation. We always tell that we understand them but the truth is it's different as we expected to be. If your partner has experienced this, better widen your love and patience because you're the only one she can depend on the difficult times of her life.
He told me it's up to me if I want to wait for him because he doesn't want me to wait that long and burden me. He told me we should just part ways. But I know he still loves me, should I think it's really over?@@juliakristinamah
I need help, he told me we should just part ways because he doesn't want to burden me, that he also just wants to be alone because he can't handle a serious relationship now, and that we should just part ways. He told me that I don't need to wait for him, but If I do and feel like he won't come back anymore, he told me to just let go. Is it really over? @@juliakristinamah
this is so helpful, especially the words "we should see ourselves as a support, not a fixer".. my lover has a depression, and that's what i was trying to do from the very beginning of our relationship, i tried to fix it, i always tell him that i love him, that i believe in him, that i'm here to help, but there's no any improvement at all.. and now i'm exhausted soo much, i found myself in some kind of depression too, i always think that i can't do anything to help him, that i'm useless, that maybe he'll be better off without me, and all his suicidal thoughts, i can't bear them anymore i guess that's what i'm doing wrong, i think about myself as a fixer, and that's why i feel so useless now
You're doing a great job as well! It's just that you didn't understand much before! So, on behalf of someone who is also depressed, thank you for trying! We really appreciate it!
I relate to this so much, i did all i could and never saw it getting better. I myself was getting worse because of it. I was very nad at handling things and didnt understant it, hopefully trying a new approach will help things
Omg! I relate so much to you. I feel extremely sad all the time and I cry every night because I feel so useless, that any of my efforts have been good for him, that he would be better leaving me... Maybe I'm doing it wrong too, I'm not a fixer, just a supporter but even know it it's hard. Your comment has helped me so much. I hope your situation is improved now.
Never give advice starting with 'You....' Just go for a walk early in the morning with the person. Learn to breathe deep... Cook for the person.... Touch the person. Take them for a massage. And have one yourself. Dont share a drink/alcohol with them. Talk about sadness. Go for a drive with them, say nothing unless they talk. BE with them, don't say 'call me..bla bla bla...
The ironic thing is, if someone did (some of) those things for me it would most likely make me feel worse from the guilt of them spending money and time on me that they could be putting to better use.
my boyfriend has been suffering from this for as long as ive known him and covid isnt helping one bit. i wish i could be with him 24/7 when he does distance himself and goes MIA to make sure hes okay but i know its not my job to fix him and only be his support system
My depressed boyfriend blocked me from all social media, and ignores my calls and text messages. I've messaged him here and there to let him know that I'm there for him and that I love him. I've stuck by his side through his darkest moments. Helped him financially since he hasn't had a stable job. I feel like I'm taken for granted. I don't know what else to do. I feel drained. We are currently in a long distance relationship because he got a job offer in another state. These past 9 months have been an emotional rollercoaster.
Karen Chima this sounds like my story. But he didn’t recognise his depression or did not want to admit it. He told me he didn’t feel the same about us anymore and when I asked what he wanted he didn’t know. Some days he was like himself but most days he was withdrawn and cold. I gave him space but it wasn’t enough. He got a job in another state , something that we had planned together. But he kept saying that he didn’t know if it’s what he wanted and he had heard bad things and to wait to let him suss the place out. I didn’t know he was depressed and I had just been trying to mend out relationship. He would tell me he loved me and call and message me but I felt like I was more of a chore and burden. When I asked how he was liking his job he would get angry because he felt pressured and I was adding to it. I love him but I’ve ended it. I was constantly told I was adding pressure and so I felt that if it could make him feel better I would take at least that away from him. This is when he told me he had depression and agreed that we should end it. I’m heartbroken and feel bad I’m not there to support him. I hope he gets through this.
Can I say this sis , allow yourself to heal from that relationship, and send healing love to him in prayer or meditation etc , wish him to best and release him , if he wants he will come back to you and work it out and help u to understand where he’s coming from. Blessings 💖🙏🏽
Bawling my eyes out at this video. I am trying so hard to be there for my boyfriend and It's difficult not to offer advice from what helped me, I know it makes him uncomfortable, you were right. Our relationship would be sky high without depression, he is my best friend. Over 2 years we have been together and this feels like the only thing that is stopping us from being unstoppable. I myself, have my own mental health issues to deal with and I didnt get much support off my other half for my hardest times because of his depression, my spirituality helped me but he's sick of hearing about it. I would be dead without my spirituality, the hardest part is wanting to tell him everything about how I've come so far mentally because it means so much to me but to him it is a kick in the teeth, to him its me telling him he's not trying hard enough. Not normally one to overshare on TH-cam comments but thank you for this incredibly helpful video
@@chynnawhittaker1370 my ex broke up with me and I feel like the depression played a role. I stayed and tried so hard to be supportive and he ended up breaking things off saying he didn’t want to drag things on. Stay strong but be patient with yourself. I denied my self care for him, this video hit the nail on the head for me. Be supportive but always remember to take care of your needs as well.
This is exactly what I'm going thru rn Nd i feel exhausted cause his insecurities has made him controlling i want to help him bt he keeps telling me what to do nd what not. He literally hates everything thta i love nd doesn't want me to do nd this whole thing is making me kinda depressed i love him I don't wanna give up on him bt he's making this so hard to me i can't understand ..i really want God to help him nd give him hope nd courage to get through this
I felt you. I just assured myself that it is my choice to be there for him, always. I also suffer from my own mental health issues and spirituality helps me a lot but I never mention it to him because each person handles things differently. So, I just support him and be there. Let him do it in his way but still be there for him. Also, i think its very important to seek professional help.
@@주야-y4p definitely, I hear you friend. Though if you’re suffering and they’re not willing to help themselves then you have to put yourself first, other wise you are abandoning yourself just as much as they are. It’s been a year since I ended the relationship with him and although it hurts still sometimes, it was the best decision and he actually did all the things to better his life that I wanted him to do AFTER I left him, because he no longer had me to look after him, he had no choice but to look after himself, though it’s terrible to cause him anymore pain, it was his wake-up call because he lost someone who loved him unconditionally. Now I’ve claimed myself back, I’ve grown so much and realised how held back I was with him. Life is bittersweet, so is love. I made the right choice. I hope you can find what is best for you and go with it. 🌹
Beautifully said. My partner was diagnosed with MDD and PTSD after leaving the military, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I was pretty damn scared. I spoke with him about my concerns, and while he acknowledged how painful depression can be, he also expressed sympathy for- and demonstrated an understanding of - the emotional toll that his condition exacts on me. By addressing these challenges head-on , we're learning how to support one another with even greater intentionally and compassion. Folks with depression don't want to hear whatever practical "solutions" we've cooked up. They're consumed by feelings of inadequacy and shame that often spiral into debilitating depressive episodes. When my partner begins to feel ill, I know that it's time to step up and, yes, give more than I receive for the time being - and for the sake of the relationship. To Chris, that means preparing home-cooked meals, frequent exercise that we do as a couple, and resisting my Type-A/ENFJ-impulses to force internal harmony within a person. That's a road that leads to nowhere. Yes, my husband has his good days and his bad days, but these fluctuations have abated quite a bit since we began having these dialogues. He trusts my instincts and knows that I am a safe harbor in turbulent seas: no judgment, no stigma, just unconditional love and support. It wasn't easy for a 6'2 Army Ranger from S.C. to reveal the depths of his pain, but he later shared that he felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He realized that I love him for the totality of who he is - and would never abandon him for having a mental illness or try to "fix" or "change" him for the better. Because if I know one thing about Chris, he's a remarkably gifted scientist, reliable friend, loving spouse, and compassionate soul. Chris's depression is but one facet of his personality. It doesn't define him, and I remind him of that during his darker moments. I make it clear as day: Not only would he offer you the shirt off his back, he'd throw in some sneakers, for good measure. He is also one of five siblings and assumed the role of his parents' caretaker (and he ain't it in for the money - rural South Carolina isn't exactly a gold mine). Furthermore, he's the most remarkable person I've ever been blessed to have in my life - funny as hell (he's got me beat!), and a brilliant medical clinician with a partner whose profession (spoiler alert: I'm a political fundraising consultant...) rewards sophisticated interpersonal skills and....that's about it! Now, you tell me? Who's doing the Lord's work in this relationship?! In all seriousness, depression can act as a crucible for any relationship; those who persevere and remain attentive to their partners' needs will find that depression draws couples closer than they ever though possible. And that's worth the price of admission, even on the hard days.
hey I have encountered similar situation, My partner works at military and has depression issues. he pushed me away twice, and now he shut himself down and it's hard to communicate with him with message or phone now. I wonder whether you can offer any advice?
I drive people away because I feel so guilty bringing people into my world. I think I subconsciously try to make people hate or resent me, so that they won't feel the same kind of guilt that I feel.
My husband suffers from depression and PTSD. Sometimes I'm his punching bag and then sometimes I'm his Queen. We start therapy this week.... Please pray for me, for us... I don't know if I'm strong enough to stay for the long haul.
The past week my girlfriend has been having a really hard time with depression and it's really started to take its toll on me I don't really know what I'm doing and my knowledge of depression is very limited. There's times she does things I don't understand but watching your video is making it easier for me to cope and to be there for her thanks very much for uploading
I am so glad that I came across this video. I have a girlfriend going through this and it has REALLY opened my eyes and helped me understand so much. Thank you x 100000000000000000000.
Im in a long distance relationship and my partner was in depressive episode this whole week. Since I was someone with a 'touch love language' its pretty hard for me too this time. Thank you so much finally I find what I need to say and not say.
I’m the exact same as you, it gets really hard. specially that they need a lot of time for themselves alone and just thinking. I always end up missing him so much I cry my eyes out every night, and remembering that I’m away and a simple touch from me could make him feel better and calm him down and still I can’t do it or give it to him breaks me down even more. I try so hard not to be mad, and not to have negative feelings or vibes so I don’t affect him, but it’s like I’m hurting myself trying not to hurt him even more, which I don’t mind everything for him I love him so much, but I’m lost I really am.
As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life this video is perfect. The whole "fixing people" works also when your serving others.
This video has helped me so much. Thank you Julia for sharing such valuable information. I am currently trying to help the love of my life battle depression and I am guilty of everything you mentioned even though I thought I was helping. I am going to use your suggestions and pray that my partner starts to feel less pain and we can get our relationship back to the way it was when we first fell in love. Keep sharing the information. You are awesome!!
My pleasure Andrew - I'm so happy to hear it. I'd love to connect with you more on my FB page - and I also give live mental health and personal development talks there regularly fb.me/JuliaCounsellor. See you there!
Nice Video! Forgive me for butting in, I would love your initial thoughts. Have you researched - Lammywalness Erase Depression Guide (probably on Google)? It is an awesome one of a kind guide for beating depression without the hard work. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my mate finally got astronomical results with it.
Yes! I just had a look at it. The author of the book is using CBT, diet, and goal setting to help people move through their depression, and CBT does have lots of research showing it's effectiveness in treating depression. I use it in my therapy practice and actually did my clinical CBT traning under of the the creators of CBT.
Nice video content! Sorry for the intrusion, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you tried - Lammywalness Erase Depression Guide (google it)? It is a smashing one off guide for beating depression minus the hard work. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my buddy at last got great success with it.
This is the first video/piece of advice I've seen where I've agreed with every suggestion, or at least that it fits exactly with the way things are for me--I am the depressed person. My fear is that people I care about will become frustrated and take my silence personally. Much of the time my imposed isolation has to do with anxiety, which sometimes goes hand-in-hand with a Major Depressive disorder. I retreat when in a depressed state, and want to shut the world out. I feel that keeping up contact with family & friends is too much work, because all of my energy is focused on putting one foot in front of the other and getting through the bare minimum of my day--whatever it encompasses. There was a study done with people who have depression and those that don't, where they are asked (after playing a shoot & destroy video game) how many little monsters they killed. The control group guessed far higher than the true number, the depressed group guessed much more accurately. To me that illustrates why depressive thoughts are so believable. As Andrew Solomon says, (and I'm paraphrasing here), it's not like depression is a grey veil that one sees the world through, it's more like we (the depressed) feel a veil has been lifted, and we are seeing the world as it truly is. I don't mean to suggest that people with depression always see things as they really are, just that it sometimes takes some sugar-coating to survive, because we can't worry about or possibly fix all that is wrong with the world. Sometimes all of those things though, tend to weigh us down. Thanks to Julia Kristina for a well thought out video that explains something very important for the health & well-being of both sides: the the caregiver, and the 'afflicted one'. Understanding is the key.
I'm facing down a divorce that I don't want. Depression affected my marriage in so many negative ways and my wife of ten years just doesn't really understand how it affected me. She feels like I'm making excuses. I really want to help her understand so I'm going to share this with her because this is all really close to home for me. Thank you.
I cried a lot while listening to this. I'm mentally healthy, I don't understand depression and I can't imagine what it is, I feel lost and left, because my significant other has isolated themselves from me everyone: they don't answer the phone, don't answer text messages, you name it. But, as you said, I guess it's a disease. I also don't understand how it is, having a tumor or having lost a leg. Thank you so much for this video. This stuff is not something you learn at school or university, and I don't have anyone to ask for an advice. I wish there was more information about this.
My daughter was raped a year ago, she didn't tell me or her mother (we're divorced and she was living with her mother), she decided to have the baby and give it up for adoption. She did. I have let her know how strong I thaught she was for doing it. I've had depression issues for 30 years, thank God I found the meds and help I needed. But now my girl has tried to take pills and is injuring herself... I'm at a loss. She's been hospitalized 3 times, but won't take her meds. She moved back with me, but she's still hurting herself and I'm at a loss. I know my depression because I've lived with it so long, but I don't understand hers and it's killing me. Any advice is welcome.
Kelly Limbach , dear sweet parent, ive just been reading comments here & felt inside that l wanted to tell you, l felt your words & pray that your,daughter & YOU are doing well since you wrote 8mths ago, .....love arly
I had to give up my child 40 years ago when I was a teenager. Never had treatment and to this day suffer from ptsd. She’s going to have to have some help....perhaps a female.
This is showing me that the love of my life has researched and loves me. I am dealing with depression but I feel secure that my partner is prepared to grow with me through this journey
My girlfriend, well ex now I guess, told me she felt that "she was taking advantage of me, and that it wasn't fair of her. That she cares, but can't return my feelings and that I should be with someone who can" Literally came out of the blue, but this video is really helpful.
I wish my fiance will try to understand more about my depression. Its so hard for me to talk to him about how I'm getting on because he keep saying I'm negative or crazy 😢that broke me.
Tofuu Chan it is hard and complicated to let our partner know about our situation when they feel it's just our thoughts that cause us depressed :(I know that I'm not the only one suffering from this. I wish our partner will understand what we going through.
my fiance is a nice person, yes, but when i told him about this.. well i guess you know what his usual answer would be.. "everything is just in your mind, be positive," well i really really really hope our partner will understand too.. some day. dont want it to affect our marriage.
Tofuu Chan we have the same hope for our future. I know it won't be easy and also won't want this to affect our Marriage. Be strong. you're Not alone suffer through this. Try meditation, it helped me a bit. Slowly but surely:)
That’s a major concern for the depressed individual. For many of us we are used to being blamed for this very thing. But that’s not realistic or healthy. It’s not the depressed individuals responsibility to keep the other person from becoming depressed. The depressed individual almost always needs you to be strong enough to not need anything from them during these episodes. In other words, if you need me to not be depressed in order for you to be ok, then I am going to fail you. This snowballs-it’s a very problematic kind of feedback loop. The prognosis for this type of relationship is not good.
Just say, I love you, I see you I hear you. Most of the time when you have a depression you feel guilty towards persons that are giving you advice or telling you how you should feel. Wishing all of the ones with depression much love. Thank you for this wonderful video💖💖💖💖
Watching this made me cry. I know you aren't talking to the audience specifically and are giving advice but I really appreciated hearing this. As someone with depression I try really hard not to reach out too often to people because I feel like I would be a burden. And when I do reach out it feels like I always get the same responses of "You have a lot to look forward to... Things will be better soon". But I've been on so many treatment plans and it's not getting better, it's been years now but I still feel constantly hopeless and alone.
I know from personal experience that feeling like being a burden to other people can really stop you from getting the help you need. Nevertheless, this is a lie your head tells you. You can, and should, ask people for help. You are worth it.
My older sister used to travel all over, running marathons, especially at DisneyWorld, Disneyland CA, and Disneyland Paris. We still have her medals proudly on display. She always drove us to places and always seemed to enjoy spending time with us, the littler siblings. She practically raised us, honestly. My older siblings didn't really have the best childhood, we weren't rich and I think my older siblings suffered a lot of stress growing up, so maybe that also contributes to why my sis changed. For 3 years (At least to my knowledge), she suffers from bulimia and bipolar depression. She sleeps all the time in her room, she throws up late at night, she wants to work but with Summer here she can't be a gym teacher, and you can easily piss her off at times. Mom has a very hard time talking to her, I don't think she understands how depression and eating disorders work. She screams and argues with her, obviously making it worse. My Dad tries, but he's also very busy at work so he can't always be there. The only thing making my sister nowadays is this guy she's obsessed with. From what my sister describes about him, I honestly don't think he's the right one for her, but my sister constantly says that she has nothing to live for BUT this guy. One day she could be acting happy, even saying that her depression is over, but then the next day she could be feeling like shit and sobbing. It drives Mom crazy, and for me it just makes me sad. I feel as if there could be another guy for her somewhere in this world. I admit that I've made a few mistakes that the video listed, like telling her to stay positive, and sometimes suggesting stuff, like talking to a therapist (dumbass me didn't realize at the time that those people cost money). But, at least I can admit that I do care, and that I want to help her. Sorry if I wrote so much I just needed to say something because there's just so much on my mind. I can get carried away at times. I hope that other people can find the strength to push forward because you're not alone.
not forever... you cannot yourself make someone leave depression... but you can slowly make them understand how to get themselves to leave it. once they snap out of it you are okay to slowly drift away... and make them realize they have others around them. anyone... and if they are truly alone... don't leave them. that's just a bad thing to do.. it's getting them to "click" that is the hard part though... because only they can do it
Greg V i love someone who is depressed and yes, sometimes it can be a burden, but I‘m happy with it because she ,even tho things can be hard, is the best thing that happened to me for sure.
I'm so glad that I watched this. Now I know that the things I'm saying to my boyfriend are actually helping him, he's in a really dark place right now and I feel so helpless all the time that I can't help him more, but watching this gave me a bit of hope that I am helping in some way.
i just found out my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me via text msg due to overwhelming anxiety and depression, she finally opened up after I sent flowers. this video makes it all make sense and I thank you so much. I had no idea what I could do until I watched this. ❤
I'm a very positive-optimistic person. I've had my own past with depression, but i've been looking at the beautiful things in life now and i've accepted the past. I have a girlfriend that i've been with for almost 2 years with chronic depression and anxiety. I support her a lot, but i'm not the best at communicating with her. I try my best to help her get through, and she does take medication. But every single day, she gets sad or depressed and it takes a toll on me. Over time, it gets to a point of exhaustion and drainage. Considering I, myself have been through it before and I beat it, to now having to support someone who is constantly depressed. I love her with all my heart, and i'm not saying that people with depression just need to get over it. I get the struggle, maybe not chronically but in a very similar way. Just when dealing with someone with chronic illnesses for a long period of time and me feeling like they're constantly sad no matter how good(in my eyes) the day is then it takes a toll. Sometimes i feel like shit for not helping her successfully, even though I only have good intentions. Sigh, any thoughts anyone?
John Perez how are things going with your girlfriend? I am in the same shoes as you. I too have battled depression and won thankfully. I'm now a super positive and fun and happy person and nothing gets me down anymore.(if so I work past it and don't let it consume me) My boyfriend is going through some tough times right now and though he's never said it. I think he's depressed. he gets upset over the smallest Things and it takes him forever to let it go (as small as some one cutting him off in traffic) it'll bother him ALL day. I'm such a happy person and I try my best to make him smile or laugh but most times fail. I've spoken to him about how things are affecting me and he says he understands my feelings ...but then goes on to explain why he is the way he is and that it's just how he has and always has processes things. i love him and am trying my best but damn there's days I worry about seeing him and what the mood is going to be like, if we'll even have a good time together or If well have a small spat bc of some stupid misunderstanding or whatever. I'm trying not to let his shit get me down and most times I dont but dam of there aren't days I feel it too!
I have depression and anxiety. I have no health insurance and have never tried medication. I am an introvert, with not many friends or close family members, but I do have an amazing husband and a smart and smiley daughter (3 years old). Everyone had a different past. Everyone has a different now. But your girlfriend has you. It's frustrating, even people who have had depression in the past, or currently, don't always understand because we all feel differently and for different reasons and to different degrees. Share your experiences so that they won't feel like the only one who has been there. But remember, never compare. Every person is living through their most difficult life. You can go into detail about your experiences as deeply as you are comfortable with doing. Tell them that they can do the same. Tell them about the little annoying negative things that happened to you today, and how in the past maybe you had days where a car horn would've caused you to think negatively for a minute and then more little things would like on top, and then you'd cry yourself to sleep and feel bad about doing it because it's just a bunch of little negative things. Tell them about how you started out by making efforts to let go of the annoyances and the insults and the times people mistreat us. Use logic or hope or any tools you have. Tell them "your boss is just mean to you because he has his own problems and worries overwhelming him. That person isn't your friend anymore because that's the choice they made. They might have good reason, probably not, but it might seem different to them or they just might not value you as much as other people will, and there are a million reasons why people feel the way they do that are just out of our control. Show your girlfriends that you care. And treasure them, and reassure them that you feel loved when they make you smile, point out why, so that it will stick in their heads that they did make you smile. When they do a task for you, or compliment you, say something about that specific thing and how it makes you feel. They make you a cup of coffee? Maybe all you actually think is something like "yay coffee" but maybe you could take an extra minute to think about the good. And then point it out to them. That's what their brains should be doing but aren't. But if you think deeply on the good times and the little kindness' and point them out. They will find themselves remembering what you said. Then they might do the same when you do some small kind thing, and over time, people can LEARN to let go of the bad and focus on the good. I can guess that I must not be easy for my husband to handle all the time.... But I would say, there is never a time that a deep conversation isn't appreciated. Sometimes the words you say might not be exactly what someone else needs to hear, but sometimes it IS. So don't stop trying to talk. But whenever you feel drained or you just don't have the strength to put forth so much effort: a hug, a forehead kiss, a hand to hold, a "that sucks", an "I don't understand or know how to fix it but I'm here, and I care about how you feel". Invite them LET'S GO FOR A DRIVE no matter what reason they give for not wanting to just keep on inviting them to go do SOMETHING ANYTHING EAT CEREAL IN THE KITCHEN WITH ME. ANYTHING. INVITE THEM AT LEAST 3 TIMES! If they are laying down or separating themselves from you in the other room, go in there. If it ends in yelling, give it a minute and then go back. Go back. Keep at it. Keep trying to say something that might give them something good to feel. And if you can think of nothing to say tell them "I don't know what to say.... can I hold you? And just hold them and rock them and touch their hair or rub their back or do ANYTHING that you can to comfort them and give them SOMETHING GOOD TO FEEL. You guys are so awesome to be thinking of your girls and watching a video to try to learn. Keep on trying. I've had a husband for one year now. And it is easier now than ever before for me to get myself away from the bad thoughts and think about the good. It's just our brains. We can learn happiness. But depending on how deep our depression goes, it can take more time and effort to uproot it.
Wow. You hit the nail on the head. As a mother of a daughter with depression, I do tend to blame myself often and I worry if there was something I did to contribute to her illness. So many of your suggestions are wonderful and spot on.
"Saying "I love you" and "I'm here to support you" is nice in the moment, but you actually have to mean it and follow through, not blow up in the next interaction because you're bored or frustrated with dealing with my depression. My experience with those who have never experienced depression themselves is that they have a sharply limited tolerance despite their best intentions, and end up shoving me further down the hole. Being yelled at when you already want to die helps no one. The only effective comfort I've ever found is from those who suffer from this condition as well. Everyone else just makes it worse, even though their hearts may be in the right place.
Even when we are depressed we need to understand other people feelings. We have no right to ask them perfection or eternal patience. We hurt them too, not just ourselves. We are not justified even when we are sick. They are trying as we are trying.
@Michelle Maybe it's not easy to remain tolerant (=not feel hurt, not react from the hurt) when you've been turned down 10 times, rejected 15 times, getting silent treatment for days...?
So "how to love someone with depression" is "walk on eggshells for the rest of your life & make everything you do revolve around being okay with being blown off". This advice will work on anyone, depression or not. And there needs to be tips on how to cope, because simply making everything you do be about them also fosters depression
I wish my family would understand I have severe anxiety and depression. That I’m not lazy. That I can’t “choose to be positive”. If there was a choice , I would have none of this. I wish they would love me for who I am. Instead of abandoning me.
It's tough that while I'm dealing with my own depression and feeling lost, I'm still trying to help someone else through theirs. Sometimes I wish I had someone doing the same for me. I miss that feeling, but here I am, trying to work through my own struggles. I’ve been learning from TH-cam videos and picking up things that might help him overcome his depression. We’re all facing our own battles, each with a different story and struggle, but we’re doing our best in our own ways. I genuinely hope everyone finds peace and fulfillment in life. Wishing good luck and strength to everyone out there.
I needed to hear this my bf is seriously depressed and it’s so hard to be supportive when he gets really down because he gets so distant and it’s like he doesn’t care about my existence. It’s so hard I just want him to be happy again
Jules you are not a lone!! I am deal with the same thing with my husband. He was diagnosed with bipolar depression and he swears he’s getting better but he’s actually getting worse and he acts like I’m nothing to him when he’s going through it, he pushes me and his son away, he sleeps so much and when he does have what seems like okay happy moments, he comes off as a rude sarcastic happy if that makes sense
My boyfriend recently lost a loved one and it seems to have triggered his depression. I feel reassured watching this im giving him space he needs but i will occasionally reach out just to let him know im here and i believe in him. Thankyou
Watching this as the depressed partner. My boyfriend has been very patient and supportive. It's exhausting for both of us, but he reminds me that it's not my fault that I feel this way. To anyone who experiences depression, it's not your fault and what you feel is valid.
I have battled this for many years. My girlfriend yelled at me yesterday "You are the most negative person I have ever met!" Your advice on "things to say" brought me to tears. You can count on one hand how many times I have been brought to tears. Hopeless.
I'm not used to not being able to fix every problem in my life, so when I can't "fix" her depression, I feel inadequate. I've found that the best thing to do is to just be there and listen to her problems. Not coming up with solutions. I will try to make her seek help but she needs to want to do it. Finally, I try to go places with her, like on a picnic or to the forrest. Good luck to everyone reading this.
My closest friend has depression. She is 13 and so am I, she isn’t a fake depressed, she has been clinically depressed for awhile and has therapist and she talks about suicide every now and then. It scares me but I let her know I’m there for her when she needs someone, we don’t see each often, actually very rarely, because she lives an hour away. I get to se her in 2 days, I plan on brightening her day and make her feel loved.....
I want her to know I’ll do anything to fight for her happiness and fight for her right to receive professional care but it just doesn’t seem to work, she responds and she’s very flat with her responses, I understand she’s drained physically and emotionally, but I can’t do or say anything, what am I suppose to say knowing she’s hurting?? It’s a struggle for sure and I just want to see that gorgeous genuine smile again
I don't know if it would help to read Muriel Schiffman's book "Self Therapy." One of her images is that depression is like a grey blanket. You could ask her to lift the corner of the grey blanket and then tell you what emotion she sees there. She will probably say, "Oh, that feeling - that doesn't matter," but you can say, "Yes, that's the one. What is it?" If she'll talk about it, the emotion might be that she feels hurt about something, or upset or whatever. Try your best to just acknowledge whatever it is. You might be tempted to say, "But, hey, I thought we'd already discussed that." She may have more she needs to say. You don't have to re-apologize for past mistakes but you can acknowledge her feelings e.g. "yes, that was a very hurtful time. We both said things we regret now. Let's just both sit together with those hurt feelings and face them." Sometimes it helps to ask what color the feelings are e.g. purple and cloudy. Wait for a minute and then say, "Those purple and cloudy feelings - what are they like now?" She may say, "They're silver with spikes and barbs all over them." Just sit with those and then ask again what the feelings look like. You will probably find that they gradually become cloudy and unclear and fainter. Eventually they don't seem so painful or important. You may need to re-visit them another day and do a similar exercise.
I struggle with depression, and im watching this because my girlfriend also suffers from mental illness and i really want to support her and this video really helped me thank you 💗
My girlfriend whom I love with all my heart suffers from depression and very very low self worth. I try so so hard , i try my best to help, but this video has opened my eyes so much more. Thank you so much
Hi Jese. I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend's depression. I suffered with it also for years, but am doing much better now. I have a message for her. Would you be kind enough to read it to her? Thanks friend....the message is: "You are an incredibly special person. You are truly amazing. You are beautiful inside and out. You are a precious gemstone. You are a ray of morning sunshine. You have tremendous potential. You are the reason someone smiled today. You are way more than you think you are. You are stronger than you know. You are still a work in progress. You are being cheered on by people you don't know. You are being prayed for by people you have never met. You are loved beyond measure. You are loved more than you will ever know. You are a masterpiece of God's creation. You are beautiful in His eyes. You are always on His mind. He is much bigger than any of your problems. You will never, ever be alone. God can never leave you. God sent His Son for you. Yes, you have a Savior. You have a Savior who gave His life for you. You have a Savior who is waiting to hear from you. You have a Savior who is longing to hear from you. He is only a prayer away. His name is Jesus. He rescued me and He will do the same for you."
this video is really helpful. i've watched a couple of videos like these but most of them just tell you what you shouldn't say and not what you can say. my best friend has had depression for almost her entire life. i've known her for about 7 years and we've been best friends for 6 years. recently she is going through a particularly bad phase of her depression. one day we were at our favorite restaurant and she told me how she's doing and that at the moment she really doesn't want to see any people or go out with friends, that it's really stressful for her. so i asked her if that also includes me and she said "no, not you. you are like my shadow". that might sound downgrading but what she meant was that she is so comfortable around me that even when she doesn't wanna see anyone she still has no problem with me being there. i was so touched by that. i am really glad that this video showed me that i've basically been doing the right things and treating her right (most of the time anyway).
I am in love with someone who has depression. It’s really hard to understand, and often times I tend to fuck it up. I don’t know what to do but I want to do something to be of help to her. Videos like this really helps. I realize I have been doing things wrong, so thank you for this. I’ll be sure to treat her better, understand her more, and be a supportive girlfriend to her.
Thank you so much for this. My girlfriend has episodes where she’ll get very depressed, start breaking down and push me away and it’s been really tough on our relationship but I’m trying my best to cope with it and help her through it.
You understand so much😔you described me to the T. It hurts me to hurt those who love me and I have never had a successful relationship because I push them away so much and don't want to commit to anything because I know I'm not stable for love. Its horrible. Thanks for the video and those who are watching this in order to help someone you love...that's amazing and I wish you luck....
"You got to think positive," My ex (whom I still love) said that to me without knowing it didn't help, I thought he would have known that wouldn't help since he himself went through depression but nope
Me and my gf decided to break up and it’s hard because I only get to see her every other weekend so I wish I could always be there for her. It’s hard when the texting slows down it hurts a lot and I miss her opening up like she used to. I really hope she gets better cause it’s like watching a beautiful flower die right in front of you. I only hope she comes back one day and I can be more prepared than now but I can’t expect it. If she lived closer I would do everything to help her. I miss her so much and i love her so much.
Thank you so much for this video. My husband has depression and it’s so hard for me to understand what’s going on with him. I kept on blaming myself. I thought something was wrong with me and i thought he doesn’t love me anymore. One day he loves me and thenthe next day he avoids me. He even easily gets angry.. I almost gave up on him. Thank God i came across this video. It just saved my marriage.
Hi Julia, my wife suffers from Depression and i must admit that listening to you makes realize even though my intentions have always been good there was allot i didn't realize and i was making it worst, but listening to you really helped me understand things from her perspective, so thank you for this, Your a kind soul. 🙂
1:47 if you like someone with severe depression saying something to them isn’t enough because they have such a feeling of unworthiness they wont believe it. Cuddles, hugs, & kisses are the only thing that will make them feel less lonely
Me and my bf r both depressed and hes giving up on us slowly, but we're trying to stay strong together,I really hope we'll get through it all. Also for those who have the same problem,I hope for y'all too
I have a friend, a girl who’s diagnosed with depression and it pains me to see her suffering everyday. I’ll be sure to use these tips to help her through her painful journey. Thank you so much!
Hi Kathleen. I have a message for you. I hope you take a few moments to read it. "You are an incredibly special person. You are truly amazing. You are beautiful inside and out. You are a precious gemstone. You are a ray of morning sunshine. You have tremendous potential. You are the reason someone smiled today. You are way more than you think you are. You are stronger than you know. You are still a work in progress. You are being cheered on by people you don't know. You are being prayed for by people you have never met. You are loved beyond measure. You are loved more than you will ever know. You are a masterpiece of God's creation. You are beautiful in His eyes. You are always on His mind. He is much bigger than any of your problems. You will never, ever be alone. God can never leave you. God sent His Son for you. Yes, you have a Savior. You have a Savior who gave His life for you. You have a Savior who is waiting to hear from you. You have a Savior who is longing to hear from you. He is only a prayer away. His name is Jesus. He rescued me and He will do the same for you."
I've been struggling with this for months now and this video was so validating and just put my heart at ease! I've never dealt with someone so depressed and it's great to know that I can help them!
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I live with this disease. And what I want to say is....anyone who found this video cause you are dying to help someone you love who suffers....you are something special . And sweet . Kudos to you
I really appreciate the moral support... I came here because I feel so damn helpless when I see my friend in 'pain' and drawn back, and I want to learn to how to deal with what she goes through without it dragging me down into a depressed mood due to not recognising the symptoms. I need to be stable and strong for her. Despite all of this being very personal, very difficult to grasp (as a non-depressed person) and subject to major change from one person to the other, this video has given me some great insights, and I feel that they have given me better tools to be there for her. Thank you - knowing it is appreciated even when sometimes being pushed away is what I needed, even if from a complete stranger.
I don’t care
My mum has it
Joseph Gehrmann it’s so hard, and I do my best to understand her and make her feel better, and I just can’t
thanks! :)
I just cried while watching this. My boyfriend has major depression and bipolar disorder and I love him so much, I just want him to be happy. This video was extremely helpful.
Same I really struggle with it
I bet you're an amazing girlfriend :)
musicalmariana your boyfriend is broken, find a new one, I know what I'm talking about...
I hope to find like u girlfriend.
Mickey Simpson I know man how you feel... my lady is depressed and still not really helping.... maybe it's just me!
I was severely traumatized years ago as a teenage, got diagnosed with cptsd. Spent my whole life fighting cptsd. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES sure of mycologist Predroshrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, addiction. Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I'm so very happy for you mate, Psilocybin is absolutely amazing, the way it shows you things, the way it teaches you things. I can not believe our world and our people shows less interest about it's helpfulness to humanity. It's love. The mushrooms heals people by showing the truth, it would be so beneficial for so many people, especially politicians and the rich who have lost their way and every other persons out there.
Where do I reach this dude? If possible can I find him on Google
People with depression don't always want to hear "what can I do for you?" or "How can I help?" They don't know what you can do. They would much rather hear. "Can I do … for you?"
Noted. ♥️
Its because they often struggle to make decisions. very good advice
I shoud've read this earlier
Technically I know this but I still accidentally ask more openly because I can't think of anything I could do...
That's true.
I would add (speaking from my own experience) that when someone is in a deep depression, they are often literally incapable of appreciating, comprehending, believing,or accepting your supportiveness. Dont be offended by this, its not their fault. Its not your fault. It just is.
I am a person who does not suffer from depression, but I was involved for 1.5 yrs with a person who did. I have to say it was a disaster. And constantly weighing the good times against the inevitable bad did not work as a long-term strategy. In my experience, dating a person with depression creates a black hole in the relationship where your personal happiness is starved and dies. Because the person you love is incapable of providing for your legitimate emotional needs with any level of consistency if at all. I know we are all here in support for the sufferers but it must be said that healthy relationships require mutual love and support if they are to survive and be fruitful. I'm not beating up on people who suffer from depression. Im really not. But I don't agree with the saccharine sentiment that they are vulnerable sufferers and that constantly walking on eggshells (which is all it really boils down to) is some kind of loving solution. Most of the time they destroy their partners. That was literally my experience. Im sure I'm not the expert on it from any perspective, but i would honestly tell a person in such a relationship to move on. Find someone better for their emotional health and wellbeing.
@@PennyJackson123 Well friend, I'm praying for you all. As long as you know that what you are getting now is basically going to be the story of your life together. There are antidepressant meds out there and that might help him. But you would first have to convince him to be serious about that treatment. My significant other was not serious about treatment. She was an attractive woman and so, I suspect, had simply gotten a pass on it for most of her life. That's the main problem though with them. They don't usually SEEM to be concerned with the damage they are causing the people around them. They speak on it sure... But the actions... What are they doing to create some change? Are they trying to help themselves (and you) at all? If you are going to stick it out with that guy, you can't do what these enablers are saying and "just support his suffering." Unless you are comfortable suffering all the time too. When you don't have to. There might be some people out there with success stories. Relationships riddled with depression that somehow found happiness and peace. Maybe they can chime in on this. I'm not one of those people. And quite honestly, I'd be surprised to find that they exist. Its an emotional roller coaster ride. Period.
That's the saddest part of this. You suffer, both suffer.
Yes! I never can believe support when I’m just too deep in my depression, and I don’t wanna hurt people, so I keep how I feel inside which makes me feel worse
So this means she is in deep depression rn🤔 nevertheless i will still support her once she reach out. 😇🥰🙂🙏💞
I'm a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend with depression and anxiety. I wanted to say a few things.
If you're in my shoes, wanting to support someone going through it, I know it can be hard, draining, and heartbreaking to see them in that state. Every day you want then to magically be happy, yet then you realize, they need time, as this isn't something to just get over with quick.
Just love them. Show them how much you care, the little things and small. Be there as a shoulder and give then hope and encouragement every day. Don't forget to take care of yourself but remember to say things like "I love you" and "I'm here for you" and all. Say that you're there for them and that they're strong as sometimes others fail to go through it. The mind is dangerous if used against you, but even more so if it's your own.
Be there love and encouragement. Be the star that shines their day and the pillow that they cry in at night. Because they'll appreciate it. All you need is love.
Ya'll can make it. Ya'll can fucking do it. I believe in all of you.
I remember when she said to me that I was her shining light and that I've been helping her a lot. I wanted to cry. It works man I tell you. Miracles happen. They do.
Thanks for your words... my husband is depressed and seems distant and isolates himself from my, at least I feel so. Sometimes I even get angry at him. But you are right, I wait for the magic miracle to happen. And I keep going to be there for him. Wishing you and your love all the best!
Just an update. She's gotten way better over the weeks it's amazing. So yeah it's possible.
Your girlfriend is so lucky to have you.
Gamer Guitarist did she say she thinks of how bad it makes her feel and it even makes her think of breaking up with you but she feels worse and knows she loves you but she gets that feeling.
@@GENERALKLAPISTAN
Wait are you saying if she feels bad about bringing me down because of her and that she'd want to break up with me but she knows I love her despite it?
In my case, we'd stuck to each other tightly..So no not really. She's more of the like who wants company.
1. Offering words of encouragement. Be a supporter, not a fixer. (ie. Saying "I believe you can get through this").
2. Don't offer advice using "you should" statements (ie. "You should exercise). Try saying, "what have you tried?" or "I've read about x, are you interested in hearing about it?"
3. Sometimes people with depression will push you away. They dont want to overburden you, so they might pull back. When this happens, give them space and remind them "I'm here for you if you want to talk", check in on them regularly, reminding them that you love them and you support them.
4. Loving someone with depression is draining. Prioritize your self-care. It is your job to support them, to be available when you can, and to take care of yourself first and foremost. It is not your job to fix them, or be an emotional punching bag.
5. Depression makes people leave sometimes. They could be overwhelmed and cancel plans last minute. Remember, it is not personal. (If it's a newer relationship, maybe they aren't in the best place to be dating someone right now. Know that it has nothing to do with you or anything you did wrong. They just can't be dating someone right now.)
6. Remember, you didn't cause their depression. You can't make someone depressed; so it's not your fault.
cassie lane thank you
Wait, what? You can't make someone depressed? Are you out of your mind? So people with abusive families or other terrible situations feel bad because they have sadbrains, not because life has broken them? People don't get depressed because they lead terribly empty lives?
Depression, in the grand majority of cases, is caused by a disruption in a person's life, and very, very rarely is it due to actual clinical reasons. Any psychiatrist that doesn't try as hard as possible to dig up the sequence of events that has caused a persons depression is not worth anyone's time, as they will not cure or even treat the underlying cause. Such shrinks are nothing but glorified drug dealers, too lazy or incompetent to do their job properly, putting their patients on addictive substances and counting on placebo effect to do the job for them. I've had this experience myself quite a few times already. "Oh, you have a controlling mother suffocating you, criticizing every small step you take, and you live an isolated lifestyle? Must be something wrong with your brains, here, take these ""anti""depressants".
Loved your comment thank you
thank you. i really needed this
I agreed with you until your last statement. My mother is suffering from PTSD and depression because of my religious obsessed, narcissistic father. I hate him I hate him I hate him
For me, the best thing is not when someone says "You should do a thing!" instead it's "Let's go do a thing!"
I agree with this 110%!
Jay Hailey that is actually really good
Exactly. When someone says "You should do a thing" thats them not empathizing and realizing that when you have severe depression, you have no self esteem, energy, hope etc. It is hell. They are on the outside looking in. When you show interest in them and want to show help in there healing, that person is most likely to heal than they would just doing it by themselves. Ive had severe depression and anxiety to the point where i couldn't leave my room at times and i would have my parents at 15 years old just sticking there head in my door asking "Are you ok?" when i am literally are lying in my bed in a fetal position and haven't showered or eaten in days. Thats not love.I still have trouble making eye contact or having a conversation with them due to that to this day. They simply were in denial or didn't care. Take a interest in a person who is depressed, even when they say they are ok, because they most likely aren't. Sit and watch a movie with them, take them to the movies or out to eat. Help them break out of that darkness before you walk into their room one day and find something you don't want to see... It happens everyday. Blessings.
Jay Hailey thank you for this , I am guilty of expectation rather than helping making suggestions
+1
Hearing her say " I believe in you" "I Support you" I Love you" "you can get through this" made me tear up.
FACCTS
Me too! I listened to it like she was saying it to me and then I played it back
I love you and I believe in you. Even though we don't know each other and it seem like there is a world between us I am telling you we are closer and more connected than you can imagine
@@positive_energy8259 Thank you stranger, I really needed to hear this today and am bawling like a little baby. I hope you have a wonderful day and know that you've brought an impact to someones' life.
Made me sad. No one has ever said that to me in my entire life.
I started crying. This is all i want to hear.
starboy SAME
Exactly.
Thought im the only one whos crying while watching this.
Yes the same. I wish my parents, friends and bf can say this instead of It's OK, don't mention it. There is lots of mercy on the world, your problem is not a big deal.
I don't know you, but here's a cyber-hug. You're loved by more people than you know. And no I'm not having a psychotic episode or anything, I'm just meaning it. For real.
I’m only 11 and my mum has depression.. trying to help her x
Take care of yourself, sweetie! It isn't your job as her child to make your mum feel better, but the other way around. Reach out to family members, teachers, friends, self help groups for teenagers in dysfunctional families. Don't take the responsibility for her condition - I've been there as well in my childhood/ teenagehood and such a situation can potentially be very damaging on the long run. So take good care of yourself - that's of utmost importance!
@@Dori9111 I've been there as well. Totally agree, there's so much complications in my adult life because I've missed out so many phases of adolescence. To think I was once so proud of myself of being able to help my parent to be an emotional support, to be a mature and understanding kid, to be a good kid.
But frankly, if I had read your comment when I'm that young I honestly wouldn'y know what to do anyway. Live on and let my mother deal with it herself? I'd feel guilty. Tell her to get help? I wouldn't dare to. Best case scenario, the spouse is still around, or parent has a friend, a good person tohelp the mother and constantly reassures the kid not to worry about it, because the adults got it.
Same thing here. Im 13 and my dad has depression. He drinks excessively every night and I'm really worried about him.
@@em1ly_m31n3 I hope he is not in anyway abusive towards you. If you know an adult you can trust who knows your father, try to talk to them about it. I was in a similar situation and I thought I was being mature, but after so many years and finally realising the truth, I realised I really was too young, I was not equipped to help someone with depression, even most adult despite their good intentions, don't. There's much more to it about depression than just feeling sad.
Snatched Wig You are a shining light in your Mum’s life, You are so strong and brave, My son and i have the same diagnosis, We help each other, also we have a Psychiatrist and Psychologist for medication and Therapy, really helps us. We don’t have any family members for support, so we reach out for community help, Not sure if your mum knows, but there is a place called NDIS which she can apply for, not sure if you have that, depending what country your from, it may be called something else, it is a National Disability Insurance Scheme, gives funding for your Disability to choose programmes, Doctors of chosen needs and a lot more and they fund you for that and can also start a pathway catered for your mum. All the best, Cheering you both on, your a Champion 😀
This has helped me greatly. My ex boyfriend suffers from depression and I ended up breaking it off because I was exhausted. Today he reached out to me wanting to work things out. I am educating myself because I do love him and this video is a real eye opener. Thank you. It all makes sense now
Dana K So I’m in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is depressed and it feels like she is pushing me away. Last time I went to visit her on July she told me to not give up on her when she gets depressed. She won’t let me go visit her right now that she wanna be alone and she told me that she loves me and everything. I think college is making her more depressed because she falling behind. I don’t know what to do I’m just so confused?
@@jermanhernandez4788 find and read my comment on here.. Snap like u but much worse. Maybe we can help each other and share advice. But believe me I'm in same boat as u. Was with my girl 7yrs. Split 2 off on for wkends..week.days. Then got together 5 wks ago all Was amazing then 2 wks ago nearly 3 she just went dead on me cutoff all communication won't take calls. Hardly texts. Not seen for 3 weeks. Says she can't be emotionally commited.
don't leave him alone.....
heart breaks worsens depression....
I'm so afraid to fall in relationship because I know girls don't have patience that's why I'm still single.
sol cutta she broke up with me out of no where. I didn’t cry or beg her to stay. We haven’t talked I’m just gonna give her space. She having a rough time right now every time I tried to help I think I made it worse so I just backed off.
I know exactly how you been feeling. I am currently going through this with my partner of 14yrs. And it hurts so much to see him like this. Being pushed away i am not giving up on him. This video is brilliant.
You know.
It just makes me really happy seeing a lot of boyfriends or girlfriends looking to cope and help out their partners, rather than seeing fully negative comments or immediately give up on them because their minds are working differently.
So to all of you that are willing to learn on how a depressed person's mind works, I appreciate you more than you think.
Maybe it's the depressed person in me speaking but it's no good hiding that feeling anyways.
😭💖
Thank you for appreciating someone like me. My man is suffering this and I want to do my best to help him.
@@thesalonicacastro4305 how is it going with your boyfriend now? I'm in the same situation with you right now😭😭
@@maxinehidalgo5498 we broke up 😭💔
Educating about depression is so important for those that love us.
My girlfriend left me because of depression, I lost my cousin a month ago and she wanted me to snap out of it. She would tell me to look on the bright side and live your life. People who never experience depression never understand.
Alex Muniz I'm just in the same position I hope your OK now
Alex Muniz yeah same here lost my brother then a friend and then a couple of Uncles. One after another. I tried pushing boyfriend away before but I learned he was deeply hurt when I did that so I instead asked him if he could call me more often but nope, didn't call. I got suicidal one night when I woke up in the hospital all I heard from him was his doubts and we'll never work out.
You are more than enough, I will be praying for you.
Alex Muniz I lost my grandma at 15teen. Losing someone is horrible. She died in 2001. It's a struggle for my daily. There's not only time I think of her. I loved her home made tortillas and green Chile stew.. I get where you are coming from.. btw.
@@tingdc2286;
Is it weird that when she was listing things to say like “I care about you, I believe in you” I honestly felt good because I haven’t had that said to me before even though she wasn’t saying it directly to me idk 😐
That's very encouraging to me that her words of encouragement touched you♥️ I have a loved one whom I believe in so much, and I hope today or soon will be a chance to tell him I believe in him. He is in so much pain and pushing me away.
Mad Chris once she starting saying that I began to cry bc I was so touched lol. It really is nice to hear someone say it to you even if they are not actually there.
Depressed people should say these things to themselves first and not rely on others to do it for them.
I hear you friend. Nobody has said that to me either sending you hugs 🤗
i care about you ❤️
Julia. This video is informative!
I love your videos! They help alot. Thanks!
Psych2Go omg I love your channel
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR CHANNEL
Hi.
True, I really appreciate it.
Support but not a fixer...thank you for the advice.
Nobody can fix this problem for you, the solution comes from within.
+Atlas Shrugged very well put.
Yes. Agreed!
i’m here to help my girlfriend who’s emotionally numb, and though not diagnosed with depression, she talked about having suicidal ideations almost everyday. it’s hard and tiring, and it’s upsetting because i also have to my own issues going on. it could be so draining and it hurts to see someone who’s important to you dealing with this. i always wish that one day, we’ll wake up and we’ll feel genuinely happy. but it doesn’t work that way so everyone who’s also here to help their loved ones, kudos to all of you! you inspire me to be stronger. keep yourselves safe!
Hi Jaira, hope you're going OK. I think it's important for the helper to spend time doing things he enjoys. That models the idea that life can be interesting and fun. The depressed person might feel resentful but you can say "I think you'll find a way to reconnect with life and I'll enjoy seeing that when it happens. "
RUN Jara!!
The guy I'm speaking to, who I've found a deep connection with told me this today. He's planning to kill himself in 1 yr and a half if his life doesn't change. And I've been none stop crying for 6 hours since. It's so hard. I just wanna take his pain away. He said he's never felt happiness, and that I'm only a pain killer for his sadness, not the cure. It's hard to hear. And I have no idea what to do...
@@fey__3919 i read your comment, how are you ? What happened ?
@@fey__3919any update?
To anyone who has depression, I just wanna let you know that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel sad, or any other negative emotions. And I’m proud of you for making it through another day in your life. You’re a warrior and you deserve to be loved and appreciated.
Miko i needed to see this so bad
Miko thank you :)
Thank you so much, touched my heart, thank you!
Thank you!
Thank you. This made me cry in a good way.. I feel so invalid all day long.
Anyone else watching this bc their depressed and feeling unlovable?
Yeah...
Yes
Yeah 😟
I'm watching this so I can try make my boyfriend feel ok...
I'm watching this because of this wishful thinking that such a loving, understanding and a supportive person could love me.
I don't need anyone to take care of me. I just wish a girl I love could stand beside me, cheering me on in this fight against my hatred towards myself.
I want to make a comment that no one else seems to be making. It's nice for anyone to go out of their way to help and care for someone, but especially if you are a boyfriend or girlfriend in a situation like this, be careful.
I just got out of a relationship with someone who has severe depression, anxiety, and is often suicidal. It drags you down, I have never been this depressed in my life. It's good to help people, it is good to be there, but DO NOT SET YOURSELF ON FIRE TO KEEP THEM WARM.
I made this mistake, I am now the only thing that brings this particular person joy, they are entirely codependent on me and even though I left I still love them. Now I am back, we are not technically in a relationship but I can't leave them entirely because they will die. At this rate I may go with them.
Look out for yourself first, even if it is selfish, it will hurt more people if you don't.
Being a person that struggles with major depression, this video helped me A LOT! When I'm asked, "How can I help you out?"I never know what to say. Your video puts things into a better perspective. Thank you for sharing and helping others!
Immanuel Jones cool channel bro
Watching this makes me feel relieved because i just feel so unappreciated and taken for granted sometimes.
My husband has this horrid disease, it’s been 8 years. It is the most draining thing to love someone who does. Some days I have no idea what to do or what to say so I don’t make it worst. This video was very helpful thank you.
Good luck with your husband:-) It must be very painful.
U r saying my story
My love is suffering from depression too and it has turned our lives upside down. She was such a fun-loving, kind, joyful person when we both fell in love and 5 years down the line she has turned into some other person. I love her to death and i cant explain how i feel when i see her like this every single day. Long gone are the days when we used to have fun together or even a simple laugh together. It has affected me so much that even i have gone into depression. Everyday i pray to lord to help us.
I will be praying for both of you. You sound like amazing people.
I’ll be saying a prayer for you guys I hope you both get better ❤️🙏🏾
I’m so glad I am not the only know who is feeling themselves going into a state of depression because their partner is diagnosed with depression and we can’t help them.. it’s so draining and it’s sad
Hope you two be strong to walk through this together ❤️❤️❤️ Don't give up 👆
This is what's happening to me an my boyfriend. I'm the one with depression and I feel like it's destroyed our relationship. I'm so scared I'll never be happy and I don't want him to blame himself for something I was born with nor do I want him to be sad because of me.... I'm so drained from dealing with this.its hard to have any normal relationships with anyone and it hurts..💔
People with depression need a lot of understanding because it's not easy to be in their situation. We always tell that we understand them but the truth is it's different as we expected to be. If your partner has experienced this, better widen your love and patience because you're the only one she can depend on the difficult times of her life.
Thank you for sharing such wonderful insight. :-)
He told me it's up to me if I want to wait for him because he doesn't want me to wait that long and burden me. He told me we should just part ways. But I know he still loves me, should I think it's really over?@@juliakristinamah
I need help, he told me we should just part ways because he doesn't want to burden me, that he also just wants to be alone because he can't handle a serious relationship now, and that we should just part ways. He told me that I don't need to wait for him, but If I do and feel like he won't come back anymore, he told me to just let go. Is it really over? @@juliakristinamah
OMG!!! The amount of failed relationships that could have been saved by this video
PLEASE!!
this is so helpful, especially the words "we should see ourselves as a support, not a fixer".. my lover has a depression, and that's what i was trying to do from the very beginning of our relationship, i tried to fix it, i always tell him that i love him, that i believe in him, that i'm here to help, but there's no any improvement at all.. and now i'm exhausted soo much, i found myself in some kind of depression too, i always think that i can't do anything to help him, that i'm useless, that maybe he'll be better off without me, and all his suicidal thoughts, i can't bear them anymore
i guess that's what i'm doing wrong, i think about myself as a fixer, and that's why i feel so useless now
You're doing a great job as well! It's just that you didn't understand much before! So, on behalf of someone who is also depressed, thank you for trying! We really appreciate it!
I relate to this so much, i did all i could and never saw it getting better. I myself was getting worse because of it. I was very nad at handling things and didnt understant it, hopefully trying a new approach will help things
Same here💔💔
Omg! I relate so much to you. I feel extremely sad all the time and I cry every night because I feel so useless, that any of my efforts have been good for him, that he would be better leaving me...
Maybe I'm doing it wrong too, I'm not a fixer, just a supporter but even know it it's hard. Your comment has helped me so much. I hope your situation is improved now.
How are you two?
Never give advice starting with 'You....'
Just go for a walk early in the morning with the person.
Learn to breathe deep...
Cook for the person....
Touch the person.
Take them for a massage. And have one yourself.
Dont share a drink/alcohol with them.
Talk about sadness.
Go for a drive with them, say nothing unless they talk.
BE with them, don't say 'call me..bla bla bla...
The ironic thing is, if someone did (some of) those things for me it would most likely make me feel worse from the guilt of them spending money and time on me that they could be putting to better use.
my boyfriend has been suffering from this for as long as ive known him and covid isnt helping one bit. i wish i could be with him 24/7 when he does distance himself and goes MIA to make sure hes okay but i know its not my job to fix him and only be his support system
I always watch this video, just to listen to her talk, because I feel like she is the only one who understand me :(
My depressed boyfriend blocked me from all social media, and ignores my calls and text messages. I've messaged him here and there to let him know that I'm there for him and that I love him. I've stuck by his side through his darkest moments. Helped him financially since he hasn't had a stable job. I feel like I'm taken for granted. I don't know what else to do. I feel drained. We are currently in a long distance relationship because he got a job offer in another state. These past 9 months have been an emotional rollercoaster.
Karen Chima this sounds like my story. But he didn’t recognise his depression or did not want to admit it. He told me he didn’t feel the same about us anymore and when I asked what he wanted he didn’t know. Some days he was like himself but most days he was withdrawn and cold. I gave him space but it wasn’t enough. He got a job in another state , something that we had planned together. But he kept saying that he didn’t know if it’s what he wanted and he had heard bad things and to wait to let him suss the place out. I didn’t know he was depressed and I had just been trying to mend out relationship. He would tell me he loved me and call and message me but I felt like I was more of a chore and burden. When I asked how he was liking his job he would get angry because he felt pressured and I was adding to it. I love him but I’ve ended it. I was constantly told I was adding pressure and so I felt that if it could make him feel better I would take at least that away from him. This is when he told me he had depression and agreed that we should end it. I’m heartbroken and feel bad I’m not there to support him. I hope he gets through this.
Can I say this sis , allow yourself to heal from that relationship, and send healing love to him in prayer or meditation etc , wish him to best and release him , if he wants he will come back to you and work it out and help u to understand where he’s coming from. Blessings 💖🙏🏽
Bawling my eyes out at this video. I am trying so hard to be there for my boyfriend and It's difficult not to offer advice from what helped me, I know it makes him uncomfortable, you were right. Our relationship would be sky high without depression, he is my best friend. Over 2 years we have been together and this feels like the only thing that is stopping us from being unstoppable. I myself, have my own mental health issues to deal with and I didnt get much support off my other half for my hardest times because of his depression, my spirituality helped me but he's sick of hearing about it. I would be dead without my spirituality, the hardest part is wanting to tell him everything about how I've come so far mentally because it means so much to me but to him it is a kick in the teeth, to him its me telling him he's not trying hard enough. Not normally one to overshare on TH-cam comments but thank you for this incredibly helpful video
This is me completely. We got this.
@@chynnawhittaker1370 my ex broke up with me and I feel like the depression played a role. I stayed and tried so hard to be supportive and he ended up breaking things off saying he didn’t want to drag things on. Stay strong but be patient with yourself. I denied my self care for him, this video hit the nail on the head for me. Be supportive but always remember to take care of your needs as well.
This is exactly what I'm going thru rn Nd i feel exhausted cause his insecurities has made him controlling i want to help him bt he keeps telling me what to do nd what not. He literally hates everything thta i love nd doesn't want me to do nd this whole thing is making me kinda depressed i love him I don't wanna give up on him bt he's making this so hard to me i can't understand ..i really want God to help him nd give him hope nd courage to get through this
I felt you. I just assured myself that it is my choice to be there for him, always. I also suffer from my own mental health issues and spirituality helps me a lot but I never mention it to him because each person handles things differently. So, I just support him and be there. Let him do it in his way but still be there for him. Also, i think its very important to seek professional help.
@@주야-y4p definitely, I hear you friend. Though if you’re suffering and they’re not willing to help themselves then you have to put yourself first, other wise you are abandoning yourself just as much as they are. It’s been a year since I ended the relationship with him and although it hurts still sometimes, it was the best decision and he actually did all the things to better his life that I wanted him to do AFTER I left him, because he no longer had me to look after him, he had no choice but to look after himself, though it’s terrible to cause him anymore pain, it was his wake-up call because he lost someone who loved him unconditionally. Now I’ve claimed myself back, I’ve grown so much and realised how held back I was with him. Life is bittersweet, so is love. I made the right choice. I hope you can find what is best for you and go with it. 🌹
Beautifully said. My partner was diagnosed with MDD and PTSD after leaving the military, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I was pretty damn scared. I spoke with him about my concerns, and while he acknowledged how painful depression can be, he also expressed sympathy for- and demonstrated an understanding of - the emotional toll that his condition exacts on me. By addressing these challenges head-on , we're learning how to support one another with even greater intentionally and compassion.
Folks with depression don't want to hear whatever practical "solutions" we've cooked up. They're consumed by feelings of inadequacy and shame that often spiral into debilitating depressive episodes. When my partner begins to feel ill, I know that it's time to step up and, yes, give more than I receive for the time being - and for the sake of the relationship. To Chris, that means preparing home-cooked meals, frequent exercise that we do as a couple, and resisting my Type-A/ENFJ-impulses to force internal harmony within a person. That's a road that leads to nowhere.
Yes, my husband has his good days and his bad days, but these fluctuations have abated quite a bit since we began having these dialogues. He trusts my instincts and knows that I am a safe harbor in turbulent seas: no judgment, no stigma, just unconditional love and support. It wasn't easy for a 6'2 Army Ranger from S.C. to reveal the depths of his pain, but he later shared that he felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He realized that I love him for the totality of who he is - and would never abandon him for having a mental illness or try to "fix" or "change" him for the better. Because if I know one thing about Chris, he's a remarkably gifted scientist, reliable friend, loving spouse, and compassionate soul.
Chris's depression is but one facet of his personality. It doesn't define him, and I remind him of that during his darker moments. I make it clear as day: Not only would he offer you the shirt off his back, he'd throw in some sneakers, for good measure. He is also one of five siblings and assumed the role of his parents' caretaker (and he ain't it in for the money - rural South Carolina isn't exactly a gold mine). Furthermore, he's the most remarkable person I've ever been blessed to have in my life - funny as hell (he's got me beat!), and a brilliant medical clinician with a partner whose profession (spoiler alert: I'm a political fundraising consultant...) rewards sophisticated interpersonal skills and....that's about it! Now, you tell me? Who's doing the Lord's work in this relationship?!
In all seriousness, depression can act as a crucible for any relationship; those who persevere and remain attentive to their partners' needs will find that depression draws couples closer than they ever though possible. And that's worth the price of admission, even on the hard days.
hey I have encountered similar situation, My partner works at military and has depression issues. he pushed me away twice, and now he shut himself down and it's hard to communicate with him with message or phone now. I wonder whether you can offer any advice?
Reading this in 2022...thanks for sharing as I am also supporting an SO in the military. 💛
Any suggestions for partner with PTSD
You are just like my wife!!!!! A gift from GOD 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏.
I drive people away because I feel so guilty bringing people into my world. I think I subconsciously try to make people hate or resent me, so that they won't feel the same kind of guilt that I feel.
Same
I wonder if that’s what my husband is doing... Is their a light at the end of the tunnel? Especially if he doesn’t acknowledge he has depression?
Same😭😭😭
Wow, same!
Same
My husband suffers from depression and PTSD. Sometimes I'm his punching bag and then sometimes I'm his Queen. We start therapy this week.... Please pray for me, for us... I don't know if I'm strong enough to stay for the long haul.
Omg are you ok . You should not be his punching bag
The past week my girlfriend has been having a really hard time with depression and it's really started to take its toll on me I don't really know what I'm doing and my knowledge of depression is very limited. There's times she does things I don't understand but watching your video is making it easier for me to cope and to be there for her thanks very much for uploading
I am so glad that I came across this video. I have a girlfriend going through this and it has REALLY opened my eyes and helped me understand so much. Thank you x 100000000000000000000.
Richard Pinilla I hope she gets better 🙏
Im in a long distance relationship and my partner was in depressive episode this whole week.
Since I was someone with a 'touch love language' its pretty hard for me too this time.
Thank you so much finally I find what I need to say and not say.
Me too
Same with me.
Please take care of yourself also. What you need is important also, my friend. Support in ways that will not drain you. ♥️
I’m in a LDR and I’ve been in a deep depression since the end of Oktober.. it’s insanely hard, she’s the only one that can get me out of that pit
I’m the exact same as you, it gets really hard. specially that they need a lot of time for themselves alone and just thinking. I always end up missing him so much I cry my eyes out every night, and remembering that I’m away and a simple touch from me could make him feel better and calm him down and still I can’t do it or give it to him breaks me down even more. I try so hard not to be mad, and not to have negative feelings or vibes so I don’t affect him, but it’s like I’m hurting myself trying not to hurt him even more, which I don’t mind everything for him I love him so much, but I’m lost I really am.
As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life this video is perfect. The whole "fixing people" works also when your serving others.
+Emily Wachter Wow, that means so much to hear you say that. Thank you!
Emily Wachter I feel you
This video has helped me so much. Thank you Julia for sharing such valuable information. I am currently trying to help the love of my life battle depression and I am guilty of everything you mentioned even though I thought I was helping. I am going to use your suggestions and pray that my partner starts to feel less pain and we can get our relationship back to the way it was when we first fell in love. Keep sharing the information. You are awesome!!
My pleasure Andrew - I'm so happy to hear it. I'd love to connect with you more on my FB page - and I also give live mental health and personal development talks there regularly fb.me/JuliaCounsellor. See you there!
Аre уоu mаking thеsе mistаkеs with уоur man? twitter.com/385c9d4a1ae33a7b8/status/804693412402241537 Lоvе Sоmеоnе Whooo Has Dерressiоn Тhis is What Yоu Nееd tо Кnоw
Nice Video! Forgive me for butting in, I would love your initial thoughts. Have you researched - Lammywalness Erase Depression Guide (probably on Google)? It is an awesome one of a kind guide for beating depression without the hard work. Ive heard some unbelievable things about it and my mate finally got astronomical results with it.
Yes! I just had a look at it. The author of the book is using CBT, diet, and goal setting to help people move through their depression, and CBT does have lots of research showing it's effectiveness in treating depression. I use it in my therapy practice and actually did my clinical CBT traning under of the the creators of CBT.
Nice video content! Sorry for the intrusion, I would appreciate your opinion. Have you tried - Lammywalness Erase Depression Guide (google it)? It is a smashing one off guide for beating depression minus the hard work. Ive heard some incredible things about it and my buddy at last got great success with it.
Thank you to all you amazing partners. We know its not easy for you. ❤️
This is the first video/piece of advice I've seen where I've agreed with every suggestion, or at least that it fits exactly with the way things are for me--I am the depressed person.
My fear is that people I care about will become frustrated and take my silence personally. Much of the time my imposed isolation has to do with anxiety, which sometimes goes hand-in-hand with a Major Depressive disorder.
I retreat when in a depressed state, and want to shut the world out. I feel that keeping up contact with family & friends is too much work, because all of my energy is focused on putting one foot in front of the other and getting through the bare minimum of my day--whatever it encompasses.
There was a study done with people who have depression and those that don't, where they are asked (after playing a shoot & destroy video game) how many little monsters they killed. The control group guessed far higher than the true number, the depressed group guessed much more accurately. To me that illustrates why depressive thoughts are so believable. As Andrew Solomon says, (and I'm paraphrasing here), it's not like depression is a grey veil that one sees the world through, it's more like we (the depressed) feel a veil has been lifted, and we are seeing the world as it truly is.
I don't mean to suggest that people with depression always see things as they really are, just that it sometimes takes some sugar-coating to survive, because we can't worry about or possibly fix all that is wrong with the world. Sometimes all of those things though, tend to weigh us down.
Thanks to Julia Kristina for a well thought out video that explains something very important for the health & well-being of both sides: the the caregiver, and the 'afflicted one'. Understanding is the key.
I'm facing down a divorce that I don't want. Depression affected my marriage in so many negative ways and my wife of ten years just doesn't really understand how it affected me. She feels like I'm making excuses. I really want to help her understand so I'm going to share this with her because this is all really close to home for me. Thank you.
I cried a lot while listening to this. I'm mentally healthy, I don't understand depression and I can't imagine what it is, I feel lost and left, because my significant other has isolated themselves from me everyone: they don't answer the phone, don't answer text messages, you name it. But, as you said, I guess it's a disease. I also don't understand how it is, having a tumor or having lost a leg.
Thank you so much for this video. This stuff is not something you learn at school or university, and I don't have anyone to ask for an advice. I wish there was more information about this.
My daughter was raped a year ago, she didn't tell me or her mother (we're divorced and she was living with her mother), she decided to have the baby and give it up for adoption. She did. I have let her know how strong I thaught she was for doing it. I've had depression issues for 30 years, thank God I found the meds and help I needed. But now my girl has tried to take pills and is injuring herself... I'm at a loss. She's been hospitalized 3 times, but won't take her meds. She moved back with me, but she's still hurting herself and I'm at a loss. I know my depression because I've lived with it so long, but I don't understand hers and it's killing me. Any advice is welcome.
Kelly Limbach , dear sweet parent, ive just been reading comments here & felt inside that l wanted to tell you, l felt your words & pray that your,daughter & YOU are doing well since you wrote 8mths ago, .....love arly
I'm so sorry.
Have you read about the ongoing clinical studies about MDMA?
maps.org
I had to give up my child 40 years ago when I was a teenager. Never had treatment and to this day suffer from ptsd. She’s going to have to have some help....perhaps a female.
This is showing me that the love of my life has researched and loves me. I am dealing with depression but I feel secure that my partner is prepared to grow with me through this journey
This video and reading all the comments has helped me sm! Thank you to everyone who is sharing their experience ❤
My girlfriend, well ex now I guess, told me she felt that "she was taking advantage of me, and that it wasn't fair of her. That she cares, but can't return my feelings and that I should be with someone who can"
Literally came out of the blue, but this video is really helpful.
I wish my fiance will try to understand more about my depression. Its so hard for me to talk to him about how I'm getting on because he keep saying I'm negative or crazy 😢that broke me.
Lyn Ereda same here ...... it's really..complicated...n idk..
Tofuu Chan it is hard and complicated to let our partner know about our situation when they feel it's just our thoughts that cause us depressed :(I know that I'm not the only one suffering from this. I wish our partner will understand what we going through.
my fiance is a nice person, yes, but when i told him about this.. well i guess you know what his usual answer would be.. "everything is just in your mind, be positive,"
well i really really really hope our partner will understand too.. some day.
dont want it to affect our marriage.
Tofuu Chan we have the same hope for our future. I know it won't be easy and also won't want this to affect our Marriage. Be strong. you're Not alone suffer through this. Try meditation, it helped me a bit. Slowly but surely:)
Lyn Ereda Maybe try taking your partner to your counselor once so he/she can guide your fiancé and explain your condition?
Loving someone with depression has made ME depressed.
I hope you are getting better :)
Same
Same
That’s a major concern for the depressed individual. For many of us we are used to being blamed for this very thing. But that’s not realistic or healthy. It’s not the depressed individuals responsibility to keep the other person from becoming depressed. The depressed individual almost always needs you to be strong enough to not need anything from them during these episodes. In other words, if you need me to not be depressed in order for you to be ok, then I am going to fail you. This snowballs-it’s a very problematic kind of feedback loop. The prognosis for this type of relationship is not good.
@@Sashas-mom better to leave a depressed person cause it's contagious and they are devoid of feelings
As someone suffering with severe depression this is absolutely excellent advice ❤️
Just say, I love you, I see you I hear you. Most of the time when you have a depression you feel guilty towards persons that are giving you advice or telling you how you should feel.
Wishing all of the ones with depression much love. Thank you for this wonderful video💖💖💖💖
Watching this made me cry. I know you aren't talking to the audience specifically and are giving advice but I really appreciated hearing this. As someone with depression I try really hard not to reach out too often to people because I feel like I would be a burden. And when I do reach out it feels like I always get the same responses of "You have a lot to look forward to... Things will be better soon". But I've been on so many treatment plans and it's not getting better, it's been years now but I still feel constantly hopeless and alone.
I know from personal experience that feeling like being a burden to other people can really stop you from getting the help you need. Nevertheless, this is a lie your head tells you. You can, and should, ask people for help. You are worth it.
My older sister used to travel all over, running marathons, especially at DisneyWorld, Disneyland CA, and Disneyland Paris. We still have her medals proudly on display. She always drove us to places and always seemed to enjoy spending time with us, the littler siblings. She practically raised us, honestly. My older siblings didn't really have the best childhood, we weren't rich and I think my older siblings suffered a lot of stress growing up, so maybe that also contributes to why my sis changed.
For 3 years (At least to my knowledge), she suffers from bulimia and bipolar depression. She sleeps all the time in her room, she throws up late at night, she wants to work but with Summer here she can't be a gym teacher, and you can easily piss her off at times. Mom has a very hard time talking to her, I don't think she understands how depression and eating disorders work. She screams and argues with her, obviously making it worse. My Dad tries, but he's also very busy at work so he can't always be there.
The only thing making my sister nowadays is this guy she's obsessed with. From what my sister describes about him, I honestly don't think he's the right one for her, but my sister constantly says that she has nothing to live for BUT this guy. One day she could be acting happy, even saying that her depression is over, but then the next day she could be feeling like shit and sobbing. It drives Mom crazy, and for me it just makes me sad. I feel as if there could be another guy for her somewhere in this world.
I admit that I've made a few mistakes that the video listed, like telling her to stay positive, and sometimes suggesting stuff, like talking to a therapist (dumbass me didn't realize at the time that those people cost money). But, at least I can admit that I do care, and that I want to help her.
Sorry if I wrote so much I just needed to say something because there's just so much on my mind. I can get carried away at times. I hope that other people can find the strength to push forward because you're not alone.
What about when they tell you "you are the only good thing in my life." And your gas tank is running on empty
Please anwer this question. i need an answer
I will never leave you. and will be always be here when you need me
something along the lines of that can help
sub distortion 0 what about for my own sanity, I can't keep being "the one good thing" in someone's life
not forever... you cannot yourself make someone leave depression... but you can slowly make them understand how to get themselves to leave it. once they snap out of it you are okay to slowly drift away... and make them realize they have others around them. anyone... and if they are truly alone... don't leave them. that's just a bad thing to do..
it's getting them to "click" that is the hard part though... because only they can do it
Sometimes you don't have to say anything. Sometimes a simple smile will change my day. A hug for no reason. A reassuring hand on my back.
People who has depression has a very hard time getting into relationships
Agreed
I'm afraid that I would become too much of an emotional burden for someone. You don't need this in your life.
Greg V relatable
I can relate to this ...
but nofap has improved me so much
Greg V i love someone who is depressed and yes, sometimes it can be a burden, but I‘m happy with it because she ,even tho things can be hard, is the best thing that happened to me for sure.
I'm so glad that I watched this. Now I know that the things I'm saying to my boyfriend are actually helping him, he's in a really dark place right now and I feel so helpless all the time that I can't help him more, but watching this gave me a bit of hope that I am helping in some way.
What happened is there any update
i just found out my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me via text msg due to overwhelming anxiety and depression, she finally opened up after I sent flowers. this video makes it all make sense and I thank you so much. I had no idea what I could do until I watched this. ❤
I'm a very positive-optimistic person. I've had my own past with depression, but i've been looking at the beautiful things in life now and i've accepted the past. I have a girlfriend that i've been with for almost 2 years with chronic depression and anxiety. I support her a lot, but i'm not the best at communicating with her. I try my best to help her get through, and she does take medication. But every single day, she gets sad or depressed and it takes a toll on me. Over time, it gets to a point of exhaustion and drainage. Considering I, myself have been through it before and I beat it, to now having to support someone who is constantly depressed. I love her with all my heart, and i'm not saying that people with depression just need to get over it. I get the struggle, maybe not chronically but in a very similar way. Just when dealing with someone with chronic illnesses for a long period of time and me feeling like they're constantly sad no matter how good(in my eyes) the day is then it takes a toll. Sometimes i feel like shit for not helping her successfully, even though I only have good intentions. Sigh, any thoughts anyone?
John Perez how are things going with your girlfriend? I am in the same shoes as you. I too have battled depression and won thankfully. I'm now a super positive and fun and happy person and nothing gets me down anymore.(if so I work past it and don't let it consume me) My boyfriend is going through some tough times right now and though he's never said it. I think he's depressed. he gets upset over the smallest Things and it takes him forever to let it go (as small as some one cutting him off in traffic) it'll bother him ALL day. I'm such a happy person and I try my best to make him smile or laugh but most times fail. I've spoken to him about how things are affecting me and he says he understands my feelings ...but then goes on to explain why he is the way he is and that it's just how he has and always has processes things. i love him and am trying my best but damn there's days I worry about seeing him and what the mood is going to be like, if we'll even have a good time together or If well have a small spat bc of some stupid misunderstanding or whatever. I'm trying not to let his shit get me down and most times I dont but dam of there aren't days I feel it too!
I have depression and anxiety. I have no health insurance and have never tried medication. I am an introvert, with not many friends or close family members, but I do have an amazing husband and a smart and smiley daughter (3 years old). Everyone had a different past. Everyone has a different now. But your girlfriend has you. It's frustrating, even people who have had depression in the past, or currently, don't always understand because we all feel differently and for different reasons and to different degrees. Share your experiences so that they won't feel like the only one who has been there. But remember, never compare. Every person is living through their most difficult life. You can go into detail about your experiences as deeply as you are comfortable with doing. Tell them that they can do the same. Tell them about the little annoying negative things that happened to you today, and how in the past maybe you had days where a car horn would've caused you to think negatively for a minute and then more little things would like on top, and then you'd cry yourself to sleep and feel bad about doing it because it's just a bunch of little negative things. Tell them about how you started out by making efforts to let go of the annoyances and the insults and the times people mistreat us. Use logic or hope or any tools you have. Tell them "your boss is just mean to you because he has his own problems and worries overwhelming him. That person isn't your friend anymore because that's the choice they made. They might have good reason, probably not, but it might seem different to them or they just might not value you as much as other people will, and there are a million reasons why people feel the way they do that are just out of our control. Show your girlfriends that you care. And treasure them, and reassure them that you feel loved when they make you smile, point out why, so that it will stick in their heads that they did make you smile. When they do a task for you, or compliment you, say something about that specific thing and how it makes you feel. They make you a cup of coffee? Maybe all you actually think is something like "yay coffee" but maybe you could take an extra minute to think about the good. And then point it out to them. That's what their brains should be doing but aren't. But if you think deeply on the good times and the little kindness' and point them out. They will find themselves remembering what you said. Then they might do the same when you do some small kind thing, and over time, people can LEARN to let go of the bad and focus on the good. I can guess that I must not be easy for my husband to handle all the time.... But I would say, there is never a time that a deep conversation isn't appreciated. Sometimes the words you say might not be exactly what someone else needs to hear, but sometimes it IS. So don't stop trying to talk. But whenever you feel drained or you just don't have the strength to put forth so much effort: a hug, a forehead kiss, a hand to hold, a "that sucks", an "I don't understand or know how to fix it but I'm here, and I care about how you feel". Invite them LET'S GO FOR A DRIVE no matter what reason they give for not wanting to just keep on inviting them to go do SOMETHING ANYTHING EAT CEREAL IN THE KITCHEN WITH ME. ANYTHING. INVITE THEM AT LEAST 3 TIMES! If they are laying down or separating themselves from you in the other room, go in there. If it ends in yelling, give it a minute and then go back. Go back. Keep at it. Keep trying to say something that might give them something good to feel. And if you can think of nothing to say tell them "I don't know what to say.... can I hold you? And just hold them and rock them and touch their hair or rub their back or do ANYTHING that you can to comfort them and give them SOMETHING GOOD TO FEEL. You guys are so awesome to be thinking of your girls and watching a video to try to learn. Keep on trying. I've had a husband for one year now. And it is easier now than ever before for me to get myself away from the bad thoughts and think about the good. It's just our brains. We can learn happiness. But depending on how deep our depression goes, it can take more time and effort to uproot it.
My boyfriend has depression & I’m trying my best I really am. Thanks for the video 🙏🏽
I have a husband who is in depression. Thank you so much for this video. It has helped me so much with learning what to do to support my husband.
Wow. You hit the nail on the head. As a mother of a daughter with depression, I do tend to blame myself often and I worry if there was something I did to contribute to her illness. So many of your suggestions are wonderful and spot on.
I feel you 😊
"Saying "I love you" and "I'm here to support you" is nice in the moment, but you actually have to mean it and follow through, not blow up in the next interaction because you're bored or frustrated with dealing with my depression. My experience with those who have never experienced depression themselves is that they have a sharply limited tolerance despite their best intentions, and end up shoving me further down the hole. Being yelled at when you already want to die helps no one. The only effective comfort I've ever found is from those who suffer from this condition as well. Everyone else just makes it worse, even though their hearts may be in the right place.
You speak truth.
Even when we are depressed we need to understand other people feelings. We have no right to ask them perfection or eternal patience. We hurt them too, not just ourselves. We are not justified even when we are sick. They are trying as we are trying.
@@sakuraflowers4146 yea its hard when u also have ur own depresion
@Michelle Maybe it's not easy to remain tolerant (=not feel hurt, not react from the hurt) when you've been turned down 10 times, rejected 15 times, getting silent treatment for days...?
So "how to love someone with depression" is "walk on eggshells for the rest of your life & make everything you do revolve around being okay with being blown off".
This advice will work on anyone, depression or not. And there needs to be tips on how to cope, because simply making everything you do be about them also fosters depression
I feel you, man!
Totally agree!
Yep
I wish my family would understand I have severe anxiety and depression. That I’m not lazy. That I can’t “choose to be positive”. If there was a choice , I would have none of this. I wish they would love me for who I am. Instead of abandoning me.
"Anxiety in the heart weighs a person down but a good word makes him glad."
What proverb is that?
It's tough that while I'm dealing with my own depression and feeling lost, I'm still trying to help someone else through theirs. Sometimes I wish I had someone doing the same for me. I miss that feeling, but here I am, trying to work through my own struggles. I’ve been learning from TH-cam videos and picking up things that might help him overcome his depression.
We’re all facing our own battles, each with a different story and struggle, but we’re doing our best in our own ways. I genuinely hope everyone finds peace and fulfillment in life. Wishing good luck and strength to everyone out there.
I have depression and try to help my friend that has depression. I just tell her the things that I want to hear from other people.
I needed to hear this my bf is seriously depressed and it’s so hard to be supportive when he gets really down because he gets so distant and it’s like he doesn’t care about my existence. It’s so hard I just want him to be happy again
Jules you are not a lone!! I am deal with the same thing with my husband. He was diagnosed with bipolar depression and he swears he’s getting better but he’s actually getting worse and he acts like I’m nothing to him when he’s going through it, he pushes me and his son away, he sleeps so much and when he does have what seems like okay happy moments, he comes off as a rude sarcastic happy if that makes sense
My boyfriend recently lost a loved one and it seems to have triggered his depression. I feel reassured watching this im giving him space he needs but i will occasionally reach out just to let him know im here and i believe in him. Thankyou
Watching this as the depressed partner. My boyfriend has been very patient and supportive. It's exhausting for both of us, but he reminds me that it's not my fault that I feel this way. To anyone who experiences depression, it's not your fault and what you feel is valid.
This is a very helpful video !!
Overwhelmed. It’s very scary being there and not knowing how to make it stop.
I have battled this for many years. My girlfriend yelled at me yesterday "You are the most negative person I have ever met!" Your advice on "things to say" brought me to tears. You can count on one hand how many times I have been brought to tears. Hopeless.
Hey, I’m sure that came from a place of frustration. I’m sure didn’t mean It. I’m sorry that you had to experience that
There is probably no greater feeling on this planet than healing an another soul who is uncertain about his/her life.
I'm not used to not being able to fix every problem in my life, so when I can't "fix" her depression, I feel inadequate. I've found that the best thing to do is to just be there and listen to her problems. Not coming up with solutions. I will try to make her seek help but she needs to want to do it. Finally, I try to go places with her, like on a picnic or to the forrest. Good luck to everyone reading this.
My closest friend has depression. She is 13 and so am I, she isn’t a fake depressed, she has been clinically depressed for awhile and has therapist and she talks about suicide every now and then. It scares me but I let her know I’m there for her when she needs someone, we don’t see each often, actually very rarely, because she lives an hour away. I get to se her in 2 days, I plan on brightening her day and make her feel loved.....
I want her to know I’ll do anything to fight for her happiness and fight for her right to receive professional care but it just doesn’t seem to work, she responds and she’s very flat with her responses, I understand she’s drained physically and emotionally, but I can’t do or say anything, what am I suppose to say knowing she’s hurting?? It’s a struggle for sure and I just want to see that gorgeous genuine smile again
I don't know if it would help to read Muriel Schiffman's book "Self Therapy." One of her images is that depression is like a grey blanket. You could ask her to lift the corner of the grey blanket and then tell you what emotion she sees there. She will probably say, "Oh, that feeling - that doesn't matter," but you can say, "Yes, that's the one. What is it?" If she'll talk about it, the emotion might be that she feels hurt about something, or upset or whatever. Try your best to just acknowledge whatever it is. You might be tempted to say, "But, hey, I thought we'd already discussed that." She may have more she needs to say. You don't have to re-apologize for past mistakes but you can acknowledge her feelings e.g. "yes, that was a very hurtful time. We both said things we regret now. Let's just both sit together with those hurt feelings and face them." Sometimes it helps to ask what color the feelings are e.g. purple and cloudy. Wait for a minute and then say, "Those purple and cloudy feelings - what are they like now?" She may say, "They're silver with spikes and barbs all over them." Just sit with those and then ask again what the feelings look like. You will probably find that they gradually become cloudy and unclear and fainter. Eventually they don't seem so painful or important. You may need to re-visit them another day and do a similar exercise.
I struggle with depression, and im watching this because my girlfriend also suffers from mental illness and i really want to support her and this video really helped me thank you 💗
My girlfriend whom I love with all my heart suffers from depression and very very low self worth. I try so so hard , i try my best to help, but this video has opened my eyes so much more. Thank you so much
Hi Jese. I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend's depression. I suffered with it also for years, but am doing much better now. I have a message for her. Would you be kind enough to read it to her? Thanks friend....the message is: "You are an incredibly special person. You are truly amazing. You are beautiful inside and out. You are a precious gemstone. You are a ray of morning sunshine. You have tremendous potential. You are the reason someone smiled today. You are way more than you think you are. You are stronger than you know. You are still a work in progress. You are being cheered on by people you don't know. You are being prayed for by people you have never met. You are loved beyond measure. You are loved more than you will ever know. You are a masterpiece of God's creation. You are beautiful in His eyes. You are always on His mind. He is much bigger than any of your problems. You will never, ever be alone. God can never leave you. God sent His Son for you. Yes, you have a Savior. You have a Savior who gave His life for you. You have a Savior who is waiting to hear from you. You have a Savior who is longing to hear from you. He is only a prayer away. His name is Jesus. He rescued me and He will do the same for you."
@@andygreer8645 my girlfriend don't believe in God and she's suffering by depression. What do I tell her? Thar message won't work
Simply tell her dear friend that she is being prayed for.
this video is really helpful. i've watched a couple of videos like these but most of them just tell you what you shouldn't say and not what you can say. my best friend has had depression for almost her entire life. i've known her for about 7 years and we've been best friends for 6 years. recently she is going through a particularly bad phase of her depression. one day we were at our favorite restaurant and she told me how she's doing and that at the moment she really doesn't want to see any people or go out with friends, that it's really stressful for her. so i asked her if that also includes me and she said "no, not you. you are like my shadow". that might sound downgrading but what she meant was that she is so comfortable around me that even when she doesn't wanna see anyone she still has no problem with me being there. i was so touched by that. i am really glad that this video showed me that i've basically been doing the right things and treating her right (most of the time anyway).
I am in love with someone who has depression. It’s really hard to understand, and often times I tend to fuck it up. I don’t know what to do but I want to do something to be of help to her.
Videos like this really helps. I realize I have been doing things wrong, so thank you for this.
I’ll be sure to treat her better, understand her more, and be a supportive girlfriend to her.
Thank you so much for this. My girlfriend has episodes where she’ll get very depressed, start breaking down and push me away and it’s been really tough on our relationship but I’m trying my best to cope with it and help her through it.
did you manage to work it out?
You understand so much😔you described me to the T. It hurts me to hurt those who love me and I have never had a successful relationship because I push them away so much and don't want to commit to anything because I know I'm not stable for love. Its horrible. Thanks for the video and those who are watching this in order to help someone you love...that's amazing and I wish you luck....
I love myself. I'm here for me. To learn to treat myself better.
"You got to think positive," My ex (whom I still love) said that to me without knowing it didn't help, I thought he would have known that wouldn't help since he himself went through depression but nope
Me and my gf decided to break up and it’s hard because I only get to see her every other weekend so I wish I could always be there for her. It’s hard when the texting slows down it hurts a lot and I miss her opening up like she used to. I really hope she gets better cause it’s like watching a beautiful flower die right in front of you. I only hope she comes back one day and I can be more prepared than now but I can’t expect it. If she lived closer I would do everything to help her. I miss her so much and i love her so much.
It’s about taking responsibility for yourself 1st. Then get up and get on with what you need to do.
One of the most proffessionall answers I have ever heard!!! Dear Julia you are amazing!!! Thank you for posting!!
This video made me cry because I feel like I can finally make my closest friend understand me
Thank you so much for this video. My husband has depression and it’s so hard for me to understand what’s going on with him. I kept on blaming myself. I thought something was wrong with me and i thought he doesn’t love me anymore. One day he loves me and thenthe next day he avoids me. He even easily gets angry.. I almost gave up on him. Thank God i came across this video. It just saved my marriage.
i'm depressed. i came here so that the person who made this video can console me
hope u get better
Hi Julia, my wife suffers from Depression and i must admit that listening to you makes realize even though my intentions have always been good there was allot i didn't realize and i was making it worst, but listening to you really helped me understand things from her perspective, so thank you for this, Your a kind soul. 🙂
Watching this and videos like this to be able to properly love my Person of 6 years and going. We have 2 children and I’ll never give up on her 😢❤
1:47 if you like someone with severe depression saying something to them isn’t enough because they have such a feeling of unworthiness they wont believe it. Cuddles, hugs, & kisses are the only thing that will make them feel less lonely
I agree, I feel so much better with hugs! It’s like a cure to me
Me and my bf r both depressed and hes giving up on us slowly, but we're trying to stay strong together,I really hope we'll get through it all. Also for those who have the same problem,I hope for y'all too
I have a friend, a girl who’s diagnosed with depression and it pains me to see her suffering everyday. I’ll be sure to use these tips to help her through her painful journey. Thank you so much!
Watching this so I can better explain what is helpful to me in my depressive state / anxiety
Hi Kathleen. I have a message for you. I hope you take a few moments to read it. "You are an incredibly special person. You are truly amazing. You are beautiful inside and out. You are a precious gemstone. You are a ray of morning sunshine. You have tremendous potential. You are the reason someone smiled today. You are way more than you think you are. You are stronger than you know. You are still a work in progress. You are being cheered on by people you don't know. You are being prayed for by people you have never met. You are loved beyond measure. You are loved more than you will ever know. You are a masterpiece of God's creation. You are beautiful in His eyes. You are always on His mind. He is much bigger than any of your problems. You will never, ever be alone. God can never leave you. God sent His Son for you. Yes, you have a Savior. You have a Savior who gave His life for you. You have a Savior who is waiting to hear from you. You have a Savior who is longing to hear from you. He is only a prayer away. His name is Jesus. He rescued me and He will do the same for you."
I've been struggling with this for months now and this video was so validating and just put my heart at ease! I've never dealt with someone so depressed and it's great to know that I can help them!