Having a depressed boyfriend or girlfriend is really hard. I feel this heavy weight on my shoulder. I would never ever say these things, but I feel awful because I don't have him to support me and I am not doing well either. Messaging him without him to answer is exhausting. I love him and will not leave his side and I remind him everyday that I am there for him. But I think people around me struggle to understand how draining and exhausting it is and how hard it is to not take it personally.
I can relate. My boyfriend's been depressed for 6 months now and refuses to go to therapy or take medicatio. ... i don't have the energy anymore to be positive and be supportive. I just need one day of the old him. As you said, it is so hard not to take it personally.
I feel the same, not with a boyfriend, but with my father. He has depression for 14 years. My mother told me about his illness 3 years ago. I'm tired. I love him but I don't know how to deal with him anymore. I try to be supportive as much as I can. It makes me sad and hopeless.
1. No tough love! Never threaten to leave unless they get 'fixed'. 2.people with depression might pull away, make sure you give them a call / text showing them you are there for them and you care and value them. Keep on them! 3. Try to just listen when they are talking about depression. Avoid making comparisons to your life. 4. It's okay to ask them how they are feeling. Ask for a score on 1-10. They will like that you care enough to ask :) Good luck everybody. X
Hello everyone ✌ I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
I heard something helpful while I’ve been searching for answers. Someone told me “Your boyfriend is sick and he’s gone right now. He’s not the man you fell in love with. He’s been taken over by the illness. He’s not going to care for you the way he once did, or do the things he used to. You just have to be ready to be there for him every day and not get anything in return. He will come back eventually, and when he does, and you’re still by his side, he’ll be forever grateful.” It’s a heavy thing to hear, but it’s how I’ve felt. I needed to know that it’s normal, and there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. Good luck to everyone going through this! Your loved one is so worth the pain you’re going through. Lean on those who can be there for you right now, and you can do it!
As someone who's going through this, I really appreciate this. I need to know that there are still success stories out there, cause I've been reading comments saying just leave, run for your life, well I can't. I love her so much and I can't just leave while she's on her lowest point. I should be there for her.
@@utubegamer8069 hey man how have u gone since then.. my gf left me last night and I'm struggling atm to know weather it's me or the depression making these decisions
@@shaner3369 Hey man i still have contact with her and its already 2months that im still trying to get her back and i will keep on trying but how are you feeling now? And what happend? Dw im here for you ⚘
@@utubegamer8069 hey man I'm good I found some one on you tube and some vids that might help it's a guy named Dan bacon how to get my ex back.. but a lot of it depends on on the scenario which he covers a lot so I'm still hurting but need to get myself back before I can get her back.
I have no shame: I suffer from anxiety and depression. Several people in my life know and many wouldn't believe me because I am very talkative and a goofball at heart. 😊 Depression has made me a very understanding, empathetic and compassionate person so I get it. I really do. And the times I'm depressed, do I chose to or want to feel crappy and feel like I'm moving slowly in wet concrete? Heck no! And all I need is understanding, hugs and it feels awesome when people in my life call or shoot me a text checking in and telling me that they thought of me and they care. Simple. I don't need a bunch of "you shoulds" or "why don't you just...." No! When I'm in a slump, what do you think goes on in my mind? A bunch of "I need to be strong" "I'm better than this" "this doesn't define me" "if only I had the energy".. I do that to myself more than the average person so most suggestions (even though they come from a good place) don't help. I've been down that checklist 10 times already. The best things my husband did last time I was feeling like crap, lol, was shutting his mouth before that unsolicited advice started oozing out. All he did was look in my eyes which were full of tears and asked "what's wrong?'' '' I don't know but I don't like the way I feel!!'' ::insert tears here:: and he just stopped himself before he started talking, grabbed me, and held me in the most loving, warm hug. My tears stopped a lot quicker than they would have if he started the "you should's".. I pulled through that moment a hell of a lot faster. I was shocked because I'm used to words VS hugs like that. Later on he told me to go get something out of the bathroom and he set up a bubble bath with a candle and a Bluetooth speaker playing some of my favorite music. (this was recent and I could tear up if I think too hard about it) but all I can say is that helped me more than any advice, any pep talk could. Just think, if you were having a really really bad day, what is that one thing that would make you smile and take that deep breath of relief? Besides words? What's something simple you could do specifically for that person? If they love tea, go make them one! Maybe get their favorite blanket and hand them their tea and say "I made this for you, go relax." if they get bad headaches, say "come here, let me rub your upper back and shoulders". You get the gist. You know that person well enough so just ask yourself what you could do for them VS telling them what they should do. What's that one thing you could do for them that you know they wouldn't say no to? For me, I'd never turn down a cup of tea and a bubble bath. :) With that being said, if someone's depression is making you feel helpless and interfering with your day to day life and bringing you down, there is nothing wrong with stepping a few steps back and loving them with a little extra distance. Tell them how you feel in a non threatening way or make them feel like a bad person. Create some healthy space so that it doesn't affect you and still love them if you have it in you. There is nothing wrong with taking care of you so that you can be your best version of you. To me, space doesn't mean "I don't love you". I suffer from depression and I totally understand both sides of the issue. A worn-out lover or caregiver, friend, etc... has to take care of themselves, too and I can't think of any person I know with depression (I've been there) that wants to hurt others or make them feel unappreciated. It's tough and things do get better.. but feeling pressure from within and from others on the outside to just "snap out of it" prolongs the process. Nobody wants to feel depressed. Nobody. It's like having a flat tire and sometimes it doesn't take long to fix and other times it takes a lot more time. I'm a big advocate of getting help as opposed to doing nothing to get back on track. It's not "get out the house, smell the roses while singing zippity doo-da" "go exercise" or "go out for the evening with friends to get your mind off of it". . If someone is depressed and it's gotten to the point where it's affected every part of their life and they haven't done anything to reach out and call a doctor or for some kind of help or seek therapy there's nothing much you can do. Take a step back, love them, tell them you have to get back on track in areas of your own life. There's so much help nowadays. Depression and every other mental health issue has a stigma but what's good is that nowadays people are stepping up and speaking out as opposed to a few years ago. We come across so many people in our day-to-day lives not having a clue that they suffer from some form of mental illness. People master the art of wearing a fake smile. I told my husband if everyone with depression or those who have suffered from clinical depression had to wear a neon green shirt, he'd be shocked at how many people he sees everyday not having a clue that they are depressed. Depression doesn't discriminate. It can happen to anyone. But the most important thing is that we all need to take care of ourselves as best as we can. It can be exhausting for the person suffering as well as their closest people in their lives. And if that means taking a breather and stepping back a few feet, not abandoning them, just take some distance, that is OK! There is nothing to lose by picking up the phone and making an appointment or making a few calls to see what your options are. Help and resources are everywhere regardless if you have health insurance or not. If you're depressed, reach up. There are so many hands reaching down to pull you back up. It can take time but you have nothing to lose. Nothing. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Eileen Fuentes i wanna ask you something here , how if our lover is not around i mean like my case , my bf is in other country and its a damn hard for me to keep in touch with him , no video call no talk just texting and thats very limited . I truly feeling lije a hell to but i try my best to understand him by not forcing him to always asked or blaming him at the some point. I made up my mind by asking apologize and take back all my words which make him horrible and sad and instead of it i dare my self to change my mindset by pray for him and text him to cheer him up , tell him that i love him , im here for him , i care about him etc and throw away my feeling like i was depressed to when i have to handle my own love or feeling unrespected by him , the way he ignoring me and more . I am willing to complitely die from any for of me which i hope he will be better and back to the normal . I realize when i got my depression i feel overwhelmed and i always blame my self too . So how do i handle this situation if we are in Long distance relationship by now ? Hope you can give me some advices here . Thank you
Thanks, this video & your story helped me alot. It's 2:45a. I'm thinking about him. How can i help? Or where did we go wrong? my boyfriend of 8yrs has depression & anxiety. It's no walk in the park for me, especially being the closest to him. His diagnosis is fairly new to him & me. So everything happened super fast for me. I love him sooo much, but he continued pushing me away, so I finally walked away for my health. Then he will call me selfish & say don't come back, lolbs now I know it was just his depression talking. I didn't know & I took it serious & called it quits. Again, dealing with this was all new for me so I'm taking the steps on how to care for myself & him through the depression. I care for him a lot. He's my best friend, I want the best for him, I want to support, but I needed some space to clear my head for healing. I still check on him every 3-5 days through text just to see if he's ok & to let him know I didn't go anywhere. I pray for us all the time. One last thing, I've realized when asking others for advice on the steps they would have took if a love one had depression. They response was to leave him alone & never go back or love him from a distance. I'm grateful to have run across this video & reading your comment was a big relief to know that I'm not alone being a supporter of a loved one with depression & anxiety. There is hope & I'm willing to give it all to him. Thank you so much & love you
Thank you Eileen. You are among the rare persons not being judgemental to either side. I've read many comments here where it's like only the depressed person has needs.
With my experience, my boyfriend said it really helps when I check in on him everyday (during depressed times) because before I thought the best I can do is just let him be & just talk when he's ready, but he said its nice to be reminded that someone cares when it gets bad. - Not sure if that works for everyone, I'm still in the process of figuring out ways that works to be a support for him.
It’s so hard loving someone who hates themselves. It’s so hard. Especially when you have empathy. Whatever he feels I know I don’t feel exactly but I know he’s upset and lost and I just hurt so much knowing he feels that way. It’s so hard. And whatever I say to help I know it won’t, when this battle is with himself and himself alone. I just wake up everyday with the fear he’ll be sad or I’m afraid anything will trigger him into it. It’s so upsetting and it hurts so much.
As someone with pretty severe depression and anxiety, I absolutely love these 2 videos. Everything you are saying is bringing the things I wish people would do together. I don't want to be a burden on my loved ones and I try my best to not be, but its terrifying going day to day like this. I feel like I can't tell the people I care about that I feel awful because I don't want to make them sick of me (this has happened in many of my relationships, not just romantic). Reminding your loved one with depression that you love and care for them, and are there for them, is one of the most important things... Because even if the person says it sometimes , and thinks we know they love us, just about every day, our confidence that we are loved is like a very delicate plant. If you don't care for it (in the human mind's case do that as well as remind that you care for it) then it will wilt and die. We are constantly being told by that little awful voice in our heads that we are a burden, that we are worthless, that the world would be better off not having to deal with us, and that people are going to get sick of us & leave us and we are "never going to find anyone who wont". Its not personal at all. We're like that with everyone. Sorry to anyone who had to deal with reading through this big paragraph, I'm not sure how to condense it I know I talk too much...
Hey your comment is long and worth reading, you are helping people like me who cares so much for someone who is suffering with this horrible illness. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope you get better in time. 🙂🙏💞
This is good advice. My girlfriend and I were just absolutely head over heels over one another. One day it was like she fell off a cliff with her attitude. A stark 180 degree turn. It really concerned me, and I suffer from PTSD/depression myself. It has been incredibly tough on me to endure the depression she feels. She originally dumped me, seemingly without any thought behind it. I asked if I could talk to her in person, she said I could, so I went over there and she was just a mess. I held her, asked her why the sudden shift and she thanked me for being there for her and took me back. Everyday, I just remind her that she's a beautiful woman, very strong, and most importantly, even if she feels lonely, she's not alone and that I am there for her. Over the course of a couple of weeks, she's been improving, but what Julia says is in fact what's been going on. I feel like I have to try and fix everything, and she's not receptive to it so I beat myself up, thinking she doesn't appreciate me and doesn't love me. She told me she dumped me because she loved me and hated seeing how miserable she made me. So now, I give her some space (which is incredibly hard to do), and just be supportive. Patience is key. Damn if it isn't a serious test. These 2 part videos just underlined that it's totally a normal thing to feel and to just hang in there. I love this woman to death, and I know she'd do the same if the roles were reversed.
Damn wow great story man, im going through almost the exact same thing she broke up with me cuz she said she didnt want to be a burden to me so she left without saying a word, month later i talked to her in person and she was balling her eyes out and we talked everything out. She was good for 2 months and then she been getting really negative and saying that she doesnt wanna be a burden to me and maybe things might not work, im not sure if she wants to break up or not but she told me she doesnt want to but shes being so distant and ignoring me so im a little stuck. Any advice? Like should i just give her space and not bring up the fact that shes not talking to me and just be there for her ? Is that what you did ?
@@MIKE-yq1co my boyfriend is going through the same thing and i am very unprepared. I panicked and got so confused that i kept asking more and more selfish questions like "what did i do?" "Did i cause this or made it worse?" So I stopped asking and started learning about anxiety and depression. Now i realized it nobody's fault and that patience go a long way. I gave him the time and space he needed without asking why or questioning what he does to cope. No questions asked. I trust him that he's doing it to make himself better. Update...he is still not well but he voluntarily opened up to me about the things that are giving him the anxiety. I just waited and he's finally giving me answers that i need to understand what's going on. I appreciated him for doing that cause its not easy for him. But yeah, constant reassurance that i'm always there and that i love him maybe contributed to that. So don't give up and love them more especially when they don't love themselves.
I just met a girl and it was going amazing but I think she has depression. I’m doing exactly what you’re saying and I hope in time she gets back to me cuz I care about her so much.
I more and more get the idea that as a partner of a depressed person you kinda want to be with them like a doctor or nurse talks with a patient e.g. in a hospital: they are always friendly and caring but not deeply worried or troubled, have a good energy, are patient, listen interested and are really there with you, are caring but not overbearing, are always there when you need them but don't bother or pressure you. I always felt rather happy when being in a hospital or at the doctor because of this. Of course as a partner you are different than a doctor and much more deeply emotionally involved with your partner!
I'm having a really hard day right now, and listening to this is helping me so much. Although right now I don't have anyone around who can understand, it's nice to know that there is someone out there who knows.
Thank you so much for this series on caring for people with depression. My girlfriend of nearly 2yrs wanted to take a break the other day. She said she loves me but she needs time. It Our relationship is good- not without its areas of improvement- but we get along well & truly care for each other. I knew she had some depression & anxiety but she shared with me that it's a lot worse than she's shown... I feel there's been some recent triggers in her life including cooling friendships & a betrayal, not to mention she feels inadequate in a lot of ways including her job type & not having a college education. I'm sad that I didn't care for her in the best way for someone with these challenges, but I am hopeful that educating myself on this will help me be a better partner & help our relationship grow- I care for her so much & I know she can do great things in her life. Thank you so for this video- I am a better person for it.
I can't tell you how much these two videos have just helped me. My beloved just went from perfect for me to questioning everything about us and not knowing if she wanted to be with me, overnight. It took a lot of difficult conversations for her to open up just a little and admit she is depressed and dealing with trauma from a previous relationship that was unhealthy. You've helped me a lot today.
THANK YOU SO MUCH! Part 1 hit home big time, hence my partner wanting to break up with me when I didn't even do anything wrong. She cried when I told her I'm there to support her and I know this will be a tough gig but I'll show you what real love is. I had to do so much self cares and fill my energy cup up, but had to realise I can only support her. Damn I love this girl ❤️
That's really nice to hear! My partner wants to break up with me too - saying he needs more time for his mental health and depression. I'm so sad and drained now Idk what to do exactly..
Hello everyone ✌ I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
As someone suffering from depression since childhood I know know that depression might be devastating both for those suffering and those around them. It's just an endless well. The only way to lessen its effects is to find something meaningful other than pitying yourself and focusing on the pain itself. To relieve the pain I focused on something I love doing, which is reading literature, I became an ESL teacher and have been helping people learn English. Even if I easily get back to my depression when I'm not in the classroom, I always look forward to being there again both to relieve the pain and help others grow. No other pills will help you than helping others. Don't forget, we need something meaningful, larger than our suffering.
He keeps pushing me away,even tells me to leave the relationship because he doesn't wanna hurt me,but he loves me snd doesn't want let me go either..we're on a break relationship asked by him,but I'm always gonna be there for him no matter what, because I love him and I believe in him that he can get through this..thank you so much for your video,it really helps
Thank you so much for these videos. My boyfriend of 6 months has depression but he's already on antidepressants... when we met he was just this amazing beacon of light in my life and so loving and caring, everything was so happy even though I was going through a really hard time myself. Since December... now he barely responds, and doesn't even know if he has feelings for me any more. He said he thinks he does, but he doesn't feel it very much. He doesn't say anything nice to me, and just says thank you when I compliment him. He's like a robot. I love him so much and I am breaking because I don't want to lose him. He said he prefers to be alone, and feels bad that he prefers to be alone. I can feel my heart breaking slowly, that he is probably going to dump me and push me away, and it's making me depressed too and on the verge of tears the last week or so, I can't help him and he won't get help. He just buries himself in work and sleeps all the time. We live a few towns apart as well, so I can't easily go to him and vice versa.
Having suffered major depression since a child (am now 47), you are doing everyone a great service with these two videos. One of our best friends os an ob/gyn, and your videos actually changed the way she interacted with her patients. Thank you.
I just want to learn to be able to help and support them in a way that is right for them I want to be the person they can confide in and just realize they aren’t alone and have that option.
As a depression survivor I cant thank you enough for you Channel. It is so hard to express my thoughts and actions to my loved ones. Part 1 and part 2 of this video let me share a piece of me that I struggle to explain. You are helping so many people with your youtube channel. I am one of them. Thank you is not enough to express my graditude.
Your last tip about checking in emotionally with something like a 1-10 scale is really helpful at times. When my depression get difficult it can feel really suffocating and isolating to not have how I am perceived on the outside match how I feel on the inside. Just knowing that someone knows where I am at and how I am feeling really helps me to not feel alone, but can feel like an impossible feat at times. My loved ones tend to ask "Are you Okay?". When my depression gets bad my emotions get swampy and confusing. When asked if I am "okay" I'll have so many feelings and thoughts come up that it literally paralyzes my ability to speak. So I'll usually take the path of least resistance and say "I'm Fine" or "I don't know, but I'll be okay". For me, giving a 1-10 would feel more clear cut and enable me to get past this blockage in communicating. Thank you for the tip
As someone who has already fought through 3 episodes of major clinical depression, I can assure that these tips are worth their weight in gold. Take them seriously, they do help!
Hello everyone ✌ I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5.
Omg you mentioned a term I've been trying to describe my depression and you NAILED it "TRAPPED"!!!! That's exactly how I feel. I hate the fact I can't get out of this turmoil. I shared your video with my friends and adult children. Thank you for understanding us. Blessings
Thank you so much for making these two videos on the topic! My girlfriend is currently going through a very severe episode of depression. This in itself would have been very hard already, but us being long distance and only having been in a relationship for a bit over a month makes this even more challenging. These videos really helped me understand the thought processes behind depression better and also how to be a better and more supportive partner for her. So thanks again for these videos!
I just was crying watching your videos about depression. Thank you for the information, my husband has depression I've done many things wrong and I have not understood him completely. This is a really tough to always be there for listening and just absorb negative vibes and reflect positive ones, too hard to be dumped at last minutes in ceremonies and gatherings and not taking it personally. It's not easy to not have sex for weeks and find him masturbating; and not taking it personally. I feel I'm overwhelmed. Now at least I know that many things I was thinking was helpful, actually wasn't. Is there anybody to help us? People whose loved ones suffer from depression and trying to cope with that?
I am going through a very similar experience with my husband of 33 years, who had coped with depression all these years, i love him dearly but when hes in a bad way its so hard to know how to say and do the right thing for him, to say our loved ones go through such mental torture is awful, i know personally i feel overwhelmed un loved and lonely, none of which my husband does on purpose i know,and it has had a big affect on our grown up son... Please know as the loved one of a depressed person you are doing your very best but as i have learnt you must look after yourself as well, whatever makes you happy you need to do... I wish you all the best.
My boyfriend's father passed away almost three months ago and since then my bf has not been the same. I have tried being super understanding and giving him all the space that he needs but i need him too. I feel incredibly helpless knowing that there is nothing I can do to make him feel better and even worse since he doesn't want to seek help elsewhere(therapy or friends). He is the love of my life and I don't ever want to leave him but it feels like he's disappeared from the face of the earth and I am extremely drained and lonely. Yesterday was our anniversary and he didn't answer my texts and even though I know it's not my fault and I know this isn't about me it's almost impossible not to feel hurt. Thank you for sharing your experiences in the comments,relating to your stories has helped me feel like I'm not alone.
These videos are very helpful to me. My wife of 2 years is newly diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and it's been about 6 months since diagnosed. This has been hard for both of us. I can't relate to it and it's hard to be there for her not knowing how to support her. She's in a dark place now and is struggling loving herself and me, to the point where she knows she loves me but doesn't feel in love. Being human this was extremely hard to hear and it's comforting knowing how to act and how to love and support her. It's beyond wonderful to learn how tone better for her and myself going forward combatting my wife's depression.
Hello everyone ✌ I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
my boyfriend is depressed right now and yeah it hurts that i dont get those "Good morning Sweetheart" texts like when he was energetic but he has a lot on his plate and i try to give him space but also i show my love and patience by surprising him with lunch or dinner at work or just simply being available for him whenever. Its not easy and i am afraid of being a headache myself by checking in but at the same time, i dont think he has but 3 of us seeing if hes okay. Because i know for a fact there is only one of me trying to assist him with just making him feel warm and loved. Im sure his son tries too but hes a little boy and he cant swing by at work to drop off food. Its just hard.
I sympathise with you on this. I am in the same boat right now. I hope u did find strength to help him through his difficult time. Best wishes wish u all the best x
I didn't realize I was depressed until I was having a panic attack for the third time in my life . I was trying to calm down and I found these videos and every single aspect of what you are saying is how I have been feeling. I am enlightened thank you so much.
Personally, I think that treating the depressed person almost like a child works really well for me. You showered? A well done and a cuddle really means a lot. Having an okay day? Help make it better! Say how proud you are. Make a big thing of it. Thats always what I wanted when I had a good day anyway! Xx
Bethany My bf broke up with me months ago due to his depression- he said I deserve much better. He shuts down and withdraws. I want to be supportive but also don’t want to overwhelm him with texts. He’s not seeking outside help and just claims to “not feel like himself” and he “doesn’t know what’s wrong.” Did you seek counseling? Do you think I should try and be supportive in texts or just give him space? Hard to tell bc his responses are short or he ignores me. Thx
Thanks for these videos. This is vital information! I've dealt with people not knowing how to react to my depression, and they do 1everything except listen and offer support. A lot of the time, they make threats or tell me that I'm lazy, self indulgent, or that I just want to be depressed. They don't realize how hurtful and demoralizing those words can be, especially to someone who is contemplating suicide!
quincy levien my partner has told me that they feel this and even though they don't disappoint me, they can't shake the feeling sometimes, it'd be very helpful to know how to get over it. I always try to reassure them and tell them that it's ok, that I'm not disappointed but idk how much it actually helps, or if there's anything else I could do for them
I have a girlfriend with depression I want to help her but it seems like Im not helpful but sometimes It feels nice when I see her smile at me thats why I refuse to be tired to love her.
Love your videos. I have issues with depression and anxiety but also a little codependent on helping others. My ex turned BFF pointed out not everyone loves the same way as me and now that I’m with someone who has depression I’m learning his needs from me while still protecting myself. The way you explain things is so helpful.
I've watched some videos from other people talking about how to help someone with depression but I keep coming back to watch this one and the first part. They're the most helpful for me. I like how you speak in a calm voice and the things you mention help me a lot. Specially the part about not blaming ourselves, how we can't cause the depression and we also can't cure it, we can only be there and try to understand. Thank you very much for your videos!
My bf just broke up with me few days away, he told me he hasn't been feeling ok and I noticed it (I had clinical depression). I feel so sad because he thinks he doesn't deserve me, that I can get someone better, he can't see how much he's worth it 💔
Any update of you situation with your boyfriend? My girlfriend and I just broke up because she said she felt so trapped and that she needed to find happiness in herself by herself. So she pushed me away and says how i need to find someone else, and that she is a terrible person. She cant comprehend how much she really means to me and how far I am willing to go to make sure that she is supported.
its happened to wit my boyfriend..he wants to breakup wit me when we almost 2y😭 although he said coz work pressured and home..now im understand he's on depression again..
I'm so happy I ran across your videos. THANK YOU for helping me with helping my son with depression. As being a Mom it tears me apart because I know I can't help him. Your words have tremendously helped me !
I very nearly visited my mother every day for 5 years while she was residing in assisted living environment. I do not regret one Minute of my time with my mother!😊
For me the most difficult part is seeing how happy he pretends to be towards other people. My boyfriend says he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore and feels incredibly guilty. Yesterday he cancelled on our dinner, I visit the place where he lives for just a quick second to see if he's doing okay and I find him having a jol with friends. I know he puts up a mask and I should feel happy that he can put his mind on something else, but it's so exhausting. I'm tired, but I don't want to give up.
Hey! I just met the most amazing girl and pretty sure she has depression and right now we’re not talking but that’s something J thought of…. I thought she’s still going about her day working and probably making everyone smile but even when I first met her as beautiful as her smile is I felt pain behind her smile. I felt like she was battling something she’s such a warrior
Thanks for the video and how it helps me see clearly what my girlfriend goes through. Yes I would love to take away all her pain but I know “I didn’t create it, I didn’t cause and I can’t cure it” I too am a person who takes things personally but in regards with this situation, I can’t. She is going through something that I don’t understand and she doesn’t understand herself. All I can be is be supportive and be there for her when she is going through the motions of depression. Yes it is hard and only time will tell, but all people with any mental illness deserve love and compassion. This is a step for me to place the focus on myself and give her unconditional love. She has been a great person to me and my family. She always tries her best to be present with me but I know that she has issues herself that I can’t save her from. I too need to take care of myself when she goes through her depression. I will keep watching your videos and keep tabs on how to talk to her without having any expectations. Thank you!
Is there any way I can add Korean caption to this? I am struggling with depression and I want to show both of ur part one and two videos to my parents in Korea. They don't know about depression very well and can say things that make me feel REALLY WORSE. But it is hard for me to address them. I think showing this video will help us A LOT understand each other. There are not as many videos about depression in Korea that they can watch because people don't talk about it....
Thank you for this incredibly helpful practical advice, it's a light in the darkness. I now feel better equipped to support my boyfriend, in the best way I can, knowing I'm doing my best and supporting him the way he needs and deserves: the right way
+ don’t say things like “This is not what I signed up for to be with you” or “this/that’s is getting old” during a bad moment, etc. If they don’t have intention of leaving that person especially. 🥺
I feel this much. I am a filipina working here in Taiwan. I have an Australian boyfriend who is into depression since the day he get back to Australia after our holiday in Phil's last May. There were days that I felt as if I don't have a boyfriend it's so unbearable at times but my love for him is beyond measure that I choose to wait for him to get thru this. Last week due to my human nature I was carried away because I felt his pushing me away. I felt the rejection. As a woman who thinks I deserve more than that treatment I did chose to end the relationship since I felt that anyway but after a week of total silence "no contact with him even if he message me up that he misses my energy and love I choose to ignore it and realized after 7 days that this is the moments and days that he need much more support from me as a girlfriend. So I was back for him to let him know how infinite is my love I have for him. I want him to feel that I will never leave him but much more love for him. Thanks to the additional tips Julia. Am currently doing these already before I watch your video but it's best that there are some great tip you have also that can be best for me to help him out especially for us that is in a long distance relationship and for now he chooses not to be with me even if I choose to be at his side. He pointed out the reason that's why his pushing me away because he dont want to drag me down and adds up to my pain but I choose to stay in our relationship cause I do believe his capacity that he will bounce back. It's a tough challenge but love always conquers all. 🙏
@RXVAS This is what I've been doing wrong for the longest time. I care for my wife and I get worried but the best thing to do is just to leave her alone. You can keep tabs on them but you can't fix the situation.
@@UnceasingElias i now understand how much damage i was doing,while thinking i was doing everything possible to understand and relate and help.It hurts to realize how much unnecessary pain ive caused. I am very sorry and very happy, cant wait for tomorrow to come so i can finally be HELP. Thank u very much everyone
@RXVAS im going to make a love relationship with my girlfriend who have depression. But she thinks that i give her a fake hope or just love but end up marry with other person. And she said, anything bad thing will happen to her if we suddenly brake up soon. Actually i loved her too much but im scared and i dont want to hurt her, im scared if we not be able to marry soon, just a loved relationship. So what i gonna do? Please
@RXVAS this is so true. My bf has depression and basicly this is the only thing that works. I sant him a message every day asking how he's feeling and that's it. But the truth is that everyday (the days that he pulls away) in pretty scared that that's it with our relationship. But I supposed that that's an issue I had wmto work on haha
I’ve been researching depression to help my best friend and myself and everything that she has said helped me at least for 5 minutes and I usually just go sit outside or talk to a select few people and they always cheer me up.
My best Friend said she don't feel any thing She can't knew the right from thé wrong thing She don't Care any more Wish make my heart broke But i love her and i don't wont to loss her And i don't knew what to do Every Time i ask her how do you feel or tolk to me i'm listening to you she said that she don't have any thing to say I really fell Bad Two days ago i told her if she needs some Space she said that she wont to be alone for same days She said i don't have Time to stay alone at her house so she won't to have some Time alone out side her house so i told her ok and any Time she wont to tolk i'm ther for her I really love her and i don't knew if that dicission is right some Time i think if she is alone she wonn't be ok or she will become worst She actually sleep alot she said sleeping make her don't think I'm sooo sad i really don't wont to loss her We were besties for 5 years
Hello everyone ✌ I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5.
thank u so much for both videos on this. I'm going through this with my fiance we have 3 beautiful kids 1 Boy 2 girls. and this is very insightful I always thought I was helping and the whole time I was only making it worse. it is definitely hard the hardest thing I ever had to deal with but I will not give up
Omg yeeees! Thak you for making this videos. I have depression and I'm a lot better now that I know how to handle it better. But its really hard to tell people, specially at first, cause pleople usually dont understand it. Its not their fault, but it can hurt a lot to be in a lot of pain and have a love one tell you 'just be more positive and tou will feel better"
i have a boyfriend who is diagnosed with depression and is recently diagnosed with anxiety as well. recently, i realised how he would often forget or stop saying common things that he used to say to me and would often get sad over it because i feel like i’m no longer there. i also feel like he is slowly detaching himself from me because i feel like there’s things that i don’t know about. however, i know it is hard on him too which is why i came to this video. i know it’s easier said than done but i’ll try my very best to be as patient and help him through depression. thank you for your advices, i’ll surely take note. i wish others who are going through the same situation be it with your sibling, bestfriend that you will go through it
Hello everyone ✌ I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
My fiancé suffers from depression and sometimes it can be hard. It's always hard seeing her in pain and right now I feel like she doesn't want me anymore. It feels like she hates me. But, as much as it feels that way and as much as it hurts, I'm pretty sure she does want me and I think she probably loves me very much. I'm pretty sure it's just the depression. One way to help (probably one of the most difficult ways) is some very well-reassured distance. I'm trying to give her some space to sort of do what she needs to do so she doesn't feel the responsibility to make me feel loved when she's really not feeling anything at all. For anything. That's got to be hard on her, trying to maintain my feelings when she's got none herself. When she gets really dark, it's more numbness and apathy than anything. I think. So, I'm trying to let her have some space while reminding her that I really do love her and that I'm right here if and when she needs me. And following through. Listening well when she does express how she's feeling. Checking in on how she's feeling on a daily basis, sometimes a couple times a day. If she calls me at midnight saying she didn't get a chance to get food at work (she's a PCT on late night shifts) I'll make sure I get there with food. And a kiss and a good, long hug and then I'm off into the night.... No judgement, no questions. (She doesn't abuse this either). I told her last week that in lieu of our daily phone call on her way to work, if some days she just needs to rock out with music at ful-blast to get her head right for work, let me know and we can just text later. It can get really difficult sometimes because it's perfectly human to start to think maybe this depressed person you're with actually hates you. Trust me.... I know. The chances are, they don't and they really do appreciate your patience and understanding.
These two videos were very useful. I have been looking for something like this for a while now. There are so many videos about how it feels to be depressed but very few about how to support the person who is depressed. Thank you for sharing.
It’s crazy how accurate this is.. my boyfriend is going through the same thing and I didn’t know he was depressed until I saw this, thanks for the help
I just finished the part 1 of this video and I'm glad I found this part 2. I am here to help myself on how to deal with the depression of my boyfriend. Thank you so much for your tips. This video is very helpful.
Hello everyone ✌ I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
Thank you for this video. I have battled Bipolar disorder everyday of my life. I had my 58th birthday June 2019. I miss me so much.. But I know that my loved ones miss me more when I go away.
Really thx for this video it helped me a lot. I have a new gf and i was really messed up because i always thought she just doesnt want to see me or something whenever she was depressed. I hope i can understand her better now and help her through this.
Thank you so much 😊 I suffer from major depression I have been diagnosed. I don’t want to a burden to my love ones. Sent your video to my love ones. Thank you so much 😊.
Watched part 1 and 2. I feel like I broke a lot of these "don'ts". but like you said, I do have good intentions with everything i do for my spouse. I'm only trying to help... Thank you for these videos.
It’s hard to listen to a loved one with depression when they don’t wanna be heard or talk about anything. Is it common for someone with depression not to show affection in a relationship?
Dear Julia, thank you so much for this and the last video about the same topic, I’m currently dealing with my mom’s depression and is really hard; however listening to your advice showed me that helping her is easier than I originally thought and marked a clear path of what I should and shouldn’t say. Thank you for your great labour. ❤️
My 17 yo girlfriend is dealing with depression and has been for a long time now. She's tried to commit suicide in the past before a few times but I wasn't part of her life that time n I wish I was. She lives 3 hours away from and she comes to see me whenever she gets the chance cause she told me that I'm her only happiness and stuff. When she gets into her depressed episodes, I can't even hold her and whisper sweet things in her ear to make her feel better... this makes me feel so damn helpless. What makes me feel even more helpless is that she tells me that she doesn't think she'll make it a year... she's over there and I'm here and she can easily just go somewhere n end it n i can't do anything. I love her so damn much and I just cry thinking about one day she'll finally decide to end it n I just don't know what to do I just need her to be in my life cause she's the only thing that makes me happy in this damn cruel world n I also suffer from anxiety which makes my feelings feel way worse n worse and I can't tell her cause I don't want her to feel bad. She doesn't wanna tell me these things cause she doesn't wanna hurt me but she does anyways cause I want her too n sometimes it breaks my heart so much I can't even stop crying to the point I'm choking n can't breathe. How am I supposed to deal with this and support my girlfriend? The feelings overwhelm me so much n I'm so afraid to lose her I just can't lose her... this may not sound as bad as all the other comments but to me it's so heartbreaking and it hurts so damn much and her depression is bad and I can't really explain it well n I can't explain anything well cause of my anxiety. I hope someone takes the time to read this n understands. She changed my life n I don't need her to change it again... just not like that... 😔
Lexie Georgina you are best boyfriend in the world, its very difficult to find someone like you in this day and age... Please dont ever leave your girlfriend or she might end her life
My love is feeling depressed and I am truly hirt abt it. Because i can not be physically near her since I am in a different country. and tbh it is breaking my heart to see her in that state. She was filled with love kindness and happiness I knw that we are not to blame but do truly feel her pain as a few years ago i was there.And I truly got cured When I met her. But before summer we can not meet and she is heavily depressed and My heart feels as if dying when she msgs me saying that she was crying. I actually shed a tear the first time that she told me... I am trying all I can to keep her morale up and taking to her daily several times and sending her poems filled with my love reminding her that she has nothing to fear as I will always be near. I know that this might sound cheesy but she is truly my one and only she is not my other half she is my full that i can not behalf.. I truly do feel you as I am facing the same .... I hope all is going better for you
Lexie Georgina I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend. It truly is the deepest hurt I've ever known to know he is hurting so deeply. Every day never knowing. He is in college 1 1/2 hours away. I visit as much as I can but some times I feel so so helpless. It feels like walking on thin ice never knowing when it'll all cave in. I see you posted 6 mo ago, I hope things are looking up for you two 💕 stay strong!
Lexie Georgina sigh... you’re situation is the same as mine. I live in Maryland and my girlfriend lives in Texas and we’ve never met irl but we’ve been together for almost 8 months. She’s told me from time to time she’s had depression but she’s also told me that I’m one of the main reasons she hasn’t killed her self yet. But recently, I think her depression got worse because she’s been talking to me about death all the time more than usual and last night she said “I actually wanna die, I can’t stand this place.” And she said no one would miss her and it just brings tears to my eyes because it’s like I don’t mean anything anymore, like I can’t do anything because she lives so far, she could easily kill herself and I wouldn’t even know. I keep trying to tell her it gets better and trying to make her feel better and make her happy like the way she use to be but it’s so hard because of all those negative thoughts in her head, I sometimes don’t know what to say because well I’m not the happiest person ever and I admit I have a little anxiety myself and that makes me feel so freaking useless In this situation. I’m trying to help her I really am but she just won’t listen to me and idk what to do anymore, I just cry over and over again thinking the worse, that one day she’ll really end it all and I’ll be all alone again. And I don’t really have any friends so it’s not like I have anyone to vent to, I’m pansexual so I don’t wanna talk to my family about it so I’m trying to do it all on my own with out any help or simply someone to vent to. My girlfriend is all I really have keeping me sane and if I lose her... idk anymore😞
@@lotuswolf1518 i do not approve of your message. " Don't ever leave her or she might take her life" is an awful responsibility to put on an other human being. There is a difference in being with and here for someone in depression. But no one can truly really make another person whole or peaceful or happy. That is a self process thing. But props to you dude for loving her so much :)
My boyfriend has depression and it's so hard to deal with him sometimes it gets so draining . He doesn't think he deserves me😥 . He doesn't think he's good enough for me . He always tells me " why are you with me ? You deserve better " and it breaks my heart 💔 . I always tell him that I love him and I'm there for him all the time . But there are some days that he gets it and he says or does things that hurt me 😥 . This video was so helpful you're a great woman . Keep it going. I also wanna talk to someone who has their bf or gf or loved one dealing with it :(
I'm dealing with this from my boyfriend. He tells me that he doesn't feel good about himself because of the fact that he doesn't have things that he thinks he should have (a house, good paying job, etc). He is trying to improve his situation but I am basically put on the back burner. If you need someone to vent with, feel free to send me a message.
Hello everyone ✌ I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5.
Thanks so much for posting this. I have a depression and I’m struggling with it everyday secretly bc of my fear to tell somebody thinking what if i told them I wouldn’t understand me anyway so I pretend everything is fine and i fake smile :( .... anyway thanks for uploading this this is such a helpful video for me cuz it makes me feel like i’m not alone :)
Hi Julian, thank you so much, i ended up to ur utube channel because my husband has this sign depression, it has been frustating for me, and from ur channel i can find solution and how to handle with husband depression, Good Luck for me😊
After watching the Part 1, I've realized I made a lot of mistakes thinking I was helping my boyfriend but those methods aren't working so I will take your advice moving forward. Just to vent: it is beyond exhausting to be the supportive person sometimes. There's literally nothing I can do but I'm so overwhelmed and tired. Honestly, I think I slipped into a slight depression from dealing with this. Recently, I went to a funeral (dealing with my own problems) and rarely heard from him in 4 days (this was very unexpected to happen) so now I'm anxious about him while I'm worried about a death in my family. It's like I have to deal with my personal problems on top of his. I often question how long will this last for him? Can I continue to put up with this? I know I have no intentions of leaving his side and being there for him but this is really tough when you're trying not take things personal. I must say that I personally know I feel this way because I have allowed myself to take responsibility to thinking I can help fix his problems. Therefore, this week, I'm going to challenge myself and give myself space to take on your advice to be a better supportive person but to also support myself so that I will no longer continue to feel this burden. Thank you for this video.
I have a boyfriend and we’ve been going out for 2 years and 4 months. Recently, starting from about 3 months ago, he changed. He’s not himself. He’s slowly giving up on life. Im trying to help him but i dont know how. He’s not a very easy person to talk to, he built his walls up very high. Im not going to give up on him but im clueless. Im lost. I dont know how to help him anymore. And its really hard for me because he means so much to me. I love him so much. So so much.
With depressed people we have to be compassionate at the same time heal them in a positive way making them learn to think positive as each thought is an energy going to the universe and and coming back again through different mediums. We have to be aware of what quality of thoughts we are creating as karma starts from thoughts, we cannot allow dark thoughts to prevail for long as that will depleate our soul power and make the patient more depressed. Solution is willpower, God conscious, all types of motivational knowledge through reading , writing, seeìng other's positivity and with our soul power creating positive thoughts. 🙏
Thank you for this video. First of all, it made me really happy that I already used to act correctly and proper. It's good to know that I am doing something right. Secondly, I've been getting really sad recently. I've been dumped a couple of times and when my girlfriend is trying to escape I constantly fear she'll leave me. Knowing that she still might care is a big help. So once again, thank you very much.
im not her, but im suffering from depression for years, a lot of ppl wit hdepression dont know how you can help them, most of them dont even know if they want help, or dont want help, because tehy dont wanna bother you, or some just want to be alone.. the "biggest" thing in my opinion which does help is to tell them that you are here from them, but you shouldnt "annoy" them with the topic 24 7, be there for them, but dont tell them exactly WHAT will help,.. depression= complicated.. hope i could kinda help even tho im late :3
Mariana Ortega I suffer from extreme depression and I have listened to her and taken away from it that instead of asking open ended questions like "How Can I Help U," instead offer up choices like, hey let's watch a movie, these two just came out blamk and blank." Or offer up a restaurant or something that gets us out of the house, even for just a bit. It's not always the answer but she alluded to it in part 1 and I look forward to trying them out.
Mariana Ortega tbh I have depression and if someone asks me 'are you okay' or stuff like that I would not reply because my mouth closed shut. It can get really hard open out about anything.
Most of the time it is hard for people with depression to clearly identify the reason that makes them feel this way. They will not always have a logical/reasoning mind that will find the answer so, when you ask "how can i help?", they often just don't know the answer and are likely to just close themselves. If you are with somebody that suffers from depression, good advices that I can give are: 1. to listen carefully to what they say 2. try to have an unconditional positive regard on them (not being jusgmental) 3. when they talk about their situation, repeat after them, paraphrase them to make sure you do not just interpret what they mean but actually understtand their views. Also don't be scared of asking questions, ask loads, but always ask open questions like "what happened that made you feel this way" or "how do you feel" what do you think might be a solution?". however try to avoid "why" because people might feel pressure to have a justification. Hope this helps, I am not a professional but these are good advices that i received from a training from a qualified consellor. I wish you the best.
I completely agree. I also have depression for years. and it is hard to think. it frustrates us more when u ask how can u help, or what to do cus we don't even know how to fix a thing. we are living in a very lonely world and we don't even know why. we'll we can laugh on a funny video or a nice joke but it doesn't mean we have overcome it. It makes me feel a bit better tho, well for me.
Ive had depression all my life it comes and goes. ive found it easier to just laugh about it and situations because it always happens, like I know what to expect and things will be ok soon. It's just one of those things that happens it's just finding away to cope while it goes away that matters!
I've found that depression is contagious. It's slow and gradual. When living with or having a relationship with someone with depression, a depressed POV, lifestyle becomes the norm. Same thing with people with Cluster B personality disorders, e.g., with gaslighting you start to lose your grip on reality, with abuse you begin to develop a trauma bond, etc. Be supportive of others and urge them to get help, but don't sacrifice your well-being.
Are there things I could do to help a loved one? Like sending cards saying how much I love them, treats, etc? Also, he does not eat healthy and exercise, how can I encourage him to do those things? Could I ask him to go on walks with me, or tell him that I want to eat healthier so that he in turn will eat healthier too?
I really enjoy watching your videos. You are very personable and empathetic, and you give great advice in an open, informative way with zero judgment. You care, and it shows.
Thank you so very much, Julia. I have been searching for how I can speak with my offspring with depression. This is so very helpful. I appreciate the tips and look forward to hearing more. They suffer from depression, ptsd, and anxiety disorder so all of this really helps me to be a better loved one to them.
Love this. Bc I feel like I can never let myself be in a relationship bc I really don't want to be a burden to one whom I would love. Seeing that ppl TRY to understand is.. kinda reassuring. Even if only a little.
I did all those supportive things and he still took his life. so sad. I miss him so much. He seemed more guilty when I left him notes and texts telling him I believed in him and he was amazing and I loved him, etc. He said I didnt deserve his messed up mind and life. I told him we´d get through it together and he just pushed me away. I´ll love him forever. suicide is a permanent fix for a temporary problem and compounds the pain when they leave us. I´m glad your suffering is over Benny Sanchez I hope to see and hug you again one day. besos
Hello everyone ✌ I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
This is so tough! For the one who has the depression and for the one next to them. Patience and hope is all hold me together. Especially the one with depression does not share/ talk to me. Both need counselling!
Hello everyone ✌ I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5.
My boyfriend that I've been with for 8 years has been having symptoms of depression, including self-harm for around 2 years now. He moved across the world for me, to live with me after a long distance relationship. I am not sure of the root of the illness he is struggling with, but I know that he has a lot of issues with himself. After he moved to me I discovered a whole world of secrets that he has been hiding from me, including the most painful one - of feeling strong emotions of love towards an artist/public figure that he saw at a concert before his move. He is torn between feelings for that person and feelings for me and feelings towards himself. Upon my shocking discovery we had a really rough time, which we somehow managed to get through, and for a whole year now I've been thinking that things have been improving, in every aspect. Some week ago everything turned around again. He has been feeling much worse again, and has hurt himself physically to let out some of the pressure within himself that he can't express in any other way. All of this has been breaking me as a loving, caring and motivated partner. I've lost jobs because of this, motivation in my own life. In the video you mention that it is a bad idea to make ultimatums, which I somewhat understand. Today (after finally being able to talk to him about everything) I expressed that he has to choose between living with me - to work on our relationship (because after me discovering all hurtful things he has been hiding, we developed a lot of trust issues etc.) and to accept professional help, or - to be controlled by the feelings and emotions he has for the artist which he, in no way would try to contact, and to live in pain of knowing that there is no realistic future for him in this world. He hasn't been able to say anything to me after this. The tough thing in this situation, other than me loving someone who loves me but also a fantasy, is that he has a bachelor in psychology, and he now works for a company with topics of well-being and mindfulness, he has published a research related to playfulness, happiness and depression. It is just such a huge contrast that is going on in our situation that I am not sure of how it can ever be solved. He is not willing to seek professional help, because he predicts what the diagnosis may be. He just told me that he does not want anyone to tell him that what he is feeling is "wrong" or developed only because of a mental illness. Like, who are they to judge his feeling? And, why should there be a logical explanation to something that maybe can't be understood at all? And, what if there is another dimension that has the tools for explaining it in another way, other than the negative way that he predicts here? In my head, he is just lost in outer space while I stand here on earth trying to get a hold of him. He sees the feelings of love towards the artist as something beautiful but deeply conflicting (because of me and everything he believes in), and he doesn't want anyone to judge what he perceives as love. He knows everything he is doing is not right for anyone, but he does not want to reject the feeling he has for the other person. In this case, me giving him an ultimatum (because i can't live my life with someone who wants to love two women at the same time... and since it affects our relationship greatly), is the only possible way I can think of anything improving for us (and even for him). Without any motivation for change, he will keep on lingering to what is against, and hurting me, but mostly him. Which leads to me not trusting him, not being able to care for him the way i want to, and also getting frustrated and jealous which will hurt him even more. You also said "if they just can get over it, they would". But... no, he just told me he does not regret having that feeling for her, and he does not want to let go of that. So how is that him, a depressed person with tendency of self-harm, wanting to get over it but unable to? I really, really don't want to leave him, but I feel like I have no option if he wants to hold on to what hurts me, and what is overwhelming for himself. I promised to never let go of him, to always be by his side, even if I have to move away and sacrifice so much for my own good. I just don't have the heart to leave him with his illness... It's not me to do that. I just fear that if this goes on, there wouldn't be any "me" anymore, this is ruining the good person I am. This is polluting everything we ever worked for until he got ill and trapped inside of a fantasy of love. He expressed to me how much he appreciates everything I do for him, that he can't imagine a life without my presence around him. That he fears what might happen if I'm gone... (he has constant thoughts of leaving this world). This feels like a threat to me. My hands are tied behind my back, and I can only sit and observe both of us suffer from this pain. What the hell do I do?
This is brilliant!!! My Hubble and I have been struggling with this and we need help. You have offered so much insight to how he can help me and how I can help myself and him. This is key 🔑 to any relationship, yet one of the most difficult things to do! Thank you for your knowledge!!! I look forward to sharing it and working the techniques!!!
Again, thanks for sharing these, Julia! They are really helpful. My best friend is struggling with depression right now and I've been feeling hopeless. Your videos have really helped me. Thank you.
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Having a depressed boyfriend or girlfriend is really hard. I feel this heavy weight on my shoulder. I would never ever say these things, but I feel awful because I don't have him to support me and I am not doing well either. Messaging him without him to answer is exhausting. I love him and will not leave his side and I remind him everyday that I am there for him. But I think people around me struggle to understand how draining and exhausting it is and how hard it is to not take it personally.
Clairesmind i feel your pain.
I can relate. My boyfriend's been depressed for 6 months now and refuses to go to therapy or take medicatio. ... i don't have the energy anymore to be positive and be supportive. I just need one day of the old him. As you said, it is so hard not to take it personally.
you should get your support system and have a serious talk with him about having the responsibility of getting treatment
I’m going through this as well with my boyfriend of three years its terrible I really want him to get well
I feel the same, not with a boyfriend, but with my father. He has depression for 14 years. My mother told me about his illness 3 years ago. I'm tired. I love him but I don't know how to deal with him anymore. I try to be supportive as much as I can. It makes me sad and hopeless.
1. No tough love! Never threaten to leave unless they get 'fixed'.
2.people with depression might pull away, make sure you give them a call / text showing them you are there for them and you care and value them. Keep on them!
3. Try to just listen when they are talking about depression. Avoid making comparisons to your life.
4. It's okay to ask them how they are feeling. Ask for a score on 1-10. They will like that you care enough to ask :)
Good luck everybody. X
Hello everyone ✌
I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga
I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
Oooh the scale is a good idea...thank you
I heard something helpful while I’ve been searching for answers. Someone told me “Your boyfriend is sick and he’s gone right now. He’s not the man you fell in love with. He’s been taken over by the illness. He’s not going to care for you the way he once did, or do the things he used to. You just have to be ready to be there for him every day and not get anything in return. He will come back eventually, and when he does, and you’re still by his side, he’ll be forever grateful.” It’s a heavy thing to hear, but it’s how I’ve felt. I needed to know that it’s normal, and there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. Good luck to everyone going through this! Your loved one is so worth the pain you’re going through. Lean on those who can be there for you right now, and you can do it!
I know she is worth it! I really hope that love is enough to get through this. Give me strength. 🙂🙏💞
Drei B I’ve made it to the light! My boyfriend has been doing incredible and I’ve never been happier.
@@crabapples2408 thank you for inspiring me. Lets keep going. i hope i can help this special girl through this. 🙂💞🙏
Drei B take care of yourself! Sending my love!
As someone who's going through this, I really appreciate this. I need to know that there are still success stories out there, cause I've been reading comments saying just leave, run for your life, well I can't. I love her so much and I can't just leave while she's on her lowest point. I should be there for her.
I need to book an appointment with this lady...
And me
This helped me so much... my girlfriend is depressed and I almost took all the wrong approaches to her
I did the same thing with my bf!
....i did it and sh wants to break up with me i swear on my life ive never been this hurt i feel like im falling into depression...
@@utubegamer8069 hey man how have u gone since then.. my gf left me last night and I'm struggling atm to know weather it's me or the depression making these decisions
@@shaner3369 Hey man i still have contact with her and its already 2months that im still trying to get her back and i will keep on trying but how are you feeling now? And what happend? Dw im here for you ⚘
@@utubegamer8069 hey man I'm good I found some one on you tube and some vids that might help it's a guy named Dan bacon how to get my ex back.. but a lot of it depends on on the scenario which he covers a lot so I'm still hurting but need to get myself back before I can get her back.
I have no shame: I suffer from anxiety and depression. Several people in my life know and many wouldn't believe me because I am very talkative and a goofball at heart. 😊 Depression has made me a very understanding, empathetic and compassionate person so I get it. I really do. And the times I'm depressed, do I chose to or want to feel crappy and feel like I'm moving slowly in wet concrete? Heck no! And all I need is understanding, hugs and it feels awesome when people in my life call or shoot me a text checking in and telling me that they thought of me and they care. Simple. I don't need a bunch of "you shoulds" or "why don't you just...." No! When I'm in a slump, what do you think goes on in my mind? A bunch of "I need to be strong" "I'm better than this" "this doesn't define me" "if only I had the energy".. I do that to myself more than the average person so most suggestions (even though they come from a good place) don't help. I've been down that checklist 10 times already.
The best things my husband did last time I was feeling like crap, lol, was shutting his mouth before that unsolicited advice started oozing out. All he did was look in my eyes which were full of tears and asked "what's wrong?'' '' I don't know but I don't like the way I feel!!'' ::insert tears here:: and he just stopped himself before he started talking, grabbed me, and held me in the most loving, warm hug. My tears stopped a lot quicker than they would have if he started the "you should's".. I pulled through that moment a hell of a lot faster. I was shocked because I'm used to words VS hugs like that. Later on he told me to go get something out of the bathroom and he set up a bubble bath with a candle and a Bluetooth speaker playing some of my favorite music. (this was recent and I could tear up if I think too hard about it) but all I can say is that helped me more than any advice, any pep talk could.
Just think, if you were having a really really bad day, what is that one thing that would make you smile and take that deep breath of relief? Besides words? What's something simple you could do specifically for that person? If they love tea, go make them one! Maybe get their favorite blanket and hand them their tea and say "I made this for you, go relax." if they get bad headaches, say "come here, let me rub your upper back and shoulders". You get the gist. You know that person well enough so just ask yourself what you could do for them VS telling them what they should do. What's that one thing you could do for them that you know they wouldn't say no to? For me, I'd never turn down a cup of tea and a bubble bath. :)
With that being said, if someone's depression is making you feel helpless and interfering with your day to day life and bringing you down, there is nothing wrong with stepping a few steps back and loving them with a little extra distance. Tell them how you feel in a non threatening way or make them feel like a bad person. Create some healthy space so that it doesn't affect you and still love them if you have it in you. There is nothing wrong with taking care of you so that you can be your best version of you. To me, space doesn't mean "I don't love you".
I suffer from depression and I totally understand both sides of the issue. A worn-out lover or caregiver, friend, etc... has to take care of themselves, too and I can't think of any person I know with depression (I've been there) that wants to hurt others or make them feel unappreciated. It's tough and things do get better.. but feeling pressure from within and from others on the outside to just "snap out of it" prolongs the process.
Nobody wants to feel depressed. Nobody. It's like having a flat tire and sometimes it doesn't take long to fix and other times it takes a lot more time.
I'm a big advocate of getting help as opposed to doing nothing to get back on track. It's not "get out the house, smell the roses while singing zippity doo-da" "go exercise" or "go out for the evening with friends to get your mind off of it". . If someone is depressed and it's gotten to the point where it's affected every part of their life and they haven't done anything to reach out and call a doctor or for some kind of help or seek therapy there's nothing much you can do. Take a step back, love them, tell them you have to get back on track in areas of your own life.
There's so much help nowadays. Depression and every other mental health issue has a stigma but what's good is that nowadays people are stepping up and speaking out as opposed to a few years ago.
We come across so many people in our day-to-day lives not having a clue that they suffer from some form of mental illness. People master the art of wearing a fake smile. I told my husband if everyone with depression or those who have suffered from clinical depression had to wear a neon green shirt, he'd be shocked at how many people he sees everyday not having a clue that they are depressed.
Depression doesn't discriminate. It can happen to anyone.
But the most important thing is that we all need to take care of ourselves as best as we can. It can be exhausting for the person suffering as well as their closest people in their lives. And if that means taking a breather and stepping back a few feet, not abandoning them, just take some distance, that is OK!
There is nothing to lose by picking up the phone and making an appointment or making a few calls to see what your options are. Help and resources are everywhere regardless if you have health insurance or not.
If you're depressed, reach up. There are so many hands reaching down to pull you back up. It can take time but you have nothing to lose. Nothing.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Eileen Fuentes i wanna ask you something here , how if our lover is not around i mean like my case , my bf is in other country and its a damn hard for me to keep in touch with him , no video call no talk just texting and thats very limited . I truly feeling lije a hell to but i try my best to understand him by not forcing him to always asked or blaming him at the some point. I made up my mind by asking apologize and take back all my words which make him horrible and sad and instead of it i dare my self to change my mindset by pray for him and text him to cheer him up , tell him that i love him , im here for him , i care about him etc and throw away my feeling like i was depressed to when i have to handle my own love or feeling unrespected by him , the way he ignoring me and more . I am willing to complitely die from any for of me which i hope he will be better and back to the normal . I realize when i got my depression i feel overwhelmed and i always blame my self too .
So how do i handle this situation if we are in Long distance relationship by now ?
Hope you can give me some advices here . Thank you
Thanks, this video & your story helped me alot. It's 2:45a. I'm thinking about him. How can i help? Or where did we go wrong? my boyfriend of 8yrs has depression & anxiety. It's no walk in the park for me, especially being the closest to him. His diagnosis is fairly new to him & me. So everything happened super fast for me. I love him sooo much, but he continued pushing me away, so I finally walked away for my health. Then he will call me selfish & say don't come back, lolbs now I know it was just his depression talking. I didn't know & I took it serious & called it quits. Again, dealing with this was all new for me so I'm taking the steps on how to care for myself & him through the depression. I care for him a lot. He's my best friend, I want the best for him, I want to support, but I needed some space to clear my head for healing. I still check on him every 3-5 days through text just to see if he's ok & to let him know I didn't go anywhere. I pray for us all the time. One last thing, I've realized when asking others for advice on the steps they would have took if a love one had depression. They response was to leave him alone & never go back or love him from a distance. I'm grateful to have run across this video & reading your comment was a big relief to know that I'm not alone being a supporter of a loved one with depression & anxiety. There is hope & I'm willing to give it all to him. Thank you so much & love you
Your comment helped alot, made me realize how many things Iwas doing wrong. How I made the person I like make them feel like a bad person.
@@henryposadas3309 would u like to talk to me about it? I really want to know how u did it becoz mu frnd is going through the same.
Thank you Eileen. You are among the rare persons not being judgemental to either side.
I've read many comments here where it's like only the depressed person has needs.
With my experience, my boyfriend said it really helps when I check in on him everyday (during depressed times) because before I thought the best I can do is just let him be & just talk when he's ready, but he said its nice to be reminded that someone cares when it gets bad. - Not sure if that works for everyone, I'm still in the process of figuring out ways that works to be a support for him.
It’s so hard loving someone who hates themselves. It’s so hard. Especially when you have empathy. Whatever he feels I know I don’t feel exactly but I know he’s upset and lost and I just hurt so much knowing he feels that way. It’s so hard. And whatever I say to help I know it won’t, when this battle is with himself and himself alone. I just wake up everyday with the fear he’ll be sad or I’m afraid anything will trigger him into it. It’s so upsetting and it hurts so much.
As someone with pretty severe depression and anxiety, I absolutely love these 2 videos. Everything you are saying is bringing the things I wish people would do together. I don't want to be a burden on my loved ones and I try my best to not be, but its terrifying going day to day like this. I feel like I can't tell the people I care about that I feel awful because I don't want to make them sick of me (this has happened in many of my relationships, not just romantic). Reminding your loved one with depression that you love and care for them, and are there for them, is one of the most important things... Because even if the person says it sometimes , and thinks we know they love us, just about every day, our confidence that we are loved is like a very delicate plant. If you don't care for it (in the human mind's case do that as well as remind that you care for it) then it will wilt and die. We are constantly being told by that little awful voice in our heads that we are a burden, that we are worthless, that the world would be better off not having to deal with us, and that people are going to get sick of us & leave us and we are "never going to find anyone who wont". Its not personal at all. We're like that with everyone. Sorry to anyone who had to deal with reading through this big paragraph, I'm not sure how to condense it I know I talk too much...
Hey your comment is long and worth reading, you are helping people like me who cares so much for someone who is suffering with this horrible illness. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope you get better in time. 🙂🙏💞
Thank you
this is really helpful! thanks for sharing. My partner recent has been depressed and pushed me away, I am still learning how to better support him.
This is good advice. My girlfriend and I were just absolutely head over heels over one another. One day it was like she fell off a cliff with her attitude. A stark 180 degree turn. It really concerned me, and I suffer from PTSD/depression myself. It has been incredibly tough on me to endure the depression she feels. She originally dumped me, seemingly without any thought behind it. I asked if I could talk to her in person, she said I could, so I went over there and she was just a mess. I held her, asked her why the sudden shift and she thanked me for being there for her and took me back. Everyday, I just remind her that she's a beautiful woman, very strong, and most importantly, even if she feels lonely, she's not alone and that I am there for her. Over the course of a couple of weeks, she's been improving, but what Julia says is in fact what's been going on. I feel like I have to try and fix everything, and she's not receptive to it so I beat myself up, thinking she doesn't appreciate me and doesn't love me. She told me she dumped me because she loved me and hated seeing how miserable she made me. So now, I give her some space (which is incredibly hard to do), and just be supportive. Patience is key. Damn if it isn't a serious test. These 2 part videos just underlined that it's totally a normal thing to feel and to just hang in there. I love this woman to death, and I know she'd do the same if the roles were reversed.
This helps a lot thank you man hope all is well
@@franciscobenitez3492 glad to hear it helped! And yep, married with a kid along the way! Be strong :)
Damn wow great story man, im going through almost the exact same thing she broke up with me cuz she said she didnt want to be a burden to me so she left without saying a word, month later i talked to her in person and she was balling her eyes out and we talked everything out. She was good for 2 months and then she been getting really negative and saying that she doesnt wanna be a burden to me and maybe things might not work, im not sure if she wants to break up or not but she told me she doesnt want to but shes being so distant and ignoring me so im a little stuck. Any advice? Like should i just give her space and not bring up the fact that shes not talking to me and just be there for her ? Is that what you did ?
@@MIKE-yq1co my boyfriend is going through the same thing and i am very unprepared. I panicked and got so confused that i kept asking more and more selfish questions like "what did i do?" "Did i cause this or made it worse?"
So I stopped asking and started learning about anxiety and depression.
Now i realized it nobody's fault and that patience go a long way. I gave him the time and space he needed without asking why or questioning what he does to cope. No questions asked. I trust him that he's doing it to make himself better.
Update...he is still not well but he voluntarily opened up to me about the things that are giving him the anxiety. I just waited and he's finally giving me answers that i need to understand what's going on.
I appreciated him for doing that cause its not easy for him. But yeah, constant reassurance that i'm always there and that i love him maybe contributed to that.
So don't give up and love them more especially when they don't love themselves.
I just met a girl and it was going amazing but I think she has depression. I’m doing exactly what you’re saying and I hope in time she gets back to me cuz I care about her so much.
I more and more get the idea that as a partner of a depressed person you kinda want to be with them like a doctor or nurse talks with a patient e.g. in a hospital: they are always friendly and caring but not deeply worried or troubled, have a good energy, are patient, listen interested and are really there with you, are caring but not overbearing, are always there when you need them but don't bother or pressure you. I always felt rather happy when being in a hospital or at the doctor because of this. Of course as a partner you are different than a doctor and much more deeply emotionally involved with your partner!
I'm having a really hard day right now, and listening to this is helping me so much. Although right now I don't have anyone around who can understand, it's nice to know that there is someone out there who knows.
someone? there are so many of us!
Thank you so much for this series on caring for people with depression. My girlfriend of nearly 2yrs wanted to take a break the other day. She said she loves me but she needs time. It Our relationship is good- not without its areas of improvement- but we get along well & truly care for each other. I knew she had some depression & anxiety but she shared with me that it's a lot worse than she's shown... I feel there's been some recent triggers in her life including cooling friendships & a betrayal, not to mention she feels inadequate in a lot of ways including her job type & not having a college education. I'm sad that I didn't care for her in the best way for someone with these challenges, but I am hopeful that educating myself on this will help me be a better partner & help our relationship grow- I care for her so much & I know she can do great things in her life. Thank you so for this video- I am a better person for it.
I can't tell you how much these two videos have just helped me. My beloved just went from perfect for me to questioning everything about us and not knowing if she wanted to be with me, overnight. It took a lot of difficult conversations for her to open up just a little and admit she is depressed and dealing with trauma from a previous relationship that was unhealthy. You've helped me a lot today.
What was the end result?
THANK YOU SO MUCH! Part 1 hit home big time, hence my partner wanting to break up with me when I didn't even do anything wrong. She cried when I told her I'm there to support her and I know this will be a tough gig but I'll show you what real love is. I had to do so much self cares and fill my energy cup up, but had to realise I can only support her. Damn I love this girl ❤️
That's really nice to hear! My partner wants to break up with me too - saying he needs more time for his mental health and depression. I'm so sad and drained now Idk what to do exactly..
Hello everyone ✌
I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga
I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
As someone suffering from depression since childhood I know know that depression might be devastating both for those suffering and those around them. It's just an endless well. The only way to lessen its effects is to find something meaningful other than pitying yourself and focusing on the pain itself. To relieve the pain I focused on something I love doing, which is reading literature, I became an ESL teacher and have been helping people learn English. Even if I easily get back to my depression when I'm not in the classroom, I always look forward to being there again both to relieve the pain and help others grow. No other pills will help you than helping others. Don't forget, we need something meaningful, larger than our suffering.
He keeps pushing me away,even tells me to leave the relationship because he doesn't wanna hurt me,but he loves me snd doesn't want let me go either..we're on a break relationship asked by him,but I'm always gonna be there for him no matter what, because I love him and I believe in him that he can get through this..thank you so much for your video,it really helps
Thank you so much for these videos. My boyfriend of 6 months has depression but he's already on antidepressants... when we met he was just this amazing beacon of light in my life and so loving and caring, everything was so happy even though I was going through a really hard time myself. Since December... now he barely responds, and doesn't even know if he has feelings for me any more. He said he thinks he does, but he doesn't feel it very much. He doesn't say anything nice to me, and just says thank you when I compliment him. He's like a robot. I love him so much and I am breaking because I don't want to lose him. He said he prefers to be alone, and feels bad that he prefers to be alone.
I can feel my heart breaking slowly, that he is probably going to dump me and push me away, and it's making me depressed too and on the verge of tears the last week or so, I can't help him and he won't get help. He just buries himself in work and sleeps all the time. We live a few towns apart as well, so I can't easily go to him and vice versa.
girl I feel ur pain❤
Wish I watched this before breaking up
Having suffered major depression since a child (am now 47), you are doing everyone a great service with these two videos.
One of our best friends os an ob/gyn, and your videos actually changed the way she interacted with her patients.
Thank you.
I just want to learn to be able to help and support them in a way that is right for them I want to be the person they can confide in and just realize they aren’t alone and have that option.
As a depression survivor I cant thank you enough for you Channel. It is so hard to express my thoughts and actions to my loved ones. Part 1 and part 2 of this video let me share a piece of me that I struggle to explain. You are helping so many people with your youtube channel. I am one of them. Thank you is not enough to express my graditude.
I am SO happy that I am able to help you in this way, Vinnie! Thank you for watching my videos. You are not alone this journey.
Vinnie Colley how did you overcome it?
Your last tip about checking in emotionally with something like a 1-10 scale is really helpful at times. When my depression get difficult it can feel really suffocating and isolating to not have how I am perceived on the outside match how I feel on the inside. Just knowing that someone knows where I am at and how I am feeling really helps me to not feel alone, but can feel like an impossible feat at times. My loved ones tend to ask "Are you Okay?". When my depression gets bad my emotions get swampy and confusing. When asked if I am "okay" I'll have so many feelings and thoughts come up that it literally paralyzes my ability to speak. So I'll usually take the path of least resistance and say "I'm Fine" or "I don't know, but I'll be okay". For me, giving a 1-10 would feel more clear cut and enable me to get past this blockage in communicating. Thank you for the tip
As someone who has already fought through 3 episodes of major clinical depression, I can assure that these tips are worth their weight in gold. Take them seriously, they do help!
Hello everyone ✌
I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga
I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5.
Omg you mentioned a term I've been trying to describe my depression and you NAILED it "TRAPPED"!!!! That's exactly how I feel. I hate the fact I can't get out of this turmoil. I shared your video with my friends and adult children. Thank you for understanding us. Blessings
Thank you so much for making these two videos on the topic!
My girlfriend is currently going through a very severe episode of depression. This in itself would have been very hard already, but us being long distance and only having been in a relationship for a bit over a month makes this even more challenging. These videos really helped me understand the thought processes behind depression better and also how to be a better and more supportive partner for her. So thanks again for these videos!
as one who deals with depression,this woman offers good advice for dealing with love ones who has depression
Thank you for the kind words! That means a lot to me.
If you were close by i would talk with you.I am in the southeastern part of NC
I just was crying watching your videos about depression. Thank you for the information, my husband has depression I've done many things wrong and I have not understood him completely. This is a really tough to always be there for listening and just absorb negative vibes and reflect positive ones, too hard to be dumped at last minutes in ceremonies and gatherings and not taking it personally. It's not easy to not have sex for weeks and find him masturbating; and not taking it personally. I feel I'm overwhelmed.
Now at least I know that many things I was thinking was helpful, actually wasn't. Is there anybody to help us? People whose loved ones suffer from depression and trying to cope with that?
I am going through a very similar experience with my husband of 33 years, who had coped with depression all these years, i love him dearly but when hes in a bad way its so hard to know how to say and do the right thing for him, to say our loved ones go through such mental torture is awful, i know personally i feel overwhelmed un loved and lonely, none of which my husband does on purpose i know,and it has had a big affect on our grown up son... Please know as the loved one of a depressed person you are doing your very best but as i have learnt you must look after yourself as well, whatever makes you happy you need to do... I wish you all the best.
My boyfriend's father passed away almost three months ago and since then my bf has not been the same. I have tried being super understanding and giving him all the space that he needs but i need him too. I feel incredibly helpless knowing that there is nothing I can do to make him feel better and even worse since he doesn't want to seek help elsewhere(therapy or friends). He is the love of my life and I don't ever want to leave him but it feels like he's disappeared from the face of the earth and I am extremely drained and lonely. Yesterday was our anniversary and he didn't answer my texts and even though I know it's not my fault and I know this isn't about me it's almost impossible not to feel hurt. Thank you for sharing your experiences in the comments,relating to your stories has helped me feel like I'm not alone.
These videos are very helpful to me. My wife of 2 years is newly diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and it's been about 6 months since diagnosed. This has been hard for both of us. I can't relate to it and it's hard to be there for her not knowing how to support her. She's in a dark place now and is struggling loving herself and me, to the point where she knows she loves me but doesn't feel in love. Being human this was extremely hard to hear and it's comforting knowing how to act and how to love and support her. It's beyond wonderful to learn how tone better for her and myself going forward combatting my wife's depression.
Hello everyone ✌
I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga
I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
my boyfriend is depressed right now and yeah it hurts that i dont get those "Good morning Sweetheart" texts like when he was energetic but he has a lot on his plate and i try to give him space but also i show my love and patience by surprising him with lunch or dinner at work or just simply being available for him whenever. Its not easy and i am afraid of being a headache myself by checking in but at the same time, i dont think he has but 3 of us seeing if hes okay. Because i know for a fact there is only one of me trying to assist him with just making him feel warm and loved. Im sure his son tries too but hes a little boy and he cant swing by at work to drop off food. Its just hard.
I sympathise with you on this. I am in the same boat right now. I hope u did find strength to help him through his difficult time. Best wishes wish u all the best x
I didn't realize I was depressed until I was having a panic attack for the third time in my life . I was trying to calm down and I found these videos and every single aspect of what you are saying is how I have been feeling. I am enlightened thank you so much.
Personally, I think that treating the depressed person almost like a child works really well for me. You showered? A well done and a cuddle really means a lot. Having an okay day? Help make it better! Say how proud you are. Make a big thing of it. Thats always what I wanted when I had a good day anyway! Xx
Bethany My bf broke up with me months ago due to his depression- he said I deserve much better. He shuts down and withdraws. I want to be supportive but also don’t want to overwhelm him with texts. He’s not seeking outside help and just claims to “not feel like himself” and he “doesn’t know what’s wrong.” Did you seek counseling? Do you think I should try and be supportive in texts or just give him space? Hard to tell bc his responses are short or he ignores me. Thx
Thanks for these videos. This is vital information! I've dealt with people not knowing how to react to my depression, and they do 1everything except listen and offer support. A lot of the time, they make threats or tell me that I'm lazy, self indulgent, or that I just want to be depressed. They don't realize how hurtful and demoralizing those words can be, especially to someone who is contemplating suicide!
how do I get over feeling like I am disappointing the person I'm dating?
quincy levien my partner has told me that they feel this and even though they don't disappoint me, they can't shake the feeling sometimes, it'd be very helpful to know how to get over it. I always try to reassure them and tell them that it's ok, that I'm not disappointed but idk how much it actually helps, or if there's anything else I could do for them
Same problem here... I just wanna help my girlfriend but sometimes I feel like I make her problem bigger. So any tip will be accepted. Thank you
I have a girlfriend with depression I want to help her but it seems like Im not helpful but sometimes It feels nice when I see her smile at me thats why I refuse to be tired to love her.
Struggling from the same problem
Tell her you appreciate her support, try and talk to her and express your feelings as best you can so she can understand you better.
Love your videos. I have issues with depression and anxiety but also a little codependent on helping others. My ex turned BFF pointed out not everyone loves the same way as me and now that I’m with someone who has depression I’m learning his needs from me while still protecting myself. The way you explain things is so helpful.
Thank you for these videos. I am going to post these so my friends understand why I disappear sometimes.
I've watched some videos from other people talking about how to help someone with depression but I keep coming back to watch this one and the first part. They're the most helpful for me. I like how you speak in a calm voice and the things you mention help me a lot. Specially the part about not blaming ourselves, how we can't cause the depression and we also can't cure it, we can only be there and try to understand. Thank you very much for your videos!
My bf just broke up with me few days away, he told me he hasn't been feeling ok and I noticed it (I had clinical depression). I feel so sad because he thinks he doesn't deserve me, that I can get someone better, he can't see how much he's worth it 💔
Any update of you situation with your boyfriend? My girlfriend and I just broke up because she said she felt so trapped and that she needed to find happiness in herself by herself. So she pushed me away and says how i need to find someone else, and that she is a terrible person. She cant comprehend how much she really means to me and how far I am willing to go to make sure that she is supported.
Logan Maier how did it work out 4 u?
its happened to wit my boyfriend..he wants to breakup wit me when we almost 2y😭 although he said coz work pressured and home..now im understand he's on depression again..
Make sure we are fed.
I'm on that situation now. I think i'm getting worse situations on him
I'm so happy I ran across your videos. THANK YOU for helping me with helping my son with depression. As being a Mom it tears me apart because I know I can't help him. Your words have tremendously helped me !
I very nearly visited my mother every day for 5 years while she was residing in assisted living environment. I do not regret one
Minute of my time with my mother!😊
For me the most difficult part is seeing how happy he pretends to be towards other people. My boyfriend says he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore and feels incredibly guilty. Yesterday he cancelled on our dinner, I visit the place where he lives for just a quick second to see if he's doing okay and I find him having a jol with friends. I know he puts up a mask and I should feel happy that he can put his mind on something else, but it's so exhausting. I'm tired, but I don't want to give up.
Hey! I just met the most amazing girl and pretty sure she has depression and right now we’re not talking but that’s something J thought of…. I thought she’s still going about her day working and probably making everyone smile but even when I first met her as beautiful as her smile is I felt pain behind her smile. I felt like she was battling something she’s such a warrior
Thanks for the video and how it helps me see clearly what my girlfriend goes through. Yes I would love to take away all her pain but I know “I didn’t create it, I didn’t cause and I can’t cure it” I too am a person who takes things personally but in regards with this situation, I can’t. She is going through something that I don’t understand and she doesn’t understand herself. All I can be is be supportive and be there for her when she is going through the motions of depression. Yes it is hard and only time will tell, but all people with any mental illness deserve love and compassion. This is a step for me to place the focus on myself and give her unconditional love. She has been a great person to me and my family. She always tries her best to be present with me but I know that she has issues herself that I can’t save her from. I too need to take care of myself when she goes through her depression. I will keep watching your videos and keep tabs on how to talk to her without having any expectations. Thank you!
Well said I'm going through this with my girlfriend n what u said is a good way to be towards them thanks for sharing your comment
Hi! I know this was 2 years ago, i hope that your gf is better now🙂💞🙏
Is there any way I can add Korean caption to this? I am struggling with depression and I want to show both of ur part one and two videos to my parents in Korea. They don't know about depression very well and can say things that make me feel REALLY WORSE. But it is hard for me to address them. I think showing this video will help us A LOT understand each other. There are not as many videos about depression in Korea that they can watch because people don't talk about it....
Younse Park hey, it's been a year but if you need a friend or someone you'll be able to talk to, maybe I can help, just you know...
Thank you for this incredibly helpful practical advice, it's a light in the darkness. I now feel better equipped to support my boyfriend, in the best way I can, knowing I'm doing my best and supporting him the way he needs and deserves: the right way
Can't believe this video was uploaded 8yrs ago and you are still uploading new videos! Amazing work 👏 🎉
+ don’t say things like “This is not what I signed up for to be with you” or “this/that’s is getting old” during a bad moment, etc. If they don’t have intention of leaving that person especially. 🥺
I feel this much. I am a filipina working here in Taiwan. I have an Australian boyfriend who is into depression since the day he get back to Australia after our holiday in Phil's last May. There were days that I felt as if I don't have a boyfriend it's so unbearable at times but my love for him is beyond measure that I choose to wait for him to get thru this. Last week due to my human nature I was carried away because I felt his pushing me away. I felt the rejection. As a woman who thinks I deserve more than that treatment I did chose to end the relationship since I felt that anyway but after a week of total silence "no contact with him even if he message me up that he misses my energy and love I choose to ignore it and realized after 7 days that this is the moments and days that he need much more support from me as a girlfriend. So I was back for him to let him know how infinite is my love I have for him. I want him to feel that I will never leave him but much more love for him. Thanks to the additional tips Julia. Am currently doing these already before I watch your video but it's best that there are some great tip you have also that can be best for me to help him out especially for us that is in a long distance relationship and for now he chooses not to be with me even if I choose to be at his side. He pointed out the reason that's why his pushing me away because he dont want to drag me down and adds up to my pain but I choose to stay in our relationship cause I do believe his capacity that he will bounce back. It's a tough challenge but love always conquers all. 🙏
Bloody hell, you deserve a much larger following! This has massively helped my loved ones understand my disorder so much better, thank you!! :)
How do you recongize if they are pulling away or pushing you away because of depression or legit want you to just go away?
RXVAS Thank you bro
@RXVAS This is what I've been doing wrong for the longest time. I care for my wife and I get worried but the best thing to do is just to leave her alone. You can keep tabs on them but you can't fix the situation.
@@UnceasingElias i now understand how much damage i was doing,while thinking i was doing everything possible to understand and relate and help.It hurts to realize how much unnecessary pain ive caused. I am very sorry and very happy, cant wait for tomorrow to come so i can finally be HELP. Thank u very much everyone
@RXVAS im going to make a love relationship with my girlfriend who have depression. But she thinks that i give her a fake hope or just love but end up marry with other person. And she said, anything bad thing will happen to her if we suddenly brake up soon. Actually i loved her too much but im scared and i dont want to hurt her, im scared if we not be able to marry soon, just a loved relationship.
So what i gonna do? Please
@RXVAS this is so true. My bf has depression and basicly this is the only thing that works. I sant him a message every day asking how he's feeling and that's it.
But the truth is that everyday (the days that he pulls away) in pretty scared that that's it with our relationship. But I supposed that that's an issue I had wmto work on haha
I’ve been researching depression to help my best friend and myself and everything that she has said helped me at least for 5 minutes and I usually just go sit outside or talk to a select few people and they always cheer me up.
My best Friend said she don't feel any thing
She can't knew the right from thé wrong thing
She don't Care any more
Wish make my heart broke
But i love her and i don't wont to loss her
And i don't knew what to do
Every Time i ask her how do you feel or tolk to me i'm listening to you she said that she don't have any thing to say
I really fell Bad
Two days ago i told her if she needs some Space she said that she wont to be alone for same days
She said i don't have Time to stay alone at her house so she won't to have some Time alone out side her house so i told her ok and any Time she wont to tolk i'm ther for her
I really love her and i don't knew if that dicission is right some Time i think if she is alone she wonn't be ok or she will become worst
She actually sleep alot she said sleeping make her don't think
I'm sooo sad i really don't wont to loss her
We were besties for 5 years
Hello everyone ✌
I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga
I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5.
thank u so much for both videos on this. I'm going through this with my fiance we have 3 beautiful kids 1 Boy 2 girls. and this is very insightful I always thought I was helping and the whole time I was only making it worse. it is definitely hard the hardest thing I ever had to deal with but I will not give up
Omg yeeees! Thak you for making this videos. I have depression and I'm a lot better now that I know how to handle it better. But its really hard to tell people, specially at first, cause pleople usually dont understand it. Its not their fault, but it can hurt a lot to be in a lot of pain and have a love one tell you 'just be more positive and tou will feel better"
i have a boyfriend who is diagnosed with depression and is recently diagnosed with anxiety as well. recently, i realised how he would often forget or stop saying common things that he used to say to me and would often get sad over it because i feel like i’m no longer there. i also feel like he is slowly detaching himself from me because i feel like there’s things that i don’t know about. however, i know it is hard on him too which is why i came to this video. i know it’s easier said than done but i’ll try my very best to be as patient and help him through depression. thank you for your advices, i’ll surely take note. i wish others who are going through the same situation be it with your sibling, bestfriend that you will go through it
Hello everyone ✌
I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga
I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
My fiancé suffers from depression and sometimes it can be hard. It's always hard seeing her in pain and right now I feel like she doesn't want me anymore. It feels like she hates me.
But, as much as it feels that way and as much as it hurts, I'm pretty sure she does want me and I think she probably loves me very much.
I'm pretty sure it's just the depression.
One way to help (probably one of the most difficult ways) is some very well-reassured distance. I'm trying to give her some space to sort of do what she needs to do so she doesn't feel the responsibility to make me feel loved when she's really not feeling anything at all. For anything. That's got to be hard on her, trying to maintain my feelings when she's got none herself. When she gets really dark, it's more numbness and apathy than anything. I think.
So, I'm trying to let her have some space while reminding her that I really do love her and that I'm right here if and when she needs me. And following through. Listening well when she does express how she's feeling. Checking in on how she's feeling on a daily basis, sometimes a couple times a day. If she calls me at midnight saying she didn't get a chance to get food at work (she's a PCT on late night shifts) I'll make sure I get there with food. And a kiss and a good, long hug and then I'm off into the night.... No judgement, no questions. (She doesn't abuse this either).
I told her last week that in lieu of our daily phone call on her way to work, if some days she just needs to rock out with music at ful-blast to get her head right for work, let me know and we can just text later.
It can get really difficult sometimes because it's perfectly human to start to think maybe this depressed person you're with actually hates you. Trust me.... I know. The chances are, they don't and they really do appreciate your patience and understanding.
These two videos were very useful. I have been looking for something like this for a while now. There are so many videos about how it feels to be depressed but very few about how to support the person who is depressed. Thank you for sharing.
Very well said. I wish everyone could hear this- just because you don’t understand unless you’ve been there.
It’s crazy how accurate this is.. my boyfriend is going through the same thing and I didn’t know he was depressed until I saw this, thanks for the help
I just finished the part 1 of this video and I'm glad I found this part 2. I am here to help myself on how to deal with the depression of my boyfriend. Thank you so much for your tips. This video is very helpful.
Hello everyone ✌
I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga
I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
Hi I am Darren and I have Bi Polar with Depression and I liked your video ty for understanding it
Darren I strongly advice to read this, as it might help you as it has helped me
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3641836/
I am to
Same
Thank you for this video. I have battled Bipolar disorder everyday of my life. I had my 58th birthday June 2019. I miss me so much.. But I know that my loved ones miss me more when I go away.
Really thx for this video it helped me a lot. I have a new gf and i was really messed up because i always thought she just doesnt want to see me or something whenever she was depressed. I hope i can understand her better now and help her through this.
Thank you so much 😊 I suffer from major depression I have been diagnosed. I don’t want to a burden to my love ones. Sent your video to my love ones. Thank you so much 😊.
Watched part 1 and 2. I feel like I broke a lot of these "don'ts". but like you said, I do have good intentions with everything i do for my spouse. I'm only trying to help... Thank you for these videos.
this is so helpful!!! just got into a relationship with someone. and that person is very depressed and this really helps
My husband has been diagnosed with depression a couple of months ago im finding it so hard im trying my hardest to support him x
Hi Sabrina Sabrina : lts all very new for you, take time to adjust, best of luck & support to you☺
It’s hard to listen to a loved one with depression when they don’t wanna be heard or talk about anything. Is it common for someone with depression not to show affection in a relationship?
Dear Julia, thank you so much for this and the last video about the same topic, I’m currently dealing with my mom’s depression and is really hard; however listening to your advice showed me that helping her is easier than I originally thought and marked a clear path of what I should and shouldn’t say. Thank you for your great labour. ❤️
My 17 yo girlfriend is dealing with depression and has been for a long time now. She's tried to commit suicide in the past before a few times but I wasn't part of her life that time n I wish I was. She lives 3 hours away from and she comes to see me whenever she gets the chance cause she told me that I'm her only happiness and stuff. When she gets into her depressed episodes, I can't even hold her and whisper sweet things in her ear to make her feel better... this makes me feel so damn helpless. What makes me feel even more helpless is that she tells me that she doesn't think she'll make it a year... she's over there and I'm here and she can easily just go somewhere n end it n i can't do anything. I love her so damn much and I just cry thinking about one day she'll finally decide to end it n I just don't know what to do I just need her to be in my life cause she's the only thing that makes me happy in this damn cruel world n I also suffer from anxiety which makes my feelings feel way worse n worse and I can't tell her cause I don't want her to feel bad. She doesn't wanna tell me these things cause she doesn't wanna hurt me but she does anyways cause I want her too n sometimes it breaks my heart so much I can't even stop crying to the point I'm choking n can't breathe. How am I supposed to deal with this and support my girlfriend? The feelings overwhelm me so much n I'm so afraid to lose her I just can't lose her... this may not sound as bad as all the other comments but to me it's so heartbreaking and it hurts so damn much and her depression is bad and I can't really explain it well n I can't explain anything well cause of my anxiety. I hope someone takes the time to read this n understands. She changed my life n I don't need her to change it again... just not like that... 😔
Lexie Georgina you are best boyfriend in the world, its very difficult to find someone like you in this day and age... Please dont ever leave your girlfriend or she might end her life
My love is feeling depressed and I am truly hirt abt it. Because i can not be physically near her since I am in a different country. and tbh it is breaking my heart to see her in that state. She was filled with love kindness and happiness I knw that we are not to blame but do truly feel her pain as a few years ago i was there.And I truly got cured When I met her. But before summer we can not meet and she is heavily depressed and My heart feels as if dying when she msgs me saying that she was crying. I actually shed a tear the first time that she told me...
I am trying all I can to keep her morale up and taking to her daily several times and sending her poems filled with my love reminding her that she has nothing to fear as I will always be near.
I know that this might sound cheesy but she is truly my one and only she is not my other half she is my full that i can not behalf..
I truly do feel you as I am facing the same .... I hope all is going better for you
Lexie Georgina I'm going through the same thing with my boyfriend. It truly is the deepest hurt I've ever known to know he is hurting so deeply. Every day never knowing. He is in college 1 1/2 hours away. I visit as much as I can but some times I feel so so helpless. It feels like walking on thin ice never knowing when it'll all cave in. I see you posted 6 mo ago, I hope things are looking up for you two 💕 stay strong!
Lexie Georgina sigh... you’re situation is the same as mine. I live in Maryland and my girlfriend lives in Texas and we’ve never met irl but we’ve been together for almost 8 months. She’s told me from time to time she’s had depression but she’s also told me that I’m one of the main reasons she hasn’t killed her self yet. But recently, I think her depression got worse because she’s been talking to me about death all the time more than usual and last night she said “I actually wanna die, I can’t stand this place.” And she said no one would miss her and it just brings tears to my eyes because it’s like I don’t mean anything anymore, like I can’t do anything because she lives so far, she could easily kill herself and I wouldn’t even know. I keep trying to tell her it gets better and trying to make her feel better and make her happy like the way she use to be but it’s so hard because of all those negative thoughts in her head, I sometimes don’t know what to say because well I’m not the happiest person ever and I admit I have a little anxiety myself and that makes me feel so freaking useless In this situation. I’m trying to help her I really am but she just won’t listen to me and idk what to do anymore, I just cry over and over again thinking the worse, that one day she’ll really end it all and I’ll be all alone again. And I don’t really have any friends so it’s not like I have anyone to vent to, I’m pansexual so I don’t wanna talk to my family about it so I’m trying to do it all on my own with out any help or simply someone to vent to. My girlfriend is all I really have keeping me sane and if I lose her... idk anymore😞
@@lotuswolf1518 i do not approve of your message. " Don't ever leave her or she might take her life" is an awful responsibility to put on an other human being.
There is a difference in being with and here for someone in depression. But no one can truly really make another person whole or peaceful or happy. That is a self process thing.
But props to you dude for loving her so much :)
This has helped even if it is almost 4 years later. I think I might even get the person that I'm helping. Thanks a lot Kristina.
She the only one with some kind of common sense. I wish everyone was like her.
My boyfriend has depression and it's so hard to deal with him sometimes it gets so draining . He doesn't think he deserves me😥 . He doesn't think he's good enough for me . He always tells me " why are you with me ? You deserve better " and it breaks my heart 💔 . I always tell him that I love him and I'm there for him all the time . But there are some days that he gets it and he says or does things that hurt me 😥 . This video was so helpful you're a great woman . Keep it going. I also wanna talk to someone who has their bf or gf or loved one dealing with it :(
I'm dealing with this from my boyfriend. He tells me that he doesn't feel good about himself because of the fact that he doesn't have things that he thinks he should have (a house, good paying job, etc). He is trying to improve his situation but I am basically put on the back burner. If you need someone to vent with, feel free to send me a message.
@@silviab6219 thank you it means a lot to know that someone is dealing with the same thing . Here's my snap if you're interested: s.light181
Because they feel worthless and dont deserve love. Lets prove them that we are here for them, no matter what. 🙂🙏💞
Hello everyone ✌
I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga
I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5.
My man has this depression that scares me because it’s so deep:( but I fucking love him so hopefully this helps❤️
Make sure he eats
@@ibrudejude you mean food?
Thanks so much for posting this. I have a depression and I’m struggling with it everyday secretly bc of my fear to tell somebody thinking what if i told them I wouldn’t understand me anyway so I pretend everything is fine and i fake smile :( .... anyway thanks for uploading this this is such a helpful video for me cuz it makes me feel like i’m not alone :)
Thank you. I have been looking to help understand my depression for my husband. He needs help, just as much as I need it.
This is truly helpful I'm dealing with a relationship that is exactly like this. I'm trying hard I do believe. ✊
Hi Julian, thank you so much, i ended up to ur utube channel because my husband has this sign depression, it has been frustating for me, and from ur channel i can find solution and how to handle with husband depression, Good Luck for me😊
After watching the Part 1, I've realized I made a lot of mistakes thinking I was helping my boyfriend but those methods aren't working so I will take your advice moving forward. Just to vent: it is beyond exhausting to be the supportive person sometimes. There's literally nothing I can do but I'm so overwhelmed and tired. Honestly, I think I slipped into a slight depression from dealing with this. Recently, I went to a funeral (dealing with my own problems) and rarely heard from him in 4 days (this was very unexpected to happen) so now I'm anxious about him while I'm worried about a death in my family. It's like I have to deal with my personal problems on top of his. I often question how long will this last for him? Can I continue to put up with this? I know I have no intentions of leaving his side and being there for him but this is really tough when you're trying not take things personal. I must say that I personally know I feel this way because I have allowed myself to take responsibility to thinking I can help fix his problems. Therefore, this week, I'm going to challenge myself and give myself space to take on your advice to be a better supportive person but to also support myself so that I will no longer continue to feel this burden. Thank you for this video.
This professional is a therapeutic angel. Thank you!!!
I have a boyfriend and we’ve been going out for 2 years and 4 months. Recently, starting from about 3 months ago, he changed. He’s not himself. He’s slowly giving up on life. Im trying to help him but i dont know how. He’s not a very easy person to talk to, he built his walls up very high. Im not going to give up on him but im clueless. Im lost. I dont know how to help him anymore. And its really hard for me because he means so much to me. I love him so much. So so much.
your a strong woman, i hope i can become like you one day ..thanks
With depressed people we have to be compassionate at the same time heal them in a positive way making them learn to think positive as each thought is an energy going to the universe and and coming back again through different mediums.
We have to be aware of what quality of thoughts we are creating as karma starts from thoughts, we cannot allow dark thoughts to prevail for long as that will depleate our soul power and make the patient more depressed.
Solution is willpower, God conscious, all types of motivational knowledge through reading , writing, seeìng other's positivity and with our soul power creating positive thoughts. 🙏
I was doing all the things i wasn´t supposed to do, this is very helpful.
Thank you for this video. First of all, it made me really happy that I already used to act correctly and proper. It's good to know that I am doing something right. Secondly, I've been getting really sad recently. I've been dumped a couple of times and when my girlfriend is trying to escape I constantly fear she'll leave me. Knowing that she still might care is a big help. So once again, thank you very much.
What if I ask "how can I help you?" And I never get an answer should I keep asking or back away thanks so much for your videos
im not her, but im suffering from depression for years, a lot of ppl wit hdepression dont know how you can help them, most of them dont even know if they want help, or dont want help, because tehy dont wanna bother you, or some just want to be alone.. the "biggest" thing in my opinion which does help is to tell them that you are here from them, but you shouldnt "annoy" them with the topic 24 7, be there for them, but dont tell them exactly WHAT will help,..
depression= complicated.. hope i could kinda help even tho im late :3
Mariana Ortega I suffer from extreme depression and I have listened to her and taken away from it that instead of asking open ended questions like "How Can I Help U," instead offer up choices like, hey let's watch a movie, these two just came out blamk and blank." Or offer up a restaurant or something that gets us out of the house, even for just a bit. It's not always the answer but she alluded to it in part 1 and I look forward to trying them out.
Mariana Ortega tbh I have depression and if someone asks me 'are you okay' or stuff like that I would not reply because my mouth closed shut. It can get really hard open out about anything.
Most of the time it is hard for people with depression to clearly identify the reason that makes them feel this way. They will not always have a logical/reasoning mind that will find the answer so, when you ask "how can i help?", they often just don't know the answer and are likely to just close themselves.
If you are with somebody that suffers from depression, good advices that I can give are:
1. to listen carefully to what they say
2. try to have an unconditional positive regard on them (not being jusgmental) 3. when they talk about their situation, repeat after them, paraphrase them to make sure you do not just interpret what they mean but actually understtand their views.
Also don't be scared of asking questions, ask loads, but always ask open questions like "what happened that made you feel this way" or "how do you feel" what do you think might be a solution?". however try to avoid "why" because people might feel pressure to have a justification.
Hope this helps, I am not a professional but these are good advices that i received from a training from a qualified consellor.
I wish you the best.
I completely agree. I also have depression for years. and it is hard to think. it frustrates us more when u ask how can u help, or what to do cus we don't even know how to fix a thing. we are living in a very lonely world and we don't even know why. we'll we can laugh on a funny video or a nice joke but it doesn't mean we have overcome it. It makes me feel a bit better tho, well for me.
Ive had depression all my life it comes and goes. ive found it easier to just laugh about it and situations because it always happens, like I know what to expect and things will be ok soon. It's just one of those things that happens it's just finding away to cope while it goes away that matters!
You are literally saving peoples lives keep up the great work
I've found that depression is contagious. It's slow and gradual. When living with or having a relationship with someone with depression, a depressed POV, lifestyle becomes the norm.
Same thing with people with Cluster B personality disorders, e.g., with gaslighting you start to lose your grip on reality, with abuse you begin to develop a trauma bond, etc. Be supportive of others and urge them to get help, but don't sacrifice your well-being.
Are there things I could do to help a loved one? Like sending cards saying how much I love them, treats, etc? Also, he does not eat healthy and exercise, how can I encourage him to do those things? Could I ask him to go on walks with me, or tell him that I want to eat healthier so that he in turn will eat healthier too?
Denisse P I think she answers your questions in the first video.
Denisse P look up Dr. Kelly Brogan.
I really enjoy watching your videos. You are very personable and empathetic, and you give great advice in an open, informative way with zero judgment. You care, and it shows.
Thank you for your kind words, Emm Dee! It means so much to me. :-)
Thank you! I really needed to hear this. I'm trying to help my Girlfriend and didn't know what to do
Thank you so very much, Julia. I have been searching for how I can speak with my offspring with depression. This is so very helpful. I appreciate the tips and look forward to hearing more. They suffer from depression, ptsd, and anxiety disorder so all of this really helps me to be a better loved one to them.
Love this. Bc I feel like I can never let myself be in a relationship bc I really don't want to be a burden to one whom I would love. Seeing that ppl TRY to understand is.. kinda reassuring. Even if only a little.
I did all those supportive things and he still took his life. so sad. I miss him so much. He seemed more guilty when I left him notes and texts telling him I believed in him and he was amazing and I loved him, etc. He said I didnt deserve his messed up mind and life. I told him we´d get through it together and he just pushed me away. I´ll love him forever. suicide is a permanent fix for a temporary problem and compounds the pain when they leave us. I´m glad your suffering is over Benny Sanchez I hope to see and hug you again one day. besos
Hello everyone ✌
I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga
I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5
This is so tough! For the one who has the depression and for the one next to them. Patience and hope is all hold me together. Especially the one with depression does not share/ talk to me. Both need counselling!
Hello everyone ✌
I'm so excited to share this testimony on how i got my ex back after a divorce with the help of ola Ogaga
I never knew that i was going to get my ex back and my relationship restored until a friend of mine introduced me to ola Ogaga who helped me get my ex back and restore my relationship, I have been living happily with the love of my life for 2 years now. You can contact him for help also,here is his WhatsApp number+.2.3.4.9.0.6.9.3.1.3.9.5.5.
If ur in it,it is not because ur being punished- its because they need us to be there for them.❤
My boyfriend that I've been with for 8 years has been having symptoms of depression, including self-harm for around 2 years now. He moved across the world for me, to live with me after a long distance relationship. I am not sure of the root of the illness he is struggling with, but I know that he has a lot of issues with himself. After he moved to me I discovered a whole world of secrets that he has been hiding from me, including the most painful one - of feeling strong emotions of love towards an artist/public figure that he saw at a concert before his move. He is torn between feelings for that person and feelings for me and feelings towards himself. Upon my shocking discovery we had a really rough time, which we somehow managed to get through, and for a whole year now I've been thinking that things have been improving, in every aspect. Some week ago everything turned around again. He has been feeling much worse again, and has hurt himself physically to let out some of the pressure within himself that he can't express in any other way. All of this has been breaking me as a loving, caring and motivated partner. I've lost jobs because of this, motivation in my own life.
In the video you mention that it is a bad idea to make ultimatums, which I somewhat understand. Today (after finally being able to talk to him about everything) I expressed that he has to choose between living with me - to work on our relationship (because after me discovering all hurtful things he has been hiding, we developed a lot of trust issues etc.) and to accept professional help, or - to be controlled by the feelings and emotions he has for the artist which he, in no way would try to contact, and to live in pain of knowing that there is no realistic future for him in this world. He hasn't been able to say anything to me after this.
The tough thing in this situation, other than me loving someone who loves me but also a fantasy, is that he has a bachelor in psychology, and he now works for a company with topics of well-being and mindfulness, he has published a research related to playfulness, happiness and depression. It is just such a huge contrast that is going on in our situation that I am not sure of how it can ever be solved. He is not willing to seek professional help, because he predicts what the diagnosis may be. He just told me that he does not want anyone to tell him that what he is feeling is "wrong" or developed only because of a mental illness. Like, who are they to judge his feeling? And, why should there be a logical explanation to something that maybe can't be understood at all? And, what if there is another dimension that has the tools for explaining it in another way, other than the negative way that he predicts here? In my head, he is just lost in outer space while I stand here on earth trying to get a hold of him.
He sees the feelings of love towards the artist as something beautiful but deeply conflicting (because of me and everything he believes in), and he doesn't want anyone to judge what he perceives as love. He knows everything he is doing is not right for anyone, but he does not want to reject the feeling he has for the other person. In this case, me giving him an ultimatum (because i can't live my life with someone who wants to love two women at the same time... and since it affects our relationship greatly), is the only possible way I can think of anything improving for us (and even for him). Without any motivation for change, he will keep on lingering to what is against, and hurting me, but mostly him. Which leads to me not trusting him, not being able to care for him the way i want to, and also getting frustrated and jealous which will hurt him even more.
You also said "if they just can get over it, they would". But... no, he just told me he does not regret having that feeling for her, and he does not want to let go of that. So how is that him, a depressed person with tendency of self-harm, wanting to get over it but unable to?
I really, really don't want to leave him, but I feel like I have no option if he wants to hold on to what hurts me, and what is overwhelming for himself. I promised to never let go of him, to always be by his side, even if I have to move away and sacrifice so much for my own good. I just don't have the heart to leave him with his illness... It's not me to do that. I just fear that if this goes on, there wouldn't be any "me" anymore, this is ruining the good person I am. This is polluting everything we ever worked for until he got ill and trapped inside of a fantasy of love.
He expressed to me how much he appreciates everything I do for him, that he can't imagine a life without my presence around him. That he fears what might happen if I'm gone... (he has constant thoughts of leaving this world). This feels like a threat to me. My hands are tied behind my back, and I can only sit and observe both of us suffer from this pain.
What the hell do I do?
Thank you so much Julia, i understand the problem and illness of depression better
This is brilliant!!! My Hubble and I have been struggling with this and we need help. You have offered so much insight to how he can help me and how I can help myself and him. This is key 🔑 to any relationship, yet one of the most difficult things to do! Thank you for your knowledge!!! I look forward to sharing it and working the techniques!!!
Again, thanks for sharing these, Julia! They are really helpful. My best friend is struggling with depression right now and I've been feeling hopeless. Your videos have really helped me. Thank you.