If you struggle with anxiety what do you find most helpful when it comes to getting support from loved ones? And if you have a loved one who struggles with anxiety, what tips do you have for us?
Anxiety is horrible, sadly no one I know knows how to deal with my anxiety nor do they even believe I have anxiety so they always think I'm doing everything on purpose. I'm not sure what's helpful for me since no one has tried helping me besides trying to train a dog to help me with anxiety from what's been happening.
1. Let them know that you are their for them. 2. Let them know that they can call you any time. 3. Do not guilt trip, make ultimatums or threaten them. 4. Have boundaries with the person. Don’t put yourself on hold for them. 5. Do not assume you know what they need. Ask what they need. Ask how you can support them. 6. Do not make superficial “positive” comments. 7. Tell them its ok to feel the way they are feeling. 8. Give praise to them 9. Help them see their strengths out side of their anxiety. Reassure them the positives about them.
Shout out to everyone here to help their spouse deal with anxiety. You all have a special place in my heart. I wish more people would be knowledgeable about people suffering with mental disorders. It should be talked about in health/speech class during school because majority of humans without a mental disorder don’t understand the mental battle we go through constantly even when we are asleep.
I have anxiety and last night I was with my boyfriend and my anxiety was too much for me and my boyfriend looks at me and hugs me and asks what's wrong I am here for you I love you, you mean the world to me I want to help you. I told him I felt like I have been a burden on him he looks at me and says you never are and never will be I understand the thoughts in your head say different but you will never burden me i am not going anywhere. It's helped me so much.
oh wow, this brought a little tear to my eye! That is so beautiful. You must be a pretty incredible woman to have an incredible man like that in you life. Thanks for sharing this!
As someone who suffers from anxiety I really appreciate you sharing this. I have yet to find that special someone but your story gives me hope. Best wishes.
Having someone to just listen and not try to solve the issues is what really helps me a lot. People don’t realize how difficult it is for a person with anxiety and/ or depression to open up and talk about it. We don’t want to burden others with our problems.
I love this Michelle - thanks for bringing this up. We all just want to be seen and heard and it is SO powerful when someone is able to hold that space and give that to us. SUCH a valuable comment - thank you!
Im here for my boyfriend. This is an eye opener for me. I have been doing a lot of things the wrong way. I feel awful but at the same time hopeful. Listening to this made me cry and also made me love him even more. Thank you so much!❤
As someone who suffers from anxiety I can only say what helps me as Julia said in the video. I agree with everything she suggested. I have found most of the time rubbing my back with your open hand in a soothing motion (think of a rubbing a child in distress) or just holding me like a very long hug. I have my moments on the other hand where I want to be left alone (usual after in my head I feel I embarrassed myself). I say alone I mean alone. For instance im at Home I will walk into the garage, go to the bathroom, or step outside to have no other energy around me. I hope my suggestion can help someone. Best wishes.
hypothetically, let’s say that there was someone in your life that’s not close enough to you to rub your back or to give a bear hug, but they still really care for you and want to help. what would you want them to do to help you? is there anything that the video didn’t cover?
I wish you lived right near me so I could give you what I call an Alex hug. Always give one to anyone who wants or needs it. I will hug the person for however long they need to be hugged, until they are ready to let go.
My girlfriend has anxiety due to her past, it gets triggered often and usually when she's around people or when she's put in the spotlight to say something. I help her to my level best, today I asked her to take deep breaths with me and exhaled in a funny way that made her giggle. A little effort goes a long way and I know it's not a one-day thing, it's a process and I'm gonna help her through it. She always fails to see how beautiful she is, inside out. She is really talented and is already so successful! I'm proud of her and I'm glad I watched this video. I will keep these points you made, in my mind always.
I love that you made this video in: "Black & White"!🌈 We have Smart Cars and Smart Homes and Smart Systems! We Need! ...Smart People! Thank you for helping us be "Smart"!
❤️What ist helpful : speaking about what brings joy. Hanging out with animals . Playing with Kids or playing in general(board games,act it out etc ) . Roleplay, mindful eating , ,Nature, dancing , be creative, expressing myself in art(also together) , be complimented , singing together Disney Songs , surround myself with people who dont worry and are easy going and compassionate,patient and love their life -and like to share inspiration ❤️thank you so much for sharing your wisdom!!! All ist so true!
@@rayswoodshop4467 I totally understand that. What the person could do if someone doesn’t know what they need is say, OK, I understand. I will give you some space. If you think of anything you would like to try, or you can put into words what is going on in your mind right now, I’m here to listen and help.
I watch your videos not as someone who loves someone with Anxiety, but as someone who struggles with it and is seeking refuge in your deep understanding of what I'm going through. I so wish it were easier to explain anxiety to the new people in my life. Thank you 💕
My dear wife suffers terrible anxiety. Together as a couple we are absolutely great!. She had a child to an x bf who is now 10 years of age. Custody issues have had a huge impact upon us. I am learning to walk through the storms of our present lives. Learning to have more empathy and compassion, patience and tolerance. I also pray every day for peace and understanding though I'm not religious. I am here for her.
I am here for my boyfriend. Today is my second day Dating him but I will never leave him. He is a great men. I will continue with our relationship and be there for him thank you for your advice God bless
Thank you for making this video, you were able to put into words what I was too anxious tell people. I want people to listen without trying to explain to me how I should feel about something and to "Not let it get to me". I know I shouldn't feel that way, I know I am 'over reacting' but when someone says that it just sends my emotions spiraling out if control and, in my case, that can and will send me into a deep and dangerous (to myself) depression. I have been medicated for just a little over a week and I can't tell you how much of weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and the swirling storm inside my head has cleared. I had forgotten what "calm" felt like; for so long I had thought that my numbness was everybody's normal "calm". I hope whomever is reading this, if you suffer he same as I do-because I am not cured- just know that you are not alone. If you feel you need help, find your local Health guide and see when you can set up an appointment, it's not a bad thing to help yourself get better, no matter what some in today's society may say.
Song for the anxious Hey When you say That your not okay Hey When you see nothing but debris Hey When you feel Like you wont heal Yo, in this status quo I want you to know Your free Free to burden me with your pain and trouble me with your shame Tell me, how does it feel. And don't conceal Tell me, How do you fare when your going through a nightmare Your free Free to burden me with your pain and trouble me with your shame I'll listen Time and again For me it is no strain. I'll listen And guard my heart To bound my heart from falling apart I'll ask Because in this task Are a lot of things I can’t unmask Because I do not know What to do In this status quo Remember That when we are together with this comfort I can render That I love you Your free Free to burden me with your pain and trouble me with your shame So please Hey! Yo! Your free Tell me I'll listen I'll ask Remember That I love you And your free To be You
If you are here to help your friend, I have to say you are a great friend because your friend is most likely in a state where he/she cannot say this or simply be mean to you. You are not the problem and they are not too. Dont give up on your friends, they cant always show it but they appreciate it
I remember when anxiety took full control over my life, I remember I was so scared to just wake up every morning and have to go through it not knowing or fully understanding what was going on in my life. At the time I felt alone ashamed and nobody understood. It took going to the hospital and for me to understand it was anxiety. And at the time I didn’t know what it meant, all I knew is that everyday was the biggest struggle. A year or so had passed and I never reached out cuz the shame I felt, but I brought it up to one of my friends, and they had said oh anxiety I have that too. And from that day I was able to start recovering, just knowing I didn’t have to feel embarrassed and alone. It took 10 years to get to where I am today, and it’s still a working progress. But I can fully live my life. I still have my moments, but they are now easily recognized and I’ve been able to train myself on how to deal with it so it doesn’t manifest itself. Anyways. If you know anyone struggling! Message me and I’ll be more than willing to help!!
As someone who has been married to someone with anxiety and depression I found this so helpful. I’ve been trying to work this out on my own for 30 years. Sometimes I’ve got it right but often I’ve not been helpful. Thank you sooooo much for helping me know how to help. There are so few resources out there
So on point Julia... unfortunately my partner do everything that is the opposite of what you are suggesting. The guilt trip, ultimatum and very unkind & cruel toward me has harbor so much hatred toward him. It's really hard to love him because I been telling and ask him to do exactly what you are suggested so many years that I feel so alone and unsupported. I even have people who tell me to just go kill my self because I'm having an anxiety attack. Such cruel n mean people I have around me and I cannot do much when I feel like I cannot do most thing on my own. I also suffer with agoraphobia too but recently started to go out and drive more now. I no longer a housebound.., but I do get anxious leaving my safe zone, but I'm able to push myself. Thanks for this Julia.
That isn't good. I guess they don't understand that it just creates big problems, more problems. I hope/wish you can find good/supportive friends, and peace in your life. I watched this to help my GF. I hope they can turn around their selfishness, to help you out with dealing with anxiety.
:(( I hope you're doing better now.. I just wanted to remind you that you're amazing just the way you are! I think he does not deserve you. Stay strong ❤️
I found a really good way of bringing someone suffering from anxiety is to help them accomplish their tasks. Start with REALLY small ones so they can handle it emotionally and then build on that. Accomplishing things will really help that person get natural "highs" and boost their self worth.
I cry alot, lock my house doors, go to my room and try to learn something productive for my life. I'm so greatful to have found you Julia, thank you for offering us tools to help change our lives. I'm starting today so I'm a new comer here. Thanks again.
When we start doing better when the anxiety and doing more things or keeping cool in tense situations tell us we handled it well but if we can’t do that and we fall and need help getting back on our feet be there to help us brush the dust off and give us the encouragement that we can do it. Also compromising in a relationship especially one that’s stressful for awhile is helpful, if we agreed that we would keep our cool with there help. If you notice we start to freak out and take things out on them if they stop and say alright collect your self take a deep breath and take a step back from the situation and look at it differently. I suffer with anxiety depression and I also have anger issues. My boyfriend and I argue a lot because I fly off the handle so much. These videos help him realize just how hard it really is to stay calm cool and collected for me. Once I have said something then I can spot every little detail of what I had done wrong and then I down on my self for it because I said mean, rude or hurtful things to person I love the most. Thank you
I'm here to help my daughter who is 29, and has suffered with anxiety since she was 7; so far, nothing has worked to help her. Thank you for the advice Julia. Blessings from the UK.
My new girlfriend of 1 month saw me open up for the first time. She didn't judge me, instead she just let me cry into her chest and even though I went home feeling terrible it's something that I'll always appreciate because for as long as I was there I felt safe and loved which is very rare for me. So to sum up, if someone you love feels anxious or is having a panic attack or has just had a bad day, a hug goes a long way.
I don’t have anxiety. On the opposite, I am an extrovert and I always like communication and to expose myself. I am here to understand the human nature of anxious people. I am here to learn how to behave well and offer support to anxious people. Peace to everyone! We are all wonderful as God created us to be.
I struggle with anxiety daily. I am a mom of a previous 3 year old girl and a step mom to 2 precious 3 and 4 year old boys. They can trigger my anxiety. Them not eating food I make. Not listening. Fighting. Sets my anxiety. My husband is extremely supportive and so patient with me, but I still often feel like I am a burden because of my anxiety. It rips me apart. I have to take daily medication, and I don't like having to depend on it. When I have an anxiety attack my husband is there by my side. He will give me a few moments by myself, but then comes in and rubs my back and tells me everything is ok. Kisses my head and holds me and constantly tells me its ok and I love you. It helps me. I just wish I didn't have to constantly feel like I'm going to mess something up, or let the small things overwhelm me to the point where I break down with anxiety and pass out.
Hey Julia! Great video topic and valuable advice...As one who struggles with anxiety, learning how to better understand it and what triggers my anxiety. When I feel the need to talk to someone, and they're not available, I have learned that keeping a journal to write down what I'm anxious about. It is sort of a release, and while doing so I learn what is triggering the anxiety. On the flip side, when listening to someone talk about what is making them anxious and understand their perspective, sometimes offering a different perspective can help them....like "I didn't think of it from that perspective". In the example of going out with friends and your anxious loved one decides they can't go because they may feel their anxiety and uncomfortable. Welcome him/her to go along and they can leave anytime if they wish. Making them feel like they have an "out" of a situation that makes them anxious helps, and in some cases they will enjoy themselves, not feeling obligated. What about learning your loved ones' love language to better communicate with them...Would it reduce their anxiety?
This is great Brent - I love that suggestion of taking the pressure off of your loved one by offering them an "out." Also, I do think learning your loved ones love language is helpful in any relationship!
How would I apply this school wise. (Making them feel less anxious about the people and crowds, teachers, having to present, feeling comftorable while eating in front of others etc) just wondering :) for someone I really care about
This video really taught me a lot… my girlfriend and I broke up and we’ve been together for three years and I want to fix myself and learn more about anxiety so I can show her that I changed a became a better person.
so helpful, im 40 yrs old and finally found someone i can say i love and she suffers from anxiety, need all the advise i can get to educate myself , anything for the love of my life
I’m here to help my partner, this video has helped me to understand more what she is going through, her anxiety gets bad and she will disconnect with everything and everyone, just needs to be alone, I want to be there, but she won’t let me in, I know it will take time, and she will let me in when she’s ready
Im here to help my boyfriend be able to help understand my anxiety. Earlier today, he said that sometimes my emotions are too much... I feel like im a burden to him and he cant handle me... im struggling with that right now. When you said "its okay"... it made me cry and emotional. I really needed to hear that so thank you!
I know I’ve battled it for a very long time. And I’ve discovered a lot of psychology related to it. I’ve discovered that Trauma is the very root of my anxiety and trauma. Trauma has also caused depression as a child. My childhood was very painful mentally and instead of cutting my body I would scratch in cries for someone to help. I would inflict pain to try and get people attention. Yet no body was able to identify the symptoms. But now that I’ve linked the traumatic events together. And understood my emotions. It really helped me conquer and understand the emotions from that trauma. So it is in my belief that anxiety is a massive fluctuation of emotions. And then depression is from the lack of understanding those emotions and feeling physically drained while our mind is trying to heal from the chemical imbalances. I know that some of us who suffer. Try to find evacuation routes through ejaculation, cutting, cry, drawing, artistic exercises. Poetry etc. to help interpret our emotions through a visual perspective. A lot of which will correlate through trauma. And the biggest thing we try to do is have a self intervention of those emotions. Re identify those feelings and what caused them and why it was caused. And fill that gap of time in those memories to move forward. Anxiety and depression was linked to my trauma. And it was my mind and bodies way of telling me that I have ignored my own emotions to the point of where I felt like I was dying and wanted to die. But luckily instead of doing so. I sought help and found outlets to inflict pain to myself in a beautiful way. Tattoos instead of scars is an example. Scars are beautiful as they represent strength for holding on after going through those mental illness. I just chose tattoos so that it would not be as noticeable to the average being. Every tattoo has a meaning. Just like every scar has a meaning. There is some emotional tie in it somewhere. But I think it would be best to find someone who understands that emotion and like ms. Kristina said we can’t help them come out of it. And we have to prove to them that they are not alone. That it is very common to speak to them and show support. But we have to let them open at their own pace. And to really help is use seed psychology to tap into their subconscious and unconscious mind. To their psyche that they are strong and remove all of their doubt. Very very carefully.
I'm watching this 1 to see if there's anything here that will come in handy for me or other people, and 2 to see a different perspective, and to see what people without anxiety think about people like me who have anxiety. Thanks for the video!
I suffer from generalized anxiety, social anxiety and mild depression. One tip is to be understanding and not get angry at someone struggling. For instance if they wake up one morning and cancel plans to meet you somewhere, politely ask why, if they are feeling bad that day offer to go to theirs instead, if they say they just don't want to see people that day don't take it personally. And leave the offer that they can call you if they need any help. If they are freaking out over something that to you seems really mundane, understand that in their head it might feel like the end of the world, offer them help and treat it seriously (even if it sounds silly to you). This is coming from someone who has had a panic attack over a knot in my hair once, my friend came and rescued me, I laughed about it when the knot was gone.
My girlfriend has diagnosed generalized anxiety; this video was very helpful as I’ve been struggling to be there for my girlfriend during one of her panic attacks.
I am reading the comments and learning a lot about how to help, it is very beautiful. My boyfriend has anxiety and I am trying to learn how to help him, how to listen and understand, is just that sometimes his anxious thoughts are about us and our relationship, and it just brings me down, my strength, and it just hurts a lot. We are trying couples therapy soon, cause we really want to make this work, we love each other a lot, but this anxiety is wearing us down. This vid has been REALLY useful to me
Mariela Mesén I am that boyfriend who has anxiety pretty bad. I suffer with separation anxiety and it’s hard to be away from her especially with my work taking me out of town. She’s a beautiful woman and is rock solid. You and your boyfriend are not alone in this struggle.
Thank you so much!! This really opened my eyes on things. I’ve been try to help the one I love but she keeps shutting me down and I was getting frustrated. So I really wanted an answer because I care. A lot of what you say match exactly what I’ve been seeing and I just didn’t know what to do. Now I know and going to try my best. Thank you again!!!!
Hello Julia! First I want to say thank you for being so awesome and informative for those who are struggling. You have an exceptional insight! I would love to see something that would express to people how hurtful they are when they use the term "toxic" It seems as though some people think that if you are not able to pull yourself out of depression/anxiety and become the life of the party, or even a part of the party, you are considered "toxic", when in turn the ones who label you that are actually the ones being toxic. It is like poison to someone who already doesn't feel good! Again, thank you for being one of the best I've seen on the helpful side!
I personally have anxiety and the first thing u spoke about is so true like I never want to bother my friends and last night I had a rly bad attack and so I called my good friend and even if neither of us were talking , just knowing they were there made me feel so much better
Since February me and my partner have been making slow progress in our relationship and it's great, no matter how little the step. And I'm here to get that more of an insight so I can be more supportive to her
I have been up for hours thinking . My wife had the worst fight of all time . This video was a real eye opener I have tried reading about it talking to people talking to a counselor. And this really hit me the way you explained it . I see her just so hard on herself and I don't understand and totally have been trying to help in all the wrong ways . Thank you and I'll def get the download
Don’t know if anyone’s gonna see my comment here but anyway... my boyfriend has been struggling with anxiety and depression, long before I met him. I knew his struggle and I told myself I’m gonna give him all my love to be with him while he’s making it through. One time when he’s feeling depressed, I sent him the song “make you feel my love” and then he said he needed me (this is very rare that he would be willing to express his need) so I just went to his home and gave him an embrace as soon as I could. I think it kind of worked. But lately he’s been cold to me, always ignoring me or saying bad things to me and I’m really really upset. I almost made threats to him just like what Julia said in this video, luckily I didn’t. But the point is I’ve been trying so hard not to express my sadness and not to share my feelings with him (and it kinda make me even more sad) because I don’t want him to feel that I’m burdening him or turning away from him. I am really lost and don’t know what to do... we haven’t spoken to each other for a day now and I’m not sure how I should start talking to him again... But still, I’m thankful that Julia has made such great videos and I feel slightly comforted after knowing from this video that my boyfriend might not be intentional to make me feel bad... :’(
Im trying to help someone that i cared about. I wanna know how can i get him to open up, to not feel the burden and its fine to feel how he felt. Thank you for the video. I don’t know who need to hear this. You’re not a wound, you are a gift :)
I'm here to help my wife. She is such a wonderful person thats pulled me out of dark places. Unfortunately she struggles, she is so strong and copes well but its a tough fight. Im trying to understand her pressure and help her anyway I can.
As a new manager, I want to make sure I keep my workplace calm and running smoothly, but I have a co-worker who is often overwhelmed with anxiety on busy days. I genuinely care about her since we get along so well, so I want to help her improve and be less stressed all the time. :(
thank you for this. I feel so much more prepared to support my partner now, and I really hope more people find your channel. videos like this can improve the relationships, and quality of life, for so many who are already suffering enough as it is.
It's been over a year of me constantly making arrangements on his terms and walking on egg shells to avoid triggers. He had met my friends once and I was made to feel that I betrayed him by introducing him to the people I care about. These videos are helpful and are great but at some point I would like accommodations for me. I'm getting depressed now and developing anxiety when I hang out with people because of the guilt
This is just outstandingly considerate and useful. Loving someone with anxiety can make you feel helpless but I am most grateful for your efforts to educate. Bravo!
Great information. Well done. My son suffers from anxiety. I am always seeking help and support for him. I also have an older brother who suffers from anxiety as well. Thank you for putting out this great information.
Whoa thanks, this is valuable. I'd like to add that in my experience, usually when I put up a wall, if the other hangs around a bit longer, with an open heart, the wall crumbles and I come crawling towards em for a hugg. If that makes sense. For example when I first express that I don't want to talk about something, while it comes from distrust or shame and not me actually not wanting to talk, and after a few breaths I realize I do want to connect. I'm super thankfull for the ones that stayed. I guess ... it functions also kind of a test, if the other truely wants to listen and be there.
thank you so much your second point is what I tell everyone everyday. I struggle with severe anxiety and depression and panic attacks, and I always tell everyone I promise I'm not doing it on purpose. I didn't ask for this or plan for this. it's not that I'm doing it for attention or because I wanna make people uncomfortable but for individuals who don't struggle with severe anxiety and depression just do not understand. there's a huge difference between being nervous from time to time and feeling high anxiety everyday beyond what we want. I promise I'm not doing it intentionally I have always had anxiety since I was a young child it's just gotten much more severe after I graduated highschool. thank you for this video. thoughts?
Everything she said in the video is right on the mark thing I like is when my wife tells me that she’s there for me she loves me and she’ll never leave me don’t only do I have generalized anxiety disorder but I also suffer with borderline personality disorder bipolar too and PTSD it’s not easy dealing with all those it’s a very big challenge sometimes it just be extremely overwhelming but at least I know my wife is there for me
I have anxiety, and the majority of the girls in my netball team know. One of the girls on the team sent her snapchat streaks at about 9:30, and she included a sad face in her streaks. I asked her what was with the sad face, and she told me had been feeling stressed, and she was crying earlier. The girl is a year older than me, but I told her we were talking about this. I had been asking her about what was going, and trying to help, but it helps me to know that I can help others :)
Well first of all, I have to say, "that, that was one of the most easily understood and informative videos I've watched in a long time".. I too have had Anxiety for most of my life, and I've been around for decades dealing with this Stressful condition.. But recently, I've met a person who I really like and want to get closer to, but for whatever reason, it's not going in the direction I'd like it to go in! So I think what the issue is between me and her is, "We both have a close(or similar) type of problem... "It's Anxiety"!! Being I have had this condition for most of my life, I have learned what I can do to feel better about myself, and that is, "to make other people around me feel good about themselves"!! Which can seem kind of selfish on my part I guess, being I'm doing it to make myself feel better! As far as "this Friend" who I'm trying to get closer to, I don't know, maybe in my light heartedness I may have said something that bothered her, or said something TOO enduring that may have pushed her away instead of bringing her closer.. The reason why I'm saying this is because, a few months ago we were texting each other a few times a week, and in each text, it seemed like, we were getting closer and closer! We were laughing at our jokes and whatever we were saying to each other, but then.. It seemed to slow down, and then got a little slower in hearing back from her, and now in the last few weeks it seems to have "almost stopped"! I am not going to, "scold her" for not calling, I do still send her texts, short texts of "hoping you're doing good and miss you", etc.. Nothing lengthy, but just to let her know, I'm still thinking of her! I DO NOT want to Imagine "this or that" about her, because my philosophy for years has been to "Never assume or presume" anything about anything!! It's better to know what's happening instead of guessing! I learned that because, "I used to guess a lot about life" and in most cases, I WAS WRONG!!! So now, I'm not trying to write a book about my problems! Sorry if "I'm rambling a bit"! I am a Anxious human, with real human issues! Thanks for all Your advice ! Take care!! Art D. .....
I suffer with anxiety and I find it so hard to communicate with people and so I dissociate myself; I also cannot make decisions and then I get mad at myself for not being able to get an answer... Watching this video has made me realize how far off I am and how much help I actually need. Sure i have friends but I can never have a good time around them because of my anxiety; its even affecting my work and my career because I second guess myself all the time to the point where it hurts and I just want to scream but then I keep it all in. I don't know what i want by typing this - I think I'm just sharing.
I like and will use Don't assume what person needs. Ask them what they need. No positive quotes please. This a for me an optimistic Dad who is trying to support his daughter. Even more amazing I've been through what shes going through and still make mistakes with my approach. Love, hugs, be there and listen
Thank you, you really helped me understand a little bit more about anxiety. My daughter suffers from this and it’s so heartbreaking to see. I will use some of the things you mention in your video ❤️
I'm here to learn to be better to and for my wife. I keep doing the things that you mentioned I shouldn't do, and I like to fix situations so it's hard to just listen sometimes.
I have a loved one that suffers with depression/anxiety/stress. We have only just started dating. I would just like to know what else I can do. I have told him I'm here. I will listen. But he does feel bad in telling me like you say he doesn't want to burden me. I've told him his best bits and try to praise him as much as I can. I think it also doesn't help that he's self employed and not much work as of yet which also means cash flow is low. Please help as I feel when he's having a good day or we are in each others company I've truly found my match x
Aisha Flint I wild also suggest that on one of those good days you raise the idea of him building a support network of people places or groups that he might feel able to seek support from. For males it's important they don't feel weak or like failures, so knowing be is not the only man out there who feels like he does may help to.
Great advice. Though it sounds like you're about to cry several times. It makes me want to hug you help you feel better. I do love helping people with their depression/anxiety.
thank you very much for your video. You have just open my eyes and my heart big wide. I am married to my wife who suffering from the anxiety and yes, it hurt our marriage really bad and most of the things you've said are very very true. Now I know better how to support her and to help her through this. Thank again very very much.
I'm a person who loves a man who has anxiety in his bones, to quote Sarah Wilson, I'm learning everything I can, it's been three years and the thing I find frustrating about this video is when I watch everything I can and try to follow the steps of saying, "I'm here you." "What do you need." I get, "Don't patronize me." If I am praising and say, "This is what I love about you" I have received, "You're a fool." or "Those words mean nothing, you don't believe in me"...I've got him a family doctor he won't go to, I've went to a counselor to figure out how to cope anxiety, depression workshops, and I hate feeling close to giving up because I know he's worth the chaos, I deeply look up to and respect him. So much. Advice please?
1 great tip when I'm anxious is for them to stop yelling at me for being anxious and to stop telling me what a huge burden i am. thank you for your video. at least a total stranger understands.
Word Ninja sometimes we r the ones that have to educate those around us how to help us matey. If u feel you are safe to try leaving information around for ur support peeps to find and read. Send them links to vids like this. Or straight tell them how they make u feel. If u don't feel safe to do this I would suggest you find a different safe support person at a group online etc.
Thank you so much for making this video! I have always felt really guilty about unintentionally hurting my friend who has anxiety. Sometimes I try to help them but I guess I send the wrong signal but now I understand why. So thanks for making me a better friend! I appreciate it~~
I’m here for my sister.. i just saw that she is scared about Everything and she s shaking al the time, sometimes i just hear her crying and i just don’t Know what to do... thx for this video omg i hope she is going to be fine :(((((
Hi, I’d love to see a video about how to keep yourself healthy when you live with someone with anxiety. I’ve been looking for weeks and found nothing! Thanks.
I've been scrolling and haven't found d anything about how the spouse can recharge after bei g there for the anxious partner. I really love my husband and try to be supportive, I've tried asking for him to back up when he"s coming at me full force whirlwind...and when I ask and ask and he persists...I feel cornered. How can I be supportive when it feels I'm there for him...but who's there to say hey, good job being the suport??
My boyfriend is having an anxiety and ived learned that tell him that its ok to feel whats his feeling.. Thank you ived learnd a lot on how to handle him..
"Why don't you ever talk?" That is what not to say to a shy person. Trust me the are cringing on the inside, and they have no good comeback for you. Believe me, I have been asked this many times. My family never really helped me with my shyness, it makes me ask if they really cared about me? Because if you love someone you would want to help them right? It seems like their attitude was that 'he will grow out of it eventually.' The best friend that I had in college was a good guy who understood that I would share my thoughts and feelings at my own pace. He noticed I would talk more when we were just hanging out, than when he had more people in his dorm room for a small group study. He would ask me questions in the group setting, so that I could share with the group without feeling threatened. That is a good way to help someone you know with social anxiety, at least I feel that it helped me. I would like to tell of a bad experience I had with point number 3 (6:45 in video). This happened many years ago when I was going to this church's Bible study group. I really enjoyed the small group setting and was hoping to make some new friends. One evening after we had just dispersed, the Bible study leader comes up to me in the parking lot and gives me an ultimatum that I either need to talk more or leave the group, because I was making the others scared by not talking much. This upset me so much, and caused me great distress. I had so much anxiety that he was confronting me on this. I never went back there again. This ate me up inside for weeks, even months after the incident. Even remembering this now is kind of painful for me, since it is such a strong memory that I will unlikely never forget.
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If you struggle with anxiety what do you find most helpful when it comes to getting support from loved ones? And if you have a loved one who struggles with anxiety, what tips do you have for us?
don't compare us to other people. My dad says that his mum died when he was 7 but u never saw him like this
Great point Ari!
I can imagine how incredibly frustrating that is.
Anxiety is horrible, sadly no one I know knows how to deal with my anxiety nor do they even believe I have anxiety so they always think I'm doing everything on purpose. I'm not sure what's helpful for me since no one has tried helping me besides trying to train a dog to help me with anxiety from what's been happening.
I can tell you it's like being stuck in fast forward all time
1. Let them know that you are their for them.
2. Let them know that they can call you any time.
3. Do not guilt trip, make ultimatums or threaten them.
4. Have boundaries with the person. Don’t put yourself on hold for them.
5. Do not assume you know what they need. Ask what they need. Ask how you can support them.
6. Do not make superficial “positive” comments.
7. Tell them its ok to feel the way they are feeling.
8. Give praise to them
9. Help them see their strengths out side of their anxiety. Reassure them the positives about them.
JLAShazam
Thanks.
Thank you very much, hopefully this can help me with my girlfriend and her anxiety
Just an excuse for them to be a selfish prick
DEADBRAIN 4884 look into MGTOW on TH-cam, it may save your life bro
@@TFSU_Brain same bro, I wish you good luck
I'm here to help my best friend
So am I. I don’t have anxiety so I need to understand so I can help better
Me too. I hope your friend gets better soon
Me too❤️
Me too :))
How lucky he/she is
I cried when she said "it's Ok". I didnt realise how long ive been waiting on someone to just say it's ok to feel what you're feeling
Oh yes. That made me tear up as well. :c
Me too...
I cant believe I actually did too. I wish my partner could see this but I think it's too much for her.
Louise Duffy Has
Me too.
Shout out to everyone here to help their spouse deal with anxiety. You all have a special place in my heart. I wish more people would be knowledgeable about people suffering with mental disorders. It should be talked about in health/speech class during school because majority of humans without a mental disorder don’t understand the mental battle we go through constantly even when we are asleep.
I have a lot of respect for people with mental health issues
Not my spouse, but my ex! I'm trying to win her back and want to help her any way possible and show her im still there
I have anxiety and last night I was with my boyfriend and my anxiety was too much for me and my boyfriend looks at me and hugs me and asks what's wrong I am here for you I love you, you mean the world to me I want to help you. I told him I felt like I have been a burden on him he looks at me and says you never are and never will be I understand the thoughts in your head say different but you will never burden me i am not going anywhere. It's helped me so much.
oh wow, this brought a little tear to my eye! That is so beautiful. You must be a pretty incredible woman to have an incredible man like that in you life. Thanks for sharing this!
What I want from my relationship but she's not ready yet
What I want from my relationship but she's not ready yet
As someone who suffers from anxiety I really appreciate you sharing this. I have yet to find that special someone but your story gives me hope. Best wishes.
looks good if you have someone you loved next to you :(
Having someone to just listen and not try to solve the issues is what really helps me a lot. People don’t realize how difficult it is for a person with anxiety and/ or depression to open up and talk about it. We don’t want to burden others with our problems.
I love this Michelle - thanks for bringing this up. We all just want to be seen and heard and it is SO powerful when someone is able to hold that space and give that to us. SUCH a valuable comment - thank you!
I struggle with this and iam afraid of doing something wrong and hurt her she is the love of my life
@@Marsomy I can understand exactly how you feel. Here is how I see it. If you open up, and she judges you, it’s her problem, not yours.
Everyone says they are here for someone, and I'm here for my mother.
Me too
i’m here to help my boyfriend
kaity nicole That's really sweet, I hope it turns out well :)
💜do not give up
me too ❤️
Did it work? With your bf? Im passing thru the same right now
I’m also here for my boyfriend :)
I don't know why I'm crying while watching, I really want to understand him and make him feel that he's not alone on this.
Thank you for your caring, he is lucky to have you.
I bet I know why you’re crying. It’s because you have a big heart and you must be very empathetic. Thank the Lord for people like you.
Im here for my boyfriend. This is an eye opener for me. I have been doing a lot of things the wrong way. I feel awful but at the same time hopeful. Listening to this made me cry and also made me love him even more. Thank you so much!❤
As someone who suffers from anxiety I can only say what helps me as Julia said in the video. I agree with everything she suggested. I have found most of the time rubbing my back with your open hand in a soothing motion (think of a rubbing a child in distress) or just holding me like a very long hug. I have my moments on the other hand where I want to be left alone (usual after in my head I feel I embarrassed myself). I say alone I mean alone. For instance im at Home I will walk into the garage, go to the bathroom, or step outside to have no other energy around me. I hope my suggestion can help someone. Best wishes.
I'm exactly like that too
I'm the same. And when I say I need to walk away to breathe, please let me.
hypothetically, let’s say that there was someone in your life that’s not close enough to you to rub your back or to give a bear hug, but they still really care for you and want to help. what would you want them to do to help you? is there anything that the video didn’t cover?
I wish you lived right near me so I could give you what I call an Alex hug. Always give one to anyone who wants or needs it. I will hug the person for however long they need to be hugged, until they are ready to let go.
My girlfriend has anxiety due to her past, it gets triggered often and usually when she's around people or when she's put in the spotlight to say something. I help her to my level best, today I asked her to take deep breaths with me and exhaled in a funny way that made her giggle. A little effort goes a long way and I know it's not a one-day thing, it's a process and I'm gonna help her through it. She always fails to see how beautiful she is, inside out. She is really talented and is already so successful! I'm proud of her and I'm glad I watched this video. I will keep these points you made, in my mind always.
I love that you made this video in: "Black & White"!🌈
We have Smart Cars and Smart Homes and Smart Systems! We Need! ...Smart People!
Thank you for helping us be "Smart"!
i’m here to help my girlfriend too bro’s❤️ i want her to feel loved❤️
❤️What ist helpful : speaking about what brings joy. Hanging out with animals . Playing with Kids or playing in general(board games,act it out etc ) . Roleplay, mindful eating , ,Nature, dancing , be creative, expressing myself in art(also together) , be complimented , singing together Disney Songs , surround myself with people who dont worry and are easy going and compassionate,patient and love their life -and like to share inspiration ❤️thank you so much for sharing your wisdom!!! All ist so true!
It’s inspiring to read your post! 🙏😀❤️
I’d love to be your friend! :-)
Here for my mom ❤ I really want to help her but I want to do it the right way. Thanks for this video.
It is very helpful when someone says “how can I help you? What do you need?”
It is not helpfull if you ask it too much you could better say how are you or are you okay
Not for me, I dont know what I need, what can help other than being left alone...which I dont want either.
@@rayswoodshop4467 Same
@@rayswoodshop4467 I totally understand that. What the person could do if someone doesn’t know what they need is say, OK, I understand. I will give you some space. If you think of anything you would like to try, or you can put into words what is going on in your mind right now, I’m here to listen and help.
I watch your videos not as someone who loves someone with Anxiety, but as someone who struggles with it and is seeking refuge in your deep understanding of what I'm going through. I so wish it were easier to explain anxiety to the new people in my life. Thank you 💕
My dear wife suffers terrible anxiety. Together as a couple we are absolutely great!. She had a child to an x bf who is now 10 years of age. Custody issues have had a huge impact upon us. I am learning to walk through the storms of our present lives. Learning to have more empathy and compassion, patience and tolerance. I also pray every day for peace and understanding though I'm not religious.
I am here for her.
You sound like a great loving man, she’s blessed to have you!
@@itsmarieg5816 Thank you, so very much.
Just came here after my guy friend just told me he has anxiety Im dedicated to support him and thank you for this wonderful video💕
Good for you. I just realized that is what my problem is, it is nice to have someone to be there for you.
Deep Breaths both IN and OUT..... Slow Down Physically, Mentally, Spiritually. Give yourself the gift of MORE MARGIN.
I am here for my boyfriend. Today is my second day Dating him but I will never leave him. He is a great men. I will continue with our relationship and be there for him thank you for your advice God bless
This video changed my life in 18 min. Thank you.
Thank you for making this video, you were able to put into words what I was too anxious tell people. I want people to listen without trying to explain to me how I should feel about something and to "Not let it get to me". I know I shouldn't feel that way, I know I am 'over reacting' but when someone says that it just sends my emotions spiraling out if control and, in my case, that can and will send me into a deep and dangerous (to myself) depression.
I have been medicated for just a little over a week and I can't tell you how much of weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and the swirling storm inside my head has cleared. I had forgotten what "calm" felt like; for so long I had thought that my numbness was everybody's normal "calm". I hope whomever is reading this, if you suffer he same as I do-because I am not cured- just know that you are not alone. If you feel you need help, find your local Health guide and see when you can set up an appointment, it's not a bad thing to help yourself get better, no matter what some in today's society may say.
Song for the anxious
Hey
When you say
That your not okay
Hey
When you see
nothing but debris
Hey
When you feel
Like you wont heal
Yo,
in this status quo
I want you to know
Your free
Free to burden me
with your pain
and trouble me
with your shame
Tell me,
how does it feel.
And don't conceal
Tell me,
How do you fare
when your going through a nightmare
Your free
Free to burden me
with your pain
and trouble me
with your shame
I'll listen
Time and again
For me it is no strain.
I'll listen
And guard my heart
To bound my heart from falling apart
I'll ask
Because in this task
Are a lot of things I can’t unmask
Because I do not know
What to do
In this status quo
Remember
That when we are together
with this comfort I can render
That I love you
Your free
Free to burden me
with your pain
and trouble me
with your shame
So please
Hey!
Yo!
Your free
Tell me
I'll listen
I'll ask
Remember
That I love you
And your free
To be
You
oh wow, that´s really nice. I could not not pick up my guitar and just play some random chords to sing to this masterpice. Thank you!
@@emelin9706 Nice. I would love to hear it
If you are here to help your friend, I have to say you are a great friend because your friend is most likely in a state where he/she cannot say this or simply be mean to you. You are not the problem and they are not too. Dont give up on your friends, they cant always show it but they appreciate it
Don’t forget to also include they. We have non-binaries also.
shut it@@alika207
I struggle with anxiety, and everything she said is amazing. Truly helpful. I wish more people knew about anxiety
I remember when anxiety took full control over my life, I remember I was so scared to just wake up every morning and have to go through it not knowing or fully understanding what was going on in my life. At the time I felt alone ashamed and nobody understood. It took going to the hospital and for me to understand it was anxiety. And at the time I didn’t know what it meant, all I knew is that everyday was the biggest struggle. A year or so had passed and I never reached out cuz the shame I felt, but I brought it up to one of my friends, and they had said oh anxiety I have that too. And from that day I was able to start recovering, just knowing I didn’t have to feel embarrassed and alone. It took 10 years to get to where I am today, and it’s still a working progress. But I can fully live my life. I still have my moments, but they are now easily recognized and I’ve been able to train myself on how to deal with it so it doesn’t manifest itself. Anyways. If you know anyone struggling! Message me and I’ll be more than willing to help!!
How can someone contact you coz am also suffering from anxiety and mine is worse
@@lilianadhiambo1003 I’m on Instagram @shaner0001 Feel free to dm me!
THAT was amazing. I just sent it to my son, who doesn’t quite know what to do or say to me. Thank you so much.
As someone who has been married to someone with anxiety and depression I found this so helpful. I’ve been trying to work this out on my own for 30 years. Sometimes I’ve got it right but often I’ve not been helpful. Thank you sooooo much for helping me know how to help. There are so few resources out there
I really do need help about it pls
So on point Julia... unfortunately my partner do everything that is the opposite of what you are suggesting. The guilt trip, ultimatum and very unkind & cruel toward me has harbor so much hatred toward him. It's really hard to love him because I been telling and ask him to do exactly what you are suggested so many years that I feel so alone and unsupported. I even have people who tell me to just go kill my self because I'm having an anxiety attack. Such cruel n mean people I have around me and I cannot do much when I feel like I cannot do most thing on my own.
I also suffer with agoraphobia too but recently started to go out and drive more now. I no longer a housebound.., but I do get anxious leaving my safe zone, but I'm able to push myself.
Thanks for this Julia.
Have you had a chance to show your partner this video? Maybe it would help them be more understanding.
this comment was 5 months ago but i hope you are feeling and dealing better with your anxiety and other problems❤️
That isn't good. I guess they don't understand that it just creates big problems, more problems. I hope/wish you can find good/supportive friends, and peace in your life. I watched this to help my GF. I hope they can turn around their selfishness, to help you out with dealing with anxiety.
:(( I hope you're doing better now.. I just wanted to remind you that you're amazing just the way you are! I think he does not deserve you. Stay strong ❤️
We all care about you so stay determined!
I’m trying to help my best friend and I can’t do anything online, so it really sucks
I found a really good way of bringing someone suffering from anxiety is to help them accomplish their tasks. Start with REALLY small ones so they can handle it emotionally and then build on that. Accomplishing things will really help that person get natural "highs" and boost their self worth.
I cry alot, lock my house doors, go to my room and try to learn something productive for my life. I'm so greatful to have found you Julia, thank you for offering us tools to help change our lives. I'm starting today so I'm a new comer here.
Thanks again.
Every time someone is going through something I always let them know it’s ok to feel ok, and re-assure them that I’m there for them.
When we start doing better when the anxiety and doing more things or keeping cool in tense situations tell us we handled it well but if we can’t do that and we fall and need help getting back on our feet be there to help us brush the dust off and give us the encouragement that we can do it. Also compromising in a relationship especially one that’s stressful for awhile is helpful, if we agreed that we would keep our cool with there help. If you notice we start to freak out and take things out on them if they stop and say alright collect your self take a deep breath and take a step back from the situation and look at it differently. I suffer with anxiety depression and I also have anger issues. My boyfriend and I argue a lot because I fly off the handle so much. These videos help him realize just how hard it really is to stay calm cool and collected for me. Once I have said something then I can spot every little detail of what I had done wrong and then I down on my self for it because I said mean, rude or hurtful things to person I love the most. Thank you
I'm here to help my daughter who is 29, and has suffered with anxiety since she was 7; so far, nothing has worked to help her. Thank you for the advice Julia. Blessings from the UK.
My new girlfriend of 1 month saw me open up for the first time. She didn't judge me, instead she just let me cry into her chest and even though I went home feeling terrible it's something that I'll always appreciate because for as long as I was there I felt safe and loved which is very rare for me. So to sum up, if someone you love feels anxious or is having a panic attack or has just had a bad day, a hug goes a long way.
I don’t have anxiety. On the opposite, I am an extrovert and I always like communication and to expose myself.
I am here to understand the human nature of anxious people. I am here to learn how to behave well and offer support to anxious people. Peace to everyone! We are all wonderful as God created us to be.
We need more people like you in the world now!
I struggle with anxiety daily. I am a mom of a previous 3 year old girl and a step mom to 2 precious 3 and 4 year old boys. They can trigger my anxiety. Them not eating food I make. Not listening. Fighting. Sets my anxiety. My husband is extremely supportive and so patient with me, but I still often feel like I am a burden because of my anxiety. It rips me apart. I have to take daily medication, and I don't like having to depend on it. When I have an anxiety attack my husband is there by my side. He will give me a few moments by myself, but then comes in and rubs my back and tells me everything is ok. Kisses my head and holds me and constantly tells me its ok and I love you. It helps me. I just wish I didn't have to constantly feel like I'm going to mess something up, or let the small things overwhelm me to the point where I break down with anxiety and pass out.
Hey Julia!
Great video topic and valuable advice...As one who struggles with anxiety, learning how to better understand it and what triggers my anxiety. When I feel the need to talk to someone, and they're not available, I have learned that keeping a journal to write down what I'm anxious about. It is sort of a release, and while doing so I learn what is triggering the anxiety. On the flip side, when listening to someone talk about what is making them anxious and understand their perspective, sometimes offering a different perspective can help them....like "I didn't think of it from that perspective". In the example of going out with friends and your anxious loved one decides they can't go because they may feel their anxiety and uncomfortable. Welcome him/her to go along and they can leave anytime if they wish. Making them feel like they have an "out" of a situation that makes them anxious helps, and in some cases they will enjoy themselves, not feeling obligated.
What about learning your loved ones' love language to better communicate with them...Would it reduce their anxiety?
This is great Brent - I love that suggestion of taking the pressure off of your loved one by offering them an "out." Also, I do think learning your loved ones love language is helpful in any relationship!
How would I apply this school wise. (Making them feel less anxious about the people and crowds, teachers, having to present, feeling comftorable while eating in front of others etc) just wondering :) for someone I really care about
This video really taught me a lot… my girlfriend and I broke up and we’ve been together for three years and I want to fix myself and learn more about anxiety so I can show her that I changed a became a better person.
so helpful, im 40 yrs old and finally found someone i can say i love and she suffers from anxiety, need all the advise i can get to educate myself , anything for the love of my life
I’m here to help my partner, this video has helped me to understand more what she is going through, her anxiety gets bad and she will disconnect with everything and everyone, just needs to be alone, I want to be there, but she won’t let me in, I know it will take time, and she will let me in when she’s ready
I'm here for my best friend too. She's been struggling with anxiety
Hidden gem channel!! 💎
Im here to help my boyfriend be able to help understand my anxiety. Earlier today, he said that sometimes my emotions are too much... I feel like im a burden to him and he cant handle me... im struggling with that right now.
When you said "its okay"... it made me cry and emotional. I really needed to hear that so thank you!
This is Great My Partner suffers from anxiety and I'm excited this can help.
I know I’ve battled it for a very long time. And I’ve discovered a lot of psychology related to it. I’ve discovered that Trauma is the very root of my anxiety and trauma. Trauma has also caused depression as a child. My childhood was very painful mentally and instead of cutting my body I would scratch in cries for someone to help. I would inflict pain to try and get people attention. Yet no body was able to identify the symptoms. But now that I’ve linked the traumatic events together. And understood my emotions. It really helped me conquer and understand the emotions from that trauma. So it is in my belief that anxiety is a massive fluctuation of emotions. And then depression is from the lack of understanding those emotions and feeling physically drained while our mind is trying to heal from the chemical imbalances. I know that some of us who suffer. Try to find evacuation routes through ejaculation, cutting, cry, drawing, artistic exercises. Poetry etc. to help interpret our emotions through a visual perspective. A lot of which will correlate through trauma. And the biggest thing we try to do is have a self intervention of those emotions. Re identify those feelings and what caused them and why it was caused. And fill that gap of time in those memories to move forward. Anxiety and depression was linked to my trauma. And it was my mind and bodies way of telling me that I have ignored my own emotions to the point of where I felt like I was dying and wanted to die. But luckily instead of doing so. I sought help and found outlets to inflict pain to myself in a beautiful way. Tattoos instead of scars is an example. Scars are beautiful as they represent strength for holding on after going through those mental illness. I just chose tattoos so that it would not be as noticeable to the average being. Every tattoo has a meaning. Just like every scar has a meaning. There is some emotional tie in it somewhere. But I think it would be best to find someone who understands that emotion and like ms. Kristina said we can’t help them come out of it. And we have to prove to them that they are not alone. That it is very common to speak to them and show support. But we have to let them open at their own pace. And to really help is use seed psychology to tap into their subconscious and unconscious mind. To their psyche that they are strong and remove all of their doubt. Very very carefully.
I'm watching this 1 to see if there's anything here that will come in handy for me or other people, and 2 to see a different perspective, and to see what people without anxiety think about people like me who have anxiety.
Thanks for the video!
I suffer from generalized anxiety, social anxiety and mild depression. One tip is to be understanding and not get angry at someone struggling. For instance if they wake up one morning and cancel plans to meet you somewhere, politely ask why, if they are feeling bad that day offer to go to theirs instead, if they say they just don't want to see people that day don't take it personally. And leave the offer that they can call you if they need any help. If they are freaking out over something that to you seems really mundane, understand that in their head it might feel like the end of the world, offer them help and treat it seriously (even if it sounds silly to you). This is coming from someone who has had a panic attack over a knot in my hair once, my friend came and rescued me, I laughed about it when the knot was gone.
My girlfriend has diagnosed generalized anxiety; this video was very helpful as I’ve been struggling to be there for my girlfriend during one of her panic attacks.
I am reading the comments and learning a lot about how to help, it is very beautiful. My boyfriend has anxiety and I am trying to learn how to help him, how to listen and understand, is just that sometimes his anxious thoughts are about us and our relationship, and it just brings me down, my strength, and it just hurts a lot. We are trying couples therapy soon, cause we really want to make this work, we love each other a lot, but this anxiety is wearing us down. This vid has been REALLY useful to me
Mariela Mesén I am that boyfriend who has anxiety pretty bad. I suffer with separation anxiety and it’s hard to be away from her especially with my work taking me out of town. She’s a beautiful woman and is rock solid. You and your boyfriend are not alone in this struggle.
Mariela Mesén could he by any chance be suffering from ROCD?
Thank you so much!! This really opened my eyes on things. I’ve been try to help the one I love but she keeps shutting me down and I was getting frustrated. So I really wanted an answer because I care. A lot of what you say match exactly what I’ve been seeing and I just didn’t know what to do. Now I know and going to try my best. Thank you again!!!!
When you notice something nice about them, don't hold back.
The call or text every time works. Im glad my son does this. He vents, then it pretty much over. I wish I could do more for him
Hello Julia! First I want to say thank you for being so awesome and informative for those who are struggling. You have an exceptional insight! I would love to see something that would express to people how hurtful they are when they use the term "toxic" It seems as though some people think that if you are not able to pull yourself out of depression/anxiety and become the life of the party, or even a part of the party, you are considered "toxic", when in turn the ones who label you that are actually the ones being toxic. It is like poison to someone who already doesn't feel good! Again, thank you for being one of the best I've seen on the helpful side!
Amazing advice Julia. Just for someone to hug u and tell you that it's going to be ok. Reassurance is essential to someone
I personally have anxiety and the first thing u spoke about is so true like I never want to bother my friends and last night I had a rly bad attack and so I called my good friend and even if neither of us were talking , just knowing they were there made me feel so much better
Since February me and my partner have been making slow progress in our relationship and it's great, no matter how little the step. And I'm here to get that more of an insight so I can be more supportive to her
I am here for my woman.
I am learning so much from you. I know i am not perfect but this is helping me a lot.
I have been up for hours thinking . My wife had the worst fight of all time . This video was a real eye opener I have tried reading about it talking to people talking to a counselor. And this really hit me the way you explained it . I see her just so hard on herself and I don't understand and totally have been trying to help in all the wrong ways . Thank you and I'll def get the download
I'm in a same situation
My girlfriend has anxiety and I have been dealing with depression for over 20 years. We do a lot of what she says and it had been amazing.
Don’t know if anyone’s gonna see my comment here but anyway... my boyfriend has been struggling with anxiety and depression, long before I met him. I knew his struggle and I told myself I’m gonna give him all my love to be with him while he’s making it through. One time when he’s feeling depressed, I sent him the song “make you feel my love” and then he said he needed me (this is very rare that he would be willing to express his need) so I just went to his home and gave him an embrace as soon as I could. I think it kind of worked.
But lately he’s been cold to me, always ignoring me or saying bad things to me and I’m really really upset. I almost made threats to him just like what Julia said in this video, luckily I didn’t. But the point is I’ve been trying so hard not to express my sadness and not to share my feelings with him (and it kinda make me even more sad) because I don’t want him to feel that I’m burdening him or turning away from him. I am really lost and don’t know what to do... we haven’t spoken to each other for a day now and I’m not sure how I should start talking to him again...
But still, I’m thankful that Julia has made such great videos and I feel slightly comforted after knowing from this video that my boyfriend might not be intentional to make me feel bad... :’(
Im trying to help someone that i cared about. I wanna know how can i get him to open up, to not feel the burden and its fine to feel how he felt. Thank you for the video.
I don’t know who need to hear this. You’re not a wound, you are a gift :)
I'm here to help my wife. She is such a wonderful person thats pulled me out of dark places. Unfortunately she struggles, she is so strong and copes well but its a tough fight. Im trying to understand her pressure and help her anyway I can.
So basically: be a decent person and listen
As a new manager, I want to make sure I keep my workplace calm and running smoothly, but I have a co-worker who is often overwhelmed with anxiety on busy days. I genuinely care about her since we get along so well, so I want to help her improve and be less stressed all the time. :(
thank you for this. I feel so much more prepared to support my partner now, and I really hope more people find your channel. videos like this can improve the relationships, and quality of life, for so many who are already suffering enough as it is.
appreciated this. going to show it to our church board to help them minister to people
It's been over a year of me constantly making arrangements on his terms and walking on egg shells to avoid triggers. He had met my friends once and I was made to feel that I betrayed him by introducing him to the people I care about. These videos are helpful and are great but at some point I would like accommodations for me. I'm getting depressed now and developing anxiety when I hang out with people because of the guilt
Thank you for this video ! I’m here to help my boyfriend. I never knew he struggled until I started to notice signs.
I'm here to find ways to teach the people in my life how to be more helpful.
This is just outstandingly considerate and useful. Loving someone with anxiety can make you feel helpless but I am most grateful for your efforts to educate. Bravo!
I’m here to help my boyfriend 💕
Great information. Well done. My son suffers from anxiety. I am always seeking help and support for him. I also have an older brother who suffers from anxiety as well. Thank you for putting out this great information.
Whoa thanks, this is valuable. I'd like to add that in my experience, usually when I put up a wall, if the other hangs around a bit longer, with an open heart, the wall crumbles and I come crawling towards em for a hugg. If that makes sense. For example when I first express that I don't want to talk about something, while it comes from distrust or shame and not me actually not wanting to talk, and after a few breaths I realize I do want to connect. I'm super thankfull for the ones that stayed. I guess ... it functions also kind of a test, if the other truely wants to listen and be there.
Does it also help if you stay quiet but sitting together them?Is that consider helpful?Is it ok if im awkward?Does it also still help
thank you so much your second point is what I tell everyone everyday. I struggle with severe anxiety and depression and panic attacks, and I always tell everyone I promise I'm not doing it on purpose. I didn't ask for this or plan for this. it's not that I'm doing it for attention or because I wanna make people uncomfortable but for individuals who don't struggle with severe anxiety and depression just do not understand. there's a huge difference between being nervous from time to time and feeling high anxiety everyday beyond what we want. I promise I'm not doing it intentionally I have always had anxiety since I was a young child it's just gotten much more severe after I graduated highschool. thank you for this video. thoughts?
Everything she said in the video is right on the mark thing I like is when my wife tells me that she’s there for me she loves me and she’ll never leave me don’t only do I have generalized anxiety disorder but I also suffer with borderline personality disorder bipolar too and PTSD it’s not easy dealing with all those it’s a very big challenge sometimes it just be extremely overwhelming but at least I know my wife is there for me
I have anxiety, and the majority of the girls in my netball team know. One of the girls on the team sent her snapchat streaks at about 9:30, and she included a sad face in her streaks. I asked her what was with the sad face, and she told me had been feeling stressed, and she was crying earlier. The girl is a year older than me, but I told her we were talking about this. I had been asking her about what was going, and trying to help, but it helps me to know that I can help others :)
Well first of all, I have to say, "that, that was one of the most easily understood and informative videos I've watched in a long time".. I too have had Anxiety for most of my life, and I've been around for decades dealing with this Stressful condition.. But recently, I've met a person who I really like and want to get closer to, but for whatever reason, it's not going in the direction I'd like it to go in! So I think what the issue is between me and her is, "We both have a close(or similar) type of problem... "It's Anxiety"!! Being I have had this condition for most of my life, I have learned what I can do to feel better about myself, and that is, "to make other people around me feel good about themselves"!! Which can seem kind of selfish on my part I guess, being I'm doing it to make myself feel better! As far as "this Friend" who I'm trying to get closer to, I don't know, maybe in my light heartedness I may have said something that bothered her, or said something TOO enduring that may have pushed her away instead of bringing her closer..
The reason why I'm saying this is because, a few months ago we were texting each other a few times a week, and in each text, it seemed like, we were getting closer and closer! We were laughing at our jokes and whatever we were saying to each other, but then.. It seemed to slow down, and then got a little slower in hearing back from her, and now in the last few weeks it seems to have "almost stopped"! I am not going to, "scold her" for not calling, I do still send her texts, short texts of "hoping you're doing good and miss you", etc.. Nothing lengthy, but just to let her know, I'm still thinking of her!
I DO NOT want to Imagine "this or that" about her, because my philosophy for years has been to "Never assume or presume" anything about anything!! It's better to know what's happening instead of guessing! I learned that because, "I used to guess a lot about life" and in most cases, I WAS WRONG!!! So now, I'm not trying to write a book about my problems! Sorry if "I'm rambling a bit"! I am a Anxious human, with real human issues! Thanks for all Your advice ! Take care!!
Art D. .....
I suffer with anxiety and I find it so hard to communicate with people and so I dissociate myself; I also cannot make decisions and then I get mad at myself for not being able to get an answer... Watching this video has made me realize how far off I am and how much help I actually need. Sure i have friends but I can never have a good time around them because of my anxiety; its even affecting my work and my career because I second guess myself all the time to the point where it hurts and I just want to scream but then I keep it all in. I don't know what i want by typing this - I think I'm just sharing.
I’m here for my boyfriend. I want to comfort him better and treat him better. ❤️ I love you, Nathan!
You are a nice girl I wish to find a boyfriend that care of me and treat me
I like and will use
Don't assume what person needs. Ask them what they need. No positive quotes please. This a for me an optimistic Dad who is trying to support his daughter.
Even more amazing I've been through what shes going through and still make mistakes with my approach.
Love, hugs, be there and listen
I'm here to help my mom. Thank you for this information 😊
Thank you, you really helped me understand a little bit more about anxiety. My daughter suffers from this and it’s so heartbreaking to see. I will use some of the things you mention in your video ❤️
I'm here to learn to be better to and for my wife. I keep doing the things that you mentioned I shouldn't do, and I like to fix situations so it's hard to just listen sometimes.
I’m here to truly understand and help my girlfriend. She’s my best friend. I’m her number 1 supporter
I have a loved one that suffers with depression/anxiety/stress. We have only just started dating. I would just like to know what else I can do. I have told him I'm here. I will listen. But he does feel bad in telling me like you say he doesn't want to burden me. I've told him his best bits and try to praise him as much as I can. I think it also doesn't help that he's self employed and not much work as of yet which also means cash flow is low. Please help as I feel when he's having a good day or we are in each others company I've truly found my match x
It sounds like you're doing everything right! Keep it up, and that trust will build and he will likely feel more comfortable being more open with you.
Aisha Flint I wild also suggest that on one of those good days you raise the idea of him building a support network of people places or groups that he might feel able to seek support from. For males it's important they don't feel weak or like failures, so knowing be is not the only man out there who feels like he does may help to.
Aisha Flint be careful you may be somebody who feels they need to rescue people
Great advice. Though it sounds like you're about to cry several times. It makes me want to hug you help you feel better. I do love helping people with their depression/anxiety.
thank you very much for your video. You have just open my eyes and my heart big wide. I am married to my wife who suffering from the anxiety and yes, it hurt our marriage really bad and most of the things you've said are very very true. Now I know better how to support her and to help her through this. Thank again very very much.
I'm a person who loves a man who has anxiety in his bones, to quote Sarah Wilson, I'm learning everything I can, it's been three years and the thing I find frustrating about this video is when I watch everything I can and try to follow the steps of saying, "I'm here you." "What do you need." I get, "Don't patronize me." If I am praising and say, "This is what I love about you" I have received, "You're a fool." or "Those words mean nothing, you don't believe in me"...I've got him a family doctor he won't go to, I've went to a counselor to figure out how to cope anxiety, depression workshops, and I hate feeling close to giving up because I know he's worth the chaos, I deeply look up to and respect him. So much. Advice please?
1 great tip when I'm anxious is for them to stop yelling at me for being anxious and to stop telling me what a huge burden i am. thank you for your video. at least a total stranger understands.
Word Ninja sometimes we r the ones that have to educate those around us how to help us matey. If u feel you are safe to try leaving information around for ur support peeps to find and read. Send them links to vids like this. Or straight tell them how they make u feel. If u don't feel safe to do this I would suggest you find a different safe support person at a group online etc.
Thank you so much for making this video! I have always felt really guilty about unintentionally hurting my friend who has anxiety. Sometimes I try to help them but I guess I send the wrong signal but now I understand why. So thanks for making me a better friend! I appreciate it~~
I’m here for my sister.. i just saw that she is scared about Everything and she s shaking al the time, sometimes i just hear her crying and i just don’t Know what to do... thx for this video omg i hope she is going to be fine :(((((
I’m here to help my son. I thank you very much .🙏
Hi, I’d love to see a video about how to keep yourself healthy when you live with someone with anxiety. I’ve been looking for weeks and found nothing! Thanks.
I've been scrolling and haven't found d anything about how the spouse can recharge after bei g there for the anxious partner. I really love my husband and try to be supportive, I've tried asking for him to back up when he"s coming at me full force whirlwind...and when I ask and ask and he persists...I feel cornered. How can I be supportive when it feels I'm there for him...but who's there to say hey, good job being the suport??
@@elizabethgil4135 ohh mann this is so truuee
My boyfriend is having an anxiety and ived learned that tell him that its ok to feel whats his feeling.. Thank you ived learnd a lot on how to handle him..
"Why don't you ever talk?" That is what not to say to a shy person. Trust me the are cringing on the inside, and they have no good comeback for you. Believe me, I have been asked this many times. My family never really helped me with my shyness, it makes me ask if they really cared about me? Because if you love someone you would want to help them right? It seems like their attitude was that 'he will grow out of it eventually.' The best friend that I had in college was a good guy who understood that I would share my thoughts and feelings at my own pace. He noticed I would talk more when we were just hanging out, than when he had more people in his dorm room for a small group study. He would ask me questions in the group setting, so that I could share with the group without feeling threatened. That is a good way to help someone you know with social anxiety, at least I feel that it helped me.
I would like to tell of a bad experience I had with point number 3 (6:45 in video). This happened many years ago when I was going to this church's Bible study group. I really enjoyed the small group setting and was hoping to make some new friends. One evening after we had just dispersed, the Bible study leader comes up to me in the parking lot and gives me an ultimatum that I either need to talk more or leave the group, because I was making the others scared by not talking much. This upset me so much, and caused me great distress. I had so much anxiety that he was confronting me on this. I never went back there again. This ate me up inside for weeks, even months after the incident. Even remembering this now is kind of painful for me, since it is such a strong memory that I will unlikely never forget.