Ironically, the day this video was uploaded (May 1st 2023) I married a beautiful woman who I thought was my best friend and world. I mistakenly thought once the vows were taken that, her symptoms would decrease knowing I had given my life to her. I was so wrong. Within days everything got 10X worse. I couldn’t tell her I loved her enough. I couldn’t hold her, look her in the eyes and say it with anymore conviction. She was hot and cold all summer and into this fall. The more I tried to keep the peace, show love and fix everything she thought was wrong, the worse she got and I was always lying in her mind. She’d make up scenarios where I was doing things I’d never consider doing. The fact that we had just taken vows never entered her mind. I was still a liar and didn’t love her in her mind. Now as I sit here heartbroken just over 6 months later, I’m waiting for my divorce papers. I didn’t understand who I was marrying. I was naive at the age of 47. I’m ashamed to even look at my family who are dumbfounded at a marriage that lasted barely 6 months. The grief and anger at me wasting so much time on someone who won’t listen to anything I say, second guessing my own judgement now like never before, the feeling that I was happy as can be not long ago to, being to the point where I’m falling into my own mental darkness and depression. All I wanted was to fix her and, it’s only at this moment I realize that wasn’t ever possible. She’s completely discarded me now. I have to let her go. What a nightmare. I’m still madly in love with my new wife that I can never be with. Thanks for reading my ramblings and I hope non of you experience this level of pain.
So sorry to hear. I'm going through the same thing with my girlfriend. We came to Colorado to visit her son and new baby. She staying with him, and I'm at the hotel because her grandson is a newborn. Long story short, last night she texted me to tell me she was going to stay with me at tge hotel for one of tge nights. Well, when i finally picked her up to have dinner, she started questioning me why i had mints in the car, and started to accuse me that i probably was out drinking and brought a girl into the hotel. (Of which I would never do to her) Long story short, i took her back to her son's because she didn't want to stay with me because she thought i was a liar and called me everything in the book. I've been in the hotel pretty depressed. (This is the 4th time she has this kind of rage with me) I've been scrolling through different videos to help me cope. She texted me last night that she wasn't flying back with me and that she was staying another week. We also had plans for Thanksgiving, now I'm here and evey hour in the hotel seems like an eternity. I love her soo much, and have been trying my hardest to help her, but it's a loosing battle. And just like you, I still love her soo much that I keep telling myself that we will get through this.
No man should have to have the capacity to deal with women who behave in such ways. Men, in my personal opinion, need to see themselves as kings and stop pedestalizing women. Once a man puts a woman up like that, you tolerant things you shouldn't. When you're a king, you have the ability to set boundaries at the beginning, and you have the strength to kick her out. This attitude comes with experience, or observation, of other people's relationship blunders. Thankfully, there is a plethora of resources like this channel out there to save us some pain.
@canadianbacon587 Hey I don't know you, but I want to tell you that you are not alone, what you have written is exactly my story. My marriage last only 5 months. It took me a year to partially recovered from the nightmare, now I feel good by being alone, go back to my projects, I'm still in the healing process. If you need to talk with someone who can understand you, don't hesitate to write me and we can coordinate a call. A year ago I was devastated, now I'm starting to see the shine of life again. Hugs from Peru
I think after 6 months of watching videos on BPD, this is the one that describes the relationship with my ex pwBPD the best. No rage or suicidal ideation, but idealization and devaluation, engulfment and abandonment, impulsivity was there. Dumping me 24 hours after I plan a weekend away over a misunderstanding, blaming my communication "style" as the sole cause of problems. Every time we had a micro-breakup, she would be dating some random guy within a day or two. Spent months trying to show I wouldn't abandon her. Finally caught her Tindering while we were together. Utter shitshow.
Did we date the same girl? I went through similar and I'm still mentally worn out from it. When you walked away did she bombard you with non stop messages, love songs, voicemails etc? I had to change my number with how bad it got and she was blocked on everything but could still leave voicemails or message via different numbers.
Broke up with my boyfriend 3 times in the span of maybe two months Max. Also had to do with hormones to be fair , birth control implant removal and reinstalling kept getting rescheduled.
Very similar story here. It was all about me proving to her I wouldn't abandon her. When she understood I wouldn't, she cheated and lied, and discarded me. I learnt she had other things going by then. Only later on did it hit me that she never assured me she wouldn't leave me... it was all about assurances I'd never leave her lol. I confronted her about it, telling her isn't the Golden Rule to do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Silence. After several months of shock, anger, self-pity, false hoping, wanting to be dead... the peace is palpable. But they really do send you into a whirl when they devalue and discard, usually at the worst moment.
Wow, you`re so right. I was married to a BPD woman. And that`s 100% her, she developed into an alcoholic, would flip from being loving, to tell me, I should get out of her life. Then the next day, she conveniently would have forgotten everything, and didn`t want me to go. It ended even with 2 suicide attempts and 4 days in coma. Now, I`m happily divorced and I blocked her.
@Emma Jean if a man in a relationship had anger outburst and similar traits, would you say it sounded like his wife didn't know how to soothe him? No- We would keep him accountable, equally we will keep the women accountable. Have you tried soothing someone who: - has made you feel worthless? - who has betrayed your trust? - who is not willing to aknowledge and take steps to change? How long would you continue to try to soothe them?
@@The_Sherpard My Ex wife was actually diagnosed to have BPD by several Psychiatrists, because she kept jumping from Psychiatrist to Psychiatrists, as she didn`t feel the medications would make her better. So she decided herself to one day take them, then the other day not...soe she was on and off her meds. And the culmination of the events endend in an OD of sleeping pills.
@Emma Jean It seems you haven't watched or paid attention to any videos on this channel. People with BPD will do what they do, no matter what their partners do.
@@leila7998 Just ignore her, there is no use explaining to her. pwBPDs tend to take things very personally and project blame to others. Look at the comment, blaming the normal partner ("don't know how to soothe her") for the actions/behaviours of the pwBPDs (being alcoholic, push/push, self harms). It is inconscionable making one person bear the responsibilities for the actions of others.
@@The_Sherpard you’re wrong. with bpd the sufferer cannot control the push-pull, the love bombing, the manipulation, and it is up to both parties to contribute effort. if you do not struggle with bpd please do not speak on this matter; as you truly have no clue how emotionally taxing it is on the borderline knowing that they cannot love someone without putting them on a rollercoaster. as opposed to a non-neurodiverse man who is choosing to manipulate stemming from a healthy brain without cognitive deficits, it is not the same thing. i hope this was insightful.
I would probably be able to cope with my now ex wife's instability, but I couldn't get over cheating, so first time I discovered it, I just dumped her and threw her out from my house. This is just absolutely unacceptable. I don't care about your problems if you cheat on me. I can help you if you're loyal, but what is the purpose of relationship with cheating? I despise such people.
I'm being loyal to the person they are in that incident. Maybe means I feel you don't like me as much as you did, you like someone else more, you're obsessed with them why not me how could you not be obsessed with me if you're gonna obsess over someone
There is no purpose to it. At some level, she is not rational or in control of her actions and words. The goal is to make those close to her as miserable and anguished as she is from the internal trauma. Good on you to get out.
I've been in relationships with two bpd women. The splitting and extreme devaluation, hateful attacks and gaslighting drove me to a deep depression. I suspect i am drawn to them because I'm seeking to recreate/heal from my own childhood trauma. I also suspect bpd is diagnosed more in women than men because many men with bpd probably commit suicide or end up in prison rather than seeking or getting help.
Yep, men are probably more likely to be labeled anti-social personality (when they're really BPD). Men also don't seek help as often, so they are never diagnosed or end up dead or in prison.
And what of your own behavior. If someone close to you growing up BPD that would reflect on your attachments? Are you able to see the ways you might have made them worse or reactive? My roommate likely had BPD and looking back I can see very clearly why my response to him (complete emotional distancing) would have triggered his deepest insecurities and made him even worse. So because of my inability to communicate, out of fear of his aggression, I self fulfilled his deepest inner wounds. I don't blame myself, I told him I had abusive parents, his behavior was inexcusable. But that being said, I take accountability for putting my emotions above his. In a relationship, I hope to not do that.
BPD, for me, is like having two of me in my brain. The emotional me, and the logical me. They can talk for the most part. But sometimes, its like theres a glass wall between them. They can see eachother but not communicate. The wolf vs angel entity is really a good description too. Thank you for making these videos, i never want to be this kind of girlfriend to somebody.
Omg yes this is what I say to my therapist that I feel like my brain is split in 2, the emotional side and the logical side....It makes it so confusing, draining and stressful....
thats how it it for me but, I wasn't aware of it until I was in a very push-pull relationship that I disagreed with myself often.. I began integrating my shadow and she started talking with me. I had a traumatic brain injury as a child right in the center of my head between my eyes. age 4.
Lise, I remember asking my BPD girlfriend (before I understood BPD), "What happened to my kind sensitive Clara?" To which dominate Sadistic Clara responded, "She doesn't exist." True story.
I dated a woman in her early thirties that told me she was diagnosed with BPD. I met her with when the sweat loveable side was very nice and quickly learned the mean nasty side was horrid and degrading . When mixed with alcohol it because outright scary and I had to end the relationship.
I recently got out of a 15 year relationship with a borderline that included marriage and two beautiful kids. At the start, BPD wasn’t even on my radar screen. Now I feel like an expert. There were days and nights that I felt had aged me years. It’s amazing how resilient the human psyche can actually be.
You’ve got to be 170. I was with one for one year and lost ten years of my life to stress dealing with her. Sleepless nights arguing till sun up. . . .
This has been helpful. My BPD partner was telling me she loved me every ten minutes one day, the next day, she hated me and threw me out over nothing. We haven't spoken since. three years now.
I’ve suffered with depression almost my whole life so I understand emotional pain better then most. Dealing with devaluation and getting discarded by my ex with bpd was soul shattering. Nothing I did or tried could stop the devaluation dominos once it triggered. You just watch as the person you thought was the love of your life slowly push you away and replace you like you meant nothing to them.
I understand. Been there Have you ever had the thought. Why are you attached to someone that never loved you. Never will. Can’t Why chase a false reality? That’s like wanting to roll with telling people the sky is purple. That would be crazy making. It’s blue. Everyone sees blue. So why are you hung up on a false reality .. switch to the facts and free yourself from the misery
How awful. I’m very sorry that this was your experience and eventual outcome. I recently started dating someone with BPD. She told me this in the first few weeks of our relationship, and I had never understood BPD so I am now doing my research given that her and I feel so in love and are even discussing marriage. But what I am learning about BPD is honestly frightening.
I'm lost trying to figure my wife out. I finally had to get away from her. I love what she is 50% of the time but lord the other. This video is really close to my wife. I actually had to leave because she frustrated me enough one night that I started screaming at her and called her a narcissistic lying C word. That's when I knew I had to go
Can relate, for the first time I felt I would physically defend myself from her rage. I'm considering a break. We've been dating for 4 years. Constantly being told I'm cheating on her. We work together in our own business at home and stay together. We are almost never apart. It has also gotten difficult because she is accusing me of being involved with co-workers. They all work remotely, so we or I hardly meet with them in person.
Yep.. we’ve been there I called her a used up 40 year old “pussycat” I knew I hit a low point when I started throwing insults back. And I didn’t want to be that type of guy.
That’s really tough. I’m sorry to hear. How long have you been married to her? And has anything changed since you first left your comment? Finally, has she been in therapy at all?
You are much stronger than I. My pwBPD and I have been together for little over 18 months and I've already gone far outside my true character. I too knew then it was time to go......I didn't listen though
My boyfriend sent this to me so I could understand what I put him through. I’m on my journey of healing but I feel very discouraged after reading the comments. I love so hard and have so much love but I was unfortunately taken advantage of by a child in ways that made my brain pathways different from others. I’m not a bad person, I want to be better. It’s just hard. I’m glad my boyfriend is so supportive of me - he has helped me on my healing journey so, so much. Thank you for making this video. As someone with BPD, being with someone who has it is not for the weak. Progress is not a straight line up - just like this video says. But it’s still progress. Peace out ♥️
I began dating a woman who's going threw a bad divorce.however even with that she mentioned long struggles with mental health. The splitting behavior ,push and pull, emotional roller coater ride describe this woman. One day she's incredible the next futile and sabotaging. What stands out to me is that she doesn't appear to recognize when her negative actions cause others to distance themselves and blames others for these type of scenarios.
Dude run Second never ever date a person in divorce let alone just right out of a fresh divorce Just run. Save yourself your sanity. The sex ain’t worth it. We will all tell you that!
DBT therapy seems really helpful. I've also found solace in a private counsellor who has helped me through a lot of trauma. You will be okay and it's great that you want to change things. Be kind to yourself.
I want to add that not all borderlines flip to aggressive hatred. This doesn’t apply to every borderline. We don’t all flip to aggressive hatred, a lot of the times it’s just immense fear resulting in anger and sadness. but for me for example, i never feel as i hate my partner or they are the root of my issues.
From someone who tried their absolute best to make it work with a diagnosed BPD girlfriend who was well into treatment, there is only one thing you need to know: Leave. She will not suddenly be cured and become a wonderful partner. She will not have miraculous breakthroughs. She will continue to make you life a walking on eggshells nightmare.
It's not just you guys testing boundaries, BPD is much deeper than that. From mood swings to hallucinations. I personally don't need that in my life and I wouldn't advise anyone else to have it in their life either. Also, BPD's are very calculated so they don't even respond well to setting boundaries. I'd prefer to just have a normal partner who responds well to boundaries, has a stable mood, isn't impulsive, and doesn't hallucinate. Also, you don't even know me. Being hypersensitive and devaluing others is typical BPD behavior. Splitting over a YT comment is crazy lol. Smh, seek help. @@Bre273
Miss Leblanc... You are absolutely awesome in describing the exact scenarios of the BPD. Your videos were very helpful to understand the psychology and the steps to be taken. I am with a potential BPD partner and watching your suggestions and procedure really helps me to deal with her. Being someone who is into therapy myself for a different issue, your videos are really helping a lot to cope up and stay sane. Thank you for your excellent service.
I’m happy to hear that you’re finding my content helpful! Have you seen this one? How to Support A Partner With BPD th-cam.com/video/j2-P0J8ezLs/w-d-xo.html
This has helped me a lot thank you. I was dating someone with bpd 3 weeks ago. It went from planing a family and future very comfortable loving relationship. To the next day I didn’t know who she was and she left me. completely different person it didn’t make any sense to me. havnt spoke since. I’ve been very confused recently and didn’t understand how someone can do something like that. I knew she had bpd I always helped her through it I have the patience to help her. But I can’t help this time. It’s hard to just stop caring. But in the state she is in at the moment. She dosnt deserve my help or want it. Thank you for helping.
The borderliners I've known were way more self-reflected. They knew what was going on with them, could explain it, could warn their partners and give them useful instructions in advance for how to support them, etc.
My ex pushed me further than I've ever been, she'd be in my face yelling at me to hit her saying "you know you want to". I never wanted to or ever would but I told her some guy might. To which she'd reply, "so you think I deserve to be hit do you". For me a totally impossible relationship no matter how hard I tried.
Classic ex 😂 She use to say this to her ex. She knew I’d never hit her even when she was hitting me. It is kinda funny as her punches were so weak. Obviously no fun but I can laugh about it now
@beats4life971 unfortunately some women and guys are too messed up. We love them but being with them is dangerous. I hope you make the best decision for you.
Similar things happened in my relationship. It was terrifying. She was verbally abusing me and pushing an argument on me further, and further, despite me repeatedly asking her to stop. Finally I slammed the steering wheel and told her to stop pushing me. The argument stopped immediately. But two days later, she said (with glee in her eyes) that I made her feel physically unsafe. She held that over me for a while. Violence was never anywhere close on my mind that night. My next tactic if she didn't stop harassing me that night would have been to turn off the car and get out, even in the middle of traffic, and demand that she find herself a ride home or I'm calling the police. She took excitement in hurting me and planting dark seeds in my mind that perhaps I'm a violent and unsafe person. I never have been and never will be. She's terrifying. I've cut her out of my life and will never talk to her again.
Thanks for helping me identify what destroyed my marriage. 8 years trying to change myself and meet her expectations....took so many years off my life. Anger and rage completely uncalled for just because I didn't respond to a text within 2 minutes. Always in the wrong. Countless nights having to listen to her vent every little thing I did wrong over the entirety of the marriage again and again and again. Isolated from family and friends, going to see them was likely to trigger her idea I choose them over her. Then back to the highs, great sex all the time, idealization, clingy love and happy. The last month we were together, she told our two kids she didn't love me anymore. The following week asked me for a new wedding ring. The week after that she stabbed all our photos on the walls and our wedding album on my birthday, packs all my bags and shoved me out. Why? Because after an entire week of her chasing me with her anger I eventually said I can't talk about her issues with me anymore that day because I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.
It’s incredibly difficult to maintain a relationship with a bpd sufferer, and if u wait long enough, or w/o professional help, u will c that it’s also incredibly difficult for the bpd sufferer to maintain a relationship with u. Watch for signs. Have discussions. Maintain your composure, logic, moral compass, self respect & dignity. Know that you MUST love and respect yourself first, before u can properly love any of Gods other children or creations. It’s so difficult, but when they talk about tests of fire, the only way out is to go thru it sometimes 💕
Exceptional explanation of the borderlines challenges and engagement with (significant) others. Very well-rounded, succinct, high-level but specific enough to be easily relatable to those that have experienced this type of relationship. After binging many of these types of videos on TH-cam - some of which are also excellent - the overview and insight here is most relatable and provided comparatively bite-sized, easily consumable knowledge that is easy to apply to one’s situation. Thank you very much for sharing your wisdom and guidance. Very helpful.
For the last two years I dated my ex. It has been the craziest roller coaster I’ve e er been on. She was my best friend. She was perfect in every way. In every way other than the nonstop rage and everything else you talk about. This is a horrible illness.
Been with my gf for almost three years and I'm about 99% sure she has BPD. The most soul sucking relationship with another human being i've ever had. I've bent over backwards for her and nothing is ever good enough. One day I'm being told Im her person and she's never loved anybody as much as me then the next day i'm getting told I never really wanted her and all I do is tell her horrible things. I never know what's going to set her off so there's always tension in the air. Her ability to make a mountain out of a molehill is staggering. It's honestly hard to know what to do because when things are good, they really are good. She's so incredibly loving
Wrong place to look for sympathy probably a lot of these people been hurt by people with bpd but me speaking for everybody I genuinely feel for you guys the same way I would feel for a narcissist tho but it’s sad Cause all of it is trauma based but your in the right track since your self aware 😉
My ex had BPD, she kept saying i am the best thing that has ever happened to her, love bombed hard, said she had no complaints. But since i was ''too good to be true'' everything was triggering her. A wrong look, a bad joke about her, me going out, me dressing well, all of that was perceived as ill find someone better and abandon her. In the end we both cheated on eachother (me out of revenge) and she cheated with a drug addict (she was an addict too and didnt know). All she got in the end is a panic attack when i made it clear to her that i never cheated or intented to cheat before she started it and i always had the best intentions for her. So sad. She is stalking my socials and called me at 3 in the morning one day, it was her friend and asked if i have a GF, i said yes, asked if i am willing to cheat on her and said no, i wouldnt give her the validation of proving to herself that i was indeed a player.
Best relationship I’ve had was with a woman with bpd, but I did leave her eventually because I really needed to quit drinking and I knew I couldn’t do it with her. I revisited her years later. The decline was absolutely horrific. And I know for sure that my leaving precipitated that decline. And she begged me to stay with her. Begged me. Awful. There’s nothing that can be done but I’ll carry that with me forever
I recently got dumped by someone with BPD. I didn't know she had BPD until after the fact. This video and the other about dating women with BPD was like you were describing our relationship specifically. It's been so heartbreaking as I was sure she was the person I wanted to spend my life with, and I couldn't understand her behavior or the perceived cruelty of her choices. Thank you for this video.
The many stories I've heard, sounds exhausting, and I'm a very patient person....but not gonna add that level of complexity to my life. Great informative video!
Ex gf once said about herself “you don’t know how delusional and suicidal I really am.” And that was when I needed to take her for her word and leave. Of all the things she used to say to manipulate, she told on herself if you listen closely enough.
I was the one who walked away. Went no contact. Over two months now. She's not once texted me or called. I unfriended her on socials. She'd still "like" and comment on MY friends pages. Post attention getting posts. But I didn't budge. She did the smear campaign. Then, she tried to friend request me. I didn't respond. Days after, she simply blocked me. Seems like she's perfectly fine with never seeing me again. Most likely already has another person. We dated a year. Honestly thought I was gonna marry her. Even her daughters loved me.
Michael King, it seems you are commenting in the wrong place, here is the empathic corner of TH-cam not your regular brawl house "oh I know how to live life better than others". Here is a channel where the whole fing point is helping people cope with their problems without destroying the bricks layed out. That said, you can go and look for some therapy to take care of your own sociopathic tendencies.
Would advise to stop conducting intimate relationships over facebook, probably better she blocked you on there as she probably knew she was being needy and wanted to stop herself , doesnt mean you are blocked face to face, move on but dont be mean to her this is a mental disorder.. as long as she tries and is a good person when regulated u should have compassion for her.
@gammypage I'm not a mean man. I honestly do understand that the disorder is a part of her. Maybe you're correct. But when her rage became a physical thing. I had to make a decision. I don't post intimate things on socials. Or passive aggressive content. I just moved on. Albeit with a broken heart.
Thank you for your videos! I wish I would've discovered them faster. Been through some tough moments recently after separating with a bpd woman, and your videos made me see a better picture, appreciate it!
My current partner is the epitome of these traits. I hate myself that I even allowed myself to get backed into moving in with her. I'm usually one to want personal space, but that ontop of her random rage and emotional abuse, there's her stunted emotional/ cognitive development.
I have been plagued by people with BPD my whole life. If you think you want to help one of them, try bringing a lion home and living with it for a while.
I have been there and done that, remember men, crazy in the head is crazy in bed but when you are done with crazy in bed you still got crazy in the head. It isn't worth it go find yourself a mentally healthy woman and have a good life.
I am this 100% and I am very aware of the toxicity and consequences. Therefore the guilt afterwards is huge! The self destructive behavior is something I prefer to do in private, I don't feel the need to use it
No Fucking kidding. I knew I was always frightened of the Roller Coaster Ride, but was not prepared to experience that behavior in a girlfriend. It was like a drug addiction. The highs were always higher and the lows always lower.
I m addicted to psychology & I learn from direct sources. One of my relatives was diagnosed with BPD . She is high-functioning & highly successful but not happy at all in her married & personal life , interestingly she doesn't have CSA trauma(childhood sexual abuse) she told me - a borderline with CSA can be extremely dangerous to intimate relationship ( whether it's done consciously or unconsciously or out of suspicion it doesn't matter)
I was 19 last year and I fell in love with a then 16 year old girl with BPD. She loved me back, in case that needs to be adressed. Contrary to my own belief at the time and the usual trend with BPD, this was my first EVER experience of some kind of love and it was the most magical time of my life. Sure, I have Bipolar disorder, so I was on a manic episode. But I was scary calm when I was with her. I felt VULNERABLE. I could distinguish that she felt something when she was with me just from the tone of her voice. I’m lucky she split me before we became a couple. She did it in the most humane way, via text. I’m just tired of the fact that many people tend to forget that PEOPLE with BPD are PEOPLE, not angels or demons. Spread love everyone. I was taught how to love, starting from nothing, from a girl with BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder + Bipolar Disorder = ⁉️💘‼️
There isn`t 5 things you need to know...there is only 1... 1- Walk...or RUN as fast and as far as you can from a BPD individual! Don`t get involved on any level with them, your soul and peace of mind will thank you later.
Here we go with the stigma. 🤦♀️ Idk what experience you had with a pwbpd. But not all borderliners are worth running away from. This is a very ignorant comment in my opinion but you are entitled to your own.
@@Duzykutas No there not. I'll say this though. The untreated borderliners maybe. But the ones that are getting treatment and is self aware on their behavior no they are not like that. No one is playing victim. I'm giving you the facts as someone who has BPD.
I’ve watched several videos of yours and although what you describe most definitely has a basis, I do not fully align with the way you talk about BPD individuals, especially females. Instead of putting in the effort to understand people who struggle with this disorder, I feel like they are being pointed at. I, myself have BPD and I’m 21yo (INFJ). As a psychology enthusiast I’ve been doing the most to understand the human psyche, including myself, cuz I never truly felt understood in my environment. What I’ve come to realise is that as much as BPD people appear intense and malicious, going from 0 to 100 in a blink of an eye, what’s really happening is they are just being heavily triggered. And yes, when triggered the result is far from pretty. Communication is key here if you ask me. I’ve had people in my environment who would intensify my BPD in the worst ways possible by being ironic, degrading me, questioning my abilities, abandoning me. But then again I’ve been around people who were patient with me, supported my growth, helped me communicate/express feelings, feel safe to trust, resolve conflict. So if you’re dating a BPD female and she’s making your life “living hell”, you’re either ignorant towards her needs or don’t know how to stand by her side and help her heal. I’m not saying it’s an easy task, but I think we are (wrongly) being portrayed as these ugly monsters that find it fun torturing people. No. We just deeply fear abandonment and dissociate upon sensing uncertainty/unsafety. But nobody goes deep down to the root of the problem. It’s like we perform preemptive strikes once we sense we lose our safety ground. We are deeply fearful and insecure that we will not be chosen, the ones we love will abandon/betray us and that we’ll never feel safe/loved. I’m not saying by any means one shall stay with a BPD person if they can’t handle it, but I just wish there was more understanding for people like us. For women almost everything is feelings. They understand the world through emotional lenses. Someone with BPD experiences feelings x10 more intensified. To the average person the things a BPD female could get triggered by might seem irrational and of minor importance, but to her sphere of understanding it matters cuz it’s her reality, it’s how she understands things. I just wish there was a bit more compassion and genuine interest to understand/help people instead of pointing fingers as if they’re the worst thing on earth. Everyone is fighting their own battles and inner demons.
Thank you sooo much for describing this from your perspective. It makes a difference for me. The one thing I would say is that you sound very much aware of your situation and what specifically it is you need and can speak to you needs. You seem like someone that is further along then most. In my situation, my lady doesn’t have the awareness or even the understanding that there is any abandonment issues or anything else at play. Seldom is able to articulate why to anything or what she needs. And it feels like those needs also change. The kicker becomes when we can’t deal with one issue and even though I’ve decided to take full responsibility for 98% of any issue to close the time to resolving. It becomes something totally different that escalates and becomes weeks of stonewalling and alienating. Unless I step in and reassure her and comfort her for a couple of days more. Because even if it isn’t my fault, she’ll never take responsibility without two days of nonsense for a weak “I’m sorry”. Followed by weeks of stonewalling unless I go running to apologize and take it off her. I’d love for her to be able to understand what’s happening, tell me how to help what to say how not to set off triggers. RN, she probably couldn’t even explain her triggers
I’ve been verbally and emotionally abused by my partner with BPD for a while now. It’s really taken a toll. I tried my best to understand and to de-escalate situations. Sometimes no amount of love or understanding or patience will solve the issue. Sometimes you just gotta GTFO and save yourself. I believe this video is more for the victims of people with BPD rather than the people with the disorder.
So how come my partner of 18 months kept finishing me and it was always me begging her back if BPD sufferers fear abandonment? I gave my everything and now it’s me that has CPTSD and severe depression yet I was totally balanced when we met 18 months ago. She blocked me and reported me to the police when I tried to win her back the last time. Brutal.
As a girlfriend with BPD myself, I’d like to give some thoughts. A lot of the internal thought-processes explained in the video are spot on, but I feel like the outward behavioral patterns are a bit of an over-generalization. A lot of us try to be as self aware and considerate as possible, as to not make our BPD symptoms the partner’s problem. As self destructive and sometimes outwardly destructive as the disorder can be, it doesn’t make us bad people.
God you basically explaining my relationship ive been having a hard time understanding how her brain works but this video helps i love my girlfriend so much i wont give up on her because of her bpd its not her fault. Thanks!!
I'm BPD because I was raped from aged 3 till aged 17. I'm a kind woman. I have a best friend for a long time and we r happy. Sometimes I cry and he comforts me. So Ur saying we r all cruel? We treat each other with respect
4:50 yes exactly. This resumption of normal is the point where I would simply drop and forget about any emotional or other request that caused the disruption in an attempt to achieve harmony. But it's another invisible lead weight on your psyche
Good afternoon Lise, Number 3 is something that worries me the most. It’s been a while since her and I have talked however, number three on your list, is the one thing that concerns me the most. Sometimes I wish I could reach out to her and tell her I’d want to be there for her (It’s really not that simple) I guess what I’m saying is I just need to respect her and respect myself and put space between us. I’m more inclined to believe She’s not a bad person. Definitely, she’s a person anyone could find amazing. Plenty of hope and love sent her way that she finds a light to shine upon her so that she might find happiness in her darkest days. As Always Lise,Luv you and continue fighting this fight that has taken so many beautiful people. Stay healthy and safe inside your body😉🤙🏼
Thank you Raul! I feel your compassion and desire to be there for her. I hope she finds the help she needs to manage this damaging, often life-threatening disorder.
Thank you for covering BPD, as there's not many who do. Your videos are so helpful in navigating relationships with them. So far I've dealt with 2 people in my life with this & I now am growing confident in how to deal with them. So thank you for all you do!
As someone with BPD, it sucks that so mamy of you were hurt by this illness. BPD is nasty and some of us had no idea what the hell it even meant. Borderline sounded like the border Between sain and insane and it took one sweet counselor to even explain what it meant! The unstable emotions, push and pull, the splitting; none of this was even explained when i was first diagnosed in 2008. 15 years later and i have a better grasp on my emotions. It took me doing Cognitive behavioral therapy to better myself and while i do have slip ups with my moods, especially when I'm overwhelmed or exhausted, it is no where near as bad as it was before I got help. Still, dating is off the table at the moment after sad breakup i had. I guess im that BPD dude who still holds feelings for past relationships instead of going for the next person like i used to when i was first disgnosed. 😂
It's positive that you're putting in the work, though. I'm a female with BPD who has been through private counselling, CBT and take medication. There's a lot of hate in this common section 😂 I think all relationships require work, an open mind and a lot of awareness of our symptoms and tendencies. I'm sorry for your last heartbreak and hope that the next relationship you have is a better experience. Keep on keeping on!
@@disastermaryrespect to both of you for staying out of relationships. Relationships only make your condition worse and cause incredible pain to those you get involved with. Please continue to refrain from relationships and try and be good to yourselves in other ways.
Perfect cover shot I should say😮 this is EXACTLY the face I've seen most time on my BPD ex😢 it can express full spectrum of emotions by the way, depending on circumstances, from well suppressed lust to disgust
I was married to a BPD for 10 years, reseach at an academic level, books, lectures...consider actual graduate work. You need to take it much more seriously than you think you do. If you arent a very forgiving and patient and secure person it wont work...
I was so shocked when i realize that my girlfriend have the whole characteristics of bpd, and whats worse is that my mom was also diagnosis with BPD. No wonder i fall in trauma bond cycle. I wanna say thank you very much for your enlightening me. God bless
Spot on. I am trying my best to get help for my wife who I am convinced has bpd. She denied anything is wrong and says it's none of my business and doesn't feel safe talking to me about it. We have two small kids and have been separated for a year. I think she has gotten some counseling but not sure if being treated for bpd. She is on medication for off label treatment of bpd. I've been bending over backwards for her. I've heard every complaint she voiced. I even got a new job so that i could have Healthcare since she had it with her job that she hates and she could quit and be happy but she didn't want to quit her job. I'm not without fault and unintentionally hurt her very deeply and am so sorry, but I'm at my wits end and not sure how much longer I can continue if something doesn't change. I love her and our family and want both back.
@ashjade86 she continued to think nothing was wrong and refused to get the help she needed to be in a better place. She continued down her maladaptive road. Continued taking the kids around her boyfriend ex felon domestic violence child abuser, and she finally filed for divorce. I hope the court will understand.
She has cheated on me and begged me to come back. She has shown up in the middle of the night crying, begging me to talk to her. Everything you said here is my life for the last two years.
Hi Lisa, please can you do a video explaining what causes borderline personality disorder and the differences between BPD diagnosis from the differences in the people who only have some traits of BPD but not the full diagnosis. Thank you for all your educational videos on mental health.
I diagnosed with BPD and unfortunately a lot of things resonates with me. Assurance and unconditional love is very important. Even just one single unwavering relationship care and love help to heal and will question the negative thoughts eventually leaving positive experiences. If possible only bond with secure attachment person.
When I first met my GF (Quiet BPD) she sex-bombed me. When we got together we would always have quite a bit to drink, and then had lots of sex. But her drinking became a problem. She became a different person: hypersexual, almost insatiable (I couldn't keep up), and it seemed to me that she did not care if it was me or some other guy. I had to help her after falling, hurting herself, and passing out many times. She would tell me that she was no good and that she didn't want 'this' (relationship). But I saw the good things in her, and wanted to help so I stayed with her, even through a panic attack that resulted in her going to the emergency room. After long talks spanning over a year, she has gradually opened up about sexual abuse when she was very young, by a relative, which she cannot recall the details of, and being raped when she had just started HS. Then she stopped drinking altogether. Now she doesn't even ever want to have sex, so we just cuddle and hug. The way I look at it: it is a vicious cycle - the PwBPD will seek out a partner for casual, wild sex in order to fulfill her need for validation that she is desirable (confusing sex for love and attention/emotionally disregulated), then sex-bomb that partner to keep him from leaving (separation anxiety/fear of abandonment), then feel guilt and shame for her actions (substance abuse and meaningless sex), then sabotage the relationship until the man has been dragged into her problems so deeply that he quits the relationship (burden is off her). Finally, after a short period of loneliness, she starts the cycle up again, with each new engagement becoming more and more wild and kinky (needing more oxytocin and more dopamine like needing more and more of a drug). I also think that this toxic cycle is a way of self-punishment as the PwBPD has extremely low self-esteem, yet it can also be seen as a way to take back control of her body after traumatic sexual experiences.
So me being quite conservative, and aware of sex-bombing as a thing before I even knew about BPD. resisted sex from a female PwBPD. And she said how much she respects me, and wants to be with me because of that - no other guy has been able to do that before. Do you think this approach is a good litmus test? I resisted her for a good 8 months, though we made out intensely during that time. But she did seem stunned by my standards and was trying to match it. Unfortunately, recently, she went back to drinking and I said we need space... but I'm leaning towards a break-up after seeing these videos and feeling like there's no hope.
@@TheBoomshine in my experience it is the drinking that is the key to her behavior: she becomes a completely different person when she drinks (and it is always to excess). She becomes both hyper-active and hyper-sexual, while when sober she is reserved and cannot even think of having sex. And when sober she will lie, cover-up, and make excuses for her past bad behavior. I can only imagine what she has done while totally inebriated with other men. We men have to stop being White Knights and trying to rescue these very damaged women from their past. They may have have bad experiences and been traumatized, but it is their choice not to seek help. You will get pulled into a rabbit hole that you may yourself get hurt and even damaged. So my advice is to break it off. And the only way is to go No Contact.
This was so informative. My intensely rocky 3 year relationship with a wonderful but tormented man ended recently. In my confusion at his constant 'yoyo' emotional state, I started looking into mental illness. Your style is very clear, and has helped me understand his behavior. If I'd spent some time researching his condition earlier perhaps it could have been a less painful parting. And I see I still have remnants to work on myself also. Thank you.
Going through a breakup right now with a BPD…..and all you say is true….never wait till things get better.🙏🏻🌺✨ Your world is being turned upside down…..✌🏼
Yeah I married one and gave her two kids. Haven’t seen my boys since the divorce 3 years now. What a nightmare. I hope my boys get away from her and reach out in time. They are only 13 and 16. What a roller coaster. My repeated attempts to have a relationship with my kids have been shot down. Her dad is a multimillionaire and his lawyers made sure she buried me in court with bills and lies. I almost deleted myself if not for the love of a beautiful woman I met who went through similar with her narc ex husband. These bpd losers should be on lithium.
I’d like to add unfortunately one of my boys shows very strong genetic similarities to her. He has zero empathy. Doesn’t even know how to feel. The other is a real empathy showing little boy.
@Lise Leblanc You specialize in some really thorny areas of human life... things I know hardly anything about. Thank you for your contribution to society, though it knocks my psychological socks off..
I've seen my ex Wife with BPD getting angry. During this moment was like her soul was gone. I'm sorry that i can't be there for her anymore, but she really destroyed me as well.
Hi Lise, I really love your videos. I just wanted to ask for some clarification on that last statement about abusive behaviour happening repeatedly without apologies and you mentioned it starts to "appear" intentional. If it is not intentional, then what is it? I understand it is emotional dysregulation, but I'm still a bit lost in how it should not be perceived as intentional -- is telling their partner that they will commit suicide if they break up with me not intentional, or spreading false rumours about the partner after the breakup not also intentional? During my relationship she expressed remorse for what she was doing to me, and she told me that was why she was breaking up with me. But then she switched literally mid sentence and started having the abusive episode screaming asking why I was the one breaking up with HER. I had a panic attack and had to leave. I never told anyone about her episodes, as she's quite well adjusted in social settings and I want her to live a normal life. But I've had to cut off contact with our mutual friends because they think I hurt her. I really want to find a way to have some rational compassion and come up with a way to truly understand this phenomenon in my life. It is so dizzying and confusing... I had no idea what I was up against when she told me her past :(
This is a great question and a complex one. The person with BPD gets so emotionally dysregulated when triggered that they can lose access to their rational mind as well as their ability to control impulses. In addition to this, their mind feeds them twisted stories and "evidence" to support the intense emotion they are experiencing, and so their behaviour is often a result of emotional overload without the corresponding braking system or ability to rationally process the situation as a whole. Here is a research article that you may find interesting which explains the neurological aspects of this disorder: bit.ly/3Nr0FKl This can help you understand why the person with BPD can behave in erratic or abusive ways, as well as the neuroanatomical underpinnings of this disorder.
@@LiseLeblanc that's perfect!!! Explains my ex fiancé abusive behavior, when she misinterpreted the word "delusional!" That triggered her and she lost all sense of reality and control over her emotions!
Holy guacamole, this describes my ex in so many ways! That relationship left me financially in shambles and it took me years to get out of - what a shitshow! It doesn't matter if you're a strong person in general, you can still find yourself in a relationship like this but once you see, you can't unsee! No way that I will ever tolerate that shit again!
I was in a relationship with a girl who had borderline personality disorder. She wanted me on the phone 24 hours a day, even when I was sleeping. If I hung up the phone, she got angry and accused me of cheating! She threatened to cheat on me! If I told her that I was tired and didn't want to mess around with her, she got angry and thought that I was bored with her and wanted to leave her! She sent threatening and insulting messages! She said that she loved me madly. When I broke up with her, she got married after only a month!! I found out that she had been divorced twice!! There is no point in trying. My advice is to run away.
Recently started a romantic relationship with my best friend of three years. She's both bipolar and has bpd. I'm learning all i can, she's worth it. Your videos are helping greatly, thank you so much.
wow, your information is spot on to what I’ve been experiencing with my partner. She is not diagnosed and I’m approaching yr 6 trying to make sense of it all. I’m in the worst devaluation phase rn a month before anniversary and proposing this year may never happen. 😞 Would love to make an appointment
@@dannystark7668 I’m definitely no expert but I know my ex wife was a covert narc, 15yrs…did some work figured my codependency and abandonment issues thought I met the exact opposite of my last relationship only to find out a couple of years later I may have been prey. She’s an absolute amazing person and thought maybe a communal narc because she absolutely wants to make everyone happy and has high empathy in those arenas. And takes it almost personally if she can’t get through.
Wow. I also have a girlfriend of 6 years. I’ve wanted to propose but it has been a crazy roller coaster. I just learned what BPD is a few weeks ago and I have no doubt she has it. Minus the suicidal tendencies thank goodness. I love her but I think it’s finally time to move on. The anger outbursts are unbearable. Good luck to you and I hope you heal from it too.
@@KnoTasItSeams no suicidal ideations over here either. It’s a tough situation. It sounds like the self aware bpd folks are doing better and the ones with treatment even better. It’s all about how to help them, help themselves in a time window that doesn’t see us in the ground before we ever have solid good years 😞
OK, now I don't know if my ex-wife has BPD or NPD. I figured she was a midrange, covert narcissist, but this definition seems to fit her like a glove, too. I remember early in the marriage one of those, "Oh, crap, she might be crazy" moments when we got in a nasty argument, seemingly over nothing. She stormed off and maybe 30 seconds later came back acting super sweet, kind, and loving. At that moment I legitimately thought she had a split personality and started researching MPD.
That just sounds like she had a lot on her mind that day the way you describe it, these disorders are a lot deeper and more pervasive than that..do you have more serious examples? Dr Phil says he doesnt think the distinction between the two disorders is that warranted
@@gammypage Like you said, what difference does it make which abusive personality disorder she has? The emotional abuse hurts just as much. PS especially when so many have a bit of both going at the same time.
It’s so true my baby momma, the two extremely positive, extremely negative, I will be walking bing walking on age shall become she can switch any minute , at any minute, at any time
Been in a relationship with a narcissistic woman for 2 1/2 years it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through the whole room, the breadcrumbing fire lighting everything we have broken up maybe 1000 times she’s so good and bring me back and I will try to cut loose. I have blocked her many times and she knows how to get me back . I’m not living in the United States and I’m living in a foreign country were Help For, narcissistic or or narcissism help it’s hard to find as I said in this relationship I have done everything in my power. I’ve been the week one and she has pulled me in.
What people won’t tell you is it’ll take forever, if at all for someone with bpd to see results. It’s much better for you to leave them because only they can help themselves. It's in everyone’s best interest honestly to leave because it's doing damage to both parties, of course one more than the other. They have a lot to deal with and if they’re just realizing it, it’s best for both of you to separate.
![BOWKYLION - วิงวอน (ex-change) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cLdnZWDaO-w/mqdefault.jpg)
Ironically, the day this video was uploaded (May 1st 2023) I married a beautiful woman who I thought was my best friend and world. I mistakenly thought once the vows were taken that, her symptoms would decrease knowing I had given my life to her. I was so wrong. Within days everything got 10X worse. I couldn’t tell her I loved her enough. I couldn’t hold her, look her in the eyes and say it with anymore conviction. She was hot and cold all summer and into this fall. The more I tried to keep the peace, show love and fix everything she thought was wrong, the worse she got and I was always lying in her mind. She’d make up scenarios where I was doing things I’d never consider doing. The fact that we had just taken vows never entered her mind. I was still a liar and didn’t love her in her mind. Now as I sit here heartbroken just over 6 months later, I’m waiting for my divorce papers. I didn’t understand who I was marrying. I was naive at the age of 47. I’m ashamed to even look at my family who are dumbfounded at a marriage that lasted barely 6 months. The grief and anger at me wasting so much time on someone who won’t listen to anything I say, second guessing my own judgement now like never before, the feeling that I was happy as can be not long ago to, being to the point where I’m falling into my own mental darkness and depression. All I wanted was to fix her and, it’s only at this moment I realize that wasn’t ever possible. She’s completely discarded me now. I have to let her go. What a nightmare. I’m still madly in love with my new wife that I can never be with. Thanks for reading my ramblings and I hope non of you experience this level of pain.
So sorry to hear. I'm going through the same thing with my girlfriend. We came to Colorado to visit her son and new baby. She staying with him, and I'm at the hotel because her grandson is a newborn. Long story short, last night she texted me to tell me she was going to stay with me at tge hotel for one of tge nights. Well, when i finally picked her up to have dinner, she started questioning me why i had mints in the car, and started to accuse me that i probably was out drinking and brought a girl into the hotel. (Of which I would never do to her) Long story short, i took her back to her son's because she didn't want to stay with me because she thought i was a liar and called me everything in the book. I've been in the hotel pretty depressed. (This is the 4th time she has this kind of rage with me) I've been scrolling through different videos to help me cope. She texted me last night that she wasn't flying back with me and that she was staying another week. We also had plans for Thanksgiving, now I'm here and evey hour in the hotel seems like an eternity. I love her soo much, and have been trying my hardest to help her, but it's a loosing battle. And just like you, I still love her soo much that I keep telling myself that we will get through this.
I feel your pain
No man should have to have the capacity to deal with women who behave in such ways. Men, in my personal opinion, need to see themselves as kings and stop pedestalizing women. Once a man puts a woman up like that, you tolerant things you shouldn't. When you're a king, you have the ability to set boundaries at the beginning, and you have the strength to kick her out. This attitude comes with experience, or observation, of other people's relationship blunders. Thankfully, there is a plethora of resources like this channel out there to save us some pain.
BPD do not discard people, Narcissists do.
@canadianbacon587 Hey I don't know you, but I want to tell you that you are not alone, what you have written is exactly my story. My marriage last only 5 months. It took me a year to partially recovered from the nightmare, now I feel good by being alone, go back to my projects, I'm still in the healing process. If you need to talk with someone who can understand you, don't hesitate to write me and we can coordinate a call. A year ago I was devastated, now I'm starting to see the shine of life again. Hugs from Peru
I think after 6 months of watching videos on BPD, this is the one that describes the relationship with my ex pwBPD the best.
No rage or suicidal ideation, but idealization and devaluation, engulfment and abandonment, impulsivity was there. Dumping me 24 hours after I plan a weekend away over a misunderstanding, blaming my communication "style" as the sole cause of problems. Every time we had a micro-breakup, she would be dating some random guy within a day or two. Spent months trying to show I wouldn't abandon her. Finally caught her Tindering while we were together. Utter shitshow.
Did we date the same girl? I went through similar and I'm still mentally worn out from it. When you walked away did she bombard you with non stop messages, love songs, voicemails etc? I had to change my number with how bad it got and she was blocked on everything but could still leave voicemails or message via different numbers.
Agreed. This is the absolute best explanation I’ve heard.
I feel you brother.
Broke up with my boyfriend 3 times in the span of maybe two months Max.
Also had to do with hormones to be fair , birth control implant removal and reinstalling kept getting rescheduled.
Very similar story here. It was all about me proving to her I wouldn't abandon her. When she understood I wouldn't, she cheated and lied, and discarded me. I learnt she had other things going by then. Only later on did it hit me that she never assured me she wouldn't leave me... it was all about assurances I'd never leave her lol. I confronted her about it, telling her isn't the Golden Rule to do unto others as you would have them do unto you? Silence. After several months of shock, anger, self-pity, false hoping, wanting to be dead... the peace is palpable. But they really do send you into a whirl when they devalue and discard, usually at the worst moment.
Wow, you`re so right. I was married to a BPD woman. And that`s 100% her, she developed into an alcoholic, would flip from being loving, to tell me, I should get out of her life. Then the next day, she conveniently would have forgotten everything, and didn`t want me to go. It ended even with 2 suicide attempts and 4 days in coma. Now, I`m happily divorced and I blocked her.
@Emma Jean if a man in a relationship had anger outburst and similar traits, would you say it sounded like his wife didn't know how to soothe him? No- We would keep him accountable, equally we will keep the women accountable.
Have you tried soothing someone who:
- has made you feel worthless?
- who has betrayed your trust?
- who is not willing to aknowledge and take steps to change?
How long would you continue to try to soothe them?
@@The_Sherpard My Ex wife was actually diagnosed to have BPD by several Psychiatrists, because she kept jumping from Psychiatrist to Psychiatrists, as she didn`t feel the medications would make her better. So she decided herself to one day take them, then the other day not...soe she was on and off her meds. And the culmination of the events endend in an OD of sleeping pills.
@Emma Jean It seems you haven't watched or paid attention to any videos on this channel. People with BPD will do what they do, no matter what their partners do.
@@leila7998 Just ignore her, there is no use explaining to her. pwBPDs tend to take things very personally and project blame to others. Look at the comment, blaming the normal partner ("don't know how to soothe her") for the actions/behaviours of the pwBPDs (being alcoholic, push/push, self harms). It is inconscionable making one person bear the responsibilities for the actions of others.
@@The_Sherpard you’re wrong. with bpd the sufferer cannot control the push-pull, the love bombing, the manipulation, and it is up to both parties to contribute effort. if you do not struggle with bpd please do not speak on this matter; as you truly have no clue how emotionally taxing it is on the borderline knowing that they cannot love someone without putting them on a rollercoaster. as opposed to a non-neurodiverse man who is choosing to manipulate stemming from a healthy brain without cognitive deficits, it is not the same thing.
i hope this was insightful.
I would probably be able to cope with my now ex wife's instability, but I couldn't get over cheating, so first time I discovered it, I just dumped her and threw her out from my house. This is just absolutely unacceptable. I don't care about your problems if you cheat on me. I can help you if you're loyal, but what is the purpose of relationship with cheating? I despise such people.
Pure disgust comes up
How can I be loyal to someone who doesn't want me ?
I'm being loyal to the person they are in that incident.
Maybe means
I feel you don't like me as much as you did, you like someone else more, you're obsessed with them why not me how could you not be obsessed with me if you're gonna obsess over someone
There is no purpose to it. At some level, she is not rational or in control of her actions and words. The goal is to make those close to her as miserable and anguished as she is from the internal trauma. Good on you to get out.
The cheating and insanely "adventurous" past did it for me. They don't offer security in a relationship.
I've been in relationships with two bpd women. The splitting and extreme devaluation, hateful attacks and gaslighting drove me to a deep depression. I suspect i am drawn to them because I'm seeking to recreate/heal from my own childhood trauma. I also suspect bpd is diagnosed more in women than men because many men with bpd probably commit suicide or end up in prison rather than seeking or getting help.
Yep, men are probably more likely to be labeled anti-social personality (when they're really BPD). Men also don't seek help as often, so they are never diagnosed or end up dead or in prison.
Accurate accurate accurate. I appreciate you and im glad you’re here
And what of your own behavior. If someone close to you growing up BPD that would reflect on your attachments?
Are you able to see the ways you might have made them worse or reactive? My roommate likely had BPD and looking back I can see very clearly why my response to him (complete emotional distancing) would have triggered his deepest insecurities and made him even worse.
So because of my inability to communicate, out of fear of his aggression, I self fulfilled his deepest inner wounds. I don't blame myself, I told him I had abusive parents, his behavior was inexcusable. But that being said, I take accountability for putting my emotions above his. In a relationship, I hope to not do that.
I feel you brother
It sounds exciting though. And the sex must have been at LEAST interesting?
BPD, for me, is like having two of me in my brain. The emotional me, and the logical me. They can talk for the most part. But sometimes, its like theres a glass wall between them. They can see eachother but not communicate.
The wolf vs angel entity is really a good description too.
Thank you for making these videos, i never want to be this kind of girlfriend to somebody.
It's called being a psycho
@George Sparks BPD women aren't too psycho for you to have one night stands with them. I really don't care what a pervert says to me.
Omg yes this is what I say to my therapist that I feel like my brain is split in 2, the emotional side and the logical side....It makes it so confusing, draining and stressful....
thats how it it for me but, I wasn't aware of it until I was in a very push-pull relationship that I disagreed with myself often.. I began integrating my shadow and she started talking with me. I had a traumatic brain injury as a child right in the center of my head between my eyes. age 4.
Never date
Lise, I remember asking my BPD girlfriend (before I understood BPD), "What happened to my kind sensitive Clara?" To which dominate Sadistic Clara responded, "She doesn't exist." True story.
Asked same question, her answer was "i can't always be nice and cute"
Wow. That’s really scary
In an already craze situation that would still catch anyone off guard.
It's like the exorcist 😮
It's called "dissociation".
I dated a woman in her early thirties that told me she was diagnosed with BPD. I met her with when the sweat loveable side was very nice and quickly learned the mean nasty side was horrid and degrading . When mixed with alcohol it because outright scary and I had to end the relationship.
Sounds all too familiar. Hope you found happiness on the other side of that relationship
Keep sharing your personal life dummy
I recently got out of a 15 year relationship with a borderline that included marriage and two beautiful kids. At the start, BPD wasn’t even on my radar screen. Now I feel like an expert. There were days and nights that I felt had aged me years. It’s amazing how resilient the human psyche can actually be.
You’ve got to be 170.
I was with one for one year and lost ten years of my life to stress dealing with her. Sleepless nights arguing till sun up. . . .
That’s a very long run to be with someone with BPD. Was she ever in therapy and did it help?
This has been helpful. My BPD partner was telling me she loved me every ten minutes one day, the next day, she hated me and threw me out over nothing. We haven't spoken since. three years now.
You're better off, they have no souls.
I’ve suffered with depression almost my whole life so I understand emotional pain better then most. Dealing with devaluation and getting discarded by my ex with bpd was soul shattering. Nothing I did or tried could stop the devaluation dominos once it triggered. You just watch as the person you thought was the love of your life slowly push you away and replace you like you meant nothing to them.
Did she ever reach back out to you and try to get back together?
I understand. Been there
Have you ever had the thought. Why are you attached to someone that never loved you. Never will. Can’t
Why chase a false reality?
That’s like wanting to roll with telling people the sky is purple. That would be crazy making. It’s blue. Everyone sees blue. So why are you hung up on a false reality .. switch to the facts and free yourself from the misery
How awful. I’m very sorry that this was your experience and eventual outcome. I recently started dating someone with BPD. She told me this in the first few weeks of our relationship, and I had never understood BPD so I am now doing my research given that her and I feel so in love and are even discussing marriage. But what I am learning about BPD is honestly frightening.
@@smacosta1314 do not get married to her for a LONG time. You will see how things are. Be smart
I feel that every time I get back with my bpd ex being hopeful. I'm trying to be better
I will send this to people who don't understand why I don't date. I don't want to traumatize anyone, that shit is dangerous.
I'm lost trying to figure my wife out. I finally had to get away from her. I love what she is 50% of the time but lord the other. This video is really close to my wife. I actually had to leave because she frustrated me enough one night that I started screaming at her and called her a narcissistic lying C word. That's when I knew I had to go
Can relate, for the first time I felt I would physically defend myself from her rage. I'm considering a break. We've been dating for 4 years. Constantly being told I'm cheating on her. We work together in our own business at home and stay together. We are almost never apart. It has also gotten difficult because she is accusing me of being involved with co-workers. They all work remotely, so we or I hardly meet with them in person.
Yep.. we’ve been there
I called her a used up 40 year old “pussycat”
I knew I hit a low point when I started throwing insults back. And I didn’t want to be that type of guy.
That’s really tough. I’m sorry to hear. How long have you been married to her? And has anything changed since you first left your comment? Finally, has she been in therapy at all?
@@bernarddt Mine was also obsessed with the cheating, but at the end she was the one cheating
You are much stronger than I. My pwBPD and I have been together for little over 18 months and I've already gone far outside my true character. I too knew then it was time to go......I didn't listen though
My boyfriend sent this to me so I could understand what I put him through.
I’m on my journey of healing but I feel very discouraged after reading the comments. I love so hard and have so much love but I was unfortunately taken advantage of by a child in ways that made my brain pathways different from others.
I’m not a bad person, I want to be better. It’s just hard. I’m glad my boyfriend is so supportive of me - he has helped me on my healing journey so, so much. Thank you for making this video.
As someone with BPD, being with someone who has it is not for the weak.
Progress is not a straight line up - just like this video says. But it’s still progress. Peace out ♥️
He sent you this because he loves you. Your worth it 💯💯💯 god bless you both
I began dating a woman who's going threw a bad divorce.however even with that she mentioned long struggles with mental health.
The splitting behavior ,push and pull, emotional roller coater ride describe this woman.
One day she's incredible the next futile and sabotaging.
What stands out to me is that she doesn't appear to recognize when her negative actions cause others to distance themselves and blames others for these type of scenarios.
Dude run
Second never ever date a person in divorce let alone just right out of a fresh divorce
Just run. Save yourself your sanity. The sex ain’t worth it. We will all tell you that!
A relief knowing I'm not a narcissist, but I still have BPD. I don't want to be hot and cold 😢....I want to change, why is life so hard
try yoga, mindfulness, and therapy 🙏 I wish you the best 😊
@@Tranquil_Hobby Thank you, really appreciated
DBT therapy seems really helpful. I've also found solace in a private counsellor who has helped me through a lot of trauma. You will be okay and it's great that you want to change things. Be kind to yourself.
@@disastermary Thank you
I want to add that not all borderlines flip to aggressive hatred. This doesn’t apply to every borderline. We don’t all flip to aggressive hatred, a lot of the times it’s just immense fear resulting in anger and sadness. but for me for example, i never feel as i hate my partner or they are the root of my issues.
From someone who tried their absolute best to make it work with a diagnosed BPD girlfriend who was well into treatment, there is only one thing you need to know: Leave. She will not suddenly be cured and become a wonderful partner. She will not have miraculous breakthroughs. She will continue to make you life a walking on eggshells nightmare.
Even if they do getting better which I personally have never heard of, they can always regress like an addict.
It's not just you guys testing boundaries, BPD is much deeper than that. From mood swings to hallucinations. I personally don't need that in my life and I wouldn't advise anyone else to have it in their life either. Also, BPD's are very calculated so they don't even respond well to setting boundaries. I'd prefer to just have a normal partner who responds well to boundaries, has a stable mood, isn't impulsive, and doesn't hallucinate.
Also, you don't even know me. Being hypersensitive and devaluing others is typical BPD behavior. Splitting over a YT comment is crazy lol. Smh, seek help. @@Bre273
@@Bre273get his ass queen
@@Bre273get him queen
@@Bre273lol. You’re gonna single foreverrrrrr 😂
Miss Leblanc... You are absolutely awesome in describing the exact scenarios of the BPD. Your videos were very helpful to understand the psychology and the steps to be taken. I am with a potential BPD partner and watching your suggestions and procedure really helps me to deal with her. Being someone who is into therapy myself for a different issue, your videos are really helping a lot to cope up and stay sane. Thank you for your excellent service.
I’m happy to hear that you’re finding my content helpful! Have you seen this one? How to Support A Partner With BPD
th-cam.com/video/j2-P0J8ezLs/w-d-xo.html
This has helped me a lot thank you. I was dating someone with bpd 3 weeks ago. It went from planing a family and future very comfortable loving relationship. To the next day I didn’t know who she was and she left me. completely different person it didn’t make any sense to me. havnt spoke since. I’ve been very confused recently and didn’t understand how someone can do something like that. I knew she had bpd I always helped her through it I have the patience to help her. But I can’t help this time. It’s hard to just stop caring. But in the state she is in at the moment. She dosnt deserve my help or want it. Thank you for helping.
The borderliners I've known were way more self-reflected. They knew what was going on with them, could explain it, could warn their partners and give them useful instructions in advance for how to support them, etc.
My ex pushed me further than I've ever been, she'd be in my face yelling at me to hit her saying "you know you want to". I never wanted to or ever would but I told her some guy might.
To which she'd reply, "so you think I deserve to be hit do you".
For me a totally impossible relationship no matter how hard I tried.
She never tried the 'I need a real guy that can hit me'...
Crazy stuff
Classic ex 😂
She use to say this to her ex. She knew I’d never hit her even when she was hitting me. It is kinda funny as her punches were so weak. Obviously no fun but I can laugh about it now
Damn this sound like my girl 😢 we broke up and slightly back together but I am going to run away
@beats4life971 unfortunately some women and guys are too messed up. We love them but being with them is dangerous. I hope you make the best decision for you.
Similar things happened in my relationship. It was terrifying. She was verbally abusing me and pushing an argument on me further, and further, despite me repeatedly asking her to stop. Finally I slammed the steering wheel and told her to stop pushing me. The argument stopped immediately. But two days later, she said (with glee in her eyes) that I made her feel physically unsafe. She held that over me for a while.
Violence was never anywhere close on my mind that night. My next tactic if she didn't stop harassing me that night would have been to turn off the car and get out, even in the middle of traffic, and demand that she find herself a ride home or I'm calling the police.
She took excitement in hurting me and planting dark seeds in my mind that perhaps I'm a violent and unsafe person. I never have been and never will be. She's terrifying. I've cut her out of my life and will never talk to her again.
Thanks for helping me identify what destroyed my marriage. 8 years trying to change myself and meet her expectations....took so many years off my life. Anger and rage completely uncalled for just because I didn't respond to a text within 2 minutes. Always in the wrong. Countless nights having to listen to her vent every little thing I did wrong over the entirety of the marriage again and again and again. Isolated from family and friends, going to see them was likely to trigger her idea I choose them over her. Then back to the highs, great sex all the time, idealization, clingy love and happy. The last month we were together, she told our two kids she didn't love me anymore. The following week asked me for a new wedding ring. The week after that she stabbed all our photos on the walls and our wedding album on my birthday, packs all my bags and shoved me out. Why? Because after an entire week of her chasing me with her anger I eventually said I can't talk about her issues with me anymore that day because I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.
I just went through 10y of the same. You are not alone, but this too shall pass.
It’s incredibly difficult to maintain a relationship with a bpd sufferer, and if u wait long enough, or w/o professional help, u will c that it’s also incredibly difficult for the bpd sufferer to maintain a relationship with u. Watch for signs. Have discussions. Maintain your composure, logic, moral compass, self respect & dignity. Know that you MUST love and respect yourself first, before u can properly love any of Gods other children or creations. It’s so difficult, but when they talk about tests of fire, the only way out is to go thru it sometimes 💕
Exceptional explanation of the borderlines challenges and engagement with (significant) others. Very well-rounded, succinct, high-level but specific enough to be easily relatable to those that have experienced this type of relationship. After binging many of these types of videos on TH-cam - some of which are also excellent - the overview and insight here is most relatable and provided comparatively bite-sized, easily consumable knowledge that is easy to apply to one’s situation. Thank you very much for sharing your wisdom and guidance. Very helpful.
Thank you for this positive feedback, I appreciate it!
After 5+ years on and off with a BPD gf..reminds me of the movie Wargames 1983: quote "“A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”"
For the last two years I dated my ex. It has been the craziest roller coaster I’ve e er been on. She was my best friend. She was perfect in every way. In every way other than the nonstop rage and everything else you talk about. This is a horrible illness.
Been with my gf for almost three years and I'm about 99% sure she has BPD. The most soul sucking relationship with another human being i've ever had. I've bent over backwards for her and nothing is ever good enough. One day I'm being told Im her person and she's never loved anybody as much as me then the next day i'm getting told I never really wanted her and all I do is tell her horrible things. I never know what's going to set her off so there's always tension in the air. Her ability to make a mountain out of a molehill is staggering.
It's honestly hard to know what to do because when things are good, they really are good. She's so incredibly loving
i've never hated myself so much before. these videos.. i wish i never had bpd. :(
Wrong place to look for sympathy probably a lot of these people been hurt by people with bpd but me speaking for everybody I genuinely feel for you guys the same way I would feel for a narcissist tho but it’s sad Cause all of it is trauma based but your in the right track since your self aware 😉
My ex had BPD, she kept saying i am the best thing that has ever happened to her, love bombed hard, said she had no complaints. But since i was ''too good to be true'' everything was triggering her. A wrong look, a bad joke about her, me going out, me dressing well, all of that was perceived as ill find someone better and abandon her. In the end we both cheated on eachother (me out of revenge) and she cheated with a drug addict (she was an addict too and didnt know). All she got in the end is a panic attack when i made it clear to her that i never cheated or intented to cheat before she started it and i always had the best intentions for her. So sad. She is stalking my socials and called me at 3 in the morning one day, it was her friend and asked if i have a GF, i said yes, asked if i am willing to cheat on her and said no, i wouldnt give her the validation of proving to herself that i was indeed a player.
Best relationship I’ve had was with a woman with bpd, but I did leave her eventually because I really needed to quit drinking and I knew I couldn’t do it with her. I revisited her years later. The decline was absolutely horrific. And I know for sure that my leaving precipitated that decline. And she begged me to stay with her. Begged me. Awful. There’s nothing that can be done but I’ll carry that with me forever
😢 yeah it tough but sometimes it's the only way out to peace. Leaving
Thank you for the work that you do. I've signed up for your recovery program and your insight has been incredibly helpful. Keep up the great work
Thank you Brandon, I’m happy to hear that you are on your healing journey!
I recently got dumped by someone with BPD. I didn't know she had BPD until after the fact. This video and the other about dating women with BPD was like you were describing our relationship specifically. It's been so heartbreaking as I was sure she was the person I wanted to spend my life with, and I couldn't understand her behavior or the perceived cruelty of her choices. Thank you for this video.
What was her reason for breaking up?
She will be back don’t worry
Its because she was scared of you leaving first
The many stories I've heard, sounds exhausting, and I'm a very patient person....but not gonna add that level of complexity to my life. Great informative video!
Don't play the game.
Run and hide
Ex gf once said about herself “you don’t know how delusional and suicidal I really am.” And that was when I needed to take her for her word and leave. Of all the things she used to say to manipulate, she told on herself if you listen closely enough.
I was the one who walked away. Went no contact. Over two months now. She's not once texted me or called. I unfriended her on socials. She'd still "like" and comment on MY friends pages. Post attention getting posts. But I didn't budge. She did the smear campaign. Then, she tried to friend request me. I didn't respond. Days after, she simply blocked me. Seems like she's perfectly fine with never seeing me again. Most likely already has another person. We dated a year. Honestly thought I was gonna marry her. Even her daughters loved me.
She found a new supply. Consider yourself fortunate and don't pick a borderline to be with now that you know how they are.
Michael King, it seems you are commenting in the wrong place, here is the empathic corner of TH-cam not your regular brawl house "oh I know how to live life better than others". Here is a channel where the whole fing point is helping people cope with their problems without destroying the bricks layed out. That said, you can go and look for some therapy to take care of your own sociopathic tendencies.
Would advise to stop conducting intimate relationships over facebook, probably better she blocked you on there as she probably knew she was being needy and wanted to stop herself , doesnt mean you are blocked face to face, move on but dont be mean to her this is a mental disorder.. as long as she tries and is a good person when regulated u should have compassion for her.
Face to face meaning in person
@gammypage I'm not a mean man. I honestly do understand that the disorder is a part of her. Maybe you're correct. But when her rage became a physical thing. I had to make a decision. I don't post intimate things on socials. Or passive aggressive content. I just moved on. Albeit with a broken heart.
Really useful Lisa. You’ve described my partner 100%. It’s certainly had its challenges. Thankyou
Thank you for your videos! I wish I would've discovered them faster. Been through some tough moments recently after separating with a bpd woman, and your videos made me see a better picture, appreciate it!
1. Run
2. Run
3. Run
4. Run
5. Run
All mental health issues can be treated.
Run
Run
RUN
RUNNNNNNN
incase you didn't hear this man. He's 100% right. the moment you hear BPD, you run.
🧢@@disastermary
they deserve a chance at love, too.
And hide
My current partner is the epitome of these traits. I hate myself that I even allowed myself to get backed into moving in with her. I'm usually one to want personal space, but that ontop of her random rage and emotional abuse, there's her stunted emotional/ cognitive development.
I have been plagued by people with BPD my whole life. If you think you want to help one of them, try bringing a lion home and living with it for a while.
I have been there and done that, remember men, crazy in the head is crazy in bed but when you are done with crazy in bed you still got crazy in the head. It isn't worth it go find yourself a mentally healthy woman and have a good life.
You are right brother I got drawn in from the best sex I ever had but now I’m left all confused
I am this 100% and I am very aware of the toxicity and consequences. Therefore the guilt afterwards is huge! The self destructive behavior is something I prefer to do in private, I don't feel the need to use it
No Fucking kidding. I knew I was always frightened of the Roller Coaster Ride, but was not prepared to experience that behavior in a girlfriend. It was like a drug addiction. The highs were always higher and the lows always lower.
I m addicted to psychology & I learn from direct sources. One of my relatives was diagnosed with BPD . She is high-functioning & highly successful but not happy at all in her married & personal life , interestingly she doesn't have CSA trauma(childhood sexual abuse) she told me - a borderline with CSA can be extremely dangerous to intimate relationship ( whether it's done consciously or unconsciously or out of suspicion it doesn't matter)
Can you elaborate on how it can be bad if they also hve CSA plz
I was 19 last year and I fell in love with a then 16 year old girl with BPD. She loved me back, in case that needs to be adressed.
Contrary to my own belief at the time and the usual trend with BPD, this was my first EVER experience of some kind of love and it was the most magical time of my life.
Sure, I have Bipolar disorder, so I was on a manic episode. But I was scary calm when I was with her. I felt VULNERABLE. I could distinguish that she felt something when she was with me just from the tone of her voice. I’m lucky she split me before we became a couple. She did it in the most humane way, via text.
I’m just tired of the fact that many people tend to forget that PEOPLE with BPD are PEOPLE, not angels or demons. Spread love everyone. I was taught how to love, starting from nothing, from a girl with BPD.
Borderline Personality Disorder + Bipolar Disorder = ⁉️💘‼️
Idealization-Devaluation WOW!!! I lived it, had no idea there was a term for it or that other people experienced the same thing
This is my ex. Now she is pregnant with “my baby “. I’m getting a dna test 👌🏾
Save your child
There isn`t 5 things you need to know...there is only 1...
1- Walk...or RUN as fast and as far as you can from a BPD individual!
Don`t get involved on any level with them, your soul and peace of mind will thank you later.
Agreed. The traumas inflicted on the partners take years to heal, if that's even possible.
I found out the hard way.
Here we go with the stigma. 🤦♀️ Idk what experience you had with a pwbpd. But not all borderliners are worth running away from. This is a very ignorant comment in my opinion but you are entitled to your own.
Yes, they are. You can play victim all you want but the stories are mostly all the same.
@@Duzykutas No there not. I'll say this though. The untreated borderliners maybe. But the ones that are getting treatment and is self aware on their behavior no they are not like that. No one is playing victim. I'm giving you the facts as someone who has BPD.
Living with a DPD person is "doing the same thing repeatedly, and expecting different results is the definition of insanity,"
I’ve watched several videos of yours and although what you describe most definitely has a basis, I do not fully align with the way you talk about BPD individuals, especially females.
Instead of putting in the effort to understand people who struggle with this disorder, I feel like they are being pointed at. I, myself have BPD and I’m 21yo (INFJ). As a psychology enthusiast I’ve been doing the most to understand the human psyche, including myself, cuz I never truly felt understood in my environment.
What I’ve come to realise is that as much as BPD people appear intense and malicious, going from 0 to 100 in a blink of an eye, what’s really happening is they are just being heavily triggered. And yes, when triggered the result is far from pretty. Communication is key here if you ask me. I’ve had people in my environment who would intensify my BPD in the worst ways possible by being ironic, degrading me, questioning my abilities, abandoning me. But then again I’ve been around people who were patient with me, supported my growth, helped me communicate/express feelings, feel safe to trust, resolve conflict. So if you’re dating a BPD female and she’s making your life “living hell”, you’re either ignorant towards her needs or don’t know how to stand by her side and help her heal. I’m not saying it’s an easy task, but I think we are (wrongly) being portrayed as these ugly monsters that find it fun torturing people. No. We just deeply fear abandonment and dissociate upon sensing uncertainty/unsafety. But nobody goes deep down to the root of the problem. It’s like we perform preemptive strikes once we sense we lose our safety ground. We are deeply fearful and insecure that we will not be chosen, the ones we love will abandon/betray us and that we’ll never feel safe/loved.
I’m not saying by any means one shall stay with a BPD person if they can’t handle it, but I just wish there was more understanding for people like us.
For women almost everything is feelings. They understand the world through emotional lenses. Someone with BPD experiences feelings x10 more intensified. To the average person the things a BPD female could get triggered by might seem irrational and of minor importance, but to her sphere of understanding it matters cuz it’s her reality, it’s how she understands things. I just wish there was a bit more compassion and genuine interest to understand/help people instead of pointing fingers as if they’re the worst thing on earth. Everyone is fighting their own battles and inner demons.
Thank you sooo much for describing this from your perspective. It makes a difference for me. The one thing I would say is that you sound very much aware of your situation and what specifically it is you need and can speak to you needs. You seem like someone that is further along then most. In my situation, my lady doesn’t have the awareness or even the understanding that there is any abandonment issues or anything else at play. Seldom is able to articulate why to anything or what she needs. And it feels like those needs also change.
The kicker becomes when we can’t deal with one issue and even though I’ve decided to take full responsibility for 98% of any issue to close the time to resolving.
It becomes something totally different that escalates and becomes weeks of stonewalling and alienating. Unless I step in and reassure her and comfort her for a couple of days more.
Because even if it isn’t my fault, she’ll never take responsibility without two days of nonsense for a weak “I’m sorry”. Followed by weeks of stonewalling unless I go running to apologize and take it off her.
I’d love for her to be able to understand what’s happening, tell me how to help what to say how not to set off triggers. RN, she probably couldn’t even explain her triggers
I’ve been verbally and emotionally abused by my partner with BPD for a while now. It’s really taken a toll. I tried my best to understand and to de-escalate situations. Sometimes no amount of love or understanding or patience will solve the issue. Sometimes you just gotta GTFO and save yourself. I believe this video is more for the victims of people with BPD rather than the people with the disorder.
Ty xxx
So how come my partner of 18 months kept finishing me and it was always me begging her back if BPD sufferers fear abandonment? I gave my everything and now it’s me that has CPTSD and severe depression yet I was totally balanced when we met 18 months ago. She blocked me and reported me to the police when I tried to win her back the last time. Brutal.
Agree xxx
As a girlfriend with BPD myself, I’d like to give some thoughts. A lot of the internal thought-processes explained in the video are spot on, but I feel like the outward behavioral patterns are a bit of an over-generalization. A lot of us try to be as self aware and considerate as possible, as to not make our BPD symptoms the partner’s problem. As self destructive and sometimes outwardly destructive as the disorder can be, it doesn’t make us bad people.
God you basically explaining my relationship ive been having a hard time understanding how her brain works but this video helps i love my girlfriend so much i wont give up on her because of her bpd its not her fault. Thanks!!
I'm BPD because I was raped from aged 3 till aged 17. I'm a kind woman. I have a best friend for a long time and we r happy. Sometimes I cry and he comforts me. So Ur saying we r all cruel?
We treat each other with respect
I am so sorry that those crimes happened to you😞
@@mares3841 ty so much
I’m so sorry for what you went through. I’m glad you have someone who is supportive of you
I watch your videos and 'like' them even though I'm out of my BPD situation. I just want to boost your signal as high as I possibly can.
4:50 yes exactly. This resumption of normal is the point where I would simply drop and forget about any emotional or other request that caused the disruption in an attempt to achieve harmony. But it's another invisible lead weight on your psyche
Good afternoon Lise,
Number 3 is something that worries me the most. It’s been a while since her and I have talked however, number three on your list, is the one thing that concerns me the most. Sometimes I wish I could reach out to her and tell her I’d want to be there for her (It’s really not that simple) I guess what I’m saying is I just need to respect her and respect myself and put space between us. I’m more inclined to believe She’s not a bad person. Definitely, she’s a person anyone could find amazing. Plenty of hope and love sent her way that she finds a light to shine upon her so that she might find happiness in her darkest days.
As Always Lise,Luv you and continue fighting this fight that has taken so many beautiful people. Stay healthy and safe inside your body😉🤙🏼
Thank you Raul! I feel your compassion and desire to be there for her. I hope she finds the help she needs to manage this damaging, often life-threatening disorder.
Wow... #1 hit home. Feeling like all my good amounts to nothing definitely takes a toll.
Thank you for covering BPD, as there's not many who do. Your videos are so helpful in navigating relationships with them. So far I've dealt with 2 people in my life with this & I now am growing confident in how to deal with them. So thank you for all you do!
I’m a person with BPD and damn it we are shitty🤦♀️
As someone with BPD, it sucks that so mamy of you were hurt by this illness. BPD is nasty and some of us had no idea what the hell it even meant.
Borderline sounded like the border
Between sain and insane and it took one sweet counselor to even explain what it meant! The unstable emotions, push and pull, the splitting; none of this was even explained when i was first diagnosed in 2008.
15 years later and i have a better grasp on my emotions.
It took me doing Cognitive behavioral therapy to better myself and while i do have slip ups with my moods, especially when I'm overwhelmed or exhausted, it is no where near as bad as it was before I got help. Still, dating is off the table at the moment after sad breakup i had. I guess im that BPD dude who still holds feelings for past relationships instead of going for the next person like i used to when i was first disgnosed. 😂
It's positive that you're putting in the work, though. I'm a female with BPD who has been through private counselling, CBT and take medication.
There's a lot of hate in this common section 😂 I think all relationships require work, an open mind and a lot of awareness of our symptoms and tendencies. I'm sorry for your last heartbreak and hope that the next relationship you have is a better experience.
Keep on keeping on!
@@disastermaryrespect to both of you for staying out of relationships. Relationships only make your condition worse and cause incredible pain to those you get involved with. Please continue to refrain from relationships and try and be good to yourselves in other ways.
Perfect cover shot I should say😮 this is EXACTLY the face I've seen most time on my BPD ex😢 it can express full spectrum of emotions by the way, depending on circumstances, from well suppressed lust to disgust
I was married to a BPD for 10 years, reseach at an academic level, books, lectures...consider actual graduate work. You need to take it much more seriously than you think you do. If you arent a very forgiving and patient and secure person it wont work...
I was so shocked when i realize that my girlfriend have the whole characteristics of bpd, and whats worse is that my mom was also diagnosis with BPD. No wonder i fall in trauma bond cycle. I wanna say thank you very much for your enlightening me. God bless
Thank you...after years of scratching my head and confused as to what my ex put me thru, now I know
5 things
1. Leave
2. Leave
3. Leave
4. Leave
5. They lied, cheated, manipulated and used you. Leave
Spot on. I am trying my best to get help for my wife who I am convinced has bpd. She denied anything is wrong and says it's none of my business and doesn't feel safe talking to me about it. We have two small kids and have been separated for a year. I think she has gotten some counseling but not sure if being treated for bpd. She is on medication for off label treatment of bpd. I've been bending over backwards for her. I've heard every complaint she voiced. I even got a new job so that i could have Healthcare since she had it with her job that she hates and she could quit and be happy but she didn't want to quit her job. I'm not without fault and unintentionally hurt her very deeply and am so sorry, but I'm at my wits end and not sure how much longer I can continue if something doesn't change. I love her and our family and want both back.
How are things going now, if I may ask?
@ashjade86 she continued to think nothing was wrong and refused to get the help she needed to be in a better place. She continued down her maladaptive road. Continued taking the kids around her boyfriend ex felon domestic violence child abuser, and she finally filed for divorce. I hope the court will understand.
She has cheated on me and begged me to come back. She has shown up in the middle of the night crying, begging me to talk to her.
Everything you said here is my life for the last two years.
Hi Lisa, please can you do a video explaining what causes borderline personality disorder and the differences between BPD diagnosis from the differences in the people who only have some traits of BPD but not the full diagnosis. Thank you for all your educational videos on mental health.
Hi Celeste, I will work to create a video on this topic and post it as soon as I can. Thank you for your request!
@@LiseLeblanc that's great thank you!
Lise you are a breath of fresh air speaking the much needed truth. Please never dilute your message to appease anyone.
@
Isaac Clark Thank you! I needed to hear this today.
I diagnosed with BPD and unfortunately a lot of things resonates with me. Assurance and unconditional love is very important. Even just one single unwavering relationship care and love help to heal and will question the negative thoughts eventually leaving positive experiences. If possible only bond with secure attachment person.
When I first met my GF (Quiet BPD) she sex-bombed me. When we got together we would always have quite a bit to drink, and then had lots of sex. But her drinking became a problem. She became a different person: hypersexual, almost insatiable (I couldn't keep up), and it seemed to me that she did not care if it was me or some other guy. I had to help her after falling, hurting herself, and passing out many times. She would tell me that she was no good and that she didn't want 'this' (relationship). But I saw the good things in her, and wanted to help so I stayed with her, even through a panic attack that resulted in her going to the emergency room.
After long talks spanning over a year, she has gradually opened up about sexual abuse when she was very young, by a relative, which she cannot recall the details of, and being raped when she had just started HS. Then she stopped drinking altogether. Now she doesn't even ever want to have sex, so we just cuddle and hug.
The way I look at it: it is a vicious cycle - the PwBPD will seek out a partner for casual, wild sex in order to fulfill her need for validation that she is desirable (confusing sex for love and attention/emotionally disregulated), then sex-bomb that partner to keep him from leaving (separation anxiety/fear of abandonment), then feel guilt and shame for her actions (substance abuse and meaningless sex), then sabotage the relationship until the man has been dragged into her problems so deeply that he quits the relationship (burden is off her). Finally, after a short period of loneliness, she starts the cycle up again, with each new engagement becoming more and more wild and kinky (needing more oxytocin and more dopamine like needing more and more of a drug). I also think that this toxic cycle is a way of self-punishment as the PwBPD has extremely low self-esteem, yet it can also be seen as a way to take back control of her body after traumatic sexual experiences.
This is sucha good answer. Are you still with this GF ?
So me being quite conservative, and aware of sex-bombing as a thing before I even knew about BPD. resisted sex from a female PwBPD. And she said how much she respects me, and wants to be with me because of that - no other guy has been able to do that before. Do you think this approach is a good litmus test? I resisted her for a good 8 months, though we made out intensely during that time. But she did seem stunned by my standards and was trying to match it. Unfortunately, recently, she went back to drinking and I said we need space... but I'm leaning towards a break-up after seeing these videos and feeling like there's no hope.
@@TheBoomshine in my experience it is the drinking that is the key to her behavior: she becomes a completely different person when she drinks (and it is always to excess). She becomes both hyper-active and hyper-sexual, while when sober she is reserved and cannot even think of having sex. And when sober she will lie, cover-up, and make excuses for her past bad behavior. I can only imagine what she has done while totally inebriated with other men.
We men have to stop being White Knights and trying to rescue these very damaged women from their past. They may have have bad experiences and been traumatized, but it is their choice not to seek help. You will get pulled into a rabbit hole that you may yourself get hurt and even damaged. So my advice is to break it off. And the only way is to go No Contact.
@@ajgraf6571if you go no contact which is hard, they might come back.
Thank you for this understanding
This was so informative. My intensely rocky 3 year relationship with a wonderful but tormented man ended recently. In my confusion at his constant 'yoyo' emotional state, I started looking into mental illness. Your style is very clear, and has helped me understand his behavior. If I'd spent some time researching his condition earlier perhaps it could have been a less painful parting. And I see I still have remnants to work on myself also. Thank you.
Very good video , thank you. I wish I had known all this before I got married. It would have saved me from 27 years of misery.
Going through a breakup right now with a BPD…..and all you say is true….never wait till things get better.🙏🏻🌺✨
Your world is being turned upside down…..✌🏼
Yeah I married one and gave her two kids. Haven’t seen my boys since the divorce 3 years now. What a nightmare. I hope my boys get away from her and reach out in time. They are only 13 and 16. What a roller coaster. My repeated attempts to have a relationship with my kids have been shot down. Her dad is a multimillionaire and his lawyers made sure she buried me in court with bills and lies. I almost deleted myself if not for the love of a beautiful woman I met who went through similar with her narc ex husband. These bpd losers should be on lithium.
I’d like to add unfortunately one of my boys shows very strong genetic similarities to her. He has zero empathy. Doesn’t even know how to feel. The other is a real empathy showing little boy.
Meds don't help.
Married one.
After 16 yrs, left.
It's almost 4 yrs away now.
DATING A BPD MY ADVICE ....,,.,,DONT....,.,,AND RUNM FAST ....YOULL THANK ME
I have BPD. Thank you for this video. ❤
My ex had so much rage, anger and destructive tendencies. She is also incredibly beautiful, charismatic and smart. It has been a nightmare.
Thank you so much for these videos. They are really helping me!!!
@Lise Leblanc You specialize in some really thorny areas of human life... things I know hardly anything about. Thank you for your contribution to society, though it knocks my psychological socks off..
I've seen my ex Wife with BPD getting angry. During this moment was like her soul was gone.
I'm sorry that i can't be there for her anymore, but she really destroyed me as well.
Hi Lise, I really love your videos. I just wanted to ask for some clarification on that last statement about abusive behaviour happening repeatedly without apologies and you mentioned it starts to "appear" intentional. If it is not intentional, then what is it? I understand it is emotional dysregulation, but I'm still a bit lost in how it should not be perceived as intentional -- is telling their partner that they will commit suicide if they break up with me not intentional, or spreading false rumours about the partner after the breakup not also intentional?
During my relationship she expressed remorse for what she was doing to me, and she told me that was why she was breaking up with me. But then she switched literally mid sentence and started having the abusive episode screaming asking why I was the one breaking up with HER. I had a panic attack and had to leave. I never told anyone about her episodes, as she's quite well adjusted in social settings and I want her to live a normal life. But I've had to cut off contact with our mutual friends because they think I hurt her.
I really want to find a way to have some rational compassion and come up with a way to truly understand this phenomenon in my life.
It is so dizzying and confusing... I had no idea what I was up against when she told me her past :(
This is a great question and a complex one. The person with BPD gets so emotionally dysregulated when triggered that they can lose access to their rational mind as well as their ability to control impulses. In addition to this, their mind feeds them twisted stories and "evidence" to support the intense emotion they are experiencing, and so their behaviour is often a result of emotional overload without the corresponding braking system or ability to rationally process the situation as a whole. Here is a research article that you may find interesting which explains the neurological aspects of this disorder: bit.ly/3Nr0FKl
This can help you understand why the person with BPD can behave in erratic or abusive ways, as well as the neuroanatomical underpinnings of this disorder.
Thank you for the reference, I will take a look
@@LiseLeblanc that's perfect!!! Explains my ex fiancé abusive behavior, when she misinterpreted the word "delusional!" That triggered her and she lost all sense of reality and control over her emotions!
“I found in my 25 years, I’ve found there’s a significant lack of resources and support for men.” You just got my sub.
Holy guacamole, this describes my ex in so many ways! That relationship left me financially in shambles and it took me years to get out of - what a shitshow!
It doesn't matter if you're a strong person in general, you can still find yourself in a relationship like this but once you see, you can't unsee! No way that I will ever tolerate that shit again!
I was in a relationship with a girl who had borderline personality disorder. She wanted me on the phone 24 hours a day, even when I was sleeping. If I hung up the phone, she got angry and accused me of cheating! She threatened to cheat on me! If I told her that I was tired and didn't want to mess around with her, she got angry and thought that I was bored with her and wanted to leave her! She sent threatening and insulting messages! She said that she loved me madly. When I broke up with her, she got married after only a month!! I found out that she had been divorced twice!! There is no point in trying. My advice is to run away.
I love my person with BD she was crazy in the beginning and i kept googling and found out she has this and got her treated bc i really fuck with her
Recently started a romantic relationship with my best friend of three years. She's both bipolar and has bpd.
I'm learning all i can, she's worth it. Your videos are helping greatly, thank you so much.
wow, your information is spot on to what I’ve been experiencing with my partner. She is not diagnosed and I’m approaching yr 6 trying to make sense of it all. I’m in the worst devaluation phase rn a month before anniversary and proposing this year may never happen. 😞
Would love to make an appointment
EJECT! Don't future fake yourself. It doesn't get better.
@@dannystark7668 I’m definitely no expert but I know my ex wife was a covert narc, 15yrs…did some work figured my codependency and abandonment issues thought I met the exact opposite of my last relationship only to find out a couple of years later I may have been prey. She’s an absolute amazing person and thought maybe a communal narc because she absolutely wants to make everyone happy and has high empathy in those arenas. And takes it almost personally if she can’t get through.
Wow. I also have a girlfriend of 6 years. I’ve wanted to propose but it has been a crazy roller coaster. I just learned what BPD is a few weeks ago and I have no doubt she has it. Minus the suicidal tendencies thank goodness. I love her but I think it’s finally time to move on. The anger outbursts are unbearable. Good luck to you and I hope you heal from it too.
@@KnoTasItSeams no suicidal ideations over here either. It’s a tough situation. It sounds like the self aware bpd folks are doing better and the ones with treatment even better. It’s all about how to help them, help themselves in a time window that doesn’t see us in the ground before we ever have solid good years 😞
As a bpd victim, I can say I have the best boyfriend. He can take such good care of me and knows how to deal with my issues.
Thank you so much for this. I’m actually experiencing this right now. I am unable to express any feelings I have that may be perceived as negative
Absolutely great explanation and straight to the point great job thank you
OK, now I don't know if my ex-wife has BPD or NPD. I figured she was a midrange, covert narcissist, but this definition seems to fit her like a glove, too.
I remember early in the marriage one of those, "Oh, crap, she might be crazy" moments when we got in a nasty argument, seemingly over nothing. She stormed off and maybe 30 seconds later came back acting super sweet, kind, and loving.
At that moment I legitimately thought she had a split personality and started researching MPD.
Its easier just to call it cluster B.
That just sounds like she had a lot on her mind that day the way you describe it, these disorders are a lot deeper and more pervasive than that..do you have more serious examples? Dr Phil says he doesnt think the distinction between the two disorders is that warranted
@@gammypage Dr. Phill is a quack who panders to clapping seals.
Here is a video on the differences between NPD and BPD: th-cam.com/video/7RzKQ3duvDg/w-d-xo.html
@@gammypage Like you said, what difference does it make which abusive personality disorder she has? The emotional abuse hurts just as much.
PS especially when so many have a bit of both going at the same time.
It’s so true my baby momma, the two extremely positive, extremely negative, I will be walking bing walking on age shall become she can switch any minute , at any minute, at any time
This is gold. Thank you for making these vids you’re amazing ❤
I am so awed how you describe my past relationship with Ashley ( My Ex ) I am really starting to understand why things happened....
Been in a relationship with a narcissistic woman for 2 1/2 years it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through the whole room, the breadcrumbing fire lighting everything we have broken up maybe 1000 times she’s so good and bring me back and I will try to cut loose.
I have blocked her many times and she knows how to get me back . I’m not living in the United States and I’m living in a foreign country were Help For, narcissistic or or narcissism help it’s hard to find as I said in this relationship I have done everything in my power. I’ve been the week one and she has pulled me in.
I am so grateful for your videos, they’ve helped me so much. Thank you
What people won’t tell you is it’ll take forever, if at all for someone with bpd to see results. It’s much better for you to leave them because only they can help themselves. It's in everyone’s best interest honestly to leave because it's doing damage to both parties, of course one more than the other. They have a lot to deal with and if they’re just realizing it, it’s best for both of you to separate.
yup, you cannot fix them, and the road they are on will be hell for you
Another great and detailed video Thank you Lise! I learned so mutch from her videos!