1. Lack empathy 2. Selfish 3. Don’t respect boundaries 4. Don’t take responsibility, blame others and struggle in diverse contexts 5. Take things personally/Very defensive 6. Difficulty controlling emotions 7. Not be honest about feelings
Takes me back to a specific relationship… a guy I dated was all of these things. And then I broke up with him because I had enough of the bullshyt, and he became worse it’s like he didn’t actually care I broke up with him but felt blindsided even tho it was very clear the relationship had been shyt from the beginning. And he needed time to find his replacement because he doesn’t know how to be alone. Fine by me, but go be with someone else then and leave me out of it because I had enough of his drama.
@@Nick-kf3io Yeah they can be. I've been on this emotional immaturity kick lately. It gives something very concrete to say about a narcissist without labelling them. Hell, I love to label them but not everyone is as receptive about labels.
My ex boyfriend checked all of these boxes and then some. We broke up 6,5 years ago but I still get scared when entering a new relationship. I just started going out with a lovely man who hasn't shown any of these tendencies so far. Being with him feels so easy and peaceful. Let's hope it continues to be this way 😊
My ex-boyfriend was/is exactly the same. I understand your fear I have it too. Mainly because this person was all calm and didn't show any of this until months into the relationship. Then it was like when he felt he was secure in our relationship it all started coming out. It was so confusing and painful.
Almost 10 months now and still going just as nicely 🥰 Starting to get used to this calm and steady existence. It's not that same emotional rollercoaster I was probably even addicted to at some point. So it's important to recognise that it's not only about them, but also about what attracts us. Being cared for gently might not FEEL like love if we are used to the drama, conflict & resolution dynamic, but we can always grow and expand intentionally 😊
Now so much makes complete sense and even gut warnings when meeting new people make sense now. Over 40 years married I learned peace is way more desirable than company or a relationship.
Good luck in trying to SHARE IT WITH YOUR CHILD SPOUSE……. I sure wouldn’t, already tried much more low risk things and STILL she melts down or blows up. Don’t ask, no I can’t make the REAL necessary corrective action necessary , because of physical limitations more than I care to say.
I recently came out of a relationship with an avoidant middle aged man. He never had a relationship longer than 2 weeks before me. I saw over 6 months why . He had been so emotionally neglected/ abused as a child which of course materialized in his broken, short term relationships and low self esteem despite his handsome appearance . 😢😢
I had the same with my recent ex. So pitty and hard on me ad most of the time I couldn't understand whats going on as he wasn't able to communicate at all. His professional life has similar issues really.
I'm 62 and I am emotionally immature. I've been able to recognize it, and even at 61 years old, I'm still trying to work on this. This is has caused me depression most of my life. It has been so embarrassing to have this. I try to be prepared on how I will react to certain situations but a lot of times it catches me off guard. My wife has been a saint to deal with my emotions. Because of her, I try watch my emotions and if I do have an outburst, I will always take responsibility and I will try to learn from my experiences. This has been such a burden in my life.
Scott, if i may ask, for how long are you now working on this? And can you and your wife sense that there is so much improvement that you now are having an (almost) normal relationship?
@@rashkehof2458 I think it's been about a year I've been paying close attention to my emotions. Our quality of life has been improving but we still have to work to do.
27 yrs married and the pattern never changes. Mistake(financial, car accident, schedule,etc. - they are confronted with the mistake > they throw an emotional fit> takes discussing their mistake as a personal affront>full on defensive behavior> further dishonesty.
Sounds very familiar. Weird how there’s always a pattern. Weird how everything makes sense when you think about it. People seem to develop in similar ways. It’s eerie.
Can you do a video on how emotionally immaturity can be fixed in adulthood and how long it takes so people with emotionally immature partners get an idea of how long they could be waiting even if their partner agrees to do the work?
Perfect question! My husband and i are working on this issue for about two years now, but i still cannot say that our relationship has become so much better, that it is also comfortable for me. The unconscious moments of defensiveness and lying his way out, still occur. And i still have to point this out to him, otherwise he still doesn't see he's doing it. And then he says: i'm afraid i will never learn..
My dad is emotionally immature. He does not talk about his feelings when it comes, takes things personally, does not regulate emotions, blames external factors for his problems, interprets things negatively and gives the silent treatment when upset. Like most, he didn't learned how to manage feelings, but it is difficult if we raised issues with him and he cannot see what our prespective is like. This often results in boundaries and requests go unmet repeatedly. However, identifying these behaviours is the first step to address issues in a relationship.
This is a very good subject, I can be emotionally immature in how I react sometimes. I was pretty bad as a young adult but over time I’ve learned to control my emotions having better tools to help me resolve issues that use to overwhelm me. I believe that is key. When you were not taught how to resolve an issue, it’s overwhelming depending on the severity of the problem. I’m looking forward to learning more from your suggested videos. Thank you! ❤
I can see this now with my adoptive mother. She was bad . 😢. Yes she was never the problem in her warp of a mind. I know because she told me what happened to her. But I've never abused my children because of her.
And I see it goes on until you do something about it. All my relationships I took care of everything. Now I'm the female I'd like to be somewhat taken care of
And now she's gone dead there's a peace I've never had it ce from both parents. He molested me. At times he was a very good person, I don't understand how that came to be only I watched he was not alone with my kids . I don't think that malady can be healed or fixed 😢😢😢😢
I've been emotionally immature. The friendships I've attracted have been emotionally immature. I've worked on myself and have left friends who blame and couldn't take responsibility and grow. I want a partner that is emotionally mature and I want to meet him at that level : ) I love these videos!!
This wonderful video really got me thinking about my recent breakup with my ex-GF of 2.5yrs. Thank you so much. It’s the clearest explanation of this issue that I’ve ever seen. I absolutely own that I engaged in ‘reactive abuse’ - and I deeply regret that and apologised for this repeatedly - but I am now beginning to understand why. Thank you 🙏🏾
@12:46 I gotta say you nailed that perfectly, but I must say that when you said, "This can be incredibly frustrating" that was bit understated it's sooooo much more than incredibly frustrating not finding a 10 mm socket in my tool box is incredibly frustrating....When a spouse doesn't take responsibility for their words/actions that is emotional abuse and if it's not corrected its is the death of a marriage. It's not frustrating it's DEATH
I really needed to hear this today. Thank you for posting this. I cannot say the issues are all on the other side, I have some of these issues as well. Really good to know and recognize these signs in myself or others.
This has been a difficult almost 2yrs. I've been dealing with almost ALL of what you shared here. The 1st thing I noticed and asked a friend-(therapist) about was Transference. I see something in her that's worth fighting for, but at what expense to my all around health? I will continue to pray for her healing process. 🙏✌❤
Stupidly/comically defensive……… even a question like, “what is the weather going to be like today?” Is negative criticism…… exhausting….. “how can I be expected to know that?”
This was so affirming to hear put into words and as you described. I know I have some work to do in this area but as I’ve tried to better myself my partner seems determined to dig his heels in even further with defensive, blaming responses. What you said about trying to resolve something being interpreted as an attack is spot on. Thank for you this video Julia!
Excellent ! This really helps me understand the individual aspects that make up ... ' Emotional Immaturity ' ! Thank You ! You've confirmed the points I am familiar with / & have experienced ! 👍👍
Julia, What a very interesting video today: 7 Key Signs Your Partner is Emotionally Immature First, I really like and appreciate that you added text for each sign on the video. It makes it easier to take down notes. Thank you! =) I am not in a romantic relationship with anyone, but I can see that all these things can still be applied to family members and friends. It also helps me to look within myself and see my growth in my own emotional maturity.
Here are my notes:
*Emotionally immaturity refers to someone's inability to recognize or control their emotions in an age-appropriate way. *People who show a lack of depth of their own emotions and a lack of depth for their partner's emotions. *Emotional Immaturity puts a lot of stress and strain on a relationship. *There is no judgement for those who are emotionally immature or those with someone who is emotionally immature.
7 Key Signs: 1. They Lack Empathy. 2. They Don't Respect Your Boundaries. 3. They Don't Take Responsibility. 4. They Have a Hard Time Managing Their Emotions. 5.They Take Things Really Personally. 6.They Often Get Very Defensive. 7. They Will Not Talk About Their Feelings.
Been struggling with the mother of my child who has all these signs its been a up hill battle and i eventually found the strength to leave her and improve my life. My advise is if u spot these sign slowly walk away. You cant intentionally change sum1 its up to them to change and u only take care of you and your mental.wellbeing based on how life challenges you as an adult. U will develop recentment , feel like u parenting an adult and yet end up not realizing u are being drained of your energy time and effort. Best decision is to leave while you still can such people arent always worth it.. 😢
I feel so emotional after watching this. I have been married for 37 years, and 90% of the marriage has been great, but one thing goes triggers him, and he is exactly as Julia describes. It all makes sense.
I wonder how can it be that your marriage for 90% has been great, if your husband is emotionally immature? I'm 62 and have lived with the same man for 42 years. We have 2 grown sons and it has been such a struggle for me, exhausting and painful... Shortly i came across this info about emotional immaturity and now it indeed all makes sense to me, so glad i found this. So now the big question is: if we are finally getting truly honest about all of this, will we stay together or not? Time will tell...
1: 💯 so great until I had a concern about us. Got overwhelmed and pulled back. Thought I was blaming them when I was just trying to explain how I felt.
Why evaluating others (except, of course, to avoid self-reflection and focus on oneself)? Whether or not the other one is emotionally immature (or whatever they could/may/might be) or not is none of your business, for one. Two, if they are, and you keep being around them, chances are, you are yourself too. Or co-dependent. Or both.
I have a partner that has all 7 traits you mentioned. It is so hard. I moved out and stayed married and still do things with them on the weekends. I just can't expose myself to them 24/7. I need the space to breathe. I am feeling guilty because I chose them initially as my spouse and now, 11 years later, I am questioning what the future looks like and if there is any hope.
Your routine has given me hope. My man is diagnoised emtional imaturity. It is a nightmer I'm exhausted worn out depressed and unwell . He cant develop its just not there but I can't endure . I'm moving him out as I can't tolerate him 24/7 . I could bearly cope with weekends but I need my space for my health
Same here, after 42 years...: guilt, hope, exhaustion, despair... Now we have a caravan and every time there is an outburst, my husband leaves to the camping for a few days. I wonder why it seems to be the most painful decision to make in life is to divorce...?
@@rashkehof2458 Because when we marry we bond with the person. It hurts when that union is broken. Even the most dysfunctional relationships still have emotional time and investment. The best we can do is have safe people around us to support us and find counseling or some other healthy method of processing our pain - and looking internally to see what part we played in this - for the purpose of growth.
This is my ex. She also played the break up game and then blame it on me cause she can’t communicate like an adult. We broke up and then got back together and one week ago she couldn’t handle a conversation about her son. No attacks from me but genuine concern why a 26 year old never comes out to say hello to me when I am over. Instead of trying to have an adult conversation she threw a tantrum and when I called her out on acting like a child’s, she cursed me out and again said she was done. Mind you, she promised and even swore she wouldn’t ever do that again and just talk things out. I gathered my stuff and walked out. Blocked her also.
How does a man who is almost 50 not be emotionally available or mature??? I just left a relationship like this 3 months ago Sooooooo difficult! Also an alcoholic for last 15 years, he has been emotionally stunted and probably before that! HE COULD NEVER talk about anything!!! AVOIDED & SHUT DOWN! Our break up came when he did throw a tantrum & leave when there was no valid reason and wouldn’t talk about it! What they do is they push you away ! because they don’t know how to deal with their emotions and can’t talk about stuff
Mental development delays from early childhood and again in teens . They don't ever develop that's it . Better off that u left it's a life of misery with them
It depends, primarily on the why. Relationships aren’t all excitement and spontaneity and healthy ones are mundane so if you’re seeking that rush of excitement then that is worth looking inwards because fr no relationship is going to always feel exciting and be perfect. Probably worth actually talking to a professional like a therapist or counsellor rather than the internet
Question: where is the clip you refer to at the end of this one please? About helping the emotional immature person to recognise issues? They need help badly. They know they have problems but so scared to delve into it.
I broke up with my girlfriend last week (who has most of these traits), but I’m struggling and wonder if I ended things too quickly. Has anyone had success with their partner being open to working together and growing?
I had a relationship with an emotionally immature girl, twenty-one years ago. She was seventeen and I was twenty. Only now, almost forty-two, I know that I could have helped her instead of being stubborn against her behaviour, and prevent her to make wrong decisions for her life.
I think you are being too romantic about this. Don't dwell on past stories. It has been exactly how it was and every person needs to walk his/her own individual path in life in order to learn (or not to learn). Or maybe is your ego getting something out of this story?
My man is diagnoised emotional immaturity. You can't help them you can't guide them . They can't be helped and will only do what they want and impulse they want regardless of how it affects you . I see it like autisim they can't change autisim they can't change mental development delays that are emotional immaturity
Is there any hope for them to mature. My man is diagnoised emotional imature . He's eroding my life . I'm sick depressed tired angry . He won't leave it's my house
My husband is this he says rude things to me and if I correct him or say my point of view I can't tell him my feelings at all. He is like dealing with a child. Very frustrating
Depends on the situation. Is it a partner, friend or parent relationship? Regardless, learning about emotional immaturity and how to become more emotionally mature is a good start. It works if they are willing to learn about emotional maturity.
How i did it: just push through! No matter the strategies the partner uses, just keep on talking (or yelling if necessary) and tell him/her your truths! They can never win any argument if you have the strength to keep on being true..
I'm not sure anymore. I question everything I do now. My first marriage was horrible and I was gas lighted to think it was my fault. I think I'm dating an emotionally immature women. I'm pretty sure her dad is autistic, and she send a little on the spectrum too. Hey son is I know. I teach teenagers and can spot autistic behavior before I see an IEP. I love her, but there's are many similarity's to my ex, just not the abject manipulator. My girlfriend is too sincere and unselfish. Anyway, her defensiveness when I talk about autism, I diagnosed my daughter before any doctor did, she gets bugged. Maybe I'm just venting. Any ideas?
8:41 If a man FaceTime you without asking permission before prying into your life… they just automatically press FaceTime call… run!!! This is penetrative and boundary breaking. Perverse to me. 😢
I find that statement to be highly problematic. As pointed out in the video, a lack of empathy can occur in many emotionally immature people (most often as a result of childhood trauma/attachment injury/stunted emotional growth), not just psychopaths. Psychopathy is more than just a lack of empathy. I also think it's important to keep in mind that psychopaths are human beings. Dehumanization is rarely a good strategy. It is possible to have basic human compassion for people with psychopathy (often times a result of childhood trauma) without excusing or condoning any harmful behavior.
My GF will be 70 this November and my children (28 & 30) are way more emotionally mature. Anything that is not praise is internalized as a condemnation of her entire being… this makes for a pretty shallow relationship.
Yes, shallow... And they think it is all normal. They even think they are normal and the others are the problem. This way there can be no honesty, no truthfulnes, no sincerity...
Both me and my spouse are so imnature its Silly. Seperation ongoing . Funny thing is now we talk to each other like other normal adults in the first time in 20 years
Just the other day, my partner told me her tummy hurts. I told her "Get some rest. Hope your tummy feels better". She started a fight over the fact she doesn't like the word "hope". Saying its negative.
omg, i cant tell my spouse anything, if i want to better our intimacy she sighhhsss rolls eyes, feels attacked, she starts raising her voice if i say, hey we didnt talk today, lets watch a show together she goes into NO!!! I WANT TO WATCH THIS. before we became official she was fun, she doesnt want to have adult conversations. shes stormed out of rooms, we been living together 7 months, 2 years dating we were great. she is exactly everything you said
Given the violence against women by men, the assaults, murders, stalking etc, I’d say that’s the huge proof that there’s a great deal of emotional immaturity in men.
What you’re witnessing is the hormonal differences in men vs women as well as our evolutionary makeups for our roles and what our brains are wired to focus on.
My boyfriend of 8 years is so wonderful in many ways, but he can't talk about marriage, the future, o some of his feelings..... He was a product of a bad divorce. I don't think anyone helped him in this area. He felt abandoned as a small child after being taken away from his father.i try to remember this, when he shuts down on me and turned into a child, during disagreements.
If you are with an emotionally inmature person, then you are also emotionally immature person. Emotionally mature person would never be with emotionally immature person.
We don't have control over our external circumstances. We might not even recognize the signs of emotional immaturity until we get deeper into a relationship. And that is assuming we know what to look for in an emotionally immature person.
1. Lack empathy
2. Selfish
3. Don’t respect boundaries
4. Don’t take responsibility, blame others and struggle in diverse contexts
5. Take things personally/Very defensive
6. Difficulty controlling emotions
7. Not be honest about feelings
Thanks for that 😊
I was going to comment exactly this
He is just sooooo sensitive
And I am always walking Around in egg shells
My wife is all of these
Takes me back to a specific relationship… a guy I dated was all of these things. And then I broke up with him because I had enough of the bullshyt, and he became worse it’s like he didn’t actually care I broke up with him but felt blindsided even tho it was very clear the relationship had been shyt from the beginning. And he needed time to find his replacement because he doesn’t know how to be alone. Fine by me, but go be with someone else then and leave me out of it because I had enough of his drama.
Talking about emotional immaturity is a great way to talk about narcissism, without even having to use the word narcissism.
yeah the word narcissism triggers tf out of people, especially narcissists..
Non narcissistic people can still be emotionally immature though
@@Nick-kf3io Yeah they can be. I've been on this emotional immaturity kick lately. It gives something very concrete to say about a narcissist without labelling them. Hell, I love to label them but not everyone is as receptive about labels.
it's true - but both are usually the result of some kind of trauma or attachment injury during childhood.
@@juliakristinamahyes but not all people that suffer abuse and trauma become narcissistic - but we often end up with one 🤦♀️
My ex boyfriend checked all of these boxes and then some. We broke up 6,5 years ago but I still get scared when entering a new relationship. I just started going out with a lovely man who hasn't shown any of these tendencies so far. Being with him feels so easy and peaceful. Let's hope it continues to be this way 😊
My ex-boyfriend was/is exactly the same. I understand your fear I have it too. Mainly because this person was all calm and didn't show any of this until months into the relationship. Then it was like when he felt he was secure in our relationship it all started coming out. It was so confusing and painful.
Relate to you both, dealing with current relationship. I really hope you for that continues and that it's possible 🙏💕
Almost 10 months now and still going just as nicely 🥰 Starting to get used to this calm and steady existence. It's not that same emotional rollercoaster I was probably even addicted to at some point. So it's important to recognise that it's not only about them, but also about what attracts us. Being cared for gently might not FEEL like love if we are used to the drama, conflict & resolution dynamic, but we can always grow and expand intentionally 😊
Now so much makes complete sense and even gut warnings when meeting new people make sense now. Over 40 years married I learned peace is way more desirable than company or a relationship.
Loneliness is an issue if we don't connect with someone we can be ourselves with.
Being in peace and is happy about doesn't mean they're lonely @@lesliengo8347
I have been with my spouse 3.5 years. Hearing this today described us better then I have been able to put into words or even understand why. Thank you
I'm really grateful that you found this helpful. Thanks for watching.
Good luck in trying to SHARE IT WITH YOUR CHILD SPOUSE……. I sure wouldn’t, already tried much more low risk things and STILL she melts down or blows up.
Don’t ask, no I can’t make the REAL necessary corrective action necessary , because of physical limitations more than I care to say.
I recently came out of a relationship with an avoidant middle aged man. He never had a relationship longer than 2 weeks before me. I saw over 6 months why . He had been so emotionally neglected/ abused as a child which of course materialized in his broken, short term relationships and low self esteem despite his handsome appearance . 😢😢
I had the same with my recent ex. So pitty and hard on me ad most of the time I couldn't understand whats going on as he wasn't able to communicate at all. His professional life has similar issues really.
Yes ! His professional life was in shambles too. You nailed it sister
thanks for sharing that.
I'm 62 and I am emotionally immature. I've been able to recognize it, and even at 61 years old, I'm still trying to work on this. This is has caused me depression most of my life. It has been so embarrassing to have this. I try to be prepared on how I will react to certain situations but a lot of times it catches me off guard. My wife has been a saint to deal with my emotions. Because of her, I try watch my emotions and if I do have an outburst, I will always take responsibility and I will try to learn from my experiences. This has been such a burden in my life.
Atleast you realise this things most of the people don't in their entire life.
@@NeetuSingh-cw3pqyes it's a necessary start point. Interesting viewpoint.
Hats off to you for your honest and working on it. Wish my little girl/wife would do the same . Cheers
Scott, if i may ask, for how long are you now working on this? And can you and your wife sense that there is so much improvement that you now are having an (almost) normal relationship?
@@rashkehof2458 I think it's been about a year I've been paying close attention to my emotions. Our quality of life has been improving but we still have to work to do.
27 yrs married and the pattern never changes. Mistake(financial, car accident, schedule,etc. - they are confronted with the mistake > they throw an emotional fit> takes discussing their mistake as a personal affront>full on defensive behavior> further dishonesty.
This hit me hard
Sounds very familiar. Weird how there’s always a pattern. Weird how everything makes sense when you think about it. People seem to develop in similar ways. It’s eerie.
Can you do a video on how emotionally immaturity can be fixed in adulthood and how long it takes so people with emotionally immature partners get an idea of how long they could be waiting even if their partner agrees to do the work?
Yes please! And what the more mature partner can do to facilitate the process?
Help us work through this.@wintrywinter
Perfect question! My husband and i are working on this issue for about two years now, but i still cannot say that our relationship has become so much better, that it is also comfortable for me. The unconscious moments of defensiveness and lying his way out, still occur. And i still have to point this out to him, otherwise he still doesn't see he's doing it. And then he says: i'm afraid i will never learn..
My dad is emotionally immature. He does not talk about his feelings when it comes, takes things personally, does not regulate emotions, blames external factors for his problems, interprets things negatively and gives the silent treatment when upset. Like most, he didn't learned how to manage feelings, but it is difficult if we raised issues with him and he cannot see what our prespective is like. This often results in boundaries and requests go unmet repeatedly. However, identifying these behaviours is the first step to address issues in a relationship.
This is a very good subject, I can be emotionally immature in how I react sometimes. I was pretty bad as a young adult but over time I’ve learned to control my emotions having better tools to help me resolve issues that use to overwhelm me. I believe that is key. When you were not taught how to resolve an issue, it’s overwhelming depending on the severity of the problem. I’m looking forward to learning more from your suggested videos. Thank you! ❤
Laureen, can you pls tell more about the tools you have found?
I can see this now with my adoptive mother. She was bad . 😢. Yes she was never the problem in her warp of a mind. I know because she told me what happened to her. But I've never abused my children because of her.
And I see it goes on until you do something about it. All my relationships I took care of everything. Now I'm the female I'd like to be somewhat taken care of
And now she's gone dead there's a peace I've never had it ce from both parents. He molested me. At times he was a very good person, I don't understand how that came to be only I watched he was not alone with my kids . I don't think that malady can be healed or fixed 😢😢😢😢
I've been emotionally immature. The friendships I've attracted have been emotionally immature. I've worked on myself and have left friends who blame and couldn't take responsibility and grow. I want a partner that is emotionally mature and I want to meet him at that level : ) I love these videos!!
This wonderful video really got me thinking about my recent breakup with my ex-GF of 2.5yrs. Thank you so much. It’s the clearest explanation of this issue that I’ve ever seen. I absolutely own that I engaged in ‘reactive abuse’ - and I deeply regret that and apologised for this repeatedly - but I am now beginning to understand why. Thank you 🙏🏾
I'm dealing with this . A partner - also an adult child
@12:46 I gotta say you nailed that perfectly, but I must say that when you said, "This can be incredibly frustrating" that was bit understated it's sooooo much more than incredibly frustrating not finding a 10 mm socket in my tool box is incredibly frustrating....When a spouse doesn't take responsibility for their words/actions that is emotional abuse and if it's not corrected its is the death of a marriage. It's not frustrating it's DEATH
I really needed to hear this today. Thank you for posting this. I cannot say the issues are all on the other side, I have some of these issues as well. Really good to know and recognize these signs in myself or others.
This has been a difficult almost 2yrs. I've been dealing with almost ALL of what you shared here. The 1st thing I noticed and asked a friend-(therapist) about was Transference.
I see something in her that's worth fighting for, but at what expense to my all around health?
I will continue to pray for her healing process. 🙏✌❤
Run!
My opinion: if you want to have a somewhat happy life, you'd better choose a more wise life partner!
Stupidly/comically defensive……… even a question like, “what is the weather going to be like today?” Is negative criticism…… exhausting….. “how can I be expected to know that?”
This is my husband to a T
This was so affirming to hear put into words and as you described. I know I have some work to do in this area but as I’ve tried to better myself my partner seems determined to dig his heels in even further with defensive, blaming responses. What you said about trying to resolve something being interpreted as an attack is spot on. Thank for you this video Julia!
No accountability, no empathy, backed up with lies……. Thankfully, a year plus of research has meant that I am now able to see what is what
Excellent ! This really helps me understand the individual aspects that make up ... ' Emotional Immaturity ' !
Thank You ! You've confirmed the points I am familiar with / & have experienced !
👍👍
I am emotionaly immature ....how about the relationship with myself ???.....
Seek therapy. It really helps
Julia,
What a very interesting video today:
7 Key Signs Your Partner is Emotionally Immature
First, I really like and appreciate that you added text for each sign on the video. It makes it easier to take down notes. Thank you! =)
I am not in a romantic relationship with anyone, but I can see that all these things can still be applied to family members and friends. It also helps me to look within myself and see my growth in my own emotional maturity.
Here are my notes:
*Emotionally immaturity refers to someone's inability to recognize or control their emotions in an age-appropriate way.
*People who show a lack of depth of their own emotions and a lack of depth for their partner's emotions.
*Emotional Immaturity puts a lot of stress and strain on a relationship.
*There is no judgement for those who are emotionally immature or those with someone who is emotionally immature.
7 Key Signs:
1. They Lack Empathy.
2. They Don't Respect Your Boundaries.
3. They Don't Take Responsibility.
4. They Have a Hard Time Managing Their Emotions.
5.They Take Things Really Personally.
6.They Often Get Very Defensive.
7. They Will Not Talk About Their Feelings.
So glad i found your page. This video helped me to gain a better understanding of the why's of what im dealing with.
B.S. meter - I love this term! Thanks for a great video!
Been struggling with the mother of my child who has all these signs its been a up hill battle and i eventually found the strength to leave her and improve my life. My advise is if u spot these sign slowly walk away. You cant intentionally change sum1 its up to them to change and u only take care of you and your mental.wellbeing based on how life challenges you as an adult. U will develop recentment , feel like u parenting an adult and yet end up not realizing u are being drained of your energy time and effort. Best decision is to leave while you still can such people arent always worth it.. 😢
I feel so emotional after watching this. I have been married for 37 years, and 90% of the marriage has been great, but one thing goes triggers him, and he is exactly as Julia describes. It all makes sense.
I wonder how can it be that your marriage for 90% has been great, if your husband is emotionally immature? I'm 62 and have lived with the same man for 42 years. We have 2 grown sons and it has been such a struggle for me, exhausting and painful... Shortly i came across this info about emotional immaturity and now it indeed all makes sense to me, so glad i found this. So now the big question is: if we are finally getting truly honest about all of this, will we stay together or not? Time will tell...
1: 💯 so great until I had a concern about us. Got overwhelmed and pulled back. Thought I was blaming them when I was just trying to explain how I felt.
Hi...love your content. I love people who are mature, and so wise. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for the clarity!
Thank you Julia, this was enlightening... Very spot on
Why evaluating others (except, of course, to avoid self-reflection and focus on oneself)? Whether or not the other one is emotionally immature (or whatever they could/may/might be) or not is none of your business, for one. Two, if they are, and you keep being around them, chances are, you are yourself too. Or co-dependent. Or both.
True. We can learn about ourselves in these relationships. And we can learn to stand in our own power. And put ourselves first. Among other things...
Thank you so much Julia...I am empowered ❤❤❤
I have a partner that has all 7 traits you mentioned. It is so hard. I moved out and stayed married and still do things with them on the weekends. I just can't expose myself to them 24/7. I need the space to breathe. I am feeling guilty because I chose them initially as my spouse and now, 11 years later, I am questioning what the future looks like and if there is any hope.
Your routine has given me hope. My man is diagnoised emtional imaturity. It is a nightmer I'm exhausted worn out depressed and unwell . He cant develop its just not there but I can't endure . I'm moving him out as I can't tolerate him 24/7 . I could bearly cope with weekends but I need my space for my health
Same here, after 42 years...: guilt, hope, exhaustion, despair... Now we have a caravan and every time there is an outburst, my husband leaves to the camping for a few days. I wonder why it seems to be the most painful decision to make in life is to divorce...?
@@rashkehof2458 Because when we marry we bond with the person. It hurts when that union is broken. Even the most dysfunctional relationships still have emotional time and investment. The best we can do is have safe people around us to support us and find counseling or some other healthy method of processing our pain - and looking internally to see what part we played in this - for the purpose of growth.
@@YvetteGilbert-u1z Thx for your beautiful reaction! Yep, it probably is all for the sake of growth...
This is my ex. She also played the break up game and then blame it on me cause she can’t communicate like an adult.
We broke up and then got back together and one week ago she couldn’t handle a conversation about her son. No attacks from me but genuine concern why a 26 year old never comes out to say hello to me when I am over. Instead of trying to have an adult conversation she threw a tantrum and when I called her out on acting like a child’s, she cursed me out and again said she was done.
Mind you, she promised and even swore she wouldn’t ever do that again and just talk things out. I gathered my stuff and walked out. Blocked her also.
Thank you, Julia Kristina.
Is there also an AUDIO version of Simple Steps to Self Trust?
Thank you for sharing very helpful.
Thank you so much for sharing this.. now it is all so clear.
How does a man who is almost 50 not be emotionally available or mature???
I just left a relationship like this 3 months ago Sooooooo difficult!
Also an alcoholic for last 15 years, he has been emotionally stunted and probably before that!
HE COULD NEVER talk about anything!!! AVOIDED & SHUT DOWN!
Our break up came when he did throw a tantrum & leave when there was no valid reason and wouldn’t talk about it!
What they do is they push you away ! because they don’t know how to deal with their emotions and can’t talk about stuff
Mental development delays from early childhood and again in teens . They don't ever develop that's it . Better off that u left it's a life of misery with them
Exactly! And why do we stick to them, why do we (probably unconsciously) think we cannot leave them behind? Why do we feel over responsable?
Is it good to leave a good relationship?
I know it is, but without a reason except wanting to, it feels off to leave
there's always a reason, even if it's just a feeling you can't explain. that's your higher self stepping in to set you on your path.
It depends, primarily on the why. Relationships aren’t all excitement and spontaneity and healthy ones are mundane so if you’re seeking that rush of excitement then that is worth looking inwards because fr no relationship is going to always feel exciting and be perfect.
Probably worth actually talking to a professional like a therapist or counsellor rather than the internet
Now you know how I felt when you reacted so badly and immaturely to the fact that I was leaving twitter for 2 months!
The taste of your own medicine!
Small world! 🤣
Thanks Julia.
Question: where is the clip you refer to at the end of this one please? About helping the emotional immature person to recognise issues?
They need help badly.
They know they have problems but so scared to delve into it.
What is the difference between emotional immaturity and narcism?
You just described my wife in 20 mins. How do I find someone like you in my country? Is there any hope for me me?
Thank you Julia. This is helpful to understand whats going on in someone's mind. Sometimes I dont know what to think when dealing with people.
Excellent information
My husband does literally every single one of these. I love him, but if I had it to do all over again I don't know if I'd get married again.
I broke up with my girlfriend last week (who has most of these traits), but I’m struggling and wonder if I ended things too quickly. Has anyone had success with their partner being open to working together and growing?
Some people are, some people aren't. If they won't even take a suggestion to see a therapist, there is your answer.
Good question! I would like to know also! Do they exist?
I think it is a sign of your psychological health, that you broke up with her.
I had a relationship with an emotionally immature girl, twenty-one years ago. She was seventeen and I was twenty. Only now, almost forty-two, I know that I could have helped her instead of being stubborn against her behaviour, and prevent her to make wrong decisions for her life.
I think you are being too romantic about this. Don't dwell on past stories. It has been exactly how it was and every person needs to walk his/her own individual path in life in order to learn (or not to learn). Or maybe is your ego getting something out of this story?
My man is diagnoised emotional immaturity. You can't help them you can't guide them . They can't be helped and will only do what they want and impulse they want regardless of how it affects you . I see it like autisim they can't change autisim they can't change mental development delays that are emotional immaturity
@@rashkehof2458
Maybe, I'm romantic but I can't deny my errors. I was immature as well back in the day.
@@martinturcin2297
Autism can be helped, same for immaturity. Rational people can adjust their behaviour.
My partner is most of these things and I struggle with #4. That is not a good mix. I explode 😢
Is there any hope for them to mature. My man is diagnoised emotional imature . He's eroding my life . I'm sick depressed tired angry . He won't leave it's my house
How about you learning to truly stand in your own power and putting yourself first? That's also maturing... (Btw: i'm also speaking to myself here!)
The video is great, but the comment section is where the healing begins
My husband is this he says rude things to me and if I correct him or say my point of view I can't tell him my feelings at all. He is like dealing with a child. Very frustrating
And exhausting. And we should learn that we deserve better...
It is so hard. My ex husband for 30 yrs. is like this. 😢
Your ex; that sounds good. How is your life now?
Thank you a lot, JK❤.
Okay so what do you recommend for two people in a relationship that both are not consistently emotionally mature?
Depends on the situation. Is it a partner, friend or parent relationship? Regardless, learning about emotional immaturity and how to become more emotionally mature is a good start. It works if they are willing to learn about emotional maturity.
How do you talk about this with your partner productively when they shut down, get defensive, turn it around and generally get all upset?
How i did it: just push through! No matter the strategies the partner uses, just keep on talking (or yelling if necessary) and tell him/her your truths! They can never win any argument if you have the strength to keep on being true..
I'm not sure anymore. I question everything I do now. My first marriage was horrible and I was gas lighted to think it was my fault. I think I'm dating an emotionally immature women. I'm pretty sure her dad is autistic, and she send a little on the spectrum too. Hey son is I know. I teach teenagers and can spot autistic behavior before I see an IEP. I love her, but there's are many similarity's to my ex, just not the abject manipulator. My girlfriend is too sincere and unselfish. Anyway, her defensiveness when I talk about autism, I diagnosed my daughter before any doctor did, she gets bugged. Maybe I'm just venting. Any ideas?
I think you are having the ideas yourself already. You know. Next step is: stand in your true power.
I carry my own load along with my adolescent jokes.
8:41 If a man FaceTime you without asking permission before prying into your life… they just automatically press FaceTime call… run!!!
This is penetrative and boundary breaking. Perverse to me. 😢
You can’t discuss anything with them without being called names and having false accusations hurled at you. It’s pointless
Lack of empathy = psychopathy. Run. These people are not human.
not necessarily, they can just be sooooo insecure they don't have the mental capacity to notice anyone else's needs. lots of that these days.
@@rongike well said 😢 so much of these in today’s society 😢
I find that statement to be highly problematic. As pointed out in the video, a lack of empathy can occur in many emotionally immature people (most often as a result of childhood trauma/attachment injury/stunted emotional growth), not just psychopaths. Psychopathy is more than just a lack of empathy.
I also think it's important to keep in mind that psychopaths are human beings. Dehumanization is rarely a good strategy. It is possible to have basic human compassion for people with psychopathy (often times a result of childhood trauma) without excusing or condoning any harmful behavior.
what is the differents between autisme and immature?
Wow this one was my wife too to a tee.
This sounds like my hubby
How is it?……….. appalling……my two daughters (6 and 4) are showing more emotional maturity
My GF will be 70 this November and my children (28 & 30) are way more emotionally mature. Anything that is not praise is internalized as a condemnation of her entire being… this makes for a pretty shallow relationship.
Yes, shallow... And they think it is all normal. They even think they are normal and the others are the problem. This way there can be no honesty, no truthfulnes, no sincerity...
How0 can manage them?
Both me and my spouse are so imnature its Silly. Seperation ongoing . Funny thing is now we talk to each other like other normal adults in the first time in 20 years
Tell us more pls? It has some light in it! 🙂
My husband.....😢
Just the other day, my partner told me her tummy hurts. I told her "Get some rest. Hope your tummy feels better". She started a fight over the fact she doesn't like the word "hope". Saying its negative.
My goodness...
You just decribed 85% of my ex-girlfriends.....and heres me thinking it was my fault.
Awareness is 50% of the work!
@@PS-xb9hc I now abstain, my life is already way to hard & far to complicated to add more of the same ;) I have my memories and some were good ones.
Well you and I both need to work on ourselves that keep getting us in these types of relationships.
Lonely, yes, because they do not work as a partner……… they end up p155ing on you all the time instead
A five year-old….. yes……. There is a 20 year age difference between myself and my wife……..often it seems more like 60 years
Mature men behave like a 7 years old children.
At least I know I’m not alone
Yea. Do you want a toddler in your marriage bed? Playing House ir Mothers and fathers?
They refuse to grow up.
Yes, this was one of my discoveries along the path: i got to understand why i couldn't and did not want to have sex with him anymore...
18:09 eagerly offended
Too Many Childish Adults in the USA
Same in the Netherlands...
I'm mature I think .😂
omg, i cant tell my spouse anything, if i want to better our intimacy she sighhhsss rolls eyes, feels attacked, she starts raising her voice if i say, hey we didnt talk today, lets watch a show together she goes into NO!!! I WANT TO WATCH THIS. before we became official she was fun, she doesnt want to have adult conversations. shes stormed out of rooms, we been living together 7 months, 2 years dating we were great. she is exactly everything you said
Your intro is way too long
Please stop using your hands so much. I like your content a lot but the constant movement is super distracting.
Women seem to have the emotional issues. Men are very direct and understand things with logic.
Depends on who you ask 🤷🏽♂️. I am a male and I struggle with emotionally immaturity.
Given the violence against women by men, the assaults, murders, stalking etc, I’d say that’s the huge proof that there’s a great deal of emotional immaturity in men.
What you’re witnessing is the hormonal differences in men vs women as well as our evolutionary makeups for our roles and what our brains are wired to focus on.
My boyfriend of 8 years is so wonderful in many ways, but he can't talk about marriage, the future, o some of his feelings.....
He was a product of a bad divorce. I don't think anyone helped him in this area. He felt abandoned as a small child after being taken away from his father.i try to remember this, when he shuts down on me and turned into a child, during disagreements.
Not true. Depends on the person
If you are with an emotionally inmature person, then you are also emotionally immature person. Emotionally mature person would never be with emotionally immature person.
We don't have control over our external circumstances. We might not even recognize the signs of emotional immaturity until we get deeper into a relationship. And that is assuming we know what to look for in an emotionally immature person.
There is some truth in this, but it also is a too simple statement about such a complex topic...