I thought she was abusive from the start. She would set him up with the insecure questions and trap him in a bad situation and make him guilty. Huge manipulation on her part... Impossible. I was wondering how he tolerated that. He was blind to her awfulness.
She wanted to get him to that alter SO badly to have her magnum opus of grandiose moments. Lying directly to his face multiple time that she would say yes and wants him to say yes. Loosing her parents probably caused her to feel she has no control, so She spent most of her adult life in complete control of those around her. But she met her match in Cole because he was so blissfully ignorant he didn’t let her get away with most actions and would call her out. So the only way to re establish ultimate control? A public execution. Which is exactly what she tried to do up on that alter.
Thanks for the comment about marriage being hard work! I hate it when people say that. I don’t think healthy relationships should be hard work. It’s the unhealthy relationships that are hard.
my grandparents relationship wasn't hard work. they just loved each other. my parents, well my mom, didn't want to work on it. because deep down she never really wanted someone like my dad. If that genuine love is there (obviously fights still happen) but it doesn't feel like work.
It's still hard work regardless but the point is every little disagreement shouldn't feel like WW3. It's hard work in the sense that you have to figure out how to communicate and live together but no it shouldn't feel like a struggle the entire time. Most of the time it should be easy but there will be hard times. It's a lot more nuanced than ppl are giving it credit for.
The "hard work" statement can mean two things. On one hand, you should work hard to build a strong and happy relationship and to please your partner. Your enthusiasm should be evident by your actions. On the other hand, just maintaining a basic level of respect and communication should not be overwhelmingly difficult. If you spend all your energy surviving day to day in a relationship, you'll never have the energy to achieve what you should be able to achieve.
I would categorize her more as a borderline. She consistently creates conflict and transfers her toxic shame on her chosen target. Great series. You break it down really well
I mean she’s cluster B probably, but BPD tends to include massive depressive episodes and suicidal ideation. It’s possible she’s doing that off camera, but we don’t have evidence of it.
The dinner table can be basically summed up: Cole: “I need you to not make me feel like I’m inferior.” Zanab: “I don’t do that.” Cole: “I want sweet Zay.” Zanab: “I’m very sweet. I’m the catch of the century.” Imagine how hard it is to chase after that and apologize. I put myself in Cole’s shoes and think I would wonder if she had something undiagnosed. (I know she didn’t exactly answer “I don’t do that.” But she might has well have)
Thank you! More people who are dating need to know the signs so they can AVOID NARCISSISTS AT ALL COSTS! Cole dodged a grenade. I hope his healing journey is going well!
What makes this series so great is that I'm able to identify certain behaviours that I've also been guilty of, and so by being more aware of them, it makes it easier not to do these things. Ugh, watching how she treats him is so nauseating
This is how i felt wth some friends I had, I remember being critized and humiliated in front of others over and over again.. deep down i felt so bad with myself and I tried to change my entirely personaly to fit in with them. But they were never pleased. When I started to cut them off and embracing my feelings and owning my sense of self they felt SUPER offended and i was the worst person ever, even when I didn't say anything to them I never defend myself. They made me look I was the toxic one and I was the bad friend !.. it took me years to heal and try to understand that they never going to take accountability.. I know I have my flaws so I went to therapy and it's been so helpful to know how to set boundaries and how to deal with my own shadow
If you're genuinely worried about being a narcissist, the chances are that you aren't one. It may be the case that your previous partner was a narcissist.
9:57 sent chills down my spine, my ex who I suspect to be a narcissist often did that face during heated discussions. That’s when you know you fucked up and will spent the rest of the week apologizing lol
4:44 When he saiys "I wanna just not get punched in the face when I first see you" makes me think she did in fact hit him but he's so nice he wouldn't out her. The fact that she balls her fist and closes her eyes (eye blocking) and the face scrunch. Especially since she said "Did not do that" instead of "I don't do that" if he was figuratively speaking. Because then it would be a consistent feeling.
Enjoying your series on this. Was hoping HG would cover it and your videos are gold, thank you. Just wondering if you noticed Cole said at 4:42 that he didn't want to get punched in the face when he first sees her and she denies doing it. At first, I thought he was speaking figuratively, but it's followed up with "sure felt like it".
I actually started creating videos because I'm such a huge fan of HG and wished there were some videos analyzing the gold mine of reality TV narcissists. It seems like HG stays away from reality TV. Yes, I noticed the "getting punched in the face" comment but assumed that he was being figurative and that it was describing the situation they had just had, with her unleashing a torrent of criticisms as soon as she walked through the door. You never know though!
@@thenarcissistwatcher looking forward to your coverage on these reality narcs - it truly is a gold mine. You know HG's work really well and I like how you break it down in such detail.
Her disgust at “unassuming” was also weird. It means to not be arrogant or pretentious. To be modest… women and people in general can for sure be unassuming
No I think when he said unassuming it meant more of can you not be pessimistic about everything and thinking everything is leading up to some awful thing. Idk to me it felt like please don't assume the worst with me.
Tbf if someone I loved told me to be kind and assuming I'd be annoyed too because it sounds like he wants a submissive woman, and she is firey and that would obviously wind her up. I just didn't think they were a great match. I too feel like she more likely has bpd with some narcissistic tendencies.
It really depends on how a person decides to enter into a discussion with someone. Zanab is mean and assumes the negative about Cole all the time. Asking her to be kind and unassuming could be annoying if she's not open to criticism. My sibling told me he hated having disagreements with me because I had an attitude that my opinions were so much better than his and he could never be right. Of course I thought I was right in our disagreements, but I hadn't realized I came across in a holier than thou way. I wasn't offended. I was glad he brought it up because I don't want to treat someone I love that way. Zanab doesn't actually love Cole so she doesn't really care about his feelings. She loves how he makes her feel and how it looks to be with him. She's not fiery. She's insensitive and combative. To be fair, he's immature and thoughtless in the way he speaks. I'm not sure why either of them didn't call it off long before the altar.
3:35 - Not true here. It's a generalization and it puts the disorder as something impossible to overcome/learn to deal with etc. For a person like me, trying to find help in becoming someone who doesn't hurt those I love, this is very hurtful. It doesn't even gives us a chance to try and be better. I support there has to be warnings for people who are dealing with narcissists, because it's brutal and can make a number in somebody's mental health. But it's important to leave ways for the people with the disorder to try and become functional too. Otherwise I should what? Stop existing? If I can never stop being toxic like this implies?
Go check out HG Tudor's channel. There may be some resources there for you. Or you might try reaching out to him personally. He is a narcissist himself.
My main focus in these videos is helping people to recognize and deal with narcissists. So I'm answering questions about what the non-narcissist can do in these situations, rather than what the narcissist can do. The question I'm trying to answer here is: "as the partner of a narcissist, can I change the narcissist's behavior in the long run?". My answer is no. The narcissist will either reject the idea that they are abusive (as we see with Zanab). Or - even worse - they will say that they will improve (and will do so for a short while) but then will go back to being abusive. However, the question you are talking about is from the other perspective: "is a narcissist able to modify their own behavior?". My answer is yes. If it's in their best interest to do so.
@@Nehelyn it lowkey is, get actual professional help. TH-cam has been up for anybody of this problem and they do try TH-cam and yet we still have these massive problems and misunderstandings. Go get actual professional help. I’m not one with meds I’m all therapy but go get some actual help. You are the product in this world and it matters a lot on how you are. If it’s beyond you and all the people around you. You aren’t Superman and beyond go seek a professional. Nothing wrong with it, should be normalized. Walking around raw dawgin horrendous mental health like this doesn’t alter you in someway even causing uncontrollable unconscious harm to others and self. We don’t want good sick humans walking around because of this consistent stupidity. Go get help. Every human life matters due to their own blossoming of beauty through their self. We just really need to “actually” help one another.
![[TH] Esports World Cup : Knockout Stage Day 2](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/sP-b00j1C58/mqdefault.jpg)
I thought she was abusive from the start. She would set him up with the insecure questions and trap him in a bad situation and make him guilty. Huge manipulation on her part... Impossible. I was wondering how he tolerated that. He was blind to her awfulness.
love is blind LOL
/sarcasm. i can’t stand her
She wanted to get him to that alter SO badly to have her magnum opus of grandiose moments. Lying directly to his face multiple time that she would say yes and wants him to say yes. Loosing her parents probably caused her to feel she has no control, so She spent most of her adult life in complete control of those around her. But she met her match in Cole because he was so blissfully ignorant he didn’t let her get away with most actions and would call her out. So the only way to re establish ultimate control? A public execution. Which is exactly what she tried to do up on that alter.
Exactly
Thanks for the comment about marriage being hard work! I hate it when people say that. I don’t think healthy relationships should be hard work. It’s the unhealthy relationships that are hard.
Any relationship can be hard. It is exhausting to face your issues and those of your partner. It’s more problematic if you think you don’t have some
my grandparents relationship wasn't hard work. they just loved each other. my parents, well my mom, didn't want to work on it. because deep down she never really wanted someone like my dad. If that genuine love is there (obviously fights still happen) but it doesn't feel like work.
It's still hard work regardless but the point is every little disagreement shouldn't feel like WW3. It's hard work in the sense that you have to figure out how to communicate and live together but no it shouldn't feel like a struggle the entire time. Most of the time it should be easy but there will be hard times.
It's a lot more nuanced than ppl are giving it credit for.
The "hard work" statement can mean two things. On one hand, you should work hard to build a strong and happy relationship and to please your partner. Your enthusiasm should be evident by your actions. On the other hand, just maintaining a basic level of respect and communication should not be overwhelmingly difficult. If you spend all your energy surviving day to day in a relationship, you'll never have the energy to achieve what you should be able to achieve.
I would categorize her more as a borderline. She consistently creates conflict and transfers her toxic shame on her chosen target.
Great series. You break it down really well
I mean she’s cluster B probably, but BPD tends to include massive depressive episodes and suicidal ideation. It’s possible she’s doing that off camera, but we don’t have evidence of it.
I could see the bpd-like behaviour as well, but she lacks the self hate and regret that would be typical for someone with that disorder.
Can we send this to cole lol 😂
The dinner table can be basically summed up:
Cole: “I need you to not make me feel like I’m inferior.”
Zanab: “I don’t do that.”
Cole: “I want sweet Zay.”
Zanab: “I’m very sweet. I’m the catch of the century.”
Imagine how hard it is to chase after that and apologize. I put myself in Cole’s shoes and think I would wonder if she had something undiagnosed.
(I know she didn’t exactly answer “I don’t do that.” But she might has well have)
Thank you! More people who are dating need to know the signs so they can AVOID NARCISSISTS AT ALL COSTS! Cole dodged a grenade. I hope his healing journey is going well!
He dodged it but got hit by shrapnel
Yes!!
Cole is fun and smart and playful and handsome and tall and honest. He's not going to be hurting for options, he's a very eligible man.
What makes this series so great is that I'm able to identify certain behaviours that I've also been guilty of, and so by being more aware of them, it makes it easier not to do these things. Ugh, watching how she treats him is so nauseating
and you decide to make this public because you need some validation and approval ?
I always felt I didn’t understand why they were arguing. Drama was being made all the time. Now I know why.
She honestly scares me
This is how i felt wth some friends I had, I remember being critized and humiliated in front of others over and over again.. deep down i felt so bad with myself and I tried to change my entirely personaly to fit in with them. But they were never pleased. When I started to cut them off and embracing my feelings and owning my sense of self they felt SUPER offended and i was the worst person ever, even when I didn't say anything to them I never defend myself. They made me look I was the toxic one and I was the bad friend !.. it took me years to heal and try to understand that they never going to take accountability.. I know I have my flaws so I went to therapy and it's been so helpful to know how to set boundaries and how to deal with my own shadow
She speaks to him like a mother. Why is he attracted to her?!
I don't speak to my children that way. I love them.
I never liked her, I could see right through her.
This is making me paranoid that I'm a narcissist now lol. This is how fights felt in my last relationship. But not my current one.
If you're genuinely worried about being a narcissist, the chances are that you aren't one. It may be the case that your previous partner was a narcissist.
Still worth exploring if you have tendencies
9:57 sent chills down my spine, my ex who I suspect to be a narcissist often did that face during heated discussions. That’s when you know you fucked up and will spent the rest of the week apologizing lol
Omg she really is so abusive and horrible. Aweful to be around such people.
keep up with the improvement, glad to see you have a decent mic now. really enlightening content man
Thank you. I'm still experimenting to try to get the vids as good as possible, but slowly getting there!
Shes so exhausting! I cant stand her. He's way more patient than me. I wouldn't last 5 minutes around her.
4:44 When he saiys "I wanna just not get punched in the face when I first see you" makes me think she did in fact hit him but he's so nice he wouldn't out her. The fact that she balls her fist and closes her eyes (eye blocking) and the face scrunch. Especially since she said "Did not do that" instead of "I don't do that" if he was figuratively speaking. Because then it would be a consistent feeling.
That makes so much sense
I wonder did she really punch him in the face. It sure sounds like it here.
You noticed it too?
This episode was so triggering for me, very clearly a conversation with a narcissist 😞
bravo, great series man.
I knew there was something off w her!
The way she responded "have you met women anywhere?" was so fucking irritating.
Wow ! fantastic breakdown - she wanted to say no at the alter ...
Enjoying your series on this. Was hoping HG would cover it and your videos are gold, thank you. Just wondering if you noticed Cole said at 4:42 that he didn't want to get punched in the face when he first sees her and she denies doing it. At first, I thought he was speaking figuratively, but it's followed up with "sure felt like it".
I actually started creating videos because I'm such a huge fan of HG and wished there were some videos analyzing the gold mine of reality TV narcissists. It seems like HG stays away from reality TV.
Yes, I noticed the "getting punched in the face" comment but assumed that he was being figurative and that it was describing the situation they had just had, with her unleashing a torrent of criticisms as soon as she walked through the door. You never know though!
@@thenarcissistwatcher looking forward to your coverage on these reality narcs - it truly is a gold mine. You know HG's work really well and I like how you break it down in such detail.
Her disgust at “unassuming” was also weird. It means to not be arrogant or pretentious. To be modest… women and people in general can for sure be unassuming
No I think when he said unassuming it meant more of can you not be pessimistic about everything and thinking everything is leading up to some awful thing. Idk to me it felt like please don't assume the worst with me.
@@jclyntoledo that could be what he meant but I gave the actual definition of the word unassuming… so not no
It's crazy she started this in day one outta the pods. Normally you have a good time for a while. It's so bizarre how she acts.
Tbf if someone I loved told me to be kind and assuming I'd be annoyed too because it sounds like he wants a submissive woman, and she is firey and that would obviously wind her up. I just didn't think they were a great match. I too feel like she more likely has bpd with some narcissistic tendencies.
It really depends on how a person decides to enter into a discussion with someone. Zanab is mean and assumes the negative about Cole all the time. Asking her to be kind and unassuming could be annoying if she's not open to criticism. My sibling told me he hated having disagreements with me because I had an attitude that my opinions were so much better than his and he could never be right. Of course I thought I was right in our disagreements, but I hadn't realized I came across in a holier than thou way. I wasn't offended. I was glad he brought it up because I don't want to treat someone I love that way. Zanab doesn't actually love Cole so she doesn't really care about his feelings. She loves how he makes her feel and how it looks to be with him. She's not fiery. She's insensitive and combative. To be fair, he's immature and thoughtless in the way he speaks. I'm not sure why either of them didn't call it off long before the altar.
She should be cancelled. I hated seeing what she did to cole. She treated him like a child
Now I can understand why no one hitting on her 🤣
3:35 - Not true here. It's a generalization and it puts the disorder as something impossible to overcome/learn to deal with etc. For a person like me, trying to find help in becoming someone who doesn't hurt those I love, this is very hurtful. It doesn't even gives us a chance to try and be better.
I support there has to be warnings for people who are dealing with narcissists, because it's brutal and can make a number in somebody's mental health. But it's important to leave ways for the people with the disorder to try and become functional too. Otherwise I should what? Stop existing? If I can never stop being toxic like this implies?
Go check out HG Tudor's channel. There may be some resources there for you. Or you might try reaching out to him personally. He is a narcissist himself.
My main focus in these videos is helping people to recognize and deal with narcissists. So I'm answering questions about what the non-narcissist can do in these situations, rather than what the narcissist can do.
The question I'm trying to answer here is: "as the partner of a narcissist, can I change the narcissist's behavior in the long run?". My answer is no. The narcissist will either reject the idea that they are abusive (as we see with Zanab). Or - even worse - they will say that they will improve (and will do so for a short while) but then will go back to being abusive.
However, the question you are talking about is from the other perspective: "is a narcissist able to modify their own behavior?". My answer is yes. If it's in their best interest to do so.
How about getting one on one profesional help instead of on TH-cam!
@@locopeligroso743 wow bro, very helpful
not.
@@Nehelyn it lowkey is, get actual professional help. TH-cam has been up for anybody of this problem and they do try TH-cam and yet we still have these massive problems and misunderstandings.
Go get actual professional help. I’m not one with meds I’m all therapy but go get some actual help. You are the product in this world and it matters a lot on how you are. If it’s beyond you and all the people around you. You aren’t Superman and beyond go seek a professional. Nothing wrong with it, should be normalized. Walking around raw dawgin horrendous mental health like this doesn’t alter you in someway even causing uncontrollable unconscious harm to others and self. We don’t want good sick humans walking around because of this consistent stupidity. Go get help. Every human life matters due to their own blossoming of beauty through their self. We just really need to “actually” help one another.