I'm finding all this fascinating. I am a diagnosed narcissist, same type as Zanab, apparently and am trying to deal with this in therapy. Those videos are giving me so much perspective of harmful behaviors I really really have? It's insane. So, thank you for the analysis.
The whole season I could see this as narcissism...there isn't anything Cole could have done and I'm relieved he didn't get married to her. Look at the damage done despite them not being together anymore. Cole did a few stupid "dude" things and was very immature at times, but I just see her setting him up.over and over. I hope they both get some therapy.
I’ve used this analogy a couple times, but I think it works. My wife said she was most attracted to Henry Cavill, who I look nothing like. If I stressed about this and tried to manipulate myself to be more like him, anybody would tell me that this is messed up and mostly on me. Yes, Colleen wasn’t a celebrity crush. But she and Cole were just bonding days earlier. It is a unique situation. Glad you pointed out the pity play of her saying how her self esteem was shattered bc she would never look like Colleen. Matt took the bait
Interesting point. I think it depends on the specific situation and the de facto arrangement you've come to as a couple on this. In some situations, it wouldn't be a problem, but in others, it would be. There's a wide spectrum. For example, some couples are very open about who they find attractive, and both joke about it. Clearly, it wouldn't be anything to worry about there. However, in others, it could be a form of abuse. For example: one partner is self-conscious about a particular aspect of themselves. The other partner continually goes out of their way to tell them how attractive they find celebrities who are the complete opposite, despite repeatedly being asked not to. This is triangulation, belittlement, and a lack of boundary respect. There's a good chance that the second partner is a narcissist.
Best deep dive I’ve come across- the whole time watching this show I felt… icky 😂 She’s horrid, but like, what is wrong with Cole that he wants to be spoken to and treated like this? Why does he love her, I don’t get it🤔she’s more akin to a disappointed mother figure than the kind, sweet young wife he wanted. Goodness gracious, the two of them could be a cringe psychological study for days
Do you realize that questions like this equate to blaming the victim? He's being gaslit, so he doesn't likely realize what's happening at first. Then, he is immediately put into a position where he has to prove his love. This gives her an upper hand, and it makes him keep trying to make things better, show her affection, and basically prove he's worthy of her. And it's being taped, so it's doubly hard because he wants to look good for the public and not seem like a douchebag. And that's exactly what happened! People took her side and said he was trash, when he was being manipulated the ENTIRE time.
This is eye opening for me bc I was with someone like this when it came to arguing. She’d pick fights in public, wouldn’t hold my hand because I didn’t hold her hand one time (not purposefully I just didn’t try to hold hands that day). When we tried to resolve issues, I’d think it was resolved and then a few days later she brings it back to square one. Then if we argue about something different then she’d also bring up the previous things. I was accused of not being attracted to her several times. And when she ended things with me she said I was a liar lmao
Ikr! just rmbr that everyone has narcissistic tendencies, and it is a sliding scale. In my case, I had quite a few narc tendencies in rltshps when I was younger. grew out of it :)
I've never seen a full episode of this show before and am just encountering these clips for the first time, but: I feel like I would absolutely fixate on a rating, given by my fiancé, on my attractiveness if it were anything less than 10--especially if someone else in our environment was given a perfect score. Rating looks is such a toxic practice to partake in--whether asking or delivering.
She pushed him into it, and he didn't know enough to lie. But even if he had said a 10, she would have pushed for an 11 and would have still criticized him for the number, and she would have claimed he was attracted to someone else. All this to put him down, make him shamed, and force him to prove himself to her. It's so fvcking manipulative.
It is unfortunate that so many people resort to both sidesism to make themselves feel comfortable enough i to address the clearly manipulative character of her
The fact she's questioning anything does convey a deep insecurity, albeit in a manipulative pity playing way. Security in one's self and narcissism do not go hand in hand. They are complete gaslighters and self pitying but at the core this comes deep fragility.
I saw through her as well. There is definitely a constant manipulation going on and poor me pity party. I also think she has Borderline Personality Disorder and NPD. A lethal combination. Cole's style is sometimes immature and blunt, which just fueled a bad situation, over and over again, but he did not deserve the amount of condemnation he got on the show.
Being insecure and manipulative is not the same as being a narcissist and these videos come off as one sided and misogynist. If one is not familiar with the experience of women in a society that marginalizes and sexualizes women’s bodies, they would not be able to understand how deeply it impacts an individuals self-esteem. Zanab is insecure and manipulative and downright unpleasant for sure but labeling her as a narcissist without in person analysis is reckless at best.
Cole is definitely more narcissistic in that rating bedroom scene.....ie. the lack of empathy, wtf! This is pretty ridiculous actually. Many people with insecure attachment styles would react the same way.
zanab is so far from a narcissist this entire series is bulldozing her character sooooo unfairly. she is soooo far from narcissism i don't know how this is even a perspective.
Also secure tbh I want someone who is attracted enough to me for a stable relationship. Not that they find 2 people out of 5 they physically like more than me. Not sustainable
It would only be fair if you did videos analyzing Cole as well, I think. I agree that a lot of things Zanab did was problematic, but to analyze her behavior in depth and only in passing mention what Cole did was “manipulative” is not playing fair. Perhaps stating that you’ll do videos on Cole as well will make these videos seem less bias.
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate that it might look like I'm attacking Zanab and not giving Cole's own shitty actions any more than a passing glance. If I was trying to make a "who is in the right" video, you're absolutely correct that this would be unfair and biased against Zanab. However, my aim here is to use Zanab to show people how to spot red flags in narcissists because she's an excellent and prominent example of a narcissist. The goal of my channel is to educate people about narcissism and to help them spot narcissists in their lives. If I spent equal time going into Cole's behaviour, it would dilute from the message of the videos and make them much longer. Please suffice it to say that I don't agree with Cole's actions, and I'm certainly not trying to take his side.
This is TH-cam content... Who made the rule anything has to be fair? You just made that up 😂 He can make his whole channel about one person forever if he wanted.
This videos are clearly for educational purposes and to help people spot red flags in narcissists. If Cole isn't a narcissist why would he make videos about Cole? Yes, Cole was a bit immature at times and did/say some meh stuff but that has absolutly nothing to do with this. The whole point of this channel is to analyze narcissists, not immature people.
This isn't supposed to be a "who's in the right and who's in the wrong" type of analysis. Clearly Cole did several assholey things, and I'm not condoning them or trying to defend him. This is simply a channel focused on narcissism. Hence its focus on Zanab and the various narcissistic indicators she shows. The series is not called "Why Zanab is a narcissist... and Cole is a bit of a fuckboy too while I'm at it". That would distract from the focus and message of the analysis.
I'm finding all this fascinating. I am a diagnosed narcissist, same type as Zanab, apparently and am trying to deal with this in therapy. Those videos are giving me so much perspective of harmful behaviors I really really have? It's insane.
So, thank you for the analysis.
I cAn relate to this
Wow. That so cool you are working through it. In therapy did the have any ideas what causes this?
The whole season I could see this as narcissism...there isn't anything Cole could have done and I'm relieved he didn't get married to her. Look at the damage done despite them not being together anymore.
Cole did a few stupid "dude" things and was very immature at times, but I just see her setting him up.over and over. I hope they both get some therapy.
I’ve used this analogy a couple times, but I think it works. My wife said she was most attracted to Henry Cavill, who I look nothing like. If I stressed about this and tried to manipulate myself to be more like him, anybody would tell me that this is messed up and mostly on me. Yes, Colleen wasn’t a celebrity crush. But she and Cole were just bonding days earlier. It is a unique situation. Glad you pointed out the pity play of her saying how her self esteem was shattered bc she would never look like Colleen. Matt took the bait
Interesting point. I think it depends on the specific situation and the de facto arrangement you've come to as a couple on this. In some situations, it wouldn't be a problem, but in others, it would be. There's a wide spectrum.
For example, some couples are very open about who they find attractive, and both joke about it. Clearly, it wouldn't be anything to worry about there.
However, in others, it could be a form of abuse. For example: one partner is self-conscious about a particular aspect of themselves. The other partner continually goes out of their way to tell them how attractive they find celebrities who are the complete opposite, despite repeatedly being asked not to. This is triangulation, belittlement, and a lack of boundary respect. There's a good chance that the second partner is a narcissist.
Best deep dive I’ve come across- the whole time watching this show I felt… icky 😂 She’s horrid, but like, what is wrong with Cole that he wants to be spoken to and treated like this? Why does he love her, I don’t get it🤔she’s more akin to a disappointed mother figure than the kind, sweet young wife he wanted. Goodness gracious, the two of them could be a cringe psychological study for days
Do you realize that questions like this equate to blaming the victim? He's being gaslit, so he doesn't likely realize what's happening at first. Then, he is immediately put into a position where he has to prove his love. This gives her an upper hand, and it makes him keep trying to make things better, show her affection, and basically prove he's worthy of her. And it's being taped, so it's doubly hard because he wants to look good for the public and not seem like a douchebag. And that's exactly what happened! People took her side and said he was trash, when he was being manipulated the ENTIRE time.
This is eye opening for me bc I was with someone like this when it came to arguing. She’d pick fights in public, wouldn’t hold my hand because I didn’t hold her hand one time (not purposefully I just didn’t try to hold hands that day). When we tried to resolve issues, I’d think it was resolved and then a few days later she brings it back to square one. Then if we argue about something different then she’d also bring up the previous things. I was accused of not being attracted to her several times. And when she ended things with me she said I was a liar lmao
Thank you for these videos I thought I was the only one seeing the red flags and signs
I guess i'm a narcissist wtf 😂
Ikr! just rmbr that everyone has narcissistic tendencies, and it is a sliding scale. In my case, I had quite a few narc tendencies in rltshps when I was younger. grew out of it :)
Cole dodged a bullet!
I've never seen a full episode of this show before and am just encountering these clips for the first time, but: I feel like I would absolutely fixate on a rating, given by my fiancé, on my attractiveness if it were anything less than 10--especially if someone else in our environment was given a perfect score. Rating looks is such a toxic practice to partake in--whether asking or delivering.
She pushed him into it, and he didn't know enough to lie. But even if he had said a 10, she would have pushed for an 11 and would have still criticized him for the number, and she would have claimed he was attracted to someone else. All this to put him down, make him shamed, and force him to prove himself to her. It's so fvcking manipulative.
I love ur voice… and also this series
Who do you study under for your narcissist knowledge? The verbiage you use sounds very familiar
HG Tudor - he's a self-aware narcissist with a phenomenal understanding on everything narcissist-related.
It is unfortunate that so many people resort to both sidesism to make themselves feel comfortable enough i to address the clearly manipulative character of her
The fact she's questioning anything does convey a deep insecurity, albeit in a manipulative pity playing way. Security in one's self and narcissism do not go hand in hand. They are complete gaslighters and self pitying but at the core this comes deep fragility.
lol Zanab is a 6.5 and Colleen is 7.5 what she talking about
I saw through her as well. There is definitely a constant manipulation going on and poor me pity party. I also think she has Borderline Personality Disorder and NPD. A lethal combination. Cole's style is sometimes immature and blunt, which just fueled a bad situation, over and over again, but he did not deserve the amount of condemnation he got on the show.
18:00 Honestly though
this feels VERY one sided.
Being insecure and manipulative is not the same as being a narcissist and these videos come off as one sided and misogynist. If one is not familiar with the experience of women in a society that marginalizes and sexualizes women’s bodies, they would not be able to understand how deeply it impacts an individuals self-esteem. Zanab is insecure and manipulative and downright unpleasant for sure but labeling her as a narcissist without in person analysis is reckless at best.
why would you want a flight attendant, shes prolly screwed so many passengers and pilots
Cole is definitely more narcissistic in that rating bedroom scene.....ie. the lack of empathy, wtf! This is pretty ridiculous actually. Many people with insecure attachment styles would react the same way.
zanab is so far from a narcissist this entire series is bulldozing her character sooooo unfairly. she is soooo far from narcissism i don't know how this is even a perspective.
@@alicejackson7221You must be blind then.
Also secure tbh I want someone who is attracted enough to me for a stable relationship. Not that they find 2 people out of 5 they physically like more than me. Not sustainable
It would only be fair if you did videos analyzing Cole as well, I think. I agree that a lot of things Zanab did was problematic, but to analyze her behavior in depth and only in passing mention what Cole did was “manipulative” is not playing fair. Perhaps stating that you’ll do videos on Cole as well will make these videos seem less bias.
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate that it might look like I'm attacking Zanab and not giving Cole's own shitty actions any more than a passing glance. If I was trying to make a "who is in the right" video, you're absolutely correct that this would be unfair and biased against Zanab.
However, my aim here is to use Zanab to show people how to spot red flags in narcissists because she's an excellent and prominent example of a narcissist. The goal of my channel is to educate people about narcissism and to help them spot narcissists in their lives. If I spent equal time going into Cole's behaviour, it would dilute from the message of the videos and make them much longer.
Please suffice it to say that I don't agree with Cole's actions, and I'm certainly not trying to take his side.
some people have actual mental health problems whereas other people are just Jerks, or just assholes or just immature.
This is TH-cam content... Who made the rule anything has to be fair? You just made that up 😂 He can make his whole channel about one person forever if he wanted.
This videos are clearly for educational purposes and to help people spot red flags in narcissists. If Cole isn't a narcissist why would he make videos about Cole? Yes, Cole was a bit immature at times and did/say some meh stuff but that has absolutly nothing to do with this. The whole point of this channel is to analyze narcissists, not immature people.
@@thenarcissistwatcher That makes sense, thanks!
This is a very bias analysis of this relationship. Cole has many issues that makes having a relationship with him difficult.
This isn't supposed to be a "who's in the right and who's in the wrong" type of analysis. Clearly Cole did several assholey things, and I'm not condoning them or trying to defend him. This is simply a channel focused on narcissism. Hence its focus on Zanab and the various narcissistic indicators she shows.
The series is not called "Why Zanab is a narcissist... and Cole is a bit of a fuckboy too while I'm at it". That would distract from the focus and message of the analysis.