Why I'm BREAKING UP with online dating
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 พ.ค. 2024
- Does anyone ACTUALLY enjoy being on dating apps? (serious question). Today I share my reasons for why online dating isn't for me, deciding to say goodbye for good, & what I see as alternatives to putting myself out there.
www.mindsetmatterswithvic.com/
Time stamps
0:00 Intro
1:41 Reason # 1
3:05 Time
4:37 How dating apps make me feel
8:11 My dream guy
10:06 What's the alternative?
12:24 Putting yourself out there
14:14 Date yourself
15:20 Reasons to be bold
Dating apps just changed the way we perceive the relationships. Nobody wants to commit to the relationships because "what if there are better options?"
Nobody wants to work on relationships, fix them, and grow together. It's easier to switch to one of the other million options available.
How do you even value a person based on a few photos? Everything is based on expectations and not reality.
I feel like staying a single is healthier for my mental health. I just don't want to be a part of this hookup culture.
I completely agree with you. There is a constant fear of what if there is someone better. How could you build a healthy relationship having that kind of mindset?
About 2:31 - most of us (men) don't like to talk to multiple people at once too, but are "forced" to do so. From the male perspective not only are matches hard to come by, but also actual conversations and also when some sort of a chat does happen there's a good chance of getting ghosted. So putting all of the eggs in one basket usually results in disappointment and self esteem issues.
hmm interesting. I feel like on dating apps anyone can (and does) get ghosted - I have had people just stop replying mid conversation and that can make you feel like it was all just a waste of time.
@@MindsetMattersWVic Sure thing, I agree. What makes the big difference is the amount of matches a male gets compared to a female. Getting ghosted when you know you can match with someone else easily makes it more palatable in my opinion.
Anyways, really enjoyed the video, keep it up :)
Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it
there is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is SHELLY RENEE WHITE.
I'm glad you've been able to work through it! I am looking forward to finding true partnership with someone :) I know it won't always be easy and it's great to hear from you as someone who has gotten through tough times.
this is helpful, I will look her up. I hope this works for me too, I really miss her.
@@MindsetMattersWVic heads up for the future, these are bot comments that unfold over multiple replies using different accounts to advertise any number of scams.
Cheers,
Privilege is invisible to those who have it. If your getting a plethora of matches (most women do and considering your quite attractive give I’m sure you easily get 99+) and you fail to find a partner I’m not sure if it’s the app per se.
Online dating can feel like swimming in shallow waters for the challenge of finding depth amidst superficial currents 🌊
I definitely feel this. Deep connection is hard enough to foster in person!
that's deep
Online dating is where liberal women try to have a conservative man marry them 😂
@giftsauthentic that line you pulled out is a gem, do you mind me making that into a song?
@@karlopalenzuela7915 No worries, mate! Hit me up with that song. I'm really looking forward to giving it a listen! ❤
I'm a guy and I struggle with initial social interaction at times, so dating apps have helped with that. However, as you mentioned in the video dating apps have a plethora of problems. It's hard to find someone on an app that wants to put in effort sadly.
Hard work first, becoming successful in your own life, feeling good and then go out and enjoy being successful, it's actually the best plan there is!
I downloaded an app from the store.
Trying to find love at the core.
I kept swiping right.
With no match in sight.
Only to delete it once more.
True poetry!
Even though I unwilfully downloaded Hinge
It could not compare to this comment CRINGE
In Canadian city life, I've observed that people are, in general, suspicious of strangers trying to chat with them. This aspect of the culture makes it more difficult to spark connections organically. I agree that joining a sports team can be a great context to spark those connections.
I've definitely noticed this. I have heard that in other cultures men tend to be more comfortable approaching women, but like you mention & in my experience, that doesn't happen very often here.
It's the western culture, where women won't chat with you, if you're not good looking.
I do not know why this is in my recommended videos, but I am glad I watched it. I personally do not use dating apps at all, since I like personal contact more. By living your life and working on your hobbies you will eventually find a suitable partner. Whatever you are going through I hope and think, that you will manage it well. You do not seem as lost and astray than most women your age so that's a good thing.
I'm not on social media & I'm not on a dating app. It's wasted time & lost focus in my eyes.
I'm now smart enough to understand that being single is not that bad in compression to a committed relationship.
I like my independence & the silence. I don't need another person constantly around me.
But right now my personal finances improved so much.
On the other hand I think for whom should I leave a house and stocks? For the government when I pass away alone?
No way, I'm bored in my professional career and ready to move on in life. Im going to focus on med school to become a M.D. after my engineering career. I'm only 29 y/o.
I think I wouldn't be abled if I was 'sucessful' on social media & dating apps.
As a guy myself, I don’t think I’ve found a video that has explained how I’ve honestly felt about changing my approach as well as this has. Obviously without the makeup ofc😂 but navigating through dating apps is like trying to explore the whole ocean, you can search and search the ocean but your only still at the surface of because there’s so much that still needs to be discovered so your continuously exploring . For dating apps it’s like you can explore and swipe on all these guys/girls but never fully find youself finding anyone thats interested in anything serious or just not compatible so your back to exploring(swiping) until you find someone else if that even works out. Hopefully that made some sense😭 but as a guy who is a lil more introverted I am going to take the approach of putting myself out there more, not just for females but for everyone I feel like is just overall better way to getting more meaningful relationships without anyone. Also great video as well!
I just started trying dating app for like a month or so. I can definitely see the problem everyone faces when spending long hours and with multiple match partners all the time. I usually only chat with one or 2 people and like to take things slow to get to know them better. but the problem is the attention span of people who uses these dating apps are very short and it feels very superficial that i need to adjust my own personality to fit the "style" of these "games". I always present my genuine self and if the person doesnt like it then its not meant to be. For the people out there who plays it like a numbers game, its not healthy, youll only numb urself trying to find something that isnt there because youre spread too thin yourselves having to juggle multiple communications at once. people only can handle probably 5-6 meaningful conversations at a time. But i understand why it has to be a numbers game, such a shame that these dating apps are poorly designed and focuses on monetary gains.
I smiled at the dream guy logic of the dating app, I have the same feeling with my dream girl haha.
Dating apps are super shallow so I'd prefer to for example go to a speed dating event where you can actually get each others vibe and quickly ask each other a few questions to see if you are compatible.
But at the moment I'm still working on myself, open for chance encounters but otherwise ensuring I am going to be my most authentic self before trying to go to any serious dating activities.
Life is fun and it needs someone who has the same goals. As for interests, differences between people can be accepted, because there are no people who are very compatible. Compatibility comes from the two people trying to make the relationship a success.
@@user-zu6pe7ib3f I disagree, except for the long distance which made it fail my ex and me were fully compatible. I had everything she wanted in a partner, she had everything I wanted in a partner and even fit me better than I ever thought was possible. Neither of us ever imagined meeting someone that compatible.
One thing I dont like about dating apps is that people have a baseline expectation of you. I talked to my female friends and discovered that men would write the most crude messages and send d*ck pics and whatever. I never imagined how low the bar is and it is infuriating that I am fighting uphill against this idea before I even get to show im just normal human looking for love.. I was considering writing I dont do that, but that would just give off "white knight" energy..
I havent used apps for 8 years and have been focusing on myself, but realized I wasnt meeting the women I wanted to meet. I risk simply not meeting my forever person if I dont do something (like a dating app). Been on the apps for a couple of months now and Im really not enjoying the male experience of dating apps..
I personally dont know where its socially acceptable to approach a woman now that dating apps have created this "dating space". I met a cute girl through facebook marketplace and thought to myself this would be a "organic" way to meet by concidence, but ended up not asking her out, because she was selling something, not looking for a partner...This balance between being bold and giving women space is really hard to manage.
I feel you bro.. Im stuck as well because its really hard for me to meet women irl because of my line of work (engineering). I thought dating app could solve it but its really hard. People either have short attention span, or they just straight up want a perfect 10/10 man. Very few people are actually wanting to find connection with a partner. I did however matched with one particular girl, got off really well, conversations are flowing great, 2 days later she says shes about to start a relationship with another guy, i was too late but we stay as friends since shes pretty chill and i get to work on my social skills so why not. So i was left wondering am i suppose to move more aggresively? but i dont want to scare people away especially since i only knew them a day or two. Guess its the timing...
Now im working on my own self more, went back into exercising and dancing, and trying to go out more and put myself out there. But its tough for me to approach people randomly and try to start conversations. ill need to work more on my social skills. I still check the dating app from time to time and chat with other matches but it never really got anywhere.
Maybe you can keep trying out different things, different approach and hopefully u find something that works? best of luck to you man
@@lilopygaming3218 get them off the app for a date after a few messages. dont waste time
Appreciating your perspective.
I agree with some of these points.
Idk how many women hold similar viewpoints to you on dating apps, but I’d sure like to meet them.
You're young and pretty, so you have all the options you want. The apps aren't the problem (you are)
As a man its extremely refreshing to hear a woman share feelings on the subject identical to mine. Your point on the value of time really resonated with me, I find myself easily disinterested in conversations on dating apps because I can't help but think of better ways I could be spending my time. As someone who runs a business 65 hours a week, my off time is very valuable to me, so if convos aren't immediately home runs in terms of compatibility, the effort I give drops to zero. I can admit that this way of operating is anything but conducive to a favorable conclusion, but I really don't see an alternative at this point.
It's either online dating, or nothing. The old ways are dead and gone. It is not safe as a man to approach a woman you don't know in public under any circumstances. So yeah, OLD is a shitty option based on the way many people actually use it, however it is literally the only option available anymore. So its OLD or be single forever. It sucks, but it's true.
Dating apps are good having taught me about the shallow nature of Westernized women.
I think it is horrible for most women distracting them from finding a good man until it is too late.
I’m not on the apps either and I don’t miss them.
you seem very sincere, best of luck with your search
You've got a palpably endearing feminine and bubbly warm energy and sincerity to you. Not sure how guys managed to strike out but with those set of traits I would approach immediately lol. I have had success in both approaching in person and dating apps so in my experience if there are any significant advantages to dating apps it is easier to filter those with poor attitudes, preferred age range, materialistic, or just a bit extreme in some of what they promote openly as their lifestyle. As a man in person approach can be quite a wild dice roll to the point I prefer getting rejected than meeting any more that seem to have a competition anxiety or bitterness or something else I can sense is off-putting that is hard to explain. Your kind of energy is rare, even if it's showing through you just talking to a camera. Take it easy on them out there, darlin
At the end of the video you mentioned reasons to be bold. I don't think it's a good idea to just go up to someone and make the first move.
There's a lot of implications to this. The other person may feel threatened, maybe because of traumatic experiences. Or it can be just awkward randomly going up to a stranger and making small talk with them. What if they are just plainly not interested?
However, I do recognize the possibility of you going up to the person and instantly hitting it off. But how likely is that? I would like to add to what you said. Go up to someone when you sense the opportunity. For example, you're at the gym, and you and this person catch each other's glances from time to time. One day, you will make eye contact and smile. You then feel this sense to approach them, but shy away out of fear. In this instance, I believe you should definitely go for it! Why? Because the opportunity presented itself, and the chances of it going positively are remarkably higher. Whereas, if someone were to take your advice face-to-face and walk up to a stranger at the gym, it may be an awkward mess.
So yes be bold, don't shy away from interactions you want to make. Just be aware of the implications when talking to a stranger and just use your "gut" feeling.
Ask me anything if you need me to clarify.
Thank you for commenting! I agree that we need to be conscious of other people's perceptions and accept that they might not be interested. But - what if you are in a situation where you'll never see them again? I think the gym tends to be a good example where you may see someone on an ongoing basis, but if you're out in public and it might be your only chance... it could be worth a try. Depends on the context and reading their body language / cues to feel out if they might not want to be spoken to. Because if no one ever makes the first move nothing will ever happen!!
@@MindsetMattersWVicI see where you’re coming from. Like you go out somewhere in public, find someone who fancy’s you, and so you say it may be worth approaching. Because you may never see them again. But Is it really worth the risk? I believe that depends on the setting.
Say we’re at a bar, a club, a concert, or simply the park. I consider those natural social settings. It’s a lot easier to ease into a conversation. I would say it will be worth the risk. However, what if it’s in the street? Especially if they’re in a group. It’s not as easy, and I would advise you to let it go. Like you said, it depends on the context. Context including the setting.
Was nice hearing the female perspective.
I’d say your conclusion that your ideal partner isn’t on dating apps is spot on.
Keep up the good work!
5 min in and uhg this makes me feel so better about my experience. im not a chill girl either lol.
So glad you can relate!!
Really vibe with this stuff. Chart your own path. I'm sick of relying on apps, or capitalist creations to have a say in my life. Since the most ancient histories, the self is the creator of the world.
I think the issue with dating apps is that people always think they can do better. They have created a sub-population of serial daters who drop whoever they are dating once they get "bored" or they realize the person they are dating is a human being with flaws. Especially if you are decently attractive and get matches, you can just end things with the person you are dating and open an app on your iPhone to chase the false illusion that something "better" may be right at your fingertips.
Hi there, new here sooo reason why I got off dating apps altogether is because I realized it's more of a pay subscription now if you wanna see who swiped right on you or who messaged you. And even then I just find it annoying I felt like I must've of swiped a bunch of times and with nothing to show for it just a waste of my time. And yes it's like you said it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack like goodluck. 😂😅🤣
Did you ever try random live video chat apps ?
Seeing an attractive person complain about dating apps is wild to me. I think maybe your perspective would change if you made a profile as an average male. That aside, I find the bots one of the most annoying things, and reason I got off years ago. It's also pretty annoying being judged by just a photo or two or a small paragraph that you really didn't want to write because you can't really sum up your entire essence on a dating profile page. It's very shallow on both ends, I don't really recommend dating apps for anyone.
This was interesting for sure. I'm on the fence with dating apps. In person is better.
Yes, because if you meet a girl irl, there's no way possible that she's on OLD... c'mon, if she's single enough for you to approach her in irl, she's single enough to be online and although you came to her irl, you are nothing but another "like" on the stack of 300 likes she already has. irl and OLD have merged and there's no cope large enough to dispute that.
love this. im gay and grindr, tinder, and other apps really make me crazy and obsessed in a very unhealthy way lol
Yes! I've heard the argument that dating apps are designed to be addictive just like social media. It can be hard to remain intentional
@@MindsetMattersWVic the endless swiping ... the endless ghosting and getting ghosted hahah... yeah i agree with u
It sad to hear you. It should be so simple to meet a partner...if you want kids and a family. But i kind of understand the problem. I am writing a book on the topic. The subject of my book is alchemy. This is the nature of the problem: if you are living life in series, it will not work. If you lived life in parallel, you will meet tons of men and chose the right man for you. So there is hope...I cannot wait to finish my book ASAP. Then it will be the reason to bring people together and solve problems like yours.
I can't imagine how shitty it has to be to find someone of 200 matches lol, atleast serious-dating-wise. Butz imo still beter than competing vs. 10000-100000 people as a man
ItsOver for us
Good idea! It's always better to meet people while you are out and about
Better to go out and meet people than to go on dating apps.
8:15 Girls always say this and it makes 0 sense to me. Why would you ideal guy not be on a dating app? Damn near everyone has used one at this point. There's a lot of pickiness in this video that makes me think her standards are too high in general, online or offline. It comes off very "modern woman"
Think about this way: The ideal man is tall, handsome, and an entrepreneur with an active social life. With this lifestyle, he naturally draws women's attention. However, the important part is that, out of all the women who chase him, he chooses only HER (OP) instead. And that's the women's fantasy, to be the 'special one'.
And your conclusion is indeed right, she's very 'modern woman'.
Social media is the same thing. This is an empty gesture.
People are finally waking up to the dating app business model.
Don’t match em, but do keep em swiping. ( And paying! 💰😃👍 ).
How interesing. 8:46 So that's what you want in your dream guy? funny, that. Now you know how it feels to exist as a man, dealing with women's hypergamous nature. Whether its consciously or subconsciously, women are always thinking they can do better.
You can have a woman show you high interest and blindside you with infatuation, then proceed to date her for a year or two, until she wakes up one day thinking she can "do better" simply because you've become the predicable loyal guy, and not the chaotic badboy that can stimulate her emotions, and she see her friends post IG photos partying on some guys yacht in Miami.
Women are not content creatures. Men are, and even if we land the girl we actually want, we have to pretend not want her that much, for the sake of the relationship. We have to show social proof, show that we can step out at anytime and get another girl, for the sake of the relationship. We must have an abundance of options in women in order to retain her interest because what I've learned over the years is that women's brains are only wired to want men other women want. Hypergamy rules all with women.
A very astute comment! And yes, their brains are wired in wanting only M3n wanted by other Vv0men. That is what the NPC's do, and most XX's are NPC's. And what this reveals about them is that they really do not care about the actually guy, but are actually only competing for the sake of making other XX's jealous, since it's all based on idealism and the concept of the Man being "wanted".
Your experiences and advice only works for women. Most men can't take out any experience at all on those apps (except paying a subscription). And women destroyed approaching entirely. It is 'dangerous' approaching a woman these days. And even a job risk at work. But it is very refreshing to see a woman trying it offline. Very intelligent and smart you are.
most guys you matched with and talked to on dating apps didn't end up trying to arrange a date? can you give an estimated number of how many guys you matched with and how many tried to arrange a date?
Dating apps should be deleted off the internet
Women getting tired of getting ran through by Chads and Tyrones, how sad.
you're attractive enough not to need dating apps
You are supposed to be attractive in dating apps
No. @@mysticc6232
@@mysticc6232 she doesn't need them. she is gorgeous and can just go into any setting with men and she'll have the pick of the tonnes of men throwing themselves at her feet wanting to date her.
Focus on real life instead. The internet is just a fantasy. April 2024. Canada.
Why do you want to pigeonhole to the Hinge app...I saw the bad reviews with the app. Also just waiting to meet in irl...Guys nowadays aren't going to approach...there are toxic women out there...being hostile toward guys that approach. You'll wait a long time with those strategies. Toronto..I heard is the worst. People are not social..I heard
yesss! I’d ask myself “would my husband be on dating apps?” the answer is, No I hope not 😂 dating apps are draining- back in the day men went to war for the women they wanted. It feels competitive and that’s not me. I attract I don’t chase 😙
You nailed it. Thats why you are happier now.
You are feeding the problem. A girl who looks like this and is put together isn't finding someone because she doesn't WANT to find someone. She is the problem she is complaining about. You think she didn't have at least 50, high class, eligible men that she completely brushed off? lmao. What a joke.
Does anyone likes the dating apps? Did you ask Chad and Tyrone?
They only had one thing in mind and now we are here
your only alternative is to approach and ask men out
She ain’t doing that 😂
Never needed them. I just walk up to gals and ask them if they want to go for a walk in the park, then drinks on the second, and usually bangin' by the third. But am 6'3" and ask them while I'm standing in front of them so...
Ok you are tired of online dating, when you get 100 messages and pick and choose the dates you want, but they might not be perfect.
So give real life a try. But you’ll go out with your girlfriends and sit there and tap your fingers expecting men to approach and hit on you just the way you want. Hope they don’t say something wrong!
I wish you luck. Men are tired of failed approaches, me too, being called creepy, to try to hit on someone like you.
As i said - good luck 😂
You really think it’s more likely your future husband is on a single sports team or activity than on a dating app..? There’s millions of people vs. 25? If you’re real question is really “does anyone actually like dating apps” the answer is yes. I do and I personally find the most ethical and effective way of dating ever developed is dating apps. Always remember just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean secretly everyone else doesn’t as well.
Haha you must be new here if you think I come from a place of expecting all other people to have the same opinion of me. Glad dating apps work for you, do your thing.
Lol good luck to you,
Holding onto hope those apps work for you
Unproblematic people don't need dating apps to find someone. There I said it, sorry but it's true.
You've given up on dating apps (for now) because you can't secure the kind of partner you think you deserve.
Less than 5% of men get matches versus 50% of women who do. 99% of matches never reply. Women get 100s of matches. Men get few to none.
that's why this fascinates me to hear women complain. I guarantee she's been on plenty of dates from these apps. Privilege is truly invisible to those who have it. She has no idea how its like for even the rather handsome men out there. Average to below average looking women get more matches then even the most attractive men.
@johannsebastianbach3501 100% correct. I have no sympathy for women on apps. They choose the douche bags and get played when they sleep with the guy after 3/4 dates. OLD is like netflix.. too much choice and too easy to get bored and find something else. Nope they're only to blame.
Too late, the damage is done. I would never consider a woman that was in a dating site for anything serious.
It's easy to see why you are still single. Indecisively scattered. FOMO flaky.
First, you suffer from the only serious relationship virus. Do you know you can also have casual relationships while you are not in a serious one? You can even have casual relationships while in a serious one if youre into open relationships. You should try casual relationships, they let you enjoy sex while you are single.
Second, the reasons you dont like online dating make no sense. People online are the same as offline, they are not from a different planet. It seems like what you dont like is having to PUT UP THE WORK to meet people and seeing if there is the deep connection for a potential serious relationship. Your perfect partner is not gonna appear at your front door, you have to put up the work. You have to meet with many people to be able to find one whos highly compatible. You should go on 1 or 2 dates per week if youd like to find a partner. You can get those dates IRL going to many events and doing extroverted stuff, or you can get the dates much more easily through dating apps.
Huge microphone and still can barely hear her!
I can't say what I want to say, otherwise YT bah ann hammer.
Oh so she's accepted being single and alone for the rest of her life. Well congrats on that, that is a hell of a brave thing. Or perhaps you're going to start approaching men and shooting your shot yourself? Because any woman expecting good men to shoot their shot organically in real life to a woman they don't know, is 100% delusional.
Nobody cares
nah i care
Yeah I care too sorry Rodger wrong again 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
Y’all are nobodies so my point still stands 🤡
Posting rude comments for a reaction on a nice young woman’s TH-cam video isn’t a good look, don’t be bitter be better you know? Good luck and I hope you figure out and heal whatever it is that makes you feel inclined to act like this. God bless you and enjoy your day ❤️
have you tried dating women before?
@9:00 "When we meet it's going to be magic, okay.." ugh...JFC This is the problem with dating app people. You actually have to put in the work to get to know someone and people who are on dating apps look at social relations through the lens of consumerism. The perfect man/woman becomes inhuman - becomes the perfect car, shoe, whatever. If the package off the shelf doesn't look right - why open it? Just put it back and swipe on to the next right (whether in real life or on the app)? Good luck with that attitude. You will be unhappy and alone for the rest of your life because fundamentally you are not able to see anything but your own self-interest.
So ur done getting F'd by Chad and now you want to settle with some guy who will be your slave. Good luck haha.