Most single men have it worse. The power in dating tilted too much on the woman's favour. It's time for men to create scarcity with our time, money and attention.
I had a conversation with a girl the other day about this, and she flat out said women have it WAY easier than men when it comes to dating. She said that she's never had to go out of her way to find a boyfriend. There was always one just waiting for her around the corner the minute she became single.
@elonmusk7647 even if you're horribly disfigured a woman will still have an easy time finding a boyfriend. When women say they can't find a man to date, what they mean is they can't find a man who lives up to their unrealistic standards who will date her.
Being a woman in the dating market gives you two options: sit and wait as the waiter brings you plate after plate of food for your selection. Maybe sometimes it's toast, maybe a burger, maybe a steak, probably not prime rib. But you get the choice anytime you like. Or you can go hunting, like men have to, for the dish you want. You are in complete control of the dish you choose. Dating for men is like being at an auction. You bid, but you get outbid by someone with more money/style/looks/status, and have to move on to the next item. Most of the time your bids won't be good enough (every auction item has a reserve that you won't know until you try and bid). Dating for men is far worse.
Most woman are average , the average is the majority of a group. Most woman are on burger level, But woman have Hypergamy. Woman believe they are entitled to a man better than them , a man of greater value than they are, a man that is taller , earns more, attractive, higher social status, better job. Burger woman believe they are entitled to a man better than them in most ways, a prime rib man, when the woman is herself a burger, and if that woman has to eat a burger she believes she is settling. She is really not settling, she is at the correct restaurant , burger king, she is a burger, in Burger king with her burger man. Burgers are not invited to a five star restaurant. Hypergamy is harming modern woman. Dating for the average woman can be improved by following K Samuels, Feminine , Fit , Friendly. A woman just has to be, what god gave her, A feminine personality, A healthy body, And pleasant to be around. A woman is gifted her value. Unfortunately for woman , thev have until 27 years old to figure this out, then the dating market gets worse for women. Women have it worse because if women dont figure out the dating market truth before 30, their future is bleak and they cant do much to improve their situation. Woman have a short time to get their life together , if they fail, the future is irreversible. Dating is worse fore woman because women have value and no knowledge of the dating market, when a woman is old and experienced enough to have knowledge, she has lost her value, a value she can never recover and a future of her options getting worse. Men have it harder in the beginning, Men are not born with value,. Women want a man os Status, Financial security, maturity, leadership, integrity. Before the age of 25, almost no man can get all this together. When a man has hit 30, progressed in his job, his maturity, his knowledge of the world , he becomes desirable. After over 10 years in his job and a harsh relationship world, he should know his worth and what women want. A man know with his wisdom, has 10 -15 good dating years, . A man has knowledge and value in the dating market, and a future of continuously better options, more knowledge and status , wealth, makes him increasingly more desirable, make a mans dating life better . Compared to women , when woman have value , woman dont have relationship knowledge. Over time a women looses her value, and gains knowledge,. The knowledge that her best dating years are behind her and her future is bleak, while men her age are entering their prime.
I have found it to be more the counter opposite actually, just because of much easier sex is to get for men (i.e. promiscuous girls, porn, etc) but women also have it easier to get attention through social media. So you can kinda see how we have outsourced a real relationship with the opposite sex with a fake imitation of it. It's just that girls realize the imitation isn't enough sooner and when it's usually too late.
I really want to disagree with this, but I can't. The logic computes. The only thing I'd add is that with social media and dating apps, the women don't get food brought to them anymore. They get to look at a never-ending menu with an infinite amount of choices on an infinite number of pages. The abundance of choice is so overwhelming that many never make a choice. And the ones that do are never happy because they'll always think they missed something better if they'd just kept turning pages. They can't enjoy what they picked. They can only smile and pretend to be happy with what they "settled" for.
I once told a girl that it is easier for girls than guys because it is always the guy who has to prove himself to her and not the other way around. She disagreed. I asked her why and she replied "Because you never know if the guy will turn out to be an idiot.". She had just confirmed what I was saying without even realizing it, LOL! xD To her it was all about "fate" and "destiny". Things just happen by themselves. This type of thinking is a way of avoiding responsibility and accountability. She never even questioned her own role in it.
It is not about "fate" or "destiny", though. Things do not just happen by themselves. You have to take concrete action in order to make them happen and achieve your goals. @elonmusk7647
This isn't really a question as far as I'm concerned. Unless you're in the very small minority of guys that the majority of women go for, being a single man is a social hell. You get far fewer matches on apps so have hardly any options there. Then you try to meet someone in person, but every time you approach a woman you risk ending up as her angry social media post about how much she doesn't want to be approached when she's out. And the rise of women putting videos on social media, painting perfectly innocent guys as sex predators just for looking at them certainly doesn't make it any easier. When you finally start dating someone, you know that if she's on an app she's receiving a conveyor belt of options to her phone every day. Then you come up against BS like the trend for finding "icks" so women can stop dating a guy for the most minor of things. It's a nightmare trying to date as a man; your self-esteem takes a daily beating that many women could not begin to imagine as they swipe left through the dozens of guys who swiped right on her.
And it's not just the loneliness that hurts us. As I've grown older and I'm still single I found more and more at ostracized from parts of society. There is an assumption that if you fail to find a wife it's because something is wrong with and perhaps you are dangerous.
@@adamhixon what social circles do you run in where this "ostracizing" behavior exists? what "parts" of society are against you? i'm single mid 50s and i have never met anyone (young or old) who looked down on me because of my age and relationship status. there's NO reason to feel embarrassed about it. there's no reason to live in shame. if you live with honor, kindness, grace, empathy and respect... go find communities that do the same.
@@atomic-fox I am a Widower. All of my married friends except one have dropped me. I do not have a single state of mine. I am not part of any group any more.
Having to sift through a bunch of options and dudes in your DMs will NEVER be as difficult as having to jump through a million hoops just to get someone’s attention 😂
@@paddington1670 I can only assume it comes with some sorta caveats, like too much attention can probably be overwhelming at some point. But for the most part too much attention or too many options is ALWAYS gonna be better than NO attention and NO options. I think everybody would prefer a bunch of people wanted them, than NO one wanting them 🤷🏿♂️
@@Emptytopfloor because when you're flooded with options nothing is actually interesting, it's like turning on netflix and having to choose from 50k titles without any previous information, what do you do? you mostly choose randomly or scroll here and there then turn it off again
Both have it hard in different ways, but I'd definitely say that men have it harder than ever right now. Having to live up to insanely unrealistic expectations, women wanting the same type of men, unhealed women with a lot of baggage and trauma, a lack of respect for men, etc. I'm pretty sure women feel the same way about men in a lot of these areas as well.
There's an old saying that sometimes to win a game, the only logical move is not to play at all. If you are a young man and you are spending your time, energy, and money trying to live up to insanely unrealistic expectations from trauma and baggage laden women, you need to stop doing that immediately. Focus on improving yourself and lay off the women. That is the only winning move.
Just think about, was this any different 50 years ago, 100 years ago, or a 1000 years ago? How we dealt with our problems is by far different than how we deal with them today. Homelessness is the modern day crises, most of the homeless don't get the help they need until they are found almost dead. This modern day nation is really sick unlike before. We used to deal with our own problems before they really started becoming problems.
Just think about, was this any different 50 years ago, 100 years ago, or a 1000 years ago? How we dealt with our problems is by far different than how we deal with them today. Homelessness is the modern day crises, most of the homeless don't get the help they need until they are found almost dead. This modern day nation is really sick unlike before. We used to deal with our own problems before they really started becoming problems.
@@cheyennesmith3365 Wow. Either you're a woman or you've never dated. I've tried for 20 years and still have never gotten a girlfriend. I'm done trying to always say the right thing. It's got to be the absolute dumbest take i've seen in my entire life to be 100% honest.
We all struggle. I have taken accountability for myself and made a life I’m proud of. I’ve done the work and I am a better man for it. Finding a woman who has done the same , and is willing to work in relationship is so hard to find. The struggle is real for both sides but I choose to stay positive and keep putting myself out there. I wish everyone the best in 2024! 🎉
Definitely harder for men now especially since the whole dating culture nightmare. Missed out on that thank goodness.But it can be hard for women too. I was very shy and went to an all girls school,men were like aliens. I had no idea how to talk to them And only had a few close female friends because I’m a nerd and not into girly things and the idea of a nightclub is hell on earth to me.Also didn’t help that my face was a pizza of spots and I’d decided to go for the Jennifer Anniston haircut only I’d been given a rod Stewart instead 😂. So Anyways I used my awkward uni years to build up my social skills and confidence and get my qualifications . My career also massively helped me with my social skills and now I’m a good communicator and I grew out of my spots and bad hair. At 21 met my fella and best friend whos also really into science and nerdy like me through a friend and been with him ever since. Everything happens for a reason. I’m grateful now for my bad hair, spots and shyness back then.saved me from the trauma many of the emotionally immature girls I knew back then (but didn’t realise at the time went through) on the whole clubbing dating scene. Best of luck
@@Purplelemon5033 similar case for me. Went to mostly all guy classes due to certain quirks we all had. Women were and still are kinda like aliens for me.
Biggest problem people face is not taking accountability for themselves. It's always easier to blame someone else than to look deep inside. Second biggest issue is that people don't look for people they're compatible with. They look for someone who wants different things and then try to change them. Be better people!
One of the struggles I'm dealing with is being a man who is the victim of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. There are fewer resources (if any) for men than there are for women, I have lost touch with my friends online and in life, and half my family has turned against me. The only people who believe me are my parents because they have witnessed it. My brothers and friends have shut me out, I'm now down to one true friend who actually believes me. I feel ashamed to talk about it, my confidence has shot down dramatically, and my wife has lied convincing everyone else saying otherwise. As a result, my children were taken away from me, and I'm waiting for a trial date from my lawyer.
@@vegbeg9170 I actually got an audio recording on my phone when I called the police during my attack. I had to resort to recording my phone calls and interviews when I'm alone with anyone I don't know or trust. I'm waiting for the trial to start, but I'm being forced to jump through a bunch of legal crap because the judge doesn't like me during the first hearing, (because of my "flat affect" apparently, wearing a suit or getting clean cold turkey wasn't good enough), and wanted me assessed by government head shrinks. My parents have both been willing to foot the bill for the lawyer and let me stay with them in the living room, and provide a room for my kids. The fight for custody is still ongoing, and the divorce is pending.
I agree! The illusion of choice is impacting all genders. Even if you "settle" and commit, anyone could pop up and show interest with more ease than prior to social media. Everyone is being led into temptation of infidelity or "comparison" with the next best thing or the imaginary perfect relationship.
Yup. Deleting social media has improved my life & mental health drastically. TH-cam is the only social media app that I use but I strictly watch self-improvement videos.
I think settling in terms of looks is fine. But never settle for a partner who isn't a good person, or doesn't have integrity, honesty, patience. I've known so many many people, women and men, who got with the wrong partners and prioritized superficial things like looks (looks fade with age btw), and it was the worst decision of their life and fucked them up for years. Things like height, and looks, and money. These things should not matter. Looks will maybe spark some initial interest, but its not long term happiness.
so are women it's biological what appears to attractive to the oposite sex is really genetic preference for example a slim woman really represents fertile health and better health overall which represents an ideal partner for procreation. And woman's version of attractiveness in a man is the usual height, income and being physically fit which is the modern present day interpretation of being a good hunter and gatherer and able to provide for the potential offspring. Yes humans are animals and our minds are rooted in the subconscience of our genetic beginnings.@@jasonwilliams8321
Deleted my OF account yesterday. Couldn't be more proud on myself. It's the end of being chained to a virtual fantasy world and financial problems. It's time to improve and to re-connect again to the real thing. Thank you Courteney for inspiring me to make this decission!❤
Classical thing....a long painful history of brutal rejection by women and a lot of loneliness. And then covid came in 2020 and a selfdistructive habbit was born and then escelated....
@paranormalblacktivity4508 yes, it's absolutely scary. And unfortenately it's very true that platforms like OF became a refuge for many during that time. And too many brothers are still stuck overthere. Covid is an era i wish never will return.
W: 0:51 Every woman deserves a 10 4:13 Contradictions 5:54 I'm-the-table mentality 7:43 Modern feminism 8:55 Generally men want feminine women M: 10:53 Sex addiction 13:29 Hypocrisy part 2 (contradictions) "She should be willing to sleep with me early on, but she should not have done that with other guys" 15:37 The self-motivation deficit "You have got to create a life for yourself that you feel confident bringing a woman into" 17:36 Masculinity crisis "Women want masculine men" :D 20:30 Tiebreaker (Same s*it, different flavor)
Did you ever meet anyone who said they tried to propose a date for one day, but when they were told that day wouldn’t work and then suggested a new day, they became ghosted?
For me, single men. Why? As a single guy myself, I had no friends to talk to, feel very lonely at: home, work, gym, etc. and, whenever I try to get to know someone I really like, I get rejected immediately. So, I have it worse.
I'm in the same boat. I've been single 30 years encounting. I"ve never once had a girlfriend, hell I can't even get a simple date with a woman. every single woman i've ever tried asking out would reject me saying i'm ugly and not attractive enough to date them. I don't really have many friend if any. well I used to have one but I recently kinda cut her out of my life. and yes it's been painful that I did but I have reasons why I cut her out.
@@ChrisLyon567 To be fair I'm considered good looking but I have a stoic outlook on life, I am described as a loner sigma type male by my friends. I do believe me sleeping with around 35 women is considered allot by some women. However I do try to be more traditional, only women I have met in the last couple of years have been in clubs I vissited around 5 times a year. Needless to say these outcomes are not favorable, promiscious, feminist types ect. I gave it up all together and just focus on grinding, work, friends, new studies and sport and life feels pretty good. I feel kinda sad for guys that are not deemed attractive as I have also met great women but I simply did not feel attracted enough to them. I ended up sleeping with them on the 1st day but I honestly did not want to string them allong so I ended things pretty quikly after bringing up the topic of what they are looking for myself. Its a harsh world. I can only imagine how it is to be considered less attractive with some of the horrible women these days. If I ever consider dating a women I feel attracted to she should at least not fall under the modern category. I also already have made peace with just being single, having a relationship does not need to mean a happy life either. Grass always looks greener on the other side.
@@cookiie1743 I just moved to a new state in January 2023.. and i've already hit the point of giving up trying to find a girl to date. i'm done wasting my time and energy on women. Dating this day and age simply just not worth the hassle anymore.
Courtney is presenting a bias here called neutrality bias. Just because one side says one thing and the other something else does not mean both sides are equally as bad or equally as correct.
The way to come together is to respectfully talk about women’s and men’s issues with the same empathy and grace but it is impossible for some reason to do that with men’s issues. We don’t say it’s useless to talk about that you have it harder with a specific issue to women’s issues and we correctly don’t do that. In the same way we can’t constantly say that to men’s issues
Courtney, I've watched many of your videos, but this one really hit home for me with the realization of how emotionally mature and intelligent you are for your age. I'm about twice your age and your level of understanding of relationships, love, etc is impressive. I only wish I could go back to my 20-something self and teach him the things you've taught me. Love your channel and keep up the great work. You are a positive force in driving the change you are challenging men and women to make to improve the dating world.
You're the guy who can actually benefit from this type of stellar advice too. You will benefit from it, because w/ men, the number one criteria, esp. as woman get older and wiser is a good attitude and kind soul. Most of the guys who I see commenting are resentful, don't believe her anyway, and if she has really useful videos where she interviews women to see what they really value most about men, they don't believe them. The comments just turn into put downs, red pill memes and continuing to think in the toxic ways they think, while dismissing all the helpful info and insights from real women. I can see why so many men struggle w/ being single. I'm sure you won't though. A decent woman is looking for a man like you, guaranteed. You just have to figure out ways to optimize meeting up w/ her.
@@brianharston7196 I'm so glad there was something useful and uplifting there, and appreciate a positive comment back. Divorce is brutal. I'm still in the aftermath of a 10 year commonlaw separation myself. 'Do you mind saying what caused the divorce in a nutshell? You seem to really have your wits about you.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 all the classic issues. Poor communication, not understanding each others' needs, distrust, lack of respect, you name it. Plenty of fault on both sides. The one positive I can say for myself is that between channels like this and lots of therapy, I've learned a lot over the past several years, both about myself as well as how to build and nurture a healthy relationship with the opposite sex. Next time around, things will be different.
Can you talk about the problem of being a "late bloomer"? I only got my stuff together in my early 30's and everyone in my age bracket is either in a relationship or already married.. I work steadily and don't partake in drugs and alcohol, I take care of my appearance and hygiene but even still my only options are single moms, women that are simply not attractive (usually due to being overweight) or crazy party girls that still drink all the time. I feel like I just don't have any options. Not sure what to do. One thing that makes it difficult is that my interests have completely changed against my will. All I want to do is start a family and run a house hold. My old hobbies just aren't as interesting as they once were and there's seemingly nothing I can do to force my self to be interested in them again. My priorities have changed whether I like it or not.
Thank you for sharing this. I think discussing this topic in a video could be helpful for a lot of my viewers as you certainly aren’t alone in feeling this way!
@@CourtneyRyan I have this problem as well. Finally got my stuff together, but immature party girls are pretty bad. Single moms who think you owe them and their child the world is another problem. I understand that i'll never be the number 1 in her eyes because I shouldn't be, but there isn't enough time, energy, money, or patience for a new person now that she's got the kid so I just stay away from them.
If I’m being honest, I feel like most people understand that both sides have it rough in this modern dating climate. The problem is that sometimes, one side gets so hurt and frustrated by the other that they lash out and become bitter, thus playing the victim constantly. Most people know that they need to have a more balanced approach instead of being extremist and over generalizing. Another great video, yet again. Really glad I’ve been subscribed for as long as I have.
Women have it so much easier. A man has to have a decent paying job, be decent looking and be willing to provide. Those qualities take time and effort to develop. Women just need to look decent and show up.
@@jmorales6539 exactly, especially if he’s ONLY looking for a woman’s looks, and not her character? Or personality traits? Then he ends up like Kanye and wonders why he doesn’t have a “traditional” woman, when the entire time, she was never traditional, you just chose her because she was beautiful.
You're right in all you say, except that most men don't understand one little bit that both sides have it tough. The plethora of resentful men lamenting how tough they have it, and falsely perceiving that women have it so easy is proof of that. Most men have no clue about what women go through, nor do they care. You're a solid one that you at least understand that women have it tough. First comment after yours is that women just have to look good and show up. Nope, I see the endless list of requirements that men want from women, and it's not that simple. The red pill crowd thinks they just have to show up and women need to offer them the moon. That's the prevailing mentality these days.
From my personal perspective, I continuously meet girls who want to be treated fairly in a relationship, but they expect the guy to have to pay for everything when they first meet and rarely offer to contribute. This gives me the feeling that I’m being taken advantage of, makes the girl look entitled, and that the girl will only cater to her own needs down the road without any regard to others. Teamwork makes the dream work. And Like Courtney said in the video, if you want love you need to give it. That part goes for both sides and not just in dating, business, and friendships as well
She's right, it's kind of like a leap of faith mentality, but if you know already (confidence) that you'll be ok regardless of what does or doesn't happen it's easier to make that leap.
That attitude of resentment and miserly attitude is holding you back from connecting w/ a good woman far more than I can begin to express. You want a woman to put her confidence and trust in you, but you are coming in w/ a chip and expecting her to prove herself right off the hop, before you'll do a thing to establish some trust and goodwill? Not going to happen w/ a decent woman. You guys can't seem to fathom that a woman is coming in w/a vulnerability that you'll never have to experience. You're bigger, you're stronger, you could be potentially dangerous. When you pay for a date, doesn't have to be a dinner, just a snack and a walk, you're showing goodwill. You're showing a bit of taking the lead, but in a generous rather than controlling way. It's not really about the money. It's about providership, and that is more than just if she should submit herself to the ultimate vulnerability of bearing your children one day, and needing to depend on your willingness to provide. That can be a big part of it though, and too many men won't even consider that. They just resent having to make Any Kind of Effort, whatsoever. Instead they feel entitled that the weaker sex has to make all the effort for them first.
18:11 I like that you mention this here. Oftentimes when you see a woman who holds both of these views and you really pin her down to an answer, she will say she wants a man who is "masculine enough" to ignore what she says and just do what she feels. And today's men (myself included) are absolutely unwilling to do this, because it has been taught to us very plainly that this behavior constitutes sexual harassment.
I think it’s super important for accountability to be on both sides like Courtney said. I caught myself just complaining and not taking action FOR A WHILE. So now I’m focused on just taking action. It’s tough but you gotta keep going
Improve yourself. BUt don't do it for women. Because you will probably be disappointed. I improved myself-still get no women. WOmen have so many options. Men don't.
@@Jonbwriter But one would actually need a date in order to fake it. Can't even get that. Heck I can't even get a like with online dating or a woman in person to actually show interest when I talk to her.
Thanks for this video. I realize that I have some lifestyle changes to make. Thank you for being the sister I never asked for. Have a wonderful Christmas. Sending virtual hugs.
Nobody can be friends anymore. Friendship takes time and most are so impatient and broken victims and blame-shifting of the other instead of seeing the good in them and looking at one-self in the mirror of self-inspection. changing oneself rather than worrying about someone else. Exclusive love is a decision, not just feelings.
Appreciate you staying positive Courtney! I do have to say now that I'm healthy and doing great, I've gone from anger to disappointment. I finally tapped the brakes and looked around, only to find myself disappointed in the women around me. They're so often angry, bitter and so seldom looking for an actual relationship. Simply not something I have room for in my life anymore.
Great video! I have a different spin on this article. The only person who has it worse in dating.....is the one that focuses on building something outside of friendship. The best thing I ever did for my dating life was ditch the dating apps, and focus on building platonic relationships with men & women. Friendship is the bedrock of any relationship, and it thrives when it's built organically. Dating apps arent organic. They are algorithmically tempered to monitize / exploit lonliness. Ditch the apps, build friendships, and stop pointing the finger.
Important things: 0:44 Ladies First; 0:50 First Thing ÷ Every Woman Deserves a 10; 3:02 So true about that (responsibility, reliability, emotional maturity); 3:42 Sad, but it's true (some do ignore these things at men); 4:12 Second Thing ÷ Contradictions, Contradictions; 5:52 Third Thing ÷ I Am The Table Mentality; 7:30 I agree with that (men are not looking for high earning woman; do you posses the qualities that men are looking for); 7:42Fourth Thing ÷ Modern Feminism; 9:20 A lot of men care what do women find attractive; 10:45 Now For The Gentleman; 10:53 First Thing ÷ Sex Addiction; 12:58 Learn how to control yourself during the sexual desire (having a self - discipline); 13.28 Second Thing ÷ Hypocracy Part 2; 15:35 Third Thing ÷ The Self-Motivation Deficit; 17:35 Fourth Thing ÷ The Masculinity Crisis; 20:28 Tiebreaker; 21:06 Amen to that (focusing on that who has it worse, won't really make your situation any better or easier. It will be worse); 23:43 The important message for the end of this video (Men and women both play a role in modern dating struggles that are occurring this moment in time. We as individuals have to acknowledge a role that we both play, and try to be better and try to improve); 24:17 Conclusion; 26:57 To summarize all the told here ÷ Blaming women, and blaming men is not going to get us anywhere, you have to be best version of yourself (either men, either women). This video what you have told me just hit me in the face (in positive way I mean, Courtney). As a man I have to say that I didn't have a struggle talking to women (sure there could be things to be fixed as well, and I can't deny that). When I was a little boy, I was always hanging around with girls, and they accepted me for who am I, and I have a friend that I'm talking to him as well. They even accepted me for who am I. Some of them even asked me what type of model kit airplane, and helicopter is that, and I have explained it. Since you mentioned sex addiction, I might add one thing as well. Having a sex doesn't mean a lot to me, if there are no trust, respect, support, and nurturing a healthy relationship. And do you know why? It's because sometimes people do really show how do they feel after that kind of intimacy (let's call it that way). Meaning to say that after that some people will like that person, some of them won't like that person. Sad but it's true. Some people are doing that thing, honor exceptions to those who are behaving as normal people. I remember that once I saw one quote that is saying this: "If you want to change people, you have to change yourself." From all the told here, we can summarize it to these things. And those are: Stop searching for perfectionism, cause that's Mission Impossible; Work on yourself, and Try to be a better version for yourself, cause everything comes from ourselves. And that can apply to either men, and women, and also it can be used in every life segments as well. Wish you all the best people. Thank you very much Courtney ❤💙🤍.
Women are allowed by society to have more freedom of emotional expression so their friendships have much more emotional depth and nurturance. Men are taught from a very young age to repress their emotions, particularly grief and sadness, and to not show vulnerability. This really deadens them inside and makes connection on an intimate level with friends extremely difficult. Men have it worse in a general sense. Loneliness is a killer.
Agreed that it doesn't matter which side has it worse because we're all in the same situation, it's just two sides of the same coin. Dating won't be good for either side until both side's issues are addressed. It takes two to tango
There are definitely, absolutely problems caused by people having mutually exclusive expectations. There are also some that are caused by the fact that people don't leave the house as much anymore and depend upon online dating - which has a massively skewed gender ratio, no one should be surprised that dating is messed up when most people meet through dating apps which have ~twice as many men as there are women. And then there are some caused by people being weird and awkward. Shit sucks for both men and women on the dating market, and at least some of it is self-inflicted. In the context of dating apps, men do have it somewhat worse, simply because of how skewed the gender ratio is.
Absolutely true. Dating sites are often only 1/4 women. That doesn't mean our viable choices are so much more though. It's a nightmare on those things. Most men are looking for sex, sexting or a video OF girl. The guys are rude, pushy and crude. Very hard to find the nice ones actually looking for a relationship. Out of those guys, I might not be what they are looking for, because men have their criteria too. Decent women are much more timid about meeting a guy, because we a lot more vulnerable and have things on the line due to that, that men just don't have to think about.
Thank you for that conclusion Courtney, and agree completely. We don't need more negativity, we need honesty and a sincere approach to helping people work through these complex problems. Best way is to help individuals work through their own bullshit so they can be better, to the benefit of everyone around them. We don't get there by not addressing our personal shortcomings, man or woman.
All men realistically want is a woman who is fit, feminine, faithful, fun & fertile .. someone who gives them peace of mind & compliments their life not complicate it
Matter of fact, you can cross out fit, feminine and fertile from your list.. but even looking for a woman who is faithful and fun and respects our boundaries.. impossible
Fit doesn’t matter. Neither does fun (but she should have her own sense of humor), and neither does fertile after a certain age/ for certain people. So basically we want a woman who is indeed a (scientific) female, and most of us want one that is faithful. Not asking for too much I think.
Man: "I can't find a single piece of bread." Woman: "I've far too many different kinds of bread to pick from! So you see, we're both equally challenged "
Instead of demonizing men for "being addicted to porn" (not trying to bash you), how about we start asking "why do men feel more comfortable watching porn than interacting with women?". Hint - it's not just because "men are lazy or scared".
Complete transparency here. I'm a single 22 year old man and I'm STRUGGLING even though I have all the "boxes" checked on paper. 6'1", 180lbs around 8% body fat. Make great money for my age. Got a good jawline through mewing and chewing gum. Learned to dress. Still having a very hard time. I don't use dating apps so that could be a reason but I'm feeling a bit hopeless if this still is not enough. Just got ghosted by a Christian girl I cared alot about and just down asf.
@@mojojojo9634 Probably not but Personality can be one that he can work with. I mean if girls don't want to date you cos of your ethnicity ain't your fault for that cos that's external factor and she's lost out in his potential. Like you can't help with being born to a different race, you can only work with what you got and that would be enough.
6:02 "You should be able to observe someone and see what they bring to the relationship." Observation skills is a lost art. So many people look at how attractive the other person is, but never pay attention to how the other person treats you, what they do, and what they say.
I sat down to watch this not because I wanted to see who has things worse, but to get a feel for what my sons will be dealing with over the next decade. I wanted to see what women face out there so I can encourage my sons to shore up their weak points, and what men face so I can prepare them for the games they will inevitably have to refuse to play. Some of it was eye-opening, but I took a little umbrage with the fourth point girls complain about: the self-inflicted gunshot wound of telling men that no means no and not to mansplain anytime they speak with competence and then being upset that men listened. Stop using those social rules you invented and then complaining that you suffer from them. Now, aside from that, everything else made a lot of sense. I am trying to teach my sons to control themselves in all facets of life, not just sexually. A man with self control and a demonstrable reason to *need* that self control is a very attractive thing to women. I am able to fix (and therefore destroy) many things, and I am capable of inflicting grievous harm on others. I don't hide it. But I am also clearly in control. My sons are shown this. My wife praises how gentle I can be when she has watched me use the same hands to build and destroy things. I also encourage my sons to work on themselves, for the purpose of being the guy the wife they want will want in return. I can't change the women they date and neither can they, but I can teach them to respect the work they have done on themselves enough to not just give it to a girl who does not care about them. Be dependable, forthright, strong, and caring. Show through actions that you are the man she cannot live without. And then pick the girl who shows through actions that she can't live without you. Like generation upon generation past, the work a man does to build a life with a woman begins as a boy, and it never stops. Ideally, a man should not actually *need* a woman in his life, but *prefer* her to be in his life. A man should be able to cook and clean and be presentable without the need of a woman. And the woman who he prefers willingly tries to do some or all of these things for him anyway. I was raised by a single mother and was not taught any of these things, nor did I have a role model for what being a man is. When I learned how absolutely easy the housework is with things like a washing machine and a dishwasher, I just started knocking them out, and it made my wife feel guilty at first for complaining about how hard it is when I can do it with minimal effort. It also removes that as a weapon in the arsenal. A man with the discipline and the knowledge to keep a house on his own knows how hard it *isn't* and therefore it loses its sting when levied against him. And patience. The first girl isn't statistically likely to be The One. The second is more likely, but still not a sure bet. Be patient and endure. You'll have to reject a number of them that you thought were good prospects at first, and they won't handle that rejection well. For as much as they demand we handle it well, many women cannot handle it at all. Be as nice as possible and always be kind with this. Trust the process and endure. And talk to me, my sons, when you feel like giving up. I believe that, on the whole, men and women are better together, in harmony, and it's going to take everyone to get there again, once we weed out the discord brought about by discontent, disrespectful women and spurious men with no self control.
THIS. I’m a male survivor, and I took issue with that bit of the video. She just kept listing points to victimize women and paint men as raging sex addicts with no regard for consent. In my experience, women are the ones who don’t care about your consent or your feelings. They take what they want and then paint themselves as victims.
Well said, Sir! Growing up, in a great family atmosphere, I learned how to cook, clean, be responsible, etc. Not only to be a responsible adult, but because I saw how it was a part of life.
Women on dating apps treat men worse, much worse than the bare minimum standard I would treat a stranger who ask me for money. If a guy says 'hey buddy could you spare a dollar?' I would say 'sure here you go' or 'sorry I can't help you' that exchange is far, far better than how the vast majority of women treat men on dating apps and I'm done. I'll be lonely anyday over being in another's company yet treated like I don't exist.
What you are saying is correct. The main problem for me is when I approach a beautiful woman(to me) and ask her out, she says I have a boyfriend! They don't even bother asking what my personality looks like, what my education, career, and interests are.
American dating culture is not really my style But I was just talking about this the other day Even if I am interested in someone I just met I am not going to go on a date with them when I don't know them... we could have nothing in common and talk about nothing throughout the date.. super awkward..which it seems pretty typical in america idk then people talk about their bad date experiences But why not try being friendly first, ask for her number or social media or something like that if she seems welcoming to that... (a guy asked me for music recommendations which i obviously have to send him) Rather than asking a complete stranger on a date because she's pretty Women sometimes grow to like someone But just out of safety too I wouldn't think it's a good idea to go on a date with a complete stranger
I'm so glad I found your channel, I have recently ended a 15-year relationship after suffering emotional and financial abuse, and I left the relationship on my own accord with only my clothing. Over the years, I have developed a distain for women. After watching a lot of your videos, I have come to the conclusion that I am not ready to date or pursue another relationship. And that I need to work on myself. You have opened my eyes that not all women are like what I have indured for the last 15 years. Thank you !
I just saw this today, and it's worth repeating: "A victim mentality is the ingenious cloak of self-betrayal. The character never develops. The story never ends - an infinite loop of personal hell." -J. Mike Fields
100%. Look at the top comments of this very video. Do men have it, on the whole, harder in dating? Yeah, probably. But does being a victim about it change anything? No, it doesn't. It makes you worse and posting about it here is an attempt to drag everyone else down with you. Misery loves company. Maybe I won't ever have a relationship or get married. I don't know. But sitting on TH-cam comment sections whining about it will only affect that chance negatively, and is just a waste of your precious time. Negativity bias is real and addicting, but if all women are so terrible (which I don't believe, to be clear), then why even bother? Why drag everyone else down with you? Go do something you love then. Go to the gym, for those who preach that. Read a book. Play a video game. Something other than wallowing in pity and victimhood. I'm just so sick of it. Also, if you are really content living without women and so on, then I don't think you'd feel the need to be boasting about it to online strangers. You want validation for your choice that you clearly aren't content with.
@@chadb2840 1000%, yes @chadb One of the most insightful comments I've seen yet. This is all I want to tell men, yet you put it so well, thankfully I don't have to. They don't want to hear it from a woman, because we're all disloyal liars anyway, looking to do the great guys they all are dirty. If you're a man saying it, you're just simp. Just a bunch of deadbeat slogans I hear, and no original thoughts. You not only have original thoughts that are all your own, and maximum insightful, you're not adding to the problem. Men w/ that abysmal attitude just drag it into every date or ruin their potential to have a date, because that negativity, resentment and entitlement permeates them like a toxic blanket. They have no idea, so they further blame it on the women.
I think a lot of these issues can be avoided by being social, meaning getting to know each other in person in a social setting without an immediate intent to date. Between social media providing unrealistic expectations, and dating apps making sure that these expectations are being crushed with certainty, too many people are caught in a no-win situation.
Single Men definitely have it worse when it comes to dating. An average woman can go out and land a man instantly but as for a average single guy such as myself I have to jump through hoops to even get attention from any woman. It's almost not even worth the struggle for a average single man to date these days.
21:05 I 100% agree with your point. Playing the victim doesn't make anything better. Now, that is encouraged by some in society, but we can't improve without taking accountability and understanding the value we are capable of.
@@BlunderCity I don't know what I said influenced your comment, but in order for a true victim to move past the trauma or issue, the person has to not view him or herself not as a victim.
Any time I get a match that I'm genuinely excited about, she either doesn't respond, cancels/flakes, or goes out once and ghosts. Success in dating all comes down to our options... they have them, we do not. For every 1 match we get, they get 20, and because of it, they're soooo picky. I have seen my female friends trash men on apps, complaining about the most insignificant things. There is no telling what tiny misstep you can make that disqualifies you or gives them the ick. It's so brutal.
Oh, god you're so cheap, that that the only thing you van think of is a meal you paid for. Was it Michelin restaurant with a 1000$ bill? No? So shut up, you're just making yourself look miserable. @@MrTweetyhack
Reaching a point in my life where I just don’t care that I have it much worse. Tired of complaining about the enormous boulder I gotta push up that hill. It is what it is. Maybe in the next life things will be better. But I can still make the world a better place if only in my immediate circle. I will NOT let this life break me. We bend, but we do not break. FUCK. THAT. I wish all of you way more than luck ❤️
I appreciate your honesty in these videos. My parents taught me well how to maintain a relationship but not so well on how to start one. At this point the dog I have in fight are my kids. I want to teach them what I wasn’t as well as what I was taught. Thank you.
One the one hand you should not concern yourself with things outside your control. On the other, dating requires two and if you are the only one improving you will only get half way there no matter how hard you try.
When bringing up motivation and men lacking it. If a man receives zero attention from the opposite sex and no amount of reasonable work will change that he has zero reason to try. He has made the calculation that the video game brings him peace versus the rejection of going out. Peace is better alone than chaos and not being alone.
I think youre wonderful to trying to cover this ground, Courtney. Your channel is very insightful, regardless of how much some of the information stings on either end. Thanks for doing what you do, I hope you have a chance to read this.
It’s hard for both sides when you have values and standards and actually want to date for the right reason. Dating is treated like a fast food restaurant these days and it’s repulsive.
There's two kids from different families. One comes from a rich family, and another comes from poverty. The rich kid gets plenty of food to choose from and is always very picky about what type of food they want to eat but has never starved for food in their life. The poor kid is homeless, always starves for food cause he barely gets any, and eats out of a garbage can. Do these two kids have the same level of struggle?
Some people want to argue about everything…it’s not about sides or who struggles more. It all comes down to attitude and how you choose to overcome it. Look at the number of celebrities who have everything at their fingertips and still depressed, substance abuse, commit suicide. It’s easy to find someone who wants to sleep with you…it’s difficult to find someone who matches your values, interests, aspirations, and attitude in life…that doesn’t go swiping after the first fight or hardship to find “someone better”. And sorry, but seeing male dating profiles, the effort is low….we are expected to swoon over a man who puts a bunch of outdated pics on their profile, 10 pics of their dog or a fish they caught, and they can’t bother to write a single sentence about themselves. On the flip side, men have to sift through all the filters on women’s profiles and discern what’s real. But us real ones aren’t hot enough bc we don’t do the fake stuff. After all that, I stand by say it’s equally challenging for both genders if they want the real deal…
Let’s put it this way. Dating for most men is like trying to find water in the Sahara Desert & dating for women is like trying to find Dom Pérignon in Walmart. The women will be pissed, but have access to water on demand… The men will likely die of thirst however.
12:20 let's be honest, getting rejected for being too sexually aggressive doesn't feel nearly as bad as getting rejected for not being sexually aggressive enough. explains a lot of this behavior
While she's not wrong about the sex thing, it's a direct reaction to so many women that have no sexual discipline themselves. You've got women filming themselves doing sexual acts for a living or will walk up to some rando chad & immediately go into the same oversexed language that they're complaining men do then getting pumped & dumped repeatedly but then those same women expect other men to put forth a ton of effort for a tiny sliver of a chance at sleeping with her. Why should other guys work so hard for something she willing gives to others that show they don't like or respect them for absolutely no effort at all. Why should men respect women that don't respect themselves. It's no different than simps, why would these SW respect men that don't respect themselves. Women made hookup culture the norm not men. If women want respectful men back then they need to conduct themselves in same respectful manner. If she has an OF or a man discovers her colorful history he will immediately turned off. The sexual discipline thing should go for both men AND women.
As a woman, we are often rejected because we won't put out when a man wants us too. The amount of times I've said no and never gotten a call again.... countless. The amount of times a man has told me about his "needs" when we've been dating a month.... too many. When you find the right partner for you, you both go at a pace that make sense for your partnership.
@@poeticeclipse At least you have enough respect for yourself not to let just any rando between your legs. You're exercising the same sexual discipline men should be able to exhibit. At least you have self-respect. Good on you.
@poeticeclipse that's truee but got be something very deep within first 6 months to not lead to even a kiss. To show your love in many ways something different than besides anything sexual Edited: doesn't have be sex to show someone your love
Single Asian men have it the worst in dating. The millennials ones. Courtney should do a reaction for which ethnicity statistics have the most difficult in dating.
Gen Z here, it ain’t any easier. I’m happy that you mentioned this cause it is a real issue. Not saying I let my race define me or limit me but I recognize that a lot of women disqualify me based on my race alone. It is also kinda annoying that people call me insecure for saying this out loud. Maybe I am subconsciously but once again I try not to let that stop me from dating.
@@M_pire97 Never give up or settle mate. Race should never define a person, but it is part of who you are - which I'm glad you know. I also relate when people think its insecurity, but most can never understand our experience and we face rejection or just get shit on. Besides going to the gym and focusing our mission in life/hobbies. I found learning different languages interesting and have attracted European and Latina/Hispanic women (my types of women).
THANK YOU COURTNEY!!!! You are the big sister the average westerner man desperately needs: every human being NEEDS to CONTINUOUSLY IMPROVE AND GROW!!!!!!
The increasing lack of in person interactions is causing an increasing lack of social skills and an increase in social anxiety, social awkwardness, social ineptness, etc. You can quote or unquote "get away" with poor social skills, be socially inept as a woman and still date, get away with that, but as a guy, you really need to have strong social skills, have better social calibration, since you're the one doing the pursuing and initiating everything, the one making advances, the one leading or taking the lead, and you need to be able to make women feel comfortable, be able to understand social cues and boundaries. I also think a lot of men are struggling with confidence and self esteem now, which, again, you can "get away" with that as a woman (meaning a guy is probably still going to find you attractive, maybe even more attractive sometimes), but as a guy, you absolutely cannot "get away" with it. I don't know if standards are actually higher now for men since I grew up in this era and don't know what it was like before, but it could be that women are more picky now. I would say that because women just have so many options now, girls really don't want to "pick" one unless the guy is just straight up hot, because of the FOMO of potentially missing out on a 10/10 guy. I also think this increasing criticism of men for flirting, approaching women, making a move, etc. is also causing a lot of men to feel a little more trepidation about flirting with women, making a move to make out or initiating sex, etc.
I use what I call the apple cart analogy to describe the differences in dating for men and women. For women, their apple cart is full of apples, it even gets refilled when apples fall off the cart, they just need to sift through and find one that matches their taste. For men, their apple cart is below the womens, essentially hoping to god an apple falls into their cart and hoping its not all bruised up and rotten.
Awesome awesome video. I came away very inspired and feeling more positive about the future. I really love hiw you look at booth dides very closely!! Thanks Courtney.
This is an excellent presentation. I am in a wonderful marriage (16yrs) but a tough one. We want the best for ourselves and for each other. We correct each other where necessary. We have benchmarks in our relationship and we work hard to maintain or improve upon it. The "deeper" the relationship becomes the more fragile it becomes and more care is required not to damage it. We have fun, lots of fun, our fun.
It has been 13 years since I have been on a date, 6'3 200lb specimen 38 years old. Sooo, I would assume it is way harder for the guys. I threw in the towel this year, I'll be retired in 5 years with 2 million in assets and am leaving the USA.
@elonmusk7647 Wouldn't doubt it, I am sure some of my personal issues are - Does not listen to crap main stream music that makes me want to barf it is so cringe. - Does not dance like an African zulu tribesman to said barf music. - Does not drink a lot of alcohol, or hang out at places that promote it.
@@TexasGardenerd Don't ever compromise on that. Most modern music people like is absolutely trash and garbage for the soul. Garbage in, garbage out. It legit gives me a headache and I have to cleanse myself with some decent music after being exposed to it. What music do you listen to?
@@frankiefaithful Its a mixed bag, in my 20's I was all about Iron Maiden, and I love Burzum which is black metal. I don't like the metal where they just scream incoherently and sound like axe murderers, then some heavy electronic EDM can actually produce "more metal" than a guitar can, for instance "Celldweller - Shut 'Em Down" is one of my top ragers. On the other spectrum I like Slavic music, medieval music, 'Space banjo', just calm stuff. Just depends on mood, on my channel if you goto playlists you will see "Delusions of Grandeur", I use that list often. Lastly, I have a video on my channel titled "Armenian Music Christmas Lights".... I would say the Armenian music is what opened my ears up to not listen to trash hop.
It’s a biased perspective but being a single man in his 30s now I find it much harder to date than any woman I’ve met across my knowledge. Women seem to have viable options and easier opportunities to find a partner regardless if the relationship is long or short term. Men are in this weird back and forth being told that need to both embrace and support decisions that women do even if it’s not within our boundaries and comfort (ex would be sex work/Onlyfans models) and that we must still be held up to the impossible expectations of being real men who do all the work and give everything and should be grateful for the existence of a woman in our lives who doesn’t wish to contribute to the relationship. Having been single a king it’s honestly draining having to look thru so many options of women hoping to just catch the attention of one if I’m lucky. I feel like I’m fairly charismatic and average looking compared to my surrounding area of local men. But I’ve always had the hardest time finding women who are interested in me. Whereas I’ve seen some dudes pull so many with absolute ease and I don’t understand why or how they do. All the women I’ve come across have it easy when it comes to having a selection of men who they can choose from. So imo women who say they have it more difficult don’t actually mean it.
The truth is it's not with ease man, we put in the time and effort which is why some of us get the girls that we get, just remember their typically not the kind of girls we bring to meet our mom. Quality love takes time, all the more reason to spend that time working on a better you. Stay in the game man, your doing better than you think, trust me!
Hi Courtney, Your analysis is spot on. I definitely agree on your perspective. I would like to point out that men are held accountable for our deficiencies yet women are not. Society loves to call anyone misogynistic if anyone dares to point out women's deficiencies. As a man who constantly works to improve myself, I come across the fact that i will always come short to some unreasonable expectations from women. For example, I can't control my height so most women reject me as soon as i approach them.
Courtney, I'm usually a critic, but this is easily your most useful and accurate video. The advice for *both* sides is spot on, and your commentary accents it nicely. Well done. 👏
During a recent 2nd date, some of the conversation involved dates and dating apps. She told me how thankful/relieved she was that I had been a gentleman during all of our interactions. She also showed me some of the DMs she gets on a dating app. A lot of guys need a swift kick in the @$$. I know, there are a lot of women out there who are trainwrecks, but there are also a lot of decent women who have given up on dating because of the pervs out there. It's a s*** show for all involved and will be until people work on being better versions of themselves.
Thank you, Courtney. Hearing a "both-and" conversation (as in both men and women need to do better) in the dating context, instead of the "either-or" conversation (as in either all men or all women) is so refreshing. Keep up the good work. Count me among your staunch supporters, largely because of this video (although I've seen several other samples of your work). Well done.
That so many men who subscribe to Courtney's site and very few women says something. What it says is that women do not want to hear what she had to say, why is that?
Question for anyone (Courtney or not). I am 25M and still a virgin. I know it isn’t common, but I still feel as if I have a chance. This year I’ve asked out 12 women, all who turned me down for still being a virgin. I don’t really have a desire to stop next year, especially since I’ve already taken a 2 year break from dating (this break began in 2019 and ended in late 2021). Yet one woman I know is telling me to stop, preferably forever. She is telling me that at 25 there really isn’t much hope left and that it could get me in trouble. I honestly fail to see her point. I want a partner, and the only way to get one is by asking women out. Rejections are a part of life, so I don’t understand her issue. Still, is this a bad idea?
dude wtf!!! get that virgin situation fixed like yesterday - you know how! just cause you cant find a decent women to date because your still a virgin deosnt mean you should not enjoy sex at least once in your life!!!
@@marcut37 how the hell should I do that besides looking for a woman willing to take it? Sex work is illegal where I live and the cops aren’t above performing sting operations to catch people hiring them. Edit: look. I don’t like arguing with advice. But at the same time, I am not taking advice that I KNOW could land me in prison.
Did I say go do some shit that will get you in prison!!!? The world is a big place my friend, do some travelling! If you got a problem look for safe legal solutions-maybe not in your country.
Why would it be a bad idea? If you want a relationship, go for it. I do think however that it is important not to be fixated about it. The primary goal should be to life your life, and devlope yourself as a person. Not because finding a spouse is unimportant. But simply because you cannot control it. It is not your decision, you can just life a good live and offer others to join. Do what you can to build good relationships, but also accept that you cannot force anyone to like you. No one can promise you that you will find a woman. But giving up at such a young age would be just foolish. PS: I am almost certain that your virginity is not the real reason those girls rejected you. Yes, it is a red flag for many women. But if they really liked you as a person and found you actually attractive they would look over it. I also wouldn´t be that straightforward about it. Honestly, it shouldn´t even come up in the early dating process. PPS: I don´t know your female friend but I don´t see her point either. It also seems quite cruel to say that to you and I woul reconsider my relationship with this person if I were you. How can it get you into trouble exactly? The only think I can see is potential charges about sexual harrasment. But that is a risk for all men and has nothing to do with your virginity. Just be careful and don´t be openly sexual too early. You are obviously unexperienced and therefore maybe a bit unsophisticated when making sexual advances. Many women see sexual attention from someone they don´t find attractive as predatory. So be a bit careful here and make sure she actually likes you before you make a move. Aside of that, don´t worry too much and just forget her "advice".
My man, the longer you go on being a virgin, it becomes exponentially more difficult to find love...the monkey on your back just gets larger and larger. I'm a 53 yr old virgin btw.
True. Women have tons of Privileges and they are the ones making bad choices. Of course there are men that have absolutely no idea what they are doing with the woman but they are never going to get the chance to learn because women are out there making bad choices
I really appreciate the nuance you being to these conversations, it's really easy to lean into one side, especially when it's the side of your gender as it relates to you the most.
It's a sad fact dating is easier for both men and women whose looks are well above average. I think wealthy men who are at least kind of attractive have it far easier than anyone else. Next is women who would be considered a 7 or higher. They will always have a number of men interested. However, women who are not especially attractive have it really hard. A man who is a 4 or 5 can get women based on personality, being funny, and having an interesting job. Most men won't consider dating a woman who they don't in some way find physically attractive. Dating is hard, period. But being bitter and resentful does nothing but make a person angry and far less attractive to the opposite sex.
Agreed overall. I have worked in the entertainment field for nearly 10 years and consistently see STUNNING women with guys who are not all stunning. A lot of it has to do with other quality traits they have and that women can be attracted enough physically and find a man a 10. I see men complain about a woman's weight WAY more than I know my single female friends would ever.
Happy birthday Courtney 😮 “We can’t change people.” Good words The dating world is definitely messy 😅 It does seem men face more loneliness than ever Which is why they want a nice Lady as a partner 😊 12:27 you should make a video of this What are the red flags and green flags When sending a message What to say and not to say 14:07 women should listen to Courtney Nice ending to video Amiga ❤
The dating climate is, without a doubt, brutal for people in their 20's right now. I know it's hard on both men and women, but as a 27 year old man, it just seems incredibly bleak for me. I know that I definitely have a lot of self-improvement that I can do in order to increase my odds, but there are still some very harsh truths. Yes, we do worry about approaching a woman in fear of making her uncomfortable and becoming the next subject of her outlashing on social media with being called a creep. Social media has seemingly become a playground for women to trash men all day and night. The misandrist type of rhetoric I see women post and share sometimes is extremely harmful. I'm not saying we can't rise above that, but it does give us fellas some pause.
Most single men have it worse. The power in dating tilted too much on the woman's favour. It's time for men to create scarcity with our time, money and attention.
"Dating" is for women you are already sleeping with.
how worse exactly ?
@@sumairshirazi you that dumb?
Social media completely changed things for women. It's only good for people with businesses. It's horrible for women.
Fuck that. We have much more time then women. They will learn the hard way. Fuck bitches, get money, get fit. Stay hard.
Being a man is like starving for a slice of bread where women are drowning in bread looking for a prime steak
facts
Well said
Exactly, we need bread - they have cheesecake
Dating for men is like looking for ice water in Death Valley, women it’s like being on a boat in the Pacific Ocean looking for sea water
A similar analogy of the dating scene I heard someone say: "Men are dying of thirst while watching women drown"
I had a conversation with a girl the other day about this, and she flat out said women have it WAY easier than men when it comes to dating. She said that she's never had to go out of her way to find a boyfriend. There was always one just waiting for her around the corner the minute she became single.
Nice to know...and bottom half of the opposite gender are suffering pretty bad.
TRIGGERED
@elonmusk7647 even if you're horribly disfigured a woman will still have an easy time finding a boyfriend. When women say they can't find a man to date, what they mean is they can't find a man who lives up to their unrealistic standards who will date her.
@elonmusk7647 the problem with your dismissive comment is that for the most part its totally true,,
@elonmusk7647 yo Elon, who hurt u? ❤
LOL! This question is easily single men. Not even a debate.
Being a woman in the dating market gives you two options: sit and wait as the waiter brings you plate after plate of food for your selection. Maybe sometimes it's toast, maybe a burger, maybe a steak, probably not prime rib. But you get the choice anytime you like. Or you can go hunting, like men have to, for the dish you want. You are in complete control of the dish you choose.
Dating for men is like being at an auction. You bid, but you get outbid by someone with more money/style/looks/status, and have to move on to the next item. Most of the time your bids won't be good enough (every auction item has a reserve that you won't know until you try and bid). Dating for men is far worse.
really only in America. In other countries I get whatever I want.
Most woman are average , the average is the majority of a group. Most woman are on burger level, But woman have Hypergamy. Woman believe they are entitled to a man better than them , a man of greater value than they are, a man that is taller , earns more, attractive, higher social status, better job. Burger woman believe they are entitled to a man better than them in most ways, a prime rib man, when the woman is herself a burger, and if that woman has to eat a burger she believes she is settling. She is really not settling, she is at the correct restaurant , burger king, she is a burger, in Burger king with her burger man. Burgers are not invited to a five star restaurant. Hypergamy is harming modern woman.
Dating for the average woman can be improved by following K Samuels, Feminine , Fit , Friendly. A woman just has to be, what god gave her, A feminine personality, A healthy body, And pleasant to be around. A woman is gifted her value. Unfortunately for woman , thev have until 27 years old to figure this out, then the dating market gets worse for women. Women have it worse because if women dont figure out the dating market truth before 30, their future is bleak and they cant do much to improve their situation. Woman have a short time to get their life together , if they fail, the future is irreversible. Dating is worse fore woman because women have value and no knowledge of the dating market, when a woman is old and experienced enough to have knowledge, she has lost her value, a value she can never recover and a future of her options getting worse.
Men have it harder in the beginning, Men are not born with value,. Women want a man os Status, Financial security, maturity, leadership, integrity. Before the age of 25, almost no man can get all this together. When a man has hit 30, progressed in his job, his maturity, his knowledge of the world , he becomes desirable. After over 10 years in his job and a harsh relationship world, he should know his worth and what women want. A man know with his wisdom, has 10 -15 good dating years, . A man has knowledge and value in the dating market, and a future of continuously better options, more knowledge and status , wealth, makes him increasingly more desirable, make a mans dating life better . Compared to women , when woman have value , woman dont have relationship knowledge. Over time a women looses her value, and gains knowledge,. The knowledge that her best dating years are behind her and her future is bleak, while men her age are entering their prime.
Great explanation! Totally profound statement. Dating for men is like an auction.
I have found it to be more the counter opposite actually, just because of much easier sex is to get for men (i.e. promiscuous girls, porn, etc) but women also have it easier to get attention through social media. So you can kinda see how we have outsourced a real relationship with the opposite sex with a fake imitation of it. It's just that girls realize the imitation isn't enough sooner and when it's usually too late.
I really want to disagree with this, but I can't. The logic computes.
The only thing I'd add is that with social media and dating apps, the women don't get food brought to them anymore. They get to look at a never-ending menu with an infinite amount of choices on an infinite number of pages.
The abundance of choice is so overwhelming that many never make a choice. And the ones that do are never happy because they'll always think they missed something better if they'd just kept turning pages. They can't enjoy what they picked. They can only smile and pretend to be happy with what they "settled" for.
I once told a girl that it is easier for girls than guys because it is always the guy who has to prove himself to her and not the other way around. She disagreed. I asked her why and she replied "Because you never know if the guy will turn out to be an idiot.". She had just confirmed what I was saying without even realizing it, LOL! xD
To her it was all about "fate" and "destiny". Things just happen by themselves. This type of thinking is a way of avoiding responsibility and accountability. She never even questioned her own role in it.
It is not about "fate" or "destiny", though.
Things do not just happen by themselves.
You have to take concrete action in order to make them happen and achieve your goals.
@elonmusk7647
@elonmusk7647 no, he right
@elonmusk7647 yo pass that sh** Elon 🚬
Also, if you “never know” who is and who ain’t an idiot…
U might just b an idiot 🙏❤️
My goodness, I now feel sorry for you.
@@Macheako
This isn't really a question as far as I'm concerned. Unless you're in the very small minority of guys that the majority of women go for, being a single man is a social hell.
You get far fewer matches on apps so have hardly any options there. Then you try to meet someone in person, but every time you approach a woman you risk ending up as her angry social media post about how much she doesn't want to be approached when she's out. And the rise of women putting videos on social media, painting perfectly innocent guys as sex predators just for looking at them certainly doesn't make it any easier.
When you finally start dating someone, you know that if she's on an app she's receiving a conveyor belt of options to her phone every day. Then you come up against BS like the trend for finding "icks" so women can stop dating a guy for the most minor of things.
It's a nightmare trying to date as a man; your self-esteem takes a daily beating that many women could not begin to imagine as they swipe left through the dozens of guys who swiped right on her.
Nah man. Plenty of women who want to be asked out.
And it's not just the loneliness that hurts us. As I've grown older and I'm still single I found more and more at ostracized from parts of society. There is an assumption that if you fail to find a wife it's because something is wrong with and perhaps you are dangerous.
@@adamhixon what social circles do you run in where this "ostracizing" behavior exists? what "parts" of society are against you? i'm single mid 50s and i have never met anyone (young or old) who looked down on me because of my age and relationship status. there's NO reason to feel embarrassed about it. there's no reason to live in shame. if you live with honor, kindness, grace, empathy and respect... go find communities that do the same.
I'm at the point where I don't even know how to act if a woman finds me attractive. I just assume she's liar and messing with me.
@@atomic-fox I am a Widower. All of my married friends except one have dropped me. I do not have a single state of mine. I am not part of any group any more.
Having to sift through a bunch of options and dudes in your DMs will NEVER be as difficult as having to jump through a million hoops just to get someone’s attention 😂
i was thinking the same thing - must be nice to have so much attention at one's finger tips. Must be nice
@@paddington1670 I can only assume it comes with some sorta caveats, like too much attention can probably be overwhelming at some point. But for the most part too much attention or too many options is ALWAYS gonna be better than NO attention and NO options. I think everybody would prefer a bunch of people wanted them, than NO one wanting them 🤷🏿♂️
The gift of character with no one wanting you though...is pretty great. That's the gold speck.
That it why it is easier to just talk to people face to face, in person. No texting and no social media.
yeah, it kinda sucks, but I'd rather be the humble me with life skills than someone who just gets everything handed to them. @@GoFarAway5338
I have a girlfriend now but she agrees men have it worst. She also has 2 younger brothers and worries for them
Sadly it often takes first hand experience or that of a close-relationship (like sibling) for women to realize how difficult it is.
Single man has no options. Single woman rejects all of her options. very obvious difference
Wonder why tho
@@Emptytopfloor because when you're flooded with options nothing is actually interesting, it's like turning on netflix and having to choose from 50k titles without any previous information, what do you do? you mostly choose randomly or scroll here and there then turn it off again
@@Johnny_Savage think, a yelp review might help 😆
Either my options are playing the best game of hide & seek or I'm a "single man" despite being a woman.
There's men that are invisible to you that would be with you@@britneybij3997
Both have it hard in different ways, but I'd definitely say that men have it harder than ever right now. Having to live up to insanely unrealistic expectations, women wanting the same type of men, unhealed women with a lot of baggage and trauma, a lack of respect for men, etc. I'm pretty sure women feel the same way about men in a lot of these areas as well.
It’s rough out there 😮💨
of course she won' tell you that. it's obvious who has it more rough and the stats back it up
There's an old saying that sometimes to win a game, the only logical move is not to play at all. If you are a young man and you are spending your time, energy, and money trying to live up to insanely unrealistic expectations from trauma and baggage laden women, you need to stop doing that immediately. Focus on improving yourself and lay off the women. That is the only winning move.
Just think about, was this any different 50 years ago, 100 years ago, or a 1000 years ago? How we dealt with our problems is by far different than how we deal with them today. Homelessness is the modern day crises, most of the homeless don't get the help they need until they are found almost dead. This modern day nation is really sick unlike before. We used to deal with our own problems before they really started becoming problems.
Just think about, was this any different 50 years ago, 100 years ago, or a 1000 years ago? How we dealt with our problems is by far different than how we deal with them today. Homelessness is the modern day crises, most of the homeless don't get the help they need until they are found almost dead. This modern day nation is really sick unlike before. We used to deal with our own problems before they really started becoming problems.
Dating is only hard for women if they make it so. At every level dating is harder for men
Men make it harder for themselves by saying the wrongs things when they actually have a chance with a woman.
@@cheyennesmith3365 you're assuming there's a right thing to say
@@cheyennesmith3365 Wow. Either you're a woman or you've never dated. I've tried for 20 years and still have never gotten a girlfriend. I'm done trying to always say the right thing. It's got to be the absolute dumbest take i've seen in my entire life to be 100% honest.
@@cheyennesmith3365men are tired of ignorant women like you
@elonmusk7647 😂🤣 I'm speaking in general just like the video 🤡 clearly you have no value and you can't whoop me so....
We all struggle. I have taken accountability for myself and made a life I’m proud of. I’ve done the work and I am a better man for it. Finding a woman who has done the same , and is willing to work in relationship is so hard to find. The struggle is real for both sides but I choose to stay positive and keep putting myself out there. I wish everyone the best in 2024! 🎉
Amen
Definitely harder for men now especially since the whole dating culture nightmare. Missed out on that thank goodness.But it can be hard for women too. I was very shy and went to an all girls school,men were like aliens. I had no idea how to talk to them
And only had a few close female friends because I’m a nerd and not into girly things and the idea of a nightclub is hell on earth to me.Also didn’t help that my face was a pizza of spots and I’d decided to go for the Jennifer Anniston haircut only I’d been given a rod Stewart instead 😂. So Anyways I used my awkward uni years to build up my social skills and confidence and get my qualifications . My career also massively helped me with my social skills and now I’m a good communicator and I grew out of my spots and bad hair. At 21 met my fella and best friend whos also really into science and nerdy like me through a friend and been with him ever since. Everything happens for a reason. I’m grateful now for my bad hair, spots and shyness back then.saved me from the trauma many of the emotionally immature girls I knew back then (but didn’t realise at the time went through) on the whole clubbing dating scene. Best of luck
@@Purplelemon5033 similar case for me. Went to mostly all guy classes due to certain quirks we all had. Women were and still are kinda like aliens for me.
Good for you man. Good things are coming for you. Love your mindset. So refreshing
Nope, she IS the table, in her own mind.
Biggest problem people face is not taking accountability for themselves. It's always easier to blame someone else than to look deep inside. Second biggest issue is that people don't look for people they're compatible with. They look for someone who wants different things and then try to change them. Be better people!
Love it
This ❤
One of the struggles I'm dealing with is being a man who is the victim of domestic violence and narcissistic abuse. There are fewer resources (if any) for men than there are for women, I have lost touch with my friends online and in life, and half my family has turned against me. The only people who believe me are my parents because they have witnessed it. My brothers and friends have shut me out, I'm now down to one true friend who actually believes me. I feel ashamed to talk about it, my confidence has shot down dramatically, and my wife has lied convincing everyone else saying otherwise. As a result, my children were taken away from me, and I'm waiting for a trial date from my lawyer.
Start dressing in drag, then go to those places and see if they dont treat you better.
Why didn't you get it on video? I did that with my ex, in case a scenario like that ever arose. I hope things work out for you brother.
@@vegbeg9170 I actually got an audio recording on my phone when I called the police during my attack. I had to resort to recording my phone calls and interviews when I'm alone with anyone I don't know or trust. I'm waiting for the trial to start, but I'm being forced to jump through a bunch of legal crap because the judge doesn't like me during the first hearing, (because of my "flat affect" apparently, wearing a suit or getting clean cold turkey wasn't good enough), and wanted me assessed by government head shrinks. My parents have both been willing to foot the bill for the lawyer and let me stay with them in the living room, and provide a room for my kids. The fight for custody is still ongoing, and the divorce is pending.
you might benefit from listening to an audio book "Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving ". sorry for ur experience.
also hire EMDR psychologist
Many men who are abused by women stay silent because of situations like this.
Can we just admit that the common denominator is too much Social Media 🧐
Definitely a contributing factor 🫠
Women were deliberately destroying their families long before social media.
I agree! The illusion of choice is impacting all genders. Even if you "settle" and commit, anyone could pop up and show interest with more ease than prior to social media. Everyone is being led into temptation of infidelity or "comparison" with the next best thing or the imaginary perfect relationship.
Women are far more affected by social media then men, and as the pursued/desired sex who sets the social norms, they have set us on a bad path.
Yup. Deleting social media has improved my life & mental health drastically. TH-cam is the only social media app that I use but I strictly watch self-improvement videos.
I think settling in terms of looks is fine. But never settle for a partner who isn't a good person, or doesn't have integrity, honesty, patience.
I've known so many many people, women and men, who got with the wrong partners and prioritized superficial things like looks (looks fade with age btw), and it was the worst decision of their life and fucked them up for years. Things like height, and looks, and money. These things should not matter. Looks will maybe spark some initial interest, but its not long term happiness.
Love this.
Guys are geared to magnate towards physical attraction.
so are women it's biological what appears to attractive to the oposite sex is really genetic preference for example a slim woman really represents fertile health and better health overall which represents an ideal partner for procreation. And woman's version of attractiveness in a man is the usual height, income and being physically fit which is the modern present day interpretation of being a good hunter and gatherer and able to provide for the potential offspring. Yes humans are animals and our minds are rooted in the subconscience of our genetic beginnings.@@jasonwilliams8321
Check out the song, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife".
So from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.
Haven’t heard that in years.
Deleted my OF account yesterday. Couldn't be more proud on myself. It's the end of being chained to a virtual fantasy world and financial problems. It's time to improve and to re-connect again to the real thing. Thank you Courteney for inspiring me to make this decission!❤
Yes sir 💪
Why were you ever even on there?
I have the same question of why on having OF content when the internet is filled with so much free content. But hey you are onto a better path
Classical thing....a long painful history of brutal rejection by women and a lot of loneliness. And then covid came in 2020 and a selfdistructive habbit was born and then escelated....
@paranormalblacktivity4508 yes, it's absolutely scary. And unfortenately it's very true that platforms like OF became a refuge for many during that time. And too many brothers are still stuck overthere. Covid is an era i wish never will return.
I’ve been rejected so many times by women , it’s gets tougher to not take it personal and get back out there
i've given up with trying to date women. it's not even worth it anymore. they wil reject you for the smallest thing, and not even give you a chance.
My advice go to gym, lose some weight, trim facial hair, and get new hair cut, make your look presentable, you feel better too
@@tylerdavis6919 They'll reject you for the smallest thing maybe. I don't seem to have that problem. You might not be as self aware as you think.
Don't worry about those crappy women. The ones who appreciate you for you are the ones to focus on.
@@Swearengen1980exactly.
W:
0:51 Every woman deserves a 10
4:13 Contradictions
5:54 I'm-the-table mentality
7:43 Modern feminism
8:55 Generally men want feminine women
M:
10:53 Sex addiction
13:29 Hypocrisy part 2 (contradictions)
"She should be willing to sleep with me early on, but she should not have done that with other guys"
15:37 The self-motivation deficit
"You have got to create a life for yourself that you feel confident bringing a woman into"
17:36 Masculinity crisis
"Women want masculine men" :D
20:30 Tiebreaker
(Same s*it, different flavor)
Thank you!
Did you ever meet anyone who said they tried to propose a date for one day, but when they were told that day wouldn’t work and then suggested a new day, they became ghosted?
Yes. Happens all the time unfortunately
Gotta hit tha gym bruh 😂❤
@@MacheakoI already do hit the gym, bruh! 💪🏻😄
@@SigmoidConMan god bless u 🙏😂
@@SigmoidConMan u can always f*** her friends 🤣❤️
For me, single men. Why? As a single guy myself, I had no friends to talk to, feel very lonely at: home, work, gym, etc. and, whenever I try to get to know someone I really like, I get rejected immediately. So, I have it worse.
I'm in the same boat. I've been single 30 years encounting. I"ve never once had a girlfriend, hell I can't even get a simple date with a woman. every single woman i've ever tried asking out would reject me saying i'm ugly and not attractive enough to date them. I don't really have many friend if any. well I used to have one but I recently kinda cut her out of my life. and yes it's been painful that I did but I have reasons why I cut her out.
@@ChrisLyon567 To be fair I'm considered good looking but I have a stoic outlook on life, I am described as a loner sigma type male by my friends. I do believe me sleeping with around 35 women is considered allot by some women. However I do try to be more traditional, only women I have met in the last couple of years have been in clubs I vissited around 5 times a year.
Needless to say these outcomes are not favorable, promiscious, feminist types ect. I gave it up all together and just focus on grinding, work, friends, new studies and sport and life feels pretty good.
I feel kinda sad for guys that are not deemed attractive as I have also met great women but I simply did not feel attracted enough to them. I ended up sleeping with them on the 1st day but I honestly did not want to string them allong so I ended things pretty quikly after bringing up the topic of what they are looking for myself. Its a harsh world. I can only imagine how it is to be considered less attractive with some of the horrible women these days. If I ever consider dating a women I feel attracted to she should at least not fall under the modern category. I also already have made peace with just being single, having a relationship does not need to mean a happy life either. Grass always looks greener on the other side.
@@ChrisLyon567 wow! Hope you're doing well.
@@cookiie1743 I just moved to a new state in January 2023.. and i've already hit the point of giving up trying to find a girl to date. i'm done wasting my time and energy on women. Dating this day and age simply just not worth the hassle anymore.
@@kenrickbautista6141 i'm just taking one day at a time. thats all i can do.
Courtney, thank for trying to help people come together instead of tearing each other down. Positive thoughts for you and those close to you.
Courtney is presenting a bias here called neutrality bias. Just because one side says one thing and the other something else does not mean both sides are equally as bad or equally as correct.
The way to come together is to respectfully talk about women’s and men’s issues with the same empathy and grace but it is impossible for some reason to do that with men’s issues.
We don’t say it’s useless to talk about that you have it harder with a specific issue to women’s issues and we correctly don’t do that. In the same way we can’t constantly say that to men’s issues
Thanks! I thoroughly enjoy your channel, content and open-minded thoughts!
Courtney, I've watched many of your videos, but this one really hit home for me with the realization of how emotionally mature and intelligent you are for your age. I'm about twice your age and your level of understanding of relationships, love, etc is impressive. I only wish I could go back to my 20-something self and teach him the things you've taught me. Love your channel and keep up the great work. You are a positive force in driving the change you are challenging men and women to make to improve the dating world.
🥺🤍 thank you for being so kind. Hugs!
You're the guy who can actually benefit from this type of stellar advice too. You will benefit from it, because w/ men, the number one criteria, esp. as woman get older and wiser is a good attitude and kind soul. Most of the guys who I see commenting are resentful, don't believe her anyway, and if she has really useful videos where she interviews women to see what they really value most about men, they don't believe them. The comments just turn into put downs, red pill memes and continuing to think in the toxic ways they think, while dismissing all the helpful info and insights from real women. I can see why so many men struggle w/ being single. I'm sure you won't though. A decent woman is looking for a man like you, guaranteed. You just have to figure out ways to optimize meeting up w/ her.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 As a man in the very early stages of divorce, this comment could not come at a better time. Thank you.
@@brianharston7196 I'm so glad there was something useful and uplifting there, and appreciate a positive comment back. Divorce is brutal. I'm still in the aftermath of a 10 year commonlaw separation myself. 'Do you mind saying what caused the divorce in a nutshell? You seem to really have your wits about you.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 all the classic issues. Poor communication, not understanding each others' needs, distrust, lack of respect, you name it. Plenty of fault on both sides. The one positive I can say for myself is that between channels like this and lots of therapy, I've learned a lot over the past several years, both about myself as well as how to build and nurture a healthy relationship with the opposite sex. Next time around, things will be different.
Can you talk about the problem of being a "late bloomer"? I only got my stuff together in my early 30's and everyone in my age bracket is either in a relationship or already married.. I work steadily and don't partake in drugs and alcohol, I take care of my appearance and hygiene but even still my only options are single moms, women that are simply not attractive (usually due to being overweight) or crazy party girls that still drink all the time. I feel like I just don't have any options. Not sure what to do. One thing that makes it difficult is that my interests have completely changed against my will. All I want to do is start a family and run a house hold. My old hobbies just aren't as interesting as they once were and there's seemingly nothing I can do to force my self to be interested in them again. My priorities have changed whether I like it or not.
Thank you for sharing this. I think discussing this topic in a video could be helpful for a lot of my viewers as you certainly aren’t alone in feeling this way!
Get a younger woman obviously.
@user-nz8ml2jr1w Go to small towns to find younger women there. City women are the worst.
@@CourtneyRyan I have this problem as well. Finally got my stuff together, but immature party girls are pretty bad. Single moms who think you owe them and their child the world is another problem. I understand that i'll never be the number 1 in her eyes because I shouldn't be, but there isn't enough time, energy, money, or patience for a new person now that she's got the kid so I just stay away from them.
Dude, are you me?
The concept of Mr right has been replaced by expectations of Mr perfect
A question like this is pretty obvious...
Dating for women is clothes shopping, dating for men is a damn job interview with unrealistic expectations.
If I’m being honest, I feel like most people understand that both sides have it rough in this modern dating climate. The problem is that sometimes, one side gets so hurt and frustrated by the other that they lash out and become bitter, thus playing the victim constantly. Most people know that they need to have a more balanced approach instead of being extremist and over generalizing.
Another great video, yet again. Really glad I’ve been subscribed for as long as I have.
Women have it so much easier. A man has to have a decent paying job, be decent looking and be willing to provide. Those qualities take time and effort to develop. Women just need to look decent and show up.
@@JammingJ12That says more about the man being desperate and will take anybody..
@@jmorales6539 exactly, especially if he’s ONLY looking for a woman’s looks, and not her character? Or personality traits? Then he ends up like Kanye and wonders why he doesn’t have a “traditional” woman, when the entire time, she was never traditional, you just chose her because she was beautiful.
You're right in all you say, except that most men don't understand one little bit that both sides have it tough. The plethora of resentful men lamenting how tough they have it, and falsely perceiving that women have it so easy is proof of that. Most men have no clue about what women go through, nor do they care. You're a solid one that you at least understand that women have it tough. First comment after yours is that women just have to look good and show up. Nope, I see the endless list of requirements that men want from women, and it's not that simple. The red pill crowd thinks they just have to show up and women need to offer them the moon. That's the prevailing mentality these days.
From my personal perspective, I continuously meet girls who want to be treated fairly in a relationship, but they expect the guy to have to pay for everything when they first meet and rarely offer to contribute. This gives me the feeling that I’m being taken advantage of, makes the girl look entitled, and that the girl will only cater to her own needs down the road without any regard to others. Teamwork makes the dream work. And Like Courtney said in the video, if you want love you need to give it. That part goes for both sides and not just in dating, business, and friendships as well
She's right, it's kind of like a leap of faith mentality, but if you know already (confidence) that you'll be ok regardless of what does or doesn't happen it's easier to make that leap.
That attitude of resentment and miserly attitude is holding you back from connecting w/ a good woman far more than I can begin to express. You want a woman to put her confidence and trust in you, but you are coming in w/ a chip and expecting her to prove herself right off the hop, before you'll do a thing to establish some trust and goodwill? Not going to happen w/ a decent woman. You guys can't seem to fathom that a woman is coming in w/a vulnerability that you'll never have to experience. You're bigger, you're stronger, you could be potentially dangerous. When you pay for a date, doesn't have to be a dinner, just a snack and a walk, you're showing goodwill. You're showing a bit of taking the lead, but in a generous rather than controlling way. It's not really about the money. It's about providership, and that is more than just if she should submit herself to the ultimate vulnerability of bearing your children one day, and needing to depend on your willingness to provide. That can be a big part of it though, and too many men won't even consider that. They just resent having to make Any Kind of Effort, whatsoever. Instead they feel entitled that the weaker sex has to make all the effort for them first.
18:11 I like that you mention this here. Oftentimes when you see a woman who holds both of these views and you really pin her down to an answer, she will say she wants a man who is "masculine enough" to ignore what she says and just do what she feels. And today's men (myself included) are absolutely unwilling to do this, because it has been taught to us very plainly that this behavior constitutes sexual harassment.
I think it’s super important for accountability to be on both sides like Courtney said. I caught myself just complaining and not taking action FOR A WHILE. So now I’m focused on just taking action. It’s tough but you gotta keep going
🫡
Improve yourself. BUt don't do it for women. Because you will probably be disappointed. I improved myself-still get no women. WOmen have so many options. Men don't.
@@delawarehistory1675facts
@@delawarehistory1675 yeah but pretend that you do. Fake it till you make it.
@@Jonbwriter But one would actually need a date in order to fake it. Can't even get that. Heck I can't even get a like with online dating or a woman in person to actually show interest when I talk to her.
I think the most important thing we can bring to the table is the ethics of gratitude.
Yes, for both men and women, it goes such a long way and makes us so much more attractive.
Thanks for this video. I realize that I have some lifestyle changes to make. Thank you for being the sister I never asked for. Have a wonderful Christmas. Sending virtual hugs.
Nobody can be friends anymore. Friendship takes time and most are so impatient and broken victims and blame-shifting of the other instead of seeing the good in them and looking at one-self in the mirror of self-inspection. changing oneself rather than worrying about someone else. Exclusive love is a decision, not just feelings.
Appreciate you staying positive Courtney!
I do have to say now that I'm healthy and doing great, I've gone from anger to disappointment. I finally tapped the brakes and looked around, only to find myself disappointed in the women around me. They're so often angry, bitter and so seldom looking for an actual relationship. Simply not something I have room for in my life anymore.
So are the men Ryan. Be the change you want to see, and like will attract like.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 Did you misspell something? I'm a man, not a woman.
@@Ryan66437 I gathered that.
Great video!
I have a different spin on this article. The only person who has it worse in dating.....is the one that focuses on building something outside of friendship.
The best thing I ever did for my dating life was ditch the dating apps, and focus on building platonic relationships with men & women. Friendship is the bedrock of any relationship, and it thrives when it's built organically.
Dating apps arent organic. They are algorithmically tempered to monitize / exploit lonliness.
Ditch the apps, build friendships, and stop pointing the finger.
When I was single all of my female friends were unattractive.
@@jasonwilliams8321 😂
Are they still unattractive or you with one of em now? 😂❤
@@Macheako Nope I married an Asian hottie. They are probably still uinatttractiver even mores because age isn't kind too anyone.
@@jasonwilliams8321 lolol 😂
Is it worse to be at a buffet where you just can’t decide what to eat or would it be worse to have absolutely nothing to eat at all?
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Important things: 0:44 Ladies First; 0:50 First Thing ÷ Every Woman Deserves a 10; 3:02 So true about that (responsibility, reliability, emotional maturity); 3:42 Sad, but it's true (some do ignore these things at men); 4:12 Second Thing ÷ Contradictions, Contradictions; 5:52 Third Thing ÷ I Am The Table Mentality; 7:30 I agree with that (men are not looking for high earning woman; do you posses the qualities that men are looking for); 7:42Fourth Thing ÷ Modern Feminism; 9:20 A lot of men care what do women find attractive;
10:45 Now For The Gentleman; 10:53 First Thing ÷ Sex Addiction; 12:58 Learn how to control yourself during the sexual desire (having a self - discipline); 13.28 Second Thing ÷ Hypocracy Part 2; 15:35 Third Thing ÷ The Self-Motivation Deficit; 17:35 Fourth Thing ÷ The Masculinity Crisis; 20:28 Tiebreaker; 21:06 Amen to that (focusing on that who has it worse, won't really make your situation any better or easier. It will be worse);
23:43 The important message for the end of this video (Men and women both play a role in modern dating struggles that are occurring this moment in time. We as individuals have to acknowledge a role that we both play, and try to be better and try to improve); 24:17 Conclusion; 26:57 To summarize all the told here ÷ Blaming women, and blaming men is not going to get us anywhere, you have to be best version of yourself (either men, either women).
This video what you have told me just hit me in the face (in positive way I mean, Courtney).
As a man I have to say that I didn't have a struggle talking to women (sure there could be things to be fixed as well, and I can't deny that). When I was a little boy, I was always hanging around with girls, and they accepted me for who am I, and I have a friend that I'm talking to him as well. They even accepted me for who am I. Some of them even asked me what type of model kit airplane, and helicopter is that, and I have explained it.
Since you mentioned sex addiction, I might add one thing as well. Having a sex doesn't mean a lot to me, if there are no trust, respect, support, and nurturing a healthy relationship. And do you know why? It's because sometimes people do really show how do they feel after that kind of intimacy (let's call it that way). Meaning to say that after that some people will like that person, some of them won't like that person. Sad but it's true. Some people are doing that thing, honor exceptions to those who are behaving as normal people.
I remember that once I saw one quote that is saying this: "If you want to change people, you have to change yourself."
From all the told here, we can summarize it to these things. And those are: Stop searching for perfectionism, cause that's Mission Impossible; Work on yourself, and Try to be a better version for yourself, cause everything comes from ourselves. And that can apply to either men, and women, and also it can be used in every life segments as well.
Wish you all the best people.
Thank you very much Courtney ❤💙🤍.
Time stamp 👍
@@illuminatinglight5486 Thanks a lot
She tells men to not focus on who has it worse, yet makes a video on wo has it worse
The best thing you said: focusing on who has it worse won't make your situation any better or easier 🔥 💯
But it may help you decide . . . whether you want to be in the situation at all.
P much. Women having it "better" leads to men having it worse, which in turn leads to women having it worse - and vice versa.
Women are allowed by society to have more freedom of emotional expression so their friendships have much more emotional depth and nurturance. Men are taught from a very young age to repress their emotions, particularly grief and sadness, and to not show vulnerability. This really deadens them inside and makes connection on an intimate level with friends extremely difficult. Men have it worse in a general sense. Loneliness is a killer.
Agreed that it doesn't matter which side has it worse because we're all in the same situation, it's just two sides of the same coin. Dating won't be good for either side until both side's issues are addressed.
It takes two to tango
There are definitely, absolutely problems caused by people having mutually exclusive expectations.
There are also some that are caused by the fact that people don't leave the house as much anymore and depend upon online dating - which has a massively skewed gender ratio, no one should be surprised that dating is messed up when most people meet through dating apps which have ~twice as many men as there are women.
And then there are some caused by people being weird and awkward.
Shit sucks for both men and women on the dating market, and at least some of it is self-inflicted. In the context of dating apps, men do have it somewhat worse, simply because of how skewed the gender ratio is.
Absolutely true. Dating sites are often only 1/4 women. That doesn't mean our viable choices are so much more though. It's a nightmare on those things. Most men are looking for sex, sexting or a video OF girl. The guys are rude, pushy and crude. Very hard to find the nice ones actually looking for a relationship. Out of those guys, I might not be what they are looking for, because men have their criteria too. Decent women are much more timid about meeting a guy, because we a lot more vulnerable and have things on the line due to that, that men just don't have to think about.
Thank you for that conclusion Courtney, and agree completely. We don't need more negativity, we need honesty and a sincere approach to helping people work through these complex problems. Best way is to help individuals work through their own bullshit so they can be better, to the benefit of everyone around them. We don't get there by not addressing our personal shortcomings, man or woman.
All men realistically want is a woman who is fit, feminine, faithful, fun & fertile .. someone who gives them peace of mind & compliments their life not complicate it
bingo but not necessarily the fun and fertile part
Matter of fact, you can cross out fit, feminine and fertile from your list.. but even looking for a woman who is faithful and fun and respects our boundaries.. impossible
I'd gladly settle for just faithful and fun.
Fit doesn’t matter. Neither does fun (but she should have her own sense of humor), and neither does fertile after a certain age/ for certain people.
So basically we want a woman who is indeed a (scientific) female, and most of us want one that is faithful. Not asking for too much I think.
@otdreamer193-xy1uc 💯
Man: "I can't find a single piece of bread."
Woman: "I've far too many different kinds of bread to pick from! So you see, we're both equally challenged "
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The bread is stale
Instead of demonizing men for "being addicted to porn" (not trying to bash you), how about we start asking "why do men feel more comfortable watching porn than interacting with women?".
Hint - it's not just because "men are lazy or scared".
Complete transparency here. I'm a single 22 year old man and I'm STRUGGLING even though I have all the "boxes" checked on paper. 6'1", 180lbs around 8% body fat. Make great money for my age. Got a good jawline through mewing and chewing gum. Learned to dress. Still having a very hard time. I don't use dating apps so that could be a reason but I'm feeling a bit hopeless if this still is not enough. Just got ghosted by a Christian girl I cared alot about and just down asf.
Dating apps are rigged. They don’t work.
It’s good that you are not on them.
I would consider adding one more box, Personality
Hate to say this but your race might have something to do with it. A lot of girls just aren’t interested in certain ethnicities
Continue to get out there, but also reflect on your personality
@@mojojojo9634 Probably not but Personality can be one that he can work with. I mean if girls don't want to date you cos of your ethnicity ain't your fault for that cos that's external factor and she's lost out in his potential. Like you can't help with being born to a different race, you can only work with what you got and that would be enough.
6:02 "You should be able to observe someone and see what they bring to the relationship."
Observation skills is a lost art. So many people look at how attractive the other person is, but never pay attention to how the other person treats you, what they do, and what they say.
This is a big problem with dating or meeting someone via social media, and why the dating phase is so important.
I sat down to watch this not because I wanted to see who has things worse, but to get a feel for what my sons will be dealing with over the next decade. I wanted to see what women face out there so I can encourage my sons to shore up their weak points, and what men face so I can prepare them for the games they will inevitably have to refuse to play. Some of it was eye-opening, but I took a little umbrage with the fourth point girls complain about: the self-inflicted gunshot wound of telling men that no means no and not to mansplain anytime they speak with competence and then being upset that men listened. Stop using those social rules you invented and then complaining that you suffer from them.
Now, aside from that, everything else made a lot of sense. I am trying to teach my sons to control themselves in all facets of life, not just sexually. A man with self control and a demonstrable reason to *need* that self control is a very attractive thing to women. I am able to fix (and therefore destroy) many things, and I am capable of inflicting grievous harm on others. I don't hide it. But I am also clearly in control. My sons are shown this. My wife praises how gentle I can be when she has watched me use the same hands to build and destroy things. I also encourage my sons to work on themselves, for the purpose of being the guy the wife they want will want in return. I can't change the women they date and neither can they, but I can teach them to respect the work they have done on themselves enough to not just give it to a girl who does not care about them. Be dependable, forthright, strong, and caring. Show through actions that you are the man she cannot live without. And then pick the girl who shows through actions that she can't live without you. Like generation upon generation past, the work a man does to build a life with a woman begins as a boy, and it never stops.
Ideally, a man should not actually *need* a woman in his life, but *prefer* her to be in his life. A man should be able to cook and clean and be presentable without the need of a woman. And the woman who he prefers willingly tries to do some or all of these things for him anyway. I was raised by a single mother and was not taught any of these things, nor did I have a role model for what being a man is. When I learned how absolutely easy the housework is with things like a washing machine and a dishwasher, I just started knocking them out, and it made my wife feel guilty at first for complaining about how hard it is when I can do it with minimal effort. It also removes that as a weapon in the arsenal. A man with the discipline and the knowledge to keep a house on his own knows how hard it *isn't* and therefore it loses its sting when levied against him.
And patience. The first girl isn't statistically likely to be The One. The second is more likely, but still not a sure bet. Be patient and endure. You'll have to reject a number of them that you thought were good prospects at first, and they won't handle that rejection well. For as much as they demand we handle it well, many women cannot handle it at all. Be as nice as possible and always be kind with this. Trust the process and endure. And talk to me, my sons, when you feel like giving up. I believe that, on the whole, men and women are better together, in harmony, and it's going to take everyone to get there again, once we weed out the discord brought about by discontent, disrespectful women and spurious men with no self control.
Fun Fact: Mathematically, the most optimal prospect is the best person after 38% of your search.
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THIS. I’m a male survivor, and I took issue with that bit of the video. She just kept listing points to victimize women and paint men as raging sex addicts with no regard for consent. In my experience, women are the ones who don’t care about your consent or your feelings. They take what they want and then paint themselves as victims.
Well said, Sir! Growing up, in a great family atmosphere, I learned how to cook, clean, be responsible, etc. Not only to be a responsible adult, but because I saw how it was a part of life.
talk to you boys when they are 40 after their multiple divorces
Women on dating apps treat men worse, much worse than the bare minimum standard I would treat a stranger who ask me for money. If a guy says 'hey buddy could you spare a dollar?' I would say 'sure here you go' or 'sorry I can't help you' that exchange is far, far better than how the vast majority of women treat men on dating apps and I'm done. I'll be lonely anyday over being in another's company yet treated like I don't exist.
What you are saying is correct. The main problem for me is when I approach a beautiful woman(to me) and ask her out, she says I have a boyfriend! They don't even bother asking what my personality looks like, what my education, career, and interests are.
American dating culture is not really my style
But I was just talking about this the other day
Even if I am interested in someone I just met I am not going to go on a date with them when I don't know them... we could have nothing in common and talk about nothing throughout the date.. super awkward..which it seems pretty typical in america idk then people talk about their bad date experiences
But why not try being friendly first, ask for her number or social media or something like that if she seems welcoming to that... (a guy asked me for music recommendations which i obviously have to send him)
Rather than asking a complete stranger on a date because she's pretty
Women sometimes grow to like someone
But just out of safety too I wouldn't think it's a good idea to go on a date with a complete stranger
Courtney has always been my big step sister who always constantly giving self improvement advice
I'm so glad I found your channel, I have recently ended a 15-year relationship after suffering emotional and financial abuse, and I left the relationship on my own accord with only my clothing. Over the years, I have developed a distain for women. After watching a lot of your videos, I have come to the conclusion that I am not ready to date or pursue another relationship. And that I need to work on myself. You have opened my eyes that not all women are like what I have indured for the last 15 years. Thank you !
The ending was awesome! Thanks Courtney! You have a great channel that keeps it real and honest but also being very encouraging too!
I just saw this today, and it's worth repeating:
"A victim mentality is the ingenious cloak of self-betrayal. The character never develops. The story never ends - an infinite loop of personal hell." -J. Mike Fields
100%. Look at the top comments of this very video. Do men have it, on the whole, harder in dating? Yeah, probably. But does being a victim about it change anything? No, it doesn't. It makes you worse and posting about it here is an attempt to drag everyone else down with you. Misery loves company.
Maybe I won't ever have a relationship or get married. I don't know. But sitting on TH-cam comment sections whining about it will only affect that chance negatively, and is just a waste of your precious time. Negativity bias is real and addicting, but if all women are so terrible (which I don't believe, to be clear), then why even bother? Why drag everyone else down with you? Go do something you love then. Go to the gym, for those who preach that. Read a book. Play a video game. Something other than wallowing in pity and victimhood. I'm just so sick of it.
Also, if you are really content living without women and so on, then I don't think you'd feel the need to be boasting about it to online strangers. You want validation for your choice that you clearly aren't content with.
@@chadb2840 1000%, yes @chadb One of the most insightful comments I've seen yet. This is all I want to tell men, yet you put it so well, thankfully I don't have to. They don't want to hear it from a woman, because we're all disloyal liars anyway, looking to do the great guys they all are dirty. If you're a man saying it, you're just simp. Just a bunch of deadbeat slogans I hear, and no original thoughts. You not only have original thoughts that are all your own, and maximum insightful, you're not adding to the problem. Men w/ that abysmal attitude just drag it into every date or ruin their potential to have a date, because that negativity, resentment and entitlement permeates them like a toxic blanket. They have no idea, so they further blame it on the women.
I think a lot of these issues can be avoided by being social, meaning getting to know each other in person in a social setting without an immediate intent to date. Between social media providing unrealistic expectations, and dating apps making sure that these expectations are being crushed with certainty, too many people are caught in a no-win situation.
Thats why dating is so important before engaging in a relationship.
Single Men definitely have it worse when it comes to dating. An average woman can go out and land a man instantly but as for a average single guy such as myself I have to jump through hoops to even get attention from any woman. It's almost not even worth the struggle for a average single man to date these days.
Awesome job! I enjoyed this video. Shades of nuance to very multifaceted realities. This is good content!
24:23 yes, it does matter and the fact that you said that shows the disconnect you have.
Are you a profesional victim?
21:05 I 100% agree with your point. Playing the victim doesn't make anything better. Now, that is encouraged by some in society, but we can't improve without taking accountability and understanding the value we are capable of.
There's a difference between playing the victim and being a victim, you are sadly confusing the two.
@@BlunderCity I don't know what I said influenced your comment, but in order for a true victim to move past the trauma or issue, the person has to not view him or herself not as a victim.
Any time I get a match that I'm genuinely excited about, she either doesn't respond, cancels/flakes, or goes out once and ghosts. Success in dating all comes down to our options... they have them, we do not. For every 1 match we get, they get 20, and because of it, they're soooo picky. I have seen my female friends trash men on apps, complaining about the most insignificant things. There is no telling what tiny misstep you can make that disqualifies you or gives them the ick. It's so brutal.
Same!
Bc they get flooded with incel misogyny.
but she got a free meal
Oh, god you're so cheap, that that the only thing you van think of is a meal you paid for. Was it Michelin restaurant with a 1000$ bill? No? So shut up, you're just making yourself look miserable. @@MrTweetyhack
I really enjoyed this video, Courtney. Your positivity and realistic approach is refreshing. 👍👍
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Reaching a point in my life where I just don’t care that I have it much worse. Tired of complaining about the enormous boulder I gotta push up that hill. It is what it is. Maybe in the next life things will be better. But I can still make the world a better place if only in my immediate circle. I will NOT let this life break me. We bend, but we do not break. FUCK. THAT. I wish all of you way more than luck ❤️
All the very best to you, BEAT! You got this! We will survive this!
I appreciate your honesty in these videos. My parents taught me well how to maintain a relationship but not so well on how to start one. At this point the dog I have in fight are my kids. I want to teach them what I wasn’t as well as what I was taught. Thank you.
Men have it harder. Dates are basically job interviews. The wrong response and no fun for you
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One the one hand you should not concern yourself with things outside your control. On the other, dating requires two and if you are the only one improving you will only get half way there no matter how hard you try.
When bringing up motivation and men lacking it. If a man receives zero attention from the opposite sex and no amount of reasonable work will change that he has zero reason to try. He has made the calculation that the video game brings him peace versus the rejection of going out. Peace is better alone than chaos and not being alone.
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Definitely one of your most important videos to date...the last couple minutes are something everyone needs to hear
I think youre wonderful to trying to cover this ground, Courtney. Your channel is very insightful, regardless of how much some of the information stings on either end. Thanks for doing what you do, I hope you have a chance to read this.
It’s hard for both sides when you have values and standards and actually want to date for the right reason. Dating is treated like a fast food restaurant these days and it’s repulsive.
There's two kids from different families. One comes from a rich family, and another comes from poverty. The rich kid gets plenty of food to choose from and is always very picky about what type of food they want to eat but has never starved for food in their life. The poor kid is homeless, always starves for food cause he barely gets any, and eats out of a garbage can.
Do these two kids have the same level of struggle?
Some people want to argue about everything…it’s not about sides or who struggles more. It all comes down to attitude and how you choose to overcome it. Look at the number of celebrities who have everything at their fingertips and still depressed, substance abuse, commit suicide. It’s easy to find someone who wants to sleep with you…it’s difficult to find someone who matches your values, interests, aspirations, and attitude in life…that doesn’t go swiping after the first fight or hardship to find “someone better”. And sorry, but seeing male dating profiles, the effort is low….we are expected to swoon over a man who puts a bunch of outdated pics on their profile, 10 pics of their dog or a fish they caught, and they can’t bother to write a single sentence about themselves. On the flip side, men have to sift through all the filters on women’s profiles and discern what’s real. But us real ones aren’t hot enough bc we don’t do the fake stuff. After all that, I stand by say it’s equally challenging for both genders if they want the real deal…
@@kimr1806Yes I agree 100%! If you want a long term committed relationship, it's going to be very difficult.
Let’s put it this way. Dating for most men is like trying to find water in the Sahara Desert & dating for women is like trying to find Dom Pérignon in Walmart. The women will be pissed, but have access to water on demand… The men will likely die of thirst however.
The only women who actually understand men’s struggles and are empathetic to them are the ones trying to sell them stuff
12:20 let's be honest, getting rejected for being too sexually aggressive doesn't feel nearly as bad as getting rejected for not being sexually aggressive enough. explains a lot of this behavior
While she's not wrong about the sex thing, it's a direct reaction to so many women that have no sexual discipline themselves. You've got women filming themselves doing sexual acts for a living or will walk up to some rando chad & immediately go into the same oversexed language that they're complaining men do then getting pumped & dumped repeatedly but then those same women expect other men to put forth a ton of effort for a tiny sliver of a chance at sleeping with her.
Why should other guys work so hard for something she willing gives to others that show they don't like or respect them for absolutely no effort at all. Why should men respect women that don't respect themselves. It's no different than simps, why would these SW respect men that don't respect themselves.
Women made hookup culture the norm not men. If women want respectful men back then they need to conduct themselves in same respectful manner. If she has an OF or a man discovers her colorful history he will immediately turned off. The sexual discipline thing should go for both men AND women.
As a woman, we are often rejected because we won't put out when a man wants us too. The amount of times I've said no and never gotten a call again.... countless. The amount of times a man has told me about his "needs" when we've been dating a month.... too many.
When you find the right partner for you, you both go at a pace that make sense for your partnership.
@@poeticeclipse At least you have enough respect for yourself not to let just any rando between your legs. You're exercising the same sexual discipline men should be able to exhibit. At least you have self-respect. Good on you.
@poeticeclipse that's truee but got be something very deep within first 6 months to not lead to even a kiss.
To show your love in many ways something different than besides anything sexual
Edited: doesn't have be sex to show someone your love
Single Asian men have it the worst in dating. The millennials ones.
Courtney should do a reaction for which ethnicity statistics have the most difficult in dating.
Gen Z here, it ain’t any easier. I’m happy that you mentioned this cause it is a real issue. Not saying I let my race define me or limit me but I recognize that a lot of women disqualify me based on my race alone. It is also kinda annoying that people call me insecure for saying this out loud. Maybe I am subconsciously but once again I try not to let that stop me from dating.
@@M_pire97 Never give up or settle mate. Race should never define a person, but it is part of who you are - which I'm glad you know. I also relate when people think its insecurity, but most can never understand our experience and we face rejection or just get shit on.
Besides going to the gym and focusing our mission in life/hobbies. I found learning different languages interesting and have attracted European and Latina/Hispanic women (my types of women).
It is what it is. What's the point in discussing it? Women aren't suddenly going to change who they're attracted to just because you point this out.
she's never even seen a Asian man in her lfe. Wtf is that?
Honest answer, move to Asia
THANK YOU COURTNEY!!!! You are the big sister the average westerner man desperately needs: every human being NEEDS to CONTINUOUSLY IMPROVE AND GROW!!!!!!
The increasing lack of in person interactions is causing an increasing lack of social skills and an increase in social anxiety, social awkwardness, social ineptness, etc. You can quote or unquote "get away" with poor social skills, be socially inept as a woman and still date, get away with that, but as a guy, you really need to have strong social skills, have better social calibration, since you're the one doing the pursuing and initiating everything, the one making advances, the one leading or taking the lead, and you need to be able to make women feel comfortable, be able to understand social cues and boundaries.
I also think a lot of men are struggling with confidence and self esteem now, which, again, you can "get away" with that as a woman (meaning a guy is probably still going to find you attractive, maybe even more attractive sometimes), but as a guy, you absolutely cannot "get away" with it.
I don't know if standards are actually higher now for men since I grew up in this era and don't know what it was like before, but it could be that women are more picky now. I would say that because women just have so many options now, girls really don't want to "pick" one unless the guy is just straight up hot, because of the FOMO of potentially missing out on a 10/10 guy.
I also think this increasing criticism of men for flirting, approaching women, making a move, etc. is also causing a lot of men to feel a little more trepidation about flirting with women, making a move to make out or initiating sex, etc.
I use what I call the apple cart analogy to describe the differences in dating for men and women.
For women, their apple cart is full of apples, it even gets refilled when apples fall off the cart, they just need to sift through and find one that matches their taste.
For men, their apple cart is below the womens, essentially hoping to god an apple falls into their cart and hoping its not all bruised up and rotten.
No all the women’s apples are rotten
Before I even watch this whole video, I'm going to say MEN. Men have a much harder time, by a mile, it's not even close.
she speaks for the women so ...
My dating life has skyrocketed because of you 🙃Thank you!
Awesome awesome video. I came away very inspired and feeling more positive about the future. I really love hiw you look at booth dides very closely!! Thanks Courtney.
This is an excellent presentation. I am in a wonderful marriage (16yrs) but a tough one. We want the best for ourselves and for each other. We correct each other where necessary. We have benchmarks in our relationship and we work hard to maintain or improve upon it. The "deeper" the relationship becomes the more fragile it becomes and more care is required not to damage it. We have fun, lots of fun, our fun.
I wanna have a discussion with you ❤️ Above🤦♂️
I wanna have a discussion with you ❤️ Above🤦♂️
That's rich, women telling men their sexual appetite is too much, in 2023, the century of "female sexual liberation" or whatever.
It has been 13 years since I have been on a date, 6'3 200lb specimen 38 years old. Sooo, I would assume it is way harder for the guys. I threw in the towel this year, I'll be retired in 5 years with 2 million in assets and am leaving the USA.
@elonmusk7647 Wouldn't doubt it, I am sure some of my personal issues are - Does not listen to crap main stream music that makes me want to barf it is so cringe. - Does not dance like an African zulu tribesman to said barf music. - Does not drink a lot of alcohol, or hang out at places that promote it.
@@TexasGardenerd
Don't ever compromise on that. Most modern music people like is absolutely trash and garbage for the soul. Garbage in, garbage out. It legit gives me a headache and I have to cleanse myself with some decent music after being exposed to it.
What music do you listen to?
@@frankiefaithful Its a mixed bag, in my 20's I was all about Iron Maiden, and I love Burzum which is black metal. I don't like the metal where they just scream incoherently and sound like axe murderers, then some heavy electronic EDM can actually produce "more metal" than a guitar can, for instance "Celldweller - Shut 'Em Down" is one of my top ragers. On the other spectrum I like Slavic music, medieval music, 'Space banjo', just calm stuff. Just depends on mood, on my channel if you goto playlists you will see "Delusions of Grandeur", I use that list often. Lastly, I have a video on my channel titled "Armenian Music Christmas Lights".... I would say the Armenian music is what opened my ears up to not listen to trash hop.
Def personality
It’s a biased perspective but being a single man in his 30s now I find it much harder to date than any woman I’ve met across my knowledge. Women seem to have viable options and easier opportunities to find a partner regardless if the relationship is long or short term. Men are in this weird back and forth being told that need to both embrace and support decisions that women do even if it’s not within our boundaries and comfort (ex would be sex work/Onlyfans models) and that we must still be held up to the impossible expectations of being real men who do all the work and give everything and should be grateful for the existence of a woman in our lives who doesn’t wish to contribute to the relationship. Having been single a king it’s honestly draining having to look thru so many options of women hoping to just catch the attention of one if I’m lucky. I feel like I’m fairly charismatic and average looking compared to my surrounding area of local men. But I’ve always had the hardest time finding women who are interested in me. Whereas I’ve seen some dudes pull so many with absolute ease and I don’t understand why or how they do. All the women I’ve come across have it easy when it comes to having a selection of men who they can choose from. So imo women who say they have it more difficult don’t actually mean it.
The truth is it's not with ease man, we put in the time and effort which is why some of us get the girls that we get, just remember their typically not the kind of girls we bring to meet our mom. Quality love takes time, all the more reason to spend that time working on a better you. Stay in the game man, your doing better than you think, trust me!
Just love to see you and hear you speaking, I am leaving my grain of sand for your channel, thank you and all the best !
Hi Courtney,
Your analysis is spot on. I definitely agree on your perspective. I would like to point out that men are held accountable for our deficiencies yet women are not. Society loves to call anyone misogynistic if anyone dares to point out women's deficiencies. As a man who constantly works to improve myself, I come across the fact that i will always come short to some unreasonable expectations from women. For example, I can't control my height so most women reject me as soon as i approach them.
I wanna have a discussion with you ❤️ Above🤦♂️,,,
Anybody else get "I AM the Senate" vibes whenever a girl says she's the table?
"Sorry Ma'am, but I have all the furniture I need"
Courtney, I'm usually a critic, but this is easily your most useful and accurate video. The advice for *both* sides is spot on, and your commentary accents it nicely. Well done. 👏
During a recent 2nd date, some of the conversation involved dates and dating apps. She told me how thankful/relieved she was that I had been a gentleman during all of our interactions. She also showed me some of the DMs she gets on a dating app. A lot of guys need a swift kick in the @$$. I know, there are a lot of women out there who are trainwrecks, but there are also a lot of decent women who have given up on dating because of the pervs out there. It's a s*** show for all involved and will be until people work on being better versions of themselves.
Thank you, Courtney. Hearing a "both-and" conversation (as in both men and women need to do better) in the dating context, instead of the "either-or" conversation (as in either all men or all women) is so refreshing. Keep up the good work. Count me among your staunch supporters, largely because of this video (although I've seen several other samples of your work). Well done.
Love it!! Thank you for keeping it real and not sugar coating things, keep it up 😊
L̳E̳T̳S̳ ̳D̳I̳S̳C̳U̳S̳S̳ ̳M̳O̳R̳E̳ ̳A̳B̳O̳V̳E̳🛐🤷♂️🤦♂️
That so many men who subscribe to Courtney's site and very few women says something. What it says is that women do not want to hear what she had to say, why is that?
Question for anyone (Courtney or not).
I am 25M and still a virgin. I know it isn’t common, but I still feel as if I have a chance. This year I’ve asked out 12 women, all who turned me down for still being a virgin.
I don’t really have a desire to stop next year, especially since I’ve already taken a 2 year break from dating (this break began in 2019 and ended in late 2021).
Yet one woman I know is telling me to stop, preferably forever. She is telling me that at 25 there really isn’t much hope left and that it could get me in trouble.
I honestly fail to see her point. I want a partner, and the only way to get one is by asking women out. Rejections are a part of life, so I don’t understand her issue. Still, is this a bad idea?
dude wtf!!!
get that virgin situation fixed like yesterday - you know how!
just cause you cant find a decent women to date because your still a virgin deosnt mean you should not enjoy sex at least once in your life!!!
@@marcut37 how the hell should I do that besides looking for a woman willing to take it?
Sex work is illegal where I live and the cops aren’t above performing sting operations to catch people hiring them.
Edit: look. I don’t like arguing with advice. But at the same time, I am not taking advice that I KNOW could land me in prison.
Did I say go do some shit that will get you in prison!!!?
The world is a big place my friend, do some travelling!
If you got a problem look for safe legal solutions-maybe not in your country.
Why would it be a bad idea? If you want a relationship, go for it.
I do think however that it is important not to be fixated about it. The primary goal should be to life your life, and devlope yourself as a person.
Not because finding a spouse is unimportant. But simply because you cannot control it. It is not your decision, you can just life a good live and offer others to join. Do what you can to build good relationships, but also accept that you cannot force anyone to like you. No one can promise you that you will find a woman. But giving up at such a young age would be just foolish.
PS: I am almost certain that your virginity is not the real reason those girls rejected you. Yes, it is a red flag for many women. But if they really liked you as a person and found you actually attractive they would look over it. I also wouldn´t be that straightforward about it. Honestly, it shouldn´t even come up in the early dating process.
PPS: I don´t know your female friend but I don´t see her point either. It also seems quite cruel to say that to you and I woul reconsider my relationship with this person if I were you. How can it get you into trouble exactly? The only think I can see is potential charges about sexual harrasment. But that is a risk for all men and has nothing to do with your virginity. Just be careful and don´t be openly sexual too early. You are obviously unexperienced and therefore maybe a bit unsophisticated when making sexual advances. Many women see sexual attention from someone they don´t find attractive as predatory. So be a bit careful here and make sure she actually likes you before you make a move. Aside of that, don´t worry too much and just forget her "advice".
My man, the longer you go on being a virgin, it becomes exponentially more difficult to find love...the monkey on your back just gets larger and larger. I'm a 53 yr old virgin btw.
Single Men. THere is not doubt about that.
True. Women have tons of Privileges and they are the ones making bad choices. Of course there are men that have absolutely no idea what they are doing with the woman but they are never going to get the chance to learn because women are out there making bad choices
Are you or have you also been a single woman to have our experience?
Watch the video again and you'll see why it's more so the opposite
I really appreciate the nuance you being to these conversations, it's really easy to lean into one side, especially when it's the side of your gender as it relates to you the most.
You’re so kind, thank you! 🥹
I love your show. And your input is greatly appreciated. I'm addicted to watching it.
It's a sad fact dating is easier for both men and women whose looks are well above average. I think wealthy men who are at least kind of attractive have it far easier than anyone else. Next is women who would be considered a 7 or higher. They will always have a number of men interested. However, women who are not especially attractive have it really hard. A man who is a 4 or 5 can get women based on personality, being funny, and having an interesting job. Most men won't consider dating a woman who they don't in some way find physically attractive. Dating is hard, period. But being bitter and resentful does nothing but make a person angry and far less attractive to the opposite sex.
Agreed overall. I have worked in the entertainment field for nearly 10 years and consistently see STUNNING women with guys who are not all stunning. A lot of it has to do with other quality traits they have and that women can be attracted enough physically and find a man a 10. I see men complain about a woman's weight WAY more than I know my single female friends would ever.
L̳E̳T̳S̳ ̳D̳I̳S̳C̳U̳S̳S̳ ̳M̳O̳R̳E̳ ̳A̳B̳O̳V̳E̳🛐🤷♂️🤦♂️,,,,
Happy birthday Courtney 😮
“We can’t change people.”
Good words
The dating world is definitely messy 😅
It does seem men face more loneliness than ever
Which is why they want a nice Lady as a partner 😊
12:27 you should make a video of this
What are the red flags and green flags
When sending a message
What to say and not to say
14:07 women should listen to Courtney
Nice ending to video Amiga ❤
thank you 💕💕
@@CourtneyRyan you’re welcome 💕
My tip is.... get out of people's messages! Try in person!
The dating climate is, without a doubt, brutal for people in their 20's right now. I know it's hard on both men and women, but as a 27 year old man, it just seems incredibly bleak for me. I know that I definitely have a lot of self-improvement that I can do in order to increase my odds, but there are still some very harsh truths.
Yes, we do worry about approaching a woman in fear of making her uncomfortable and becoming the next subject of her outlashing on social media with being called a creep. Social media has seemingly become a playground for women to trash men all day and night. The misandrist type of rhetoric I see women post and share sometimes is extremely harmful. I'm not saying we can't rise above that, but it does give us fellas some pause.
We can all find reasons for self improvement, but no matter how much you try, it's still difficult when you are up against unrealistic expectations.
I appreciate you and your content, refreshing and much needed.
WoW, great video !
I like your honest and in depth analysis 👏👏