Online Dating is Making Us Miserable?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 มิ.ย. 2024
- Online dating has definitely changed the dating game. But has it changed it for the better or for the worse?
What do studies say?
Some reads:
www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
nordic.businessinsider.com/ho...
My social media:
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#onlinedating #tinder #bumble
Are you a maximiser or satisficer? Easy test: When you're listening to the radio and a song that you really like comes on, do you stay on that station and listen to the song OR do you keep changing stations just in case you might find a different song that you like even better?
Used to love the radio but now nearly all of the music that plays on it is pretty bad (has been since...hmm..mid 90s somewhere I'd say it died), so now I tend to ignore it.
hey lana whats ur opinion on abortion?should it be banned? should it be legal? 1st, 2nd,3rd tri? are u a pro-choice? pro life?......
.... pls make a video about this
I don't have comments, I agree with this video.
I am a satisficer then, me and my girlfriend have a lot of options to choose from, but we both are also realistic about what we have together and we doubt that other people would be a better match. Also we both have lived free for most part of our live and we have references to know how other people can be in relationships.
We choose for each other knowing that we believe others would not be able to cope with the real us. Being pretty on the outside is one thing, being able to live and be together all of the time is a real challenge. And we are very happy to be in each others company. That's an important part for a relationship.
Love this. @@NickVanos
@@xcalypso4077 It's coming
I totally agree! Another good metaphor is when you're trying to pick a movie on Netflix and you find yourself 2 hours later still scrolling titles 😅
Teresa Rinaldi I was hanging out with friends one time and we found it more entertaining to scroll through Netflix to see what movies and TV shows were on the platform instead of watching something 😂
Let's learn from in-n-out burger: their menu hasn't changed in decades (it's neat and simple) and they're a very successful restaurant.
It's some kind of weird resistance that builds up every-time you waste 20 minutes starting another B-flick on Netflix hoping for a gem. You're aggravated and thus spend more time scrolling titles. With the online dating analogy, many people try to convert their dopamine fix from endlessly scrolling potential partners. It gives a small dopamine hit and your perception is that you didn't have your time wasted by watching that first 20 minutes of the movie (ie: that first date).
How does online dating suck? when you can get 100 matches an hour, and I struggle with 2 quality matches a week? It literally makes me feel like I'm ugly and worthless. I generally don't understand, I know nobody will read this. But overabundance? That's not a real fucking problem, that's just life, pick what you want, and what looks good. You do this in every single area of life. Compared to the should crushing experience of an average man, how can anyone say that this is an issue?
I have soo been there
Imo dating apps and social media are ruining society.
Indeed, it's like shopping, people become like objects to pass on when theyve been used
Right
Amen to that one!
Dont forget entitlement and hook up "culture". Its a storm of poisonous behavior.
Facts
I just deleted all of my dating apps!! I was completely losing myself in them and seeking the approval of every guy. I already feel so much better
It's all kissy kissy I love you once you live together though.
Good for youu😅
excellent its demonic
Me too!
I want to do that too. Although I’m still talking to. Guy that seems really sweet on there. But my profile is paused. He actually makes good conversation.
People have forgotten how to bond, most people aren't really **that** different, you don't go flicking through millions of options trying to find your ideal mate... you meet someone and **make** each other your ideal mate over time
There's truth in this.
"Telegony"/"microchermerism"
Oh yeah, they ARE different. They pick friends for their money and what they own. They pick someone to date based on looks. They aren't interested in what you are like or your goals. They could care less.
@@gusgrizzel8397 The original comment meant different from one another, not different from back in the day. But also, if social media was a thing 100 years ago rest assured people back then would be just as narcissistic as people on social media now. It's not the earlier generation's fault, they're just dealing with the cards they have now.
@@HikaruCrystal8 Maybe.
A huge problem also is the imperfection of people and that we rarely show those imperfections. So online, everybody looks happy, everybody has something to celebrate and everybody is working on goals. Nobody online usually having bad days.
Not only that once you start living together fights and habits.
Once you start living together it all shows.
I met my wife online 20 years ago when internet dating was very new and addictive. We have an 18 year old son together.
One of the hardest things for me when we first became a couple, was cutting myself off from the online attention from other women. The internet is a fantasy world. You need to separate yourself from it if you are going to have a successful relationship, no matter how you met your partner.
Thank you for sharing your experience!
when it was good, and now it has completely ruined itself as an industry as does any mature industry
Spot on! Online dating is like “What else is on the menu?”
I deleted two dating apps because it was making me miserable
Me too
Why do you even have one...lol😂
Yeah they are very shallow, and I met many without getting any commitment
@@amalbakri4955 I WAS THR ONLY ONE WHO TOOK SO MUCH HOPE. I WAS SUCH A DULL 😭😭😭😭
THE**
For most guys it's just an overabundance of rejection lol...
Same for some girls as well :(
@@tlp031102 NO this isn't true. This shows how women view men who they DON'T like. If you don't like they they DON'T exist. EVERY women has guys who respond, dm, inbox or swipe right. You just don't want them. Many MEN open their inbox or dating apps and there are LITTERALLY, 0, ZERO messages or matches😒
@@john83me14 Most of the dating app users are men.
In Tinder 70% users are men and 30% are women(many of them are fake ids/girls trying to get ig followers/trying to advertise Onlyfans).
Maybe only 10% women are looking for actual dates.
That's why online dating is harder for men
Just go out there and ask for people's numbers
@@mahbubaruma2780 Your response AND mine can both be true and they are.
You make some really good points. I think another huge contributing factor to a rough dating climate is the throw-away culture we live in, people are more willing to leave their partners because they're used to being able to upgrade with a tap of their finger. Either way I've noticed I'm much happier without dating apps!
Throw-away culture hah yep! It's bad.
@@LanaBlakely So this guy was RLY CUTE NO CAP. We met on a dating app. He's the one who liked my profile first then I asked him for his number then he gave it out. He used to complimented me a lot, even KEPT BEGGING TO ME FOR SENDING HIM MY PICTURES and initiating a convo for solid 3 times. We texted almost like everyday but then he suddenly blocked me just yesterday for no reason after I was asking him about ''how was ur school day'' in voice note.
wtaf I RLY WISHED WE COULD BE FRIENDS IN A LONG TERM BUT GOSH LIKE CAN U TELL ME WHERE'S MY FAULT PLS? 😭😭😭 it's painful
The hard truth
I want to just quit online dating. I just think it sucks honestly and would rather meet someone organically
So this guy was RLY CUTE NO CAP. He's the one who liked my profile first then I asked him for his number then he gave it out. He used to complimented me a lot, even KEPT BEGGING TO ME FOR SENDING HIM MY PICTURES and initiating a convo for solid 3 times. We texted almost like everyday but then he suddenly blocked me just yesterday for no reason after I was asking him about ''how was ur school day'' in voice note.
wtaf I RLY WISHED WE COULD BE FRIENDS IN A LONG TERM BUT GOSH LIKE CAN U TELL ME WHERE'S MY FAULT PLS? 😭😭😭 it's painful
@@michellekahlez2105 are you feeling better? I doubt you're at fault, something's wrong with him. Sending you love 💘
@@michellekahlez2105 Same happened to me recently. Was dating three guys at the same time hoping that I would avoid the heartbreak of one suddenly ghosting me. All three had potential and was putting in effort and seemed interested in me. Then suddenly all at the same time all three ghosted me. And no, they didnt know about each other. But the fact they just disappear on you after you're here thinking something is forming is a big hit to the self esteem.
Dating apps and social media makes us more distant than ever. The problem is humans need to meet other peoples either as friends or a partner, but internet takes that away from us.
I even encourage my friend to hang, but she denied me because she prefers to talk on facebook which i dont. I'd rather meet up take a cup of coffee or something and just chat.
Online dating is useless and is rarely leading anywhere.
You speak so eloquently. Thank you for yet another great upload. Looking forward to the next one.
peter kung she does !!
The last time I physically dated someone: never.
The last time I online dated someone: 7 years ago and not planning to again.
-a 29 years old INFJ who hopes and believes that she will find her better half/best friend in the real world some day despite the century we live in.
You’re a female?
Same !
You're in my prayers. We'll find someone sincere 🙂
I concur
Online dating IS real world. One communicates with real people, they are all real. After a short exchange, people get to meet each other in real life and the communication becomes real.
Total agree. I find myself defining insanity with the online dating. I tried it so many times expecting better results, only to find what your are saying is the outcome. Failure. It’s exhausting.
Dating apps complaints:
-Women: complained about too many options
-Men: nothing but Rejections
"where are all the good men wahhh"
@@logwind is that a question or a statement?
@@auxiz11 statement.
This is one of the best VLOGS I have seen addressing this issue! She is spot on! There comes a point when online dating feels like Amazon shopping with the additional jaded feeling. For every 25 matches I know 15 won't reply, 4 will ghost me midway, 4 I will ghost and 1 will turn into a date with someone who feels like a completely different person than the image I had of her.
You just stop caring. It becomes mindless swiping and playing the numbers game.
Just got re-traumatized by an insecure man from tinder who knew what I had experienced in my previous relationship. Lies so easily, blocked me today for asking him why he's hurting me.
I've noticed that most people on dating apps and social media are always putting forth their best self. Kinda makes me feel like their life is so much better than mine because people are always smiling and looking like there having a great time all the time in their pictures. People dont put the vulnerable and ugly side of themselves online.
I agree that online dating is making us miserable. But when you are older, don't go to school anymore and don't like bars, there is no many more options.
Getting older for man is really hard for find girl again 😅 you too focus on your career and no time for find someone who wants serious relation, really bro, get girl earlier more good even when you're not working
Never thought of this, but so true. I’m horrible at making up my mind yet I have a dating app or 2 with too many options and opportunities for being hurt, let down, pleasantly surprised, etc. I’m a big time introvert, but I think I’m getting out of the online dating dilemma. If someone is meant to show up in my life, then our paths will one day intermingle, and what will be will be. Thanks for the insight.
Or you could go out and actually approach someone
Here’s the problem with modern dating:
No one knows why they’re dating anymore. That’s it.
But here’s what dating WAS meant to be: future marriage/family try-outs.
Take away the goal of settling down and starting a family - which is pushed on us by means of modern culture, economic situations, ideologies, individualism, etc - no one knows why they’re dating.
Dating is now a means to external validation, empty sexual encounters, insecurity management, oh and did I mention external validation? People browse “partners” like they’re figuring out which new car to drive. Show off your cool car to your squad and feel all cool and confident. Wait. Did Ferrari just drive by. .... you get the idea 😉
So not only has online dating given us too many options, no one knows what to DO with ANY of options they get.
Yeah I met a guy who was so happy with me but so afraid of showing me off. I was even told not to tell anyone :(
Goal of settling down and starting a family is pushed on us by individualism? Doesn't make sense to me, individualism seems like the opposite of striving for a family.
@@amalbakri4955 if he's not taking you out of the house he wants to have fun with you but he doesn't find you attractive enough to be seen with you in public.
I screenshot this; it will be added to my 'research of modern times' collection
You are so on point
Definitely true. The thing is that people never get the chance to see what a person core looks like. It’s kind of crazy and ironic considering that you have the chance to know more people and that should increase the chance of connecting with someone that fits. The problem is that it only distract us from connecting deeply. I kind of like meeting people in coffee shop, library or places where i can truly have the opportunity to connect rather than online dating apps.
It's more easier for modern people to find a hookup relationship, but harder to find a soul mate lol
The majority of men have the inverse problem the majority of women have in dating and dating apps.
When it comes to dating. :-
Women are spoiled for choice and it makes them miserable
Men are starved of choice and it makes them miserable
Enigmatic Spirit men are not starved of choice, they give away their power and agency and present themselves as low-value and expendable when they aren’t, precisely because of this societal idea that they are starved of choice/desperate. Men always have a choice, the choice to say yes or no to a situation, the choice to move on to discover someone new, and the choice to work on themselves.
Enigmatic Spirit so true 👑
Pretty delusional, more access to men for women equates to higher standards. In fact the men have actually been higher in status now in the west than any time in history. It isn't really the "fault" of women either, they are hypergamous naturally (which this video touches on). It's the natural sexual dynamic that women seek to pick from the top men and start choosing down. The problem there is when they have access to literally all men the roof for the "top" becomes that much higher and women find themselves able to be a fun casual night for a high status man but don't get commitment because every other girl is also trying to nab the high tier men. It leads to a dating market where the top men get everything and the average and bottom men get nothing and women get frustrated because no one they can get is good enough in comparison to who they imagine they want.
@@mmastylez
The inequality between men is far greater than inequality between women.
There are more rich men than rich women, but there are also far more poor men than poor women.
In short, there is no middle ground for men, you either make it or be expendable by society
I agree
I believe there is a lot of truth to the idea that people don’t value people as much because there are so many people to interact with. There’s also the fact that online dating completely removes actual interaction and physical contact. When talking to someone online that you have not met you develop an idea of what this person is like so meeting them in real life can have a lot of pressure.
Thank you Lana, it is always a pleasure to watch your videos.
I can totally agree and relate to this. I used to always seek for commitment,comfort,stability and such, but for a couple of months i tried to use a dating app and found myself being unable to even think about commiting to someone and always searching for more in a person
FOMO (Fear of missing out) comes to mind...🤔😑
The grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it.
Really wise comment.
As a 16 year old, various interests surrounds my thinking. Like I have many choices on what should I start working on, and I have an "imagined success story" for each of those choices that's making me overwhelmed. Thus, I fail to deal with those choices one at a time. Tasks would just stack up until none of it will be accomplished. This video reminded me to limit my choices to actually get the job done. Thank you, Lana:)
Ronniel Belandres Thank you for sharing that Ronniel. 😊
I love your videos, you always talk about such interesting topics. So happy that I found your channel! :)
Your editing is truly sharp and perfect
Thank you so much for this video! I just discovered your channel, and glad I did. I recently got out of a long term relationship so I don't think I will want to date for a long time, just want to focus on self improvement for a while, but this video was absolutely excellent. Yes too many options can absolutely ruin a person.
I'm glad you found your way here!
Really interested subject. I've never thought of it this way. Thanks for uploading this.
I feel like dating nowadays is a just a mess people give up,and don’t try when they hit a rough patch. Another thing is people are hurt and see you as a replacement because they can’t deal with there baggage plus this and the options. People just need to know who they are so they can learn they’re values and principles. Then once they meet someone who shares the similar things it will cause a connection. I’m in high school and I feel like the only one that understands ,so I doubt I’ll find a connection rn.
I think (based on my vast, vast experience of zero personal relationships) people have inflated impressions of what relationships will do for them, and what it means to be in one. If you go into them thinking solely of what the other person brings to you, like they're a Netflix show that you'll switch off the moment you see a better program to binge on, then you're in for some unhappy relationships.
The truth is the human mind isn't used to *this* many options being made available through the Internet. Programs like dating sites *can* be useful tools, like any form of communication, but like most things we aren't too wise about how we use such tools. As with most social issues, I suspect this problem is largely self-inflicted, due to people treating relationships which ought to be serious lifelong commitments as fun flings that don't have grave consequences for themselves and everyone else once kids enter the picture.
Yes! I believe what you said about people solely looking at what the other person is bringing them is often very true.
Right, I think a better mindset to have when dating someone is to expect that person to have flaws, and to bring these to the light by telling them the truth gently. I think you get to know the 'whole' person better through doing this.
So, I think a better mindset could be 'how can I add value to this person through telling them the truth, through the process of getting to know them'? I don't think fantasizing about relationships is helpful because it creates an image of who you think this person is that is not accurate to who they really are, and you miss out on getting to know the person through the process.
Dating sites are worthless. I met a guy a year and a half ago, hooked up and we live together. I told him this morning I didn't want to be with him anymore. He's a nice person but I don't want to have sex with him or anybody else any more. My energy is being stolen. No man is that important. I never asked him to fall in love with me. That turns me off too. I need my freedom. Thank God I am not married to him
0:23 omg that describes exactly why i feel the way i'm feeling. At the supermarket with too many options, it's overwhelming, just the way it is when there's so many potential matches to swipe and talk to on dating apps.
Me: I need a life coach 😩
TH-cam: recommends Lana Blakely
Definitely a satisficer! Keep up the good work Lana💓
hmmm I have to say in my own personal experience with dating i don’t have a problem with too many choices because i’m so picky that i very rarely even find a female that i actually want to be with and like so the choice is very easy when i do and the odds of me finding another one that may be better is low enough that it doesn’t bother me or cause an issue when i find one... if that makes any sense
The only reason you can be picky is because you look good. Otherwise you would be fked my man.
Hefnaheimer very true lol
At the beginning Bumble really helps with my self esteem, I was like wow I liked this hot and intelligent guy? So I started to know all this people that I never thought I was going to like, and ti just grows, I met a lot of people and I became their friend (and only that)m but with time it has become like, well if they just has something that I don’t like or don’t do something I considered “they have to...”, I just started to think, well there are more (and better) fishes in the ocean. So that’s how I started to become more heartless and cold with everyone, and what you said is so true. Now I have the feeling that this easy ways to find a perfect match, has ruined my way of thinking. I have enjoyed my bumble time, but I think I prefer a deeper connection, no just one that is so easy to have and (and drop off). I think I miss the old times when I guy actually, well, we fighted for a good relationship.
For me, it was the opposite. Dating apps completely destroyed what I had left of my self-esteem due to me not being a "hot guy"... Since then, I've not looked myself in the mirror the same way I did before because dating apps made me realize how ugly I actually am... And it's a man telling you that.
Yeah but once you start living together it shows.
I'm someone who is a little bit old school, I'm a satisficer. I tend to date one person at a time and when I like someone I like them and commit to that one person. Why would I look elsewhere? That seems a little self-sabotaging to me...
A lot of people say to "keep your options open" I can't do that. But on the contrary; if you keep your options open... if that one person rejects you, it'll probably hurt less bc you've got other people to fall back on?
@@InshasChoice That's a fair point, but I personally don't think having someone to fall back on makes it hurt any less when the person you like doesn't reciprocate those feelings back. That's my personal experience though and I know everyone is different.
@@Edanasaur Oh, it's hard to say and you're right each experience is different and personal to everyone. I hate getting attached, it seems inevitable for me
@@InshasChoice Yeah it is quite painful and disappointing when feelings are not returned. It's natural to get attached to people though and wonderful when the feeling is reciprocated.
Wow what an upload 🙏 thank you
A lot of people these days know the price of everything, and the value of nothing.
Ima keep a 💯 as a guy. Dating apps for a guy like me just lowers your self esteem. We already have a tough time with getting rejected with girls in real life. I'm a pretty nice looking guy but my tinder profile has made me believe I'm not that desirable due to the lack of attractive girls I match with. I feel that tinder is mostly catered to woman and give them more power. You have to be a perfect looking dude to get nice girls on your tinder it seems. That's why I deleted it so I can get real confidence by approaching girls in real life. It's hard but I'll be a lot better from it.
B. Rizzy21 ✊🏽
I feel like you talk more bluntly and you are more straightforward in these older videos. I like it
This was really good Lana, I think there's a dichotomy with online dating as while it's opened up opportunities, it's diluted the value of choosing a partner. Excellent job
After not using tinder for about 3years, I went back on it on the weekend but after 2 days I deleted my account and uninstalled the app completely as I just got far too overwhelmed - both with the choices and the lack of genuineness. Either intentionally or not, dating apps have totally made people more easily disposable yet the accessibility and possibility of meeting someone you otherwise wouldn't is greater.
Sometimes I use those apps and it's true that there are so many options, but I realized that I can't compete with those "best options" for women, meaning that there so are many men "in better situation" than me, and it really makes me feel worse, because I can't get what I want. And for those "better options" I don't get any response from any girls. Sometimes I get tired and so frustrated of it that I delete my profile, but eventually I come back because I can't find any other options, so it's like being in a hole and I can't get out of it.
There's another negative aspect too to 'shopping' online for love.. Most of the time, the person you choose is not living nearby, so people end up having to relocate and become sort of rootless. This travelling thing ends up with imbalance, one of the two usually ends up moving to live with the other, and this creates a mess.. one feels they have sacrificed everything and they are moving into an already established life where you are going to feel like an outsider. It has made a mess of things, in the past people would mostly meet in their own town, be about the same age, go on nice dates, no pressure to relocate or start living together, you have more in common culturally etc. It was more natural that way. Pffft.. Modern life. Your video is correct, the internet is crap for finding a partner, if I had to guess, I would say only 3% of people that meet online stay together and start a family. Bad investment of time and energy.
You re right
Interesting take my friend I'd be inclined to agree with you on the matter. However in regards to online dating it provides a sense of anonymity and the feeling of being a boss, like you create your future mate without even considering being suitable for them, almost makes for a very selfish generation. But alas the idea of having so many options to choose from as opposed to forcing yourself out there and mixing it up and discovering what is an overall better match for you is poisonous I would say and would make one a little on the paranoid side. We must go back to the old ways, our animalistic nature of going out, in essence on the hunt, find a mate that vibes well and build off of that. Considering no one is just perfect from jump
I've known this before, but didn't understand.
You explained it very well, thank you.
I am both satisfied with my choices and at the same time never settle with what I chose and strive for more
I’ve never used it. I’m an icebreaker in-person type of guy. But these days online dating seems to be the norm so it’s harder to meet people in person when everyone else is so accustomed to swiping away…
Love the flowers...
Roses and Tulips are my favorites,
but it is better to receive a plant that you can enjoy for a season or years to come
Meeting your future husband through family friends or relatives is better than online dating
Even in online dating, we don't know each other more deep like culture, big family, even religion
It seems to me there is one important aspect missing from this video: the understanding that all those people on dating apps are not really options; just because they are there, doesn't mean that you can actually choose one. And, you can't even consider matches on those apps as options you can choose from, because nothing tells you that they're available to you, or that there is chemistry between you and them. In short, it's an illusion of choice. Unless you actually get to meet and become close to two or more people from one of those apps, you won't really have to deal with the question of choice as described in this video (maximiser/satisficer). If you find yourself in such a situation as a result of using these apps, I don't think you're prepared for a serious relationship (or even looking for it) and you're probably evaluating people based on your own desires and not based on a connection you have with them. That means you're most likely looking for a casual relationship, in which case I don't see why you would be worrying about the problem of choice. This is not to say these apps aren't unhealthy, especially for people who lack self-confidence (and especially for males). The worse case scenario is when you go on evaluating these "choices" when you haven't even matched or started speaking to anyone yet. That's a clear sign you're looking for a real connection but can't handle the inferiority/superiority complex these apps promote on you.
Yes. Having too many options is similar to the situation with money. There are issues with choosing what to do with something that you abundantly have in your life. Also, at a certain point, there is going to be a feeling that receiving more of something no longer makes us happier. We might have the feeling of plateauing.
I think and plan like a Maximiser, but when it comes time to make an actual choice or decision, I am a Satisficer.
Good morning Lana! I am not sure what I am, but when a song comes on the radio that I like, I tend to listen without changing the channel. Unfortunately this morning I have an appointment to go to and I cannot at this moment elaborate and share more thoughts about the topic. Please have an excellent and awesome day! 🙂🙏🏻
The art of choice is a book on this phenomenon. Very good read. NYC has always been like this though. Too many intelligent, ambitious and attractive people in one space. Makes many feel they can always do better. I've heard Miami and LA are also like this.
Always appreciate a good book tip. Thanks.
Makes you wonder if we were better off when marriages were arranged.
Dating apps are destroying society, you can't even try pickup a bird in a shop these days because they have a million dating apps on the go. You could literally walk up to some chick you like in the shop try to make conversation and immediately get shut down then she'll walk away chatting to a hundred random guys on tinder and end up getting nowhere. I just can't anymore 🤣
I meet someone on Facebook....we fell in love....
However....it drives me crazy sad to see how many men like her.
I feel as if she might leave me.
I am a very confident man...
Yet this feeling of lose seems very possible everyday.
She seems uninterested at times ...as if as you say....one mistake I make and she is on internet.
I start to feel like I can not trust her now....
I start to do same as her...find virtual girlfriends....in case my love leaves me.
It is messed up.... love in modern world leaves me feeling very alone....worthless.
Dating apps are good to find people who you believe are more adaptable to your own culture. But it’s always better to be optimiser.
Your so satisfying to listen and to watch , your beauty is as much profound as your intelligence , hope there is more of u fr 💙
hi it's probably some time late. but i would like to share my thoughts on modern/online dating. i never used dating apps before, because i value relationships a lot and would want to get to know people directly in real life not online. but i guess the choices are so many on modern/online dating because the "searchers" are also many. but to lessen our choices, i suggest we learn about ourselves and know what do we want in our partner, or i would say partner criteria. it would lead to less choices which also (hopefully) lead to happiness because less choices, focus on our choice only, also we can probably match with the criteria we have made from the beginning. i learned that writing partner criteria also helped me to see red flags and not to (be forced to) accept it (because of "love"). anyway, great videos, Lana! thank you for making these kind of videos, those videos give me new perspective on things! :) warm love from Indonesia. ❤
Omg what you say is 💯 true! More options lead to unhappiness and a greater regret.
How do you find online dating, Lana? Or do you avoid it and opt for meeting people naturally?
It's not my cup of tea.
Hi Lana'' great job!! I have over the last few years been working on a few ideas of how young people can interact and get to know each other '' through interesting and engaging activities!! You have great thoughts '' Martin
I like your view on having to many options , surprisingly a lot of people actually are proud of having loads of options lol... I personally am not like that but this is the times now and I have no idea what to say in terms of modern dating
That's the issue and feels I'm having now and have had in past. It's made me numb to dating, giving me anxiety. Being a single dad it's been extra challenging, online dating doesn't get easier when you are my age, 40. I'm lucky to get alot of matches been on alot of good dates and dated but when I'm alone I'll always end up looking and swiping again. most women in 30s,40s know what they want and alot of them want children and or have children and don't have a slow pace of doing things, I feel most people have the same feelings of pressure, rushed, undecidedness. To many matches, to many conversations. Online everyone is disposable, which in the end makes everyone kinda numb to online dating and the process of getting there becomes almost awkward.
Imo the problem is that apps like tinder basically create statues of their users and let other users decide based on how the statue looks like and a short meaningless description, there is no room for bonding (unless you try to talk with everyone, which you won't). This is definitely way worse than dating someone you first get to know as a friend.
The Average man has no options online. all options are only available for the Top 20% of men.
Definitely agree with that
@@uncledrew7633 True. I am 30 - never had a girlfriend - every woman rejected me. And on Tinder an Co. I never had an option/match. Lifes hard and lonely man. I dont know what to do. Why does no human loves me. Cheers mates.
@@ceooflonelinessinc.267 keep looking mate.
I'm a woman in my early twenties and I swear no dude ever approached me. Ot Was always me who approached them and I've been single for over 6 years now. I'm used to being single but it feels quite lonely at times you know.
And online dating is nott my cup of tea. It's always been a disaster
Watching this in 2023 and this video is still as relevant as it must have been when you posted this first time
Tell me what I want to hear...
Aww....you're so nice, THANK YOU!!!
Online Dating has been terrible for me. Tried several apps and had nothing bad luck on all of them. In the least 3 years I’ve been using them I’ve only got a few matches and gone out with 3 people. What the issues lies is not my looks nor income, but that fact that I’m a divorce single dad. Now although it’s not a red flag to a few but to most it tends to drive away instantly. Really has lowered my self esteem, and makes me ask if it’s even worth the time anymore.
These apps are not worth your time and money. Studies show that only the top 20% of men on those apps get the women for the most part. Your better off meeting people face to face.
@@tkmaz207 1000% agree with you.
I think that you definitely have to know already what is a good fit for you. And if you feel real chemistry and see that your points of view match, well that's a blessing. Also, you can't judge about the persons qualities just within a dating or even within a few weeks. It's important to have a desire to learn about the person and being interested in knowing trully the person, as well as building real connection. I'm personnaly exclusive, if I see that I want to see the person more, it already means that I don't care about other options. Life is too short. Also, if the connection is real, through time it would be dishonest to still seek for other people. I found out that only people who are unsatisfied and insecure, are still seeking for seducing more people and getting more acceptance. But these people are just not the good ones for any relationship. at a point you have to decide if you want to engage in something more or just stop, that's my point of view. A lot of people are not greatful for just the simple things, so, I'm not sure if they would be grateful for beign with someon they genuinely find interesting. Anyway,..
Wow this also applies to shopping 🤔 For example, if I buy something I like I’m not completely satisfied and never stop searching for something better. I wish I knew how I could change that because I feel miserable as this always happens in different areas of my life 😪
it became same as marketing, when you buy something there are already 3 better options wating.
And yes it completely destroyed our society, cause number of single people is insane :(
We still have an abundance of options when in a big party. Difference is we see the real people but online it’s just so cold.
IMO: In any matter, understanding in regards to the product of a decision will always yield the best outcome. It is a matter of humility and gratitude. If we may humble the ego and acknowledge the value of the decisions we make, we open the door to being grateful for what has come to fruition. Of course, there is remorse for the opposing. I don't believe it is relevant to lessen the point to a song, but to other areas of life; how we treat our health, our belief system and its practice, our relationship with our family and friends -moreover our relationship with the world. I also believe that we receive in most cases what is likely. Those who search for material will receive material; those who search for spiritual will receive spiritual.
Since I found you channel I feel like I'm seeing your comments on every video I watch. Are you following me or are there ten of you? What's going on here? 🤔
Aren't mysteries fun?
I think is due to TH-cam Algorithm . Perhaps they know you interact with the content which Lana viewed and interacted with. Thus they show similar content.
Any person who likes to live out their fantasies? Almost always they will end up disappointed and get so miserable about it. Just take Princess Diana as example. (im not saying thats her fantasy) She did married the most eligible guy in england and what most girls fantasizes about.
The only way not to be so miserable in life? Is appraciating what you have around you and work on them and try to know them better. And do keep in mind, whats around you is there for a reason. Some will teach you a lesson that you will never forget and some will be to your advantage and what keeps your life bearable.
Observing people around you can teach you how to spot who are mr or ms bad news from people will be a good mate with good chemistry for the difficult future ahead not prioritize the one that you can show off and tell.
The person you are effortlessly most comfortable with and make each other a better person on any situation or predicament? is best choice for a long term relationship but it doesnt guarantee that it will be so. Being realistic of the reality of the uncertainties of life? Is the antidote to a seriously miserable life. Not blaming it to someone else, l ike big ass babies.
Its really no joke when people say, only fools rush in... for the gratificational reason of the senses ; )
Anyway, anyone who can withstand the bitterness of life that is out of their control and still fair and sane? Is what separates man and women from the animals and the automatons or zombies.
: )
Great stuff
That's just on point girl❤
Great perspective. Too many choices in dating partners (for women I mean - most men do not have that problem- only the top 10% of men do) reminds me of the dilemma of buying shampoo. There are like 30 to 40 different brands, flavors, etc of shampoo. It's silly. Too many options for something as simple as toothpaste too. Wrongly choosing shampoo or toothpaste is one thing, but wrongly choosing a life time partner is a big deal. Wrongly choosing a one night stand, not so much unless you choose a serial killer, baby trapper or STD infested person. Life is crazy today.
I don't trust online dating. I like knowing the person on a personal level.
Random question but is that your natural eye color or are you wearing colored contacts? Never seen a brown like that
No contacts, they shift a little in the light.
Most people have no real expectations for what they are looking for in a partner other than looking for someone that is "attractive and nice". This low bar sets them up for looking for something more (or better for them) in the future, especially if they become more attractive/successful/etc.
How I resolve this problem? I have a set of values and interests I expect my partner to have other than being attractive to me. These values may change in importance over time, but overall I will have main values that will stay the same no matter how much I improve my social value/attractiveness/etc. I am very specific about what I'm looking for so my options are already very limited so I don't really end up with the "too many options" problem.
From there, I can date them and see if they have the values that you can only really know about after being with them for a little while i.e. integrity and loyalty. At this point, they've cleared my expectations for a partner and if they are able to continue on that path, there is no point for me to look for someone else since there is a lot of risks involved (is this other person loyal? do they have integrity?) in switching partners. I already have certainty that my current partner is an ideal partner for me.
For the most part, I don't use apps like Tinder to meet a long-term partner anyways. But even if that were the case, the solution still applies, it just may not be the most efficient way to find my ideal long-term partner.
Just deleted my tinder. I do want something more meaningful. But sometimes my loneliness makes me hella desperate, just because I want attention so badly sometimes. I want to be able to find a good person. It’s just hard when your social life isn’t really big.
You are helping me a lot. u r my fav here in youtube
I would say not necessarily good, at least not how online dating have become today. I find that those who show interest, usually never reply to my messages, or ghost me immediately. It also makes me feel repulsive, and unattractive.
Definitely, I am satisficer 100%. Good video by the way!
I wonder if you can change from being a maximiser to a satisficer as you get older?
Aren’t we always getting older? Final conclusion of thought would mean the end of thought itself. If one believes that complete certainty can be found through thought, they will be bound to an endless search for a right answer. That is how the mind works. If you exploit the mind it will exploit you. One must have a little faith to follow through with action.
You are 100% correct