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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 มิ.ย. 2024
- Do you have a fear of intimacy? Do you push people away when they get too close to you emotionally? It can be scary to be intimate and emotionally vulnerable to someone. Having a fear of intimacy is perfectly understandable, especially if you have a history of failed relationships and emotionally distant or absent parents.
Are you looking for relationship advice on how to overcome the fear of intimacy? Before we get to the "how", we need to identify the signs first and understand the psychology behind the fear. If this video described you or someone you know, we've also made a video on the four attachment styles of love to help you understand why you or someone may fear intimacy: • The Four Attachment St...
#intimacy #psych2go
Credits
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Rida Batool
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Storyboarder: Yi Lin
Animator: Andrew Allan
TH-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
References:
Watkins, P. C., Woodward, K., Stone, T., & Kolts, R. L. (2003). Gratitude and happiness: Development of a measure of gratitude, and relationships with subjective well-being. Social Behavior and Personality: an international journal, 31(5), 431-451.
Thelen, M. H., Vander Wal, J. S., Thomas, A. M., & Harmon, R. (2000). Fear of intimacy among dating couples. Behavior modification, 24(2), 223-240.
Szymanski, D. M., & Hilton, A. N. (2013). Fear of intimacy as a mediator of the internalized heterosexism-relationship quality link among men in same-sex relationships. Contemporary Family Therapy, 35(4), 760-772.
LeFebvre, L. (2017). Ghosting as a relationship dissolution strategy in the technological age. The impact of social media in modern romantic relationships, 219-235.
Martin, J. L., & Ashby, J. S. (2004). Perfectionism and fear of intimacy: Implications for relationships. The Family Journal, 12(4), 368-374.
Did this video come out during the right timing? Did any of these signs describe you?
I show all of the signs and now I’m a little scared cuz I’m in a ok relationship at the moment and I don’t wanna ruin it ;-;
I haven't experienced it
Yes , all of them
How to change this ?
All are.. Idk.. If I have a actual fear for intimacy... I have All those sign.. And after realising it more.. I feel nervous.. It may lead me to a bad way too. But thanks for making it much more clear😔💜
@@priyawonderland Same...I, too, have all those signs.
“If you don’t heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.”
Deep
Very true.
Not if you stay away from others.
@@brianl8481 *taps forehead*
What does that mean
"The only person I can ever truly count on is myself"
That hit me hard.
But it's true.
It’s true. But my problem is I’m a plonker 😃
can't even do that.
It reminds me of the motto of some special forces like SAS or SEALS: "If you look for a helping hand, you will find it on your arm." It was meant to describe the fact these forces are the elite, the best of the best, so there´s noone more elite and skilled to save them if they get to some deadly dangerous situation. But it has always resonated with me perfectly even if I´m totally inept for military.
@@TheKlink It all changes the moment you appreciate yourself... Don't let anyone lessen you're worth, you deserve better.
I recommend you to play "Persona" and "Epiphany" and many more songs by BTS (talks about loving yourself and rlly helped me a lot)
What sucks for me especially is that I’m violently flirtatious lmao. This feeling of disgust whenever it comes to committing to relationships I’ve been seeing in the comments is something I resonate so well with. I’ve never been in a relationship before, never experienced any sort of sexual activity, and I’ve ever only let one person- my current best friend- know the disgusting gritty details of my cripplingly low self-esteem and how it affects me.
I get scared when people ask me “so what is this?” Or “what do you want to do with me?”, which is honestly so embarrassing bc I just flirt and think nothing of them or I catching feelings. Whenever I do catch feelings, I just bottle it up and let it die because tbh, I can’t see myself in a relationship. I’m really good at making friends, but the thought of being in a romantic relationship turns my stomach despite craving intimacy.
Thanks for stopping to read the memoirs of a donkey lmao.
Yeah, exact same flirty tease over here smh. Haha.. I am comfortable to the point of the "will we, won't we?" stage and then I can't bring myself to fully love that person. I will self-sabotage or start making them appear like a terribly horrid match so that my feelings for them wane until I can distance myself. Its not a great feeling at all, but I know this is something related to my childhood and how my toxic family treated me. But I have to work on it because I want to be vulnerable with someone, its just so hard and scary.
@@LuvCroissant omg samee
This channel brings us together
This resonated so much. This is so me. I believe most of it is a result of porn - I was exposed at 9yrs n its my only sexual exposure. I think the idea of anything past the pleasure is terrifying.
Super relate to this,.
1. You’re afraid of abandonment 1:25
2. You’re fiercely independent 2:05
3. You always fall for the wrong ones 2:50
4. You tend to be flaky (inconsistent) 3:32
5. You’re a perfectionist 4:13
6. You’re a workaholic 4:56
7. You sabotage your relationships 5:36
2,6 💯💯💯
I am all of the above
@@alana8088 release your emotional backage, friend..
btw do you have some sort of PTSD?
Thank you
i’m all omfg
“I can only trust myself “ that’s so true.
Me an intellectual: trust no one, even yourself
@@unknownperson8527 thanks I won’t and even now I dont
I don't even trust that i will do good things, i need help
That's totally true
@@_lemon._.pie_4286 see u have to trust in life one need to trust in some ways
When you’re scared of intimacy but your love language is physical touch 😍😍
SAME 🥲
FELT😭🤚🏽
Actually though… not me crying in the club rn somewhere in the dungeon locked within my heart… 💔
I’ve found my people
THIS AUSNIANSKAMZISMAA
Mine is , “ I have people in my life who want to show me love and intimacy but I get scared and push them away “
They are pushing you , not you
Yeah…and the guilt after .. if you’ve got over it and got some advice for me I’d be grateful
I never really considered it as having a genuine fear of intimacy, but I definitely have issues opening up and being vulnerable within relationships.. A part of me really wants to experience that deep, romantic connection with someone, but I have a really hard time talking about things that affect me negatively emotionally and mentally, outside of the relationship because I happen to have this ‘my problems are my own’ mentality, so I refuse to talk about those kinds of things with my partner because I want to ‘keep the peace’ within the relationship. I understand how harmful this is because it just makes my partner feel as if I don’t trust them enough, but it’s definitely something I’m still trying to work on 😪..
Also, I can be very self-deprecating whenever I get involved with someone who I feel is way too good for me. This is sometimes where self-sabotage comes in..
An afterthought lol: Just to be clear, when I say self-sabotage, I don’t mean cheating. But as in purposely distancing myself, becoming more emotionally unavailable, ghosting, etc..
This was just like me 😔
Literallyyy! 🥲 I struggle with being vulnerable and require a consistent safe space but even then I still find it easier to push away than let them in . Currently trying to work on this
damn, I feel so seen after reading this comment
this is very me . been wondering all these years thinking whats wrong with me . and then when the relationship ends . it brokes me no mercy 😢
“You tend to be flaky”
Me who went to one psychologist appointment and never returned because they know too much about me.
Bruh this is me
Ahahaha
damn thats got me feels
damn thats got me feels
I've been to lots of counselors throughout my life and I grew to hate every one of them for this exact reason.
i dont like being left behind, id rather be the one to leave.
Me too
i agree.
So relatable
HahHhahH
I thought I was the only one
Oof. That is me, minus the workaholic bit. It took me six months to even ask someone I like to hang out on a friends level. Being so scared of loss or rejection does not leave one open to the possibility of something that actually does work out. I definitely need to work on this in my life.
Basically, I avoid relationships because I am incapable of maintaining them. I just want to be left alone but there are times when I want a significant other but the truth is that's not a realistic option. There is nobody out there who wants to stay at home, say nothing and look miserable all of the time like I do. Nobody would find that attractive. I will always be a loner, which can be positive and negative. I find when I'm with people, I feel unhappy. As soon as I'm alone, I feel fine. No Serial Killer.
Bro this is literally me
Thats me ✋
Relatable
So me bro I just want someone to be home with 24/7 which is like unrealistic at this age
Relatable
when you‘re craving a person until you can actually have them, that‘s the point you‘ll turn and run
Yasssssssss smh hate it here
The self sabotage is real
Yep...i've been there.Kinda sucks
Yep! One guy keeps telling me about a girl who's always flirting with him. I tell him to ask her out. He says he's afraid of rejection. So he will never ask a girl out even if she is so obvious about her interest. I told him girls will only take that kind of ignoring them for so long then it's 'bye forever dude'.
ONG me
Anyone else feel sick when they think about actually being in a relationship and all that entails, but also incredibly lonely?
YES DEFINITELY ‼️
Yes
Yep
yes, i crave intimacy but im also afraid of it
Kind of feel the same, but to lesser degree for both. In my case I dont really feel the right type of feelings for people around me, I can not certainly say I feel romantically or sexually attracted to anyone directly, and have a hard time imagining what it would be like being physically intimate with each person, even harder being romantically intimate. I dont think anyone around is particularly interested in me either.
But part of me still want that intimacy sometimes, and I also want to find a life partner before my older relatives die, so I can still have someone in my life that I am actually close to. It would have to be someone I like and would actually enjoy life with. I think alone is still much better than a bad relationship. I dont expect perfect either in personality or appearance. Maybe a pet is better than a human, but I couldn't have something you need to train like a dog, since I dont have that in me (I still love dogs, but couldn't be the main responsible)
This has called me out completely and hit the nail on the head on every point except for being a workaholic. I tend to self-sabotage or try to put myself out there in the dating world only to disappear from it a day later. I hate the idea of being vulnerable with anyone because I'm too afraid that the other person won't want me anymore. It sucks being open about yourself only to be rejected afterward but my fear is in imagining the worst.
I’m going through this right now. I’ve noticed that when people seem to genuinely compliment me on something, my first instinct is to think “no way” and that they’re making fun of me, so I tend to make fun of them back for saying those things to me. I’ve tried to restrain myself when in text but when in real life it’s harder. I’m trying though…
One of the biggest reasons: insecurities about yourself. This is HUGE!
You're soo right!😩
That suck!
So true
:
It sucks.
While hearing all the time: You have to love yourselve in order to make others love you.
That sentence is so dicouraging.
I like how the main character has a plant on their head. They’re learning. They’re growing 🧡🥺
Love that for them 😌
Never thought of it like that! I like that insight 🥺
I really want to see the plant grow over time, and eventually be just a giant tree on their head.
@@ryandoherty4291 this right here
your name i’m crying
I’ve been intimate with someone like this. And after watching this video I found myself more empathetic to her and understand why things were between us. I feel that while most of these videos are designed for personal self growth and recognition of your own behaviors, it’s great to be able to see these behaviors in others to develop empathy.
Being afraid of intimacy despite never been in a relationship>>
I love being there for my friends, but I never ask them to be there for me.
@StarJayGaming 👁️👁️NPC energy?
@StarJayGaming is that a bad thing ?
Yes I rather be there for my friends but I try not to ask from them.
@StarJayGaming I think I'm that way I have trouble starting a conversation if ppl start one though it's easy.
They should be there for you
I would like to add 4 more:
8. never been in a relationship before and it's terrifying
9. feeling like you have too many unresolved issues to dump it all on your new partner
10. you can't stand hurting anyone
11. you feel pressured because of the assumption you 'should' be dating at this point
so I'd rather try to love myself first then try to love someone else :)
I realize all of these could be summarized into me being a damn perfectionist XD
Edit: .... i've realised I'm aromantic and asexual guys lol
It's so freeing to finally find a word that describes exactly what I was feeling. The reasons above were just me being hard on myself trying to find a reason why I didn't want to be in a relationship.
So don't be hard on yourself. You might just not feel romantic or sexual attraction like me 💚💜🤗
I agree with all of your additional points. I was going to add that a 12. "You haven't dated yet because you want to be "perfect" for you partner" but I think that would fall under perfectionist too. The whole entire video described who I am as a person XD I know it's considered a fear but honestly it's a way a life for me
☝🏽
A part of loving yourself. Is to come over our tendency to have superiority and inferiority complexes. By this i meen that this " self" you are going to love is a imperfect entity, thats always changeing. The japanese have consept of " Wabi-sabi" , thats about loving whats imperfect, asymetric, and often broken. It`s a idea that " natures nature" is to constant change to a kind of creative destruction and that this is the natural beauty of beeing sentient.
Only 11
😄
I’m scared of intimacy but I don’t want to be alone all my life.
This video is simply a description of my last relationship. I didn´t know why she did all those things at the time. Thank you for the clarification.
Why is it that these videos never seem to include the "never actually had a relationship" angle? I have been single and invisible for my entire life. I'll be 30 soon. A lack of experience can make something just as terrifying, but in a different way.
I can 100% relate to you. They should maybe make a video about this 👀💙
I can definitely relate to this a lot
sameeee (but also i have sabotaged potential relationships)
yes thank you
Same.
Sign 8: You clicked here and watched till the end.
No, i just broke with someone anxious, a beautiful creature, but i didn't feel connection sad enough :(
Yeah
Yeah
I watched it till the end because I have now found an explanation to behaviour of the person I want to date.
Nah just wanted a different perspective
OK, I already thought I had a fear of intimacy seeing how I can't open up to people, but now I know I clearly do.
I relate to *everything* !
First time responding to any TH-cam video... but it feels good knowing that I'm not alone... we all deserve love and be loved correctly... and I hope that we all find the that one person to give the key to our hearts, giving them the power to destroy and yet trusting them to not. I appreciate this channel and all that you do to help people understand more about ourselves..
I'm 22 and I've never been with a guy, the thought of being emotionally and physically intimate with someone makes me want to run for the hills even though it is something that I want
Edit: I can't believe how much this blew up and how many people struggle with the same thing, I hope we all find true love one day and learn to overcome this fear
I thought I m th only one... If I even get a hint a guy is interested or about to make his move... I run like I m being hunted.... N I don't know wht is the problem
@@kirorupa hahahah same 😂😂i can relate to that
@fennec fox damnnnn this is accurate
@fennec fox hmmm glad to know I m not alone...
@fennec fox SAME
Me: * already knows I’m afraid of intimacy *
Me after this video: * surprised pikachu face *
FREAKING SAME.
😂😂😂 same. And after everything fact, I’m like “hey, that’s so me 🤔”
This video was helpful to me. I fear intimacy for several reasons. I want to be in love but its hard for me to open up and trust people. I enjoy being at home now that I am in my 30s, but I will try harder to soften up and get out there and mingle more. Thanks Psych2Go !
I don’t think I’m afraid it’s just that I never receive any so I don’t know how to handle it, I want and ask for help from people I know but I get nothing in return. So I’ve been shown for my entire life that I can’t trust anyone, but that makes me the bad guy
What’s horrible is that I grew up in a normal childhood. My parents gave me a normal amount of love but I still turned out the way I am. I hate being touched and i hate intimacy. I cringe at very sweet and wholesome things that I shouldn’t cringe at and I feel so awkward and weird and I feel like running away when someone shows emotions. Every relationship that i get into makes me feel disgusted and weak so I purposely sabotage them to get away. I don’t know what happened to me. I don’t know why I turned out this way
Hey, just the fact that you're existing makes you important to me
Same it always makes me feel like I'm somehow overreacting because everyone else has had a horrible childhood/relationships. Nothing particularly bad has happened in my life and I still end up with this and other mental health issues.
@@lenyabellemare3918 What a lovely sweet thing to say!
@@soup5084 I'm like that too, my therapist told me that trauma can manifest in many ways not just big stuff like if u were a sensitive child and your parents were distant
it can also be genetics
anyways ur feelings are valid
Hey, been in a similar situation, with sexual abuse and whatnot. You can heal. It took effort and going through a lot of pain, but now I have a gf and we're doing alright.
This channel knows me a little too well, Luckily I managed to control my fear.
Thanks for sharing! We hope this video has helped you in some way! How many of these signs described you?
When a TH-cam channel knows you better than your parents.🙃
@@inky7714 That's true
Love that for you
hOw Do YoU cOnTrOl YoUr FeAr
I was always alone. Isolating myself from others, no friends, always alone at home. And i was fine with it. Just let me stay alone, its alright! I sometimes liked it. People means stress and discomfort. But i realized the idea of having someone by your side could be nice too. I don´t wanna die alone. So i worked on getting back in live. Speaking to people. And now i am in a happy relationship. I still fail about some important things like talking to them honestly, not trying to hide or push them away but im working on it.
...crap....i have all the 7 signs....I pity myself but now I'm more self-aware....I hope i can overcome...my struggle with relationships. Thank you psychtogo 💜
"The only person you can truly count on is yourself."
*true.*
“If you want something done you gotta do it yourself”
I always say that 😞 and I still believe that
I'm a go getter, yes indeed!
Or an amazing partner. Good luck finding one🙁
Indeed.
I always feel this weird, disgusting feeling when I get too close to somebody. I will fall for someone, work towards them liking me back and just be happy. But then, when they reciprocate the feeling and they want an actual relationship with me, I get that disgusted feeling. I dislike physical contact in any way, but i do crave it sometimes anyways. I always get told "oh its probably bc you dont love yourself enough", but i am pretty self-confident, self-loving and know my worth. I tried figuring out the problem, but I cant really find the solution. I am ready for commitment tbh, but I cant get away from this feeling. I think I just need to push myself through this feeling and do what I REALLY want to do instead of listening to my disgusted feeling, but I'm afraid I won't get rid of it after that and hurt my partner.
It's really a weird thing and I thought something was wrong with me, but seeing all these comments with people sharing similiar experiences really makes me feel easier and not alone in this.
So thank you all for sharing your stories here :)
Omg I relate to this sm 😔 why is it like that
I can relate with that, today I have a conversation with my "almost bf" about that, I just can't let go of this horrible feeling and this is destroying my love life.
Look into attachment styles! Check out fearful avoidants
I used to mask this as ‘getting the ick’ but you have explained it perfectly
Omg me too!!! I had this for ages until my latest relationship!! I wish I could provide tips but I simply learned to sit with the feeling and try not to run away :,,,) but tbh this change only happened when I was really ready for a relationship
Thanks for the great video. It's really helped me understand myself more. I'm debating telling my crush how I feel, I've liked them and known them for a while, but I'm more scared of entering a relationship than rejection. I know now my fear stems from me becoming so self reliant that those relationships scare me. Right as I hit puberty I had to really support my family and younger siblings. Years later I don't know how to let others in, to help, to love me in a special way because I don't know how to rely on others or allow new support
I can relate to 3 of these, after coming out of an unstable relationship i decided to focus on myself and work on what hurt me in the past.
"Having a honest emotional connection with someone scares you..." i felt that real hard
I feel like their going to look at me differently
I know it must be so hard to fight that feeling or that thought but right now I have weirdly strong feelings for somebody that I think sees it the same way you guys do.
I don't want him to be scared and I hope you won't always be scared too❤
@@fortunecookie8312 THIS!!! Someone else has said it! That’s my biggest fear when it comes to being emotionally vulnerable with people! They will look at you differently-that’s what I hate. I hate that. That terrifies me.
@@fortunecookie8312 yesss
@@astoldbynickgerr and they wont tell you but you can just see that they see you differently now😭💀
anyone else afraid intimacy because you’re extremely picky and intimacy never feels right bc they’re not like “the one”? i feel like i don’t relate to anyone and my standards are so high that i avoid everyone bc i know i can’t ever love them. it’s bad
you may be a demisexual/demiromantic, someone who only feels attraction to certain people, usually those more emotionally attached to you or that you feel more comfortable with
No one will ever feel exactly like you do, but I understand so much with them not being "the one" because I'm so naive that I end up liking people WAY out of my league, then find out they could never like me because I'm me. I'm sure you'll find the right person one day 🙂
I relate
Perfection is the enemy of good enough. Define your good enough, and then proceed with someone who meets that standard
Literally the story of my life. I find it so hard to genuinely crush on anyone. A lot of the time I feel like Ill be alone forever because I just cant be interested in anyone
This actually made me cry, because it described me perfectly! I am terrified of being loved just to be abandoned later on, I rather walk away first. And its so frustrating, I really NEED to get over it, But this is a fear that takes control over me sometimes.
That moment when you nod along to all the points, tear up during the last point and realize you have never been able to open up. Were always scared of letting others in. Have told them a lot about yourself only to act as if nothing was wrong. When you just tell everyone what you went through to seem like you are the perfect one without flaws. Man... this hit hard. Thank you Psych2Go for making videos this amazing.
Same reaction here... This video hits hard. Been trying to figure out if it's one of those horoscope videos where everyone can relate to things in this video or if I really have issues I need to work on within myself. Browsing the comments looking for next steps..
@@Will-nq1cn Sounds like the best idea my dude. I feel like these videos are a bit like the horoscope thing too sometimes. But something inside of me can just relate to these things so perfectly in more regards than just the ones mentioned in the video that it's scary 😂
there isn’t a day that goes by that i don’t get called out by this account
Out the box
Fr
Ikr
IK
i daydream about being in a relationship and how healthy it is but once someone is genuinely interested in me i get scared but i dont back off i like the sensation of knowing im loved but i dont want that love or have the mental stability to give it back
therapy might help you with this. can u try it?
Yesss. Like all I want is a loving relationship with my dream boy but when I have a chance of getting that I become scared because I don’t know how to do that or if Il be good at loving someone. And then I become scared and panicky, I have no idea why😭
Same. Other people are creepy to me.
Wow! This reminds me so much of my best friend, he was like this… very loving, we talked every day, I felt comfortable around him a lot. But when I asked him, “what are we?” I thought he was interested in me too cause he would flirt with me, send me gifts, and would say “let’s take things slow….” I was too shy to express my feelings, until that day I finally did. But he was blushing, nervous, panicky, he couldn’t say what we were… until finally he did, when told me “let’s just be friends, and maybe with more time our relationship might naturally process into something more”. We kept talking, I was hopeful… but not too hopeful. I like his company, and the fact that we can talk about anything, there is trust. But my feelings didn’t go away, and suddenly one day calmly with no nervous laughter whatsoever, he told me “I don’t see myself moving to you… I don’t see a future with you.” I was caught off guard, I started to cry, even though it was embarrassing for me to have to show this side of me but also I too was too in love to see the signs. Lesson learned: Focus on the actions. Actions speak louder than words. Someone can say they want a “serious relationship”, but if they are not taking steps to transform a friendship into something more then that doesn’t mean they are a “bad person” it just that they are emotionally unavailable. The last time I heard from this friend was on Tuesday, he called me and we had a friendly conversation like usual, like before that “confession” conversation since then I have not received a text or call from him. I see him online, and I do want to see him… but idk why I feel awkward about it, I didn’t feel like that before. The friendship is something special, during these 2 years we have known each other deeply, its beautiful knowing another who can have these long conversations on the phone (usually we would talk for 1 hour min) and realized, wait let’s carry on the conversation the next day, and even though I can’t ask him to be more than just my best friend… I still care about him. Usually in this situation, if I found out the guy I had a crush on wasn’t ready to give me more or simply did not share the same feelings, I let them go… I stay true to my word about not reaching out, it’s time to flip the page. But here… this situation feels different, possibly because it’s been 2 years of seeing each other mostly everyday, also we both have admitted to each other a this connection we have is something we both have not had with other people of the opposite sex. Is it time to close the book and open up a new one without him in it? Or do we keep talking to each other, not everyday like before, but just only as friends with no hopes like before? I feel lost… why is this so hard??
same
I cannot explain just how called out I feel after watching this. I have convinced myself that I am an independent person and that at the end of the day, it is only me who will stick with me so there is no point in forcing relationships. I honestly feel so annoyed when someone tries to get too personal with me after a while and I end up ghosting them because of that.I have excused myself by always saying im busy with work and studies and I thought that was a reason valid enough to not make any friends until this video.
This video speaks directly to me. As painful as it is, it’s very true. I’ve never been able to be in a healthy relationship, especially when it comes to the issue of men. I was sent to boarding school at the tender age of five,an experience that didn’t do me well. I was very attached to my family, especially my mother so going away from her created much upheaval in my life. This filtered down into my adulthood, leaving me in a state of disarray. I’m trying to get past it but it’s not easy. Of course, I’ve come a very long way from where I was but the process is endless. To those of you who may be going through such an experience, just keep moving forward. Take life one day at a time and aspire for the best relationships you could possibly have. Blessings always.
It can feel threatening to feel that we are letting people in and that they would be able to see what we perceive as flaws or imperfections. But in reality, we are the harshest critics of ourselves, and we are truly worthy of love. ♥️
Thank you for sharing! This is so true
@@Psych2go It was awesome:)
Love? Never heard of her...
+FindingAwesome *True in spades for me -- as an autistic, I have a **_strong_** sense of exactness.* Recently I purchased a presser foot (ex-Peerless vibrating-shuttle sewing machine) for my White Model 1 (a Family Rotary in a redesigned shell), found it too tall and too set back; getting it to the exact shape for the Model 1 (viz., with the bottom parallel to the needle throat plate over the feed dogs' entire compass of traction) took a week. "Falling for the wrong ones," however, doesn't apply; I's never able to initiate an interpersonal connection without my several special interests.
Well said !
1) Fear of abandoment 1:20
2) You're overly independant 2:02
3) You always fall for the wrong ones (for toxic people) 2:48
4) You tend to be flaky 3:30
5) You're a perfectionist 4:14
6) You're a workacholic- you use this as an excuse to avoid people 4:55
7) You sabotage your own relationships 5:33
thank you 💗
Signs you have an emotional connection. me and my guy friend . 7 signs you are afraid of intimacy. Also my guy friend 😄
I'm none of those, but am scared and repulsed (and other negatives emotions) by romance and sexuality with humans. It leaves me very lonely.
thanks!
My crush has some of these signs. Maybe that's why she's pulling away from me ever since I tried to get closer to her. We are good friends otherwise.
EDIT: She recently expressed that she does not have feelings for me or anyone, and she is now unsure whether to even continue the friendship. She also mentions that she has a hard time with confrontation and speaking honestly about her feelings.
I did not know I had a fear of intimacy until now. A lot of these signs I actually have, which makes sense why my trust issues are still strong. This video definitely helped me out 👍🏽
This hurt like a brick. But isn't this the point? Therapy hurts and knowing about yourself hurts, that's how you start healing. Like a scraped elbow, it hurts because it's healing. Thank you so mucho for these videos. They help a lot.
Love for you and all your friends who help with the videos.
I'm 17. I'd rather ace my studies, go to good college, have a great job and possibly buy a house, THEN I'll find a partner for myself. Some people tell me it might be too late to find love by then, but I'd rather learn to be independent first than be dependent on someone that will possibly leave you anytime. Or maybe I just have trust issues lol
You are totally right. It’s better to find someone after you have got what you wanted THE MOST. Cuz as we progress, we change. Who we liked a year ago may not be the one we care about today. It’s okay to be independent and also depend on your partner. I hope you achieve all that you want.
This is so me. Dating is overrated anyways.
Don't shut it off entirely though. Focus on building yourself up but keep an eye out for a good partner, there is never any guarantee of when you will meet them.
Yes, I've found someone who thinks the same as me:))
I’m now in my third year of college still focused on my goals and still single :) you’ll be okay. Time after high school goes quicker than u think. I’m almost in my 4th year. It’s good that u have goals and are focused. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. Also time ever relationships are an addition to ur life. Don’t let it be a distraction haha
If I like a guy I will show interest in him but as soon as he gets closer I’ll ghost him and not be around or even start hating him because of that
Same here
Dude same lol it’s so crippling
A lot of that has to do with attachment styles. Remember that chemistry felt with another person = familiarity, so depending on what was familiar growing up, we will crave and seek that familiarity as adults even if it is unhealthy. That's why some are attracted to toxic people. Having people be distant to me was familar I childhood, so I experienced similar things where I would be interested in distant individuals until they started reciprocating that interest and then I would 'leave' because oop- that ain't familiar so therefore the chemistry I felt is gone now. Took me a while to realise that I had unhealthy programming and have been working on it and it's changed my life and relationships with people.
@@NK-vs3je wow that is 100% me! I always felt more comfortable with strangers than the people that I actually knew. Its fuc... sick. I reject anyone who is trying to get close to me. And I can strike a convo with literally any stranger on the road. I have hurt a lot of people unintentionally. My relationship with nature and animals is so wonderful and comfortable. I alow to open myself up to that love without thinking of repercussions. I love to suffer when it comes to them because I know that their love is pure and unconditional and zero baggage. Actually that is also because my dad acociates animals and nature with the most extraordinary beauty and it should be loved and cared for without question. But i was also told by my parents that even when I was a baby I was just obsessed with animals. Anyway sorry for rambling. Maybe one day one beautiful day I will be able to open up to humans and experience what is love from them. ❤
.
This whole video was spot on down to the details exactly how I am with and around people. It’s a defense mechanism for me cause I can’t trust people nowadays, so I try and avoid them. I scare people away cause it’s hard for me to find someone who likes me for who I am and for my personality, not for looks or for what I am only. But sadly most people that I come across do the exact thing I don’t want them to judge me by. It sucks so that’s why I keep to myself all the time.
If you've been hurt multiple times by "opening up" and being "vurnerable", especially the ones that you consider the people closest to your heart, fear of intimacy or not, this is still an absolute win for me.
1. You're afraid of abandonment 1:23
2. You're fiercely independent 2:02
3. You always fall for the wrong ones 2:47
4. You tend to be flaky 3:30
5. You're a perfectionist 4:12
6. You're a workaholic 4:55
7. You sabotage your relationships 5:33
ty!
HOW
Time traveler!
This guy: *I AM SPEED*
I expect number 1 and I'm not number 5 any more, but definitely the rest
Me: *thinks I like a guy*
Guy: I like you
Me: I like you too
Guy: cool *starts being more open with his interest in me*
Me: wait no
Edit: got into a relationship with him. A lot of unresolved issues made me unhappy, he ended up dumping me.
my cousin feels the same
This is so meeee
I complain about being single... But kinda get scared when someone comes too close
This makes me realize how damaged I am😭
So me 🤧
Same here😅😅😅
This was so helpful thank you. I have a real opportunity to be in a healthy relationship and I don’t want to sabotage it or be flaky and I get so scared but this helped me a lot.
This video has really helped me understand myself a bit more, thank you
i fear intimacy so much (not only romantic or friends relashionships but also my own family) bc i dont want to be a bother yk? ppl always say "you can talk to me whenever you want" or "i am here if you need" but what if they just said that to be polite? what if they didnt really mean that? i am able to reconize what i am feeling, reconize my pros and cons, so i dont really *need* to talk to ther ppl about what i feel, but sometimes i really, really want someone who genuinely wants to hear me out. i feel like my "problems", my personality and my experiences are not valid enough to talk to other people about it without feeling guilt or embarrased...
omg same. my friends always say that they are there for me and that i can just call whenever i need to talk, but i've never called. it feels like they're just saying it for the sake of it. i hate myself for feeling like this, i just end up never reaching out to anyone and then i complain over why i'm so lonely when i did this to myself. i feel like i'm invisible sometimes
@@clau6023 im so sorry you feel like this. dont worry bc that is definely not your fault and i really hope that one day things are going to get better for both of us 💗
Omg I relate to this soooo hard
I can relate to this too.
@@floatingideas3226 I relate to that too
Honestly, I don't have the slightest clue what to even do in a relationship..never have had one, not sure what/if I'm doing something wrong..can't be everyone else all the time. I don't know how to be in any sort of romantic relationship..being single is all I know how to be
I’ve said this so many times. It’s so hard for many people to understand what I mean when I ask “what do you even do in a relationship and how do you be a girlfriend to someone?” I legit can’t wrap my brain around it due to lack of experience and severe fear of intimacy lmao
This is one of those things that no one is born knowing, and no one teaches you. You just sort of learn though years of trial and error. It sucks, because it means that the only way to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend is to have already spent years being a bad boyfriend/girlfriend.
It’s like friendship but more intimate. It’s when You’re Friends Witz this Girl and the n suddenly think it would be nice to kiss her so you do. And if you keep doing you well then that’s a relationship
You're overthinking this way too much, dude. When you're in love, everything comes so naturally that you don't even realize what you're doing half the time, you just sort of go with it. No-one knows how to be someone's S/O, there's no rulebook: we only know how to be ourselves and someone else comes along and thinks we're good enough for them to be themselves around.🤷🏻♀️
Same here..
I'm hold myself from being vulnerable around people specially my close ones. Intimacy opens the door for vulnerability and yes I can say that I fear being 'too' intimate.
It's such a factual and read-my-mind video, indeed. Thank you for your amazing production.
It's really strange... like I don't want to be single for the rest of my life, but each time I'm starting to have feelings for someone, I try to run away... I'm scared of "loving someone", I'm scared because I don't know what to do in a relationship, how to show my love for someone... that's frustrating because sometimes I have a big crush on someone, I think about him everytime, everyday but I'm trying each time to put barriers all around my heart, cuz I don't know anything about love.
@Super Nova 😭😭😭😭I'm not the only one 😢
@@extrashotofespresso_ I used the death of my grandpa as an excuse to break up with my bf. He was too close so I pushed him away. I even loved him but idk why i avoided him.
Me too:(
Same here
...didn't you all were loved before?
I never thought I had intimacy issues until I met the guy I'm with now. I felt uneasy when he's so vulnerable with me but now I know why. Especially because of my failed abusive relationship I tend to only rely on myself and no one else. I even admitted to him once about my feelings with him I just need to work on opening up more and I'm so glad he's patient with me. And now that he knows my history with my ex I'm surprised he hasn't abandoned me. Having him be so nice to me felt weird and at the same time I cry on the inside that I'm so grateful to find someone who understands me without having to say much. 💜
Im so happy for you!!!
A keeper! Happy for you!
🙌🏽
This is more or less the situation with my new male friend, but if I feel I'm being pressured by anyone, I'll back off and cut contact. 🍒
Happy for you and your mate.
Just had a intuitive counseling session and then this pops up in my feed mysteriously 🙏🏽☺️ WOW! Confirmation ✨
I have been governed by this most of my life. This video described, captivated and encapsulated to a tee my fear of intimacy. This video was posted a year ago? Never too late to be healed.
I’d rather be single and independent than settle with someone who doesn’t feel 100% right
that's a really high expectation for your partner! 😂
@@shui1223 someone that "feels 100% right" does not mean someone perfect, it means someone that's a good match for you, with a compatible personality and that makes you feel better by having them in your life. Isn't that what every romantic partner - if you plan to spend your life with them - should be about?
@@maxconrado8 thx for clarifying! i just thought that if it was like what u said, maybe ur partner should feel abt 80-90% right most of the time, because in my opinion, 100% sounded like a pretty high number
Right on
me too but idk, I feel lonely af
I just always believe that at the end of the day, people always leave and no one truly cares. So just expect and be ready for them to leave.
Some of us care.
Keep your expectations low and you will never be disappointed.
Honestly same... I have a fear of opening to friends about this because I feel like I already know they can replace me and move on with ease tbh. I know most of them can’t fulfill my needs, so it’s just like why-even-bother mentality. And the ones I leave behind bc they were extremely toxic, have the nerve to keep coming back... it’s always the wrong ppl that want me :\
This is such a mood
@@Peachy.Greenz same man
I'm literally all 7 of these. Been dealing with it since I was a child. Almost 27 now. I think it's time. I'm going to try therapy (again). I hope if you're reading this you do the same and some day have something special with someone. God Bless you.🙏
This video is so hideously accurate that I just can’t help but laugh. Almost every single point hit the target. But I also feel like I’m not perfect enough to be with someone. I might seem like I’m already “perfect” in the way I act around someone I want to be in a relationship with but I always end up pulling away because (going along with what the video said) I’m scared they’ll see the flaws I tried so hard to cover.
OK WTF
I have NEVER
been called out harder than this
I just started watching and the vid hits me with the "The only person i can count on is myself" IHDZEFRGJ BRUH
BRUH I KNOW :'k
same, the whole vid called me out😭
I can't agree more it's crazy how accurate this was describing me...
My heart just broke. Everything on the list...is me.
Wtf bro
Reading comments makes me feel so much better like I’m not alone. All of my friends have dated and I cant ever seem to keep talking to someone for more than a week before I ghost them bc I think they’re getting to close. I definitely have a fear of getting too attached and not being in control of myself.
I feel you. I am at this confusing stage where like this is who I truly am but I’m forcing myself not to be and I remember I hated giving people any form of physical affection because it made me cringe and I can really relate to these comments. Like I guess showing I like someone makes me feel weak and they can use that to their advantage or something idk. I guess I like the feeling of control better and even then if I know someone likes me I won’t ever pursue them. I actually don’t feel as bad anymore about not having a bf. I felt like a loser or like no boys ever liked me but honestly I have never in my life told someone I liked them or tried to be in a relationship. I also tend to ghost people even my friends for a couple weeks then I talk to them. I just hate feeling like I’m responsible for someone. But if I had a bf I would probably let them know it would be an open relationship just for the fact that I feel bad that I won’t be able to give them what they probably need. Idk lol. I know it’s random that I commented on your comment but here I am. Anyways have a great day
@@strawberrydaurto3366 I think one of the most important things I’ve had to realize is, friendships and relationships aren’t a responsibility. They are an equal partnership, where both people receive love and care. Humans are social creatures, and even if it’s scary, eventually opening up to people will help make your life better. It’s also important to remember that you aren’t the only one feeling the way you do, so many other people do as well. Anyway I hope at least some of this helps, I hope you have a great day too!
thank you so much for this video. tday i found out that i may have a fear of intimacy and this video gave me the hope that I could overcome it. im going to start working on this. thank you again.
Thank you for creating this content! I’ve been struggling with this and even though not everything on the list resonates, I think that I’ve found sufficient evidence to support that I have this problem to some degree and I’m hoping to take the necessary steps to heal this part of me. Thanks a lot!
yes, but I still don´t see why I NEED to have a relationship? everybody acts like this is the one and only goal in life
I don´t get it too. Not everyone´s goal is to have a relationship and I think thats perfectly fine.
I don't think it's just talking about romantic relationships but also friendships and relationships with family
Thank you!! I understand that from a survival and evolutionary perspective it was necessary but were in the 21st century. We have the capacity to feed, shelter, and protect ourselves. It should be an option not an obligation or need to look for a partner.
No you don't need it. You want it or don't want it. But it's nice to have a relationship and it spices your life up.
Only 30% of your happiness can relationship fill.
The majority of the video can be applied to friendships etc
I’m just sitting here like how can you not be afraid of intimacy I mean those you love you the most can hurt you the most so.....
Especially if they have been the ones who hurt you in the past
damn there is something in what youre saying. especially when your parents fight.
@@Elfenbein_ aka my entire “family” I was suicidal for years and never understood why til I left her (my moms house) I just want to start over in life without dying 😭
That’s been my experience
i think this is the most called out i've felt with one of these videos
I didn’t think this was me before watching this video, but I decided to watch it anyway just to make sure. After watching it, this actually sounds like a perfect description of my ex. Knowing her history, it makes sense that she would have a fear of intimacy, but I don’t really have the same fear despite having low self esteem. So whenever she would do things to avoid getting too close to me, I always figured it was somehow my fault, and then I would think about all the things I don’t like about myself to explain why someone I care about so much would want to push me away. Eventually we separated, and I suggested that we could just go back to being friends without all the extra baggage, and she said she doesn’t usually keep in touch with my exes, but it was fine if that’s what I wanted to do. She was my first partner, so I thought it would be nice if we could move past it all, but since then she’s never put in any effort to even talk to me, even though we’re in the same college class and have been sitting next to each other for two hours at a time every day for several months, and I often try to start a conversation just to see what will happen. Up until now, I thought it was because she just didn’t like me, even though she hasn’t said so. I think this video helped me realize that it never really was entirely my fault, not that I need to start blaming her for everything.
when you want a boyfriend but you have social anxiety;-;
How many of these signs described you?
Be careful. Don’t rush into a relationship. You’ll just be unhappy
Trust issues
...and you’re a dysfunctional / broken human being
Trust issues and being insecure. :(
I’ve felt like something is wrong with me, because every time I like someone and they start liking me too, I run away and come up with excuses. I feel like I can’t breathe when someone comes too close…
Same happened with me too!
@@D_Shivani noone asked 😡🤦
@@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 no one told you 😏
@@D_Shivani you did lil kiddo 😡
@@fighterinmkiwiscience3517 calm down kiddo 😂😂
I really needed this. Thank you
I can relate so much to this video! I didn’t even notice I do some of these thing. Whenever someone gets to close too me I tend to block them out. My crush started to talk to me last year and we talked for weeks and we were getting really close and he was telling me how he felt about me and I panicked and haven’t talk to him since then. He tried sending me streaks on snap and I had to stop all my streaks just so I could tell him I don’t do any streaks anymore💀 I don’t feel comfortable when someone gets too attached to me, it freaks me out cause I feel like I won’t meet their expectations or I feel like I’m faking it with them, idk it’s confusing.
Ghosting my friends after communicating with them. I have never been called out so blatantly
Same
This video is a reminder of how I missed half of my life creating happy and meaningful relationships from other people. Because I am too afraid of intimacy, I never had a romantic relationship with a guy for 27 years. though they like me but I always tried everything to pushed them away. But thank God I learned to value myself and others gradually. I am always praying that I will overcome this fear and fortunately by next week will have my FIRST DATE for the very FIRST TIME. Wish me happiness guys. Hehe
Congratulations to you and good luck and enjoy!!!!
Awww good luck! Hope it all works out great and you manage to overcome this fear ;)
That's nice change ...congratulation 🙂
Good luck!! have fun and enjoy yourself :)
Soooooo....... what’d you do to overcome this fear of intimacy / problem with avoidance?
Yes yes. Yes they do. I can relate to this so much. I lost my father at a young age, the lost my grand mother and my uncle in the later years. I think these played a big role. Also when I was young, I remember, when I used to get sad or cry, I did it by myself. In front of nobody else.
I feel so called out but I definitely needed to hear this
Me: I'm doing my best to hide my emotions and personal problems
Also me: Why other people aren't understanding me?
Literally
"The people you care about"
Jokes on you, I'm so avoidant of intimacy that I refuse to care about anyone. Cant get hurt if you never get attached
Facts. 100%
Yay! I'm not the only one! Goo team!!
Im not even attached to my siblings or parents!!
@@morbidmarz3710 same here! I've got two friends. One I work with. The other I go camping, hiking, etc with. That's literally it. Not a single other person.
@@jaybird0312 yea, the only 2 friends I have, are my 2 kids.
@@morbidmarz3710 that's good! It's much better than what I've got. You've got someone to give love to and receive from. I don't even have that unfortunately. But hey, life goes on.
I've been in several relationships where my feelings or opinions were neglected and it left a mark on me. I built walls around me and always though to myself that "The only person you can count on is yourself". And when this exact quote was shown in the video I stared blankly and gasped for air. As of now, I am in a 6 month relationship with a girl that does not compare at all to the girls I've been with. She is levels above them. I love her dearly, but she is noticing this insecurity and sabotage feeling that I emit, even not purposefully and she became distant.. emotionally and physically. But from today I say, NO MORE. I am going to push through this. Tomorrow me and my girl are going to talk and I am will be my absolutely true vulnerable self. Wish me luck everyone.
UPDATE PLEASE, did it go well ?
@@aichamonteiro So much changed since I wrote this. It was never about insecurities that could not be talked over with the girl I mentioned above. We broke up that day. 4 days later she was with someone else. She gaslighted, blindsided and broke me. 5 months later today, I still hurt. And she's still with that other person.
The first day of 9th grade I SWEAR i saw this boy and i fell in love. we didn’t talk for like 3 months until someone decided to tell him i liked him. at the time i was really mad, and now i realize how childish that was. When you want something, make it known. We talked for a few months and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. i didn’t really realize it then, but i have intimacy issues. At that point i got scared and rejected the opportunity. He was patient with me and we kept talking, but eventually i just “lost feelings”. i don’t know if i ever really did lose feelings, or if fear just made me push them away, but i eventually told him i lost feelings. i was a complete jerk to him, and 4 months later, i regret EVERYTHING. I realize i messed up, and i missed him. i know he said i could always ask him for help when i needed it so that’s what i did. i told him i missed him and i apologized to him for treating him like garbage. he was really distant at first but we’ve been talking a lot lately and i’ve heard from a LOT of people that he caught feelings for me again. i know i like him but at times i find myself trying to get distance from him because i get overwhelmed. he’s never done anything to hurt me and i trust him more than anyone, so why am i so afraid of getting close to him? i’ve grown and matured a lot over the past year, and i’ll never make the same mistake. i’m trying to push the fear aside and just enjoy the connection but i always find myself overwhelmed and stressed about everything. help 😭😭
This is what I did in your situation. I said to myself "let's try and see, let things flow, I will give myself some time to be sure of what I want". I was very stressed for a while, then the revelation came. I had finally fallen in love for real and I was ready for the relationship and it eventually started. Now I'm not afraid anymore.
Take your time to ignore your fear and try to see what it is like. Then you can decide if you want it or not.
Be honest with him. Tell him he means a lot to you, but you're afraid of commitment(whatever wording/feelings fit best for you), and allow him to reassure you if he is serious about you. Sometimes you gotta let it out to the person you're most afraid to tell to be able to move on/forward.
"Do you sometimes ghost your friends after spending some quality time together?"
Damn how can I deny that? HAHAHAHAHAHA
its not funny, its sad...the people who are your friends deserve better treatment.
@@Dee-mc4qg we just don't want to bother them
@@franacha if you ghosted them you already bothered them too much. Its too late if you opened up once and when it was becoming close you ran away leaving them hurt and confused...
@@Dee-mc4qg It's not like you won't see them again, you need time to reset your head, maybe a week. But mostly people doesn't get hurt that easily, I have a few friends and I can go like a month without talking to them and then we can just hang out like nothing
That's how I've been for the past few years now...
Self loathing is probably my biggest barrier. How could I ever expect anyone to love and cherish me when I can’t even love myself? I would’ve never imagined the trauma I experienced as a child would’ve wrecked my mind and my life so much.
Same worst for me as my mother was the perpetrator...now I lack empathy towards women n men don't exist to me.
Self loathing, yeah I know it well.
I'd recommend sharing it with someone that's not going to be repulsed by your story. I used to have the same issue and confiding in another person made a world of difference.
Bro ik exactly what your going thru
Great video. Well explained.
The thought of loving someone strikes a sense of deep panic in my heart. It’s not that I don’t want love or don’t want friends. I just don’t want to be used, to be hurt again, to be clung on to like I’m some beat up teddy bear. I don’t want to let someone in just to see them grimace at my wounds. My best friend has helped me with physical touch but now I’m the only one who can get myself out of this ditch. I’m terrified of even making new friends. I don’t know what to do :(
“Fear of Breakups and other past experiences”
I literally haven’t dated anyone in my entire life, I only hear stories of how spouses ruined their partners’ lives, plus experiences of friends and relatives assured me it’s best to not depend my life on relationships.
It's fine to feel that way, most people don't want to get their feelings hurt by someone they trusted so much. The best advice I could give you is to find someone that wants to be there for you and someone you want to be there for.
I felt the same, and it's not just from friends and relatives, it's from my own parents who thinks they're good at hiding it, little did they know I've been hearing it ever since I was a child.
Wait till you feel it in your gut, then follow your heart.
They just found the wrong partner. Find someone genuine that you are certain you can put your trust into.
Amen 🙏🏾 lord.
Not afraid of intimacy, just afraid of opening up to the wrong person, while having healthy ways of developing yourself.
Exactly
Agreed
Jesus, what can I say about this one?
Opening up to the wrong person and learning from your pain hurts less than trying to repress your need for intimacy. I felt the same way and uncontrollably developed strong feelings for someone who was opening themselves up for me, I tested the water for a couple months and kept them at a distance until they stopped talking to me all together and I'm still miserable
@M'am this is a wendys to the wrong person...
Great video and love the animation! ❤