Rejection and engulfment 0:44 Fear of abandonment 1:33 Avoidant personality disorder 2:19 Childhood sexual abuse 3:11 Previous abuse 3:45 Parent neglect 4:42 Separation and over dependence 5:51
Communication is key. See, that's the thing. No one wants to communicate anymore. We'd rather just pull away and avoid talking about what's bothering us.
I don't avoid intimacy, I just don't wanna weird her out or make her feel uncomfortable. Edit: I have genuine feelings towards someone and I dunno what to do about it. I hate myself for having emotions.
I see where you’re coming from and that’s very kind of you to take her comfort into consideration. As someone who is afraid of physical intimacy and has had to discuss that with partners in the past, I believe communication is key, as this video noted. Your wants and needs are valid, and the right person should be willing to at least have a conversation with you about it.
This is 100% me, though i managed to somehow get myself a gf Didn't even last 2 weeks and a few months later some stuff happened and i said the wrong thing and she blocked me a few months ago now
0:45 Rejectiion and engulfment. 1:32 Fear of abandonment. 2:19 Avoidant personality disorder. 3:10 Childhood SA. 3:44 Previous abuse. 4:43 Parental neglect. 5:49 Separation and overdependence.
it hurts when kids at school say things like “you’re not funny”, “EW”, “I don’t even know you”, or “no one likes you”. Like bro I’m a person too and when they say that kind of thing because you can’t really fight back especially when they’re popular.
Don't waste your time, energy or feelings on them. They are probably insecure af and are not gonna even matter in a few years. Just try to make the best memories you can as long as you're there, whilst ignoring them.
0:43 - rejection and engulfment 1:31 - fear of abandonment 2:19 - avoidant personality disorder 3:10 - TW; childhood s**ual ab*se 3:43 - TW; previous ab*se 4:42 - parental neglect 5:48 - separation and over dependence hopefully i got all the points right… anyways have a great dayy 💗💗
Summary with timestamps 😄😄 0:43 rejection and engulfment 1:31 fear of abandonment 2:19 avoidant personality disorder 3:07 childhood sexual abuse 3:44 previous abuse 4:42 parental neglect 5:48 seperation and overdependence
1. Fear of rejection 2. Fear of abandonmemt 3. Avoident personality disorder 4. Childhood sexual abuse 5. Previous abuse 6. Parental neglect 7. Separation and overdependance Ngl I have some of these and Insecure of my kinks and thinking they will abandon or laugh at me
@@Psych2go ur welcome I'm finally first thank you for this!! Even tho some videos are kinda uncomfy since I I aslergers and don't like change much but I push myself to get better or at least know myself better thank you for being so helpful for all of us! Ps: I saw one of ur vids in health class
When you hit me with the "Is extremely avoidant to intimacy but is simultaneously craving it", I damn near spat out my drink. That was such a stellar explanation of how ill have been feeling in closer friendships
all this is me. im an avoidant, i crave intimacy but i avoid it completely. i had such a lovely partner and i never questioned their love for me, yet i was still so afraid of being dumped, or lied to. I had trouble trusting, even though they deserved all my trust. it ruined our relationship and they fell in love with their friend a few months in, but didn’t tell me til much later (december 2022) and i was so heartbroken i stopped taking care of myself. I haven’t spoken to him in a month and I feel so lonely, and so much regret and guilt. i wish i saw these videos before we began dating
It’s sad to see so many people relate to these points (including myself) but I truly hope being aware of it is enough for people to want to try and change those behaviors. That’s what I’m going to try and do ❤
+Psych2GoTv *Thanks for the list of contraindications for intimacy:* 0:42 (1) Rejection and/or engulfment 1:31 (2) Fear of abandonment 2:19 (3) Avoidant personality 3:09 (4) Sexual abuse in childhood 3:44 (5) Previous abuse 4:42 (6) Parental neglect 5:48 (7) Separation and overdependency
I was just telling my friends today that I'm afraid I'll never have a romantic relationship bc of my disorganized attachment and fears regarding vulnerability. I grew up with parents who were verbally abusive and emotionally neglectful, leading me to believe as an adult that I am not allowed to have needs and be comforted. Yet, I crave that closeness and comfort in a partner. I don't have a very close relationship with my parents anymore, and tend to rely most on three friends, two I've known since elementary school, and one I met my freshman year of college 3 years ago. But even then, I don't even rely on them emotionally that often, bc even platonic emotional intimacy is hard for me.
I know both my parents have extreme trauma from their youth, and it has affected the way they were able to bond with me. Growing up I was kind of resentful of them because I didn't understand that they tried to protect me from themselves. Now as an adult, even though I struggle with an extreme fear of intimacy, I realize that they are just people too. They tried their best to not be the way that their parents were, but trauma tends to come out under stress and push through our filters. I no longer blame them, and I am doing my best to push past those barriers intentionally, even when it feels unbearable. Growing is hard...
I don’t do hugs and kisses on the cheeks, even with family. I don’t even remember my mother hugging or kissing me as a child which is why I felt awkward as an adult when people would hug or touch me. My mom even told me when I was young that she tried to have me removed when she was carrying me as she had me when she was very young. I remember how devastated I felt when she told me that. My dad also didn’t do hugs. I guess this is the reason I became an asexual and standoffish amongst people and friends. Thanks for your videos, I’ve learned so much from them ❤
This video by the end of it got me thinking about my current view towards being in a relationship that I'm not a fan of but have a hard time believing it will change: I feel that I would want to be in a relationship again, but I fear that I'll never be able to 100% trust someone to be fully vulnerable and honest with them without being doubtful, and so I don't think a relationship could realistically work out for me. I crave intimacy/affection- both romantically and sexually but primarily romantically, and I would love to love someone and be loved by them in return while not being fearful of showing vulnerability, but because of the way people generally are these days as a whole I feel like what I want is unrealistic- so for now, I might be closed off to a relationship. I just haven't found someone that I can 100% fully trust like that yet...
I have a fear of being abandonned, that impact my relationships. *So I chose the most independant girlfriend* : she can disappear for a week, not answering to texts and calls for days, come suddenly and leave quickly. Despite of the apparences, we have our sweet and kind moments, of kisses and hugs. Believe me, it helped me a lot. It told me how to respect personnal freedom of others, and how to "stop caring" about everything. It's not because they dislike you, it's because they need their time, their activities, their space, etc... You have to let them go free, and it will free you, and teach you trust and stop worrying.
I can relate to a lot of these. The way my parents raised me made me submissive and as a result i have a hard time standing up for myself when i should. That in turn led to me being sexualy abused by a relative when i was 5 and it continued for a long time over the course of my time living with my family. I was only ever in 1 relationship, and she was very supportive of my problems. She was the only one interested in sex between the 2 of us but she always made it clear that i didn't have to agree and do it just because she was the one asking and that i had a choice to say no if i didn't want to or didn't feel like it at the time. Even then most of the time we had to stop because i would get panic attacks. The few times i managed to get through without a panic attack were fine, but i didn't really enjoy it like most people would. She passed away several years ago and i value the time i spent with her more than anything else in my life. She was the 1 person i knew who truly cared to get to know me and understand me rather than try to control me and force me to be something i'm not. I may never be capable of having a normal relationship due to my long history of abuse and trauma but i am grateful for the experience of knowing someone who actually cares and understands.
A lot of my friendship experiences lead to just being hurt in the end, when I open up to them or when I just do a tiny slip up and do something wrong. They use stuff against me or find something "hilarious" with me and I become a laughing stock. I've been so cautious to avoiding relationships. Currently, I have a couple of relationships over the years where I end up sharing or venting stuff, and they were still supportive of me after. I treasure them so much and I'm glad I met them.
I had similar experiences. I feel awkward about sharing feelings in RL. I find it easier to share my innermost thoughts on the internet. I do have some very good friends who accept me for who I am and I treasure them.
I have reactive attachment disorder. It's never been treated when I was a kid, so it's chronic. I also have C-ptsd, rejection sensitive dysphoria and a general fear of abandonment. You can imagine how many mixed feelings that brings and how many internal battles that causes. I've had years of therapy but that didn't help a ton. In fact, it got worse. I have however been in a relationship for 3 years now. It's also the first one I've ever had. I am very lucky to have such a patient and understanding boyfriend. I could never find anyone like him ever again. And I'm glad that I got the guts to try and keep working on my issues. They're really big though. It hinders a lot of our intimacy.
Watching this video make me know myself better. I always feel uncomfortable when someone touches me. I could tell when someone purposely or accidentally touch me but I tend to panicked when someone kept on touching me especially my parents. I hate it so much! I even feel scared sometimes and I could still remember my thoughts are like:” I don’t want to talk to anyone ever again. Why can’t they give me space and leave me alone? I just want to calm down and stay away from everyone” I remembered that I was extremely depressed and anxious while thinking that several times but why does it kept on happening?
I'm autistic and rarely do i ever find that i feel the pull or need for people let alone intimacy, while it is a spectrum, i've always felt like it affected that part of the spectrum as it's not something i get a pull for, while i have dated it was usually more because i felt like i had to to fit in and not because i wanted to.. if i'm honest i really wish i hadn't.
I watched this twice... I've known that I struggle with abandonment and avoidance but this really put it in to perspective for me as to why. Thank you.
That bit about "fearing your caregiver" as a child speared me right in the heart then exploded. I'd thought I'd gotten past that. Clearly, after all this time, it hasn't quite left.
My parents separated, Both my mom and father abused verbally of me when I was growing up, now I'm 19 and I want to have connections with others, but I simply believe that I am not enough for that, that I'm not worthy of that. I simply cannot bring the strength to tell other people that I would like to spend more time with them, even when I really want to.
I crave intimacy, but also reject/am afraid of it. The first time when anyone got close enough to me in that manner, she touched my thigh and I started shaking uncontrollably. I felt so horrible that I wanted to cry and almost did. She just spent the rest of the time comforting me. Someone has to spend days with me, getting me relaxed enough before they can even touch me, not even in a sexual way, just touching at all. I only dated a handful of times in high school. It's been decades since and I have not dated since.
@@charliem177 I have an unrelated question dude, Is your actual legal name Charlie? Or Charles? I ask because I wonder if most Charlie's are actually Named Charles, or if, they're actually named Charlie. Thanks
@@thatperson1720 And I don't know why you think that I'd want to be emotionless, I like having emotions. What I don't like is feeling the pain of being with someone who treats me like garbage.
On the surface I may seem like I don't want intimacy, but below I really do. I just want to feel the warmth of a hug again after like 10 months, but the waterfall of self doubts and negative thoughts in my mind kill me a little every day. I'm afraid of coming off as weird or something. "Could you relate to any of these points?" I relate to the entire video (well except for the abuse parts but I relate to the behaviors), I can't stop thinking about just being close with someone both physically and emotionally, but at the same time any attempt at a casual conversation is so stressful and scary to do that I end up just not doing it and regretting it afterwards. I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this cuz I can't imagine it's for long.
I feel the same, exept the last part. Athough, a casual conversation is really stressful and scary to do, I force myself to do it, because: 1. when I already started conversation I become less afraid, because I focus on corvesation not on fear of it; 2. I try to do it with strangers, because if I say smth stupid they don't going to remember what I said for long anyway; 3. it helps to realize that no one going to hurt me, just because I said smth stupid (people don't do it, unless they're jerks); 4. it helped to realize that everyone thinks about themselfs first and their's impretion on me, then about my impretion on them (low selfesteem often giong hand in hand with thought that everyone thinks about you when you talk to them, which in most cases isn't true); 5. it helps me not to be less affraid of coversations in general. I don't know how old you are, but I was affraid even to start a conversation with somebody, until they start talking to me first until my 20s. Forcing myself to do it really helped a lot, but it was really scary. 10+ years later, I'm still socially awkward sometimes and scared to start a conversation with someone, but I'm not bothered about it too much, because I know it can be helped. 😊
I'm the same, I wasnt given the chance to develop social skills as a child or to even feel/Express emotions or opinions So now I have zero understanding of how socializing works and everybody just assumed I hate everyone when in my head I'm beating my head against a wall trying to start or hold conversations without making the other side uncomfortable Hell i cant even develop a deep/meaningful platonic relationship.... I reckon the time for such things has past me and I'll never have a real relationship platonic or romantic...
I’m not scared of showing emotions or being myself around people I trust, in general. But I get uncomfortable and embarrassed whenever I picture myself being emotionally romantically intimate with someone. I fear intimacy a lot if I think about the person I am, how I behave, and how people perceive me. It must be a self esteem issue at this point
I avoid intimacy because of two major reasons not explained in the video: 1. Divorce Rates by other people (including my own parents) 2. Many people annoy me and are high maintenance with little consideration. So it's not fear or dependency or even anxiety... it's having to deal with people having these issues, and not knowing what is truly within them.
I avoid intimacy because the last time I opened up to someone and felt like a relationship is coming, they waged psychological warfare on me and kept me hung up and at the edge of suicidality and madness for over 4 years. I’ve still got a long road to recover enough from this have anything resembling being okay again. Because if someone does this shit to me again, I’m dead. Or worse, I will retaliate for such psychological and emotional manipulation. People tell you to move on . . . But then everywhere you go, it’s like that person’s calling out to you. You see stuff everywhere that reminds you of them. And it’s not just random, it’s deliberate. It’s TOO direct with what you’re feeling and where you are. It’s a form of witchcraft meant to keep people obsessed and hung up. I hope she feels validated, and that she can change and accept having been a horrible person and a witch for punishing me for loving her and struggling to do it in a way that was adequate for her. And I hope she can rectify her character without it killing her. But she needs to know, she’s basically guilty of attempted murder among other things. She tried to drive me insane and get me to commit suicide. That’s unacceptable.
Getting close with people would be easier for me if they didn't get offended when i spend my free time alone. Everyone understands being unable to eat ice cream infinitely, but with relationships its always "more is better", zero tolerance for introverts.
I avoid it simply because I’m afraid of it. Been single for quite some time already, got used to rejection and being alone. It’s so natural that even the slightest idea of any kind of intimacy ends up with panic attacks. This and a few more reasons to say alone at least for now
I know you've done videos about it before, but an 8th reason could just simply be "asexuality/aromanticism and introversion." A 9th reason which CAN be closely linked with anxiety, but is now MUCH more wide spread because we've all just spent the last three years in pandemic lockdown...germaphobia. Many people, myself included, refuse to shake hands, fist-bump or hug anyone unless we're wearing multiple thick layers of clothing out of fear of catching a virus. And while before 2020 this was seen as a strange neurotic behavior...the pandemic has shown us all that it can in fact be a vital survival mechanism. I, having both of the above all my life, was basically primed to live through a pandemic.
@@Psych2go What Emotional Maturity and Emotional Integrity Looks Like in Relationships 💖🌟🌍 because I See patterns in "Attachment healing" "ghosting" "communication Feelings" "toxic Masculinity" "selfdevelopment" "awareness" "rising Soul Powers"
@@kimjohnson5385 True. That is what I did. Even communication "Sorry, Dont know how to respond or how I feel right now" is so helpful, because still U try to communicate and Connect with Person in front
I know that my parents have definitely messed up myself. I’ve dealt with the emotional and mental abuse. And been treated like my decision to move out with my new partner was a bad idea. They don’t know he’s my partner, and it’s better that way. I did what was best for me. I couldn’t do that whole what’s best for the family thing because I knew that was already damaged and gone. I’m on month three since moving out, and my partner is trying to help me through my stuff. I’m aware it’s frustrating to him and he understands why i am the way i am. I finally have someone actually letting me be myself and not ridiculing me. I’ve even had my life threatened a couple times when i was about 20 (27.5 now). Biggest thing was dad unknowingly basically giving my mom permission to continue to abuse me. I’ve even told my partner i expect him to react certain ways because that’s what I’m used to. He doesn’t though, thankfully
I've said it before and trust me, I am not here to judge. Based on the observations and experience I've had with parents, it's their fault I am not getting married. I simply believe it's a disappointment on how I was treated and how the interacted when I needed them the most in my childhood. I am simply not getting married or into a relationship. It's been hard finding someone to trust and who's willing to be mature both physically and emotionally. With all the sexual assault I have experienced, it was hard for me to open up about the bully with my parents, because simply... they were too busy or anoyed. My mom constantly gasighted me whenever it came to my dad. She always blamed the arguments that were going around the house.
I recommend therapy to you, believe me it helps a LOT, i've never been through sexual harassment but all my other problems in life became easier to deal, talk, and understand how i can cope them, and first of all, its someone that play a huge part of your life but at the same time isnt in it, so it makes super easier to open up, hope you can overcome your traumas and good luck!
I’m not really afraid of anything, I’m just very avoidant because I feel like people who try to show me love are just faking it. What I’m trying to say is that I feel unlovable, I talk to people more than a normal inteovert probably but it really takes a lot of time for me to even openly call you my friend, if you force it upon me I will just smiley like I’m insane and be quiet lmfao
I have a hard time with emotional relationships, and tend to avoid them. It's just that I don't know what I can or can't do, and I get really unsure, and start questioning my own actions before I do them, until I just go back to being a roomrat and avoid the world until I'm ready for next wave of social anxiety and literally never learning.
Well when you have entire generations being raised more by the school system than their parents. When children, teens and young adults are constantly told to live in fear of/hate each other and themselves for thinking otherwise. Well, it's little wonder we have no concept of how to actually make relationships worth fighting for work, friendships, business relationships, romantic relationships. All of it, most are still playing catch-up with reality and finding real inner peace, well into their late 20's and even into our thirties.
i always avoid intimacy with anybody because i don't know how to behave. for as long as i can remember i've always been alone without friends, so when i was a child i didn't know exactly what was it like to have friendships, and i recognize that this is giving several bothers because i try to open up with friends, classmates ecc but at the end i feel anxious and take a step back resulting fake for many people :/
you’re not alone. there are many like you, like us, out in the world. sometimes you just have to be kind enough and brave enough to say “hi” or to smile back to a tentative shy smile.
Yep Parents divorced Fear of abandonment I need my own independence however I am still weaning off being dependent on others, never too late to try ^_^
I often avoid intimacy with anyone, even my own mother. I love hugs, kisses, holding hands, and whatnot. But at the same time, I hate it. It icks me even though I'm a touchy person. I don't understand it myself. But I'm okay with my boyfriend touching me. Not in a dirty way but still. It's weird how I trust him more than the people around me. Everyone in my life has treated me with nothing but love. I feel safer about him talking about my body rather than when my family does.
i feel sorry for your boyfriend if he cant touch his girl in a sexy way without feeling like a creep. seems like maybe you just need a best friend more than a lover. or maybe you are fooling yourself and you just arent into him that much but keep him around to be more of a buddy. EIther its not my business but not many men would put up with that situation. Are you asexual its very weird and abnormal for someone to not even want their romantic partner to touch them in a dirty way. Thats kind of the point of a lover, it separates the relationships that you dont have with anyone else.
@@guitarman0365 No no, I can assure you I really love him. I don't think I'm asexual because I don't mind dirty talk and sometimes even touching. What I meant to say is, I only feel safe with him. He's too sweet for me. It's sort of an insecurity I've faced in my childhood of not wanting anyone to touch me. I know it's weird. I feel turned on and all but it's not something I'm used to.
I've been going through Fearful-avoidant attachment for the past 7 years and it's just been getting worse. It makes me feel like a bad friend because I want to hang out so bad but as soon as I make plans I start to panic and it feels like the time counting down till the hang out is like a pillow suffocating me
Feel you Bro. Hope you are able to Transform as well. IT was hard Journey and all my (left) people Had to be very strong and Patient with me. Not easy to reach and Work towards secure Style together. But I could Not have Made IT all by my own, but I am still thankful they listened to me when I was Sharing my vulnerability. What A blessing
I'm sure I haven't lost my first kiss for the matters in this video. I simply can't, I can't love peacefully. I fear being hurt and hurting others so much that things often related to "dating" are things I deeply avoid. I can't even hug my male friends because it's associated with romance and partners more than when I hug my female friends. I feel uneasy at this point and that's why I searched for this video. I want to isolate myself but I wouldn't bare to do this again..
Welcome onboard the singlemobile, pal. I have grown so sick and tired of myself, when i see my best buddies, and my siblings have relationships that works from day one. And me? Not so fking much. I admire their luck in life, to be gifted the skill to have a pink sunshine and rainbows type of relationship that just works without any flaws. While me? Oh boy do i ruin anything i come nearby, so i have, as mentioned earlier in this comment, grown so sick and tired of myself, who i am, what i stand for, my hobbies, my interests, and what not. I actively even avoid *eyecontact* with women now, because that is how much i gave up on myself, life, and the idea of physical affection.
@@anderstermansen130 Hey buddy, don't give up on yourself! You see, the strugle to connect with other people is only amplified when you can't bare to connect with your own person. Maybe what you need right now is not healing (tho consider the matter I mentioned earlier when you do). And that's okay! I guess we are all kinda off burned out of ourselves on this very fucked-up-end- of-the-year and we all collectivily need a RESTTT.. Take a break, seriously. Maybe after resting you can go back and enjoy yourself and your hobbies. Also, May I ask you what hobbies do you have?
let me give you one tip that helped me. Stop your brain from stopping you to do and experience things. Notice when it stops you from doing something and go ahead and do it. As soon as you stop listening to your nasty, comfortdriven brain and move out of your comfort zone, thats the zone where growth happens and also where a lot of good things come from.
I studied human psychology for a long time. I've found that if a person is attacking a problem, it makes the decision making process much easier if they can leave their emotions at the door. Argue their position with logic and reason and the decision usually becomes much simpler. I understand not everyone is capable of that but if they can learn that skill it always seems to help. At least from what I've observed.
Maybe it's been from a LOT of D&D (and similar)... BUT I've found metaphors help... Instead of talking about You and Me (specifically)... We can talk about "proxies" rather like the PC's and NPC's in a D&D game... Everything's a metaphor for the "IRL" situation, so we're detached, but we can still deal with the substance of the "argument"... If two utterly equivalent "proxies" (say, Janitor A and Janitor B) can get through the same basic confrontation over the same basic issues, then You and Me shouldn't be so far off the figurative reservation as to find our way through the very similar "IRL" situation... In D&D, growing up, it was the height of the 80's Satanic Panic, and I was in the Bible Belt... SO even Police would harass you if they found anything like D&D at hand... It was damn dangerous to let people know we played... SO we largely didn't have adult supervision. We were EXTREMELY secretive, and lived the "Kids versus Adults" social stereotype from ALL those movies... AND as you probably know, there's always "one of that kind" in any group... SO somebody wanted to get involved in crap that was completely inappropriate in the Game, but the rest of us were TERRIFIED to cast him or her out utterly... SO we "worked around it"... Instead of talking about "me" or "I" doing stuff in the game, the terms became "My Character" (even by name, like "Roger") and "He" or "She"... AND that afforded us the "psychic distance" to put up with "That guy" being an over-sexed idiot again... (or whatever)... It wasn't perfect, but it worked out most of the time... and nobody got thrown out... and nobody got into serous trouble. My neighbors are pretty serious "Tumpkins" now... BUT when I explained the two cases of "Classified Papers" with "Janitor A" who calls you up and explains how he's found some files and papers from cleaning out your office in his truck, and just wants to see to it you can get them back (amounting to not quite 2 dozen)... While "Janitor B" demands to know "How dare you peasants come after me on this witch hunt" and the months of arguing when you KNOW a mountain of files are missing and he was the last to be seen with any access... only to get 300+ pages (enough for a sizeable novel) through a Police effort and search warrant... which Janitor would you hire back??? Well, they understood... They at least ran completely out of arguments about it... BUT most of them had to admit, Janitor A sounds like a much better person to keep on the payroll... maybe not perfect or even close, but a hell of a sight better than B... SO... yeah... You can suggest the "proxies" or "by metaphor" or whatever suits. Some folks even suggest it's "arguing in code"... BUT it helps. A little psychic distance, and just about any subject can be approached, at least in modest and measured doses. ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 I love thos type of response. So well thought out in advance. And yes, good sir/ma'am I agree completely. The use of metaphors and proxies is a wonderfully amazing tool. More people should try using them. When you stop assigning a groupentality to your discussion it makes it substantially easier to have that discussion. And also yes, there is inevitably "that guy" in every in group. It can't be avoided. At the same time there is another version of "that guy," and that is me, and likely you. We are the voice of reason and logic that is capable of controlling the room, even though we don't want to be in charge.at all. We just know how to communicate better than everyone else. We are the ones that find the "work around" that you mentioned. To us it's simple because our decisions aren't based on emotion, instead logic takes us over. Our answer is almost always acceptable because we're able to read the room and find a compromise with everyone's point of view with an acceptable outcome for all involved. That makes us a very valued member of any group we choose to be involved with. We are the decision makers. There are three types of people in any hierarchy, we are tho more rare type. Alphas, that seek control, beta that need to follow, and then us. Sigmas. The best combination of both other groups with none of the downsides. We are always the video that everyone else will listen to. The betas know we don't want to control them and the alpha knows we don't want their control. So we are the only ones the alpha will listen to. He knows his spot is safe with us as an advisor to his leadership and both groups know we will not ever lie to them because we stand nothing to gain. It's win win win all the way around. The way you're speaking it sounds like you're probably a Gen Xer same as me. That makes a lot of sense if I'm right. Our generation was the last one that wasn't coddled and handed participation trophies. We were told we would fall and fail and that was ok, as long as we got back up and tried again. We weren't told we were special and unique. Second place was the first loser, we wouldn't be able to be a pro baller or president. There was realistic expectations around that time. Times were hard and we had to adapt and figure it out on our own. Nothing was handed to us so we made do with what we had. I remember a phrase from my youth that sums all this up simply in one sentence. I've done so much, with so little, for so long, that now I can do almost anything with almost nothing. On that note I will end this but would love to highlight one more thing. I'd suggest to you to do a little digging on the topic of sigma males. The videos I've found have enlightened me on how the rest of the world views us. Very insightful and useful information. It's difficult for us to see ourselves through others eyes because we are so focused and our brains are wired differently. That said, enjoy what's left of your evening, and, cheers. 🍻🍻
@@donbishop6994 Yup... Yup.... AND Yup. I even have fond memories of "Action Park" and only recently bid a fond farewell to the last beloved T-shirt "I survived Action Park" complete with dubiously realistic bloodstains... and considerably more holes "worn in" than it had when I first got it from the place that was so popularly known as "Traction Park" or "Class action Park"... haha... AND it's funny (to me at least) how so many of "Today's Generation" recoil in terror at the stories and assume I'm either joking or crazy or both(?) when I recount the adventures and admit to missing those childhood trips and all that went with them... right down to delicately peeling gauze from nasty injuries to "show off the badges of honor" for having proof I'd even gone... Yeah, you're right. We were the last (or among the last) that weren't "molly-coddled to death"... I'm not 100% with the "current traditional" label for Sigma Male, but I can agree substantively with most of what I've seen about it, including your brief overview. Maybe it's the D&D experience... AND maybe it's an English Teacher I got twice in High School who taught regularly how we should stop whatever we're doing from time to time and examine our "overall situation" from a completely 3rd person point of view... BUT I've never had much trouble understanding how others see me, hear me, or consider me. I also never struggled much with the concept that the majority simply ignore me... unless I'm in a position within their situation such that they have little or no choice. 8 Billion people with their own "sh*t" and the tunnel-vision to go with all that. It's okay, I never really wanted too much responsibility or power anyways... (AH... the sigma showing?... haha)... You have a great day/evening, yourself. I just thought I'd contribute the per-chance that you'd find that suggesting engagement by TTRPG (Like D&D, but any of dozens of games) to be a useful tactic in the future... just in case you hadn't thought of it yet, yourself. ;o)
I've realized that I have been subconsciously avoiding intimacy. I really wanted it, but never took action to gain such a relationship with anyone. A lot of things I've opened up about have been used to hurt or control me (or others). Even little things I share, such as my interest in certain hobbies or media, could be used to insult me in some weird way. So now I'm extremely defensive when it comes to my struggles and problems. I don't know if I'll ever find anyone else who I can talk to about my issues, but I believe I can live regardless.
@@Psych2goI did all I can to reassure her, but I had to respect her wishes so no regrets there. But it still feels like a distant sadness I empathize with her but not like the initial months of loss which were the first time I had withdrawal symptoms. It was like the loss of a really close loved one, never like any break up before. Maybe we were that close, idk. Hope she's fighting on, we used to share psych2go vids too and assess if we needed to work on any of those issues.
Physical intimacy for me and my boyfriend helped us to let go of our fears of sharing emotional and mental intimacy. We learned about eachother during and after physically intimate times and I truly believe all types of intamacy can be important
It's been 11 years since I was last in a relationship or intimate with anyone. I've since sunk into my work and have even taken a job where I am alone 90% of the time.
The idea of being intimate with someone serves as a trigger for my epilepsy. I've done experimentation with this and found focusing enough on the idea of someone wanting to genuinely be in a loving and understanding relationship with me that's beyond just basic friends causes some sort of destabilizing feedback which can quickly trigger a focal/partial seizure.
I crave intimacy even though I’m introverted. My mom wasn’t home much & I was left alone a lot after school. I find even though I try to be in intimate in relationships whether friends or other, it doesn’t last long. I start to doubt their love for me. It’s worse when I’m dealing with depression and grief because I want intimacy but my pain pushes people away making me feel all alone. ……Then it enforces the thoughts that I’m not worth loving or that I’m too broken to be loved. Then I start doubting their love again.
Scared of getting emotionally hurt again (I remember being rejected and EVERYthing felt hollow for months after that ), I've gotten so used to "self pleasure" that sustaining anything with the real thing is problematic, either I get soft cause its no the specific stimulation I want or fear of being judged, aaaaaaand I have snoring issues. Which no one is going to sleep next to.
I was and still am so scared of losing myself and my goals when letting love through, that I literally pushed away a person who would have been nothing short but perfect for me and I just can't seem to fight this fear off. I just really hope one day it'll get weaker.
How could you even lose yourself? A relationship requires giving some of you for some of them but it doesn't have to make you bad, it might change you for the better 👣
I'm sorry you've had to push someone away that you cared about. It must really hurt... :C My partner did the same to her previous partner. After 4 months of dating she felt things got too serious between us and she tried to push me away. We had a chat and she said she is scared of "committing" and doesn't want to feel pressured to see me. She tells me it doesn't sit right with her that someone actually loves her. I am doing my best to give her space and not be overbearing. It was very upsetting for me to discover this as I wasn't expecting it. I am trying to occasionally give words of reassurance and affirmation but I can't help but also feel the need to take my own emotional distance from the relationship, as I can only match the same efforts and emotional investment that she gives. Any advice for not triggering her to push me away? thanks!
I was always fighting back, called insane and left alone. I just don't overthink it on daily basis, past shouldnt take away your present, it takes strength to hold in that's how it is. Sometimes at the end of day it's good to have a private place to remember, settle the truth and accept it. It can take time depending on severity, but this method have results.
I've denied myself intimacy since ever because I was abused mentaly, physically and emotionally by my classmates from age 8 to 14. Since then I've only been surviving in this world. Never really lived. Never any drive to become anything. My bullies did in a sense kill me. I haven't felt joy, happiness or love ever since. Never allowed myself to be intimate with people and always expect the worst from others. When friendships are getting closer I find myself new friends and ghost the last ones because of the fear of vulnerability. I never allowed myself to cry and if I do cry. I'll always apologize to people who witness me crying and blame myself for being weak and not manly enough to not have mastered my emotions yet.
Bro same... I'm just starting to learn how to gain intimacy with other ppl because I was bullied and my parents never really were there when I needed. Stay strong, you deserve all the best! ♥️♥️
Being the nice guy often gets you the perfect partner, of course this also means it will take time. You'll find someone who understands your values, who understands why you're passionate, gentle and acknowledges these traits you have. Instead of trying too hard to find a partner, be yourself, be who you are, a gentle, nice and caring person to everyone and soon enough you will find the one you're looking for.
why want intimacy when u can give it to urself. being able to love urself is the best thing that can happen, where u dont need to depend on others' validation and stuff. if people sees u as a confident and amazing person, im pretty sure it wont be hard of them being intimate unless you are comfortable already
My now ex demonstrated a few of these and it's helped me understand a bit more as why she felt inadequate in herself that she felt like she was holding me back, plus she's not had good experiences with men, and I'm a gentle and loving guy (essentially a care bear) and it hurt sometimes when she pushed me away but I tried to understand but it made me feel like I wasn't doing enough, but I know I did everything I could, but still
i find it weird of how i badly wants to be intimate with someone but i dont want sex at all despite being normal and straight. i mean , i just wanna sleep with girls but yes just a sleep. i long for the feeling to sleep beside someone , cuddles , hugs or hair rubs. i dont even bother asking someone's nude photos , all i asked is nude souls . i want to get to know her souls , i want to see her flaws but still love her , i want to see her good side so i can compliment and appreciate her but its kinda impossible these day. im 28 this year and still never gotten any girlfriends , i dont have any friends either. used to have lot of online friends but now im back alone again. my parents dead , my sibling are such a bully and mentally killing me. i dont have any friends since i always at home doing chores and taking care of cats and houses. one day this loneliness will kills me for real. thats why i craves for intimacy.
Believe me you're not alone. You have Allah (God) who's watching over you and knows your suffering exactly the way you feel it because He created your heart and knows exactly your inner feelings. Reconnect with the Almighty and build a bond with Him. Resort to Him and speak to Him more often, and you will feel Him near you. Ask Him for help always!
U Sound Like a deep Person. So U Love emotional intimacy. Most infj and infp or Isfp enfp seek for this deep emotional intimacy. Cray at TH-cam is infj and he explains that Most NF types want "more" than Just physical intimacy. To Connect in derper Level, the Soul Level. To me ITS the Most precious If one shared and Shows the Soul, ITS amazing. 🌍💖🌟Big hugs to all Souls. 😊
France really helped me to get more relaxed with stuff like that. They really don't seem to have an idea of personal space.. but they are super nice about it, so you really don't mind after a while.
0:44 Rejection and engulfment 1:32 Fear of Abandonment 2:22 Avoidant personality disorder 3:11 Childhood s*xual ab*se (TW) 3:45 Previous ab*se (TW??) 5:51 Seperation and over-dependence Hope these help! Love your videos Psych2go!
The fearful-avoidant attachment is almost exactly how I was, and the problems I caused in my relationships as a result of it were too much to deal with. I wish she never knew me, because I know that’d be better for her. I’ll never get so close with anyone again
but if u do this, u can never work on yourself, u can never avoid it completely anyway, humans are social animals. The strength of humans is adaptation and evolving, dealing with a different environment on the fly. Other species die, we adapt. I destroyed my relationship with giving her too much, because she gave me nothing and the only thing we should have done is TALKING WITH EACH OTHER, we found that out after she moved out. After christmas we talked. Openly, friendly, full truth. It was the best talk we had in 5 years. Well, she went away anyways, but because she needs space to find herself. I still hope she comes back, because she doesnt have to fight anymore for a good relationship. She was sick of fighting for it, thats why she quit. but now that she knows that we can talk about everything and anything, people think. Just do not pressure the other person at all. Either they like to be with u on their own or not. Without YOU she would never learn. You helped her understand. Even when it was a bad experience, these are the ones who shape us into the human we are after that. Use that Information. Be the person u want to be, work on yourself dont pity yourself.
Yeah. I end up getting intimate with the wrong people, and it didn´t end well. Ever since, I just put some barriers when interacting with someone, no matter the people. No exceptions.
yep fearful-avoidant is mine. since i was raised in an abusive household with fear as a "tool". i dont trust anyone, i dont like it being touched at all (because of physical abuse of someone you should normally trust). a really short hug is ok. but with a long hug from someone i like it´s very different. i always feel vulnerable, weak and kind of "needy" then. i dont like that. and i need to let this "good" feeling go on the other hand because i rarely see those specific people. only close people are allowed to hug me.
Ive been diagnosed with AVPD. The worst part of it is that there isn't anything I want more in the world other then being in a loving relationship like I'm desperate, but I'm absolutely too terrified to do anything about it. It's a major source of my depression. I dont understand why and it effects more then just relationships but work too.
Well, let's see here. I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused as a child - bonus points for being punished for the sexual abuse I suffered. I was taught by all of my caregivers that I couldn't trust anyone from the age of 4 or 5, and I my emotional and psychological issues were ignored when I did try to bring them up. I was severely bullied by my familial peers for any little thing that I liked, so I became unable to share my likes or even display them in any way. As an adult I was physically, sexually, emotionally/mentally, and financially abused by a partner. Now, I am too afraid to bother with even trying, and I wouldn't even know where to start if I did want to. I don't want anyone touching me, but I do desire feeling close as I see others experience. I have absolutely no frame of reference for how that may look and feel. I don't believe I could ever be more than casual acquaintances with others. I've been to therapy, and I don't believe it's something that can be fixed.
Have you tried support groups? Although I myself have never been in one, I think you'll be able to let out how you have been feeling and I think they will understand better than anyone your situation. It may not cure your trauma, I think it may help lift a weight of your shoulders and point you into a right direction.
@@Ednorle too much anxiety for groups, but I am able to function okay in my day to day life. I've had to learn how to mask everything growing up, and now it's the only thing I know how to be. I did a couple of years of therapy and got diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I haven't been since right before the pandemic. I've accepted that this is just the way that I am. Not caring so much anymore feels pretty freeing, to be honest. It's just sometimes that I want the closeness that I see, but it's just not worth the risk anymore. I have my dog and my art supplies and my books.
@@yomommasofatthanoshadtosna3479 I find small joys in the skills I develop, my dog's companionship, rainy days, and tea. Along with my books, and all of the above, I can be fairly okay.
@@UnsortedSeeds I'm glad to hear that, man. Always find a way to enjoy the small things in life, and find true love, even if its not romantic: such as your friends or your dog :) Dont give up on yourself, you're much stronger than you know, and I know that one day, little by little, you'll learn to show your true colors again, that you've always been forced to hide ❤️
I crave and fear it at the same time. Even minor things like random touch or being closer than I want makes me extremely hypersensitive. It just that unusual for me. But I so want a relationship I basically crave for any physical or emotional contact. When there is common ground in conversation or when minor physical contact initiated by me, it makes me feels so over and wanting more. My biggest fear would be that, even if my partner (if there ever be) would give me time so i can get used to intimacy, they would just quit because it would be too long and they won't wait because it would take so much time and just quit.
Basically, me. But it's mainly because people I started opening up to slowly ended up betraying or abusing me. And the emotional neglect paired with abuse... I am far more reserved than I even was before, now. So, unless you want to be patient and take the extra mile, I will not let you in.
Do not fear, pal. Everyone else around us is already occupied and have sunshine and rainbows type of relationships. So dont get your hopes up to find a partner, let alone a partner that actually would have the patience to Meet you on eyelevel and be understanding. And i too, have become hyper aware when people touch me, be it a pat on the shoulder, or accidentally bruising my arm, im instantly on highest alert. The tiniest bit of touch is instantly overwhelming to me. I also too, crave for physical and emotional contact, but as mentioned previously, everyone around us is already occupied. So welcome onboard the singlemobile.
I had a bestfriend I tried opening up to the best I could after the pandemic, it worked out for 5 months, until her toxic ex came back into the equation, I tried talking to her about it because she promised she wouldn't get back with him but did either way, after that I met someone else I could care about, but one day they told me they're constantly busy and well we stopped talking after that, and now I made a new bestfriend I feel I could care about, the friendship just feels one-sided though, I just wish I had more confidence and faith in myself
This is my ex to a T. She never voiced her feelings at all, never told me her boundaries, but I can tell she was very shut down in the Intimacy Department. I don’t know who hurt her in the past, but I don’t want her to feel like she isn’t lovable. She is.
I know what you mean. These online themes have it all so wrong. More like a club for professional victims. Can you please describe your ex's behaviour and experiences. I have the feeling there is a multitude of suffering people out there who desperately need understanding and help.
I relate quite a bit with the video contents. I am finding my struggling with maintaining my friendships after cutting off my family who I used to glorified and trust in. It's become hard for me to trust and rely on anyone around me at all really. Family used to mean a lot, but it sucks when you have one that doesn't feel like one.
I relate with fearful-avoidant attachment. I'm currently coping a failed attempt at intimacy for a year now and it still hurts in my heart, head and stomach like if it was yesterday. Whenever I do mindless tasks those thoughts swarm my head and break me down. 鬱
I'm starting to think I have it too... Should I get a job like be a trucker or join the military and die 💀 but... What if I try.. to search or talk to the people I currently know already... Will they understand me... Will I even take the first step?
@@onedova2298 I've been doing that too, talking with my nearest acquaintances, aaaaaand it's going... kinda uncomfortable. Don't know how long I'm gonna last but anyways ┐(‘～`;)┌ Tomorrow I'll ask them about one of my shortcomings. I wish you the best in your attempt, I'm sure you'll find someone nicer.
Thank u for Ur honest Share. I struggled many years and caused lots of pain for self and Others. Reading Into Psychologe since I was 17 and ober passt years Tools Like mbti (understanding self and Others) and Connection towards Others (Attachment Styles) helped me lots. Understanding self and than talking with trusted people, even though IT was hard to Show Vulnurability and Feelings. There was a constant inner Bad critique which Held me Back talking about my desires and Feelings. Me and my dears Had been so Patient, because IT was Not easy. Constant learning
@@onedova2298 Trying to Talk about your Feelings, insecurities, thoughts, If one can listen, No Matter If they can understand, might be a Brave First step and kinda training
0:43 Rejection and Engulfment
1:32 Fear of abandonment
2:20 Avoidant personality disorder
3:05 Childhood sexual abuse
3:44 Previous abuse
4:43 Parental neglect
5:49 Separation and overdependence
Downvote
Thanks 👍🏻 😊
I don't like being here before the people who do the timestamps
Lol
Timestamps are already done! People are just so fast
Lol
Same
Tiktok attention span huh? Sitting through a 7 minute video is just oh so painful
Rejection and engulfment
0:44
Fear of abandonment
1:33
Avoidant personality disorder
2:19
Childhood sexual abuse
3:11
Previous abuse
3:45
Parent neglect
4:42
Separation and over dependence
5:51
All of these are my reason to fear intimacy ....now I see y I'm single
Thx ❤
1.Rejection and engulfment
2.Fear of abandonment
3.Avoidant personality disorder
4.Childhood sexual abuse
5.Previous abuse
6.Parential negligence (Fearful Avoidant Attachment)
7.Separation and overdependence
Communication is key.
See, that's the thing. No one wants to communicate anymore. We'd rather just pull away and avoid talking about what's bothering us.
This is a good point
I don't avoid intimacy, I just don't wanna weird her out or make her feel uncomfortable.
Edit: I have genuine feelings towards someone and I dunno what to do about it. I hate myself for having emotions.
Same. That happens, you’re screwed especially to your reputation.
I see where you’re coming from and that’s very kind of you to take her comfort into consideration. As someone who is afraid of physical intimacy and has had to discuss that with partners in the past, I believe communication is key, as this video noted. Your wants and needs are valid, and the right person should be willing to at least have a conversation with you about it.
This is 100% me, though i managed to somehow get myself a gf
Didn't even last 2 weeks and a few months later some stuff happened and i said the wrong thing and she blocked me a few months ago now
I'm sorry but with a profile pic like that I think it's to late for that lol!
@@familysteadman6605 BAHAHAAHDAAHAAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA
0:43 1. Rejected And Engulfment
1:31 2. Fear Of Abandonment
2:19 3. Avoident Personality Disorder
3:10 4. Childhood Sexual Abuse
3:44 5. Previous Abuse
4:42 6. Parental Neglect
5:49 7. Separation And Over Dependence
Thank you for typing this out for the audience!
@@Psych2go , you’re welcome!
0:45 Rejectiion and engulfment.
1:32 Fear of abandonment.
2:19 Avoidant personality disorder.
3:10 Childhood SA.
3:44 Previous abuse.
4:43 Parental neglect.
5:49 Separation and overdependence.
Thanks
@@adria6511 You're welcome
it hurts when kids at school say things like “you’re not funny”, “EW”, “I don’t even know you”, or “no one likes you”. Like bro I’m a person too and when they say that kind of thing because you can’t really fight back especially when they’re popular.
Don't waste your time, energy or feelings on them. They are probably insecure af and are not gonna even matter in a few years. Just try to make the best memories you can as long as you're there, whilst ignoring them.
1-. Rejection and engulfment (00:43)
2-. Fear of abandonment (01:30)
3-. Avoidant personality disorder (02:19)
4-. Childhood SA (03:10)
5-. Previous abuse (03:44)
6-. Parental neglect (04:42)
7-. Separation and overdependence (05:49)
0:43 Rejection and Engulfment
1:31 Fear of Abandonment
2:19 Avoidant Personality Disorder
3:10 Childhood Sexual Abuse
3:44 Previous Abuse
4:43 Parental Neglect
5:49 Separation and Overdependence
0:43 - rejection and engulfment
1:31 - fear of abandonment
2:19 - avoidant personality disorder
3:10 - TW; childhood s**ual ab*se
3:43 - TW; previous ab*se
4:42 - parental neglect
5:48 - separation and over dependence
hopefully i got all the points right… anyways have a great dayy 💗💗
thank you 🖤
Thank you..I love you
Thank you
Summary with timestamps 😄😄
0:43 rejection and engulfment
1:31 fear of abandonment
2:19 avoidant personality disorder
3:07 childhood sexual abuse
3:44 previous abuse
4:42 parental neglect
5:48 seperation and overdependence
1. Fear of rejection
2. Fear of abandonmemt
3. Avoident personality disorder
4. Childhood sexual abuse
5. Previous abuse
6. Parental neglect
7. Separation and overdependance
Ngl I have some of these and Insecure of my kinks and thinking they will abandon or laugh at me
I have everything but maybe 2 & 7 are minor
Thank you for including the timestamps!
When you have all 😂😭💀
@@Psych2go ur welcome I'm finally first thank you for this!!
Even tho some videos are kinda uncomfy since I I aslergers and don't like change much but I push myself to get better or at least know myself better thank you for being so helpful for all of us!
Ps: I saw one of ur vids in health class
@@baeldaikokuten_yj6792 oh oof I think I have 1 2 maybe 3 5 6 I thin 😳
When you hit me with the "Is extremely avoidant to intimacy but is simultaneously craving it", I damn near spat out my drink. That was such a stellar explanation of how ill have been feeling in closer friendships
all this is me. im an avoidant, i crave intimacy but i avoid it completely. i had such a lovely partner and i never questioned their love for me, yet i was still so afraid of being dumped, or lied to. I had trouble trusting, even though they deserved all my trust. it ruined our relationship and they fell in love with their friend a few months in, but didn’t tell me til much later (december 2022) and i was so heartbroken i stopped taking care of myself. I haven’t spoken to him in a month and I feel so lonely, and so much regret and guilt. i wish i saw these videos before we began dating
0:43 - Rejection and engulfment
1:31 - Fear of abandonment
2:19 - Avoidant Personality Disorder
3:04 - [Trigger Warning !] - Childhood sexual abuse
3:44 - Previous abuse
4:42 - Parental neglect
5:48 - Separation and overdependence
It’s sad to see so many people relate to these points (including myself) but I truly hope being aware of it is enough for people to want to try and change those behaviors. That’s what I’m going to try and do ❤
+Psych2GoTv *Thanks for the list of contraindications for intimacy:*
0:42 (1) Rejection and/or engulfment
1:31 (2) Fear of abandonment
2:19 (3) Avoidant personality
3:09 (4) Sexual abuse in childhood
3:44 (5) Previous abuse
4:42 (6) Parental neglect
5:48 (7) Separation and overdependency
Thank you!!
I was just telling my friends today that I'm afraid I'll never have a romantic relationship bc of my disorganized attachment and fears regarding vulnerability. I grew up with parents who were verbally abusive and emotionally neglectful, leading me to believe as an adult that I am not allowed to have needs and be comforted.
Yet, I crave that closeness and comfort in a partner. I don't have a very close relationship with my parents anymore, and tend to rely most on three friends, two I've known since elementary school, and one I met my freshman year of college 3 years ago. But even then, I don't even rely on them emotionally that often, bc even platonic emotional intimacy is hard for me.
I know both my parents have extreme trauma from their youth, and it has affected the way they were able to bond with me. Growing up I was kind of resentful of them because I didn't understand that they tried to protect me from themselves.
Now as an adult, even though I struggle with an extreme fear of intimacy, I realize that they are just people too. They tried their best to not be the way that their parents were, but trauma tends to come out under stress and push through our filters. I no longer blame them, and I am doing my best to push past those barriers intentionally, even when it feels unbearable. Growing is hard...
I don’t do hugs and kisses on the cheeks, even with family. I don’t even remember my mother hugging or kissing me as a child which is why I felt awkward as an adult when people would hug or touch me. My mom even told me when I was young that she tried to have me removed when she was carrying me as she had me when she was very young. I remember how devastated I felt when she told me that. My dad also didn’t do hugs. I guess this is the reason I became an asexual and standoffish amongst people and friends. Thanks for your videos, I’ve learned so much from them ❤
Minor correction, but you don't "become" asexual, you are asexual. It'd be like saying a boy liked dolls so that turned him gay. You are who you are.
This video by the end of it got me thinking about my current view towards being in a relationship that I'm not a fan of but have a hard time believing it will change: I feel that I would want to be in a relationship again, but I fear that I'll never be able to 100% trust someone to be fully vulnerable and honest with them without being doubtful, and so I don't think a relationship could realistically work out for me. I crave intimacy/affection- both romantically and sexually but primarily romantically, and I would love to love someone and be loved by them in return while not being fearful of showing vulnerability, but because of the way people generally are these days as a whole I feel like what I want is unrealistic- so for now, I might be closed off to a relationship. I just haven't found someone that I can 100% fully trust like that yet...
This woman's voice is the audio equivalent of baby powder. So soothing. I could listen to it all day.
Amanda is our main VO! We are so happy to hear that you love her voice
I have a fear of being abandonned, that impact my relationships. *So I chose the most independant girlfriend* : she can disappear for a week, not answering to texts and calls for days, come suddenly and leave quickly. Despite of the apparences, we have our sweet and kind moments, of kisses and hugs. Believe me, it helped me a lot. It told me how to respect personnal freedom of others, and how to "stop caring" about everything. It's not because they dislike you, it's because they need their time, their activities, their space, etc... You have to let them go free, and it will free you, and teach you trust and stop worrying.
I can relate to a lot of these. The way my parents raised me made me submissive and as a result i have a hard time standing up for myself when i should. That in turn led to me being sexualy abused by a relative when i was 5 and it continued for a long time over the course of my time living with my family. I was only ever in 1 relationship, and she was very supportive of my problems. She was the only one interested in sex between the 2 of us but she always made it clear that i didn't have to agree and do it just because she was the one asking and that i had a choice to say no if i didn't want to or didn't feel like it at the time. Even then most of the time we had to stop because i would get panic attacks. The few times i managed to get through without a panic attack were fine, but i didn't really enjoy it like most people would. She passed away several years ago and i value the time i spent with her more than anything else in my life. She was the 1 person i knew who truly cared to get to know me and understand me rather than try to control me and force me to be something i'm not. I may never be capable of having a normal relationship due to my long history of abuse and trauma but i am grateful for the experience of knowing someone who actually cares and understands.
Sweet man, continue your life with that self awareness and gratitude. You are loved and worthy of love.
Fighting depression again to type that I appreciate this channel. Thanks for everything
Thank you for your support. How are you feeling?
@@Psych2go It's better for us both I don't say
A lot of my friendship experiences lead to just being hurt in the end, when I open up to them or when I just do a tiny slip up and do something wrong. They use stuff against me or find something "hilarious" with me and I become a laughing stock. I've been so cautious to avoiding relationships. Currently, I have a couple of relationships over the years where I end up sharing or venting stuff, and they were still supportive of me after. I treasure them so much and I'm glad I met them.
Word
I had similar experiences. I feel awkward about sharing feelings in RL. I find it easier to share my innermost thoughts on the internet. I do have some very good friends who accept me for who I am and I treasure them.
✨Time Stamps:✨
0:42 Rejection and Engulfment
1:31 Fear of Abandonment
2:18 Avoidant Personality Disorder
3:11 Childhood S*xual Abuse
3:44 Previous Abuse
4:42 Parental Neglect
5:48 Separation and Overdependence
Thank you for including the timestamps!
@@Psych2go No problem! Seems like others have already done it though lmao.
Man this hit too close to home.. Especially when the fearful-avoidant attachment style was brought up
Me too, I had to pause it for a minute after hearing that
I have reactive attachment disorder. It's never been treated when I was a kid, so it's chronic. I also have C-ptsd, rejection sensitive dysphoria and a general fear of abandonment. You can imagine how many mixed feelings that brings and how many internal battles that causes. I've had years of therapy but that didn't help a ton. In fact, it got worse. I have however been in a relationship for 3 years now. It's also the first one I've ever had. I am very lucky to have such a patient and understanding boyfriend. I could never find anyone like him ever again. And I'm glad that I got the guts to try and keep working on my issues. They're really big though. It hinders a lot of our intimacy.
Watching this video make me know myself better. I always feel uncomfortable when someone touches me. I could tell when someone purposely or accidentally touch me but I tend to panicked when someone kept on touching me especially my parents. I hate it so much! I even feel scared sometimes and I could still remember my thoughts are like:” I don’t want to talk to anyone ever again. Why can’t they give me space and leave me alone? I just want to calm down and stay away from everyone” I remembered that I was extremely depressed and anxious while thinking that several times but why does it kept on happening?
I'm autistic and rarely do i ever find that i feel the pull or need for people let alone intimacy, while it is a spectrum, i've always felt like it affected that part of the spectrum as it's not something i get a pull for, while i have dated it was usually more because i felt like i had to to fit in and not because i wanted to.. if i'm honest i really wish i hadn't.
i’m afraid that i’m at the same point
The worst part about this is not being able to speak up, because you are afraid of making the person upset or sad. But trust me, it gets better ❤️
First i saw it said why we should avoid intimacy..😭 well, honestly that's what my mind is telling me. Trust no one and focus on urself
me too wtffff
I wish everyone struggling with this the best.
I watched this twice... I've known that I struggle with abandonment and avoidance but this really put it in to perspective for me as to why. Thank you.
That bit about "fearing your caregiver" as a child speared me right in the heart then exploded. I'd thought I'd gotten past that. Clearly, after all this time, it hasn't quite left.
It's interesting when I went into this video thinking I wouldn't find myself in any of these scenarios, but one of them really spoke out to me.
My parents separated, Both my mom and father abused verbally of me when I was growing up, now I'm 19 and I want to have connections with others, but I simply believe that I am not enough for that, that I'm not worthy of that. I simply cannot bring the strength to tell other people that I would like to spend more time with them, even when I really want to.
I avoid people altogether. I only have contact with them when I absolutely have to, and I still get lonely too when I'm alone alot.
I crave intimacy, but also reject/am afraid of it. The first time when anyone got close enough to me in that manner, she touched my thigh and I started shaking uncontrollably. I felt so horrible that I wanted to cry and almost did. She just spent the rest of the time comforting me. Someone has to spend days with me, getting me relaxed enough before they can even touch me, not even in a sexual way, just touching at all. I only dated a handful of times in high school. It's been decades since and I have not dated since.
Are you a guy?
@@misterbobby8913 I am male, yes.
@@charliem177 Cool, Thanks 🏆
@@charliem177 I have an unrelated question dude, Is your actual legal name Charlie? Or Charles? I ask because I wonder if most Charlie's are actually Named Charles, or if, they're actually named Charlie.
Thanks
Pure logic: It's never been worth it in the past and there's no reason to think that it could ever be worth it in the future.
Lol, stay alone forever wannabe emotionless person.
@@thatperson1720 That's the plan, bud. Was your comment intended to be insulting?
@@thatperson1720 And I don't know why you think that I'd want to be emotionless, I like having emotions. What I don't like is feeling the pain of being with someone who treats me like garbage.
I understand that pain, that cynicism is a hell of a wall to overcome
@@Fereyen Why is it something that needs to be overcome?
On the surface I may seem like I don't want intimacy, but below I really do. I just want to feel the warmth of a hug again after like 10 months, but the waterfall of self doubts and negative thoughts in my mind kill me a little every day. I'm afraid of coming off as weird or something.
"Could you relate to any of these points?" I relate to the entire video (well except for the abuse parts but I relate to the behaviors), I can't stop thinking about just being close with someone both physically and emotionally, but at the same time any attempt at a casual conversation is so stressful and scary to do that I end up just not doing it and regretting it afterwards. I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this cuz I can't imagine it's for long.
Word
I feel the same, exept the last part. Athough, a casual conversation is really stressful and scary to do, I force myself to do it, because:
1. when I already started conversation I become less afraid, because I focus on corvesation not on fear of it;
2. I try to do it with strangers, because if I say smth stupid they don't going to remember what I said for long anyway;
3. it helps to realize that no one going to hurt me, just because I said smth stupid (people don't do it, unless they're jerks);
4. it helped to realize that everyone thinks about themselfs first and their's impretion on me, then about my impretion on them (low selfesteem often giong hand in hand with thought that everyone thinks about you when you talk to them, which in most cases isn't true);
5. it helps me not to be less affraid of coversations in general.
I don't know how old you are, but I was affraid even to start a conversation with somebody, until they start talking to me first until my 20s. Forcing myself to do it really helped a lot, but it was really scary. 10+ years later, I'm still socially awkward sometimes and scared to start a conversation with someone, but I'm not bothered about it too much, because I know it can be helped. 😊
@@snadianna good points but I just can't help myself
@@zUltra3D that's sad, but I hope you can find help one way or another. :)
I'm the same, I wasnt given the chance to develop social skills as a child or to even feel/Express emotions or opinions
So now I have zero understanding of how socializing works and everybody just assumed I hate everyone when in my head I'm beating my head against a wall trying to start or hold conversations without making the other side uncomfortable
Hell i cant even develop a deep/meaningful platonic relationship....
I reckon the time for such things has past me and I'll never have a real relationship platonic or romantic...
I’m not scared of showing emotions or being myself around people I trust, in general. But I get uncomfortable and embarrassed whenever I picture myself being emotionally romantically intimate with someone. I fear intimacy a lot if I think about the person I am, how I behave, and how people perceive me. It must be a self esteem issue at this point
Rejection and engulfment, fear of abondonment, childhood sexual abuse, previous abuse and parental neglect describes me a lot
This right here...
Please elaborate. I need to understand this but the picture just gets more confusing and complicated.
I avoid intimacy because of two major reasons not explained in the video:
1. Divorce Rates by other people (including my own parents)
2. Many people annoy me and are high maintenance with little consideration.
So it's not fear or dependency or even anxiety... it's having to deal with people having these issues, and not knowing what is truly within them.
Two mariage on three ends with à divorce.
Knowing that, would you go skydive with me if i tell you the parachute doesn't open two time on three?
I avoid intimacy because the last time I opened up to someone and felt like a relationship is coming, they waged psychological warfare on me and kept me hung up and at the edge of suicidality and madness for over 4 years. I’ve still got a long road to recover enough from this have anything resembling being okay again.
Because if someone does this shit to me again, I’m dead. Or worse, I will retaliate for such psychological and emotional manipulation.
People tell you to move on . . . But then everywhere you go, it’s like that person’s calling out to you. You see stuff everywhere that reminds you of them. And it’s not just random, it’s deliberate. It’s TOO direct with what you’re feeling and where you are. It’s a form of witchcraft meant to keep people obsessed and hung up. I hope she feels validated, and that she can change and accept having been a horrible person and a witch for punishing me for loving her and struggling to do it in a way that was adequate for her. And I hope she can rectify her character without it killing her. But she needs to know, she’s basically guilty of attempted murder among other things. She tried to drive me insane and get me to commit suicide. That’s unacceptable.
Holy sheet man, you didn't deserve that at all. I really hope you recover and get to be fully happy again
I hope your things getting better, it's also understandable :'>
Getting close with people would be easier for me if they didn't get offended when i spend my free time alone. Everyone understands being unable to eat ice cream infinitely, but with relationships its always "more is better", zero tolerance for introverts.
Isn't it strange? Even my other introvert friends get offended when i don't want to hangout, whereas i never get upset when someone bails. Lol
I avoid it simply because I’m afraid of it. Been single for quite some time already, got used to rejection and being alone. It’s so natural that even the slightest idea of any kind of intimacy ends up with panic attacks. This and a few more reasons to say alone at least for now
Ah you slipped into a comfort zone and it's not easy to get out of those at all but you have to if you want to make progress in life
My love language is physical for sure. I’m a man of few words so I think cuddling is just naturally the best option.
It's good to her that you understand your love language and your needs!
I know you've done videos about it before, but an 8th reason could just simply be "asexuality/aromanticism and introversion."
A 9th reason which CAN be closely linked with anxiety, but is now MUCH more wide spread because we've all just spent the last three years in pandemic lockdown...germaphobia. Many people, myself included, refuse to shake hands, fist-bump or hug anyone unless we're wearing multiple thick layers of clothing out of fear of catching a virus. And while before 2020 this was seen as a strange neurotic behavior...the pandemic has shown us all that it can in fact be a vital survival mechanism.
I, having both of the above all my life, was basically primed to live through a pandemic.
I'd like to see a video about having a relationship with someone who can't communicate their feelings, thankyou
Yes of course we can do that for you! What would you like to learn about it?
Me too! I would love something like that, specially because I'm that kind of person!
When you ask them how they feel about something and they act like they truly don't know how they feel they will tell you they don't know???
@@Psych2go What Emotional Maturity and Emotional Integrity Looks Like in Relationships 💖🌟🌍 because I See patterns in "Attachment healing" "ghosting" "communication Feelings" "toxic Masculinity" "selfdevelopment" "awareness" "rising Soul Powers"
@@kimjohnson5385 True. That is what I did. Even communication "Sorry, Dont know how to respond or how I feel right now" is so helpful, because still U try to communicate and Connect with Person in front
I'm not avoiding intimacy, I'm terrified of it. I dont want the same thing to happen again.
Do you mind sharing with us what happened? What changed after the situtation?
@@Psych2go Watching the only love in your life die is what happened. I'm never going through that again.
I know that my parents have definitely messed up myself. I’ve dealt with the emotional and mental abuse. And been treated like my decision to move out with my new partner was a bad idea. They don’t know he’s my partner, and it’s better that way. I did what was best for me. I couldn’t do that whole what’s best for the family thing because I knew that was already damaged and gone. I’m on month three since moving out, and my partner is trying to help me through my stuff. I’m aware it’s frustrating to him and he understands why i am the way i am. I finally have someone actually letting me be myself and not ridiculing me. I’ve even had my life threatened a couple times when i was about 20 (27.5 now). Biggest thing was dad unknowingly basically giving my mom permission to continue to abuse me. I’ve even told my partner i expect him to react certain ways because that’s what I’m used to. He doesn’t though, thankfully
I've said it before and trust me, I am not here to judge. Based on the observations and experience I've had with parents, it's their fault I am not getting married. I simply believe it's a disappointment on how I was treated and how the interacted when I needed them the most in my childhood. I am simply not getting married or into a relationship. It's been hard finding someone to trust and who's willing to be mature both physically and emotionally. With all the sexual assault I have experienced, it was hard for me to open up about the bully with my parents, because simply... they were too busy or anoyed. My mom constantly gasighted me whenever it came to my dad. She always blamed the arguments that were going around the house.
I recommend therapy to you, believe me it helps a LOT, i've never been through sexual harassment but all my other problems in life became easier to deal, talk, and understand how i can cope them, and first of all, its someone that play a huge part of your life but at the same time isnt in it, so it makes super easier to open up, hope you can overcome your traumas and good luck!
I’m not really afraid of anything, I’m just very avoidant because I feel like people who try to show me love are just faking it. What I’m trying to say is that I feel unlovable, I talk to people more than a normal inteovert probably but it really takes a lot of time for me to even openly call you my friend, if you force it upon me I will just smiley like I’m insane and be quiet lmfao
Its same for me too
🦾🦿 moment
I have a hard time with emotional relationships, and tend to avoid them. It's just that I don't know what I can or can't do, and I get really unsure, and start questioning my own actions before I do them, until I just go back to being a roomrat and avoid the world until I'm ready for next wave of social anxiety and literally never learning.
Well when you have entire generations being raised more by the school system than their parents.
When children, teens and young adults are constantly told to live in fear of/hate each other and themselves for thinking otherwise. Well, it's little wonder we have no concept of how to actually make relationships worth fighting for work, friendships, business relationships, romantic relationships. All of it, most are still playing catch-up with reality and finding real inner peace, well into their late 20's and even into our thirties.
THIS
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa
i always avoid intimacy with anybody because i don't know how to behave. for as long as i can remember i've always been alone without friends, so when i was a child i didn't know exactly what was it like to have friendships, and i recognize that this is giving several bothers because i try to open up with friends, classmates ecc but at the end i feel anxious and take a step back resulting fake for many people :/
You're not alone, I feel you too
Yeah dood it’s automatic for me to keep everyone arms length away .
Oh this is so me
you’re not alone. there are many like you, like us, out in the world. sometimes you just have to be kind enough and brave enough to say “hi” or to smile back to a tentative shy smile.
Yep
Parents divorced
Fear of abandonment
I need my own independence however I am still weaning off being dependent on others, never too late to try ^_^
I often avoid intimacy with anyone, even my own mother. I love hugs, kisses, holding hands, and whatnot. But at the same time, I hate it. It icks me even though I'm a touchy person. I don't understand it myself. But I'm okay with my boyfriend touching me. Not in a dirty way but still. It's weird how I trust him more than the people around me. Everyone in my life has treated me with nothing but love. I feel safer about him talking about my body rather than when my family does.
i feel sorry for your boyfriend if he cant touch his girl in a sexy way without feeling like a creep. seems like maybe you just need a best friend more than a lover. or maybe you are fooling yourself and you just arent into him that much but keep him around to be more of a buddy. EIther its not my business but not many men would put up with that situation. Are you asexual its very weird and abnormal for someone to not even want their romantic partner to touch them in a dirty way. Thats kind of the point of a lover, it separates the relationships that you dont have with anyone else.
@@guitarman0365 No no, I can assure you I really love him. I don't think I'm asexual because I don't mind dirty talk and sometimes even touching. What I meant to say is, I only feel safe with him. He's too sweet for me. It's sort of an insecurity I've faced in my childhood of not wanting anyone to touch me. I know it's weird. I feel turned on and all but it's not something I'm used to.
@@guitarman0365 bro they might have not reached that level, if it even exists. Quit being a freak
@@guitarman0365 Don't think you're in a position to tell someone how to live their life based on a short paragraph.
Intimacy isn’t just physical.
I've been going through Fearful-avoidant attachment for the past 7 years and it's just been getting worse. It makes me feel like a bad friend because I want to hang out so bad but as soon as I make plans I start to panic and it feels like the time counting down till the hang out is like a pillow suffocating me
Feel you Bro. Hope you are able to Transform as well. IT was hard Journey and all my (left) people Had to be very strong and Patient with me. Not easy to reach and Work towards secure Style together. But I could Not have Made IT all by my own, but I am still thankful they listened to me when I was Sharing my vulnerability. What A blessing
I'm sure I haven't lost my first kiss for the matters in this video. I simply can't, I can't love peacefully. I fear being hurt and hurting others so much that things often related to "dating" are things I deeply avoid. I can't even hug my male friends because it's associated with romance and partners more than when I hug my female friends. I feel uneasy at this point and that's why I searched for this video. I want to isolate myself but I wouldn't bare to do this again..
Welcome onboard the singlemobile, pal. I have grown so sick and tired of myself, when i see my best buddies, and my siblings have relationships that works from day one. And me? Not so fking much. I admire their luck in life, to be gifted the skill to have a pink sunshine and rainbows type of relationship that just works without any flaws.
While me? Oh boy do i ruin anything i come nearby, so i have, as mentioned earlier in this comment, grown so sick and tired of myself, who i am, what i stand for, my hobbies, my interests, and what not. I actively even avoid *eyecontact* with women now, because that is how much i gave up on myself, life, and the idea of physical affection.
@@anderstermansen130 Hey buddy, don't give up on yourself! You see, the strugle to connect with other people is only amplified when you can't bare to connect with your own person. Maybe what you need right now is not healing (tho consider the matter I mentioned earlier when you do). And that's okay! I guess we are all kinda off burned out of ourselves on this very fucked-up-end- of-the-year and we all collectivily need a RESTTT.. Take a break, seriously. Maybe after resting you can go back and enjoy yourself and your hobbies. Also, May I ask you what hobbies do you have?
let me give you one tip that helped me. Stop your brain from stopping you to do and experience things. Notice when it stops you from doing something and go ahead and do it. As soon as you stop listening to your nasty, comfortdriven brain and move out of your comfort zone, thats the zone where growth happens and also where a lot of good things come from.
That’s not really weird. Men and women can’t be 100% platonic friends anyways. Other then that it’s sad that you feel this and I hope you get better.
@@anderstermansen130quick bro get some sunlight
I studied human psychology for a long time. I've found that if a person is attacking a problem, it makes the decision making process much easier if they can leave their emotions at the door. Argue their position with logic and reason and the decision usually becomes much simpler. I understand not everyone is capable of that but if they can learn that skill it always seems to help. At least from what I've observed.
Maybe it's been from a LOT of D&D (and similar)... BUT I've found metaphors help... Instead of talking about You and Me (specifically)... We can talk about "proxies" rather like the PC's and NPC's in a D&D game... Everything's a metaphor for the "IRL" situation, so we're detached, but we can still deal with the substance of the "argument"...
If two utterly equivalent "proxies" (say, Janitor A and Janitor B) can get through the same basic confrontation over the same basic issues, then You and Me shouldn't be so far off the figurative reservation as to find our way through the very similar "IRL" situation...
In D&D, growing up, it was the height of the 80's Satanic Panic, and I was in the Bible Belt... SO even Police would harass you if they found anything like D&D at hand... It was damn dangerous to let people know we played... SO we largely didn't have adult supervision. We were EXTREMELY secretive, and lived the "Kids versus Adults" social stereotype from ALL those movies...
AND as you probably know, there's always "one of that kind" in any group... SO somebody wanted to get involved in crap that was completely inappropriate in the Game, but the rest of us were TERRIFIED to cast him or her out utterly... SO we "worked around it"... Instead of talking about "me" or "I" doing stuff in the game, the terms became "My Character" (even by name, like "Roger") and "He" or "She"... AND that afforded us the "psychic distance" to put up with "That guy" being an over-sexed idiot again... (or whatever)... It wasn't perfect, but it worked out most of the time... and nobody got thrown out... and nobody got into serous trouble.
My neighbors are pretty serious "Tumpkins" now... BUT when I explained the two cases of "Classified Papers" with "Janitor A" who calls you up and explains how he's found some files and papers from cleaning out your office in his truck, and just wants to see to it you can get them back (amounting to not quite 2 dozen)... While "Janitor B" demands to know "How dare you peasants come after me on this witch hunt" and the months of arguing when you KNOW a mountain of files are missing and he was the last to be seen with any access... only to get 300+ pages (enough for a sizeable novel) through a Police effort and search warrant... which Janitor would you hire back??? Well, they understood... They at least ran completely out of arguments about it... BUT most of them had to admit, Janitor A sounds like a much better person to keep on the payroll... maybe not perfect or even close, but a hell of a sight better than B...
SO... yeah... You can suggest the "proxies" or "by metaphor" or whatever suits. Some folks even suggest it's "arguing in code"... BUT it helps. A little psychic distance, and just about any subject can be approached, at least in modest and measured doses. ;o)
@@gnarthdarkanen7464 I love thos type of response. So well thought out in advance. And yes, good sir/ma'am I agree completely. The use of metaphors and proxies is a wonderfully amazing tool. More people should try using them. When you stop assigning a groupentality to your discussion it makes it substantially easier to have that discussion. And also yes, there is inevitably "that guy" in every in group. It can't be avoided. At the same time there is another version of "that guy," and that is me, and likely you. We are the voice of reason and logic that is capable of controlling the room, even though we don't want to be in charge.at all. We just know how to communicate better than everyone else. We are the ones that find the "work around" that you mentioned. To us it's simple because our decisions aren't based on emotion, instead logic takes us over. Our answer is almost always acceptable because we're able to read the room and find a compromise with everyone's point of view with an acceptable outcome for all involved. That makes us a very valued member of any group we choose to be involved with. We are the decision makers.
There are three types of people in any hierarchy, we are tho more rare type. Alphas, that seek control, beta that need to follow, and then us. Sigmas. The best combination of both other groups with none of the downsides. We are always the video that everyone else will listen to. The betas know we don't want to control them and the alpha knows we don't want their control. So we are the only ones the alpha will listen to. He knows his spot is safe with us as an advisor to his leadership and both groups know we will not ever lie to them because we stand nothing to gain. It's win win win all the way around.
The way you're speaking it sounds like you're probably a Gen Xer same as me. That makes a lot of sense if I'm right. Our generation was the last one that wasn't coddled and handed participation trophies. We were told we would fall and fail and that was ok, as long as we got back up and tried again. We weren't told we were special and unique. Second place was the first loser, we wouldn't be able to be a pro baller or president. There was realistic expectations around that time. Times were hard and we had to adapt and figure it out on our own. Nothing was handed to us so we made do with what we had. I remember a phrase from my youth that sums all this up simply in one sentence.
I've done so much, with so little, for so long, that now I can do almost anything with almost nothing. On that note I will end this but would love to highlight one more thing. I'd suggest to you to do a little digging on the topic of sigma males. The videos I've found have enlightened me on how the rest of the world views us. Very insightful and useful information. It's difficult for us to see ourselves through others eyes because we are so focused and our brains are wired differently. That said, enjoy what's left of your evening, and, cheers. 🍻🍻
@@donbishop6994 Yup... Yup.... AND Yup.
I even have fond memories of "Action Park" and only recently bid a fond farewell to the last beloved T-shirt "I survived Action Park" complete with dubiously realistic bloodstains... and considerably more holes "worn in" than it had when I first got it from the place that was so popularly known as "Traction Park" or "Class action Park"... haha...
AND it's funny (to me at least) how so many of "Today's Generation" recoil in terror at the stories and assume I'm either joking or crazy or both(?) when I recount the adventures and admit to missing those childhood trips and all that went with them... right down to delicately peeling gauze from nasty injuries to "show off the badges of honor" for having proof I'd even gone...
Yeah, you're right. We were the last (or among the last) that weren't "molly-coddled to death"... I'm not 100% with the "current traditional" label for Sigma Male, but I can agree substantively with most of what I've seen about it, including your brief overview.
Maybe it's the D&D experience... AND maybe it's an English Teacher I got twice in High School who taught regularly how we should stop whatever we're doing from time to time and examine our "overall situation" from a completely 3rd person point of view... BUT I've never had much trouble understanding how others see me, hear me, or consider me. I also never struggled much with the concept that the majority simply ignore me... unless I'm in a position within their situation such that they have little or no choice. 8 Billion people with their own "sh*t" and the tunnel-vision to go with all that. It's okay, I never really wanted too much responsibility or power anyways... (AH... the sigma showing?... haha)...
You have a great day/evening, yourself. I just thought I'd contribute the per-chance that you'd find that suggesting engagement by TTRPG (Like D&D, but any of dozens of games) to be a useful tactic in the future... just in case you hadn't thought of it yet, yourself. ;o)
I've realized that I have been subconsciously avoiding intimacy. I really wanted it, but never took action to gain such a relationship with anyone.
A lot of things I've opened up about have been used to hurt or control me (or others). Even little things I share, such as my interest in certain hobbies or media, could be used to insult me in some weird way. So now I'm extremely defensive when it comes to my struggles and problems. I don't know if I'll ever find anyone else who I can talk to about my issues, but I believe I can live regardless.
You got this bro !
This is so sad. My ex was like this, it ended because she didn't feel it was fair and that she isn't good for relationships.
I'm sorry to hear that... how do you feel about the situation?
@@Psych2goI did all I can to reassure her, but I had to respect her wishes so no regrets there. But it still feels like a distant sadness I empathize with her but not like the initial months of loss which were the first time I had withdrawal symptoms. It was like the loss of a really close loved one, never like any break up before. Maybe we were that close, idk. Hope she's fighting on, we used to share psych2go vids too and assess if we needed to work on any of those issues.
Physical intimacy for me and my boyfriend helped us to let go of our fears of sharing emotional and mental intimacy. We learned about eachother during and after physically intimate times and I truly believe all types of intamacy can be important
It's been 11 years since I was last in a relationship or intimate with anyone. I've since sunk into my work and have even taken a job where I am alone 90% of the time.
The idea of being intimate with someone serves as a trigger for my epilepsy. I've done experimentation with this and found focusing enough on the idea of someone wanting to genuinely be in a loving and understanding relationship with me that's beyond just basic friends causes some sort of destabilizing feedback which can quickly trigger a focal/partial seizure.
I don't avoid it. It avoids me. Big difference
That part
Watching rhese videos makes me more sad slowly realizing that I may never find love, but they are so interesting that I can't stop I love psychology.
I crave intimacy even though I’m introverted. My mom wasn’t home much & I was left alone a lot after school. I find even though I try to be in intimate in relationships whether friends or other, it doesn’t last long. I start to doubt their love for me. It’s worse when I’m dealing with depression and grief because I want intimacy but my pain pushes people away making me feel all alone. ……Then it enforces the thoughts that I’m not worth loving or that I’m too broken to be loved. Then I start doubting their love again.
Im going through the same thing
Scared of getting emotionally hurt again (I remember being rejected and EVERYthing felt hollow for months after that ), I've gotten so used to "self pleasure" that sustaining anything with the real thing is problematic, either I get soft cause its no the specific stimulation I want or fear of being judged, aaaaaaand I have snoring issues. Which no one is going to sleep next to.
I can relate to this since I've been alone for 2 years because of pandemic which makes me kinda weird to socialize to other and also afraid...
I have a fear of abandonment. I was abandoned twice. Once in real life and once on the Internet.
I was and still am so scared of losing myself and my goals when letting love through, that I literally pushed away a person who would have been nothing short but perfect for me and I just can't seem to fight this fear off. I just really hope one day it'll get weaker.
How could you even lose yourself? A relationship requires giving some of you for some of them but it doesn't have to make you bad, it might change you for the better 👣
I'm sorry you've had to push someone away that you cared about. It must really hurt... :C My partner did the same to her previous partner. After 4 months of dating she felt things got too serious between us and she tried to push me away. We had a chat and she said she is scared of "committing" and doesn't want to feel pressured to see me. She tells me it doesn't sit right with her that someone actually loves her. I am doing my best to give her space and not be overbearing. It was very upsetting for me to discover this as I wasn't expecting it. I am trying to occasionally give words of reassurance and affirmation but I can't help but also feel the need to take my own emotional distance from the relationship, as I can only match the same efforts and emotional investment that she gives. Any advice for not triggering her to push me away? thanks!
I was severely bullied by boys growing up, so this has played a role in my fear of intimacy.
I was always fighting back, called insane and left alone.
I just don't overthink it on daily basis, past shouldnt take away your present, it takes strength to hold in that's how it is. Sometimes at the end of day it's good to have a private place to remember, settle the truth and accept it. It can take time depending on severity, but this method have results.
I've denied myself intimacy since ever because I was abused mentaly, physically and emotionally by my classmates from age 8 to 14. Since then I've only been surviving in this world. Never really lived. Never any drive to become anything.
My bullies did in a sense kill me. I haven't felt joy, happiness or love ever since. Never allowed myself to be intimate with people and always expect the worst from others. When friendships are getting closer I find myself new friends and ghost the last ones because of the fear of vulnerability.
I never allowed myself to cry and if I do cry. I'll always apologize to people who witness me crying and blame myself for being weak and not manly enough to not have mastered my emotions yet.
Bro same... I'm just starting to learn how to gain intimacy with other ppl because I was bullied and my parents never really were there when I needed. Stay strong, you deserve all the best! ♥️♥️
That sucks 💣
I want intimacy, but no one wants me. I’m caring, gentle, nice, but it never seems to be enough and I’m tired.
Word
Yeah same. :(
If you are the "nice guy" thats why
Being the nice guy often gets you the perfect partner, of course this also means it will take time. You'll find someone who understands your values, who understands why you're passionate, gentle and acknowledges these traits you have. Instead of trying too hard to find a partner, be yourself, be who you are, a gentle, nice and caring person to everyone and soon enough you will find the one you're looking for.
why want intimacy when u can give it to urself. being able to love urself is the best thing that can happen, where u dont need to depend on others' validation and stuff. if people sees u as a confident and amazing person, im pretty sure it wont be hard of them being intimate unless you are comfortable already
The degree of ASMR in this video definitely is giving me some intimacy issues
My now ex demonstrated a few of these and it's helped me understand a bit more as why she felt inadequate in herself that she felt like she was holding me back, plus she's not had good experiences with men, and I'm a gentle and loving guy (essentially a care bear) and it hurt sometimes when she pushed me away but I tried to understand but it made me feel like I wasn't doing enough, but I know I did everything I could, but still
Well just hope she is doing better in life, dont let that get to you.
i find it weird of how i badly wants to be intimate with someone but i dont want sex at all despite being normal and straight.
i mean , i just wanna sleep with girls but yes just a sleep. i long for the feeling to sleep beside someone , cuddles , hugs or hair rubs.
i dont even bother asking someone's nude photos , all i asked is nude souls . i want to get to know her souls , i want to see her flaws but still love her , i want to see her good side so i can compliment and appreciate her but its kinda impossible these day.
im 28 this year and still never gotten any girlfriends , i dont have any friends either. used to have lot of online friends but now im back alone again.
my parents dead , my sibling are such a bully and mentally killing me. i dont have any friends since i always at home doing chores and taking care of cats and houses.
one day this loneliness will kills me for real. thats why i craves for intimacy.
Believe me you're not alone. You have Allah (God) who's watching over you and knows your suffering exactly the way you feel it because He created your heart and knows exactly your inner feelings. Reconnect with the Almighty and build a bond with Him. Resort to Him and speak to Him more often, and you will feel Him near you. Ask Him for help always!
You might want to look up the term Asexual.
You might be in the asexual spectrum there alot of people who want just the same thing as you hope you will meet them soon
U Sound Like a deep Person. So U Love emotional intimacy. Most infj and infp or Isfp enfp seek for this deep emotional intimacy. Cray at TH-cam is infj and he explains that Most NF types want "more" than Just physical intimacy. To Connect in derper Level, the Soul Level. To me ITS the Most precious If one shared and Shows the Soul, ITS amazing. 🌍💖🌟Big hugs to all Souls. 😊
@@Annemariedickinson Platonic depth. Emotional Spiritual Soul depth First, everything else ist additional
France really helped me to get more relaxed with stuff like that. They really don't seem to have an idea of personal space.. but they are super nice about it, so you really don't mind after a while.
Ye i gave a bj to a mime too
My father has always told me that I gonna have a lots of intimicy when I grow up. This made me avoid intimnicy
0:44 Rejection and engulfment
1:32 Fear of Abandonment
2:22 Avoidant personality disorder
3:11 Childhood s*xual ab*se (TW)
3:45 Previous ab*se (TW??)
5:51 Seperation and over-dependence
Hope these help! Love your videos Psych2go!
Thank you for the timestamps!
The fearful-avoidant attachment is almost exactly how I was, and the problems I caused in my relationships as a result of it were too much to deal with. I wish she never knew me, because I know that’d be better for her. I’ll never get so close with anyone again
but if u do this, u can never work on yourself, u can never avoid it completely anyway, humans are social animals. The strength of humans is adaptation and evolving, dealing with a different environment on the fly. Other species die, we adapt. I destroyed my relationship with giving her too much, because she gave me nothing and the only thing we should have done is TALKING WITH EACH OTHER, we found that out after she moved out. After christmas we talked. Openly, friendly, full truth. It was the best talk we had in 5 years. Well, she went away anyways, but because she needs space to find herself. I still hope she comes back, because she doesnt have to fight anymore for a good relationship. She was sick of fighting for it, thats why she quit.
but now that she knows that we can talk about everything and anything, people think. Just do not pressure the other person at all. Either they like to be with u on their own or not.
Without YOU she would never learn. You helped her understand. Even when it was a bad experience, these are the ones who shape us into the human we are after that. Use that Information. Be the person u want to be, work on yourself
dont pity yourself.
Intimacy is very personal and makes you vulnerable, that makes people uncomfortable
Yeah. I end up getting intimate with the wrong people, and it didn´t end well. Ever since, I just put some barriers when interacting with someone, no matter the people. No exceptions.
@@MrTigracho agreed. It sucks but most of the time you get stung in the end.
@☼ Jade ☽ agreed. Its very difficult to feel happy. People give me weird looks when i cant properly express the correct emotions when i should.
yep fearful-avoidant is mine. since i was raised in an abusive household with fear as a "tool". i dont trust anyone, i dont like it being touched at all (because of physical abuse of someone you should normally trust). a really short hug is ok. but with a long hug from someone i like it´s very different. i always feel vulnerable, weak and kind of "needy" then. i dont like that. and i need to let this "good" feeling go on the other hand because i rarely see those specific people. only close people are allowed to hug me.
Ive been diagnosed with AVPD. The worst part of it is that there isn't anything I want more in the world other then being in a loving relationship like I'm desperate, but I'm absolutely too terrified to do anything about it. It's a major source of my depression. I dont understand why and it effects more then just relationships but work too.
I'm sorry dude, I hope you find someone who initiates with you first and gives you that boost that you need so that you can get the ball rolling.
ADHDer here. The talking animations sometimes remind me of popcat, the meme. Love your videos!!!!!!!
Well, let's see here. I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused as a child - bonus points for being punished for the sexual abuse I suffered. I was taught by all of my caregivers that I couldn't trust anyone from the age of 4 or 5, and I my emotional and psychological issues were ignored when I did try to bring them up. I was severely bullied by my familial peers for any little thing that I liked, so I became unable to share my likes or even display them in any way. As an adult I was physically, sexually, emotionally/mentally, and financially abused by a partner.
Now, I am too afraid to bother with even trying, and I wouldn't even know where to start if I did want to. I don't want anyone touching me, but I do desire feeling close as I see others experience. I have absolutely no frame of reference for how that may look and feel. I don't believe I could ever be more than casual acquaintances with others.
I've been to therapy, and I don't believe it's something that can be fixed.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope one day you find the happiness and peace that you deserve ❤️
Have you tried support groups? Although I myself have never been in one, I think you'll be able to let out how you have been feeling and I think they will understand better than anyone your situation. It may not cure your trauma, I think it may help lift a weight of your shoulders and point you into a right direction.
@@Ednorle too much anxiety for groups, but I am able to function okay in my day to day life. I've had to learn how to mask everything growing up, and now it's the only thing I know how to be.
I did a couple of years of therapy and got diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I haven't been since right before the pandemic.
I've accepted that this is just the way that I am. Not caring so much anymore feels pretty freeing, to be honest. It's just sometimes that I want the closeness that I see, but it's just not worth the risk anymore. I have my dog and my art supplies and my books.
@@yomommasofatthanoshadtosna3479 I find small joys in the skills I develop, my dog's companionship, rainy days, and tea. Along with my books, and all of the above, I can be fairly okay.
@@UnsortedSeeds I'm glad to hear that, man. Always find a way to enjoy the small things in life, and find true love, even if its not romantic: such as your friends or your dog :) Dont give up on yourself, you're much stronger than you know, and I know that one day, little by little, you'll learn to show your true colors again, that you've always been forced to hide ❤️
I came into this video and before I even watched the thought that occurred to me was
" If I don't get close they can't judge me where I'll care."😑😑😑
I really love the narrator's voice. It's soothing.
Thanks
I don't avoid intimacy, intimacy avoids me
chad
Same 😂
I crave and fear it at the same time. Even minor things like random touch or being closer than I want makes me extremely hypersensitive. It just that unusual for me. But I so want a relationship I basically crave for any physical or emotional contact. When there is common ground in conversation or when minor physical contact initiated by me, it makes me feels so over and wanting more. My biggest fear would be that, even if my partner (if there ever be) would give me time so i can get used to intimacy, they would just quit because it would be too long and they won't wait because it would take so much time and just quit.
That doean't sound that healthy
Basically, me. But it's mainly because people I started opening up to slowly ended up betraying or abusing me. And the emotional neglect paired with abuse...
I am far more reserved than I even was before, now. So, unless you want to be patient and take the extra mile, I will not let you in.
Why do we hurt ourselves. We've basically put ourselves in a box
Do not fear, pal. Everyone else around us is already occupied and have sunshine and rainbows type of relationships. So dont get your hopes up to find a partner, let alone a partner that actually would have the patience to Meet you on eyelevel and be understanding.
And i too, have become hyper aware when people touch me, be it a pat on the shoulder, or accidentally bruising my arm, im instantly on highest alert. The tiniest bit of touch is instantly overwhelming to me.
I also too, crave for physical and emotional contact, but as mentioned previously, everyone around us is already occupied.
So welcome onboard the singlemobile.
I had a bestfriend I tried opening up to the best I could after the pandemic, it worked out for 5 months, until her toxic ex came back into the equation, I tried talking to her about it because she promised she wouldn't get back with him but did either way, after that I met someone else I could care about, but one day they told me they're constantly busy and well we stopped talking after that, and now I made a new bestfriend I feel I could care about, the friendship just feels one-sided though, I just wish I had more confidence and faith in myself
This is my ex to a T. She never voiced her feelings at all, never told me her boundaries, but I can tell she was very shut down in the Intimacy Department. I don’t know who hurt her in the past, but I don’t want her to feel like she isn’t lovable. She is.
I know what you mean. These online themes have it all so wrong. More like a club for professional victims. Can you please describe your ex's behaviour and experiences. I have the feeling there is a multitude of suffering people out there who desperately need understanding and help.
I relate quite a bit with the video contents. I am finding my struggling with maintaining my friendships after cutting off my family who I used to glorified and trust in. It's become hard for me to trust and rely on anyone around me at all really. Family used to mean a lot, but it sucks when you have one that doesn't feel like one.
I relate with fearful-avoidant attachment.
I'm currently coping a failed attempt at intimacy for a year now and it still hurts in my heart, head and stomach like if it was yesterday. Whenever I do mindless tasks those thoughts swarm my head and break me down.
鬱
I'm starting to think I have it too... Should I get a job like be a trucker or join the military and die 💀 but... What if I try.. to search or talk to the people I currently know already... Will they understand me... Will I even take the first step?
@@onedova2298 I've been doing that too, talking with my nearest acquaintances, aaaaaand it's going... kinda uncomfortable. Don't know how long I'm gonna last but anyways ┐(‘～`;)┌
Tomorrow I'll ask them about one of my shortcomings.
I wish you the best in your attempt, I'm sure you'll find someone nicer.
@@Fawful81080 good luck. If they say no or reject you... At least you'll have the comfort of knowing rather than not knowing
Thank u for Ur honest Share. I struggled many years and caused lots of pain for self and Others. Reading Into Psychologe since I was 17 and ober passt years Tools Like mbti (understanding self and Others) and Connection towards Others (Attachment Styles) helped me lots. Understanding self and than talking with trusted people, even though IT was hard to Show Vulnurability and Feelings. There was a constant inner Bad critique which Held me Back talking about my desires and Feelings. Me and my dears Had been so Patient, because IT was Not easy. Constant learning
@@onedova2298 Trying to Talk about your Feelings, insecurities, thoughts, If one can listen, No Matter If they can understand, might be a Brave First step and kinda training