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Once again, thank you for this 🙏

Coach Ryan - set your settings for camera on your smartphone: Mirror Front Camera on OFF as image is mirrored (check the text on shirt). ;) And thanks a lot for all your your videos.

In my 4 cases with DAs I can say they are not evil people like narcs. They are just emotionless, the people who can't express their feelings and show empathy to you. You must take this as prime fact. Knowing this and realizing that you don't have time and will to stay beside them going trough all that needed possible therapy, you can just try to lead them to the right path (doing good task) and move forward without them setting strong and firm boundaries staying secure attached with no contact. I think this is the only and best way for both sides.

Why do avoidance say that there partner don't love them?

But if I didn't push her away with my unconditional love and not enable her all the time at the same time. She wouldn't have ran away and wouldn't have had the occasion to change the dynamic that drastically and grow and heal from her trauma. Staying on the egg shells would have been way worse.

I have experienced this, but the mental mind games, lies and stories to make me feel fearful they will stray ir try to make me jealous were often backed up with “I wouldn’t have done it if YOU had loved me more/tried harder etc” This (in their mind) shifted the responsibility on to me along with the justifying their lack of apology/accountability for what they said when they drank.

I have experienced this, but the mental mind games, lies and stories to make me feel fearful they will stray ir try to make me jealous were often backed up with “I wouldn’t have done it if YOU had loved me more/tried harder etc” This (in their mind) shifted the responsibility on to me along with the justifying their lack of apology/accountability for what they said when they drank.

❤ thank you. great shirt too.

I keep struggling with the fact that I did reject and abandon her (after she sabotaged me for the second time I said I didnt want to associate with her anymore and blocked her). But I feel like showing more love and empathy would be enabling her because she hurt me a LOT. Still, I keep feeling so conflicted.

stuck between believing pure love can eventually heal them and cause them to accept it and giving up on them and accepting they won't ever change, either way is going to completely destroy me mentally - either by exhaustion from trying or by guilt of abandoning someone

Stop settling for crumbs when you deserve the whole damn loaf.

Does it always have to be childhood neglect? What if they were hurt as a young man.

You cannot *_force_* a bud to open. All you'll do is damage.

So what? Are you weak? You can't get discarded twice you weakling?

Don't worry, I won't. I I'm don't need to be told to respect myself.

its a perfect excuse for space to go hook up with some one new.

What happens if a DA is texting to another DA?

Nah it's worth getting out of there if they have addictions. Comfort eating, comfort spending, alcohol, drugs, gambling, porn/masturbation etc. are all toxic and don't just destroy the user but also everyone in their orbit

Or children, who were growing up during war

You have to consciously choose to leave them once they blindside you. Unless they have great insight, are in therapy you just have to admit they have no chance of remaining intimate and close. You may love them a great deal but that does not affect the outcome. They cannot make it work. You have to give up a future that you have eased yourself into relying on cause it was so great. Yes there were red flags but you did not know this is the end result until you go through it once fully. You have to stop romanticizing about the great times and recognize what living with a deactivated person would be like. Lonely, frustrating, feeling devalued, not good enough, deprived, disempowered, craving intimacy, unappreciated. Welcome back to your childhood. Let yourself detox and admit you have to do something different even when it hurts every minute. Peace

He’s definitely telling the truth. But the keyword is ‘partner’ (Or a relationship). I’m lucky enough to not have been discarded in my later years. With dating however, you can discard people lol, till your hearts content

Amazingly said. I’ll watch this again.

Avoidant is just a fancy term for narcissist (covert/ golden child narc to be exact). My last ex avoided intimacy connection and anything long-term ( any amount of closeness that lasted longer than 3 months) he push-pulled me for so long that I finally got tired of his bull and let go. These ppl are draining and dont deserve any amount of energy or love. They are time wasters who avoid any accountability when their behavior has been exposed. And they will get old and be lonely if they don't get their crap together.

AJFA shirt AND great info? Dang your site rocks 🤘

Thank you so much for these videos, they help me so much on my healing journey. 🥰

Is it a discard … if… she kind of made it clear she wasn’t happy about something ( the fact I already have a child who I see once a month and she got anxious about how this would affect our future children ) but kept saying she’s really in love with me so I assumed we would be able to work through it but she became increasingly upset but right up until the week she broke up with me was giving me branches like “maybe we can talk about living in X place and we can do X” then one final day she just sends a message saying “I think we want different things, you should focus on your kid and I should focus on my mental and physical health and I need to step away, please respect that”. And then no more phone calls no more messages. Done. After 6 months of intensely seeing each other having tonnes of sex daily and saying we are in love and making plans for the future and feeling secure . Is that discard ?

I wouldn't waste pen or paper on my Asshat Ex

Thank you 🙏. I was just about to send off that long letter but won't.

Yep, always silent treatment, or one or two words at most. cold non emotions, negativities that are always in their head, more reasons they find why they need to not go ahead and get close.... So sad they'll never allow themselves to give and receive love.

Why would anyone want an avoidant back ? 😂They come back and do it again

Yup…… sounds right. Damages for years.

I did all this and finally he came back and i regret taking him back

Is it possible Anxious styles pick up avoidants anxiety? Being empathetic, I do believe this is what brought on my anxiety but felt very strongly to assert my boundaries securely 😊

I feel like this video was meant for me to see my ex discarded me a week ago 😭

This is the best video to date. Thanks Coach!

Empathy? Practice empathy and get out of self centeredness when I feel avoidant. Huh? Seems really obvious now, but I was really in a conundrum there

Omg this is my life rn 😭my ex wife did this to me

The video I needed! Thank you 🙏🏽

I love the grounded reality of this channel!!! ❤Retirement took a toll on my finances, but I am so excited and grateful with my involvement in the digital market.$57k weekly has been life changing. Regardless of so many financial challenges and how bad it gets on the economy…

How is this different than someone with BPD?

This is exactly what happened. Healthy happy relationship, built strong healthy emotional intimacy, as soon as it got to a peak, she turned and ran away, went cold. Still cold. Hurts like hell.

@Coach Ryan - I have an odd question. What happens or becomes of an avoidant that never heals? And does age play any factors in choosing to heal versus not choosing to?

I watch this video over and over when I feel my weakest. Thank you so much.

The problem is when you’re an empath, on top of everything else, u feel sorry for them. 😢

Back off guy.. writing the letter was cheaper than therapy.

This is bang on, punch in the gut feeling. Thanks for this, I don't want her back

He used abused cheated lived free robbed me massively traumatized me exhausted me slandered me and made me the evil demonic villain . He needs to be held accountable, they are hard core criminals. And play victim they make you out to be who they are and bully you and punish you

I have to be honest and yes I was in love of the potential of my avoidant ex. Painfull lesson learned. Now I know about attachment styles etc. and healing. So much time wasted on someone disrespectfull, non communicative and dishonest.

They don't go all in with anyone. I don't care what appears to be because we all know it's not gonna last.