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Most of them will block you and vanish... because they think you are toxic and they are not...

I was degraded over time to a friends with benefits. So I left, and he was upset and at the same time I had always been very open and honest about me only looking for relationship. He pulled away many times, and was surprised when it finally had consequenses 6 months into dating. Like how can that ve upsetting? My friends say he probably did not think I would ever leave, but I did 😏 How come he believed I would keep holding on like a lost puppy…

Ok but do they reach out directly or indirectly after they calm down ? Or do they wait for us to do it? He’s FA with DA lean.

I have 20 times the stress he had and he lived rent free! I asked him why he doesn’t relax into my kisses hugs and affection! In times of stress he breaks up with me and he can’t handle stress at all! He never apologizes either! These videos are priceless and I had no idea why he was acting so weird and was starting to blame myself!

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I am done being in the friend zone. I will step out the way while he pursues what he really wants.

Love your vids such good info.. They keep you at arms length in other words they're needs are met but yours are not.

We don't know if they were neglected. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. Who knows. Where are the studies? How were the studies conducted? We know people, and especially these types people lie so they can play the role of the victim. There are many reasons why this adaption style of dealing with people has evolved. I know Coach Ryan, you want to have a clear cut motive as to why these people behave this way, but thinking you have a clear cut answer just gives people false hope. You do a lot of good work, but lets stick to observing and defining the behaviors, and not the motives, which we will never truly know. And once these toxic behaviors are identified, then it's best to distance from these type of people. Unfortunately most of these people are beyond hope, and a permanent No Contact (complete cut off on every level) might be in order. I know, it's sad, But at some point, it's time to let go of the fantasy. Let it go. Another observation of what Ryan is saying, is that these toxic types of people do better with people who also can't emotionally bond so there is nothing to lose in the first place. If that is the case, which i do believe to be correct, we have to question our own motives about why we chose to direct our precious time and energy towards these type of manipulative people. What does that say about us? Maybe we also have abandonment/attachment disorders also? If we didn't, why did we pick these people, and why did they pick up? The red flags were always there. Yes they were. From the very beginning. Like the saying goes, "if you can't understand the motive of said behaviors or actions, then look at the end result of said behaviors, and that will give you your answer." For the most part nobody here was a prisoner. Nobody held a gun to you head. You chose these people, and they chose you. It was co-dependent for good or for bad. Maybe, you believed the brainwashing of your childhood. It was all over the media (Sitcoms, movies, shows, the news, etc.) and by proxy your friends and family, but at some point, with self-refection and introspection, you would have come to the conclusion that something is wrong here, and that we were given mis-information about a great many things. If you have any intelligence, you would have to question every single declarative statement we've ever been told, and investigate it. And that includes, Ryan's assertion, that the main reason of most toxic people's dysfunction, is only that of bad parenting or some horrific event in infancy. There are for sure other many other reasons. You might think you have the answer, and everyone you know might think they have the answer, and you and everyone might be wrong.

Happened to me and I said no and walked away.

It is insanely accurate how you describe these people. I mean it’s legit like hearing a narration of our relationship. And during the final weeks when I would bring up any of this they wouldn’t hear it at all, which is also explicitly described in detail in your videos. It’s astonishing how determined they are to not acknowledge their issues. Having been separated for a while now I don’t feel anxious at all anymore. I do miss the good moments, but not only were they too few and too far between, they weren’t good enough to overshadow the immense amount of bad.

The absurdity of wanting to be friends with someone who treated you poorly in a romantic relationship....

three times

What if they didn’t could you make a video on that, my ex always said we are all or nothing I’m assuming it’s that it’s the same for me but still be interesting to see both sides

The trauma stunts their emotional growth, so when they get triggered they are impulsive like a child. This often leads to cheating, stonewalling, seeking external validation, etc.

Spot on Coach Ryan. My ex was always pushing pace in the relationship, commitment, sex, naming our kids, talking pets, plans, vacations, where our wedding would be, deep conversations about our future with our parents, etc. We had come back from a great trip together when she sent me a link to the engagement ring she wanted and planned a great Christmas together.... 5 days later she discarded me out of the blue with a laundry list of vague issues with me that she had never addressed before for reasons we couldn't be together, cold as ice. She immediately jumped into bed with a friend mine (ex friend). Its been 9 months, I'm finally starting to get my feet back under me, although I doubt I will ever be the same.

He can't block me because lve already taken that step. Which was only one step further than the withdrawing he has maintained for a couple of months.

I know what it feels like walking on the eggshell. Whenever we went to road trips, my avoidant partner showed me his other version of himself. Turn the radio volume super high without asking me. Yelling at me whenever he was lost while driving, We have never had a meal that I would like to try it’s been his term. He asked me to give him one more chance but since this behavior repeated 3 more times, it is a pattern and incurables unless he is working on himself which he wouldn’t. We both liked each other, He cooked wonderful meals many many times. He is loving when he is comfortable…..probably we still do. But I had to let him go.

Nice guitars 🎸 Good message. This is helpful ❤

sometimes I think I read comments here just to better understand anxious women, and soak all the brooding resentment in and have fun with it you do you and I do I

Yes. My ex FA of 5.5 years always would blame me for everything in his life. "You Stress me out", he would always say, when it had nothing to do with me. After 8 months of No Contact, I gradually have lost a portion of my anger but I can't find forgiveness. I absolutely cannot believe that a 68 year old man of 3 marriages and countless revolving relationships does not think about himself as the major contributor of his problems in life. I thought I could "help him", Ha! I didn't know about Avoidants, nor Narcissists, but I still blame myself for not realizing... I now believe he was a Covert Narc as he is so vindictive, cruel, depressed and stressed....But that really doesn't matter, it's that I Learned! Strength to all of you out there going through same... Thank you for all your daily "therapy" Coach Ryan!! so helpful....

Thank you Soo much for your knowledge. This is probably one of the most informative videos I have watched while doing my research.

Ryan understands this so well but it's also so sad to hear. Eventually though as this understanding spreads it's gonna heal a lot of people when they understand what they're doing and why. This is good work.

that what my ex did and I swear I have millions of questions in my minds I tried to contact and she plays victim all the time so immature people with no emotions

Thank you for making this video

Coach Ryan, you are such a blessing! I am so thankful that I came across your videos!! Your knowledge is helping me so much!!

Coach Ryan, you are such a blessing! I am so thankful that I came across your videos!! Your knowledge is helping me so much!!

If you set boundaries for the avoidant they are taking this as a tyranny

If you set boundaries for the avoidant they are taking this as a tyranny

@Hoe_math called this,"not fixable." On the levels spectrum, this is level three, not able to consider the needs of another...

Sex and alcohol. But she doesn’t think much about it. Imagine that. Watching her drink to the point of incoherence.

Thank you, Ryan. This helped.

Funny, after dating an avoidant I'm emotionally so depleted, that I turn into an avoidant. I can't even imagine dating someone else anymore. I don't have anything to give anymore.

This can be true in some cases: however, dysregulated, controlling, anxious, stressed demanding partners can really cause stress. Leaning in the relationship should elevate stress, what if it doesn’t. What is the avoidant supposed to do?

Going on 5 months and it feels like eternity… the days get easier, but there hasn’t been a single day where she hasn’t crossed my mind :/

Mine suggested buying an investment property together but then ran off when I broached the subject of moving in together?!?!10 years together.

My parents were okay. The thing is that everyone was leaving us. Friends of my friends, uncles, extended family. Everyone was dropping contact out of nowhere. I was always the third wheel. I had friends for a while until they found someone better. The environment traumatized me and let me down, but not my parents.

This guy really looks good without that wigger hat

Family was his spouse and kids he ditched when business became too much. For 27 yrs, which he claims he laments, everything was corporate gain and still is. Yah, yah. Next week Dow Jones may take a hit and cause his world to go asunder along with anyone near him. At 58, you’d think there’d be some self actualization, FFS. Now I’m happy to be alone and away from the needy ass dribble.

Thanks Coach Ryan.

Thank you coach Ryan

Stress dumping his own kids too apparently 😢

🤯

The slow fade hurt and so did getting ignored, but I sure have been quiet ever since.

I love love love this red shirt! Excellent presentation and information 👏 ❤

this is why ghosting from the avoidant hurts so much because they do a lot of future faking

Thank You!🙏 Coach Ryan I've been beating myself up crying for 6 months. I'm trying to move on but it's so painful.💔😔

Anxious patting myself on the back after 11+ years of avoidant bullshit.

about Book 1:1, I hope coach Ryan you have more detailed explanation, I'm guessing there are a lot of people here who need this kind of help

She might of had her problems but I don't care I loved her anyway.

How do I know when to reach out to her