Unfortunately, the discard, the ghosting, the disrespect, and the way they shattered everything IS the closure. It is so hard to heal from this but we can do it 💪
Being with an avoidant partner for a year felt like constantly reaching for someone who was just out of reach. Despite some really amazing times times we shared, there was always a sense of emotional distance and a hesitancy to fully commit - one foot out the door. When she abruptly broke things off out of nowhere on a phone call, it was a complete blindside and deeply painful - with no closure apart from the relationship lacked intensity / a spark. I was left in a complete state of confusion, wondering if I was the issue or I did something wrong, while she moved on to a rebound relationship within days on dating apps. Watching her start a new relationship almost immediately after the breakup was incredibly hurtful-it made me question the depth of our connection and feel discarded in a way I’d never experienced before. It was incredibly destabilising in a way I cannot articulate. This journey has taught me how critical emotional safety openness are to me, and I’ve come to understand the toll that an avoidant partner’s patterns can have on self-esteem. These videos have helped me understand what I went through - thanks Ryan.
I dated an FA for one year, and she broke up with me 3x in that year. The first time, before I knew anything about attachment styles, I said to her "It feels like you always have one foot out of the relationship." So true.
I almost wish I had been ghosted… instead I got months of of “I’m so sorry” and “I don’t want to hurt you” breadcrumbs, which was maddening because I wanted to talk about it and work through it. When I say I’m sorry it means “I see that I’ve hurt you, I take responsibility, and I’m willing to make it right” But when SHE says she’s sorry she means “I just want this conflict to go away and never talk about it again” I finally started responding, “Okay, thank you, but what are you sorry FOR??” She’d say: “I don’t know, it just feels like the thing I’m supposed to say” Oof. How do you resolve issues with someone like that?
@My understanding of lovebombing is it happens early in a relationship… did she do that? Maybe, but it was a decade ago and I don’t remember. What I was describing above was AFTER the breakup, while I was deep in grief, looking for answers, she’d tell me she was so sorry and even that she still loved me… BUT didn’t want to be in a relationship. It was like the worst rollercoaster ever haha
One of my ex’s biggest flexes was claiming he wasn’t afraid of anything and had no insecurities. (He also looked down on me for having insecurities.) Yet he was severely DA. So, overcompensating to AVOID the truth. I imagine most DAs are like this. But like AA teaches, you can’t solve a problem you don’t have. They can’t heal because they can’t even get to step one.
They get scared can't communicate and choose another short term relationship to meet their needs. Let them go. Most are come in and out of your life for years.
It has been an extremely rough road to first of all understand his actions and to heal from the way I was treated in the end. I never saw this coming. I should hate him but instead feel sorry for him. Thank you for explaining this behaviour in such detail. I walked away from him over a year ago but he is still on my mind often. It really felt as if he was my dream come through.
bro i really want to say thank you for this. its been 2 months and I've been struggling. I do love this person a lot but your words have hit the nail on the head. I don't want to lose her entirely, but accepting that I am not to blame is so important for me
This is the part of my breakup (blindsided discard, TEXT of all things.. and then ghosted).... from my ex, some 7+ months ago... We never had a argument, or disagreement (that I know of) supported each other through two surgeries (one each)... and yet, the day after a lovely, fun, and passionate date, I get the "I can't see you anymore, I wish you well text" and is just took my to my knees. She refused to meet, or talk.,.. nothing, to end well. ... I knew ZERO about DA's, and thanks to Ryan I learned lots about them... But, indeed the hardest part is the lack of closure, and more to the point the massively disrespectful act of being tossed to the curb. I now understand why it happened the way it did, and why I never saw it coming.... But, getting your arms around the shock-factor has been the hardest mile to walk. .... but, it get's better... thanks Ryan
This is a weird dynamic. Initially i thought it would be better than a relationship with a narcissist. It was, until the fear makes them pull away, yet again. Seems like they like my being around, but not if i get too close, then they run. Can't keep doing this. I am not a yo-yo.
I had to give closure to myself by opting out and choosing me and treating me like a goddess. I’m feeling SO much better and so relieved and I don’t even miss him.
Avoidants really are so unsure about their relationships. They might take years to resolve this but this isn't fair to their partner. Partner should call it quits and walk away. Avoidants can resolve their feelings talking to walks in their rooms. They don't deserve people.
I did finally get an explanation why my DA ex did what he did. He was hiding a secret from me that he was afraid I would dump him when I found out. Want to hear the irony? I am probably the only one who can solve that problem for him.
@@NicoleBajao So my DA ex (R) had a prospect interested in buying his business so he could retire. He sent me pictures of houses for us to live together. This was EARLY in the relationship - but for me it was especially compelling because we met in a foreign country for both of us and I was - and still am - living a nomadic life. We spent a month together 24/7 and just before that trip R was so sure the deal would go through. But while we were together he found out that it wasn't looking good and he didn't know how to tell me. He was sure that was the main reason I was with him. It wasn't - and I could have told him that if I had known. Instead, he sabotaged the relationship. But he still had some of my stuff and I needed help shipping it to me. For some reason he asked the person who was supposed to buy his business - who I'll call "N" - to help. N did. This was over 6 months ago and N and I have become friends. Now the ex (R) and I are talking as friends and he knows his friend N is talking to me. N IS still interested in possibly buying R's business but they're not talking - so I am the only one talking with both who can help mend that fence and get both R and N what they want. (Okay I think they both want me, but that's not what I'm talking about). 😉 We'll see what happens! If you do want to read the short story (around 9000 words) I wrote about us - you can download free here. BookHip.com/QAQGPDW (I also just finished "more to the story" - and will be offering that, too).
Powerful and timely. She finally went from slow fade to directly saying she can’t be physical with me anymore but it’s not about me, it’s about her hating herself or something like that. Continued and continues to be there for me if I need her, pays my health insurance and actually is reliable but only superficially. It’s a 9 year relationship! It’s always been the same push pull right from the start. Clearly on most levels I knew everything I know now…she wants me in her life but says she has work to do on herself but it’s been two years since she’s said that with doing no work. The craziest part is that she almost got me to believe I broke up with her. Refuses to return the engagement ring which I don’t even want back as it makes me sick. “You can’t be in love with their potential”.. That really struck home.
I've learned because of my ex…she was dealing with severe childhood neglect, PTSD, DA, emotional, sexual and physical abuse. My good friend tells me to be careful what you wish for. God forbid you get it what you want. Depending on the degree and length of the abuse. They'll never or should I say rarely change. PS: That doesn't mean I don't hurt and suffer. I do. I'm in therapy. Lol. Time heals all wounds. ?
I've never needed closure, thankfully. I filled in the blanks myself and moved on. My FA contacted me after i shortly did this. Acted like everything was fine. I tild him i thought he moved on so i did the same. Eventually told him our friendship needed to come to a necessary ending because it was exhausting me. Felt good
After sometime of listening to your videos, I realized that these DAs, are those that cry @ tragic movies; when things go uncontrollably sad for some characters. They need to stop fantasizing acceptance and give themselves the necessary acceptance they need. They need to stop looking out there for acceptance & let their inner being give them all the love they need.
It's like dealing with someone with an over-bloated sense of Peter Pan Syndrome. Sorry DA's, but life, like time, waits for noone. Eventually it will catch up and will consume you.
@Alixir1228 I can agree to an extent. I'm still stuck at home but not out of choice but by the fact the housing and rental market is overpriced where I live. I have my own bills and pay rent plus I got a decent job with benefits.
Not necessarily. My recent ex-gf FA is an amazing woman who has overcome a terrible childhood to make something of herself. But she just has unhealed attachment wounds and unfortunately, it means she has lost out on a great guy
I feel like she did want to give me closure in a sense (I have her blocked and she told my friends that she wanted to talk to me about "whats bothering me so much"). But the thing is that the way she said it to them already felt like gaslighting when I heard it, so I told my friends I didnt want to talk to her. Maybe my situation is a bit different. I was strung along and cut her off because she disrespected me multiple times and betrayed me.
Almost 7 weeks ago we split. Although we had had a couple of small disagreements I didn’t think I was nothing we couldn’t get over. she pushed me away a couple of times, honestly I wasn’t thinking about attachments, but it was always at a time we were in a really good place. I never expected her to end it as we where looking at homes, I bonded unbelievably with her two boys and we’d decided to try for own child. We havent spoken a word since she sent me a one sentence email saying she doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to talk about it…..talk about shocked. I won’t lie I’ve been a mess ever since, not sleeping, eating or working, I’m truly heartbroken and realised I’ve become a lot more anxious. When looking into healing mysel I realised she could be fearful after coming on strong and not letting up for the past year, apart from when she pushed me away……I feel like I’m in total crap show at the moment. I want her back for so many reasons but it hurts knowing she could do it again. I’ve gone from happier then I’ve ever been, sharing our lives and planning a great future to gone……I’ve tried a few times but haven’t for around a month or so. How can someone go from being so happy, telling me most days how happy she was and how her dreams were coming true to this…..she’s not spoken one word to me, it’s so f*****g to get my head around
My story is very similar to this! Seemed to be so happy with me, desperate to be around me all the time, met each others kids, and then we had one disagreement and he is so cold and never contacts me. We have spoken a few times because I initiated contact and he is nice, but he told me it’s easy for him to walk away. I’ve never seen anyone go so cold like that.
She started having real feelings for you and it scared her so much that she buried her feelings so deep she lost them. She's afraid it was too good to be true and she would end up alone and abandoned. Sad, but a typical response from a DA when they get too close for comfort.
@@michellebobier-groves7821 that’s very well said, it feels so personal when it happens first hand. I definitely started to doubt myself, he will still see me, even talk about being intimate, but basically said he didn’t want a relationship anymore. He was so desperate for the longest time, it took one disagreement and poof. He said it was because of certain flaws he found in me. They were normal relationship things, he just changed. I asked him if it was ever even real, he said yes…but just walked away. Very heart broken about it all. The rejection makes me want him more which feels pathetic on my part, ego I’m sure and of course, looking for closure I’m sure in my mind
@ I swear if I never initiated contact he’d never speak to me again, it’s crazy to me. He said he dings a clean break easier so that he doesn’t get hurt. Also said he feels a sense of failure we broke up. I gave him a chance to repair it together like adults, he couldn’t do it. He blamed it on really nitpicky things which made me feel awful about myself! Logically I know what’s going on, but it’s a weird experience!
Everything you are saying makes so much since . Started out so good and then he started getting moody pulling back but then seemed to rebound. But when I thought there was Hope again he discarded , Monkey Branched and Ghosted. He absolutely knew how much I like him because before he left me he said Oh you like me Too Much 😊but you will get over it! 😢
Can you do a video on forgiveness? Why it’s so hard for FAs to forgiveness and why we fight for Justice? I hate and have a hard time forgiving another FA bc of the way she handled things with my bf. Tried to split us up for her own closure but didn’t consider my emotions. She has never apologized and I don’t even know if she has self reflected. I hate her! But I’m an FA too and I wouldn’t pull what she pulled. I’d communicate. And I do self reflect though it’s hard for me to follow through on apologies. With enough time, I do give them. She has never. And I hate her for it.
Do avoidant blame you when you've caught them and gave them proof of lying? Do they gaslight you and try to make you out to be the liar? Or is this a narcissist trait?
My avoidant ex did not blame me when he lied and was caught. I confronted him, boy he hated that, and he just tried to brush it under the rug as if it was nothing, no big deal. But he lied to my face and I hate that! I think they lie if they think the truth could cause confrontation. In our case he told me he was going out for a drink with his mates. Well, the following day I saw a picture of him with many other women that our mutual fried uploaded to her page. And I asked him how was the drinks, and he said oh very good, we got drunk blabla. And I said yeah, right, you were with all these women, it's all over Facebook btw. So yeah I think he lied because telling me he was going out with women could be hurtful to me. And the idiot even posed for a picture an did not think it would end up on Fb.🤥🤥
@payperview714 my ex tried to say I lied about something I had proof I didn't lie about and I also had proof my ex lied and cheated. Idk if this is a narc trait or an avoidant trait...do they both come back. I'm trying to prepare myself for the comeback because I don't want to be weak.
When you confronted them they do gaslight bit when you find the evidence and say it in their face they get super embarrassed and usually act like a zombie. That's what my ex did when I found out that he was cheating on me, he didn't act or say anything he just said I'm sorry if you wanna break up I understand. But didn't try ti fix things out or feel any remorse
@Alixir1228 omg yes, they never tell you the truth. My ex had a picture of his ex on the phone when we were already dating. But that picture didn't make sense to the story he told me about their dating time. Till this day I don't really know the truth and I really don't care cause it's useless to make them see how much transparency means to you
Do you think most DAs just end up alone? Till the end? I'd love to see a survey as to how many DAs are among those who are over 60 and live alone. (Not inluding those whose partner passed)
Every thing for itself can be a valid excuse. It's about the *_pattern_* you'll notice, once every other thing but you gets prioritized time and time again!
Honestly good riddance I deserve my love to be reciprocated, it is beautiful & I am done begging to be seen, heard, validated - I can do that for myself The disrespect and harm they cause - regardless of intent = unsafe And we need to take self responsibility and stop subjecting ourselves to that & enabling them Bye bye I’m Gonna enjoy my life now and pour aaalll of those resources in to me, my soul & being I release you with love Be well
Unfortunately, the discard, the ghosting, the disrespect, and the way they shattered everything IS the closure. It is so hard to heal from this but we can do it 💪
Yes, it is. Sometimes it's so consuming. Keep strong!
Yes! & the only question is whether What they did is acceptable to us or not. If not, then Thats all we need to know
@@gracetomaszczyk2145 you would think!!!
Remember EVERY DAY what they did to you.
@@BryanFarani amen
Being with an avoidant partner for a year felt like constantly reaching for someone who was just out of reach. Despite some really amazing times times we shared, there was always a sense of emotional distance and a hesitancy to fully commit - one foot out the door. When she abruptly broke things off out of nowhere on a phone call, it was a complete blindside and deeply painful - with no closure apart from the relationship lacked intensity / a spark. I was left in a complete state of confusion, wondering if I was the issue or I did something wrong, while she moved on to a rebound relationship within days on dating apps. Watching her start a new relationship almost immediately after the breakup was incredibly hurtful-it made me question the depth of our connection and feel discarded in a way I’d never experienced before. It was incredibly destabilising in a way I cannot articulate. This journey has taught me how critical emotional safety openness are to me, and I’ve come to understand the toll that an avoidant partner’s patterns can have on self-esteem. These videos have helped me understand what I went through - thanks Ryan.
You're hot
You're hot
I dated an FA for one year, and she broke up with me 3x in that year. The first time, before I knew anything about attachment styles, I said to her "It feels like you always have one foot out of the relationship." So true.
The you’re hot comment made me laugh after all this depressing, sad videos. I needed the laugh. 😂
I almost wish I had been ghosted… instead I got months of of “I’m so sorry” and “I don’t want to hurt you” breadcrumbs, which was maddening because I wanted to talk about it and work through it.
When I say I’m sorry it means “I see that I’ve hurt you, I take responsibility, and I’m willing to make it right”
But when SHE says she’s sorry she means “I just want this conflict to go away and never talk about it again”
I finally started responding, “Okay, thank you, but what are you sorry FOR??”
She’d say: “I don’t know, it just feels like the thing I’m supposed to say”
Oof. How do you resolve issues with someone like that?
@My understanding of lovebombing is it happens early in a relationship… did she do that? Maybe, but it was a decade ago and I don’t remember. What I was describing above was AFTER the breakup, while I was deep in grief, looking for answers, she’d tell me she was so sorry and even that she still loved me… BUT didn’t want to be in a relationship. It was like the worst rollercoaster ever haha
@ Oh I see. Well, if anyone is guilty of lovebombing it’s probably me. I tried desperately to “get her back” 🤣
One of my ex’s biggest flexes was claiming he wasn’t afraid of anything and had no insecurities. (He also looked down on me for having insecurities.) Yet he was severely DA. So, overcompensating to AVOID the truth. I imagine most DAs are like this. But like AA teaches, you can’t solve a problem you don’t have. They can’t heal because they can’t even get to step one.
Yep. If that's their truth, their chosen way of being, do not cast pearls before swine - leave, save your energy and move on.
They get scared can't communicate and choose another short term relationship to meet their needs. Let them go. Most are come in and out of your life for years.
They always need control over the other person.
Closure, explanations, keeping promises, would give away power as they see it.
Wow... 😮... 'you deserve better because you gave them better'
👆 That hit hard
He is like dead. He is alive, but disappeared from my life as if he had died. As if I never existed.
It has been an extremely rough road to first of all understand his actions and to heal from the way I was treated in the end. I never saw this coming. I should hate him but instead feel sorry for him. Thank you for explaining this behaviour in such detail. I walked away from him over a year ago but he is still on my mind often. It really felt as if he was my dream come through.
bro i really want to say thank you for this. its been 2 months and I've been struggling. I do love this person a lot but your words have hit the nail on the head. I don't want to lose her entirely, but accepting that I am not to blame is so important for me
This is the part of my breakup (blindsided discard, TEXT of all things.. and then ghosted).... from my ex, some 7+ months ago... We never had a argument, or disagreement (that I know of) supported each other through two surgeries (one each)... and yet, the day after a lovely, fun, and passionate date, I get the "I can't see you anymore, I wish you well text" and is just took my to my knees. She refused to meet, or talk.,.. nothing, to end well. ... I knew ZERO about DA's, and thanks to Ryan I learned lots about them...
But, indeed the hardest part is the lack of closure, and more to the point the massively disrespectful act of being tossed to the curb. I now understand why it happened the way it did, and why I never saw it coming.... But, getting your arms around the shock-factor has been the hardest mile to walk. .... but, it get's better... thanks Ryan
It gets better with time. I know this feeling of being discarded and not see it coming, just after a trip we made.
Trust in the process.😊
This is a weird dynamic. Initially i thought it would be better than a relationship with a narcissist. It was, until the fear makes them pull away, yet again. Seems like they like my being around, but not if i get too close, then they run. Can't keep doing this. I am not a yo-yo.
I can totally relate to this. But mine finally ran and Ghosted! No real closure either.
Thank you for helping us understand it isn't òur fault
I had to give closure to myself by opting out and choosing me and treating me like a goddess. I’m feeling SO much better and so relieved and I don’t even miss him.
Thank you. ❤
I did need to have it communicated in this manner.
The work you use your channel for is extraordinary.
Blessings to you and yours sir. 🙏🏿
Avoidants really are so unsure about their relationships. They might take years to resolve this but this isn't fair to their partner. Partner should call it quits and walk away. Avoidants can resolve their feelings talking to walks in their rooms. They don't deserve people.
I did finally get an explanation why my DA ex did what he did. He was hiding a secret from me that he was afraid I would dump him when I found out.
Want to hear the irony? I am probably the only one who can solve that problem for him.
Wow tell me more. This is intriguing me!!
@@NicoleBajao So my DA ex (R) had a prospect interested in buying his business so he could retire. He sent me pictures of houses for us to live together.
This was EARLY in the relationship - but for me it was especially compelling because we met in a foreign country for both of us and I was - and still am - living a nomadic life.
We spent a month together 24/7 and just before that trip R was so sure the deal would go through. But while we were together he found out that it wasn't looking good and he didn't know how to tell me. He was sure that was the main reason I was with him. It wasn't - and I could have told him that if I had known. Instead, he sabotaged the relationship.
But he still had some of my stuff and I needed help shipping it to me. For some reason he asked the person who was supposed to buy his business - who I'll call "N" - to help. N did. This was over 6 months ago and N and I have become friends.
Now the ex (R) and I are talking as friends and he knows his friend N is talking to me. N IS still interested in possibly buying R's business but they're not talking - so I am the only one talking with both who can help mend that fence and get both R and N what they want. (Okay I think they both want me, but that's not what I'm talking about). 😉
We'll see what happens!
If you do want to read the short story (around 9000 words) I wrote about us - you can download free here. BookHip.com/QAQGPDW (I also just finished "more to the story" - and will be offering that, too).
Powerful and timely.
She finally went from slow fade to directly saying she can’t be physical with me anymore but it’s not about me, it’s about her hating herself or something like that.
Continued and continues to be there for me if I need her, pays my health insurance and actually is reliable but only superficially.
It’s a 9 year relationship! It’s always been the same push pull right from the start.
Clearly on most levels I knew everything I know now…she wants me in her life but says she has work to do on herself but it’s been two years since she’s said that with doing no work.
The craziest part is that she almost got me to believe I broke up with her. Refuses to return the engagement ring which I don’t even want back as it makes me sick.
“You can’t be in love with their potential”..
That really struck home.
I've learned because of my ex…she was dealing with severe childhood neglect, PTSD, DA, emotional, sexual and physical abuse.
My good friend tells me to be careful what you wish for. God forbid you get it what you want. Depending on the degree and length of the abuse. They'll never or should I say rarely change.
PS: That doesn't mean I don't hurt and suffer. I do. I'm in therapy. Lol. Time heals all wounds. ?
I've never needed closure, thankfully. I filled in the blanks myself and moved on. My FA contacted me after i shortly did this. Acted like everything was fine. I tild him i thought he moved on so i did the same. Eventually told him our friendship needed to come to a necessary ending because it was exhausting me. Felt good
I just finally got the closure I needed. Thank you 🙏❤️
WOW!! This is the Best video ever!!🙏 Thank you so so much for explaining all that you did in this video 🙏
"I'm not good enough for you."
Reply: "Well, I definitely don't want to be with someone who knows I deserve better. Thank you. Bye!"
This video gives me the closure I've been looking for. Thank you coach Ryan 🙏🏻
After sometime of listening to your videos, I realized that these DAs, are those that cry @ tragic movies; when things go uncontrollably sad for some characters. They need to stop fantasizing acceptance and give themselves the necessary acceptance they need. They need to stop looking out there for acceptance & let their inner being give them all the love they need.
It's like dealing with someone with an over-bloated sense of Peter Pan Syndrome. Sorry DA's, but life, like time, waits for noone. Eventually it will catch up and will consume you.
@Alixir1228 I can agree to an extent. I'm still stuck at home but not out of choice but by the fact the housing and rental market is overpriced where I live. I have my own bills and pay rent plus I got a decent job with benefits.
So in other words, avoidants are losers.
Not necessarily. My recent ex-gf FA is an amazing woman who has overcome a terrible childhood to make something of herself. But she just has unhealed attachment wounds and unfortunately, it means she has lost out on a great guy
So well said. Thank you! 🙏
I feel like she did want to give me closure in a sense (I have her blocked and she told my friends that she wanted to talk to me about "whats bothering me so much"). But the thing is that the way she said it to them already felt like gaslighting when I heard it, so I told my friends I didnt want to talk to her. Maybe my situation is a bit different. I was strung along and cut her off because she disrespected me multiple times and betrayed me.
Almost 7 weeks ago we split. Although we had had a couple of small disagreements I didn’t think I was nothing we couldn’t get over. she pushed me away a couple of times, honestly I wasn’t thinking about attachments, but it was always at a time we were in a really good place. I never expected her to end it as we where looking at homes, I bonded unbelievably with her two boys and we’d decided to try for own child.
We havent spoken a word since she sent me a one sentence email saying she doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to talk about it…..talk about shocked. I won’t lie I’ve been a mess ever since, not sleeping, eating or working, I’m truly heartbroken and realised I’ve become a lot more anxious. When looking into healing mysel I realised she could be fearful after coming on strong and not letting up for the past year, apart from when she pushed me away……I feel like I’m in total crap show at the moment. I want her back for so many reasons but it hurts knowing she could do it again. I’ve gone from happier then I’ve ever been, sharing our lives and planning a great future to gone……I’ve tried a few times but haven’t for around a month or so. How can someone go from being so happy, telling me most days how happy she was and how her dreams were coming true to this…..she’s not spoken one word to me, it’s so f*****g to get my head around
My story is very similar to this! Seemed to be so happy with me, desperate to be around me all the time, met each others kids, and then we had one disagreement and he is so cold and never contacts me. We have spoken a few times because I initiated contact and he is nice, but he told me it’s easy for him to walk away. I’ve never seen anyone go so cold like that.
She started having real feelings for you and it scared her so much that she buried her feelings so deep she lost them. She's afraid it was too good to be true and she would end up alone and abandoned. Sad, but a typical response from a DA when they get too close for comfort.
@@michellebobier-groves7821 that’s very well said, it feels so personal when it happens first hand. I definitely started to doubt myself, he will still see me, even talk about being intimate, but basically said he didn’t want a relationship anymore. He was so desperate for the longest time, it took one disagreement and poof. He said it was because of certain flaws he found in me. They were normal relationship things, he just changed. I asked him if it was ever even real, he said yes…but just walked away. Very heart broken about it all. The rejection makes me want him more which feels pathetic on my part, ego I’m sure and of course, looking for closure I’m sure in my mind
@ I swear if I never initiated contact he’d never speak to me again, it’s crazy to me. He said he dings a clean break easier so that he doesn’t get hurt. Also said he feels a sense of failure we broke up. I gave him a chance to repair it together like adults, he couldn’t do it. He blamed it on really nitpicky things which made me feel awful about myself! Logically I know what’s going on, but it’s a weird experience!
FYI, twin flames have avoidant tendencies many times. Soulmate is a better analogy.
Let go & let God.
You're amazing, thank you for your guidance and knowledge.
EXCELLENT INFO
Everything you are saying makes so much since . Started out so good and then he started getting moody pulling back but then seemed to rebound. But when I thought there was Hope again he discarded , Monkey Branched and Ghosted. He absolutely knew how much I like him because before he left me he said Oh you like me Too Much 😊but you will get over it! 😢
Can you do a video on forgiveness? Why it’s so hard for FAs to forgiveness and why we fight for Justice?
I hate and have a hard time forgiving another FA bc of the way she handled things with my bf. Tried to split us up for her own closure but didn’t consider my emotions.
She has never apologized and I don’t even know if she has self reflected. I hate her! But I’m an FA too and I wouldn’t pull what she pulled. I’d communicate. And I do self reflect though it’s hard for me to follow through on apologies. With enough time, I do give them.
She has never. And I hate her for it.
Do avoidant blame you when you've caught them and gave them proof of lying? Do they gaslight you and try to make you out to be the liar? Or is this a narcissist trait?
My avoidant ex did not blame me when he lied and was caught. I confronted him, boy he hated that, and he just tried to brush it under the rug as if it was nothing, no big deal. But he lied to my face and I hate that! I think they lie if they think the truth could cause confrontation. In our case he told me he was going out for a drink with his mates. Well, the following day I saw a picture of him with many other women that our mutual fried uploaded to her page. And I asked him how was the drinks, and he said oh very good, we got drunk blabla. And I said yeah, right, you were with all these women, it's all over Facebook btw. So yeah I think he lied because telling me he was going out with women could be hurtful to me. And the idiot even posed for a picture an did not think it would end up on Fb.🤥🤥
@sdfafargtsaeteatweat so this is probably a narcissist trait?
@payperview714 my ex tried to say I lied about something I had proof I didn't lie about and I also had proof my ex lied and cheated. Idk if this is a narc trait or an avoidant trait...do they both come back. I'm trying to prepare myself for the comeback because I don't want to be weak.
When you confronted them they do gaslight bit when you find the evidence and say it in their face they get super embarrassed and usually act like a zombie. That's what my ex did when I found out that he was cheating on me, he didn't act or say anything he just said I'm sorry if you wanna break up I understand. But didn't try ti fix things out or feel any remorse
@Alixir1228 omg yes, they never tell you the truth. My ex had a picture of his ex on the phone when we were already dating. But that picture didn't make sense to the story he told me about their dating time. Till this day I don't really know the truth and I really don't care cause it's useless to make them see how much transparency means to you
Amen!
Thank you
Do you think most DAs just end up alone? Till the end? I'd love to see a survey as to how many DAs are among those who are over 60 and live alone. (Not inluding those whose partner passed)
3 options: they change so they're no longer DA, they're in unhealthy relationships, or theyre alone.
Isn’t work schedule incompatibility and load a reasonable excuse?
Every thing for itself can be a valid excuse.
It's about the *_pattern_* you'll notice, once every other thing but you gets prioritized time and time again!
So you’re saying there is no hope for this person? There’s no way this person’s n can be healed of his past and made whole?
I heard coach Ryan say they may have to hit rock bottom first.
Honestly good riddance
I deserve my love to be reciprocated, it is beautiful & I am done begging to be seen, heard, validated - I can do that for myself
The disrespect and harm they cause - regardless of intent = unsafe
And we need to take self responsibility and stop subjecting ourselves to that & enabling them
Bye bye
I’m Gonna enjoy my life now and pour aaalll of those resources in to me, my soul & being
I release you with love
Be well