They never grow up and in the mist of their siblings and parents they cant express themselves anymore they automatically become mute, robot and cant speak the love language anymore. It was all a facade and fake. Thats what happened to me I ended up finding out it was just a situationship with nothing attached last night. I was dating myself all along and I was his placeholder without knowing it because they dont communicate. I ended everything and blocked him we have a child together and he is emotionally absent too as a father. I wished him well and focused on myself and my kids. They're forever stuck in their enmeshed relationship with their mothers and its sad. Not my place to fix them and i walked away as i choose my peace over chaos 😌
Yeah mine was a mama's boy too. As i understand it better, I do think she neglected hin as a baby & young child. But they became closer after her 2nd divorce because that's all she had
I am happy to be out of the four-year relationship. My ex FA monkey branched to another a year ago.He wanted to be friends. Nope. Radio silence forever for me. I have since healed through hours of inner work. Never again.
Same. I realize now that the pain was a blessing so I could finally deal with it instead of suppressing, repressing, and denying it. Thank God self-awareness and reflection are part of what brings us back to wholeness. ❤
Mine had an alter ego. All his friends called him Batman. He even admitted it was an alter ego. But the last 2 weeks before our breakup he was very immature in conflict, I had to constantly ask him to pls talk to me like an adult. Stupid, childlike remarks. In public, he tried so hard to be funny and sometimes act like a clown. He def looked for validation, attention and approval. It was sometimes so obvious and I didn't always like it. Could barely ever have a deep conversation. Def Peter Pan. Thought it so many times. After the breakup, I changed his name to "Clown" on my phone.
Extremely emotionally stunted!! You nailed it! Grow up, My ex became upset bc I refuse I had to resolve an issue with the insurance company, when they finally called and it happened to be his birthday. I had been working on this issue for four months. So he decided to go home because he wasn’t “my priority”. Talk about a man-baby. 😮💨
Interestingly, it is commonly understood in the recovery community that whenever a person becomes addicted to drugs or alcohol, they often stop growing emotionally as the substance placates, numbs and substitutes for their emotions.
@@mikyl-fo8rh my DA ex was using it before I met him and promised to stop, but I found out later he's still relapsing on it. He said it helps him escape his thoughts and problems, and I realised he's not ready to deal with problems or hard things head-on as he's trying to find ways to escape them from his thoughts.
I have 3yr old with a FA. We are now in the process of moving out and going our separate ways but coparenting has never been discussed. As the actively involved father, I am drained constantly pouring myself into our son to make up for the lack from his mother. She never intended to go to counseling and blames me for all of her problems and often responds with stonewalling and silence. Our son sees this and I look like the monster for lashing out. She is currently dating the man she's been cheating on me with since the birth of our son. All while we are living together. This has been the most difficult time in my life and my son is watching me go through this turmoil. Fearful avoidance or avoidance in general are terrible for a healthy ecosystem.😢💔
My FA is very self reflective. He understands his issues, has been to therapy, and try’s hard. But has chosen not to keep working at it. Says he’s too old at 70. He’s handsome and never lacks female attention so has no incentive to change.
He is 38, the same! Wouldn't wanting to change is another story all together, he says nothing is wrong with him, that he is being 'practical', he things everything he does is normal and intelligent with all his severe pull and push, especially he came so intimate@his last pull only to be gone on a month's worth of push, typical! He has got a side chick who thinks she is the main, well I no longer believe I am any different to him than all his chicks, recently he got another 3rd chick to play the jealous game on the second one! She is throwing lovely jealousy tantrums and he is enjoying it all, well many girls fawn over him and he has his fill! I now came to a point where I see him happy and smile and walk by! I just don't want to break out ties myself, if someone takes my place, I'd happily let go off! But otherwise I promised him to be his home, and I know that his internal self had stopped screaming so loud since I came, being around quietly and not leaving or yelling at him like all others before me did! Especially it used to feel like he is two people inside him: one a baby that comes to check on me whether I am still around especially on the days I am busy working and an adult grown up man who just treats me like cat litter! I just feel I'm hanging over a cliff!
41 ... heartbroken and rock bottom. Admitting I need help and willing to seek. Rock bottom has been a huge ego crushing journey 😢 but allowing me to self dare / reflect and get the counselling I need for Avoidance issues / CPTSD
My avoidant ex was childlike in a way that I adore. He used to hop over streams, walk on the curbs, slide down banisters, jump up and down when he was happy, and other fun things like that. Some women may find that annoying, but I loved it about him. Emotionally, he never behaved childish, at least in my presence. Just liked to have fun.
@@CiMcM135 Fear got the best of him and he slow faded (although I was unaware at the time. Thought he didn’t feel well after a health scare.) He eventually broke up with me. When he did break up with me, we were hugging, cuddling, holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes, while I was crying all over him and trying to understand what happened. For hours. He gave me vague excuses and told me he “wouldn’t be a good husband right now” and that he’d always felt anxious in the relationship. I now know that’s because I was emotionally available and it triggered his fears. He told me I deserved someone who could love me better and other classic avoidant lines that I didn’t know about at the time. It’s been a year and a half and I’m still heartbroken. He was truly wonderful other than that ending part.
53 years old ex, oldest sibling, but he’s a mama boy! 🤮, I caught his facebooks dating profile, he played the victim and sat out back for hours, then next day, he acted as nothing happened! He first said I was the one who’s created that profile for him! WTF!! He then told I don’t know it just popped up itself 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
'MY' DA/FA JUST WENT INTO THE SNOWY MOUNTAIN WILDENESS ON TOP A 5600 MOUNTAIN LIVING IN A VAN, GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT TRIGGERED HIM, WENT FROM GUSHING OVER ME TO NOT EVEN WANTING TO TALK FOR NO APPARENT REASON
I couldn't agree more. My ex is very immature, which is really sad at 72 years old. He can't even face me because he is like a little child who can't admit how badly they behaved, and he won't take accountability for his behavior or how badly he treated me. He runs away from me any time we happen to see each other.
omg. Im lucky im out. My ex is 54,.have known him since he was 29 but it was only about alnost 2yrs ago that we got into a relationship. I thought all.those years he was just so sensitive. When we lived together I realized he was emotionally like a child. He ended our relationship 3weeks.ago and after 4days posted on Tiktok about loving someone doesnt matter if theyve known each other for only a short time because he's finally found the one. (After plenty of failed serious relationships) and that he will always choose her even if she's not perfect. LoL. Its like hes telling me weve been bestfriends for 20yrs but the love wasnt true and heres the new woman, just days and its the real thing. A normal healthy person knows you have to truly know someone before you can say you love them unconditionally. I always felt that had we continued being together I would be stuck.with an old man making tantrums
She found it so hard to talk about the simplest things. Oh, you don't like to get in a swimming pool? I get maybe you don't know how to swim and that could be embarrassing. Let's have a simple conversation about it. Maybe I could help you get over this fear OR I'll swim and you sunbathe? It's not a big deal at all to me if you swim or don't swim. Turned out to be like a splinter in her mind.
Yep, what for any normal person would have been a simple conversation about an intimate but non-personal matter between two people in a relationship was taken as a personal attack producing an extreme level of defensiveness that spelled the beginning of the end of the relationship. I had never seen anything like it from intelligent mature woman, it was like talking to an adolescent. It was soon after that I actually finished the relationship as I saw what I was dealing with. I hurt first and hurt hardest knowing full well that it was only a matter of time before she would discard me. These avoidants are nothing if not highly predictable once exposed.
@@cspace1234nz Once I was discarded, which she did by getting back with her ex and we had transitioned, in her mind, to FWB, all of this weird stuff starts coming out. She doesn't like this and she doesn't like that. She's only doing this because I liked it.... And she starts talking to me like I'm a co-worker or something. She got really robotic. Cruel, cold, manipulative. "Btw, I really meant it when I said we would be going to FWB and I can only see you 2 times a week. I'll come over and do the most intimate things with you and not have any feelings for you at all. And I'll also be seeing my ex behind your back.. And oh, btw, I have plenty of men I can use for sex.. Don't you or can't you just have sex without feelings? I know as a man you can. You just have a hard time accepting a woman doing it.." Profoundly unhealthy person.
@@cspace1234nz She is only on FB and she is blocked there. I have blocked and unblocked her number multiple times now. It's been one month since the breakup but only a week since we last texted. She wanted time to see if "friendship was possible". I can't play along but, I'm angry I didn't stand up to her manipulation tactics. (I know you're lonely. You miss movie night with me don't you) She is lonely too and misses movie (sex) night just as much as I do. However, her behaviour before, during and after the breakup has been atrocious, cold and cruel. She's probably blowing her ex as we speak.
Everyone do yourself a favor, don’t continue dating an avoidant. Really make sure you know your interest’s attachment style before getting in too deep. Don’t think you’re going to change them or help them see the light. Move. On.
It's so odd. My ex according to Attached is Secure leaning Anxious. Yet she has some very notable Avoidant traits. In particular lack of communicating emotions and emotional immaturity. As well as lack of emotion during sex. Really makes it hard to decipher
They are avoidant exactly because they are immature and childish! Not because of some other excuse like trauma. It's just who they are, they will never grow up emotionally.
@WrittenMysteries I mean most of the time it is used as an excuse from them, people need to be strong and fight their trauma and not blame it for all of their actions and choices. Plus most of the time they did not even go through trauma and had an easy life and this is why they couldn' mature and grow.
@@asbjelasulejmani8585 avoidants are people who had easy childhoods and never learned to be strong and now use phantom traumas as an excuse... the never-ending hate campaign waged by secures continues
I'm sorry, but as a former DA this would have hardly applied to me. I was raised by someone with narcissistic qualities, so I constantly had to self-reflect to try to "fix" things since everything was "my fault." In my former relationships, I often self-reflected. I just struggled to communicate it verbally. Instead, I would write it down to them. I wasn't a person who stormed off. I would sometimes go silent to protect myself since being yelled at is a huge trigger for me and conflict used to be very uncomfortable for me. Feelings definitely used to be very difficult to talk about or identify. I just didn't think talking about them was that important or I felt I had very few emotions. Yes, I was trained to suppress them. I wasn't allowed to be angry growing up and sadness was only allowed in certain situations as well. I definitely felt I had to be tough and distant often to protect myself. Now I'm way more secure and getting used to existing as the empath I truly am, which is a challenge. Other people's emotions were so strong for me, I tried to avoid them.
@@petersouza6554 stop it. Look at your ALL CAPS reply. 😂 DA's are no more likely to be narcs than anxious types. They dont want drama or control, they wanna live w out being bothered by hyper emotional people.
Hahaha, you can't help yourself. DAs are far more likely to be self focused because they're shown those behaviours from a young age, and the video is about DAs.
When you call them out on their physical and emotional neglect they get upset and then go silent on you. Just like an upset child.
They never grow up and in the mist of their siblings and parents they cant express themselves anymore they automatically become mute, robot and cant speak the love language anymore. It was all a facade and fake. Thats what happened to me I ended up finding out it was just a situationship with nothing attached last night. I was dating myself all along and I was his placeholder without knowing it because they dont communicate. I ended everything and blocked him we have a child together and he is emotionally absent too as a father. I wished him well and focused on myself and my kids. They're forever stuck in their enmeshed relationship with their mothers and its sad. Not my place to fix them and i walked away as i choose my peace over chaos 😌
It’s so sad that they try to save the person who won’t ever admit how they hurt them. Imo they just end up becoming the parent that hurt them most
Wow well done for your strength. I am trying hard to do the same now too ❤️🩹
So true I’m tired of my grown 50 year old man child, always lashing out he’s a mama’s boy I’m over it..
LAUGHING OUT LOUD, YUP
Yeah mine was a mama's boy too. As i understand it better, I do think she neglected hin as a baby & young child. But they became closer after her 2nd divorce because that's all she had
hey is my ex and your 50yr old man exactly the same? Mine's 54 hahaha
I am happy to be out of the four-year relationship. My ex FA monkey branched to another a year ago.He wanted to be friends. Nope. Radio silence forever for me. I have since healed through hours of inner work. Never again.
Same. I realize now that the pain was a blessing so I could finally deal with it instead of suppressing, repressing, and denying it. Thank God self-awareness and reflection are part of what brings us back to wholeness. ❤
Emotionally stunted
Mine had an alter ego. All his friends called him Batman. He even admitted it was an alter ego. But the last 2 weeks before our breakup he was very immature in conflict, I had to constantly ask him to pls talk to me like an adult. Stupid, childlike remarks. In public, he tried so hard to be funny and sometimes act like a clown. He def looked for validation, attention and approval. It was sometimes so obvious and I didn't always like it. Could barely ever have a deep conversation. Def Peter Pan. Thought it so many times. After the breakup, I changed his name to "Clown" on my phone.
Extremely emotionally stunted!! You nailed it! Grow up, My ex became upset bc I refuse I had to resolve an issue with the insurance company, when they finally called and it happened to be his birthday. I had been working on this issue for four months. So he decided to go home because he wasn’t “my priority”. Talk about a man-baby. 😮💨
Wow. You absolutely nailed it.
So thorough, yet easy to understand .
Bravo 🙌🙌👏 Thank You 🙏
You know what you’re talking about. Spot on again.
Interestingly, it is commonly understood in the recovery community that whenever a person becomes addicted to drugs or alcohol, they often stop growing emotionally as the substance placates, numbs and substitutes for their emotions.
It's basically the same with avoidants, they are addicted to dopamine hits. So, their creature comforts placate and help with numbing their emotions.
Is it the same with weeds?
@@winterkai12 yes! Pot is mind and mood altering particularly now that it is genetically engineered it is super potent.
So true
My ex is 48 years old and he stopped growing emotionally you’ve been drinking since he was in his 30s! Emotionally stunted
@@mikyl-fo8rh my DA ex was using it before I met him and promised to stop, but I found out later he's still relapsing on it. He said it helps him escape his thoughts and problems, and I realised he's not ready to deal with problems or hard things head-on as he's trying to find ways to escape them from his thoughts.
I have 3yr old with a FA. We are now in the process of moving out and going our separate ways but coparenting has never been discussed. As the actively involved father, I am drained constantly pouring myself into our son to make up for the lack from his mother. She never intended to go to counseling and blames me for all of her problems and often responds with stonewalling and silence. Our son sees this and I look like the monster for lashing out. She is currently dating the man she's been cheating on me with since the birth of our son. All while we are living together. This has been the most difficult time in my life and my son is watching me go through this turmoil. Fearful avoidance or avoidance in general are terrible for a healthy ecosystem.😢💔
My FA is very self reflective. He understands his issues, has been to therapy, and try’s hard. But has chosen not to keep working at it. Says he’s too old at 70. He’s handsome and never lacks female attention so has no incentive to change.
My ex is 69 and exactly the same. Always has beautiful women. Very charming. He knows he needs therapy but chooses to run when he feels.
He is 38, the same! Wouldn't wanting to change is another story all together, he says nothing is wrong with him, that he is being 'practical', he things everything he does is normal and intelligent with all his severe pull and push, especially he came so intimate@his last pull only to be gone on a month's worth of push, typical! He has got a side chick who thinks she is the main, well I no longer believe I am any different to him than all his chicks, recently he got another 3rd chick to play the jealous game on the second one! She is throwing lovely jealousy tantrums and he is enjoying it all, well many girls fawn over him and he has his fill! I now came to a point where I see him happy and smile and walk by!
I just don't want to break out ties myself, if someone takes my place, I'd happily let go off! But otherwise I promised him to be his home, and I know that his internal self had stopped screaming so loud since I came, being around quietly and not leaving or yelling at him like all others before me did! Especially it used to feel like he is two people inside him: one a baby that comes to check on me whether I am still around especially on the days I am busy working and an adult grown up man who just treats me like cat litter! I just feel I'm hanging over a cliff!
this actually sounds more like a narcissist not an avoidant; both are immature, lot in common but still a very big difference @je098-j2l
@@je098-j2lhey you deserve better!
41 ... heartbroken and rock bottom. Admitting I need help and willing to seek. Rock bottom has been a huge ego crushing journey 😢 but allowing me to self dare / reflect and get the counselling I need for Avoidance issues / CPTSD
My avoidant ex was childlike in a way that I adore. He used to hop over streams, walk on the curbs, slide down banisters, jump up and down when he was happy, and other fun things like that. Some women may find that annoying, but I loved it about him. Emotionally, he never behaved childish, at least in my presence. Just liked to have fun.
How did it end? 😢
Thats cool. I can relate.
@@CiMcM135 Fear got the best of him and he slow faded (although I was unaware at the time. Thought he didn’t feel well after a health scare.) He eventually broke up with me. When he did break up with me, we were hugging, cuddling, holding hands, gazing into each other’s eyes, while I was crying all over him and trying to understand what happened. For hours. He gave me vague excuses and told me he “wouldn’t be a good husband right now” and that he’d always felt anxious in the relationship. I now know that’s because I was emotionally available and it triggered his fears. He told me I deserved someone who could love me better and other classic avoidant lines that I didn’t know about at the time. It’s been a year and a half and I’m still heartbroken. He was truly wonderful other than that ending part.
53 years old ex, oldest sibling, but he’s a mama boy! 🤮, I caught his facebooks dating profile, he played the victim and sat out back for hours, then next day, he acted as nothing happened!
He first said I was the one who’s created that profile for him! WTF!! He then told I don’t know it just popped up itself 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Cheating and lying to the point of abusive gaslighting, they love it!
Someone else felt like a father or mother of your gf/bf or ex? Cause i felt that a lot of times, more like parent instead of a partner
Sometimes it felt like I was talking to a 12 year old boy in a 34 year old man’s body.
So sad 😢
Either leave the person or treat them as nothing more than a hobby, they're pointless
No human being who has been abused and neglected is pointless. A lot feel the hurt too.
this is always waiting at the end of the road when a secure type offers “support”
@@JH-ck1nr avoidants are pointless to deal with they are an absolute waste of time...
@@jakelooter5139 yeah and u sound stable yourself
@@MikeS-r2p ultra, compared to one of those deadbeats
'MY' DA/FA JUST WENT INTO THE SNOWY MOUNTAIN WILDENESS ON TOP A 5600 MOUNTAIN LIVING IN A VAN, GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT TRIGGERED HIM, WENT FROM GUSHING OVER ME TO NOT EVEN WANTING TO TALK FOR NO APPARENT REASON
Sounds... avoidant
Seeing all your videos, just make me realize what I have going through. I have Leaned so much. Thanks a lot. Keep posting in my healing period. 👌
I couldn't agree more. My ex is very immature, which is really sad at 72 years old. He can't even face me because he is like a little child who can't admit how badly they behaved, and he won't take accountability for his behavior or how badly he treated me. He runs away from me any time we happen to see each other.
omg. Im lucky im out. My ex is 54,.have known him since he was 29 but it was only about alnost 2yrs ago that we got into a relationship. I thought all.those years he was just so sensitive. When we lived together I realized he was emotionally like a child. He ended our relationship 3weeks.ago and after 4days posted on Tiktok about loving someone doesnt matter if theyve known each other for only a short time because he's finally found the one. (After plenty of failed serious relationships) and that he will always choose her even if she's not perfect. LoL. Its like hes telling me weve been bestfriends for 20yrs but the love wasnt true and heres the new woman, just days and its the real thing. A normal healthy person knows you have to truly know someone before you can say you love them unconditionally. I always felt that had we continued being together I would be stuck.with an old man making tantrums
Such great information! Answers so many questions...
They are just Full BOY EGO they never matured and the reason is written im the book “ KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER by ROBERT MOORE, DOUGLAS GILLETE
She found it so hard to talk about the simplest things. Oh, you don't like to get in a swimming pool? I get maybe you don't know how to swim and that could be embarrassing. Let's have a simple conversation about it. Maybe I could help you get over this fear OR I'll swim and you sunbathe? It's not a big deal at all to me if you swim or don't swim. Turned out to be like a splinter in her mind.
Yep, what for any normal person would have been a simple conversation about an intimate but non-personal matter between two people in a relationship was taken as a personal attack producing an extreme level of defensiveness that spelled the beginning of the end of the relationship.
I had never seen anything like it from intelligent mature woman, it was like talking to an adolescent.
It was soon after that I actually finished the relationship as I saw what I was dealing with. I hurt first and hurt hardest knowing full well that it was only a matter of time before she would discard me. These avoidants are nothing if not highly predictable once exposed.
@@cspace1234nz Once I was discarded, which she did by getting back with her ex and we had transitioned, in her mind, to FWB, all of this weird stuff starts coming out. She doesn't like this and she doesn't like that. She's only doing this because I liked it.... And she starts talking to me like I'm a co-worker or something. She got really robotic. Cruel, cold, manipulative. "Btw, I really meant it when I said we would be going to FWB and I can only see you 2 times a week. I'll come over and do the most intimate things with you and not have any feelings for you at all. And I'll also be seeing my ex behind your back.. And oh, btw, I have plenty of men I can use for sex.. Don't you or can't you just have sex without feelings? I know as a man you can. You just have a hard time accepting a woman doing it.." Profoundly unhealthy person.
@@kurts605 ….did you cut her off completely or play along with what she wanted ?
@@cspace1234nz She is only on FB and she is blocked there. I have blocked and unblocked her number multiple times now. It's been one month since the breakup but only a week since we last texted. She wanted time to see if "friendship was possible". I can't play along but, I'm angry I didn't stand up to her manipulation tactics. (I know you're lonely. You miss movie night with me don't you) She is lonely too and misses movie (sex) night just as much as I do. However, her behaviour before, during and after the breakup has been atrocious, cold and cruel. She's probably blowing her ex as we speak.
@@kurts605You don't want someone like that. She's gross. Even if she comes back, it won't be the same.
Everyone do yourself a favor, don’t continue dating an avoidant. Really make sure you know your interest’s attachment style before getting in too deep. Don’t think you’re going to change them or help them see the light. Move. On.
The way he manipulated me to moved in with me & have a baby
Then he pulled away when he didn't have the controlled
He just wanted trap u 🙄 so sorry .
It's so odd. My ex according to Attached is Secure leaning Anxious. Yet she has some very notable Avoidant traits. In particular lack of communicating emotions and emotional immaturity. As well as lack of emotion during sex. Really makes it hard to decipher
My DA had lack of emotion during sex also.
Whats the music called that's used in these videos? I really like it 😌
They are avoidant exactly because they are immature and childish! Not because of some other excuse like trauma. It's just who they are, they will never grow up emotionally.
"excuse like trauma" 😂
@WrittenMysteries I mean most of the time it is used as an excuse from them, people need to be strong and fight their trauma and not blame it for all of their actions and choices. Plus most of the time they did not even go through trauma and had an easy life and this is why they couldn' mature and grow.
@@asbjelasulejmani8585 avoidants are people who had easy childhoods and never learned to be strong and now use phantom traumas as an excuse... the never-ending hate campaign waged by secures continues
Yet going on the internet screaming other people arent mature IS mature and healthy? Give me a DA all day if they don't pull this nonsense.
@@MikeS-r2p I was just watching a video and commented , who the heck was screaming? Are you an avoidant as well ?
I'm sorry, but as a former DA this would have hardly applied to me. I was raised by someone with narcissistic qualities, so I constantly had to self-reflect to try to "fix" things since everything was "my fault."
In my former relationships, I often self-reflected. I just struggled to communicate it verbally. Instead, I would write it down to them. I wasn't a person who stormed off. I would sometimes go silent to protect myself since being yelled at is a huge trigger for me and conflict used to be very uncomfortable for me.
Feelings definitely used to be very difficult to talk about or identify. I just didn't think talking about them was that important or I felt I had very few emotions. Yes, I was trained to suppress them. I wasn't allowed to be angry growing up and sadness was only allowed in certain situations as well. I definitely felt I had to be tough and distant often to protect myself.
Now I'm way more secure and getting used to existing as the empath I truly am, which is a challenge. Other people's emotions were so strong for me, I tried to avoid them.
people can be childish from all walks of life
NOT LIKE DAS N NARCS
@ says the guy yelling at me in all caps
@@petersouza6554 stop it. Look at your ALL CAPS reply. 😂 DA's are no more likely to be narcs than anxious types. They dont want drama or control, they wanna live w out being bothered by hyper emotional people.
@@WrittenMysteries😂 I didn't see ur reply before I wrote the same thing.
Hahaha, you can't help yourself. DAs are far more likely to be self focused because they're shown those behaviours from a young age, and the video is about DAs.