You can’t unless they acknowledge the issue and do the work. However, focus on your recovery and self-improvement. You will see that they were ultimately a blessing to propel you to great depths of self-love, self-respect, self-awareness and more. This will also help translate into aiding you in deeply focusing on what type of person would be a better fit going forward. After you figure that out and raise standards, strengthen boundaries and have healthy expectations of yourself and others within a relationship, you will find the person for you. They are out here and will show up right on time.
you can feel when theyre one foot in one foot out. its a really awful feeling wondering what you are doing wrong and why they won't let you in and actually love you lol
That’s exactly what it feels like .. one foot in and one foot out. I’m planning my escape from this toxic relationship - unfortunately we’re financially bounded atm. Good luck .. you deserve better
This explained my relationship with my ex DA. She had exes in the background as well and seemingly addicted to social media.Also very secretive with her mobile phone and tone of other signs she was cheating. Glad to be out of that mess and healing.
@@mgtowsoldier8673 It’s a trip because they look at you in your face and swear to you they are not lying. However, they don’t have the perspective of seeing their actions and hearing their words. When people cheat, they change up even though they think they don’t. That’s why a finely tuned intuition / gut pick it up.
So much of what you described is exactly what I went through in 2023/24. In the end I left the woman I loved beyond words and her kids because to be with her was sacrificing my dignity. I hate that I still miss her deeply despite how mean she became to me. I was there, I was present, and I gave her true empathetic love. I'm just devastated
omg this is so true. I always told my partner of 5 years he had one foot in, one foot out. He was convinced from day 1 that our relationship would fail, despite all evidence on my part that wasn't true. Yes! He always had a female source validation in the periphery, exes/female friends.. Turns out he was cheating on me for almost our entire relationship with one of these "friends". So heartbreaking and also crazy making. I feel sorry for avoidants who have to live like this due to unresolved trauma or their own fears. I will never again date an avoidant.
Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
Ryan, just listening to you exhausts me. Can you imagine how exhausting it has to be for DA? No wonder mine kept sleeping, which was a turn-off for me. I am thrilled that I am now coming to the tail end of my pain and hurt. I listen to your videos to remind myself "Never go back"
Well, if you cherish the relationship you'll make an actual effort to listen through what irritates you _(with all _*_your_*_ filters running)_ and look for something valid there! That's where you can start to work on yourself ... if you want to that is. If not, it's better to end the relationship, i.e. stop watching his videos.
When I hear about their childhood, and also that Music, it makes me emotional. I want to pick up my baby qualifier and hug him, make him feel loved. I’m so sorry for all that he went through. I hope he heals. And I have to protect myself.
Hi Ryan, can you talk about fearful avoidants who use their mother as a deactivating strategy to self sabotage their own marriage/realtionship? I mean fearful avoidants who are enmeshed with their mother and always allow their mother in their relationship issues to avoid having to face emotional intimacy with their life partner/wife/gf?
So long as they believe they are, they are. My two FAs were tall and gorgeous and amazing and neither one thought they were worth a damn or deserved love. So they had never let themselves be truly loved and they were unable to truly love.
This totally happened to me a month ago. I was the "preference/pick" while she had someone else going on that she was "assessing". When she was asked about the issue and I was trying to find out what exactly I was to her, I was being "confrontal", she had to take 2 weeks off to "think and pray", and when I asked a friend of hers for a character reference to rule out that I was not dealing with a manipulative avoidant/narcisist, it was a red flag. It was a red flag that I tried to find out more about the other person. Everything that is not in her locus of control was a "red flag". She went into a fault-finding mode in the end too where apparently we had multiple agreement that I never agreed to ("covert contracts") that I broke. She went ballistic when I said I was enacting a time boundary of 30 days. She discarded me ("stop this relationship") because I did not measure up to the cost of singleness. How convenient that she was meeting the other option 2 weeks later. (Her telling me about this was what sparked thw downdown). Good thing this only took out ~3 months of my life, not 3 years. The Coach is right: your boundaries are your sword and shield to protect you, it is their Kryptonite.
It seems as if you're describing two separate behaviors here. The exit plan, which is finding an excuse to leave (i.e. else finding) and the backup plan (having someone else waiting in the wings). One shouldn't be going into a relationship with either one, but people should always prepare for the worst. For example, I have specific timelines for various phases of the relationship. I don't get serious with anyone unless we've been dating a minimum of two months, I don't consider marriage unless we've been dating a minimum of 12 months, and I didn't consider moving in together unless we're engaged to be married. This allows me to fully relax whilst preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best.
Yep they’ll find anything to blame you for but deflect when they’re in the wrong
That’s just sad cause they will never feel love and happiness and many people will get hurt
I always felt like he had an exit plan.. now I *know* he had an exit plan. My God how can anyone have a healthy relationship with someone like this?!?
1000% agree with you
Always one foot in and one foot out but devastate us in the process
You can’t unless they acknowledge the issue and do the work. However, focus on your recovery and self-improvement. You will see that they were ultimately a blessing to propel you to great depths of self-love, self-respect, self-awareness and more. This will also help translate into aiding you in deeply focusing on what type of person would be a better fit going forward. After you figure that out and raise standards, strengthen boundaries and have healthy expectations of yourself and others within a relationship, you will find the person for you. They are out here and will show up right on time.
Hard work and draining
This is bang on, punch in the gut feeling. Thanks for this, I don't want her back
you can feel when theyre one foot in one foot out. its a really awful feeling wondering what you are doing wrong and why they won't let you in and actually love you lol
That’s exactly what it feels like .. one foot in and one foot out. I’m planning my escape from this toxic relationship - unfortunately we’re financially bounded atm. Good luck .. you deserve better
They always have an exit plan..Not only avoidants..
This explained my relationship with my ex DA. She had exes in the background as well and seemingly addicted to social media.Also very secretive with her mobile phone and tone of other signs she was cheating. Glad to be out of that mess and healing.
Literally exactly the same as mine...she would have put a secret agent to shame
@@mgtowsoldier8673 It’s a trip because they look at you in your face and swear to you they are not lying. However, they don’t have the perspective of seeing their actions and hearing their words. When people cheat, they change up even though they think they don’t. That’s why a finely tuned intuition / gut pick it up.
So much of what you described is exactly what I went through in 2023/24. In the end I left the woman I loved beyond words and her kids because to be with her was sacrificing my dignity. I hate that I still miss her deeply despite how mean she became to me. I was there, I was present, and I gave her true empathetic love. I'm just devastated
You don't have to endure any kind of abuse - you made the right call.
Stay strong bro. One day at a time
omg this is so true. I always told my partner of 5 years he had one foot in, one foot out. He was convinced from day 1 that our relationship would fail, despite all evidence on my part that wasn't true. Yes! He always had a female source validation in the periphery, exes/female friends.. Turns out he was cheating on me for almost our entire relationship with one of these "friends". So heartbreaking and also crazy making. I feel sorry for avoidants who have to live like this due to unresolved trauma or their own fears. I will never again date an avoidant.
Spot on… always felt this. Thank you.
Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?
Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.
He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable
I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
How is this different than someone with BPD?
Ryan, just listening to you exhausts me. Can you imagine how exhausting it has to be for DA? No wonder mine kept sleeping, which was a turn-off for me. I am thrilled that I am now coming to the tail end of my pain and hurt. I listen to your videos to remind myself "Never go back"
Well, if you cherish the relationship you'll make an actual effort to listen through what irritates you _(with all _*_your_*_ filters running)_ and look for something valid there! That's where you can start to work on yourself ... if you want to that is.
If not, it's better to end the relationship, i.e. stop watching his videos.
Sometimes the “person in their periphery” is actually their coddled adult child who must be prioritized above all else.
They wanted person not true feelings . Had back up plan . This sad no deserve to be lead on like this .
That is so sad.
But the future faking alleviated every fear that you ever felt in your gut.
When I hear about their childhood, and also that Music, it makes me emotional. I want to pick up my baby qualifier and hug him, make him feel loved. I’m so sorry for all that he went through.
I hope he heals. And I have to protect myself.
You are speaking to me
Ya, I have always felt that...
I knew it!
Hi Ryan, can you talk about fearful avoidants who use their mother as a deactivating strategy to self sabotage their own marriage/realtionship? I mean fearful avoidants who are enmeshed with their mother and always allow their mother in their relationship issues to avoid having to face emotional intimacy with their life partner/wife/gf?
Leave.
There's no one there capable of having a relationship. Just a little kid.
Oh my goodness, I was just thinking about this today! Extremely relevant here.
Have these people indeed become defective and unlovable?
So long as they believe they are, they are.
My two FAs were tall and gorgeous and amazing and neither one thought they were worth a damn or deserved love. So they had never let themselves be truly loved and they were unable to truly love.
This totally happened to me a month ago. I was the "preference/pick" while she had someone else going on that she was "assessing".
When she was asked about the issue and I was trying to find out what exactly I was to her, I was being "confrontal", she had to take 2 weeks off to "think and pray", and when I asked a friend of hers for a character reference to rule out that I was not dealing with a manipulative avoidant/narcisist, it was a red flag. It was a red flag that I tried to find out more about the other person. Everything that is not in her locus of control was a "red flag". She went into a fault-finding mode in the end too where apparently we had multiple agreement that I never agreed to ("covert contracts") that I broke. She went ballistic when I said I was enacting a time boundary of 30 days.
She discarded me ("stop this relationship") because I did not measure up to the cost of singleness. How convenient that she was meeting the other option 2 weeks later. (Her telling me about this was what sparked thw downdown).
Good thing this only took out ~3 months of my life, not 3 years. The Coach is right: your boundaries are your sword and shield to protect you, it is their Kryptonite.
Jesus this sounds like my situation word for word 😂 do these women order form the exact same menu???
Can you make a video about avoidants in dating? How they act in dating? 🙏
It seems as if you're describing two separate behaviors here. The exit plan, which is finding an excuse to leave (i.e. else finding) and the backup plan (having someone else waiting in the wings). One shouldn't be going into a relationship with either one, but people should always prepare for the worst.
For example, I have specific timelines for various phases of the relationship. I don't get serious with anyone unless we've been dating a minimum of two months, I don't consider marriage unless we've been dating a minimum of 12 months, and I didn't consider moving in together unless we're engaged to be married. This allows me to fully relax whilst preparing for the worst, but hoping for the best.