@ Awk Grace. Unless there’s an absolute reason to, don’t have him on your following list. It’s not worth it. There’ll be a day when you will, even by accident.
@@ianbooth4010 i know What you mean. But i feel like indifference is the best. If i unfollow him or delete him he will know he Got to me majorly. I prefer the nothingness. The other interesting thing is That he put Up a pic i took of him (& loved) as his profile pic. Of all the photos he couldve chosen as his profile pic!
Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I know what you are feeling, but also remember that you are worth being with someone who thinks you are worthy of their best, who will overcome all insecurities and work on themselves to ensure that they do not mess up what they have with you just like you did for them.
They don't have the potential to be an amazing partner. All the most important parts of being in a committed relationship they lack. The mask they wear is just for show and to draw you in. There's nothing solid beneath it.
@Alixir1228 absolutely. You are correct. Everyone has the potential to be an amazing partner. However I don't invest time and energy into everyone I meet.
Spot on as usual. DA ran right back to the old safe boyfriend. She's smiling, he always looks like he's constipated, lol. More power to both of them, they deserve it. 😂
This happened to me twice with the same avoidant. Two separate 12 month relationships...same outcome after about 10 months. The avoidant has feelings of love, feeling that I am special and then being so afraid of hurt...she descended into full blown violent self sabotage, burned the relationship down then went full Ghost after the abuse. It was more painful the second time round. And it still makes me so sad because she means the absolute world to me and I know she's hurting even now...7 months on.
I am days being heartbroken. The ex Avoidant bid goodbye so easily. Second time discarded. The first im not aware that he is avoidant. But when i reflect and searched about the signs it connected to him. Feel sorry for him. He wont find true genuine sincere happiness if he cant heal his self.. probably he is better with casual dating only. 🤷 Me ill move on and heal and find a better healthy emotional stable Man someday. Him will stuck in the same cycle.. poor hamster.
Read this to make you feel well: let's assume the FA is a woman, if she goes into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man she's able to hold emotional control, which means she always operates from her masculinity and he goes along with it, this is a very toxic polarity that will never sustainable. However, since their fears are greater they will either go from relationship to relationship or stay single. Take that as a compliment, you other hand polarized her feminine nature, and she craves that, but since that will trigger her fears, she'll avoid you. Trust me when I say that you'd better be in that position, where you were the correct Pole, than being the placeholder boyfriend who has no clue of his own Pole, gets therefore emotionally controlled by the female avoidant and be miserable their whole life. Women, same for you. You don't want to be in a relationship with a man that you can emotionally control, he left you because you triggered his healthy Pole, which can make him into the man you need for healthy sexual polarity, but since he can't do that, you're better off. You need a self-aware well integrated man to be your full feminine self, you can't realize that with an avoidant man who's more volatile than mother nature herself.
My partner is a DA, I’m AP who’s working hard to be secure - my partner has committed to me, introduced me to his family - I’ve educated him on his attachment - he’s been in my life for 10 months - 6 weeks ago roughly I told him I needed more than the situationship, we talk and communicate our needs, we meet them, sometimes I get triggered but I understand that is partly me, and if he does something that isn’t cool, I tell him, I don’t attack him. Communicate and validate your own feelings. DAs are good people, who have deep emotions, they just can’t show it unless they feel safe. I’m not saying we are perfect but I’m happy right now and will continue to try for us both as long he does too.
Whenever we fight he insists all his friends and family members NEED to know. This is the greatest reason i felt like leaving. He simply doesnt defend me as I defend him, instead, he is the first one to throw me under the bus. He tells people everything via his eyes, never explaining or trying to think my side of the story. He isn't my friend as I was his.
It’s cause they need to find flaws in us so they can justify leaving and discarding us and also poking at our flaws means they don’t have to take accountability and look at themselves.
Do you find it weird that they never want to just take time out and be single and focus on their own self growth, but instead they’re jumping from relationship to relationship, yet they don’t want to have a relationship either.
That depends on the individual. I'm a FA and I wait 3 to 5 years before I date anyone. The DA I'm with didn't date for 6 years before me. Another one of my DA friends casually dates every so often but only does relationships every 5 years or so? And my woman DA friend stays by herself for long periods of time. While none of them focus on their growth like say you and I would by coming on here learning, they do self-reflect. My DA is very self-aware and has moved in a really positive direction over the years learning how to navigate through conflict and share his needs while reciprocating to meet mine. My woman DA friend and I have long talks about her looking back and seeing how she could do better. My other male DA friend might be a lost cause. He might realize what he does is not right, but he's also got a player mentality and even though he tells women he's not looking for anything serious, I don't think his message is clear because I see a pattern of them getting the wrong impression and after a while he needs to own his own shit. I notice AP's and some FA's are quick to get into relationships more than DA's. But I'm going by my friend group and what I see on these channels sometimes. That's obviously not all of them. I think it's a red flag when people relationship hop. We should all take time to be by ourselves.
Oh yes! Twice in the last 6 months I was told he "needed to be completely alone for the foreseeable" only to find that on both occasions he went back to his ex within 2 days. He's never been alone and uses the phrase "this is why you're single" as though being single is an abnormality.
@Alixir1228 the narc I've been involved with has no male friends who are not gay. Then there's the 'name dropping' constantly... all women from work who he has either brought home for dinner or driven miles out of his way to give a lift home to, or who he recently worked away with... I've listened and wondered if he is literally the only male at his place of work(!!)
My ex DA moved a woman into his house 2 months after he slow faded and ghosted me. 5 months later they’re engaged. He’s giving her everything I wanted but I also know I dodged a bullet!! Good luck to the future new Mrs R.C.!!!!🤣🤣
This is what I'm going through and it's destroying me. In all the years I've known him I was kept a secret. He was official with the new woman from day 1 (and has been with previous partners). He still wants to keep me along as his dirty secret while he's now buying a house with her and spending all his weekends with her!!
I just can't understand how a person can stop wanting just for fear. Like "I don't want you because I want you so much" some times I feel it's just a theory to make the discarted person feel better "he doesn't want me because I m amazing" It seems absurd..
The *absurd* part is them not looking for the root cause! Imagine them having to step onto a red hot stovetop put down right in front of you if they want to get close/r to you - but instead of looking for a way to turn it off they choose to rather not approach and leave. 🙃
It's not set in stone. Someone could leave out of fear, but they can also leave because they're just not feeling it with you. I think a lot of these channels do get confusing for people because everyone is applying everything these coaches are saying to their situation and all of our situations are different and unique to us. We're not all dating the same person. Lol
Mine painfully discarded me or a kid at work 24 years younger and married her. They spend 24/7 together..never separated...do not get it. They live across the street so sadly I see everything. If they are both emotionally unavailable then how do they spend every second together?
This is a more comfortable thought than those I've had since being discarded. I can't know if it's even close. Though it's true I gave him lots of love. He often commented on how he'd never experienced being shown love. His experience had always been to give love. It almost felt like a performance at first. Yet somehow I never felt enough for him and he struggled with emotional connection. Sad really.
Yep, he went exclusive with a woman he met on a sugardaddy who said that he's "not her whole world" but is everything she "could really want" lol...I can only imagine their dynamic
I mean, I guess this makes me feel good. But also kinda bad for them at the same time. I get to meet one of her two teens. But I never got to meet her friends. She was going through a divorce when we were friends/situationship/FWB. She did tell me not to tag her in things on Facebook because she was scared her ex-husband would use that as ammo. Even though he was dating someone. I respected her wishes though. It's just been really rough. We had a lot of similar interests, and she made me feel special. I told her myself that I had been recently divorced and that I got it. She wasn't touchy feely, but with me, she gave me what she could. She told me that I was the only one she did this with. There's a part of me that wishes/hopes that she'll realize she lost a great guy and will come back. I told her that I would be patient with her. She told me that there would be times that I'd have to help calm her down. I told her that it wouldn't be a problem. If we didn't connect, this wouldn't be so hard.
You are literally wasting your life. I am still in a relationship with an avoidant, a love relationship that lasted 9 years and a marriage of 8 years, with a child. I thought that marriage would bring us closer, but it gets worse day by day. Even though we have moments of eternal love and have lived a life full of challenges and adventures, every time we take a step closer, he pulls away a mile. It becomes exhausting and drains you, to the point that he has become addicted to pornography to avoid intimacy. He does everything that breaks my heart and undermines the trust between us. And when I break down and want to leave, he tells me that his life is meaningless without me; they are a bundle of contradictions. A simple example is that when I am with him, life is enjoyable; he goes out, has fun with his friends, engages in his hobbies, and forgets that I even exist. If I say that I am not part of his plans and that I am not a priority for him and leave the house, he enters a state similar to depression, stops everything he was doing, and doesn’t even shower. He isolates himself and becomes addicted to cigarettes, pornography, and his phone.
@imenekadri6803 I completely understand. If I'm being honest, your relationship reminds me of when I was with my ex-wife. I did some of the same things as your husband. I felt secure with her. I will say that I mostly stayed inside on my days off because we both gamed. If I was out, it was usually both of us going to my parents for dinner. I will admit that I, too, have an addiction with porn and video games. When I'm stressed or depressed, I'd go to my addiction. Sometimes, I'd pay more attention to the addictions because they were the most consistent things that didn't make me feel bad, or belittle me, or shame me. I'm not saying it's right. Addiction is a hard thing to get over. I've tried breaking the porn addiction because it was the worst one. And I didn't want her to think I valued her less. I got addicted in the first place because, well... I was about 10, and the internet was just becoming a thing. And, I felt like girls had no interest in me as I got older. I can only speak for myself. I hope you and your husband are able to continue to a unit and get through the challenges that are presented to you both. Originally, I've been going to therapy to try to better myself and save my marriage. Unfortunately, it's too little too late. Try going to therapy together, but don't push. Although, that's what got me going. She told me the only way she'd consider staying around was if I tried it. Again, I hope you guys can still manage to make it work.
I’ve been trying to figure out exactly who you remind me of for months now, and I just realize you look and have similar voice patterns to Jordan Howlett if you were black of course. Lol love both of you.
I never understood why people stayed in relationships they claim aren't right for them. If the person is not moving in the direction you want the relationship to go, why stay? If you're in a "situationship" where the other person doesn't want to take you seriously (i.e. give you a title, introduce you to family and friends) why not just leave? Furthermore, who cares who they've moved on with? If they weren't moving the needle with you, then why not just find someone who will? It's not like there's a shortage of potential partners out there... "[People] are like buses; there's a new one every fifteen minutes."
@@LifeisaBeautifulting even if true, that means the following: A) Still plenty of partners to choose from. B) One can be alone This is what happens when people have a dependent, limited mindset. They settle in life.
My fearful avoidant after 4 months of separation started going out often! I can’t imagine he’s dating someone I mean I can’t imagine for that person to have unpleasant sex due to his ED, Tiny, 0 desire! Unless he’s taking pill to make it happen! He will likely pull away almost immediately 😂
As an avoidant I come here to maybe learn something about myself, but I always leave feeling sad about this content. I understand I am not the target audience here, but it would be nice to hear from what the other side could do differently to support the avoidant to stay in the relationship because even if we are to "blame" it's a 2 way street and nobody is perfect. Hate reading comments referring to us as garbage people.
I was with an Avoidant and everything Ryan said was true. I tried to be everything my partner needed. I think I was the best thing he ever had but he made excuses that were only valid in his eyes as to why we couldn’t be together. He also said he would just hurt me in the end and he was right but also know it was nothing I did wrong but I think he was getting too attached and like Ryan said he ran. It’s so crazy to think a person couldn’t choose to be mature enough to deal with having someone Love them by the time they were 58 years old. That’s how old he was and I am 65 . Anyway he ran off with some one who had discarded and cheated on him in the past and left me in the Wake of it all! Everything you said about not being loved properly as a child or getting recognized for who he was was true . He shared his childhood issues with me.
@@RatfinxTwinkledinksthis channel is for those of us suffering because of people like you. This is not your channel. Please head straight to a therapy clinic
Idk if i believe it though i think it can work for them. My ex her two last situations i think were avoidants they would be seperate or messing with other women yet she stuck around for them. Not me though
It's a spectrum. We're not all the same. Two severe avoidants will likely only have surface level relationships whereas say a moderate self-aware DA and a self-aware FA can work. That's my relationship in a nutshell. We share some fears, but we handle our emotions and conflict differently. But as you progress over the years, as long as you're aware and working on yourself, you can also bounce healthier behaviors off of each other and also develop some of the positive attributes the other partner has. For instance, I've always been more outwardly spoken regarding feelings and emotions and my DA now lets his vulnerable side show and doesn't shy away from emotions like he once did. From him I learned to address things in the moment in a calm, casual manner so there's no build up. Neither of us was like this in prior relationships. So it depends.
If you’re a man in 2024…and you take any women seriously…you are a silly silly man. The good women got married at 19 or so. They are in those relationships still. What you get are discarded, passed around women who have all kinds of emotional problems. I love them all. I def never take them seriously.
That’s why no contact is so good. You can’t mourn the emotions of what you can’t see.
💯 So good!!
Mine is posting his ass off on instagram. I refuse to Click on any of it
@ Awk Grace. Unless there’s an absolute reason to, don’t have him on your following list. It’s not worth it. There’ll be a day when you will, even by accident.
@@ianbooth4010 i know What you mean. But i feel like indifference is the best. If i unfollow him or delete him he will know he Got to me majorly. I prefer the nothingness. The other interesting thing is That he put Up a pic i took of him (& loved) as his profile pic. Of all the photos he couldve chosen as his profile pic!
@@gracetomaszczyk2145highly manipulative
Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
They don't go all in with anyone.
I don't care what appears to be because we all know it's not gonna last.
Ryan is really walking me through accelerated recovery after being dumped by a DA woman yesterday. I can feel the healing happen.
me too
I hate knowing they have the potential to be an amazing partner but allow outdated beliefs to continue to ruin their own happiness.
I know what you are feeling, but also remember that you are worth being with someone who thinks you are worthy of their best, who will overcome all insecurities and work on themselves to ensure that they do not mess up what they have with you just like you did for them.
They don't have the potential to be an amazing partner. All the most important parts of being in a committed relationship they lack. The mask they wear is just for show and to draw you in. There's nothing solid beneath it.
@Alixir1228 absolutely. You are correct. Everyone has the potential to be an amazing partner. However I don't invest time and energy into everyone I meet.
Spot on as usual. DA ran right back to the old safe boyfriend. She's smiling, he always looks like he's constipated, lol. More power to both of them, they deserve it. 😂
This happened to me twice with the same avoidant. Two separate 12 month relationships...same outcome after about 10 months. The avoidant has feelings of love, feeling that I am special and then being so afraid of hurt...she descended into full blown violent self sabotage, burned the relationship down then went full Ghost after the abuse. It was more painful the second time round. And it still makes me so sad because she means the absolute world to me and I know she's hurting even now...7 months on.
Good luck to the new ex because they are definitely going to need it!!! 😂
When they got engaged 😢 mine is going to engage... it hurt so bad 😑
0:59 The new partner is not necessarily unavailable, but the avoidant's fears have not been triggered yet.
I am days being heartbroken. The ex Avoidant bid goodbye so easily. Second time discarded. The first im not aware that he is avoidant. But when i reflect and searched about the signs it connected to him. Feel sorry for him. He wont find true genuine sincere happiness if he cant heal his self.. probably he is better with casual dating only. 🤷 Me ill move on and heal and find a better healthy emotional stable Man someday. Him will stuck in the same cycle.. poor hamster.
Read this to make you feel well: let's assume the FA is a woman, if she goes into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man she's able to hold emotional control, which means she always operates from her masculinity and he goes along with it, this is a very toxic polarity that will never sustainable. However, since their fears are greater they will either go from relationship to relationship or stay single. Take that as a compliment, you other hand polarized her feminine nature, and she craves that, but since that will trigger her fears, she'll avoid you. Trust me when I say that you'd better be in that position, where you were the correct Pole, than being the placeholder boyfriend who has no clue of his own Pole, gets therefore emotionally controlled by the female avoidant and be miserable their whole life.
Women, same for you. You don't want to be in a relationship with a man that you can emotionally control, he left you because you triggered his healthy Pole, which can make him into the man you need for healthy sexual polarity, but since he can't do that, you're better off. You need a self-aware well integrated man to be your full feminine self, you can't realize that with an avoidant man who's more volatile than mother nature herself.
BINGO!
Let them be another person's problem. You might be a little bit hurt but a lot more free. These are the lyrics from Max McNown's brilliant song.
Coach Ryan, you are speaking facts.
If they want to find someone easy, let them.
If they want to have an easy life, let them.
He just don’t want to go from of my head… 😔
My partner is a DA, I’m AP who’s working hard to be secure - my partner has committed to me, introduced me to his family - I’ve educated him on his attachment - he’s been in my life for 10 months - 6 weeks ago roughly I told him I needed more than the situationship, we talk and communicate our needs, we meet them, sometimes I get triggered but I understand that is partly me, and if he does something that isn’t cool, I tell him, I don’t attack him. Communicate and validate your own feelings. DAs are good people, who have deep emotions, they just can’t show it unless they feel safe. I’m not saying we are perfect but I’m happy right now and will continue to try for us both as long he does too.
You are blessed
Love to hear this! My DA is such a sweetheart. It really does depend on how you communicate. Glad it's working out for you guys.
@@Fresh_Baked_Bread_Is_Life glad for you also.
Whenever we fight he insists all his friends and family members NEED to know. This is the greatest reason i felt like leaving. He simply doesnt defend me as I defend him, instead, he is the first one to throw me under the bus. He tells people everything via his eyes, never explaining or trying to think my side of the story. He isn't my friend as I was his.
It’s cause they need to find flaws in us so they can justify leaving and discarding us and also poking at our flaws means they don’t have to take accountability and look at themselves.
Do you find it weird that they never want to just take time out and be single and focus on their own self growth, but instead they’re jumping from relationship to relationship, yet they don’t want to have a relationship either.
That depends on the individual. I'm a FA and I wait 3 to 5 years before I date anyone. The DA I'm with didn't date for 6 years before me. Another one of my DA friends casually dates every so often but only does relationships every 5 years or so? And my woman DA friend stays by herself for long periods of time.
While none of them focus on their growth like say you and I would by coming on here learning, they do self-reflect. My DA is very self-aware and has moved in a really positive direction over the years learning how to navigate through conflict and share his needs while reciprocating to meet mine. My woman DA friend and I have long talks about her looking back and seeing how she could do better. My other male DA friend might be a lost cause. He might realize what he does is not right, but he's also got a player mentality and even though he tells women he's not looking for anything serious, I don't think his message is clear because I see a pattern of them getting the wrong impression and after a while he needs to own his own shit.
I notice AP's and some FA's are quick to get into relationships more than DA's. But I'm going by my friend group and what I see on these channels sometimes. That's obviously not all of them. I think it's a red flag when people relationship hop. We should all take time to be by ourselves.
Oh yes! Twice in the last 6 months I was told he "needed to be completely alone for the foreseeable" only to find that on both occasions he went back to his ex within 2 days. He's never been alone and uses the phrase "this is why you're single" as though being single is an abnormality.
@ Single is awesome!!!
@Alixir1228 the narc I've been involved with has no male friends who are not gay. Then there's the 'name dropping' constantly... all women from work who he has either brought home for dinner or driven miles out of his way to give a lift home to, or who he recently worked away with... I've listened and wondered if he is literally the only male at his place of work(!!)
this is for "lift yourself up" playlist
Thats really deep !
My ex DA moved a woman into his house 2 months after he slow faded and ghosted me. 5 months later they’re engaged. He’s giving her everything I wanted but I also know I dodged a bullet!! Good luck to the future new Mrs R.C.!!!!🤣🤣
Same try engaged 90 days after moving out. Oh well. I tried.
Just know, unless he is committed to healing and doing the work, his new woman is going to catch and maybe give him hell.
Just happened a year later. And yes it was the ex and it didnt work out. Came back but not interested in getting discarded again.
great content- I’d love solutions after your explanations 🙃
Stay away from them, they need therapy and years of learning and growing. Life is too short to stick around with unhealed people.
This is what I'm going through and it's destroying me. In all the years I've known him I was kept a secret. He was official with the new woman from day 1 (and has been with previous partners). He still wants to keep me along as his dirty secret while he's now buying a house with her and spending all his weekends with her!!
Yup, right on to a married woman 20+ yrs younger….
I just can't understand how a person can stop wanting just for fear. Like "I don't want you because I want you so much" some times I feel it's just a theory to make the discarted person feel better "he doesn't want me because I m amazing" It seems absurd..
@@georgialagreca I know, when a secure person entering their world they should feel seen and secured? But it’s the opposite?
But its real ive seen it with my own eyes what a life and world
The *absurd* part is them not looking for the root cause!
Imagine them having to step onto a red hot stovetop put down right in front of you if they want to get close/r to you - but instead of looking for a way to turn it off they choose to rather not approach and leave. 🙃
@@Ellen84307 someone said getting back with a da is like reading the same book twice ,it ends the same every time you read it
It's not set in stone. Someone could leave out of fear, but they can also leave because they're just not feeling it with you. I think a lot of these channels do get confusing for people because everyone is applying everything these coaches are saying to their situation and all of our situations are different and unique to us. We're not all dating the same person. Lol
Mine painfully discarded me or a kid at work 24 years younger and married her. They spend 24/7 together..never separated...do not get it. They live across the street so sadly I see everything. If they are both emotionally unavailable then how do they spend every second together?
I'm sad but this was so helpful ❤
My ex immediately he announced his new relationship on social media heshh 😂. He then told me he loved me🤔😃 happy hes behind me
This is a more comfortable thought than those I've had since being discarded. I can't know if it's even close. Though it's true I gave him lots of love. He often commented on how he'd never experienced being shown love. His experience had always been to give love. It almost felt like a performance at first. Yet somehow I never felt enough for him and he struggled with emotional connection.
Sad really.
Yep, he went exclusive with a woman he met on a sugardaddy who said that he's "not her whole world" but is everything she "could really want" lol...I can only imagine their dynamic
Ryan can you please explain how a DA reacts, when their partner critisizes them or having whishes towards them?
I mean, I guess this makes me feel good. But also kinda bad for them at the same time. I get to meet one of her two teens. But I never got to meet her friends. She was going through a divorce when we were friends/situationship/FWB. She did tell me not to tag her in things on Facebook because she was scared her ex-husband would use that as ammo. Even though he was dating someone. I respected her wishes though. It's just been really rough. We had a lot of similar interests, and she made me feel special. I told her myself that I had been recently divorced and that I got it. She wasn't touchy feely, but with me, she gave me what she could. She told me that I was the only one she did this with. There's a part of me that wishes/hopes that she'll realize she lost a great guy and will come back. I told her that I would be patient with her. She told me that there would be times that I'd have to help calm her down. I told her that it wouldn't be a problem. If we didn't connect, this wouldn't be so hard.
You are literally wasting your life. I am still in a relationship with an avoidant, a love relationship that lasted 9 years and a marriage of 8 years, with a child. I thought that marriage would bring us closer, but it gets worse day by day. Even though we have moments of eternal love and have lived a life full of challenges and adventures, every time we take a step closer, he pulls away a mile. It becomes exhausting and drains you, to the point that he has become addicted to pornography to avoid intimacy. He does everything that breaks my heart and undermines the trust between us. And when I break down and want to leave, he tells me that his life is meaningless without me; they are a bundle of contradictions. A simple example is that when I am with him, life is enjoyable; he goes out, has fun with his friends, engages in his hobbies, and forgets that I even exist. If I say that I am not part of his plans and that I am not a priority for him and leave the house, he enters a state similar to depression, stops everything he was doing, and doesn’t even shower. He isolates himself and becomes addicted to cigarettes, pornography, and his phone.
@imenekadri6803 I completely understand. If I'm being honest, your relationship reminds me of when I was with my ex-wife. I did some of the same things as your husband. I felt secure with her. I will say that I mostly stayed inside on my days off because we both gamed. If I was out, it was usually both of us going to my parents for dinner. I will admit that I, too, have an addiction with porn and video games. When I'm stressed or depressed, I'd go to my addiction. Sometimes, I'd pay more attention to the addictions because they were the most consistent things that didn't make me feel bad, or belittle me, or shame me. I'm not saying it's right. Addiction is a hard thing to get over. I've tried breaking the porn addiction because it was the worst one. And I didn't want her to think I valued her less. I got addicted in the first place because, well... I was about 10, and the internet was just becoming a thing. And, I felt like girls had no interest in me as I got older. I can only speak for myself. I hope you and your husband are able to continue to a unit and get through the challenges that are presented to you both. Originally, I've been going to therapy to try to better myself and save my marriage. Unfortunately, it's too little too late. Try going to therapy together, but don't push. Although, that's what got me going. She told me the only way she'd consider staying around was if I tried it. Again, I hope you guys can still manage to make it work.
Mine was dismissive avoidant who monkey branched. Lol all the jargon. We were part of a drama triangle.
Too much work 🙄
sooo trueee
Thanks!
I’ve been trying to figure out exactly who you remind me of for months now, and I just realize you look and have similar voice patterns to Jordan Howlett if you were black of course. Lol love both of you.
❤
Thank you
I never understood why people stayed in relationships they claim aren't right for them. If the person is not moving in the direction you want the relationship to go, why stay? If you're in a "situationship" where the other person doesn't want to take you seriously (i.e. give you a title, introduce you to family and friends) why not just leave? Furthermore, who cares who they've moved on with? If they weren't moving the needle with you, then why not just find someone who will? It's not like there's a shortage of potential partners out there... "[People] are like buses; there's a new one every fifteen minutes."
There is a shortage of potential partners when 90% of people have attachment issues
@@LifeisaBeautifulting even if true, that means the following:
A) Still plenty of partners to choose from.
B) One can be alone
This is what happens when people have a dependent, limited mindset. They settle in life.
Wow
My fearful avoidant after 4 months of separation started going out often! I can’t imagine he’s dating someone I mean I can’t imagine for that person to have unpleasant sex due to his ED, Tiny, 0 desire! Unless he’s taking pill to make it happen! He will likely pull away almost immediately 😂
As an avoidant I come here to maybe learn something about myself, but I always leave feeling sad about this content. I understand I am not the target audience here, but it would be nice to hear from what the other side could do differently to support the avoidant to stay in the relationship because even if we are to "blame" it's a 2 way street and nobody is perfect. Hate reading comments referring to us as garbage people.
I was with an Avoidant and everything Ryan said was true. I tried to be everything my partner needed. I think I was the best thing he ever had but he made excuses that were only valid in his eyes as to why we couldn’t be together. He also said he would just hurt me in the end and he was right but also know it was nothing I did wrong but I think he was getting too attached and like Ryan said he ran. It’s so crazy to think a person couldn’t choose to be mature enough to deal with having someone Love them by the time they were 58 years old. That’s how old he was and I am 65 . Anyway he ran off with some one who had discarded and cheated on him in the past and left me in the Wake of it all!
Everything you said about not being loved properly as a child or getting recognized for who he was was true . He shared his childhood issues with me.
good. you are a horrible person.
people like you should never date.
The other side is not a therapist.
@_Cristina_ I meant if Ryan could share something from the other side to make the content less one-sided
@@RatfinxTwinkledinksthis channel is for those of us suffering because of people like you. This is not your channel. Please head straight to a therapy clinic
It’s not fear lol they just don’t like you . Heal yourself love more and leave the trash in the bin . These people are trash 🗑️ .
The theory says 2 avoidants do not attract each other.
Idk if i believe it though i think it can work for them. My ex her two last situations i think were avoidants they would be seperate or messing with other women yet she stuck around for them. Not me though
@@deepthoughts87-d4s I believe my wife and I are both moderately avoidant. Over 10+ years so far and we are both very happy. So I think it CAN work.
It's a spectrum. We're not all the same. Two severe avoidants will likely only have surface level relationships whereas say a moderate self-aware DA and a self-aware FA can work. That's my relationship in a nutshell. We share some fears, but we handle our emotions and conflict differently. But as you progress over the years, as long as you're aware and working on yourself, you can also bounce healthier behaviors off of each other and also develop some of the positive attributes the other partner has. For instance, I've always been more outwardly spoken regarding feelings and emotions and my DA now lets his vulnerable side show and doesn't shy away from emotions like he once did. From him I learned to address things in the moment in a calm, casual manner so there's no build up. Neither of us was like this in prior relationships. So it depends.
If you’re a man in 2024…and you take any women seriously…you are a silly silly man. The good women got married at 19 or so. They are in those relationships still. What you get are discarded, passed around women who have all kinds of emotional problems. I love them all. I def never take them seriously.
Sounds like you’re the one getting passed around if you’re with all of these women but still single… 😂
What in the red pill are you on about? I don't think you're on the right channel. Perhaps Andrew Tate?
@Alixir1228 this is something all women should band together on.
Thank you