just remember that we all deal with this at some time on some level. take a few deep breaths and remember that you are worth being loved and hold on loosely
The fact that you fear that means that you’re caring and empathetic though- worrying that you hurt others makes you so much more aware Ava a better person to be around
I love how she explains it with gentle and not demeaning words. She doesn’t make you feel like a bad person, she just gives you ways to manage them better. I like that
Ya if you make someone manipulative feel bad for who they are, they’ll manipulate themselves into believing its not true, also people gotta understand that they are a product of their environment, they can be treated and recovered!
Don't worry everyone. If you didn't know you were manipulative and just realised it now, it is okay. I realised it last year and broke down for quite a while, reflecting myself. Now that I know, I changed my ways and found myself to be way happier. Its never too late so all the best to you guys.
@@helatica8332 I understand. For me I do number 2&3 sometimes, not purposely. But they’re responses so it’s hard to change. Number 2 specifically, I don’t want to reward someone for doing something wrong. Wether intentions were pure or not it’s still wrong iMO
this is kinda scary, but i just recently got kicked out of my closest friend group for a point being "i'm being too manipulative". which i have never thought to be so, but after being told so i realized it might be subconscious. i'm so glad i got this recommended today and realize number 1 and 5 def. got me. i love this video and how much it helps me. this couldn't have come at any better time. thank you for this.
Do you like true crime? I watching boze vs the world talk about narcissistic people in true crime cases helped me with my narcissistic behaviors. I don’t know if you have those though. Idk I found it helpful.
oh my god, yes. I struggle with my mom so much, we fight like every 2 days and I always feel like she should be the one to apologize, or feel bad instead of me, because "I'm right". I always make myself the victim and barely say sorry for things I do, and as I watched this video I knew it was entirely possible that I am manipulative, but still my mind just tries to twist it around into "my actions WERE justified cause I was right in that argument with mom" and "I dont guilt trip, I AM the victim" thanks so much for writing this comment, I need to do some self reflection real quick cause I want to get my crap together, even if it's gonna destroy my ego
I don’t “pull back” to manipulate. I just get tired of being the only one trying in relationships/ friendships. So eventually I am just like “ok, I’ve tried. At this point, if you want our friendship to continue, you need to come to me. I’m done.” It’s just so exhausting, so I feel like with some people “pulling back” is okay when you’re in a relationship with someone that doesn’t even try.
Exactly. This just makes me down that it seems like we’re manipulative when people whether its relationships or friendships don’t even go the same length as you do but then get called manipulative when you pull back cause you finally realize a little sense of worth when you usually dont. Im just hoping this isn’t what they meant.
Yeah. I do this, but only when things get really bad. Like a couple years ago, I did this bc a friend of mine was exploiting my best friend and I, me being a “therapist” for him and my friend being a “bank” even though he knew she couldn’t afford to do that. He eventually apologized, and we went back to being friends, but it’s starting to get bad again. I also did this when I got out of a toxic relationship. She never apologized, and I’m ok with that bc that means I won’t have to talk to her again
For me it's like ok we fought Im irritable right now, don't wanna make things worse I'm leaving for a while I get better, wait to see if they are open to conversation and then we talk and make up
all of these replies is me..i put so much effort into others and get none back..its frustrating, then i get called moody or whatever because im tired of putting in everything..
I feel like even if you relate to any of these traits even a little bit, she gave the perfect solutions if that’s something you want to work on, thank you so much. Trauma can cause these toxic traits without most people knowing. I’m glad to know I can work on myself in these ways
I hate that some of these habits are things I’ve done. But I think it’s important to self reflect and realize when you’re doing some of these. Thanks for the self reflection 🙏🏽
If you understand you were mistaken, and are willing to learn how to be better, you should be happy to be a better person. Recognizing your own wrongdoings is a very valuable ability.
I used to manipulate a lot without realizing and it's caused me to ruin relationships and friendships. Now I am pretty much scared to talk to other people because I am afraid that I might be manipulating them and hurting people who I love and care about. Thank you for this video
I was at the rock bottom of mental health a couple of years ago. I've constantly grown and changed over time(drastically). Let me tell you the thing that helps- Open mindedness. Don't be afraid. A big change requires a lot of small changes from time to time. The more you'll be afraid of something, the more you'll be subconsciously intrigued to do that because you'll be feeding that archetype of yours, which is bad. Rather, try to deem yourself being a guy who doesn't feed an archetype and believes in a concept throughly. I'm manipulative too, and I've worked through it. I realize it, fear it, but try to keep an open mind for solving it. It's better not to be binary in decision making, I'd say. I hope you have a great journey ahead. Just keep an open mind and solve those issues by breaking them into pieces.
i've done almost all, if not all of these things. and to be honest, i'm starting to see why everyone is ignoring me and leaving me. my father is overly strict with me and made me feel bad about myself, which led to my behaviors. thank you for helping me realize my actions as I now know to be more aware of myself and others
Aww, I feel bad. I've lost many as a 5-7 year old and never knew why. Like you said, this helps me become more aware of my mistakes. ( I did everything except 4 and sort of 6)
I'm glad you realized :) little tip, try picturing how a manipulator in your life would respond to a stressful situation first, and if u want to do that, try to take a deep breath, and do the opposite
if you have watched this and want to know more about this and learn this skill. I recommend the manipulation enigma book, which has surprisingly successful content
Also, when one person tends to do something that is considered wrong, the natural tendency of people is TO pull away. Nobody wants to be treated with disrespect.
@@ApahtieParty It truly depends on the scenario with that. A friend I had hated some things I did, but never told me they didn't like it. At some point, we had an argument, in which they blamed me for those problems, despite never giving me a chance to fix it.
1. You’re kind of a know it all (you want people to follow you cause “you know best”) 2. You shower someone with affection and pull back when they do anything wrong (push and pull tactic used to retain control) 3. Very adamant to get what you want (very controlling, guilt tripping, blaming to get it) 4. Jealousy makes you do problematic things 5. You never say what you want outright (guilt tripping others into doing what you want) 6. You use relationships as bait ( e.g do something for me if you really love me and not doing it means they don’t love you)
I know it all, but I know it all because that makes me happy, like no one else and only me, so people can stop judging me. I “pull back” only when it’s getting out of hands, like when you meet a guy, that is like doesn’t know much, he hurts people without knowing, but then he starts to more like, being more mean and traitor, so that’s when I “pull back”. I am adamant because of the phobia I have, that is fear of making decisions, it makes me say, no, but I don’t like it more than 3 times. I am jealous because my parents totally always keep an eyes on others and it makes me jealous, or sometimes because they have a very good talent, but mostly of because parents. Another because of phobia to make decisions, I have strict parents and it makes me hard to say it out and embarrassed. I sometimes do that, it means that I want that person to have more time with me, like for example what I say to my bestie: let’s do homework instead of you watching ur mobile 24/7, so now I’m her worst nightmare in the weekends lol. That’s all. I hope I wasn’t rude :)
@🌹• Isabela_Mariposa •🌹 Hey, it's okay. Well, not necessarily okay that you do those things, but you don't need to panic. Some of them apply to me too. It's a good thing that you've realized that you're being manipulative. Self-realization is the first step in growth. You should examine yourself and ask yourself why you do these things. If talking to someone about it helps (family member, therapist, friend, etc.) then do that. Then I would say communication is the next step. If you feel like you are being manipulative to certain people then apologize and communicate how you want to be better. If you feel like the best thing to do for you to do is take a small break from a relationship to improve yourself then do that, but make sure you've communicated that to your friend or partner. I don't know your situation, so it's possible you need time to work on yourself, and that's okay. It's never too late to work on yourself to be better.
@🌹• Isabela_Mariposa •🌹 Np, I'm glad I could help (: If you feel jealous of a friend hanging out with someone else, just remember that just because they love someone else doesn't make them love you any less. This is also something you can communicate with your friend if you distant from them. Communication is very important.
The jealousy one applies to me. As someone who hasn't had many friends up until college, I always was jealous whenever a person I got to befriend preferred to hang out with others than me. I'm definitely in a much better spot right now but jealousy is definitely one of my more pronounced flaws.
well that depends if that friend still finds some time for you or deliberately avoids you to show off with his favorite friends all the time... maybe that person is the problem and you just need to find someone more worth your time and energy instead
Same and it was because of this that I lost many friends, I was very jealous, I discussed with everyone and expected them to come to me and apologize, they never did and I have been alone since then.
I watched a show recently, and I was thinking to myself "This show would be really therapeutic for my friend, but they might see flaws from me in the show and leave me and they mean the world to me, so I can't recommend it to them." And almost immediately I realized what selfish thing I just thought up. I'm trying to better myself, I promise I'll be better.
I understand that 100%.I always want to send these videos to people so they will know why I am the way I am.But then I think about how they will see that in me and leave .But I'm sure they already do cuz I have no frinds
Can I just say how wholesome this comment section is. All these people wanting and trying to better themselves, its so encouraging! Keep it up everyone!
This is a message to anyone who has ANY of these signs: I watched this video a few months back and had almost all these signs. Back then I was too ashamed to comment, and honestly I hated myself for being that way. I gave myself time and whenever I did something and the other person was hurt, I let my ego go and apologized immediately. Now when I watched this video again, I realised that I've improved a lot. So my point is, don't blame yourself too much because you always have time to change and make things right. It's never too late to be a better version of yourself. Hope this message helped you. Take care of yourself as well as other's ;)
Number 2 is a slippery slope. It's important to reflect and realize that it's not always your fault. When your Friend or Partner is just toxic in a sense that it really outweights the positives about the relationship and you just feel anxiety and insecure when you're with them, you easily fall into a behaviour of distancing and forgiveness until you're stuck in a cycle that repeats itself. Blocking people out of your life that drag you down or hurt you isn't proving that you can go on without them, it's self care. EDIT: Changed Number 3 to Number 2, typo
Do you mean #2? I only ask because what you said seems to reflect that point. And if so, I would agree because while the video is talking more about an intentional push and pull as punishment, it forgot to acknowledge that distance is a legitimate way to have safety from people who regularly do things wrong and harm your mental health. Often times that is the only way to deal with people who are, ironically, chronically toxic.
Yeah I agree. 2 is just basic self respect. Don't stick around people that treat you like shit. Be nice to people who do. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and be kind to people who haven't screwed you. In fact, it will help you rapidly flush out the people who want to take advantage of you or are too insecure to accept your kindness!
I think the video doesn't do enough of a job distinguishing it as a coping and healing mechanism vs a manipulation tactic meant to control. The same act can be one of either depending on the circumstance, but this vid doesn't mention the first option.
All my life I've been trying to stay away from manipulative people without knowing that I was the manipulative one. Gosh, I feel bad for how I've treated other people.. Most importantly my friends and family.I'm thankful that you guys posted this today and since we have upcomings holidays at my school, I'll try and take my time to understand myself and change ❤
Good luck to you on changing things with your friends and family I can relate to some of the things like being adamant about what you want I plan on going to art school for drawing and that's it I have support but like I said I wish you the best of luck with your friends and family.
6 signs you're manipulative without realizing: timestamps( • ̀ω•́ )✧ 1. You're kind of a know-it-all 0:23 2. You shower someone with affection then pull back if they do something wrong 1:10 3. You're being adamant about getting what you want 1:41 4. Jealousy makes you do problematic things 2:26 5. You never say what you want outright 3:08 6. You use relationships as bait 3:44 edit : I mistyped pull into full(；一_一)
Oops #5 hit hard. I grew up learning to be a people pleaser and always putting my own needs last, and as a result I learned to drop subtle hints or take roundabout paths to get people to know what I want instead of just saying it straight up. My partner has called me out for saying things in an indirect way that ended up being way more rude than if I had just asked directly for what I wanted. It's hard to let go of that programming to never ask for what I want though >w
This is where techniques like meditation can help. Taking time to reflect on how you feel about specific things and what you really value and want can make it easier for you to identify what you want later. And also make it easier to ask for, since the problem isnt necessarily that you cant communicate, but that you dismiss your feelings and they leak out in uncontrolled ways Edit: granted theres probably better ways to develop these skills, im no professional. Just here from partial personal experience
Saaaaame. I feel you here. My mother is a hardcore narcissist and I have been given the job of taking care of HER every need since I was very little. Any time I asked for something or had a need, I was screamed at and called names and told I was selfish or "too much" and was shamed for it. I eventually learned that asking for my needs to be met was unsafe and would go about it some other way.
Yes. This is how I lost my best friend. She was never direct with any of her emotions or things she wanted until she exploded and left me with the pieces. I had no idea she was even hurt or bothered by some things I had been doing. She expected me to just know without her expressing she was upset. Once she did express her feelings, she did not want to hear my side at all because she was too built up. Please save yourself from a situation like this! It can hurt relationships a lot :(
I clicked on this video with a sense of dread, but was pleasantly relieved. The only one of these traits I struggle with is #5, and I've been doing a lot of work to be more upfront with others about what I need or want. I grew up with a very emotionally and sometimes physically abusive father who constantly put me down and made me feel like I was burden, so I never felt like I was allowed to want or need things. It takes time to unlearn your survival habits.
I am SUPER guilty of number 5. For me, the reason I never say what I want outright is because I feel uncomfortable asking people for things. I feel like I'm burdening them, so I'm sometimes scared to ask. This is the first time I've heard of that trait being a potential tactic of manipulation. I'll admit it, I beat around the bush a lot, and I'm a very insecure person. It's something I definitely something I need to work on.
No I don't think that what you're thinking of is a sign of manipulativeness. I can be the same way sometimes about not expressing how I really feel because I'm not a super confident guy, but I don't guilt trip people into getting what I want, and I have a feeling that neither do you. Maybe you do, who knows, but I think in most cases a lack of confidence doesn't necessarily mean manipulation.
If you feel like you're burdening them that's propably a bit more about being slightly depressed or something similar and not manipulativeness. You propably wouldn't be burdening them by saying it out loud nearly as much as you think you would.
Honestly I think it would also depend on the people involved. For example, I have family that I know have a hard time saying no if asked directly, so would feel very uncomfortable asking outright for most things because I'd know I'd be imposing on them. So I would always have to "ask" in a sort of indirect way. I hated it. It made me feel guilty for asking in any way whatsoever.
5. Is not openly saying what you want yet guilt-tripping others about not giving it to you. So for example having untold/hidden expectations about person or situation, then getting upset at them for not delivering.
2. push and pull this is a trained method to teach someone what you like and dislike its pretty simple. It is also the way you train dogs and many animals, I don't see how this is toxic or manipulative. To me this is something that happens because if you are around that person you are reminded of what they did wrong.
@@tatianacarretero686 I’ve done these things before, and need to improve. I want to always be perfect for my mom and dad because their the the reason I have food and a house but I also have strict parents who I must obey 24/7. I mean I get it! respect the ones who give you shelter and food and stuff like that but their one of the reasons I can’t talk to people about my problems..it’s like I feel they’ll care less and make fun of me for things like this. I can’t talk to my parents about anything because all they wanna do is SOLVE the problem and not just LISTEN TO ME. I get in trouble for simple things like yelling at my sister when I have a very short temper, they make me feel bad about it instead of just talking to me. They say things like “Your the older one and you should be responsible” or “Don’t be such a baby their younger than you, you should ignore it”. Just because I’m “older” doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings as well. I try to hide my feelings all the time because of this, I don’t want them to know because they will just try to force me to feel better and suck it up when the only thing I want to talk about is my FEELINGS!
Hero we need but dont deserve. Push and pull is manipulative? Have these guys read a dating manual? I bet if you were to go to their "twin souls" video youll have them mention a "push and pull" dynamic and its "beautiful" in that context. Doing anything to get what you want? Staying later past close to get a better paycheck is manipulative 😂 Jealousy had/has very real purpose, esspecially in the confines of a relationship and both men and women use it in the form of "dread game" Figures psychtoday or w/e takes a swing and a miss.
1- You are a know it all 2- Shower someone with affection and then pull back 3- Adamant to get what you want 4- Jealousy makes you do hurtful things 5- You never say what you want outright 6- Use relationship as bait 7- You clicked on this video Hope this helps!!! Also thank you for making this video!!
Im so guilty of the push and pull I have to admit :/ I get angry when someone does me wrong and I try to make it as obvious as I can, not to be controlling but because I just think maybe they’d realize how hurt I am by their actions. But deep down even I know it’s wrong and feel guilty
@@Ayeshaness well, I dont think its always the the right approach to do so, can lead to worsening the situation. Try to calm down firstly, without venting. that how you change and thats how you grow and heal.
few years ago I realized I was being so controlling and manipulative. I didn't even realize because, everyone uses a very extreme stereotype when it comes to the word "manipulative" so I completely disregarded the fact that I was being subtly or unconsciously manipulative. After a break up I had, I was alone with my own thoughts, and I kept replaying so many of our conversations in my head, all of the actions I did and how it made them feel after wards, and that's when I realized "oh my god, I was so manipulative and so controlling, I don't even play a big part of their life and I made everything into such a big deal" and so on. I'm a little disappointed in myself that I was a manipulative person, because I always disliked people like that when I was one myself. But I'm glad I realized it and became more self-aware, so that I can improve and change those bad habits :')
It's better to realize than to not be aware of it at all. I'm sure quite a few of us can relate to you and I'm one of them. Hopefully you've figured out ways to overcome your flaws so you can reach some potential enlightenment. We all have the opportunity to improve ourselves and our lives even if some of us end up not taking it. In the end it's really up to our decisions whether or not to accept. I wish you and the other unintentionally toxic people luck.
yes, this!!!! i wish everyone had the mindset that “maybe i have something i could improve on” rather than assuming everyone else is the problem. if all humanity was like this there would be hope for us. good job!
@@sazude2 Yes I did, In fact we're even back together (we're friends, it wasn't and isn't a romantic relationship). They themselves even apologized to me as well (they also did me wrong multiple times). So during our break up, we both had time to reflect and work on ourselves. But I didn't do this just so I can improve for my friend specifically. I wanted to do this for me and for future friends that I may come across. But I understand where you're coming from
I adore that all throughout your videos you never outright shame someone for exhibiting bad traits, but instead express why they are bad behaviors and offer ways to counteract the behaviors! It allows people to reflect instead of get defensive!! I really enjoy all your videos!!
Do you make videos that present perfectly normal behavior as abusive and toxic? Do you try to convince people they are in an abusive relationship when they are not?
As a kid, I always knew what to say to get others to do what I wanted without outright saying it. After a while I felt really bad about it and started correcting my behaviors. This kind of reminded me of how far I’ve come, so thank you!
I'm usually a very calm and kind person but when I get angry, I can say some pretty manipulate sounding things or act out. I'm trying my best to work on it. I think we should all try to improve ourselves a little more :)
This really helped me figure out why my mom said I was being manipulative. I never believed her because I never meant to be, but now I understand areas I need to work on instead of just being told to stop being manipulative. This really helped me figure out what I needed to fix. Thank you guys!
ahhh I relate to this so badly its sad, every time I express my side of a story, they think I am being manipulative when really I am just telling them something vulnerable.
@@soulesswhale7644 I just had a fight like this with my friend last night. We both were just trying to say our feelings, and the way she puts her feelings came off as a bit guilt tripping but I tried to stop and understand she's just hurting and expressing her feelings, not trying to interfere with my personal issues (the fight was that I have stuff going on and haven't been as available lately because marriage comes first)... And when I tried to explain to her that i understood that but i had to take care of my own problems first so I may not he as present, she got upset and said she didn't need the guilt trip when she was just trying to explain her feelings and she understood that stuff... I just replied I know and I wasn't trying to guilt her, I was just explaining my stuff and she reiterated she already knew that so it came off as guilting so I told her that her getting on me is she knows I'm having g personal issues could come off as guilting and she got upset and said she wasn't trying to guilt me and she has a right to explain her emotions. I told her yes she does and I have a right to explain my stuff too.. ...and it just went back and forth like that until I had to cut it off for the night and send her home because it was 1am and I had an early day and needed to go to bed, plus I was shaking with anger and needed to step back before i had a meltdown, to which she got upset and wouldn't leave because she wanted to at least end the night by calminh down but I told her that one, we always get roped back into discussing our fights and u needed the break and two I was telling her to get out of my house and go home because I wasn't in my clear state of mind and she needs to respect my boundaries and she kept refusing.... I didn't wanna shout or call the police so I just walked away to my bedroom and went to bed, she left later when I didn't come out....it just upsets me. I can be manipualtive sometimes, I know that about myself, but she can be too and right now we haven't talked about it yet, but she did send a message apologizing this morning and I have been running errands and doing my things so I haven't had a chance to sit and talk with her.....but I'm tired of being the only one trying to be less bitchy and not receive the same respect. She tries in other respects but she plays victim when it comes time for me to stand firm on my boundaries newscaster I'm used to ppl stomping on my boundaries in the past.... When she comes out of her emotio al states (she has bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc) she's a lot more rational and apologetic for her behavior ior and i apologize as well for my tempers and stubbornness, etc, but it just hurts... Sorry to dump all of this out, I'm still raw from it all and just needed it off of my chest...
@@EmiriTsukiyo It's fine I understand that you should definitely get it off your chest, that is a lot to keep to yourself and bottle up emotions. I think you made4 the right decision standing back because something might have gotten out of hand. The truth is that you both have your own personal issues and its good that you both are aware but what I think you both need to do is sit and talk and promise each other that you will both put your sides of the story and the other doesn't make it about them. Also, say that any of you shouldn't fight or raise your voice because that can pile up emotions and make an outbreak. One-on-one talk is the chance to talk it out calmly and make an agreement. Sorry if this is bad advice it just has never happened to me... I hope it helps!
Should it be a labelled a crime,if you use manipulation for evil intentions,until it ends in assault, throughout the course of history it has been used to help people get their way,and now all of a sudden humanity finds fault with it💥❌🚩✔️💲
@@melaniemartin4319 because I used make her not go away from me. By saying like, you are my friend. You care for me you cannot do that and many more. I lost her anyways. I wished I had known my mistake earlier. I hope none of you make the same mistake I made.
@@SandeepSingh-jm1lv It's already a big step realising your mistakes, one can only get better if they come to realize what they did wrong. Wish you the best and I hope self-improvement be present in your life for the long run 💖
I realize how unready I am for a relationship as I watch this channel. There's a long road to go to make things right about me, then I can love someone else.
I went into this video thinking I'd identify with several of the listed behaviors, and was surprised to finish without that happening. It just reminded me of how prone I am to see myself as selfish and manipulative because that's what my parents branded me as when I was growing up. They saw malice in everything I did, and apparently I haven't shaken that off yet. Thank you for indirectly helping me realize that I still have some ways to go to move on from this negative view of myself.
I think I might be in this same category. I come to videos like this to try and figure out if I'm too cold, toxic, etc, because I can't seem to find a group of friends I like and care about and who like and care about me. But the only one I might be guilty of is the pulling away thing, and there it might be actually that I over-commit and then pull back when I realise I'm more invested than them, trying not to be clingy. Anyhow, take away I guess is that social stuff is hard.
Exactly! Parents really screw over your perception of self. I personally only related to the initial description of 1 and 5 but not to when it was actually explained. Like 5. I don't say what I want, but that is me being a people-pleaser and I never guilt-trip someone over what I actually wanted. Being a know it all never made me act superior or more confident either. There are benefits to everything, including being an idiot. I don't cosider one more valuable then the other, that is what society does.
same with me. i panicked when this video was recommended, because i was afraid of being told that im manipulative once again, but also wanted to know for sure if i was or not. i know that i was taught to view myself as evil and my behaviours as way worse than they are, but it still surprises me how much it still affects me.
" I'm surprised that you can think that you can choose your own image " -Victor Nikifirov This is true the way you see yourself doesn't always have to be true
Pulling back isn't always manipulative when they take advantage of you. Sometimes pulling back shows a LOT about how selfish someone is with their emotions, while disregarding yours. And actually I had to tell my parents the if they loved me thing....because neither one treated me properly to begin with. So I mean like....not necessarily true.
@Niphyra there's only so much talking you can do with certain people, and some people you gotta pull back from. Like I did my ex, and my family, who I will be pulling away from again, because I'm not who they want me to be. I'm not an extension of any of them, it's the most messed up concept I've heard in my life. I understand your point, I already know about abuse because I've gone through it....for multiple lifetimes. Love and peace 🤍
ya i tend to think of it in terms of give and take since i've been taken advantage of multiple times throughout my life. i tend to give a lot, and when i feel like someone is taking from me more than giving back, i pull away. maybe i'm being manipulative, but i feel like it's a good defense mechanism against being treated like a doormat. idk, i guess there's a fine line which i'm not really aware of, but the mental health community still has a long long way to go to figuring this stuff out.
I know right, it depends on the context and tone, you can't generalise these things. Pulling back is only manipulative if it's done in an angry, dismissive way - not if it's done to protect yourself
I wish I never became manipulative, it does genuinely suck. Especially when you have or had a relationship with someone and lost it because of the unintentional manipulation.
that's okay buddy as long as u realise it's half the problem solved..i think it would be helpful to reflect why you became manipulative..ex as this video said having strict parents .children imitate their parents behaviour without knowing..i hope once you know the source of the problem it will further help u to change ...good luck..hope you have wonderful relationships in future🎉🎉🎉
I think what your speaking on is just boundaries. I disagree with the video on several points. Int okays world you don't just let yourself be vulnerable.
I think it’s very important to acknowledge SOME of these things, or really 1 of these things can be healthy if used in the right way. For example, having an argument and pulling back from the person. Yes, if you make the other person feel guilty and try to make them one to you first, that’s manipulative and toxic. But this doesn’t mean that pulling back from a person after an argument in itself is manipulative. Sometimes it’s very important to take that time away from the person in order to self reflect and calm down, then you can come back together and talk it out in a more level headed manner later. If you have an argument with someone don’t force yourself to keep the argument going when you’re both emotional, let them know you need to take a step back for a bit and come back to it in the near future.
Yes this is why i got so confused from watching this video. I was wondering if I was a bad person, but everyone needs time to think and reflect on what they did wrong or if they were right to come up with a counter argument. I don't think it would be good to stay around a person after arguments or even just when they have done something you dislike, it makes your mind brew while their still around making you judge their every action.
Yeah, there is a major difference between needing some space yo cool off and doing this in a manipulative manner. Like, if you're having an argument and one or both parties are very emotional it can be healthy to separate and calm down before you go back and talk through it. That way you can both talk with more rational minds and not say things you'll regret later. However, being manipulative about it would be like if someone does something minor or is really a non-issue and you use that tactic to get what you want.
In the video they mean pulling back completely. You guys are talking about giving yourself to calm down and letting the situation cool down, the thing in the video is not giving the person attention/affection/just completely ignoring them outright until they come to you and apologize.
Just the fact that you are watching this means you are one step closer to becoming a better person. Even if you didn’t have any of the traits listed in this video, the self reflection can help you!!! Keep up the good work 🎉❤
Okay after watching this video, I'm 100% manipulative. I have all of these traits but IN WAY WAY WAY more extreme intensity. Btw. I seem to have noticed an incapability in myself to actually sympathize and care for other human beings. Not that I don't understand what their emotions are, it's that I don't care about their emotions until and unless it can be beneficial to me. I often find myself using their emotional feelings which I seem to understand very easily and deeply. I use them to get closer with them or to manipulate them into doing something for me. But, the thing is I only get close to them just cause I feel like it at the time. Not that I care about them, it's more like an experiment to myself. Like, "Can I become the closest friend of X? Let me try. " " Okay done, I've become the closest friend of theirs and most emotionally close to them in their life. Mission accomplished" And then I proceed to move out of their life all at once and ghost them for literal MONTHS and sometimes YEARS.
This video helped me quite a bit. Lately I keep convincing myself that I'm a bad person, manipulating friends and family, dragging them into problems that are no one else's but my own. But when I watched this video and learned some of the major signs, I realized that I wasn't being a horrible person, and that my friends and family were trying to help me through my GAD and depression of their own volition
Thats great, sometimes its hard to tell if your forcing people to help you or if they truely want to help. Its nice that this helped you to tell the difference:)
@@-crossheart because I'm not aiming to take what I want. I'm aiming to rid myself of a mental condition that constantly makes me feel awful. The feelings aren't just as simple as thinking I'm taking advantage of others, it's also constant imposter syndrome and putting myself down all the time
@@-crossheart that's not really a good way to deal with this, being a dick and using everyone to get what you want is selfish and stupid, if you REALLY wanna make it your best life then you shouldn't manipulate anyone because it'll most likely end up with you having no friends, does that sound like a good life?
For number two, I did some thinking... And this is how I personally see it. It is all in the motives. The act of pulling away from someone treads a very very thin line, bordering on manipulation. But sometimes it is necessary. You must ask yourself an important question: "why am I pulling away from them?" Give yourself some time to reflect on your reasoning, put yourself in their shoes, and consider what you are about to do, because it is a very weighty decision. Here are a few justified reasons I can think of: - "They seriously hurt me or someone else physically, psychologically, or emotionally, so I want to prevent it from happening to me (again)" - "They act in ways that puts themselves and the people around them in great danger" - "They are unapologetic and/or manipulative" Inversely, here are some reasons that I don't believe are justified: - "They did something hurtful to me, so I want to pull away to make them feel hurt" - "They aren't giving me enough attention, so I want to make them chase after my affection" - "I don't want to admit that I made a mistake or was wrong, so I want to hurt them instead of coming clean" Of course, it will always be a case by case thing to determine whether it is right or wrong, but the thing to remember is always place your safety and health above your relationships with other people. And to never pull away with the intent to hurt. If you decide to break things off or pull away from someone (perhaps you just need some space to reflect and recoup), you can try to make the other person hurt less by doing a few things: - give them closure. Be honest with them of why you are doing what you're doing. Don't ever leave them wondering what they did wrong. - let them down easy, if possible. Don't just suddenly pull away from them, that will just make them feel empty and broken. Try to be there for the other person and comfort them through the heartbreak. Just because you two are no longer what you were before, doesn't mean you necessarily need to give them the cold shoulder. Remind them that they are loved and that they have other friends they can turn to. Remind them that they still matter, even if your relationship with them isn't what it was before. - be conscious of any mental complications they may have. A person with depression may take a lot more delicacy and care. However, in doing these things, don't allow them to manipulate you. And if the situation is extreme enough, you aren't obligated to do these things by any means. Again, prioritize your own safety first above all else. This is just my take on this. Please feel free to let me know how you think about it. We are all in this together.
And for anyone wondering... Yeah. I have done these things. All of them. I have pulled away for the sake of my own safety and mental health, and I have, unfortunately, also pulled away with the intention of hurting someone. I am not proud of it at all. And I hope that I will never do it again. I hope that my comment can teach you this important lesson, so that you do not need to learn it the hard way as I did. One last thing: I don't mean to come off as macho or "superior" just because I know this. I have seriously hurt several people whom I was extremely close with. I have screwed up my own life and the lives of people I used to be close with because of my arrogance and shortsightedness. I know sometimes it's hard to listen to someone lecturing you because they come off as "I'm better than you", but I am not better than you. I want you to be better than me.
I think another valid reason to pull away is to observe your own emotions, especially if you are more sensitive/have a tendency to people please, fawn, etc. Because sometimes you literally can't react well in a conflict, and either end up sacrificing your needs, or hurt the other person, or both. Getting a few days without the person, reflecting on the emotions and self worth can do wonders, if you are allowed to do that.
Thanks for having so much empathy and understanding for people who have manipulative habits while also not denying that manipulation is damaging and wrong and should be changed!
All these actions in this video really hit me- I don’t do these currently but I used to act like this all the time. I wish I could’ve stopped doing these things earlier, because I have other manipulative people in my life as well, and it kinda sucks. Thank you for informing others about this :)
yeah i relate, looking at every trait here i used to have these manipulative traits, but probably because of my paranoia and thought my friends were backstabbing me and secretly against me, especially my irl best friend and we had online friends and an online friend group and i was scared he'd reveal my personal information back then and backstab me (this was a few years ago) and we were at bad terms due to worthless drama and causing me to develop paranoia and manipulative traits back then
#5 really hit hard, because I find it so hard to say that I want something either from the fear of rejection or the embarrassment from not getting it, or worrying people will think I'm greedy
I used to be super manipulative(Like, when I was in elementary/middle school), but I realized that all I was doing was hurting my friends, and I actually changed for the better. I didn't realize what I was doing was manipulative until much later in life, but luckily I was able to realize what I was doing was wrong before it became an unbreakable habit later in my adult life.
I'm aware of the guilt tripping and have actively started asking for what I want. The drawback is that I still don't outright ask because I don't recognize that I actually want something 😩 so onto part 2 of this, recognizing my wants and needs from others around me. I know what I want and need from myself but I want to unlearn that asking for help and having needs and wants from my peers is bad.
This is why I’m so thankful for my parents. They always encouraged my siblings and I to be open and honest and tell how we feel. Like said in number 5, being direct with what you want is important. I truly believe that my parents did a phenomenal job in raising and supporting us. They weren’t too strict but knew how to set boundaries and I appreciate that they let me explore my likes and dislikes. My parents will always have a place in my heart because they are the main reason why I am proud of who I am today.
This was definitely helpful. I tend to "fall into" leadership type roles because I'm impatient, a perfectionist, and yes a bit of a know it all. I constantly worry I'm being manipulative in my romantic relationship because of these tendencies that helped me so often in work and school, and try to combat it by being self aware of it whenever possible, and trying to apologize/ be gracious about it, even though that admission is really hard for me, and I don't succeed as often as I can. I saw myself in some of these, but it also reassured me in others. I'm not perfect, but I'm also not malicious, and I'm trying to be better.
SAME, believing and trusting someone else to do something for me is so hard because my entire life people just made empty promises and forgot to do important things that they told me they would do
@@stephanieprekeges522 i think if us people with this type of skill use it to help people when theyre clearly distressed and in need is a good way to use it. yeah there can be times when talking to someone about a problem isnt on my mind right away when i get home from doing something and im pissed off, but always being there will give the person whatever they need to eventually be able to resolve it with you. me and my ex gf were always on opposite ends of the emotional intelligence spectrum so a lot of the time my advice wouldnt even help, but hearing what i say and thinking for herself with someone who she knew was caring and kind was all tha really mattered
@@Amandasbarros i think if us people with this type of skill use it to help people when theyre clearly distressed and in need is a good way to use it. yeah there can be times when talking to someone about a problem isnt on my mind right away when i get home from doing something and im pissed off, but always being there will give the person whatever they need to eventually be able to resolve it with you. me and my ex gf were always on opposite ends of the emotional intelligence spectrum so a lot of the time my advice wouldnt even help, but hearing what i say and thinking for herself with someone who she knew was caring and kind was all tha really mattered
I can relate to No.5. Due to my self-awkwardness, I tend to not explain what I need or what I want directly. I always feel like “it might not work” or “they’re going to think badly of me if I ask”. Because of this, I only leave hints on what I want, but often times it goes over their head and doesn’t work.
Yeah i relate hard to number 5, as a kid sometimes my family would pick at things I like so I tend not to say what I like at all, I'm getting better but it's still hard.
Same. I kind of just started believing that it’s rude to ask for things or accept favors so now I turn down opportunities people give me that I really want
Yeah last time after a party my partner & the other hosts were splitting up the leftovers between them, and a pear juice came up. My partner was like "You can have it" and the other two replied "No you can have it, here you go" to which he just went silent and put it in his bag. I immediately looked at him and went "But don't you hate pears and pineapples?" to which he sadly nodded, so the other two were like "Oh I had no idea! Then if you don't want it I'll take it", because they were simply being polite, but he didn't want to make them feel like he was dumping something on them just because he didn't want it. I'm glad I was there to fix it right away but it saddens me a little to know that sometimes people pleasing gets the best of him and he doesn't stand up for himself. Especially among friends, because they're the most likely to understand your point of view if you just let them in on it!
I have a big issue when it comes to people doing stuff without me. And honestly I do get offended. Luckily I’ve realized this before hand, and I’m already doing what the video suggested to do. I’m distancing myself, and allowing others to do stuff without me while I work on myself. It’s helped tremendously and now, I don’t feel so bad whenever I get excluded out of something. It was hard at first, I won’t lie. I would get lonely or sad when I would see a group picture without me. But then I would remind myself, that happiness can come from within, and not reliant on others.
Are you an impulsive person who tends to embarass people in public? Sometimes people will tolerate someone like this in private, but not take them anywhere with them, so that nobody else witnesses their lack of boundaries, otherwise everyone will start behaving that way.
These are good. I was recently accused of being a know-it-all! But if something is a fact about reality, like the Earth being round, and your date declares loudly and proudly they believe the Earth is flat, I'm going to go ahead and be a "know it all."
I relate to some of these, there are times where when someone doesn’t act the way I want them to(reacting negatively and getting pissed)I get disappointed or probably a little angry and try other things to get them to react. Sometimes it’s on a small scale(that’s usually when I don’t know that I was being manipulative) but when it’s on a bigger scale I usually realize it a die after and feel bad
This is really helpful. A hard pill to swallow but helpful. Thanks to this channel, I’ve been able to reflect more on my toxic tendencies in my relationships. Personal growth is the most challenging thing. To reflect and be self aware while not criticizing and punishing myself. It’s a balance that’s proven difficult to grasp. Thank you for this content. We’re all learning and growing together ❤
I thought I was manipulative and that’s why I watched this but I ended up finding out my friend is the one who made me feel the need to watch this, as she was manipulating me. Thank you for helping me be careful around certain people even though they don’t realize their true intentions all the time, it’s nice to know I stopped and helped my friend.
I see myself doing a couple of these things on very minor scales but still it’s worth knowing what to change. Now I wish I could get my mom to not only see this but also apply it to her life. Unfortunately I don’t think it’s worthwhile, she’s made it clear she has no desire to change.
I adore this! Most videos about mental health are about how we have been victimized---- and don't misunderstand me, it is VERY important to understand when you have been hurt by another's behaviour or words---- but not very often are we asked to look inward and reflect on some of our own toxic behaviour. I sincerely believe that while part of healing is understanding how you've been victimized and abused, but also see how you yourself may unconsciously continue that same behaviour and to then be accountable. Well done, Pysch2Go 😊💝👍🎉🎉🎉
I’m a person who people claim to be very kind, watching this with horrible anxiety that I may have one of these traits. Luckily I only saw one and I’m gonna definitely talk about it with my therapist. But I know it’s about anxiety, and fear of abuse because asking for things would often lead to punishment. I’m working on that. Edit: It also might be that I just don’t see those behaviors because I’m used to it, or maybe they’re not there at all and it’s a result of trauma and manipulation from my parents, but… I’ll find out with my therapist. Wish me luck.
Same, I'm so scared to find myself on the list Edit: oh Boy I'm relieved. Though the first one is something I would look into, most of these things seem to be about control, which I don't want.
well...tough I tend to agree, sometimes if you give affection and don't receive affection in return, it meas that YOU are the manipulated one. A well balanced relationship should be two-sided.If you realize that somebody is actualy a leech that takes and doesn't give back, pulling back is not wrong at all.
@@clementineb4317 one of your boyfriend’s friend? Curious.. How many bf you got? You’re taking what he does WAY too personally.. Its not about you ethier.. it seems you lack experience in struggle and pain.. You don’t convince yourself of lies.. People treat you how they feel, and he knows that.. He knows when he’s surrounded by people who aren’t on his calibre he’s overcoming a hard journey. By the sounds of it he has no one to be that support person. Perhaps you should work on reciprocating the same energy back to him.. whether that be good or bad. He’s loving and kind.. not stupid! Why is no one matching his level of appreciation or disrespect? Do you think you’re better or further then he is? Hate to be the one to enlighten you.. but he’s in a valid position to be acting out the way he does. If anything he needs support and guidance.. Not shit talking and passing judgment!
@@clementineb4317 don't you hate it when perfect strangers come at you like you're a whiny toxic tool, even tho they literally only know you by a single paragraph of text that you wrote? i've had that happen to me too and it never feels good. best of luck to you.
This video really helped. I've been trying to be more self-aware because I'm starting to realize I probably have some of toxic behaviors. After watching this I've found that I probably used one or two of these manipulation tactics before and I'm going to better myself. I love your videos, Psych2Go!!
I think the thing that everyone needs to realize is everyone has toxic traits. If you don’t think you have any. You most certainly do. If you are aware you have them, then you are correct and they’ll always be there in some shape or form. That’s ok, being aware of them is like 90% of the work already completed.
@@apothecurio amen! We are human naturally flawed, but when we take effort to address these flaws to become better for others, it’s life changing. No matter how flawed we will always be, when we address our behavior for others it changes everything!
Honestly I don’t see a problem being like that sometimes but I would understand if it would hurt people so I still keep it to the down low so no one hates me Rn I think it matters if the people around you are actively upset Being self aware is important
I had issues with the push and pull behaviour. I am very glad my friend was so loyal to confront me about it instead of dropping me off, cause I really didn't realise how I subconciously tried to emotionally punish people with that neglection
0:22 - Sign 1: You're kind of a know-it-all 1:10 - Sign 2: You shower someone with affection then pull back if they do something wrong. 1:41 - Sign 3: You're very adamant about getting what you want 2:26 - Sign 4: Jealousy makes you do problematic things 3:08 - Sign 5: You never say what you want outright 3:42 - Sign 6: You use relationships as bait I hope this helped 😄 dang, it went to 68 likes then when I refreshed it went to 70
I always watch stuff like this to make sure I’m having a good impact on the people around me, and I never find any of the signs within me, but always in my best friend that cut me off recently because I dared to try to help her not be manipulative. It’s one of those times where being right isn’t that great a feeling.
Yeah, I feel ya. Being right sometimes indeed, not a great feeling, but don't let it to stop us from doing so. Just wish them someday they will realise, and change for the better of themselves. After all we can't help people who don't want a help.
@@userm180 🤞 I know its hard, they're not a robot who can be reprogrammed easily. They also have reasons(child trauma, etc) why they did that. We can only show them that we care and give them advice, but its up to themselve want to accept it or not.
@@v-alfred i know :) but rlly, this manipulating literally ruined me and my childhood. they may have reasons (which in my case, they rlly didnt) but that still doesnt justify it. i now have to live with this thing that happened in the past for the rest of my life, and it affected every aspect of it. so while im accepting them and appreciating that theyre changing, i cant say i have much sympathy for the ones that dont even wanna realize their mistakes.
this totally makes sense, I just want to point out the push and pull. this one stuck out to me because sometimes when someone does something I don't believe is okay and totally wrong I will become stern and mention that to them. personally I think its not okay to let people be wrong it situations affecting you. if YOU are not comfortable in a situation and your friend/friends are doing something, especially if you told them more then once that its wrong and you're not comfortable with it, then you have every right to be upset :)
You tell them. That's the difference. A manipulative person would try to make them feel bad from the start about it without telling them outright, and if they do so it's not in a direct way at first.
Sometimes it's difficult and anoying to have to chew everything for them. Sometimes you just want to get away and not feel like you need to explain yourself. In these situations, the goal is not to force the person to change or look for you. The goal is to get away from something that hurts.
I just responded with my own comment about this. I am just now on my journey to leaving a toxic relationship where my ex told me it was always me manipulating things... but its really been him. I dont align with any of these things... unfortunately he lines up with it all 😓
I actually did click on the vid for that exact reason. I align with a lot of them and I feel horrible. I feel like because I’m so unhappy with my own life I put it all on my boyfriend and he deserves none of it. I always feel the need to be in control so I’m gonna need to work on changing my bad habits around. This is going to be one hell of a journey.
I was scared that I may be too manipulative toward others, but the only thing I noticed in me is about jealousy. I'm sometimes really jealous and I do things that I regret, but I think I bring them back until someone sees it or I just go and apologize. Well, there are some things to improve, but hey, any of you shouldn't blame yourself for this type of behaviour! You can do this, I believe in you :D
@@sekiezkogg the most important thing is to work. Sometimes everyone acts bad towards someone, but ability to see your mistakes is the most precious one, so I wish you the best of luck!
This was my fear all the time. That I manipulate people and don't know it. I know that I'm intimidating with my strong personality and I always know what I want. But looks like I am not manipulative at all. I'm in a way the know-it-all but it's because I'm intrested in so many things, read a lot of stuff, that I just am informative about it. Maybe it's sometimes wrong... But I don't do the rest. And I'm happy. As an empath I wished the least to hurt people, mostly the closest one to me.
SAME. I WAS THINKING I'M MANIPULATIVE ALL THE TIME (sorry for the cap but yeah). I have a vast range of interest in things. I read from autobiographies to fiction to technical books. I listen to songs from 50 years ago to 5 months ago. That just makes me knowing many things and i can give people advices as wel because I've gone through some major things in my life as wel (hey I'm too young but I'm not usually wrong)
I think I am kinda know it all because of the very same reason of urs nd wants others to follow my advice bt it doesn't matter if anyone listened or not..nd its also a fact that mostly my suggestions are right but i don't force others to follow.. But still i often get accused of being manipulative but except for the first thing i don't do any of those things as said in video. Even i sometimes think maybe I am manipulative and that's why m being accused. And sometimes i feel helpless because of these thoughts cause i don't know what I am doing wrong. Many blamed my voice for it cause i sound serious bt i can't change my voice. And it's really hard to explain everybody so slowly i've started distancing myself from people
@Niphyra nope, i dont give advices *without being asked* but yes when asked, i give advice. Also no, i dont talk about myself w others a lot, only when asked. I hope that's right
Also what about, when the other person wants to argue about something like, i formal argument but w friends, then i put up my opinions. Idk that offends some people but then again, they want argument and I'm ready for it so?
Personally, being a know-it-all doesn't has to equal being manipulative. As long as you are simply informing others, but allowing them to make their own decisions and not making them feel bad for being less knowledgeable then you, its not manipulative to me. Both intelligence and stupidity have their own values, and if you can appreciate the morons for being morons and the smarty pants for being smarty pants, then there's nothing wrong with it. Its society that makes being dumb the bad thing and being intelligent the positive thing because inteligence allows things it to progress and evolve. Hell, the words themselves are considered negative and 'intelligent' a positive word when they are essentially just opposing concepts that BOTH have brought forth good and bad things and each person pays a price and gets something good out of their own intellectual level no matter how low or high it is.
I know I am a manipulative person, And I can't help it, I tried to get better but every time it's always become one of the choices I had without realizing it before it's too late
I'm well aware of my manipulative (and even narcissistic) tendencies. I think that's one of the reasons why I developed anxiety. Because I'm aware of it, I'm constantly anxious how everyone around me will see me. No one knows or they're not aware of it, but when people point it out I recoil, because even I myself know it's not good to be like that. I honestly don't know where it came from.
*6 Signs You Are Manipulative Without Realizing It* 0:24 1)You’re kind of a know-it-all. 1:12 2)You shower someone with affection then pull it back if they do something wrong. 1:44 3)You’re very adamant about getting what you want. 2:28 4)Jealousy makes you do problematic things. 3:10 5)You never say what you what outright. 3:45 6)You use relationships as bait. Uh my comment got deleted
Thank you so much for this video, I am always super anxious about me being unconsciously manipulative towards the people I like,tho i dont do all of these,i've been left by someone I really liked,maybe cz of my manipulative behaviours, i'll try to keep this in mind ! Love from india
Im glad to know that Im not any of these, but I know that I do have flaws that I need to work on to become a better person for myself and for other people. Also I really support this type of content because it can help people who don't realize that they're being the person that they don't want to be. I feel like there should be more content like this, everywhere in social media and not just TH-cam.
same! Ive been told that i'm manipulative by friends before, but ive recently realized (and this reaffirmed it) that i am the one being manipulated and i wanted some freedom :"D
Earlier in my life I was both "know it all" and "never says what I want outright." These were both learned habits from my upbringing. I am much better about both, now! I learned how to say the thing I want instead of just assuming people know from hints and passive-aggression, and I realized that - OF COURSE! - I can be wrong and someone else's way might be better. I'm much happier, but I definitely did both without realizing how toxic they were.
I’ve struggled with 2, 4, & 5 in the past. So glad I realized it before it got too out of hand. We are a work in progress guys. Never forget that change is absolutely possible if you want it,
I didn’t realize I needed this. I grew up in many different manipulative environments while having zero control over any of it, and I didn’t realize that I started mimicking these traits. Thank you for making this video, cause it helps me figure out what I need to start working on to not be too controlling. ❤
This really brings up memories, thank god I managed to catch and end these behaviours over quarantine when I had time and space to reflect on how I treated friends.
I relate a lot to not outright saying what I feel. I don’t mean to, but I’m so used to being yelled at for it and manipulated for asking for something so I try to avoid asking directly in fear of being yelled at again. I should get a therapist really for some help. The more I watch these videos, the more issues I realize I have. Thank you so much for making me more aware.
I don't remember being like this but I do know when I was a child and teen people used to say I can be manipulative. I feel I've worked on it because it's been long since I've heard of that. I read in a book that it's best to be open. Say what you mean and what you want.
Believe it or not, I only related to the ones about wanting to be in control. So imma just say I’m a control freak. One time my sibling said I was, and it made me question things. And now, I’ve found this video. So thanks for making this, I’ll try to work one what I’m doing.
Control and not opening up for me, I’m not overly obsessed with being in control but whenever I’m not I don’t like it, I usually tell people what I want outright but if your not family or very close friends I don’t like opening up.
First rule of human relations is never criticise people. Explaining gently exactly why a behaviour is bad without attacking anyone s ego and providing smart ways to deal with them proves how truly aware you are about human nature. Keep up the cute, good work :)
@@Zeusboi-t7xit’s one thing when a person acts a specific way without realising it or knowing it’s actually harmful and another thing when a person does something bad knowingly. If we’re speaking of crime like murder, for example, most of the cases are obviously intentional. Adults who commit murder without realising or understanding why is taking away human life wrong are usually admitted innocent due to insanity and are sent to mental institutions
@@Caca-yq2di murders are not the only crimes there are crimes in which people don't think that they are doing something wrong because they have a greater cause behind it still it is a crime so they are to be punished and you cannot explain them gently
I think this has just helped me realize that not only have I gotten past a lot of my problematic behaviors on my own but also I'm starting to think I'm not actually an asshole and I've just convinced myself I'm an asshole.
If you've expressed your boundaries and the people in your relationships don't respect those boundaries, I think it is only healthy to pull back from that if it is hurting you and ask yourself if you are willing to cut ties over something like that. My highschool friends treated me like garbage, ditched me, and made me pay for their time. After asking so many times for them to just be supportive and have my back during hard times, I had to decide the friendship was not worth my time. They wouldn't visit me in the hospital, or let me stay the night if my dad kicked me out, never made the plans or payed for anything. I had to choose. They needed to fix it or I needed to leave because they were not real friends.
@@soconfused3616 start with trying to figure out what makes you uncomfortable or upset. If you find yourself getting uncomfortable/sad when someone is being overly possessive for example, try to tell them that you don't appreciate their behavior. Understanding what makes you comfortable and what doesn't is the first step to figuring out your boundaries and enforcing them. You can build healthier more long lasting relationships if your know your boundaries and are assertive about them
Thank you for putting a friendly disclaimer in the intro. After watching your video about the signs of being a bad friend really made me feel sad because how i treated my friends back then was not good i realized all my mistakes and i’m being a better friend now. I felt guilty after that even if i already said sorry to them.. the disclaimer makes me feel like i’m not a bad person anymore. Thank you Psych2Go for including that.
this is my worst fear in all honesty, worse if no one feels comfortable enough to say anything:/
Yeah I want to be a person people feel comfortable with
Seriously!!!
This ☹
just remember that we all deal with this at some time on some level. take a few deep breaths and remember that you are worth being loved and hold on loosely
The fact that you fear that means that you’re caring and empathetic though- worrying that you hurt others makes you so much more aware Ava a better person to be around
I love how she explains it with gentle and not demeaning words. She doesn’t make you feel like a bad person, she just gives you ways to manage them better. I like that
Yeah I completely agree!
Yeah cuz that'd be just incoherent
Ya if you make someone manipulative feel bad for who they are, they’ll manipulate themselves into believing its not true, also people gotta understand that they are a product of their environment, they can be treated and recovered!
I THOUGHT U WERE TALKING ABOUT THE TAMPON AD I JUST GOT FOR A MINUTE 😭
So do I
Don't worry everyone. If you didn't know you were manipulative and just realised it now, it is okay. I realised it last year and broke down for quite a while, reflecting myself. Now that I know, I changed my ways and found myself to be way happier. Its never too late so all the best to you guys.
How’d you change?
@@topshelfmike I tried to change so many times, but I can't help myself doing it, I have nothing to do instead, nothing as useful and powerful..
@@helatica8332 I understand. For me I do number 2&3 sometimes, not purposely.
But they’re responses so it’s hard to change. Number 2 specifically, I don’t want to reward someone for doing something wrong. Wether intentions were pure or not it’s still wrong iMO
Oops
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this is kinda scary, but i just recently got kicked out of my closest friend group for a point being "i'm being too manipulative". which i have never thought to be so, but after being told so i realized it might be subconscious. i'm so glad i got this recommended today and realize number 1 and 5 def. got me. i love this video and how much it helps me. this couldn't have come at any better time. thank you for this.
Do you like true crime? I watching boze vs the world talk about narcissistic people in true crime cases helped me with my narcissistic behaviors. I don’t know if you have those though. Idk I found it helpful.
A lot of parents should be watching this 💀
True
Facts
Bro fr 😭
Fr
Ikr
Sign 7: Redefining all of the previous signs so that you convince yourself you're not manipulative and don't have to change.
oh my god, yes. I struggle with my mom so much, we fight like every 2 days and I always feel like she should be the one to apologize, or feel bad instead of me, because "I'm right". I always make myself the victim and barely say sorry for things I do, and as I watched this video I knew it was entirely possible that I am manipulative, but still my mind just tries to twist it around into "my actions WERE justified cause I was right in that argument with mom" and "I dont guilt trip, I AM the victim"
thanks so much for writing this comment, I need to do some self reflection real quick cause I want to get my crap together, even if it's gonna destroy my ego
@@eyesack5824 shut up
it's not that bad really 🙂
@@Seluj666 what is not that bad? I dont understand what you mean, sorry :,/
@@Seluj666 are you saying its not that bad to be manipulative???
I don’t “pull back” to manipulate. I just get tired of being the only one trying in relationships/ friendships. So eventually I am just like “ok, I’ve tried. At this point, if you want our friendship to continue, you need to come to me. I’m done.” It’s just so exhausting, so I feel like with some people “pulling back” is okay when you’re in a relationship with someone that doesn’t even try.
Exactly. This just makes me down that it seems like we’re manipulative when people whether its relationships or friendships don’t even go the same length as you do but then get called manipulative when you pull back cause you finally realize a little sense of worth when you usually dont. Im just hoping this isn’t what they meant.
Yeah. I do this, but only when things get really bad. Like a couple years ago, I did this bc a friend of mine was exploiting my best friend and I, me being a “therapist” for him and my friend being a “bank” even though he knew she couldn’t afford to do that. He eventually apologized, and we went back to being friends, but it’s starting to get bad again.
I also did this when I got out of a toxic relationship. She never apologized, and I’m ok with that bc that means I won’t have to talk to her again
right, I'm tired of not meaning a lot to people when I always try to do everything for them
For me it's like
ok
we fought
Im irritable right now, don't wanna make things worse
I'm leaving for a while
I get better, wait to see if they are open to conversation and then we talk and make up
all of these replies is me..i put so much effort into others and get none back..its frustrating, then i get called moody or whatever because im tired of putting in everything..
I feel like even if you relate to any of these traits even a little bit, she gave the perfect solutions if that’s something you want to work on, thank you so much. Trauma can cause these toxic traits without most people knowing. I’m glad to know I can work on myself in these ways
I hate that some of these habits are things I’ve done. But I think it’s important to self reflect and realize when you’re doing some of these. Thanks for the self reflection 🙏🏽
TY for the pablum.
If you understand you were mistaken, and are willing to learn how to be better, you should be happy to be a better person.
Recognizing your own wrongdoings is a very valuable ability.
The main thing is that you are aware x
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Agreed!
I used to manipulate a lot without realizing and it's caused me to ruin relationships
and friendships. Now I am pretty much scared to talk to other people because I am afraid that I might be manipulating them and hurting people who I love and care about. Thank you for this video
Stop lie ing in other person life
I was at the rock bottom of mental health a couple of years ago. I've constantly grown and changed over time(drastically). Let me tell you the thing that helps- Open mindedness. Don't be afraid. A big change requires a lot of small changes from time to time. The more you'll be afraid of something, the more you'll be subconsciously intrigued to do that because you'll be feeding that archetype of yours, which is bad. Rather, try to deem yourself being a guy who doesn't feed an archetype and believes in a concept throughly. I'm manipulative too, and I've worked through it. I realize it, fear it, but try to keep an open mind for solving it. It's better not to be binary in decision making, I'd say.
I hope you have a great journey ahead. Just keep an open mind and solve those issues by breaking them into pieces.
@@wasis001 First up, get grammarly, second of all, let them be you don't know their life
@@wasis001 huh? I don't understand what you just said
@@aryanagrawal8365 Thank you, you're very nice
i've done almost all, if not all of these things. and to be honest, i'm starting to see why everyone is ignoring me and leaving me. my father is overly strict with me and made me feel bad about myself, which led to my behaviors. thank you for helping me realize my actions as I now know to be more aware of myself and others
Aww, I feel bad.
I've lost many as a 5-7 year old and never knew why. Like you said, this helps me become more aware of my mistakes.
( I did everything except 4 and sort of 6)
I'm glad you realized :) little tip, try picturing how a manipulator in your life would respond to a stressful situation first, and if u want to do that, try to take a deep breath, and do the opposite
prism.🗿 obama prism.🗿
@@obamaprism9458 obama p-prism? 😳
@@h0ardRR huh 5-7
if you have watched this and want to know more about this and learn this skill. I recommend the manipulation enigma book, which has surprisingly successful content
I sometimes fear myself being this way without knowing it so I very much appreciate you making this video
same☹️
Yeah same here😔
Same here
Same.
Agreed! It’s always good to self reflect
Keep in mind that telling others when you aren't comfortable and being honest about it ISN'T the same as being manipulative.
Yeah, I see being manipulative as an enhanced or faked discomfort
Same if you don't, so #5 is not quite correct.
Also, when one person tends to do something that is considered wrong, the natural tendency of people is TO pull away.
Nobody wants to be treated with disrespect.
@@ApahtieParty It truly depends on the scenario with that. A friend I had hated some things I did, but never told me they didn't like it. At some point, we had an argument, in which they blamed me for those problems, despite never giving me a chance to fix it.
@@curiousconflict that same exact thing happened to me to which caused me to lose a whole group of friends
1. You’re kind of a know it all (you want people to follow you cause “you know best”)
2. You shower someone with affection and pull back when they do anything wrong (push and pull tactic used to retain control)
3. Very adamant to get what you want (very controlling, guilt tripping, blaming to get it)
4. Jealousy makes you do problematic things
5. You never say what you want outright (guilt tripping others into doing what you want)
6. You use relationships as bait ( e.g do something for me if you really love me and not doing it means they don’t love you)
I know it all, but I know it all because that makes me happy, like no one else and only me, so people can stop judging me. I “pull back” only when it’s getting out of hands, like when you meet a guy, that is like doesn’t know much, he hurts people without knowing, but then he starts to more like, being more mean and traitor, so that’s when I “pull back”. I am adamant because of the phobia I have, that is fear of making decisions, it makes me say, no, but I don’t like it more than 3 times. I am jealous because my parents totally always keep an eyes on others and it makes me jealous, or sometimes because they have a very good talent, but mostly of because parents. Another because of phobia to make decisions, I have strict parents and it makes me hard to say it out and embarrassed. I sometimes do that, it means that I want that person to have more time with me, like for example what I say to my bestie: let’s do homework instead of you watching ur mobile 24/7, so now I’m her worst nightmare in the weekends lol. That’s all. I hope I wasn’t rude :)
Literally every INFJ
Got 2
@🌹• Isabela_Mariposa •🌹 Hey, it's okay. Well, not necessarily okay that you do those things, but you don't need to panic. Some of them apply to me too. It's a good thing that you've realized that you're being manipulative. Self-realization is the first step in growth. You should examine yourself and ask yourself why you do these things. If talking to someone about it helps (family member, therapist, friend, etc.) then do that. Then I would say communication is the next step. If you feel like you are being manipulative to certain people then apologize and communicate how you want to be better. If you feel like the best thing to do for you to do is take a small break from a relationship to improve yourself then do that, but make sure you've communicated that to your friend or partner. I don't know your situation, so it's possible you need time to work on yourself, and that's okay. It's never too late to work on yourself to be better.
@🌹• Isabela_Mariposa •🌹 Np, I'm glad I could help (: If you feel jealous of a friend hanging out with someone else, just remember that just because they love someone else doesn't make them love you any less. This is also something you can communicate with your friend if you distant from them. Communication is very important.
The jealousy one applies to me. As someone who hasn't had many friends up until college, I always was jealous whenever a person I got to befriend preferred to hang out with others than me.
I'm definitely in a much better spot right now but jealousy is definitely one of my more pronounced flaws.
well that depends if that friend still finds some time for you or deliberately avoids you to show off with his favorite friends all the time... maybe that person is the problem and you just need to find someone more worth your time and energy instead
Same and it was because of this that I lost many friends, I was very jealous, I discussed with everyone and expected them to come to me and apologize, they never did and I have been alone since then.
I watched a show recently, and I was thinking to myself "This show would be really therapeutic for my friend, but they might see flaws from me in the show and leave me and they mean the world to me, so I can't recommend it to them." And almost immediately I realized what selfish thing I just thought up. I'm trying to better myself, I promise I'll be better.
It's fine and wouldn't be counted in manipulation. Btw, what show was that?,
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@@meettheartist5506 Bojack Horseman, it's a really good
I understand that 100%.I always want to send these videos to people so they will know why I am the way I am.But then I think about how they will see that in me and leave .But I'm sure they already do cuz I have no frinds
@@ollow_is_sad5373 yes, I know about it and have seen till the fifth season
Can I just say how wholesome this comment section is. All these people wanting and trying to better themselves, its so encouraging! Keep it up everyone!
Yupp🔥🙌
That's just what they want you to think... Jk lol
I already knew I was manipulative
Can i ruin it :O
This is a message to anyone who has ANY of these signs: I watched this video a few months back and had almost all these signs. Back then I was too ashamed to comment, and honestly I hated myself for being that way. I gave myself time and whenever I did something and the other person was hurt, I let my ego go and apologized immediately. Now when I watched this video again, I realised that I've improved a lot. So my point is, don't blame yourself too much because you always have time to change and make things right. It's never too late to be a better version of yourself. Hope this message helped you. Take care of yourself as well as other's ;)
Good on you
Did they repost this? Cause I thought I watched it a while ago, but it says it’s new 🤔
great comment. i think instead of changing themselves its much easier to just blame others, in this case, your parents if they were strict
👍🏼
Yesss character development!!
Number 2 is a slippery slope. It's important to reflect and realize that it's not always your fault. When your Friend or Partner is just toxic in a sense that it really outweights the positives about the relationship and you just feel anxiety and insecure when you're with them, you easily fall into a behaviour of distancing and forgiveness until you're stuck in a cycle that repeats itself.
Blocking people out of your life that drag you down or hurt you isn't proving that you can go on without them, it's self care.
EDIT: Changed Number 3 to Number 2, typo
Do you mean #2? I only ask because what you said seems to reflect that point. And if so, I would agree because while the video is talking more about an intentional push and pull as punishment, it forgot to acknowledge that distance is a legitimate way to have safety from people who regularly do things wrong and harm your mental health. Often times that is the only way to deal with people who are, ironically, chronically toxic.
Yeah I agree. 2 is just basic self respect. Don't stick around people that treat you like shit. Be nice to people who do.
Give people the benefit of the doubt, and be kind to people who haven't screwed you. In fact, it will help you rapidly flush out the people who want to take advantage of you or are too insecure to accept your kindness!
I think the video doesn't do enough of a job distinguishing it as a coping and healing mechanism vs a manipulation tactic meant to control. The same act can be one of either depending on the circumstance, but this vid doesn't mention the first option.
All my life I've been trying to stay away from manipulative people without knowing that I was the manipulative one. Gosh, I feel bad for how I've treated other people.. Most importantly my friends and family.I'm thankful that you guys posted this today and since we have upcomings holidays at my school, I'll try and take my time to understand myself and change ❤
Good luck to you on changing things with your friends and family I can relate to some of the things like being adamant about what you want I plan on going to art school for drawing and that's it I have support but like I said I wish you the best of luck with your friends and family.
Why do I feel like your comment is manipulative too? sorry
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I'm proud of you
@@chaitiwaboatametse7478 bro, you should play among us
6 signs you're manipulative without realizing: timestamps( • ̀ω•́ )✧
1. You're kind of a know-it-all 0:23
2. You shower someone with affection then pull back if they do something wrong 1:10
3. You're being adamant about getting what you want 1:41
4. Jealousy makes you do problematic things 2:26
5. You never say what you want outright 3:08
6. You use relationships as bait 3:44
edit : I mistyped pull into full(；一_一)
Nice! You also did it
Thx u 💕
And Here I Thought I Was A Manipulative Bastard. Mine Was The Number 2
Thank you!
Bad manners...period!🤯🤯🤯🤯
Oops #5 hit hard. I grew up learning to be a people pleaser and always putting my own needs last, and as a result I learned to drop subtle hints or take roundabout paths to get people to know what I want instead of just saying it straight up. My partner has called me out for saying things in an indirect way that ended up being way more rude than if I had just asked directly for what I wanted. It's hard to let go of that programming to never ask for what I want though >w
same............no 5 caught me off guard.....................it felt like she just described me in a nutshell
This is where techniques like meditation can help. Taking time to reflect on how you feel about specific things and what you really value and want can make it easier for you to identify what you want later. And also make it easier to ask for, since the problem isnt necessarily that you cant communicate, but that you dismiss your feelings and they leak out in uncontrolled ways
Edit: granted theres probably better ways to develop these skills, im no professional. Just here from partial personal experience
Saaaaame. I feel you here. My mother is a hardcore narcissist and I have been given the job of taking care of HER every need since I was very little. Any time I asked for something or had a need, I was screamed at and called names and told I was selfish or "too much" and was shamed for it. I eventually learned that asking for my needs to be met was unsafe and would go about it some other way.
Same. My husband told me the same thing.
Yes. This is how I lost my best friend. She was never direct with any of her emotions or things she wanted until she exploded and left me with the pieces. I had no idea she was even hurt or bothered by some things I had been doing. She expected me to just know without her expressing she was upset. Once she did express her feelings, she did not want to hear my side at all because she was too built up. Please save yourself from a situation like this! It can hurt relationships a lot :(
I clicked on this video with a sense of dread, but was pleasantly relieved. The only one of these traits I struggle with is #5, and I've been doing a lot of work to be more upfront with others about what I need or want.
I grew up with a very emotionally and sometimes physically abusive father who constantly put me down and made me feel like I was burden, so I never felt like I was allowed to want or need things. It takes time to unlearn your survival habits.
I'm noticing that a lot of these problems are caused by bad parenting
For real.
yep.
Too many problems are caused by bad parenting that I have a hard time believing there are people who had stable childhoods. 😅
look into Childhood Emotional Neglect if you don't already know about it. might answer a lot of any questions you might have.
I do all these things but I have great parents, I wonder what causes me to be like this.
I am SUPER guilty of number 5. For me, the reason I never say what I want outright is because I feel uncomfortable asking people for things. I feel like I'm burdening them, so I'm sometimes scared to ask. This is the first time I've heard of that trait being a potential tactic of manipulation. I'll admit it, I beat around the bush a lot, and I'm a very insecure person. It's something I definitely something I need to work on.
No I don't think that what you're thinking of is a sign of manipulativeness. I can be the same way sometimes about not expressing how I really feel because I'm not a super confident guy, but I don't guilt trip people into getting what I want, and I have a feeling that neither do you. Maybe you do, who knows, but I think in most cases a lack of confidence doesn't necessarily mean manipulation.
Having one of these signs doesn't mean you're manipulative.
@@t.dominey4150 That's not what i meant, I don't think it's unreasonable to assume this as at the very least a toxic trait i need to work on.
If you feel like you're burdening them that's propably a bit more about being slightly depressed or something similar and not manipulativeness. You propably wouldn't be burdening them by saying it out loud nearly as much as you think you would.
Honestly I think it would also depend on the people involved. For example, I have family that I know have a hard time saying no if asked directly, so would feel very uncomfortable asking outright for most things because I'd know I'd be imposing on them. So I would always have to "ask" in a sort of indirect way. I hated it. It made me feel guilty for asking in any way whatsoever.
1. Kinda of a know-it-all.
2. Push & pull
3. Doing anything to get whatever u want
4. Jealous makes u go mad
5. Vague.
6. Use relationship as bait
5. Is not openly saying what you want yet guilt-tripping others about not giving it to you. So for example having untold/hidden expectations about person or situation, then getting upset at them for not delivering.
2. push and pull
this is a trained method to teach someone what you like and dislike its pretty simple. It is also the way you train dogs and many animals, I don't see how this is toxic or manipulative. To me this is something that happens because if you are around that person you are reminded of what they did wrong.
@@nonhuman1104 Its not a tactic, its basic human behavior
@@tatianacarretero686 I’ve done these things before, and need to improve. I want to always be perfect for my mom and dad because their the the reason I have food and a house but I also have strict parents who I must obey 24/7. I mean I get it! respect the ones who give you shelter and food and stuff like that but their one of the reasons I can’t talk to people about my problems..it’s like I feel they’ll care less and make fun of me for things like this. I can’t talk to my parents about anything because all they wanna do is SOLVE the problem and not just LISTEN TO ME. I get in trouble for simple things like yelling at my sister when I have a very short temper, they make me feel bad about it instead of just talking to me. They say things like “Your the older one and you should be responsible” or “Don’t be such a baby their younger than you, you should ignore it”. Just because I’m “older” doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings as well. I try to hide my feelings all the time because of this, I don’t want them to know because they will just try to force me to feel better and suck it up when the only thing I want to talk about is my FEELINGS!
Hero we need but dont deserve.
Push and pull is manipulative? Have these guys read a dating manual? I bet if you were to go to their "twin souls" video youll have them mention a "push and pull" dynamic and its "beautiful" in that context.
Doing anything to get what you want? Staying later past close to get a better paycheck is manipulative 😂
Jealousy had/has very real purpose, esspecially in the confines of a relationship and both men and women use it in the form of "dread game"
Figures psychtoday or w/e takes a swing and a miss.
1- You are a know it all
2- Shower someone with affection and then pull back
3- Adamant to get what you want
4- Jealousy makes you do hurtful things
5- You never say what you want outright
6- Use relationship as bait
7- You clicked on this video
Hope this helps!!! Also thank you for making this video!!
Im so guilty of the push and pull I have to admit :/ I get angry when someone does me wrong and I try to make it as obvious as I can, not to be controlling but because I just think maybe they’d realize how hurt I am by their actions. But deep down even I know it’s wrong and feel guilty
me too but i thought thats normal, what is the normal way to react if im upset?
@@Ayeshaness well, I dont think its always the the right approach to do so, can lead to worsening the situation. Try to calm down firstly, without venting. that how you change and thats how you grow and heal.
@@deemamunir2606 thank you
@@Ayeshaness Honestly, I’m not even sure there is a normal. I think we express our feelings in different ways
@@goldenwarrior1186 have you ever heard of a healthy way to do it?
few years ago I realized I was being so controlling and manipulative. I didn't even realize because, everyone uses a very extreme stereotype when it comes to the word "manipulative" so I completely disregarded the fact that I was being subtly or unconsciously manipulative. After a break up I had, I was alone with my own thoughts, and I kept replaying so many of our conversations in my head, all of the actions I did and how it made them feel after wards, and that's when I realized "oh my god, I was so manipulative and so controlling, I don't even play a big part of their life and I made everything into such a big deal" and so on. I'm a little disappointed in myself that I was a manipulative person, because I always disliked people like that when I was one myself. But I'm glad I realized it and became more self-aware, so that I can improve and change those bad habits :')
It's better to realize than to not be aware of it at all. I'm sure quite a few of us can relate to you and I'm one of them. Hopefully you've figured out ways to overcome your flaws so you can reach some potential enlightenment. We all have the opportunity to improve ourselves and our lives even if some of us end up not taking it. In the end it's really up to our decisions whether or not to accept. I wish you and the other unintentionally toxic people luck.
yes, this!!!! i wish everyone had the mindset that “maybe i have something i could improve on” rather than assuming everyone else is the problem. if all humanity was like this there would be hope for us. good job!
I'm glad you were able to catch your self and improve! Luv ya
Did you apologize to the ex? Cause all a this is lowkey pointless without that.
@@sazude2 Yes I did, In fact we're even back together (we're friends, it wasn't and isn't a romantic relationship). They themselves even apologized to me as well (they also did me wrong multiple times). So during our break up, we both had time to reflect and work on ourselves. But I didn't do this just so I can improve for my friend specifically. I wanted to do this for me and for future friends that I may come across. But I understand where you're coming from
I adore that all throughout your videos you never outright shame someone for exhibiting bad traits, but instead express why they are bad behaviors and offer ways to counteract the behaviors! It allows people to reflect instead of get defensive!! I really enjoy all your videos!!
Unless it's "signs someone is maniptive"
IM TREATING THIS LIKE A CHECKLIST YEAAAAAAAAAAAA
Do you make videos that present perfectly normal behavior as abusive and toxic? Do you try to convince people they are in an abusive relationship when they are not?
M
As a kid, I always knew what to say to get others to do what I wanted without outright saying it. After a while I felt really bad about it and started correcting my behaviors. This kind of reminded me of how far I’ve come, so thank you!
I'm usually a very calm and kind person but when I get angry, I can say some pretty manipulate sounding things or act out. I'm trying my best to work on it. I think we should all try to improve ourselves a little more :)
And you will succeed :)
I wish you well
Thats ok,your letting your true nature out,you dont have to fake it for people
This really helped me figure out why my mom said I was being manipulative. I never believed her because I never meant to be, but now I understand areas I need to work on instead of just being told to stop being manipulative. This really helped me figure out what I needed to fix. Thank you guys!
Ur welcome
That's awesome. Good for you.
I feel bad when I try and tell people how I feel because I feel they think I'm trying to manipulate them. Its so hard out here.
Same, and that I don't want to drag people I care about to the same level as me when I'm going through something.
ahhh I relate to this so badly its sad, every time I express my side of a story, they think I am being manipulative when really I am just telling them something vulnerable.
@@soulesswhale7644 I just had a fight like this with my friend last night. We both were just trying to say our feelings, and the way she puts her feelings came off as a bit guilt tripping but I tried to stop and understand she's just hurting and expressing her feelings, not trying to interfere with my personal issues (the fight was that I have stuff going on and haven't been as available lately because marriage comes first)...
And when I tried to explain to her that i understood that but i had to take care of my own problems first so I may not he as present, she got upset and said she didn't need the guilt trip when she was just trying to explain her feelings and she understood that stuff...
I just replied I know and I wasn't trying to guilt her, I was just explaining my stuff and she reiterated she already knew that so it came off as guilting so I told her that her getting on me is she knows I'm having g personal issues could come off as guilting and she got upset and said she wasn't trying to guilt me and she has a right to explain her emotions. I told her yes she does and I have a right to explain my stuff too..
...and it just went back and forth like that until I had to cut it off for the night and send her home because it was 1am and I had an early day and needed to go to bed, plus I was shaking with anger and needed to step back before i had a meltdown, to which she got upset and wouldn't leave because she wanted to at least end the night by calminh down but I told her that one, we always get roped back into discussing our fights and u needed the break and two I was telling her to get out of my house and go home because I wasn't in my clear state of mind and she needs to respect my boundaries and she kept refusing....
I didn't wanna shout or call the police so I just walked away to my bedroom and went to bed, she left later when I didn't come out....it just upsets me. I can be manipualtive sometimes, I know that about myself, but she can be too and right now we haven't talked about it yet, but she did send a message apologizing this morning and I have been running errands and doing my things so I haven't had a chance to sit and talk with her.....but I'm tired of being the only one trying to be less bitchy and not receive the same respect. She tries in other respects but she plays victim when it comes time for me to stand firm on my boundaries newscaster I'm used to ppl stomping on my boundaries in the past....
When she comes out of her emotio al states (she has bipolar, depression, anxiety, etc) she's a lot more rational and apologetic for her behavior ior and i apologize as well for my tempers and stubbornness, etc, but it just hurts...
Sorry to dump all of this out, I'm still raw from it all and just needed it off of my chest...
@@EmiriTsukiyo It's fine I understand that you should definitely get it off your chest, that is a lot to keep to yourself and bottle up emotions. I think you made4 the right decision standing back because something might have gotten out of hand. The truth is that you both have your own personal issues and its good that you both are aware but what I think you both need to do is sit and talk and promise each other that you will both put your sides of the story and the other doesn't make it about them. Also, say that any of you shouldn't fight or raise your voice because that can pile up emotions and make an outbreak. One-on-one talk is the chance to talk it out calmly and make an agreement.
Sorry if this is bad advice it just has never happened to me... I hope it helps!
Pray and talk to God
The best part about this channel is that they not only show symptoms of a phenomenon, but they also give a better course of action. I love it
Me always being manipulated:
Also me: I wonder if...
I wondered that myself as well.
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Same. I'm a horrible mix of being easy to manipulate while being 5 out of the 6 signs I'm manipulative.
LMAO
I used to get manipulated into doing stuff I didn't want to so I looked into how manipulation works and now I think I accidentally use it
It's nice to be more conscious and aware. Helping yourself will help others which results in a better world
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Should it be a labelled a crime,if you use manipulation for evil intentions,until it ends in assault, throughout the course of history it has been used to help people get their way,and now all of a sudden humanity finds fault with it💥❌🚩✔️💲
@@Jackgritty28 dude just don't hurt other people we don't live in a jungle for you to have this kind survival mentality
Same. Completely aware (not bad or toxic way). Sometimes they won't understand but then they end up agreeing to your way tho
Now i realised why my friend called me manipulative. It hurted that time but I realise now that it was my mistake. Thanks ❤️
Why manipulate?⚠️⚠️😭😭
@@melaniemartin4319 because I used make her not go away from me. By saying like, you are my friend. You care for me you cannot do that and many more. I lost her anyways. I wished I had known my mistake earlier. I hope none of you make the same mistake I made.
@@SandeepSingh-jm1lv It's already a big step realising your mistakes, one can only get better if they come to realize what they did wrong. Wish you the best and I hope self-improvement be present in your life for the long run 💖
*hurt
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I realize how unready I am for a relationship as I watch this channel. There's a long road to go to make things right about me, then I can love someone else.
How very mature. Good healing.
I went into this video thinking I'd identify with several of the listed behaviors, and was surprised to finish without that happening. It just reminded me of how prone I am to see myself as selfish and manipulative because that's what my parents branded me as when I was growing up. They saw malice in everything I did, and apparently I haven't shaken that off yet. Thank you for indirectly helping me realize that I still have some ways to go to move on from this negative view of myself.
I think I might be in this same category. I come to videos like this to try and figure out if I'm too cold, toxic, etc, because I can't seem to find a group of friends I like and care about and who like and care about me. But the only one I might be guilty of is the pulling away thing, and there it might be actually that I over-commit and then pull back when I realise I'm more invested than them, trying not to be clingy. Anyhow, take away I guess is that social stuff is hard.
Exactly! Parents really screw over your perception of self. I personally only related to the initial description of 1 and 5 but not to when it was actually explained. Like 5. I don't say what I want, but that is me being a people-pleaser and I never guilt-trip someone over what I actually wanted. Being a know it all never made me act superior or more confident either. There are benefits to everything, including being an idiot. I don't cosider one more valuable then the other, that is what society does.
Glad I'm not the only one. Reading your comment really made me go "Ah ha! This is exactly how I feel."
same with me. i panicked when this video was recommended, because i was afraid of being told that im manipulative once again, but also wanted to know for sure if i was or not. i know that i was taught to view myself as evil and my behaviours as way worse than they are, but it still surprises me how much it still affects me.
" I'm surprised that you can think that you can choose your own image "
-Victor Nikifirov
This is true the way you see yourself doesn't always have to be true
Pulling back isn't always manipulative when they take advantage of you. Sometimes pulling back shows a LOT about how selfish someone is with their emotions, while disregarding yours.
And actually I had to tell my parents the if they loved me thing....because neither one treated me properly to begin with. So I mean like....not necessarily true.
@Niphyra there's only so much talking you can do with certain people, and some people you gotta pull back from. Like I did my ex, and my family, who I will be pulling away from again, because I'm not who they want me to be. I'm not an extension of any of them, it's the most messed up concept I've heard in my life.
I understand your point, I already know about abuse because I've gone through it....for multiple lifetimes.
Love and peace 🤍
Pushing back isn't but pushing AND pulling is manipulation
ya i tend to think of it in terms of give and take since i've been taken advantage of multiple times throughout my life. i tend to give a lot, and when i feel like someone is taking from me more than giving back, i pull away. maybe i'm being manipulative, but i feel like it's a good defense mechanism against being treated like a doormat. idk, i guess there's a fine line which i'm not really aware of, but the mental health community still has a long long way to go to figuring this stuff out.
I know right, it depends on the context and tone, you can't generalise these things. Pulling back is only manipulative if it's done in an angry, dismissive way - not if it's done to protect yourself
kinda reminds me of my brother,except he's never been kind
I wish I never became manipulative, it does genuinely suck. Especially when you have or had a relationship with someone and lost it because of the unintentional manipulation.
Facts
No one says how to change
that's okay buddy as long as u realise it's half the problem solved..i think it would be helpful to reflect why you became manipulative..ex as this video said having strict parents .children imitate their parents behaviour without knowing..i hope once you know the source of the problem it will further help u to change ...good luck..hope you have wonderful relationships in future🎉🎉🎉
@@prathyushad6665 thank you very much for your support 😁
I think what your speaking on is just boundaries. I disagree with the video on several points. Int okays world you don't just let yourself be vulnerable.
Putting this in my watch history so the court thinks I didn’t mean to
I think it’s very important to acknowledge SOME of these things, or really 1 of these things can be healthy if used in the right way. For example, having an argument and pulling back from the person. Yes, if you make the other person feel guilty and try to make them one to you first, that’s manipulative and toxic. But this doesn’t mean that pulling back from a person after an argument in itself is manipulative. Sometimes it’s very important to take that time away from the person in order to self reflect and calm down, then you can come back together and talk it out in a more level headed manner later. If you have an argument with someone don’t force yourself to keep the argument going when you’re both emotional, let them know you need to take a step back for a bit and come back to it in the near future.
Yes this is why i got so confused from watching this video. I was wondering if I was a bad person, but everyone needs time to think and reflect on what they did wrong or if they were right to come up with a counter argument. I don't think it would be good to stay around a person after arguments or even just when they have done something you dislike, it makes your mind brew while their still around making you judge their every action.
Yeah, there is a major difference between needing some space yo cool off and doing this in a manipulative manner. Like, if you're having an argument and one or both parties are very emotional it can be healthy to separate and calm down before you go back and talk through it. That way you can both talk with more rational minds and not say things you'll regret later.
However, being manipulative about it would be like if someone does something minor or is really a non-issue and you use that tactic to get what you want.
In the video they mean pulling back completely. You guys are talking about giving yourself to calm down and letting the situation cool down, the thing in the video is not giving the person attention/affection/just completely ignoring them outright until they come to you and apologize.
I was thinking this too
i do this so i don't say something i'll regret later. i got worried for a second😭
Just the fact that you are watching this means you are one step closer to becoming a better person. Even if you didn’t have any of the traits listed in this video, the self reflection can help you!!! Keep up the good work 🎉❤
So what does it mean if I have….all of the traits?
Okay after watching this video, I'm 100% manipulative. I have all of these traits but IN WAY WAY WAY more extreme intensity.
Btw. I seem to have noticed an incapability in myself to actually sympathize and care for other human beings. Not that I don't understand what their emotions are, it's that I don't care about their emotions until and unless it can be beneficial to me. I often find myself using their emotional feelings which I seem to understand very easily and deeply. I use them to get closer with them or to manipulate them into doing something for me. But, the thing is I only get close to them just cause I feel like it at the time. Not that I care about them, it's more like an experiment to myself.
Like,
"Can I become the closest friend of X? Let me try. "
" Okay done, I've become the closest friend of theirs and most emotionally close to them in their life. Mission accomplished"
And then I proceed to move out of their life all at once and ghost them for literal MONTHS and sometimes YEARS.
Yeah okay dude. Shut up
@@altrshakib9449🤖
@@altrshakib9449 i'd suggest you go to a therapist and get checked for narcissism, it sounds an awful lot like it. stay safe!
This video helped me quite a bit. Lately I keep convincing myself that I'm a bad person, manipulating friends and family, dragging them into problems that are no one else's but my own. But when I watched this video and learned some of the major signs, I realized that I wasn't being a horrible person, and that my friends and family were trying to help me through my GAD and depression of their own volition
Thats great, sometimes its hard to tell if your forcing people to help you or if they truely want to help. Its nice that this helped you to tell the difference:)
but why change? nobody will remember either of us in 100 years, so why not make it your best life and get what u want?
@@-crossheart because I'm not aiming to take what I want. I'm aiming to rid myself of a mental condition that constantly makes me feel awful. The feelings aren't just as simple as thinking I'm taking advantage of others, it's also constant imposter syndrome and putting myself down all the time
@@-crossheart but everyone will remember me
@@-crossheart that's not really a good way to deal with this, being a dick and using everyone to get what you want is selfish and stupid, if you REALLY wanna make it your best life then you shouldn't manipulate anyone because it'll most likely end up with you having no friends, does that sound like a good life?
For number two, I did some thinking... And this is how I personally see it.
It is all in the motives. The act of pulling away from someone treads a very very thin line, bordering on manipulation. But sometimes it is necessary. You must ask yourself an important question: "why am I pulling away from them?" Give yourself some time to reflect on your reasoning, put yourself in their shoes, and consider what you are about to do, because it is a very weighty decision. Here are a few justified reasons I can think of:
- "They seriously hurt me or someone else physically, psychologically, or emotionally, so I want to prevent it from happening to me (again)"
- "They act in ways that puts themselves and the people around them in great danger"
- "They are unapologetic and/or manipulative"
Inversely, here are some reasons that I don't believe are justified:
- "They did something hurtful to me, so I want to pull away to make them feel hurt"
- "They aren't giving me enough attention, so I want to make them chase after my affection"
- "I don't want to admit that I made a mistake or was wrong, so I want to hurt them instead of coming clean"
Of course, it will always be a case by case thing to determine whether it is right or wrong, but the thing to remember is always place your safety and health above your relationships with other people. And to never pull away with the intent to hurt.
If you decide to break things off or pull away from someone (perhaps you just need some space to reflect and recoup), you can try to make the other person hurt less by doing a few things:
- give them closure. Be honest with them of why you are doing what you're doing. Don't ever leave them wondering what they did wrong.
- let them down easy, if possible. Don't just suddenly pull away from them, that will just make them feel empty and broken. Try to be there for the other person and comfort them through the heartbreak. Just because you two are no longer what you were before, doesn't mean you necessarily need to give them the cold shoulder. Remind them that they are loved and that they have other friends they can turn to. Remind them that they still matter, even if your relationship with them isn't what it was before.
- be conscious of any mental complications they may have. A person with depression may take a lot more delicacy and care.
However, in doing these things, don't allow them to manipulate you. And if the situation is extreme enough, you aren't obligated to do these things by any means. Again, prioritize your own safety first above all else.
This is just my take on this. Please feel free to let me know how you think about it. We are all in this together.
And for anyone wondering...
Yeah. I have done these things. All of them. I have pulled away for the sake of my own safety and mental health, and I have, unfortunately, also pulled away with the intention of hurting someone. I am not proud of it at all. And I hope that I will never do it again.
I hope that my comment can teach you this important lesson, so that you do not need to learn it the hard way as I did.
One last thing: I don't mean to come off as macho or "superior" just because I know this. I have seriously hurt several people whom I was extremely close with. I have screwed up my own life and the lives of people I used to be close with because of my arrogance and shortsightedness. I know sometimes it's hard to listen to someone lecturing you because they come off as "I'm better than you", but I am not better than you. I want you to be better than me.
Yeah seriously, why are we acting like we can't be mad at people when they wrong us lol?
I think another valid reason to pull away is to observe your own emotions, especially if you are more sensitive/have a tendency to people please, fawn, etc. Because sometimes you literally can't react well in a conflict, and either end up sacrificing your needs, or hurt the other person, or both. Getting a few days without the person, reflecting on the emotions and self worth can do wonders, if you are allowed to do that.
Thanks for having so much empathy and understanding for people who have manipulative habits while also not denying that manipulation is damaging and wrong and should be changed!
All these actions in this video really hit me- I don’t do these currently but I used to act like this all the time. I wish I could’ve stopped doing these things earlier, because I have other manipulative people in my life as well, and it kinda sucks. Thank you for informing others about this :)
yeah i relate, looking at every trait here i used to have these manipulative traits, but probably because of my paranoia and thought my friends were backstabbing me and secretly against me, especially my irl best friend and we had online friends and an online friend group and i was scared he'd reveal my personal information back then and backstab me (this was a few years ago) and we were at bad terms due to worthless drama and causing me to develop paranoia and manipulative traits back then
Jealousy is a type of stressed that can manipulating you in the term of toxic person
I guest
how do you stop?
Same, i was a huge brat as a kid and I was manipulative to my friends. Even tho we were all manipulative to each other it still sucks :/
#5 really hit hard, because I find it so hard to say that I want something either from the fear of rejection or the embarrassment from not getting it, or worrying people will think I'm greedy
This comment is a bullseye to me
Same
Me too
The fact that I’ve wondered this before WITHOUT this video makes me scared to watch it now
I used to be super manipulative(Like, when I was in elementary/middle school), but I realized that all I was doing was hurting my friends, and I actually changed for the better. I didn't realize what I was doing was manipulative until much later in life, but luckily I was able to realize what I was doing was wrong before it became an unbreakable habit later in my adult life.
You're going places
I'm glad you're honest.
Hope you grow much love
I'm aware of the guilt tripping and have actively started asking for what I want.
The drawback is that I still don't outright ask because I don't recognize that I actually want something 😩 so onto part 2 of this, recognizing my wants and needs from others around me. I know what I want and need from myself but I want to unlearn that asking for help and having needs and wants from my peers is bad.
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its ok to ask for help tho :) just make sure you're there for them too
This is why I’m so thankful for my parents. They always encouraged my siblings and I to be open and honest and tell how we feel. Like said in number 5, being direct with what you want is important. I truly believe that my parents did a phenomenal job in raising and supporting us. They weren’t too strict but knew how to set boundaries and I appreciate that they let me explore my likes and dislikes. My parents will always have a place in my heart because they are the main reason why I am proud of who I am today.
not me taking notes of what not to do so i can do it
This was definitely helpful. I tend to "fall into" leadership type roles because I'm impatient, a perfectionist, and yes a bit of a know it all. I constantly worry I'm being manipulative in my romantic relationship because of these tendencies that helped me so often in work and school, and try to combat it by being self aware of it whenever possible, and trying to apologize/ be gracious about it, even though that admission is really hard for me, and I don't succeed as often as I can. I saw myself in some of these, but it also reassured me in others. I'm not perfect, but I'm also not malicious, and I'm trying to be better.
SAME, believing and trusting someone else to do something for me is so hard because my entire life people just made empty promises and forgot to do important things that they told me they would do
I feel this 100%
@@stephanieprekeges522 i think if us people with this type of skill use it to help people when theyre clearly distressed and in need is a good way to use it. yeah there can be times when talking to someone about a problem isnt on my mind right away when i get home from doing something and im pissed off, but always being there will give the person whatever they need to eventually be able to resolve it with you. me and my ex gf were always on opposite ends of the emotional intelligence spectrum so a lot of the time my advice wouldnt even help, but hearing what i say and thinking for herself with someone who she knew was caring and kind was all tha really mattered
@@Amandasbarros i think if us people with this type of skill use it to help people when theyre clearly distressed and in need is a good way to use it. yeah there can be times when talking to someone about a problem isnt on my mind right away when i get home from doing something and im pissed off, but always being there will give the person whatever they need to eventually be able to resolve it with you. me and my ex gf were always on opposite ends of the emotional intelligence spectrum so a lot of the time my advice wouldnt even help, but hearing what i say and thinking for herself with someone who she knew was caring and kind was all tha really mattered
Me too.. Sometimes I am elected as a leader because I have strategic plans ready most of the time...
I can relate to No.5.
Due to my self-awkwardness, I tend to not explain what I need or what I want directly.
I always feel like “it might not work” or “they’re going to think badly of me if I ask”.
Because of this, I only leave hints on what I want, but often times it goes over their head and doesn’t work.
Same bro
Yeah i relate hard to number 5, as a kid sometimes my family would pick at things I like so I tend not to say what I like at all, I'm getting better but it's still hard.
Same. I kind of just started believing that it’s rude to ask for things or accept favors so now I turn down opportunities people give me that I really want
Yeah last time after a party my partner & the other hosts were splitting up the leftovers between them, and a pear juice came up. My partner was like "You can have it" and the other two replied "No you can have it, here you go" to which he just went silent and put it in his bag. I immediately looked at him and went "But don't you hate pears and pineapples?" to which he sadly nodded, so the other two were like "Oh I had no idea! Then if you don't want it I'll take it", because they were simply being polite, but he didn't want to make them feel like he was dumping something on them just because he didn't want it.
I'm glad I was there to fix it right away but it saddens me a little to know that sometimes people pleasing gets the best of him and he doesn't stand up for himself. Especially among friends, because they're the most likely to understand your point of view if you just let them in on it!
my rejection sensitivity disorder also really affects how i interact with people
I have a big issue when it comes to people doing stuff without me. And honestly I do get offended. Luckily I’ve realized this before hand, and I’m already doing what the video suggested to do. I’m distancing myself, and allowing others to do stuff without me while I work on myself. It’s helped tremendously and now, I don’t feel so bad whenever I get excluded out of something. It was hard at first, I won’t lie. I would get lonely or sad when I would see a group picture without me. But then I would remind myself, that happiness can come from within, and not reliant on others.
True just be happy and think positive
Are you an impulsive person who tends to embarass people in public? Sometimes people will tolerate someone like this in private, but not take them anywhere with them, so that nobody else witnesses their lack of boundaries, otherwise everyone will start behaving that way.
These are good. I was recently accused of being a know-it-all! But if something is a fact about reality, like the Earth being round, and your date declares loudly and proudly they believe the Earth is flat, I'm going to go ahead and be a "know it all."
I relate to some of these, there are times where when someone doesn’t act the way I want them to(reacting negatively and getting pissed)I get disappointed or probably a little angry and try other things to get them to react. Sometimes it’s on a small scale(that’s usually when I don’t know that I was being manipulative) but when it’s on a bigger scale I usually realize it a die after and feel bad
This is really helpful. A hard pill to swallow but helpful. Thanks to this channel, I’ve been able to reflect more on my toxic tendencies in my relationships. Personal growth is the most challenging thing. To reflect and be self aware while not criticizing and punishing myself. It’s a balance that’s proven difficult to grasp.
Thank you for this content. We’re all learning and growing together ❤
I only do it when I'm drunk, I have 4 of these symptoms
Manipulation can be used for positive though too
For me, especially the first one-
I thought I was manipulative and that’s why I watched this but I ended up finding out my friend is the one who made me feel the need to watch this, as she was manipulating me. Thank you for helping me be careful around certain people even though they don’t realize their true intentions all the time, it’s nice to know I stopped and helped my friend.
Samee
I see myself doing a couple of these things on very minor scales but still it’s worth knowing what to change.
Now I wish I could get my mom to not only see this but also apply it to her life. Unfortunately I don’t think it’s worthwhile, she’s made it clear she has no desire to change.
I adore this! Most videos about mental health are about how we have been victimized---- and don't misunderstand me, it is VERY important to understand when you have been hurt by another's behaviour or words---- but not very often are we asked to look inward and reflect on some of our own toxic behaviour.
I sincerely believe that while part of healing is understanding how you've been victimized and abused, but also see how you yourself may unconsciously continue that same behaviour and to then be accountable.
Well done, Pysch2Go 😊💝👍🎉🎉🎉
Well said.
I’m a person who people claim to be very kind, watching this with horrible anxiety that I may have one of these traits. Luckily I only saw one and I’m gonna definitely talk about it with my therapist. But I know it’s about anxiety, and fear of abuse because asking for things would often lead to punishment. I’m working on that.
Edit: It also might be that I just don’t see those behaviors because I’m used to it, or maybe they’re not there at all and it’s a result of trauma and manipulation from my parents, but… I’ll find out with my therapist. Wish me luck.
This is really sad. I hope you'll end up in a better state soon
Same, I'm so scared to find myself on the list
Edit: oh Boy I'm relieved. Though the first one is something I would look into, most of these things seem to be about control, which I don't want.
I sometimes see myself getting angry for not receiving what I want, I would usually ruin others mood to make sure there on the same level as me.. :/
well...tough I tend to agree, sometimes if you give affection and don't receive affection in return, it meas that YOU are the manipulated one. A well balanced relationship should be two-sided.If you realize that somebody is actualy a leech that takes and doesn't give back, pulling back is not wrong at all.
@@clementineb4317 one of your boyfriend’s friend? Curious.. How many bf you got? You’re taking what he does WAY too personally.. Its not about you ethier.. it seems you lack experience in struggle and pain.. You don’t convince yourself of lies.. People treat you how they feel, and he knows that.. He knows when he’s surrounded by people who aren’t on his calibre he’s overcoming a hard journey. By the sounds of it he has no one to be that support person. Perhaps you should work on reciprocating the same energy back to him.. whether that be good or bad. He’s loving and kind.. not stupid! Why is no one matching his level of appreciation or disrespect? Do you think you’re better or further then he is? Hate to be the one to enlighten you.. but he’s in a valid position to be acting out the way he does. If anything he needs support and guidance.. Not shit talking and passing judgment!
Yea i do that too without realising that I am ruining their mood its just so annoying how i always realise it after the damage is done
@@clementineb4317 don't you hate it when perfect strangers come at you like you're a whiny toxic tool, even tho they literally only know you by a single paragraph of text that you wrote? i've had that happen to me too and it never feels good. best of luck to you.
It is nice to know that I don't have even a hint of manipulative behaviour.
This video really helped. I've been trying to be more self-aware because I'm starting to realize I probably have some of toxic behaviors. After watching this I've found that I probably used one or two of these manipulation tactics before and I'm going to better myself. I love your videos, Psych2Go!!
I think the thing that everyone needs to realize is everyone has toxic traits. If you don’t think you have any. You most certainly do. If you are aware you have them, then you are correct and they’ll always be there in some shape or form. That’s ok, being aware of them is like 90% of the work already completed.
@@apothecurio amen! We are human naturally flawed, but when we take effort to address these flaws to become better for others, it’s life changing.
No matter how flawed we will always be, when we address our behavior for others it changes everything!
You 3 explained it well 🙃
Honestly I don’t see a problem being like that sometimes but I would understand if it would hurt people so I still keep it to the down low so no one hates me Rn
I think it matters if the people around you are actively upset
Being self aware is important
I had issues with the push and pull behaviour. I am very glad my friend was so loyal to confront me about it instead of dropping me off, cause I really didn't realise how I subconciously tried to emotionally punish people with that neglection
Yeah my ex tried that with me. It worked a few times until I ran out of patience. Go ahead and pull away as far as you want, further the better.
Finally a video where we are the “bad” ones
Yep. We deserve this kind of content to exist.
That push & pull behavior is exactly what I need to work on.
0:22 - Sign 1: You're kind of a know-it-all
1:10 - Sign 2: You shower someone with affection then pull back if they do something wrong.
1:41 - Sign 3: You're very adamant about getting what you want
2:26 - Sign 4: Jealousy makes you do problematic things
3:08 - Sign 5: You never say what you want outright
3:42 - Sign 6: You use relationships as bait
I hope this helped 😄
dang, it went to 68 likes then when I refreshed it went to 70
Thank you:)
B)
I did it at the same time but my comment got deleted I wanna cry now 😭
@@StrawbearXD OOF
Noice
I always watch stuff like this to make sure I’m having a good impact on the people around me, and I never find any of the signs within me, but always in my best friend that cut me off recently because I dared to try to help her not be manipulative. It’s one of those times where being right isn’t that great a feeling.
Yeah, I feel ya. Being right sometimes indeed, not a great feeling, but don't let it to stop us from doing so. Just wish them someday they will realise, and change for the better of themselves. After all we can't help people who don't want a help.
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let her go then. she'll hopefully realize sooner or later that what shes doing is wrong and come back herself.
@@userm180 🤞 I know its hard, they're not a robot who can be reprogrammed easily. They also have reasons(child trauma, etc) why they did that. We can only show them that we care and give them advice, but its up to themselve want to accept it or not.
@@v-alfred i know :) but rlly, this manipulating literally ruined me and my childhood. they may have reasons (which in my case, they rlly didnt) but that still doesnt justify it. i now have to live with this thing that happened in the past for the rest of my life, and it affected every aspect of it. so while im accepting them and appreciating that theyre changing, i cant say i have much sympathy for the ones that dont even wanna realize their mistakes.
this totally makes sense, I just want to point out the push and pull. this one stuck out to me because sometimes when someone does something I don't believe is okay and totally wrong I will become stern and mention that to them. personally I think its not okay to let people be wrong it situations affecting you. if YOU are not comfortable in a situation and your friend/friends are doing something, especially if you told them more then once that its wrong and you're not comfortable with it, then you have every right to be upset :)
You tell them. That's the difference.
A manipulative person would try to make them feel bad from the start about it without telling them outright, and if they do so it's not in a direct way at first.
Sometimes it's difficult and anoying to have to chew everything for them. Sometimes you just want to get away and not feel like you need to explain yourself. In these situations, the goal is not to force the person to change or look for you. The goal is to get away from something that hurts.
That "you can handle this" kinda pumped me up
Everybody who is in a toxic relationship should watch this and check if he/she is not manipulative without realizing it.
I just responded with my own comment about this. I am just now on my journey to leaving a toxic relationship where my ex told me it was always me manipulating things... but its really been him. I dont align with any of these things... unfortunately he lines up with it all 😓
@@claraberg1214 I don't know what to say... he is embarassing himself
@@rickrolled3666 Thank you for this blessed link btw
I actually did click on the vid for that exact reason. I align with a lot of them and I feel horrible. I feel like because I’m so unhappy with my own life I put it all on my boyfriend and he deserves none of it. I always feel the need to be in control so I’m gonna need to work on changing my bad habits around. This is going to be one hell of a journey.
@@Whysoserious093 hows it going
I was scared that I may be too manipulative toward others, but the only thing I noticed in me is about jealousy. I'm sometimes really jealous and I do things that I regret, but I think I bring them back until someone sees it or I just go and apologize. Well, there are some things to improve, but hey, any of you shouldn't blame yourself for this type of behaviour! You can do this, I believe in you :D
I was worried too. I realized I'm kind of guilty of being a know-it-all and being jealous in that way but I've been working on myself.
@@sekiezkogg the most important thing is to work. Sometimes everyone acts bad towards someone, but ability to see your mistakes is the most precious one, so I wish you the best of luck!
@@zacnyczeku1432 Thank you, I wish you luck as well. :)
@@sekiezkogg thank you so much :D
This was my fear all the time. That I manipulate people and don't know it. I know that I'm intimidating with my strong personality and I always know what I want. But looks like I am not manipulative at all. I'm in a way the know-it-all but it's because I'm intrested in so many things, read a lot of stuff, that I just am informative about it. Maybe it's sometimes wrong... But I don't do the rest. And I'm happy. As an empath I wished the least to hurt people, mostly the closest one to me.
SAME. I WAS THINKING I'M MANIPULATIVE ALL THE TIME (sorry for the cap but yeah). I have a vast range of interest in things. I read from autobiographies to fiction to technical books. I listen to songs from 50 years ago to 5 months ago. That just makes me knowing many things and i can give people advices as wel because I've gone through some major things in my life as wel (hey I'm too young but I'm not usually wrong)
I think I am kinda know it all because of the very same reason of urs nd wants others to follow my advice bt it doesn't matter if anyone listened or not..nd its also a fact that mostly my suggestions are right but i don't force others to follow.. But still i often get accused of being manipulative but except for the first thing i don't do any of those things as said in video. Even i sometimes think maybe I am manipulative and that's why m being accused. And sometimes i feel helpless because of these thoughts cause i don't know what I am doing wrong. Many blamed my voice for it cause i sound serious bt i can't change my voice. And it's really hard to explain everybody so slowly i've started distancing myself from people
@Niphyra nope, i dont give advices *without being asked* but yes when asked, i give advice. Also no, i dont talk about myself w others a lot, only when asked. I hope that's right
Also what about, when the other person wants to argue about something like, i formal argument but w friends, then i put up my opinions. Idk that offends some people but then again, they want argument and I'm ready for it so?
Personally, being a know-it-all doesn't has to equal being manipulative. As long as you are simply informing others, but allowing them to make their own decisions and not making them feel bad for being less knowledgeable then you, its not manipulative to me. Both intelligence and stupidity have their own values, and if you can appreciate the morons for being morons and the smarty pants for being smarty pants, then there's nothing wrong with it. Its society that makes being dumb the bad thing and being intelligent the positive thing because inteligence allows things it to progress and evolve. Hell, the words themselves are considered negative and 'intelligent' a positive word when they are essentially just opposing concepts that BOTH have brought forth good and bad things and each person pays a price and gets something good out of their own intellectual level no matter how low or high it is.
I know I am a manipulative person, And I can't help it, I tried to get better but every time it's always become one of the choices I had without realizing it before it's too late
I'm well aware of my manipulative (and even narcissistic) tendencies. I think that's one of the reasons why I developed anxiety. Because I'm aware of it, I'm constantly anxious how everyone around me will see me. No one knows or they're not aware of it, but when people point it out I recoil, because even I myself know it's not good to be like that.
I honestly don't know where it came from.
have you tried therapy?
This is exactly what's been goin on with me
@@userm180 No because I have an allergy to the words "help" and "fix" lol
It's gotten better with time but it still shows from time to time.
@@se7nn1120 i get you i get you. well if u need anyone to talk to im here
*6 Signs You Are Manipulative Without Realizing It*
0:24 1)You’re kind of a know-it-all.
1:12 2)You shower someone with affection then pull it back if they do something wrong.
1:44 3)You’re very adamant about getting what you want.
2:28 4)Jealousy makes you do problematic things.
3:10 5)You never say what you what outright.
3:45 6)You use relationships as bait.
Uh my comment got deleted
Nice! You. Did it too
@@Sky_Dragon_OwO ❤️
Congratulations, you watched the full video.
@@anwardiggs8748 I actually didn’t and do you know what the purpose of time stamps are tho?
@@StrawbearXD there's time stamps in the description and in the video itself. That's all I'm saying.
Thank you so much for this video, I am always super anxious about me being unconsciously manipulative towards the people I like,tho i dont do all of these,i've been left by someone I really liked,maybe cz of my manipulative behaviours, i'll try to keep this in mind ! Love from india
not only did i find out one of my friends was manipulative from this video, but mainly MOST people i know in general. It's shocking ..
Im glad to know that Im not any of these, but I know that I do have flaws that I need to work on to become a better person for myself and for other people.
Also I really support this type of content because it can help people who don't realize that they're being the person that they don't want to be. I feel like there should be more content like this, everywhere in social media and not just TH-cam.
Yeah this is stuff that should be talked about
same! Ive been told that i'm manipulative by friends before, but ive recently realized (and this reaffirmed it) that i am the one being manipulated and i wanted some freedom :"D
Earlier in my life I was both "know it all" and "never says what I want outright." These were both learned habits from my upbringing. I am much better about both, now! I learned how to say the thing I want instead of just assuming people know from hints and passive-aggression, and I realized that - OF COURSE! - I can be wrong and someone else's way might be better. I'm much happier, but I definitely did both without realizing how toxic they were.
I’ve struggled with 2, 4, & 5 in the past. So glad I realized it before it got too out of hand. We are a work in progress guys. Never forget that change is absolutely possible if you want it,
I watched this because my parents kept calling me manipulative but watching it made me realize it was them
I didn’t realize I needed this. I grew up in many different manipulative environments while having zero control over any of it, and I didn’t realize that I started mimicking these traits. Thank you for making this video, cause it helps me figure out what I need to start working on to not be too controlling. ❤
same :( glad to know i'm not the only one
This really brings up memories, thank god I managed to catch and end these behaviours over quarantine when I had time and space to reflect on how I treated friends.
I relate a lot to not outright saying what I feel.
I don’t mean to, but I’m so used to being yelled at for it and manipulated for asking for something so I try to avoid asking directly in fear of being yelled at again.
I should get a therapist really for some help. The more I watch these videos, the more issues I realize I have. Thank you so much for making me more aware.
“These always seem to pop up when I need them. Oh, these are signs that I messed up? Okay, how can I do better?”
I don't remember being like this but I do know when I was a child and teen people used to say I can be manipulative. I feel I've worked on it because it's been long since I've heard of that. I read in a book that it's best to be open. Say what you mean and what you want.
Believe it or not, I only related to the ones about wanting to be in control. So imma just say I’m a control freak. One time my sibling said I was, and it made me question things. And now, I’ve found this video. So thanks for making this, I’ll try to work one what I’m doing.
Control and not opening up for me, I’m not overly obsessed with being in control but whenever I’m not I don’t like it, I usually tell people what I want outright but if your not family or very close friends I don’t like opening up.
Narrator: “As you can see, Kermit utilizes his gun as leverage over others. This behavior is often manipulative and is unhealthy.”
First rule of human relations is never criticise people. Explaining gently exactly why a behaviour is bad without attacking anyone s ego and providing smart ways to deal with them proves how truly aware you are about human nature. Keep up the cute, good work :)
same here.....
Then we should not punish anyone. Don't criticise criminals and explain them politely😂😂
@@Zeusboi-t7xit’s one thing when a person acts a specific way without realising it or knowing it’s actually harmful and another thing when a person does something bad knowingly. If we’re speaking of crime like murder, for example, most of the cases are obviously intentional. Adults who commit murder without realising or understanding why is taking away human life wrong are usually admitted innocent due to insanity and are sent to mental institutions
@@Caca-yq2di murders are not the only crimes there are crimes in which people don't think that they are doing something wrong because they have a greater cause behind it still it is a crime so they are to be punished and you cannot explain them gently
@@Zeusboi-t7x for example?
I think this has just helped me realize that not only have I gotten past a lot of my problematic behaviors on my own but also I'm starting to think I'm not actually an asshole and I've just convinced myself I'm an asshole.
If you've expressed your boundaries and the people in your relationships don't respect those boundaries, I think it is only healthy to pull back from that if it is hurting you and ask yourself if you are willing to cut ties over something like that.
My highschool friends treated me like garbage, ditched me, and made me pay for their time. After asking so many times for them to just be supportive and have my back during hard times, I had to decide the friendship was not worth my time. They wouldn't visit me in the hospital, or let me stay the night if my dad kicked me out, never made the plans or payed for anything. I had to choose. They needed to fix it or I needed to leave because they were not real friends.
What if... i don't have or know my boundaries... where do I start??
@@soconfused3616 start with trying to figure out what makes you uncomfortable or upset. If you find yourself getting uncomfortable/sad when someone is being overly possessive for example, try to tell them that you don't appreciate their behavior. Understanding what makes you comfortable and what doesn't is the first step to figuring out your boundaries and enforcing them. You can build healthier more long lasting relationships if your know your boundaries and are assertive about them
Thank you for putting a friendly disclaimer in the intro. After watching your video about the signs of being a bad friend really made me feel sad because how i treated my friends back then was not good i realized all my mistakes and i’m being a better friend now. I felt guilty after that even if i already said sorry to them.. the disclaimer makes me feel like i’m not a bad person anymore. Thank you Psych2Go for including that.
"whenever you catch yourself thinking doing any of this, it may be helpful to just stop" made me laugh way too hard
"if you saw some friends hanging without you-"
me: thank god they didnt call for me