Same. And my father was a Psychopath.. So it was heavy. I´m very proud, I learned how to manage this bullshit and get out of a relationship, when it´s to much. Most of them try to come back, after doing me wrong. But most of them don´t get a chance to come back.
#2 is so relatable. You feel like the bad guy because they're the one's crying. Craziest part is when I remain strong and carefully select my words to be as communicative as possible without being filled with excess hurt words, they say that you're the one playing victim. Sometimes sorting things out feels like an impossibility, so videos like this can be comforting. Thanks!
@@chilanjimhone1354 In my experience it won't unless you let it. To me, it feels like I've lost a part of my relationship with this person. The emotionally intelligent side of me kind of knows how to steer clear, and unfortunately it means leaving part of who I am behind at the door when I'm around them. To me it's worth it because some peace is better than seemingly none.
Yes, please do a video on emotionally manipulative parents. The long term damage they can do can be devastating, and I'm sure a lot of us are still going through that as we age.
Yes, this. My partners mom is VERY emotionally manipulative and rn she is in a depression period wich makes it so mich worse.. My Partner: "hey you could drive by on your way home and just get a quick coffee if you want? We know we have been busy with work, so it would be nice to see you!" His mom: "you could also come visit me? You never visit me anymore, i am always the one having to drive around.." My partner: "mom, you know i would love to, but i when im home from work the clock is already 18, the public transport takes me 1 and a half hour, and it takes us 40 minutes to walk home to you.. You have a car, so if you wanted to you could come by and get dinner with us? Or you could catch me at work, give me ride home and get a coffee and a cola, like we used to?" His mom: "thats way to late, i would be too tired to drive by then, it dosent matter anyways, if it too hard to come see me, talk to you later.." She has a car, we dont. Just a little example on how she will call him in a bad mood, demand something from him/us and then be disappointed when she cant get it as she wants it..
I really would appreciate a video on reassessing relationships. It’s so easy to get stuck in a dynamic because “we’ve been friends for so many years,” but I recently had to step back from a few people and didn’t realize they weren’t good for me. I’d love a video on signs it’s time to reassess and what criteria to use
Yep. What made me so fucking mad was how I had endless arguments with my ex trying to get her to understand why I can't compromise everything in my life all the time. She played dumb. Acted as if her actions were totally reasonable. But then once I left and her visa status was in danger suddenly she knew EXACTLY what she'd done wrong. It was actually shocking how articulate and specific she was. Mind you it still took hours of me insisting, by email z that we cannot reconcile if she cannot even tell me what she's done wrong and how she'll change. Once she realised her usual tactics of emotional blackmail and victim playing wouldn't work, she wrote a whole action plan listing her dismissive and exploitative behaviours and how she'd change! It was amazing to me. I could have written it myself. And that's what shocked me because she'd been pretending for years that she didn't understand any of this stuff! From my research she may have a serious mental health issue or personality disorder. But I can't feel sympathy at this stage. She's incredibly dangerous and I really don't see how we're supposed to "hold space" for people like her when the nature of their condition is not only abusive but so covertly and expertly hidden that she will ensnare new victims time and again. I'm legitimately scared for the next guy she suckers in with her fake victim act.
The Victim role....., blame shifting, etc. --- It seems to me, that this behavior is often from people, who have a lot of CORE SHAME and cannot accept their own imperfections and/or have great difficulty accepting reality in life ..... People who behave like this are usually immature and many times suffered a significant trauma when they were young (maybe neglect).... However it is their responsibility to get take proper actions to try and fix, what is wrong.... (getting therapy).....
Agreed, I try to think- "Do I want the best for this person? Am I wanting to just listen to them (i.e. not direct them/expect a certain answer)? If a person isn't 'in line' with my thoughts or beliefs, will I exclude/cull them? If things don't go my way, do I make others feel bad for things not going my way or how I expect/ Do I treat them differently/poorly for it?" Just a couple examples, not a professional! Happy to hear others opinions on these!
So in my opinion: Manipulation means changing something. In zoology manipulation is the ability of a monkey to use a stick. Manipulation is a tool. Without it, we couldn't even ask for help or make boundaries. But Kati, IMPORTANTLY talks about manipulation in a hurtfull way. Imagine a monkey uses a rock to break a coconut. If it shares the milk with someone else it's sharing, If IT Takes the Milk for itself the other monkey can find his own coconut. If He uses the rock to kill the other monkey, the monkey can't do anything anymore. In my example, the rock is manipulation. The killing is Manipulation that serves to eradicate someones reality.
Tldr: don't worry about being manipulative. Try your best at being a good person. Then manipulation will not corrupt you as easily. And second guessing yourself is manipulating yourself.
My parents are getting older and are not in good health. They manipulate me on a regular basis- especially my mom. I feel like she knows exactly what she is doing by always playing the victim- the "helpless little old lady". I love them and do feel bad that they seem to have one bad situation after another, and so I've done my best to help as much as I can when I am able. However, I'm not at a point in my life to take care of them, or to drop what I need to do in order to make sure they get their needs met. I'm working, and going back to college, and trying to better myself and my life. This past semester was a particularly tough one for me, and I got guilt tripped to the point that I would regularly have chest pain because I was not able to come to the rescue for them like I normally would. It really sucks once your eyes are opened to what is really going on. I never had a problem with helping them, but now I realize that it's EXPECTED of me, and if I'm not able to help, then I'm made to feel like I'm being neglectful or selfish. My mom doesn't seem to take my situation into account- it's like she only cares about what SHE'S going through. It's just so upsetting to realize that you need to set such strong boundaries with your own parents.
My father is the same way. He always diminishes whatever I say or why I feel a certain way. He gaslights and manipulates all the time. He plays the victim when things don't go his way. Especially when I stand up for personal boundaries. He hates when he can't control me or my mother.
I can relate to this. Can any other siblings also help? Distance away from them helps. God help you if you don't have kids. You'll never be allowed to be "busy" and be expected to have all the time in the world and to be able to drop everything else. Again, physical distance helps.
@@dabbler1166 I do have other siblings. Unfortunately, they've also seen the patterns of bad situations and manipulation, and they just won't give into it. I live alot closer than them, but once I'm finished with school, I do plan on moving a little further away. I hate that I feel the need to "run away" like I'm still a child, but sometimes, it just feels like too much for me to take. I love them very much, and I just wish they could be more responsible and make better choices😕😕
let me guess, then they will call you selfish if you prioritize yourself because they gave you so much that you owe them for your very existence. did I get it right? 😂
@@Moon_Fire_Water They haven't actually come out and said that, although I'm sure they're THINKING it. In January, right before my classes started, my mom broke her knee. I begged her to get help from other family members, like her sisters, or friends, etc. Or to even hire someone to come in and help. She actually texted me while I was in class, and said "If my own daughter can't help us, then I guess we'll just have to figure it out on our own." Of course, that hurt me, and made me feel super guilty- but it also made me feel mad. I could 100% see that she was making a last ditch effort at manipulating me, even though I had already told her that I was overwhelmed with school, and I didn't have any extra time. I felt like I had a literal weight on my chest for months from the guilt😕😕
Dear Kati, thank you so much for sharing these precious insights with us!❤ The most striking statement you made from my point of view, was that a person who has people pleasing tendencies and is not self-aware of it, might blame others for manipulation. I understand it as inability to recognize and/or accept own one's self shadow. This is why, it is so easy to perceive the other as manipulative. In a way this wrong label is used as a justification not to have to deal with oneself's responsibility for one's own feelings. I wish everyone the self reflection to learn to recognize one's own shadow. Because our shadow is capable to sabotage our perception of people around us in a crucial way.
Welp. Both good and bad news for me. Good news: I've really dodged quite a few bullets by now. Bad news: I used to exhibit some of these traits, up until I realized that I reaaaally screwed up more than a couple times, started thinking about how I could behave in another way to not cause any pain or harm. Still thinking. Some months in therapy by now. But videos like this one do help between sessions and well complement the meds I've been prescribed. Thank you, sincerely, for content like this. It does help people.
My stepmom was like this. Guilt tripping, crying for empathy and sympathy, gaslighting, and many other ways. I used to doubt myself because of it. But I think the thing I struggle with is limiting and restricting myself. Emotionally manipulation led me to restricting myself, downplaying my feelings, not liking myself for crying or feeling sensitive. Not allowing myself to do certain things that actually benefit me, but the world frowns upon it. Withholding love and affection from myself when I’m upset, crying or dysregulated. I have overcame self doubt, it’s conditional self love and restricting myself that I have to overcome.
Please do something about emotionally manipulative parents. My dad was the worst a lot of these and I think I see some in my mom as well and am working on overcoming that so I don't continue to let myself fall victim to that in future relationships
Yes! Please do video on emotionally manipulative parents and/or being around others/family that are emotionally manipulative without realizing it. I think you almost touched on it in the end, with how to tell if you are indeed being manipulated. I find with my mother, and even with open conversation on the topic at times, she doesn't realize some of what she does is in fact guilt tripping for example, or doesnt realize that is harmful. She has already lost (maybe not forever?) a relationship with one daughter, and I really want her to heal more (go back to therapy, not be as co dependent) but being the parentalized child, I want to guide her out of the many negative behaviors from her lofe history of trauma and coping behaviors for her untreated adhd and possibly autism (like me). It's a sticky situation for me, as we are close and I had a history of trauma growing up with her, but she is not as outwardly emotionally abusive as my father. Thanks ❤
I'm very happy that you added the "it's not necessarily them" at the endf of the video, and especially the five questions at the end made me interested in codependency a lot more than manipulative parents. I don't have a relationship and currently actively despise men, and I was about to comment "if a man ever approaches you with attention and affection, RUN" but now I'm contemplating that maybe it's because my unresolved traumas from my past relationships that somehow draw me towards more and more of these and refusing to date altogether isn't going to solve this problem...
Thank you so much for sharing your video with us because i have once dealt and grew up unfortunately with a man who my mom dated back when i was 9-12 years of age and he was very manipulative, deceitful, exploitative, predatory and not always honest. from what i remember during those moments when he and my mom were together he was really charming, caring, playful and generous towards me only and to my sister as well. at the same time he stole and took advantage of my mom and gaslit me at times for things that i didn't even do. he lied at times in promising things but always ended up failing through them and would simply leave the items laying in his garage. He exploited my attempts each time i tried reconnecting with him in the end after he and my mom had broken up. I remember in the end like he disappeared on her so many times and wouldn't answer everytime she asked where he was and would get mad when he answered her. He once stole gold from my mom and then accused me of the theft when i was 12.
Are toxic people, fake friends, energy vampires all psychologically damaged? It certainly helps to understand their behaviour when you think of them as unhealthy people who desperately need therapy. Unfortunately, it seems they're never the ones who get the therapy is it?
I was emotionally manipulated during my whole childhood, mostly by my mother. My maternal grandmother also is a real queen when it comes to that behaviour, so I guess I know where my mom learned it from. I've had all of the 5 tactics you explain in this video from young age on and from more than one family member (my mother holding the highest score) Took me years of therapy as a (very messed up) adult to 1. realize and 2. dare to speak it out Left me with a lot of insecurity about my own thoughts and feelings. Very hard to work on as it roots so deep. (Also side note: I love your blouse)
I would love a video about emotionally manipulative parents! It's been a while since I started doubting my parents are manipulative, so this would be very helpful
Hello Kati! This video really resonates with me. The problem is, well...the emotionally manipulative person I'm thinking of lives in the same house as me. Could you please make a video of what to do if the emotionally manipulative person lives under the same roof as you? I can't be the only one dealing with this!
Kati thank you for your super helpful videos! I would love a video on emotionally manipulative parents (currently working on setting boundaries with a borderline/alcoholic mom who is extremely manipulative)
Me too! It feels great to have the constant pressure end, a big improvement over the years it took to realize I was better off away from my parents. Keep growing! It is hard, but we're getting there.
How do we stand up to emotionally manipulative people? I find myself shutting down and/or trying my best to ignore them. I do not feel comfortable expressing my discomfort with them
Yes! I would love to hear more about emotionally manipulating parents… my mom was very abusive and all 3 of my husbands have been as well so I am very interested in hearing more about that as I am Finding out as I progress in my healing that I do have co-dependent ways… my 3rd marriage is very damaged and about to end because of his addictions to porn and his cheating but makes me feel bad because he has no one both his parents are now passed (Sept 2020 the July 2021) and so I feel bad of if I left him because he has no one and we never had children together and he don’t have any on his own so I feel his life would be nothing and so as I’m on this journey to heal I would love to hear how my mom plays a role in this and how I can fix it so I can hold to boundaries or at last break free from this marriage and heal before stepping into a new relationship with someone else
I appreciate this video, thank you ❤️ It most definitely makes me feel better about myself, but _holy sh*t_ it was jarring to realize how much my grandmother fit into these. I always knew she was manipulative, but damn I didn't realize she hit every single mark. . .
Deal with this often Kate I am pretty sure I'm dealing with emotionally manipulative people or narcissist .Plus I get gaslit alot in my life ! Can't even have my own life because of these kinda people .
Yes! Emotionally manipulative parents. What about the difference between verbal mental and emotional abuse or are they all sort of the same. Also parent alienation in divorced families.
Yes please do on the guilt tripping parents, it took me being 52 & helping my mother as a caregiver to see how manipulative, playing the victim etc, role she plays. I could use some insight on how to deal with this type of behavior.
This video helped to confirm that my parents and siblings were exceptionally emotionally manipulative and abusive. And that I've been a people-pleaser from a young age... 4 or 5 years old... And as soon as I started asserting boundaries, they were interpreted negatively and I was pushed beyond the edge. Would definitely appreciate the video on emotionally abusive parents. Include siblings too where you can, please. I think that is the bit that is hardest with this topic. I didn't choose to be this way. This was the family I was born into and in other parts of life, I feel more empowered.
Confession: I feel like I've given *too* much of myself before it makes sense to others. It's not on purpose or meant to manipulate but I think others might hesitate to engage because of it.
I was diagnosed abt ten years ago as a borderline personality by a therapist my husband soon to be ex sent me to. She said at the time that is was a hard one to diagnose. Since then I've been trying to fig out who I am and I do know that I have poor boundaries and def a people pleaser. Oldest sibling and oldest out of all my cousins . family attitude of pick yourself up by your bootstraps types. I've made poor choices def after my divorce.. I was married a long time.. Close to 25 years. I don't even feel like I know who I am or if I'm a narcissistic personality too. I do feel that many do not understand the physical and mental stress I am under. Left a abusive relationship abt 3 months ago. Called crazy..weirdo..mean.. Etc. I fig it was a trauma bond as he was a widower but Jekyll and Hyde when he drank. I was so embarrassed that I let myself be in that kinda situation. Sexual abuse at a young age twice. I honestly don't know what to do besides just be alone. I do have medical issues on top of all that but hard to find care as I'm considered indigent. So many hoops to jump thru to even prove this. Alot more but thos is already long. Thank you for all you do.. I've watched but never commented.
Im not sure what this would be called, but what is it when you want to engage in emotionally manipulative behaviour to get what you want, but because you know the social consequences of being labelled a manipulator, you choose not to use more obvious manipulation tactics i.e. overt gaslighting? Or does it just not have a label? Thank you Kati
I don't know if it would really have a label.. what we called it would have more to do with what it was you wanted to do (ie. gaslight) and what your goal of it was (like if you were doing it because you didn't want them to leave). xoxo
I have an emotionally manipulative parent. Every time I bring up a problem involving myself or my parent, I end up being laughed at, told I am taking things too seriously, and my feelings are trivialized. I would love to see a video delving into emotionally manipulative parents to better understand my situation.
My mum can be very manipulative and be a narcissist and she uses it against my situations and needs at times, honestly sometimes I just want to go in there and say it to her face!
Doing something on emotionally manipulative parents would be great. When my mother picked me up from high school she would ask me what do you want to do. After responding she would ask if I was sure. She asked until I didn’t know what I wanted. And we ended up doing what she wanted. I went to a 5 day boarding school. This interaction repeated itself throughout 4 years of HS.
This is so hard to fully realise when it's your own mother who you're living with and caring for and keeping alive because she has no income... sometimes I wonder how is it SHE is manipulating me in this situation when I am the reason she survives.
Please please pleeeeeeease do manipulative parents. I am 99.9% certain that my mom effed me up and honestly, your videos have been validating and helping me to feel a bit more empowered
My landlady initiates conversations with me and never let me finish a sentence. She either walks away or interrupts me. I used to give her the benefit of the doubt, now I just think she's manipulative. She does the fake offended thing if we appear to connect in any way. I just try to avoid her now or catch myself before I fall for the trap
Hey, do you have a video on emotional abuse? The signs of emotional manipulation makes me wonder how closely connected abuse and manipulation are. It would seem I grew up with a parent that was both emotionally abusive and manipulative. Thanks!
Two people in my life that do this. They do it like really bad where I realized they massively need professional help. They target me specifically over other people, even though they do it to other people. They do it extra to me. Even though I love these individuals, I literally cannot be around them because I'm a punching bag. It's fascinating that they use identical tactics against me even though they are not individuals that see each other. They are very good at finding your weak / vulnerable spot. And twisting things to hurt you like a dagger when I didn't do anything to them. My only sin is living my best life. And that is what they attack. Sadly, i've had to keep them at arm's length. It's best that way. And for 1 of them, they are going to get an earfull from me because they have literally been abusive to me and i'm definitely done. I realize they have tons of childhood trauma, but they need to go take care of that and not abuse me. I really feel like people earn a right in your life every day. And vice versa. I will not be abused, too old for this. What are your suggestions in dealing with true manipulators who are deeply ingrained in our family and friend lives?
Damn, you sound like me. My advice...pull away SLOWLY, and TRY to NEVER get too close. As the Stoics say: "Don't complain. Don't explain". You are wasting your time with them. They are not listening.
@@BrianSmith-lo3mj I'm not sure, but it's the only way to start healing and have peace in your life. Most manipulative people will never own up to it or give you closure or apology, so you're better to just go. Or severely limit your time with them on your terms if absolutely necessary
Dad did this in August(not the first, but is the last time), I mistakenly called him for sympathy when his brother Walt died. The funeral home's notice is online. He was annoyed that I knew. Dad's paranoid and manipulative. he turned the brief conversation into a monologue about his loss, his pain, as if I am invisible. Well, I am not dealing with his b.s. anymore, I feel better now.
I hate saying this because of the annoying people who have co-opted it. But always trust your gut when it comes to this stuff. Luke yes you can give someone a second chance. But when you're in a relationship and you constantly feel like something's not right. When yoy have arguments and you're the one who's always compromising qnd apologising despite the fact that your were the person initially hurt. Thats a queue to take several steps back and consider if you might be being manipulated. Healthy relationships are never so one sided.
Wow! What happened? (in a GOOD way). In this video, Kati's whole Tone and mannerisms are more: 1.Calm 2. More leadership-like, less (?) casual/"talking-to-teenagers", (even though a little casualness is more relatable, to a point). 3. Less background stuff/more immediate focus (that was refreshing). 4. Good pacing and speed and eye-contact w/camera. Clear audio level., too. (use this video as a "model"). 😊 Very Nice! A question, related to the video: What would you do, or say, if: the manipulator accuses YOU of having "Pathological Demand Disorder" if you say no?
Just Had a call with my mum Yesterday. I Made some mistakes before. I admit that. But what she did wrong, she Said, didn't happen, I don't remember, might have happened, doesn't matter. She accused me, in the rage I Had expressed towards her beforehand (i. e. my mistakes) of twisting reality and that they (my family) could only see it as Wahn (german word meaning something in vetween Aggression and insanity.
This sums my mum up perfectly. Do you know why people act this way? Is it a trauma response? I often wonder if my mum is taking out her past trauma on me. Either that or she is just a bad person and I have to accept that which is almost harder
Could you do a video on emotionally manipulative close platonic female friends? I have had issues with this for years and years with female friends controlling my values, interests, and dating preferences to suit their own needs! There are often also large gaps in political and cultural beliefs in most of my friendships and most of my friends over the last ten years have responded to these differences by screaming at me to change my opinion because my ancestors are white and oppressors and my cultural viewpoint is therefore objectively "wrong" and any argument or nuance is guilt tripped deflected or somehow gaslit and blown straight out of the water as my point of view does not matter, ever.
Can you do a video on walking on eggshells....I'm curious to what this is maybe a freeze or flight response...I now been written up twice at work been there less than 2 months for super super dump stuff I work my butt off hardly sit besides lunch break.....I like the people, but debating on weither I should look for a new job first time I got written up I wasn't even there a month and first time doing something and did it wrong, second time was because I forgot to take something to the back room.....I'm not sure what to do it's bothering me....seems like jobs anymore I have no luck the people are great but I don't want to walk on eggshells at work!
Speaking about manipulating. What's up with the kind of people obsessed with "exposing" and labeling everyone in their life sociopath and psychopaths. They all seem very similar.
Hello, let’s clear something up, first of all what are the neighbors staring at me for? I like the black target top I wear, there the right temperature, I have five. There cheap play clothes . The carpet is bad and it’s hard to wear white in the house. My favorite are my white crisp Lenin. I save them for going out somewhere nice! Anymore questions about it? Are you minding your business, or peering into someone else’s business that doesn’t concern you?
I started feeling invalidated and belittled by an aunt. She would rage and have outbursts and make up what I did to set her off. She would say terrible stuff and even lie to provoke a reaction. If I didn’t give the reaction she wanted she would rage and score keep. She played the victim by lying but would accuse me of it over genuine situations even if I didn’t mention them. If I caught her in a lie she would bring up the abuse and accuse me of lying. I went no contact.
the 5 signs: 1. guilt tripping / emotional manipulation 2. playing the victim (to deflect responsibility and get sympathy) 3. gaslighting (distortion; makes you doubt your own perceptions) through denial and minimalizing your feelings/twisting the truth 4. emotional blackmail (threats/guilts or other emotional attacks) 5. love bombing (excessive love and attention to make you let their guard down when they want something)
Thank for doing this list..how would you define gossiping within this list. The reason l ask this because of someone from the past relationships refuses therapy but wanted a friendship, but blamed me for calling out the gossip. Later l was told they were the victim out of the relationship?
When you notice these tactics and wish to end the relationship but they ask why so you exlain and they say, "I don't do that. You have the wrong image of me in your head." 🤔
Nothing is straightforward is it, many of my family members use emotional manipulation tactics but so do I. It has really upset some of my friends over the years and I hope I learn to change these behaviours :/
The question if like to know is how do I stop being emotionally manipulative? I know I learned it from my Mom, just like all of my older siblings did. But I still find it so gross and strongly dislike when I behave this way. Because it’s so icky and not a good way to live.
Hi, idk if anyone will answer in time and this has nothing to do with the video, but I’m in middle school and I am on the verge of being done with life and I’m so depressed and my anxiety is horrible and I hate everything about life and I just need help but I don’t want to tell my mom because we are already tight on money and I don’t want to stress her out and I’m honestly just scared to tell her, so my question is that I’m thinking about telling one of my teachers tomorrow that I’m not doing good and that if there is anything one that could help me and school or smth pls tell me, is that a good idea or no? Pls tell me quick because tomorrow is the last day of school and I don’t think I’m going to be okay in the summer if I don’t get help, pls give me any tips or tell me if this is a good idea.
If I know that my mother is emotionally manipulative, what about seeing traits in my siblings? After a severe car accident I have become dependent on my mom and am trying to find a way out.
Why yes Katie I am being manipulated. Two of my sister's are nurses they treat me like I'm.never going to be valuable.one hasn't spoken to me in fifteen years since dad passed away..her brother in law is a ex psychology counselor. I stay away from him. His brother my brother in law use to quilt trip me . He's passed away without any closure for me.. it is what it was
Could we be both co-dependent (because of our own insecurities and traumas) and partially manipulated by the other person (because of their own insecurities and traumas) at the same time?
Hey Katie idk if you are going to see this but I kinda relate to number 5, but have a question. Is it still love bombing if the person is a caretaker. I live in a group home and sometimes when I express my concern to the individuals taking care of me the do things like buy me gifts. Idk if they feel bad and are trying to be nice or if it's manipulation. I sometimes think they think as long as they give me gifts, I'll stop complaining about the things they do.
I feel constantly manipulated and mistreated. It was the way I was raised and then I would be mistreated if they knew. It was this game where the older sibling had to win against me and turn everyone on me. I didn't like it. I keep trying to regain my autonomy and cut her off.
When your sister and her partner pretend to be your “friend” but they also do all of this to you for 10 years but you don’t stick up for yourself because you’re trying to be a good sister, but you can’t see it because you’re the parentified oldest daughter so you don’t know if it’s just people pleasing or manipulation because they won’t take no for an answer :/
Who actually has healthy relationships? I feel like I rarely see them not just personally but amongst friends, coworkers etc. Sometimes I wonder if this advice is setting us up for pursuing unattainable standards the way that makeup ads play on your insecurities so that you will buy their stuff.
tldr; I’m beginning to feel the same For a long time I thought it was just me, but actually I think you may be onto something bc after a majority of them hit x amount of followers they then create an exclusive online community you have to pay to use for slightly less mediocre content than is uploaded here. Those types, I would not take advice from. They are clearly taking advantage of vulnerable ppl. You think they’re here to help when all they’re here for is a side hustle. Influencers are everywhere, the mental health field is far from immune to the clutches of capitalism & I don’t think we were prepared for that level of predatory behavior. It’s funny bc they make you feel isolated then create this community as the magical solution to the issue they created 🤪
Yes I'm being manipulated by political parties, government agencies, religious organizations and financial institutions. That is why I I'm sitting it out in spiritual protest.
I grew up with parents who taught me to put everyone else first. It was my job to please other people
A lot of super religious households teach that, especially if you're a woman
I feel like god put me on earth to only do one thing and that’s to cater to other peoples needs
Same. And my father was a Psychopath.. So it was heavy. I´m very proud, I learned how to manage this bullshit and get out of a relationship, when it´s to much. Most of them try to come back, after doing me wrong. But most of them don´t get a chance to come back.
There is a HUGE difference between putting others first (like we should) VS trying to always please ppl. Putting others first should feel rewarding.
Same with me.
#2 is so relatable. You feel like the bad guy because they're the one's crying. Craziest part is when I remain strong and carefully select my words to be as communicative as possible without being filled with excess hurt words, they say that you're the one playing victim. Sometimes sorting things out feels like an impossibility, so videos like this can be comforting. Thanks!
My Mom too.
So true 🙇🏽♀️🙇🏽♀️🙇🏽♀️🥺🥺🥺 and you wonder if it ever ends
@@chilanjimhone1354 In my experience it won't unless you let it. To me, it feels like I've lost a part of my relationship with this person. The emotionally intelligent side of me kind of knows how to steer clear, and unfortunately it means leaving part of who I am behind at the door when I'm around them. To me it's worth it because some peace is better than seemingly none.
@@ThumbnailGrail yes I totally agree with that...the constant hurt is what always gets to me 😪😭
I… feel this way with my mother and wife… and it has me worried
Yes, please do a video on emotionally manipulative parents. The long term damage they can do can be devastating, and I'm sure a lot of us are still going through that as we age.
Hi, happy to help!, kati already has a video on that. 👍😃
Yes, this.
My partners mom is VERY emotionally manipulative and rn she is in a depression period wich makes it so mich worse..
My Partner: "hey you could drive by on your way home and just get a quick coffee if you want? We know we have been busy with work, so it would be nice to see you!"
His mom: "you could also come visit me? You never visit me anymore, i am always the one having to drive around.."
My partner: "mom, you know i would love to, but i when im home from work the clock is already 18, the public transport takes me 1 and a half hour, and it takes us 40 minutes to walk home to you.. You have a car, so if you wanted to you could come by and get dinner with us? Or you could catch me at work, give me ride home and get a coffee and a cola, like we used to?"
His mom: "thats way to late, i would be too tired to drive by then, it dosent matter anyways, if it too hard to come see me, talk to you later.."
She has a car, we dont. Just a little example on how she will call him in a bad mood, demand something from him/us and then be disappointed when she cant get it as she wants it..
I really would appreciate a video on reassessing relationships. It’s so easy to get stuck in a dynamic because “we’ve been friends for so many years,” but I recently had to step back from a few people and didn’t realize they weren’t good for me. I’d love a video on signs it’s time to reassess and what criteria to use
phenomenal suggestion
Emotionally draining and controlling humans suck because they CHOOSE to be that way and it pisses me off.
Yep. What made me so fucking mad was how I had endless arguments with my ex trying to get her to understand why I can't compromise everything in my life all the time. She played dumb. Acted as if her actions were totally reasonable. But then once I left and her visa status was in danger suddenly she knew EXACTLY what she'd done wrong. It was actually shocking how articulate and specific she was. Mind you it still took hours of me insisting, by email z that we cannot reconcile if she cannot even tell me what she's done wrong and how she'll change. Once she realised her usual tactics of emotional blackmail and victim playing wouldn't work, she wrote a whole action plan listing her dismissive and exploitative behaviours and how she'd change! It was amazing to me. I could have written it myself. And that's what shocked me because she'd been pretending for years that she didn't understand any of this stuff!
From my research she may have a serious mental health issue or personality disorder. But I can't feel sympathy at this stage. She's incredibly dangerous and I really don't see how we're supposed to "hold space" for people like her when the nature of their condition is not only abusive but so covertly and expertly hidden that she will ensnare new victims time and again. I'm legitimately scared for the next guy she suckers in with her fake victim act.
Try not to let it get to you. Do the Grey Rock treatment on them.
My mother manipulated me , till I wised up and left.
Are you still with her?
Narcs don't see, or want to see reason
Leave. She will ruin you. No kidding
The Victim role....., blame shifting, etc. --- It seems to me, that this behavior is often from people, who have a lot of CORE SHAME and cannot accept their own imperfections and/or have great difficulty accepting reality in life ..... People who behave like this are usually immature and many times suffered a significant trauma when they were young (maybe neglect).... However it is their responsibility to get take proper actions to try and fix, what is wrong.... (getting therapy).....
Yes please do a video on emotionally manipulative parents.
Videos like these always scares me. I don't really know if I'm the one being manipulative or if I'm being manipulated by others. It's so hard!!! 😣
Agreed, I try to think- "Do I want the best for this person? Am I wanting to just listen to them (i.e. not direct them/expect a certain answer)? If a person isn't 'in line' with my thoughts or beliefs, will I exclude/cull them? If things don't go my way, do I make others feel bad for things not going my way or how I expect/ Do I treat them differently/poorly for it?" Just a couple examples, not a professional! Happy to hear others opinions on these!
So in my opinion: Manipulation means changing something.
In zoology manipulation is the ability of a monkey to use a stick.
Manipulation is a tool. Without it, we couldn't even ask for help or make boundaries.
But Kati, IMPORTANTLY talks about manipulation in a hurtfull way.
Imagine a monkey uses a rock to break a coconut. If it shares the milk with someone else it's sharing, If IT Takes the Milk for itself the other monkey can find his own coconut. If He uses the rock to kill the other monkey, the monkey can't do anything anymore.
In my example, the rock is manipulation. The killing is Manipulation that serves to eradicate someones reality.
Tldr: don't worry about being manipulative.
Try your best at being a good person. Then manipulation will not corrupt you as easily. And second guessing yourself is manipulating yourself.
@@M077Y yeah. I felt that.
@@Kestas_X true. Yeah, you're right.
My parents are getting older and are not in good health. They manipulate me on a regular basis- especially my mom. I feel like she knows exactly what she is doing by always playing the victim- the "helpless little old lady". I love them and do feel bad that they seem to have one bad situation after another, and so I've done my best to help as much as I can when I am able. However, I'm not at a point in my life to take care of them, or to drop what I need to do in order to make sure they get their needs met. I'm working, and going back to college, and trying to better myself and my life. This past semester was a particularly tough one for me, and I got guilt tripped to the point that I would regularly have chest pain because I was not able to come to the rescue for them like I normally would. It really sucks once your eyes are opened to what is really going on. I never had a problem with helping them, but now I realize that it's EXPECTED of me, and if I'm not able to help, then I'm made to feel like I'm being neglectful or selfish. My mom doesn't seem to take my situation into account- it's like she only cares about what SHE'S going through. It's just so upsetting to realize that you need to set such strong boundaries with your own parents.
My father is the same way. He always diminishes whatever I say or why I feel a certain way. He gaslights and manipulates all the time. He plays the victim when things don't go his way. Especially when I stand up for personal boundaries. He hates when he can't control me or my mother.
I can relate to this.
Can any other siblings also help? Distance away from them helps.
God help you if you don't have kids. You'll never be allowed to be
"busy" and be expected to have all the time in the world and to be able
to drop everything else. Again, physical distance helps.
@@dabbler1166 I do have other siblings. Unfortunately, they've also seen the patterns of bad situations and manipulation, and they just won't give into it. I live alot closer than them, but once I'm finished with school, I do plan on moving a little further away. I hate that I feel the need to "run away" like I'm still a child, but sometimes, it just feels like too much for me to take. I love them very much, and I just wish they could be more responsible and make better choices😕😕
let me guess, then they will call you selfish if you prioritize yourself because they gave you so much that you owe them for your very existence. did I get it right? 😂
@@Moon_Fire_Water They haven't actually come out and said that, although I'm sure they're THINKING it. In January, right before my classes started, my mom broke her knee. I begged her to get help from other family members, like her sisters, or friends, etc. Or to even hire someone to come in and help. She actually texted me while I was in class, and said "If my own daughter can't help us, then I guess we'll just have to figure it out on our own." Of course, that hurt me, and made me feel super guilty- but it also made me feel mad. I could 100% see that she was making a last ditch effort at manipulating me, even though I had already told her that I was overwhelmed with school, and I didn't have any extra time. I felt like I had a literal weight on my chest for months from the guilt😕😕
Dear Kati, thank you so much for sharing these precious insights with us!❤ The most striking statement you made from my point of view, was that a person who has people pleasing tendencies and is not self-aware of it, might blame others for manipulation. I understand it as inability to recognize and/or accept own one's self shadow. This is why, it is so easy to perceive the other as manipulative. In a way this wrong label is used as a justification not to have to deal with oneself's responsibility for one's own feelings. I wish everyone the self reflection to learn to recognize one's own shadow. Because our shadow is capable to sabotage our perception of people around us in a crucial way.
Welp. Both good and bad news for me. Good news: I've really dodged quite a few bullets by now. Bad news: I used to exhibit some of these traits, up until I realized that I reaaaally screwed up more than a couple times, started thinking about how I could behave in another way to not cause any pain or harm.
Still thinking. Some months in therapy by now. But videos like this one do help between sessions and well complement the meds I've been prescribed. Thank you, sincerely, for content like this. It does help people.
My stepmom was like this. Guilt tripping, crying for empathy and sympathy, gaslighting, and many other ways. I used to doubt myself because of it. But I think the thing I struggle with is limiting and restricting myself. Emotionally manipulation led me to restricting myself, downplaying my feelings, not liking myself for crying or feeling sensitive. Not allowing myself to do certain things that actually benefit me, but the world frowns upon it. Withholding love and affection from myself when I’m upset, crying or dysregulated. I have overcame self doubt, it’s conditional self love and restricting myself that I have to overcome.
Please do something about emotionally manipulative parents. My dad was the worst a lot of these and I think I see some in my mom as well and am working on overcoming that so I don't continue to let myself fall victim to that in future relationships
Yes! Please do video on emotionally manipulative parents and/or being around others/family that are emotionally manipulative without realizing it. I think you almost touched on it in the end, with how to tell if you are indeed being manipulated. I find with my mother, and even with open conversation on the topic at times, she doesn't realize some of what she does is in fact guilt tripping for example, or doesnt realize that is harmful. She has already lost (maybe not forever?) a relationship with one daughter, and I really want her to heal more (go back to therapy, not be as co dependent) but being the parentalized child, I want to guide her out of the many negative behaviors from her lofe history of trauma and coping behaviors for her untreated adhd and possibly autism (like me). It's a sticky situation for me, as we are close and I had a history of trauma growing up with her, but she is not as outwardly emotionally abusive as my father. Thanks ❤
I'm very happy that you added the "it's not necessarily them" at the endf of the video, and especially the five questions at the end made me interested in codependency a lot more than manipulative parents. I don't have a relationship and currently actively despise men, and I was about to comment "if a man ever approaches you with attention and affection, RUN" but now I'm contemplating that maybe it's because my unresolved traumas from my past relationships that somehow draw me towards more and more of these and refusing to date altogether isn't going to solve this problem...
Kati is such a great teacher and speaker ! love how she sets up her talks and videos. easy to follow along with
My Mother is a master at all of these types of manipulation...and I think she has invented some new ones!
Please do a video about emotionally manipulative parents. Great videos!
Thank you so much for sharing your video with us because i have once dealt and grew up unfortunately with a man who my mom dated back when i was 9-12 years of age and he was very manipulative, deceitful, exploitative, predatory and not always honest. from what i remember during those moments when he and my mom were together he was really charming, caring, playful and generous towards me only and to my sister as well. at the same time he stole and took advantage of my mom and gaslit me at times for things that i didn't even do. he lied at times in promising things but always ended up failing through them and would simply leave the items laying in his garage. He exploited my attempts each time i tried reconnecting with him in the end after he and my mom had broken up. I remember in the end like he disappeared on her so many times and wouldn't answer everytime she asked where he was and would get mad when he answered her. He once stole gold from my mom and then accused me of the theft when i was 12.
How does every word that comes out of your mouth be so relatable? Thank you! I know now that I'm not alone.
Are toxic people, fake friends, energy vampires all psychologically damaged? It certainly helps to understand their behaviour when you think of them as unhealthy people who desperately need therapy. Unfortunately, it seems they're never the ones who get the therapy is it?
I was emotionally manipulated during my whole childhood, mostly by my mother. My maternal grandmother also is a real queen when it comes to that behaviour, so I guess I know where my mom learned it from.
I've had all of the 5 tactics you explain in this video from young age on and from more than one family member (my mother holding the highest score)
Took me years of therapy as a (very messed up) adult to 1. realize and 2. dare to speak it out
Left me with a lot of insecurity about my own thoughts and feelings. Very hard to work on as it roots so deep.
(Also side note: I love your blouse)
I would love a video about emotionally manipulative parents! It's been a while since I started doubting my parents are manipulative, so this would be very helpful
Topics like these NEED to be taught in school!, 🙄 elementary - Highschool !
GO KATI!!! 👏🏼👏🏼 🎉🎉🎉🎉
Hello Kati! This video really resonates with me. The problem is, well...the emotionally manipulative person I'm thinking of lives in the same house as me. Could you please make a video of what to do if the emotionally manipulative person lives under the same roof as you? I can't be the only one dealing with this!
Kati thank you for your super helpful videos! I would love a video on emotionally manipulative parents (currently working on setting boundaries with a borderline/alcoholic mom who is extremely manipulative)
I just had to cut someone out of my life who was narcissistic and a emotionally manipulating person
Always troublesome & painful. But worth it.
I am so sorry you had to go through that. But proud of you for cutting them out of your life. xoxo
Me too! It feels great to have the constant pressure end, a big improvement over the years it took to realize I was better off away from my parents. Keep growing! It is hard, but we're getting there.
I agree, but when they are neighbours...
@@misterairgap4830 or ppl you worship with
How do we stand up to emotionally manipulative people? I find myself shutting down and/or trying my best to ignore them. I do not feel comfortable expressing my discomfort with them
Yes, to one on manipulative parents please.
Please do the video on emotionally manipulative parents.
Also, this was a vey good video.
Yes! I would love to hear more about emotionally manipulating parents… my mom was very abusive and all 3 of my husbands have been as well so I am very interested in hearing more about that as I am
Finding out as I progress in my healing that I do have co-dependent ways… my 3rd marriage is very damaged and about to end because of his addictions to porn and his cheating but makes me feel bad because he has no one both his parents are now passed (Sept 2020 the July 2021) and so I feel bad of if I left him because he has no one and we never had children together and he don’t have any on his own so I feel his life would be nothing and so as I’m on this journey to heal I would love to hear how my mom plays a role in this and how I can fix it so I can hold to boundaries or at last break free from this marriage and heal before stepping into a new relationship with someone else
I appreciate this video, thank you ❤️
It most definitely makes me feel better about myself, but _holy sh*t_ it was jarring to realize how much my grandmother fit into these. I always knew she was manipulative, but damn I didn't realize she hit every single mark. . .
Deal with this often Kate I am pretty sure I'm dealing with emotionally manipulative people or narcissist .Plus I get gaslit alot in my life ! Can't even have my own life because of these kinda people .
Yes! Emotionally manipulative parents. What about the difference between verbal mental and emotional abuse or are they all sort of the same. Also parent alienation in divorced families.
Yes please do on the guilt tripping parents, it took me being 52 & helping my mother as a caregiver to see how manipulative, playing the victim etc, role she plays. I could use some insight on how to deal with this type of behavior.
This video helped to confirm that my parents and siblings were exceptionally emotionally manipulative and abusive.
And that I've been a people-pleaser from a young age... 4 or 5 years old... And as soon as I started asserting boundaries, they were interpreted negatively and I was pushed beyond the edge.
Would definitely appreciate the video on emotionally abusive parents. Include siblings too where you can, please.
I think that is the bit that is hardest with this topic. I didn't choose to be this way. This was the family I was born into and in other parts of life, I feel more empowered.
I like your dress. The flowers, they are so much of happy vibes and soothing colours.
Confession: I feel like I've given *too* much of myself before it makes sense to others. It's not on purpose or meant to manipulate but I think others might hesitate to engage because of it.
Yes, do one on emotionally manipulative parents!
I was diagnosed abt ten years ago as a borderline personality by a therapist my husband soon to be ex sent me to. She said at the time that is was a hard one to diagnose. Since then I've been trying to fig out who I am and I do know that I have poor boundaries and def a people pleaser. Oldest sibling and oldest out of all my cousins . family attitude of pick yourself up by your bootstraps types. I've made poor choices def after my divorce.. I was married a long time.. Close to 25 years. I don't even feel like I know who I am or if I'm a narcissistic personality too. I do feel that many do not understand the physical and mental stress I am under. Left a abusive relationship abt 3 months ago. Called crazy..weirdo..mean.. Etc. I fig it was a trauma bond as he was a widower but Jekyll and Hyde when he drank. I was so embarrassed that I let myself be in that kinda situation. Sexual abuse at a young age twice. I honestly don't know what to do besides just be alone. I do have medical issues on top of all that but hard to find care as I'm considered indigent. So many hoops to jump thru to even prove this. Alot more but thos is already long. Thank you for all you do.. I've watched but never commented.
Im not sure what this would be called, but what is it when you want to engage in emotionally manipulative behaviour to get what you want, but because you know the social consequences of being labelled a manipulator, you choose not to use more obvious manipulation tactics i.e. overt gaslighting? Or does it just not have a label? Thank you Kati
I don't know if it would really have a label.. what we called it would have more to do with what it was you wanted to do (ie. gaslight) and what your goal of it was (like if you were doing it because you didn't want them to leave). xoxo
@@Katimorton thank you Kati, that's very helpful. I assume it would just be classed more as calculating behaviour?
Yes please, for the emotionally manipulative parents video. & thank you for this video!
I have an emotionally manipulative parent. Every time I bring up a problem involving myself or my parent, I end up being laughed at, told I am taking things too seriously, and my feelings are trivialized. I would love to see a video delving into emotionally manipulative parents to better understand my situation.
My mum can be very manipulative and be a narcissist and she uses it against my situations and needs at times, honestly sometimes I just want to go in there and say it to her face!
So good, thank you ❣️👏
Do you have a video on co-dependecy? And how to heal from it?
Doing something on emotionally manipulative parents would be great. When my mother picked me up from high school she would ask me what do you want to do. After responding she would ask if I was sure. She asked until I didn’t know what I wanted. And we ended up doing what she wanted. I went to a 5 day boarding school. This interaction repeated itself throughout 4 years of HS.
Thank you Kati
I think it could be also a strategy that anyone may use to achieve a number of psychological goals
This is so hard to fully realise when it's your own mother who you're living with and caring for and keeping alive because she has no income... sometimes I wonder how is it SHE is manipulating me in this situation when I am the reason she survives.
Kat Mort the best. Right now reading a book on Microfascism. Goes well with yer vids.avik.
Do you have a video on "go to"
phrases for when people do the mainipulative tactics?
Please please pleeeeeeease do manipulative parents. I am 99.9% certain that my mom effed me up and honestly, your videos have been validating and helping me to feel a bit more empowered
My landlady initiates conversations with me and never let me finish a sentence. She either walks away or interrupts me. I used to give her the benefit of the doubt, now I just think she's manipulative. She does the fake offended thing if we appear to connect in any way. I just try to avoid her now or catch myself before I fall for the trap
Fantastic video kattie girlie. Thanks a lot
One on emotionally manipulative and emotionally abusive parents would be wonderful
How to deal with them? Especially family members
Hey, do you have a video on emotional abuse? The signs of emotional manipulation makes me wonder how closely connected abuse and manipulation are. It would seem I grew up with a parent that was both emotionally abusive and manipulative. Thanks!
Two people in my life that do this. They do it like really bad where I realized they massively need professional help. They target me specifically over other people, even though they do it to other people. They do it extra to me. Even though I love these individuals, I literally cannot be around them because I'm a punching bag. It's fascinating that they use identical tactics against me even though they are not individuals that see each other. They are very good at finding your weak / vulnerable spot. And twisting things to hurt you like a dagger when I didn't do anything to them. My only sin is living my best life. And that is what they attack. Sadly, i've had to keep them at arm's length. It's best that way. And for 1 of them, they are going to get an earfull from me because they have literally been abusive to me and i'm definitely done. I realize they have tons of childhood trauma, but they need to go take care of that and not abuse me. I really feel like people earn a right in your life every day. And vice versa. I will not be abused, too old for this. What are your suggestions in dealing with true manipulators who are deeply ingrained in our family and friend lives?
Damn, you sound like me. My advice...pull away SLOWLY, and TRY to NEVER get too close. As the Stoics say: "Don't complain. Don't explain". You are wasting your time with them. They are not listening.
@@Bat_Boy ^THIS^ 💯%
Cut off your time from them, don't even tell them why or that you're doing it. They deserve to be ignored if that's what they did to you.
@@catdobson2311 Just out of curiosity ... Isn't ignoring them also called "Grey Rocking"?
@@BrianSmith-lo3mj I'm not sure, but it's the only way to start healing and have peace in your life. Most manipulative people will never own up to it or give you closure or apology, so you're better to just go. Or severely limit your time with them on your terms if absolutely necessary
The questions to ask yourself are important. Some I found are evidence of codependence, and others actually solidified the manipulation.
Dad did this in August(not the first, but is the last time), I mistakenly called him for sympathy when his brother Walt died. The funeral home's notice is online. He was annoyed that I knew. Dad's paranoid and manipulative. he turned the brief conversation into a monologue about his loss, his pain, as if I am invisible. Well, I am not dealing with his b.s. anymore, I feel better now.
I hate saying this because of the annoying people who have co-opted it. But always trust your gut when it comes to this stuff. Luke yes you can give someone a second chance. But when you're in a relationship and you constantly feel like something's not right. When yoy have arguments and you're the one who's always compromising qnd apologising despite the fact that your were the person initially hurt. Thats a queue to take several steps back and consider if you might be being manipulated. Healthy relationships are never so one sided.
Thankyou for making this video xxx
Thank you!
Wow! What happened? (in a GOOD way). In this video, Kati's whole Tone and mannerisms are more:
1.Calm
2. More leadership-like, less (?) casual/"talking-to-teenagers", (even though a little casualness is more relatable, to a point).
3. Less background stuff/more immediate focus (that was refreshing).
4. Good pacing and speed and eye-contact w/camera. Clear audio level., too. (use this video as a "model"). 😊
Very Nice! A question, related to the video:
What would you do, or say, if: the manipulator accuses YOU of having "Pathological Demand Disorder" if you say no?
Just Had a call with my mum Yesterday.
I Made some mistakes before. I admit that.
But what she did wrong, she Said, didn't happen, I don't remember, might have happened, doesn't matter.
She accused me, in the rage I Had expressed towards her beforehand (i. e. my mistakes) of twisting reality and that they (my family) could only see it as Wahn (german word meaning something in vetween Aggression and insanity.
This sums my mum up perfectly. Do you know why people act this way? Is it a trauma response? I often wonder if my mum is taking out her past trauma on me. Either that or she is just a bad person and I have to accept that which is almost harder
Could you do a video on emotionally manipulative close platonic female friends? I have had issues with this for years and years with female friends controlling my values, interests, and dating preferences to suit their own needs! There are often also large gaps in political and cultural beliefs in most of my friendships and most of my friends over the last ten years have responded to these differences by screaming at me to change my opinion because my ancestors are white and oppressors and my cultural viewpoint is therefore objectively "wrong" and any argument or nuance is guilt tripped deflected or somehow gaslit and blown straight out of the water as my point of view does not matter, ever.
The gaslighting in my marriage I lost myself and I fear my own thoughts
Can you do a video on walking on eggshells....I'm curious to what this is maybe a freeze or flight response...I now been written up twice at work been there less than 2 months for super super dump stuff I work my butt off hardly sit besides lunch break.....I like the people, but debating on weither I should look for a new job first time I got written up I wasn't even there a month and first time doing something and did it wrong, second time was because I forgot to take something to the back room.....I'm not sure what to do it's bothering me....seems like jobs anymore I have no luck the people are great but I don't want to walk on eggshells at work!
I hesitate to discuss my disability, because I’ve gotten “you’re acting like a victim” when I do.
I experienced this
Please make a video on manipulative bosses! Mine checks all the boxes
Thank you for living your mission, every day! ✨🤍✨
What if our parents where like that and we do all of those things unconsciously?
Love your top!!
I relate to this. My problem I have is when I attempt to explain my feelings I dont do a great job at it and feel like Im on trial with my partner.
Speaking about manipulating. What's up with the kind of people obsessed with "exposing" and labeling everyone in their life sociopath and psychopaths. They all seem very similar.
Hello, let’s clear something up, first of all what are the neighbors staring at me for? I like the black target top I wear, there the right temperature, I have five. There cheap play clothes . The carpet is bad and it’s hard to wear white in the house. My favorite are my white crisp Lenin. I save them for going out somewhere nice! Anymore questions about it? Are you minding your business, or peering into someone else’s business that doesn’t concern you?
I started feeling invalidated and belittled by an aunt. She would rage and have outbursts and make up what I did to set her off. She would say terrible stuff and even lie to provoke a reaction. If I didn’t give the reaction she wanted she would rage and score keep. She played the victim by lying but would accuse me of it over genuine situations even if I didn’t mention them. If I caught her in a lie she would bring up the abuse and accuse me of lying. I went no contact.
the 5 signs:
1. guilt tripping / emotional manipulation
2. playing the victim (to deflect responsibility and get sympathy)
3. gaslighting (distortion; makes you doubt your own perceptions) through denial and minimalizing your feelings/twisting the truth
4. emotional blackmail (threats/guilts or other emotional attacks)
5. love bombing (excessive love and attention to make you let their guard down when they want something)
Thank for doing this list..how would you define gossiping within this list. The reason l ask this because of someone from the past relationships refuses therapy but wanted a friendship, but blamed me for calling out the gossip. Later l was told they were the victim out of the relationship?
When you notice these tactics and wish to end the relationship but they ask why so you exlain and they say, "I don't do that. You have the wrong image of me in your head." 🤔
Can you please do a video on emotionally manipulative adult children? I have a daughter who cut off all communication with me two years ago
Nothing is straightforward is it, many of my family members use emotional manipulation tactics but so do I. It has really upset some of my friends over the years and I hope I learn to change these behaviours :/
Yes yes do one about the parents!!!!!!!!!
As a writer I love how I get double the info from these videos
...this is how my parents treated me... I think this is how I treat the people I say I love
The question if like to know is how do I stop being emotionally manipulative? I know I learned it from my Mom, just like all of my older siblings did. But I still find it so gross and strongly dislike when I behave this way. Because it’s so icky and not a good way to live.
Hi, idk if anyone will answer in time and this has nothing to do with the video, but I’m in middle school and I am on the verge of being done with life and I’m so depressed and my anxiety is horrible and I hate everything about life and I just need help but I don’t want to tell my mom because we are already tight on money and I don’t want to stress her out and I’m honestly just scared to tell her, so my question is that I’m thinking about telling one of my teachers tomorrow that I’m not doing good and that if there is anything one that could help me and school or smth pls tell me, is that a good idea or no? Pls tell me quick because tomorrow is the last day of school and I don’t think I’m going to be okay in the summer if I don’t get help, pls give me any tips or tell me if this is a good idea.
If I know that my mother is emotionally manipulative, what about seeing traits in my siblings? After a severe car accident I have become dependent on my mom and am trying to find a way out.
Why yes Katie I am being manipulated. Two of my sister's are nurses they treat me like I'm.never going to be valuable.one hasn't spoken to me in fifteen years since dad passed away..her brother in law is a ex psychology counselor. I stay away from him. His brother my brother in law use to quilt trip me . He's passed away without any closure for me.. it is what it was
I feel like everybody I’ve ever met acts like this
Could we be both co-dependent (because of our own insecurities and traumas) and partially manipulated by the other person (because of their own insecurities and traumas) at the same time?
Please do emotionally manipulative parents content and how to tell if that is what is happening.
Hey Katie idk if you are going to see this but I kinda relate to number 5, but have a question. Is it still love bombing if the person is a caretaker. I live in a group home and sometimes when I express my concern to the individuals taking care of me the do things like buy me gifts. Idk if they feel bad and are trying to be nice or if it's manipulation. I sometimes think they think as long as they give me gifts, I'll stop complaining about the things they do.
Chester Bennington gives me goosebumps. He kept it all inside him. Love that guy for ever.
I feel constantly manipulated and mistreated. It was the way I was raised and then I would be mistreated if they knew. It was this game where the older sibling had to win against me and turn everyone on me. I didn't like it. I keep trying to regain my autonomy and cut her off.
Apparently. _"I wasn't trying to 'give it to you'. I was trying to help you be successful."_ Manager at my job who lectuerd me.
When your sister and her partner pretend to be your “friend” but they also do all of this to you for 10 years but you don’t stick up for yourself because you’re trying to be a good sister, but you can’t see it because you’re the parentified oldest daughter so you don’t know if it’s just people pleasing or manipulation because they won’t take no for an answer :/
Who actually has healthy relationships? I feel like I rarely see them not just personally but amongst friends, coworkers etc. Sometimes I wonder if this advice is setting us up for pursuing unattainable standards the way that makeup ads play on your insecurities so that you will buy their stuff.
tldr; I’m beginning to feel the same
For a long time I thought it was just me, but actually I think you may be onto something bc after a majority of them hit x amount of followers they then create an exclusive online community you have to pay to use for slightly less mediocre content than is uploaded here. Those types, I would not take advice from. They are clearly taking advantage of vulnerable ppl.
You think they’re here to help when all they’re here for is a side hustle.
Influencers are everywhere, the mental health field is far from immune to the clutches of capitalism & I don’t think we were prepared for that level of predatory behavior.
It’s funny bc they make you feel isolated then create this community as the magical solution to the issue they created 🤪
Yes I'm being manipulated by political parties, government agencies, religious organizations and financial institutions. That is why I I'm sitting it out in spiritual protest.