I need this book. I'm 5 weeks out with 2 small daughters. I've got nothing but what I've brought with me and family who will help me. I want to get myself together and build a safe placevfor the next generation of kids in our family because what I have lived is ridiculous!! I had no guidence, no knowledge!
U found the expert, Dr. Ramani! Pls stay strong, it is hard to leave a bad situation. Uve done right for ur family and urself. Remember, u r strong and u r stronger than u think. Things will get better, I promise I know I've been there too. Praying for u and ur family ❣️
You are now working on the second step. A courageous woman, now go out there and become a wonderful wonder woman. Keep focused because your thoughts will become your reality.
❤First things are always first! Learn to trust yourself! The book comes second. Relax, you're on your way 😊! It doesn't matter to next generation. What matters to them is how you act as an example. Even when you feel like you're walking behind the world. You're not! Learn to trust on your gut feelings! It's diamond. Shine! 😘❤️
Hang in there, my wife and I both have N’s for exes and we’ve had to continue to deal with their BS for the last 7 years together through custody court and life in general. It is exhausting but the one thing you need to take from all this is narcissistic personalities are never “fixed” because they NEVER learn. Anyone that deals with them will usually buy their BS lies and manipulations and they have to experience it first hand to start understanding the real issue then you might get somewhere with the situation. These people are exhausting and their behavior is absolutely unacceptable.
I felt so much calmer and focused, difficult as it was to go no contact, best decision ever! Couldn’t have done it without this community. Much ❤️ everyone
TY, There is a drastic difference when you leave toxic connections. When I was in toxic connections, I gained weight, my health & finances decreased. When toxic connections started leaving my life, I lost weight naturally, my health improved, my finances improved, depression left & my stress levels decreased. & I went into radical self care daily & I never neglect myself for anyone else. I only give from my overflow or NOT 🚫 at all. Toxic relationships affect every area of your life. Remember life is too short to be miserable. You aren't obligated to be miserable nor survival mode. So just say NO 🚫 Letting go is a daily process-Melody Beattie Namaste Peace Shalom
You're such an amazing person and inspiration to so many. Thank you for sharing your personal, awful narc mind frig day & crying off/on all day. I had the same yesterday & thought, "Is it me? Am I crazy?" Turns out...I just needed to hear this & order your book! Thank you for all you do! ❤️🙏🏻❤️😘
I’m learning about radical acceptance and wow! I have had today the same feeling! Learn that have game sanity ! Find again my own solid ground being able to stand on! 😊
I’m looking forward to reading this book. I had no idea I was dealing with a narcissist until my therapist pointed it out. It has been quite the journey and I’m looking forward to my freedom!
Thank you so much dr Ramani ❤ We have to shut the door close and look around the edges to seal them so that nothing gets inside. Your work is saving people’s lives . God bless you ❤
Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge! Greatly appreciated. 😊 I am going on 5 weeks of no contact with my whole immediate family, narcissists and enablers. It has been very difficult and sad. But I know I will make it out the other side and create a new family of my own. Much love and strength to all!
I'm 5 months no contact today. In the last few days I'm feeling an acceptance that I hadn't felt before. I'm still struggling of course, but it's a certain power inside of knowing the relationship is over know matter what. He can't change & I have changed. I know there's still a very long rode ahead in my healing, but I finally realize I will survive one way or another.
@@caligirl9403 I can relate to every word. We've made the best decisions for our future despite the pain & struggle of moving on with our lives. Sending you strength during your journey.
Makes me sad to hear you're goin' through something icky. You are helping so many people! And also helping to form the wave that will topple non-empathic "leaders."
Thank you so much Dr Ramani for sharing all your wisdom and knowledge. I am so grateful I found you 2 years ago. Listening and learning from you is what has helped me understand and move through all the ugliness of a 16 yr relationship that I never understood until a year after I left. It’s taken me 2 years to truly understand even though there are setbacks I keep going. Thank you so much 😊 ❤❤❤
Continuing to watch your posts and read your books is how I keep reminding myself a narcissist will always be a narcissist and remove the element of surprise. I have to have boundaries and be on guard- ALWAYS. After narcissistic abuse, you can easily crash emotionally from a surprise betrayal.
I like radical acceptance. This is what it is. They're not going to change. The relationship was just a mask. I can move on and get what I actually want.
Yes, it is a different beast when you can't go no contact. You have to grieve while still interacting with the face you're grieving. That is a complete mental mind F.
Good morning from Moore, OK. Thank you for all the insight help & information. I’ve learned so much from you! Continued blessings for you and your work!
TY, Ramani~ the beat goes on🎶🎶🎶 Blessings to your mother & your family's forever peace. Life is an never ending evolution of self awareness & awakenings. Stay strong & courageous fellow warriors! Trust yourself.
Pls keep strong Dr. Ramani. I know these podcasts and book releases are stressful. Pls take ur time u need to rest and get back to u. Trust in u and ur brilliance! You hv helped me and so many, u r a Hero, and TY soo much for what u do for us❣️
Thank you so much , I had a dreadful day yesterday. When you spoke of you crying basically all day , it broke my heart but also validated that I’m not insane for having these feelings. Thank you , thank you , thank ❤ this video is possibly your VERY Best ! Also you look beautiful today and so relax . ❤can’t wait for your book 📖 sending you lots of love from a grieving mum of an Adult child that I’ve now totally gone no contact, it’s sooooooo tough 😢
I was married to a highly dysfunctional & disordered person for 27 years, living under the veil of consciousness and gave my personal power away losing my sense of self. (Thinking I could save him) I didn’t realize the narcissistic injury inflicted on him (divorce in 2011) reducing his narcissistic supply- would cause such a disproportionate response and he would pursue me to punish me. He is using my son as a weapon to inflict severe suffering on me. I was blind to the coercion he had over my son, even though he lived with me all those years. My sweet 23 yr old ‘suddenly’ started hating me just after he graduated 2018 when he moved in with my ex & step mom - never leaves the house & has no friends. He dropped out of college after one semester, & doesn’t work. And they say they are protecting him from ME!!! I’ve had NO contact with him for nearly 6 years and am devastated. Sent for welfare checks which was a joke! His social disconnection and social exclusion activate the same pathways as experiencing a physical injury.
Sorry to hear this. I hear you. You are not alone. I was married to a highly disordered woman, also for 27 years, and told her I wanted a divorce last September. She has since spent her time lying to our three children and destroying my reputation and memory of my fatherhood. It's truly devastating.
Thank you dr Ramini ,you have helped me immensely, i am still healing but continue to make progress,i will look into getting your book,i have left my wife due to her narcissist behavior ,I am going no contact after leaving her, 16 year married, Im 64 but my new life is just beginning
Dr. Ramani, I am pretty sure I have watched every single one of your TH-cam videos over the last 2 or 3 years. You have opened my eyes and help me take the steps in order leave an 18 year marriage. I ordered your book and excited to start reading it! Although I've watched all of your TH-cam video I thoroughly enjoy these live videos it shows so much more of your personality! Thank you so much for being you! ❤
I just missed the deadline for your raffle (opportunity of a lifetime omg and super fun hello) but I preordered in case another extension is offered. Your work has been really strong lately and I feel you are elevating the baseline of our understanding on all things narcissism. This is very hard to do and you are helping so many. The day I woke up to this four years ago and googled “unhealthy marriage” I was led to TH-cam content on narc abuse and npd including links to your TH-cam content. Then there were a handful channels on this topic with yours front and center supporting me from day one. Hardest and darkest fours years of my life with many lows. But now after so long and doing the work and hanging in there as best I could, Im feeling happy again, motivated, sense of purpose and it’s awesome and I did it with my core support ( which includes your channel and content) one moment at a time. Now I feel like I graduated from undergrad in narcissism and can intelligently participate in the current conversation.
It has become very difficult to type, yet I must thank you for showing me the positive sides of radical acceptance. For me this radically/totally accepting all that was done to me {not to mention two dozen ded frends and relatives - and what they did to my elderly mother Shirley is beyond all... where was I? }. THE step in totally leaving it all behind - with no more attempts to figure it out, make it right, make the narci-rapist criminals change their ways - leave all of it behind and work to be my honest and authentic self. Something like what i would have been without the crippling attacks when I was a baby on the floor in diapers - and what I am told have been 300 attempts on my life... I was told 'THEY WILL NEVER STOP COMING AFTER YOU" BY A MAN DYIGN GUT SHOT IN THE SNow, so I know he meant it. sorry - Yesterday in a nice pizza place I wlaked to in the blasting cold North Wind a team of about a dozen 'gang stalkers' tried to take me down. The case of the blond honey trap in the Italian pizza joint... If onyl i coudl sitll tpe after all the beaitngs to my head.. gotta run
I had to get away from a situationship with a guy who would purposely hurt me every time things got comfortable & I saw the cycle & tried not to care but he was really good at it. I just had to get away from him which was hard cuz he was supportive during this time that I need support. Not worth it though.
Kudos to you! I did a similar thing and trying to keep strong in no contact. Haven't seen my situationship guy in almost 6 months now, and I feel much better. I wish the same to you. It is very hard, but we deserve a love that respects us and treats us 10000 times better.
❤Hello from lincolnshire Uk . Dr Ramani you are just lovely and so authentic in teaching for the greater good . Thank you so much as my mum and brother have been the issue and it’s a cultural thing .. You are helping me through this after me having cancer twice and realising how they treat me . Thank you my friend xx
I live in the UK, I downloaded the audio book as soon as it come out. Absolutely brilliant, I came out of Narcissistic relationship that went on two and a half years. That person was pure evil, what helped was Dr Ramani and having three years counselling. Also through doing level two and three counselling skills and doing role play of being the client, observer and counsellor. I’m now in the state where I don’t care what happens to the individual, I’ve gone no contact changed my number and even deleted the flying monkeys out of my life. But initially I was trying to fix this individual, and gave chance after chance suffered three brutal rejections and devaluing and discard, there was a grief and sense of loss and had hope, however now I accept that there’s no way back.
Mind blown. I can’t believe I have finally been called out on the “long text messages”. I knew it was some sort of codependent problem that needed to stop. Hearing it and listening to entire discussion has buried that. Healing is near, I hope💪
You’re my hero along with Joe Rogan I hope I can shake your hand one day I appreciate you so much these relationships are confusing even to people that are are smart and well put together
Awe, I missed out on that awesome list of free educational promos. I've had this book in my shopping cart for months but checking into making another book order now. Oh well. Looking forward to reading your latest work when it arrives this week. I have recommended you to a lot of clients. Thank you for all you do, Dr. Ramani.
My husband was a narcissist and fortunately when I did divorce him, my kids were old enough to choose who they wanted to stay with - they chose me. It was the best decision I made in my life and I never regretted it. I also never married again.
I preordered my book as an early birthday present. Thank you for assisting me in my journey in healing from narcissistic abuse. I am also attending therapy.
Also through doing my counselling skills, one of my favourite was learning about and the Gestalt prayer, What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is yours, I am not in this world for you, you’re not in the world for me. Basically we are our own person, we have to learn to be within our own framework of reference not the other person’s, what ours is ours, our own person of worth not the traits or transference of the narcissist person.
Please be aware that Narcissisic relationships exist not just in marriages or love unions--mine was with a friend of 28 years! I found out that I was the only "Best Friend" in this two person realationship. So Sad. It took two caring Behavioral Health Therapist (co workers) to educate me as to what I was going through emotionally and why. Thank God for this series. I feel much better after a complete no contact since Nov. 2023
Cabt wait to get this book. Im on her first second book now. This one ismuch needed foe me and my mom. Un so grateful for you Doctor. Thank you for being a source of light in sucb a dark experience. ❤❤❤
Can see the difference in your eyes you look alive happier not like just going through the motions you're a firm believer what you're preaching love that
Ordering today... I was going to anyway but now... Chapter 5 is definitely what I need... Plus all the goodies and we get to support our biggest voice ❤❤❤
Dr Ramani, we all love and appreciate you so much; I wonder if it’s intensified in part this last week with the Narcs … bc you’re doing something so incredible and receiving much warranted praise, gratitude and attention bc you are so courageous and brilliant in your work and as a human. Not that it makes it any less painful ofcourse. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience with us as you manage the wild ride of the excitement and the rollercoaster-ness of a major book launch - you are a shining light in the darkeness and you are changing the world. ❤
OMG you have no idea how much your video helped me! In the perfect right time! I was blaming me and excusing others and justifying others … right because after a big blow the day i put limits e were trying to make it work together … and I’m a very cheerful soul in some part of me i forgot and have hope … but the reality shown me again …who the other really are …then well no let [ OMG here the crack some little light! Yay! Not the little crack light is a little bait trap … SO.. i must see the crack identify what that means and KEEP Going with my life ! You brought today sanity ! Really thank you !!! ❤❤❤
I’m still healing from my 40 year marriage .. for more than 1/2 our marriage my husband lived a double life . When it came out about him it was devastating. To live your entire adult like not really knowing who your spouse really was . I don’t understand why he stayed with me for 40 years but he did . Once he was exposed he left me for the latest OW and then drug the divorce out for 8 years .. the divorce was finalized a year ago snd he married the owner within weeks .. I feel my entire life was a lie and he moves on with ease . I take it one day at a time , healing is slow . I’m in my 60s and facing life on my own , I’m happy , still have bad days , but I’m not blaming myself as much now . He lived a total double life , multiple ow , secret bank accounts etc . I never knew him and that’s the really hard thing to deal with .
Thank you again ffor ALL you do! I am looking forward to buying the book, but I can't right now as I am trying to leave a marriage to a vulnerable Narc....the eggshells are real...
Forgiveness: forgiveness is the necessary and valid response to TRUE and REAL REPENTENCE. This can heal a broken relationship. However, forgiveness that is DEMANDED is simply the manipulator's way of getting you to give them license to continue to steal from or destroy you in whatever way serves their purpose without the bother of dealing with your rightful resistance, self-defense or righteous anger toward them. Also, when there is no repentance, it is best to go no contact or get and stay as far away physically and emotionally as possible with out any demand that they change or repair the damage that they did to you. This IS forgiveness as well, and this is the forgiveness that heals YOU. This type of forgiveness will prevent bitterness from taking you over as you release them for good. I've heard it said like this: "Unforgiveness is the poison pill YOU keep swallowing daily to kill someone ELSE."
I am nearly two weeks into No-Contact. I have come so close so many times to nearly breaking it when those momentsif uncertainty kick in, but I find myself wanting to keep it more. I always tried to pre-empt his baiting messages or calls but sometimes he was so very good with those 'Sucker Punches' which came out of nowhere and knocked me for six. We ended, or rather he discarded me when you look at it from one point of view, and I accepted it because I was being Civil etc and not wanting to argue. I am trying to accept things for what they are and know I'm better off without him. I think if i accept 'Radical Acceptance too quickly without doing 5he work on myself then it's going to be undermined when he comes Hoovering. 🍒
I went no contact 7 mos. , then caved in a Bastille call to me hard when I was told she had contacted my sister in law about my recently deceased fathers estate. Back to square one. But I know I can do it .uggggh. Hang in there everyone.
Yep with radical acceptance now I laugh when my ex acts out bc he reminds of the exact reason I divorced him. Then I chuckle to myself and say to myself thanks for the reminder. It’s awesome that to see for myself the he does not have the power to ruffle my feathers anymore. 😊
Thank you dearest dr. Ramani❣ For sharing so open heartedly and for educating and validating all of us ❣ I'm so happy for you your book's come out now. And happy for me, as I've preordered and it's now on it's way to me❣ Big hug and blessings from the Netherlands 🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷 💫🕊🐛💝🙏🏼💝🦋🕊💫
The weather metaphor is on the nose. It's an act of nature. For me, it's a hurricane. When I need to face it (them), I make sure that EVERY EDGE is sealed, my batteries are charged, and just remember not to mentally or emotionally engage until it's blown past.🙏
Today searching for something else, I found pictures of him I'd missed when I deleted everything (I thought) and went no contact a little over a year ago. I cried for a moment then reminded myself he wasn't who I had thought he was. It only hurt for a few minutes when I deleted them so I guess I'm making progress.
Spending the last two years learning about Narcissistic characteristics and behaviors has been an incredible journey. My wife met him when she was sixteen while attending a private Catholic high school in Portland. They married when she was 24 and proceeded to have four children. At age 35, after her husband wanted her to whore herself out online. The husband selected the websites and wanted to take the photos. She didn’t agree so he secretly put cameras all over their home. They didn’t need the money, he had worked in tech and was making more then one hundred thousand a year. At this point she had enough and was seeking a solution.
When Dr Romani decides to put a look together SHE EATS, LEAVES NO CRUMBS AND SHUTS IT DOWN. Every once in a while just to let us know! Low key she's that 💅
The self declared toxic one in life that I've managed really quite well to avoid with good happenstance, found me and found opportunity to try and pull my triggers in the supermarket queue the other day, from behind as she reached to put her things on the conveyer, more than brushing me said "You can't run away now" loud enough for me to hear... There was a not a too triggered response from me. But a mild one outwardly. She worked a few different ways of getting me to interact. Inwardly, I froze. I had three things to buy and I just turned away, eyes wide. I told the check out chap that she was harassing me and skiddaddled. It took a few days to stop all that ensued in my mind. I messaged a therapist and when I spoke of what happened, I made a typo. When I said, "You can't run..." I wrote "You can run..." I can run. I didn't have to stay in the same queue! She was as she always has been. She's not going to change, all that she has done has really shown such. Amazon says "It's not me!" shall be here by Thursday! Thank you ❤🎉✨✌️
Dr.R….it’s NOT me, and now I can prove it. It’s anecdotal but may help someone else so…I come from a narcissistic family with one golden child brother and many flying monkeys but his wife is the first lieutenant flying monkey. Anyway, I finally gray rocked them and it’s making them lose their minds! She actually gave another flying monkey my phone number, who I have not had contact with for over ten years (10 years!!) and wouldn’t u know it, that one texted me a snarky remark trying to gaslight me into an emotional conversation!! 10 years Dr. R!! They never give up completely and now I can prove it…it was never me…it was always them!!😊😊😊😊😊infinity!!!
I asked my husband what I could do to make him love me. He said nothing, he us empty and has nothing to give. There is no love inside him to give. I pity him.
For me, No you toss the umbrella and buy a rain coat, or rain hat, which makes your hands free. for other things, so you can save the child from running into traffic, catch the fish, unleash the dog for I would take an hour at a doggy park.. freedom radical acceptance is what you make of it. Dr. Ramini I still have radical acceptance.
I am a man. We have a 12 yo girl and a 10 yo boy. I’m trying to ride it out, but it’s so hard. I’d never win custody abs she’d try to destroy me if I did. I am very worried if I’m not here, my children will get the full wrath. At least right now, I can take some of the heat. I realize from day 1 she didn’t care about me. She literally went with me to the jeweler and doubled the Diamond I got her. One time my kids were freezing at a friends pool and the owner wouldn’t let the kids warm up in the hot tub for a minute. I was trying to get my wife to care, she called me Felicia and snapped. She told ms she doesn’t desire anyone and somehow simultaneously discovered this and also it’s always been that way for her. She claims the first 10 years of our relationship I attacked her all the time. I replayed those moments and remember I was trying to get her to understand how she was hurting me and she just kept deflecting, etc. She doesn’t understand why I don’t like to reciprocate her annoyance with our kids. She also says I never take her side. Wtf. They are 10 and 12. They can’t handle the gaslighting and guilt deflection . I said I thought she could be cheating on me because she shoes me no affection and rather than be concerned; it was “how dare you not trust me”. When I was going to commit suicide, she snapped at me about how selfish I was being and that she’d have to raise our kids by herself. Nothing about them losing their father. Just her. It’s always just about her. I told her that I’d do a burn if she could ever dream of in the bed and that knowing I rocked her world in just the way she liked, I would be turned on regardless of if it was something I was initially uncomfortable with or not. She looked at me like I was crazy. She not only told me she never thinks of sex and there is nothing she wants in bed. She said she couldn’t understand why I’d do something I didn’t want to. I told her that her wanting me to would make me want to. To this day she doesn’t understand. At all. If I say. I think our son is sensitive about something, rather than say she understands or something, she gets defensive and is like “maybe you should talk to him since you think I’ll say something wrong.” It’s never meet 1/2 way for her. I’ll be 56 before my kids are 18. I will never know what it’s like to be with a woman that has desires and cares about me. I got 2 wonderful children. I gave my entire life to that. Oh well. At least one day I I’ll die. Then I will no longer have to beg someone to understand how treating me like dirt or laughing at our kids, literally at them, is upsetting. When I die. I will no longer have to beg for understanding, only to be told they hated seeing me upset and worried it would effect my ability to help with the kids. Anyway. As a man. I’m stuck. I want my kids, but that will never happen. I wonder to myself how many men offed themselves because they would lose their kids but can’t live watching their kids be mistreated emotionally and could t say anything or feel the wrath themselves. Oh wall
In the cases where the victim is honest with themselves about not wanting to exploit trauma, doors being cracked opened are not their doing. Boundary breaches are never one's doing if they are a result of others' covert abuse and gaslighting. Surprise means you don't know, and it's ok not to. There are a lot of moving parts in the land of healing from trauma...many which have odd functions or are completely foreign. If one has the honest intention, the rest sorts itself out. It wouldn't be effective to be hard on oneself if a boundary is breached. Especially if the one who is breached knows that, baseline, they have no interest in the abusive interactions. In a lot of cases, the victim's counterproductive trigger that has them obsessing over "not being "bad"" is captured and exploited by the abuser; this energy is re-routed. The whole situation becomes a negative feedback loop for the abuser to control, based on this false belief of the victim. This makes a very tough situation much worse. Chinese finger-trap stuff. I'm sure this is what Dr. Ramani is expressing...or something like it.
I need this book. I'm 5 weeks out with 2 small daughters. I've got nothing but what I've brought with me and family who will help me. I want to get myself together and build a safe placevfor the next generation of kids in our family because what I have lived is ridiculous!! I had no guidence, no knowledge!
U found the expert, Dr. Ramani!
Pls stay strong, it is hard to leave a bad situation. Uve done right for ur family and urself.
Remember, u r strong and u r stronger than u think.
Things will get better, I promise I know I've been there too.
Praying for u and ur family ❣️
You are now working on the second step. A courageous woman, now go out there and become a wonderful wonder woman. Keep focused because your thoughts will become your reality.
❤First things are always first! Learn to trust yourself! The book comes second. Relax, you're on your way 😊! It doesn't matter to next generation. What matters to them is how you act as an example. Even when you feel like you're walking behind the world. You're not! Learn to trust on your gut feelings! It's diamond.
Shine! 😘❤️
May God bless you❤
Hang in there, my wife and I both have N’s for exes and we’ve had to continue to deal with their BS for the last 7 years together through custody court and life in general. It is exhausting but the one thing you need to take from all this is narcissistic personalities are never “fixed” because they NEVER learn. Anyone that deals with them will usually buy their BS lies and manipulations and they have to experience it first hand to start understanding the real issue then you might get somewhere with the situation.
These people are exhausting and their behavior is absolutely unacceptable.
Thank you for your book ❤❤❤❤
I felt so much calmer and focused, difficult as it was to go no contact, best decision ever! Couldn’t have done it without this community. Much ❤️ everyone
👏🏻🫶🏻
TY,
There is a drastic difference when you leave toxic connections.
When I was in toxic connections, I gained weight, my health & finances decreased.
When toxic connections started leaving my life, I lost weight naturally, my health improved, my finances improved, depression left & my stress levels decreased. & I went into radical self care daily & I never neglect myself for anyone else. I only give from my overflow or NOT 🚫 at all.
Toxic relationships affect every area of your life.
Remember life is too short to be miserable. You aren't obligated to be miserable nor survival mode.
So just say NO 🚫
Letting go is a daily process-Melody Beattie
Namaste
Peace Shalom
Factual
You're such an amazing person and inspiration to so many. Thank you for sharing your personal, awful narc mind frig day & crying off/on all day. I had the same yesterday & thought, "Is it me? Am I crazy?" Turns out...I just needed to hear this & order your book! Thank you for all you do! ❤️🙏🏻❤️😘
Radical acceptance saved me, my sanity. Gave me solid ground to stand on. Thank you so much❤
I’m learning about radical acceptance and wow! I have had today the same feeling! Learn that have game sanity ! Find again my own solid ground being able to stand on! 😊
Before he left
I told him,it’s not me
It’s you
Something inside of you.
I am glad he left
I’m looking forward to reading this book. I had no idea I was dealing with a narcissist until my therapist pointed it out. It has been quite the journey and I’m looking forward to my freedom!
Thank you so much dr Ramani ❤ We have to shut the door close and look around the edges to seal them so that nothing gets inside. Your work is saving people’s lives . God bless you ❤
Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge! Greatly appreciated. 😊 I am going on 5 weeks of no contact with my whole immediate family, narcissists and enablers. It has been very difficult and sad. But I know I will make it out the other side and create a new family of my own. Much love and strength to all!
I'm 5 months no contact today. In the last few days I'm feeling an acceptance that I hadn't felt before. I'm still struggling of course, but it's a certain power inside of knowing the relationship is over know matter what. He can't change & I have changed. I know there's still a very long rode ahead in my healing, but I finally realize I will survive one way or another.
@@caligirl9403 I can relate to every word. We've made the best decisions for our future despite the pain & struggle of moving on with our lives. Sending you strength during your journey.
Makes me sad to hear you're goin' through something icky. You are helping so many people! And also helping to form the wave that will topple non-empathic "leaders."
Thank you so much for helping people understand that they are not the problem!!!!!❤ You're the best Dr. Ramani ❤
Thank you so much Dr Ramani for sharing all your wisdom and knowledge. I am so grateful I found you 2 years ago. Listening and learning from you is what has helped me understand and move through all the ugliness of a 16 yr relationship that I never understood until a year after I left. It’s taken me 2 years to truly understand even though there are setbacks I keep going. Thank you so much 😊 ❤❤❤
Continuing to watch your posts and read your books is how I keep reminding myself a narcissist will always be a narcissist and remove the element of surprise. I have to have boundaries and be on guard- ALWAYS. After narcissistic abuse, you can easily crash emotionally from a surprise betrayal.
Dr Ramani, thank you for all you do and sorry to hear that things have been tough. Greetings from the Isle of Wight, England - a very wet climate!
I like radical acceptance. This is what it is. They're not going to change. The relationship was just a mask. I can move on and get what I actually want.
And you deserve the best 💖
Yes, it is a different beast when you can't go no contact. You have to grieve while still interacting with the face you're grieving. That is a complete mental mind F.
Good morning from Moore, OK. Thank you for all the insight help & information. I’ve learned so much from you! Continued blessings for you and your work!
Hello from Wales 🏴 😊 Looking forward to reading your book!
So thankful for you Dr Ramani! 🙏
I love these live streams. Thanks Ramani.
TY, Ramani~ the beat goes on🎶🎶🎶 Blessings to your mother & your family's forever peace.
Life is an never ending evolution of self awareness & awakenings.
Stay strong & courageous fellow warriors! Trust yourself.
Pls keep strong Dr. Ramani. I know these podcasts and book releases are stressful.
Pls take ur time u need to rest and get back to u.
Trust in u and ur brilliance!
You hv helped me and so many, u r a Hero, and TY soo much for what u do for us❣️
I preordered from Waterstones in the UK and the book was delivered this morning.
That crack of hope is tough to finally close and I think it’s that messy denial phase that is so difficult to get through.
Thank you so much , I had a dreadful day yesterday. When you spoke of you crying basically all day , it broke my heart but also validated that I’m not insane for having these feelings. Thank you , thank you , thank ❤ this video is possibly your VERY Best ! Also you look beautiful today and so relax . ❤can’t wait for your book 📖 sending you lots of love from a grieving mum of an Adult child that I’ve now totally gone no contact, it’s sooooooo tough 😢
❤
I was married to a highly dysfunctional & disordered person for 27 years, living under the veil of consciousness and gave my personal power away losing my sense of self. (Thinking I could save him) I didn’t realize the narcissistic injury inflicted on him (divorce in 2011) reducing his narcissistic supply- would cause such a disproportionate response and he would pursue me to punish me. He is using my son as a weapon to inflict severe suffering on me. I was blind to the coercion he had over my son, even though he lived with me all those years. My sweet 23 yr old ‘suddenly’ started hating me just after he graduated 2018 when he moved in with my ex & step mom - never leaves the house & has no friends. He dropped out of college after one semester, & doesn’t work. And they say they are protecting him from ME!!! I’ve had NO contact with him for nearly 6 years and am devastated. Sent for welfare checks which was a joke! His social disconnection and social exclusion activate the same pathways as experiencing a physical injury.
Sorry to hear this. I hear you. You are not alone.
I was married to a highly disordered woman, also for 27 years, and told her I wanted a divorce last September. She has since spent her time lying to our three children and destroying my reputation and memory of my fatherhood. It's truly devastating.
REAL LOVE 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you, sweet Dr Ramani!
I loved the word “narcissistic-ing” 😂 👍
Thank you so much for doing this, it is life saving I appreciate this so much!!!!
Thank you for admitting how you cried all day! I feel a little more normal when you share your experiences.
Dear Dr Ramani you are most definitely a true guru. You are so precious please look after yourself. Xxxxx
Thank you dr Ramini ,you have helped me immensely, i am still healing but continue to make progress,i will look into getting your book,i have left my wife due to her narcissist behavior ,I am going no contact after leaving her, 16 year married, Im 64 but my new life is just beginning
Same boat I'm in 20 years of fake marriage have a 10 year old tough times
Dr. Ramani, I am pretty sure I have watched every single one of your TH-cam videos over the last 2 or 3 years. You have opened my eyes and help me take the steps in order leave an 18 year marriage. I ordered your book and excited to start reading it! Although I've watched all of your TH-cam video I thoroughly enjoy these live videos it shows so much more of your personality! Thank you so much for being you! ❤
I just missed the deadline for your raffle (opportunity of a lifetime omg and super fun hello) but I preordered in case another extension is offered.
Your work has been really strong lately and I feel you are elevating the baseline of our understanding on all things narcissism. This is very hard to do and you are helping so many. The day I woke up to this four years ago and googled “unhealthy marriage” I was led to TH-cam content on narc abuse and npd including links to your TH-cam content. Then there were a handful channels on this topic with yours front and center supporting me from day one. Hardest and darkest fours years of my life with many lows. But now after so long and doing the work and hanging in there as best I could, Im feeling happy again, motivated, sense of purpose and it’s awesome and I did it with my core support ( which includes your channel and content) one moment at a time.
Now I feel like I graduated from undergrad in narcissism and can intelligently participate in the current conversation.
It has become very difficult to type, yet I must thank you for showing me the positive sides of radical acceptance. For me this radically/totally accepting all that was done to me {not to mention two dozen ded frends and relatives - and what they did to my elderly mother Shirley is beyond all... where was I? }.
THE step in totally leaving it all behind - with no more attempts to figure it out, make it right, make the narci-rapist criminals change their ways - leave all of it behind and work to be my honest and authentic self. Something like what i would have been without the crippling attacks when I was a baby on the floor in diapers - and what I am told have been 300 attempts on my life...
I was told 'THEY WILL NEVER STOP COMING AFTER YOU" BY A MAN DYIGN GUT SHOT IN THE SNow, so I know he meant it. sorry -
Yesterday in a nice pizza place I wlaked to in the blasting cold North Wind a team of about a dozen 'gang stalkers' tried to take me down. The case of the blond honey trap in the Italian pizza joint... If onyl i coudl sitll tpe after all the beaitngs to my head.. gotta run
I had to get away from a situationship with a guy who would purposely hurt me every time things got comfortable & I saw the cycle & tried not to care but he was really good at it. I just had to get away from him which was hard cuz he was supportive during this time that I need support. Not worth it though.
Kudos to you! I did a similar thing and trying to keep strong in no contact. Haven't seen my situationship guy in almost 6 months now, and I feel much better. I wish the same to you. It is very hard, but we deserve a love that respects us and treats us 10000 times better.
Thank you so much God bless you saved me night 💖 Love Jordan From Benicia , Ca❤
❤Hello from lincolnshire Uk . Dr Ramani you are just lovely and so authentic in teaching for the greater good . Thank you so much as my mum and brother have been the issue and it’s a cultural thing ..
You are helping me through this after me having cancer twice and realising how they treat me .
Thank you my friend xx
I live in the UK, I downloaded the audio book as soon as it come out.
Absolutely brilliant, I came out of Narcissistic relationship that went on two and a half years.
That person was pure evil, what helped was Dr Ramani and having three years counselling.
Also through doing level two and three counselling skills and doing role play of being the client, observer and counsellor.
I’m now in the state where I don’t care what happens to the individual, I’ve gone no contact changed my number and even deleted the flying monkeys out of my life.
But initially I was trying to fix this individual, and gave chance after chance suffered three brutal rejections and devaluing and discard, there was a grief and sense of loss and had hope, however now I accept that there’s no way back.
Mind blown. I can’t believe I have finally been called out on the “long text messages”. I knew it was some sort of codependent problem that needed to stop. Hearing it and listening to entire discussion has buried that. Healing is near, I hope💪
You’re my hero along with Joe Rogan I hope I can shake your hand one day I appreciate you so much these relationships are confusing even to people that are are smart and well put together
Awe, I missed out on that awesome list of free educational promos. I've had this book in my shopping cart for months but checking into making another book order now. Oh well. Looking forward to reading your latest work when it arrives this week. I have recommended you to a lot of clients. Thank you for all you do, Dr. Ramani.
Ty as always wonderful advice & you're so incredibly accurate. I appreciate you sharing & helping me heal on this journey ✌️💚🌟
Thank you! I believe you on forgiveness. Dr Ramani.
My husband was a narcissist and fortunately when I did divorce him, my kids were old enough to choose who they wanted to stay with - they chose me. It was the best decision I made in my life and I never regretted it. I also never married again.
I pre ordered the book when you first announced it in 2023. I haven’t received it yet! I’m so eager for it!
I preordered my book as an early birthday present. Thank you for assisting me in my journey in healing from narcissistic abuse. I am also attending therapy.
Also through doing my counselling skills, one of my favourite was learning about and the Gestalt prayer,
What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is yours, I am not in this world for you, you’re not in the world for me.
Basically we are our own person, we have to learn to be within our own framework of reference not the other person’s, what ours is ours, our own person of worth not the traits or transference of the narcissist person.
Please be aware that Narcissisic relationships exist not just in marriages or love unions--mine was with a friend of 28 years! I found out that I was the only "Best Friend" in this two person realationship. So Sad. It took two caring Behavioral Health Therapist (co workers) to educate me as to what I was going through emotionally and why. Thank God for this series. I feel much better after a complete no contact since Nov. 2023
Hi Dr Ramani! Loving your content as always. Thank you for all you do ❤
Cabt wait to get this book. Im on her first second book now. This one ismuch needed foe me and my mom. Un so grateful for you Doctor. Thank you for being a source of light in sucb a dark experience. ❤❤❤
I am so grateful to you, dearest Ramani! And you are so incredibly beautiful let it be said❤
Can see the difference in your eyes you look alive happier not like just going through the motions you're a firm believer what you're preaching love that
Ordering today... I was going to anyway but now... Chapter 5 is definitely what I need...
Plus all the goodies and we get to support our biggest voice ❤❤❤
Honesty is the pathway to life.
--especially when it's honesty with yourself.
Dr Ramani, we all love and appreciate you so much; I wonder if it’s intensified in part this last week with the Narcs … bc you’re doing something so incredible and receiving much warranted praise, gratitude and attention bc you are so courageous and brilliant in your work and as a human. Not that it makes it any less painful ofcourse.
Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience with us as you manage the wild ride of the excitement and the rollercoaster-ness of a major book launch - you are a shining light in the darkeness and you are changing the world. ❤
OMG you have no idea how much your video helped me! In the perfect right time! I was blaming me and excusing others and justifying others … right because after a big blow the day i put limits e were trying to make it work together … and I’m a very cheerful soul in some part of me i forgot and have hope … but the reality shown me again …who the other really are …then well no let [ OMG here the crack some little light! Yay! Not the little crack light is a little bait trap … SO.. i must see the crack identify what that means and KEEP Going with my life ! You brought today sanity ! Really thank you !!! ❤❤❤
I’m in the grief phase of radical acceptance. I feel myself coming out of it.
You say they probably didn’t believe you, eh. That was normalizing and funny. Thank you for your honesty and humour.
Great thinking and feeling,,, we love you,,I have pre ordered book on Apple Books ❤️❤️
I ordered this book and can't wait to get it on Feb 23 rd here in Tucson
I’m still healing from my 40 year marriage .. for more than 1/2 our marriage my husband lived a double life . When it came out about him it was devastating. To live your entire adult like not really knowing who your spouse really was . I don’t understand why he stayed with me for 40 years but he did . Once he was exposed he left me for the latest OW and then drug the divorce out for 8 years .. the divorce was finalized a year ago snd he married the owner within weeks .. I feel my entire life was a lie and he moves on with ease . I take it one day at a time , healing is slow . I’m in my 60s and facing life on my own , I’m happy , still have bad days , but I’m not blaming myself as much now . He lived a total double life , multiple ow , secret bank accounts etc . I never knew him and that’s the really hard thing to deal with .
Thank you again ffor ALL you do! I am looking forward to buying the book, but I can't right now as I am trying to leave a marriage to a vulnerable Narc....the eggshells are real...
thank you
Forgiveness: forgiveness is the necessary and valid response to TRUE and REAL REPENTENCE. This can heal a broken relationship. However, forgiveness that is DEMANDED is simply the manipulator's way of getting you to give them license to continue to steal from or destroy you in whatever way serves their purpose without the bother of dealing with your rightful resistance, self-defense or righteous anger toward them.
Also, when there is no repentance, it is best to go no contact or get and stay as far away physically and emotionally as possible with out any demand that they change or repair the damage that they did to you. This IS forgiveness as well, and this is the forgiveness that heals YOU. This type of forgiveness will prevent bitterness from taking you over as you release them for good.
I've heard it said like this: "Unforgiveness is the poison pill YOU keep swallowing daily to kill someone ELSE."
Please talk about the problems with co-parenting with a narcissist. A situation I currently find myself in.
I am nearly two weeks into No-Contact. I have come so close so many times to nearly breaking it when those momentsif uncertainty kick in, but I find myself wanting to keep it more. I always tried to pre-empt his baiting messages or calls but sometimes he was so very good with those 'Sucker Punches' which came out of nowhere and knocked me for six. We ended, or rather he discarded me when you look at it from one point of view, and I accepted it because I was being Civil etc and not wanting to argue. I am trying to accept things for what they are and know I'm better off without him. I think if i accept 'Radical Acceptance too quickly without doing 5he work on myself then it's going to be undermined when he comes Hoovering. 🍒
I went no contact 7 mos. , then caved in a Bastille call to me hard when I was told she had contacted my sister in law about my recently deceased fathers estate. Back to square one. But I know I can do it .uggggh. Hang in there everyone.
Yep with radical acceptance now I laugh when my ex acts out bc he reminds of the exact reason I divorced him. Then I chuckle to myself and say to myself thanks for the reminder. It’s awesome that to see for myself the he does not have the power to ruffle my feathers anymore. 😊
i belong to a small town in India, where majority especially younger generation are narcissists
Thank you dearest dr. Ramani❣
For sharing so open heartedly and for educating and validating all of us ❣
I'm so happy for you your book's come out now.
And happy for me, as I've preordered and it's now on it's way to me❣
Big hug and blessings from the Netherlands 🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷
💫🕊🐛💝🙏🏼💝🦋🕊💫
My husband found it and all my highlights and now he's making me crazy over how none of it is true and it's libelous and how dare i. What now?
The weather metaphor is on the nose. It's an act of nature. For me, it's a hurricane. When I need to face it (them), I make sure that EVERY EDGE is sealed, my batteries are charged, and just remember not to mentally or emotionally engage until it's blown past.🙏
Sorry your day was hard yesterday ❤ thanks for being transparent with us 😊
Today searching for something else, I found pictures of him I'd missed when I deleted everything (I thought) and went no contact a little over a year ago. I cried for a moment then reminded myself he wasn't who I had thought he was. It only hurt for a few minutes when I deleted them so I guess I'm making progress.
Radical acceptance means we recognize IMMEDIATELY what is happening and pull back at the tip of that moment and just watch it unfold without reacting.
I filled out the form after I ordered the book but I haven't gotten an email to sign me up! Looking forward to the program!
Deep breaths........❤
It’s extremely difficult on a family system.
Spending the last two years learning about Narcissistic characteristics and behaviors has been an incredible journey. My wife met him when she was sixteen while attending a private Catholic high school in Portland. They married when she was 24 and proceeded to have four children. At age 35, after her husband wanted her to whore herself out online. The husband selected the websites and wanted to take the photos. She didn’t agree so he secretly put cameras all over their home. They didn’t need the money, he had worked in tech and was making more then one hundred thousand a year. At this point she had enough and was seeking a solution.
When Dr Romani decides to put a look together SHE EATS, LEAVES NO CRUMBS AND SHUTS IT DOWN. Every once in a while just to let us know! Low key she's that 💅
The self declared toxic one in life that I've managed really quite well to avoid with good happenstance, found me and found opportunity to try and pull my triggers in the supermarket queue the other day, from behind as she reached to put her things on the conveyer, more than brushing me said "You can't run away now" loud enough for me to hear...
There was a not a too triggered response from me. But a mild one outwardly. She worked a few different ways of getting me to interact. Inwardly, I froze. I had three things to buy and I just turned away, eyes wide. I told the check out chap that she was harassing me and skiddaddled. It took a few days to stop all that ensued in my mind.
I messaged a therapist and when I spoke of what happened, I made a typo. When I said, "You can't run..." I wrote "You can run..."
I can run. I didn't have to stay in the same queue! She was as she always has been. She's not going to change, all that she has done has really shown such.
Amazon says "It's not me!" shall be here by Thursday! Thank you
❤🎉✨✌️
Good morning from a snowy East Coast
Sending you love 💕
Dr.R….it’s NOT me, and now I can prove it. It’s anecdotal but may help someone else so…I come from a narcissistic family with one golden child brother and many flying monkeys but his wife is the first lieutenant flying monkey. Anyway, I finally gray rocked them and it’s making them lose their minds! She actually gave another flying monkey my phone number, who I have not had contact with for over ten years (10 years!!) and wouldn’t u know it, that one texted me a snarky remark trying to gaslight me into an emotional conversation!! 10 years Dr. R!! They never give up completely and now I can prove it…it was never me…it was always them!!😊😊😊😊😊infinity!!!
I am so sorry that you're having a rough time 😊
I asked my husband what I could do to make him love me. He said nothing, he us empty and has nothing to give. There is no love inside him to give. I pity him.
So happy I'm able to catch you live
Good morning ☕️☕️😊
Co-parenting, that’s what my wife Amanda and I are dealing with when working with her ex-husband
Hope Love and Light everyone ❤
book has just been bought & is ready to go to germany to be read & used. ✨
❤❤❤
For me, No you toss the umbrella and buy a rain coat, or rain hat, which makes your hands free. for other things, so you can save the child from running into traffic, catch the fish, unleash the dog for I would take an hour at a doggy park.. freedom radical acceptance is what you make of it. Dr. Ramini I still have radical acceptance.
I am a man. We have a 12 yo girl and a 10 yo boy. I’m trying to ride it out, but it’s so hard. I’d never win custody abs she’d try to destroy me if I did. I am very worried if I’m not here, my children will get the full wrath. At least right now, I can take some of the heat.
I realize from day 1 she didn’t care about me. She literally went with me to the jeweler and doubled the Diamond I got her.
One time my kids were freezing at a friends pool and the owner wouldn’t let the kids warm up in the hot tub for a minute. I was trying to get my wife to care, she called me Felicia and snapped.
She told ms she doesn’t desire anyone and somehow simultaneously discovered this and also it’s always been that way for her.
She claims the first 10 years of our relationship I attacked her all the time. I replayed those moments and remember I was trying to get her to understand how she was hurting me and she just kept deflecting, etc.
She doesn’t understand why I don’t like to reciprocate her annoyance with our kids. She also says I never take her side. Wtf. They are 10 and 12. They can’t handle the gaslighting and guilt deflection .
I said I thought she could be cheating on me because she shoes me no affection and rather than be concerned; it was “how dare you not trust me”. When I was going to commit suicide, she snapped at me about how selfish I was being and that she’d have to raise our kids by herself. Nothing about them losing their father. Just her. It’s always just about her.
I told her that I’d do a burn if she could ever dream of in the bed and that knowing I rocked her world in just the way she liked, I would be turned on regardless of if it was something I was initially uncomfortable with or not. She looked at me like I was crazy. She not only told me she never thinks of sex and there is nothing she wants in bed. She said she couldn’t understand why I’d do something I didn’t want to. I told her that her wanting me to would make me want to. To this day she doesn’t understand. At all.
If I say. I think our son is sensitive about something, rather than say she understands or something, she gets defensive and is like “maybe you should talk to him since you think I’ll say something wrong.” It’s never meet 1/2 way for her.
I’ll be 56 before my kids are 18. I will never know what it’s like to be with a woman that has desires and cares about me. I got 2 wonderful children. I gave my entire life to that.
Oh well. At least one day I I’ll die. Then I will no longer have to beg someone to understand how treating me like dirt or laughing at our kids, literally at them, is upsetting. When I die. I will no longer have to beg for understanding, only to be told they hated seeing me upset and worried it would effect my ability to help with the kids.
Anyway. As a man. I’m stuck. I want my kids, but that will never happen. I wonder to myself how many men offed themselves because they would lose their kids but can’t live watching their kids be mistreated emotionally and could t say anything or feel the wrath themselves.
Oh wall
In the cases where the victim is honest with themselves about not wanting to exploit trauma, doors being cracked opened are not their doing.
Boundary breaches are never one's doing if they are a result of others' covert abuse and gaslighting.
Surprise means you don't know, and it's ok not to. There are a lot of moving parts in the land of healing from trauma...many which have odd functions or are completely foreign. If one has the honest intention, the rest sorts itself out.
It wouldn't be effective to be hard on oneself if a boundary is breached. Especially if the one who is breached knows that, baseline, they have no interest in the abusive interactions.
In a lot of cases, the victim's counterproductive trigger that has them obsessing over "not being "bad"" is captured and exploited by the abuser; this energy is re-routed. The whole situation becomes a negative feedback loop for the abuser to control, based on this false belief of the victim. This makes a very tough situation much worse.
Chinese finger-trap stuff.
I'm sure this is what Dr. Ramani is expressing...or something like it.
I ordered Dr Ramani’s new book. I do I get access to the extras?
You look very beautiful in this video 😊