For additional perspectives and spins on this wealth of knowledge try Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon. Equally fascinating and accurate. Sam is extremely high-brow and scholarly and Richard delivers his wisdom in a much more down to Earth fashion.
Some people have the incredible gift of clarity and accessibility with all the healing virtue without having to use 20 acronyns like CBT. Thankfully!!!
and the victims from narcissistic parents or narcissistic family will be the prey for other narcissist out of their own hell family. OMG.... It is the vicious circle.
So true! The good news is that today there are so many tools available that weren't available to previous generations. When we take responsibility for our own healing we're no longer victims.
Trust your gut. That knot that you always have in the pit of your stomach. The overthinking you have to do about every conversation or interaction. The thinking through how you’re going to have a conversation to get them to notice you or understand you… All of it is not normal. They will tell you that you’re overreacting or dramatic. They will tell you that you’re being overly sensitive… But you’re spot on. Give yourself time to analyze and unpack the turmoil/living hell you lived in, but don’t live in the analyzing . I continued, and still continue, to realize… Oh… So this was all part of the narcissism too… it is so deep and sick that you could spend the rest of your life analyzing and unpacking it. You have to give your thinking some boundaries. I actually had to set a timer and tell myself… OK you get an hour to think about this today and then you’re doing what is on your agenda. Oh… and… make yourself an agenda or list and DO IT …. Sometimes I had to force myself just to brush my teeth and get a shower… But you must stick to some sort of schedule. Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. I couldn’t get over the 23 years I had wasted. I couldn’t stop beating myself up for not being smarter and stronger quicker. I had to remind myself that I was the perfect match. As an only child of older parents, I was younger when they died and I had no family. His family became my family and he knew he had me. I had to remember my intentions were good and decent and God will honor what I did. I wanted to keep the family together and believe that no one could be as evil as his actions were showing me. Make safe changes. You don’t want to make big changes like changing jobs or moving across the country, although there are people that have no choice and have to do this. But make small changes like your hair color. Drive a different way to work. Wear a different style. As much as possible… spoil yourself. Do what you need to make yourself feel pretty or handsome. Order the decadent chocolate cake. Never feel ashamed. I remember that some people treated me like I was that homeless person that they felt sorry for but if they didn’t look it would all go away. I was embarrassed and ashamed. The beautiful part about it is I found out who really does care about me. You don’t have to have a lot of blood relatives to have family. You will find the people that mean the most; There will be loyal friends who you can let yourself be raw with… let it happen. Do no start looking for a relationship! I initially remember feeling as though I had to go out with people to feel desirable and flattered. I was in no way ready to be a partner to anyone until I could tell myself “You still got it girl!” and really believe it. NEVER look back or second guess yourself! It will never get better if you go back. And they will try to get you back. There’s never break up with a narcissist. As long as you allow it, they will continually try to get in touch with you and lead up to begging you to come back. It feels flattering but it is empty and meaningless. My ex-husband who ended up with a very young girl who has emotional and mental problems (I was her mentor in our church) has recently tried to ask me to give him just “one more chance” 5 days after the girl broke up with him. Every single time he did this In the past, The forgive me speech and crying was the same and his behavior was even worse with each time I went back. This is an addiction for you.. not love and addiction is hard to kick. Speaking of addiction… be careful not to pick up any others … pills, alcohol, shopping Train your thoughts. Don’t let the tail wag the dog. When you start to go down that path of negative thoughts and telling yourself life is going to be forever gloom and doom, remember that being apart from this monster is THE BEGINNING of a new life and the pain will lift. You were more alone and in danger with them than away from them. That’s it… buoy…. Ya! Take care of yourself. This healing needs all the healthy habits you can muster. When you’re feeling as though you’re having a strong moment, and you will see a pattern of times that you feel a bit stronger, pre-plan meals so that when you’re feeling really bad all you have to do is get in the refrigerator and heat something up. Put toothpaste on the brush so all you have to do is pick it up. Take melatonin to get rest. Take vitamins/supplements. NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT…. Forever… you are doing this to heal not to get a reaction out of them or try to get them to love you. Keep talking to other survivors and remember that you are just that… A SURVIVOR. There will come a day that you will be helping others. Never feel bad for them. My ex-husband‘s mask has finally come off and he can’t keep the façade up anymore. It is pathetic. My adult children know not to discuss what is going on with him with me and I don’t ask. Don’t ask!!! They will look for every opportunity to tug on your heartstrings. Don’t wallow in thinking they are happy. They are desperately unhappy. They will never be happy and will delight in any weakness they see in you, so again…. ZERO ZILCH CONTACT or GRAY ROCK flat, noncommittal tone with as few words as possible. Count your blessings I remember looking at everybody around me and thinking how happy and lucky everybody else looked. Everybody has stuff going on. Yours is just super big at the moment. So look for blessings . I thanked God for little things that weren’t so little… a job close to home, my frig worked, I didn’t catch a cold from my first grade class (again.. take care of yourself). Some days it seemed ludicrous that there was a blessing, but sometimes the blessings were the things God Prevented from happening. Keep track of your progress. Three years away from my husband, looking back at my journey, I cannot believe how far God has brought me. You will be a new, better version of you if you don’t let the tail wag the dog. Knowledge is power. Read everything you can about this but again… Set boundaries for yourself… don’t stay stuck Boundaries boundaries boundaries I started to realize that I didn’t have boundaries set for myself at all. It was easy for people to tell me the way it was going to be and just assume that it would just be that way without me standing up for myself. Find confidence in putting your needs and emotional health first. You are not being selfish. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyClubLLC@gmail. com
Narcissist term is overused, and i suspect most calling others a narc are too proud to admit that they maybe the narc or too narcissistic to recognize it.
@@fitnesspoint2006 narcissist is also misused to mean someone who cares a lot about themselves or self-centered. Most of that use is not even the same as what's talked about here. But most people who are here are because they had or have a very toxic relationship and are looking for answers. Those people slowly learn how to truly identify a narc.
@@fitnesspoint2006 everyone has toxic traits or toxic moments, it doesn't mean they are toxic themselves unless you are talking about someone who easily calls anyone a narc. But saying this as a rule for anyone who ever calls someone narc is dangerous, but that's all I'll say about this.
Yes. The covert-narcissist I know pulls you in by almost inviting you to have a different view to theirs, and as soon as you express that view (even though your view is likely to be the more rational one than their victim mentality fuelled, blame-shifting, drama-fest), they pounce on you.
It doesn’t work with me bc I like isolation. If I didn’t work I would have been a hermit. I have many lovely friends and a good family. My mom was a narc and ruled,so no surprise I gravitated to that. So he follows me around poking the bear. I don’t play. Soon he settles and sweeps it under the rug and out comes the love bomber. It’s laughable really. So obvious
@tammystours5171 This is what happened on the first date with the narcissist in my life. He picked me up one evening and we went to the movies. I was ghosted for two weeks after he gave me his phone number. It should have been the first red flag, but it wasn't because I had never experienced a relationship with a man before him.
But push and pull dynamics don‘t always indicate narcissism; in fact, narcissists create this cycle intentionally to destabilize others. However, some people having a disorganized attachmentstyle for example. These individuals genuinely suffer, have no bad intentions and dont manipulate. They often go through many relationships in their lives before breaking this pattern. In the process they may break many hearts - including their own - several times.
I needed to hear this today. I am completely exhausted from dealing with family members who are narcissists and BPD. I feel used up and taken advantage of because that is what has happened. Now that I have set in place firm boundaries, I find myself cutoff because they have no use for me now that I am no longer their checkbook and personal punching bag. It just hurts.
100%! The two that used to be in my life were capable of moments of joy, or "high's" in their life, but it never lasted. The deep contentment that comes with true satisfaction and happiness is something they will never know. Very sad people.
I follow Dr Ramani almost religiously. In almost every interview there's a desire to understand the narcissistic person. I find this fascinating. Thank you Dr Ramani for the work you do to support those of us who have been harmed by narcissistic people.
I can really relate when she speaks of narcissist missing human experiences - I naively tried to help my ex husband by connecting with nature by doing activities like Bush walking, etc however he couldn't and would then try to punish me for it seeming to become more toxic. He really couldn't experience the beauty around him
Once, there was literally a small parade coming down the street near my house. I could clearly see the entire performance from my front porch. It was like a high school marching band celebrating it's homecoming week. It was fun for me seeing the kids and hearing the band. They were adorable! I asked the narc (my now ex) to come to the front door to see the school parade. He refused, saying, "I've seen enough parades in my life!". Lord knows that man tried to dim the light on anything that brought a smile to my face!
@@morganadavies8319 neither the marching band examples count as narcissistoc traits, sounds like you guys were trying to force someone todo something they didnt want todo. you guys sound like the narcs trying to use a benign "parade" as an example to prove you are innocent in your interactions with the supposed toxic person.
The brief mention of future faking is potent, there could be a whole segment just in this! Part of future faking that is hard to detect is the narcissist is a type of chameleon. They sense how they need to morph to gain your attention and favor. Once we’re looking back to dissect what the heck happened we can more easily see it, but to be able to be aware initially is crucial to be able to trust ourselves again.
Narcissists often get worse with age and sometimes this leads to violence. Narcissists can become dangerous, especially if deprived of the supply they crave.
Well they always find a 2 suppliers who don't meet there needs very long cause Remer were groomed and declined are own emotions, health,to meet all there's so they absolutely will cut you off when they choose and your left no fiends no money you cut off your family all but calls here and there cause in there head the conversation is all about them So they say call my aunt call my sister😅 yeah now your in the middle with his family cause they already know what's going on how hard this person is to deal with so no you look like a Narc and recruiting flying monkey yes this video awareness is so important ❤
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail . com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
You taught me more in these 16 mins, than I learned in all the years I tried to find a solution for my son's behavior. There is no solution. His dad left and he took that to mean his dad did not love him and he has spent his entire life in destruction mode and I took the brunt of it. Years of therapy, nothing changed. The behaviors only got worse and worse as time went on. The only I reason made it is because my faith in God kept me going, these last four years being the worst of it. As I see it, in his mind, because he was hurt and still hurting he is now entitled to hurt everyone else. Never did he or has he taken any responsibility for the pain he has caused anyone, because no, it wasn't just me. He has hurt many people, animals. I was not the first. I came under attack when school started and I attempted to correct his inappropriate behaviors. How dare I suggest there was another way to look at things. That would mean he was wrong and he is never wrong... he was wronged! It is an extremely dysfunctional mindset and I feel sorry for him, but he is an adult now and is completely responsible for his own choices, including the choice not to do anything to help himself and to blame everyone else instead so I let go and am now remaking my life, at peace. We all get hurt. Our pain does not entitle us to then turn around and intentionally hurt others , destroy property and be habitually lying and making up stories and that is what he does and he has been doing that since the age of four when his dad left. I will always love him, but he is deeply entrenched in "ME" mode and incapable of thinking of anyone else but himself. As a parent that is a really hard thing to accept, but sometimes you just need to hand things over to God and that's where I've placed him.
Don’t waste your time trying to figure out why they are the way they are or when things changed . You will waste your life and suffer deeply while they toy with you. Put firm boundaries stick to them and hold them accountable , cut off conversations when they start the gaslight and they will remove themselves . Byyyyeeeeeee
Yup, that's my nex. New house, he'd be happy a few weeks, then back to look at other houses and being jealous of others. Same with new baby, new car, job promotion etc. It was exhausting. And I'm the same, love the garden birds and insects, he just couldn't get it. He couldn't even get it with cats and dogs.
Get out, stay out it's not worth it trust me it's not worth it. They'll affect you far more and eventually ruin your life. That's all a narcissist wants from you, your complete downfall and ruined life.
13:00 when in a relationship with a covert narcissist trying to 'fix' them, I heard someone on tv talking about people who were troubled say "we have to love them until they can love themselves" I made this my mantra and felt it gave me permission to stay in the fight for him. Big mistake.
@@letitiasd586 I learned the hard way. 20+ years staying in the fight left me mentally and emotionally battered and bruised. I finally woke up and realized I was never going to win. No contact almost 3 months and counting!!!
My Mom most likely has HPD with narcissistic tendencies. She was abusive when I was growing up. I stayed away from her as an adult for a long time. She started doing a Course in Miracles due to other problems, started praying a lot. Apparently during every session, God kept telling her she needed to amend things with her oldest daughter. Apparently it got louder and louder for months until she had to come talk to me. She asked me about my experience. I was reluctant to answer at first, but then she explained and was persistent. So we talked about it. She wholly apologized, pledged to treat me better, told me she loved me… I was astounded. I never thought in a million years this would happen. It really was a miracle. Five years later, she’s been consistent. She has to work at it every day, do ACIM in the morning every day. When I’m around I see her go to say something manipulative she would have in the past, then stop herself. She’s done a ton of work trying to heal her own wounds so she can be better. It seemed impossible but I’m so proud of her. I still have a ton of damage to work through, but it’s been a miraculous experience.
This is 1 in a trillion. Most narcissists will never acknowledge that they have a problem, seek help or change-- EVER. Because they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them & never will. Get out while you can & go no contact.
when my ex narc friend was withholding even normal conversations and I tried to discuss it one last time with her to give her a chance to explain herself on the situation, I just could see it on her that she didn't care how I felt. She looked rather pleased about what she has been doing and still had the nerve to gaslight me that everything's fine and that she still cares about me... her fake words hit me like mud.
This is the best video on narcissists so far! Dr.Ramani and you are a great team, looking forward to more of these conversations. I've been educating myself on a narcissism for a year now actively almost every day and this basically sums it all up, well done!
I married one & oh the misery they can bring he is never wrong the issues are too many to go into if he dies I will never ever consider marriage again I am so done but I do have to say there were warning signs but I always thought I could help him see the light .....no you can't!!
My husband would treat everyone with respect and dignity, charming, a great hostess, and then would come home and mentally and verbally and financially abuse me she hit it right on point blows my mind
I've always tried to share my sense of awe with narcissists. They didn't want to share my sense of awe about anything.They wanted to take away my sense of awe away from me! I 'm so happy this video taught me the concept of how a narcissist destroys feelings of awe in me! WOW!
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail . com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
Thank you so much dr. Ramani. I studied bs psychology ten yrs ago but unfortunately i got sicked, i didn't finished it. Now i understand more what happened in me. I can tell that may father is narcissistic and my sister too.
They know how to behave around others but come home and make their spouse or significant others their punching bag. This is so hard because the general opinion is that they’re great people and you’re the problem and it’s difficult to find a compassionate ear.
Thank you so much for sharing all of this(!) I’ve watched many Dr R vids over last several years and I’m still learning new info from her . Many thanks for having her on and for y’all’s synergy - great questions
Sometimes the biggest clues are in ourselves. At the beginning, it might be an uneasy feeling or confusion. That weird sense that something is off without being able to put a finger on it. Later, it progresses as the knot in the stomach, silencing ourselves, not doing what we want to keep them happy, avoiding some subjects not to upset them. Doubting ourselves more and more. Finally, it blossoms into unexplained insomnia, nervousness or panic attack (amongst many other things). The signs in ourselves are as important as the red flags we're so desperate to identify but are so easy to miss.
Trying harder is a trap. Theyytell it also about your workplaces. You see the first days that you‘ve been fooled, the place is a total mess, they hired you to ve a scapegoat - and your family just says: Just try, try harder… do more. Sh-t.
That last bit...praise and blame come from the same energy. Yes for sure with a narcissist. It's all about judgement...their judgement. I felt continually judged by this man, even when he was saying good things. And yes, that "praise" was transactional. Mostly, it was him trying to prove that he was a good person and had SOME good thoughts about me. And at the time I didn't realize he was a narcissist but it still felt icky and off. Which of course made him and my mom (also narcissistic) roll their eyes and say I was impossible to please. But you KNOW when someone's insincere and judgy...you DO. Thanks for that part of the conversation. I'm glad y'all verbalized what I have lived. They had me convinced that there was something defective in ME for not responding appropriately to his praise. I was told I was impossible to love because I wouldn't receive love. But it wasn't love, was it. I have since learned that I can and do receive praise AND love when it's given from the right place. I'm not defective after all. Thank you to the friend who helped me learn this about myself (and probably doesn't even realize it).
Dr Ramani you've been a life saver..hearing you for over 4 years now..I realized life has become calmer n now I can foresee what's coming so am more prepared to go DEEP..Thank you from the bottom of my heart..I don't even feel lonely reading some of the comments..
So, if our whole culture has this casino mentality of, “Just try harder,” blah, blah…is that not facilitating more of this narcissistic behavior that we all abhor? It is really ok to call a spade a spade…call it for what it is! Accountability needs to come back in style, in my opinion.
They are walking unfinished childhood business covered with a one-way hard-shell arrogance appearing strong and mature but they are a trojan horse full of hidden insecurities and hidden tentacles that covertly suck from everyone around them.
Dr Romani and the young gentlemen thank you so much for giving me the tools and the answers about narcissism cuz I grew up in it as well I'm learning you know I'm not a perfect person I did my a lot of mistakes in my past yes but thank you so much for educating me even more narcissism because narcissism is not an easy road to deal with🎉🎉🎉🎉
I always LOVE your videos with Dr. Ramani. You ask her some very, very interesting questions. With the knowledge you have, you're able to draw out information about narcissistic behaviors/systems with her from a different perspectives better than in other interviews I've seen her do. The full version of this particular interview I have watched multiple times.
Yep. Calculating. But no human beeing has such s good memory to remember all lies. Eventually they get entirely lost in the labyrinth of their lies. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
My mother exhibited a lot of narcissistic behaviors. As a result, my childhood wasn't great, concerning my mother. In my latter 20's I remember asking myself is this the person you want to be? No, I didn't want to be a narcissist. It has taken me nearly 30 years to control that dark side, as I call it. Therapy has helped immensely. It is a conscious effort every single day to overcome those tendencies. By the grace of God it can be done. It is extremely difficult, but the narcissist can step back from those dark proclivities. My opinion. I'm not a therapist.
Always the Question of Empathy.. the true Narcisists have none.. so you cannot expect them to Build something like that.. you can Pick some ways to react from the Narcisist and to Talk to People.. but a true narcisist will Not Chance.. because they are the "intelligent" predator and the others are the "dumb" Prey.. so like I said, a true Narcisist has no empathy and will never change.. and they like the other Narcisist like themselves.. and will hate every Person with true empathy..
I, like him, used to be so interested in why the narcissist is like they are, as someone who grew up in a family who were all narcissists apart from my uncle who went no contact, but then I realised, I don't want to understand them, I just need to know enough about them to spot them so I can stay the hell away from them
I don't see society telling anybody to keep trying, in fact is quite the opposite, society nowadays encorage short term relationships, people basically discard others like if they don't matter at all because there's a lot of people to meet online and that's actually very narcissistic, we are living in a narcissistic society nowadays
Society encourages you to keep trying through online dating sites. It enables people to have short term relationships by telling them to just meet a new person on the dating sites
Yea its not the age of "anthropos" its the age of narcicissm. Though, capitalism is the problem. The system needs braindead customers who think that they can fill up the void insight them, by buying new/better/bigger things. Climate change is the biggest hint for me. Shitting on the future generations is the most narcisstic thing I can imagine.
I have watched many, many of Dr Ramani’s videos over the years but with this interview I got it!! I kept reverting to kindness and loyalty to my violent covert narcissistic husband of 36 years who now has behavioural frontotemporal dementia! He is even more self centred, nasty and demanding! I have ordered Dr Ramani’s book. Thank you Dr Ramani, you have set me free at last! 🥹☺️
I just left a relationship with a narcissist. The last week has been a Rollercoaster of self doubt and realizations. It's weird how free and trapped I feel leaving that situation. 15 years I put up with it, I saw the trauma that created it watching their mother and always wanted to be the strong person who supported them. You can probably guess how that turned out. Thank you for the videos, they are very validating as I work through the scars of the gaslighting.
true, but it is a parents job to save an innocent child that is caught in the crossfire... thats what keeps me in, i am a male with a narcissist female, btw
16:20 I'm not sure if it's because of my childhood (or partly just because I'm a man and no one compliments men) but when someone comes at me with praise and/or compliments, my immediate thought is: "What does this person want from me, and do I want them to have it?". Makes me pretty narcissist-proof.
So right. I realized I know who I am. I have all the friends and good family for a reason. Once I told him that I don’t care what he feels he knows, or thinks of me or expects of me. I’m not indulging in this way of life. What he got is that I don’t Care! See, that’s why he’s so upset, I don’t care about the relationship and that’s why he’s right to argue these issues with me. I laughed. He sulked for two days and then lightened up; until the next time. I’m sure he’s building up a whole case against me. But as I told him, he’s pushed me out the door. So nothing will shock me.
yeah, I tried to love a covert narc friend (We are married to brothers so were 'best friends' for more than half my life) to help her dev kindness, thoughtfulness, etc over the last 30 years. Partly because of my trauma wound, partly because of my religious training. Unconditional love will lead the way.... right? Ha, nope. I struggled w/ cancer this year and she just couldn't be kind to me. constantly made negative comments to me, gaslit me. When I said, I don't feel well, she replied, you dwell on it to much. I finally got the clarity to see what was happening and sent her the "kiss off, I deserve better" text. blocked her on every platform. blocked her phone after she and her husband both butt dialed me and left the phone line open. Now Im working on training my brain to not revisit the angst that I feel towards them. Its over. I feel amazing freedom now.
my narcissist validates himself by the amount of praise he gives to certain people. virtue signaling. it's what you're supposed to do is why he does it not out of any natural apreciation.
I was raised to be responsible for both my mother and father's problems I'm 47 years old I had a heart attack at 42. Both my parents had awful childhood abuse. My mother is almost my daughter. I feel ripped off with my life being about my parents. I'm trying to heal and do what's right for me however I still take care of my mother because although she's a narcissist she's innocent where my father I feel is calculated. I still love them both because I feel sad of the abuse they both went through. I've tried no contact and I've put distance, but I'm still supporting them. Might point is if we know they are narcissists because of their suffering then why do we cut them out? If someone is born with no legs we can see their inability to walk but if they are born into cruel abuse and suffer mentally and emotionally we can't see the inability to function. Why are we abandoning the injured? I'm stuck here.
They want to take your soul your dignity your$ your selfesteem everything you have. Everyone i have ever come across is the same they all come to the devaluation phase and the smear campaign . Unhappy souls they have a hole in their glass that no matter what is poured in it pours out faster than it can be filled.
They get irritated that you're hurt. My family member, to a tee. Many charming narcissists are also surrounded and buoyed by family and systems, making it harder to see and separate from.
I totally disagree with the gambling analogy. I agree that life and love is a gamble, but you have agency and have already won the lottery just by the miracle of being born a human on the only know planet full of life in this solar system. And we have to learn to get along as best we can. So please don’t give up, I’m interested in her work, but she has a bit of a negative slant. You have life, but nothing is guaranteed except death and change, so you might as well do the best you can because it’s your one and only life and no one can live it for you. Good luck 🍀 and God bless ✝️
The narc praises you to hoover you back in when they think you may be seeing through their mask or feeling like leaving the relationship. Then no more praise until the next time they perceive you may be waking up to the abuse. Dr. Ramani is right that otherwise it's all blame. 99% of the time.
My narc cant take care of himself literally. My freedom means putting him on the street with bladder cancer he wont go to the doctor about. I can’t take responsibility anymore. This is so hard. Hes evil and mean.
When they first meet you they start that sand glass timer running because the end of the relationship is guaranteed. They make you believe they are an angel come to rescue you , love you , support you , make all your dreams come true and be your best friend and companion. In truth it's more likely YOU are their guardian angel come to rescue them. You can spend years, even a lifetime on that thankless assignment. It takes a lot of pain and repeated cycles of disappointment and failures before your wings become so clipped and torn out you have to leave them to their destiny.
10:11 can narcissists stop being narcissistic can they change? Very rare, Ramani has never seen it. And it’s not another adult’s responsibility to change them. Perhaps if the N has some flexibility in their personality. N’s personalities are like cement.
Narcissists are out. Envy, envy, envy. And then hate. And no wonder. Selfhaters will always hate every living thing. Abuse everything they can touch. Children, animals, plants. And if there is nothing living around them, they'll destroy the chairs ... everything that they can breake.
Cool video, My relationship of 6 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
This video set off something in your emotions. Stay strong! Yes, you can have love and strong emotions for a narc, but it is very unhealthy for you to be in a relationship with one. Yes, it hurts and you miss them! You will heal. It will get easier. Do not return!
When I would suggest that it might be best for me to leave the relationship, which would be me moving back to my hometown, he would say "go back on top". Suggesting that I needed to put more into the casino to win when really he just hadn't destroyed me enough.
Dr. Ramani has given me more tools in 5 months of her videos and her book than a lifetime of therapy for depression, anxiety and PTSS.
Yes! It is called wisdom. Not everyone has the wisdom to help
For additional perspectives and spins on this wealth of knowledge try Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon. Equally fascinating and accurate. Sam is extremely high-brow and scholarly and Richard delivers his wisdom in a much more down to Earth fashion.
Some people have the incredible gift of clarity and accessibility with all the healing virtue without having to use 20 acronyns like CBT. Thankfully!!!
@@pollydeegoltche4900Thx for the resources!!!
She's an amazing teacher💖💖💖
A lot of people have emotional wounds and childhood traumas that weren't their fault, but healing is *still* their responsibility.
powerful comment
and the victims from narcissistic parents or narcissistic family will be the prey for other narcissist out of their own hell family. OMG.... It is the vicious circle.
So true! The good news is that today there are so many tools available that weren't available to previous generations. When we take responsibility for our own healing we're no longer victims.
More of a reason why they should feel other people's pain. They should work on getting therapy so they can stop hurting people.
Amen, we need to ALWAYS take responsibility or WE will repeat the cycle of those that abused us.
The fact that they don't care is mind-boggling. Evil to the core.
"Gaslighting meets future faking. Welcome to narcissism." 🔥 They deny deny deny.
Which book is it? Please tell me.
But you can’t. You have to fess up to all their accusations. Bizarre ones!
@@laneneal3510I always get the brunt of his anger if I refuse to accept his false accusations and won’t apologize for something I did not do
Being with a narcissist is like being on a never-ending roller coaster. You gotta hop off, then shut the power down. For good.
So true!
Trust your gut. That knot that you always have in the pit of your stomach. The overthinking you have to do about every conversation or interaction. The thinking through how you’re going to have a conversation to get them to notice you or understand you… All of it is not normal. They will tell you that you’re overreacting or dramatic. They will tell you that you’re being overly sensitive… But you’re spot on.
Give yourself time to analyze and unpack the turmoil/living hell you lived in, but don’t live in the analyzing . I continued, and still continue, to realize… Oh… So this was all part of the narcissism too… it is so deep and sick that you could spend the rest of your life analyzing and unpacking it. You have to give your thinking some boundaries. I actually had to set a timer and tell myself… OK you get an hour to think about this today and then you’re doing what is on your agenda. Oh… and… make yourself an agenda or list and DO IT …. Sometimes I had to force myself just to brush my teeth and get a shower… But you must stick to some sort of schedule.
Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. I couldn’t get over the 23 years I had wasted. I couldn’t stop beating myself up for not being smarter and stronger quicker. I had to remind myself that I was the perfect match. As an only child of older parents, I was younger when they died and I had no family. His family became my family and he knew he had me. I had to remember my intentions were good and decent and God will honor what I did. I wanted to keep the family together and believe that no one could be as evil as his actions were showing me.
Make safe changes. You don’t want to make big changes like changing jobs or moving across the country, although there are people that have no choice and have to do this. But make small changes like your hair color. Drive a different way to work. Wear a different style.
As much as possible… spoil yourself. Do what you need to make yourself feel pretty or handsome. Order the decadent chocolate cake.
Never feel ashamed. I remember that some people treated me like I was that homeless person that they felt sorry for but if they didn’t look it would all go away. I was embarrassed and ashamed. The beautiful part about it is I found out who really does care about me. You don’t have to have a lot of blood relatives to have family. You will find the people that mean the most; There will be loyal friends who you can let yourself be raw with… let it happen.
Do no start looking for a relationship! I initially remember feeling as though I had to go out with people to feel desirable and flattered. I was in no way ready to be a partner to anyone until I could tell myself “You still got it girl!” and really believe it.
NEVER look back or second guess yourself! It will never get better if you go back. And they will try to get you back. There’s never break up with a narcissist. As long as you allow it, they will continually try to get in touch with you and lead up to begging you to come back. It feels flattering but it is empty and meaningless. My ex-husband who ended up with a very young girl who has emotional and mental problems (I was her mentor in our church) has recently tried to ask me to give him just “one more chance” 5 days after the girl broke up with him. Every single time he did this In the past, The forgive me speech and crying was the same and his behavior was even worse with each time I went back. This is an addiction for you.. not love and addiction is hard to kick. Speaking of addiction… be careful not to pick up any others … pills, alcohol, shopping
Train your thoughts. Don’t let the tail wag the dog. When you start to go down that path of negative thoughts and telling yourself life is going to be forever gloom and doom, remember that being apart from this monster is THE BEGINNING of a new life and the pain will lift.
You were more alone and in danger with them than away from them. That’s it… buoy…. Ya!
Take care of yourself. This healing needs all the healthy habits you can muster. When you’re feeling as though you’re having a strong moment, and you will see a pattern of times that you feel a bit stronger, pre-plan meals so that when you’re feeling really bad all you have to do is get in the refrigerator and heat something up. Put toothpaste on the brush so all you have to do is pick it up. Take melatonin to get rest. Take vitamins/supplements.
NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT…. Forever… you are doing this to heal not to get a reaction out of them or try to get them to love you.
Keep talking to other survivors and remember that you are just that… A SURVIVOR. There will come a day that you will be helping others.
Never feel bad for them. My ex-husband‘s mask has finally come off and he can’t keep the façade up anymore. It is pathetic. My adult children know not to discuss what is going on with him with me and I don’t ask. Don’t ask!!! They will look for every opportunity to tug on your heartstrings.
Don’t wallow in thinking they are happy. They are desperately unhappy. They will never be happy and will delight in any weakness they see in you, so again…. ZERO ZILCH CONTACT or GRAY ROCK flat, noncommittal tone with as few words as possible.
Count your blessings I remember looking at everybody around me and thinking how happy and lucky everybody else looked. Everybody has stuff going on. Yours is just super big at the moment. So look for blessings . I thanked God for little things that weren’t so little… a job close to home, my frig worked, I didn’t catch a cold from my first grade class (again.. take care of yourself). Some days it seemed ludicrous that there was a blessing, but sometimes the blessings were the things God Prevented from happening.
Keep track of your progress. Three years away from my husband, looking back at my journey, I cannot believe how far God has brought me. You will be a new, better version of you if you don’t let the tail wag the dog.
Knowledge is power. Read everything you can about this but again… Set boundaries for yourself… don’t stay stuck
Boundaries boundaries boundaries I started to realize that I didn’t have boundaries set for myself at all. It was easy for people to tell me the way it was going to be and just assume that it would just be that way without me standing up for myself. Find confidence in putting your needs and emotional health first. You are not being selfish.
Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: MetaspyClubLLC@gmail. com
Narcissist term is overused, and i suspect most calling others a narc are too proud to admit that they maybe the narc or too narcissistic to recognize it.
@@fitnesspoint2006 narcissist is also misused to mean someone who cares a lot about themselves or self-centered. Most of that use is not even the same as what's talked about here. But most people who are here are because they had or have a very toxic relationship and are looking for answers. Those people slowly learn how to truly identify a narc.
@@CarolinaFlorezCoaching the answer they are likely toxic and a bit narc themselves.
@@fitnesspoint2006 everyone has toxic traits or toxic moments, it doesn't mean they are toxic themselves unless you are talking about someone who easily calls anyone a narc. But saying this as a rule for anyone who ever calls someone narc is dangerous, but that's all I'll say about this.
@@CarolinaFlorezCoaching Carl Jung - "we despise in others what we menifest ourselves, the shadow..."
I find the biggest sign is a push pull dynamic.. they pull you in so they can ignore you.. as soon as I see this with ANYONE.. I run!
Yes. The covert-narcissist I know pulls you in by almost inviting you to have a different view to theirs, and as soon as you express that view (even though your view is likely to be the more rational one than their victim mentality fuelled, blame-shifting, drama-fest), they pounce on you.
Yes!!! It's the push and pull cycle. Now that I know, I absolutely refuse to play that game with anyone!
It doesn’t work with me bc I like isolation. If I didn’t work I would have been a hermit. I have many lovely friends and a good family. My mom was a narc and ruled,so no surprise I gravitated to that. So he follows me around poking the bear. I don’t play. Soon he settles and sweeps it under the rug and out comes the love bomber. It’s laughable really. So obvious
@tammystours5171 This is what happened on the first date with the narcissist in my life. He picked me up one evening and we went to the movies. I was ghosted for two weeks after he gave me his phone number. It should have been the first red flag, but it wasn't because I had never experienced a relationship with a man before him.
But push and pull dynamics don‘t always indicate narcissism; in fact, narcissists create this cycle intentionally to destabilize others. However, some people having a disorganized attachmentstyle for example. These individuals genuinely suffer, have no bad intentions and dont manipulate. They often go through many relationships in their lives before breaking this pattern. In the process they may break many hearts - including their own - several times.
Dr. Ramani saved my life 5 years ago when I did not know what I was dealing with.
Subscribe to her channel
@@boohere2This is his or her choice!
It is never enough for them. They want more and more and more. Then they pick you apart.
Yes it's never enough nor is it ever good enough!!
I needed to hear this today. I am completely exhausted from dealing with family members who are narcissists and BPD. I feel used up and taken advantage of because that is what has happened. Now that I have set in place firm boundaries, I find myself cutoff because they have no use for me now that I am no longer their checkbook and personal punching bag. It just hurts.
I am a big fan of Dr. Ramani! Thanks for having her on your show!
100%! The two that used to be in my life were capable of moments of joy, or "high's" in their life, but it never lasted. The deep contentment that comes with true satisfaction and happiness is something they will never know. Very sad people.
Dr Ramani you are Godsend. You've saved so many who had dealt with narcissistics for years without knowing it.m
I follow Dr Ramani almost religiously. In almost every interview there's a desire to understand the narcissistic person. I find this fascinating. Thank you Dr Ramani for the work you do to support those of us who have been harmed by narcissistic people.
I agree. I think it's fascinating because we're fascinated by the dark qualities of narcissism. Spooky but fascinating.
I can really relate when she speaks of narcissist missing human experiences - I naively tried to help my ex husband by connecting with nature by doing activities like Bush walking, etc however he couldn't and would then try to punish me for it seeming to become more toxic. He really couldn't experience the beauty around him
Once, there was literally a small parade coming down the street near my house. I could clearly see the entire performance from my front porch. It was like a high school marching band celebrating it's homecoming week. It was fun for me seeing the kids and hearing the band. They were adorable! I asked the narc (my now ex) to come to the front door to see the school parade. He refused, saying, "I've seen enough parades in my life!". Lord knows that man tried to dim the light on anything that brought a smile to my face!
Same with my exm miserable sob who made my life hell
@@morganadavies8319 neither the marching band examples count as narcissistoc traits, sounds like you guys were trying to force someone todo something they didnt want todo. you guys sound like the narcs trying to use a benign "parade" as an example to prove you are innocent in your interactions with the supposed toxic person.
The brief mention of future faking is potent, there could be a whole segment just in this!
Part of future faking that is hard to detect is the narcissist is a type of chameleon.
They sense how they need to morph to gain your attention and favor.
Once we’re looking back to dissect what the heck happened we can more easily see it, but to be able to be aware initially is crucial to be able to trust ourselves again.
Yes, in MY experience, they even TELL you that they don't care! They really do NOT!
Narcissists often get worse with age and sometimes this leads to violence. Narcissists can become dangerous, especially if deprived of the supply they crave.
Well they always find a 2 suppliers who don't meet there needs very long cause Remer were groomed and declined are own emotions, health,to meet all there's so they absolutely will cut you off when they choose and your left no fiends no money you cut off your family all but calls here and there cause in there head the conversation is all about them So they say call my aunt call my sister😅 yeah now your in the middle with his family cause they already know what's going on how hard this person is to deal with so no you look like a Narc and recruiting flying monkey yes this video awareness is so important ❤
The most common mood a narcissist has is rage. They are constantly angry.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail . com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
@thompsonlauren1004 That narcissistic rage is so damaging to one's self-esteem.
Dr. Ramani, you're a life saver all over the world. Please keep doing this fabulous job. Be safe and sound.
You taught me more in these 16 mins, than I learned in all the years I tried to find a solution for my son's behavior. There is no solution. His dad left and he took that to mean his dad did not love him and he has spent his entire life in destruction mode and I took the brunt of it. Years of therapy, nothing changed. The behaviors only got worse and worse as time went on. The only I reason made it is because my faith in God kept me going, these last four years being the worst of it. As I see it, in his mind, because he was hurt and still hurting he is now entitled to hurt everyone else. Never did he or has he taken any responsibility for the pain he has caused anyone, because no, it wasn't just me. He has hurt many people, animals. I was not the first. I came under attack when school started and I attempted to correct his inappropriate behaviors. How dare I suggest there was another way to look at things. That would mean he was wrong and he is never wrong... he was wronged! It is an extremely dysfunctional mindset and I feel sorry for him, but he is an adult now and is completely responsible for his own choices, including the choice not to do anything to help himself and to blame everyone else instead so I let go and am now remaking my life, at peace. We all get hurt. Our pain does not entitle us to then turn around and intentionally hurt others , destroy property and be habitually lying and making up stories and that is what he does and he has been doing that since the age of four when his dad left. I will always love him, but he is deeply entrenched in "ME" mode and incapable of thinking of anyone else but himself. As a parent that is a really hard thing to accept, but sometimes you just need to hand things over to God and that's where I've placed him.
@@rebeccanatal1435 that sounds like sociopathy, not narcissism. Animals? That's how it starts.
Don’t waste your time trying to figure out why they are the way they are or when things changed . You will waste your life and suffer deeply while they toy with you. Put firm boundaries stick to them and hold them accountable , cut off conversations when they start the gaslight and they will remove themselves . Byyyyeeeeeee
Yup, that's my nex. New house, he'd be happy a few weeks, then back to look at other houses and being jealous of others. Same with new baby, new car, job promotion etc. It was exhausting.
And I'm the same, love the garden birds and insects, he just couldn't get it. He couldn't even get it with cats and dogs.
Get out, stay out it's not worth it trust me it's not worth it. They'll affect you far more and eventually ruin your life. That's all a narcissist wants from you, your complete downfall and ruined life.
Dr. Ramani has saved my life❤
Same here ❤
13:00 when in a relationship with a covert narcissist trying to 'fix' them, I heard someone on tv talking about people who were troubled say "we have to love them until they can love themselves" I made this my mantra and felt it gave me permission to stay in the fight for him. Big mistake.
The end was unexpected 😅
Big mistake... Trust me... Been there done that.... Never ever again.. waste of time and energy....
@@letitiasd586 I learned the hard way. 20+ years staying in the fight left me mentally and emotionally battered and bruised. I finally woke up and realized I was never going to win. No contact almost 3 months and counting!!!
My Mom most likely has HPD with narcissistic tendencies. She was abusive when I was growing up. I stayed away from her as an adult for a long time. She started doing a Course in Miracles due to other problems, started praying a lot. Apparently during every session, God kept telling her she needed to amend things with her oldest daughter. Apparently it got louder and louder for months until she had to come talk to me. She asked me about my experience. I was reluctant to answer at first, but then she explained and was persistent. So we talked about it. She wholly apologized, pledged to treat me better, told me she loved me… I was astounded. I never thought in a million years this would happen. It really was a miracle. Five years later, she’s been consistent. She has to work at it every day, do ACIM in the morning every day. When I’m around I see her go to say something manipulative she would have in the past, then stop herself. She’s done a ton of work trying to heal her own wounds so she can be better. It seemed impossible but I’m so proud of her. I still have a ton of damage to work through, but it’s been a miraculous experience.
I think this is unusual for a narcissist to develop insight and you are lucky
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Bot
A unicorn.
This is 1 in a trillion. Most narcissists will never acknowledge that they have a problem, seek help or change-- EVER. Because they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them & never will. Get out while you can & go no contact.
Excellent content. Helpful.
Luvvv Dr. Ramani’s comedic flair when it comes to these topics where personal historical crying has been involved. Soothes and heals; fank youuuu!
God reward you, Andrew, and all here who want to heal, grow and be whole
when my ex narc friend was withholding even normal conversations and I tried to discuss it one last time with her to give her a chance to explain herself on the situation, I just could see it on her that she didn't care how I felt. She looked rather pleased about what she has been doing and still had the nerve to gaslight me that everything's fine and that she still cares about me... her fake words hit me like mud.
This was such an excellent overview on the topic. Thank you!
This is the best video on narcissists so far! Dr.Ramani and you are a great team, looking forward to more of these conversations. I've been educating myself on a narcissism for a year now actively almost every day and this basically sums it all up, well done!
Today I just realized I am engaged to a narcissist… and now I know why I am physically sick, struggling & depressed. He is devoid of empathy
Do not marry this man!
GET OUT ASAP !!!!!
If it is just engagement...then what are you waiting for...just away from him
I hope you have left them!!
So, what are you going to do now?
I love this lady. Such an educator on this subject!
I married one & oh the misery they can bring he is never wrong the issues are too many to go into if he dies I will never ever consider marriage again I am so done but I do have to say there were warning signs but I always thought I could help him see the light .....no you can't!!
My husband would treat everyone with respect and dignity, charming, a great hostess, and then would come home and mentally and verbally and financially abuse me she hit it right on point blows my mind
I've always tried to share my sense of awe with narcissists. They didn't want to share my sense of awe about anything.They wanted to take away my sense of awe away from me! I 'm so happy this video taught me the concept of how a narcissist destroys feelings of awe in me! WOW!
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail . com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
You just might be my doppleganger brother. We have almost an identical story
This is an advertisement! When I see a long comment I always scroll to the end first to see if there's an @ Don't waste my time reading.
That's some great dedication for an Ad @@sbella6719
Thank you so much dr. Ramani. I studied bs psychology ten yrs ago but unfortunately i got sicked, i didn't finished it. Now i understand more what happened in me. I can tell that may father is narcissistic and my sister too.
❤❤ 22 ❤❤ CRAZZZZY MAKING NARCS R DEADLY 😢
to humanity in generally causing humans to hate them all plus other humans too
They know how to behave around others but come home and make their spouse or significant others their punching bag.
This is so hard because the general opinion is that they’re great people and you’re the problem and it’s difficult to find a compassionate ear.
I’ve been watching Dr Ramani for years. She is wildly intelligent and I’ve learned A LOT about NPD from her.
Thank you so much for sharing all of this(!)
I’ve watched many Dr R vids over last several years and I’m still learning new info from her . Many thanks for having her on and for y’all’s synergy - great questions
Sometimes the biggest clues are in ourselves. At the beginning, it might be an uneasy feeling or confusion. That weird sense that something is off without being able to put a finger on it. Later, it progresses as the knot in the stomach, silencing ourselves, not doing what we want to keep them happy, avoiding some subjects not to upset them. Doubting ourselves more and more. Finally, it blossoms into unexplained insomnia, nervousness or panic attack (amongst many other things). The signs in ourselves are as important as the red flags we're so desperate to identify but are so easy to miss.
Excellent analogy about the casino and slot machine.
Trying harder is a trap. Theyytell it also about your workplaces. You see the first days that you‘ve been fooled, the place is a total mess, they hired you to ve a scapegoat - and your family just says: Just try, try harder… do more.
Sh-t.
I am so sorry imagining this woman at a celebrity event with a lot of narcissists has me rolling on the floor 😂😂😂😂😂💀💀💀💀💀
That last bit...praise and blame come from the same energy. Yes for sure with a narcissist. It's all about judgement...their judgement. I felt continually judged by this man, even when he was saying good things. And yes, that "praise" was transactional. Mostly, it was him trying to prove that he was a good person and had SOME good thoughts about me. And at the time I didn't realize he was a narcissist but it still felt icky and off. Which of course made him and my mom (also narcissistic) roll their eyes and say I was impossible to please. But you KNOW when someone's insincere and judgy...you DO. Thanks for that part of the conversation. I'm glad y'all verbalized what I have lived. They had me convinced that there was something defective in ME for not responding appropriately to his praise. I was told I was impossible to love because I wouldn't receive love. But it wasn't love, was it. I have since learned that I can and do receive praise AND love when it's given from the right place. I'm not defective after all. Thank you to the friend who helped me learn this about myself (and probably doesn't even realize it).
For everyone reading this, finding the banned book called “the hidden herbs” by anette ray should be your top priority
heard about it before, thanks for sharing!
read it a few days ago, its great
started reading it yesterday too
that book turned everything around for me
I finished that book 2 weeks ago and I can say that is amazing book. Would also recommend it.
Dr Ramani you've been a life saver..hearing you for over 4 years now..I realized life has become calmer n now I can foresee what's coming so am more prepared to go DEEP..Thank you from the bottom of my heart..I don't even feel lonely reading some of the comments..
She’s so knowledgeable! Sooo good. Lots of great info
So, if our whole culture has this casino mentality of, “Just try harder,” blah, blah…is that not facilitating more of this narcissistic behavior that we all abhor? It is really ok to call a spade a spade…call it for what it is! Accountability needs to come back in style, in my opinion.
They are walking unfinished childhood business covered with a one-way hard-shell arrogance appearing strong and mature but they are a trojan horse full of hidden insecurities and hidden tentacles that covertly suck from everyone around them.
Dr Romani and the young gentlemen thank you so much for giving me the tools and the answers about narcissism cuz I grew up in it as well I'm learning you know I'm not a perfect person I did my a lot of mistakes in my past yes but thank you so much for educating me even more narcissism because narcissism is not an easy road to deal with🎉🎉🎉🎉
i know Narcissists who are very unsuccessful tbh. just because someone is evil and manipulative, doesnt mean theyre always smart. lol.
Power Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏👑
I always LOVE your videos with Dr. Ramani. You ask her some very, very interesting questions. With the knowledge you have, you're able to draw out information about narcissistic behaviors/systems with her from a different perspectives better than in other interviews I've seen her do. The full version of this particular interview I have watched multiple times.
Yep. Calculating. But no human beeing has such s good memory to remember all lies. Eventually they get entirely lost in the labyrinth of their lies. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
My mother exhibited a lot of narcissistic behaviors. As a result, my childhood wasn't great, concerning my mother. In my latter 20's I remember asking myself is this the person you want to be? No, I didn't want to be a narcissist. It has taken me nearly 30 years to control that dark side, as I call it. Therapy has helped immensely. It is a conscious effort every single day to overcome those tendencies. By the grace of God it can be done. It is extremely difficult, but the narcissist can step back from those dark proclivities. My opinion. I'm not a therapist.
Same here one day at a time
Always the Question of Empathy.. the true Narcisists have none.. so you cannot expect them to Build something like that.. you can Pick some ways to react from the Narcisist and to Talk to People.. but a true narcisist will Not Chance.. because they are the "intelligent" predator and the others are the "dumb" Prey.. so like I said, a true Narcisist has no empathy and will never change.. and they like the other Narcisist like themselves.. and will hate every Person with true empathy..
Brilliantly explained dr Ramani ❤ thank you 🙏
My nex was apparently an angel child, and his brother was the devil - the brother is the scapegoat and he was a narc.
Likewise with me and my brother
I just went through this yesterday. I'm no contact from here on in with that dude!
4:02 “at a celebrity event once,many many narcissistic people”😂
Thank you so much, Doctor Romani 🙏✝️❤️
I, like him, used to be so interested in why the narcissist is like they are, as someone who grew up in a family who were all narcissists apart from my uncle who went no contact, but then I realised, I don't want to understand them, I just need to know enough about them to spot them so I can stay the hell away from them
Love this woman and her truth telling ❤
These are very valuable sessions!
This is so true 🙏Thank you Dr. Ramani
I don't see society telling anybody to keep trying, in fact is quite the opposite, society nowadays encorage short term relationships, people basically discard others like if they don't matter at all because there's a lot of people to meet online and that's actually very narcissistic, we are living in a narcissistic society nowadays
Society encourages you to keep trying through online dating sites. It enables people to have short term relationships by telling them to just meet a new person on the dating sites
Yea its not the age of "anthropos" its the age of narcicissm.
Though, capitalism is the problem. The system needs braindead customers who think that they can fill up the void insight them, by buying new/better/bigger things.
Climate change is the biggest hint for me. Shitting on the future generations is the most narcisstic thing I can imagine.
@@user-zp8vk8ei5h lmao, have u been to an online dating site lately, there are probably more narcissistic people there than anywhere else😂😂😂
The "praise" STOPS when you're stuck -- trapped like a rat...
I have watched many, many of Dr Ramani’s videos over the years but with this interview I got it!! I kept reverting to kindness and loyalty to my violent covert narcissistic husband of 36 years who now has behavioural frontotemporal dementia! He is even more self centred, nasty and demanding! I have ordered Dr Ramani’s book. Thank you Dr Ramani, you have set me free at last! 🥹☺️
Damn.... kinda opened my eyes to what I thought i was seeing. 20 years. 😢
I knew she wondered , my empathy felt it absorbing My energy gave her too much 😒
I just left a relationship with a narcissist. The last week has been a Rollercoaster of self doubt and realizations. It's weird how free and trapped I feel leaving that situation.
15 years I put up with it, I saw the trauma that created it watching their mother and always wanted to be the strong person who supported them. You can probably guess how that turned out.
Thank you for the videos, they are very validating as I work through the scars of the gaslighting.
It is no adult's responsibility to save another adult. 🔥❤️
true, but it is a parents job to save an innocent child that is caught in the crossfire... thats what keeps me in, i am a male with a narcissist female, btw
Immaculate explanations♥️♥️♥️
This is golden info. Thank you
Mine was Dangerous! Refused me Emergency med care (broke kneecap hiking w/him, broke rib & wrist, slipped on ice) just refused. ER doc was pissed
You can receive a core wound as an adult too.
16:20 I'm not sure if it's because of my childhood (or partly just because I'm a man and no one compliments men) but when someone comes at me with praise and/or compliments, my immediate thought is: "What does this person want from me, and do I want them to have it?".
Makes me pretty narcissist-proof.
So right. I realized I know who I am. I have all the friends and good family for a reason. Once I told him that I don’t care what he feels he knows, or thinks of me or expects of me. I’m not indulging in this way of life. What he got is that I don’t Care! See, that’s why he’s so upset, I don’t care about the relationship and that’s why he’s right to argue these issues with me. I laughed. He sulked for two days and then lightened up; until the next time. I’m sure he’s building up a whole case against me. But as I told him, he’s pushed me out the door. So nothing will shock me.
Good comparison thanks
The goal of a Casino is "to spot unusually lucky" people ;) Started on the Mississippi river.
yeah, I tried to love a covert narc friend (We are married to brothers so were 'best friends' for more than half my life) to help her dev kindness, thoughtfulness, etc over the last 30 years. Partly because of my trauma wound, partly because of my religious training. Unconditional love will lead the way.... right? Ha, nope. I struggled w/ cancer this year and she just couldn't be kind to me. constantly made negative comments to me, gaslit me. When I said, I don't feel well, she replied, you dwell on it to much. I finally got the clarity to see what was happening and sent her the "kiss off, I deserve better" text. blocked her on every platform. blocked her phone after she and her husband both butt dialed me and left the phone line open. Now Im working on training my brain to not revisit the angst that I feel towards them. Its over. I feel amazing freedom now.
Controlling reactions, information, and emotions is essential for dealing with narcissists.
Your 100% correct--just ask my Ex
my narcissist validates himself by the amount of praise he gives to certain people. virtue signaling. it's what you're supposed to do is why he does it not out of any natural apreciation.
I was raised to be responsible for both my mother and father's problems I'm 47 years old I had a heart attack at 42. Both my parents had awful childhood abuse. My mother is almost my daughter. I feel ripped off with my life being about my parents. I'm trying to heal and do what's right for me however I still take care of my mother because although she's a narcissist she's innocent where my father I feel is calculated. I still love them both because I feel sad of the abuse they both went through. I've tried no contact and I've put distance, but I'm still supporting them. Might point is if we know they are narcissists because of their suffering then why do we cut them out? If someone is born with no legs we can see their inability to walk but if they are born into cruel abuse and suffer mentally and emotionally we can't see the inability to function. Why are we abandoning the injured? I'm stuck here.
They want to take your soul your dignity your$ your selfesteem everything you have.
Everyone i have ever come across is the same they all come to the devaluation phase and the smear campaign .
Unhappy souls they have a hole in their glass that no matter what is poured in it pours out faster than it can be filled.
They get irritated that you're hurt. My family member, to a tee. Many charming narcissists are also surrounded and buoyed by family and systems, making it harder to see and separate from.
I totally disagree with the gambling analogy. I agree that life and love is a gamble, but you have agency and have already won the lottery just by the miracle of being born a human on the only know planet full of life in this solar system. And we have to learn to get along as best we can. So please don’t give up, I’m interested in her work, but she has a bit of a negative slant. You have life, but nothing is guaranteed except death and change, so you might as well do the best you can because it’s your one and only life and no one can live it for you. Good luck 🍀 and God bless ✝️
The narc praises you to hoover you back in when they think you may be seeing through their mask or feeling like leaving the relationship. Then no more praise until the next time they perceive you may be waking up to the abuse. Dr. Ramani is right that otherwise it's all blame. 99% of the time.
My narc cant take care of himself literally. My freedom means putting him on the street with bladder cancer he wont go to the doctor about. I can’t take responsibility anymore. This is so hard. Hes evil and mean.
It's wrong to say these people are wounded. That guilt shames partners to stay under the illusion that we can fix them, and we can't.
When they first meet you they start that sand glass timer running because the end of the relationship is guaranteed. They make you believe they are an angel come to rescue you , love you , support you , make all your dreams come true and be your best friend and companion. In truth it's more likely YOU are their
guardian angel come to rescue them. You can spend years, even a lifetime on that thankless assignment. It
takes a lot of pain and repeated cycles of disappointment and failures before your wings become so clipped and torn out you have to leave them to their destiny.
10:11 can narcissists stop being narcissistic can they change? Very rare, Ramani has never seen it. And it’s not another adult’s responsibility to change them. Perhaps if the N has some flexibility in their personality. N’s personalities are like cement.
Narcissists are out. Envy, envy, envy. And then hate. And no wonder. Selfhaters will always hate every living thing. Abuse everything they can touch. Children, animals, plants. And if there is nothing living around them, they'll destroy the chairs ... everything that they can breake.
Cool video, My relationship of 6 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him
This video set off something in your emotions. Stay strong! Yes, you can have love and strong emotions for a narc, but it is very unhealthy for you to be in a relationship with one. Yes, it hurts and you miss them! You will heal. It will get easier. Do not return!
When I would suggest that it might be best for me to leave the relationship, which would be me moving back to my hometown, he would say "go back on top". Suggesting that I needed to put more into the casino to win when really he just hadn't destroyed me enough.