Thank you Dr Ramani. I've just ordered your book. I escaped 4 years ago and had to go it completely alone in a new country. I'm still terrified of leaving the house, I trust no-one, and I still spend my days either crying, sleeping or wishing I would fall asleep and not wake up. My only reason to live has been to care for my pets. With the use of additional self help and self care, I hope that your book can provide further knowledge and tools to help me heal and provide myself with at least some quality of life. 🙏
I'm with u 💯 Keep being strong, and you are! I always felt weak til I was told by someone on the outside looking in that told me I'm so strong and I survived such immense trauma. U hv too, and u ARE STRONG! Like DR. RAMANI said, everytime we heal from narcissistic abuse, we make the world better. I've also learned to use all the knowledge that I've learned from Dr. R and research on narcissism, to help others that are or were in our situation. Maybe u can be that blessing to others as well. Ty for being brave enough to share what you did, and I'm praying 🙏 for ur healing.
🌿🌺 Exactly sis, it's almost a parallel universe over here. I believe everything you wrote, it's our life, we do have eachother one way or another. Yesterday a woman thought I was being followed and said: "We watch and help our sisters!". Exactly this is written within my soul. Please take care, we need eachother. Something like it's a cure to disease to be kind, that's how you extinguish evil. I knew this when I was a child and then got corrupted. So much has happened, shakes your core. It's guiding back, calling us, remember. It's like I went into a trance like state almost just now, I've been holding back and bottling up... No more. No more fear. May The Almighty Creator guide us, may His Light extinguish the evil wickedness, ameen. ☝🏽💖🌌💫
My mother used to say to me " it's not them, it's you" when I complained that people were mistreating me. I am over it now and finally narcissist free. I am 70 years old and it took me a long time. The last people I let go of were my siblings a few years ago. During the early pandemic i realized there was no hope of having a reciprocal relationship with them.
You didn’t deserve this and I hope you know that. Can I ask what you would do differently if you were younger when you first learned about narcissistic abuse? I don’t want anyone to take offense to me saying this but I don’t want to be 70 and still doing this I didn’t even want to be my age and still doing this.
@@Mylifewithanarcissist I was attracted to exciting people instead of nice people. IDK if I could have changed but I should have chosen people who were nice to me. I didn't really understand nacissists until a few years ago. The narcisists in my life were not extreme but looking back they were very annoying and caused me a lot of anxiety. The pandemic exaggerated the behavior of my sibs. I am much more relaxed and anxiety free now.
I forgave but I had to leave. It was way to painful to be surrounded by people who were more than happy to put me down and tell everyone how awful I was. I have been alone for many years and only have contact with a few trusted people. I am doing well, but I am getting to the stage where I want to make new friends but I do not want to get close to anyone who shows signs of narc behavior. Wish me luck!
I forgave and he BETRAYED me again in multiple ways. I continue to suffer from the financial deciet, theft, lies. I am older , cannot work and lost so much. I regret forgiving a DEMON. I do not recommend ever forgiving these Sick psychopaths. They enjoy your suffering and do everything to cause you suffering and despair. EVIL. Protect yourselves
Too many people believe the modern definition of forgiveness as merely 'not holding a grudge'. Forgiveness is a PARDON. Just as forgiveness of a debt wipes the slate clean and restores the relationship as if the offence never occurred. The granting of forgiveness results in the offender receiving something of great value. Not holding a grudge is something you give yourself and you are the one receiving the benefit. But it is not forgiveness because the offence is still there, and likely to be repeated. Grudges will harm you so by all means don't hold a grudge. But it is enabling to extend forgiveness without repentance.
Dear wildhorses6817, what a sad story you must have lived. I am with you and I understand you so well. I pray for you. May you find healing, love and happiness. I am sure you will overcome your sorrows. You overcame this person, now you can only win. Many greetings. God bless you. And you are right: it is so important to protect oneself. There are really evil people out there.
Forgiveness is very different than trust and reconciliation. You can forgive without reconciliation and trusting again. Forgiveness sets you free not them. Very hard work. I am sorry you went through that hell.
@@strongerbetterfitness3776 You are confusing 'forgiveness' and 'not holding a grudge'. Forgiveness is a PARDON. It wipes the slate clean and restores the relationship. Think of what a pardon does in the justice system. The main beneficiary in a pardon or forgiveness is the guilty party. Their position is restored to where it was prior to the offense. The main beneficiary to 'not holding a grudge' is the victim. The guilty party is really not effected at all. Think it through. What you describe is not forgiveness. It is 'not holding a grudge'.
Thank you Dr Ramani.. you are the first human that understands my life. I blamed myself for years for my marriage. My adhd ,, my childhood trauma, abandonment, my abuse... although, my husband had the the same, minus the adhd. You have helped me realize that it wasn't all me. I have been in therapy since age 20. My spouse never went. So I kept trying to work on this marriage of 23 years. I left and have been punished for it. Using our daughter as the pawn. I last year I found your channel. Thank you so much for all that you do and help so many of us. ❤
I had a mom, sister and brother as narcissistic people growing up. I then married a narcissist. 2nd husband love bombed me and we got married. Now 20 more years in at 68, I finally learned the lesson to stay away from these people. My whole life was feeling scared, stupid, sitting on the edge of my seat. I'm getting your book today!
Thank you Dr. Ramini! For the longest time I couldn't admit to myself that my father (who was my hero growing up) is actually narcissistic. I'm starting to see people for who they really are, not who I want them to be. ❤
So well put! '..not just who I want them to be.' Interesting you call him a hero. I felt the same. Felt because I don't remember much of my childhood. It was always Daddy's Girl. I do know when my parents split I didn't want to stay with my mom. My Dad has done so many hurtful things from my teen on but I see him as a co dependent to my mother. He has cancer and I am there for him but sometimes I see that smirk or catch a glimpse and wonder if I am being played.
00:25 to 2:55 - This section succinctly summarizes how or why emotionally abused people become or stay suck in toxic,unhealthy relationships. 🌻 TY, Dr. Ramani.
I watched my mother turn into a mere shadow of my father through their 60 years of marriage. Her handwriting changed to the point I couldn’t tell hers apart from my father’s. She used to have beautiful calligraphy. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your being the one person I could turn to for loving advice. ❤️🙋🏻♀️
Sending you so much love for what you said about your mum. I know exactly how you feel with that. I know another person that I listen to Dr Les Carter said narcissists want to steal you from yourself and put themselves in there instead, and that is what you’re describing with your mum. Sending much love to her.
We've been taught to forgive as it gives us freedom. This is the first time that I've ever heard that it's OK NOT to forgive. Thank you Dr. Ramini!!!!!🎉❤
Very true…in forgiving the narcissist, they WILL do it again. But forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning their bad behavior. Or being friends with the abuser. Or expecting anything different from them. Or letting them into your life at all! Forgiveness is relinquishing the RIGHT to punish.
Profound video. Everyone going through this needs to hear what has just been said. The capacity segment is just life altering. That helped me so much to just step back and move away from all the pain I’ve been carrying. That is an escape hatch.
I went through that betrayal, I lost sense of myself, thought that if what they did is still in the back of my mind bugging me, then I must be a grudging horrible person, and I went through a cycle of trying to find validation on TH-cam, but all I found was more validation to the person who betrayed me, and it just made me loathe myself and lose myself more. And they kept pushing back calling me a bad friend for not being there for them, for becoming the shell of the person I used to be. It felt like I was drowning, and he was the one who pushed me into the water, but also he was the one standing on the ground, panicking and telling me I’m a bad friend for not being able to stop drowning.
Here's an example of betrayal trauma: someone tells her family that she was abused and they all either ignore her or tell her she is lying or she imagined it. Instant knowledge that she doesn't actually have a family.
I have been sick for 2 years because of betrayal blindness. I have been hospitalized and to multiple specialists. As far as having a brain MRI. Extreme exhaustion, change in my voice. I have experienced vasovagal syncope. My digestive tract has not worked in 2 years. Have to take suppositories daily to have a bm. I have been through a variety of tests including tilt table testing. I now believe after watching many of your videos that my body has been in fight or flight my whole life and my most recent relationship was the tipping point. I have a therapist but I am very concerned I won’t get my body back. I am 41 and I work out daily and eat right. I take good care of myself. This makes the suffering that much more frustrating to say the least. Any help is appreciated
I had just recovered from brain surgery when I met my ex narc. never had a problem with my blood pressure until then. I'm fit. I run. now after 2 years and a breakup finally starting to feel myself again. no more hypertension.....these sick people ruin everything in their path. They seem to never suffer ill effects from their abuse though.
Dr ramini i had a whole ick list of this man playing me and saying he’s serious with me and manipulating my experiance but whenever he convinced me it whooshes the whole list and one day i started no contact and re-reading it everyday all day and i realised how could i forget these important incidents 😢❤i let him go after that
Thank you. I listen to you every day. It helps me with no contact. Still painful but glimpses of relief when I listen to you. From the bottom of my heart thank you ❤
Wow! The whole family knew this person was ill, but no one said anything to me. Even when I went to the family members for support they all played coy, but thanked me for being with their daughter/ mother.
Thank you for the piece on forgiveness as well that is life changing too. Looking forward to reading the book and going more into depth about all of this and being set free from these people once and for all. Part of the problem that’s so hard is going round and round in circles never being free from it. This is a video to keep and watch again and again until it really stinks into the core
Thank you for the “No forgiveness shaming”. I SO agree with you on this!! And it’s, if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. And if it does, it’s a release that UN-TIES the person FROM the narcissist-which OSS always good!!
I so appreciate this knowledge. I am 52 and I shoved everything in the top shelf until I physically, mentally and emotionally SHUT down! It truly made me sick
I love what Dr Ramani has to say about forgiveness and forgiveness shaming. My mom's family literally screwed her over on her death bed and I was shamed for not forgiving them. Like do you want me to say that's okay when they have no remorse? Not a chance. Took me over 5 years to let go of the anger, but can never forgive that fully.
I love all of your content on narcissism, please don't get me wrong, but it's SO AWESOME to see you talk about betrayal trauma as well. It's just refreshing because I've often wondered about the topic and even looked for videos of you speaking on it before so I really appreciated this! Thank you Dr. Ramani thank you Kyle!
I didn’t know that betrayal trauma was a thing until the experience I am going through was about midway in. I haven’t begun any work on healing the betrayal yet because I’m lagging due to how much I need to process and heal. I am trying to get myself situated so I can get deeper into therapy . I will see a big improvement when the help I’m wanting is able to balance what I’m trying to deal with. One day I hope you get to read one of my books one day Dr. Ramani. You have had a tremendous impact on my life in a good way and not only have I wanted to help people who have been what I’ve been through but also I see it as a way to pay it forward and to show my gratitude towards people who help me with rebuilding my life.
Thank you DrRamini for educating me re - my life history beginning with a violent narcissistic mother & then marrying a grandiose malignant narcissist I have suffered horrific abuse from them both, been betrayed countless times by them both I have numerous health issues & numerous surgeries as a result of all i endured & no i dont / ever will forgive them as what was done to me was unforgivable Thank you for your guidance and wisdom with your daily videos I would never have come through this without you Congratulations on your new book 🎉
Oh, this is so relatable. This girl stayed back saying it was late.. I didn't suspect anything.. when I got my bf and the girl breakfast, I caught them leaning in.. and they immediately moved. It was so spontaneous that it was obvious something was wrong. When I asked him about it, he denied saying I was seeing things.
Wonderful woman! Wonderful closing 👏🏻 she definitely is the only professional advice out there! So very qualified. Thank you for keeping this topic going so we can all continue to heal and grow.
Wonderful Dr. Ramani! I am so proud of you! I was hoping you would get another book out three years ago. I have watched your daily videos for three years now. You are keen at what’s happening around you in life. Keep going! You are doing a great job! Next up is to make a test for us to see what grade we get in our knowledge of narcissism of what we have learned from you! lol
A TRULY WONDERFUL WATCH ! SPEAKS SO LOUD & CLEAR TO.. INTEGRITY, HONESTY & TRUTH ! To one's own heart and core.. Thank you so much for this wonderful powerful energy exchange, it rings all the way through to and for me 100% !
Dr. Ramani, I'm so grateful to you on educating me on the root cause of why I had a difficult life. It was a result of having a narcissistic mother. I'm working on forgiveness, and keeping my distance to stay healthy. Love you Dr. Ramani.
Dr.Ramani love watching your videos and podcasts, so interesting and informative and has really helped me through tough times when I am in despair, keep going as I am certain many people worldwide appreciate you and have gained self respect and confidence in themselves from all your informative hard work . Greetings from N.Ireland Lara
EPIC DR. RAMANI ☆☆☆☆☆ This is so helpful and elucidating. I have listened to hours of videos on this subject. THIS clicked the FOCUS button on. THANK YOU. I am getting this book.
Depending on the severity of the narcissism they are capable of self reflection, but not capable of change. In fact, gaining insight for a vulnerable narcissist is very doable, but it just induces shame in them, they then panic and look for new supply.
Someone once told me”Forgiveness is releasing the betrayer from whatever you think they owe you”, NOT financial if you can use the courts to help you. Just remember, we ALL watching this video know the “feeling” of anger, rage, mind floods in your brain and heart that takes our hearts and thoughts on a terrifying hike, in the woods alone at midnight with no light! DO NOT allow yourself conscious or unconscious to go there! Stop those debilitating thoughts of slavery to overwhelm you. We-you can do it! Maybe prayer, Philippians 4:8 “dwell on these things that are true,honorable,right,pure,lovely,of good report; if there be any virtue,and if there be any praise….THINK ON THESE THINGS❤🙏🏻
yes i was and still are in a pattern, ths is violence in our hearts, it has been one after another, mother, friends, family ...and yes the World calls it normal...and yes i thought i was lucy to have them
I feel the same also 30 years I am not doing too well my endocrine and cardiology state took a huge hit. I use the need for focus on my health, meditation centering my mind, and forcing myself to participate in community non work related events especially if it's exercise related helps. I guess I'm saying just jump into what you think you like or just discover new likes.
This is an amazing interview, and Kyle is as usually asking the right questions and interfering at the right time❤ Dr Ramini, you are saving lives and souls ❤through your videos i learned not to be a flying monkey and to validate and explain to a very dear and beautiful heart what she was going through...rather beneath. Much love and gratitude from Beirut 🇱🇧
Your videos are so helpful Dr. Ramani and this one is very interesting. Will you please address more on the issue of parents of adult narcissistic children, their abuse and the withholding of visitation with grandchildren. Thank you!!
So true! That the narcissist’s abuse is on THEM’ One of the best things that happened to me during the trauma I experienced with my ex husband’s betrayal…was when a religious leader told me in very certain terms that what my ex did at that time was “not my fault”…No matter WHAT i did, in the marriage. So healing! Why? Because my ex husband’s and my identities were intertwined/enmeshed.
There is importance in completing a lesson. The reason I work on forgiving another person who meant me harm is because I do not want to have to come back here to take that lesson over again till I get it right. I want to complete the lesson and move on. Close the book on it and be done with it. In point of fact, they tried to destroy me but I survived. And if I can’t forgive them wholly, that’s okay - I made an attempt, I completed the lesson.
Betrayal trauma is a dead end with a broken heart and bruised soul. I grew up the family scapegoat so my best friend Chris was my world. She showed me how to like myself and she always protected me. She took me in when my mother threw me out with a two month old child. There was no chance for me to be normal I was abused by my entire family and my sister started to physically abuse me. I medicated myself into nothingness. My friend met a man with money and I guess me struggling with an addiction was too much for her so she just abandoned me. When I say addiction I mean I didn’t steal or do anything bad to hurt her. She just stopped talking to me. She just left me stranded for yrs we didn’t talk. I couldn’t believe she did that, it devastated me and I had nightmares for yrs because of it. The one person I had left me. I was so lost and fell deeper into my addiction. Ten yrs passed before I can out of it. Everyone else I knew was dead, I mean everyone. How do we heal I’ll never know, but my life now has some normalcy to it. I raised an amazing daughter.
I'm truly sorry for what transpired in your life. I'm so glad you were able to rise up from hurt,pain,sadness and Abandonment. I almost was successful ending my life due to trauma in my world. They say time heals wounds,however, the scars will always be there. Hang in there for your daughter.
The family narcissist primes you for a narc marriage. I thought I was marrying the opposite to my narc parent but the narc husband knew my family dynamic so he pretended to be what I needed him to be. A few breadcrumbs were way better than I got at home. After the wedding, the breadcrumbs disappeared.
Dr Ramani is so real man! If you forgive them, they view it as permission. "I can do whatever I want, I'll just betray or do wrong and they'll just forgive me" (When my narc cheated she said "I just thought we were gonna talk about it like we always do and move past this." That's cause she crossed my boundaries and hurt me before and I forgave her, and then she went and crossed that particular boundary two more times and we "talked over it" and I forgave her so she thought when she cheated it would just be business as usual ha-ha. Clearly she didn't change when I forgave her in the past, what makes me think she'd change now?
That is so good…”When we’re going through the process sometimes it gets masked as a coping strategy”. That one hit home on many grief levels. I never put that together before. How do we know the difference?
There was no safe place for me to Turn for support. My best friend advised me to just ignore it and stay firm in my own identity. However , the isolation alienation caused by being shunned by the flying monkeys who believed the lies about me-that Hurt!
My mother-in-law is a raging narcissist...my wife was covert until late forties then at 52 went full entitled raging narcissist...I left her after 40 years...now my oldest Son is raging...the other 3 adult children are normal...makes me wonder about a genetic predisposition towards NPD. All 3 have all 11 characteristics.
Don't ask us to FORGIVE please. The word is a trigger of shame. It is an enabling word. They don't deserve a badge! We can heal by working on our grief and loss.
Listening to this, I have to laugh.My brain is going, "Honey! I got more whooshes than Nike!" This is amazing, though. Gotta get the book and read it...MANY times. More than half a century of narcissistic abuse - first from my mother, then my husband, then three of my four children. No - it's not me. Now I know. But most of my life I've been told that if everyone around you is a jerk, maybe it's time to look in the mirror. No doubt there are many times when that is the case but I'm slowly realizing that this is not the case, this time. Two major whooshes from one daughter. The third time, I was accused of trying to suffocate my brand new grandbaby - in the same room as the father, and while I was doing homework with my youngest daughter. As someone who has had colicky and high-demand babies, and raised four with only financial support, I KNOW that this didn;t happen - it's just not something I could ever do. But when I denied it, I was called a liar and they said I was trying to gaslight them "again" but this time they were on to me. Apparently, all I had to do was admit that I had done it, and apologize, and everything would be fine. Is there ANY part of that that makes sense? I walked out. Took my youngest daughter, and we flew back home. Haven't spoken to them since. I miss the babies but I cannot and will not live with that behaviour. any more. And besides, if I let this one whoosh - what would be next?
When my hope died I stopped feeling any love emotions towards my narc. I just didn't care anymore. Only then did he "see" the pain he was causing me. He made amends and has changed his behavior towards me. I do believe he truly is a narc because he ticked every box including the bonus boxes. I'm not worried that he will change back to being mean because even if he makes a mistake, I tell him straight I won't tolerate that behavior and he adjusts. I wonder though, what is he going to do, long term with who he is because he is not going to dump his negative emotions on me...
Thank you Dr Ramani. I've just ordered your book. I escaped 4 years ago and had to go it completely alone in a new country. I'm still terrified of leaving the house, I trust no-one, and I still spend my days either crying, sleeping or wishing I would fall asleep and not wake up. My only reason to live has been to care for my pets. With the use of additional self help and self care, I hope that your book can provide further knowledge and tools to help me heal and provide myself with at least some quality of life. 🙏
I'm with u 💯
Keep being strong, and you are! I always felt weak til I was told by someone on the outside looking in that told me I'm so strong and I survived such immense trauma. U hv too, and u ARE STRONG!
Like DR. RAMANI said, everytime we heal from narcissistic abuse, we make the world better.
I've also learned to use all the knowledge that I've learned from Dr. R and research on narcissism, to help others that are or were in our situation. Maybe u can be that blessing to others as well.
Ty for being brave enough to share what you did, and I'm praying 🙏 for ur healing.
@@audw82 Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your bravery and resilience.
🌿🌺 Exactly sis, it's almost a parallel universe over here. I believe everything you wrote, it's our life, we do have eachother one way or another. Yesterday a woman thought I was being followed and said: "We watch and help our sisters!". Exactly this is written within my soul. Please take care, we need eachother. Something like it's a cure to disease to be kind, that's how you extinguish evil. I knew this when I was a child and then got corrupted. So much has happened, shakes your core. It's guiding back, calling us, remember. It's like I went into a trance like state almost just now, I've been holding back and bottling up... No more. No more fear. May The Almighty Creator guide us, may His Light extinguish the evil wickedness, ameen. ☝🏽💖🌌💫
@@bbdn5123 Amen!
Please look into rapid transformational therapy, it may help. Also please search Melanie tonia Evan’s. ❤
My mother used to say to me " it's not them, it's you" when I complained that people were mistreating me. I am over it now and finally narcissist free. I am 70 years old and it took me a long time. The last people I let go of were my siblings a few years ago. During the early pandemic i realized there was no hope of having a reciprocal relationship with them.
Thank you for sharing.
You didn’t deserve this and I hope you know that. Can I ask what you would do differently if you were younger when you first learned about narcissistic abuse? I don’t want anyone to take offense to me saying this but I don’t want to be 70 and still doing this I didn’t even want to be my age and still doing this.
@@Mylifewithanarcissist I was attracted to exciting people instead of nice people. IDK if I could have changed but I should have chosen people who were nice to me. I didn't really understand nacissists until a few years ago. The narcisists in my life were not extreme but looking back they were very annoying and caused me a lot of anxiety. The pandemic exaggerated the behavior of my sibs. I am much more relaxed and anxiety free now.
I forgave but I had to leave. It was way to painful to be surrounded by people who were more than happy to put me down and tell everyone how awful I was. I have been alone for many years and only have contact with a few trusted people. I am doing well, but I am getting to the stage where I want to make new friends but I do not want to get close to anyone who shows signs of narc behavior. Wish me luck!
I forgave and he BETRAYED me again in multiple ways. I continue to suffer from the financial deciet, theft, lies. I am older , cannot work and lost so much. I regret forgiving a DEMON. I do not recommend ever forgiving these Sick psychopaths. They enjoy your suffering and do everything to cause you suffering and despair. EVIL. Protect yourselves
Too many people believe the modern definition of forgiveness as merely 'not holding a grudge'. Forgiveness is a PARDON. Just as forgiveness of a debt wipes the slate clean and restores the relationship as if the offence never occurred. The granting of forgiveness results in the offender receiving something of great value. Not holding a grudge is something you give yourself and you are the one receiving the benefit. But it is not forgiveness because the offence is still there, and likely to be repeated. Grudges will harm you so by all means don't hold a grudge. But it is enabling to extend forgiveness without repentance.
@@l.5832i screenshotted ur comment thank u
Dear wildhorses6817, what a sad story you must have lived. I am with you and I understand you so well. I pray for you. May you find healing, love and happiness. I am sure you will overcome your sorrows. You overcame this person, now you can only win. Many greetings. God bless you. And you are right: it is so important to protect oneself. There are really evil people out there.
Forgiveness is very different than trust and reconciliation. You can forgive without reconciliation and trusting again. Forgiveness sets you free not them. Very hard work. I am sorry you went through that hell.
@@strongerbetterfitness3776 You are confusing 'forgiveness' and 'not holding a grudge'. Forgiveness is a PARDON. It wipes the slate clean and restores the relationship. Think of what a pardon does in the justice system. The main beneficiary in a pardon or forgiveness is the guilty party. Their position is restored to where it was prior to the offense. The main beneficiary to 'not holding a grudge' is the victim. The guilty party is really not effected at all. Think it through. What you describe is not forgiveness. It is 'not holding a grudge'.
Thank you Dr Ramani.. you are the first human that understands my life. I blamed myself for years for my marriage. My adhd ,, my childhood trauma, abandonment, my abuse... although, my husband had the the same, minus the adhd. You have helped me realize that it wasn't all me. I have been in therapy since age 20. My spouse never went. So I kept trying to work on this marriage of 23 years. I left and have been punished for it. Using our daughter as the pawn.
I last year I found your channel. Thank you so much for all that you do and help so many of us. ❤
I had a mom, sister and brother as narcissistic people growing up. I then married a narcissist. 2nd husband love bombed me and we got married. Now 20 more years in at 68, I finally learned the lesson to stay away from these people. My whole life was feeling scared, stupid, sitting on the edge of my seat. I'm getting your book today!
Thank you Dr. Ramini! For the longest time I couldn't admit to myself that my father (who was my hero growing up) is actually narcissistic. I'm starting to see people for who they really are, not who I want them to be. ❤
So well put!
'..not just who I want them to be.'
Interesting you call him a hero. I felt the same. Felt because I don't remember much of my childhood.
It was always Daddy's Girl. I do know when my parents split I didn't want to stay with my mom.
My Dad has done so many hurtful things from my teen on but I see him as a co dependent to my mother. He has cancer and I am there for him but sometimes I see that smirk or catch a glimpse and wonder if I am being played.
00:25 to 2:55 - This section succinctly summarizes how or why emotionally abused people become or stay suck in toxic,unhealthy relationships. 🌻
TY, Dr. Ramani.
The breadcrumbs.
The good moments.
The casino metaphor rocked me just now. Wow.
I remember a good friend telling me years ago, when the good times don't make up for the bad then it's time to get out.
I watched my mother turn into a mere shadow of my father through their 60 years of marriage. Her handwriting changed to the point I couldn’t tell hers apart from my father’s. She used to have beautiful calligraphy.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your being the one person I could turn to for loving advice. ❤️🙋🏻♀️
Sending you so much love for what you said about your mum. I know exactly how you feel with that. I know another person that I listen to Dr Les Carter said narcissists want to steal you from yourself and put themselves in there instead, and that is what you’re describing with your mum. Sending much love to her.
@@andreacook6000 Thank you so much for your compassion Andrea. ::Hugs::
We've been taught to forgive as it gives us freedom. This is the first time that I've ever heard that it's OK NOT to forgive. Thank you Dr. Ramini!!!!!🎉❤
Straight up, shes the best.
I grieve through art and creative works!🎉❤🎉
Drinking is double trouble😅
Very true…in forgiving the narcissist, they WILL do it again.
But forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning their bad behavior. Or being friends with the abuser. Or expecting anything different from them. Or letting them into your life at all!
Forgiveness is relinquishing the RIGHT to punish.
My ex narcissist friend even said to me once, I've been nice to you today!!!!
Profound video. Everyone going through this needs to hear what has just been said. The capacity segment is just life altering. That helped me so much to just step back and move away from all the pain I’ve been carrying. That is an escape hatch.
I went through that betrayal, I lost sense of myself, thought that if what they did is still in the back of my mind bugging me, then I must be a grudging horrible person, and I went through a cycle of trying to find validation on TH-cam, but all I found was more validation to the person who betrayed me, and it just made me loathe myself and lose myself more. And they kept pushing back calling me a bad friend for not being there for them, for becoming the shell of the person I used to be. It felt like I was drowning, and he was the one who pushed me into the water, but also he was the one standing on the ground, panicking and telling me I’m a bad friend for not being able to stop drowning.
I hope and pray for your healing.
I feel this so viscerally. Most of the time I feel like I'm the narcissist.
Build yourself up instead of beating yourself
The last part of the video, about forgiveness, is something every survivor out there needs to hear ❤️
Here's an example of betrayal trauma: someone tells her family that she was abused and they all either ignore her or tell her she is lying or she imagined it. Instant knowledge that she doesn't actually have a family.
I'm so sorry you were not heard by your family when you tried to bring up maltreatment. 😢😢
Thank you so much Dr.Ramani xoxo Deb🥰🐝
I have had serial betrayal. When I try to explain this to others it still feels like the majority of others do the victim blaming.
Absolutely, we applaud Dr. Ramani! That was amazing and so validating!
Dr Ramini shares once in a generation wisdom and experience and brilliance.
I have been sick for 2 years because of betrayal blindness. I have been hospitalized and to multiple specialists. As far as having a brain MRI. Extreme exhaustion, change in my voice. I have experienced vasovagal syncope. My digestive tract has not worked in 2 years. Have to take suppositories daily to have a bm. I have been through a variety of tests including tilt table testing. I now believe after watching many of your videos that my body has been in fight or flight my whole life and my most recent relationship was the tipping point. I have a therapist but I am very concerned I won’t get my body back. I am 41 and I work out daily and eat right. I take good care of myself. This makes the suffering that much more frustrating to say the least. Any help is appreciated
Do your cortisol levels feel off the chart?
No
I had just recovered from brain surgery when I met my ex narc. never had a problem with my blood pressure until then. I'm fit. I run. now after 2 years and a breakup finally starting to feel myself again. no more hypertension.....these sick people ruin everything in their path. They seem to never suffer ill effects from their abuse though.
Dr ramini i had a whole ick list of this man playing me and saying he’s serious with me and manipulating my experiance but whenever he convinced me it whooshes the whole list and one day i started no contact and re-reading it everyday all day and i realised how could i forget these important incidents 😢❤i let him go after that
Thank you. I listen to you every day. It helps me with no contact. Still painful but glimpses of relief when I listen to you. From the bottom of my heart thank you ❤
Wow! The whole family knew this person was ill, but no one said anything to me. Even when I went to the family members for support they all played coy, but thanked me for being with their daughter/ mother.
Kyle Kittleson and Dr. Ramani both seem likely genuinely lovely people 😍!
Thank you for the piece on forgiveness as well that is life changing too. Looking forward to reading the book and going more into depth about all of this and being set free from these people once and for all. Part of the problem that’s so hard is going round and round in circles never being free from it. This is a video to keep and watch again and again until it really stinks into the core
Thank you for the “No forgiveness shaming”. I SO agree with you on this!!
And it’s, if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. And if it does, it’s a release that UN-TIES the person FROM the narcissist-which OSS always good!!
I so appreciate this knowledge. I am 52 and I shoved everything in the top shelf until I physically, mentally and emotionally SHUT down! It truly made me sick
Betrayal Trauma
I wasn't sure but now I am Bless you Dr. Ramani for doing videos this week while sick❤ Thank You❤
I love what Dr Ramani has to say about forgiveness and forgiveness shaming. My mom's family literally screwed her over on her death bed and I was shamed for not forgiving them. Like do you want me to say that's okay when they have no remorse? Not a chance. Took me over 5 years to let go of the anger, but can never forgive that fully.
I love all of your content on narcissism, please don't get me wrong, but it's SO AWESOME to see you talk about betrayal trauma as well. It's just refreshing because I've often wondered about the topic and even looked for videos of you speaking on it before so I really appreciated this! Thank you Dr. Ramani thank you Kyle!
Thanks Dr.Ramani for encouraging me to heal and get MY voice back to give to the world.
Yeah lol sometimes they are nice to you !!!!!
I didn’t know that betrayal trauma was a thing until the experience I am going through was about midway in. I haven’t begun any work on healing the betrayal yet because I’m lagging due to how much I need to process and heal. I am trying to get myself situated so I can get deeper into therapy . I will see a big improvement when the help I’m wanting is able to balance what I’m trying to deal with. One day I hope you get to read one of my books one day Dr. Ramani. You have had a tremendous impact on my life in a good way and not only have I wanted to help people who have been what I’ve been through but also I see it as a way to pay it forward and to show my gratitude towards people who help me with rebuilding my life.
This has been brilliant for me, but the part that made the biggest impact on me was the forgiveness part. Holy wow!
Thank you DrRamini for educating me re - my life history beginning with a violent narcissistic mother & then marrying a grandiose malignant narcissist
I have suffered horrific abuse from them both, been betrayed countless times by them both
I have numerous health issues & numerous surgeries as a result of all i endured & no i dont / ever will forgive them as what was done to me was unforgivable
Thank you for your guidance and wisdom with your daily videos I would never have come through this without you
Congratulations on your new book 🎉
Oh, this is so relatable. This girl stayed back saying it was late.. I didn't suspect anything.. when I got my bf and the girl breakfast, I caught them leaning in.. and they immediately moved. It was so spontaneous that it was obvious something was wrong. When I asked him about it, he denied saying I was seeing things.
Yes Doctor Ramani is "Thee Expert!"
You are my hero! Literally helped me heal, understand and move on. I am ok just sad for my kids who have a narc mother.
Thanks Dr Ramani. My book is due to arrive Monday. It will join your other books that have been my stronghold as I negotiate healing
Thank you Dr. Ramani!
You have helped me, my sister, friends and many others in our family. We are so grateful. Looking forward to reading your book.
My first thought when reading the headline: "Why would it be? That would require some part of their Universe to not be all about them." 😆
Wonderful woman! Wonderful closing 👏🏻 she definitely is the only professional advice out there! So very qualified. Thank you for keeping this topic going so we can all continue to heal and grow.
I love Dr Ramani
I can’t wait to read her new book
Kyle’s whoosh made me remember so many whooshes. ❤
Wonderful Dr. Ramani! I am so proud of you! I was hoping you would get another book out three years ago. I have watched your daily videos for three years now. You are keen at what’s happening around you in life. Keep going! You are doing a great job! Next up is to make a test for us to see what grade we get in our knowledge of narcissism of what we have learned from you! lol
Dr Ramani, I love you. Not only are you a life saver, you're so fun to listen to as well. Thank you so much.
Wonderful, congrats on the new book Dr.
The PERFECT title for the book..
It's NOT about 'me' for sure..
Even though I always hoped it would be... someday
A TRULY WONDERFUL WATCH !
SPEAKS SO LOUD & CLEAR TO.. INTEGRITY, HONESTY & TRUTH !
To one's own heart and core.. Thank you so much for this wonderful powerful energy exchange, it rings all the way through to and for me 100% !
Dr. Ramani, I'm so grateful to you on educating me on the root cause of why I had a difficult life. It was a result of having a narcissistic mother. I'm working on forgiveness, and keeping my distance to stay healthy. Love you Dr. Ramani.
Heavy on THE EXPERT! Thank you Dr. Ramani💜 Literally saved my life🤞🏾 Lifesaver
Kyle. I agree Dr Ramani is brilliant ❤really loved this !! Thankyou 🥰
Thank you for your straightforward advice! Will get the book!
Dr.Ramani love watching your videos and podcasts, so interesting and informative and has really helped me through tough times when I am in despair, keep going as I am certain many people worldwide appreciate you and have gained self respect and confidence in themselves from all your informative hard work . Greetings from N.Ireland Lara
EPIC DR. RAMANI ☆☆☆☆☆ This is so helpful and elucidating. I have listened to hours of videos on this subject. THIS clicked the FOCUS button on. THANK YOU. I am getting this book.
Depending on the severity of the narcissism they are capable of self reflection, but not capable of change. In fact, gaining insight for a vulnerable narcissist is very doable, but it just induces shame in them, they then panic and look for new supply.
Someone once told me”Forgiveness is releasing the betrayer from whatever you think they owe you”, NOT financial if you can use the courts to help you. Just remember, we ALL watching this video know the “feeling” of anger, rage, mind floods in your brain and heart that takes our hearts and thoughts on a terrifying hike, in the woods alone at midnight with no light! DO NOT allow yourself conscious or unconscious to go there! Stop those debilitating thoughts of slavery to overwhelm you. We-you can do it! Maybe prayer, Philippians 4:8 “dwell on these things that are true,honorable,right,pure,lovely,of good report; if there be any virtue,and if there be any praise….THINK ON THESE THINGS❤🙏🏻
Doc is good... take the compliment. Please 💛
Damn Ramani was cookin at the end 🔥 ❤
yes i was and still are in a pattern, ths is violence in our hearts, it has been one after another, mother, friends, family ...and yes the World calls it normal...and yes i thought i was lucy to have them
Dr. Ramani you are so valuable….I will be ordering your book from Amazon today.
Finally - 30 YEARS!!! That's what this is - I'm not mentally ill. But, 30 years - now what? It feels like it's too late.
I feel the same also 30 years I am not doing too well my endocrine and cardiology state took a huge hit. I use the need for focus on my health, meditation centering my mind, and forcing myself to participate in community non work related events especially if it's exercise related helps. I guess I'm saying just jump into what you think you like or just discover new likes.
Never too late. Take care of self and don't be mistreated.
This is an amazing interview, and Kyle is as usually asking the right questions and interfering at the right time❤ Dr Ramini, you are saving lives and souls ❤through your videos i learned not to be a flying monkey and to validate and explain to a very dear and beautiful heart what she was going through...rather beneath. Much love and gratitude from Beirut 🇱🇧
Thank you, Dr.Ramani. I so appreciate your experience, your words of encouragement and your courage. Love you, take care of you ❤️
Your videos are so helpful Dr. Ramani and this one is very interesting. Will you please address more on the issue of parents of adult narcissistic children, their abuse and the withholding of visitation with grandchildren. Thank you!!
17:10 so important for people to hear this. She’s the best. I can not wait for my book!!! ❤
Dr. Ramani helped me understand how to heal ❤️
So true! That the narcissist’s abuse is on THEM’ One of the best things that happened to me during the trauma I experienced with my ex husband’s betrayal…was when a religious leader told me in very certain terms that what my ex did at that time was “not my fault”…No matter WHAT i did, in the marriage. So healing!
Why? Because my ex husband’s and my identities were intertwined/enmeshed.
This is so good, thank you 🙏, so many gems 💎 here,most helpful 🦋💖Appreciate this talk show 💫
Thank you so much💕
Appreciate both of you💕💕🌸🌸
One told me that I need to forgive and forget what he/they had done. The audacity!!
Dr Ramani, your video was very informative and I have learnt so much. The comments about forgiving were really resonated with me.
There is importance in completing a lesson. The reason I work on forgiving another person who meant me harm is because I do not want to have to come back here to take that lesson over again till I get it right. I want to complete the lesson and move on. Close the book on it and be done with it. In point of fact, they tried to destroy me but I survived. And if I can’t forgive them wholly, that’s okay - I made an attempt, I completed the lesson.
Thank you again so so much Dr Ramani.
Thank you ❤
i love your hair ramani
It’ll never work because it’s how they see the world
nope not because of you sis i deal with my own problems you are my psycologist i respect that
Betrayal trauma is a dead end with a broken heart and bruised soul. I grew up the family scapegoat so my best friend Chris was my world. She showed me how to like myself and she always protected me. She took me in when my mother threw me out with a two month old child. There was no chance for me to be normal I was abused by my entire family and my sister started to physically abuse me. I medicated myself into nothingness. My friend met a man with money and I guess me struggling with an addiction was too much for her so she just abandoned me. When I say addiction I mean I didn’t steal or do anything bad to hurt her. She just stopped talking to me. She just left me stranded for yrs we didn’t talk. I couldn’t believe she did that, it devastated me and I had nightmares for yrs because of it. The one person I had left me. I was so lost and fell deeper into my addiction. Ten yrs passed before I can out of it. Everyone else I knew was dead, I mean everyone. How do we heal I’ll never know, but my life now has some normalcy to it. I raised an amazing daughter.
I'm truly sorry for what transpired in your life.
I'm so glad you were able to rise up from hurt,pain,sadness and Abandonment. I almost was successful ending my life due to trauma in my world. They say time heals wounds,however, the scars will always be there. Hang in there for your daughter.
Whoosing it away is so familiar...
The family narcissist primes you for a narc marriage. I thought I was marrying the opposite to my narc parent but the narc husband knew my family dynamic so he pretended to be what I needed him to be. A few breadcrumbs were way better than I got at home. After the wedding, the breadcrumbs disappeared.
Divorce them, now!
@@SaveStef I did. Takes a long time to recover, though because it took a long time before I could safely extricate myself from the marriage.
Dr Ramani is so real man! If you forgive them, they view it as permission. "I can do whatever I want, I'll just betray or do wrong and they'll just forgive me" (When my narc cheated she said "I just thought we were gonna talk about it like we always do and move past this." That's cause she crossed my boundaries and hurt me before and I forgave her, and then she went and crossed that particular boundary two more times and we "talked over it" and I forgave her so she thought when she cheated it would just be business as usual ha-ha. Clearly she didn't change when I forgave her in the past, what makes me think she'd change now?
59:55 I feel like it's about forgiving yourself
That is so good…”When we’re going through the process sometimes it gets masked as a coping strategy”. That one hit home on many grief levels. I never put that together before. How do we know the difference?
Grief 2 years for me. Because then I went into remembering my childhood abuse memories and had to grief that.
Dr Ramani u r a god send
we only bow to God...but Ramini is the bomb❤
There was no safe place for me to Turn for support. My best friend advised me to just ignore it and stay firm in my own identity. However , the isolation alienation caused by being shunned by the flying monkeys who believed the lies about me-that Hurt!
My mother-in-law is a raging narcissist...my wife was covert until late forties then at 52 went full entitled raging narcissist...I left her after 40 years...now my oldest Son is raging...the other 3 adult children are normal...makes me wonder about a genetic predisposition towards NPD. All 3 have all 11 characteristics.
16:30..ty for the validation ❤
Don't ask us to FORGIVE please. The word is a trigger of shame. It is an enabling word. They don't deserve a badge! We can heal by working on our grief and loss.
Never forgive betrayal. Ever. Leave if you can. If you are trapped do whatever you can to quiet quit and stay sane.
Listening to this, I have to laugh.My brain is going, "Honey! I got more whooshes than Nike!"
This is amazing, though. Gotta get the book and read it...MANY times. More than half a century of narcissistic abuse - first from my mother, then my husband, then three of my four children. No - it's not me. Now I know. But most of my life I've been told that if everyone around you is a jerk, maybe it's time to look in the mirror. No doubt there are many times when that is the case but I'm slowly realizing that this is not the case, this time.
Two major whooshes from one daughter. The third time, I was accused of trying to suffocate my brand new grandbaby - in the same room as the father, and while I was doing homework with my youngest daughter. As someone who has had colicky and high-demand babies, and raised four with only financial support, I KNOW that this didn;t happen - it's just not something I could ever do. But when I denied it, I was called a liar and they said I was trying to gaslight them "again" but this time they were on to me. Apparently, all I had to do was admit that I had done it, and apologize, and everything would be fine. Is there ANY part of that that makes sense? I walked out. Took my youngest daughter, and we flew back home. Haven't spoken to them since. I miss the babies but I cannot and will not live with that behaviour. any more. And besides, if I let this one whoosh - what would be next?
When my hope died I stopped feeling any love emotions towards my narc. I just didn't care anymore. Only then did he "see" the pain he was causing me. He made amends and has changed his behavior towards me. I do believe he truly is a narc because he ticked every box including the bonus boxes. I'm not worried that he will change back to being mean because even if he makes a mistake, I tell him straight I won't tolerate that behavior and he adjusts. I wonder though, what is he going to do, long term with who he is because he is not going to dump his negative emotions on me...
These two 💜