5 years. I have always been there for him & I always encouraged him to reach his goals. We were engaged. I went through a hard period in my life with death and law school where I needed more and I asked him more bc I would do the same for him. I would never leave him in the most difficult situation. He’s been trying to get my attention by posting sad songs and to the point he began drinking and trying to hurt me by posting he’s hooking up. Who does that?! That’s selfishness. It’s pure selfishness. To rather hurt me than come and speak to me like an adult. I no longer want this person in my life. I swear I deserve better but I hope he heals. I pray for him each night that he heals
True, that self sabotage its good indication that he/she is a DA. They now and realise that voice of destruction but they dont want to fight against it! Thats unbelievable
Went through similar. The day after we broke up he bragged about "his new love"...ugh what? Unbelievable. These people have severe damage, completely lack empathy
I am secure. After four years with my FA ex, no more! I will select another secure man next time. I just don't have time for this. It's just too exhausting. I'd rather be alone.
Alexis tu es trop fort. Its exactly what i am living. She helps me to understand myself... Attachment style concept and to work on my self and to become more secure. In fact i am just a sextoy for her. Silence for 1 month... She insists to see me for 1h for fun and month of silence again again again... My next goal? To walk away for good
Im in a year relationship with a DA, weve broke up once, and still struggling now. Why? : 1. DA rarely aware that they need treatment or therapist, rarely want to seek help (Lack of self awareness) . 2. DA always think they are right and absolute, this because of the trauma. So when we are trying to go to another level of relationship we will back in old days circle/ avoidance-anxious trap. I still believe we can work it out of course, but when a DA is triggered thats when the hardest part of the healing process. That triggered part usually came from small things eg. Different opinion etc. I wont give up and never give up of course. But praying and put the effort in relationship one sided is waste of energy. Now I can only give her space, give her time , we only meet once a week without romantic atmosphere . I dont care about ëntitlement, i need connection, I love her and dont wanna waste our relationship and the most important thing that I KEEP WORKING ON MYSELF to be A BETTER PERSON. Hope there is way to fix all of this.
Avoidant or not. Had my ex end a relationship after 13 years and 5 kids. Mind you, she had tried breaking up numerous times before. Started seeing each other again after a year and a half, and suddenly *poof* gone again. This behavior is NARCISSISTIC! Am I saying avoidants are pathological narcissists? No, but that doesn’t exclude the fact that their behavior is narcissistic. If it looks like shit and smells like shit, you know what, it’s probably shit. Do yourself a favor if you’re suspecting avoidant behavior in your partner, walk and never look back, you’ll thank me later. I don’t deal in bitterness, as I’m not. I deal with reality.
@@MPR2007 There’s sadly no cure. Or at least nothing we should use our energy to think about. As the saying goes: you got to participate in your own rescue. And for an avoidant to realize that they aren’t right in the head and that they’re spreading toxicity around them like a farmer spreading manure, is like for the rest of us mortals winning the lottery 😂 Love, as far as I’ve come to understand in my life, is not supposed to be a struggle. The right person makes love easy.
@@ke1tor I myself have 1 year intimate relationship with an avoidant and still, although were not married yet we met eachother once a week at least. We Love eachother. Im 52 and shes 52 too with one kid. We broke up once for a month and trying to fix it, but the hardest part in fixing the relationship is that they 1) Tend to sabotage the relationship with degrading our self esteem 2) They lack of awareness that they too need to be fixed/healed , so the cycle pull and push /hot and cold goes on and on, after learning months on how to cope it I know this is NOT my problem, I am pretty much secure in mental and always work on our relationship. DA is lack of awareness and accountability that is SAD, and yet still i believe there is a way to fix this....Ty for sharing and listening.
Thank you for this. I'm secure & he's avoidant. We had six fantastic weeks where we were seeing each other weekly & talking daily. I brought up having more transparent communication & vulnerability... expressed desire for him to not speak poorly of himself. Suddenly I get this, "I really like you, I want to stay friends with you & we should stop seeing each other. I can't give you what you need" message. It was so confusing. I went straight to no contact. It's been about 3 weeks and I'm still wondering if I should give it a little more time (because it was only six weeks). He knows he's avoidant and this video felt almost like deja vu when you were describing the characteristics/behaviors. Anyway, thank you. I appreciate what you are doing to help us understand the inner mind & hearts of these individuals. UPDATE: Took six weeks and he was messaging me. I'm so thankful for the advice on this subject. It really empowered me to remain kind & receptive while still holding my ground about my needs and expectations.
Looks as if he imagined something much higher or greater than what you asked in reality, and then he thought he wouldn't be able to achieve it 😔 I wouldn't know what to do, mine is similar and got a similar reaction.
They take even the slightest suggestion of any type of criticism so hard and then bolt. That is what makes it pretty much impossible to have a relationship with them because any discussion you might have about how to improve things is seen as you seeing fault in them which they cannot handle. You can't win.
@@loverofbeautifulthings What's really blowing my mind is that he told me from the start that he knows he does this. It's like he's aware of the behaviour & wants to change but can't figure out how. I wish he'd see a professional because I could totally see how much he wants this to work.
@@ashton1952 That's actually the feeling I got when I first read his message. It felt like he was "triggered." Not sure if that's the appropriate term though. I replied with, "As you wish," & let it be. It's hunting season & we had already talked about this month being very busy so it seemed best to just give some time & space. We'll see where we all land after the holidays maybe. I hope you find peace & resolution with your person. I know it's hard to navigate these conflicting signals. I feel for you. Thanks for your encouragement.
Alexis, Can you please do a video on what happens when you are the one to break up with an avoidant? My ex partner (fiancé) reached out after 6 weeks no contact, there was accountability for his traits and we got close again. He says he want to be with me but doesn’t think he can get over the fact I broke up with him and says we should just be friends. He also says he doesn’t think we will work. I’m now in no contact again and have been for 2 weeks. I’d find this content useful and I think others would too. Thank you
Is it possible for an avoidant to push you away by hurting you, out of fear of commitment? Saying things like "I don't love you anymore" and you don't believe it because it was such a 180 to your last few weeks together. Bare in mind, he once told me he cheated on me just to push me away (before coming back to me) when he later admitted he actually hadn't. Can avoidants deliberately hurt you to get what they want, or is this something else.
Yes they absolutely will find excuses to "break away" from an uncomfortable situation. Is it nice to do so? Obviously not, but when their fear strikes in, they become desperate. My partner did this very often. Told me they didn't love me, thus pushed me away, but still showed obvious signs later that they still did. This back-and-forth continued for years. There might be some truth behind the words, but they probably wouldn't try as hard to "wreckit", if they weren't uncomfortable with the whole situation to begin with. So the relationship will still need some tuning on both sides. For example understanding that they do need their alone time - as hard as it may be. Or ending the relationship completely, unfortunately.
We were on and off 4 years. He was always with someone while we broken up and being around me as friends. - He said that was for me he can give me help when I needed. He said I am angry very often and gives him silent treatment. - Hey, I just did not say anything cuz I was angry, and he developed like I have a mental issue. He said I am the problem since I keep asking intimacy and love, frustrated and angry in the end - He told me to go see a counselor. I went to see psychiatrist . She said his behavior could be a problem. He always tried to make me laugh, If I don't laugh he was not happy. - He never really laughed with me. Just little smile sometimes. He said I started loving you and a week later I nagged at him, so he could not love him anymore. - Weird. He always wait to last minutes for anything like show, movie or any restaurant we want to go. So usually we miss chances most of times. Tickets sold out! He is angry if I want to book or buy tickets in advance. And He never wanted to pay for those tickets. His anger comes out to surface time to time. Usually he can't find way to go somewhere. He hates using GPS. He just drove like crazy and stopped like crazy - I got freaked out by it, and he was upset that I am upset with it. He really loves everything he has - aside from me(a person). I opened car door and it was close to the wall. He was angry at me. When we met, he was separated. He was hanging out with ex wife, chatting, talking everyday. Texted what he eats, what he bought, what he did. - In the meantime he did not connect with me, even did not know my birthday after few months of dating. He left me whenever I need the person the most. I was anxious and crazy about him first few years. but lastly when I got back together a year and half ago, I realized he made me anxious and that I was confused with love. Finally we were on stage talking about moving in together or hanging out with his family. I realized something is wrong with this. He never looked at my eyes and say I love you. He looked at my eyes when he is angry. But he thought about moving in maybe marrying sometime. He believed he can love me but I should have listened everything he said and do not complain, but perky and happy for whatever he does. I don't think we can be happy when there is no connection and assurance of love from other partner. I was depressed most of time. Not talking about us, just spending weekend, watching tv, cooking... I was dying inside. Anyway he is monkey branching and in a rebound relationships whatever. I feel my heart says this is done. I accepted him when he cheated on me since I thought he felt sorry, but NO! He had his reason to do it. I see he is getting old and losing hairs. I see he sits in his couch alone for weekend. I feel heartbreaking imaging he feels lonely, but I would suggest, never ever involved DA. Not your business to tell them they need help. Actually they will hate you to tell them.
How about the early stages of dating with an avoidant? This hot and cold communication makes me wonder if he's an avoidant that likes me or not. It makes it more difficult as we're not on the same city... seems like an impossible scenario to be with an avoidant.
🎯 Youve just described my life since last November. She dumped me in February,( after having chased me),....By Text! and with no explanation other that, "I dont feel tge romantic vibe anymore"....Even though 48 hiurs early, we were great. Never had and argument or a crossed word....It was laughter all the way. Now shes blocked me (since March). Which makes no contact easier!!! I want to talk to her..to understand her...and to help her.
Please don't fall into the trap of wanting to help the Avoidant. Instead, work on yourself. When -- and IF -- the Avoidant gets tired of self-destructing and ruining all the relationships in her life, she will get help. Sometimes we have to help ourselves. It's that simple. Avoidants have a low level of insight, rarely self reflect, thus, consequently, they blame others for their problems while not realizing that it is their insecure attachment style -- and the multitude of abnormal and hurtful behaviors they inflict upon others -- that is the problem. They will not believe you if you tell them they are the problem and why. They will insist that YOU are the problem. I am sorry you are hurting, but PLEASE do yourself a huge favor and refuse to get involved with trying to help the Avoidant. Speaking from experience. There are plenty of single emotionally healthy, securely attached individuals on the market that you can have a healthy relationship with. All the best.
Omg Loved this video. You described my relationship with my ex 100%. I learned so much in this 1 video that I've been trying to understand for the past 15 months ❤
Mine said it was mostly me and when I checked him on his projections and disillusionment that leads to blame he would eventually admit he was messed up. Ok so what's being done about it? He's too scared
Hello I reached out after 5 months no contact. I told her I was not ignoring her but working on myself. She replied and said she was also leaving me alone because she knew how much she hurt me. She said she is still single and thinks she always will be. She said she sometimes thinks of me as I was a nice person. She did not say she missed me or loved me. What's your thoughts?
How many years you have been in that relationship? If you had a great time say more than 1 year than the chance is she/he will be back. But will the cycle heals? Only God Knows!
@@droflivelife A DA usually forget the memories and the relation they had with you, most of the good memories they will forget because of they trauma. Thats why a DA will easily destroy and sabotage their relationship with ease, they see relationship is a threat so they will dismiss it, its their mechanism so thats why they need to heal. All you need is to give her/him 1) SPACE and 2) TIME. Im not saying ud better use NC or NO CONTACT, but try to give those things above. This will be a sign that u understand what they need. And Its Important for a DA.
Alexis, your videos mean so much to me. Would you advice to block the avoidant ex to give them space? Will they come back sooner if I do the same or will it have the opposite impact?
My ex and I had a okay break up I wasn’t happy handled it okay but weeks later I got way to anxious tried to suppress I didn’t think it would hit that hard and she told me to move on after I was trying to fix through text which obviously wasn’t helpful but she gave no care to the matter or express anything she didn’t block me or anything but Idk it’s just confusing as ever
How do you tell them they’re strange and avoidant?? It’s hard bloody work feeding a man ego when all I want to do is shake him! I had to end a 4yr relationship that for me is only what I’d say is toxic, he’s now wanting friendship but I’m back to been secure and can’t be bothered it’s all about them all the time, I just think what’s the point when the intimacy isn’t there isn’t that what a normal relationship is, 2 people that are there for each other! 😅
![[UNCUT] The Loyal Pin ปิ่นภักดิ์ EP.6 (1/4)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/m05kZ2GDKXg/mqdefault.jpg)
The last 30 seconds of this video is what I needed to hear❤
Guys if someone ghosts you, please don’t give them second chance
Or monkey branch.
5 years. I have always been there for him & I always encouraged him to reach his goals. We were engaged. I went through a hard period in my life with death and law school where I needed more and I asked him more bc I would do the same for him. I would never leave him in the most difficult situation. He’s been trying to get my attention by posting sad songs and to the point he began drinking and trying to hurt me by posting he’s hooking up. Who does that?! That’s selfishness. It’s pure selfishness. To rather hurt me than come and speak to me like an adult. I no longer want this person in my life. I swear I deserve better but I hope he heals. I pray for him each night that he heals
True, that self sabotage its good indication that he/she is a DA. They now and realise that voice of destruction but they dont want to fight against it! Thats unbelievable
Went through similar. The day after we broke up he bragged about "his new love"...ugh what? Unbelievable. These people have severe damage, completely lack empathy
I am secure. After four years with my FA ex, no more! I will select another secure man next time. I just don't have time for this. It's just too exhausting. I'd rather be alone.
Alexis tu es trop fort. Its exactly what i am living. She helps me to understand myself... Attachment style concept and to work on my self and to become more secure. In fact i am just a sextoy for her. Silence for 1 month... She insists to see me for 1h for fun and month of silence again again again... My next goal? To walk away for good
Im in a year relationship with a DA, weve broke up once, and still struggling now. Why? : 1. DA rarely aware that they need treatment or therapist, rarely want to seek help (Lack of self awareness) . 2. DA always think they are right and absolute, this because of the trauma. So when we are trying to go to another level of relationship we will back in old days circle/ avoidance-anxious trap. I still believe we can work it out of course, but when a DA is triggered thats when the hardest part of the healing process. That triggered part usually came from small things eg. Different opinion etc. I wont give up and never give up of course. But praying and put the effort in relationship one sided is waste of energy. Now I can only give her space, give her time , we only meet once a week without romantic atmosphere . I dont care about ëntitlement, i need connection, I love her and dont wanna waste our relationship and the most important thing that I KEEP WORKING ON MYSELF to be A BETTER PERSON. Hope there is way to fix all of this.
Avoidant or not. Had my ex end a relationship after 13 years and 5 kids. Mind you, she had tried breaking up numerous times before. Started seeing each other again after a year and a half, and suddenly *poof* gone again. This behavior is NARCISSISTIC! Am I saying avoidants are pathological narcissists? No, but that doesn’t exclude the fact that their behavior is narcissistic. If it looks like shit and smells like shit, you know what, it’s probably shit. Do yourself a favor if you’re suspecting avoidant behavior in your partner, walk and never look back, you’ll thank me later. I don’t deal in bitterness, as I’m not. I deal with reality.
True, their ego is beyond normal ppl. Hope there is a cure for that. My sympathy to u as well.
@@MPR2007 There’s sadly no cure. Or at least nothing we should use our energy to think about. As the saying goes: you got to participate in your own rescue. And for an avoidant to realize that they aren’t right in the head and that they’re spreading toxicity around them like a farmer spreading manure, is like for the rest of us mortals winning the lottery 😂 Love, as far as I’ve come to understand in my life, is not supposed to be a struggle. The right person makes love easy.
@@ke1tor I myself have 1 year intimate relationship with an avoidant and still, although were not married yet we met eachother once a week at least. We Love eachother. Im 52 and shes 52 too with one kid. We broke up once for a month and trying to fix it, but the hardest part in fixing the relationship is that they 1) Tend to sabotage the relationship with degrading our self esteem 2) They lack of awareness that they too need to be fixed/healed , so the cycle pull and push /hot and cold goes on and on, after learning months on how to cope it I know this is NOT my problem, I am pretty much secure in mental and always work on our relationship. DA is lack of awareness and accountability that is SAD, and yet still i believe there is a way to fix this....Ty for sharing and listening.
Wauw! How you talk! So compassionate! I agree with you!
Thank you for this. I'm secure & he's avoidant. We had six fantastic weeks where we were seeing each other weekly & talking daily. I brought up having more transparent communication & vulnerability... expressed desire for him to not speak poorly of himself. Suddenly I get this, "I really like you, I want to stay friends with you & we should stop seeing each other. I can't give you what you need" message. It was so confusing. I went straight to no contact. It's been about 3 weeks and I'm still wondering if I should give it a little more time (because it was only six weeks). He knows he's avoidant and this video felt almost like deja vu when you were describing the characteristics/behaviors.
Anyway, thank you. I appreciate what you are doing to help us understand the inner mind & hearts of these individuals.
UPDATE: Took six weeks and he was messaging me. I'm so thankful for the advice on this subject. It really empowered me to remain kind & receptive while still holding my ground about my needs and expectations.
Looks as if he imagined something much higher or greater than what you asked in reality, and then he thought he wouldn't be able to achieve it 😔 I wouldn't know what to do, mine is similar and got a similar reaction.
They take even the slightest suggestion of any type of criticism so hard and then bolt. That is what makes it pretty much impossible to have a relationship with them because any discussion you might have about how to improve things is seen as you seeing fault in them which they cannot handle. You can't win.
@@loverofbeautifulthings
What's really blowing my mind is that he told me from the start that he knows he does this. It's like he's aware of the behaviour & wants to change but can't figure out how. I wish he'd see a professional because I could totally see how much he wants this to work.
Perhaps if you lead with massive compliments first...I don't know. Otherwise all they hear is there is something defective about them.
@@ashton1952
That's actually the feeling I got when I first read his message. It felt like he was "triggered." Not sure if that's the appropriate term though. I replied with, "As you wish," & let it be. It's hunting season & we had already talked about this month being very busy so it seemed best to just give some time & space. We'll see where we all land after the holidays maybe.
I hope you find peace & resolution with your person. I know it's hard to navigate these conflicting signals. I feel for you. Thanks for your encouragement.
Alexis,
Can you please do a video on what happens when you are the one to break up with an avoidant? My ex partner (fiancé) reached out after 6 weeks no contact, there was accountability for his traits and we got close again. He says he want to be with me but doesn’t think he can get over the fact I broke up with him and says we should just be friends. He also says he doesn’t think we will work. I’m now in no contact again and have been for 2 weeks. I’d find this content useful and I think others would too. Thank you
Is it possible for an avoidant to push you away by hurting you, out of fear of commitment? Saying things like "I don't love you anymore" and you don't believe it because it was such a 180 to your last few weeks together. Bare in mind, he once told me he cheated on me just to push me away (before coming back to me) when he later admitted he actually hadn't. Can avoidants deliberately hurt you to get what they want, or is this something else.
Yes they absolutely will find excuses to "break away" from an uncomfortable situation. Is it nice to do so? Obviously not, but when their fear strikes in, they become desperate. My partner did this very often. Told me they didn't love me, thus pushed me away, but still showed obvious signs later that they still did. This back-and-forth continued for years. There might be some truth behind the words, but they probably wouldn't try as hard to "wreckit", if they weren't uncomfortable with the whole situation to begin with. So the relationship will still need some tuning on both sides. For example understanding that they do need their alone time - as hard as it may be. Or ending the relationship completely, unfortunately.
We were on and off 4 years. He was always with someone while we broken up and being around me as friends. - He said that was for me he can give me help when I needed.
He said I am angry very often and gives him silent treatment. - Hey, I just did not say anything cuz I was angry, and he developed like I have a mental issue.
He said I am the problem since I keep asking intimacy and love, frustrated and angry in the end - He told me to go see a counselor. I went to see psychiatrist . She said his behavior could be a problem.
He always tried to make me laugh, If I don't laugh he was not happy. - He never really laughed with me. Just little smile sometimes.
He said I started loving you and a week later I nagged at him, so he could not love him anymore. - Weird.
He always wait to last minutes for anything like show, movie or any restaurant we want to go. So usually we miss chances most of times. Tickets sold out! He is angry if I want to book or buy tickets in advance. And He never wanted to pay for those tickets.
His anger comes out to surface time to time. Usually he can't find way to go somewhere. He hates using GPS. He just drove like crazy and stopped like crazy - I got freaked out by it, and he was upset that I am upset with it.
He really loves everything he has - aside from me(a person). I opened car door and it was close to the wall. He was angry at me.
When we met, he was separated. He was hanging out with ex wife, chatting, talking everyday. Texted what he eats, what he bought, what he did. - In the meantime he did not connect with me, even did not know my birthday after few months of dating.
He left me whenever I need the person the most.
I was anxious and crazy about him first few years. but lastly when I got back together a year and half ago, I realized he made me anxious and that I was confused with love.
Finally we were on stage talking about moving in together or hanging out with his family. I realized something is wrong with this. He never looked at my eyes and say I love you. He looked at my eyes when he is angry. But he thought about moving in maybe marrying sometime. He believed he can love me but I should have listened everything he said and do not complain, but perky and happy for whatever he does. I don't think we can be happy when there is no connection and assurance of love from other partner. I was depressed most of time. Not talking about us, just spending weekend, watching tv, cooking... I was dying inside.
Anyway he is monkey branching and in a rebound relationships whatever. I feel my heart says this is done. I accepted him when he cheated on me since I thought he felt sorry, but NO! He had his reason to do it.
I see he is getting old and losing hairs. I see he sits in his couch alone for weekend. I feel heartbreaking imaging he feels lonely, but I would suggest, never ever involved DA. Not your business to tell them they need help. Actually they will hate you to tell them.
How about the early stages of dating with an avoidant? This hot and cold communication makes me wonder if he's an avoidant that likes me or not. It makes it more difficult as we're not on the same city... seems like an impossible scenario to be with an avoidant.
🎯 Youve just described my life since last November. She dumped me in February,( after having chased me),....By Text! and with no explanation other that, "I dont feel tge romantic vibe anymore"....Even though 48 hiurs early, we were great. Never had and argument or a crossed word....It was laughter all the way.
Now shes blocked me (since March). Which makes no contact easier!!! I want to talk to her..to understand her...and to help her.
Please don't fall into the trap of wanting to help the Avoidant. Instead, work on yourself. When -- and IF -- the Avoidant gets tired of self-destructing and ruining all the relationships in her life, she will get help. Sometimes we have to help ourselves. It's that simple. Avoidants have a low level of insight, rarely self reflect, thus, consequently, they blame others for their problems while not realizing that it is their insecure attachment style -- and the multitude of abnormal and hurtful behaviors they inflict upon others -- that is the problem. They will not believe you if you tell them they are the problem and why. They will insist that YOU are the problem.
I am sorry you are hurting, but PLEASE do yourself a huge favor and refuse to get involved with trying to help the Avoidant. Speaking from experience. There are plenty of single emotionally healthy, securely attached individuals on the market that you can have a healthy relationship with. All the best.
Omg Loved this video. You described my relationship with my ex 100%. I learned so much in this 1 video that I've been trying to understand for the past 15 months ❤
Morning ❤❤ and thanks
What if he says it’s not you it’s him and his past traumas?
Mine said it was mostly me and when I checked him on his projections and disillusionment that leads to blame he would eventually admit he was messed up. Ok so what's being done about it? He's too scared
Hello I reached out after 5 months no contact. I told her I was not ignoring her but working on myself. She replied and said she was also leaving me alone because she knew how much she hurt me. She said she is still single and thinks she always will be. She said she sometimes thinks of me as I was a nice person. She did not say she missed me or loved me. What's your thoughts?
How many years you have been in that relationship? If you had a great time say more than 1 year than the chance is she/he will be back. But will the cycle heals? Only God Knows!
@@MPR2007 one year together and 6 months before seeing each other every day. Living together, planning, kids, rings, marriage
@@droflivelife A DA usually forget the memories and the relation they had with you, most of the good memories they will forget because of they trauma. Thats why a DA will easily destroy and sabotage their relationship with ease, they see relationship is a threat so they will dismiss it, its their mechanism so thats why they need to heal. All you need is to give her/him 1) SPACE and 2) TIME. Im not saying ud better use NC or NO CONTACT, but try to give those things above. This will be a sign that u understand what they need. And Its Important for a DA.
Alexis, your videos mean so much to me. Would you advice to block the avoidant ex to give them space? Will they come back sooner if I do the same or will it have the opposite impact?
@@biancadelarosa7986 I’m so happy to hear that everything went well in the end! Was Alexis able to respond to you more often?
@@justmoveongaming9205 Bianca is a bot/scammer. Ignore them.
My ex and I had a okay break up I wasn’t happy handled it okay but weeks later I got way to anxious tried to suppress I didn’t think it would hit that hard and she told me to move on after I was trying to fix through text which obviously wasn’t helpful but she gave no care to the matter or express anything she didn’t block me or anything but Idk it’s just confusing as ever
How do you tell them they’re strange and avoidant?? It’s hard bloody work feeding a man ego when all I want to do is shake him! I had to end a 4yr relationship that for me is only what I’d say is toxic, he’s now wanting friendship but I’m back to been secure and can’t be bothered it’s all about them all the time, I just think what’s the point when the intimacy isn’t there isn’t that what a normal relationship is, 2 people that are there for each other! 😅
It's really difficult to understand an avoidant person. He/she needs to be willing to work on himself/herself.
If my ex reached out 3 times during the first month of no contact should I wish her Happy Thanksgiving?
Yes. As long as the reaching out was not just “business” (paying rent, discussing care of kids, I need closure, pick up your things, etc.)