Are You Feeling Stuck? Second-Guessing Yourself? Wondering If It's Your Fault?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 เม.ย. 2021
- #Hijackals push you, tear you down, put you down, and wear you down. Then, your thinking often gets cloudy, foggy, and you start to wonder if it's you or them, right? Tonight, I'll talk about the 3 BIG questions I'm often asked that keep you stuck and second-guessing yourself:
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
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Get my free ebook at www.Hijackals.com
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Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships? I can help.
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on TH-cam to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics.. When you're ready, let's talk.
You can take advantage of my one-time. new client introductory Consultation here (only $97 for a full hour)
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My hijackal loves to make extremely risky left turns with me in the passenger seat; if there was a crash, I would be destroyed. He knows it scares me to death. Afterwards if I get upset, he gaslights me by saying” You’re so fearful. You wouldn’t have been injured.” I’m saving $$ quietly to leave ONCE, forever.
Congratulations on your wise plan!
He knows you wouldn’t be injured. He knows nothing!
I don't know about when you were a kid, but right now I see a beautiful woman inside and out. Thank you for all you do.
Thank you so much, Kelly. And, you're welcome!
Hello old neighbor. Strange place to meet. Haha
Ay-Men
You are a blessing to me. I just went through 8 years of heartache and pain over the woman I loved and married. For a long time I was so confused and asked myself, "why doesn't she love me? Why does she lie, treat me like an enemy, and never even apologizes!" She made false accusations that I beat her. She was caught lying by the police, though. Even though the truth came out, I was crushed. I'm a broken man now, in therapy, started working out, and on the healing path.
I need help moving forward. Your knowledge is informative and helps me recognize the behavior because I was unaware of what was happening in the relationship. After being in a five-year relationship of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse, I am embarrassed, and I have not found anyone to talk with. I want to hear it is going to be alright.
My hijackel parent sent me this video! Mind blowing that everything your saying is what i experience. She wont allow me to have boundaries cause its always me with the problem and is so defensive i have to walk on egg shells when i try to convey my feelings.
That is true projection: your hijackal parent accuses you of the very thing she is doing. Wow!
Did you catch this episode? th-cam.com/video/TgqXkO3L4DA/w-d-xo.html
Wow!!
Omg I am so sorry you were called names by your parents, that's about the only abuse I DIDN'T have on me. I am soo sorry, you are beautiful inside and out! Hugs.
I was called crazy, worthless, no good, and no one will ever love me.
That's sad, Becky. I hope you have considered the sad source, and know that you are same, worthy, and lovable!!!
That made me cry when you said about fat and ugly. That is dreadful. I was called stupid and Idiot and I can honestly say I still don't think i am over that at 48. I tried to go on the Relationship checklist and it says it is having a facelift:) when will it be available? My partner has a child in his 20's and never told me. I intuitively knew there was something and then I was informed a year later. What you mention in the chat confirms alot. Not that I didn't know it already, i questioned myself. There is something wrong with people who don't make the effort. I feel like i stepped far away after that something is lost for sure.
Yes, #Hijackal parents are thoughtless, cruel, mean, and competitive. I'm sorry that you had the same experience of that. It's nasty. I hope that you can see the evidence in your current reality that neither of those things your parents said about you were true...or, about you. It was parents wanting to pacify their need for superiority and control Big hugs!
I actually developed a weight problem (who fed me?). Fat, ugly, and stupid. My mother took me on ONE horrible walk after the pediatrician recommended exercise. She yelled at me and shamed me for being fat and made me run away from home at 8 or 9. The first time I ran away was at 4.
She did math flash cards with me ONCE too. I hated math after she got her talons in it.
What a horrible horrible person who still abuses me and recruits everyone else she can possibly get to also treat me like sh!t. And people think she hung the moon.
@@MaileyMcAslan that is heart breaking
Bruh tysm I hope Allah guides us all towards the right path , we rlly appreciate u for doing these videos dawg (if u don’t mind me calling u dawg lol)
Sadly, my mother would scream at my sister and I we were “ Assholes”
Fortunately, for the most part, although it effectived my life greatly since I stop my relationship with her a year and half ago as well as intense self reflection/work the last nine years I’ve recovered from the cruelty of my mother dished out. Unfortunately, my sister lives in a hotel room the last 0 years, not in a god place! 🙏
I'm glad to hear that you've recovered. So difficult!
@@ForRelationshipHelp thanks so much, now I can help others. I really enjoy your channel. I find it to be the most accurate and professional. When obtaining my degree I recognized how many narcissist in the industry. It was shocking to say the least.
Thank you so much for this very helpful video❣️
Very clear and helpful
Thank you 🙏
Thank you.....I’ve been through this with npd sister & brother .......working on detaching without losing other familial relationships......sad and difficult
You are so welcome! It's difficult to navigate in families when some take sides and some are flying monkeys to the narcissists. I wish you well.
What about when people give up and merge with the beast. My mom was codependent and eventually has become narcissistic later in her life.
Sadly, that happens. Slowly, as a defense mechanism, some people take on the patterns of the very people they were abused by. This is why I say that people who have experienced abuse and don't pass it on to their children are heroes!
Thank you!!----
You're welcome!
What do I do when both my parents are hijackals but they are responsible for my living expenses....
That's a difficult question as I don't know the circumstances of your situation. Hijackal parents, for sure, are difficult and damaging. Being beholden to them for anything is just where they want. That's for sure.
Dear Dr Shaler, thank you so much for video. As usual, it is useful and interesting. My question is why mothers and relatives, highjakes torture us with small ugly words like emetic powder? For example, one girl (45 y.o.) has beatiful long black hair, Highjaker mother in law comes, toches the hair and say: " I would cut your hair CHIK-CHIK-CHIK" (it is a sound of scissors). And I know 100 similar examples. What it is?
You're welcome. It is the desire for power over another, to have that other living in fear. When I was young and had long hair, my mother would threaten to come and cut it off while I was sleeping. She wanted to instill fear in me. It worked! She, of course, was a #Hijackal.
@@ForRelationshipHelp Jesus! I hug you! I have just read a book by Mathias Hirsh (I hope I have spelled it correctly). He has the whole chapter which is called "Hair". For me it was a kind of new discovery. I know how Highjacked mothers Cut the femininum part. But as I found out and later discussed with the girls from co-dependence group, toxic mothers has a tick to cut long hair and make girls look ugly. I have heard 1000 stories. I am shocked! They are similar!
Wow. I wanted my hair as short as possible because my mother always got the shampoo in my eyes, refused to use any kind of conditioner (I didn’t even know there was such a thing until high school), would rat my hair out “drying” it with a towel, then rake a brush through my tangled hair until I cried (I learned very early to cry silently and that protesting was futile) then she would hit me with the brush.
An aunt of mine said my grandmother also did this to her. She was shamed for bringing it up because my sainted grandmother was dying at the time.
We're inclusive but if you dont act right, your not welcome 😂😂😂😂😂
That makes 0 sense inclusive means everyone, including the jerks 🤪🤪🤪🤪
9 years, not in a good place.( typos)
I'm sorry to hear that. Are you planning to leave the relationship?